mr_pikachu
13th April 2007, 03:34 AM
Wow. That was the most insane thing I’ve ever seen. Anywhere. Ever.
Let me give you a little background, because I want to set you up for this. Please, grant me this one privilege.
This guy, who I sorta-kinda know through a mutual friend, works at a movie theater and guaranteed anyone who wanted to watch free tickets for the ATHFCMFFT showing at 12:15 a.m. today. Needless to say, I went. I mean, who passes up free movie tickets, right?
So I and about five other people ended up at this “movie,” if you can call it that. The rest of the audience totaled less than a dozen; I assume they were other friends of the theater guy (as he shall henceforth be named).
Before the show started, the theater guy stood in the aisle and made an announcement.
Okay, so listen up. You’re all getting to see this movie, completely free of charge. …At least, that’s what we told you. But there’s a catch. You have to do one thing for us.
Shut up.
This is my movie. It isn’t your movie, it’s mine. So shut the **** up. Don’t talk about the plot, don’t whisper little jokes to the guy next to you. Just shut up.
If you don’t, we might have to take something tangible from you.
(He paused for a moment here, both for dramatic effect and to give all of us time to think, “Your money.”)
Your tongue.
So sit down and shut the **** up.
That was the sanest part of the night.
Last warning before the spoilers…
The thing began with this totally insane video that began like a classic “welcome to the movies” sketch… various refreshments sang a little song about not talking. With little bits of vulgarity and such. Then they were blown to bits by a hard rock band of pseudo-food, which said basically the same stuff in a much cruder manner. Don’t ask; you really have to see it.
After some generic credits, the screen fades into the setting of a desert. As you sometimes see with such a fade-in, the bottom displays information about the context.
Egypt
And then…
Several million years ago
…Of course, naturally it follows with:
1942
All three lines vanish. About ten seconds pass.
New York
…That’s pretty much all you need to know about the movie. But I’ll indulge you.
After about five minutes in which the famous trio escapes a giant tomb, Frylock dies while fighting a giant chicken, Shake demonstrates some semblance of super powers by throwing the beast into a far-away mountain (where it promptly explodes), and Time Lincoln helps Meatwad and Shake take Frylock’s corpse to the present day, the whole thing is revealed to be a blatant lie from the mouth of Shake.
The main plotline (there’s a plot?!) is revealed shortly later, as Shake shows Meatwad his exercise machine, the Insanoflex. The thing is laughable, as it’s obviously assembled totally wrong and has dirty clothes and other assorted junk hanging off it.
Shake shows off his “buff bod” while Frylock finds runs an internet search for Insanoflex. His computer immediately starts going haywire and soon displays a screen of indecipherable characters. Indecipherable, of course, except for Frylock.
“It’s like someone didn’t want us to figure out how to put together the Insanoflex.”
Frylock reads a massively long warning “Do not ever, ever, ever, … ever, ever, ever assemble the Insanoflex,” or something to that effect. Then the screen asks whether he wants help anyway even though it told him not to do it. He selects yes and receives a phone number that has 20-something digits. Help is only a phone call away!
…Unfortunately, it’s the phone of everyone’s favorite Austrian Plutonians. Oglethorpe and Emory stand back, almost afraid of the phone, before the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future barges in. He tells a long story about something that occurred thousands of years ago in the future that will happen if they answer the phone. Immediately afterward, he tells them to pick that thing up because it’s driving him crazy. They let the answering machine get it; unfortunately, the phone slices the machine to shreds. Don’t ask.
Still, they find out about the awesome Insanoflex from the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future, and the three of them travel to earth to get it.
Meanwhile, Frylock has assembled the unit, but it’s missing one critical piece… the motherboard, which is shaped like an “M.” He talks to Carl, who owned the machine before Shake stole it, and the fat slob tells him that he’s not about to help them assemble the machine that he bought. Fortunately, the heroes find the address on the back of the box, and it’s an address that Frylock knows all too well…
Just as they leave, the Plutonians and the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future arrive to steal the Insanoflex. Unfortunately, the door is locked, so they’re stymied. But as they are about to give up, Carl mentions that the key is hanging conveniently next to the door. In triumph, the aliens grab the key and fly back into space.
Then they realize they forgot to get the Insanoflex.
