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Drago
4th November 2002, 09:31 PM
Rightio, first and foremost, I'd like to thank OzAndrew for the much-needed help! :D
Second and secondmost...well, there is none! ^^; Let's get stuck in, eh?

Minty Thrill
Chapter 1
Midday with the Master

Time. It’s something I seem to have trouble comprehending, and something that has never been my friend. If I ever met Father Time I’d beat him up and take his wallet.

For now, though, time has won. Again it has foiled me, and again
I wake up at 12 PM.
“My god
” I groan, and roll over. I grab my bedside bottle of water. “Here’s to hoping I don’t do this on Saturday.”

Saturday was the big day
Saturday was my time to shine
on Saturday I would be getting my first PokĂ©mon. I had waited for this day for a long time. I was fourteen, and had already failed Professor Gum’s PokĂ©mon lessons four years in a row. This time, though, I passed! Now nothing could stand in my way

I slowly moved myself toward the edge of the bed. How long did these journey things take? A week, I guess.
Good thing I told Principal Douglas I had chicken pox. Well, I didn’t tell him in person, obviously. I assumed that chicken pox had something to do with chickens, so I just made a lot of clucking noises on the phone. Ah, another story of success
 Speaking of success, I’d have to prepare my victory speech for when I defeat the Elite Door. I didn’t have much time. I mean, how hard could it be to beat up on a damn door?

I rolled again, this time completely falling from bed. I took this opportunity to grab my plastic microphone from underneath, as well as a handful of dust that looked like it was alive and scared me witless.

I stood atop my bed, cracked my neck, and cleared my throat.
“Hello, all my loyal fans!” I roared, the microphone rumbling in a strange plasticky echo, “It is I, Anthony Chambers, from Burake Town! It’s the fourth
or fifth town of our lovely world of Furudo. I have just come back from the grass type gym
” I paused for a moment. “Uh, Jungle Gym, and defeated the leader for the ninth time. That just proves what happens when Frank Furt messes with Terrible Tony! In short, I kicked his grass!” I moved the microphone away from my face, and made a variety of guffaws to symbolise the crowd response. “Seriously, though, I’m here to tell all of you future PokĂ©mon masters out there to try your best, and never give up hope! And always remember the little people.” I moved the microphone away again, and chirped in a tiny voice, “Like me?”
I bent over. “Yes, just like you, little
Horris. I couldn’t have gotten to where I am without you, and without my legions of fans, and without the help of my loyal PokĂ©mon
” I paused, and leant further, “My loyal PokĂ©mon
”
Guess I’d just have to guess

“My loyal PokĂ©mon. I like to call him-AAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH!!” I bellowed as I leant too far, and fell off the bed. I headbutted the floor with a sickening thud.
“Oww
self piledriver
” I moaned, and sat up. I really should decide which PokĂ©mon I would choose.

Time to put my amazing skills to good use. I grabbed a pen and a pad of paper. Now what could I choose from
 there was that pear thing with the leaf on its head

I scribbled down Chocolata.
Then
there was that water crocodile thing.
I couldn’t remember what it was called though, so I just wrote Big ol’ Smile.
And
oh yeah, the turtle thing.

Yerdle.
And then there was that fire shrew thing.

Mintythrill.
And the lizard, that was a fire Pokémon too. Wow, I was just too good at this.

Charbladder.
And finally, there was the scary frog thing with a green fortune cookie on its back.

Bulb-is-sore.
Now. Decisions, decisions
 of course, I’d get all of them in two days, three if I was busy with a photo shoot, but to get my first few, I’d need one to start with.

Each PokĂ©mon has a diverse range of advantages and disadvantages. Not only is there the obvious range of types, and which could overcome another in battle, there is also a blend of each PokĂ©mon’s statistics. Although a PokĂ©mon levels up to improve each of these qualities, it can only be as good as it knows how to be. Thusly, a PokĂ©mon must also be equipped with the correct moves. One must avoid physical attacks for PokĂ©mon with low attack, and elemental for those with low special attack. Other qualities of a PokĂ©mon must also be taken into consideration. Which of the moves can it learn to overcome its weaknesses and capitalize on its strengths? If it has a diverse range, it will overcome a wide range of obstacles, whilst one still must remember that it will excel with attacks of the same element.
Above all, though, this PokĂ©mon needs love. With a considerate trainer who’s willing to try to be something, a PokĂ©mon can excel. A trainer who is prepared to go through the harsh days and nights, and tend for the PokĂ©mon when it is sick. To be a master, one must remember to be a trainer.

“
Is that it?” I groaned, and flipped another page, “No wonder I never read any of these stupid books
”
I looked around, and spotted my Pokémonopoly game. I grabbed a dice from in it, and rolled it along the floor.

It landed on one. That meant
 Chocolata.
That’s a bit girlish

I gulped, looked around, and lightly pushed it over. A four, that meant the shrew.
I grinned, and stood tall. “I shall conquer all with my Mintythrill!”
There was a thud against the door.
“Shut up Chambers!” Mr. Michaels, the landlord, bellowed, “Or you’re gonna get a minty thrill where the sun don’t shine!!”
I gulped, and grabbed my pen should I need it to ward off the 300 pound blob.
“And get the rent ready tomorrow, you ain’t gonna scam me with that chicken pox excuse this time, punk!”
“
Bu-bu-buckaw?” I squeaked sheepishly, hoping I could trick him.
“Yeah that’s right, I only accept bu-bu-bucks!” he roared, waddling down the hallway.

I sighed, then it hit me. 
Payday is Sunday! But that meant

I raced over to the table, and looked at my watch. It was Saturday today! 
I was
LATE!
“Aww hölle!” I shouted, and threw my watch at the closet door. It smashed in a hundred pieces.
“Aww hölle!” I repeated, when I realised that watch was from my grandfather.
“Aww hölle!” I let out one more time, when it hit me; my grandfather was dead.

I guess those German lessons did come in handy after all

AquaBabe727
4th November 2002, 09:44 PM
Bwaahahahahaa!!! He's just like me! No sense of time WHATSOEVER. Sometimes i don't go to sleep until 4:00 in the morning, sometimes i don't sleep at all, sometimes i don't wake up until noon, sometimes i wake up WAY to early. Hehehe. I know how he feels.

This fic is so funny! Minty Thrill! I luv it~ but i feel kinda sorry for him. He's so ignorant it's sad. Maybe he's like a dumb lucky type, kinda like Ash? Anyway, this character has real dimension to him, no matter how odd and twisted. ^_^ Can't wait for the next chapter, DragoKnight!
Drago
5th November 2002, 11:27 PM
AquaBabe727: Wow, thank you so much for reading, and furthermore, enjoying! I spose that's one of the relations I have with the character (well, besides the name)...I have no sense of time either!

Minty Thrill
Chapter 2
The White Rabbit Rides Again

“Late?” I groaned, and threw open the closet door, “That’s so
unoriginal!”
I frantically looked through my wardrobe for something clean. I didn’t get the time to wash all my clothes often.

I eventually grabbed a big pink Barney T-shirt, Hello Kitty runners and a pair of shorts so short you’d swear I was wearing Speedo’s.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this
” I moaned, “I wore these last week!!”

I threw open my door, ran down the hall and barrelled down the stairs, almost clotheslining Mrs. Veshuan along the way.
Too bad I missed, I thought spitefully.

I crashed through the front entrance, and made a mad dash towards Professor Gum’s dinghy. 
That’s right, a dinghy. Burake Town wasn’t all that noticeable, so Gum didn’t get all the perks of being a professor. Then again, he was also a captain and a licensed minister, so maybe it was just him.

“Professor Gum!” I bellowed, as I ran up to his boat, “I’m here! I’m here!”
“Arr
” he scoffed in a gruff voice, “I’m sick of all ye damned landlubbers comin’ to me classes late. I oughta make you walk the plank
”
I gave him a bemused look, and he ripped off his eyepatch.
“Fine then!” he whined, “You kids never let me have any fun.”
Now without his pirate gear, he looked just like any professor would. 37, wearing a slightly dirty white coat, and balding. His thick beard must’ve been where he stored the rest of his hair

“Anyway, you’re too late, Tony.” He continued, “You were supposed to be here at 6. 
Not 6 times 2!”
“I did not come here at 66 o’clock!” I shot back.
“Sorry kid, but I’m all out of PokĂ©mon.” He sighed, then suddenly perked up, “I do, however, have one thing that’ll take you closer to being a master than just a PokĂ©mon!”

He reached into his deep pocket, and thrusted out a strange rectangular red contraption. It seemed familiar, actually. Then it hit me.
“This
 this is a PokĂ©-”
“That’s right, Tony!” he interrupted, “This is a PokĂ©katsu brand novelty clock!”
I frowned, and flipped open the cover. 
There were several foreign markings on a fading screen. I looked up to see Gum rowing frantically away.
“Of course, I’m not sure which country it’s from, but at least you’ll always know when it’s Chio Chio o’clock!” he cackled.
“Aww hölle!” I groaned, turned around and threw the clock over my shoulder.
*conk* AAARGH! *splash* *glug glug*
I gulped as to what that was, and ran for my life.
********************************
“What a gyp!” I whimpered, sitting on a stump near a restaurant, “I’m cold, alone, and missing Jeopardy!”

There was dead silence, before a rustling from the bushes. I gasped.
“This is it! The rare and elusive-”
A sub rolled out from behind.
“Sandwich?”
A blue-green claw reached out, and pulled it back behind the grass.
“Now, either that sandwich is evading escape,” I deduced, walking towards the grass, “Or
”

I glimpsed behind the grass, and there it was. A small blue dinosaur/frog/scaryass thing with the big green thingo on its back.
“Bulb-is-sore!” I said excitedly.

It looked at me, one eyebrow raised curiously. “Bulb-A-saur.” It argued.
“I can’t believe it, this is my chance to get my very own Bulb-is-sore!” I bubbled.
The Bulb-is-sore stood up.
“Bulb-A-SAUR.” It protested, this time louder and angrier.
I picked up a rock, and raised it to the air. “You’re coming with me, Bulb-is-sore,” I threatened, “Any attempt to resist is futile!”
It stomped its foot angrily, “BULBASAUUUUUUR!!” it bellowed, chewed up a piece of sandwich, and hawked it up at me. A piece of chewed up lettuce and saliva hit me on the cheek.
“Nooo!” I gasped, stumbling around, “Healthy Food Spit! Bulb-is-sore’s special attack!!”

I wiped it off hurriedly, and winded up my throw. “Gooooooooooo rock!!”
Bulb-is-sore watched my arm swivel around, and yawned. Finally I let go, and the rock soared
right at my feet.

The Bulb-is-sore shook its head as though it was going to be sick, and charged at me at full speed.
“Tackle attack!” I gulped. It was easy to remember an attack when you thought of it as a modified spear.
I looked around frantically, as the Bulb-is-sore closed in.
“Um, urg
” I babbled, “Go
foot!”
The Bulb-is-sore leapt up at me, and I did all I could! I
kicked it in the face.
It landed on its feet, and started stumbling about dizzily.
“Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuurrrrrrr

” It groaned.
If it was so sore, I guessed it was male. A female Bulb-is-sore probably would’ve slapped me by now. Creative plus number one.

He shook his head rapidly, before pointing a claw at me accusingly.
“Saur, bulba, saur, bulb
 saaaaur!” He said with such feeling I felt as though I should go at war for him.

He looked at the sandwich, then looked back at me wickedly.
I gulped as he chewed on the sub, churned it around in his mouth, and turned to a large fence. His mouth puffed up, and he shot a barrage of sesame seeds at it.
They went right through it!! I looked at the message, ‘You gonna die foo’’
If nothing else, this Bulb-is-sore was a very good speller.

He turned back at me, and I did something I hadn’t done since my attempt at being a politician. 
I ran for it!!

Thinking logically, it must’ve been a very curious sight to see a fourteen-year-old prancing around town in short shorts bellowing for his life as a very angry frog chased after him firing sesame seeds.

I ducked a seed that would’ve otherwise hit me in the head. I had to think quickly. I looked around, and saw a Weedle crawling along a fence. They were easy to remember. I filled Mrs. Veshuan’s room with them one time.
I snatched it up, and grabbed the pen from my pocket. I pointed it at the Weedle’s throat. Or what seemed like its throat anyway.

“Come any closer and the bug gets it!!” I roared.
Bulb-is-sore looked at me as though I just said something very stupid.
He looked to a nearby building, and shot off another sesame message. ‘I don’t care.’
“I’ll make you care!” I shouted, and took the Weedle in both hands. I thrusted it down, and hit Bulb-is-sore over the head with it like a club.

He stumbled around, before fainting. I cheered, and put Weedle down.
“We beat him, Weedle!” I cried with glee, before looking at Weedle. 
Its horn was broken off.
I picked the white horn up, as well as Bulb-is-sore.
“Well
” I gulped, “You’re a Caterpie now!”

I made a mad dash for the apartment. If there was anything I had learned from school, it was that if there wasn’t a PokĂ©mon Centre around, you should always go home to heal your PokĂ©mon.

I busted through the front doors. “Mom?” I called, “MOOOOOM?!”
Then it hit me. My mom lived in Kentucky. And my dad worked at Kentucky, for that matter.
“Aww hölle!” I snapped, and set Bulb-is-sore down. I knocked on the door of the closest thing to a mom

“Whaddya want, Chambers?” Mr. Michaels hacked as he threw the door open.
I gazed disgustedly at him. He was overweight, had a big pimply nose, and shot spittle every word he spoke. He wore shorts and a sweatshirt that read ‘I’m Dead Sexay!’. He had only a few greasy strands of wiry black hair, as well as some chin stubble. I held my breath to avoid his horrible stench.
If he were a PokĂ©mon type, it’d be Poison

“Mr. Michaels,” I gulped, “I need you to be my mommy and heal my Bulb-is-sore.”
Mr. Michaels had that ‘mental institution’ look in his eyes as I stood there. “What’s its name, huh?” he smirked, “I’ll do it if I like its name.”

I gulped once again. Bulb-is-sore’s name?
Frog
Toad
Frog ‘n’ Toad
Bush
George

“Leaves!” I blurted out finally, “His name is Leaves!”
Mr. Michaels rolled his eyes, unimpressed.
“Leaves looks a lot like money!” I said quickly.
“Hey hey!” Mr. Michaels cackled, his fat jiggling as though it were laughing too, “Alright I’ll do it! So where is it?”

I picked up Leaves, who seemed to be regaining consciousness.
“Right here!” I shouted with a grin, thrusting Leaves up. Mr. Michaels just barely ducked a barrage of sesame seeds from the Bulb-is-sore before it fainted again.
Mr. Michaels looked at me angrily. “You want me to heal it, you little worm?” He picked Leaves up by the throat, “Ding ding ding-aling.” He spat, “And that’s all you’re gonna get from me!”
There was a snarling from Leaves.
“Hey!” I grinned, “It worked!”

Leaves took this opportunity to shoot off his last round of sesame seeds. He shot the windows, the fishtank, the bowling trophies, all while in Mr. Michaels hand.
Mr. Michaels turned very pale, and Leaves jumped from his grip. Leaves let out a small chuckle as we ran out the front door.

“Aww hölle!” I finally let out, “You killed Mr. Michaels!”
Leaves looked up at me, and shook his head.
“Aww hölle!” I continued, “You didn’t kill Mr. Michaels!”
We headed to the edge of Burake Town. It seemed like Leaves was willing to go with me, most likely to see what other trouble he could cause.
“And so, we’re off to Dezu City!” I shouted, pointing ahead. “Look out, world! Here comes Terrible Tony!”
Leaves cheered with all his heart.
“And his Bulb-is-sore!”
Leaves collapsed with a loud sigh. “Saaaaaaaur
”
“No time for apologies my friend.” I grinned, “We’ve got a PokĂ©thing journey to do!”
Mew Trainer Rose
6th November 2002, 02:03 PM
lol, what an idiot! I love trainer parodys. :)

i thought he'd get a Cyndaquil, judging by the name of the fic and what he thoughtia cyndaquil was called.
Oddish17
6th November 2002, 08:38 PM
I enjoyed quite a nice laugh from this parody fic :D
Its always fun to laugh at the stupidity of other people.
Very funny, keep up the good work.
Drago
7th November 2002, 04:22 AM
Mew Trainer Rose: Thanks for reading! Well, I'm sorry if I had disappointed you on the Cyndaquil exchange... Before starting I had planned Leaves in, and I was a bit stuck on titles, and just went with Minty Thrill. Just sounds better than Bulb-is-sore.
Kenji: Thanks! It's good to know the parody genre has paid off thus far. And as far as stupidity goes, below is the first attempt at catching a Pokémon... Tony-style.

Minty Thrill
Chapter 3
Route Something or Other

With my newfound Bulb-is-sore, Leaves, I was on the road to Dezu City, the first place to fight a Jim Leader and get a badge. There were several success stories as to this, although oftentimes I wondered how many Jims there could be


“You know Leaves,” I muttered, “You’re not gonna be walking around for long. I’m gonna get you a PokĂ©ball soon, so don’t get too comfortable.”
Leaves shot an offensive look at me, and snarled loudly.
“Alright, alright!” I gulped, “But can’t we walk a little faster? It’s starting to get a little cloudy out here, and I don’t want to get caught out in the rain
”
Leaves looked up at the sky happily. It then hit me that
well, he liked rain.
“That better not be some weird fetish
” I snapped, “The last thing I want is a PokĂ©mon that gets excited when the opponent uses Rain Dance.”

At least Leaves and I had developed an understanding
 that cheating was good. We’d use any underhanded tricks we could, from sand in the eyes to a kick in the groin. We called it, Plan B. Of course, we’d only do that when we needed to
 hopefully that’d be often.

I stepped off the beaten trail into the grass. “I better start catching some PokĂ©mon if we’re gonna beat this Jim guy
” I muttered to myself. Leaves sighed, and sat down nearby.
“Now how do you flush out the PokĂ©mon anyway
” I grumbled, “Umm
Maybe if I call
Rabbita! Poriddgey!”
No avail.

“Alrighty then
” I said quietly, “How about some
food!” I threw my hand into my pocket, but just ended up with a handful of Weedle horn.
I sighed, and buried my face in my hands.
“I don’t have anything to lure them out!”
Then I was struck with another idea. “I’ll make something look like food!”
I surveyed the territory. Grass, dirt, Leaves

Hey
this could work

********************************
“WOW!” I bellowed loudly enough for all to hear, “This sure is a delicious
uh
 green mushroom!!”
There was a furious growl from Leaves, who was now a makeshift dinner. I knew that green thing would come in handy.
“It’s too bad I’m not hungry, though!” I continued, “So I’ll just have to take a little bit, and leave the rest for some other HUNGRY POKEMON!”

I pretended to nibble at the green thing, then took a big lick at it.
“Aww hölle!!” I hacked, “My god Leaves! YOU TASTE NASTY!”
Leaves looked up at me as though he wanted to flip the bird. Nearby, though, there was a rustling. I ducked low, when out came
some weird dark blue Pokémon with a big orange thing on its head. It looked rather gloomy indeed.

I shot up quickly, and pointed at it.
“Ah-HA!” I roared, before taking a whiff of the air. “Gaaag!” I choked, “That smells terrible! Gah, boof!”
I waved Leaves forward to attack. He didn’t seem to mind the smell, actually. Either that or he was anxious to kill it. He seemed to have that ‘sesame seed stare’ of his.

“Leaves,” I ordered, before pausing.

Now, what were his attacks again? There was
 uh-oh

The opposing Pokémon shot out a strange yellow cloud of dust at a confused Leaves. He shivered lightly, and started teetering to the side.
“LEAVES!” I shouted, “Growl!”
Leaves shook off the paralysis, and snarled at the PokĂ©mon. He then looked back at me, as though to ask ‘now what?’
I stood there blankly.
“LEAVES!” I shouted, “Growl again!”
Leaves growled on command, then looked back.
“Growl some more!” I demanded.
He let off a small groan that sounded more like he had a migraine, then hung his head low.
“Keep on growling, Leaves! I have a plan!”

And so Leaves growled
and growled
and growled
 and yet the opposing Pokémon never responded.
I was about to command Leaves to growl, when I heard a sound.
“Leaves, is that you?” I asked.
Leaves shook his head, and listened up as well.

The sound was strange. Like a sort of throaty breathing. And it seemed to be coming from the Pokémon.
When I realised the situation, a huge sweatdrop appeared on my forehead.
“It appears to be
sleeping.”
Leaves fell to the ground, when suddenly I remembered.

“LEAVES!” I shouted dramatically, “Use TACKLE!”
Leaves got up quickly, and shot off at the Pokémon like a rocket. He crashed straight into it, and it rolled back dizzily.
“Good work!” I grinned, “PokĂ©ball go!”
I reached into my pocket and tossed out
a handkerchief?
It landed on the PokĂ©mon’s head in what turned out to be a very good shot, but unfortunately it didn’t seem to do much to capture it.
The Pokémon soon stood up, and threw the handkerchief aside. It looked at us angrily, and regained its stench.
“Yikes!” I bellowed, “Run for it Leaves!!”
We dashed off down the path and, although I was worried about what would happen, I secretly was pleased we were finally making good ground.

After a while we stopped, panting heavily. This wasn’t good. I didn’t have any cash on me, so I couldn’t afford any PokĂ©balls. And without PokĂ©mon, how was I going to get money? Not to mention now I didn’t even have anything to blow my nose with. All I had left was my pen, the horn and my walkman
my very lousy walkman that I would have to pay someone else to buy.
I paced back and forth. This was so very not good. So very very not good. In fact, I came to the conclusion that this was so not good it was bad.

After several minute’s pacing, and making a small crater in the ground, Leaves let out an excited “Bulb!”
I looked up to see what he was so thrilled about, and spotted a short kid walking up to us. Next to him was a brown PokĂ©mon with a bone in its hand and wearing
a very cheap football helmet. It didn’t even look round!
I was about to scoff at this, when I thought back to the classes. Thinking hard, I recalled that this was a Cubone! There was no mistake, this was the Lonely Pokémon. I had actually spent the class crying over it.
It was strange, though, that it had a small spotted red thing dangling from one of its spikes.

“Hi!” said the kid in a cheery voice, “I’m Richard. I see you’re a trainer too!”
“And what proof do you have?” I snapped.
Richard pointed at Leaves. “Well
” I muttered, “It could’ve been a mouldy frog.”
“Would you like to engage in a one-on-one battle?” Richard continued.
“Should I do it?” I whispered to Leaves. He nodded, and I gave Richard a moody smile. “I’m Anthony, and I’ve got only one thing to say.”
I quickly threw him into a headlock. “Gimme all your money or Leaves will Growl the crap outta you!”
Leaves gulped and shouted its name again and again at me.
“
Oh.” I said sheepishly, “You meant I should agree to the battle
”
Leaves nodded frantically. I let go of Richard slowly, stood there, and dropped to the ground and put Leaves in a headlock. “Next time, you tell me when we’re not going with Plan B!”

Richard and his Cubone looked at me wide-eyed.
“Uhh
” I squeaked, “Just giving him a friendly hug.”
Richard looked at me and Leaves, bent over to his Cubone and whispered something into its ear. Well, that is if it had an ear. Something I often ponder.
Cubone took a look at us as well, and nodded.
“How about we throw in an extra quirk.” Richard said deviously, “The winner gets $10, and
the loser’s PokĂ©mon!”

I gasped loudly.
“Are you crazy??” I shouted, “
Ten bucks? Man, you are so gonna be $10 poorer! Leaves and I are gonna rip that wussy little brown thing apart! We’re gonna mangle him and strangle him and put him in a wheelchair. 
Then we’ll take him!”
Leaves and I took a few steps back, and stared down the opponents.
Wow
that kid really is short


“Go Cubone!” He finally shouted.
“Go Cubone!” I repeated. Leaves looked at me puzzled. “Well, it was worth a try. Go Leaves!”
Leaves and Cubone dashed towards each other.
“Cubone, start this off with Bone Club!” Richard shouted.
“Leaves
” I responded, watching Cubone lift his club, “Duck!”
Leaves ducked as Cubone raced by.
“Boone!” he snapped, and screeched to a stop.
“Now Leaves, do that Tackle thing!” I commanded.
Leaves charged at Cubone, increasing speed, and leapt at him fiercely. He crashed with a lot of impact but it was
ineffective!

“Haha!” Richard shouted with triumph, “You can’t overcome Cubone’s defence with mere muscle! Cubone, take this opportunity to use Thrash!”
I looked at Richard angrily.
He’d look a lot less smug with my fist in his mug


Leaves, still reeling from crashing into Cubone, looked up clumsily to see Cubone dashing at him.
Cubone leapt atop him and proceeded to slap the living snot out of him with his bone. Leaves flailed about frantically trying to get Cubone off his back.
He started stumbling around like a lunatic.

I had to think fast. At this rate Cubone was going to win by just wearing Leaves out. Time to stop fighting like a trainer! Time to use what I had learned from my all-knowing mentors!
“Leaves!” I shouted, “Use Rolling Thunder!”
It was far beyond me how Leaves knew of such a technique, but nonetheless, he dived into a forward roll, throwing Cubone to the ground, then flipped down on him. Cubone bellowed in pain. I took it Leaves wasn’t light.

Leaves got up, and opened his mouth wide. He was about to do something either very drastic or very cannibalistic.
“Bulb


aaaaaaaaaaa
” he droned, as his green thing pulsed.
Suddenly, though, Cubone kicked up off the ground and stuffed his bone in Leaves’ mouth!
Leaves’ eyes watered, as Cubone proceeded to punch and kick at him. He lifted his fist, and wound up a final punch.
“Cuuuuuuuuu
” he started.
“Noooo!” I whimpered, as Leaves stood there dizzily.

All of a sudden though, Cubone stopped as soon as he had began. He looked around, befuddled.
“Alright! He’s highly confuzzled, uh
confused!” I said with glee.
Quickly, Cubone ripped the red thing off its spike and chomped it down.
“
Until he eats a Bitter Berry!” Richard laughed wickedly, “Now Cubone, put that TM to good use and Dig!”
Cubone pulled the bone from Leaves’ mouth, then span it along his fingers like some
 thing that spins.
He pointed it to the ground, and started to drill.

“Leaves!” I gulped, “Brace yourself!”
Leaves grinned sneakily, and uncovered something shiny from under the dirt. He slipped it over his claw, and raised it.
“Regal brass knuckles?” I groaned, “No Leaves, I’m not talking about Plan B! Not THAT kind of brace
”

We were interrupted when Cubone shot out from underneath Leaves, and shot him into the air, the bone whacking him repeatedly.
They both fell to the ground. Cubone on his feet, Leaves on
my feet.
“Leaves!” I gasped, ignoring the pain (He really was rather heavy
). I bent over to pick him up, and the walkman fell from my pocket. It landed on the radio switch, and out came a static tune. 
It sounded like some sort of pep rally cheer.

Cubone’s eyes widened, and he lifted the bone above his head. He span it again, and stepped towards us!
“Oh no
” I gasped, “This is it!”
Suddenly, Cubone threw his bone above his head. He stood there shifting from one foot to another, then caught it and marched back in the other direction.
“Cubone, NO!” Richard shouted, “You can’t do this to me now! Stop that marching!!”
Leaves slowly got to his feet.
“Now’s our chance!” I said in disbelief, “Give him
” I paused. Regular attacks wouldn’t work here. I needed something better

“Give him The Gore!”

Leaves stood hunched, and raced at Cubone. When Cubone turned back to us, Leaves lifted his front two legs, and slammed Cubone down to the ground with him.
“I woooooooon!” I cheered, and looked at Leaves. He was tired, but happy.

Suddenly, however, there was a bright red flash from Cubone. He opened his mouth wide, and a star-shaped flame shot out!
It engulfed Leaves, who fell to the ground, char-black. It was too hopeful to assume he was just a very good pretender. Leaves was down and out.

I stood there silently. 
I had
lost.
“Yeeeeeeeeah!” Richard screeched, jumping up and down, “I win, and now your Bulbasaur is MINE!!”
He ran onto the battlefield, ready to scoop up both Pokémon.

No
this wasn’t happening! I just wouldn’t let it.
There has to be some way of fixing this
 how about
 Hey, it might work

“WAIT!” I bellowed, and Richard stopped in his tracks.
“What?” he snapped, annoyed, “Is it about my $10?”
“I should think not!” I said fiercely, and strolled toward Richard, “Tell me son, just how old are you?”
“Uh
10.” He replied, “Why?”
“You’re awfully smart for your age
” I said, smiling, “But not smart enough! You’re underage, I’m afraid! You can’t be a legal PokĂ©mon trainer!”
I stomped right up to him, and towered over him.
“I am from the PokĂ©mon FBI! I’m Agent Tony from the
” I looked down at my shirt, “Yenrab division of underage drinking, smoking, and other naughty acts!”

Richard whimpered miserably. Either I was scaring him or I had bad BO.
“Now listen up.” I continued, “You’re a good kid
 So I won’t turn you in.”
“R-really?” he stammered quietly.
“Yeah
” I said quietly, “I won’t even take your money
I’ll just take the Cubone with me so you don’t get in any trouble, OK?”
Richard nodded frantically.
“Now get outta my sight before I changed my mind!” I snapped, and with that he ran off toward Burake Town.
Television
had saved me again. Of course, I couldn’t remember what show it was. I think it had a pineapple and someone named Frank. Frank the Pineapple? 
Probably not...

Cubone looked at me accusingly.
“Hey,” I chuckled, “Not my fault your trainer didn’t realise he was of legal age! Why, the way things are going these days, he’s probably old enough to grab a pack of Maltybros and drink some Jack Damniels.”
Cubone looked at me wide-eyed, seemingly shocked at my
pronunciation difficulties.
“Hey, let that slide and I’ll play lots of music for ya
” I gulped. Cubone nodded happily. Which was good, because I didn’t expect him to do much happily.

After a short rest, Leaves regained consciousness, and we were ready to finish the walk to Dezu City. Why, I even had a Pokéball for Cubone, as it seemed Richard had dropped it after the battle. I decided Cubone would be happier walking for now, though.
“In fact,” I said grinning, “I even have some travelling music for us!”
Cubone hopped up and down happily, and Leaves gave a tired smile.
I pressed play on the walkman and, after a few seconds, the music started


Cubone bounced up and down to the opening guitar bit of I’m Gonna Be.
He’s gonna love this!

When I wake up, well I know I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be the man who wakes up for Xatu! When I go out, yeah I know I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be the man who captures Pikachu! It was the special karaoke version I sung myself to motivate my PokĂ©mon!

Leaves and Cubone screamed, and ran at top speed toward Dezu City.
“That’s funny
” I muttered, “I guess that motivation stuff really works
”
Oddish17
7th November 2002, 05:27 AM
:D:D:D Haha, I had quite a laugh at this chapter. That Tony, what a goof. Very good work, its quite amusing to say the least. At least he got Cubone's name right. Jim leaders :D This is great.
Mew Trainer Rose
7th November 2002, 01:59 PM
lol @ Plan B. so he bluffed his way into getting another pokemon from a really gullible kid. I wonder if the guy will ever do anything right in this fic. :)
Drago
9th November 2002, 06:36 AM
Kenji: Thanks Kenji. It's good to know this isn't going to waste. And I think we should all be very thankful that Tony didn't think Cubone was Cueball! lol
Mew Trainer Rose: Well! I'm glad Plan B is appreciated, now I know what to work with. And Tony has about as much in common with right as left does... uh, did that sound right?

Minty Thrill
Chapter 4
Meet the Locals

“Well, here we are guys!” I said proudly, breathing in, “Dezu City!”
I threw my hands to the air, and almost whacked someone nearby doing so. I smiled widely.
“Isn’t this exciting?” I bubbled, and looked down at my PokĂ©mon. Cubone was leaning against his bone wearily, and Leaves let out a puff of smoke.
“Uh
I guess you’re still a bit tired, huh?” I gulped, “I suppose we should try to find one of those PokĂ©mon Centres before going to fight Jim
”

I returned Cubone to his Pokéball, as Leaves gazed around. He looked up at me angrily.
“Well I don’t know where it is!” I frowned, “Maybe one of the locals does
”

I looked around, and saw some guy on a fresh patch of dirt with a pitchfork.
I walked up to him. “Hiiiii!” I bellowed, and waved. He stared at me, speechless.
“I’m Anthony, and this is my Bulb-is-sore, Leaves.” I said, smiling, “We’re really tired and just want to get to a PokĂ©mon Centre. Could you show us the way?”

He pointed the pitchfork at my face.
“Behind us, you say?” I squeaked, barely breathing.
“You IDIOT!” he bellowed, “I’ve been here all morning fixin’ up my garden, and all I needed was to rake it down a little, and then YOU come along and WALK ALL OVER IT!!”
I looked down. There were several footprints all around.

I quickly dropped to the ground. “We can fix it! We can fix it!” I threw the dirt around, trying to balance it out. He snarled when I hit him with a big clod of dirt.
“Leaves and I are very sorry
” I whimpered, “And we would like to-”
I looked over where Leaves was, but he was
gone! I shot my head back and forth until I saw him, sneaking away and cackling.
“You coward!” I snapped.
“What did you call me?” the pitchfork wielder demanded, furrowing his brow.
“No!” I gasped, “I wasn’t, you-the
Leaves, and
”
“You’re ugly!” a voice squealed from below. I looked down, to see a young boy and girl, poking faces.
“Yeah,” the girl agreed, “And your legs are all HAIRY!”
She gave me a swift kick.
“Ow!” I snapped, and stepped back.
“Hairy and smelly!” the boy followed up, kicking the other leg.
“Hey!” I whined, and stepped back further.
“Not like THAT, kids!” the pitchfork guy muttered, and lifted his fist, “LIKE THIS!”
********************************
I woke up, finally, with dried blood on my nose, and a throbbing face. I was in a hospital, it seemed. I looked around. Cubone was standing near my bed. He wasn’t tired anymore.
“You watched over me all this time?” I whimpered.
Cubone nodded happily, and indicated a thumbs-up.
“Well that’s just so-”

A nurse walked by, listening to a walkman through a set of headphones. Cubone excitedly leapt off the table he was standing on and dashed out after her, swaying his bone about.
Seems his hearing exceeded his loyalty


I looked over to the right. There was snoring coming from the other side of a closed curtain.
I suddenly heard a loud gasp, followed by heavy breathing.
“Nooo!” a voice groaned, “Leave me alone!! Nurse! NUUUUUUURSE! It’s a ghost
Doctor come here to get me!”
My eyes widened, and I sat straight up.
“AAH!” the voice screamed, “Leave me alone!! Stop staring at me like that!! Hey! HEY! Gimme back my wallet! Hey, hey! GET BACK HERE!”

The curtain opened, and out jumped the ghost!
It was mostly invisible, besides its doctor’s coat, and where the head should be jutted a white horn.
“Save me! It’s the wallet stealing dead doctor!!” I screeched, as a claw reached out from inside, “No! It’s reaching out with its blue claw and
”
I frowned. Blue claw? I ripped off the horn, and saw that inside the coat was Leaves, staring at me innocently with the patient’s wallet in his mouth. I put the Weedle horn aside, and took the wallet.
“Looks like we’re eating tonight!” I whispered excitedly to Leaves.

A woman in a long white coat walked by.
“Excuse me, nurse?” I called, “Can I see the doctor?”
She looked over, annoyed, and pointed at a nametag on her coat.
I strained to read it over my migraine.

Doctor Simmonds

“Wow nurse, that’s nifty!” I grinned, “But can you go get me a real doctor?”
She looked down at the floor.
“It’s quite alright if you don’t know where he is,” I said understandingly, “But-”
“I AM the doctor, you half-wit!” she snapped.
“Oh
” I muttered, “So, can I go yet?”
“I suppose you’re right to go.” Dr. Simmonds replied, “I’m just about to go too
”
“With me?” I said.
“No! I’ve got other work to do than to stick around and tend to people like you!” she snapped, and snatched the wallet from Leaves’ mouth, “And it’s best you leave before you or your PokĂ©mon do any more damage
”
There was a scream down the hall. Cubone dashed into the room, headphones on his head and the nurse’s walkman dragging behind him. He dived under the bed, leaving me to grin innocently at Dr. Simmonds and the nurse.

Luckily the nurse was a lot more understanding than Dr. Simmonds and, after she had left for wherever, the nurse let Cubone keep the walkman. She also gave directions to the gym. Fortunately, I put two and two together and didn’t ask why Jim got replaced.
Outside the hospital, I looked around Dezu City. It wasn’t too big; most buildings were the size of a double-story house, though there was one large structure that stuck out like a sore thumb.
Cubone was in his own little music world, wielding his bone like a drumstick, as Leaves moped about, still miffed about the wallet.

“I suppose we can skip the PokĂ©mon Centre and head right for the gym, huh?” I asked nobody in particular.
I started in the direction of the gym. It was unfortunate I didn’t know what types the leader focussed on, or who, for that matter the leader was. I dared not to ask anyone, though. I had already gotten the impression that Dezu City was ‘the home of the punch in the nose’.
Past a few more brick houses, I could see the gym ahead. It looked like a big house, really. It was brick, with a tin roof and a small chimney up top.
Actually
it looked rather cheap.
“Cubone,” I muttered, “With your digging and fire breathing skills, I guess I should send you out first. It should come in handy, ’k?”
I waited for a moment, “OK?”
I looked down at Cubone. He was moonwalking, and throwing his arms around with a weird flare. I sighed, and returned him to his Pokéball, picking up the walkman as it dropped to the ground. No use trying to reason with a Michael Jackson impersonating Cubone.

Leaves and I walked up the small flight of cement steps, and I knocked on the hard wooden door. It echoed with an eerie thud.
“Bulb
” Leaves gulped, and backed up slightly.
“Don’t worry
” I reasoned, “It’s probably just the wood they use. Pine, perhaps
”
I looked closer at the door, “Actually, it’s a bit dark to be pine
unless of course they varnished it too much
”
I leant over and took a whiff of the wood.
“The hell are you doing?” a static voice blared. I looked up to see a security camera and a speaker.
“I’m sniffing your door!!” I snapped, “Is that a crime?”

There was an annoyed sigh, and the door clicked. I twisted the handle, and pushed it open. I cautiously looked around. It was a large gray room, somewhat dark due to its only having two windows.
A receptionist typed busily away at a computer.
“Do you have an appointment?” she said without even looking away.
“No,” I replied casually, “But I came here with some PokĂ©mon and to my understanding the basic idea is to beat the opposing PokĂ©mon up and win a badge so that I can join the PokĂ©mon League and impress my 300-pound landlord.”
“Oh
no!” the receptionist groaned.
I frowned, “Well he may be 280, but I can’t be sure.”

The receptionist turned away from the computer. It was Dr. Simmonds!
“Hey, you’re Dr. Simmonds!” I gasped.
“I know that!” she spat, “You can’t be serious, though, about fighting Gordon!”
“I can be serious about a lot of things.” I replied, “But if I go and beat up this Gordon guy, will you give me a shot at the gym leader?”
Dr. Simmonds let out an annoyed screech, “Gordon IS the gym leader! And I doubt very much you’ll survive his challenge
”
“Oh?” I gulped, “Tell me more
”
“Well,” Dr. Simmonds started, folding her legs and leaning back in her chair, “Gordon is in his mid-twenties, he’s tall, he has blonde hair, and is real cute. He’s got a great tan and a nice butt, too
”
“About the challenge!” I bellowed, covering Leaves’ ears, “You’re disillusioning the children!”
“Fine
” Dr. Simmonds sighed in a snooty tone, “Gordon has no set PokĂ©mon element, and is widely acclaimed to be the biggest test any trainer will ever face! He used to use a Scizor, Nidoking and Heracross, but he gave them all to the mayor when he said they were too weak! The mayor was happy, as he keeps all sorts of PokĂ©mon. The last I saw of Gordon he was training a Larvitar, yes, a Larvitar! I can just see the glory his Tyranitar will bestow upon this gym!!”

I stood there blankly. Who, or what, was a Tyranitar? It sounded bad. Maybe it was just that everything Dr. Simmonds says sounds bad, but this particularly worried me.
“So when can I fight him?” I said shakily.
Dr. Simmonds swung back to her computer, “The earliest I can fit you in is
 5 tomorrow.”
“5 tomorrow?” I groaned, “Can’t you do anything?”
“No, I’m afraid that’s the earliest Gordon is allowing battles after his Tyranitar training. That’s all I can do.”
“Aw come on!!” I whined, “How could someone as inconsiderate as you become a doctor?!”
Dr. Simmonds swung right around, and shot an icy glare.

“Uhh
” I stuttered, “So what time did you say that was?”
“6 AM.” She hissed, “In two days. And between now and then I suggest you train, prepare your will and GET THE HELL OUT!!”
I shrivelled up as I backed away from Dr. Simmonds.
Leaves flashed the brass knux, and looked at me for approval, but I shook my head.

We walked out, and already I felt defeated.
I hadn’t been planning on staying in Dezu City for as long as I already had, and now I had to wait another two days? I had a refreshed hate for all things doctor.
I’d take their advice, of course, but don’t expect me to take any more of their prescriptions!
“Leaves
” I sighed, “I guess we should start trucking, ag, training, but first, I think I should catch some really strong PokĂ©mon for this Gordon guy. I mean, the last thing I want is to get creamed by the biggest train on Thomas the Tank Engine
”
Leaves looked up at me with a stare I had gotten all too used to by now.
“But how are we going to get the ‘mon and train in only two days?” I muttered.
I looked down at Leaves, and he looked up at me. A grin spread across his face.
I gazed up to the sky. It was getting dark, and lights flicked on in some buildings. I strained to see the large building in the distance.
“Leaves
” I cackled, “Let’s go visit the mayor
”
********************************
“Pen?”
“Saur.”
“Horn?”
“Saur.”
“You ready?”
“Saur.”
I frowned, “Leaves, were you answering yes?”
“Saur.”
“Was that a yes or a no?”
“Bulb.”
“Oh forget it!”
I shuddered as Leaves and I huddled near the large building. This wasn’t going to be easy, and if we were caught, I’d be put in jail, Leaves could go to some frog dissectors and Cubone would
probably acquire a British accent and join a boy band.
I shuffled around to the front door, and stopped dead in my tracks.
“Leaves!” I groaned, “We don’t have masks!”

We stood there for a moment. I eventually just took off a sock, poked out eyeholes with the pen and put it over my head. I offered one to Leaves, but he refused. I assumed it had something to do with the fact that I could only see through with one eye and, should I need to, my mouth.
I looked through the glass door. There was a big room with a fountain in the center. No security guards or receptionist though.
I nodded to Leaves, and opened the door slightly.

We crept quietly, looking about, until I made it to the front desk.
DING!
Leaves looked at me wide-eyed as I pressed the service bell.
“Sorry!” I gulped, “Force of habit!”
We bolted across the room and made a mad dive into the fountain.

I strained to hear (quite a feat underwater) heavy footsteps across the carpeted floor.
“Damn kids
” a voice muttered, before returning to wherever they came. Which probably wasn’t important enough to think about.
I shot out of the water, gasping for air, and plopped onto the floor. I was tired, but relieved. Not only did we avoid getting caught, but also I picked up twenty-five cents in change!
Leaves crawled out after me, and nudged his head towards the elevator. I nodded, reached into my pocket, and pulled out the pen.
I threw it ahead toward the elevator to see if there was laser alarm equipment. The pen landed safely. I looked around, and crawled along the floor towards the elevators. Leaves followed suit, and I stabbed furiously at the button.

We looked around, panic-stricken, before the elevator finally reached the floor. We raced in, and looked at the panel.
Eight floors.
“Best we start with #1
” I decided. Leaves nodded, as the elevator doors closed. We stood there for a moment, before they opened again. I peeked out. 
It was the same floor.
“I guess this is #1
” I chuckled sheepishly. Leaves sighed as I pressed #2.

The door opened to a long hall with several doors on both sides.
“I
don’t believe it!” I said with glee, “1A, 1B, 1C, 1D
 Each PokĂ©mon has their own room! And with eight floors
times that by the number of rooms on each floor
 Do you know how many PokĂ©mon we have?”
Leaves shook his head.
“
A lot!!” I said excitedly.
“But we don’t have much time
” I sighed, “We better just grab a few then split. 
But which ones?”
Leaves looked at the long hall of doors, and shrugged.
I stepped back into the elevator.
“Maybe we should go to the basement.” I said, “That’s where the highest security would be.”
I pressed BF, and Leaves and I readied ourselves.

When the door finally opened, we found ourselves in a very small room with a door right across from us.
I walked up to it, and fiddled with the handle.
“
It’s locked!” I groaned.
I was about to chuck a fit, until I recalled I had the horn. I pulled it out of my pocket, and stuck it in the lock. I fiddled around for what seemed like, and very well may have been, an hour, until it popped open.
“It worked!” I gasped, “It really worked!”
I proudly pulled the horn from the lock, and
the lock snapped shut again.
“Uh
” I muttered, “Whoops.”

After another lock-picking session, I opened the door to a dark room. There weren’t any sources of light, aside from the one in the previous room.
“Let’s just find the PokĂ©mon and get out of here
” I said nervously to Leaves.
We shuffled into the room, and I felt around.
Some packaging
some magazines
some
thing.
“Found anything Leaves?” I whispered.
“Saur.”
I groaned, annoyed.
I continued to go through the items, until I fell upon something round. I picked it up, and found that there were more.
“I’ve found them!” I gasped, “Grab as many as you can and let’s split!”
********************************
Tomorrow afternoon. Leaves, Cubone and I sat around the PokĂ©mon Centre, who had let us in that morning despite the fact that I was wearing a sock on my head. Leaves and I were fuming, whereas Cubone knew nothing about last night’s events, and just sat on a beanbag, listening to the walkman.
I turned on the TV. No use avoiding it anymore. Leaves and I watched the report that had been going around each and every news channel for the last few hours.

‘-and although the robbers had left no clues as to who they were, they did leave a large puddle near the fountain.
Police are still sceptical about making accusations, as they are still not sure whether sneaking around a hotel, breaking into the storage room, and stealing a few dollar’s worth of soap balls is a chargeable offence. There-’

I muted the TV angrily. What a waste. That wasn’t the mayor’s office, those weren’t PokĂ©balls and I now added hotels to my ‘things I hate’ list.
“Well guys
” I sighed, “A dozen multicoloured balls of Palmolive isn’t gonna beat Gordon unless we’re really good pitchers or he hates bathing with a vengeance. 
Guess it’s just going to be the two of you tomorrow, we should start training
”
Mew Trainer Rose
9th November 2002, 08:49 AM
lol! soap balls! Then it's a good thing he didn't try any of the rooms. :P
Sooty
9th November 2002, 12:48 PM
Wow I absolutely love this fic! Your style is terrific ^^
Drago
11th November 2002, 05:41 AM
Mew Trainer Rose: Hey yeah, I never actually thought of that...
Sooty: Crikey, thanks! I didn't know I really had a style... ^^;

Minty Thrill
Chapter 5
The
Other
Gym

“Come on, Cubone!” I roared, as he charged at Tyranitar, his bone raised. He lifted it skilfully, and dodged Tyranitar’s clumsy swipes. He leapt up high, then
 turned into a carrot!
“No, Cubone!” I whined, and attempted to return him, only to find that my fist was made of stone!
“Sorry, old chap
” Tyranitar scoffed, smoking a pipe, “Better luck next time
”

“GYAA!” I gasped, shooting straight up. I looked around. I was on the couch in the PokĂ©mon Centre
A dream

I gazed around, and spotted the clock. 3:48??
“Leaves, Cubone, wake up!” I gasped, “We fell asleep!”
I shook both PokĂ©mon, and dashed outside. They were both still tired, and wouldn’t be too good in training.
“Fine
” I snapped, returning Cubone to his PokĂ©ball, “I’ll wait.”
I took another step, and cringed. “These shorts are giving me a wedgie
” I frowned. Leaves looked at me wide-eyed.
“I doubt these would fit you either
” I sighed, “I guess I better buy some new clothes
”
“Bulb
saaur
” Leaves mumbled, and I checked my pockets,
“You’re right, I don’t have any money!!” I whined, “But we should look around, see if there’s any Barney fans willing to trade garments
”

Leaves and I walked through Dezu City. I don’t know why it was called a city, as it was mainly just houses for farmers and people who worked in other places nearby.
“Pardon me, boy
” I muttered to a kid walking past, having to resist asking if this was the Chattanooga choo-choo, “What’s around here to do?”
“Uhh
” he replied dully, “There’s the gym
”
“Yeah, I know,” I replied, rolling my eyes, “I have a match there tomorrow.”
“Not that gym
” he mumbled, “The
other
gym.”
I widened my eyes. This other gym sounded quite illegal.
“It’s where people here train for Gordon.” He finished, and continued on his way, pointing toward a long building. I shrugged, and walked toward it.
I pushed the door, and it
fell down.
Leaves and I stood there in front of a group of people. They didn’t look at all pleased.
“Oh no!” I gulped, shutting my eyes, “I’ve killed the door!”
“You idiot!” one of them snapped, “I simply cannot believe

That you’d wear those clothes!”
I opened my eyes slowly, and looked down. I had forgotten to ponder just how other people felt about my getup.
“Well, uh
” I said sheepishly, “This is all I’ve got.”
He backed up, shocked, “Wha
? I can’t let that be!” he folded his arms.
“No, no, no!” the others behind him chimed.
He grinned widely, “You should wear something that just screams
”
“Wow,” I interrupted, “A screaming shirt! That’d be nifty.”
He frowned, “Screams good taste
”
********************************
I stepped out of the change room in my new clothes. A long shiny orange coat that stretched down to my feet, a tight green shirt, a silver belt, shiny black flair pants and pointy white shoes. I felt like I was Rico or something
 I swiped my hand across my head, and breathed a sigh of relief to find that there were no sideburns. I looked around nervously, and licked my coat. I spat in disgust.
So much for good taste

I walked into the training room. The others seemed impressed.
“Now THAT’S style!” the leader grinned, indicating thumbs-up.
“Yes, yes, yes!” the others agreed.
“Now that you’ve met me, dressed me and complimented me
” I said nervously, “I’m Anthony
”
The leader extended his hand.
“Jim.” He replied.
“Oh
my
god
” I gasped, “You’re Jim? 
Of the gym??”
Jim shook his head, “Not really. The
other
gym.”
“So what do you do here?” I asked.
“We train those soon to fight Gordon!” he replied, “Although our humble PokĂ©mon services are nothing compared to what Gordon is capable of
”
He shot a fist to the air. “We merely SMASH! And CRASH! And SHATTER! And BREAK EVERY BONE IN THE OPPONENT’S BODY!!”
“Super!” I replied, “Wanna battle?”
Jim and his cohorts fell to the ground.

Gathering themselves up, Jim and I stood on opposite ends of the gym.
“Here we go!” Jim shouted, lifting a PokĂ©ball to the air.
“Go, go, go!” the others echoed.
Jim shuddered. “Guys
” he whispered, “Could you, like, uh
get lost?”
They happily obeyed, dashing into another room. “Lost, lost, lost!”

Jim tossed down the Pokéball, and out came a
thing! 
With
legs

“What the hell is that?” I groaned.
“Check your pocket.” Jim said slyly.
I shot my hand into the coat pocket with such obedience I deserved a milk bone, and my hands fell upon a

“PokĂ©dex!” I gasped, and pulled out the scratched-up, black object.
“Well, it’s
a little old.” Jim said sheepishly.
I shrugged that off, and pointed the Pokédex at the opponent.
“WHAT IS THAT?!!” I shouted proudly.

Hello
customer # 04195
I am
a Pokédex
 Oak Laboratories thanks you
for purchasing
this fine product
we hope you will be
pleased with-

I stabbed at a few buttons frantically.

Hitmonlee
the kicking Pokémon
 Using its feet as its focal point of fighting
it can kick so
rapidly that its attacks are but a
blur.

“Alright!” I muttered, “Hitmonkey!” I gazed back at the PokĂ©dex’s screen.
“Hitmonlee then. I think I’ll use Cubone! That alright with you, Leaves?”
I looked around for Leaves, who was busy outside
shooting sesame seeds at windows around the town. I frowned.
Now where did he get more from


I threw Cubone’s PokĂ©ball to the ground. He shot out, stretched, and dashed over to me. He reached into my pocket, and snatched out the walkman. He switched on the radio, and a deep-voiced tenor boomed out from the small machine. He pranced slowly towards Hitmonlee.

“Cubone,” I started, “Use your-”
I stopped when Cubone ran into battle himself, giving Hitmonlee a few swipes with his bone.

Bone Rush. The Pokédex assisted.
“Hitmonlee,” Jim shouted, “Do your Jump Kick!”
Hitmonlee backed away, then leapt at Cubone, foot outstretched.
Cubone stared through Hitmonlee, then when he had almost hit him, Cubone spun aside.

Detect.

Hitmonlee crashed into a wall, and got up slowly. He stood about dizzily, and turned back to Cubone. Cubone hung his head low as though he was about to start up the Riverdance, then rolled forward to the tenor’s voice, headbutting Hitmonlee at a fierce speed.

Skull Bash.

“Hitmonlee!” Jim gasped, “Use Substitute and get outta there!!”
Hitmonlee
turned into a doll!! I stood there, confused.
Cubone merely hopped across to the doll, when an instrumental started up. Cubone set down his bone, and started wiggling his fingers happily. His claws glowed an eerie blue.

