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View Full Version : New Fan Fiction. Be afraid. Be very afraid. (Comments please?)



Luircin
16th October 2005, 11:03 PM
I hope that I'm posting this to the right board... apologies if not.

Anyways, my muse attacked me and made me write this piece of fiction, and is now making me post it here. Comments and suggestions are welcome (In other words, please please please please comment).

<Currently Untitled>

It was a normal, boring day. Quite typical for one of the many trainers on this route, all firmly convinced that fate had chosen him or her to be the League Champion. The sun beat down mercilessly as I lay in the shade of a tree along the side of the road, taking my noonday siesta on the outskirts of Petalburg woods. My faithful companion, Mightyena, rested just five feet off, appearing to be asleep, but with one ear cocked to detect any disturbance or threat that might arise. Silly it may have seemed in these peaceful areas, but we had learned the hard way not to take peace for granted.
My mind wandered back to my journey. Had it really only been three years since I had started traveling? I remembered the first time that I passed by these woods, a wide-eyed trainer with nothing but a few days’ food in his pack and a handful of Poke Balls. I gave a soft chuckle at my past naiveté. I had myself convinced that I was on the fast track to superstardom, strutting my stuff like nobody’s business. It wasn’t until I had spent three days lost in the woods that my pride was shaken. It was only thanks to the fateful intervention of a friendly Poochyena that had saved me, the same one in fact that lay near me now.
Normally, considering my current skill as a trainer, I wouldn’t be passing through these woods, but I had word of a new gym leader in Petalburg City and I had to check it out. Perhaps I would test my mettle against him.
My mind wandered through various subjects, as minds are prone to do on the verge of sleep and wakefulness. Just as I was about to lose consciousness, Mightyena raised his head and gave a soft bark to me, our signal that a wild Pokemon was approaching. Blinking sleepily, I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I was preparing to lay back down once I saw it; it was probably nothing more than a wandering Zigzagoon hoping for scraps. However, I had made it a habit of always looking when Mightyena alerted me, ever since I let that Abra slip my grip.
I wasn’t disappointed this time. Though I had to squint to see the tiny little thing in the noonday sun, my experienced eye recognized the silhouette almost immediately. An Eevee! I could hardly believe it. What was a rare Pokemon like that doing here?
I carefully pushed myself to my feet and felt around in my belt pouch to retrieve a Poke ball. This battle would have to be carefully waged; I didn’t want to make it faint before I had the chance to catch it. Inching forward, I made a soothing noise towards it as it wandered about, almost aimlessly. It hadn’t even noticed me.
Unfortunately, the soft clink of metal on metal as I managed to separate a ball from its companions somehow alerted it when my voice didn’t. Its head jerked up and the blue eyes fixed on me. I was stunned by the expression of utter terror in its gaze. With a squeak, it turned and fled, but not before I perceived its limp. It was injured!
“Mightyena, Pursuit!” I commanded to my omnipresent companion. “But don’t hurt it!” I called as the large dark-type bounded after the fleeing Eevee.
The chase was short. Within seconds, Mightyena came padding triumphantly back to me, an Eevee hanging by the scruff of its neck from his jaws. The little thing, wild-eyed with terror, snapped its sharp teeth at me and flailed madly, spraying little flecks of blood from the scrapes on its hide.
“Oh, you poor thing…” I murmured, more for my own benefit. I’d had to deal with injured and frightened Pokemon before, once, when I had bartered a meal and lodging for assisting at a Center one night. Remembering how the nurse had dealt with a pain-maddened Linoone, I dug in my pack until I had retrieved a pair of thick arm-length leather gloves and slipped them on before gently taking the struggling little bundle of fur from Mightyena. I would have used a Poke ball, but I was worried that even the impact of that against her hide might be too harmful.
