The Facts of Life

[Heald]

Thought I'd make a thread where you can entertain each other with what you consider are the Facts of Life: immutable laws and codes of conduct that you live your life by and feel that others ought to live their lives by too. I'm not talking about religious things or real laws or whatever, just the unwritten rules of life that are unwritten purely because they just should naturally come to you.

So, here's mine.

Men's bathrooms. There's no talking, no eye contact. No contact, period. With anyone or anything.

Nothing irritates me more than unzipping my fly, preparing to relieve myself at the urinal when some loudmouth starts either talking to me or his friend. Seriously, what was it about a room filled with men holding their dicks that made you blurt out whatever you're blabbering about, and that it couldn't wait until you had left the bathroom? There is nothing on this planet that is so important that it has to break this immutable law. Not even if there was a fire, or aliens had invaded, or your favourite team had just won the cup. Nothing. I feel nothing but embarrassment when someone starts talking to me at the urinals. I don't want to be associated with this idiot who has broken what ought to be part of the 10 Commandments. It's worse than murder.

The other thing about men's bathrooms: there are more urinals than you are meant to use. The use of urinals between other urinals is to serve as buffers. They're not meant to be used, they're there so there is at least one urinal between two men at all times. There are two kinds of people who annoy me in this respect: those who sidle up next to you even when there are free urinals on the other side of the bathroom. Seriously, it's creepy. The other type is the person who picks one of the urinals that is meant as a buffer. It's just selfish, and is clearly screaming 'I want someone to stand next to me so I can compare dicks'. Like say there are 5 urinals, 1-5, someone is peeing at 1, and the next guy who comes in goes for 4. He is an asshole.

So, to recap: no talking, touching or looking at anything or anyone, and no standing next to another man, or placing yourself where the next guy who comes in will have to stand next to you.

God gave us the advantage of being able to piss standing up for a reason, and it wasn't so you lawbreakers can play 'touch dicks' like a couple of morons.

[Systematic Revolution]

This is probably one of the funniest things I've read in a long time.

Eh, off the top of my head I can only really think of one thing (at the moment--more to come later, I'm sure). I know that guys are guys, but I think it is an unwritten law to NOT hit on EVERY SINGLE female that comes into one's presence. I have a friend that does this. He thinks he's being subtle but everyone around knows that he's trying to A) get laid or B) get laid. It's especially frustrating whenever the girl clearly shuts him down and he continues. Also, whenever a girl is crying, console her but don't be touchy-feely. At that point, you're just trying to take advantage of her and that's vile. He does that too.

[Telume]

I think another unwritten law is for god's sake respect personal space, even if you're friends with a person. I have a friend who sometimes gets too damn close for comfort. And it pisses me off and makes me feel awkward. This is especially true if you're a guy, geez man I know we're friends and all but back the fuck up. Girls obviously not so much, but, a guy man? Sorry if you swing that way that's cool with me but I sure as hell don't.

I sometimes have to shove him back 'cause he gets so damn close.

[Systematic Revolution]

Here's one for guitar players.

If you don't play guitar (hell, even if you do), do NOT just walk up to someone's guitars, pick one up, and start playing it. There needs to be communication before fornication begins. It's like if I have a daughter, you had damn sure better ask me if I like you enough to let you marry her. Same goes for guitars: you had damn sure better ask me if I like you enough to let you play them. There are some people that have unlimited access to my guitars because I trust them and know they wouldn't intentionally damage them or make them filthy with their nasty, greasy hands. But there are other people that just don't have the privilege.

If your hands are dirty, wash them before touching my instruments.

[Kurosakura]

Don't just assume you know what I like and dislike without getting your facts straight first.

It pisses me off so badly sometimes, especially when it comes from my paternal unit. So I was reading Twilight, because I don't understand the hype of it and thought, "Why not?" before the movie came out and Robert Pattinson (ladies, I don't like what I see!) became the object of (almost) every teenage girl's obsession. Just because I've read the books does NOT mean I'm a fan of them. And really, just because my favorite color is blue does NOT mean I want blue everything. That's just... tacky.

Systematic Revolution: I kinda disagree with "if I have a daughter, you had damn sure better ask me if I like you enough to let you marry her," because I have a thing against my dad. I'd rather have my boyfriend kidnap me and elope than have to kiss my dad's ass for approval.

[Gavin Luper]

Thought I'd make a thread where you can entertain each other with what you consider are the Facts of Life: immutable laws and codes of conduct that you live your life by and feel that others ought to live their lives by too. I'm not talking about religious things or real laws or whatever, just the unwritten rules of life that are unwritten purely because they just should naturally come to you.

So, here's mine.

Men's bathrooms. There's no talking, no eye contact. No contact, period. With anyone or anything.