Metronome.

He closed his eyes, and a pulsing wave shot out towards Hitmonlee’s decoy. It seemed as though the air jumped in a slight bluish flash.

Psychic.

Hitmonlee’s Substitute broke, and he fell to his knees, tired.
Cubone span quickly, then charged at Hitmonlee. He lifted the great brown git above his head, and span faster.

Seismic Toss.

All of a sudden, though, the station cut to an ad! Cubone dropped Hitmonlee, confused.
“Hitmonlee,” Jim shouted, “Now’s yer chance, use your secret technique!”
Hitmonlee rose his fist swiftly and punched a music-less Cubone with great speed.

Mach Punch.

Cubone flew backwards, and rolled about a few times before hitting the wall. He was down.
I ran over to him, and lifted his head slightly.

“He’s fine
” Jim said quietly, “A quick rest and he’ll be back on his feet.”
Jim stepped through a doorway.
“Of course, if you couldn’t beat me
” he sighed, “Gordon will whoop you!!”

I snarled angrily. First he gets me this crazy suit, then he knocks out my Cubone, then he insults me! I returned Cubone to his ball, dejected.
Just then Leaves walked in, grinning happily.

I smiled
a wide smile.

“Leaves
” I whispered, “It’s time to go
so why don’t you leave the nice people with your name?”
He nodded, and fired off a sesame seed ‘Leaves’. I chuckled and dashed outside towards the PokĂ©mon Centre.

Even if we lose tomorrow
 I thought proudly, I can always shoot him full of holes with my Bulb-is-sore

burakkichu
12th November 2002, 03:32 PM
LOL!! great parody fic! ^__^; hey, any clothes are better than a barney t-shirt and hello kitty runners, lol.
Sooty
13th November 2002, 04:40 AM
omg cubone won!!!
The pokedex is so cute ^^ I wanna hug the pokedex
pictish_freak
14th November 2002, 01:09 PM
WOW this is one amazing fic, you've got a really really funny humour, well i can think of too say is...keep up the good work, your story's a real minty thrill!
Drago
20th November 2002, 01:23 AM
burakkichu: Aww, I liked those shoes! ^^;
Sooty: Uhh, actually, Cubone lost. Sorry if I put it the wrong way. My wording sucks!
pictish_freak Crikey, thanks! Sorry if this chapter is a bit of a let-down, but I was in such a hurry, and thought better now than ever, huh?

Minty Thrill
Chapter 6
Gordon VS. Rico!

I brushed a snowflake off my coat, and stepped up to the door. It was a cold snowy morning, and we were at the gym’s door, ready for our match.
Cubone stood on one side of me, Leaves on the other. I nodded, and pushed the door. It…wouldn’t open!
“Noo!!” I whined, “I’m not gonna get in and I’m gonna die waiting out here and it’ll say cause of death: beaten by a door!”

I slammed my fist against the door angrily.
“And I don’t even know whether or not its pine!!”
I looked down at Leaves. “Help me!” I gulped, “Open the door!!”
He looked at me blankly, hopped against the door and turned the handle.
…Success! It opened!!

We stepped into the main room, and peered around. Dr. Simmonds was sitting in her chair, sleeping. I guess it was a tad early, what being 6 AM! I hadn’t woken up this early since Christmas morning last year. …Of course, that was because the room was flooded, but that’s beyond the point.
I took a step forward, and heard a booming voice from the other side of a big black door.
“Welcome, Anthony…” it cackled, “Come on in to face my wrath… IF YOU CAN! Muahahaha!! Muahahahahaa!”
There was a moment’s pause.
“Aw what the hey, muahaha!!”

I ran anxiously up to the door. If not to battle then to see what was so damn funny.
“Hey…” I frowned, “There’s no handle…”
“Yes!” the voice shouted, “The only way you can get through is with ‘the victory tune’!”

That’s not fair! There had to be some way of getting this door open!!
“Cubone!” I shouted, “Use your bone…hitty…thing.”
Cubone cleared his throat, and paced around nervously.
“Fine fine…” I sighed, and reached into my coat pocket. “I’ll use the ‘dex…”
I flipped open the black cover, but to my surprise all I saw was a screen with cards on it!
“Oh no!” I groaned, “I got an Ace-Deuce game by mistake!!”
I stabbed angrily at the buttons, hoping it would perhaps know Cubone’s attacks.

A card flipped, and ended up on 3-4-9.
All of a sudden, electronic beeping sounds filled the air. I watched on as the money level on the game increased. Seems I had been pressing ‘raise’ repeatedly. The money landed on the thousands, and ‘I’m in the Money’ beeped out.
I grinned, as Cubone attempted to get a dance out of the quick tune.

“Oh maannnn…..” the voice moaned, “That’s the tune…”
I looked up, confused, as the door creaked open.
On the other side was a big room with several markings on the floor. It was the gym room! In the centre stood a grinning fellow in his twenties. He was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a pair of shorts, and obviously had no clue it was snowing outside… He tilted his head over to the corner.
“Yaaaaaag!” I gasped. There was a giant green dinosaur in the corner! It stretched up to the roof, and stood there, a piercing glare aimed down at the doorway.
Funny… In my dreams Tyranitar was orange and had a goatee…
“I’m Gordon!” Gordon said smirking.
“Really?!” I gasped, “…You’re huge!!”
“Over here, you dolt!!” The human shouted, a much less intimidating figure, I would’ve preferred to battle him, “That over there is my Tyranitar! It’ll eat your pitiful Pokémon for breakfast! You should leave before you get hurt, do you REALLY want to battle me?”
“Well of course!” I scoffed, resulting in a shocked look on Gordon’s face, “It sounds like loads of fun!!”
“But, but, uh…” Gordon stammered.
“Go Cubone,” I shouted, “And show that thing what you’re made of!!”

Cubone reluctantly charged across the gym towards the great beast. He lifted his bone, leapt, and smacked it with all his force!
Such force, that it left a gaping hole in the Tyranitar!
“What the?” I gasped, “Tyranitar is the Cardboard Pokémon??”

Gordon whimpered. “Alright, I’ll level with you!” he sobbed, “I don’t really have a Tyranitar! I was training a Larvitar and things were going great, until…”
“Until what?” I asked quietly, confused beyond belief.
“…Until it ran away.” Gordon said quickly.
I shot him a look of disbelief.
“…It…died of…food poisoning.” He said next.
I stamped my foot.
“Alright I SAT ON IT!” Gordon bellowed. “But I don’t have any more Pokémon, so you aren’t getting any badge!”

I was about to argue in a furious rage, until I heard clacking shoes on the other side of the door.
“Gordon?” Dr. Simmonds’ voice came through, “What’s all that yelling? Are you about to battle? Ohhh, I’m so excited!! Kill ‘im Gordon, kill ‘im!”
Always nice to have support…

“Oh no…” Gordon groaned, turning pale, “I don’t want Mimi to know I don’t have a Tyranitar…”
He looked around frantically.
“Look kid,” he said quietly enough so that only I could hear, “If you make it sound like we’re having the battle of the century, I’ll give you the Mightbuckle!” He pulled out a star-shaped belt buckle.
“…Wha?” I gasped, “What about the badge?”
“We don’t do that anymore!” Gordon snapped, “Now we give out belt buckles.”
My eyes narrowed.
“Hey, they’re still official, just as good!” he hissed, “So are you gonna help me or not?”

I looked down at Leaves, then at Cubone. Both nodded approvingly. I looked up, and also nodded.
“ALRIGHT GORDON,” I bellowed in such a campy voice you’d swear I was an extra in a cheap horror flick, “I ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGE AND WILL FIGHT YOU NOW SO THAT I CAN WIN AND NOT LOSE THIS BATTLE WHICH I WANT TO WIN TO GAIN A SHINY BELT BUCKLE TO SHOW OFF TO MY LANDLORD!!” I panted for breath, “Go Cubone!!”

Cubone dashed forward toward the centre of the ring. “Now, use your Bone Hit Thing!”
Sick of trying to figure out what I was on about, Cubone swung his bone about like a madman, sometimes hitting the floor for extra effect.
“Nice block Tyranitar,” Gordon yelled, “Now use your Bite!”
We all stood there blankly. “WELL?” Gordon snapped.
“Uhh…” I muttered, “MUNCH! Chew, chew…gobble gobble gobble!”
Gordon shook his head.
“Yum!” I resumed my normal voice, “Oh no Cubone! Your arm is…gone! Now I can never win the award for Best Cubone With Two Arms… Get your vengeance! Use your shouting attack where you yell at them!!”
Cubone opened his mouth, and shrieked at high-pitch.
“AG!” I gulped, covering my ears.
“Tyranitar,” Gordon bellowed over the pain, “Make it stop!!!”
I dashed up to the centre of the gym, and whacked Cubone against the skull, “That was good!” I shouted, “A little too good!”
“Use Dragonbreath!” Gordon wailed.
“What breath?” I gulped, to which Gordon shrugged.
“Bleeeeeeeeaaaaahh!” I hacked like a madman, “Bleaah bleaah bleaaaaaaaah!!”
No wonder it takes Pokémon so long to learn attacks. They’re hard to pull off!!
“Now Cubone,” I continued, “Use Bone Crush!!”
Cubone gulped, having no idea what to do, eventually sliding his bone against the floor like a rolling pin.
“Oh the agony!” Gordon wailed, “We’re losing!! …Use your Hyper Beam!”
I took a deep breath. “BLEAHAHAUHUAHAUAH! BLEAUHAUHA! BLEUHEUAHA!!” I screeched with all I could. If I really were a Pokémon, that would’ve been one hell of a Hyper Beam.

“Umm…” I gulped, trying to figure out how Cubone would’ve been able to survive that, “Wow! It…missed.”
Gordon frowned.
“Now Cubone,” I shouted, “Use a bony spinning attack!”
Cubone nodded, raised his bone, and ran in circles. He picked up speed, until he almost seemed to be a brown tornado.
I was about to express how impressed I was, until the bone slipped from his hands, and whacked me in the face.
“OHHHH!” I wailed, throwing my hands up to my nose, which started bleeding again. “OH MY GOD! OHHH! AGGH!!! OH MY….OHH…I………I…uh, WON!”

Gordon looked at me wide-eyed. “Can’t you make it any longer?” he said quietly.
“Sorry,” I said, “But I’ve gotta get out of this city before I end up being more blood than man!”
Gordon sighed, and handed me the Mightbuckle. “We’ll have a rematch soon…” he hissed, and pushed open the door.
Dr. Simmonds backed up slightly. She seemed shocked about the amount of blood. Of course, she never stopped to think about why it was Leaves and Cubone looked fine.
I slithered out for them to sort out those problems on their own, and sat down on the front step. Cubone and Leaves sat down next to me, more than ready to leave Dezu.
“What a lame match!” I sighed, then perked “But what a great prize!”
I proudly threw up the Mightbuckle, which was…covered in blood!
“Aww hölle!” I groaned. Dezu City. City…of much blood…
pokemasterfrank
20th November 2002, 02:00 AM
Rushed...yet still very funny. This parody is great! You capture the stupidity of the trainer well. Very nice. Those sound effects were great! (Hyper Beam and Dragonbreath...lol...). Very nice.
pictish_freak
20th November 2002, 10:30 AM
you have GOT to be kidding, that wasnt rushed was it? it was funny as every (that door thing and hyper beam remarks took me too long a time to be healthy time to recover from the laughter) keep it up! i love it ^_^ still the best fan fic ive read by the best fan fictor :D

~this fan fics #1 fan~
Mew Trainer Rose
20th November 2002, 02:29 PM
*falls over laughing*

*fnally able to get up again* wow. the idiot sat on his Larvitar? he's just as stupid as Anthony!
Drago
27th November 2002, 11:02 PM
pokemasterfrank: Thanks for being honest. Good to know it wasn't disappointing though.
pictish_freak: Whoa, I've got, liek, fans... Thanks!!
Mew Trainer Rose: Of course, only now do I realise that sitting on a Larvitar would've been quite painful!
Time, now, for Chapter 7!

Minty Thrill
Chapter 7
CHUse Your Anime Expression

I opened my eyes wearily. It was midday now, but I made extra sure that I came back to the Pokémon Centre to go back to sleep for a while. It was the hobo thing to do. I got up and stretched. I gazed down, and was surprised to see Leaves and Cubone at my feet staring blankly at me.
“You watched me sleep for six hours?” I said with a yawn, “Golly, you two are weird…”

I stepped outside, as I so often seemed to do, and took a good look around the snowy surroundings. Cubone was more than willing to go into his Pokéball. Finally we could leave Dezu City. Of course, first off I would have to go for a few free bonuses from the Pokémart. I’ve seen the ads. People join the Pokémon League, get a few badges (or belt buckles in this case), impress their friends, and get all the women. Or maybe that was from eating the Pokémon Crunch cereal. Most likely it was the latter, but there’s no harm in trying.

I burst through the doors of the Pokémart, and shuddered slightly. Leaves trudged in behind me.
“Some weather we’re having, huh?” I chuckled, to which there was a frustrated screech from the other side of the counter.
“No! No! No! No! No!” the person behind the counter cried, and whirled around.
“Dr. Simmonds?” I groaned, “What are you doing behind the counter?” I stepped up slightly. “THIEVING, perhaps?” I asked, raising a suspicious eyebrow.
“No you clod!” Simmonds snarled, “I own this store!”
“Wow Dr. S, how many jobs do you have?” I said in disbelief.
“More than you do!” she growled, “Now whaddya want?”
“Uhh, I, well, umm…” I muttered. I didn’t exactly know how to ask for all this bounty. “I sorta wanted some trainer stuff for free… Unless I need, like, tokens, or stuff, but I think we can work around that, I’ve got something veeeeery interesting that I’d like for you to see…”
Maybe I could give her some tokens I had gotten from my macaroni and cheese boxes…
They expired well over a decade ago, but maybe I’d at very least get the prize of two Transformers and a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
I threw my hand in my pocket, and shifted things around. A ball of lint drifted lazily onto Leaves’ foot, and he snapped at it hungrily.
“No…” I muttered, and felt around. I pulled out the Weedle horn. The tokens were stuck onto it.
“Look at THIS!” I roared proudly, and stuck the horn in Simmonds’ face.
She backed up in fear.
Oh no! Don’t I have enough tokens?

She slid four Pokéballs and two Potion-containing beakers onto the counter.
“T-t-take ‘em!” she squeaked, shaking.
“Wow!” I said, amazed. I suppose my sheer skill at token collecting had intimidated her, “This should be enough…but if it isn’t you’ll see THIS again!” I snarled, thrusting the horn back into her face. I shifted it a few times so she could take a good look at each token. I nodded triumphantly, and marched back outside, Leaves behind me, coughing up lint.

Unbeknownst to me but soon to be knownst to you…
Dr. Simmonds threw her hands to her face, shaking madly.
“That stupid thing was all just an act…” she whimpered, “He really was crazy!” She gasped loudly, “He must’ve been a part of the hotel robbery! …So those soap balls were more important than we thought!”
She reached down and snatched up a phone.
“Hello, police?” she said slowly, trying to hold back her tears, “I’d like to report a maniac on the loose. His name is Anthony “Tony” Chambers. He’s fourteen, wears a long coat, and has a Bulbasaur. Be very careful…

He’s armed and dangerous!!”
********************************
“LA LA LA!” I bellowed loudly, rewarded with a horrified look from Leaves.
“Fine then…” I sighed, “You Bulb-is-sores sure are picky about music…”

I looked around the snowy surroundings, and then looked down at Leaves. He didn’t look cold…but he sure looked hungry!
“You know what,” I chuckled, “I’ve never fed you before!”
Leaves looked up at me spitefully. He didn’t seem to find the comic value in that.
I felt around my pockets. No subs on me. That meant no sesame seeds for Leaves.
I reached into the back pocket, and pulled out the two Potions.
“…Well,” I deduced, placing my hand against my chin, “You guys do seem to like these things…after all, it recovers poison and all…”
Leaves shook his head and sighed.
“So… Bottoms up!” I cried, and threw the bottle up to my mouth. Leaves looked at me with disbelief. I smiled a wide smile, purple goo oozing down my mouth. I nodded with approval, then looked at the road ahead.
A PIKACHU!!
This is it! We’re set for life! I saw what that Ash guy did, this is the best Pokémon in the world! I mean, it could even Thunderbolt a Geomood! If there were a Meouch around, Pikachu would fry it! This is it! The moment I’ve been waiting for! I have to yell it to the world!!
I opened my mouth widely.
“PIKACHU!!” I gargled, launching a purple waterfall of Potion out of my mouth and soaking the small mouse.
“Pikaaa…” it whined, “Chaaaa!” It squealed, and its cheeks crackled with electricity.
“Oh no!” I gasped, “It’s gonna attack! What am I gonna do? Cubone wouldn’t stand a chance against a Pikachu!!”
A bright light flashed from Pikachu’s cheeks, and a bolt of lightning shot up into the sky.
It changed direction, and was headed right for us!
This is the time that Team Rocket would say some stupid rhyme about how they’re doomed, or scream like someone had dropped a piano on their toes. …I’m gonna do what they shoulda done all that time!

“Sorry Leaves, I hate to do this,” I whimpered, “But…”
I snatched him up, and put him in the path of the thunderbolt. I shut my eyes tight as Leaves bellowed loudly. It’s a good thing I didn’t know what he was saying. It most likely would’ve hurt my virgin ears.
After the bolt had fully hit Leaves, I gulped, and took a look. He was charred and blackened, sort of like when he had been hit with Fire Fast.
“How you feelin’, Leaves?” I gulped.
“Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaurr…” was the response.
“Really?” I gasped, “Where are you sore? Don’t worry buddy, I’m here for ya!”
“Pika!” Pikachu shouted. I dropped Leaves to the ground.
“Whoops, sorry.” I said with a slight laugh, as Pikachu shot off a second Thunderbolt.

There wasn’t any avoiding it. I just had to take it the right way. …With a poem!
“Nowhere to run from the thunderbolt.
I’ll just have to take it.
I’m no dummy, I’m no dolt.
I’ll just bellow-”

I was interrupted when the blast finally crashed down on me.
My entire body felt alive with the rush. The pain came down everywhere in an instant. My vision blurred, and I couldn’t help but spasm. The thunderbolt seemed to become a part of me, until the shock finally ended.
“OH MY GOD!” I wailed, saliva coming from my mouth uncontrollably, “THE PAIN! I’VE NEVER FELT SO MUCH PAIN! THE UNENDING HORROR, THE-”

I stopped abruptly when I realised I was doing it all wrong.
I sucked up the spit, and teetered to the ground, anime-style. I instantly turned charred.

“Wow!” I cried, “That’s amazing!”
I shot back up, “I didn’t know I could do that! I know, I know… someone said something really obvious…”
I fell down instantly, anime-style.
“Woow!” I bubbled, “Ooh, I gotta try this one; I just realised my efforts are futile!”
A large sweatdrop appeared on my forehead, anime-style.
I leapt up and down with glee, “It didn’t work the way I wanted it to!”
My mouth contorted into a beak shape and I breathed out a small mushroom cloud, anime-style. It even came with a sound effect!

Pikachu looked at me wide-eyed.
“What?” I whined, “I’ve never done this before! It’s sooo much fun!!”
Pikachu furrowed its brow, and screeched loudly. I covered my ears, as Leaves cringed.
Pikachu smiled malevolently, as a second Pikachu popped up from under the snow. …And a Richu. …And a Pichu. …And a Pikachu. …And a Richu. …And a Pikachu. …And another Richu.
They looked at Leaves and I sinisterly, their cheeks crackling with energy.
“Aww hölle.” I squeaked, and looked around frantically.
My eyes became wide as dinner plates and gushes of tears flew from them, my mouth filling up the rest of my chin, and a red stripy background flying by behind me…anime-style.
I couldn’t resist. I just had to.

Leaves and I started to run for all we were worth off the side of the route. We crossed over a few hedges and shrubs, the ‘chus quick to follow.
“Pokédex!” I shouted, still running, and pulling out the black pocket-filler, “What’s faster, a Bulb-is-sore or a Richu?”
There was a pause before the response.

What in hell’s bells…is a Rich U? Until you learn…the difference between a Raichu and a wealthy vowel, I can’t help you.

I sighed angrily, and crammed it back into my pocket. While my hand was in there, I came across the four Pokéballs.
“A-ha!” I grinned, screeching to a stop. Leaves stopped too, shouting as though he were wondering why I was so suicidal at times.

“Never fear, Leaves!” I bellowed, “Tony the Terrible is about to make his first catch!”
I looked at the opposing side. Twelve Pikachus, five Pichus and thirteen Raichus.
“Uhh…” I gulped, looking down at Leaves, “Which should I start with?”
“Stop!” a Raichu said in a buzzing voice. I gasped, then noticed the small device on its collar. A translating device, I’d wager. I came to this conclusion when I realised it translated. …And it was a device.
“Stop running and let us do what we have to!” it continued. I looked over at the other ‘chus. They grinned fiendishly.
“No way!” I cried, “I’m not gonna let you do it!”
The Raichu looked at me angrily, and hopped on another Raichu’s shoulders. It, in turn, jumped onto the shoulders of another Raichu, and the Raichu tower walked up to me, roughly at my height.
“How do you think you’re gonna get away?” it snarled in my face.

“Uhh…” I gulped.
Time to use the best I’ve got…
My mouth went into a beak shape, and I breathed a mushroom cloud into its face. The Raichu tower collapsed, befuddled, and I continued running. Leaves followed suit, being sure to poke his tongue out at them first.
“Go! Go!” the Raichu cried, “Get ‘em! We can’t let ‘em get away!”

“Leaves!” I panted, gasping for air, “I don’t know how much longer I can go!”
I reached into my pocket and pulled out Cubone’s Pokéball.
“Go Cubone!” I wailed, “Hold ‘em off as long as you can!”
Cubone shot out in a blast of white light and snarled at the opposing mice. The lead Raichu stopped, and fiddled with its translator. There was a static sound, then it came.
I love you…you love me…we’re a happy family…
Cubone couldn’t resist, and started doing the Barney march.
I groaned, and returned Cubone, defeated.

“Alright, alright!” I moaned, falling into the snow, “I can’t run anymore… Do your dastardly deed…”
The lead Raichu stormed up. I threw my hands to my face, as Leaves covered his eyes.
The Raichu reached into the snow and pulled out…

“A Santa Claus hat and a conductor’s stick?” I muttered, confused.
The other ‘chus reached into the snow and each grabbed a sheet of paper and an elf hat.
The Raichu tapped its stick against its paw a few times, then flailed it around.
“Chu chu chu, chu chu chu, chu chu chu, chu chu!” the ‘chus happily sang to the tune of Jingle Bells, although it sounded more like a bad train imitation.

“Chu chu chu chu chu chu chuuuuuuuuuuuuu…” they finished, and grinned widely.
The Raichu turned toward me, and bowed, “Happy holidays, mate.” He buzzed, and then jumped back into the snow. The other chu’s also leapt into the snow.

Leaves and I sat there blankly.
“…Carollers are early this year.” I eventually muttered.

Kyle
********************
I shifted the Pokéballs on my belt as I stepped out of the police station. My pale police uniform seemed to complement the dull building walls. I looked down at my nametag, and sighed. ‘Trainee’…
I found it sort of maddening that they should assign a fourteen year old trainee to tackle a madman alone. They wouldn’t get a present from me this year.
I nodded as I went through the description. Bulbasaur, fourteen, Anthony. Didn’t pick up his last name, but that there was all I needed. This assignment would surely get me a spot as a proper Dezu City officer.
I trudged through the snow to the route to Kurabusu City.
“Be prepared, Tony…” I cackled to myself, “Kyle Riddells is on the job…”
pokemasterfrank
28th November 2002, 12:42 AM
This was great! You portray the complete moron in such a wonderous way! Very nice. It's a wonder this guy is still up and around. Kyle Riddells better watch where he's going...
Mew Trainer Rose
29th November 2002, 11:06 AM
o_O what in the world was up with those 'chus? and will that idiot ever get rid of that stupid Weedle horn?
if he does , he'll be in trouble, he uses that for everything. :P
Drago
11th December 2002, 05:40 AM
pokemasterfrank: lol, Kyle is the one who should have the least worries! Thanks, btw, I try to be as moronic as I can!
Mew Trainer Rose: They're 'chus! Evil is all they know! And I'm not giving up the horn. Never never never! Thanks for your continued support!

Well, since exams are over, and I've got a lot more creative juices a-flowin', expect for there to be a lot more chapters churned out, starting (obviously) with number 8!
It's 'illin, it's chillin, it's Minty Thrillin'! (Corny, yes, but I liked it!) ^_^

Minty Thrill
Chapter 8
Flippin’ the Bird

Snow. White, wet, weary… and damned cold!!

Every step I took seemed to be against me ever getting to Kurasable… Kuranassee… wherever I was going!
Leaves and Cubone struggled alongside me through the harsh weather. Why did I bother sending Cubone out? I dunno. For a cheap laugh, probably.

“Think this road is much longer?” I yelled over the harsh wind.
“Saaaaaaur!” Leaves shouted.
A surprising response, truly.

I strained my eyes to see further through the white fury. From where I was, it looked like there was a house nearby!
“What luck!” I grinned, “A place for me to burst into uninvited and get such hospitality you would’ve thought I had just saved their baby from being eaten by a wild mongoose!”
Leaves and Cubone gazed up at me.
“…I watch a lot of TV!” I muttered, as I stood in front of the door.
It was a relatively large log cabin, with a window on the front wall, as well as one on the door.

I pressed my face against the window, trying to get a good look through the frost that had developed.
Inside there appeared to be a blazing fire, a few couches, and a Christmas tree. It looked pretty inviting. A figure moved around. There was definitely someone in there!
I pulled my face away from the window, when I noticed something odd. My tongue appeared to be…stuck!

“Unnnnnnngh!!” I bellowed, waving my arms around. Cubone leapt onto my shoulder, attempting to pull my head away.
“Muuuh! Muuuh! Muuuuuuuuuuuh!” I groaned, each tug seeming to make my tongue grow two inches longer. This wasn’t good. I intended to have a tongue by the end of this journey!
Leaves sighed, and slammed his head against the door, annoyed.
My eyes widened, as the figure inside got up from their chair and walked towards the door!
Leaves gulped, and dived into a nearby bank of snow, no doubt crashing into an annoyed ‘chu caroller.

An old, bald man with glasses opened the door, and his eyes widened.
“The hell are you doing?” he snapped.
“I’m needing your help now!” I tried to whimper, but it sounded more like “I eeda ou ilow!”
“You’re eating my window?!” the man gasped, “Boy, you kids these days sure are hungry…”
“Oh please, get me off it!” I tried, ending up with “Ohpe, E me o’ i’!”
“Open and cough quick?” the man said, and shrugged, “Whatever you say kid…”
He slammed the door shut, and walked inside. My eyes widened as a figure inside grabbed the window, and, with what I’m sure was a malevolent grin, coughed loudly, drowning out my cries for him not to open the window.
His hands tensed, and the window flew open like a rocket!
********************************
I sat in the favourite, overstuffed armchair of Hank, the old man. I had a towel over my shoulders, and my feet were in a bucket of hot water.

There was a throbbing pain in my tongue, or what was left of it, and I shot a spiteful look at Leaves and Cubone, happily lazing about on beanbags.
“My, my, my!” Hank moaned, feeling my forehead, “Can’t tell ya how sorry I am, kiddo!” In my current lack of tongue, I couldn’t tell him my name, my condition, or just how much I’d like to pop him one.

“Boooooone!” Cubone shouted, waving his arms up and down. I sighed, and pulled the walkman from my pocket. I threw it over to him, and he turned up the volume to full blast.
I don’t think the headphones can handle that much sound… I thought to myself, as it would be pointless to try warning him.
He flipped it onto the radio, and my prediction was correct. The sound came across too loud, and as a result, poor Cubone got an earful of a high screeching sound.

Cubone fell back off the beanbag as the screeching was heard across the room, and Leaves chuckled wickedly.
“They’re here!” Hank bellowed, and pulled out a rifle. He waved it nervously across the room.
“What’re you doing?!” I gasped, but of course, ended up with “Ahah oo ooig?”
“Whassat?” Hank gulped, looking at me, and inadvertently pointing the gun right in my face, “Do you see ‘em?”

I shook my head furiously, and pointed desperately at the walkman.
“They’re in the floor, is they?” Hank roared, and shot at the floor as though he were a very upset exterminator, “DIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEE!!”

“It’s the walkman, you freak of nature!” I snapped, and, as luck should have it, he understood perfectly.
Relieved, he threw the gun aside. It shot off, and almost gave Cubone a new reason to be unhappy.
“Phew…” he sighed, wiping his forehead, “Thought they were back…”
“Who?” I asked, curiously, not caring at all that Cubone and Leaves were sitting there, wide-eyed.
“Those dadgern Natu…” Hank said with a cough, “They’ve been goin’ around everywhere, causin’ all sorts of trouble! They stole me scarecrow, as well as Reverend Areless’ toupee!”
I nodded. No surprise Revered Hairless needed a wig.
“It’s too bad,” Hank sighed, “Areless just bought that toupee too. Surprised he managed to get away, that’s about the time all them Natu started going off their rockers. Areless was a lot tougher back when he was a scientist, I tell you what, he wouldn’t have taken that from a bunch of birds!”
There was a loud pelt of hail against the wall. “Anyway, I reckon you oughta stay here for the night… Tomorrow you can come to the Kuradezu award presentation. It’s where all the community service fellers come and get a certificate for cleanin’ up this route.”
“So why do they call it Kuradezu?” I asked, interested.
“Well, it’s located between Dezu City and Kurabusu.” He replied, “That way people from both towns can get there pretty easily.”

We had a somewhat small dinner at Hank’s. He didn’t have too much money, so he wouldn’t let us take too much food. Of course, Leaves managed to trick Hank into thinking he had only had a few bites, and got twice as much. Cubone actually went the extra step and stuffed everything he could see into his skull for safekeeping. He was learning from the master, really.
I had trouble sleeping as well, as I pondered how it was that it had already been several days, and I still hadn’t caught that Moo or Celery Pokémon the Pokédex told me about.
That, and around about midnight a flock of Natu attacked the house, the leader carrying Reverend Hairless’ mangled toupee. Hank only just managed to fight them off, as I lay under the bed, a shivering mess.
…It was mostly due to Moo and Celery, though.

The next morning the weather had settled, and it wasn’t too hard to walk to the community centre for the awards.

Leaves, Cubone and I were hovering over the food provided already, before too many people got there.
“Wow…” I bubbled, looking into a big bowl of punch, “Look at this!”
Leaves hopped up onto the table, and admired his reflection. Cubone followed, and leant over to get a good look. I grinned…until some of the food from last night fell into the punch!
I pulled Cubone away, as the hostess, Mrs. Beldemore, walked over.
“It is so nice to have you all here!” she said in a loud voice, and placed a big wet kiss on my cheek, “Your darling Pokémon are sure to attract quite a few people for this get together!”
She seemed to be the kind of woman who overdid things. She was dressed up like she was having a party for a friend, or a funeral. …Or a friend’s funeral, for that matter.
“It’s always a treat to have such fine honest youth like yourself here to join us!” she continued, scooping up a glass of punch.

I smiled weakly, until I noticed that there was a chunk of cherry pie floating in her glass.
“Mrs B.,” I gasped, “Your glass has cherry p-”
She laughed loudly, “No, no dear. Not cherry punch, it’s raspberry!” She swigged it down in a single gulp, much to my shock, and Leaves’ entertainment.

“They’re here!” Hank bellowed.
“Oh no!” I squealed, and leapt behind the table, kicking a plate of sandwiches on my way.
Hank walked in, confused, with all the community workers and their families.
I poked my head up, and blushed. I picked up a squished slice of sandwich.
“Appetizer, anyone?” I said sheepishly.

The presentation went on with the various groups being called out, their leaders making a speech about what they did and what they learned from it, followed by their supervisors saying how they performed, how we could help, and probably what he ate last Tuesday, for all I cared.
Revered Hairless walked up, grinning widely. His bald head shone against the bright lighting. I actually had to shield my eyes, I felt like it was giving me a tan.
“It is with GREAT pleasure that I see you all here today. I just know that you all put so much work into the renovations you made… Like the…gift shop you added to my church.” He muttered, angrily.
I chuckled slightly. Novel idea, that. You could buy a Jesus Jug.
“And I know, that you will all walk home, feeling like you have really done something. I’m sure your parents will take you home and say-”

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!

Everyone in the room got up from their chairs, and ran around screaming.
“…Wow.” I muttered, “Mr. Michaels never said that to me!”

Just then a massive flock of Natu swarmed into the room like a big green plague.
They started diving on all they spotted, snatching up certificates, hats, and food.

I ducked under my chair, and looked around frantically for Leaves and Cubone. Leaves was fighting off all the Natu who threatened the food, and even managed to pull off a falling powerbomb on one of them.
I looked over for Cubone, and saw him being lifted up by several Natu!
“Cubone!” I gasped, and ran over.
“Tuuuuuu…” the Natu holding him droned, and their eyes flashed a neon blue. I was thrown back against a table by some weird force.

“Damn!” I snapped, and got back up. I charged again, only to receive the same result.

I got up, and Leaves ran up to me.
“It’s no good!” I groaned, “We can’t beat ‘em when they’re in big numbers like this! We’ve gotta take ‘em down one by one! Which one of them’s on their own?”

I looked around, to see a flock of three, one of them the Natu leader.
Hank, now out of bullets, angrily threw the rifle at them. It hit two of them, and the leader picked up speed to avoid it.
I picked up Leaves. “Time to do the Bubba Ray-Spike thing!” I shouted. Leaves looked at me, confused.
“Uhh…” I grumbled. …I couldn’t remember what the move was called!
“I’m going to do…” I mumbled, “THIS!” I threw Leaves at the Natu, and it fell to the floor, dizzy. Revered Hairless’ toupee fell from its claws, and a strange chip fell from out of it. The Natu quickly snatched it up in its beak, but got bumped from behind, and ended up swallowing it!

Just then, the Natu stopped. Some of them landed, some of them fluttered about, befuddled, but all of them dropped their booty. Cubone fell into the bowl of punch, fortunately.
The Natu all flew towards the doorway.
“No, no, nooooooo!” Reverend Hairless bellowed, “Stop you stupid things!”
He stepped right in their path, and got knocked off his feet by the huge flock.
“They’re back to normal…” I sighed, relieved.
“Not all of ‘em, watch out!” Hank shouted, and pointed to the leader, who, after swallowing the chip, seemed to be in a confused rage.

He flew around, disoriented, and I just barely ducked his lunge.
“Leaves, It’s a flying-type!” I shouted, stating the obvious, “Don’t use any grass attacks!” I stood there for a moment. There was no worry, Leaves didn’t know a single grass attack to begin with.
The Natu turned, and made another mad dive. I just barely jumped out of the way, as he zeroed in on Leaves!
“Look out!” I shouted.

Leaves looked at the Natu and, eyes widened, jumped. Unfortunately, he didn’t jump high enough, and ended up landing on the airborne bird.
The two flew around, nearly crashing into walls.
“This isn’t good…” I gulped, “Leaves can’t last up there!”
“Bone!” Cubone shouted. I looked over. In his hand was…a sub! (A sandwich, before you start asking)
He threw it over to me, and I took careful aim.
“Leaves!” I shouted, “Get ‘im!”
I threw the sub as quickly as I could, and Leaves snapped it up mid-flight. He chewed it a few times, then grinned deviously. He churned his mouth, and shot a few seeds at Natu. Fortunately, he wasn’t doing it quickly enough to put a hole in it, and it flew around dizzily.
“…Saaaaur!” Leaves bellowed, and leapt from Natu’s back into the punch alongside Cubone.
“Naaaat…” Natu groaned, whirring about. I reached into my pocket, and yanked out a Pokéball.
“Pokébob!” I shouted loud enough for everyone to hear me. I sighed, a sweatdrop appearing on my head. “BALL! PokéBALL! Goooooo!!”

I threw the Pokéball with all my might, and it bumped into Natu. The ball fell to the floor, and the button shone an evil-looking red. It wiggled around, and I stood still.

…It was several minutes later, and still wiggling.
I have to go to the bathrooooooom!
Finally, the light disappeared, and the ball stopped.
“Whoo-hoo!” I shouted, “I got a Natu!” I leapt onto Reverend Hairless’ chest. “And yooooooooou don’t!”
********************************
Hank put his hand on my shoulder, his eyes gleaming proudly.
“Well kid, you’ve saved the day!” he said, “The toupee held a device to control psychic Pokémon! Areless must’ve been developing it back when he was a scientist! Of course, now that that Natu of your’s ate it, it’ll never be the same again…”
“That’s alright.” I said, smiling, “I’ll just call him Klepto.”
Hank sighed, and walked over to the tied-up reverend.
“But why did you do it, reverend?” he sighed.
“Because you jerks ruined my church!” Reverend Hairless cried, “It was a thing of beauty until you defiled it with a gift shop! With the Natu destroying the place, they eventually would’ve torn apart that shop!”
“But wouldn’t they have destroyed the entire church?” I asked, bemused.
“No!” Reverend Hairless snapped, “I filled the rest of the church with Super Repel! The Natu would’ve mangled the gift shop, as well as the houses of all who built it! And I would’ve gotten away with it too…”
I beamed proudly.
“If it hadn’t been for this STUPID MORON!”
“Damn straight!” I shouted, “…Hey, wait a minute…”
“Well kiddo,” Hank sighed, “It’s not too much further to Kurabusu City. Should take you about an hour or two from here. Good luck!”
And so, with a new member on my team, I continued on the road to Kurabusu.

Kyle
********************
“Urrrrrgh!” I groaned, and punched the wall of the gym. I had completely searched Kurabusu City, and yet, no sign of Anthony! He had to be here! Only a complete and utter moron wouldn’t have made it here by now!”
Then it hit me.

…This guy was some sort of Pokémon genius! He had probably already beaten the gym leader, and was on the way to Attiles City RIGHT NOW!
I started running towards Attiles City.
…He wasn’t going to outsmart me! Nobody outsmarted Kyle Riddells, no matter HOW smart they are!!
Mew Trainer Rose
11th December 2002, 02:06 PM
lol! she thinks he's actually SMART? couldn't be farther from the truth. :P
pokemasterfrank
11th December 2002, 11:40 PM
Poor Kyle. I knew Andy's incompetence would be Kyle's problem. If Andy showed anymore stupidity...

Very nice again. This guy is a real Einstein...
Drago
15th December 2002, 10:49 PM
Mew Trainer Rose: Well, I think he's better off not knowing just how dumb Anthony is. It won't hurt his ego!
pokemasterfrank: (I'll assume you meant Tony) Thanks. And you and me both know that there is gonna be a LOT more incompetence yet...

However, you may notice a slight change of pace, in this ninth chapter...

Minty Thrill
Chapter 9
To Train…What a Pain!

Kyle
********************
The route between Kurabusu and Attiles was an unpleasant one, at best. It was deemed safe to the public recently, but it happened to be set around Mt. Madran, making it a spiralling path to the top. From there on there was a Pokémon Centre if memory serves, before a cave into Mt. Madran. Trainers then had to make their way through the dark, mazelike interior. It remained, however, a popular spot for scientists, as snow never fell on the mountain or its path. Nobody has figured out just how that works, yet, but research has been heavily funded lately.

It was a good thing I was following Chambers, actually. This way I could also check the condition of the land, and sort out those damn vandals.
I didn’t often say that about people, as they were just as old, if not older, than I am, but I have a few special perks they don’t. I lightly stroked my baton before pulling it out.
Some police brutality…

I smiled wearily as I started up the spiralling path, keeping one hand near my Pokéballs. Pokémon were known to attack here, and aggressively at that.

I swirled around when I heard a thud behind me. I grabbed my baton, and acted as though I had more authority than I likely did.
…But there was nothing. Nothing but a rock. I walked up to it. It was as big as my foot, and very jagged. The dirt around it was still settling.
I gazed up, and gasped.

At the very top of Mt. Madran, just above the cave, were several boulders! There had never been boulders up there before, and they looked very unsteady.
“I bet Chambers’ Pokémon put those up there…” I said spitefully.

There was no time to report this, though, and it would be dangerous trekking up to the top, so I grabbed a Pokéball.
“I need you, Kuda!” I shouted, and threw her Pokéball to the ground. Her red eyes shone in the bright sun.

I walked around the mountain, trying to get the best positioning.
“Here!” I commanded, pointing at a particular spot on Mt. Madran, “Dig here!”
Kuda nodded, and quickly began to dig, her claws piercing through the rock with ease.

When Kuda finished the hole I returned her, and ran through. As I had predicted, the digging had caused a fair trembling through the mountain, and a few of the boulders fell from the top, blocking the new entrance I had made. It was as though the mountain were alive.

Nervously, I shifted through the darkness. I walked around a rocky wall and saw a bright doorway of light. I stepped slowly out of the cave. I looked behind me. There was only one way for anyone to get through Mt. Madran, climbing up top, going through the cave up there, trekking through the labyrinth, and coming out this second cave.
Attiles was surrounded by thick, government protected trees, so there was no way of going around the mountain.
I shifted my hat, and started down the short path to Attiles City.

Tony
********************

I stood on one foot, slowly. The stump I was balancing on wasn’t very even, and it was difficult just getting atop it.
“I am…mighty!” I roared, shooting a fist forward, “I am a Taurmoose! A bull!”
I twisted my wrist, before punching the air with my other fist. “I am an Arbook! A cobra!”
I span around in a heel kick, followed by a double back elbow. I am an Arc-is-mine! A big…doggy with a wig!” I stood there blankly. “Uh…something fiercer… a red zebra that doesn’t really look like one! No, that won’t do…”
I thought through the animals in my picture book from years ago (Two, to be precise)
“T is for tiger!” I shouted with glee, “I am a tiger! I am Tony!”

I leapt up and down, I wanted the world to know just who I am.

“I AM TONY THE TIGER!!” I screeched, and pulled off a mid-air axe kick. …Well, sort of. The landing wasn’t exactly spectacular. I stumbled around, trying to regain balance.

“Whoa…whoooooa!” I wailed, and fell backwards off the stump. I landed heavily on Cubone, who screeched loudly, flailing his arms.

Klepto watched on, wide-eyed. He flapped his wings once, hopping from one foot to the other. I had noticed that he didn’t like staying in one spot for very long, even if that meant merely swapping his standing foot.

I got up off Cubone, who had made an imprint on the ground which looked very ghastly indeed.
“You know what that looks like?” I said dully, “It looks like a zombie named Tobias Fannhart that dug out of the ground, intent on ripping the flesh off a hapless victim, who works as a mulch farmer in Illinois!” I took a deep breath, “But then Tobias realised that he left behind the watch his wife, Janice, had gotten for him from Singapore at a very good deal from a shifty pawnshop owner, and so Tobias decided to dig back into the ground to get the watch, but found himself stopping when he questioned the value of material possessions, and that lead to a conflict on the point of life itself, so he went to a psychiatrist and became a social outcast who sells porcupine quills for the rest of his life!”

Cubone looked at me wide-eyed, as he so often did, and Leaves looked as though he was about to be sick.
Klepto twisted his head erratically, and took off to the air.
“Hey!” I shouted, and shot straight up. When I did I heard a horrible tear. I looked down, and was horrified to find my black pants had a hideously large rip in them, leaving all in attendance audience to my neon blue boxers with big yellow smiley faces on them.
“Aww hölle!” I bellowed, the boxers seeming to mock me as they grinned on.
Leaves cackled wickedly.
“Shut up or I’ll buy you a pair!” I snapped, and he stopped immediately.

I looked up nervously.
Now where did Klepto get off to? That bird needed a bell, really!
To that I heard a light chiming sound.
“What the…?” I muttered, and shielded my eyes from the harsh sun. I could make out Klepto flying back towards us frantically. In his talons he held…a bell!
He swooped down towards us, and dropped the bell into my hands, then hid behind my leg.

I looked back ahead, and saw an extremely angry very large man running right towards us.
I stood there blankly, as he closed in like a homing missile (which he also somewhat resembled) and snatched the bell from my hand.
“You little punk!” he babbled, and I pondered what his original language was. Grunting, perhaps, “Your little bird thing took bell from me!”
He gingerly rubbed the tiny bell, before shoving it in his pocket.
“You insult me badly!” he continued.
“M-m-me?” I squeaked, about to cry, “I insult nobody!”

I stepped back, and scratched my upper leg. He looked down, and noticed the large tear in my pants. He seemed to get the impression I was doing something far less innocent.

“Cheeky bugger!” he roared, and kicked me. The world seemed to be a blur. The clouds moulded together like they had been put in a blender, and the trees went a very dark shade of green indeed. All sound disappeared as I knelt over, before bellowing…
“AAG! I’ve been de-knackered!!”

I was sure that my boxers were now unhappy faces, and I slowly got up to my feet, before zipping up my jacket, hiding away the rip.

“Tobias laugh at wussy man!” the man cackled wickedly.
“AAAH!” I screeched, “It’s the zombie man!!”

I stepped back, frightened, and tripped over Klepto, who squawked loudly.

Tobias roared with laughter.
“This much funny!” Tobias said, snorting, “Not only are you wuss, but lousy Pokémon trainer too!”

I looked up at Tobias with a raging hate in my eyes.
The big buffoon continued laughing now at his own comments, which he found to be very funny indeed.

I snatched the Pokédex from my pocket.
“Right then, a battle, you and me!” I hissed.

Tobias stopped laughing. “One condition,” he grinned, “I use four, you use one!”
My mouth dropped, “That’s not fair!” I whimpered.
“Alright then!” Tobias said, shrugging, “You bigger wuss and bad Pokémon trainer than Tobias thought!”
My knuckles went white as I clenched my fists tightly.
“…Alright!” I wheezed, “One of my Pokémon against four of yours!”

I dashed a fair distance away from Tobias, my Pokémon close behind me.
“Guys, this is for our pride and honour!” I snarled, “And for puppy dogs and Charlie Brown Christmas specials!!” I roared, Tobias backing up ever so slightly.

“…Let’s boogie.”

Tobias smirked, and threw down his Pokéball.
Out came a strange gray Pokémon with something growing from its head.
“Eww…” I muttered, “Put a shirt on…”

Machop. The Pokédex informed, A Fighting-Type Pokémon.

“Fighting, eh?” I grinned, “You ready for this Klepto?”
Klepto anxiously hopped up and down, and flipped onto the battlefield.
I scan through the Pokédex’s brief list of the Natu’s current attacks.

“Klepto,” I shout, “Start with a Confuse Ray!”
Klepto’s eyes glazed over, and there was a darkness. Out of nowhere, a bright beam flashed, and Machop stumbled backwards, confused.
“Alright!” I smiled, clenching my hand into a fist.
“Buhuhuh…” Tobias chortled, as Machop reached behind its back.
It pulled out a Bitter Berry, and chomped it down!
“Aw hölle,” I groaned, “No…”

“Machop, use yer Double Team!” Tobias grunted.
I stood there, a tad confused. Why would he want to raise evasiveness when I was going to use psychic attacks?
Nonetheless, Machop darted back and forward, eventually creating multiple images of itself.

“Hahahaaaa!” Tobias cackled, slapping his knee, “I’d like to see you hit Machop now, punk!”
“Alrighty then,” I smirked, eager to please, “Use Psychic, Klepto!”
Klepto rose his wings, and his eyes flashed a familiar blue. A pulsating wave enveloped the Machops, and I got a headache just watching.

One by one the Machops disappeared, until there was only one left, who held his head, groaning, and fell to the ground.

“Stupid Pokémon!” Tobias bellowed, stamping his foot, “Stupid stupid stupid! Go, Pinsir!”
The next Pokémon he releases is a hideous and frightening giant brown bug thing with a grotesque mouth and two very scary pincers atop its head. Of course, it only seemed to be a head with arms and legs, but that was beyond the point.

“Pinsir,” Tobias said, interrupting my thoughts, “Use Submission!”

I stood there blankly. Unless I was mistaken, submission is a fighting move, and, last I checked, is lousy against a Natu.
Pinsir ran up to Klepto, and put him in a submission hold.
Klepto stared ahead blankly, more annoyed than anything else. He easily escaped from the bug’s grasp, and it fell flat on its face.

Pinsir snarled loudly, as did Tobias. “Show it who boss! Use Vicegrip!”
“Quick Klepto,” I let out loudly, “Get in a Night Shade first!”

Pinsir bent over and started charging at Klepto headfirst, its pincers snapping along the way.
The arena went dark again, but this time, Klepto’s eyes also flashed black. He flipped over Pinsir, and shot a piercing black glare right at its rear.
Pinsir’s eyes widened as the attack burnt its bum.
“Piiiiiiiiiinsiiiiiir!” It squealed uncharacteristically, running around in circles.
“No, this not right!” Tobias yelled, “Use Focus Energy!”

Pinsir stopped racing around and concentrated. Its once scrawny arms bulked up to twice their original size, and its eyes sharpened into a frightening glare. It turned back at Klepto, who backed up in fear. He looked at me, worried, and waiting for me to give him a way to get out of this mess.

“Uhh…” I gulped, and gazed back at the ‘dex. There was an attack I hadn’t used yet.
“Use Future Sight!” I said nervously. Klepto nodded, and lowered his head. After a few moments he was done, and looked back at me for his next move.

“That…was lame.”

“Pinsir, Furry Cuter!!” Tobias shouted, trying to take the advantage, and having as good pronunciation as I sometimes do.
Pinsir raced at Klepto, its claw outstretched Klepto merely sidestepped the attack, and flew up above Pinsir’s head while it stood there, confounded.
“Finish it off with Psychic!” I shouted.

Pinsir looked back up, and was met with the bright flashing blue wave that had KO’d its comrade. It fell backwards, and waved its claws around frantically, but to no avail. The attack hit, and Pinsir was out.

“You cheat!” Tobias spat, “You use same bad attack again and again! I fix you good!”
He threw out the next Pokéball, with blue where there was normally red, and strange red and yellow markings.

The next monstrosity was…a giant…crab?
I looked down at the Pokédex, trying not to laugh.

Kingler. It said wobbily, as though it were holding back laughing as well, A Water-Type.

“Klepto, use Confuse Ray!” I said, trying to take this seriously.
The darkness returned, as did the beam, but Kingler just stood there regardless.
“Huh?” I grunted.

“Use Crabhammer!” Tobias snapped, saliva oozing down his chin.
Kingler dashed sideways towards a dumbfounded Klepto, and raised its crab-claw…thingy. Only now did I notice just how LARGE they were.
“Klepto, look out!”

But it was too late. Kingler dropped its claw, and it fell hard on Klepto, nearly crushing him.
“Tuuuuuuu!” Klepto bellowed, unable to escape in a similar fashion to when I had fallen on Cubone.

“No, no…” I said, breathing heavily. Klepto couldn’t make an attack in this position, and its mind was too cluttered to let loose a psychic blast.
Kingler started twisting its claw wickedly, pushing Klepto further and further into the dirt.

“Nooooooo!” I wailed, when all of a sudden Kingler stopped. Its eyes widened, and it turned multiple colours. It paused for a moment, before flying off of Klepto!

Future Sight.

The Pokédex assisted.

“Wow, that’s great!” I grinned as Tobias returned Kingler, “But there’s no way Klepto can stand another fight!”

“Now for new Pokémon.” Tobias cackled, “I learn well how to use.”
He threw down a yellow and black Pokéball. A great light shone, and it released a yellow cocoon.

“…A Kakuna?” I muttered blankly.
“Yes!” Tobias chortled, “I catch just today!”

I more than ever wanted to put this guy out of his misery.
“Use Psychic.” I sighed. I tied my shoe, and when I looked back, Kakuna was still in there!
“Harden!” Tobias babbled, “Harden lots!”

The Kakuna shone gold, and then went back to its yellow colour.
“Psychic.” I said, shaking my head. A final blue wave came out, and Kakuna was down.

“I won…” I said quietly, coming upon the realization. My first ever victory…

“I won!” I yelled loudly, “I won I won I-”

“Not just yet!” A voice interrupted that wasn’t Tobias’. I looked back to see a short girl with long blonde hair and wicked eyes.
“This isn’t over yet.” She said, “I’m Amy. And my brother Toby was only the beginning! Three Pokémon each! Let’s do this!”

I stomped in protest, “But Klepto can’t fight! Look at him!”

I pointed down to the Natu, who was…hopping?
He was alright! A little hurt, but he wasn’t crushed!
I looked over at Cubone, who was chuckling. He pulled a few red fruits from his helmet.
“Berries…” I muttered, “From Hank’s place! Alright, I’ll start with Cubone!”
I set the walkman on the ground, and a frantic tune came out from it.

“Go, Paras!” Amy smirked, and threw down her ball. “We’ll show this loser how it should be done!”
Another flash shined, and out came the orange bug with mushrooms on its back. From what the ‘dex had told me, I knew this was a bug/grass type.

“I’m learning! That’s good.”
I then realised something.
“I’m disadvantaged! That’s bad.”

I tried to think back to some of the TMs Cubone had acquired, “Alright,” I said slowly, “How about Icy Wind!”