As expected, it-or she, as I discovered, sank her teeth into my hand. But I kept a firm grip on the nape of her neck, cradling her with the other arm, which quickly had little claws dug into it. I wished fervently as she struggled that I had some Pokemon with a way to put her to sleep. But I didn’t have anything of the kind, at least not with me, so I had to continue with my current strategy. Trusting in the intelligence of the creature, I cooed soothingly at it, telling it that I was just going to help, trying to make my grip as comfortable as possible without letting her loose. I made my way towards the stream that ran nearby. Unfortunately, the little one’s struggles increased as we got closer, her teeth penetrating the tough hide glove and drawing blood from my thumb. I winced and tried my best not to jerk my hand away as I sat down by the stream.
I had intended to wash the Eevee’s numerous wounds, but I realized that I needed both hands to hold the little flailing thing, who, having tasted blood, was digging her needle-like fangs deeper into my thumb. Trying my best to ignore the pain, I considered what to do for a few moments before Mightyena, fed up, stuck his snout up to the Eevee’s face, and let out one sharp “Might!” She squeaked and released my thumb, quivering in my lap in terror.
I took the glove off and washed my hand first, bandaging my thumb to the best of my ability. I then started tending to the Eevee’s wounds, gently testing her to determine the extent of her injuries. Fortunately, they seemed to be mostly scrapes and cuts, with a particularly nasty one on her inner thigh, which was probably why she was limping.
I cleaned the cuts to the best of my ability, talking softly to her. “Don’t worry, little one. I won’t hurt you. I just want to make you feel better. My, that’s a nasty scrape; what happened to you anyways?” I kept up that soft tone, mostly just babbling soothing nonsense, but now that she wasn’t fighting me, her tense muscles slowly relaxed. Though still wide-eyed with fear, at least she seemed not to consider me an immediate threat now.
“Mightyena, could you please get a potion from my bag? And my berry pouch too.”
A few seconds later, my faithful companion had returned, the precious potion cradled in his jaws with my pouch of berries dangling from his snout. I thanked him with a smile and took an Oran berry from the pouch, giving it to Eevee. She looked suspiciously at it, but started ravenously eating as soon as I had retracted my fingers. I readied the potion.
“This may hurt a little. I’m sorry.” I applied the potion to her, making sure to catch every bump and scrape. She did wince and snap a little at some of the deeper wounds, but was otherwise amazingly calm throughout the procedure. I gave her another berry and watched her wounds cease bleeding close a little as the potion worked its magic. Eventually, I declared, “There, good as new!” and gently put her down on the grass.
Mightyena gave me an incredulous look. I could almost read his mind: “After all that, you’re not even going to try to capture her?”
“That’s right, my friend,” I said, scratching him behind the ears. “I don’t think that she needs two traumatizing experiences in one day. But still, I wonder what happened to her.” I went back to where my blanket lay and settled down, too hyped up to sleep but not ready to move on. I took out my journal and started writing.
It wasn’t for a few more minutes that I realized that the Eevee had followed me and was sitting by my feet with the most plaintive heartbreaking eyes that I’d ever seen. I was pretty sure that I’d just been the victim of Charm, but I still couldn’t resist picking up the sweet little thing and cuddling her close. I could feel Mightyena’s disdainful look at my back, but Eevee performed her magic on him and even his heart of stone softened.
“What DID happen to you anyway?” I asked. Her eyes took on a haunted look and I could see the tears welling up in them. “Never mind,” I said hurriedly, but Mightyena thought differently, again setting his comparatively massive head near hers. A soft soft rumbling gathered in his throat this time, albeit a nonthreatening one. Eevee looked even more crushed than before, but she managed to start speaking to Mightyena in broken “Ee”s and “Vee”s. I sat back and refused to intervene until the two canids were done conversing.
By the time they were done, Eevee had managed to pull herself together, yet looked utterly miserable. Mightyena let out a snort as she finished and actually nuzzled the poor little thing, which startled me. “So what happened?” I asked him, ready to settle into the old game we played. “Was she attacked by a wild Pokemon?”
