prologue of Jon quest

[venkou2]

Hello I'm Jon, This is a new place and the same pokemon as on Johto, Kanto and Hoeen(misspelled). I'm 19 years old, 6ft 4in, I have red hair and live in Stump town were you get your pkmn to start in the Missle League tournament. I well be going on my journey with Alec, he's 5' 11" dark brown hair and 17 years old.
There are 9 Gyms in the missle league, with different rules in each of them. It's is not truely a full trainer fic because there well be some twist in it later on with the legendaries. THere are new pokemon i made up and you well see them when I get to the chapters which they are in. There are a lots of forests on this continent and some of the forest have weird effects on pokemon not from the forest.

[venkou2]

Hey, mom what are you doing over there and what time is it? She says it’s 10 am and I’m packing your clothes and items for your quest. Thanks mom and I am late to Professor Barks Lab.

I break out in a run to get to Barks Lab to get my starting pokemon. I get to the lab and greet Professor Bark and ask him if my friends Alec and Zane have come yet to get their starter. He says no they haven’t you are the first one here today to get a starter. I ask him if he has a fighting type pokemon today. Bark says he has a Tyrogue, which is a fighting type that has three evolutions. I say I’ll take the tyrogue, he hands me the starter ball and a coupon for balls and items from the market place in Stump Town. I ask him to tell Alec and Zane to meet me at my house after they get their starters. I head back to my house to get my backpack and anything else that I need.

I get home and my mom says she has something for me to do before I leave on my journey. She tells me to pick two balls and we have a battle in the backyard to see how well you know your pokemon and their attack stile. So I pick a red and orange ball, which is a pyro ball and a red and white ball, which is a pokeball. We go outside to the backyard to start the battle. My mom starts with by throwing a regular pokeball out which had an brown and white puppy in it which is an Eevee, I throw the pyro ball out and out pop an orange and black puppy which is a Growlithe. I told my moms Growlithe to use a roar attack, but it didn’t really listen me and decided to use an ember attack. My mom tell Eevee to use agility, Eevee listened and became a brown blur and ended up dodging the attack by a millisecond. I tell Growlithe to listen to me this time and use a roar on Eevee, it listens to me and starts to growl its name in a threatening tone and Eevee got scared and returned to its ball and wouldn’t come out. My mom threw a ghost ball out which contained a gaseous black pokemon with its tongue sticking out of its mouth which is a gastly, I return Growlithe and throw out the pokeball and out popped a little purple and white rat with sharp fangs. I say this fight going to get no where because it’s a normal type versus a ghost type, my mom says that true but you are forgetting that they both ca get attacks of other types. I tell rattata to start with a bite attack, rattata started running towards gastly with fangs out ready to strike the ghost pokemon down. The bite worked but didn’t knock gastly out yet so I tell rattata to use another bite, which it does and knocks out gastly. Mom tells I can keep the Growlithe and rattata if I wanted to I said I didn’t want them yet but maybe later all use Growlithe.

By the time we get done with the match Alec and Zane are waiting for me in the living room. We talk for a bit and we leave around 1 on are journey to the missile league. We stop by the market and by are balls and other items. I buy 4 pokeballs, 2 lure balls, 2 fight balls, 2 solar balls and 2 volt balls, than I buy 8 full heals, 8 great potions and a secret potion out of my own money. We leave the store and head for the entrance of the Dragons Forest to get to Dry Rock City or Dragon Wing City which is blocked to all starting trainers until you have eight badges.

Guess the three pokemon I catch and you well be added to my story as an Elite 4 member. One guess for each pokemon and if you get to right you can be a gym leader later on in the story when I go into space.
You have tell friday to guess.

[Tainted]

One big thing your missing, quotation marks...

Hey mom what are you doing over there and what time is it?

Turns into:

"Hey mom, what are you doing over there? And what time is it?"

It just makes it MUCH more simple to read...

Not a bad fic tho... Good job

[venkou2]

Thanks for the tip does anyone want to guess what pokemon I catch in the next chapter. I catch 3 pokemon and you have tell Monday to guss if you want to try.

[Tha Legend]

Please, please, please edit chapter 1 with quotes ("). I cant read farther than a few stanzas before I start getting cross-eyed.