Cubone stomped quickly to the music as he hacked out a steady stream of beautiful blue ice.
It hit Paras right on, and it backed up, slowed down by the harsh breeze.
Thus far this was looking good.

“Paras,” Amy commanded, “We’ll use Giga Drain!”

Paras summoned up its energy to produce a green circle of solar power. It flew up from it, and headed towards Cubone.
The music turned to a trombone solo, and Cubone flipped around in one of his best evasive techniques.

The green ball just stopped, however, and turned right into the path he was taking! The attack hit him right in the chest, and he fell on his head.

“Bone…” he groaned, as Paras sucked back up all the energy it had lost. Cubone reached into his helmet. He chewed up a berry, and tried to get back into the beat.
I was about to give him a command, when he flew forward in a Headbutt of his own.

He seems to perform better without my help…

Paras attempted to brace itself, but couldn’t block off Cubone’s sharp horns. It flinched in response to the hit, and Cubone flipped back RVD-like.
Paras was prepared for this, though, and sent off a Giga Drain!
“Good thinking!” Amy giggled, “But any thinking is out of their league!!”
It easily flew right towards Cubone, and he fell mid-Headbutt. Paras looked refreshed.

“Cubone, return!” I sighed, returning Cubone, “Klepto, think you can handle another fight?”
He paused for a moment, before nodding uncertainly. He hopped onto the field. I’d have to do this quickly.

“Klepto, start with Confuse Ray!”

There was another darkness followed by a beam, but Paras merely stood there!
It also resisted the confusion.
“Paras, use Spore!” Amy shouted, and a yellowish-green cloud of dust shot up from Paras’ back, and landed right on Klepto.
His eyes slowly closed, and he drifted off to sleep, balancing on one foot.
“No, no, no!” I roared.

“Use Slash!” Amy cackled. Paras lifted its claw, and swiped mightily at Klepto. He was knocked back, but remained sleeping on one foot. The cut began bleeding.
“Again! Again!” Amy squealed as though this was some sick game.
Paras slashed repeatedly at Klepto, who was getting cut up! However, he remained sleeping, and eventually just fell backwards.

“Klepto, get out of there!” I wailed, and returned Klepto.
Unsurely but bravely Leaves stepped onto the battlefield.

“Use Growl!” I shouted.
Leaves snarled at the Paras, but it seemed to do just about nothing.
“Keep it uuuuuuuup!” Amy squealed, and Paras lifted its claw to continue slashing. Leaves was then on the receiving end of a slashing barrage. He backed up with each swipe, but refused to give in.

“Spear!” I shouted hopefully.
Leaves lifted his arms, and charged the small bug. It rolled back upon impact, but only got back up and gave Leaves another Slash. Leaves flew back and skidded across the ground.

“And there you have it.” Amy said with a grin, “The battle ends here.”

All of a sudden, Leaves got to his feet.
Blood leaking from his mouth, he slowly, painstakingly stepped up to Paras. It stood there, confused, as Leaves started pushing it with all he could. Driving it back. It was all that Leaves could do.

Paras slashed Leaves in the face, and he rolled back. Nevertheless, he got back up, and got right back pushing.

“Leaves…” I whispered, tears coming to my eyes.

“Paras, return.” Amy said quietly, and reached for her next Pokéball.
Leaves and I watched on as she dropped the ball to the ground. The silhouette came out, and the enemy stood before us.


“Charmander!” the orange lizard snarled, waving its fiery tail around.

Leaves took a deep breath, and stepped forward, a trail of blood behind him.

“…No.” I said finally. “This battle is over, you win Amy.”

“Ahahahah!” Amy and Tobias cackled. “We won! Now pay up!”
“What?” I gasped, “But I beat Tobias!”
“And Tobias was my teammate. We work as a team, your win means nothing to me!” Amy hissed, and stepped right up in front of me, “Now give us all you’ve got or we’ll finish off your Bulbasaur…permanently.”

I sighed, and handed her the remaining Pokéballs.

“Is that IT?” Amy cackled, and Tobias started laughing, “You really are a loser!”

They returned Charmander and walked off, kicking Leaves along the way. Angrily, I gave him the Potion I had saved, and sat there as he slowly recovered.

This wasn’t fair. This Pokémon journey wasn’t what I wanted it to be.
…Maybe I am a loser. Maybe I should just stop now…
Reptilius Pyrus
27th December 2002, 02:29 PM
Hehehe....Tony and Tobias. Dumb and dumber.

Allow me to introduce myself. I am Reptilius Pyrus, one of your "closet readers". Though since I am now posting, it means I'm an "ex-closet reader". Even though this is my first reply, I have been following the story since you started. I just wanted to say that I think this is hilarious, and.....

HURRY UP WITH THE NEXT CHAPTER!!! *Growls*

Ahem... sorry.
Drago
28th December 2002, 05:17 AM
Reptilius Pyrus: Well, more than anything else, I want to say THANK YOU! I was really lacking in inspiration, and was considering dropping Minty Thrill altogether, but all it took was one reply to keep me going! Thanks again, and this time, I'll try to be a tad more faithful to my readers! ^^;

This chapter is going to be a bit less serious than the other one, and from a new viewpoint... Leaves'!

Minty Thrill
Chapter 10
Ausfall

Leaves
********************
My teammates were mangled. I don’t know if they’d be able to hang on. Tony was on his hands and knees, crying. I…was hungry.
It was quite the gyp, actually, because I was hungry and yet not hungry. When those goons had kicked me it sort of made me lose my appetite.

I walked up to Tony, trying not to let on that I really didn’t care that we’d lost. He looked up at me weakly, and I scratched a message into the dirt, to which he agreed.

‘I’ll be back’.

And so I was off, a free Bulbasaur (or a cheap one at very least). I ran off through the bushes, and found myself in Kurabusu City. It seemed calming.

There were few high-buildings, rather, several tents pitched up. It looked more like a travelling circus than anything else.
I thought I might take a look around. Couldn’t hurt, unless of course I felt like causing some havoc.
I ruffled uncomfortably. Actually, havoc. That would be something to take my mind off of all that was going on, what with Tony’s ausfall and all (I was starting to pick up his scattered German, it seems).

I cackled wickedly, and ran up to a tent. Looking inside, I found that there was an elderly woman behind a table, old and gray. Her eyes were closed.

“Sleeping…” I muttered to myself.
“Not quite, m’dear!” the woman cackled, and opened her eyes, “Now what is it that Madame Vertigo can do for you?”

I took a step back. “You understood me?”
“Not quite, m’dear!” she chuckled again. I was starting to get sick of her already. “You see, it is rather convenient, that you so choose to think everything that you plan on saying! I’ve been reading your thoughts, young Bulbasaur.”
She leant back, her mouth stretching widely in what looked like a combination of a frown and the results of two fishhooks in the gob.
“And Madame Vertigo has noticed that most of these thoughts are negative ones… Of hatred, mischief, and ausfall!” A puzzled expression crossed her face. “Urm, what is this ausfall?”
“Loss,” I muttered, “Unless Tony was mistaken.”
Which was quite likely, actually.

“As unlikely as Tony’s being correct may be, Madame Vertigo sees that he is in pain! He is suffering… and he must rediscover his love of life!”
“Fair enough.” I said offhandedly, jumping onto a chair, “But why should I care?”
“Because you yourself must make a choice, you see…” she replied, a solemn look on her face, “Should he return to his normal state of mind(lessness) there is the question on what he will think of those who have wronged him. You will pay a very integral part in this, my young Bulbasaur.”

She seemed to know what she was talking about. She could’ve slipped Padowan in there and I would’ve been too interested to disagree.
“Gaze into my ball!” she hacked.
Oh no! This meeting has just taken a turn for the worse!!

Madame Vertigo waved her hand over a crystal sphere.
“That’s a relief…” I breathed a sigh of relief, as it seemed the right thing to do, and took a look. There was a blank darkness, before I saw a raging fire within. I looked up at Madame Vertigo.

“The ball is vague…” she said quietly, “And this may represent your past, present, or future… Which do you believe it shows?”
“Well…” I muttered, “Tony couldn’t light a fire if his life depended on it, and Cubone’s too sliced and diced to make it for him, so the present’s out… Hang on, that’s it! This is the past! That stupid stupid Charmander!” I looked up and snarled.
“Truly?” Madame Vertigo chuckled, “If you say so…”

The ball went dark again. “Remember,” she repeated, “Should Tony have to make a life or death decision, it is in your hands… not his.”
“…Thank you, Madame Vertigo.” I said finally, “You’ve just made things a little more clear for me.”
Hang on, I was here to cause trouble…
Madame Vertigo’s eyes widened as I thought this, so I began to panic. I knocked over her crystal ball, and RAN!!

I panted heavily after leaving. There. Havoc at its best.
I looked around. Now what devious acts could I commit?

I strolled into one of the buildings. It was two stories, and looked like a gym. The Pokémon Gym? I wasn’t sure, but what I was doing had to be done quickly.

I snuck around the lower floor, and somehow found my way into some sort of small kitchen. The glasses looked weird, though, and held some strange purpley stuff. Only now did I notice I was sort of thirsty, so I turned on a tap. Nothing came out, so I tried the next tap. Nothing. I went through all the taps, and yet nothing came out.
“Stupid cheap taps…” I hissed, and knocked over a glass angrily. It was empty, and didn’t even break, which just fuelled my anger.
I dashed out of the building, and out into the city.
“I’m a big angry Bulbasaur!” I wailed, “And I’m a-gonna getcha!”

I looked around to see the response. Silence, unfortunately.
A Pidgeotto in a tree flapped its wings once or twice, as though it were mocking me.
“That’s it…” I growled, “Have a taste of Razor Leaf!”

I bent slightly, and roared. Then it hit me. I didn’t know Razor Leaf.
“Oh my!” I grumbled, “How saddening!”

The Pidgeottto flew down smartly.
“Right then!” he cawed in a strong English accent, “Just what do you think you’re doing around here?”
I looked around. “Breathing?”
“Are you being facetious, sunshine?” he continued, and stepped forward.
“I suppose I would be if I knew what it was, southpaw.” I replied, widening my eyes.
“And just how did you know I was left-winged?” he said suspiciously.
“Just a hunch.” I sighed, “So what moniker do you go under?”
“The names Wegal.” He said proudly, “Rilliam Wegal.”

I shook my head, “So what do you birds do for fun?”
“Make magnificent ground with only a mere few cycles of action.” He said, scratching the ground.
“Can I join you?” I asked.
“Didn’t think you could fly…” he said, bemused.
“Uh,” I gulped, “No I can’t. Not last time I checked, anyway.”
“So…” Rilliam said slyly, “Up for some havoc?”
“I could only be more ready if you turned me into a vowel and dipped me in blood!” I said proudly. Rilliam was…unimpressed.
********************************
“See there,” Rilliam whispered, pointing his wing in the direction of an elderly lady wearing a strange black hat, “Every day at this hour she’ll go through the grocer’s extra-extra large turnips, and she’ll always go through every single one, then end up taking the one in the top-right corner.”
“Yeah…” I said quietly, “Woeful woman takes turnip.”
“But the thing is, that there’s a hole in the top-right corner, big enough to fit your head through.”
“So you’re suggesting that we go up to her and steal her wallet!” I said, smiling widely, “You dog you!”
“Are you daft man?” Rilliam snapped.
“No…” I whined, “I just like wallets.”
“What I’m saying is that you stick your head through the hole, chew into the turnip, and scare the living daylights out of ‘er!”
“Meh, whatever plays your fiddle.” I muttered, and started towards the turnip stand.
I snuck under it, and slowly chewed through the turnip covering the hole. It was a pretty tight squeeze, actually.
Eventually I had my entire head in the giant turnip, and listened as she went through each turnip.

Suddenly, there was a squawking. “I caught ‘im! I caught ‘im!”
Before I could figure out what was going on, I found myself in a sack.
“What the?” I snapped, and poked my head out. The old woman grinned at me evilly. And, on her shoulder…was Rilliam!

“So you’re the one who’s been causing trouble around here, eh?” she cackled, “Well I know just what to do with you, young Bulbasaur!”
“Yes!” Rilliam laughed, “She is the Witch Hazel!”
“She’s a delightful green cartoon character often associated with Bugs Bunny and named humorously after a medicinal cure?” I squeaked innocently.
“Did I say Hazel?” Rilliam muttered, “Sorry, slip of the tongue. I meant the Witch HELLZEL!”

“Oh.” I gulped, “That’s somewhat less appealing.”

She pushed me pack into the sack and I could tell I was being whisked away to a devious abode with gnarled trees that seemed to be reaching towards me, and a dirty old mudstone house that loomed forward, and could very well contain a monster.

I peeked out, and in front of me was devious abode with gnarled trees that seemed to be reaching towards me, and a dirty old mudstone house that loomed forward, and could very well contain a monster.
“Yup.” I muttered, “Thought so.”

The Witch Hellzel dashed inside, and slammed the door closed. She soon opened it, when she realised she had forgotten to take me with her.
She took me into the house, and I could only gaze out through the opening of the sack.

“Now then!” she snickered, “You’re going to be put to great use!”
She pulled out a coal-black cauldron, and started pouring various concoctions. Rilliam gazed at me from his perch nearby.
“Come on Rilly, old buddy old pal!” I whimpered, “How ‘bout some of that havoc right about now?”
He snorted, and turned away.

Witch Hellzel threw in a few eyeballs, and grabbed a large wooden spoon. “You see, what I want is a Murkrow, to go well with my witchly habits. I used to have two dear Murkrow, and I miss them oh so terribly!”
“What happened to them?” I asked curiously.
“Those were their eyeballs in the cauldron.” Rilliam answered.
I rolled my own eyes. This was turning out to be a very camp experience.
“So, with you in this cauldron, you’ll be transformed into a delightful Murkrow, and my troubles will be over!”
“Why me?” I groaned.
“Because.” Rilliam replied casually, “As you might have guessed, the Witch Hellzel is stark raving mad.”
“Oh.” I said with a sigh, “Fair enough.”
“I’m adding the final ingredients!” Witch Hellzel announced.
“She’s adding the final ingredients.” Rilliam repeated.
“I’m letting it sit for a few tense seconds!” Witch Hellzel continued.
“She’s letting it sit for a few tense seconds.” Rilliam said, grinning.
“I need to test it!” Witch Hellzel snapped.
“She needs to test-BRAWK!”

Rilliam was cut off as Witch Hellzel snatched him off his perch, and tossed him in.
There was a distinct smell of sizzling turkey.
Perhaps she would change her mind and we’d have a merry Pidgeotto stew instead. …THEN I could steal her wallet!”

Eventually she reached her hand in, and pulled Rilliam out. He was black, like a Murkrow. Success?
It could be, if Rilliam wasn’t now twice his normal size, cycloptic, featuring three legs and a disformed face.
“Hm.” Witch Hellzel muttered, “Needs a tad less mutant cream.”
“Well this is just bloody brilliant…” Rilliam sighed, annoyed.

“Okay!” the Witch Hellzel said with a grin, “In we go!”
She walked up, and I prepared for the fiercest battle of my life. She opened the sack, and I charged! She stumbled backwards, and fell headfirst into the cauldron.
“Wow.” I muttered, disappointed, “That was easier than I thought.”

I stepped out of the sack, and headed for the doorway. Rilliam was too shocked to stop me. I looked back, as the Witch Hellzel slowly pulled her head out. She snapped up, and looked at Rilliam. He gasped when he saw her face. She turned around, slowly, and I braced myself. She turned fully, and I saw her face.
“Aaaahh!” I bellowed, “It’s LARRY HAGMAN!!”
I turned, and bolted as quickly as I could.

I ran along the path towards Kurabusu City, the Witch Hellzel close behind me.
“Whatever was wrong with the brew?” she whined, as she ran. She was gaining on me, and there was still a fair distance to go.
“That’s it!” she gasped, and stopped. I continued running.
“There were too many genes in it!” she wailed, “It was too genie! GENIE! GENIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!” she bellowed, and for some reason I couldn’t help humming I Dream of Jeannie as I made it safely into Kurabusu.

I panted heavily, and fell to the ground. Off in the distance, I saw him. It was Tony! But he wasn’t as I’d expected him. He was happily skipping along…
What was going on? Last time I saw him he was on his knees crying, but now he’s back to being happy…
I shrugged, and ran up to him.

“Hey!” he grinned, “So there’s my Bulb-is-sore! Get up to any shenanigans?”
“As only I can…” I sighed.
“You didn’t, uh… steal any wallets, did you?” he gulped.
“I forgot to!” I moaned, as we walked into the city.

A man with a moustache and torn clothes ran up to us, and grabbed Tony by the shoulder.
“Kid!” he shouted, panting for breath, “Are you a Pokémon trainer?”
“At least I assume myself as being. Perhaps in a foreign country I wouldn’t be considered one, but for the moment I’ll answer in the affirmative…” Tony muttered.
The man stared at him.
“Yes.” Tony said with a sigh.
“Good!” the man said, and started to run, “There’s a terrible incident, we need your help!”

We ran after him.
What could this terrible incident be? Tony’s arrival, perhaps?

We finally arrived, to a terrible sight…
Drago
5th January 2003, 11:55 PM
No, not posting just yet. Since I actually know for a change when the next chapter's coming, just thought I'd let you know.

I was planning on putting chapter 11 up today after I had finished it off, but I'm afraid I had to go on the net early, because I have to go to the station at 4, so the chapter's almost done, and it'll be up tomorrow. Thanks for your patience! It was quite frightening...
Drago
7th January 2003, 01:37 AM
Well here it is! The eleventh chapter, which also features the last bit from Leaves' viewpoint (well, for now anyway)

Oh, and I forgot to say... I hope everyone had a very happy new year, and that 2003 will be a great year for all you Minters!! :)

Minty Thrill
Chapter 11
Out of the Frying Pan…

“Egad!” I gasped, as my eyes widened. The building…
It was on fire!!

The man looked at me as though he was seriously forlorn, or someone had beaten him in Mario Kart.
“I just barely escaped…” he moaned.
“How did this happen?” I gasped.
The man looked at me as though I were wasting time, “I don’t know, but I’m sure it’s my fault… I went into the lab, and lit a Bunsen burner, and the entire room went up in flames! My guess is that someone forgot to turn off the gas…”
Leaves gasped loudly, as though he had come to a realisation.
“Whatever the case, you and your Pokémon have to put it out! The fire brigade isn’t gonna make it in time, the nearest one is in Attiles City.”
“Very well!” I said, needing no more explanations, “Come out and help us guys!”

I threw down my Pokéballs, and Cubone and Klepto came out.
“Alright!” I commanded, “Now put out that fire!”
They stood there, looking at me worriedly.
“You’re kidding…” the man groaned, “You don’t have a water Pokémon?”
“…Nooooo…” I gulped. I wasn’t being very impressive, “But Cubone can shoot out a mean Fire Blast, wanna see?”
The man started to cry, which made me think.

“Cubone, it’s up to you!” I said loudly.
Cubone pointed at himself, and gulped.
“That’s right!” I continued, “You’re the one with all the TM moves, you must have at least one water attack!”
I picked Cubone up, and he squirmed in fear.
“Gooooo!” I roared, and threw Cubone at the blazing building.
He flew right into the wall, and was knocked unconscious.

“Uh…” I muttered, my eyes shrinking and a sweatdrop drooping down my forehead, “What now?”
I looked around, “Where’d Klepto go?” I moaned.
Leaves shrugged, as a figure stumbled through the front door of the flaming building.
I ran over and pulled him away. He was rather fat, so it was quite the difficult task.
I better be getting hazard pay for this…

“People!” he hacked, “People still in there! They’re trapped on the second floor!”
“Aww hölle!” I gasped, when I saw something in the smoky sky. I focussed, and realised it was Klepto! He was carrying a large pail of water.
“Hoorah!” I cried happily, “Klepto realised that I needed water! It’s all gonna be ok, mister!” I waved my hands so that Klepto could see me, “Gimme the water, Klepto!” I shouted.

The smile was wiped off my face when Klepto poured the entire pail of water over my head.
He landed to the ground, looking happily as though he had done a good job.

“…Thank you Klepto.” I muttered, and looked back at the building, “There’s no time! Someone has to go in there and save them!”
I propped the fat bloke onto his feet. “Go!” I roared, “Go and save them!”

It was then I realised he had passed out, and he wasn’t getting any lighter. I dropped him to the ground, and looked about frantically.
“Hey…” I muttered to Leaves and Klepto, “You don’t suppose it’d be alright if we just, uh… walked away, do you? I can whistle pretty good, we’ll be perfectly innocent!”

Klepto looked at me confusedly, as Leaves shook his head. He snorted, and dashed off towards the building.
“Leaves!” I shouted, “You can’t go in there! Your bulb will catch fire!” I paused for a moment, “And stuff!”

I groaned, and ran after Leaves into the blazing inferno!

I looked around inside. The heat was unbearable, and beads of sweat already developed on my forehead. Leaves stood in front of me, looking around for the stairs. I couldn’t really see very well, the smoke was getting to me, and the fire was so bright.
I couldn’t tell one thing apart from another.

I stumbled around, waving my hands in front of me.
“Bulb! Bulba!” Leaves suddenly growled.
“Leaves?” I gasped, and dropped to my knees. I could see clearer now. Leaves was looking at me, nudging his head forward. He had found the stairs! The problem was that they were engulfed in flames.
“You want me to put it out somehow?” I asked, and Leaves nodded.
“Uh, alrighty….” I gulped, and crawled towards the fire.

I took a deep breath, and shot a mighty ball of spit at it.
I sat there for a moment.
“I don’t think it worked…”

Leaves groaned, and looked around.
“Bulb!” he said suddenly, and bit at my jacket.
“Awwwwww no you don’t!” I shouted, “We aren’t gonna go through under this! I like this jacket! It’s so bright and orange! Where else are we going to see something this bright and orange?”
Leaves sighed, and looked around.

“…Oh yeah, the fire.” I gulped, and pulled the jacket over my head. I scooped up Leaves in my arms, and dashed through the fire up the stairs.

This is the time to say something heroic, like they do in the movies! I thought to myself as I ran through the flames.

“Hot hot hot ow ow ow!” I bellowed each step of the way, until we made it to the top. I tripped forward when I found there weren’t anymore steps, and looked forward.
There was a massive hole in the floor! I hadn’t been able to tell downstairs.

“Help us!” a voice squealed, and it was then I noticed two pairs of hands dangling desperately from the hole, trying not to fall in.
“I’m coming!” I shouted, and ran up to the hole.
It was then I saw something I had never expected…


…It was Tobias and Amy!

They looked up at me desperately, and Tobias reached his hand out.

They’re here… Clutching on for dear life… They, who mocked me… They, who robbed me…
They…they’re here…

Leaves
********************
No no no!
This was what Madame Vertigo was talking about! The fire in the ball, it had been representing the future! Right now!

You yourself must make a choice, you see… her haunting voice ran through my head, Should he return to his normal state of mind(lessness) there is the question on what he will think of those who have wronged him. You will pay a very integral part in this, my young Bulbasaur.
Should Tony have to make a life or death decision, it is in your hands… not his. Not his… Not his…

I looked down at Tobias, who was desperately reaching towards Tony’s hand. Amy squealed as one of her hands slipped, and she edged closer towards the fire.

I then looked up at Tony. He was… laughing!

He lifted his foot, and raised it over Amy’s hand.
“Now we’ll see just who’s a loser!” he cackled. His voice didn’t sound normal. It was full of hate and jealousy. It wasn’t the Anthony Chambers I knew.

He threw his foot down, and stomped on Amy’s hand!

“No!” I roared, and rather unexpectedly, a pair of vines shot out from my bulb! I was doing it! I was finally doing Vine Whip!

I reached down with them, and caught Amy just before she fell into the fire. I strained as I pulled her up, as Tony stood by in disbelief.

I gasped as I skidded forward slightly. She was surprisingly heavy, and I didn’t know if I could hold her!

All of a sudden, the strain was half as much. Tony was pulling Amy up! We pulled her up, and finally pulled her out from the hole. We then pulled Tobias out, but when we turned around towards the stairs, the top few fell through!

There was a big gaping pit of fire between us and the remaining stairs, and I didn’t know if I could make the jump…

All of a sudden the window smashed open, and a bone fell to the floor.
I looked up, and there they were. Klepto was carrying Cubone through the window!

They landed on the floor, and Cubone dashed over towards the pit.
He opened his mouth, and an icy blast shot out. He had made a path towards the stairs!

We quickly slid across before it melted, but found that the area between the stairs and the doorway was completely filled with fire!

“We doomed!” Tobias wailed, when all of a sudden Klepto’s eyes flashed blue. He concentrated, and the fire separated, Moses-like.

We ran through, and made it out the doorway.
Klepto flew out last, just before the building tilted over slightly, and the roof tumbled in.
The building had collapsed on itself. …But everyone was safe.
********************************
It was a while later. The fire was out, and Tony was talking to Tobias and Amy.
“It’s amazing how quickly you two recovered from the fight!” I said happily to Cubone and Klepto.
“Yeah, we don’t know how it happened, but for some reason we both awoke at the same time, and Tony was really happy about something…” Cubone replied.
“Happy?” Klepto suddenly squawked, “Gifts will make him happy! Gifts! Gifts! Should I go get him more gifts?”
“No…” I said, laughing, “I think he should be alright for now.”

We looked over to Tony. He had a really strange look on his face as he talked to Amy. He was putting on all sorts of casual expressions, while keeping a steady grin.
“What’s he doing?” Cubone muttered.
“I think he’s trying to get with that Amy girl…” I whispered, “He’s pretty forgiving when it comes to a pretty face.”

Tony said one last thing, and put on a really big smile. Amy gasped, and then WHAP! Amy slapped Tony across the face. She and Tobias walked away, as Tony fell to the ground.
“I take it she doesn’t like dinner?” Tony groaned dizzily.
I laughed loudly, “It’s good to see him back to normal. …Or as normal as he can be, anyway.”
Drago
11th January 2003, 09:59 PM
Crikey, where did everyone go? It's been rather lonely here... :o
Oh well, guess the current theme just wasn't doin' it for you, eh?

Never fear, I'm returning to the seriousnessless of before, and hopefully it'll bring in a few more replies. Mebbe, mebbe not. Oh well, we'll see how it goes.

Minty Thrill
Chapter 12
Freaky Fun

Kyle
********************
I had completely torn Attiles City apart, and yet Chambers was nowhere to be found.
I sighed, annoyed, and walked into a nearby restaurant.

I was met with a loud shout, and I fumbled with my baton, dropping it to the floor.
Right in front of me leapt a teenager, a tad older than me. He had long, shaggy hair, and looked to be drunk. Of course, given my current position, I couldn’t really book him for supposed underage drinking, but I could smell it in his breath.

“Huahaha!” he cackled wickedly, although it sounded more like a phlegmy cough. I shielded my face from the saliva he shot out, “Hey kid, wanna fight?”

This wasn’t good. He raised his fists, so I had to act quickly. I looked to a table, and grabbed a plastic fork.
“I’ve got a plastic fork!” I snarled, waving it menacingly.
“Dude! Please, don’t stab me man!” he gulped, not realising just how puerile threat was.
“Then get lost.” I snapped, and he quickly scampered away.

I sighed, and picked up my baton.
I sat down, and gazed at it. Right now, there was one thing bugging me about it.
…Just why did I have to call it a baton? That was such a stupid term, and I felt more like the leader of a marching band.
What were some better names? Nightstick… club… The Riddells Device…

“Excuse me?” a woman said suddenly, shocking me and making me throw the baton over my shoulder.
I heard a thud and a scream.

“May I take your order?” the woman asked perkily. I shook my head.
Such idiocy in this town. No wonder Chambers didn’t stay for long. A genius of his calibre would’ve been appalled by the intelligence quotient…

Tony
********************
“Hey Leaves,” I asked the Bulb-is-sore, and he looked up curiously, “Just what ARE you? I mean, really. I’ve been wondering for a while. Are you a dinosaur thing, or some kind of iguana? Because you look an awful lot like roadkill of some description…”

I looked up suddenly as I collided with an indescribably odd object.
“What’s this?” I gasped, eyes widening, “Someone knows we’re here! Some devious Kurabusu resident has planted this large white… THING here to block our path! Damn them! Damn them and their superior knowledge! When will we be enlightened with their fascinating technology and grand dental plans? When, Leaves, WHEEEEEEEEEEN?”

Leaves groaned, and I took another look.
“Hang on.” I muttered, “This is a wall.”
He walked around the corner, and through the door. It was a Pokémon Centre, to be precise.
I let out Cubone and Klepto, and stepped inside as well.
The nurse standing behind the counter looked tired and irritated, a Fancie by her side. There was also a little girl in the lobby sitting in a large leather couch, watching TV.
I walked up to the counter, and noticed that the nurse was very pretty. She had long, shiny blonde hair, and thick red lipstick. She had a generally smart look to her. I got that impression because of how flustered she looked. Only smart people get flustered like that. Except me, it seemed, for some reason…

“Can I help you?” the nurse asked, trying to be polite as possible.
“Yeah,” I said, clearing my throat to sound more appealing, “I was wondering if I could stay here the night, as well as getting my three Pokémon fixed up?”
“Certainly!” she replied, surprisingly happily, “We’d love to be of service to you! I’m Nurse Iris, and I run this Pokémon Centre. There are a few rooms vacant, fortunately. Although most people are feeling bushed lately. That fire has made things uncomfortably warm around here, and it hasn’t snowed for days! It almost feels like summer! Anyway, I’ll get you your key card.”

She walked over to the several key cards hanging on the wall.

I stared at her shifting through them, trying to find juuuuuuuuuuuuuuust the right one. Parting them and sorting them with her long, slender fingers. They glided along the cards reflective and smooth surface.
Not since Crazy Eights had I been so turned on by cards.
“Here it is.” She said, relieved, “Somebody’s been messing around with the order, I’m surprised I found it so quickly!” She handed me the card, “Here’s the key card to your room. Any questions?”
“Yes.” I said unknowingly, “Will you be sleeping on the left side of the bed or the right?”
For this I got a swift slap, and Iris stormed into the back room, completely forgetting to answer my question. The Fancie sighed, and followed her.

I shrugged, and started wandering around. I walked over to the little girl watching TV.
“Hi!” she grinned, “I’m Tina!”
“Whatcha watching?” I asked her, rubbing my cheek.
“Hamtaro.” She said in a cheery voice.
“Hamtaro?” I scoffed, and laughed out loud. Leaves, Cubone and Klepto chuckled as they left the room to do some exploring.
I leant towards her. “Which episode?” I asked quietly.

“HEY!” a voice shouted. I quickly whirled around, to see Iris with a phone, “It’s for you!”
I walked over, and picked it up.
“Hello?” I asked, confused.
“CHAMBERS!” the voice on the other end bellowed. I gasped, and pulled it away from me. I knew exactly who it was.
“Mr. Michaels!” I gasped, “I’m so sorry! I never expected you to come back from the dead to get me! I’m so sorry dead Mr. Michaels! Oh wait, wait, would it offend you less if I said Mr. Zomichaels?”
“Chambers, you dolt! I’m not a zombie!” he shouted.
“You’re …really Mr. Michaels then?” I asked suspiciously, “Prove it! What’s three times two?!”
“Chambers, if you don’t shut up I’ll reach through the phone and rip your lungs out!” he hissed.
I closed my mouth. “Wow Mr. Michaels,” I said through my teeth, “You must not have many friends if you say things like that…”
“Listen!” Mr. Michaels snarled, “Your extensions are up! Your room is no longer your’s!”
“My room!” I gasped, “You can’t take it away, I’ll be homeless!”
“Then pay up!” he said in a gruff voice.
I thought for a moment.

“Uhh…” I grumbled, “I know how I can get the money…and more.”
“Huh?” Mr. Michaels grunted. The prospect of more money was enough to interest the foul beast.
“You can turn my room into a Pokémon lab, and I’ll send you all my spare Pokémon. Then, you can charge people to come in and see them!”
“Chambers.” Mr. Michaels sighed, “You are an absolute moron.”
“Uh, I’ll send you a wish-granting Pokémon?” I squeaked.
“Alright then!” Mr. Michaels cackled, “So what’ll I need?”
“Just a Pokémon transporter, like they have in all the labs!”
“Sure!” Mr. Michaels replied, “…Hang on, how the hell am I supposed to get-”

I gulped, and threw the phone out the window. An alive Anthony is a happy Anthony.
I sighed, relieved. “There. Now that my apartment is safe, I’ll have a place to sleep at night.”
I followed after my Pokémon, looking for where I was supposed to sleep tonight.

I walked through the halls, and an elderly man opened the door from his room. He looked a lot like Hank. He was bald like him, and wore glasses.
“Hank?” I muttered, confused.
“I ain’t no Hank you lousy punk!” he wheezed, “Stop stompin’ down the halls! I’m tryin’ to get some sleep here! It’s almost… 11 o’clock! Wow, that’s strange… usually it’s earlier than that. Oh well. Nonetheless, shaddup and lemme sleep! You’re just lucky Snorlax ain’t awake. He woulda…mangled and tangled and yearaha…”

He slammed the door shut. I didn’t catch his name, so I’d just call him Almost Hank.
Another door opened nearby, and out stomped a fat, tattooed man. Alongside him strode a fat, tattooed Wig-is-bluff.
“Eh, wha’s goin’ on’ ou’ ‘ere, ‘en, ya li’l wart!” he babbled. He seemed to have trouble opening his mouth against the layers of fat of his chin.
“What?” I gulped.
He grunted, confused.
“Ul ba’ ba’ba ‘raus sa’ bu’l bu’sa.” Leaves muttered.
“Oh, a’igh’, ‘orry li’l ‘igh’er. ‘ub’a mean’ no ‘arm…” ‘ub’a replied, and waddled back in.
“Wow, Leaves!” I gasped, “I didn’t know you knew other languages!”

Dear Diary:
It seems Leaves speaks fluent fat.

Rather unsurprisingly, a third door opened, and a chubby woman and thin man peered out from behind the frame. Standing in front of them were a boy and girl.
I gasped lightly, and Cubone backed up. Maybe it was just the dim light, but their eyes were large and round, and seemed to glow. Their faces were blank and cold, and expressionless. They wore dark, black clothes, and it reminded me of an Ozzy Osborne impersonation gone terribly wrong.
“H-h-hello.” I squeaked, “I’m Tony… Tony Pleasedontkillme!”
“Hello.” The man said in a weak, English voice, “We are the Bunkits. I am Mr. Bunkit, and this is Mrs. Bunkit. These are the children, Eleanor and Theodore Bunkit.”
“Uh-huh…” I gulped, as they stared on. They didn’t once blink, or change their gaze, “This here…is Leaves! He’s great with doors! Would you like for him to close your door?”
The Bunkits continued staring.
“We have to go inside now.” Mr. Bunkit said finally, “We will say goodbye to you and hope you have very pleasant dreams.”

They shifted back inside, and slowly pulled the door behind them.

I let out a sigh, and closed my eyes, “Finally… they’re going back to their hellish world, hope they say hello to El Dibby for me.”

I opened my eyes, to the same large gazing ones.
“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG!” I screeched, “He’s sooner than I expected!!”
“This is HootHoot Bunkit.” Mr. Bunkit said, and the creature hovered back onto Bunkit’s shoulder, “He would just like to let you know that your Natu appears to be taking the children’s clothing.”
Mr. Bunkit reached inside, and pulled out Klepto, who had a curious look on his face, and a shirt clutched in his beak. Mr. Bunkit handed Klepto to me, and slowly moved back inside, closing the door behind him.

I gasped for air, and looked angrily at Klepto.
“Never steal demon clothing!!” I snapped, as we walked down the hall towards the final room.
I shifted nervously for my key card. “Between Almost Hank, ‘ub’a and those freaks I think I won’t be getting much sleep tonight…” I moaned, and finally found the card. I quickly went inside, shut the door, and turned on the light.

I looked around. It was a one-nighter, and thus only had two beds and a table. There was a small window. I looked at the clock. It hit eleven, and bars slid down over the window.
“Security system.” I muttered, “That, or they don’t want anyone eloping with their windows while they sleep.”

I pulled everything out of my pockets, and had to sternly tell Cubone not to listen to the walkman.
Annoyed, he climbed into one of the beds, clutching it to his side. Klepto ruffled the shirt around on the table, before settling into it as though it were a nest.
Leaves paced around a few times before collapsing onto the soft fluffy rug next to my bed.
“So!” I said loudly and suddenly, and everyone’s eyes shot open, “Anyone up for some training?”
********************************
“No…no, stop it… No…NOOO!” I shot up from the bed, covered in a layer of sweat. It was morning, and Leaves awoke. He lazily gazed up to see what was wrong.
“Oh Leaves, it was awful!” I groaned, “I had that dream where I went to the futuristic camp where everyone was classified by their last name and a certain colour, and I was on the raft with Hyman Blue and McFinty Green, and I took a wrong turn, and they all yelled at me ‘Chambers Brown, you blockhead!’ and all I could do was mutter ‘good grief’! Then a big white beagle jumped onto the raft, and started dancing, and a little yellow THING flew alongside him, and do you know what happened next?”
Leaves’ eyes widened.
“A shark came up and ate the world.”
He looked surprised by the ending.

“No!” a voice from outside shouted, “Please, stay calm! It’s just a very bad mix-up, really!”
“OK!” I shouted in response, “That’s nice to know!”

The door flung open, and nurse Iris poked her head in,
“I apologise, but there are a few security problems at the moment…” she muttered, “And all the doors and windows are locked, so nobody will be able to exit for the moment until we find the security key card.”
“’k.” I muttered, not fully understanding, “But, hey… how come you didn’t need a key card to get into here?”
“Oh because your key card doesn’t open your door. It’s actually the key to the utility closet. I gave it to you because I didn’t care if freaks came in and attacked you in the night.” She answered quickly, and shut the door after her.
“Oh, ok.” I said with a smile, “Hey, wait a minute…”

After getting dressed in the same clothes I had been wearing for about a week or two now, I returned Cubone and Klepto, and Leaves and I wandered down the hall.

Almost Hank was complaining to Iris, as she was repeatedly apologising. Was he blaming her for his age? Only time will tell…
I turned, and accidentally bumped into the large figure of ‘ub’a. He snarled at me.
“Uh-oh…” I gulped, then decided to try my luck, “’ow a’ou’ ‘e ge’ a li’l ‘ore ‘ren’e ‘en, eh?” I grunted in my best fat voice.
‘ub’a chuckled, winked at me, and walked back into his room.
“Uh, Leaves?” I gulped, “Just what did I say to him?”
Leaves did a little pelvic motion to explain. My eyes widened, and I now feared ‘ub’a for more reasons than I had before.

I looked around nervously, and was relieved to find the Bunkits didn’t appear to be anywhere in sight.
“I guess they only come out at night…” I muttered to Leaves, and stepped out to the lobby.

Sure enough, there were bars over all the windows and the main door.
“Why don’t you just call someone?” Almost Hank snapped from behind me.
“I’m afraid I can’t find the phone!” Iris cried, and I froze in my tracks. It just struck me that I had thrown the phone out the window…

I strolled nervously towards Tina. She was still watching TV.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Cardcaptors.” She replied, “They just found out that Sakura is the master of the cards, and they’re now star cards.”
“And I missed it?” I gasped, then realised Leaves was standing next to me, “Uh, good!”
I shook my head at the close call, and turned towards the hall. I looked up, and was face to face with the Bunkits!
“AAAAAAAAH!” I screeched, stirring no response from them, “Uh, I was just… praying to my gods?”
I gulped hopefully. Maybe I could pretend I was some description of Satanist.
“We are afraid that we are running behind schedule.” Mr. Bunkit said solemnly, “We were planning to leave early this morning, but we have not been able to do many things.” They shifted slightly, “And we find it to be rather unpleasant.”
“Hoot.” HootHoot said, agreeing.
Leaves and I slowly stepped away from them, being eyed every step of the way. I fell into a chair as they walked back down the hall.

“This isn’t good…” I sighed, “I can’t stay here! It’s getting warmer by the moment, and missing time that should be spent fighting the Jim, uh… gym leader!”
“Hey, at least you can watch cartoons with me…” Tina called from where she was sitting.
“Leaves,” I said determinedly, “We’ll have to find out who took the key card! We’ll have to be detectives!”
Leaves tilted his head slightly, confused.
“Oh no…” I groaned, “You don’t know what a detective is?”
I tried to think of a WWE gimmick that involved detectives…

“Uh, I guess Hurricane will have to do…” I muttered, “Alright, you know how the Hurricane is a super hero? Well, he has to fight crime. And he fights crime with superpowers. But if you’re a person who has to fight crime without superpowers, you would be a policeman.” I paused for a moment, “Or Batman. Anyway, policemen dash about stopping criminals and shooting them full of holes. But there are people who need to tell the policemen who to shoot, by finding out who’s guilty. That person is a detective. Detectives are people who find out who’s guilty.”
I stopped, proud of my explanation, but then realised something. “Actually, detectives can also be rather low-ranked policemen, somewhere between patrolman and sergeant. What they have to do is be extra brave to get higher than their current rank, and shoot more people with more holes. Except civilians, of course. You see, civilians, are innocent people. We try not to shoot innocent people.” I paused again, “Unless of course you’re a robber. Robbers shoot people in their way for money and chuckles, and they’re the person who the policemen have to shoot full of holes, because robbers rob banks, because they’re bad people, and that’s what bad people do.” I paused yet again, “Unless you’re a super villain. Super villains are like robbers because they do bad things, but they do extra bad things, like torture people and strive for world domination. They’re almost undefeatable, but they can be defeated by super heroes. Hurricane is a super hero. Well, he has to fight crime. And he fights crime with superpowers. But if you’re a person who has to fight crime without superpowers…”

Leaves groaned, and walked away, ready to be a detective.
“I’ll finish my explanation later.” I said to him, and stood up. Iris walked into the back room, her Fancie close behind her.
“Good, now that she’s out of the way we can get to some questioning…” I said gleefully, and walked down the hall.

I knocked on Almost Hank’s door. He seemed to be a very unhappy man, so maybe he was villainous to lock everybody inside.
The door shot open, to a huge yellow and green blob thing.
“Wow Almost Hank, you sure got big…” I muttered, and Leaves handed me a notebook Klepto had found from somewhere, “Alrighty Almost Hank, what were you doing last night?”
“Laaaaax…” he responded, and I jotted down ‘relaxing’.
“Could you give me a demonstration?” I asked curiously. Almost Hank tipped over, and fell towards us.
“Waaaaaaaaaah!” I squealed, and we scrambled out of the way as he fell to the floor.

“Snorlax, return!” a voice snapped, and Almost Hank was sucked up into a Pokéball!
All of a sudden, Almost Hank stepped out from behind!
“Almost Hank!” I gasped, “You look thinner already!”
“That was my Snorlax you nimrod!” Almost Hank snapped, “Now whaddya want?”
“I want to know…” I replied, “Were you enough of a bastard to take the key card and lock us all in here to die?”
Almost Hank glared angrily at me, and slammed the door shut.

I wrote down, ‘yes’. Only question, though, is if he actually did it, villainous or not.

I turned around towards ‘ub’a’s door.
“Oooooooh no!” I snapped, “I am not going to question this guy! I don’t want to ruin our current relationship…”
I shuddered, and sent out Cubone.
“You can do it…” I muttered, and ran down the hall. I peeked around the corner as Cubone knocked on the door, Leaves standing next to him.

‘ub’a opened the door, and tilted towards them. I feared he would eat them up right there. Wig-is-bluff was by his side, looking just as hungry.
“Bone, cuba, cuby, bone, cub cube.” Cubone muttered.
“ul’a, bl’as, ul’ab, al’ab, bul’ab bul’aba.” Leaves translated, and ‘ub’a thought for a moment.
“I ‘as ‘andin’ ‘ight ‘ere wit’ me ‘igg’ytuff, o’ cawse…” he replied, and closed the door.

Leaves and Cubone ran over. Leaves had written the English version on the notepad. He was quite the handy Bulb-is-sore.

I gulped, as I looked at the Bunkits door.
“Uh…” I whimpered, “You know, they seem awfully innocent! Of course they didn’t do it!”
I turned around, and was once again face to face with them.
“It is rather kind of you to find us innocent.” Mr. Bunkit said in the same voice as always, “Of course, you must excuse us if we act a bit impolite. The current state of affairs is making us veeeeeeery unhappy, you see.”
“Hooooooooooooo…” HootHoot said in an agreeing tone.
“If you’ll excuse us,” Mr. Bunkit continued, “We must go kill-”
I gasped.
“Some time.” He finished, and they glided across the floor towards their room, never stopping looking at me.

I shuddered, then let Klepto out. “Alright fellas,” I said quietly, “Here’s what we’re gonna do. I’m going to get all the residents and their Pokémon out of their rooms. While I do that, you guys go through their rooms, and see if you can find the key card.”
They nodded, and argued who went into the Bunkits’ room.

I sighed, and knocked on all their doors. I knew just how to distract them…
********************************
“See that guy there?” I said, pointing, “He’s Kriiiiiiiiiilliiiiiiiiiiiiiiin, got that?”
Almost Hank, ‘ub’a and the Bunkits were actually rather interested, now that I had distracted them by getting them all here to watch Dragonball Z. Tina was thrilled that someone was finally watching her anime shows with her.
I decided now would be the perfect time to rewrite this show the way I thought it should be done…
“Now, you see, Krillin is the strongest Z Fighter of them all.” I said loudly, “He has had to save the day many times around, and has the most threatening techniques. In fact, when Goku got killed, it got Krillin so angry that he went Super, uh… Krillin. And he kicked Frieza’s ***! He took his sorry carcass and mangled him! He went BIFF and POW and KABOOMP!”
I slammed my fists against the couch as I told my version.
“And then he took that Puar thing and he took it in both hands, and he-”

I was interrupted when I noticed Leaves, Cubone and Klepto excitedly motioning around the corner.
“Excuse me…” I said politely, and ran up to them, “Alright guys, did you find the key card?”
They nodded, and each dropped a key card.
“What?” I grumbled, “Ohhhh… you IDIOTS! I wanted you to get the key card for the main door, not to their rooms!”
I groaned. It was hard being so smart.
“So what else did you find?” I muttered. They all shrugged.
“That won’t do!” I snapped, “Go back in there and find something useful!”
They nodded, and ran back into the rooms.

I sighed, then noticed something sticking out of the utility closet. It looked like a key card! I slowly and carefully slid it out, and looked at it. The sticker on it read, ‘main security’.
“This is it!” I gasped, and ran to the front door. I stuck the key card in the slot next to it, but all I got was a beep, and the card shot back out.
“What?” I groaned, and tried again. Still, the results were the same.
I tapped my chin, then noticed the number on the slot. It read ‘Main Security, A1’.
The card, however, read, ‘Main Security, A5’.

I thought for a moment, then walked back to the utility closet. The slot next to it read ‘Utility Closet, A5’.
I stuck the card in, and the door to the closet swung open.
“Yes!” I gasped, “But…”
Leaves, Cubone and Klepto ran out from the rooms with their new finds. They had each found a photo in the rooms. Almost Hank and his Snorlax, ‘ub’a and his Wig-is-bluff, the Bunkits and their HootHoot…
“That’s it!” I said with a grin, “Guys, it’s time to take ‘em down…”

I gathered everyone in the lobby, and paced back and forth. I took a puff from a pipe, and coughed lightly.
“Where did you get this, anyway?” I asked Klepto, who was on my shoulder.
“So, all, I’ve deduced not only where the key card is, but also just who it was who took the key card!”
They talked amongst themselves curiously.

“First off, I’m sure you want to know who has stolen the key card.” I started. A few of them nodded, and I’m pretty sure I heard a ‘duh’.
“Well, to be rather frank, the one who had the key card was …me!”
A gasp hit the room.
“But it wasn’t my fault!” I quickly continued, “You see, nurse Iris had given me the key card to the utility room! However, it was in fact, the key…” I walked up to the front door, and stuck it in the slot, “The security system!”
All the bars shot up, and the door opened.
“You see, the stickers indicating which room the key card opened had been switched around. However, underneath the sticker its engraved which door number it corresponds with! As you can tell, my key opened the front door.”
I shot my finger across the room.
“And this made me suspect none other than nurse Iris herself!”
There was another gasp, and all eyes shot towards the shocked nurse.

“Buuut…” I said quietly, “I came upon another realisation… This is a Pokémon Centre. And Iris would’ve been the top suspect, but there was someone even more suspicious…”


I pointed a finger at the guilty suspect.


“…Tina!” I screeched, and all attention was on her, “I noticed that ALL of you had a Pokémon, even nurse Iris, who didn’t need one! However, the one person who didn’t fit in was Tina, who didn’t have a single Pokémon! What would she be doing here without a single Pokémon!”
“Alright alright I admit it!” Tina whined, “I switched the key cards around!”
“But why?” Iris asked, shocked.
“Because!” Tina said, tears developing in her eyes, “If none of you could leave, then you’d all have to stay here and watch TV with meeeeeeeeeeee!”

There was a silence across the room.

“Wow.” I muttered, “That’s a lousy excuse.”
I returned Cubone and Klepto, and stepped out the door.
“But really, all of you are guilty…” I said mysteriously, “Of being the biggest bunch of freaks I’ve ever met!”

I cackled, and dashed outside, finally free! Finally rid of all of those clowns! Finally…

I walked back inside.
“Uh, sorry.” I said sheepishly, “I forgot all my stuff…”
Mew Trainer Rose
11th January 2003, 11:45 PM
Hamtaro! Yay! *starts singing the Hamtaro theme song, realizes how much like Tony she seems at the moment, and stops abruptly*um...yeah.

lol @ the sleauthing. who'd think he would be smart enough to figure out who locked everyone in? :o
burakkichu
13th January 2003, 11:39 AM
wow, classic! love the detective spoofery, LOL! ^__^; poor Tina....had nobody to watch anime shows with her..... ^^
Reptilius Pyrus
28th January 2003, 04:25 PM
YEAH! Go Krillin! *Stuffs Puar down the toilet*

Sorry for not replying...been busy. I'll stick with ya from now on, though!
Drago
2nd February 2003, 12:51 AM
Mew Trainer Rose: I know how you feel, lately I've become obsessed with Hamtaro! :o Go Maxwell... I suppose it was a bit smarter than usual for Tony to have been able to figure everything out, but I couldn't really think of any other way to wrap things up than with him figuring it all out. He has to get one thing right, no?
burakkichu: It's good to know you liked the chapter, I put a lot of effort into that one! And as far as Tina's excuse goes, I still think it was rather lame...lonely or not!
Reptilius Pyrus: No need for apologies, if anyone should be apologising for not being around, it should be me! After all, I haven't put in a chapter for a while now... It's good to know you're back for more Mintyness though! :)

This chapter is sort of a 'fill-in' chapter, btw, for the next one. I was going to put it here, but I thought that would make Kurabusu seem a tad smaller than I had first pictured. I made this chapter to extend the time spent here, so we didn't end up with a short visit like the one in Dezu City.
Anyone who isn't a wrestling fan probably won't get a kick out of this one, but don't worry, Chapter 14 will return to what we're used to! I just thought I'd stay varied, and in the world of Minty Thrill, varied means STRANGE!!

Be afraid, be very afraid...

Minty Thrill
Chapter 13
World Wide Evil

I wandered around Kurabusu City, trying to find the gym. Although the only places around were tents, they really did block the view. It was rather strange that the city was filled with tents, actually, because the area was really big. It could take about an hour to get from one end to the other on foot. …Well, if you had a very slow foot.

“Unnnnnggggh…” I whined, “All this looking sucks! Why can’t I just have a Pokémon that I can ride around and make it do all the walking…”
I gazed accusingly at Cubone.
“That’s it, I command you to be a Rapidash!” I snarled, and his eyes widened.
“Bulba!” Leaves suddenly shouted, and I looked up. He was pointing off into the distance to what looked to be a big white building.
“That’s good enough for me…” I muttered, “Let’s get packing! Uh, going.”

We strolled along merrily for a while, until we found that it was a fair bit farther away than we had thought. It looked like it was just as far away as before, without the tents in the way of course.
“You know, maybe this would be quicker if we sang a song?” I muttered, and grabbed Cubone’s walkman.
I grinned, and pressed play. Apparently, Cubone had been listening to the Mario Kart 64 soundtrack, or something, and Rainbow Road started up.
“Uhh…” I muttered, “Guess I’ll add my own lyrics…”
I looked up to the air, threw my arms up, and started to sing…


I’d like to sing a little song to you
About a man, and what he’d do
He comes every day
To sweep the germs away
And this is what he’d say

In parades you’ll find
Me behind
Sweepin’ the mess
That’s what
I do best
I sweep the floor
For a few dollars more
I’m a janitor!

Sometimes he runs
Other times he just jogs
Wearing some spectacular togs
He’s an unsung hero
If ever there was one
From when he starts to when he’s done

In parades you’ll find
Me behind
Sweepin’ the mess
That’s what
I do best
I sweep the floor
For a few dollars more
I’m a janitor!

Oh yeah

Some days it isn’t worth getting out of bed
You’d rather be dead
Yeah, that’s what I said
But every day he comes without fail
I bet he could even deliver the mail

In parades you’ll find
Me behind
Sweepin’ the mess
That’s what
I do best
I sweep the floor
For a few dollars more
I’m a janitor!

