magdaw
26th December 2005, 01:31 PM
I have a real problem, and I needed advice from someone that doesn't know me or anyone else I know, perhaps someone older and more experienced. As I'm growing up, I'm beginning to realise things. Life changes, and not always for the better.
I have a boyfriend. Let's just call him [BF]. I don't like to use real names, even if he doesn't visit these forums. Anyway, I've been with him since April 2003. I was 14, he was 17. It seemed like a major age distance at the time but we fell in love, and now it's not an issue. We seemed at first complete opposites, but we found things in common with each other, such as our ideas and morals. We both wanted the same thing - a bit of excitement in our lives, at the same time someone to care for. To begin with we had a lot of fun, but these past few months have been turbulent. As time goes by, we seem to disagree so much more.
All he wants lately is sex, and the more he wants it, the less I want to give it to him. He does give me emotional support and love, don't think he's just an animal. But it's like the drive is gonne. He blames drugs. But I had detoxed for months when these feelings arose. He's changed, not me. He wants to settle down later, have kids and have a quiet life. I don't want that. At least, not now. Yeh, I'm a little young for raising kids right now and to be honest I'd never want them, but he acts like we're already married. He just beggs for sex. It's not fun at all.
But I still love him, and he loves me. I feel like I have this attatchment to him I could never break from. The thought of losing him makes me feel sick. He's always been there when other guys would have ran away. I won't go into detail about those events, but they were pretty severe. And all he's ever given me is love and kindness. He's never hurt me, emotionally or physically. But what also worries me is the depressing thought of living out the rest of my days with him. He knows we're falling apart from each other, too. He's feeling it.
Then, a friend ([Buddy]) introduces me to a friend of his. We'll call him [Guy]. [Guy] likes me and, well, I honestly have to say I like him too. I've only known him for a month or so, and not met him very often. He only told me how he felt last Saturday and, well, he's way different from [BF]. He's got much more interesting ideas. When I think about him I can't help smiling, and people ask me what I'm smiling about (not something I'm used to doing). Thing is, I really don't know him too well, but what I've picked up so far, he's a bit out of control, at the same time a lot of fun. [Buddy] says he's a romantic sometimes, but most likely wants sex. Why does that draw me to him even more?
When [Guy] and I talked, he was talking of a long-term relationship. He was being open and honest about himself (or so I reckon, I never regained my full trust in people since an incident a few years back) and seemed genuine. But I don't know. I'm torn. I don't know which way to turn.
I have a boyfriend. Let's just call him [BF]. I don't like to use real names, even if he doesn't visit these forums. Anyway, I've been with him since April 2003. I was 14, he was 17. It seemed like a major age distance at the time but we fell in love, and now it's not an issue. We seemed at first complete opposites, but we found things in common with each other, such as our ideas and morals. We both wanted the same thing - a bit of excitement in our lives, at the same time someone to care for. To begin with we had a lot of fun, but these past few months have been turbulent. As time goes by, we seem to disagree so much more.
All he wants lately is sex, and the more he wants it, the less I want to give it to him. He does give me emotional support and love, don't think he's just an animal. But it's like the drive is gonne. He blames drugs. But I had detoxed for months when these feelings arose. He's changed, not me. He wants to settle down later, have kids and have a quiet life. I don't want that. At least, not now. Yeh, I'm a little young for raising kids right now and to be honest I'd never want them, but he acts like we're already married. He just beggs for sex. It's not fun at all.
But I still love him, and he loves me. I feel like I have this attatchment to him I could never break from. The thought of losing him makes me feel sick. He's always been there when other guys would have ran away. I won't go into detail about those events, but they were pretty severe. And all he's ever given me is love and kindness. He's never hurt me, emotionally or physically. But what also worries me is the depressing thought of living out the rest of my days with him. He knows we're falling apart from each other, too. He's feeling it.
Then, a friend ([Buddy]) introduces me to a friend of his. We'll call him [Guy]. [Guy] likes me and, well, I honestly have to say I like him too. I've only known him for a month or so, and not met him very often. He only told me how he felt last Saturday and, well, he's way different from [BF]. He's got much more interesting ideas. When I think about him I can't help smiling, and people ask me what I'm smiling about (not something I'm used to doing). Thing is, I really don't know him too well, but what I've picked up so far, he's a bit out of control, at the same time a lot of fun. [Buddy] says he's a romantic sometimes, but most likely wants sex. Why does that draw me to him even more?
When [Guy] and I talked, he was talking of a long-term relationship. He was being open and honest about himself (or so I reckon, I never regained my full trust in people since an incident a few years back) and seemed genuine. But I don't know. I'm torn. I don't know which way to turn.