[venkou2]

Chapter 2: The First Capture

We entered the forest at around 6 pm and we go off in different directions because we see pokemon we want. The first one I see is a black and green miniature nidoqueen, I take out my pokedex and point at this pokemon the pokedex says, Larvitar the Rock Skin pokemon “It lives underground feeding off nutrients in the dirt and starts to grow into a pupa after it eats a mountains worth of dirt.” I just chuck a fight ball at Larvitar and it disappear into a red light and the ball starts to wobble and the red light is flashing red and it finally stops and I have captured the larvitar. I keep going and look over to my right and I see a group of Arboks hurting a little blue and white snake I scare the arboks away and capture the little snake with a regular pokeball and it starts to wobble a little bit but the pokemon was to weak and couldn’t get out. I let the snake out and looked at what dexter had to say, Dratini the Dragon pokemon “ A little dragon that is protect by waterfalls when it sheds it skin.” I stop at a river and fill up my water bottle and I see an alligator looking pokemon that was dancing around like he was in a dance contest. So I get ready to battle this water type pokemon and I throw the pokeball with my Tyrogue in it and tell Tyrogue to use a tackle attack and than go and do a low kick, after the low kick I throw a lure ball at the pokemon and I capture it with a few tries of throwing the pokeball. I bring it and see what dexter has to say, Totodile the Big Jaw pokemon “It will attack anyone that enters its territory with it sharp teeth.”

I train a lot before I meet up with Alec at the bridge to get to Dry Rock City. I ask Alec what he caught in this forest he says, he caught a Charmander and a Sandshrew and he tried to catch a dragonair but it got away before he could weaken it enough to capture it. We got into Dry Rock at noon and stop at the pokemon center to heal are pokemon and take a quick rest before we go to the Dry Rock Gym to get are first badge. We head to the gym around 1 and I tell Alec I well go first at this gym, we enter the gym and we see statues of Magbys and Magmars, so we figure this gym specializes in fire type pokemon.

I go into the arena and see a guy at the other end and said, this well be a 2 on 2 battle for the Fire Storm Badge, by the way my name is Forge. Forge throws to pyro balls in the middle of the arena and out pops two puppy pokemon one black and grey the other orange and black. I start by throwing out my lure ball and my fight ball. So the battle is Forges Houndour and Growlithe versus the challengers Totodile and Larvitar the judges says, the rules and than we start the fight. I tell totodile to use his water slash attack and I tell larvitar to use earthquake. Forge tells both of his pokemon to use Blazing Tornado, Houndour and Growlithe starts to form the weaker version of Fire Spin. Totodile charges at Houndour with a fist full of water and opens his fist and starts slashing at Houndour with all his might and larvitar started to shake the earth which knocked out Houndour and knocked down Growlithe. I tell Totodile to use water gun and larvitar to use iron tail, forge tells Growlithe to use bite on Totodiles’ tail. I tell larvitar to get in the way of that bite and use iron tail in front of Totodiles’ tail so he takes a bite out of a metallic tail.
After Totodile use water gun the match is over because Growlithe was unable to get up.
Forge comes over to me and hands me the Fire Storm Badge and a capsule with the number 5 on the bottom of it. I go over to Alec and tell him I’ll meet him at the center later today. I start walking around Dry Rock to see the sites of the town and get back to the center at about 3 and see Alec getting his pokemon healed up. I get mine healed and Alec says, lets head to Hail Storm City to get are next badge. So we head out around 5 pm to get to Hail Storm city via route 203 and Dark Frost Lake.

[Tha Legend]

Please go here. (http://www.pokemasters.net/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=4176)
This will help you.

[venkou2]

Chapter 3: A New Day, a new test

Before we leave the center, I contact my mother to see if I can get the growlithe that I used against her in the pre journey fight. She says yes you can have it for a while but I need it back in a month or two. I say that’s okay I can live without it for a while when you need it. So she sends it over via transporter and I get growlithe and we head for Route 203. We arrive on Route 203 at 6 pm and we meet some twins that want too battle Alec and I to a battle, we accept and they say: it well be two on two, one pokemon each,
30 minutes time limited, and prize for the winners any tm the person has. We start and the twins Celle and Belle throw out there two fight balls with two-pig nose monkey pokemon. Alec throws out his sunkern and I throw out my tyrogue. Celle and Belle tell, “mankey to use fury swipes”, Alec tells, “sunkern to use leech seed” and I tell, “tyrogue to use double team and after the fury swipes is over go in for a low kick.” Tyrogue starts to make copies of it self and confuses mankey a little bit and mankey accidentally hits its own partner a couple of times with the fury swipes and the monkeys start fighting with each other and ignores tyrogue and sunkern. So sunkern throws his leech seed on mankey and it is getting its energy sucked out of it, while my tyrogue keeps low kicking at the other mankey. Celle and Belle tell their mankey to stop fighting with each other and fight the opponents. But they are not listening to their owners and they finally are both knocked out. Celle and Belle return their mankeys and say pick from the technical machines we have, they shows us about fifty capsules and they said pick one on the tms and I pick up one with the number 19 on it and they say that is Ice Beam, Alec picks up one with the number 1 on it and they say that is Hyper Beam. But they decide to give us all the tms they have because they have a lot more because they work for the company that makes tms. So Alec and me both get twenty-four more tms and they give us a little guidebook with what the tms names are. We say are byes to Belle and Celle, and start heading for the Dark Frost Lake entrance. We get to the entrance at 11 pm and set up camp for the night and wait to go through Dark Frost Lake tomorrow.