Oh, a janitor…


I looked down to the others for a response.
Cubone was clapping unenthusiastically, Leaves made a loud yawn, as Klepto started milling about, looking for something to steal probably.
“Fine then,” I snorted, “See if I ever take up sanitation…”
I looked up. The building looked just as far away as ever, and the sun was starting to really heat things up. There wasn’t any snow in sight. Had winter ended abruptly? Is there a big winter commission made of snowmen and congressmen who decided that winter just wasn’t making as much money as it used to? That wouldn’t be very polite. Next time I see a snowman, I’ll steal his nose.
Over to the right, I spotted a large boulder next to a tree nearby.
“Let’s go and take a break over there.” I muttered, and started to run towards it.

After a while, it was still just as far as before.
“What’s going on here?” I muttered, and took a step forward. Only then did I notice that Leaves, Cubone and Klepto moved back, despite the fact that they were standing about!
“What’s going on here?” I snapped, and looked back to the city. Despite the fact that we had been walking for so long, the tents were only a short distance away!
Leaves took a step to the right, and I felt the entire ground move, and Leaves had made no distance whatsoever.
“We’re on some trippy treadmill!” I groaned, “We haven’t been moving at all!”

At that moment, the ground tipped over a bit, and a hole opened nearby!
“Oh no!” I gagged, “I think I’ve hurt its treadmilly feelings!”
All of a sudden, the treadmill started taking us towards the hole at a rapid pace! We started running, but it was just no use, the treadmill was going too fast. Klepto couldn’t even keep balance to take flight.
“Hang on guys,” I gasped, “We’re going down!”
We fell down the hole, and it closed behind us as we tumbled down a long dirt tunnel. We finally stopped when we crashed into a dark room.
“Dude…” I groaned, “That sucked!”

A cage dropped down over us, and a light shone, barely illuminating the silhouette of a huge man.
“Where are we?” I whimpered, “Have I died and gone to hell? …Again?”
“You are here at the headquarters…” a nasally voice responded, “Of the WWE!”
He stepped into the light. It was Brock Lesnar!
“This is really quite odd…” I muttered, “Leaves, are we drunk ...Again?”
Or perhaps drunk in hell...
Cubone and Klepto shuddered and hid behind me to avoid the gaze of this large man.
“Now you listen here, Lesnar,” I said bravely, “I know your ways, and I know your F-5’s, and I know your cheap parlour tricks! This won’t get you any titles, you boob!”
“Lesnar?” he grunted, confused, “I don’t know of any Lesnar… My name is Brad Lesnore!”
“Oh god…” I groaned, “Another cornball adventure, my life is really weird….”
“You, my scrawny friend, have been causing many problems for the WWE…” Brad continued.
“No I haven’t!” I gulped, “I’m a very big fan of World Wrestling Entertainment…”
“What ARE you on about?” Brad snarled, “This is the WWE, World Wide Evil! We are the most elite criminals in the world!” he shrugged his shoulders for a moment, “We’ve been tracking you for a while now…Agent Tony!”
“Agent Tony?” I muttered, confused.
“Yes, Pokémon FBI Agent Tony!” he spat, “Of the Yenrab division of underage drinking, smoking, and other naughty acts! You Yenrab agents have been foiling our naughty acts of stealing for too long!”
“Aww hölle…” I groaned, and shook my head. I may have just found the stupidest person in the world…
“That Richard boy was very good at contacting us, and now we have you right where we want you!” Brad cackled.
“In an oversized cage with three frightened and disorientated animals?” I muttered.
“Uh…yeah.” Brad grunted, “And now, I’m passing you four onto our professional executioners!”
“Oh no…” I squeaked, “We’re doomed!”
********************************
“Uhh…dynamite!”
“Got any?”
“Nope. Sorry.”
“Brilliant.”
“…How bout a very angry rhinoceros?”

Those were the executioners. The very daft Booker T and Goldust look-alikes, or as they seemed to be called, Booger Coffee and Goldumb.
“Leaves?” I muttered, and he looked at me, annoyed, “Can you kill me now? Pleeeeeeeeease?”

“I’ve got it!” Goldumb said suddenly.
“What?” Booger responded.
“A giant hole!” Goldumb stated proudly, “We’ll drown them in a hole!”
“Wow, that’s good.” Booger said, astonished, “No wonder you’re the smart one…”
“Now all we need is to dig a hole.” Goldumb muttered.
“Aww I’m too tired…” Booger moaned, “Can you dig it, sucka?”

My eyes widened. This was getting to be too much.
********************************
After a boring and lengthy argument about which end of the shovel to use, the two had dug a hole. They grabbed a hose, and pushed us in.
“Now you’re gonna drown!” Goldumb guffawed, “’Cause you can’t breathe underwater!”
“Really?” Booger gasped, amazed.
They turned on the hose, and walked out of the room.

“Oh no!” I shouted as the hole filled rapidly with water, “We’re going to drown!”
Leaves looked at me, annoyed.
“What?” I muttered, then, to my amazement, we were floating at the top of the hole.
The others climbed out, as I drifted about.
“How did that happen?” I muttered, “We were, like, in a hole and now we’re not…”
I climbed out, and looked around.
“We’ve got to get outta here…” I gulped, “I don’t think it’s healthy to stay in the underground lair of a crime syndicate…”

We crept along through the darkness, when all of a sudden bright lights filled the room, and we realised we were within a wrestling ring.
A lean fellow with a ponytail leapt into the ring. Rob Van Dam?
“Look, guys…” he said, “Messing with World Wide Evil…just isn’t cool. You want to get out of here, you’re going to have to face five of the top executives. Starting with me…” he pointed to himself, “Rob…Van…”
I gasped.
“Bleep.” He finished.
“Rob Van Bleep?” I muttered, “Doncha mean Rob Van Da-”
“Dude!” he gasped, “It’s not cool to swear.”
He grabbed a Pokéball, and sent out an Achoo. Oh wait, what was it called…
“Oh yeah, the ‘dex.” I grabbed it from my pocket, “I forgot about this thing…”
Raichu… it whirred, An Electric-Type…Pokémon that tends…to be athletic…
“Drat.” I snapped, “I was hoping it’d say it tends to the house…”

At that, Rob Van Bleep and Raichu curled up, and started rolling and flipping about the ring.
Leaves, Cubone, Klepto and I looked around, confused, as they circled us.
“Alright, think.” I muttered, “What shouldn’t you do when fighting RVD…uh, RVB?”

Van Bleep flipped in front of me, and jumped into a spinning heel kick. It connected with my jaw, and he resumed flipping. I fell to the mat.
“Oh yeah…” I coughed, “Don’t stand still.”
Raichu barrelled towards me, and flipped atop me, hitting me with an electric bolt.

“Aaaaack!” I wheezed, “What was that?” I pondered for a moment. “Oh wait, Rolling Thunder. …That was too corny to be true.”

Van Bleep scooped up Leaves and Cubone, put them atop each shoulder, and flipped atop them.
“Rolling fireman carry…” I told a horrified Klepto, “This is no good! We have to fight back!”
Van Bleep and Raichu climbed atop the turnbuckles, and crouched in position.
“Oh no! Frog Splash!” I gasped.
Time was running out, I had to act fast.
What would a heel do?

“A-ha!” I gasped, and picked up Klepto. I threw him at Van Bleep with all my might, and he was knocked to the floor. I dashed towards Raichu, and just as it jumped, I caught it mid-air. I lifted it above my head proudly.
“Look guys,” I grinned, “Military press!”

The Raichu opened its mouth, and chomped down on my thumb. I dropped it, and it started rolling again.
“Owwwww!” I wailed, “It BIT me! It didn’t reverse it! It didn’t counter it! IT BIT MEEEEEE!”
Raichu bounced off the ropes, and rolled at me at top speed!
“Oh no!” I gasped, and ran. I leapt over Cubone, and Raichu couldn’t help but roll right over him, sending it awkwardly to its feet.
I picked it up with one arm, and flipped it over the ropes to join Van Bleep on the floor.
“Booyeah!” I grinned, as Leaves, Cubone and Klepto came back to their senses.
“It isn’t over yet!” a man snarled, and climbed into the ring. He was bald, and had a goofy face. He looked a lot like Kurt Angle, but… he wore Canadian colours!
“A Canadian Kurt Angle?” I said, dumbfounded.
“I’m Bert Mangle!” he said, “Your Canadian hero!” He pointed to the air, and red and white pyros went off.
“So where are your medals?” I asked.
“I’m a Canadian Olympian, I don’t have any.” He responded.
“In essence…” I muttered, “It’s times like these I’m glad I’m dual-nationality.”
Mangle threw down a Pokéball of his own, and out came a Meanchalk!
Machoke. The dex interrupted, correcting my thoughts.
The picture on the Pokédex was different from the Machoke standing in front of me, though. It didn’t have any weird things on its head!
“Good god!” I gasped, “It’s a bald Machoke!”

Mangle and Machoke ambled towards us, arms at the ready.
“Don’t worry, guys,” I reassured my Pokémon, “Mangle won’t be nearly as fast as Van Bleep… What can a wuss like you do?” I snarled, only to find both opponents were gone.
All of a sudden, Mangle came up behind me, locked both arms around my stomach, and tossed me backwards.
I fell to the mat with a thud.
“More than a wuss like me can do, apparently…” I said dizzily.
Leaves and Klepto scrambled towards me, as Cubone got caught between the two.
They began throwing him back and forth in various suplexes, until Machoke put him across both shoulders, and dived to his back, Cubone’s head being put into the mat.
“Ack!” I gasped, “Angle Slam! Machoke Slam! Whatever you freaks call it!”
Machoke easily kicked the knocked-out Cubone out of the ring, eliminating him from the match.

The two then set their sights on us.
I got up, and raced towards Mangle. As I got near him though, he scooped me up and slammed me down to the mat in one sweeping motion.
“That’s cheating!” I hacked, bleeding from the nose, “You’re not allowed to win!”
Mangle threw me into the corner, and Machoke began punching me in the gut. I fell to the ground.
This isn’t good… I can’t think of any weaknesses!
Mangle dropped to his knee, and grabbed my foot. He twisted it in an impolite direction.
“Gaaaaaaaaaah!” I wailed. I slithered towards the ropes, but he pulled me back to the center of the ring, and put on the pressure.
I lifted my hand, ready to tap.

“…Bulba!” I suddenly heard. “Bulba…Bulba…Bulba…Bulba!”
Leaves was repeating the words at a steady pace.
“Natu…” Klepto joined in, “Natu…Natu…Natu…”
They kept saying it, before I finally caught on.
I twisted around to face Mangle.
“You suck!” I spat, to the same timing as Leaves and Klepto, “…You suck! …You suck!”
Mangle stopped the submission, and backed up.
“It’s not true!” he gasped, “I don’t suck! I don’t suck!”
“You suck!”
“Bulba!”
“Natu!”
It sounded more like an odd lollipop commercial, but it seemed to be working.
“No no no!” Mangle wailed, blindly stumbling about. He lifted his arm, and inadvertently clotheslined a dumbfounded Machoke, and they both fell out of the ring.
I gasped for breath. Wrestling was difficult.

Two more men came into the ring. I strained to see who they were. One was holding a Canadian flag, the other an English one.
“Lance Storm and William Regal!” I gasped.
Regal grabbed a microphone. “Now listen sunshine, I’m tired of all this besmirching going on!”
“Finally…something normal…” I sighed, relieved.
Storm took the microphone. “If I could be cereal for a minute…”
“Daaaaamn…” I sighed.
“Your troubles are just beginning, I’m afraid. Now you’ll have to face us, Lawrence Stork and Wallace Real!” Stork said.
“This really sucks, you know what I mean?” I snapped, standing up. “I mean, honestly. You’re all a bunch of rubbish impersonators. You get the names wrong, you fight barely anything like the real superstars, you’re all just a bunch of losers!”
“Well then!” Real whimpered, “Now you’ve just hurt my feelings…”
He raced out of the ring, bawling.
Stork stood there. “Uh…I hope you’ve learned your lesson…” he muttered, and climbed out as well.

Leaves and Klepto looked at me, surprised. “Uh… I guess they aren’t quite as fierce as the real thing?” I said, utterly confused.
“Be prepared to be beaten!” a woman said, and slid into the ring.
“What the? Terri?” I muttered, confused.
“No, I’m Rippi!” She snapped, “And I’m going to beat you down!”
“Bu-bu-but you can’t!” I gasped, “You’re an interviewer now!”
Rippi stood there for a moment. “…Damn, you’re right.”
“So we win then?” I said with a grin.
“Not at all!” Rippi smirked, “If I can’t fight you…Kandy will!”
I snorted. “Kandy? What kind of a name is Kandy? Jeez, this is going to be easy…”

A large man wearing a red and black mask, and similar clothing appeared in the ring, surrounded by flames.
“…Easy for Kandy, that is.” I squeaked.
Rippi left the ring, and the Kane clone stood there. From his hand dropped a Pokéball. There, before us, stood the large, looming figure of a fiery creature wearing a mask.
Typhlosion… the evolved form…of the Fire-Type Quilava…it is unfriendly…and very strong… If this is not your Typhlosion…then you are…screwed.
“Oh no…” I gasped, and ran towards Kandy. I hit him in the chest, but my fist seemed to bounce right off.
I shook it in pain, and he grabbed it in his much larger hand.
“Uh, all you wanted to do was hold hands?” I said hopefully.
Kandy pulled me off my feet so that we were face to face.
“Apparently not.” I gulped, and he grabbed me by the throat.
“Oh god, help me save me help me save me!” I wailed, and Leaves and Klepto ran up to Kandy, whacking him in the legs with all their might.
Annoyed, Kandy dropped me and picked up Klepto. He threw him right out of the ring, and Klepto crashed into the cave wall, leaving an imprint.

Leaves and I crawled into a corner.
“This isn’t any fun!” I whined, “Killed by Kandy, what a way to go!”
Kandy walked towards us slowly.
“Alright, fine.” I said confidently, and climbed onto the turnbuckle, “If it’s a fight he wants it’s a fight he’ll get!”
I leapt at him! …Only to be caught mid-air.
“Nooo!” I cried, “I said fight, not flight!”
Kandy threw me over his shoulder, and I bounced against the ropes, skidding across the mat.
Kandy walked over to Leaves, and, despite Leaves’ efforts, picked him up and put him atop the turnbuckle. He climbed up top himself, and clutched Leaves tightly by the throat. He was going to chokeslam him off the turnbuckle to the floor! This would be the kind of thing JR would say ‘Good god almighty’ about!
I got up, and raced towards Kandy. I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I did it!
I raised my arms, and…pushed him. Kandy and Leaves fell to the floor, eliminated.
“Now if anything sucked, that was it!” I sighed, “I mean, I pushed him. I didn’t hit him. I didn’t kick him. I didn’t even yell ‘boo’ and make him jump off in fright! I pushed the guy! I feel like less of a man…and more like some big old pushy thingy…”

I looked across the ring, and noticed the Typhlosion. I gulped, and walked towards it. It stood there, glaring at me. This would be a good time for some dramatic western tune.
I got right in the Typhlosion’s masked face. Its breath was heavy as mine.
Now was the time to be brave.

I slowly lifted my fist, and hit it in the face!
It stumbled backwards, and turned a bright white. It shrunk in size, then turned into a strange pink blob.
Ditto…a Normal-Type…that utilizes the ability…to transform…
The tiny Pokémon quivered on the mat.
“Maybe I should’ve saved my suck remarks for right now…” I groaned, and pushed it out of the ring with my foot.

“I win!” I roared proudly, as my Pokémon climbed back into the ring, dazed but happy.
“Oh no no no, not so fast.” A voice said angrily, and another fellow came into the ring. He looked just like Vince McMahon.
“Oh great,” I groaned, “Another one. What do they call you? Vinnie McMohawk? Vego McMorbid? Venividivici McDonalds?”
“No…” he snarled, “I’m…VINCE MCMAHON!”
“Wha?” I gasped, “You’re really Vince McMahon? What’re you doing with the World Wide Evil?”
“I’m evil, remember?” McMahon said.
“Oh yeah, so you are.” I muttered, “Sorry, slipped my mind.”
“And there’s no way possible you can beat me!” he cackled, “You even try, and you’ll be fired!”
“Oh no!” I gasped, “You’ll fire me! …Hang on, fire me from what?”
“A cannon!” McMahon roared.
“Uh…ok.” I muttered, “Well then, if I can’t beat you with my abilities, I’ll have to beat you some other way.”
“Oh yeah?” McMahon chuckled, “And what’s that?”
I shuffled into his face. “Cheating. PLAN B!”
I dropped to my hands and knees, and Leaves leapt off my back. He slipped the brass knux on, and hit McMahon in the face!
McMahon went blurry, and disappeared!

“What the?” I grunted, “Leaves, I think you hit him wrong, or something.”
There was a bright flash, and I tried to figure out what was going on.
I then realised I was looking at the sun! I shook my head, and gazed around. Leaves, Cubone, Klepto and I were on the rock under the tree, and there was a… something!
Haunter… the Pokédex informed, A Ghost-Type that…loves playing tricks. It can…create illusions of things…that are not really there.
I looked menacingly at the ghost, and it flew away. Leaves, Cubone and Klepto came back to their senses.
“But…but but…” I gasped, “How could it make us think there was a treadmill? And an HQ? And how come all those beatings actually hurt? And how come Klepto was affected DESPITE BEING A PSYCHIC-TYPE?”
The Pokédex went blank for a moment, then a white screen appeared, with a message on it.

All script clauses must be forwarded to Nintendo, Pty Ltd.

I groaned.
“Come on guys, we’ve gotta go.” I sighed, and started towards the building. After such an ordeal, next time I watch Ghostbusters, it’ll be with a newfound respect for the services Bill Murray is doing for the community…
pokemasterfrank
2nd February 2003, 02:19 AM
*begins laughing his head off* Wrestling parodies...illusions...stupidly falling into a win...and this line...

"All script clauses must be forwarded to Nintendo, Pty Ltd."

...really struck me as funny for some reason...lol
Reptilius Pyrus
5th February 2003, 09:07 AM
Hey, I'm not a big wrestling fan, but that was as funny as ever! Keep it up!
Drago
13th February 2003, 02:42 AM
AAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHH!! So many...mistakes! Crikey crikey crikey, I'm terribly sorry for not chaptering and not getting to the bloomin' point...but chapter 14 is dead! Gone! Eliminated! ...Meaning it got deleted mid-way. And I'm not a man to redo a chapter, so I'm afraid chapter 14 will now be chapter 15. Until then, we have the new chapter 14. Confusing, no?

pokemasterfrank: Thank you! I was always waiting for a time I could associate Booker T with shovels, and the line was something off the top of my head. Glad to know it worked.
Reptilius Pyrus: Phew! I was a tad worried that non-marks would be disappointed, but it's good to know that you got the humour out of it nonetheless!!

And thus, another nonsensical chapter before I finally get to what I was planning on doing!

Minty Thrill
Chapter 14
Flesh, Brains and a Side of Fries

“So close….” I wheezed, across each labouring step, “And yet… so far I can’t be stuffed to walk any more!” I fell to the hard ground.
The gym looked like it’d take another twenty minutes to get to. Twenty minutes I didn’t have. Or did have, but didn’t want to give away to such a cause. Sort of like donating to charity.

“Buuuuuulb…” Leaves moaned, nudging me.
“I will not get up!” I snapped, “This ground is delightful! It makes me feel like a new man! A new, dirty man!”
Klepto began hopping up and down impatiently, as Cubone looked on worriedly. He seemed to be the only one concerned for me. Typical.

“I can’t go on…” I gagged, “How could this be winter? I see no snow! I don’t even see any rain!”
Cubone nodded dutifully, turned on the walkman, and started doing a strange little dance.
Soon, a light drizzle fell from the sky.
“That’s nice…” I said cheerily.
Cubone looked proud, and did it again.
The rain came down a little harder, and I stuck my tongue out to catch a few drops.
“Quite relieving.” I said warmly, “Thanks Cubone.”
Cubone then did an insane jig that involved much flipping, and a heavy guitar riff.
By the end he was panting, but the rain stopped.

I looked up at the sky.
“Where’d it go?” I muttered, confused, until I spotted a single raindrop falling fast. I smiled, until I noticed that the raindrop appeared to be quite large. PINE TREE large.
I stood there blankly as it rocketed towards us.
“Aww hölle…” I groaned, before it crashed down with great force, knocking me out so cold I was downright frigid.
********************************
Light…bright light…really bright light… ACK!
“Someone turn that damned light off!” I groaned, and focused. I was on a couch in a house. Seems the only way I could get inside people’s houses these days was by being unconscious…
I gazed around, and spotted a short old man. He had goggle-like glasses that were two sizes too big, and fluffy tufts of gray hair scattered across his balding scalp.
Such a grand description! Cat in the Hat pulls through again…

“Hello!” he said in a weak, crotchety voice, “My, it’s good to see you woke up. I’m Professor Punchinello, and this is my house.
“Tell me, Punchy…” I said wearily, sitting up, “You got a daughter one-sixth your age who’s quite hot and willing to discover the real seven wonders of the world?”
“’Fraid not.” The prof replied, “Just me and my faithful Pokémon.”
“Dammit!” I snapped, “Why is it I only seem to run into old men on this journey? Did two-thirds of the people take an interest in old man soup, despite its side effects? Did everyone young and frisky decide to rocket off to some strange planet, leaving me here on the planet of the old apes? Or are you just holding out on me, Mr. Punch, are you just holding out on me…”
He straightened his glasses, “None of the above, I just prefer to work alone.” He fixed his coat proudly, “I am the Pokémon God you know…”
“Oh almighty elderly man with Pokéminions to bring his bowl of mush…” I scoffed, “Why do you bring me here, you lousy, good-for-nothing, beady-eyed, foul-smelling, and otherwise non-partygoing coot! …And why exactly am I so PO’d at you?”
He chortled lightly, “I’m afraid that’s my fault…” he placed a strange Pokéthing on the table. It waved its heavy tail in a spiral, and I suddenly felt less angry.
“That’s why I’m the Pokémon god. You see, I can teach Pokémon new attacks that nobody’s ever heard of!”
“Wow.” I muttered, “That’s a handy little trick.”
I pointed the Pokédex at the Pokémon.
Smeargle…a Normal-Type…Pokémon with…abnormal battling capabilities…it can learn any move…that its opponent uses against it… However…it is not…commonly used as a serious battler…due to its low stats…
“Huh…” I muttered, “Anything else?”
Personally…I do not like…Smeargle. I find…it to be…UTTERLY STUPID AND IRRITATING AND AN OTHERWISE USELESS AND POINTLESS BEING THAT COULDN’T WIN A FIGHT IF THE OPPONENT WAS ONE-EYED, BOW-LEGGED AND HAD A SIGN AROUND ITS NECK SAYING, ‘I WILL LOSE’! I THINK I COULD FIND MORE VALUE IN CAT SH-
I quickly stuffed the Pokédex in my pocket, Punchinello and Smeargle looking on, shocked.
“Sorry….” I said, leaning forward, “My Pokédex is angry!”
“I see…” Punchinello said shakily, “I’d approve if you never presented that thing in front of me again, if its not too much trouble.”
“Certainly!” I grinned.
Now I know what to get him for Christmas!!

“So anyway, about this Smeargle.” I said quickly.
“Ah yes…” Punchinello grinned, regaining his confidence, “It can learn any move I want it to. Any move I create. It could solve world hunger if I knew how to make such an attack! Right now, though…I’m working on a skill that could save trainers millions of dollars!” he leaned closer, as though this was very secretive information, “A Revive technique!”
“Wow!” I said loudly, “This Sneerbull sure is a hoot!”
I slapped it on the back, and it was sent flying across the room, crashing into the wall.
“Oh jeez, the weakness…” I gulped, as Punchinello gasped. “…Hey, shouldn’t I have levelled up?”
********************************
We were in the living room, late at night, all sitting around watching Punchinello prepare Smeargle for the task at hand. We were sitting in a circle on the floor as Punchinello whispered instructions into Smeargle’s ear…hole.
Cubone and Klepto watched nervously, as Leaves lay on the couch, shaking his head. The rain was still heavy from Cubone’s dance.

“Alright,” Punchinello said quietly, “We’ll need a KO’d Pokémon.”
“Sure thing!” I said. I took Cubone’s walkman, and conked Klepto over the head. He fell to the floor. “Now what?”
Once again, Punchinello and Smeargle looked…less than impressed.

“A-anyway…” Punchinello continued, as Smeargle walked up to the unconscious Natu.
It flung its hands up, and I clapped enthusiastically. It pointed at Klepto, then raised its hand, strained as though it were trying to lift him up. It shouted, then started using both hands. It frantically shook its hands about, but to no avail. Klepto was still out.
“What a gyp!” I snorted, “It didn’t work!”

Meanwhile, Nearby…
There was a slight rustling in the dirt. A few pebbles rolled aside, then settled. Again, the ground shifted, though, and a bulge rose from the dirt. It grew and grew until, finally, a hand shot out. A mouldy, gray hand.
A figure pulled its way from the dirt, struggling to walk. It glared angrily. The large boulder it had as a tombstone had been touched. It looked around, until it spotted a house, where the culprits were at. It didn’t like these fiends. They had slept on what was not their’s. It wandered along, stirring up more of its kind as it ambled along. The fiends had taken its privacy, and it wanted nothing…nothing but revenge!
********************************
I sighed.
“Professor Punch?” I said quietly, and he looked up, “Your Smeargle sucks like a vacuum.”
“Speaking of which, I should dust around here more often…” Punchinello muttered, and Leaves, Cubone and I toppled over, annoyed.
“Cubone,” I sighed, “Super Yummy Revival.”
Cubone nodded as Punchinello watched on, curious.
I reached into Cubone’s helmet, and grabbed a few (smushed) berries. I proceeded to cram them down Klepto’s throat, until he couldn’t help but wake up. He coughed out some berries, then shot up, back to normal. He looked around, then began pecking at the berries he had just spat out.
“Oh god, that’s vile…” Punchinello wheezed.

The rain started coming down heavier, and a bolt of lightning pierced the sky. The thunder came louder and louder. The wind seemed to be moaning as it rushed past.
“Moaning wind?” I muttered, “That’s new…”

Punchinello tried to reassure Smeargle that it did the best it could, and he was proud of it, and various other lies, but the painting Pokémon wasn’t buying it. Frustrated, it stomped a few times. It roared loudly, and I covered my ears. I walked up to the door.
“I’ll be outside if you need me…” I yelled over the noise, “That Smeargle’s making enough noise to wake up the dead!” I flung open the door, to the dead. “See?” I snapped, and shut the door.

I paused for a moment. Something was rather curious about this situation. I opened the door, and looked at the decaying flesh, empty sockets and missing limbs of the dead. I was given the indication that these dead were quite dead, but not dead enough to be acting dead. Confused, I poked one in the stomach. A piece of flesh fell to the ground as I did.
“Hey fellas…” I gulped, “Are you dead today?”
The closest one lifted its arms and lunged at me. I shouted, and shut the door in its face.
“…Punchinello…” I whimpered, “You’ve got visitors…”

The zombies pounded on the door, moaning and groaning. Punchinello gasped loudly when he saw one peering at him through the window. Leaves, Cubone and Klepto looked rather unimpressed by these large, dead oppressors, though.
“Uhh, Punchy,” I gulped, “I think these things want to hurt us!”
“No,” Punchinello snorted, “They want to play hopscotch with us!”
“Oh, alright then.” I muttered, and opened the door. The zombies stumbled in.
“WHAT’RE YOU DOING?!” Punchinello gasped, horrified.
“What?” I grumbled, “Don’t you like hopscotch?”

Smeargle bolted from the room, and down the stairs to the basement. Punchinello quickly followed, leaving my Pokémon in the room with them.
“Wow…” I gulped, “This is quite a change.”

A zombie collapsed forward, clutching tightly around my leg. It nibbled at my ankle gingerly.
“Oh that’s brilliant…” I groaned, “Stupid thing’s a light eater!”
Leaves, Cubone and Klepto looked on wide-eyed at the undoubtedly bizarre sight.
“Guuuuuys!” I whined, “Get this thing off of me! It’s chewing my sock!!”
They shrugged, and I felt around my pocket.
“That’s it!” I gasped, “The mightiest and most undefeated weapon in the widest of wide worlds…” I pulled it from my pocket, and thrust it above my head, “…THE WEEDLE HORN!”
Leaves groaned, as Cubone applauded politely. I poked at the zombie at my feet.
It glared at me. “Ow.” It moaned, then went right back to chewing.
“Aw jeez…” I snapped, and kicked it off. I ran down the hall, followed by my Pokémon.
I looked back, to see that the zombies were also following. I skidded to a stop.
“Hey you!” I snapped, “You’re not supposed to be following too!”
“Soooooooorryyyyyyyy…” they droned, and stopped.
They stood about for a moment before putting two and two together and realising that perhaps they shouldn’t listen to my advice.
I dashed through the house, uncertain of which way lead to where. I pointed a finger bravely to a door.
“This way…” I announced, “To FREEDOM!”
We leapt in… it was the laundry room.
The zombies followed, blocking off the doorway.
“…Wait…” I squeaked, “You can’t kill us.” I paused for a moment “…At least, not with those dirty clothes! Perhaps you should discover the wonder and splendour of the Fishy and Pinkel washing machine! …Thingy.”

The zombies continued. They didn’t seem impressed. I breathed heavily as we were backed into a corner by the oncoming zombies.
“Why am I always being stalked by death?!” I wailed, “…Or dead, in this case.”
They leapt at us, and I fell back into the wall. However, it seemed I was quite fat, as it broke under my weight!
I found that we were now sliding down a large tunnel. “Oh my god, it’s a secret passage!” I gasped, “…Punchy sure has a strange lifestyle…”

We fell to the floor with a thud. I shook my head, and looked about. We were in a large, stone room with a few barrels here and there.
I heard a thud from above, then a skidding sound.
“Oh no!” I gulped, “Either someone mistook this for a laundry chute, and that’s a shirt, or they’re following us! …In which case, that would be a zombie.”

I spotted a door, and threw it open.
“AAAAHH!” a voice shouted, from within. I peeked in. It was Punchinello!
He looked up weakly.
“Oh, it’s you!” he gasped, “Quick, get in here with Smeargle and I!”
“No!” I shouted, “You smell funny!”
I shoved him out of my way and leapt into the room, my Pokémon behind me.
I shut and locked the door. For some reason, I really didn’t seem to like that Punchinello fellow.
I heard the zombies crash into the other room, then Punchinello wailed,
“Oh god no! No! Noooooooo! Aaaaaaaaack! Stop it! No! No! Stop it! AAAAAAAGGGGGRAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAA!!!!”
I gazed nervously across the room. “…Think he’s ok?”
********************************
The hours flew by as the zombies thumped both doors, unable to get inside. Smeargle yawned loudly, as Leaves paced back and forth. He didn’t like being confined. He’s not a very confinable Bulb-is-sore.
I peered over at Cubone. He was happily listening to the walkman. Curiously, I leant over to listen.

-denly, to my surprise, HE DID THE MASH. He did the Monster Mash. THE MONSTER MASH-

I widened my eyes.
“You’re quite the sick little brown thing…” I muttered, and looked at Klepto. He was hopping about again, each time making a click against the box he was standing atop.
“Could you stop it, Kleps?” I asked weakly, and he ceased swiftly.
We sat about for a moment, when all of a sudden Klepto began rolling around.
“…What the hell are you doing?!” I shouted, “Damn freaky bird…”

Suddenly, Klepto fluttered around the room. He landed clumsily about, scanned the area, then went back to flying.
“Sorry Klepto…” I sighed, “There’s nothing here to steal.”
Frantically, Klepto swooped down at me, and snatched up the Weedle horn. He then took flight.
“Heeeeeey!” I whined, “That’s miiiiiiine!”

I got up, and ran about the room after Klepto. The others could only watch as I angrily dashed after the small thief.
I leapt about after him, until I managed to knock the horn out of his beak. It fell quickly, and tore through the lid of one of the boxes.
Annoyed, I opened the remaining lid, and stuck my hand in the dark box.

“Hang on…” I muttered, and pulled my hand out. I looked in. “There’s no bottom to this box! It’s a secret tunnel!”

Smeargle perked up and ran up.
“See if it’s safe.” I instructed, and chucked Smeargle down.
“Smeeaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrr…” it bellowed for a long while, before finally, landed with a sickening thud.
“…OK, who’s next?” I said with a grin.

Leaves, Cubone and Klepto backed into a corner, as though I were some sort of maniac.
I groaned, irritated. “You guys just can’t appreciate pure genius when you see it.”
I adjusted my sparkly coat proudly, “And there’s no bigger genius than Tony! Tony… Tony… hang on, what was my last name?”
They all collapsed, and I shrugged.
“Suit yourselves.” I muttered, “Tell the zombies I said hello.”
I leapt down the tunnel, and plummeted quickly towards the bottom.

I crashed down next to Smeargle, and was shocked… to find that I was in the room directly outside the previous one!

…The one filled with the zombies, of cawse.

“Oh crap!” I whimpered, as the zombies lurched towards me,
“No no no!” I squealed, “How do you kill a zombie? Uhh…kill the summoner!”
I started bopping Smeargle over the head.
“Come on, die!” I shouted, “The only way you’ll survive is if you die!!”

I shoved Smeargle aside, and snatched up the nearby Weedle horn. I pointed it at the fiends.
“Begone, foul beasts!” I roared, and began stabbing at them.
They just kept coming!
“Help meeee!” I babbled mindlessly, “I want my mommy! I want my daddy! I want my cousin! I want that guy at the gas station who calls me Rick! I want my Foxtel!”
They pounced at me, and I covered my eyes weakly.

“Stay off property!”
I felt a weak slap on the wrist.

I opened my eyes, to see that they were walking away!
“Hey, guys?” I mumbled, “You forgot to eat me…”

“They couldn’t!” a voice from behind them chuckled.

I looked over to the source of the voice. It was Punchinello!
“Puncho, I thought you were dead!” I muttered.
“Not at all!” he replied, ruffling slightly. “The zombies wanted vengeance on you, and they got it. The harshest punishment they could think of and, as you could imagine, thinking wouldn’t be one of their best qualities! Lucky for you, zombies are very dumb!”
“Yeeessss…” I droned unknowingly.
“Although I suppose they would’ve eaten your brain….” He continued, “But they seemed to think that doing so would cause them to rot.”
I was about to point out that they were already rotting, but decided against it. “So I’m safe?” I said with a sigh of relief, “And what was with you screaming.”
“All that screaming?” Punchinello muttered, “Oh yes, well, that would be because I’m mad then, wouldn’t it.” He grinned malevolently, “And your safety all depends on the results of my next experiment.”
Smeargle grinned widely. Only then did I notice the stitches across the back of Smeargle’s head…
It rolled out an operating table, with various medical implements.

“N-n-next experiment?” I squeaked, “What’s that? What’re you going to do with all those sharp tools? Make a sandwich?” I laughed weakly. Punchinello and Smeargle walked closer and closer. “Hey, you know, I bet Leaves would love to be a part of this, in fact, maybe all of it? Hehe…heh… Uhh, what’re you gonna do with that?

…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!”
********************************
“I wish you luck on your journey, m’lad!” Punchinello grinned, waving, “Don’t be a stranger! Perhaps you could help with even MORE of my experiments!”
“Smeeeeeeeeear!” Smeargle shouted happily, and also lifted a hand.

I walked away uncomfortably, and continued towards the gym. Leaves, Cubone and Klepto followed close behind me, shocked.
“Not a word!” I said sharply.

We walked, until I heard snickering.
Angrily, I returned Cubone and Klepto to their Pokéballs. Leaves resumed cackling uncontrollably.

What absolute nonsense! I’m going to be the greatest Pokémon trainer in the world, and I don’t get the slightest bit of respect! I can’t believe this…
Oh well. When we get to the gym, I’ll show everyone what I’m capable of. I’ll show them not to mess with me! Not now, not ever!
They don’t know now…but soon…they’ll ALL know… I thought to myself… and wagged my tail anxiously.
Mew Trainer Rose
13th February 2003, 08:54 AM
lol! A tail! does it look like a Smeargle's tail? :P
and again, a chapter with random insanity that just seems to take up space. :) still, the Frankenstien-like wierdo with the super-weak Smeargle was funny. I like when Coubone used Rain Dance (or something siilar), then did "an insane jig that involved much flipping, and a heavy guitar riff." gotta love the crazy dancing rain-bringing ground-type. :)
Drago
19th February 2003, 03:15 AM
Mew Trainer Rose: Wow, that's a great idea! I was actually thinking of something like a Saiyan tail ^^; But a Smeargle tail would be sooo cuter! Thanks! I now plan on stealing your idea *cackles villainously*
Oh, and before anyone asks, yes, the extremely weak Smeargle was something already done by OzAndrew in EBTV. I hope there's just enough difference between the two, though, to not have been a direct rip-off!

And so, finally, I may continue back on the path of which I was planning on taking. Thanks, all, for your patience, and continued support! :)

EDIT: Oh yeah, it's my birthday. :P Fifteenism is MINE!!

Minty Thrill
Chapter 15
The 'Nome Dome

“Leaves…what’s going on?” I gasped loudly, throwing my arms to my face dramatically, “It’s impossible…it just can’t be!! …Look! Look!” I stumbled backwards. “The sun, Leaves, the sun!! It’s… it’s disappeared!! O sweet gods up above, are we from now accursed with eternal darkness? Will we ever again see the sweet, glistening glow of the warm star? Has it all ended? Or is this a new path you have chosen for us? A new future that consists solely of mole men and spunky mulch shippers from Illinois? Why have you taken our sun? You fiends! You cruel fiends! You will forever regret this day…this day…this day…” I gazed at my watch, which I had only recently glued back together, “Hang on, night. All right, you will forever regret this night! This night on which you have taken away the sun! A night with no sun? I stand aghast at such a thing! I…I…” I lowered my previously pointed finger, and blinked. “Uhh…I suppose the sun doesn’t usually come out at night, does it…”
I folded my arms across the back of my head, and put a decisively pensive look on my face, “You know…it wasn’t very polite of Punchinello to send us off in the middle of the night…” I gazed behind my shoulder, “And with a tail, no less.”

I reached over and grabbed the newly acquired appendage, for the first time paying full attention to it. It was a tan colour, and looked like a paintbrush, dipped in a dark brown. It somehow rang a bell…
“Hang on…” I muttered, and grabbed the Pokédex. I pointed it at my tail.

Smeargle…a Normal-Type…Pokémon with…abnormal battling capabilities…

“Oh brilliant…” I groaned, and slipped the ‘dex into my pocket. I sighed, and let my tail drop, coiling it along the way. Just then I realised something.
“Hey, wow!” I gasped, and flicked the tail around, “I can control this wacky thing!” I twisted it in all directions, and slapped it against the ground.
“Hey Leaves, look at this!!” I swung the tail in his direction.
“Saaaaaur!” he wailed, before I inadvertently slapped him across the face.
“Saaur…” he whimpered, tears welling up in his eyes.
“Uh, maybe you shouldn’t have looked so closely…” I gulped.
I painfully crammed the tail into my pocket, and continued towards the gym.
“Well at least we know it’s open,” I said with a grin, “I mean, all the lights are on. …Of course, maybe that just means that the janitor doesn’t like the dark. Or the dark doesn’t like the janitor.”

Soon, we were at its doors. Or door, as the case happened to be.
“Hey, I want to make a big entrance…” I said with a grin, and opened the door ajar. I took a deep breath, lifted my foot, and gave it a mighty kick!
It flung partly open before stopping with a crash and bouncing back. There was a loud ‘OW!’ heard.

“Oh god!” I gasped, “I hurt the door!” I threw my arms against it. “How could I do such to something that has done so much for me over time? How could I have hurt the door! I HURT THE DOOR!!”
It opened, slightly, to a portly man rubbing his nose. “Quite alright,” he muttered, “Although it’s pronounced Theodore.”
“Not now!” I hissed, “The door needs me!!”

Theodore shrugged, and picked up a pen and paper, “So welcome.” He said with a warm smile, “Are you participating as a competitor or spectator?”
“Well…” I muttered, “I’ve often been referred to as quite a spectacle, but competitor…I guess.”
“Excellent!” he chortled, and from behind him popped up a tall, long-nosed woman who reminded me of something quite ugly.
“And what, pray tell, would your Pokémon be?” she said, frowning. Her nostrils flared so widely I thought she was going to suck me up.
“A cheating Bulb-is-sore, a dancing Cubone and a rather cheeky thieving Natu!” I muttered, “But alas, I’ve given away my battling methods… Perhaps you’d like to give me some new Pokémon?”
“I should say!” she scoffed, and I gasped hopefully, “None of your Pokémon qualify!”
“Whaa?” I snapped, “Qualify for what? The Olympics?”
“I’m afraid, lad, that the ‘Nome Dome is quite the serious event,” Theodore sighed, “And we can’t make any exceptions…”
“The Gnome Dome?” I repeated, “You mean elf battles? Isn’t that illegal?”
“No, no, no…” Theodore grunted, “The ‘Nome Dome! Quite the spectacular event! Here…” he handed me a flyer, “Here’s the basics…”

I glanced at it, curiously.
101 Splendid Ways to Remove Warts

“Wow!” I gasped, “This IS spectacular!”
The woman snatched the flyer away from me, and stuck another one in my hands.
“Hey…” I whimpered, “I was reading that!!”

The ‘Nome Dome
Where cute Clefairys, gruesome Gravellers, and dreaded Drowzees finger their way to the finals!!

I frowned. They might want to change their terminology…

The ‘Nome Dome was an idea originally conceived by the residents of the back streets of Moralliny City. They strenuously combined the fine art of mastering Metronome with…

“Wow!” I gasped, and Theodore and the woman beamed proudly, “This is sooooo boring!!”
“Wha-whaaaaaat?” Theodore rambled, stepping backwards, “You must be kidding!! You’re just a disrespectful little punk, aren’t you?!”
“Maybe so…” I muttered, “But who cares about Moronilly City and their Meterfoam?”
Theodore turned an entertaining shade of white, as the woman screeched as though she had just won the lottery. Or she was getting rhinoplasty.
“Alright alright!” I shouted, covering my ears, “I love your tournament! It’s as enjoyable as a fresh-baked pickle from the oven!!”

All of a sudden a young, attractive girl stepped in.
“Mom! Dad!” she snapped, “Please! Stop harassing the entrants!!”
They backed away obediently, and my saviour looked at me, embarrassed. Instinctively, I got a mental analysis. She was a little short, but very attractive. She looked perhaps a year or two older than me, but still had very cute pigtails. She wore a black shirt with sparkly red handprints across the front of it, which seemed quite inviting indeed. She had jean shorts, which showed off quite a bit of thigh…down to…

“WHOA!” I gasped, and dropped to her feet, “Look at those shoes!! I mean, wow! Just look at ‘em!!”
Leaves shook his head. The movement reminded me he was there, rather than somewhere very far away, as I would’ve preferred.
“Come on, admit it!” I gurgled, “If god were a shoe, he’d look just like this!!”
“…Excuse me?” the girl snapped, backing away.
“Pardon…” I muttered, standing up and brushing myself off, “I was just admiring your god shoes.”
“Uhh… neat.” She said quietly, before putting the smile back on her face, “Anyway, I’m Chase Ginnit! I’m the organiser of the ‘Nome Dome! Of course, I’m entering it myself, as tradition. These are my parents, Theodore and Daisy Ginnit.”

Jeez, hope that isn’t that Bunkit kid grown up and with a surname change…

“These are your parents?” I said in my most suave voice, “I couldn’t tell. I mean, you’re nothing like them.”
“Really?” Chase asked shyly.
“Yes, they’re quite hideous!”

“WHAT?” Chase gasped, looking angry, as though I had insulted her or something.
“Uhh, uhh…” I gulped, “I meant, they’re charming! They’re brilliantly smart! I love them!”
“So I’m nothing like them?” she snarled, “I must be appallingly dumb then!”
“No, no, no!” I whimpered desperately, “Just a little dumb?”

What followed was a slap so forceful I lost vast quantities of saliva, curiously ending up on a family portrait.
Theodore and Daisy stormed away, either hurt, or looking for a rifle.
“Bye mom! Bye dad!” I squeaked, before looking back at Chase. She was glaring angrily at me.
“Chase…” I babbled, “That’s an interesting name, does it have something to do with…chasing?”
“Now look…” she hissed, pure hatred in her voice, “Before I rip your jaw off with my thumb, and beat you to death with it, is there anything else you’d like to say?”
“Uhh…” I gulped, looking around nervously.

What would they say in soap operas…

“I’m carrying your child!” I shouted. There was a stunned silence.
“Saaaur…” Leaves moaned, and covered his eyes.
“…Guess that doesn’t work both ways, does it?” I chuckled sheepishly, as she raised her fist. It was too late to assume she was just pleased with her hand and showing it proudly to me.
“I’ll be your servant!!” I choked, and she stopped.
“What?” she muttered, and lowered her fist.
“Well…” I said, catching my breath, “You said you were participating in the ‘Nome Dome? I’ll enter it, and, if I lose, I’ll be your personal servant!”
“…But what if I lose?” she asked, leaning against the door.
“Uh, hadn’t thought of that…” I muttered, “But if you lose… you have to marry me!”

“What?” she gasped, with a shocked look on her face. However, it soon turned to a grin, “Sure thing. There’s no way you can win, so whatever you want to believe, kid.”
“Oh grand!” I grinned, “So, uh…what am I supposed to do?”
Chase rolled her eyes. “Alright, you enter any type of Pokémon, up to a maximum of three. These three Pokémon have to know Metronome to qualify, which is obvious enough. The catch, though, is that you can’t command them to use any other attack. You can tell them basic things, run, jump, duck, whatever, but the only proper attack they can use is Metronome. That’s where the fun begins… So who’s your Pokémon?”
“Cubone!” I said with a grin.
“They have to have Metronome, bonehead.” She snapped.
“But he does know Metronome! He does, he does, he doooooooeeeeeees!” I whined, stamping my foot.
“Fine I’ll enter your stupid clod of dirt.” She snorted, writing it down, “Makes it easier for me to win. Your name?”
“Yergago!” I grinned, “Yergago Meniterelli!”
She didn’t look impressed.

“…Oh, you meant my REAL name.” I sighed, “Anthony Jamieson Franklin Morgan Tyler Jones Roger Harry Edward Chambers.” I paused for a moment, “The first.”
“And hopefully the last…” she muttered, “And how many battles have you been in before this?”
“Real battles?” I grunted, “Uhh…Three.”
“Just three?” she chuckled, then noticed the belt buckle, “You must’ve been pretty lucky to be able to beat Gordon then… so how many of those did you win?”
“Absolutely none of them!” I said proudly.
Chase peered at me for a moment, before getting back to writing. She muttered something, but all I caught was ‘weird’ and ‘freak’. I guessed it was something like ‘it’s weird how freaking good he is.’
“And that’s it.” She grinned, setting the form on a nearby table.
“Great!” I exclaimed, “So when’s my first match?”
She looked at her watch lazily, “In a minute or two. Guess you’d better hurry…”

“Egad!!” I gasped, and ran past her, Leaves close behind.
I ran through the building until I spotted a door labelled ‘This way to arena’.
“Nah…” I frowned, “Too obvious.”
I continued down the hall, until I came upon a dead end.
“Hm.” I muttered, “The tournament’s a tad more dull than I had imagined…”

I backtracked for a while, until I reached a door.
“This would be it!” I said anxiously, and let Cubone out from his ball, “Get ready to fight Cueball!”
I roared, and threw the door open. Inside was a mop, a pail and…a pair of suspenders! They looked pretty villainous.

“I guess this is some sort of test… Cubone!” I commanded, “Use Metronome!”
He lifted his fingers, and wiggled them about. They soon glowed an eerie glow. Something quite E.T. inspired.
Hey, that’d be handy when it gets dark…

Eventually, the objects started to vibrate. He was going to make them float!
They lifted from the floor before…falling back down.
“Hey!” I snapped, kicking the mop, “What happened?”
I reached into my pocket, and grabbed the Pokédex. I pointed it at Cubone.

Dream Eater…

“Cubone!” I moaned, “You can’t eat dreams from a utility closet!!”
He stumbled around, before widening his eyes and coughing out a circular piece of paper with an image on it. The Pokédex seemed to be rather talkative, and continued.

When the user’s HP…is full, the targets dream is…rejected and displayed.

“Hm!” I muttered, “Suspender dreams…”
I picked up the paper, curious.
“Hey look! The mop is in Vegas…”

Suddenly, a strange yellow thing appeared in front of us. It looked like a combination of a cat, a goat, and an emoticon of some disturbing description.
“Wh-what is it?” I gasped.
“Abraaaaa…” it droned.
“A bra?” I grunted, “Must be tricky to put you on…”
It opened its eyes, and Leaves, Cubone and I were instantly enveloped in a bright white beam.
“Yaag!” I moaned, “I’ll have spasms in the morning…”

The light then disappeared, and we were in a small room with an irritated-looking boy tapping his foot.
“It’s about time you showed up!” he whined in a very irritating voice, “I’m ready to fight you and win!”
“Ack, you win already!” I hacked, “I succumb to your horrible voice!!”
“That’s not funny!” he croaked, “Let’s show him Abra!”
“And that’s a bad thing?” I uttered, confused, when Cubone was suddenly flung towards the ceiling.
“Bulba?” Leaves gasped, and we watched him float high above our heads.
“Yes!!” I cheered, “Cubone FLIES!!”
Cubone hovered in the air for a moment, before rocketing towards us.
“Cubone DIVES!!”
He picked up speed, before crashing to the floor with a sickening thud.
“Cubone…crashes.” I gulped, and looked over at the opponent. He had his eyes closed, and was concentrating much in the same way Abra was.
“Hey, what’s he doing?” I asked Leaves, who closed his eyes, and lifted his claws. He then dashed to another spot, and slammed into the ground.
“So you’re saying that they’re communicating psychically to send and receive commands, namely lifting Cubone up and slamming him back down with an obvious disregard for the condition the floor will be in afterwards?”
Leaves nodded slowly.
“Oh, that’s really bad.”

Abra continued to fling Cubone about, sending him into walls and skidding across the floor.
“This isn’t fair!” I wailed, “Chase said he couldn’t use attacks!”
Leaves nudged against me, and pawed at a piece of paper with a scribbled message on it.
She said you could give basic commands, which obviously includes mental throws.
“Anything else?” I asked, and Leaves turned the page over.
Moron.

“This isn’t good!” I whimpered, “Cubone’s going to get slaughtered! Pokédex, what do I do?”
I looked down at the device, which had a flashing message on its screen.

Battery Low.

“Brilliant…” I spat, and crammed it in my pocket, “Well… I may as well accept it… I lost. How much longer is this going to take? I mean it’s already…”
I peered down at my watch. “11:59!”

I sighed, then looked closely at the date. 18th of February?
That meant…

The seconds ticked down, as Abra forced Cubone high above his head.

“Three…
…Two…
…One…”
The clock reached midnight.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!” I screeched insanely, and Abra and his trainer’s eyes opened suddenly, shocked.
Cubone began falling back towards Abra. He waved his fingers, and used Metronome. He took the form of a giant, flaming bird!
“Sky Attack!” the opponent gasped, as Abra looked up, terrified.
Before they could react, Cubone crashed down onto Abra, engulfing it in flames.
There was a bright glow of light and fire, as well as a mighty rumbling.

When it was over, Cubone stood, panting, beside a deep crater.
Down at the bottom, Abra was lying in a pool of its own blood, stuttering, twitching, and looking as though it may never battle again.


“…Whoo-hoo!” I cheered, “I go to the next round!”

Leaves, Cubone and my opponent looked at me as though I were a cruel, heartless beast.
“Umm…” I squeaked, “Anyone up for party games?”
pokemasterfrank
19th February 2003, 03:36 AM
XD Happy Birthday to you indeed! *blows noisemaker* *takes out cake and candles* WHEE!

Very nice. Funny as always. Nice use of puns! And don't make fun of the doors...they have feelings too ;_; lol

Anyway, very nice. Sorry I haven't been replying *is behind actually* I should have read teh last few chapters to catch up, but I had to post when I saw your name on the birthday list. lol anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Mew Trainer Rose
19th February 2003, 04:15 PM
yay, random attacks! from a pokemon that seems to know all sorts of moves it shouldn't know. :)
I wonder if he can attack with his new tail... that would be even weirder! :D
SilverMachop
20th February 2003, 01:49 PM
This story is so darn funny! I keep cracking up at its wit and clever humor! The chapter where they break into the 'mayor's house,' hide in the fountain, and steal 'Pokéballs' is going to go down in my book as a classic comedy scene! If the nominations for winter awards was still up, you would've got so many nominations for me, DragoKnight!

So far, he has a troublesome Bulbasaur, a music-loving Cubone, and a thieving Natu; who next? Maybe he'll get something new for his birthday?:D

May the Force be with you! :wave:
Reptilius Pyrus
20th February 2003, 01:51 PM
Happy birthday!!!! I would sing, but.... no. You don't want to hear it.