“Mighty!” Two syllables. That meant no.
“Accident?”
“Mighty!” No again.
“Enemy trainer?”
“Mightyena!” Perhaps the most frustrating of all responses; it meant that he couldn’t answer with a straight yes or no.
I considered for a second. “Is she wild?”
“Mighty!”
“Tame then.”
“Mi!” Yes.
“Did her trainer lose her?”
“Mighty!”
“Die?” A sad fact of life; the world is a dangerous place for wandering trainers.
“Mighty!”
“Release her?”
“Mightyena!”
I thought for a few minutes. “Abandon her?”
“Mi!” he confirmed.
I scowled. Usually when a trainer released a Pokemon, the Pokemon was either re-acclimated to the wild by a volunteer force of rangers, or, in the event of a thoroughly tame Pokemon, given to another trainer or researcher to raise. It was only the most cruel or ignorant who dumped their partners directly into the wild.
“Did the trainer abandon her because of her injuries?”
“Mighty!”
“Because she was weak?”
“Mi!”
A dark thought crossed my mind. Almost hesitantly, I put it into words. “Did the trainer injure her?”
“Mi!”
“Intentionally?”
“Mi!”
A dark mist of rage descended over me. I made an oath to myself. When I found that trainer, I swore, I would teach him a lesson he would never forget. Be he trainer, Gym Leader, or Champion himself, he would pay.
I indulged myself in dark fantasies for several minutes before I sighed again. Well, I’d have to take the Eevee along with me to Petalburg City; I couldn’t leave her out here alone. If nothing else, I could drop her off at the Gym or the Center and they’d take care of her. I admitted to myself that I was wishing that I could be her trainer (Probably still an aftereffect of the Charm), but after her experience, I was wondering if that was a good idea.
The sun had finally passed its zenith and the heat had lessened at last. Still carrying Eevee in the crook of one arm, I set out again for Petalburg City. If I remembered the distance correctly, I would probably be there by evening. It wouldn’t take more than a few coins to get dinner and a cheap lodging for the night; maybe I could bargain for free room and board for the public service of bringing an injured and abandoned Pokemon to the Center. After checking on Eevee’s status in the morning, I’d go check out the Gym. Anything after that depended entirely on how well I did against the new Leader.
We plodded along in silence for the next several hours. I evaded any potential trainers I saw; if they were as inexperienced as I was the first time I came through this area, the last thing they needed was to face me. Besides, I wanted to get to the city before nightfall and battles would take too much time.
As expected, the sun was just nearing the horizon when I made it to the city. The clock in the window of a nearby general store proclaimed the time as 5:45 pm. If I remembered correctly, the Gym was on the north side of town and the Center just beyond it, so that was where I headed. I came across the Gym just as a man was leaving it. He took a key out of his pocket and turned it in the door lock, so I assumed that he was either the Leader or the janitor. I rushed up to him to ask.
He saw me first. “It’s not often that I see a trainer who travels with Pokemon out of their Poke balls,” he commented as I approached, completely cutting off my question.
I stammered, caught off guard. “Well, this one isn’t mine. I found her injured near the woods and was hoping to take her to the Center.”
“Really? She doesn’t look injured.”
“Potions and berries,” I explained lamely. “It’s a long story.”
“Well, I’m headed to the Center too, so you can tell me on the way. I’m Norman, by the way.”
“I’m Zera.” I accepted his firm handshake and caught a glimpse of the Poke balls on his belt. But before I could ask about them, he had turned and strolled briskly away, making me hurry to catch up.
On the way, I related the story of how I found the injured Eevee on the edge of the forest and nursed her back to at least a semblance of health, showing him the faint but recent scars on her hide to prove it. I also related what I had found out from Mightyena about what happened to her. As I told the story, a dark shadow passed over his face; unless I was horribly mistaken, he was as disgusted as I was.
As we continued, he coaxed more of my story out of me. He was a very easy person to talk to, and I found myself relating nearly my entire story to him. When I finally made it to the part about how I came back to the city in order to challenge the new Gym Leader, he spoke up.