Nothing irritates me more than unzipping my fly, preparing to relieve myself at the urinal when some loudmouth starts either talking to me or his friend. Seriously, what was it about a room filled with men holding their dicks that made you blurt out whatever you're blabbering about, and that it couldn't wait until you had left the bathroom? There is nothing on this planet that is so important that it has to break this immutable law. Not even if there was a fire, or aliens had invaded, or your favourite team had just won the cup. Nothing. I feel nothing but embarrassment when someone starts talking to me at the urinals. I don't want to be associated with this idiot who has broken what ought to be part of the 10 Commandments. It's worse than murder.

The other thing about men's bathrooms: there are more urinals than you are meant to use. The use of urinals between other urinals is to serve as buffers. They're not meant to be used, they're there so there is at least one urinal between two men at all times. There are two kinds of people who annoy me in this respect: those who sidle up next to you even when there are free urinals on the other side of the bathroom. Seriously, it's creepy. The other type is the person who picks one of the urinals that is meant as a buffer. It's just selfish, and is clearly screaming 'I want someone to stand next to me so I can compare dicks'. Like say there are 5 urinals, 1-5, someone is peeing at 1, and the next guy who comes in goes for 4. He is an asshole.

So, to recap: no talking, touching or looking at anything or anyone, and no standing next to another man, or placing yourself where the next guy who comes in will have to stand next to you.

God gave us the advantage of being able to piss standing up for a reason, and it wasn't so you lawbreakers can play 'touch dicks' like a couple of morons.

Closeted much?

Personally, I think some good, quality verbal communication should be fostered in men's urinals across our respective countries and indeed, throughout the world. Men should hug more, too, and skip through fields of daisies hand-in-hand, because manly affection is funsies for all.

... My rule is that if someone (especially a stranger) is listening to their iPod/mp3 player, you don't go up and try to have a conversation with them. Especially not when they politely dismiss you three or four times. So why did that random dickhead keep trying to talk to me about my job while I was on lunch and trying to block out the world with some sweet tunes? Jeez.

[Systematic Revolution]

Systematic Revolution: I kinda disagree with "if I have a daughter, you had damn sure better ask me if I like you enough to let you marry her," because I have a thing against my dad. I'd rather have my boyfriend kidnap me and elope than have to kiss my dad's ass for approval.

I mainly said it for effect, lol.

[Weasel Overlord]

... My rule is that if someone (especially a stranger) is listening to their iPod/mp3 player, you don't go up and try to have a conversation with them. Especially not when they politely dismiss you three or four times. So why did that random dickhead keep trying to talk to me about my job while I was on lunch and trying to block out the world with some sweet tunes? Jeez.

I AGREE! I always get asked when the next bus is. It's like, dude, we're at a freaking bus stop. Look at the timetable and fuck off while I'm listening to my music!

I think my main rule is don't bloody talk to me if I'm reading a book. Does it look like I want to talk to you?! Also, if you see me reading, don't come over and ask me what I'm reading. Chances are high that you won't know what it is, and you'll get annoyed when I say "a book", and when you ask me what it's about, I will say "stuff".

[Telume]

I AGREE! I always get asked when the next bus is. It's like, dude, we're at a freaking bus stop. Look at the timetable and fuck off while I'm listening to my music!

I think my main rule is don't bloody talk to me if I'm reading a book. Does it look like I want to talk to you?! Also, if you see me reading, don't come over and ask me what I'm reading. Chances are high that you won't know what it is, and you'll get annoyed when I say "a book", and when you ask me what it's about, I will say "stuff".

I can't remember how many times people looked at me wierd for reading Manga in highschool. Especially those that thought Manga were just plain comics (I learned a lot of Japanese history from Manga.)

[classy_cat18]

I think my main rule is don't bloody talk to me if I'm reading a book. Does it look like I want to talk to you?! Also, if you see me reading, don't come over and ask me what I'm reading. Chances are high that you won't know what it is, and you'll get annoyed when I say "a book", and when you ask me what it's about, I will say "stuff".

Sounds like me with my music. Chances are it's not even in English, they won't know the artist, and then they'll look at me like I'm a weirdo.

Oh, I have a few rules of my own. You don't criticize my love of anime, I won't laugh at your love of VH1 reality shows.

Playing Madden does not make you a gamer.

Just because I live in Birmingham, Alabama, doesn't mean I have to talk like I'm from the ghetto.

[Blademaster]

Playing Madden does not make you a gamer.

Marry me.


Just because I live in Birmingham, Alabama, doesn't mean I have to talk like I'm from the ghetto.

I thought it meant you had to talk like your house had wheels.

[Houndoom_Lover]

*Shoots Classy_Cat in the ovaries with a Desert Eagle* <-with love

Not today, Roger.

Unwritten law I live by? People shouldn't talk about private matters in public, makes the whole world so awkward.

That, and zombies and compeition should be dealt swiftly and with a big gun *kisses the Desert Eagle*