We get up around 8 am and start heading for Hail Storm City via Dark Frost Lake, while going through the lake we see many ice types like: Jynxes with their baby Smoochums, Shellders, Seels swimming with their evolved form Dewgongs, and Delibirds flying over head. We get across the lake and head for Hail Storm City. We get into the city around 1 and head in the pokemon center to get something to eat and heal and feed are pokemon.
We get to the gym by 2 and enter and I tell Alec he can go first this time and he agrees and we enter the gym and we see the gym leader. The gym leader introduces his self as James and say: this well be a two versus two match, and no time limit. Alec says that is fine and they start, James throws out two Lure balls and Alec throws out two pokeballs. Out from the two lure balls pop a seel and a smoochum, out of Alecs pokeballs popped his charmander and his sunkern. Alec tells, “charmander to use flamethrower and sunkern to use leech seed on seel,” while James tells, “Smoochum to use lovely kiss and seel to use water gun on charmander.” Charmander aims his flamethrower at smoochum and with the first hit smoochum was knocked out. Sunkern throws a seed that lands on seel and starts to sprout and starts to sap energy out of seel. Seel gets of his water gun but sunkern blocks it and gets hit instead of charmander. Charmander uses another flamethrower but another water gun puts it out and while this is happening sunkern is powering up to use a solar beam on seel. Sunkern aims the solar beam at seel and charmander fires another flamethrower at seel and seel puts out the flamethrower and get hit hard by the solar beam. Seel gets up and starts firing ice beams everywhere which make the stadium freeze up but while seel is doing this sunkern powers up another solar beam and aims it right at seel, while over on the other side charmander is using his sunny day technique to warm it up in the arena. Seel is knocked back by the solar beam and because of sunny day sunkern shot another solar beam and finally knocked out seel.
James comes over to shake Alecs hand and than hands him the ice strike badge and tm 15 and 19, which are Snow Strike and Ice Beam.

James asks me, are you ready to battle he says, “it well be the same rules as the last match.” I say yes and we start, I throw out my mother growlithe and my totodile, while James throws out his Jynx and his dewgong. So we start the match and I tell, “Growlithe to start with Extreme Speed and go into a Fire Blast against Jynx, and I tell totodile to use iron tail on dewgong.” James tells Jynx to watch out and tells dewgong to dive under and come up and use headbutt on totodile. Jynx got out of the way of growlithes extreme speed but couldn’t dodge the fire blast, which knocked out Jynx. Totodile waits for Dewgong to come up and when dewgong tries to use headbutt on totodile, totodile use its iron tail and knocks dewgong out of the water and in to a wall. While dewgong tries to slide back into the water it gets hit by a flamethrower and a water gun which doesn’t knock it out, dewgong gets back into the water and waters for an order from James.

I going to leave it as a cliff hanger well Jon win or well he lose his fisrt battle and not get the badge.

[Dragon_Claw]

Oh my god, don't want to post bad things, but I'll do it anyway.

You caught a Larvitar and a Dratini right after eachother, in Chapter two? Talking about impossible.

And your grammar! I guess this is your first fanfic, I bet you'll not get too many readers. I almost can't read this, this is so unrealistic.

[totodilelover]

Hey, I remember when I started my first fic....that was a week ago lol. Yours is really good and intresting but you need to make your chapter's a little bit longer. DOn't worry I did the same mistake when I started. Take your timw when you right them and people will love them! Keep writing!