“I don’t accept challengers with less than four badges. When I was taken on as Gym Leader, I found that my skill was far beyond the average trainers here, and I instituted that rule instead of being forced to leave behind a string of broken dreams every day.”
“No problem!” I proclaimed, flashing the four badges present in my trainer card.
“Excellent. And now it seems that we have arrived.” Indeed we had. Together we walked in and made our way to the counter.
“The usual, Norman?” the nurse asked with a smile.
“Indeed. Had another qualified challenger today right before closing. Even though I won, they could still use a rest.” He handed over his Poke balls.
“And you?” she asked, turning to me.
“The same. And one other thing.” I gently placed the now-asleep Eevee on the counter. “I found her near the forest, very beat up. She’s not mine, but I think that she’s a tame Pokemon without a trainer.” I refrained from mentioning the whole story.
“Oh, my!” the nurse exclaimed. “I’ll take care of her right away, and then I’ll be back for your Pokemon.”
“Thank you,” I said with a smile and reached over to lightly scritch behind the half-awake Eevee’s ears. “Be good, okay? I’ll be back to check on you in the morning.”
“Eevee!” she squeaked as she was carried off. With a heaved breath, I flopped backwards onto a nearby couch and waited. In a few minutes, the nurse was back to report that Eevee was resting comfortably and offered to heal my own team, an offer readily accepted.
Norman got his Pokemon back before I did and left quickly, explaining that he had to get back home to his family in New Bark Town. He told me that he’d see me tomorrow if I was still interested in a challenge, and I told him that it was a deal.
The nurse offered me a room for the night free of charge without me having to ask. I thanked her greatly and accepted. She let me stay in the room adjacent to Eevee’s room so I could peer through the window and make sure she was all right at any time of the night. I still marveled at the Pokemon Centers and the helpfulness of the staff. I couldn’t believe that the donations to the places were so numerous that they could run free of charge. Thinking grateful thoughts, I fell asleep.
***
A cold wet nose greeted my return to the waking world. “C’mon, Mightyena, lemmee sleep,” I mumbled, flailing a hand in the general direction of the sensation. When the cold feeling on my face continued and I wasn’t able to touch my partner’s tough fur, I opened my eyes.
“EEVEE!” The noise greeted my ears. I looked cross-eyed at the squeaking little canid who had just applied her nose to my face again.
“Okay, okay, I’m awake, I’m awake!” I cried, sitting up and blinking. The nurse stood a few feet away, obviously stifling a grin, as was Mightyena, looking a little aloof at the cute affection. “I wasn’t expecting to see you this morning,” I told the Eevee, who had claimed my lap.
“She wouldn’t settle down until we took her to you,” the nurse explained. “She’s apparently taken a shine to you.”
“Apparently so,” I chuckled. “Is she all better?”
“She is indeed. All she needed was a good meal and rest, at least after you took care of her. You can take her with you today if you want.”
“What? Take her with me? But she’s not mine; I just found her.”
“She seems to think differently.” Indeed, the little one looked most gleeful in her position.
“Well…” I said, not yet willing to believe the ease with which I had obtained a new friend. “I suppose that a new team member would be helpful. What do you think, Mightyena?”
My friend growled a little under his breath, obviously reluctant. He probably didn’t want to share me, I realized. Either that or he thought that the Eevee was too blasted cute and thought that it would ruin his hard-acquired tough-Pokemon image.
Eevee seemed to be prepared for it, though. She turned her huge eves onto Mightyena and squeaked, wagging her tail. Again, I recognized Charm, and indeed, Mightyena’s tough exterior melted under the unrelenting assault of cute. He eventually barked, “Might might!” in affirmation.
“Then that settles it,” I decided. “Welcome to the family, Eevee.”
“Vee!” she squeaked and snuggled into me.