Great chappies! What would be really funny is if Tony could Sketch stuff with his Smeargle tail... like accidentally Sketching someone puking....
Powarun
21st February 2003, 09:48 PM
Very funny, as insane as comedy central. And when I was reading about the zombies I was listening to Ha Ha you are dead by Greenday. But you tickled the funny bone of anyone who reads this, and my only complaint would be the wrestling only because I hate it. In this kind stuff no need to proofread because it is awsome no matter how many mistakes you make.
Drago
26th February 2003, 06:24 AM
pokemasterfrank: Thanks for birthday fun! :D Oh, and don't worry about being behind. It's not like there's much to miss! (Well, it sounded clever the first time I went through it...)
Mew Trainer Rose: lol, you just love this tail concept, don't you!! And at some point it'll be made clear just what's with Cubone. ...When I figure that out myself, that is.
SilverMachop: Thank you so much! Coming from someone who wrote something as utterly insane as The Adventures of Tyler and Magmar, that means a lot! I see a Crossover coming along!! ...Well, no, guess not. lol, Tony's too much of a goof to pull that off!
Reptilius Pyrus: lol, rest assured that tail's going to cause a lot of mischief sometime soon...
Powarun: Thanks for reading, and telling me what you didn't like. I'm sort of unsure, so I just throw a bit of everything into the mix, and see how it all turns out. The wrestling's going to be tuned down a tad, well, except for some of Leaves' moves. It's all the Bulbasaur knows, besides troublemaking!

Hey, I thought I'd try something new for this chapter. It's a little something I call a 'Mini Mint'. It's a chapter that's fun for the whole family, with a moral learnt and new friends to recognise! :D
...Well, not really. Basically it's just a shorter-than-acceptable chapter, but hey. I will add a moral. Just for giggles.

And before anyone asks (which they won't. JUST. YOU. WATCH.), I'm a Canadian. So any remarks made in this chapter are just good-spirited fun. Not Canadian-bashing. Unless of course I gleefully bash myself, but that I doubt. ^^;

Minty Thrill
Chapter 16
MINI MINT
Stupid Stupor

“Isn’t that great?” was what I was awoken with.
“…Wha?” I gargled, rubbing my eyes.
“I’m sure I’m going to win!” the person who had woken me continued, “But it all depends on who the next opponent is, I guess.” He glanced at his watch, and placed a surprised expression on his face. “Jeez, time flew! I better get an early breakfast before training. Us James’ need our breakfasts…”
I blinked twice, trying to comprehend what was going on.
“But it was nice talking to you! See you later, Yergargo!”
James walked off, and I shook my head.
“Leeeeaves…” I hacked, “What’s going on?”
I looked down, and saw that the Bulb-is-sore was sleeping.
“Wake up!” I whined, and nudged him with my foot, “Yergago? …Leaves, what were we doing?”
He stretched slightly, and pointed towards the door.
“Oh yeah, we were leaving…” I wiped my face lazily, “In fact, we were going to find a place to sleep. …I guess I had an entire conversation with that guy while I was asleep, or something!”
I paced for a moment. Perhaps because I was worried. Perhaps because I was confused. Or perhaps pacing just excited me.
“2:23…” I chuckled as I gazed at my watch, “James wasn’t kidding when he said early breakfast!”
I heard a light rumble.
“Hm, guess I’m a little hungry myself…” I gazed down at Leaves, who looked to agree, “How ‘bout a late dinner?”
He looked confused.
“I’ve never had breakfast for nine years!” I snapped, “An unfortunate Lucky Charms accident.” I looked up spitefully, “Lucky for some.”
Leaves shrugged, and sat down.
“Let’s see what there is to eat…” I muttered, and walked around the room.
“Pencil…plant…paper…pension-pending Prince Panda’s pretty puerile purposes.” I looked proudly over at Leaves. …He wasn’t impressed.
I reached into a nearby sofa, and felt around.
“Keys…remote control…nose…” I yanked out some expired chips, and chewed on them. “Hm, couch potato.”

Leaves looked as though he had had enough. Dutifully, I grabbed Klepto’s Pokéball, and threw it to the floor.
“Kleppers!” I said with a yawn, “Go find us a place to eat!”
He took flight, then stopped abruptly, and landed on the floor.

“…And by that of course, I mean a place with food. NOT A PLACE WHERE FOOD WOULD BE NICE!” I snarled, waving my fist.
Klepto snickered slightly, quite an odd feat for a bird, and fluttered gently out the door.
Leaves and I sat around for a few moments.
“This is just brilliant! I can’t even get a damned turkey to find food!” I whined, “This is about as successful as a dog with three legs, no eyes and a sign around his neck that reads ‘I am unsuccessful’.”
Leaves rolled his eyes, when Klepto finally flew back, looking quite pleased with himself.
“You found a place?” I asked hopefully, to which Klepto nodded.
“Yes!!” I shouted, shooting a fist to the air. I felt such an air of superiority. If I saw a three-legged dog in the street, I’d kick it.
I walked outside, and crashed into a wall. I looked up. There was a sign that read ‘Place to Eat’.

“Very smart.” I muttered, rubbing my nose, “Wonder how many will catch on.”
I stepped inside, and groaned when I spotted the waiter, who was quick to walk towards me. I gazed at his nametag, which read, ‘Dwayne Sparingly’.
“Oh crap…” I moaned, “You’re a Canadian waiter, aren’t you?”
He frowned, “What are you on aboot, eh?”
“Brilliant…” I spat, “So anyway, is it possible I might consume foodstuffs at this venue?”
“What?” he grunted.
“Can I eat?” I tried again.
“What?” he repeated.
I groaned. I knew what I had to do
“I wanna fill my gut, eh hoser?” I uttered.
“Ah, now yer talking my language!” he chuckled, “It’s just your luck, trainers eat free during the tournament!”
“Oh well that’s dandy!” I bubbled, and shoved my way towards the food.
“Those Canadians are so impossible!” I snapped, and Leaves shot a piercing glare at me. “…And it doesn’t matter that I am one!”

I put this aside, and pounced at the food like a cat on a mouse. Or perhaps a cat on another, smaller cat, should it be hungry enough.
I crammed my face full of anything I saw, which included three napkins. I looked hungrily around to spot something I hadn’t yet tried. Fortunately Leaves was nowhere in sight.
I noticed a large plate of unusual goo. Of course, not that I can think of any goo that isn’t unusual. Any good goo, anyway.

I was a tad worried to try, so I just put a small spoonful on my plate.
Then I noticed that there was a small sign in front of the plate.
‘WARNING, do not eat. Sparingly.’

“Phew!” I sighed to Leaves, “Good thing they warned me! …Better take a lot then!”
I slopped a vast quantity of it onto my plate, and was quite pleased with the sizzling it made (as it dissolved the plate, but that’s beyond the point).

I sniffed it curiously, then heard from the dome.
‘Anthony Chambers, your match is in seven minutes, Anthony Chambers, report to the arena NOW.’
“Oh maaaan!” I snapped, “Just how long was I sleeping?”
I shovelled the mess down, not even taking into account the taste, or lack of.

I wiped off my mouth, flicking goo into Leaves’ eye in the process, and bolted towards the dome.
I crashed, and fell down.
“Oh no!” I gagged, “I’m too late! I’m going to miss the match, and I’m never ever ever going to win Chase’s hand!”
Leaves frowned, and pointed ahead.
“Hang on.” I chuckled, “That’s a wall, isn’t it?”
I picked myself up, and walked through the doorway to the arena.
“James?” I gasped, when I saw the friendly fellow standing there.
“Yeah?” he muttered, confused.
“You’re my opponent?” I gasped, “I’m going to have to go through a shocking rivalry that results in you being the better trainer and me having to lose a few fights all in the name of campy traditions?”
My vision then blurred, “Oh no!” I squealed, “I can’t see! Vision eludes me! As does fortune and lovely women!”
I noticed a shiny form before me, that grasped the wall tightly.
“Oh so that’s the way you want to play?” I snapped, “Beat up the blind man? Well, we’ll show you! Go get ‘em, Cubone!”
I threw the ball at the figure, hoping to knock it out that way, and some odd brown thing was produced.
“What’s that?” I whimpered, rubbing my eyes. “Oh yeah, Cubone. Sorry, I was thinking of Bonecu. Or Bonk you, as I call it.”
I pointed a finger at the opponent. “Cubone,” I commanded, “Use Metronome!”
Cubone obeyed, and a small wave of water flew up…then crashed against me.
“Splash?” I whined, “Nooo… That won’t do!”
I wiped off my face, my vision still blurred, and quite salty thanks to the wave. “Try it again!”
Cubone lifted his arms, summoning all his force for the random attack, then sent a blast of water…at me.
“Splash? Again??”
The opposing figure seemed to use Metronome now, and shot out a blast.
“Water Gun!” I gasped. Cubone leapt aside, and the water hit me.
“Would you stop that?!!” I snapped, “Metronome Cubone!”
Cubone lifted his hand, then began to spin rapidly.
“Look!” I said proudly, “Dizzy Punch!”
He picked up speed, then finally hit himself in the face.
“…Uh, Cubone.” I muttered, “I think you’ve misunderstood the concept of Dizzy Punch. Try something else!”
He shook his head, before finally charging at the opponent and headbutting it. He crashed into it with a metallic clang, and bounced off. It didn’t seem to have any effect, the thing didn’t even flinch!
“Damn vision…” I groaned, “Can’t even tell what it is… Try Metronome one more time Cubone!”
Cubone used Metronome, paused for a moment, then reached into his helmet. He pulled out an egg.
“An…egg?” I muttered, confused, “What’s up with that?”
I then noticed a ticking sound.
“Bulbaaaaa…” Leaves gulped.

“Oh god, Egg Bomb!” I shouted, “Cubone, get rid of it! Get rid of it!”
In a panic, Cubone threw it to me.
“No!” I screamed as I caught it, “Get rid of it, not me!”
I piffed it into the air with all my might, but it just soared right back into my grasp.
“Confounded gravity!” I snarled, then looked down at the blur that was Leaves.
“Leaves!” I gulped, “How can we get rid of it?”
Leaves pointed at me. “Bulboom!” he muttered.
“I mean how are we going to get rid of it with all limbs intact?!” I snapped.
Then it hit me.
“I’ve got it!” I grinned, “I’ll leave it here, then run!”
I set it carefully on the floor, then tried to make a break for it, only to find my tail had coiled around the egg.
“Daaaaamn!” I moaned, “Stupid dutiful tail!” I took the tail in both hands, “What are you, a hero?”
I slapped it, but it proceeded to slap me back.
“Owwwww!” I whined, “Help! I’m beating me up!!”

I grabbed the egg. It was ticking faster and faster.
“No good hoping its just a sinister clock…” I whimpered, “It’s gonna blow!!”
I threw it over my shoulder, and covered my ears.

The explosion wasn’t half as loud as I’d expected, but the results were quite surprising.
“Well done, Yergago!” a voice cheered.

I looked up, and, my vision cleared, saw James.
“Why are you congratulating me?” I squeaked.
“Why not?” James chuckled, “I mean, you beat that Bernard guy without even looking at him!”
I turned around. There was a stuttering lad, and a charred Pokémon.
“But I thought I was fighting you!” I muttered.
“Uh, no…” James said, confused, “My match is next, I came early to cheer you on.”
“Buuut…” I gasped, “If you were all behind me, then who was I fighting??”

I looked back to where Cubone stood. In front of him was a drinking fountain.


“…Oh.”

I turned around, frustrated. “Why didn’t you tell me I was fighting an inanimate object?” I groaned.
“Well…” Bernard chuckled, “We thought it was funny…”
“Oh yes.” I hissed, “REAL funny. Even though I was blinded and I don’t even know how! It could’ve been anything! The atmosphere, my corneas…”

I then brightened.
“Hey,” I said with a grin, “I’m hungry. Who’s up for some Canadian goo?!”

MORAL OF THE MINT: …Don’t trust cooking Canadians, eh?
Mew Trainer Rose
26th February 2003, 02:02 PM
...Yet James (wherever he came from) doesn't find it odd that whats-his-face has a tail. Spwaking of which, how can a Smeargle tail grab anything? It's Aipom's tail that has a hand. meh.
Powarun
26th February 2003, 04:42 PM
Nice small and funny, this would be a pokemon quest good enough for comedy central
E_Eevee
2nd March 2003, 10:00 PM
Well, I don't come to the board much any more (not at all actually), but burakkichu recommended I read this. I have to say this is hilarious! That's and the title. Minty Thrill, wonderful. Anyway, a few mistakes and stuff, but I'm not picky. Oh, and don't tell the canadians they can't cook. My friend Danielle would be very offended. He'd prolly curse you out in french ^^:D
Drago
8th March 2003, 07:26 PM
Mew Trainer Rose: Well, the way I saw it, if he doesn't notice that Tony's asleep in the middle of a conversation, what are the chances he'll put two and two together and consider the fact that having a tail is a bit odd? ^^;
Oh, and the tail grabbing thing was just bad writing on my part. I've rephrased it, so now the tail's coiled around the egg, which was my original intention. Thanks for pointing that out.
Powarun: Thanks. I had it planned so that a Mini Mint would only come along every once in a while, most likely when I run out of ideas...
E_Eevee: Thanks for reading, and your comments! I'd be glad to correct any mistakes if they're pointed out, that'd be quite handy. And as far as Canadian cooking goes? Well, it's quite good, actually, but I just like poking fun. :P

Oh, and thanks for recommending the story burakkichu! I would tell people about it myself, but, you know, one doesn't like to blow one's own trumpet. (No, but you might at least have told us you had a trumpet.)
...Sorry, I watch too much Blackadder... :D

Minty Thrill
Chapter 17
Nickelfinals

I grinned a wide, and a noticeably unsettling grin. Looking at the battle charts, I had come upon a revelation.
“Look!” I squealed, “Only three more matches ‘til I’ve pummelled all opposing blobs, fish and trees!” I beamed at Leaves, “I’m in the nickelfinals!!”

I struck a dramatic pose, which looked more like Rambo dancing the La Bamba.
I strolled casually towards the bathroom; a generally irritated Leaves by my side. “However…” I raised an eyebrow. Or at least I believed I did. It’s somewhat difficult to see your own eyebrow. Except for that one time with the rubber bands and squirrels, but that’s another story for another bottle of Tequila.
“I must look my best!” I gazed lovingly into the mirror, until I noticed a horrid blemish beneath my nose.
“ACK!” I cried, throwing my hands to my face, “I’ve spotted a spot! I’ve pinpointed a pinpointer! I have…A PIMPLE!!”
I stomped like a furious four-year-old. “Why is it you only see these things when you’re looking in the mirror?” I whined, to which Leaves rolled his eyes. I dashed across the bathroom, and barricaded the door with various barricading objects. Namely a trashcan, and a piece of paper with the words, ‘large barricading article’ on it.

I leant closer to the mirror. It was amongst the hairs of my moustache… or lack of, anyway. It was more like peach fuzz, but it was my fuzz nonetheless.
“So how does one go about destroying it without harming the ‘stache?” I grumbled, puzzled. Leaves shrugged, disinterested. “Well my moustache is very important to me! It makes me look more like Mario!”
Leaves frowned.
“It’s-a me, Tonio?” I said sheepishly.

I readied my finger against the offender in the ritual picking position, most certain it’d fling against the mirror in an amusing display. I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth.
“Here goes…” I whimpered, and scraped my finger across my face at a ferocious pace.
“Oh OW!!” I bellowed, and looked wearily into the mirror. “Aww hölle!” I snapped, “I missed. I was aiming for the wrong side of my face…”
Leaves shook his head.
“Well the reflection tricked me!!”

I threw my hand into my pocket, and yanked out a staple remover.
“A-HA!” I shouted, and Leaves’ eyes widened.
I gulped. Hopefully this wouldn’t be as painful as the odds indicated. I winced, and placed the staple remover on my face, ready to tighten my grip.

There was a thud outside the room, then frantic knocking on the door, that shocked me so much that I threw the staple remover over my shoulder.
“Hey! What’s goin’ on?!” a voice shouted, “The door’s jammed! Hello? Someone open the door! I gotta use the toilet!”

I frowned.
Well, obviously. What else would you do in a bathroom, genius?

I looked around.
“Hang on, where’d the staple remover go?”

*PLUNK*

“Oh NO!” I cried, and dashed over to the toilet, to see the metallic object disappear into the depths.
“Nooo!” I shouted, “I’ve dropped me staple remover down the loo!!”

“…What?” the voice muttered.
“Stay out of this!” I snapped, and walked back to the mirror. I sighed, and looked over at Leaves.
“Got a hammer?”
He shook his head.
“A chisel?”
Again, he denied.
“A blonde cheerleader?”
He gave me a strange look.
“Hey, it’d make me feel better…” I muttered.

I felt around my pockets one last time.
“…Leaves.” I said solemnly, “I just may have to do one of the most painful things I’ve done since eating crackers while getting a root canal.” I pulled out… the Weedle horn.
Leaves took a step back. “So what do you think?” I gulped, “Got any better ideas? Is this the most stupid and idiotic thing I’ve done in my life…or twelve minutes?”
Leaves nodded frantically.
“Ah, bite me!” I spat.
Leaves then pounced like a tiger, and took a big chomp!

“WAAAAEAAAAAAAAAGGH!!!” I screeched, “Not LITERALLY!!”
My upper lip began to spurt blood like a leaking pen.
“Oh no!” I gulped, “Is it noticeable?”
I looked over at Leaves, and shot blood into his face. …Obviously it was rather noticeable.
“I’m coming in there!!” the voice bellowed.
“Aaaaag!” I wailed, as blood shot into the sink, “Gotta clean up!”
I hurriedly smeared my face against the mirror, the counter, and Leaves.
“Quick! Quick!” I choked, and dashed across to the toilet stalls, dripping blood every step of the way, “Gotta hurry!”

I grabbed a roll of toilet paper and, all the while wondering why I hadn’t just cleaned up with that, wrapped it around my face, leaving only my eyes uncovered.
I scooped up Leaves under my arm, and threw the door open.

“All yours.” I said in a muffled voice, leaving the person with the bloody bathroom. (I made a funny!)

I looked around, my head now quite a bit heavier.
“This is just brilliant!” I spat, Leaves just barely able to understand me, “It’s quite hard to think when covered in mass layers of toilet paper… And I just can’t bare to think what’ll happen if I sneeze…”

Leaves put a look on his face. Not a worried look that one might expect, rather, quite the devious one. Needless to say, I won’t trust him around pepper anymore.

‘Anthony Chambers, your match is in seven minutes, Anthony Chambers, report to the arena NOW.’ The unknown voice over the com bellowed.
“Oh dear, that’s not at all good…” I grumbled, “Why is it always seven minutes, anyway? I mean, honestly. Give me a good eight minutes and I could come better prepared!”
I took a step forward, then came upon a realisation. “Hang on, I can’t go out there like this! I’ve got to come up with an alias… something new and original… A-ha! Superhero names! That’ll work… uhh… Batmanthony? Green Lantony?”
Leaves groaned, not impressed as per usual.

“No…” I said with a frown, “I’ve got to keep this name simple…”
********************************
The announcer groaned at the new name I had scribbled down.
“Can’t believe I’m doing this…” he spat.
He straightened up his coat, and threw his hand to the air, damn near slapping me in the face.
“And in this corner…” he began, then took a deep breath, “The Maniacal Mr. Mummy Mysteriously Mocking Many Minute Mice Malevolently!” he paused, “…With a Melon.”
I proudly held my newfound melon to the air, for all to see. Always handy when Klepto brings back this sort of thing regularly.
“Blood will spill!” I snarled, in the clever rhyming mummy call I had made just that moment.
The announcer raised an eyebrow, “What’s that?”
I sighed, “Blood will SPILL!” I said louder.
“Sorry…” he mumbled, “Can’t understand a word you’re saying…”
I stomped my foot, and shifted the toilet paper. “BLOOD WILL SPILL!!” I wailed with such force that I shot off some of the blood from earlier. It hit the announcer right on his deep purple coat.

“…See?” I said with a smirk.

“Gooooo Snorlax!” my opponent, who for now we’ll just call Opponent, roared.
I snickered. “Snorlaxeseses don’t know no Metroknowme!” I paused for a moment, “Metronome. God knows how I pronounced a silent K!”
I shifted in my coat. Twice, because the first one was quite awkward, and resulted in the coat falling to the floor.
Opponent and the announcer’s eyes widened at sight of the Smeargle tail.
“Oh now come on!” I snapped, “Who’s to say mummies don’t have paintbrush tails!” I stepped up accusingly, “Perhaps they are all artists deep down? That Imhotep guy looked like quite the Fettuccine!!”
I threw down a Pokéball.
“Go Cubone!” I screeched.

As the shape formed, it turned out to be Klepto. I then realised that he had no fingers with which to Metronome.
“Uhh…” I muttered, “Klepto you silly thing! Don’t ever pop out of your Pokéball without me instructing you to! Why, any idiot would think I grabbed the wrong Pokeball back at my locker room!”

I looked ferociously at Leaves, “That I’d grabbed the wrong ball out of Locker 269, combination 2-5-4-9. Why, that would be quite bad, and I would have to send somebody off to get it, wouldn’t I?”
I scowled at Leaves, and he finally caught on. He left towards the locker room, slowly as possible.
“Uhh…” I muttered, “How about… Umm… Before this battle I have something to say!”
I took a deep breath.
“Four score and…” I paused. Just how did the rest of that speech go?
“Uhh…Four score, and seven beers ago…”
********************************
“And extra pie…FOR ALL!” I wailed, finally finishing the seventeen-minute speech. Leaves set the new Pokéball at my feet.
“Phew!” I grinned, “So what did you all think of my speech?”
Opponent frowned. “What’s that? I haven’t understood a word you said!”

“Nooooooo!” I cried, “That was the kind of speech that could end wars, begin peace, and make X-Boxes fit inside your house!!”

I threw the ball down furiously. “Go Cubone!!”
Cubone was flung out of the ball at a furious pace.
“Be ready Cubone!” I warned. Cubone looked over his shoulder.
“…Bone?” he muttered, confused.

I snarled, then pulled the toilet paper aside so that it wasn’t covering my mouth.
“Just don’t die on me!” I wheezed.

There was a low rumbling.
“What was that?” I gasped, in quite the cliché term. I mean, who really does know what it is…
A windy gust occurred.
“Oh no!” I choked, “That’s the Snorlax!”
It made another low rumbling, and I finally figured out what it was doing…

“IT’S GOING TO EXPLODE!!” I bellowed.
Leaves and Klepto frowned.
“Sorry, force of habit.” I chuckled, “I meant, it’s about to attack!”
Then I spotted it.
“Look!” I cried, “A bubble! It’s charging up its Bubble attack!”
Cubone dived for cover, and I closed my eyes tight.

…Still, nothing happened. I looked up, to see that Opponent was shaking his head, disappointed.
I wandered up towards Snorlax. “Wow, this is a pretty weak Bubble attack…” I muttered, curious. I reached up towards the bubble, which was strangely coming out of Snorlax’s nose, and poked it. It popped, and Snorlax promptly leapt up with a roar.

“Oh would you look at that?” I grinned, “It was sleeping!”
It lifted its fist furiously.
“Eeaaag!” I cried, and pulled Cubone in front of me, “Hit him, not me!”
I got up and ran over to the other side of the arena.
“Don’t worry, Cubone!” I shouted, “I’m right behind you!”
About a mile behind you…

Snorlax threw its fist down in Cubone’s direction, and he leapt aside. He lifted his bone, and hit Snorlax in the arm with all his might.
However, the bone just bounced off against Snorlax’s bulk, and was thrown aside.
“Cueball!” I cried, “I’d recommend ‘noming right about now!”

Cubone lifted his fingers, and wiggled them quickly as he could.
Suddenly, he began to circle Snorlax at blinding speeds with Agility.
“Slow down Cubone!” I shouted, “You’re going to get dizzy!” I held my head tightly, “Or get me dizzy, anyway…”
Snorlax immediately responded a Metronome of its own, causing Double Team. Several Snorlax filled the room, cramping things considerably. Cubone leapt and bounded through several immobile copies, then eventually used Metronome, and used Waterfall, making them all disappear.

“Way to go, Cubone!” I cheered, then noticed the Waterfall crashing right towards us. “Aww hölle.” I whimpered, “Anyone got an umbrella?”
The salty water hit Leaves and I, as Klepto flew above, either to avoid getting hit by it, or just so that he was at a safe laughing distance.
I looked back at the battle.

The two were ramming into each other, Cubone with more speed, Snorlax with more size. Cubone then opened his mouth wide, and bit onto one of Snorlax’s ears! Snorlax shook its head around angrily.
“Yeah, go Cubone!” I cheered, “You bite!!”

Snorlax slammed its head to the ground, and Cubone was flung off. He shook his head rapidly, then dashed behind Snorlax. He used Metronome, and sent an icy beam towards Snorlax’s back.
Snorlax stumbled around, then eventually crashed onto its back.
“Yeah!” I cried, then noticed that Snorlax was beginning to slide, “Yeah, that’s bad…”

“Booooooone!” Cubone wailed, as Snorlax slid around on its back in quite the absurd display. Cubone ran like the dickens, finally coming across its bone. It snatched it up, then turned towards Snorlax.
Cubone started to run towards his opponent, then used the bone like a pole vault to leap up onto Snorlax’s stomach.

Cubone began to pummel Snorlax while it was on its back. It writhed in pain, unable to lift its own weight. Cubone Metronomed again, and pulled up a huge rock.
“Hang on…” I frowned, “Where’d he get that from?”

All logic aside, Cubone threw the rock at full speed at Snorlax.
Cubone flipped off, used another Metronome, and coughed out a Zap Cannon.
It rocketed towards Snorlax at a fantastic speed.

I put on my best Wario face.
“I’m-a gonna win!” I grinned, then noticed Snorlax turning a variety of bright colours.
“That’d be Recover…” I groaned, as Snorlax leapt to its feet.
It used Metronome, and span around quickly. It turned out to be a Swords Dance, which launched the Zap Cannon off, back towards Cubone. Although it doesn’t affect Cubone, the force sent him sliding back a bit.

Cubone set his bone at the ready, and leapt at Snorlax’s throat like an insurance salesman. Snorlax opened its mouth, and grabbed the Cubone in its jaw!

“Oh no, Cubone!” I wailed, “You’re not tasty enough for this to work!!”
Snorlax shook Cubone about ferociously, until Cubone pried itself out with its bone, and rolled back.
Snorlax took this opportunity to Metronome, sending Razor Leaf at Cubone. Twenty-seven head toward him.
Confidently, Cubone lifted his bone, and span it across his fingers. The leaves were deflected, and shot right back at Snorlax.
Quickly, Snorlax opened its mouth, and chomped down on the deflected attack.

Cubone raced towards Snorlax, and hit him with his bone at a rapid speed. So hard, in fact, that the Snorlax’s eyes opened up!
“…Whaaaaaa?” I gasped, “Snorlax’s…have eyes?”

Snorlax looked at Cubone, then scoffed, unimpressed.
It is…hungry…
The Pokédex offered.
“Well that’s all well and good,” I snapped, “But what’s there to eat?”
Snorlax peered around, then looked at me. A smile spread across its huge face.
“Laxsnorlooooo…” it gurgled.

“Pokédex…” I gulped, “Translation?”
The ‘dex beeped for a moment.

Marshmallow…

Snorlax stomped towards me, and I frowned, confused.
“What marshmallow?”
I stood about for a moment, before finally feeling around my toilet-paper covered head.
“Oh!” I grinned, “I’m a marshmallow.”
Snorlax began to run towards me, its mouth opened wide.

“Aww hölle.” I squeaked, then dashed out of the arena.
Snorlax followed quickly, its arms outstretched like it wanted a hug. It was too late to assume its intentions were that innocent, however.

“Help meeeeeeeeeee!!!” I cried, and ran dramatically off toward the sunrise.
********************************
Afternoon. I was sitting around the lobby, having only avoided being eaten thanks to Snorlax’s decision to abruptly take a nap.

“Congratulations on your win, Yergago!” James cheered, “Who’dve thunk it, you won by a count-out!”
“Yes…” I grumbled, “I guess leaving the arena for five hours would be a bit long, wouldn’t it?”
I buried my hands in my face. Well, at least I had won.

“But one thing I don’t get.” I said with a frown, “How come its trainer didn’t call it back before it was too late?”
“Well, as it turns out…” James chuckled, “The trainer had fallen asleep halfway through the match!”
“Like Pokémon like trainer…” I grinned.

Just then, the trainer walked past.
“He’s gonna eat me!!” I squealed, and leapt under the chair.
“Buuuuulb…” Leaves groaned.

I popped my head out. “Well, nonetheless, I’m ready…
For the sorta-finals!!”
Mew Trainer Rose
9th March 2003, 08:07 AM
Metronome with a silent k? o.O Only Tony....

The Getysburg Adress, misrecited (if that's even a word), muffled by toilet paper? well, that would be quiet odd. and he wouldn't have had to bother stalling if he just kept all of his pokemon with him at one time. but then again, that would make sense, and we know that Tony can't make any sense, don't we? :P
Powarun
9th March 2003, 03:24 PM
Great Chapter that is orginal getting eaten by a SNorlax. Why didn't you make the guy with the tail use Metranome? Giant marshmellow, and a canadian breakfast two exellent chapters.
SilverMachop
11th March 2003, 11:59 AM
Another excellent chapter, DragoKnight! I absolutely love it when the announcer has to introduce Tony with his especially long title. That's another classic scene for me.

Now I've gotta wait for the next chapter! Aw, hölle! Oh, well, I can be patient. May the Force be with you!
Drago
20th March 2003, 03:43 AM
...In how many languages can I say I suck? One, most likely. *lol*
Alright, so I'm a week later than usual.

But first, I'd like to thank everyone who voted for Tony in the Most Humoristic Character section, and congratulate SilverMachop and Magmar for beating me (with a stick. Ow.) :D

Mew Trainer Rose: Sense? Tony can't even spell it. Oh, and thanks for mentioning how it was the Getysburg address... I wasn't exactly sure ^^;
Powarun: Well, now that I think of it... Getting eaten by a Snorlax isn't entirely original... But it worked!
SilverMachop: Thanks for patience, sorry I had to make it apply more than usual... Whee! I'm making classic scenes! There's something I never expected.

So here it comes, yet more insanity. Quite a bit this time, too.

Minty Thrill
Chapter 18
Been Beamed?

“One, two, three, four, five…” I counted, then paused. “No, that can’t be right.
One, two…three, four, five.” I frowned, “Two, four…FIVE!” I furrowed my brow, angrily, “ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE!”
I shot up from my seat, angrily. “Daaaaaaaaaaamn!”
Leaves looked at me, shocked.
“Uh, sorry.” I muttered, “Thought I’d grown an extra finger.”

I shifted my weight onto my left foot, and looked thoughtful. “You know, I think it’s about time I got a new Pokémon. I haven’t caught one in like, nine chapters…”
Leaves looked at me, highly confused.
“Uh, never mind…” I said quickly, “How about we take a peek outside…”

I cautiously stepped outside. It was getting quite dark, and the sun was just barely visible above the nearby mountain.
“It’s hard to see out here.” I whispered, stating the obvious.
I knelt down towards the ground. “I reckon Pokémon are nearby… I can smell them!”
I gazed over my shoulder, towards the dome. “Oh yeah, that’d be them there…”

I crawled along quietly, as I assumed it was the thing to do.
I looked around, until I saw something. I strained to see. It looked to be green.
“I see something!” I hissed, and slowly crawled towards it.
“Careful…careful…” I whimpered to myself, until I was right in front of it. “NOW!” I cried, and landed upon it like a sumo wrestler tripping over a hurdle. I grabbed hold of it as it squirmed.
“I’ve got it! I’ve got it!” I yelled.
“Saaaaaaur!!!” It snapped.
“It’s a Saur!” I exclaimed, excitedly.
It slipped from my grasp, and ran towards the light of the doorway. I frowned.
“…Leaves?” I muttered, “…Since when have you been a wild Pokémon?”
He groaned, and stomped back into the dome, angrily kicking the door closed behind him.

“Sorry!” I snapped, “Not my fault you refused to cooperate!”
I sighed, and walked towards the door. I turned the handle, then walked in… to the door.
“Hey!” I whined, “You’re supposed to be open!” I shook my fist. “Don’t defy me!!”
I turned the handle again, but still, the door wouldn’t open.
“Heeeeeeey!” I shouted, “I’ve been locked in!”
I looked around, and noted the trees, grass, and rocks.
“Alright then, locked out!!” I whined, and pounded on the door. Still, though, it wouldn’t open. I thought perhaps I could tempt it with a chocolate bar, but decided otherwise. I’m not one to bribe a door.

I wandered around the side of the building, when a light blinded me. I peered over, and noticed it’s the sun. It had just come out from behind a mess of clouds. It spilled over the area, and almost seemed like pure daylight again.
“Yes!” I cheered, “I can see clearly now, the clouds are gone! I can see an obstacle in my way! I won’t stop, no, I’ll walk right into it! It’s gonna be a painful, painful day!”
I followed my own instructions, and walked full-speed into a bike. I tumbled over, and clutched my ankle in pain. I got up, and pointed accusingly at the bike
“You stupid thing!” I roared, and kicked it furiously. “Nobody trips me up, except me!” I stuck one foot in front of the other, and tripped again.
I coughed up a cloud of dirt. “See?” I wheezed.

I got up, brushed myself off, and looked around. There were actually a lot of bikes. I looked closer at the one I had just mangled. Upon closer inspection, it was actually a motorbike. …They were all motorbikes.
I gulped, and looked over my shoulder. There was a large group of burly, tattooed men.
“Oh now come on!” I shouted, “Like you’d just stand there and watch me kick the crap out of your bike! No waaaaaay!”

They snarled (quite the humorous sight, considering most of them had large beards, and it looked like the hair was growling at me), and stepped towards me, brandishing all manners of weaponry.

A chain.
A baseball bat.
A lead pipe.
A pretzel.
I frowned. A pretzel?

I looked at its holder, who was chuckling, embarrassed.
“…James?” I said with a frown.

“What?” the lead biker, who looked pretty much the same as all the rest of them, “You told us your name was Jagger!”
“Uh…” James said with a gulp, “Well… Perhaps I wasn’t completely honest about that…”
“And another thing!” the biker continued, and marched over to a bike much smaller than the others, “I’m quite suspicious about your hog!”
He reached down, and yanked off the license plate. Without the clever disguise, I could now tell that it was just a tricycle.
“A-ha!” the biker roared.
“Uh, yeah, about that, Miguel, I’ve been meaning to get that fixed…” James gulped, “And made bigger… and less pink…”

*Ding ding* the bell on the tricycle rang as Miguel squeezed it.

James slapped his forehead, “And fix my horn too…”
“You little lying freak!” one of the bikers, an aging fatso with a thick white beard, roared.
“I am not a lying freak, you St. Nick wannabe!” I shouted, then noticed that now all eyes were on me. “Oh, wait… You weren’t talking to me, were you? …Uh, sorry Santa…” I squeaked, and backed up into James.
“What are we gonna do, Yergago?” James whimpered.
“I know just what to say!” I said confidently, and stomped towards the bikers.
I looked furious, then flipped around to face James. “My name is Anthony you dimwit!” I bellowed, “Not Yergago, ANTHONYYYYYYYYYY!!”

Miguel threw his hand up and signalled for the rest of his crew to get us.
“Aww hölle…” I gulped, “…Alright then, I’ll face you clowns in a Pokémon battle!”
Miguel scoffed. “Pokémon are for wimps!”

I reached into my pocket, and pulled out a Pokéball.
Oh great, it’s empty… Better not let them know, maybe I could just pretend its an invisible Pokémon…
“See how wimpy THIS is!” I roared, and threw the ball at them as fast as I could. They jumped aside, and the ball crashed right into one of the bikes. It was thrown off balance, and tipped towards the next bike, which was also knocked over into the next bike. I picked up the ball as the bikes fell like dominoes, leaving large dents in the bikes and knocking every single rear-view mirror off.

“Not very wimpy at all!” I gulped, and James and I ran as fast as we could. From behind us, I could hear Miguel.
“Come on, guys!” he roared, “Get on your bikes!”
“No way, no how!” one of them gulped.
“It’s dangerous to drive without rear-view mirrors, man!” another added.
Miguel groaned, annoyed. “Fine then, we’ll get them on-foot! …Just act like we’re still on bikes!”
I looked over my shoulder, and spotted them coming after us, some of them shouting ‘vroom-vroom’ for extra effect.

“We’ll never outrun them!” James cried.
“Why?” I panted.
“Because we’re both incredibly unfit, and have little experience in running away from hairy men!” he shouted.
That’s what you think…

I screeched to a stop. “Yeah, guess you’re right.” I said, and shrugged, “I never really liked being alive all that much anyway.”
The bikers close in on us, and get their weapons at the ready.
“WAIT!” one screamed, looking at his watch, “It’s 8:58! We gotta get home!” They all turned, and ran for their lives.
“Bedtime?” James suggested.
I looked around. It was incredibly barren. Nobody was outside anywhere. Even Kurabusu City in the distance looked empty.
“Everyone’s bedtime?” James chuckled.
“Well, I don’t know why they took off, but I see it as an advantage.” I sighed, “We can always die some other day.”
“Agreed.” James nodded.

I didn’t even take one step when I stopped. Unintentionally, mind you. I couldn’t make one little move! James looked to be frozen, too.
I felt the need to scream when the sun started coming closer towards us. Soon, it was so close that I could tell it wasn’t actually the sun at all! Rather, it was a great disc emitting an eerie light.
All of a sudden, James and I were slowly plucked from the ground, and began hovering up toward the disc. …Either it was a flying saucer, or a very large magnetic Frisbee.
We were sucked into the saucer, and the floor closed beneath us.
It’s dark in here!

We fell to the floor, no longer paralysed, but quite trapped!
“Oww!” I moaned, “Tell me, why is it always me who’s getting into all these messes?”
“Most likely because you seem to cause them…” James snapped.

Then, out of the shadows, two figures walked out. They looked like… humans? I strained to see better. When I did, I noticed a slightly less human quality. They were both completely red, from head to toe.
“Red?” I muttered, and frowned, “I thought Martians were supposed to be green, and short… I’m quite disappointed.”
“Silence, Earth scum!” one of them snapped, “You should consider yourselves quite lucky! Xeneli and I have chosen you to be our husbands!”
“But…” the other sighed, her red finger pressed against her lips, “Our father wouldn’t approve of it, Reneta. Boices and humans don’t mix. Well, according to them, anyway.”
“But,” the first replied, “what if we made our fathers THINK they were Boice beings!”
“Um…” I cut in, “My friend and I were wondering if you could choose from two options. One, let us go, two, an introduction may be a bit more polite, and whatever you do don’t pop out of our stomachs and roar all scary-like, and make us so unalive that one could consider us dead!”
James gulped,
“We’ll pay you!” he whimpered, and shot his hand into his pocket “I’ve got 5 cents and a bottle cap!”
“Excuse us,” the second apologised, “I’m Xeneli, and this is Reneta. We are of the Boice race of Namuhs.”
“Meaning…” I muttered,
“We’re better than you, so there!” Reneta answered.
“Oh.” James coughed, “Fair enough.”
“The problem is,” Xeneli continued, “Our father would never let us get married to filthy toe jam like you.”
“Well,” I sighed, searching for an exit, “That’s just too bad, we’ll remember you, write letters, send e-mails and hope for the best. There’s only so much toe jam can do, you know.”
“But,” Reneta said with a smile, “I have a plan to fool them.”
She whispered into Xeneli’s ear. She began to laugh with giddiness.
“That’s gotta work!” she chuckled, and winked at James.
“Well James, you sly devil…” I cackled, “Looks like you’ve got an admirer!”
“I’ll take the ugly one.” Reneta smiled.
“We’re gonna have to play along for a while,” I whispered to James, “unless you wanna get probed!”
Xeneli lead James ahead.
Reneta pulls me towards her, and looked at me curiously. Quite impolite, actually.
She lead us to a huge sort of portable, and sent us inside.

With a flourish, Reneta twisted a knob. Bright red splotches of paint then rained from above.
“Agg!” James moaned, “Nasty!”
Reneta twisted the knob the other way, and shoved us out.
“They’re ready.” She pushed us towards a mirror.
“Is it just me, or is everyone in the world incredibly stupid?” I frowned.
We’re lead to a great big room with a fat red bloke that looked sort of like Bacchus with a sunburn.
Next to him sat an angry frowning rock.
“What’s all this about?” he roared, his entire body beginning to shake.
“Father…” Reneta said slowly, “We request to marry these two wonderful Boices!”
“Wha-whaaat?” he bellowed, and sat up straight, “But what makes them worthy?”
“Well, they’re quite charming!!” Reneta snapped, and looked at me. Her father leant forward, frowning.
“Alright then Mr…” I gulped,
“Donolo.” He finished.
“Rightio Donny!” I grinned, “Be prepared to be amazed!” I began to moonwalk. “Billie Jean is not my lover! She’s just a girl, who I met in the night. It turns out she’s just a transvestiiiiiiiiiiiiite!”
“Stop, stop, stop!” Donolo roared, “That’s horrible! I refuse to let you marry these clowns!”
He set his gaze on James, who was in the corner with the rock.
He poked it, and it wrapped its hand around his arm.
“Sweet!” James gasped.
The rock paused for a moment. “…Duuuuuude.” It responded.
“Sweeeeeet!” James repeated, leaning forward.
The rock looked interested. “Duuuuuude!” It said louder.
“Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!” James bellowed.
The rock jumped up and down, “Duuuuuuuuuuuuude!!” it shouted.
“Sweeeeeeeeeeet!”
“Duuuuuuuuuude!”
“Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!”
“Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!”
“SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!”
“DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!”

Donolo clapped his hands madly.
“I don’t believe it!” he gasped, “I’ve never seen Geodude that excited since he was but a mere pebble!”
He turned back to Reneta and Xeneli. “Of course you can marry these fine lads!”
He looked towards me, “Just as long as HE doesn’t sing anymore of my brother’s songs!!”
********************************
James and I sat about, waiting.
“Well,” I moaned, “We’ve failed. We’re about to get married to the red folks, and Leaves is probably going to take my wallet…”
I snatched it out of my pocket, “Well, we won’t let him do that!”
James watched, disgusted, as I swallowed the wallet.
“There.” I said satisfied, and coughed out a coin.
Suddenly, the chairs we were sitting on began walking.
They dashed out of the room, and kicked us toward the altar. Donolo stretched slightly, and took his place. Seemed he would be the one marrying us.
I got up, and looked up at Reneta.
“Well, at least I can enjoy this part…” I muttered, “Lay a big wet one on me, baby!”
Reneta lifted her hand and slapped me across the face.
“Too soon?” I squeak.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife.” Donolo said warmly.
“Awwww!” I snapped, “That was no fun!”

Xeneli smacked James, and Reneta promptly dragged me into a large, purple-tinted room. She threw me on the waterbed and locked the door.
She leapt on the bed, and looked at me hungrily. …A bit too hungrily, actually.
“Uhh…” I squeaked, “Now what?”
“Why,” she responded, “It’s time for the customary eating of the husband!”
I gasped, and backed away.
“Oh don’t worry…” she assured, “Within a week you get regurgitated. Most of the time the husband survives…”
“Aww hölle…” I muttered, “Uh…uh… I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!” I suddenly blurted.
She piffed the keys at me.
“Don’t be long.” She cooed, “I don’t want a late dinner…”
I slam the door shut behind me, then looked around.
“James!” I gasped, then ran towards him.
“Tony, I got good news!” James smiled, “This thing’s set on hover! We haven’t actually gone anywhere!”
“Brilliant…” I muttered, wiping the red paint from my face, “But we won’t be going anywhere without a plan…”
“HUMANS!” a voice bellowed, I looked over my shoulder. Bad timing! It’s Donolo! “Plan on dying?” James gasped.
“For the last time, no!” I snapped, and ran towards a window.
“Break it!” James screamed.
“…But I don’t want to break a nail…” I whined, then reached into my coat.
“Tail don’t fail me now!” I gulped. I swung it above my head, then hit the window at top-speed. It shattered into pieces, and we leapt out.
“Hey, since when have you had a tail…” James frowned.
“Uh, little while. Can’t remember when, exactly.” I replied.

…It then hit me that we were plummeting down at top speed.
“Oh…” I gasped, “This won’t be fun!!”

…Back on ground, the bikers had gone back to patrolling.
“Maybe the aliens got them.” a scrawny biker suggested.
*BANG!*
Miguel shot him with little thought.
“I don’t think so.” He announced, and looked around.
“Hey, what’s that in the sky?” he asked, pointing up to two tiny dots becoming bigger and bigger.

Quite obviously…those dots happened to be James and I! We landed right on top of them, breaking our falls, and most likely some backs.
Angrily, they stumbled to their feet, and glared at us.
“Oh god!” Miguel squealed, “They’re bleeding!”
He ran off at top speed, leaving the rest of the bikers to stand there, dumbfounded.
“Uh…” one of them muttered, “We’ll be leaving now…”
They shuffled off, defeated.

“Wow!” I grinned, “We beat ‘em!”
I took a step forward, and slipped up in the paint.
“And beat my head, too!” I groaned.
“Tony…” James began.
“Yes?” I sighed.
“You’re quite stupid.” He muttered.
“…Thank you.” I said quietly.
SilverMachop
21st March 2003, 01:34 PM
That chapter was odd! Odd and different! But that's good; I applaud odd and different! How many Pokémon stories have aliens kidnap the trainer? None, I tell you!

This story is so witty! Keep up the good work!
E_Eevee
25th March 2003, 03:39 PM
*cackles* That was amusing. Tony and James are both so...erm, can't think of a descriptive enuff word for them even! The aliens were amusing too.
burakkichu
28th March 2003, 01:47 AM
still love this fic! ^^ sorry, haven't replied in a while...em, haven't *been* here in a while come to think of it. you're welcome for the recommendation, btw. ^^; can't think of any one moment i liked the most....it was all hilarious ^__^
Drago
4th April 2003, 08:19 PM
SilverMachop: Thanks for understanding the unusual. At first I thought it was a tad risky, but then I thought back to chapter 14. If Tony can encounter zombies, why not aliens as well?
E_Eevee: Thank you! Oh, and considering Tony and James, perhaps its best that that word not be said...
burakkichu: Good to see you're back! I'm always worried perhaps I had made people leave in disgust... ^^;

I'm finding that the 'nome Dome is taking a lot longer than I intended, so I believe its time to return to the battles!

Minty Thrill
Chapter 19
Klepone the Bone Bird

I stepped forward, a proud, confident look on my face. There was no stopping me now.
I looked down at Leaves, who looked back at me and nodded.
I took a deep breath.
“Well, here it is…” I said quietly, “Of all the hardships… of all the struggles, I was always sure that we could never avoid this… Leaves, now is the time… the time to do it…”
I gazed at the large wooden door.
“Well here it is.” I repeated, a little shakily, “The moment of truth… The… the…”
Suddenly I snapped like a twig.
“I can’t do it!!!!!” I bellowed, galloping down the hall like a donkey that had just been taken out of a blender.
“Saaaaaaaur!” Leaves snapped behind me, frustrated.
“No!” I whined, “I don’t care if it’s for the good of being a trainer…

I AM NOT GETTING THAT NEEDLE!!”

Leaves groaned, and flopped onto the floor. Being that the tournament was almost over, the ‘nome Dome was regulated to test the blood of the competitors and their Pokémon for various performance-enhancing drugs. Well, either that, or they just needed some blood for a vampire feast. Whichever worked.

“I’ll only do it…” I whimpered, rocking back and forth on the floor, “If I’m told to do so by Pee-Wee Herman…”
“…Saur…” Leaves nodded.
“Blackadder…” I continued.
“…Bulba…” he said, looking over his shoulder.
I pondered for a moment. “And Uncle Buck!” I shouted.
“Buuuuuuuulb!” Leaves groaned, and collapsed.
“So close!” Paul Reubens muttered as he walked past.
“Typical of this bloody twit to request the encouragement of a corpse…” Rowan Atkinson spat from behind him.

“So all in all, I ain’t doing it!” I sneered triumphantly, “It would take the most brilliant of methods to shatter THESE nerves of steel!”
Leaves tilted his head slightly, and stared at me.
“Yup…” I grumbled, “Nerves of steel…”
Leaves continued to stare.
I cleared my throat, and looked around the room.
Leaves continued to stare.
I whistled, twiddled my thumbs, and scratched the back of my head.
Leaves continued to stare.
“Alright!” I snapped, and walked towards the doorway, “So maybe they were nerves of aluminium…”

I took one big breath, and threw the door open.
“Stab me now, Herr schlechter Doktor Mann!!” I bellowed, in terms that sounded all too kinky. Not often I called someone a ‘gentleman man’.
“Oh yes! Yes! …Yes!” a weak, shrew-like voice responded.
I looked around to find who it belonged to, before my eyes finally fell upon a short, bald man. He looked to be at least fifty, and had a toothy grin. Well, toothless, actually. I oftentimes pondered how it was people like this became doctors…
“I’m, sort of, like, here for my needle Dr…” I paused, as I couldn’t for the life of me find his nametag.
“Shlocter.” He finished, smiling as though he found pleasure in his own name.
“Ah, nice to meet you doc.” I said politely.
“More than nice, I should think!” he gasped, “I’m a hero, you know!”
“…A superhero, perchance?” I muttered. He quickly slapped me across the face.
“No you foolish child, a war hero!” he spat.
I rubbed my cheek, annoyed. “I see. And which war would this be?”
He paused for a moment. “ALL OF THEM!” he suddenly roared.
“I see…” I frowned, “Rather than continue this conversation, could I possibly get my needle now?”
He struck me across the face again.
“Yeah, sure.” He muttered, then slapped me once again.
“What was that for?” I snapped.
“To make sure I didn’t miss the first time.” He replied, and walked over to a counter.
“Alright then, lad…” he said slowly, hunched over, “Tell me, what comes before four?”
I frowned. “Three?”
“Two, one!” he screeched, then span around, and thrusted the needle down at lightning speed.
“Ahahahahaaaa!” he cackled, twisting the medical implement about, “How do you like that, kid?”
“I don’t like it very much…” I yawned, “But I’m sure the table likes it even less. …You missed.”
“Oh damn.” He muttered, “Well, when at first you don’t succeed… I’ll just stick it where I know I won’t miss.”

Before I could question this theory, he crammed the needle into my mouth.
Tears welled in my eyes as I bit down to avoid being pierced, before he finally pressed it down.
“Huh.” I said, licking around my mouth, “Didn’t feel much. What was that?”
“A little formula called O2!” he grinned, as I walked out.
“Bulba?” Leaves shouted, and walked up to me.
“Went fine.” I said with a smile, “Got this doctor who reeeeeeeeaally seemed to know what he was doing…”
Suddenly, two burly men burst out from the room, carrying a rambling Doctor Shlocter with them.
“How was your needle, boy?” he cackled as he was dragged off, “Vairy good?”
He laughed maniacally down the hall, leaving Leaves and I to stand there.

“…Bye doc!” I shouted with a wave.

‘Anthony Chambers, your match is in seven minutes, Anthony Chambers, report to the arena NOW.’ The loud voice said once again.
“No, I don’t want to!” I whined. But the com didn’t have anything else to say. Apparently, I was just going to have to fight.
“Alrighty then…” I said confidently, and span Cubone’s Pokéball on my index finger, “Let’s fly!”
Suddenly, the ball swerved off balance, and shot off my finger, crashing through a nearby window.
“Oh jeez Cueball, you don’t have to take things so literally!” I gulped as I ran outside.
I nervously brushed off the broken glass, and picked up the ball. I released Cubone, who was unconscious and dizzy.
“Oh no!” I gasped, “I’ve knocked Cubone out!”
“Saaaaaur…” Leaves gulped.
“Strange…” I muttered, putting all my weight on one foot, “I don’t feel any more experienced… shouldn’t I have levelled up or something?”
Leaves shot an icy glare, as I returned Cubone.
“Uhh…” I whimpered, “Leaves, what’re we gonna do?”
“Saur!” Leaves shouted hopefully.
“We can’t win with a sword!” I snapped, and felt around my pocket. I slowly pulled out a new ball, and dropped it to the ground.
“Atttttuuuuuuuu!” Klepto tweeted excitedly as he was released. He flew about confidently. He looked ready for action.
“Hey, Leaves?” I said slowly, a grin spreading across my face, “What’s Klepper’s battle record?”
Leaves lifted both claws. One in a fist, one with his index claw sticking up.
“0-1?” I grinned, “Great, how can we lose?”
Leaves stared at me, uncertain what my devious plan was.
“Why, we’re going to enter Klepto in Cubone’s place!” I bubbled, “All we need is a disguise!”
I shot my hand back into my pocket, and pulled out (what else) the Weedle horn!
“Yes yes!” I cackled, and stuck the hollow horn on top of Klepto. I picked up the confused Natu, and rolled it around in the mud. Now it was brown and white. The perfect recreation of Cubone! Well, that or a mudcake. Whichever would win this battle.
“Now all we need is a secret name, so that Klepto won’t completely think he’s Cubone…” I reasoned. “Klepto…Cubone… Klepone!”
Leaves rolled his eyes, as I returned Klepone (wink, wink) to his ball.
“Let’s get battling then!” I said confidently, as I walked back inside. Just as I entered the dome, I bumped into James.
“James?” I muttered, “What’re you doing here?”
“I really don’t know… Sometimes I wonder what I’m doing anywhere in this big scary world…” James sighed, his voice trailing off.
“You came to watch my battle.” I groaned.
“Well obviously!” James snapped, “Do I seem like the kind of person who has a life?”
I groaned again as we walked into the darkened battling arena.
“Hello?” I cried, “Where is everyone?”
The lights suddenly brightened, and I found myself blinded by them.
“And so the next match in the semifinals is about to begin…” a voice boomed from nowhere. This dome seemed obsessed with booming voices. “Who will continue to the last match? And who will be conquered in a shameful defeat that will send them spiralling down the long path to failure?”
“That’d be Tony…” James chuckled to himself.
“In this corner, Terrible Tony!”
“Whoo-hoo!” I cheered, “I’m terrible!”
I paused for a moment, “Hang on, does he mean that in a good way?”
James shrugged, as the voice continued.
“And in this corner……CHASE!”
A girl sprang into view, posing as though I were supposed to be shocked.
“…Who?” James muttered.
“Beats me.” I coughed.
“What?” she snapped, “I’m the one you made the deal with, bonehead!!”
“Oh yeah, you!” I smiled, “Hi, how you doing.”
“Idiot…” Chase snarled.
“I beg to differ!” I snapped, “I can be quite clever! Look, an annoyed sigh at the dire situation…”
I sighed loudly, so that everyone could hear just how deep in thought I was. Chase looked suitably impressed, so I took in another deep breath, then let it out again. Chase lifted an eyebrow and, so not to disappoint her, I drew in another large breath. Too large, in fact. I doubled over, coughing and hacking.