[HbCharizard]

My God...This is the worst fic I have ever read......and believe me, I've seen my share of Bad fics. First off, YOU CAN'T CATCH A FRIGGEN LAVITAR THIS FRIGGEN EARLY!!! YOU CAN'T CATCH A DRACTINI THIS FRIGGEN EARLY!!! AND YOU CAN'T FRIGGEN CATCH A FRIGGEN TOTODILE THAT EARLY!!! Sure Ash Caught a starter like that early, you may say, BUT THAT WAS BEFORE THE FRIGGEN 3RD GYM!!!!Your only at the, what....2nd? I can't count. And man, when you see someone go through 2 gyms in 2 chapters, that means the ficcy needs some more Time between gyms. I mean, On one of my fics, which, I still have in my head, I had to wait 6 chapters before I even got to the first city with a gym. No dungeons, no forests, no someone whos obssesed with Nurse Joy(Ok, so you don't need that, but) I have a feeling your not even reading our reviews!!! So, all I have to say is, GET WRITING LESSONS!!!! AND READ SOME OTHER PEOPLE'S FIC'S!!!

[venkou2]

HbCharizard this is a differet continent, Dratini and Larvitar are not that rare any more. Anyway the forest was named Dragons Forest so guess what pokemon could be csught in the forest.
To the others thanks for the help and not the mean criticism

[mistysakura]

I won't say that this is the worst fic I've ever read, because it isn't.

First of all, thanks for the quotation marks *wink*. Also,
in 'it well be two on two, one pokemon each, ...', it's 'will', not 'well'. I'dve thought it was a typo, but you've made that mistake twice... no, three times.

Also, I can't believe that a Larvitar with Earthquake was defenceless against a mere Pokeball, on full HP, as far as I can tell. and when you want to tell us why on earth Dratinis and Larvitars aren't rare, you do it in the fic.

I think this fic needs more description. People can't visualize what is going on in the story, and that's not a pleasant experience. Take a look at 'When Destinies Collide' (http://www.pokemasters.net/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=2400), by Citrus Crush Chikorita, 'Lapras Valley High' (http://www.pokemasters.net/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=2692) by mist, and 'Rhapsody in Red' (http://www.pokemasters.net/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=3822), by Aquababe727, for instance. These fics are extremely descriptive; you will see the difference.

Another point: What do you want to see in a Pokemon Fanfiction? (http://www.pokemasters.net/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=13988) As you notice, we like originality in fanfics. That is, not boring-same-plot-beat-gyms sort of things. Even if you do, please put some sort of difference in, so people will be interested. Or else, this fic will go into the you've-read-one-you've-read-them-all category.

Okay, enough criticism for one post. I'll shut up now.

[venkou2]

Chapter 4: Monsterous Time

Narrator: When we last left Jon, he was in a battle for his second badge doing pretty good for his self. The gym leader James has one pokemon left, his Dewgong and Jon has both of his left, his Totodile and his mothers Growlithe. So lets get to the battle and see who wins.

James tells me, “lets see if your pokemon can last against my Dewgong.” I tell him, “That my pokemon are strong enough to stay out long enough to knock out your dewgong.” So we start the battle and I tell, “Growlithe to melt all the ice but a little chunk so he can stay on it and attack from there and tell totodile to go under and find dewgong to get him out of the water so Growlithe can hit it with a flamethrower.” So growly starts to melt most of the ice and totodile jumps in the water and finds dewgong heading straight at it, so totodile dodges the speeding dewgong and headbutts dewgong out of the water, so growly can hit dewgong with it’s flamethrower and when the attack is over dewgong lands in the water with it’s belly up. James came over and congratulates me for a well-fought win and hands me the ice strike badge and the same two tms as Alec.