***
After a quick wash and a change of clothes, I headed to the gym. It was still closed, but considering that it was about nine in the morning, it would probably be open soon. I took a seat on a nearby bench and waited; there wasn’t much else to do. I would have to find a Laundromat or some place to wash my clothes later today; a quick scrub in the river never quite got them clean. I would definitely need to restock on food supplies; we’d been living off wild fruit and jerky for several days now. I’d also need to get a Poke ball for Eevee, if her former trainer hadn’t completely soured her to the idea. I also used my Pokedex to determine the moves that she knew: a basic set, I discovered.
“Hey! You there!” A voice sounded. I looked up, but in the early-morning traffic, I couldn’t quite figure out who it was. Eevee squeaked at the sudden noise and hid her head in my belly.
“What’s that you’re holding? Is it-Eevee! There you are!” The little one was trembling at the sound of the voice and tried to make herself even smaller against my stomach. I stood up, scooping up Eevee and holding her protectively close, and turned towards the sound of the voice. It came from an average boy, perhaps fourteen years old, certainly at least two years younger than I. His Poke balls betrayed his status as a trainer, though his clothes were certainly not of the stripe that I associated with more experienced trainers such as myself. I classified him as either a beginner or a rich kid.
“What do you want?” I asked very deliberately, keeping a tight rein on my temper.
“That’s my Eevee! I can tell from the stripe on her tail! Give her back!” he demanded imperiously, holding out his hands.
I didn’t like him already. Desperately wanting an excuse to flay the little snot alive, I baited him. “Why would you want her at all? She seems incredibly weak to me.”
His lip curled. “So what if she’s more useless than a Magikarp? I can use her now.”
“What use is that?”
“I got a sweet trade all lined up. Maybe the new one will actually be able to win once in a while. Now give her back before I have you arrested.”
“You know what? I don’t believe you.”
“What?” he growled.
“I found her beaten up and abandoned. If you really were going to trade her, you’d make sure that she was in good shape for her future partner.”
“Shut up! If you won’t give her back, I’m going to-” he stopped his grab for his Poke balls as abruptly he found himself flat on his back with a row of razor teeth, black fur, and demonically yellow eyes in front of his face.
“MIGHTY!”
He did the same thing most people did when confronted with an angry Mightyena; he screamed.
“What’s going on here?!”
Norman rushed up from down the road, a Poke ball already in his hand as he prepared to break up the impending brawl. Mightyena backed off, smart enough to realize that threatening someone with a Gym Leader nearby was a bad idea, not just from a battle standpoint, but also because Gym Leaders were often officers of the law as well.
The kid screamed. “He’s trying to steal my Pokemon!”
Norman turned to me, eyebrow raised. With all the calm I could muster, I replied, “He says that he’s Eevee’s former trainer. As you know, I found her injured and abandoned on the edge of Petalburg Woods. If he really is Eevee’s trainer, then he’s abused her and I would be violating every moral fiber in my body to give her back.”
He turned back to the kid, who was back on his feet, and who apparently hadn’t listened. He leveled a finger at the quivering Eevee. “She’s mine! Arrest him now!” He made another move towards his Poke balls; Mightyena prepared to leap forward again.
“Stop that this instant!” Norman snapped, the command aura in his voice enough to make even me pause. He turned to the boy. “The law states that if you’ve abused your Pokemon, you have forfeited all right to train them.” Then back to me, “But stealing them is a very serious crime as well. You could face a long time in prison.”
“If he has indeed abused Eevee, then he forfeited his right to train her, doubly so if he abandoned her. If so, I was doing nothing more than taking in and caring for an abandoned Pokemon,” I responded evenly.
“Also true. So the question is whether or not Eevee has been abused and abandoned, as you claim. But who can we ask? You and he are the only witnesses.”
“Eevee!” the little one in my arms said loudly.
“Mightyena!” my companion barked at the same time.
“Okay, true, so you were there too,” he admitted with a faint smile at my Pokemon. “The problem is that there is yet no way to translate Pokemon speech into what we can understand.”
“So what do we do?” I asked.
“If one of you admits that the other’s story is true, then we can all be on our way quickly. If not, then I’m afraid that I’ll have to take you both into custody and turn you over to the proper officials until a proper trial can be waged.”