“You’re quite the professional at sucking…” Chase spat, fixing her gaze toward the wall.
“Yes!” I said with a grin, “I suck!”
“Bul…” Leaves groaned, as I readied myself in battling position. I lifted the ball above my head, and took another shot at spinning it on my finger.
“Gooo…”
The ball promptly slipped, hitting me in the head.
“oowww…”
I caught it, gulped, and flicked it to the flooor.
“Go Cubone who is a Cubone and not a Natu in disguise!!” I shouted, winking madly with each syllable.
Out popped Klepone…but the Cubone disguise was nowhere to be found! The horn and the mud were completely gone!
A sweatdrop appeared on everyone’s forehead. Especially Klepone, who was sweating bullets.
“Umm…” I gulped, “Cubone, use Metronome! *gasp* Transformation! Cubone transformed into Natu!”
I frowned furiously at Klepone, “DIDN’T HE??”
“Natuuuu…” Klepone cooed nervously.
“Whatever.” Chase scoffed, “It’ll just make things easier for Ricardo!!”
The Ricardo shot out of the Pokéball. It was big, gray and lumpy.
“Ricardo?” I said with a frown, “What’s a Ricardo?”
Ricardo is…a nickname for…this Golem… you…idiot.
“That’s it!” I growled, “I’m taking away your personality!”
I flicked a switch, and the ‘dex beeped loudly.
Ricardo is…a nickname for…this Golem… you…feeble-minded person.
“That’s better.” I said triumphantly.

“Ricardo!” Chase commanded, “Start things with a quick Metronome!”
Ricardo waved his fingers, before closing his fist, then throwing a shower of coins at Klepone. Klepone cowered under his wing.
“You fiend!” I shouted, as James and Leaves began snatching up the coins.
“Klepone!” I roared, before realising that that was a secret name, “Uh, I mean Cubone…aw to hell with it, Klepone as I shall now call you, use Metronome! *cough*Psychic*cough*”

Klepone pretended to wave his wings, then shot a mental blast at the large rock.
“Ricardo!” Chase shouted, “Metronome now!”
Ricardo waved his fingers madly, before a glass wall with a brilliant blue shine appeared in front of him, blocking off the attack, and sending it back at Klepone. Klepone cawed in pain.
“Oh a wise guy, huh?” I shouted, “Klepone, do it again! Nyuk nyuk nyuk…” Klepone again launched off a Psychic blast, only to have it shot back. It smacked against Klepone at a fierce speed.
“Uhh…” I muttered, “Third time’s a charm! Try it again!”
Annoyed, Klepone launched the Psychic wave. It again bounced off, but Klepone tried something new by flying out of its range.
“Well done, Klepone!” I cried, “Well done!!”
I smiled… until I realised that the blast was now heading this way.
“Aww hölle…” I groaned.
The force sent Leaves, James and I crashing into the wall.
“What a rush!” James guffawed, before collapsing.
“Agg…” I groaned, “Klepone… use your imagination would you?”

“Now’s your chance Ricardo!” Chase squealed, “Use a Metronome to finish them off!”
Ricardo waved his fingers, then lifted his hands to the air, creating a Thunderwave that lit the room to a blinding rate.
I squinted to see the tiny bird about to be absorbed by the great big light.
“Nooo…” I whimpered, closing my eyes.

“Yes! Yes!” Chase shouted, “…Wait a minute, what the?”
I opened my eyes. It was Cubone! He was in the arena, twirling his bone on his fingers, and ready for action.
Klepone flitted away from the arena floor, and landed on my shoulder, shaking furiously.
“You did good, Klepone…” I grinned, “Uh, I mean Klepto…”
I returned Klepto to his ball, and snatched out Cubone’s walkman. I put it down, turned it up, and watched on, ready for Cubone to clean house.

Ricardo approached Cubone and…fell asleep.
“Bone?” Cubone muttered, and looked toward me.
“I dunno…” I muttered, “Perhaps he wants to take a nap before fighting?”
Suddenly a huge snore echoed through the room. I covered my ears, as Cubone gritted its teeth. It’s ear piercing! And not fun to listen to either!

“Booooone!” Cubone wails, uses Metronome, and threw its bone at Ricardo. It bounced off the rock’s head, and Ricardo woke up, throwing a nightcap and teddy bear aside.
“We’ve only begun to fight…” Chase cackled.
Cubone, however, looked to be quite tired…
“So have we, Chase. So have we…” I said, determined.
“Saurba?” Leaves grunted.
“Well, no.” I snapped, “Of course I’m not serious! I just didn’t want her to know that.”

Already Cubone was beginning to pant…
Powarun
5th April 2003, 11:15 AM
Confusing at times yet entertaining. I like Kleptbone. You are quite smart for a writer about a dumb person
Drago
23rd April 2003, 01:17 AM
Powarun: Thanks for the thought of me being smart!! It's a first, lol. Although I always find that the hardest characteristic to portray is idiocy, I'll keep on trying.

And so the battle soon ends! Who will win? ...Well, you just might be surprised... well, maybe not. But if you do then you'll make an old man happy. :P

Minty Thrill
Chapter 20
The Nifty Discount Skills of a Big Scary Rock

Time to fight back.

I brushed my hair back confidently, and grinned.
“Cubone, use Metronome!” I roared.
Cubone stuck up a hand, as though summoning power from above. He threw his bone aside, closed his eyes, and shot out a massive Ice Beam to end all Ice Beams!

“Oh no!” Chase gasped, as Ricardo was knocked back by the force of the attack. Pained and furious, Ricardo slowly stood up.
“Ricardo,” Chase gulped, “Try-”
Ricardo wouldn’t listen, however! It swiped its claw madly, withdrew into its rocky hide, and rolled at top speed my way!
“Noooo!” Chase squealed, “Ricardo’s out of control!!”
I raised an eyebrow, as Cubone and Leaves watched on horrified, the giant boulder zeroing in on me.
“Seems someone needs some serious training…” I chuckled, and braced myself.
Right when Ricardo came at me, I scooped him up, and powered the rock over my head. He stopped spinning, and poked his face out, terrified.
“What goes up…” I shouted, and threw Ricardo to the ground. He landed with a massive crash, unconscious. I wiped my hands as onlookers cheered.
“Oh Tony!!” Chase cried, “I can’t believe your skill and talent! It’s just as grand as your intelligence, and only outdone by your ravishing good looks! Will you marry me?”

I laughed, and opened my mouth to answer, when all of a sudden a giant sausage crashed in from the ceiling. It snarled at me menacingly.
“Only I can subdue this monstrosity…” I said quietly.
“No, please don’t!” Chase wailed, clutching tightly to me, “I couldn’t live without you!!”
I twisted my face, which now had a moustache for… various reasons.
“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.” I said offhandedly.
“A dam??” James’ voice cried. I looked over to find that he was now a beaver with a set of drums. “You said the magic words!!”
I looked at Beaver James’ impressive musical posse.
It included Electabuzz John, Jumpluff Hendrix, and Chikeminem, a streetwise Chikorita with a headband.
“Chika chika Slim Shady.” It muttered.

I glanced back at the sausage, which was now the last boss from Pikmin.
“I’m a-gonna gitchooooo!” It gargled, and began eating James and the band, who were now various coloured Pikmin.
“Nooooooo!” I cried in a high, Pikmin voice, “This is some kind of NIGHTMARE!!!”

My eyes shot open. James and Leaves were looking at me frantically.
“What are you doing Tony?!!” James cried.
I looked at the arena. Cubone was getting furiously pummelled by Ricardo. …Needless to say, nobody needed to hear the details of my dream.

“Cubone!” I wailed, “Do something smart!!”
Cubone ran away from the battlefield, and cowered behind my leg.
“Not that sort of smart!!” I snapped.
I kicked him towards Ricardo, and he nervously raised his bone.
“Cubone, Metronome him so bad it makes his head spin!!” I snarled.
Cubone weakly shook his finger, and a tiny string shot out from it, landing on Ricardo’s rocky shoulder.
I watched in disbelief.
“That won’t do Cubone…” I gulped.
Determined, Cubone charged towards Ricardo, flailing his bone around like he had gone mad.
Ricardo backed up, intimidated, until Cubone tripped up in his own sticky string. He stumbled around, eventually getting wrapped up in his own warped web.
Ricardo chuckled, picked Cubone up, and began smacking him up like a hacky sack.
“Hey Tony, are you actually planning on winning this battle?” James muttered.
“Perhaps…” I gulped. “Cubone, get out of that goo!”
Spinning madly around with each hit, Cubone eventually opened his mouth, and shot out a Fire Blast that melted the string away.
“Boooooone!” he cheered proudly, until he landed back in the clutches of Ricardo.
“Oh COME ON!!” I wailed, stamping my foot.
Ricardo grabbed Cubone by the helmet, and whirled him around across his hands.
Eventually, he threw him into the ground, and stomped on him for good measure.
Cubone stood up, and swung a few determined punches, but unfortunately they were in the wrong direction. Cubone stumbled about, disoriented.
“You are a JOKE!” Chase shouted, “This is the worst battle I’ve ever fought! Just forfeit and let it go!!”
“NEVER!” I roared, and threw my coat aside. I stepped in the ring. “I’ll just fight the damn thing myself!!”
Chase’s eyes widened. “You can’t be THAT stupid. Even you should know you can’t beat a Golem! It’s just not humanly possible!”
“That doesn’t apply to me!” I hissed, determined.
“I suppose nothing to do with humans does…” she sighed, “’k. Kill yourself then. Just don’t leave a mess.”
I walked up until I was face to face with Ricardo.
I furrowed my brow, and slapped him right across his rocky face.
He threw his head to the side, then slapped me back, throwing me off balance. I tumbled headfirst into the ground.
“OWWWWW!” I wailed, “That’s not how it goes!”
Angrily, he grabbed my feet, and began to spin. Promptly, I left the floor in a mad cycle.
“This would look great in his scrapbook…” James groaned.
“Saaaaaaaurbulaba…” Leaves replied, rolling his eyes.

Ricardo finally let go, flinging me halfway across the room. I skidded to a stop, then finally kicked back up. Ricardo looked shocked.
“You think that’s enough to down me?!” I cackled, “Barely left a scratch!”
I turned away for a moment, and screamed loudly.
“Let’s go.” I coughed.
Ricardo began charging towards me, so I did the same. Well, charging towards him anyway.
We met in the middle, however he had the devious plan of lifting his arm up. I was knocked with such force that I flipped completely over his arm, and landed right in front of him, giving him the opportunity to follow up with a Headbutt into my gut. I tumbled backwards, as Ricardo stood back proudly.
“Ohhhh…..gooooood…..” I wheezed, leaving all to wonder whether I had said good or god.
It hurt to move, but I still straightened myself up.
“I’m not through yet…” I hacked, “The night is young!”
“Uh, Anthony…” James muttered, “It’s still daytime.”
“See?” I spat, “The night is so young it hasn’t even been born yet!”

Furious, Ricardo reached behind his back, and ripped off a couple of rocks.
“Foreign objects!” I gasped, “Shame on…”
I was interrupted as he threw one at my forehead.
“Ow!” I whined, “That hurt an awful lot…”
I then noticed that the other rocks in his hand were significantly bigger… So I began to run, of cawse.
Sweatdrops were abound as I dashed madly around the room squealing, as Ricardo pelted rocks at my heels.
I tripped over one, and fell to the floor. Ricardo couldn’t cease running, and his momentum sent him tripping up over me.
“Wow!” James gasped, “Well done Tony!”
“I do it for the fans.” I said, smiling weakly.

Ricardo stood up, looking at me as though I had just stolen his pic-a-nic basket.
He withdrew just like in my dream, and started to roll at a furious speed. I grinned deviously.
“Seems someone needs some serious raining…” I chuckled, then realised I had misquoted myself. “Jeez, if I make many more mistakes like this people are going to start thinking I’m stupid or something…”
I peered over at Ricardo, and prepared to pick him up when he got close enough.
Although… he did seem to be coming awfully fast… And he was leaving a ditch in his wake… And… this was going to hurt.
“Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagg!” I wailed, and leapt madly into the air like a frog that had just had its bottom lopped off.
Unfortunately, my landing was directly on top of Ricardo. I ran madly to stay on top as he rolled around.
“Goooooo!” he snarled furiously.
“Go where?” I whimpered.
I looked back, and carefully noted that we were heading towards a wall.
“Holy hats!” I bellowed, and leapt off of Ricardo as he reached the wall. To my amazement though, he continued… to go up the wall! He rolled right up to the ceiling, before finally beginning to fall back down.
“Stupendous!!” I applauded.
It was then that I discovered he was falling right towards me!
“Whaoaaaa!” I cried, and leapt out of the way right when he hit the ground. He bounced back up, and I rolled furiously out of the way. He continued bouncing, and I continued rolling.
“This…is idiotic.” Chase groaned, “Ricardo, would you please just Metronome and get it over with?”

Ricardo landed on his feet, and began to waggle his fingers.
“There’s no hope, Tony!” James cried, “If he gets in an attack, you’re through!”
“Then we won’t let him!” I gulped, and grabbed his fingers.
“Leeeeem!” he whined, and stomped in my direction to throw me off. Still, though, I held on, and did my best to push him back. From afar, it must’ve looked like some sort of wonderful dance…

“That’s it!” Chase shouted, “Ricardo, use your skills!!”
Ricardo let go, and backed away.
“Skills?” I gulped. It was no good hoping they were knitting skills or something.
Ricardo cackled, and raised his hands to the air. He strained for a moment, before they shot clean off his arms! They whizzed around in the air, then headed towards me.
“Ah. Skills.” I gulped. “Of course.”

Panic-stricken, I dashed around, trying to avoid getting caught by the disembodied hands. They were damned fast, though!
“Anyone got any ideas?” I gasped, as one of them smacked me in the head.
“Don’t get caught!” James suggested.
“Yeah, anything else?” I gulped.
“They’re catching up!” James shouted.
“Anything I DON’T KNOW?” I snapped, and leapt forward desperately. As I landed, I slipped up on the rocks Ricardo had thrown. I fell right under the hands.
They pulled a loop, and rocketed down towards me, claws outstretched.
I rolled aside, just barely dodging them as they crashed into the ground. I looked over, and gasped. They had gone so fast they lodged themselves in the ground!

“Gooool?” Ricardo gulped, and looked around desperately.
“He can’t punch… He can’t grab… He can’t Metronome…” I said with a grin.
“You sure you can beat him?” James gulped.
“Does a pig say buhi buhi?” I cackled.
“…No.” James muttered.
“Well a Japanese pig will!” I snapped, and set my sights on Ricardo. He was standing around, not knowing what to do.
I let out a mighty cry as I ran towards him. I leapt up, and dropkicked him so hard he rolled back uncontrollably.
He crashed into the wall, causing pieces to fall down. …He was out!!
“Oh my god!” I squealed, “I’m the best!! I beat The Rock!!”
“Ricardo, return…” Chase said weakly.
She stood around, before throwing down another Pokéball.
“Go Troubleclef!” She shouted, and out shot a tiny little fairy beast.
“Good going Tony!” James encouraged, “One down, two to go!”
“Aw crap, I forfeit.” I groaned, and fell to the ground, after having the hardest battle of my career. Or lack of a career, anyway.
Chase cheered, as her father Theodore walked in through the doorway.
“And so, the winner…” he said in his shaky voice, “Would be Chase!”
“Yaaaay!” Chase cried, jumping up in down.
“Yes, it WOULD be Chase…” Theodore continued, “Had she not been disqualified!”
“Whaaaaaat?” Chase snapped.
“I’m afraid you should be more aware of your surroundings, dearest.” Theodore said sadly, “Ricardo rolled up the wall during the course of your battle. He left the designated fighting zone. Since you failed to get him back in the allotted time, you officially forfeited the battle in a countout!”
“No no nooooooo!” Chase whined, “It’s not fair!!”
“So I win then?” I said hopefully.
“Thankfully not!” Theodore snapped, “You said yourself that you forfeit. The battle was over, so officially you had just forfeited out of the finals!!”
“AAAAAAAAAGGGG!” I snarled, and punched Theodore right in the face.
Chase stood there for a moment. “Thank you.” She said quietly.

Chase, James, Leaves and I stood there for a moment.
“So now what?” I asked.
“What do you mean?” she said, worried.
“The deal.” I muttered, “Neither of us won, so you don’t marry me, and I don’t become your slave.”
“Deal’s off then.” She sighed.
“…Not necessarily.” I said with a grin, “How about we combine the two!”
“After all, marriage would make Tony your slave…” James chuckled, only to get a threatening fist-shaking from Chase.
“Well, what’s less than marriage, and less than slavery, and combined?” I smiled, “Simple. You come with me on my quest!”
“Go with YOU?” Chase spat, “Never! I’m waiting for my dream man to come and whisk me away, not some clown who gets lucky!”
She turned away, snobbishly.
My eyes narrowed. I was going to use the most dreaded tricks of my trade. The technique I had learned from those before me. I was going to make her come with me… and I was going to do it with force.

I reached into her shorts, grabbed her undies and pulled.
“COME!” I roared, giving her a fierce wedgie.
“No! OW! LET GO OF MEEEEE!” She whined, as I lifted her higher and higher.
Eventually I had her standing on her toes.
“Alright, alright, alright, I’ll come with you!” she sighed, “Just let go!”

And I did (begrudgingly).
She stomped off, angrily, muttering that she was going to go pack.
“You certainly have a way with the ladies…” James muttered in disbelief.
“Wasn’t worth it though, it hurt!” I whined, “She’s heavier than she looks…”
“You know, you’re never going to win her over if you talk about her like that…” James said, concerned.
“Win her over?” I scoffed, “I only wanted to bring her so she could carry my stuff!”
I paused for a moment.
“…So where are you going to go James?” I muttered.
“I really don’t know…” he sighed, “I’ve never found any challenges around this town for my Pokémon…”
“Hm.” I chuckled, “I was starting to doubt you had Pokémon in the first place. …Well… how about you come with us? I’m sure everyone saw it coming, it was pretty obvious after all.”
“Uhh…” he muttered, “Leave my family, my friends, my home behind me? Sacrifice all I’ve ever known, most of my worldly possessions, and go on pointless quests where you get all the credit and I get attacked by all variations of nasties?”
“Either that or contend with those bikers…” I cackled.
“Oh hell no!” he gasped, “I’m in, I’m in!”

I grinned a wide, and frankly quite painful grin.
“And so, the three of us are on our way to glory!” I cheered, stepping forward. I tripped over Leaves, who looked irritated at me. Cubone leant on his bone.
“Uh…the five of us then.”
Klepto promptly flew out of his Pokéball, swept down, and snatched Cubone’s bone. Cubone chased after him furiously.
“Six of us. The six of us.”
“Hey, what about my Pokémon? And Chase’s too?” James whined.
“Uhh… three+three+three+…uhh…” I grumbled, “Oh forget it!”
I leapt back up, “The many associates are on our way to glory! The new-age heroes looking for fun and adventure!”
Everyone in the room cheered.
“…And the Bulb-is-sore!!”
Leaves fell to the floor, as everyone else looked excited.
Mew Trainer Rose
23rd April 2003, 05:07 PM
lol! I was expecting him to slap the Golem with his tail at some point in the battle. Or that Cubone would help out. But it's funnier that he (Cubone) didn't. :P
Powarun
23rd April 2003, 10:10 PM
Uh, what would be a good thing to say. He won and beat a Golem. SOmething that most humans could not do. THat was awsome. Dang a group of retards.
Reptilius Pyrus
24th April 2003, 01:14 PM
He would go so low as to give a girl a wedgie... O_O

Well, excellent and funny as always. When's the tail gonna do something useful? Will it ever? I guess I'm just going to have to wait.
Drago
18th May 2003, 06:24 AM
Mew Trainer Rose: Well, the reason I didn't include the tail in the battle was because, to be honest, I keep forgetting Tony has it! ~_~; Fortunately, though, it doesn't slip my mind in this chapter... Glad you liked the (strange) battle.
Powarun: Maybe so, but Tony got lucky. ...As usual.
Reptilius Pyrus: And yet, Tony still hasn't gone as low as he can. I'm sure I can think up something worse for him to do. Mwahaha...

And so, believe it or not, I'm introducing a plot twist to Minty Thrill! Well, the concept of MT with a plot is a twist in itself, but still. Let me know what you think. :)

Minty Thrill
Chapter 21
Meet Meat

5:47 AM. A female reporter and pudgy cameraman are running along a windswept hill, their clothes ripped and tattered. They look terrified, and together make quite the cliché, and perhaps the opportunity for a clever joke.

“Oh god Vern!” the reporter cried, “They’re catching up!!”
Vern puffed insanely, trying to film what was going on behind him as he ran. He was starting to fall behind.
“I just…can’t do it…” he wheezed, and collapsed to the ground, panting for breath. His partner didn’t even look back. She continued running, losing her only remaining shoe in the process.
“Waaaaait…” Vern cried weakly, lifting a hand toward his panicked co-worker.
Just then, the ground next to Vern lifted, and two gray claws shot out. Vern couldn’t even react as they grabbed him, and pulled him back down the hole, the ground dropping behind him. The camera rolled onto its side, still recording Vern’s muffled screams.
As it filmed, the reporter ran further and further away, until she stopped dead in her tracks. She threw her hands up defensively as a blue bird swooped down and snatched her up. Her screams faded as the camera’s battery ran flat, and it eventually flicked off…



Kyle
********************
I stretched lazily as I walked toward the edge of Attiles City. I decided that, maybe Chambers had gone ahead to the next route to train.
I looked down, and just stopped short of stepping on a strange orange bug. I backed up slightly, and leant down towards it. It peered up at me through its large yellow eyes, and tilted its head curiously.
“Well hello little guy…” I said quietly, and smiled.
It hunched defensively, and let out a strange, low growl.
“Hey, no need to panic.” I sighed, “I’m on my way…”

It opened its mouth wide, and leapt at me, leaving a small cut in my neck from its sharp horn.
“Ow!” I snapped, and backed away, “Damn thing! Damn! Damn!”
It reared, before again leaping at me, this time stabbing into my hand.
My eyes widened, as I grabbed my intercom.
“This is Officer Riddells requesting backup!” I stammered nervously, “Under attack by some description of Caterpie/Weedle hybrid…”
There was a garbled laughter, before I got the response, “Sure Kyle, we’ll send some help right after we fix this horrific Pidgey assault on fourth and main!”

Before I could tell them I wasn’t kidding, the creature crawled onto my foot, and started headbutting at me with all its might.
“Aaaaagg!” I wailed, before kicking it off and smacking it with my baton. It stumbled around dizzily before crawling away at top speed.
I fell back. What the hell was that thing? And why was it so aggressive?
…Somehow, someway, I had this strange feeling this had SOMETHING to do with Chambers…

Tony
********************
“Well, we’re about to head off!” I called to Daisy and Theodore, who probably should’ve been nursing his nose right now.
Leaves, Chase and James stood behind me. Chase had a strange smile on her face which I couldn’t quite figure out.
Theodore lumbered out, and wiped away a tear. “Ah, my little Chase is growing up. Going out and fighting great big beasts of destruction. Your mother and I are very proud that you’re so willing to go on such a suicidal journey. …We’re going to miss you terribly.”
“Daddy, what are you saying?” Chase said quietly.
“Goodbye, Chase.” Theodore whimpered.
“What?” Chase snapped, “What are you talking about? That wasn’t the plan! You were supposed to not let me go!!”
“I feel something’s afoul here.” James gulped, then chuckled. “I’ve always wanted to say that.”
“Chase, I’m afraid there’s been a change of plans…” Theodore sighed, “This morning your mother and I were watching the news, and as it turns out, there have been various attacks from what could be Pokémon… and many of these attacks have been around the area between here and Attiles City. It seems inevitable that they reach the ‘nome Dome. We don’t want anything to happen to you, and we feel you’d be safer with these two and their Pokémon.”
“But daddy!” Chase cried, “I’ve got my own Pokémon! I’ve got Ricardo, Troubleclef, Mercury and Mars!”
“A Golem, Cleffa, Teddiursa and Phanpy against the legions of enraged Pokémon?” Theodore scoffed, “You wouldn’t stand a chance! I may not like these two…”
“Hey, that hurts…” James whined.
“And I thought we were just starting to become good friends.” I sniffed.
“But I’m sure that their Pokémon will be more than enough protection for you!”
“Uhh…not really…” I muttered.
“And before you go,” Theodore continued, “This mobile phone was sent here for you.”
“Really?” I gasped, and took the phone, “Is it real?”
I dropped the phone to the floor and stepped on it. A few pieces broke off, and the 9 fell out.
“…Just go before I change my mind…” Theodore wheezed, and turned away. He couldn’t bear to look at his daughter for the last time.

We stepped outside, and already Chase had started whining.
“I can’t believe it!” she wailed, “They don’t care about me at all, they just want me out of there because they’re bad parents!”
“And bad dressers…” James chuckled, and received a swift punch to the gut.
“So where are we going first, crew?” I muttered loudly. It wasn’t often I had my own posse. This was my chance to paint the town red. Or, failing that, a lovely shade of turquoise.
“Well…” Chase murmured, “If I really have to go through with this stupid quest, we could visit Meat along the way. He’ll give us a ride to Kurabusu…”
I frowned. Meat was going to drive? I tried to picture being the passenger of a car driven by an oversized porkchop who was complaining about the weather.
“Who’s Meat?” I asked.
“Well, Meat’s my cousin.” Chase replied in the first calm reaction of the day, “He fancies himself as some sort of rock star. He’s a bit of a loser, but he’s nice enough. He lives in that house right over there.”
Chase pointed off in the near distance, toward a large, pub-like building that I had failed to notice on the way up.

I started towards the building, when I felt a vibrating in my pocket. I gasped, and pulled out the culprit, the newly acquired mobile phone.
“Damn.” I sighed, disappointed, “I thought my magic beans were growing…”
I nodded at the others to walk ahead, and stabbed furiously at the buttons before actually getting it to work.
“Hello, Tony Chambers, worker for a small but honest cause.” I answered for fun.
“Well Tony,” the voice on the other end responded, “That cause is about to become a lot bigger!”
“Oh, ok.” I muttered.


“…Who is this?”
“It’s Professor Gum, thicko!” Gum snapped, “And I’m afraid time for our world is running out!!”
“Then why didn’t you call earlier?” I said accusingly.
“Sorry…” he apologised, “Just came out of intensive care. After you had left that day, something hit me on the head, and I fell right into the lake! It was horror, I tell you…”
Flashback to me causing that accident, resulting in an unconscious professor and the loss of a foreign clock. Bizarre.
“Uh… good.” I muttered.
“Tony, doubtless you’ve heard of the recent Pokémon attacks…” Gum began.
“Better start doubting.” I gulped.
“It doesn’t ring a single bell?” Gum groaned.
I grinned slightly. “Like Quazimodo with acousticophobia.”

“In any event,” Gum continued, getting annoyed, “I have discovered that it is true that Pokémon are causing these calamities. However, it is not any kind of Pokémon that I have ever seen before!”
“Truly?” I responded, feigning interest.
“Yes, it seems that there are an abundance of new species of Pokémon roaming around! Scientists are arguing whether they should be called a Ruby or Sapphire species.”
“What about Emerald?” I perked up, “Ruby is soooo tacky…”
“Don’t you start too.” Gum snapped, “The point is that they’re too absorbed in this to really care about the damage that’s being done! So while Oak, Elm, Ivy and all the others were bickering, I came up with a solution!”
“Proving once and for all that you’re the superior plant species!”
Gum didn’t even bother to acknowledge my witty statement.
“You see, I’ve created a serum that reduces a Pokémon’s aggression.” He said excitedly, “Making any Pokémon who takes it mellow, and eliminating the dilemma! I’ve sent it to every single trainer I know of, and I’m nowhere near done, so I’ll have to leave you now with your mission. Tapping into Pokémon storage capabilities, I’ve managed to send a Pokémon carrying the serum to you through the phone. You have to take this serum, and inject it into any new species of Pokémon you see in your journey. It’s your job to make sure this problem doesn’t spread outside of Furudo!
Good luck to you Tony, to receive the serum, just press 9 on your phone.”
I hung up, and looked confidently at the phone. …The phone which no longer had the 9 button.
“Oh bum.” I gulped, and looked around frantically. The world was depending on me, and this mobile phone was keeping me from my duties! I pounded at the empty space, hoping that perhaps the 9 would react upon instinct.
“This can’t be good.” I whimpered, and began punching the phone. Soon, the screen was shattered, and the aerial was bent.
“It just won’t work!” I cried, then peered back at the phone. Nervously, I pressed the 8 button, hoping for a similar result.
To my amazement, it responded with ‘1 ball for Tony’.
“Great!” I cheered, and reached into the back of the phone. There was a tiny hole for receiving things…or maybe I just had a holy phone. I reached in, and clutched onto the Pokéball. After a lengthy struggle, I managed to rip the ball out, along with some various cords.

With a sigh of relief, I opened the ball. Out came a strange mammal with the serum in its mouth.
I reached for the Pokédex, and pointed it at my new Pokémon.
Mareep… it confirmed, a…very friendly Electric sheep…that conducts heavy electricity…in its wool… The females…tend to be woollier…than the males.
I looked at the picture on the ‘dex, then at the Mareep in front of me. There was a drastic difference.
“Uh, Poker…” I said, in a random attempt to give the Pokédex a name, “She hasn’t got any wool!”
And it was a weird sight indeed. Other than the small tuft on her head, Mareep didn’t have any wool, leaving me with a thin blue shivering thing.
I shrugged, and patted it on the head. To my chagrin, I was blown back by a static shock. I sat up, eyes widened.
The less wool…a Mareep has…the more powerful…the electricity…stored. The Pokédex informed.
“So what I’ve got is a Mareep with really strong hair.” I muttered, trying to comprehend the situation.

She trotted up to me, dropped the serum at my feet, and tilted her head slightly. She seemed curious, and hopefully she was going to be a lot less of a hassle to handle than my other Pokémon…
Nervously, I returned her to her ball, and ran to catch up with the others.
“Almost there.” Chase sighed. “Oh, before I forget…” She reached into her pocket, “For getting so far in the tournament, it’s custom we give you this runner-up prize.” She handed me a shiny bronze Pokéball.
“Oh great!” I bubbled.
“A level 73 Exeggcute.” She finished.
“…Oh.” I squeaked, the smile disappearing from my face.
I HATE Exeggcute! They’re so…pointless and stupid! Why bother?? I’ve got a Mareep, who needs some smelly old Exeggcute?
I crammed the ball in my pocket, hoping never to see it again.

By now we had arrived at Meat’s door, and Chase knocked loudly.
“Open up, Meat!” she shouted, “Or I’ll make short work of this door!”
Eventually, a tall guy with spiky black hair and a pierced chin appeared from inside.
“Whoa, Chase!” he said, in quite the typical surfer voice, “Didn’t think I’d see you around here in a while…”
“I’ve been trying hard not to.” She said icily, while shoving her way inside.
Meat shrugged, walked in, and closed the door.
“Well, that’s that done!” I said quickly.
“…Although perhaps we should be inside?” James muttered.
“Bulba!” Leaves snapped, rubbing his nose after having the door slammed on it.

I looked confused, or attempted to anyway, opened the door and walked inside. James and Leaves followed closely.
I looked around. There was a small stage with an abundance of seats in front of it to the right, and a doorway to a small kitchen in front of me. Not much, really.

I could hear Chase’s voice from the kitchen, already in bossy mode. I rolled my eyes, and walked in.
“So what IS it you do anyway?” Chase snapped at her cousin, “I mean, it’s not like you can make a living off a one-man rock concert.”
“Well, it’s quite the clever ruse, you see!” Meat grinned, “You see, I’m up on stage with my Pokémon, Rock and Roll, while my Haunter sends out some vibes to the audience, giving them the illusion that I’m singing with famous people. Kiss, Linkin Park, you name it. The people flood in, wanting to see their favourite stars live, and I don’t even have to split the cash.”
“I can’t believe it, that’s sick!” Chase spat, “There’s nothing you won’t do!”
“Baby, the only thing that’s too low for me is the pay!” Meat cackled, in what just may be quote of the decade.
Chase sighed, and walked over to me.
“Well, it seems that Meat can’t give us a ride until later tonight, after his ‘concert’ is over.”
“You’re welcome to watch though.” Meat said warmly, “I mean, it’s not like there’s not enough room…”
“Alrighty then!” I grinned.
James poked his head in. “And maybe I could even teach you a thing or two, young Meat!”
“Dude, I’m 37…”
“Yes, you see, I was quite the rocker in my younger days!” James beamed, proudly strutting around, “So I reckon after my great services, it’ll be you who’s in debt!”
Meat stood there blankly.
“No need to thank me!” James chuckled, “I’m willing to do anything for a friend in need!”
“How about suicide…” Chase hissed.
********************************
After a lengthy course of setting up, the stage was set.
“Alright everyone.” Meat said, a tad shakily, “Tonight Haunter’s going to try something new. You see, I haven’t been pulling in large enough crowds lately, so I’m going with bigger names. …Elton John.”
“You’re telling me you’re going to try to pull off a duet with Elton John?” Chase scoffed.
“He doesn’t even rock!” I intervened, “Everyone’s going to know it’s not him when a guitar starts blaring out of his piano!”
“Actually, that’s where Roll comes into play.” Meat said with a grin, and pointed to the small Jigglypuff who was standing in a small hole in the stage. “You see, he’s the one who provides the music. Underneath the stage is a boombox. Roll just steps on the play button, out comes the instruments.”
“Well, what about the lyrics?” Chase said, raising an eyebrow.
“Roll again.” Meat said with a flourish, “He sings in his little Jigglypuff language. However, Haunter’s illusion can also play with the audience’s understanding. Basically, Haunter makes it sound like Roll’s singing in English. Cool, huh?”
“So what does Rock do?” I said, starting to get excited.
“Well, he just…sits there, and looks mean.” Meat muttered.
He released Rock, a Geodude who… sat there. And looked mean.
“Wow, last one of those I saw in space.” I said absent-mindedly.

Suddenly, James burst in, breaking the awkward silence. He walked along confidently.
“So then!” he said with a grin, “I’m a tad rusty.” He walked towards the stage, and leant on a tall green machine. “What does this thing do?”
“…That’s a drink dispenser.” Meat said flatly.
“Groovy.” James said with a grin.
Meat looked over to Chase to see what the hell James was thinking, but she just shook her head. James hopped up onto the stage, and looked around.
“Not too bad…” he grumbled to himself, “Could use a little flashiness though. We need something to make this show really… killer!”
He ran towards the kitchen, and pulled out something truly terrifying.

“It’s a lifesize cardboard cut-out of me!” James announced.
Chase looked on shocked, as Meat rubbed his chin.
“I could use that…” he responded. “Bring it up here.”
James happily gave it to Meat, who set it onstage, towards the left. He stood back to take a look at the position, and a smile spread across his face.
James wandered around, before coming across a small silver machine.
“What’s this?”

“Oh, that’s a lifesaver.” Meat said with a laugh.
“Doesn’t look like one…” I muttered.
“Didn’t mean that literally, Ton E!” Meat rolled his eyes, “That’s a machine that makes lyrics on the spot, should something go wrong with Roll’s singing.”
Roll puffed up a tad, insulted.
“Just say a word, and it’ll give you a few good words that sound better.”
“Really?” James gasped.
Truly? The machine buzzed.
“Huh?” James grunted.
What? The machine again corrected.
“Meat, stop this nonsense!” James whimpered.
Inner muscle content, cease this jiggery-pokery!
“It’s saying too many big words!” James cried.
Don’t like big words, huh? Segregation! Quorum! Tercentenary! Antivivisectionist! Transubstantiation! Iconoclast! Iconoclast!!! ICONOCLAST!!
James backed slowly away from the machine, eyes widened. He made a mad dash for the kitchen.
Chase groaned, and buried her face in her hands. “Somehow I just know things are going to go pear-shaped…”
Then, as if on cue, James brought out his next prop, a cardboard pear with his face on it…
********************************
Finally, it was time for the concert. There were quite a few people there. Leaves, Cubone, Mareep and I sat near the back. James was backstage, so that he could ‘help out immensely’, should he need to, and Chase was in the kitchen, purely because she didn’t want to be around when things went wrong.
Meat, Rock, and the illusion of Elton John were onstage (wow, there’s something I thought I’d never say), entertaining the crowd, but Roll was nowhere to be found.
Meat looked worried, and was about to say something, when all of a sudden Roll jumped onstage. He looked a tad strange, wrapped up in a dark blue cloak, but he was there.
“That’s a relief…” I muttered, as the concert started up.

I had to admit, Meat’s set-up was a convincing one, and Roll seemed to pull off a convincing Elton John. …I wasn’t too sure about the lyrics though.

“I’m a rocket man…”
“Shut your mouth!”
“Rocket man…”
“Shut your mouth!”

For some reason, it made me think of an anti-dentist demonstration. Meanwhile, Rock sat onstage, looking mean, and doing some description of dance that looked more like he had had both feet chopped off. …Especially strange to see when he really did have no feet.
I chuckled a bit when Meat began pummelling all the cardboard cut-outs of James. Seems he had in fact made good use of them.
It was starting to tap on a bit, so I thought I’d opt to make conversation with Mareep. After all, I had to make new Pokémon feel welcome. …Well, except that stupid Exeggcute. Stupid stupid stupid.

“So Mareep,” I began, “It’s good for you to be with us. I would’ve let you meet Klepto, but he’s into thievery, and he’s not the kind of guy you’d like to mingle with. Fortunately though, we don’t have those problems with Leaves and Cubone!”
I peered over at the two. Leaves was reaching into the pocket of a woman in front of him, and Ofbone was staring at me, a piece of a rotting banana dripping from his helmet.
“Um. Yeah.” I frowned, “So what do you think?”
“Meep! Mareeeeeeeep!” Mareep replied.
“Well, it’s better than I expected…” I muttered, and looked back at the stage. For some reason, Elton John looked a bit different. …In fact, he was upside-down! Haunter must’ve stuffed up somehow… Meat threw his hands to his head, but fortunately the audience members seemed pleased with this new occurrence.
“Whoa, Elton flies!”
“And I thought only Madonna could do that…”

However, Meat still wasn’t satisfied. Although, he wasn’t looking at the Elton John illusion at all. …He was looking at Roll.
“What’s going on here?” he bellowed, “This isn’t my Jigglypuff!!”
He ripped the cloak off, and, to my shock, underneath was… A STRANGE PINK THING!! …So what if Jigglypuff was the same.
It looked around quickly, before bellowing loudly, knocking some of the chairs back.
The audience suddenly panicked, and were running for their lives.
I frantically grabbed the Pokédex, hoping for some information.
Gum’s latest statistics…identify this… as a Whismur… further information… is…unavailable.
James ran out onstage, and the Whismur looked menacingly at him. It opened its mouth wide, and ran at him. Terrified, he barrelled down the stage. Leaves couldn’t stop laughing at the absurd sight, and Cubone, who seemed to believe this was all part of the show, jumped up and down excitedly. Klepto finally escaped from the Pokéball in my pocket, and circled the room, looking for something to steal. He dizzily crashed into the air conditioner, and the room was filled with a frosty chill. The wool-less Mareep began shivering furiously. Then, as though just to mock me, Exeggcute escaped from the confines of its ball, and joined Cubone in the excited hopping. All the while Rock continued his mad dance.

“This can only be bad…” I groaned, and ran towards the stage. While in pursuit of James, Whismur looked in my direction, and roared, sending me flying backwards in a spiral into the chairs.
“Geeeaaaaag!” I wailed, “What happened?”
“You screwed up, that’s what happened.”
I looked up to see who had just spoken, and it was, quite predictably, Chase, who grabbed a Pokéball.
“Go Troubleclef!” she shouted, “Take that thing down!”
So now joining the confusion was a Cleffa trying desperately to get the Whismur to pay attention to it.
“What to do, what to do…” I muttered, “Oh yeah, the serum!!”
I pulled it out, and looked at it. I needed some sort of needle to inject it with! I felt around desperately, before landing upon the ever so trustworthy Weedle horn.
“But how am I going to reach over there without getting blown away??” I gulped, and reached through my pockets.
“…Hang on…” I reached back, and my fingers landed upon my tail.
“Jeez, I keep forgetting I have this thing…” I muttered, and poured the serum into the horn. I crammed an empty Pokéball on the end to stop it from leaking, and wrapped it up in my tail. I got up onto my knees.
“Tail, don’t fail!” I gulped, and swiped around until I hit something. I looked back over my shoulder… to see James tumble to the floor.
“…Whoa, that was pretty nice…” he babbled.
“Whoops, sorry James!” I said offhandedly, as the Whismur leapt onto his back.
“Now’s my chance, it’s distracted!” I grumbled, and swiped around in another blind rage.
Finally, I hit home, and the pink troublemaker fell to the floor.
“YES!” I cheered, and sat up, “I got it!”


“…Troubleclef!” Chase gasped, as the Cleffa stumbled around.
“Oh jeez, wrong again.” I groaned, “Forget this!”
I reached into my pocket a final time, grabbed the walkman, and pulled off the headphones. I wrapped it around the horn, swung the cord, and let ‘er rip!
It flew right towards the Whismur, whose eyes widened.

Then, just before connection, Meat fell in the way, and got hit in the back with the injection.
“Aww hölle!” I bellowed, stamping my foot on the floor.
The horn fell to the stage and Whismur curiously poked it. …Then sat down calmly.

“What a crappy ending!” I snapped, “It got itself!!”
I frowned, then looked around shiftily.
“But I could always take the credit!!”
********************************
The day was almost through, but Meat kept to his word and was ready to give us a ride to Kurabusu.
“You almost ready?” Meat asked.
“Yeah…” I sighed in response.
“What’s the matter?” he said curiously, resting an arm on his knee.
“It’s just… I worked so hard in the ‘nome Dome, fought through all those battles, and what do I get? An Exeggcute. A lousy, level 73 Exeggcute.”
“Well, what’s really wrong with it?” Meat queried.
“Well, I don’t like Exeggcutes.” I muttered.
“Maybe so, but maybe this one will be different. Maybe this is going to be the Exeggcute to turn you around, make you a believer. I think that in an ideal world, you could love something purely because of what it is.”
“…Yeah?” I sniffed.
“Exactly. And either way, there’s nothing really wrong with it. An Exeggcute is pretty strong, and at level 73 it could really turn your team around. In fact, I think this could be just what makes you a master trainer!!”
“Yeah!” I shouted proudly, “I just never gave it a chance! I’m looking forward to training my Exeggcute! …But first… Where is it?”
James then burst into the room with a frying pan. “Made dinner for before we go.”
I looked in, to see what James had made…


…And I turned pale.
Powarun
18th May 2003, 02:15 PM
Well it was a pretty good chapter, no offence but I saw the execute eatery coming. A killer Whismur, that was great, love how you give pokemon killer charactristics, when might the next chapter be.
E_Eevee
18th May 2003, 02:51 PM
LOL, great chapter. The tranq part was funny ^^ and Elton John hanging upside down. I liked the word translator thing. Esp. when it translates Meat. One line, or rather word, seemed out of character for Tony tho.


“Like Quazimodo with acousticophobia.” <--I didn't even know that word ^^;;; I understand the meaning tho in context with the sentence.
SilverMachop
18th May 2003, 03:05 PM
Great chapter, dude! Loved the concert gag, and I so loved it when pandimonium erupted (and as you can tell, I loved the machine that spoke better words)! Chase could use an additude adjustment (like Misty needed). Also, it's so cool that you are including Ruby/Sapphire Pokémon!

May the Force be with you!
Reptilius Pyrus
18th May 2003, 06:23 PM
I was wondering when you were going to make another chappie..... :rolleyes: Well, it was worth the wait. "Caterpie/Weedle hybrid"? Hehe.
The Silver Storm
20th May 2003, 06:24 PM
Oh god this is good. I never thought I'd see the day when there was a person stupider than James of TR.

Oh by the way, I think you need to capitalize "Hölle", that way it actually means something in German. I've just happened to take a German course in school. No big deal.:rolleyes:
Drago
28th May 2003, 08:20 AM
FIXED: 26/5/04, finally fixed those godawful squares and such, and made some changes here and there... Never realised how many '...' there were in the profiles. ^^; Soon I'll add the characters from chapters 30-35.
UPDATED: 27/11/03, added characters from Chapter 25-30, and updated some others
FIXED: 18/10/03, corrected mention of Mareep being the newest Pokémon, cut eight years off Snorlax's life, lol
UPDATED: 28/7/03, added characters from Chapter 23 to 25. Updated Chase's Pokémon
FIXED: 8/7/03, fixed grammatical errors in Exeggcute, Jim, Madame Vertigo and Punchinello
UPDATED: 9/6/03, added characters from Chapter 22, as well as Tony's Exeggcute (Thanks TSS)
OH. MY. GOD. It's 11:33 now, and I just finished my 6 and a half hour escapade.

Powarun: Well, it might've been predictable, but I've just so wanted for Exeggcute to die!!
E_Eevee: lol, uh, I sort of forget typing that, but I suppose it just proves that even the stupidest of people can have at least a few smart moments? Too bad nobody in MT seems to care though...
SilverMachop: Good to know adding the R/S Pokes wasn't a bad idea. I don't know too much about 'em, but I'll try... As far as Chase's attitude goes, at least its only when she's mad. Looking back, in the first chapter she was in (#15) she was quite polite.
Reptilius Pyrus: I know, I'm a bit late on that last chapter... And, for some reason I'm not as impressed with it as usual... Can't figure out why though :(
The Silver Storm: *grins* Swell! Thank you very much for making Tony make sense! Needless to say, that's quite a feat.

And so, I thought I'd be quicker in posting the next chapter. I started Chapter 22: Oh CURSES!! but stopped quite quickly. Simply put, it didn't make the cut. It didn't make enough sense, even by MT's standards. About 420 words in, Tony was standing toe-to-toe with a knight in shining armour. O_o
So, I've come to the conclusion that I just can't post chapters quickly. I'm really sorry. I tried, but unfortunately I need a plentiful amount of time.

...So what was I to do? Something very stupid as it was.
I thought I'd put in a special little part that had nothing to do with the plotline; character biographies. For EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER. >.<
I ended up regretting that choice, let's hope it's not all in vain though. I've put every character in alphabetical order, as well as mentioning the chapter they were first in (although its arguable whether Gordon should go in 4 or 6).
For easy reference, their names are colour-coded. Red is for the main characters, Tony's Pokes are blue, friends are green, enemies are purple, gym leaders are orange, and the plentiful background peeps are pink. Oh, and Mr. Michaels is in sienna. Simply because he deserves his own colour. :P
All other trainer's Pokemon are in their profiles, to save up on time. I felt some of the profiles were a bit lousy, so I've also included Leaves' pov opinion on the character. Even though that will most likely be lousy too ^^;

Who haven't I included? People from dreams, people who were only mentioned once, and Pokemon without trainers. That simple. And so, here goes.

The 1874 Dezu Sliders ~Chapter 30
Feared bloodthirsty hockey team that haunt various houses for profit and a laugh. Perhaps the most intimidating player of the team is their famous goalie, Vason Joorhees.
Leaves Thinks... hey, we managed to take on a team of dead hockey players and win. Go us.

#19 ~Chapter 23
All campy DBZ references aside, #19 is one of the first people ever to compete in the buckle stop's unique dancing competitions, and is therefore one of their most popular. He's big and muscular, and a great dancer, but has little tolerance for those inferior to him. It's little known that he has a weak spot for posies.
Leaves Thinks... jeez, Tony beat this dude up, too. Proves that intelligence isn't needed to excel in this world, I suppose.

Agwa ~Chapter 24
Although when Agwa started off, she showed a lot of promise, this was only due to her high level and natural RS mean streak. After having the serum injected, however, she seems to have become a raving coward. She faints at the sight of anything intimidating, and, similar to Leaves, is likely to push someone else into the path of danger. Nonetheless, she should provide some quite interesting scenarios... if the others can stand her!
Leaves Thinks... bright gal, 'cept when she's spooked. Then she's about as hard to understand as Klepto...

Almost Hank ~Chapter 12
An old, bald man with glasses, who looks almost exactly like Hank. Unlike Hank, however, Almost Hank is mean and grouchy. He actually used to be a Pokémon trainer years ago, but retired before long. He captured his Snorlax two years ago, though, proving that he does still have some of his skills.
Snorlax- Although not old, like Almost Hank, Snorlax doesn't make much noise, so he seems to be quite the suitable Pokémon for the old man.
Leaves Thinks... I liked Hank better. This guy was old, mean AND bald. That's just too much to bear.

Amy ~Chapter 9
Amy and her brother Tobias can be very well described as bullies. They have no pity, and capitalize on situations even Tony would frown upon. Amy is very smart and a good trainer, but she's cold-hearted, and frankly overly cocky. She doesn't tolerate others, and is not forgiving of mistakes. She seems to stand Tobias' idiocy, but can be noticeably irritated by him at times.
Paras- Excels at battling, largely due to Amy's tactics. Not to be underestimated.
Charmander- Although it had no opportunity to fight, it goes without saying that Amy would've raised this Pokémon to the fullest of its abilities.
Leaves Thinks... absolute and utter witch!! Goddamn, if evil was in a human form, she would be its advisor, or something.

Anthony "Tony" Chambers ~Chapter 1
A bumbling teenage trainer from Burake Town, who more often than not relies on his luck to help him through. He's a mixed bag, as far as personality goes, as sometimes he can be kind and good-natured, whilst other times he can be a self-centred sneak. He's best known for his idiocy, although there are times when he will show that he can be quite intelligent, however random those spurts may be. He stands out from the crowd by his appearance alone, in full Rico uniform, the most mentioned being his shiny orange coat. If his wardrobe doesn't catch your eye, though, maybe the fact that he has a Smeargle tail will... His best friend is his Bulbasaur, Leaves, with whom he has a close bond and understanding. However, he oftentimes irritates his Pokémon companion by referring to him as a 'Bulb-is-sore'. Tony sees himself as the ideal everything, although day by day he seems to realise that perhaps he isn't all he claims to be. ...He seems to think he's much much more!
Leaves Thinks... good kid, a bit daft though. Foils my plans more often than I'd like, but that's all right, since he's more than willing to cheat. Could use a new pair of shoes, the ones he's got are painfully white...

Bernard ~Chapter 16
Got beaten up by a blind man.
Leaves Thinks... that's a pretty crappy biography, but whatever works.

Big Boris ~Chapter 30
Back in his day, Boris was notorious for cheating in Russian roulette. His life came to a messy end when he found someone who was a better cheater.
Leaves Thinks... makes me wonder how many readers are aware of the specifics of Russian roulette. My advice: Bring a towel.

Boices ~Chapter 18
An alien race who look similar to humans, but have a fiery red hue that seems to glow. Reneta and Xeneli are two lovesick Boices who happen to choose Tony and James for their grooms. Their father Donolo hates humans however. Much hilarity ensues, apparently. And there you have it. Three profiles in one. Rock on.
Geodude- Strangely, an alien Geodude looks no different from an Earth one.
Leaves Thinks... hang on, aliens? Did I miss something?

Boy ~Chapter 5
A kid who lives in Dezu City. He was the first to tell Tony about the...other...gym. Isn't that marvellous?
Leaves Thinks... who?

Bunkits ~Chapter 12
Mr., Mrs., Eleanor and Theodore Bunkit just may be the most terrifying beings ever to have been seen. They are a ghoulish family, who are very quiet and seem to glide along the floor. They never blink, never change stance, never smile. They just...stare. Mr. Bunkit is the only one ever to talk, and he has a weak voice, with a slight English accent.
HootHoot Bunkit- HootHoot is not too different from the rest of the Bunkits, and unlike most other HootHoots, its colours seem very mute and pale.
Leaves Thinks... these freaks still grace my nightmares weekly... I hate 'em. With a passion.