We say are goodbyes to James and head to the pokemon center to get are pokemon healed by Nurse Joy. We get to the center and head to the front counter and ask Nurse Joy to heal are pokemon. We tell Nurse Joy we only need two of are pokemon healed apiece so can you do at the same time. Nurse Joy says, “ sure I can do it at the same time but are you sure you not what pokeballs are yours.” We tell Nurse Joy, “that we know what balls belong to us and we can tell them apart. I hand her a lure ball and a pyro ball and Alec hands her a starter ball and a pokeball.
She buts them in a carrier and takes them to the back room to heal them. We get are pokeballs back and go out to get something to eat and stop at the beach for a view of the sunset in a few hours. We get to the beach and there is a couple of trainers arguing about which pokemon is better, the female says, “ that luvdisc is a great pokemon to have and use.” The male says,” that luvdisc is weak and feeble and isn’t worth using at all.” We go right by them and the female asks me, ‘if I want to battle with her to prove her friend wrong.” I say, “sure I well to help you out if you need it.” She says, “ by the way my name is Fran what’s yours, “ mine is Jon. Fran throws a lure ball and out pops a heart shaped pokemon. I take out the pokedex and it says, “Luvdisc the heart shaped pokemon”,” This heart shaped pokemon live in rivers and if it sees a couple in love it follows them to remind them they are in love.” I throw my Dratini out to battle the luvdisc. I tell Dratini, “to use thunder wave on luvdisc”, while fran tells luvdisc, ‘to use water gun on Dratini.”
The thunder wave hit luvdisc and paralyzes it but luvdisc gets off the water, which douses Dratini giving it a refreshing bath. Fran starts telling luvdisc, “to use secret power on Dratini,” I tell, “Dratini to do a psychic attack on luvdisc.” Dratini forms a mauve purple beam in its small mouth and aims it at luvdisc, while luvdisc is now glowing a blackish grey color and heads down to the sand and starts kicking it at Dratini. Dratini’s psychic hits luvdisc and knocks it to the ground and luvdisc’s secret power hits Dratini and makes him lose accuracy for the next attack. Fran’s next move was to tell luvdisc, “to use a ice beam attack on Dratini,” while I tell Dratini, “to finish luvdisc with a thunderbolt.” Both of the attacks hit and both Dratini and luvdisc couldn’t get back up so it was a double knock out. We both return are pokemon and send out are next and last pokemon.

Fran throws a solar ball out, while I throw a pyro ball out. Out of Fran’s solar ball popped an acorn pokemon. I take a look in the pokedex, dexter said seedot the acorn pokemon,” This acorn pokemon hangs from trees to get moisture to become glossier.” I tell growly,” to use flamethrower on seedot.” Fran tells seedot, ‘to use bide on growly.” Seedot becomes still and waits for growly to attack a few times and than strike him with a ton of damage. Growlithe hits seedot three times with flamethrower and was going in four a fourth flamethrower when seedot hit him with bide which with the flamethrower going to hit seedot, it was another double knock out. It was a tie and we both headed to the pokemon center with are friends to get are pokemon healed after the sunset.

We get to the center around 10 and Fran and I heal are pokemon and get two rooms to stay the night at the center. We get up around 8 the next morning and get some breakfast at the café before we leave for the next town. We get to route 205 around noon and get stop by a big light purple pokemon that started to talk to us through are minds. I take out my pokedex and it says Mewtwo the genetic pokemon, “ we don’t have much data on this pokemon besides it was made by humans.” Mewtwo tells us that you will meet some really soon named Joey Wheeler and he well challenge you to a game of duel monsters and a pokemon battle. When you get to a forest that was made my Jirachi and Deoxy please be careful and save the scientist from Team Black Hole and watch out because the forest well automatically make your pokemon evolve if they are not from the forest. Mewtwo says, take this and throws me an envelope that is huge. I open the envelope and I take out a deck of cards that say Yu-gi-oh on the back of them. He says there is one more thing in the envelope and he tells me to use it anytime we are in trouble and he will come and help us. I ask Mewtwo a question, why are you helping us? He says, “It’s because all the known legendary pokemon came together and decided that we will help some trainers out like we did with Ash Ketchum.”

Thanks for the stuff Mewtwo and what kind of deck is this? He tells me it is a light base deck with some spell-caster monsters thrown in. I say that sounds like a good deck to use in a duel, Mewtwo insures me it is a well-balanced deck that should do fine against Joey and Mewtwo says that he well come back and give me more cards to help against the other people that want to duel me. I say thanks and he teleports away and says we well meet again Jon.

[mistysakura]

YOu seem to have some problems with speech. For instance,

I tell Dratini, “to use thunder wave on luvdisc”,
In real life, you don't say 'To stay, Buster!'. But when you're saying that someone said something without a straight quote, you say 'he said that...'. Since you were using a straight quote in the Dratini example, it should've been 'I tell Dratini, 'Use Thunder Wave on Luvdisc.'

Also, the narrator part was totally unneeded, since the narrator is Jon himself in the first place.

Aside from that, if you weren't a fan of Pokemon, you wouldn't have known that seeing Mewtwo was this big deal from your story. it soulds too matter-of-fact, i.e. 'Oh yeah, I saw Mewtwo the other day. He said that I'd meet this guy. What an idiot.' it just isn't normal.

How old are you? I would have thought that they'd have taught you about reported speech at school.