“I don’t have time for this!” The rich kid strode forward before Norman could stop him and slapped me across the face with a glove he pulled from somewhere. He tried to hit my other cheek too, but I managed to block it. “I challenge you to a battle, winner take all!”
Startled, I turned to Norman. “A battle? Surely this can’t be substituted for a jury trial…”
Strangely, though, he was nodding. “I will referee it, then. This in itself will provide plenty of evidence as to the truth of your claims.” He unlocked the door to the gym. “But first, let’s get off the sidewalk.”
I followed and took my position on the side of the battle circle. To my surprise, it was half dirt and half wooden floor. My opponent quickly took his position too, and Norman took the role of referee.
“Zera, since you’ve been challenged, you may decide the parameters of the battle.”
“All-out!” I declared almost immediately. “Battle until one side has none left!”
“But that’s not fair!” my opponent protested. “I only have three.”
I was so tempted to throw the fact that he challenged me in his face, but I didn’t want him telling anyone that I only beat him because the rules were tilted in my favor. I didn’t want to concede immediately to his terms, though. “Two-on-two, then. Double battle!”
“Two-on-two it is! Choose your Pokemon now!”
“Mightyena, you’re in!”
“Mighty!” He bounded up and fixed my foe with an intimidating stare.
“Go, Geodude!” The rock-type sprung from the kid’s ball on the opposite side of the field.
I frowned, considering which would be the best against this foe. Perhaps a water-type, but he would be expecting that.
“Vee!” The little one squirmed against my arm.
“What is it, Eevee? I’m in the middle of a battle here…”
“Eevee!” She squirmed free of my grip and took up a spot on my side of the field. She wanted to battle!
“Well, why not? Go, Eevee!” Even if Eevee was bad at battling, Mightyena should be able to defeat this brat on his own.
He gave an incredulous laugh. “That’s the best you can do!? Go, Swellow!”
I didn’t give him the dignity of a response, waiting for the signal.
“Start the battle!” Normal declared.
Before his voice had even faded, I gave my order. “Mightyena! Bite the rock!”
“Mighty!”
I didn’t watch it happen, instead barking out my next command. “Eevee, use Quick Attack!”
Eevee, her little body all bristling with tension until this moment, took off like a bullet. I allowed myself a moment to watch the battle unfolding until I had to give a command again. I wasn’t disappointed; Eevee’s head slammed into the unprepared Swellow, knocking it from the air for a brief moment. Mightyena’s jaws had locked about Geodude’s arm, now shaking the rock-type about like a toy.
“Geodude, Magnitude!”
I braced myself against the ground as the rock-type flailed and managed to get one of his stone fists in contact with the ground. I staggered from the shock wave, but Mightyena held fast. Eevee, on the other hand, was knocked off her feet.
I had to give the kid credit for taking advantage of the situation. “Swellow, use Wing Attack!”
I had to force myself not to avert my gaze as Eevee was hit with an uppercut given by a wing almost as big as she was and thrown a good five feet into the air. To my amazement, she managed to somehow land on her feet.
I had to get Mightyena into that half of the battle as quickly as possible, but I couldn’t let him give up his advantage. So that meant that Mightyena had to finish off Geodude as quickly as possible. “Double-Edge!” I bellowed at him.
Meanwhile, I turned back to Eevee. All she had to do was stay on her feet for a few more moments. “Double Team!” I commanded. She complied, using that surprising agility she possessed to bound from point to point at such speed that it seemed she was in many places at once.
There came a satisfying crash on the floor as Mightyena drove his foe downwards. “Geodude, use Strength! Get out of that grip! Swellow, Aerial Ace!”
I winced as the Swellow swooped about and hit all the Eevee images at once, connecting with the real one halfway through and sending her flying again in a cloud of dust. “Mightyena, another Double-Edge!” I yelled without looking. “Eevee, Dig!”
I heaved a slight sigh of relief as the cloud of dust died down and all that was visible of Eevee was a hole in the ground. Another crash rocked the gym as Geodude was again driven into the floor. If I estimated its stamina right, it should be almost out of the battle by now.