The three return and try to move the machine into their ship, but it won’t budge. They need to get stronger if they are to push this massive hunk of metal, and the Insanoflex can help them. If only they weren’t missing the motherboard…
The “heroes” are nearing Dr. Weird’s lab, which is being converted into apartments. (Apparently they rent.) The aliens beat them to it, though, as they use a spaceship rather than a two-wheeled cart. They then dress up as the heroes, enter, and are utterly foiled in getting the motherboard by a disguised Dr. Weird and Steve. As they leave, Ignignokt and Err appear, stealing a coffee table and various other pieces of furniture.
Before the Plutonians and the Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future can escape the area, Frylock, Shake, and Meatwad arrive. The only way to distract their attention from the disguises is to make out! So that’s what they do. The Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future and Oglethorpe continue for far longer than necessary.
Meatwad accidentally finds the motherboard lying on the floor, so the three heroes promptly leave.
As they begin assembling the machine, Carl enters and demands to be the first to use it, since it’s his machine. The Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future also wants to be first, for no apparent reason. Frylock lets Carl use it while he pushes the on button. Then everyone backs away as the thing goes out of control, transforming into an utterly massive robot that forces Carl to work out to music as it destroys everything in its path.
This is all going according to the plan of a tiny slice of watermelon that lives inside a watermelon along with a drummer.
Upon seeing an incredibly massive form of Meatwad that “nobody ever asked me” to become, Frylock develops a plan to destroy the Insanoflex. He has Meatwad become a massive machine loaded with artillery, and then tells Shake to lure the machine to Meatwad. Shake is too busy getting a tan. In the meantime, the Insanoflex runs right in front of Meatwad, who says “Hi!” to a screaming, sobbing, overly muscular Carl.
The Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future tells Frylock that Oglethorpe invented the Insanoflex while he was in college. So they go back in time to Pluto in New York and find that Oglethorpe is studying (and failing) his Remedial Verbs course. Frylock yells at the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future.
After thinking about the machine for awhile, they determine that the music is causing the Insanoflex’s rampage, and therefore will play something else to confuse it. (Does this sound like Mars Attacks! to anyone?) After MC Pee Pee Pants (who has transformed into a fly) completely fails to generate anything resembling music, Shake convinces Frylock to let him try.
They track the Insanoflex to an amusement park, where Oglethorpe, Emory, Ignignokt, Err, and the Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future are riding a massive roller coaster. Shake plays his guitar and sings for the Insanoflex. This causes the machine to rip its own arm off and bash itself in the head, eventually resulting in self-destruction. The machine, however, falls on top of Carl, who is now too muscular to move.
Carl’s new girlfriend, an obvious bodybuilder, arrives and tries to lift the machine off Carl’s body. Frylock eventually destroys it with his laser, and the girlfriend drags Carl away for a romantic dinner of monkey extract. They have a romantic dinner of monkey extract before the bodybuilder lays Carl on a bed, chains him down, rips off her disguise, and reveals herself to actually be Dr. Weird.
The heroes eventually track them down and find a mutilated Carl – Dr. Weird took his muscles and uses them to fight Frylock. Frylock asks Dr. Weird why he wants to fight his son – yes, Frylock is his child, apparently. Dr. Weird retorts that this is nothing but a false memory that Frylock created, and that Frylock actually created him after an escapade in which Dr. Weird was traumatized from not getting a toy he wanted. His father has grown into a beautiful woman!
…Oh, right, that. Frylock is actually a woman. A lesbian, to be exact. Trapped in a woman’s body.
Ignignokt and Err jump out from behind some remaining furniture and declare that they actually created everyone present. And then the watermelon wedge appears with his drummer and declares that he actually created everyone else. Shake gets mad and shoots Meatwad with a shotgun… and for once, he’s actually dead. But the watermelon wedge simply has his drummer bring him back to life.
He them reveals his plan: to have the Insanoflex kill everyone so that he could claim their property to start the ultimate workout brand… the Insanogym! But they all reveal reasons why that is stupid, ranging from zoning codes to “we rent.” The watermelon wedge leaves, saying, “You mother will be very upset!”
Frylock yells back in shock about all of them having a mother. And so a nine-foot tall female burrito drops into the room.
Needless to say, Master Shake jumps out the window.
…If that made any sense at all, you need to reread this until it is totally nonsensical. Do it now!