Carolling 'chus ~Chapter 7
Made up of twelve Pikachu, five Pichu and thirteen Raichu, the carolling 'chus aren't really villains, but are deadset obsessed with everyone hearing their rendition of Jingle Bells. They are lead by a Raichu with a translator, and its unknown who owns them, or why they carol the day away, but one thing's for sure. If they want to sing, best sit back and let them sing!
Leaves Thinks... ahh yes, another lot I'm yet to get revenge on.

Chase Ginnit ~Chapter 15
Spunky and smart, Chase is one of the people Tony forced to come with him. She's best referred to as an ice queen, and there was much rejoicing done when she was left with the obese clown, Frown. She swore vengeance on Tony and, given her power and determination, there's a big chance that said vengeance would be most unpleasant indeed.
Ricardo- Ricardo is a Golem who seems to adapt to spur of the moment things, and he loves to have fun. His special tactic is to launch his hands off his wrists, and follow them in a strange sort of lock-on tactic.
Troubleclef- A Cleffa, one of Chase's favourite Pokémon. Troubleclef can be a bit of a wuss at times, and uses various 'absurd powers' that involve a form of ESP.
Mercury- A deceptively strong Teddiursa, Mercury is something of a coward. She can still hold her own in a fight, though. She is the best friend of Mars.
Mars- Somewhat out of control and lanky, Mars is a friendly Phanpy. She excels when working with her best friend, Mercury.
Leaves Thinks... hey, I feel happy just thinking about how gone she is.

Determinator ~Chapter 25
A heat-sensing cyborg from the future, Determinator has a one-track mind, and an Austrian voice. It's debatable whether it really is a Determinator, or an actual Terminator, just with a 'de' due to its thick accent.
Leaves Thinks... notice I only seem to miss the important things? O_o

Dezu Nurse ~Chapter 4
One of the nurses from Dezu Hospital, she's friendly, and understanding. Proves to be quite useful, not only does she give Marowak a walkman, but she tells Tony that there's no such thing as a 'Jim Leader'.
Leaves Thinks... I'm a little miffed at her, actually. Would've been funny for Tony to have found out a much less convenient way...

Dezu Patient ~Chapter 4
Easily frightened man, who's terrified by Leaves' dead doctor disguise. Seems more angry than worried, though, when Leaves steals his wallet...
Leaves Thinks... stupid Simmonds. That disguise was pure gold! So close to a clean escape, only to be foiled by a doctor... am I getting slow?

Dr. Mimi Simmonds ~Chapter 4
Intolerant and impolite, Dr. Simmonds is very serious about her work... which is many things! She is not only one of Dezu City's doctors, but also gym leader Gordon's secretary, and runs Dezu City's Pokémart. She has a crush on Gordon, and he's about the only person who seems to like her. When Tony 'threatens' her with a harmless Weedle horn, Dr. Simmonds is quick to call the police, who send Kyle after him.
Leaves Thinks... bah, glad we never have to see her again. Her fault I had to wake at 6 AM...

Dr. Shlocter ~Chapter 19
Although its somehow doubtful that 'Shlocter' is his real name, he is a mental patient who gives Tony a needle. And that causes bad things to happen, surely.
Leaves Thinks... that's especially bad since I made him take the needle...

Drunken Teenager ~Chapter 12
Leaps out at Kyle, wanting to fight, but being easily dispatched of because, well, he's drunk.
Leaves Thinks... why bother listing this guy? He's so forgettable, even his mother needs reminding who he is...

Doom ~Chapter 30
Although this dead Breloom doesn't have a very original name, he has a hell of a battling spirit. The ghostly Pokémon is invulnerable to physical blows ('cept a well-timed smack with the brass knux, of course), and is just generally very creepy. Doesn't really say anything; perhaps he's mute?
Leaves Thinks... *shudder*. Simply put.

Dwayne Sparingly ~Chapter 16
A dim-witted waiter. Has many customers, but few brain cells.
Leaves Thinks... watch out, he's Canadian.

Exeggcute ~Chapter 21
At one point, Tony owned this high-levelled Exeggcute, which he won for being runner-up in the 'nome Dome. It was pretty excitable, and looked like it might make a good playmate for Marowak, but, unfortunately, it ended up in a frying pan, much to Tony's chagrin.
Leaves Thinks... Damn. I miss the little gaffer(s). More Pokémon Tony has, less work I have to do.

Father Time ~Chapter 1
Tony's most hated rival. Always seems to work in ways that do not work out for the best.
Leaves Thinks... it's sort of obvious Tony needs to get out more if this is his 'most hated rival'. O_o

Fred the Madman ~Chapter 29
He's Fred. He's a madman. Henceforth, he's Fred the Madman.
Leaves Thinks... and the profiles are becoming progressively suckier.

Frown ~Chapter 27
Perhaps it's all too fitting that the gym of Attiles City, a city filled with idiots, has the distinct characteristic of being headed by a clown. Frown the clown is fat, greedy, and admittedly frightening. His career choice definitely reflects on the gym itself, which is built more like a funhouse than a proper gym, complete with bouncy floors and the hall of mirrors. He gives Tony the Dumbuckle, a buckle in the shape of a question mark, in exchange for custody of Chase. It's doubtful that things will work out between the two, but who knows. Perhaps Frown's charm will win the reluctant prize over?
Mantine- Pretty average Mantine, though it is noteworthy that the newly evolved Marowak really cleaned it up with ease.
Rhygo- Although this intimidating Rhydon never got the chance to properly fight, it's easy to assume that it would be an absolute tank.
Machamp- Like most Machamp, Frown's Pokémon was big, tough, and scary. ...Unlike most Machamp, though, it's also a notorious transvestite.
Leaves Thinks... see? I told you I'm surrounded by fat clowns...

Fut Fatty ~Chapter 23
One of many in the legions of bizarre villains, Fut Fatty (or Fat Futty as he used to be called) is a man of the maphia with close ties with the WWE. He isn't very mobile, but considered highly dangerous. Hasn't got all that many personality traits to be spoken of, except his unfortunate ranking in the crime world. As it is, he's just a janitor for more respected men.
Four Poochyena- Each Poochyena was dangerous, but due to their RS insanity, they were quick to obey anyone once they were given their injections.
Leaves Thinks... is it just me, or is there something wrong with a man who believes that changing his name by two letters will make him famous?

George ~Chapter 24?
???

Ginnits ~Chapter 15
Chase's father Theodore is a plump, jolly man who can be a bit spiteful at times, but nonetheless tries to remain cheery. His wife Daisy is thin and bony, and seems to be quite the opposite. They're very proud of the tradition of the 'nome Dome, and its where they call home.
Leaves Thinks... the way these two were hung up on the 'nome Dome, you'd think IT was their child...

Glue Glutton ~Chapter 29
A kid who's absolutely, completely obsessed with gluesticks. He loves 'em to death.
Leaves Thinks.. and my guess is that the constant chewing on 'em will probably result in his own death.

Gordon ~Chapter 4
There was a time when Gordon was a mighty battler. He had in his possession Scizor, Nidoking and Heracross, and bucketloads of confidence. ...However, his pride got ahead of him, and the moment he got a Larvitar, he gave away his other Pokémon, and focussed his time on training his new fighter. But, after an unfortunate accident (he sat on it), he was left without a single Pokémon, leading to a most unusual battle with Tony. He holds the Mightbuckle, as well as the current title for MT's 'worst dress sense'.
Tyranitar- Giant, frightening, and intimidating. Too bad it was made out of cardboard.
Leaves Thinks... looking back, I never realised just how dumb Gordon is. I mean, he sat on his Larvitar, then attempts to scare us off with a cardboard cut-out? This guy's sharp as a wet noodle...

Hanging Harold ~Chapter 30
A wild and crazy ghost with a penchant for hanging himself. Although, he only ever managed one successful hanging...
Leaves Thinks... thinking back, that must've been a damned high ceiling, considering the amount of description Tony managed. Or perhaps Tony's just a really quick thinker? ...Ha! I made a funny.

Hank ~Chapter 8
A bald old man, Hank is a little eccentric, but likable nonetheless. His most prized possession is his rifle, although he's a very bad shot. Hank lives in a cabin between Dezu and Kurabusu City, and is referred to as an unofficial resident of both. Although when the Natu flock were causing trouble, Hank was active in attempts to eliminate them, after their mind control was revealed, he forgave them, and now keeps many of them around the cabin as messengers.
Leaves Thinks... makes nice meals. I think Marowak still has some food from back then. ...I should probably enlighten him with the 'magic of mould'...

James ~Chapter 16
Of the three travellers, James is perhaps the oddball (if there could be such a thing). At times, he's quite smart, and knows the best tactics. At other times, he's just like Tony, full of himself, stupid, and quick to get himself into trouble! Recently, he has been shrunk to be a couple inches tall. Tony promised to visit a scientist with the cure, but for now, James is going to have to settle with being a bit more funsize.
Leaves Thinks... finally I'm taller than a human being. Thank you, James.

Jeffrey ~Chapter 29
Working for Attiles City's Pokémon School, its Jeffrey's job to find kids skipping school, and send 'em right back. Admittedly not an exciting job, and perhaps truant officers have gone out of style, but he's pretty proud of his accomplishments.
Leaves Thinks... I hate rich people. And, well... I guess this mook wasn't really rich, but he was snide, so that's close enough.

Jim ~Chapter 5
Leader of the...other...gym of Dezu City. Jim has a fair few strange quirks about him, one being his fashion obsession. He's quick to give Tony a Pokédex, and his current Rico threads. Behind his tough exterior, he has a lifelong dream to be a fashion designer, which is something he would most likely be quite good at. He has followers who repeat a scattered few words that he says, which can become quite irritating.
Hitmonlee- Average Hitmonlee, although it has a few problems against Cubone. Its secret tactic is to use Mach Punch, something that a Hitmonlee obviously doesn't usually do.
Leaves Thinks... hehehe, I wonder what Jim thought of the message I left on the floor...

Katie ~Chapter 12
Waitress of Attiles City's favourite café, Nine's Dines. Like most other residents of Attiles, Katie is dumb, and sometimes thinks her name is Nancy, but she's still friendly and perky.
Tentales- Although it wasn't actually seen, it is known that Tentales is a Ninetales with, well, ten tails. Incredibly rare and valuable, obviously.
Leaves Thinks... funny how it took us fourteen chapters to find her. We're none too quick, obviously.

Klepto ~Chapter 8
Klepto was the lead bird in the flock of Natu that nearly tore apart the Kuradezu ceremonies, and it was technically him that saved the day, when he swallowed the chip that was controlling the Natu, causing them to stop. Unfortunately, this caused a severe side-effect, as Klepto is now insane and obsessed with picking things up. He tends to bring them back to Tony, which causes a lot of trouble. Klepto is very hyperactive, and hates standing still, but he's a strong and serious psychic battler and has a keen eye. He seems to have trouble gaining Tony's respect, though, and is often the fall guy for the team. It's not that Tony doesn't like him, basically, he's just too obsessive for his own good! Maybe one day Klepto will find his place on the team, and when he does, he'll be a force to be reckoned with.
Leaves Thinks... can be a tad irritating, but he means well. I just can't figure out what the hell he's on about all the time!

Krillin ~Chapter 12, but if you're like me you'll find he pops up most anywhere.
The whole reason we should read MT. There's no better character in there! All hail Lord Krillin!! Do it! RIGHT NOW!!
Leaves Thinks... O_O

Kyle Riddells ~Chapter 7
A trainee officer from Dezu City, Kyle is sent out to find 'criminal genius' Tony and put him behind bars. He's a bit obsessive about his job, but stays hopeful and vigilant that he'll become a great policeman. Unfortunately, he's very unlucky, and, instead of following Tony, always ends up a town ahead of him! Not too much has been revealed about Kyle, but one thing remains certain... he's going to come deeper into the story... and in a big way!
Kuda- Kyle's only known Pokémon, even her identity is something of a mystery.
Leaves Thinks... oh my god, we're being followed?? O_o I should prolly tell someone... Nah, forget it. I'm sure Tony can find out that he's a wanted criminal on his own. Won't that be fun?

Leaves ~Chapter 2
Tony's first ever Pokémon, Leaves is a sneaky and conniving Bulbasaur. If trouble's afoot, he's usually quick to clear the scene, as often enough he's the one who causes it! He travels on foot, rather than in a Pokéball, but not so much because he wants to, it's more likely Tony just forgot. Leaves is a fierce and tenacious battler, but unfortunately he knows little to no elemental attacks, and instead relies on physical prowess and techniques of WWE fame. However, unlike most other Pokémon, Leaves' biggest strength in battle is cheating. He often slips on a set of brass knuckles, but his most lethal tactic is done with a sub sandwich. He can chew it up, then fire sesame seeds off like an automatic gone bonkers.
Leaves Thinks... wow, who's that handsome fellow? ...Ooh, it's me!

Leonard ~Chapter 29
Conversations between Leonard and other Attiles residents aren't at all lengthy. This would be due to the fact that he's leaps and bounds smarter than anyone else. They often refer to him as Lenny, which vexes him to no end.
Leaves Thinks... he's not so bright. If he was he'd realised that I had stolen his wallet. Mwahaha.

Little Louie ~Chapter 30
A tiny fellow who used to be a flute-player for a famous orchestra. Tragically, his life was cut short when he sat in the tuba player's seat...
Leaves Thinks... oh now come on, as if that isn't hilarious?

Madame Vertigo (well, is she a friend or an enemy??) ~Chapter 10
The dark world seems to be a plaything for Madame Vertigo, a creepy old fortune-teller. She can read minds, and predict a rough impression of the future, but her past is unknown. Nobody knows when she got to Kurabusu City, even the residents seem to have forgotten. Although she helps Leaves in a serious way, its uncertain whether she really is someone to trust.
Leaves Thinks... whoa, thinking about her seems to make my mind feel fuzzy... onto the next bum, please.

Maraline ~Chapter 30
Seeming like just an innocent (if not creepy) kid, Maraline turns out to be the ghostly Underweartaker's equally dead daughter. She sends people into their dilapidated house, and they never return. Villainous, granted, but just what is the point?
Leaves Thinks... this reminds me... I'M AFRAID OF GHOSTS!! Aaaagh!!! >.<

Mareep ~Chapter 21
Although there hasn't been much exploration into Mareep's character or battling tactics, one thing is quite clear. She's ...a nudist! She only has a tuft of wool on her head, and that's it. This quirk will make her quite the welcome addition to Tony's bunch of oddballs...
Leaves Thinks... so what, I'm naked too. Give the girl a break already!

Marowak ~Chapter 3
Won from, or rather, stolen from Richard, Marowak is Tony's most overworked, enthusiastic, and happy-go-lucky Pokémon. Unlike most other of his species, Marowak is very cheery, and seems to get stuck doing the most dangerous of tasks, simply because he's been told to. His range of attacks are amazing, as they consist of physical, elemental, and even a few unusual ones that he performs with his bone. Although he is very reliable, what Marowak loves most is music. He usually battles without commands, fighting to the tune of his walkman. However, this can also be a weakness, since he seems dependant upon music, and, should he hear music unexpectedly, Marowak can't resist dancing to his heart's content.
Leaves Thinks... Marowball's a godsend, I tell you. He does most of the work, and he's still too young to argue. Not to mention he's one of the few relatively sane guys I know. Although he's become a tad scary with that evolution thing, he's still my most trusted ally (See=only).

Mayor Milne ~Chapter 4
The Mayor of Dezu City. He collects many rare Pokémon, and has a wife named Tish. Never makes an actual appearance. I was just pretty pleased with the name 'Milne', so I thought he deserved inclusion.
Leaves Thinks... *shudder* the mere mention of this guy brings back images of Tony with a sock on his head...

Meat ~Chapter 21
Chase's cousin is a kind rocker who has a thirst for life, and is very close to his Pokémon. Even though his show is a bit of a scam, he does it for the fans... presumedly.
Rock- A Geodude that does very little.
Roll- Meat's Jigglypuff, strangely enough even though it sings nobody falls asleep. Perhaps they aren't listening well enough...
Haunter- Famous for creating illusions, and getting many audience members high.
Whismur (as of yet, unnamed)- Meat's newly acquired Pokémon, at one point was a bloodthirsty killer.
Leaves Thinks... I wonder if he ever ate Tony's Exeggcute...

Medium Mike ~Chapter 30
A karate extraordinaire, Mike has always had problems with being so very medium. Therefore, he committed suicide. Simple? You bet it is.
Leaves Thinks... yet another crappy bio that makes me sad to be a part of this gig.

Mickey 'n' Joe ~Chapter 26
Mangler Mickey is large, daft, and thieving. His partner in crime, Joe, is a teddy bear. *clears throat* Using his wits (luck), Tony manages to take both criminals down before they manage to find and kidnap Tentales.
Leaves Thinks... hey, look at that. Two profiles in one. Most stupendous.

Miguel ~Chapter 18
Miguel is a large, burly biker who hates Pokémon, wusses, and especially wussy Pokémon. He leads a tough crew who are sort of stupid, but intimidating nonetheless. However, as it turns out, Miguel is terrified of blood.
Leaves Thinks... bikers, aliens and me all in one chapter. Brilliant, I especially like the me part.

Mohawk Man ~Chapter 23
Behind the counter of Kurabusu's curious 'buckle stop', this guy looks more like he belongs in a zoo than a supplier.
Leaves Thinks... his hair looked dangerous. It really did.

Moustache Man ~Chapter 11
Well, he's a man... and he has a moustache! He alerts Tony of the burning gym in Kurabusu, and, considering he sends an unknown boy into the inferno, he must be quite a fiend. Lives in the same city as a fat man (There, saved myself the effort of making a completely different profile).
Leaves Thinks... bah, not important enough to warrant thought.

Mr. Michaels ~Chapter 1
He's fat, he's a jerk, he's Mr. Michaels! The landlord of Tony's apartment, Mr. Michaels is the closest Tony has to a father figure, which is unfortunate since he's really an awful man. He loves money and himself, and is quite skilled in bowling, but that's about his only redeeming quality. He rules his building with an iron fist, and insists that the plentiful cockroaches are 'free pets'. He's also the guy Tony promised to send his spare Pokémon to, but Tony's yet to get more than six. The clock is ticking, and that clock has a bad temper...
Leaves Thinks... blech. This guy smells awful, and he reminds me of someone I used to know. And, believe me, I hated the people I used to know.

Mrs. Beldemore ~Chapter 8
Cheery plump woman, hostess of the yearly Kuradezu community service awards. Pays little attention to anything else while she's talking.
Leaves Thinks... umm...creative loss. Nice hat? That'll do.

Mrs. Veshuan ~Chapter 2
An elderly woman who lives in Mr. Michaels' apartment complex. Although she never really does anything in MT, it's clear that in the past, Tony has caused her much stress. She seems to have a frown planted permanently on her face, and has a dangerously sharp nose.
Leaves Thinks... how many old people are there, anyway??

Mrs. Wienerface ~Chapter 29
Tony's temporary teacher, Mrs. Wienerface is very self-conscious, and won't hesitate to rip someone apart. Additionally, she's daft and forgetful, just like everyone else in the city, making her considerably less dangerous.
Leaves Thinks... I'd laugh, but that'd just be unimaginative.

Nicky ~Chapter 22
Truly, if there were a gym leader that was strange, it'd be Kurabusu City's Nicky. She's cute, tough, and quick to defend her beliefs, but she's got bad taste in men. Namely, she has the hots for Tony, but, unfortunately, it never quite dawned on him just what he had. However, she's quite feared, not only due to her strength, but also the fact that she is the understudy of the villainous Witch Hellzel, making her a feared trainee witch. She's Karen's younger sister, and she is the possessor of the Yikesbuckle, a buckle shaped like the Scream mask.
Plump Purple Spiky Thing- Basic Gengar, meets an unfortunate end. Its debatable as to whether or not it had been killed.
Spookyghetti- Nicky's Tangela put up a far more fierce fight. He is a bit of a cheater, employing brass knuckles of his own, and a lovely singing voice. Ended up discussing 'supper' with a ravenous Kangaskhan...
Leaves Thinks... ahh, poor Tony. Finally, a hot chick wants him, but she happens to be a witch. With no wallet. Can't win 'em all, I guess.

'nome Dome Announcer ~Chapter 16
An over-payed announcer who loves himself more than anything else in the world. Money comes a close second.
Leaves Thinks... hang on, since when did he get a personality?

'nome Dome Contestant ~Chapter 15
A whiny nerd. Simple as that.
Abra- Probably also a whiny nerd.
Leaves Thinks... well, at least it's to the point... ^^;

Nosey Man ~Chapter 17
Interrupts Tony while he's popping a pimple, causing him to drop a staple remover down the toilet.
Leaves Thinks... and that there is proof that we are all quite insane.

Nurse Iris ~Chapter 12
An attractive nurse at Kurabusu City. She's friendly, but hates Tony. Mostly because Tony's a pig.
Chansey- It's... a Chansey. It's no different from any other Chansey! Just let it be!
Leaves Thinks... *sigh* another gal who's rejected Tony. This kid really needs new tactics...

Opponent ~Chapter 17
One of many contestants at the 'nome Dome, noticeably taller.
Snorlax- Fat and hungry... and tall!
Leaves Thinks... nice save, that tall part came out of nowhere, eh?

Paul Reubens ~Chapter 19
You know you love him. Tony does.
Leaves Thinks... Good ol' Pee-Wee comes through in a pinch.

Phil McQuarters ~Chapter 26
A man with all the style you can muster in his lanky figure. He's a fashion extraordinaire, and often enough his ambition can blind his logic. As well as his manners.
Leaves- Don't forget; Leaves was temporarily in McQuarter's possession. The tough, troublemaking Bulbasaur was bought back by Chase before long, however.
Leaves Thinks... I hate being in the possession of people. I'll be certain to correct that typo once I figure out how to hack into computers. ...Or turn the damn things on.

Pitchfork Man ~Chapter 4
One of many hostile residents of Dezu City. Has two horribly bratty children, and a bad temper. ...And a killer punch.
Leaves Thinks... yep, I remember him well. One-hit KO on poor ol' Tony. ...Hang on, how DID Tony get to the hospital afterwards?? ...I prolly should've been paying more attention, eh?

Principal Douglas ~Chapter 1
Good-natured and likable principal who tends to have very bad luck. He hates to be lied to, however, and should he ever discover that anyone's been less than truthful, he takes on a completely different persona, often referred to as 'DangerD'.
Leaves Thinks... principal? Those guys are pretty rich, right? Maybe this bozo has some fabulous moolah on him...

[b]Principal McLanty[/b ~Chapter 29
The generally jovial principal of Attiles City's Pokémon School, he has a strict yet reasonable way of running things. However, when Tony crosses him, he's quick to sic the entire school on him, showing no remorse whatsoever.
Leaves Thinks... probably killed in Marowak's explosion. What a happy end! Well, for us anyway.

Professor Gum ~Chapter 1
Burake Town's claim to fame is that it has a professor of its own. Unfortunately though, Gum isn't as well known as his cohorts. He's a tad strange, and perhaps a bit insane, but all he really wants is respect, like that which has been bestowed upon Oak, Elm, Birch, Ivy, and especially his hated rival, Professor Mug. This drives him to be the best possible, but he'd have a better chance if he could put behind his 'captain' duties.
Leaves Thinks... this guy seems all right, but he tends to worry me, what with all this mention of chaos-wreaking Pokémon. Oh well. Even if that's true, I could always switch allegiances, mwahaha...

Punchinello ~Chapter 14
Insane old scientist with a passion for creating new Pokémon attacks. Unfortunately, he isn't progressing too well, but he keeps up his spirits, and continues with his experiments. He's the guy who put the tail on Tony.
Smeargle- Hideously weak. Yes, I blatantly stole that. I'm sorry. >.<
Leaves Thinks... could've been worse. Could've put the tail on me...

Reporter ~Chapter 21
Vern's partner, who's quick to leave the chubby fellow behind.
Leaves Thinks... I'm sure her family will be thrilled to find that in the obituaries...

Reverend Areless ~Chapter 8
Quite a villainous man, really. Uses his prior experience as a scientist to make Natu attack, through a chip hidden in his toupee. Tony refers to him as 'Reverend Hairless', and confounds the rev' to no end!
Leaves Thinks... hehehe, a gift shop at a church...

Rich Uncle Rich ~Chapter 26
Quite the evil little robot mascot. It's got incomprehensible speech and sharp metallic teeth. Not recommended for play with children.
Leaves Thinks... and yet, I loved it. I'll be sure to get Tony one for his birthday.

Richard ~Chapter 3
A short lad of ten, Richard is polite and cheery, until he gets to battling, when he becomes cocky, and quite the little brat. He's not as innocent as he seems, though. He may be gullible, but he apparently has close ties with the crime syndicate WWE...
Cubone- Tough, kind, and obsessed with music. Even though Richard wins the match that decides Cubone's fate, with some fast-talking, Tony manages to claim Cubone for his own.
Leaves Thinks... well, of course he was going to be evil. His name starts with 'R', that's the evil letter, you know!

Rowan Atkinson ~Chapter 19
Tony's other hero. Tony aspires to be just like him, despite lacking any intelligence at all.
Leaves Thinks... it's Mr. Bean, for all ye of little knowledge.

Scary Hairy Police Officer ~Chapter 26
Quick to throw James in Attiles City's prison, simply because he admits to being James.
Leaves Thinks...[/color] truly, that's the sort of people Attiles trusts their lives with? Nifty name, though.

[b]Security Guard Seville ~Chapter 4
An aging man looking forward to retirement, Seville whittles the days away with his job, at the Dezu City Hotel. He has many friends around town, but also a fair few amount of enemies, with whom he's had many arguments, and even a few confrontations. He often aspires to be more than he has become, and has dreams of leaving it all behind in order to fulfil his dream as a world-renowned barber. Although he currently resides in Dezu City, Seville was actually born in nearby Kurabusu City, and abandoned at an early age. He was taken in by a Norwegian Circus Performer named Francine and her many amazing monkey performers, and although Seville loves her like a mother, he has many bad memories of the days long ago, due to being allergic to monkeys. Nowadays, Seville spends his spare time researching for a cure for allergies, or, should that fail, a way to destroy all monkeys. Whether this will drive him to a future of darkness is unknown, but those who know him best often worry...
There. Not to bad a profile for a guy who only spoke two words!!
Leaves Thinks... DragoKnight has too much spare time. ~_~

Security Guards ~Chapter 23, but MT seems to have them all over the place...
There to make things harder! Very few qualities, other than baldness, or in some cases, wearing a hat.
Leaves Thinks... and I STILL think that I look better with those shades...

Student ~Chapter 29
Covers a lot of the peeps at Attiles City's Pokémon School, as well as being an occupation. What a handy character(s).
Leaves Thinks... seems the paranoia of all this profile writing is setting in...

Suit of Armour ~Chapter 30
Presumedly possessed by some unknown force, this walking, talking suit of armour is pretty argumentive, but not quite as dangerous as one might think.
Leaves Thinks...[/color] jeez, the things Tony gets up to when I'm not around...

[b]Tall Lanky Fellow ~Chapter 24
Insane enough to jump off a cliff, one can only wonder whether it was the acquisition of Agwa which made him this way, or something far more sinister.
Skitty- The Skitty hadn't yet gotten it's moniker of Agwa, but did pack more of an attitude, due to it's being an RS Pokémon.
Leaves Thinks... hehehe, he prolly suffered a concussion afterwards...

Tina ~Chapter 12
Who seems like an innocent, anime obsessed kid turns out to be something of a criminal. Tina is a little girl who loves watching cartoons, but is always saddened by the fact that nobody seems to join her. She soon attempts to take matters into her own hands.
Leaves Thinks... ingenious plan, concocted by a little kid! Her scheme was going great... only to be foiled by Tony. Now THAT'S humiliating.

Tobias ~Chapter 9
Now, this guy is scary. He's big and he's mean, and his English leaves a lot to be desired. Tobias is, like his sister Amy, ferociously mean, but Tobias likes to make his assault direct and physical. About the only soft spot he has is for a tiny little bell that he cherishes for unknown reasons.
Machop- A speedy little Machop, with great potential. Somewhat held back by its trainer's idiocy.
Pinsir- A big, dumb bug. Unlike Machop and Kingler, Pinsir is neither smart nor talented.
Kingler- This Kingler seems to have a real bad mean streak. Although its appearance makes some laugh, its power is a different matter.
Kakuna- Only knows Harden. Harden is all it lives for. 'tis a sad life.
Leaves Thinks... overrated, really. He's strong, but when you're thick as a brick in the mud, its all a waste.

Trish ~Chapter 29
Perhaps considered dumb even by Attiles City's standards, Trish is a blonde girl who's cheery and ditzy. She has trouble remembering her name, so obviously conversations with her aren't at all lengthy.
Leaves Thinks... makes me wonder what her real name is, anyway? Although that's not quite as important as the question of what her wallet holds, obviously.

'ub'a ~Chapter 12
A frighteningly fat man, 'ub'a's proper name is a mystery, but its all he can be called, since he has trouble moving his mouth, and all of what he says is near impossible to figure out.
Wigglytuff- Fat and tattooed like its owner. For a Wigglytuff, the fat is easy to picture, but the tattoos make for a bizarre image.
Leaves Thinks... I think this guy had the hots for Tony. >: ) Oh behave!

Vern ~Chapter 21
Pudgy cameraman. Destined to die, sadly enough.
Leaves Thinks... better him than me.

Water Woman ~Chapter 26
Jolly, chubby woman with a hose and very few brain cells. Not very accurately named, incidently. She wasn't bright enough to turn the hose on.
Leaves Thinks... doncha just love Attiles City's idiocy? I know I don't...

Witch Hellzel ~Chapter 10
Looking very much like what she is, the witch Hellzel is, in the words of Rilliam, stark raving mad, and her evil intentions are...quite bizarre. However, she's easily dispatched of by Leaves, and ends up looking like Larry Hagman.
Rilliam Wegal- The clever Pidgeotto owned by Witch Hellzel. Although at first he seems an awful lot like Leaves, it soon becomes apparent that his interest lays in carrying out the witch's tasks. Ends up mutated, much to his chagrin.
Leaves Thinks... ah, poor ol' Rilly. I would've given him a second chance. So what if he stabbed me in the back, I'd've done the same.

WWE ~Chapter 13
The World Wide Evil is a crime syndicate with a history of past crimes, and furious hatred for the FBI's Yenrab division. It consists of:
Brad Lesnore- Head of many divisions, and famous for stealing sand from playgrounds. Exactly why is unknown, but its assumed its something quite villainous.
Booger Coffee- Utter idiot. Couldn't hold a candle to Book, and I'd hate to see his Spinaroonie.
Goldumb- Utter idiot. Couldn't hold a candle to Goldust, and I'd hate to see his Spinaroonie even more.
Rob Van Bleep- Has a strange thing against swearing. Owns a Raichu. Most likely called Raichu Van Darn.
Bert Mangle- Your Canadian hero. Has no medals, of course, but does have a bald Machoke.
Lawrence Stork- Would like to be cereal for a minute.
Wallace Real- Unlike Regal, is quite a wuss. Disappointing, really.
Rippi- Interview extraordinaire. Or at least she likes to think so.
Kandy- Just plain scary, you know? Assumed to own a Typhlosion... turns out to be a well-disguised Ditto.
Underweartaker- Along with his daughter Maraline and Doom the Breloom, the ghost phenom haunts people, and steals underpants. It's a living.
Vince McMahon- Head honcho of World Wide Evil. Simply because, he's very evil.
Leaves Thinks... I just know we're going to get sued for this one...

Zombies ~Chapter 14
Quite nice once you get to know them.
Leaves Thinks... just what were they so hung up about anyway?
Powarun
28th May 2003, 11:28 AM
Hey that was pretty darn good. Every character, holy oranges. You did a good job what a strange way to avoid a chapter. Won't Klepto poop the chip out though, I think Leaves went to the bathroom once why can't Klepto
Mew Trainer Rose
29th May 2003, 07:53 AM
But if Klepto lost the chip, his whloe quirk would be gone. and what's the fun in that? :P

Nice bios there. now, are you planning to update these as you continue the fic? >: )
Drago
8th June 2003, 04:52 AM
Powarun: Thanks. It was... strenuous, to say the least. And as far as Klepto losing the chip goes... perhaps I'll touch on that in a future chapter... ;)
Mew Trainer Rose: Than-hey, wait a minute... Update 'em? Noooooo!! x_x
...Well, maybe. I might update it every five chapters or something, after all, the hardest part is over, eh?

Well, I thought here I'd add in utter strangeness. (As seen in chapters 10, 13, 14, and 18...and just about every other one as well). This stuff seemed to come to me, I couldn't stop typing! However, I'm not exactly sure if it makes sense. Well, its insanity, so let me know if it works. (I'm trying to return to being a parody fic, not just a humorous trainer fic.)

Minty Thrill
Chapter 22
Oh CURSES!!

A wide grin spread across my face, as Meat’s motorbike sped on. Miraculously, all five of us fit on, although poor Leaves was left clutching onto James’ head, screaming all the way. Kurabusu was just over the last ridge, and I couldn’t contain my excitement.
“YES!” I stood up with a cheer, and a huge black bug navigated a kamikaze down my gob.
“BLEUGHAAAK!” I wheezed, turned around, and coughed it out at Leaves. He frowned for a moment, before eventually just eating it.
It still amazes me just how grotesque that Bulb-is-sore can be.

Meat slowed down, and we hopped off. A bit early in my case, and I ended up with a mouthful of dirt.
He gazed up at the sky, then looked over towards a small black tent.
“That’s the gym right there guys…” he said quietly, “But I’ve heard that some freaky stuff goes on down there…”
“Well, freaky stuff goes on up here, too.” I muttered, brushing myself off, “And it doesn’t stop me.”
He shrugged, hugged Chase goodbye, and sped off. Hehehe… shrugged, hugged.

“And here we are!” I cried, “Kurabusu City!”
I glimpsed down at Leaves, who frowned. I cleared my throat. “AGAIN!”
“Would you stop screaming for just a minute and hurry up?” Chase snapped, walking at a brisk pace, “The gym probably won’t be open for too much longer.”
I nodded as I looked up. The sun was setting off in the distance, and a few stars already dotted the sky.

I approached the flap of the tent, blowing lightly in the breeze. It did look quite foreboding.
“This looks like it could be dangerous guys…” I gulped, and looked towards the top of the tent.
I pointed frantically. “Hey, look at that!”
While James and Chase looked, I took the opportunity to shove Leaves into the tent, and there was a fading scream from within.
We stood there blankly, until we heard a thud. Then a pained moan.
“Well then, seems like a lark, doesn’t it?” I grinned, and raced in. To my shock, there was a giant hole in the floor, which I didn’t hesitate to fall down. …Inadvertently, of course.

After a lengthy spurt of plummeting, I found myself landing headfirst on the floor. I quickly shot up.
“’tis I!” I cried, “The few, the proud, the ME!”
I ignored the throbbing pain in my head, and stamped my foot impatiently, waiting for James and Chase to arrive.
“Dare ye enter?” a powerful, yet feminine voice called.
“Umm… I thought I already had…” I gulped, “Perhaps I should exit again, if it makes things easier?”
There was a pause, before someone stepped into the light of a swaying lamp.
I raised an eyebrow. She was about seventeen, tall, and had thick red lipstick on, just like every second person I meet seems to. She wore a tight black leather top and a short denim skirt. She was quite attractive, actually.
“Show yourself.” She whispered, and I was quick to oblige.
Casually, I wandered into the light, and she pulled an unusual face. It was hard to describe, really. It was a face nobody had ever done to me before. Her gaze was hazy, her lips trembled, and her eyebrows raised slowly.
“…What?” I muttered, confused. “Is there something on my face?” I smacked myself across the mouth. “Nope, nothing.”
She giggled lightly, then continued staring starry-eyed.
“What is it?” I whined, “Leaves? …What’s going on?”
Leaves raised an eyebrow. Well, actually, he doesn’t seem to have any eyebrows. So I suppose he attempted to raise an eyebrow.
“H-Hi…” she finally said, “I’m Nicky.”
“Oh, alrighty then.” I said in a polite tone, “Greetings, Nicholas!”
She giggled again in a strange way, “No… it’s short for Nichole.”
“And I’m short for storage purposes.” I shot off in what just may be my best ever quip.
Again, she giggled.
Well this is no good… Why bother if she’s going to titter at every single thing I say?

“Anyhoosers, the name’s Tony Chambers, the aim’s pretty inaccurate.” I muttered, to which she seemed impressed.
“That’s actually pretty clever…” she bubbled.
“Well, I am a very bright chap.” I said with a flourish, “I went to Harvard, you know.”
“Really?” she said in awe.
“You bet!” I grinned, “They gave me a tour and everything!”
She burst out with laughter, and I didn’t bother stopping her. Despite the fact that that was a true story.
“Although…” I muttered, “You look a little familiar. Perhaps my Bulb-is-sore has stolen your wallet in the past?”
“Oh…” she said with a blush, “I get that a lot. I’m actually the younger sister of Karen. The Dark-trainer of the Elite Four, and swimsuit model extraordinaire.”
“Ah yes…” I muttered, “Of course.”
…Karen was in the Elite Four?

All of a sudden, a door opened from the left. Nicky and I quickly looked in that direction.
“You know Anthony, there’s a back entrance…” Chase grumbled,
“No need to dive down holes y’know.” James added, then looked at Nicky. He seemed to pull the same face that she had done not too long ago.
“Excuse us…” he grunted, then pulled me off towards a corner.
“James, you’re looking hungry…” I said with a frown, “You aren’t going to eat her, are you?”
He shook his head quickly, “Tony, you’ve found da bomb!”
“Oh good.” I breathed a sigh of relief. I was worried it might’ve fall in the wrong hands after all these years stuffed in Mrs. Veshuan’s pillow.
He looked around sneakily. “Stand aside, my friend, its time for me to use my master pick-up line…”
He strutted towards Nicky, and flopped his arm onto her shoulder.
A huge grin spread across his face. “Hello sweetheart, would you like to inspect my gadget?”

Nicky didn’t even put a shocked look on her face. She instead opted to kick James across the gut, then drive her elbow into the back of his neck as he keeled over in pain.
Chase raised an eyebrow.
“Didn’t see that coming…” she muttered.
“Me neither…” James wheezed, tears in his eyes.
“So anyway, I take it you’re the gym leader.” Chase continued, “The name’s Chase Ginnit.”
“I’m Nicky.” Nicky responded, looking in Chase’s direction, but quick to look back at me.
“And these are Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber.” Chase grumbled, “So, is it a bad time to request a battle for Chambers? I mean, the kid isn’t bright, but I guess he deserves something for taking such a fall.”
“I think he deserves some respect, for one.” Nicky snapped. I gulped, and took a small step back.
“Excuse me?” Chase quickly said, and folded her arms, “I don’t see any reason he deserves my respect…”
“I suppose your respect doesn’t mean all that much anyway.” Nicky said icily. Beads of sweat developed on my forehead.
Chase shot one of her most piercing glares. “I’ll have you know, you freak, that I am a highly regarded and much celebrated champion fighter.” She paused for a moment, and cracked her knuckles, “Both with and without Pokémon.”
“Could’ve fooled me,” Nicky cried, “All I see is a pathetic little tramp!”
“Oh gentle Jesus!” I squealed, and pulled James and Leaves aside, “Now we’re doomed…”

Nicky gazed over at me.
“Oh, Tony…” she said softly, “There’s nothing to worry ab-”
She was interrupted when Chase slapped her across the face. She stood there for a moment, wiped her lip, and smiled.
“Now you’re screwed.” She said with an evil smile, “You’ve just messed with the understudy of the Witch Hellzel!”
“A witch, huh?” James leapt up, “Well, I think we can relate, because whenever I hear your voice, I melt!”
Not at all pondering about the absurd femininity of that claim, Nicky lifted her hand, and waved it in James and Chase’s direction. There were a few odd sparkles, and Nicky’s eyes flashed a pale red. A piercing light filled the room, and I covered my eyes.

After a while, it died down, as Nicky cackled loudly, not at all reminiscent of her former giggle.
I looked across the room, and was shocked/horrified/slightly turned on when I saw the result.

James… Chase… they were…
One person!

“Oh god!” he…she… heshe gasped, in a voice that made me think that perhaps I had just fallen into a very odd DBZ episode, “What the hell did you do?”
“I thought you two fools deserved each other.” Nicky said offhandedly, stretching lazily.
Before the response was heard, I cut in.
“People, person people, please… I believe we can come to an understanding here… There’s no need for confrontation…”
“What are you on about?” James and Chase cried, “Look at us!”
“Now listen… Jeice,” I sighed, tapping into my biting wit, “You were sort of asking for it…”
Heshe shot a combination of a piercing/goofy glare at me, and I looked over at Nicky.
“Please, Nicky…” I pleaded, “I don’t think I’ll get along too well with my cohorts now losing their ability of being plural. I mean, you’ve made my pals a hermaphrodite!!”
Heshe groaned, and put an annoyed look on hiser face.
“All I want is a free belt buckle, I didn’t want such a big kafuddle!”
Nicky raised an eyebrow. “Well, I suppose I’ll separate them… If they can beat me in battle!”
“Alright wench, put yer dukes up!” Jeice snarled, no doubt due to James.
“A Pokémon battle.” She snapped, then looked in my direction. “But, give me some time. Come back tomorrow.”

That was the best we could hope for. I pushed the furious Jeice out the door, and Leaves was quick to follow. Of course, he was laughing insanely on the way out.
“Don’t worry, I’ll pick up some supplies from the store.” I assured, “Leaves and I are professional cheaters, with some various knick-knacks this one will be in the bag.”
Or at least somewhere in the near vicinity of the bag…
********************************
After what could’ve been two hours, Leaves and I returned to the Pokémon Centre where Jeice was waiting. Leaves sighed, as though we had just done something completely useless.
I dropped my bag on the table, and heshe got up.
“What did you get?” heshe said anxiously.
“Alrighty then.” I grinned, “The way I saw it, Nicky’s likely to give you another curse, so I got this.”
I pulled out a long, silver shaft.
“What is it?” Jeice asked, “A curse protector?”
“Well, not as such…” I muttered, “It’s difficult to find a way to protect against these curses, so I opted to buy a curse warning system. Y’see? You press this button, and it displays a flashing message.”
I pressed a button, and several epilepsy-causing neon lights flashed.
“It’s a blindness warning! So, if you ever get cursed with blindness, this will save you!”
Jeice stood there for a moment.
“So…” heshe said slowly, “You’re saying, that if we go blind… that will tell us.”
“Yup!” I said proudly.
“With a flashing message.”
“Yup!” I repeated, “And best of all, I got it at half price! Marked down from $50!”
“So you payed $25 for that thing?” Jeice groaned.
“Well, no, it was two easy payments of $25. By half price, they meant two halves.”
Jeice shook hiser head, and looked to the floor. “What else?”
“Well, here’s a can of witchaway!” I beamed, thrusting out a spray can. I sprayed some in Jeice’s direction, and heshe took a whiff.
“Smells like pine freshener.” Heshe said, raising an eyebrow.
“Damn.” I snapped. “Well, what can you expect. I got it from a hobo in exchange for a kiss.”
Jeice widened hiser eyes. “A kiss where?”

I gulped, and looked down at Leaves, who broke a sweat. “I’d… rather not say.”
“Did you get anything that will actually help?” Jeice grumbled.
“Well, no…” I said quickly, hoping heshe wouldn’t hear me, “But I did get THIS!”
I pulled out a weird ball.
“What’s that?” Jeice sighed, uninterested.
“It’s called a ‘smoke ball’.” I muttered, “I don’t know how it works, but I was told it would help if I wanted to end a battle with ease.”
“Are you sure they said with ease?” Jeice gulped, worriedly.
“Well…” I said with a frown, “Maybe he said it with some f’s, but I can’t be sure.”


…After many hours of sitting about, weeping about the oncoming loss, and calling me a ruddy bonehead, Jeice was ready to battle Nicky. Apparently, it was also tomorrow. Time sure flies when you’re talking to a hermaphrodite.

Jeice stood in front of the looming, black tent, and took a deep breath. Leaves did the same.
Not wanting to be left out, I also took a deep breath, which ended in a very boogery sneeze.
“Aww Hölle!” I snapped, and then nodded with a grin, proud of my newfound grammatical correctness.

I took a few steps back, then leapt down the hole like Oprah on a baked ham. …Clumsily, but feverishly anxiously.

After much familiar tumbling, I fell right at the feet of Nicky. …who was all dressed up in white. She wore a veil over her face, and was holding a bouquet of flowers.
“Umm…” I muttered, “Have you just come back from a funeral?” I paused for a moment when I saw the grin on her face. “…A very happy funeral?”

Leaves and Jeice wandered in through the nearby door, and put various looks on their faces. Three consecutive ones, in Jeice’s case.
“And just what is this about?” heshe snapped.
“Well, it’s simple.” Nicky replied, “Should you win, I’ll give Tony the buckle, and remove the curse. But if I win… I’ll give Tony the buckle.”
“Huzzah!” I cheered.
“And be wed immediately!” she cried.
“Huzzah!” I cheered.

There was a pause.
“…Well?” Jeice mumbled, stamping hiser foot, “Aren’t you going to be shocked as to what she said?”
“Well, not really.” I shrugged, “It’s all smiles here.”
“And without further adieu…” Nicky seemed to slide backwards, “Let’s get this done!”
She threw down a black Pokéball, and out came a plump, purple spiky thing.
“What’s that?” I gasped.
“It’s a Gengar!” Jeice answered.
“Go!” Nicky cried, “Plump Purple Spiky Thing!”
I poked out my tongue. “See?”

“Whatever…” Jeice snapped, and held up a Pokéball, “Go! Klepto!”
“Yes!” I whooped, “Go Klep… hang on… THAT’S MY Pokémon!!”
“Well, I thought a Psychic Pokémon would come in handy.” Jeice snapped, “So get to it Natu!”

The two battlers stood facing each other. There was dead silence, and a wind seemed to come from nowhere to sweep the field.
This is so dramatic! I should make a poem about it…

I stood up, and put a hand on my chest. “And so it goes, Klepto against the purple thing…without a nose.
It fills me with fear…just standing here.
They will soon fight…it will all be all right.
This battle, quite clearly…should only come yearly…
There’s silence, then an echo…like a lizard. …Like a…” I bit my lip. “Gecko.”
Leaves shot an annoyed look at me.
“I shall rhyme no more…For I’m annoying…the Bulb-is-sore.”

Finally, Klepto and Plump Purple Spiky Thing raced at each other. Klepto took flight, and chopped through the ghost with his beak. Its eyes widened, and it felll flat on its face.
“Oh my.” I gulped, “Fat… went… SPLAT!”
“Oh my god!” Nicky squealed, “You…killed my Gengar!”
“Oh no!” Jeice gasped, ignoring the unhealthy amount of oh’s already, “I’m so sorry!!” Heshe then look angry. “Hang on… How can you kill a ghost??”
“Well look at it!” Nicky snapped, “It looks pretty dead.”
I grabbed a forked stick, and poked it. “Feels pretty dead too.”
Curiously, I crawled up, and licked one of its spikes.
“Blah. Tastes dead.”

Jeice threw down hiser arms, annoyed. Nicky had grabbed a book about ghosts, and was frantically flipping through the pages.
“Forget it!” I snapped, “I’ll just continue this myself!”
I picked up the very likely to be dead Plump Purple Spiky Thing, and wiggled it around like a plush doll.
“Grr! Grr!” I snarled, then threw it at full power in Klepto’s direction. “RAAAR!”
Klepto’s eyes widened as he was hit with the corpse, and rolled back, unconscious.
“There.” I smirked, and wiped my hands. Jeice looked angrily at me.

“…Oops.” I groaned, “Sorry Kleppers.”

Leaves rolled his eyes, and ran onto the battlefield. He looked ready to fight, or at least ready to arm wrestle.
Nicky threw down her next Pokéball. Out popped… a weird… bush?
“Yeeaaaaag!” I whimpered, “It’s spaghetti!”
“No…” Nicky said, looking mysterious, “It’s Spookyghetti…”
“It’s a Tangela, you clods.” Jeice snapped, and pointed Leaves forward, “Now go! Do what you do best!”
Leaves nodded, and charged at full speed… past Spookyghetti, and towards Nicky. He immediately started frisking her, searching for a wallet.

Jeice groaned, as a sweatdrop appeared on hiser head.
“I meant battle!!” heshe whined, and Leaves (begrudgingly) returned to the battlefield.
“Do what Tony would usually tell you to do!” Jeice commanded.
Leaves immediately began to growl. And growl. And growl. After a couple of minutes, he dug into the ground, looked around sneakily, and pulled out the brass knuckles.
“SAAAAAAAAUR!” he wailed insanely as he hopped towards Spookyghetti, waving his braced fist like a rock on a rope.
Spookyghetti seemed suitably terrified by this bizarre sight, and took off running. They started running in circles, as everyone watched on. Eventually, they were both deep within a ditch caused by their running.

“That’s it Leaves!” I cheered, “Show them just how well I trained you!”
Suddenly, Leaves was thrown out of the ditch, covered with bruises.
“Saaur…” he moaned.
“Wh-what happened?” I gasped, as Spookyghetti leapt out. On each of its vines it had brass knuckles!
It looked around at everyone, then spotted me.
“GEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!” It screeched, and barrelled towards me, flailing its vines around.
I screamed, and started running.
The Tangela seemed to be closing in, as I went through my pockets.
“Walkman?” I gulped, and threw it over my shoulder. It merely bounced off the pursuing beast.
“Tokens?” I attempted, and chucked a handful, to no avail.
I suddenly found something, and screeched to a stop.
“Mwhahaha!” I cackled insanely, “Now I’ve got it…” I pulled out a CD. “DEAN MARTIN’S GREATEST HITS!!”
Spookyghetti looked, well, spooked.
I raised the album above my head, then piffed it at Spookyghetti with all my might. It hit it square in the face, and it collapsed.
“Haha!” I cried, “They don’t call ‘em greatest HITS for nothing!”

I looked back down, and bent down to pick up the Dean Martin CD. My hand was struck though, with a vine!
I looked up, and Spookyghetti was looking furiously at me.
It snatched up the CD, and began to eat it.
“NOOOOOO!” I wailed, “You’re eating Dean Martin!”
I started running again.

“Dammitall!” I groaned, “I just made it mad!”
It opened its mouth, and out came Dean Martin’s voice.
“WHEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE, THAT’S AMORE!!”
“And musically talented!”

I went through my pockets, and found a round ball.
“That’s it!” I gasped, “I’ll catch it with a Pokéball!”
I turned around, and threw the ball at it.
…And it turned out to be the Smoke Ball.
There was an explosion of smoke, and Spookyghetti was gone!

I stood there for a moment, as everyone in the room looked at me.
“Tony…” Jeice said slowly, “Why do you always have to be the center of attention?”
“Because it’s my damn Pokémon adventure!” I snapped, “You’re just here for comic relief.”

Nicky sighed, and waved her hand at Jeice. There was a bright flash, and James and Chase were once again apart.
She looked at me, with tears in her eyes.
“We’ll…head outside.” James said quietly, and he and Chase left.
Nicky walked up to me.

“Uh…” I muttered sheepishly, “Sorry for killing all your Pokémon…”
“It’s alright…” she sighed, “Unfortunate, though. They were one day away from retirement.”
She reached under her veil, and pulled out a belt buckle. She handed it to me, and I gazed at it. It was shaped like the mask from Scream 1, 2, 3 and Scream 4: A Sore Throat.

“I better be heading off…” I muttered, “awkward as it is…”
I stepped towards the doorway.
“…Tony?” Nicky said quietly, “I want you to know… that… I love you.”

I stood there for a moment, then turned in her direction.
“Nicky…” I whispered, “I’ve…never said this before… but, in some way… through everything else, and… without any regret… at least, a little bit…

…I love me too.”

I cackled like a maniac, and barrelled out the door, Leaves laughing by my side.

Yeah, it was cruel. But it was cruel for someone else, which makes it OK.

Nobody ever forget.
I’m Tony Chambers! I travel the world, and I leave pandemonium, broken hearts, and Pokémon corpses behind me!

…Meanwhile, on the other side of the world…
Spookyghetti surveyed the strange, unnatural surroundings. He wasn’t sure how he got here, or when he got here. The Smoke Ball was sitting next to him, puffing out steam. A huge Kangaskhan walked up to him. It bent down to get face to face with him.
“…Abendessen.” It hissed.
Fortunately, Spookyghetti knew fluent German.
“Abendessen?” he muttered, “Supper?”
He looked around, “What about supper?”
Kangaskhan edged closer towards him. It pointed at him. “Abendessen.” It repeated. It was drooling at the mouth.
Spookyghetti’s eyes narrowed.