“Agh! You’re worthless!” the kid bellowed. “Explosion!”
I flinched back and closed my eyes. “Mightyena, get out of the way!” I cried, wondering how his Pokemon could have learned such rare and powerful moves.
KABOOM! Ears still ringing, I looked at the field. A giant crater had been blasted in the dirt of the floor, in which sat the charred and fainted Geodude. Where was Mightyena? With a cry, I saw him collapsed against the opposite wall, obviously stunned. He was out of the battle. Swellow, too, had been driven into the wall by the sheer force of the blast, but the flying-type was still conscious. Mightyena had taken the worst of it. I was just happy that Eevee was underground during that blast, as I saw her cautiously poking her head out of the hole.
“Swellow, Wing Attack!”
I almost cried out as the battered Swellow swooped down, but Eevee was ready. She sprung into the air in an incredible leap, amazingly causing the Swellow to swoop under her, not even brushing against her fur. It was one of those moments in which it seemed that time was frozen, as Eevee completed the arc of her jump, almost straight above the Swellow, which was on the ground, not understanding where its target had gone. In that instant, the perfect strategy burst into my mind. Without even thinking, I acted on it.
“TAKE DOWN!”
From above, Eevee plowed straight down into Swellow’s back, causing a loud cry from the bird and a loud thump from the impact. The sheer force down raised a cloud of dirt against the ground. When the dust settled, Swellow lay unmoving against the ground except for the steady in and out pulse of its breath. Eevee stood nearby, swaying unsteadily for a few moments and then proudly trotted back to me.
“Zera is the winner!” Norman proclaimed as I scooped up Eevee and hurried over to check Mightyena. He was on his feet again, albeit slightly unsteady. I quickly used a Super Potion on him and his condition improved.
“No fair.” I heard the other trainer saying. “I want a rematch!”
“No,” Norman said simply, and then continued. “It doesn’t matter anyway. I’ve seen what I’ve needed. Though we will of course have to wait until the trial, I’ve learned enough about you and Zera in this battle to know that your story is more than likely the false one.”
“What? How?”
“You treat your Pokemon as nothing more than battle machines. Zera here cares about his, no matter how well they do in battle. Though it’s not hard evidence, I know now to be much more suspicious of you.”
“You don’t have any evidence!”
“No? What about the testimony that Eevee was found injured on the edge of the forest? We have corroboration of her injuries from the nurse at the Center too. If you claim that she’s still yours, that means you let her get injured and abandoned. At the very least, that’s gross negligence and she’ll be taken away from you.”
“But what if we got separated?”
“Then why is she so afraid of you?” I snapped.
“Zera, hush. But you’re right.”
“What if she ran away?”
“A Pokemon running away from her trainer? When we have Poke balls?” The kid squirmed uncomfortably under Norman’s intense gaze. “I would recommend that you attempt to give up on getting Eevee back. If you continue trying to get her back, I guarantee that it will turn out badly for you.”
Perhaps he was scared by the beams of hatred that I was trying to project at him, or perhaps he was smarter than I thought. “Fine, she’s yours!” he snapped with ill temper. Then, gathering up his fainted Pokemon into his Poke balls, he stormed bad-temperedly out of the gym. Pausing at the entrance, he turned to me. “I’m going to get you for this.”
“I would love to see you try.” Mightyena bared his fangs. He turned and fled.
“Well, I wasn’t expecting that,” I commented after a few seconds of uncomfortable silence. “I thought that my first battle today was going to be against you, Norman. I suppose that I’ll have to delay our match until I can get these two back into fighting fitness again.”
He chuckled. “I’ll be here all day. Drop in anytime.”
“Do you really think that he’ll let it go?”
“Probably not. But he won’t try to get you in trouble with the law any more. Just in case, I’ll let the Police know that he’s not to be believed if he tells that story to them.”
“Well, it’s back to the Pokemon Center for us,” I told the two canids. “You did great, Mightyena. And you too, Eevee. I think that you’ll be a welcome addition to our team.”
“Mighty,” my long-time companion said, and much to my surprise, licked the little one in my arms.
“Eevee!” she squeaked.