(Oh, and there’s a crazy scene spanning about fifteen seconds after the credits. You totally don’t want to see it. And yet you do.)
Let me give you a little background, because I want to set you up for this. Please, grant me this one privilege.
This guy, who I sorta-kinda know through a mutual friend, works at a movie theater and guaranteed anyone who wanted to watch free tickets for the ATHFCMFFT showing at 12:15 a.m. today. Needless to say, I went. I mean, who passes up free movie tickets, right?
So I and about five other people ended up at this “movie,” if you can call it that. The rest of the audience totaled less than a dozen; I assume they were other friends of the theater guy (as he shall henceforth be named).
Before the show started, the theater guy stood in the aisle and made an announcement.
Okay, so listen up. You’re all getting to see this movie, completely free of charge. …At least, that’s what we told you. But there’s a catch. You have to do one thing for us.
Shut up.
This is my movie. It isn’t your movie, it’s mine. So shut the **** up. Don’t talk about the plot, don’t whisper little jokes to the guy next to you. Just shut up.
If you don’t, we might have to take something tangible from you.
(He paused for a moment here, both for dramatic effect and to give all of us time to think, “Your money.”)
Your tongue.
So sit down and shut the **** up.
That was the sanest part of the night.
Last warning before the spoilers…
The thing began with this totally insane video that began like a classic “welcome to the movies” sketch… various refreshments sang a little song about not talking. With little bits of vulgarity and such. Then they were blown to bits by a hard rock band of pseudo-food, which said basically the same stuff in a much cruder manner. Don’t ask; you really have to see it.
After some generic credits, the screen fades into the setting of a desert. As you sometimes see with such a fade-in, the bottom displays information about the context.
Egypt
And then…
Several million years ago
…Of course, naturally it follows with:
1942
All three lines vanish. About ten seconds pass.
New York
…That’s pretty much all you need to know about the movie. But I’ll indulge you.
After about five minutes in which the famous trio escapes a giant tomb, Frylock dies while fighting a giant chicken, Shake demonstrates some semblance of super powers by throwing the beast into a far-away mountain (where it promptly explodes), and Time Lincoln helps Meatwad and Shake take Frylock’s corpse to the present day, the whole thing is revealed to be a blatant lie from the mouth of Shake.
The main plotline (there’s a plot?!) is revealed shortly later, as Shake shows Meatwad his exercise machine, the Insanoflex. The thing is laughable, as it’s obviously assembled totally wrong and has dirty clothes and other assorted junk hanging off it.
Shake shows off his “buff bod” while Frylock finds runs an internet search for Insanoflex. His computer immediately starts going haywire and soon displays a screen of indecipherable characters. Indecipherable, of course, except for Frylock.
“It’s like someone didn’t want us to figure out how to put together the Insanoflex.”
Frylock reads a massively long warning “Do not ever, ever, ever, … ever, ever, ever assemble the Insanoflex,” or something to that effect. Then the screen asks whether he wants help anyway even though it told him not to do it. He selects yes and receives a phone number that has 20-something digits. Help is only a phone call away!
…Unfortunately, it’s the phone of everyone’s favorite Austrian Plutonians. Oglethorpe and Emory stand back, almost afraid of the phone, before the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future barges in. He tells a long story about something that occurred thousands of years ago in the future that will happen if they answer the phone. Immediately afterward, he tells them to pick that thing up because it’s driving him crazy. They let the answering machine get it; unfortunately, the phone slices the machine to shreds. Don’t ask.
Still, they find out about the awesome Insanoflex from the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future, and the three of them travel to earth to get it.
Meanwhile, Frylock has assembled the unit, but it’s missing one critical piece… the motherboard, which is shaped like an “M.” He talks to Carl, who owned the machine before Shake stole it, and the fat slob tells him that he’s not about to help them assemble the machine that he bought. Fortunately, the heroes find the address on the back of the box, and it’s an address that Frylock knows all too well…
Just as they leave, the Plutonians and the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future arrive to steal the Insanoflex. Unfortunately, the door is locked, so they’re stymied. But as they are about to give up, Carl mentions that the key is hanging conveniently next to the door. In triumph, the aliens grab the key and fly back into space.
Then they realize they forgot to get the Insanoflex.
