fp, the four line chorus definitely gives it that tune you were talking about. and they're the right four lines for this poem's chorus that's for sure. the way i saw it, mothers and fathers drinking away fears, when what the drinking's doing to their kids - that's what ironically should be frightening them most. maybe that's what they're drinking away in a sad cyclical sense.

this one's short and not sweet

"I'm a Fire Dying Down"

ash smell
firework smoke blankets the sky
my eyes star still
light touches against my eardrums
sidebyside a pillow indent, still warm
i roll in too big but it's still warm
snug like an embrace. one embrace.
i could start smoking tonight.