classy_cat18
17th October 2005, 08:40 AM
Wow. That was actually pretty good. Although Eevee are a little overused, finding a injured one in the woods is a little original. The boy seems to be a total spoiled brat. I'm glad he got what he deserved. I wonder how the next chapter will be like?

darktyranitar
17th October 2005, 11:02 AM
Yes, the chapter is good, except that it might be a little long for the first chapter. Just curious, but have you write a fanfic somewhere else, because it's pretty good for starter. :smilie:

Nice interaction between Eevee and Zera, it's pretty funny when she used Charm to attract Zera and Mightyena to sympathize for her. Keep posting the next chapter, I'm curious what will happen next.

PokePaul
17th October 2005, 07:02 PM
I agree. I really enjoyed this and it was only very slightly longer than an average chapter I thought.

Your writing was really very good. Descriptive and well-paced and it was a good balance of action and thoughtfulness. There weren't any parts in the story that were awkward or 'bumpy' to read, it all read perfectly and professionally. You're definitely very skilled in that regards, I'm guessing this isn't the first thing you've written by any means.

The only slight thing that irked me was, besides his age, you didn't describe Zera in very much detail. I know that it's difficult to introduce that kind of description in first-person without lamely saying "I am this tall, my hair is this colour..." but it was something I kept wondering about throughout the story - I spent the first few paragraphs wondering what gender he was and then decided he must be a girl before you started referring to him as "he" and then understood. So maybe you could bring in more about what he looks like etc. that'd be helpful.

The story was really good. It reminded me a lot of the TV episode where Ash finds Charmander, I'm not sure if you intended that, so I'm really interested in where you'll take this next.

But yeah, I'll definitely keep reading whenever you add more to it - don't keep everybody waiting :)

Luircin
17th October 2005, 08:47 PM
Heh... wow, I wasn't expecting such a positive response. I was originally planning on making this just a normal short story and ending it here, but if you all want more, I will have to write more! Only question is what to write about next. Well, I'll think of something.

Yeah, I admit that the episode in which Ash caught Charmander was going through my head while I was revising this work, though I didn't mean for it to parallel the episode. I suppose it just grew like that.

Anyways, thanks for the responses; they were quite encouraging. I'll get right to work on the sequel, assuming that classes and other aspects of life don't interfere.

SoulflameNinetales
18th October 2005, 11:39 PM
A very nice piece of writing indeed. :biggrin:

This is just an opinion...

I'm not great at recqgizing the strengths and faults of fiction but I do believe that a break betwweeen some of those paragraphs would make it easier to read. But other than that nicely written!

eevee-shayna
19th October 2005, 09:25 PM
An Eevee protagonist? I'm hooked.

I agree that more information on Zera should be added. I also couldn't figure out Zera's gender until the near end when Norman said "he".

I thought this was a short story when I read it, but a lot could grow from this first installment. more chapters (even if this is just a mini-series) would be appreciated.

And your writing style is quite mature for a first post; not an akward read at all. Please continue writing, this fic or others.