The three return and try to move the machine into their ship, but it won’t budge. They need to get stronger if they are to push this massive hunk of metal, and the Insanoflex can help them. If only they weren’t missing the motherboard…
The “heroes” are nearing Dr. Weird’s lab, which is being converted into apartments. (Apparently they rent.) The aliens beat them to it, though, as they use a spaceship rather than a two-wheeled cart. They then dress up as the heroes, enter, and are utterly foiled in getting the motherboard by a disguised Dr. Weird and Steve. As they leave, Ignignokt and Err appear, stealing a coffee table and various other pieces of furniture.
Before the Plutonians and the Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future can escape the area, Frylock, Shake, and Meatwad arrive. The only way to distract their attention from the disguises is to make out! So that’s what they do. The Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future and Oglethorpe continue for far longer than necessary.
Meatwad accidentally finds the motherboard lying on the floor, so the three heroes promptly leave.
As they begin assembling the machine, Carl enters and demands to be the first to use it, since it’s his machine. The Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future also wants to be first, for no apparent reason. Frylock lets Carl use it while he pushes the on button. Then everyone backs away as the thing goes out of control, transforming into an utterly massive robot that forces Carl to work out to music as it destroys everything in its path.
This is all going according to the plan of a tiny slice of watermelon that lives inside a watermelon along with a drummer.
Upon seeing an incredibly massive form of Meatwad that “nobody ever asked me” to become, Frylock develops a plan to destroy the Insanoflex. He has Meatwad become a massive machine loaded with artillery, and then tells Shake to lure the machine to Meatwad. Shake is too busy getting a tan. In the meantime, the Insanoflex runs right in front of Meatwad, who says “Hi!” to a screaming, sobbing, overly muscular Carl.
The Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future tells Frylock that Oglethorpe invented the Insanoflex while he was in college. So they go back in time to Pluto in New York and find that Oglethorpe is studying (and failing) his Remedial Verbs course. Frylock yells at the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future.
After thinking about the machine for awhile, they determine that the music is causing the Insanoflex’s rampage, and therefore will play something else to confuse it. (Does this sound like Mars Attacks! to anyone?) After MC Pee Pee Pants (who has transformed into a fly) completely fails to generate anything resembling music, Shake convinces Frylock to let him try.
They track the Insanoflex to an amusement park, where Oglethorpe, Emory, Ignignokt, Err, and the Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future are riding a massive roller coaster. Shake plays his guitar and sings for the Insanoflex. This causes the machine to rip its own arm off and bash itself in the head, eventually resulting in self-destruction. The machine, however, falls on top of Carl, who is now too muscular to move.
Carl’s new girlfriend, an obvious bodybuilder, arrives and tries to lift the machine off Carl’s body. Frylock eventually destroys it with his laser, and the girlfriend drags Carl away for a romantic dinner of monkey extract. They have a romantic dinner of monkey extract before the bodybuilder lays Carl on a bed, chains him down, rips off her disguise, and reveals herself to actually be Dr. Weird.
The heroes eventually track them down and find a mutilated Carl – Dr. Weird took his muscles and uses them to fight Frylock. Frylock asks Dr. Weird why he wants to fight his son – yes, Frylock is his child, apparently. Dr. Weird retorts that this is nothing but a false memory that Frylock created, and that Frylock actually created him after an escapade in which Dr. Weird was traumatized from not getting a toy he wanted. His father has grown into a beautiful woman!
…Oh, right, that. Frylock is actually a woman. A lesbian, to be exact. Trapped in a woman’s body.
Ignignokt and Err jump out from behind some remaining furniture and declare that they actually created everyone present. And then the watermelon wedge appears with his drummer and declares that he actually created everyone else. Shake gets mad and shoots Meatwad with a shotgun… and for once, he’s actually dead. But the watermelon wedge simply has his drummer bring him back to life.
He them reveals his plan: to have the Insanoflex kill everyone so that he could claim their property to start the ultimate workout brand… the Insanogym! But they all reveal reasons why that is stupid, ranging from zoning codes to “we rent.” The watermelon wedge leaves, saying, “You mother will be very upset!”
Frylock yells back in shock about all of them having a mother. And so a nine-foot tall female burrito drops into the room.
Needless to say, Master Shake jumps out the window.
…If that made any sense at all, you need to reread this until it is totally nonsensical. Do it now!
(Oh, and there’s a crazy scene spanning about fifteen seconds after the credits. You totally don’t want to see it. And yet you do.)