“…Aww Hölle.”
The Silver Storm
8th June 2003, 09:00 AM
Hilarious. The Dean Martin singing was great. You didn't get all the characters though. You forgot to include Exeggcute. He may have been around for only one chapter but he was Tony's strongest Pokemon....
Powarun
8th June 2003, 02:05 PM
Nice Chapter, a thought came to me, how would Tony react versus a legendary, like Lugia? The Heshe part was a bit confusing at first, were there bodies half and half or soemthing that i do not want to know? And Tony's pokemon kill, a dead Gengar, who would know, and did Tangela steal leaves brass knuckles?
SilverMachop
9th June 2003, 03:01 PM
That chapter, although kind of mean-spirited, was great! Love the 'hiser' puns, and the 'very happy funeral' remark. Keep up the good work!
E_Eevee
16th June 2003, 12:21 PM
Well, that was interesting o.O altho the Jeice thing was hilarious and the reference to DBZ ^^ I wanted to see Chase and Nikky go at each other, but wouldn't have been as funny.
Drago
25th June 2003, 02:57 AM
Although I'd usually only reply when a new chapter is up, since the next one is taking (painfully) long, I thought I may as well just be polite.

The Silver Storm: Thanks for that. I missed Exeggcute because, well, after reading through the entire fic, and classifying every single character, towards the end, I wasn't paying too much attention.
Powarun: Hmm... Tony... vs. Legendary... Well, it'd probably go something like this.
Tony: What the? What description of thing is this? Is it friendly? Is it rare? Does it like buttered popcorn and moonlit strolls along the beach? *checks Pokedex* A Lugia, eh? Alrighty... Psychic...Flying... I've got the perfect solution. ...Go LEAVES!
Leaves: *eyes widen*
lol, none too original, but it did get me to thinking whether or not Tony should ever see a legendary. I mean, I'm trying to keep continuity between other trainer fics, and the Pokemon world in general, and I got to thinking, what's the likelihood that this bonehead is going to ever see a legendary? Maybe someday I'll change my mind, but for now, Tony isn't going to be bright enough to know where to look. ^^;
SilverMachop: I know, I'm wicked aren't I? *slaps wrist* On that note, I luckily left the funeral comment at just that. I was actually planning on expanding, and having Tony refer to it repeatedly throughout the battle, but decided against it. I think that Tony's best lines have been the offhanded ones, such as his referring to Leaves as a 'mouldy frog'.
E_Eevee: lol, interesting is one way of putting it. I love slipping in DBZ here and there, although next time I'll be certain to have more KRILLIN! We all need more Krillin.

Well, for the next chapter I'm planning on having another wacky top secret super sneaky mission that's caused by watching too much Beverly Hills Cop. Then again, there's never too much Beverly Hills Cop.
Drago
27th June 2003, 10:42 PM
...Isn't it weird how some things turn out? Chapter 23 is finished, much quicker than it had started, but I found that there was a lackyness of wackyness. Nonetheless, I'm pleased with this chapter, despite the lack of humour. So, just a heads up, hope you'll enjoy this as much as any other chapter...

Minty Thrill
Chapter 23
Licensed to Thrill

I sneered, as the frustration began leaking out. Leaves, however, glared right back. Unfortunately, he seemed to get the wrong impression from all this constant staring. I was simply trying to comprehend one thing.

“…Why ARE you a Bulb-is-sore, anyway?” I cried.
“Bulbasaaaaaaaaaur!” he groaned.
“Well, yeah…” I whined, “Bulb-is-sore is all you can say… but can’t you just come up with something more original?”
Leaves frowned.
“Saurabul?” he gargled uncomfortably.
“Hmm…” I muttered, “Nope.”
“Bulbabul?” he attempted.
“Nuh-uh.” I sighed.
“Fushigidane?” he said with a weird look on his face.
My eyes widened. “Don’t ever do that again.” I snapped.

I turned back to James and Chase.
“Now then…” Chase muttered, “Our next stop is Attiles City… But to get there, we’ll have to trek through Mt. Madran… And that’s something we’re definitely ill-equipped for. James?” she peered over at James, “Just what supplies do we have?”
James frantically shifted through his bag.
“…Very little.” He gulped, “About the only helpful thing in here is this giant pack of potato chips.”
All of a sudden, there was a loud pop, and chips flew into James’ face.
“…Alright, now there’s nothing useful.”

Chase sighed.
“Well, we’re in luck.” She said nonchalantly, “Just towards the outskirts of Kurabusu, there’s a small complex dedicated to trainers with gym buckles. The more buckles, the more available to you, and its all free. Well, as long as you don’t overstock.”
“I take it we’ll be heading there then?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
“No.” Chase snorted, “We’ll start doing backflips.”
I shrugged, and attempted a graceful moonsault from where I was standing, only to Headbutt the concrete with a sickening thud.
James, Chase and Leaves all had a look of shock on their face.
I grinned clumsily. “I learnt that one in Russia!”
********************************
Now, after a lengthy walk, or hobble in my case, we stood in front of the building in question. It was only a single floor, but it seemed to stretch on forever. Perhaps they had a lot of room but not much equipment.

I furrowed my brow, and dashed towards the two glass doors with a mighty roar.
I crashed shoulder-first, and sat on the ground for a moment, before they slid open.
Chase groaned, as James helped me up.
“Well, I thought it had tighter security…” I grumbled, disappointed.

I took a single step inside, and was amazed at what the place actually looked like. It looked more like a nightclub than a shopping centre.
The walls were black, and there were only a few windows along the hall. Painfully bright lights dotted the ceiling, and walking all around were security personnel, who reminded me of bouncers. Simply because they were all bald.
Nervously, I stepped up to a counter.
“Hi…” I muttered, “I’m Tony Chambers. I’d like a few supplies…”
The guy at the counter, who had a green Mohawk and piercings all over his face, raised a pointy eyebrow.
He gazed over his shoulder, to a blurry photo with a ‘have you seen this bonehead?’ message.
“You don’t mean Anthony Chambers, the professional thief of Dezu City, do you?” he asked suspiciously.
“No.” I muttered, “I don’t believe I do.”
He shrugged, “Well, that’s alright then. Step right on inside.”

I was about to protest, but was shoved through a doorway by Chase. My eyes widened when I saw exactly what I had suspected. …A dance floor! Neon lights shone across the room, and repetitive music with a heavy bass thumped loudly.
“What’s going on here?” I shouted over the noise, “I thought this was a Pokémart!”
“Yeah, technically…” she said, with a weird grin on her face, “But in order to get the supplies, you have to win a dancing competition.”
“Whaaaaaa?” I grunted, when I was suddenly blinded by a spotlight shone directly on me.
“And here is our latest entrant…” a voice boomed, leaving me to wonder why it was that there were so many booming voices lately, “Entrant #24601!!”
James rubbed a tear from his eye. “Go get ‘em, Jean Valjean…” he sniffed.

I was about to ask what he was on about, or perhaps what he was on, but found myself to slowly be pushed through the crowd onto a large round stage.
I landed on the risen floor clumsily, and looked around at the crowd. They had all stopped dancing, and were screaming loudly.
“I hope that’s an enthusiastic scream…” I groaned, and stood up. I ruffled in my coat, and contemplated perhaps having someone remove the burn marks from it.
“And his opponent…” the voice continued, as a mountain of a man wearing a muscle shirt and tattered jeans stomped up, “Entrant #00019!”
The crowd screamed loudly, and I couldn’t blame them. Standing across from this brute made me want to scream too.

“And…” the commentator roared, “GET DANCIN’!!”
The spotlights turned a variety of colours as #19 began dancing madly. I raised an eyebrow, and looked over at James and Chase.
“Dance, you moron!” they screeched, “You’re losing!”
“Oh…” I gulped, “Alrighty then…”
Nervously, I started doing the monkey. It was… not very impressive.
I was losing the crowd, and #19 only seemed to be getting better.
Better kick things up a notch…

I took a deep breath, and started shuffling my feet around at an impossible pace. I started throwing my fists around even faster.
“GEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAGGG!” I squealed, as I began losing control.
The spotlight seemed to have trouble following my dance as I teetered around the stage, before finally careering towards #19, and socking him in the face repeatedly.

He shook his head, dazed, before looking at me intensely.
“You’re gonna pay for that!” he snapped, and punched me square in the nose.
I slid across the floor, before rolling onto my feet.
“Alright then…” I snarled, brushing off my coat, “If that’s the way you want to play…”

I put my fists up, and hopped on the spot.
“Gotta float like a butterfly and sting like a bee!” I grunted, “Foo’ can’t hit what he can’t see!”
I raced right at him, only to be smacked aside.
Tears welled in my eyes. “And apparently, he saw me…”

He picked me up by my coat, and punched me in the gut a few times. I was then shocked when he lifted me over his shoulders by my arms, and threw me over his shoulders. I balanced on the back of his head, as he lifted me higher.
“Say…this seems familiar.” I muttered, “Isn’t this the jackknife?”
He then heaved me to the floor, and I landed on my neck.
“Yeah, that’d be it.” I wheezed.

I kicked-up, and shook my head frantically.
“That was less than polite, y’know!” I lectured, waving a finger in his face. He looked shocked, “And either way, NASH IS TRASH!!”
I leapt in his direction, and grabbed his neck with both hands while running insanely past him. He tumbled to the floor, me quite pleased with a perfectly executed Hurricane neckbreaker.
He struggled to get up, as I slapped him across the head, when all of a sudden, he punched me across the jaw.
“You suck!” he snapped, when I was suddenly hit with something. It was time to be a hero. …A FREAKING GOLD MEDALLIST!

I looked at him intensely, and ducked his next punch, and snuck up behind him. …This was it…

I leant down, and scooped him up across my shoulders. I bellowed loudly when I finally lifted him up off the floor, made a quarter-turn, and fell down. I shot up onto my feet, and glared into his eyes.
“ANGLE SLAM!!” I screeched, “Oh it’s true! It’s damn true!!”
“And there you have it!” the commentator roared, “The winner…”
I beamed proudly.
“Of the dance of the Kama Sutra!”
My grin disappeared abruptly.
“Entrant #24601!!”
I shot a fist to the air, “One day more, my peeps, one day more!!”

I bowed to the roaring crowd, and finally made my exit. James, Chase and Leaves struggled to catch up as I stepped outside, and danced about in the grass, quite pleased with myself.
“ANTHONY!” James cried, “Waaait!”
“I’m sorry my friend…” I grinned, “But its my duty to please the fans, then make my exit.”

People began pouring out, and I was about to greet them, but was shocked to find that they were all walking right past me.
“What’s going on here?” I snapped.
Chase finally ran up. “Chambers, you clown! You forgot to get the supplies!!”
I frowned, as metal doors slid down over every single entrance of the building. It was… closed!
“Aww Hölle.” I groaned, as James and Chase looked furiously at me.

“Now what?” James cried, “It’s all closed up for the week, and we can’t stay around here until then!”
“I guess we have to head off…” Chase moaned, when all of a sudden, there was a thump against one of the windows.
Curiously, we walked towards it. There was a crash, and the metal cover flicked open. It was Leaves!
“Leaves!” I gasped, stating the obvious, “You were hiding in there? You cheeky blighter…”
“This complicates matters…” James gulped, “Now we have a broken window with your Pokémon’s fingerprints all over the place!”
I frowned, and looked at Leaves’ claw. “Odd.” I muttered, “I didn’t think he had fingers to make prints with…”
I looked over at James and Chase, who had worried expressions on their faces.
“Well, if we’re going to get caught, we’re going to get caught trying!” I climbed through the window, “I’m grabbing those supplies!”
James ran up. “But they’d all be in the storage room by now, and I doubt it’d be easy to get there…”
I grinned sneakily. “Whoever said I wanted things to be easy?”

I shut the metal covering, and looked around. It was still even darker, although the lights were still on, so Leaves and I couldn’t risk just standing out here in the open.

I nodded at him, and we ducked behind one of the counters.
“Alright, here’s the plan…” I whispered, “If we split up, there’s less of a chance of both of us getting caught. And, we should stick to the shadows, and try to blend in. Those security personnel are doubtlessly still wandering about, so try your best to not get…”
I gazed up, and there were two security guards looking right at us.
“Caught.” I gulped, “Don’t get caught. …Like we just did.”
They reached down at us, when all of a sudden Leaves leaped up at them, and downed them both with a single quick hit with the brass knux.
“Good job Leaves!” I gulped with mixed emotions, “You saved us, but… now we’re in even more trouble should we get caught…” I shrugged, “Oh well. Water under the bridge.”

I grinned to myself for using such a clever quote, and looked down at the guards. They didn’t look like they were getting up any time soon.
I peered around, and started taking their clothes.
Leaves looked at me wide-eyed.
“So that we’ll blend in…” I snapped at him, “Honest.”

Soon, I was dressed up in security garb, and Leaves was quite pleased with the shades he had now claimed.

I looked around, and pointed towards the ceiling. There was an air duct within reach.
“That’d be the best way of getting around.” I informed, “I’m certain of it.”

I lifted Leaves up, and he had no trouble removing the cover. He crawled in, and I took a better look at the duct. It was quite small, actually…
Nervously, I leapt headfirst in after him, and got stuck at my shoulders.
“Oh crap!!” I whimpered, “I’m stuck!!”
I flailed around insanely, trying to pull myself out. Unfortunately Leaves could do nothing now. He was too far ahead to understand what I was screaming about.

I popped out, and landed clumsily on the floor.
“Guess I’ll have to take the less stealthy route…” I groaned, and went through my pockets for a PP7.
No luck, however. It’s times like this I wished I knew where to even get a PP7. …Maybe they sold ‘em here somewhere…

I looked around, and decided to head right. Before I could get far, though, I bumped into another security guard.
I tried to look inconspicuous, but that was a tad tricky when I had two unconscious men stripped to their underwear behind me. Not only was my cover blown, but this guy could now accuse me of some rather bad things…
“What the hell’s-” he started, when out of desperation I chopped at his neck. Luckily it worked flawlessly, and he fell to the floor, unconscious.
“That was lucky…” I breathed a sigh of relief.
“What was all that noise?” a voice came from around the corner, and another bald guard poked his head around.
Panicking, I and gave him a swift chop as well. He fell with a thud.

I gulped. This wasn’t good. I was making quite the collection of unconscious guards, and I wasn’t doing any great shakes for stealth.
I thought my solution through, and eventually propped the four of them against the wall.
Another security guard wandered up, and opened his mouth, but I quickly shushed him.
“Slumber party.” I explained, and he shrugged and walked away.

Make haste, not waste… I quickly dashed down the hallway, trying my best to at least look secret-agent-like.
For some reason, the tunes of Beverly Hills Cop and Goldfinger both ringed through my head, blending into a quite disturbing musical piece.

I eventually came to a door, which seemed right. I grabbed the handle, and threw it open.
Inside, a guard sitting on the toilet looked at me, shocked.
“I… just wanted to make sure you hadn’t fallen in.” I muttered, and continued running.
I leapt behind a nearby counter, and held my head in my hands. This was a lot harder than I had imagined!

I popped up, and was face-to-face with yet another nameless security guard.
“Hello…” I muttered.
He grunted in response.
“Urr…” I said quietly, “Where’s the, umm… storage room?”
He pointed to a door at the end of the hallway, “Didn’t you know?”
“Not exactly…” I shrugged.
“lol,” he cackled, walking away. “n00b. 0wnage. I roXor. kthnxbye.”

I frowned, disillusioned, and wandered in the direction of the door.
I stepped inside, to an unlit room. I took a few more steps, when the door shut behind me, and a light flicked on. I strained under the new light, and was face to face with a fat man in a chair.
“Come in, Mr. Chambers…” he said in a wheezy voice.
I looked back, confused. “But I already am in…”
“I imagine you think you’re pretty smart…” he said confidently, “Thought you could wander around and steal things, huh?”
He waved his hand towards a pile of boxes. “Well, there it is. Take it…if you can.”
I wandered over, and snatched out a bottle of Potion.
“Hm.” He frowned, “That was easier than I had hoped…”
He leant back, “Fancy yourself something of a gambler, Mr. Chambers?”
“Well, I play a few rounds of Russian roulette at times.” I grinned, “I don’t win all that much, but it’s all in good fun.”
His eyes widened. “You mock me, do you not?”
“I dunno.” I shrugged, “You tell me.”
He grinned, “Y’know, I like you, kid… I think you’ve got potential. …How would you like to work for me, Fat Futty?”
“Fat Fatty?” I muttered, and he looked at me angrily.
“No, Fat Futty! I’m not a fatty!”
“But you just called yourself a fatty within your own name…”
“No, I called myself fat, not a fatty. You see, there’s a difference.”
“Do tell.”
“Well, besides the extra money I would have to invest on personalized license plates to fit in an extra ‘ty’, there’s also the issue of being both fat and a fatty.”
“But that only depends on how you pronounce the fat itself.”
“Are you suggesting I call myself Fut Fatty?”
“It could turn things around for you.”
“Very well then!” he grumbled, leaning back, “Fut Fatty it is…”
He raised a clenched fist, “So the offer still stands. Work for me, and be a part of the greatest underground organization known to man…”
“What’s that? My Little Pony Incorporated?”
Fut Fatty cackled wickedly, “No boy, the WWE!”
My face suddenly contorted to a less than enthusiastic look.
“…World…Wide…Evil?”
Fut Fatty waved a ringed hand, and four Pokéballs fell to the floor. “Don’t think that I don’t know who you are, kid!” Fut Fatty said malevolently, “I may not be a part of the inner circle, but I got connections coming out the wazoo! And silencing you…would make me a very rich man…”
“But you are a rich man! I mean, look at you! You’re high in the ranks!”
“I’m afraid not…” Fut Fatty grumbled, “I’m actually one of the janitors around headquarters… But nonetheless! That’ll soon end!!”
I looked at the four Pokémon he had released. It was a crew of… small… wolfy… things.
I grabbed the ‘dex.
Tell me…Tony… it seemed to say almost angrily, Why…are you waking…me up…at this…hour?
“But…but Pokédex!” I whined, “I’m in danger!”
And I’m in bad repair… it retorted, They’re Poochyena, an RS…beast. Figure the rest out…for yourself.
“Brilliant.” I groaned, and sent out all my Pokémon.
“Cubone, Klepto, Mareep! Go!” I roared.
Cubone and Mareep stood at the ready, but Klepto flew directly over to the boxes of supplies.
I groaned as he pulled out a pink ribbon, and dropped it at Mareep’s feet.
“Meep?” she said confused, then smiled.
Klepto began to blush.

“Oh cripes…” I groaned, and then looked ahead at the approaching Poochyena.
“Point is, we’re outnumbered by one… We’re going to need a miracle to survive this…”
Cubone looked at me, then stared ahead, determined.
I was suddenly blinded by a bright light. I looked down. Cubone was… glowing! He turned white, and slowly started to grow.
“Oh stop that!” I snapped, “This is no time to show off!”
At that, the light died down, and Cubone looked at me annoyed.
“Booooooooooone…” he snarled.

“I’m afraid I’m a tad squeamish, Mr. Chambers…” Fut Fatty gargled, and waddled towards the backroom, “And I don’t please in getting blood on my new suit. So I’ll just let my new Pokémon take care of you as they see fit… Good night, Mr. Chambers.”

I stepped back, slowly, as the Poochyena closed in on us.
“This isn’t gonna be good!” I whimpered.
Then, as if on cue, Leaves shot out of the air duct and fell to the floor.
“SAAURBA!” he hacked, coughing out dust.
My eyes widened at this new opportunity.
“Guys, hold ‘em off, I’m going after Fatty!” I commanded, and my crew quickly leapt at the oncomers.

With them occupied, I ran into the room Fut Fatty had just entered.
I looked around, when I was suddenly slammed against the wall.
“You think I can’t fight for myself?” he wailed, “Huh??”
He pinned me against the wall, and I couldn’t break free of his grip.
“Your pathetic Pokémon won’t last long against my rabid wolves…” he cackled, “So I’ll just wait here for them to finish, then they can contend with you while I make my escape!”

Rabid?? I suddenly came upon a realisation. This isn’t good!
“I’ve got it!” I cried, “Gum’s serum! I’ll mellow ‘em out!”
“Good plan.” Fut Fatty muttered, “If you hadn’t just told me.”
“Aww Hölle!” I cried, “That’s not fair! You’re nothing but a big fat cheater!”
He glared at me angrily.
“Excuse me.” I gulped, “A big fut cheater!!”
“And what are you going to do about it?” he sneered.

I pondered for a moment.
“…Be an even futter cheater than you!!”
Immediately, I whacked him in the crotch with my tail, and his grip loosened. I kicked him aside, and he squirmed on the floor.
I dashed back into the other room, where my Pokémon were starting to weaken.

I thought for a brief moment, then poured some serum into the Weedle horn. I put my mouth on the pointy end, and blew upwards, spraying the serum around like a fountain. It entered the Pokémon through their wounds, and the fighting suddenly stopped.
“YES!” I cheered, “I did it!!”
I then noticed that my Pokémon were now dazed as well as the Poochyena.
“I did it… a tad too well…”
I shrugged it off, and returned my Pokémon to their balls.
“Poochyena!” I roared, and the four Pokémon looked at me attentively, “Surround the fat, ugly guy!”
They nodded, and circled around me.

I fell to the floor, and pointed through the doorway at Fut Fatty. “That one!!”
They obediently began circling around Fut Fatty, snarling.
“I’m sure the proper authorities will be thrilled to know about Fatty’s connections with the WWE…” I grinned at Leaves, who looked at me smiling, and stumbled around.
He crashed onto my feet.
“Uh, yeah Leaves…” I frowned, “I love you too.”
********************************
Leaves, James, Chase and I stood a safe distance away from the building in the shadows, where Fut Fatty was being taken away, the Poochyena still standing around him.
I looked over at James and Chase, who weren’t smiling like I was.
“So it all worked out fine.” I sighed happily, “I told the Poochyena to circle Fatty.”
“Uh-huh.” Chase and James replied.
“I made an anonymous call to the police.”
“Uh-huh.”
“And I got out of there, so now it was just a case of them taking him away.”
“Uh-huh.”
“So everything’s okey-dokey.”
“Uh-uh.”
“What?” I grunted, “What’s wrong?”
“You did all that…” Chase said slowly, “AND YOU STILL DIDN’T GET ANY SUPPLIES!”

I stood there silently for a brief moment, after the horrid truth sunk in.
“AWW HöLLE!”
Powarun
28th June 2003, 09:41 PM
Nice chapter, own personal likeness, Cubone told not to elvolve. surprised Leaves didn't steal wallets, yet stole sunglasses, the interent slang gaurd, and Tony forgetting supplies.:Bulb is sore8)
Tony:o That gaurd:rolleyes: and cubone:confused: :no:
How many chapters have you writter??????
Drago
7th July 2003, 08:15 PM
Powarun: Thanks, I tried to vary things around a tad from the norm, it had been a good while since it was a Leaves and Tony escapade...
Funnily enough, the reason that some chapters take longer than others is because I'm writing them all out as I go. That way, I can better adapt to any negative feedback I get for doing something. So right now, I've written 24 chapters... although I'm thinking that if Tony's only got two buckles, we've still got a loooooooong way to go...
Wallets... I completely forgot about the wallets!! Bugger...

I updated (well, I'm about to, give me some time) the character list, although all I did were fix up some grammatical errors. If I missed any, don't hesitate to tell me.
I've decided that what I'll do is update the list every five chapters, so by the end of the next chapter, any new characters will be included, and I'll try to make sure that all bios are up to date (ie, listing more of Mareep's quirks)

And so, we're moving on to Chapter 24, which if I'm not mistaken I'm posting at least a week quicker than usually... Well, perhaps not, but I think it's close enough...

Minty Thrill
Chapter 24
Nitty Gritty, Little Skitty
(…As if that isn’t the cutest chapter title in the world??) ^_^

“So, the judge finally declared it wasn’t James Bond’s baby. After the court case, Bond was talking to his associates, yeah. So, one of ‘em says, ‘tell me, Bond, you weren’t breaking a sweat in there. How did you know it was not your child?’ And Bond says, ‘Simple, my dear friend. …I always wear… A BONDOM!!”
James looked at Chase and I with anticipation. He had just finished telling us what just might’ve been the longest and most overdetailed James Bond joke in existence.
“Tell me, James.” Chase grumbled, “Where did you hear that crappy excuse for a joke from?”
James frowned, “Well, I liked it.” He huffed, and shifted his balance onto one foot, “And I read it off the back of a cereal box.”
“All that?” I gasped, “From one cereal box?”
“…Well…” James said sheepishly, “Sort of. I changed the details slightly.”
Chase looked at James with a frown.
“OK, so all it said was, ‘Which secret agent has a headspin 24/7.’, but I thought it needed a kick! …And a court case. …And a judge called Four-Fingered Flow.”
I raised an eyebrow. “So, which secret agent DOES have a headspin 24/7?”
James looked at me with a wild grin, “James Bong!!” he blurted.

Chase and Leaves groaned at the joke as though it was tasteless. Just can’t please some people, I guess.
“Well, in any event, that first joke was a bit longer than necessary…” I muttered, “I mean, it’s…” I looked up at the sky, and my jaw dropped with disbelief, “Daytime??”
Chase and James looked up, and were also shocked.

“You’re telling me that that joke took nine hours??” Chase bellowed furiously.
“Hm.” James chuckled, “I suppose I shouldn’t have included the meaning of life in it.” He paused for a moment. “Twice.”

The tense moment and inevitable death of James were cut short, when there was a vibration in my pocket. I tried to ignore it, but it just kept going.
Annoyed, I reached into my pocket, and pulled out Cubone’s Pokéball. I threw it to the ground, and Cubone came out in a bright flash, which seemed to disorient him at this early hour. He held his bone low, and rubbed his eye sleepily.
“Cubone,” I scolded, and waved my finger at him, “How many times have I told you not to shake around in my pocket while I’m busy? It’s rude, and impolite, and…”
My pocket vibrated once again.
“Ack!” I exclaimed, “You’re still doing it! That’s an awfully cheeky trick of you to do…”
Confused, I reached back into my pocket, and my hand landed on the mobile phone.
“Whoops.” I muttered, returning the confused Pokémon. “Sorry Cueball.”

I put the phone to my ear.
“Tony Chambers, I don’t do windows but I’ll do lunch anytime.” I muttered in another random phone answering spurt.
“Chambers!” came the angry reply from the other end.
I groaned, and pulled the phone away from my face. It was Mr. Michaels… I hadn’t talked to him for a while. A very happy while.
“Hello Mr. Michaels.” I said drolly, “How’s the wife and kids been?”
“I’m single, you filthy little sweatsock!!” Michaels snarled.
“And you’re going to remain that way if you refer to your most beloved tenant as an article of sports clothing…”
“Favourite tenant?” Michaels hacked. I felt as though I could smell his bad breath through the phone. “I love you like a toe loves a hangnail!!”
I smiled warmly. “Well Mr. Michaels.” I said with a starry-eyed gaze, “Just as long as you’re the toe I choose to cling to, be it as a hangnail or a sweatsock.”
Michaels went silent for a moment. “I hate it when you do that.” He grunted.
“So whatever do you call for?” I muttered, “Bought a new pair of especially large trousers that you couldn’t wait to tell me about?”
“What? Of course not…” he spat.
“Oh dear…” I sighed, disappointed. “…Couldn’t you tell me about the trousers anyway?”
“There are no trousers!” Michaels snapped.
I gasped. “What did you do with them?”
“I NEVER HAD ANY TROUSERS!” Michaels wailed.
“Ack, Mr. Michaels, I really don’t recommend wandering around without any trousers…”
“Just shut up and let me continue!” he said in an oddly whiny voice.
“Alright…” I grumbled, “The trousers will have to wait then…”
“Anyway,” Michaels said in a voice that indicated that he was proud of himself, “I finally got the Pokémon warp thing.”
“Wha?” I gasped, “You don’t mean…”
“Indeed I do!” he cackled, most likely pleased that he had used a word with as many consecutive E’s as ‘indeed’, “So now you can send me the excess Pokémon and I’ll put ‘em in your room, and the money will roll in!”
I breathed a sigh of relief. Seems he had forgotten about-
“And you better hurry up with that wish-granting Pokémon!” he finished, and hung up.
“Damn…” I groaned, “Now what am I gonna do? Michaels wants Pokémon, and I’ve only got four…”

I shook off the severity of the situation, and looked over to Leaves, who was stamping around.
Curiously, I looked over his shoulder. Surely he wasn’t so impatient that he couldn’t wait through a phone call?
I frowned. A few small ants were running back toward their hill, terrified. Leaves stomped around at them, and swept them all away. He cackled as they scattered off in different directions, abandoning their hill. He then began pacing around the tiny anthill triumphantly. Apparently, he had claimed the hill as his own.
“Well Leaves…” I sighed and peered up at Mt. Madran, “I sure hope you’re feeling as confident about the hill ahead of us…”
********************************
Finally, after much inconvenient hassle, we were ready to tackle Mt. Madran. Unfortunately, it seemed going through it was unavoidable, as attempts to walk around through the brush resulted in poison ivy rashes and ambushes from insurance salesman. Additionally, during that course of exploration, Leaves had assaulted a pesky lawyer, so we were now restricted from any further attempts around the mountain, and now whenever a lawyer saw me, they had permission to call me a weenie. It’s tough being Tony sometimes.

“So about how long do you think it’ll take to get through this thing?” Chase asked meekly.
“Well, it’s hard to say…” James grumbled, “I think we have to take that path up to the top, then go inside and get to the bottom from in there.”
“Hang on…” Chase cut in, “Why don’t we just take that spiralling path around to the other side, then climb down?”
“A rocky crag juts out around that side.” James sighed, “It blocks the path in, and it stands between it and the city.”
“Alright!” I shouted, “That’s enough talk! I mean, jeez, at this rate Chase will grow a beard before we get through this thing!”
Chase kicked me in the back, and I fell flat on my face. Leaves was horrified to find that I had landed right on his anthill.

James and Chase groaned, and started walking up the path.
I brushed myself off, and took off after them. I grabbed both their hands, and began to merrily skip.
“We’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of oooooooooooooooooozzzz!!” I cried.
James looked at me strangely. “The wonderful wizard of ooze?”
“No…” I frowned, “I said oz.”
“No you didn’t!” he snapped, “There were too many o’s there!”
“How dare you accuse me of such things!” I cried, “I was prolonging the note!”
“You couldn’t prolong a note if your life depended on it!” James hissed.
I furrowed my brow. “For that, I’m making you Toto.”

Chase groaned loudly, and stomped ahead. I gulped, and looked at James.
“I guess she wanted to be Toto…” he muttered.
I looked down, and realised that James and I were still holding hands. I wretched mine away from his, and looked around frantically.
“Sure hope nobody saw that…” I gulped.
Suddenly, we heard an annoyed cry from in front of us. We ran ahead, to see Chase looking frustrated at a tall lanky fellow.
“So sorry! So very sorry…” he babbled, then looked over at me. He ran over to me, and shoved a Pokéball into my palm.
“Take it! Take it away! Just take it away from meeeee!” he wailed, and jumped off the edge of the mountain.
Leaves and I looked over the edge, and he was slowly getting up.
“Alright…” he said dizzily, “That wasn’t the smartest way to go about it… But still.” He continued running and screaming off into the distance, this time a tad more carefully.

“What was his problem?” James asked curiously.
“Maybe he doesn’t like mountains…” I muttered, then looked back at the Pokéball I now held.
“…Should I open it?” I asked pensively.
“I don’t know…” James muttered.
“I wouldn’t trust a ball from a freak like that…” Chase warned, “Who knows what’s in there? It could be something real bad…”
“Only one way to find out…” I gulped, and the others cringed.
I shrugged, and put it close to my face.
“IS THERE SOMETHING REAL BAD IN THERE??” I screamed at it. “IF THERE’S SOMETHING REAL BAD IN THERE, SAY…” I paused. “Umm, say better beer makes better boogers!”
I waited for a response.

…Nothing.

“All clear.” I said with a smile, when the ball suddenly opened up in a bright flash. I fell backwards, shocked, as the beast took form. It was a… it was a…

*CUT TRANSMISSION*

Hello everyone! My name is George, and I have hair. Many hairs, in fact.
We hope you enjoyed this episode of Minty Thrill. Now, I’m afraid that we’re going to have to cut it short, for favour of something better. Buhuhuhuh.
Yes, Minty Thrill… has been cancelled.

But never fear, we at the Jamantri Co. studios know what you people want more of, so we’re willing to provide!

…See? A squirrel. Everyone likes the squirrel. Everyone loves the squirrel.

Or maybe two squirrels. Now I have to ask myself, would two squirrels really turn things around for me, or would that just make it seem like we’re trying to hard, hm?

I suppose that will have to wait for a while later… Buhuhuh…

Umm…aw, crap on crutches! I can’t think of anything. I suppose we’ll have to return to Minty Thrill, unfortunately. I mean, it’s not the best-written thing in the world. For one, what’s with the dramatics? We know what’s in the Pokéball. It said what in the TITLE, dammitall!

Oh well. Never fear, for I shall be back sometime soon! BUHUHUHUHHHHHHHH!!

*RESUME TRANSMISSION*

It was a… it was a…

It was a bit brighter than I would’ve liked for it to have been.
Nonetheless, I grabbed the Pokédex, and pointed it clumsily at the Pokémon.
…A female…Skitty… it said quickly, It is…another RS… Pokémon. …Now that it is your’s… it would be wisest…to use the serum before…things get…out of hand…

I nodded, and scooped the shocked Skitty up into my arm. I then pulled out the Weedle horn, and poked it in her small belly. She growled angrily at me.
“Uh-oh…” I gulped, “Guess I didn’t use enough…”
I injected more into her. She frowned, then continued growling.
“Gaaaah!” I wailed, and continued poking at it, “This ain’t working!!”
I must’ve looked quite despicable stabbing a tiny little feline with the sharp white implement. I certainly didn’t feel like I was making many fans.

After a while, Skitty twisted and turned, and slapped me in the face with her large tail. She scampered further up the path, and I stumbled around dizzily.
“Why didn’t it work?” I muttered to the Pokédex. There was silence, before it came up with its theory.
There was the presence of…statistic recovery… it said as though it thought it were quite smart, The Skitty was using…Heal Bell before the serum…could sink in. …It would be wise to…immobilize it first…
“Very well then!” I smirked, and looked down at Leaves, “Immobilize it!” I roared.
He looked confused.
“Well, I don’t see you coming up with any better plans…” I snapped at him. He Leered back at me, and I felt a shiver down my spine. “Ch-cheater.”
“Lessee…” James advised, “Well, if it could use Heal Bell to recover its status, paralysing it wouldn’t really help. We need to zonk it out! You got any sleep inducing moves?”
“Indeed I do!” I reached into my pocket, and yanked out a packet of sleeping pills. I held it high, and a shiny background appeared behind me, anime-style.

I looked at the back of the box.
“So all we need to do is make the Skitty take a maximum of two with water every six hours to regulate drowsiness!” I said triumphantly.
Leaves leapt up, and whacked me across the back of my head with the brass knux. A large bump developed.

“Owwwwwwwww…” I whined, “Alright…umm…” I snapped my fingers when an idea hit me. Or maybe that was just aftershock from the brass knux. “Klepto!”

“Don’t worry guys!” I said with a smirk, “This one’s in the bag!” I threw Klepto’s Pokéball up to the sky. It soon landed…and rolled off the edge of the mountain.
I cringed every time it fell another foot down.

Jeez, Klepto has really lousy luck…

After the ball finally cracked open, Klepto flew up, annoyed, and awaited instruction.
“Get that Skitty!” I commanded. Klepto promptly flew up after it. There was a moment of awkward silence as I realised that perhaps actually telling Klepto my goal would’ve been productive.

Soon, he flew back down, the struggling Skitty held tightly in his talons.
“Noooooo…” I groaned, “That’s not right! Put that Skitty back where you got it from!”
Klepto flew back up, and I realised what I had done.

“…Oops.”

I released Mareep, and she joined Leaves and I as we ran up the path to try and catch up with Klepto.
Eventually, I was shocked to see Klepto was sprawled on the ground. There was a big bump on his head, and he laid there, kicking once or twice. Skitty looked down at him, then at us. “Yikes… that thing must be tough…”
I looked down at my Pokémon.

“Alright. Leaves, Mareep, take this thing on together!”
They nodded, and ran forward, bumping into each other clumsily along the way. I groaned, when they finally met the Skitty.
The three Pokémon stood there staring at each other, when all of a sudden Skitty faded from view!
Leaves and Mareep looked around, confused, when she suddenly reappeared, and smacked Leaves in the face.
Faint Attack. The Pokédex assisted.
Leaves backed up slightly, and Skitty set her sights on Mareep. She swayed around, then span, and Mareep backed up. She suddenly looked calm and uncaring.
Attract. The Pokédex buzzed.
“Aww, that’s sweet.” I grinned. “And so completely WRONG!” I smacked Mareep across the back of the head, and she waved her paws around frantically.
“I do not approve of my Pokémon having love interests in each other!!”
On an interesting note… Pokédex continued, That attack…should not have worked. …Perhaps you do not know your Mareep as well…as you had thought…
I crammed the device in my pocket nervously. “That’ll be enough outta you…”

Mareep snarled, before shooting a ray of electricity in Skitty’s direction. Skitty hopped aside, and Mareep took another shot. She continued shooting, and Skitty continued dodging.
“Damn,” I said to nobody, “Can’t get the upper hand…”
“Saur!” Leaves shouted to me.
“Oh yeah!” I grumbled, “I sorta forgot about you… Go get Skitty while she’s occupied!”
Leaves charged towards Skitty…and got a shock from Mareep.
“Sauuuuuuuur!” He snarled angrily over his shoulder, “Bulababa!!”

He looked back in Skitty’s direction, only to be tackled to the ground in a ferocious Double-Edge assault. It was easy to tell it was Double-Edge, really. I mean, all I had to do was think of the Edge part. WWE’s Edge’s finisher is a Spear. Spears hurt when thrown at you. Hurting happens to yourself when you use spear, thus being doubled.
I put a finger on my chin. Perhaps there was a much easier way to remember that…

Leaves and Skitty rolled along the ground, and Leaves was flung further down the path. Skitty looked ready to attack him, when all of a sudden Mareep came from behind and shot a mighty electric bolt at Skitty. The tiny cat stumbled around, dizzily. This was my chance.

“Pokéball! Goooooooo…” I began, then remembered that I already owned Skitty.
Hmm… I wonder what WOULD happen if I threw a Pokéball at a Pokémon I already owned…
I curiously flung the ball at Mareep, who looked at me shocked as she was sucked into it.
“Oopsie.” I gulped, then turned back to the Skitty.
I pulled out the Weedle horn, then leapt at the target for extra effect.
“Time to finish this!!” I roared, and thrust the horn down.

Leaves looked at me wide-eyed. I had… missed. I laid there, the horn dug into the ground next to the quickly recuperating Skitty.
“Well, it’s small and hard to hit…”

Skitty stumbled to her feet, and looked furiously at me. She span around, and slapped me with her tail repeatedly.
“Owwwww!” I moaned, then shot up.
“Two can play at that game!!” I snarled, and lifted up my coat. I span around, and smacked Skitty in the face with my own tail. Paint splattered across the ground, and she rolled backwards, then stopped against the cliff wall, dizzy and disoriented.
I smirked, and wrapped my tail around the horn.
“It’s a tail that just won’t fail!” I grinned, and wagged my tail excitedly. …And in the process stabbed myself in the arm.
“Aww Hölle…” I gulped, “That can’t be good.”
I collapsed to the ground weakly, a goofy grin on my face. Leaves groaned, and injected the serum into Skitty himself.
James and Chase only now walked up the path, and looked at me, annoyed.
“Well…” I babbled, “It’s my Skitty… I shall name her…” I suddenly lost energy. “Agwaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…”

For lack of better things to do, I quickly shook off the effects of the serum, and James helped me up. I returned the Skitty, who was now unfortunately officially named Agwa, to her Pokéball, and hobbled over to Klepto.
“It’s alright my feathered friend, you helped out.” I sighed, “Just too bad she took you out so quick…”
I picked Klepto up, and only then noticed that next to his head was a rather large rock. …The kind that would cause a nasty bump… I looked around, and noticed that there were a lot more of varying sizes lying around.
“Hang on…” I muttered, “So Agwa didn’t knock him out… but these rocks…”

“Look out!!” James suddenly wailed, pointing to the top of the mountain. My eyes widened when I saw the boulder barrage falling towards us, “AVALANCHE!!”

I stared on, horrified, as the boulders tumbled our way…

*END TRANSMISSION*
Mew Trainer Rose
8th July 2003, 07:50 AM
Agwa? eh, he can prertend he meant Agua, teh spanish word for water. tho why he'd want to name a Skitty "water" is beyond me. Then again, i have no idea why Leaves would want to reign over an anthill.

Wish-granting pokemon? just get a pokemon with Wish. it won't grant whats-his-face's wishes, but it'll grant wishes just teh same. :P
Powarun
8th July 2003, 08:16 PM
Good chapter, can't wait until Skitty evolves, it would be cool to have a trainer with a Delcatty. How did you come up with the name Agwa or did you steal that from a PBS show my bro watches.

What are James and Chase's reactions to Tony's tail anyway. And merry christmas, because Klepto can learn wish. Ha ha
Drago
25th July 2003, 09:45 PM
Mew Trainer Rose: lol, never thought of that! And it makes perfect sense that Leaves wants to rule over an anthill. He's territorial, and when I pictured him doing it, it seemed so cute! ...Sorry, couldn't help myself ^^;
Powarun: You know, you're right, James and Chase's reactions to the tail have been quite nonexistent, haven't they? I suppose I'll have to elaborate on that soon... As far as the name goes, I was just trying to think of something that would sound like Tony was going unconscious, and yet sounded sort of catchy anyway. Agwa just hit me that way.

And as far as Wish goes, remember... Tony's not that bright!! :P

Oh yes, you know what a chapter title like 'Determinator' means. It's another bizarre and nonsensical romp through the world of Furudo! And, as promised, I'll also update the character list. But, I can't get to that just now. Hopefully, by tomorrow it should have all the new characters, as well as a better description for Mars and Mercury. Hopefully.

MINTY THRILL
“You can’t stop at just one!”
Chapter 25
Determinator

I bellowed loudly as the boulders rolled quickly towards us.
“I’m doomed!” I screeched, putting aside the fact that perhaps others were as well. I frantically looked over at Leaves.
“Do something!!” I cried.
He paused for a moment. “SAAAAAAAAAAAAAUR!” he wailed.
“Swell.” I snapped. “Just swell.”

Suddenly, though, I heard a… snickering.
I looked in the direction of the sound, and found that it was Chase. She was trying her best to keep her composure as she clutched a Pokéball in her hand.
“You seem to forget that you aren’t the only one with Pokémon…” she said with a smirk, and flicked the ball to the ground.
Ricardo the Golem came bursting out, and he pointed towards the avalanche. He roared as he shot off his hands, and caught two especially large boulders.
Chase stylishly threw more balls down.
She grinned as her other Pokémon raced toward the closest boulders.
Amazingly, Mars and Mercury each held off a boulder, and Troubleclef used some absurd psychic power to suspend another.
“Come on!!” Chase shouted, “The Pokémon Centre’s just a little further!”
James and Leaves followed Chase further up the mountain, but I was frozen with fear.

“So very doomed…” I rambled mindlessly, as Chase’s Pokémon struggled to hold the weight.
“Doom doom doom…” I continued, “Or, if you’re dyslexic, mood mood mood…” Actually, it was pretty entertaining just saying doom. Although after saying it so much, the word sounded quite weird. “Doomity doomity doom doom doomity doomity…”
“PHWAAAAAAAN!” Mars wailed, as a boulder escaped her grasp, and continued to fall down my way.
“AAAAAAG!” I bellowed, and clutched onto the nearby Ricardo for cover.
Ricardo backed up with the strain, and tripped up. He fell backwards, and landed with such force that he managed to break a hole in the path.
I gulped, and without thinking otherwise, took a dive down after him. Mars, Mercury and Troubleclef were quick to follow.

I landed with a thud, and dizzily looked around the chamber we were now in. Only a few streams of light shone through the hole, which a boulder had blocked off. There were stalagmights…stalagfights…stalag… big pointy things sticking out of the ceiling, as well.
I got up nervously, and pondered for a moment.
“The most likely scenario…” I muttered, “Is that we’re trapped within one of Mt. Madran’s most hazardous parts, and we are all quite dead. Dead dead dead. Deadity deadity… oh forget it.”

With little to no thought, I started pounding against the walls, hoping to open up a new hole, or at very least make myself feel better.

Groggily, Chase’s Pokémon began getting up one by one. They hadn’t really the slightest clue what had happened, nor where their trainer was. They nervously looked around at their surroundings.
Troubleclef pensively walked over to me, and tilted her head slightly.
“Cleff…weeeeeeeeeeee!” she wailed.
“Umm… I wholeheartedly agree?” I muttered, trying to calm the pink star thing.
“Cweeeeeeffa!” She continued to cry.
“Hey!” I snarled, “Am not!”
Troubleclef groaned, and buried her face in her hands.

She seems…to have lost…faith. A familiar voice offered. Frantically, I pulled the Pokédex out of my pocket.
“Brilliant!” I bubbled, “You can comprehend the situation!”
To a certain…extent. It replied.
“Alrighty, I don’t know what that means, so…” I placed the Pokédex on a rock, “Get us out of here!” I roared proudly.
There was a moment of silence, before it finally said, …How?
“Damnation…” I snapped, “Well, could you at least tell us where we are?”
You are at…Mt. Madran, between…Kurabusu City and Attiles…City.
“Thank you, Captain Obvious.” I snorted, “Specify, woulja?”
There was another pause.
The inner workings of…Mt. Madran is broken up…into several…chambers. You are in chamber A34… The only…plausible route to the…tourist…path is… through to the…next chamber.
“Mmkay…” I muttered, not really paying attention to any of that besides noticing how strangely the ‘dex said the word ‘chamber’, “So, anything you can tell us about these walls? This area? The inner workings of a rather large rock?
Chambers…A1 through…E86…are rumoured to be cursed… Although… it is also rumoured that…one of said chambers… holds a threshold…of gold…
“G…g…gold?” I wheezed, and started to shiver.
Suddenly, the urges of the Kinnikuman legacy started to course through me. I couldn’t resist… I had to do the Kid Muscle thing… and I HAD TO DO IT NOW!
“GOOOOOOOOLD!” I wailed, and seemed to pull a jackhammer out of nowhere. “Delectable GOLD!”
I began pounding into the ground, as the Pokémon looked at me, confused as all hell.
“Leave me alone.” I sneered, “I watch too much anime.”

There was a jerking before I heard the definite clang of metal. Anxiously, I threw the jackhammer aside (much to Ricardo’s chagrin, as he ended up being the trajectory target), and brushed aside some dirt.
There was something hard…and metallic down there…
I wiped some more dirt away, and saw the shiny gleam of… silver?
Curiously, I leant down, and licked at it. I thought for a moment.
“Nope, that’s steel.” I sighed, “Doesn’t taste silvery enough.”
And silver would…taste like? The Pokédex questioned.
“Silver tastes like silver!” I snapped.
I half-heartedly brushed a little more dirt aside, and found that there was more to this steel than previously assumed.
“Yegods…” I gulped, “This thing looks like a skull…”

I heard a feint whirring, and looked around nervously. I put my ear to the Pokédex. It wasn’t making a sound.
I put my ear to my stomach. It wasn’t making a sound.
I put my ear to my watch. It wasn’t making a sound. …Probably because I don’t have a watch.

Then it hit me. The sound was coming from the ground…
I put my ear against the dirt, and it seemed to be getting louder, as though it were coming closer.

Just then, a metallic hand shot out of the ground, making the hideous sound of robotic joints.
I frowned. “Shh!” I snapped at the hand, “I’m trying to figure out what’s making the noise, so stop making so much noise!”
With about as much thought as a robotic hand could give, the hand grabbed me by the throat, and threw me aside. I landed clumsily as the hand’s owner clawed it’s way out of the ground. Chase’s Pokémon gasped in unison, making a mostly musical sound, really. It was a huge robotic skeleton! …Thing.

Its red eyes had a piercing glare as it peered around, before coming eye-to-eye with me.
I am… de Terminator. It said in a robotic voice with an Austrian accent. I sat back, confused.
“De what?” I muttered.
De Terminator. It repeated.
“De what??” I said again, even more confused.
It pounded its hands against the ground.
De Terminator! De Terminator! It whined.
“Oh.” I gulped, then leapt dramatically to my feet, “It’s… DETERMINATOR!!” I wailed.
Close enough. It sighed.
“Aww Hölle!” I stammered, “So tell me… Mr. Determinator… What is it that you’re here to determine?”
It pointed an expensive finger at me.
You. It said simply.
“Oh I’m very much determined…” I said with a weak laugh, “But honestly… what is it that you wanna do? Play poker? Maybe a little make-belief? I betcha you could pull a pretty mean Steve Austin impersonation.”

You have brought my curse upon yourselves. Determinator replied, looking around at each and every thing in the room (which took five minutes, but we didn’t dare interrupt) So I have no choice but to disengage your lives. Promptly.
“Aww jeez…” I groaned, “I don’t have time for that…”

Nervously, I reached into my pocket, and pulled out a Pokéball.
“This’ll have to do…” I bellowed as I threw the ball at Determinator.
He looked as confused as possible as he got sucked into the ball.
I stood there blankly, not exactly knowing just what had happened, or how it had happened.
After much struggle, Determinator popped out of the ball, and peered at me.
Don’t ever do that again. It grumbled.
“Oh. Sorry.” I said sheepishly.

Determinator tilted his head, then walked towards me, most likely ready to kill me, or something along those lines.
“Ricardo!” I wailed, “Save me!”
Ricardo nodded, and leapt at Determinator. He punched at it a few times, only to be nonchalantly swept aside.
“Alright…” I muttered, “That didn’t work…”
I looked over at Chase’s other Pokémon. “Alrighty then… Mars! Save me!”
Mars started rolling on the spot, something her evolution was more prone to doing, then rolled right towards Determinator! …And right past it. She continued rolling uncontrollably up the wall.
“What lousy aim.” I groaned, and took another look at the remaining forces. They seemed to be getting less and less intimidating by the minute.
“Mercury.” I muttered, knowing all to well how this would end up, “Save me… just try not to get killed…”

Mercury raced towards Determinator, swiping her claws madly, slowing down with each step she took. Determinator gazed down at her, and she let out a squeal.
Frantically, she took a dive behind a rock.

I let out a mushroom cloud, anime-style. Then I looked over to Troubleclef, who was still whining about something or other.
“You wanna try?” I spat, “Anything to prolong the inevitable?”

Dutifully, Troubleclef stood up, and, sniffling, raced towards Determinator. She was cut off abruptly, though, when she damn near got run over by the still-spinning Mars.
“Cllllllleeeeeeefff!” she wailed at the elephant, and angrily chased after it.
“Bloody brilliant.” I groaned, my tone seeming all too reminiscent of Blackadder. With Pokémon like this being my last hope, the prospect of death seemed less and less painful.
I shrugged and, feeling quite suicidal, made a mad dash towards Determinator. I leapt up, and hit it in the face with a spinning back kick. However, the normally powerful move just ended up resulting in a painful landing for me. I scrambled to get away from the oncoming Determinator.
“Please don’t kill me!” I wailed, “You’ll find it’ll leave such a nasty aftertaste in your mouth! And little children won’t like you very much! And you’ll prevent a small boy from ever going to space!!”
Don’t you watch de movies? It growled, annoyed, I can’t be bargained with. I can’t be reasoned with.
I opened my mouth to speak, but, knowing what I was about to say, it cut me off.
And no, I cannot be ‘determined’ with, either.
“Aww Hölle.” I snapped, and cringed as it lifted its fist into the air.

…Unless… It stopped mid-strike, and seemed to have a giddy look on its face, You wouldn’t happen to have any… catfood? Would you?

I frowned.
“Uhh… no…” I muttered, and it’s face returned to the cold uncaring glare of before.
Can’t help you then.

“Good god almighty!” I wailed, “I have no more options!!”
I thrust my hands around frantically, and only then realised that I had Pokémon of my own. I pulled out the four balls.
“Oh yeah… forgot about you guys…”
I dropped them to the ground, and Cubone, Klepto, Mareep and Agwa stood at the ready. Except… they were all still battle-worn. Klepto fell unconscious to the ground, and Mareep struggled to stand. Agwa took one look at the approaching menace, and… fainted.
“Coward.” I snapped, and returned Klepto and Agwa.

Determinator shoved past Cubone and Mareep, lifted it’s fist, and thrust down at top speed!
I closed my eyes, and felt something on my chest. There was a loud clanging sound, and, realising that I was quite alive, I opened my eyes.
Determinator was standing there, his fist planted firmly on Cubone’s helmet. They both stood there, as though frozen in time. Cubone had taken the hit for me.
“Cubone!!” I cried, and Mareep backed up slightly.

…However, Cubone was still moving…
In fact, he seemed to be forcing Determinator back!
What…what is dis?? Determinator roared, and grabbed at Cubone’s claws, as though they were playing a game of mercy.
Mareep saw her chance, and began charging at Determinator’s legs.
Determinator was beginning to lose it’s footing, and started to back away from this double-team effort.
“Yes!” I gasped, “It’s working!!”

I looked around, and was shocked to see… Mars was rolling right towards me!
“What the?” I gasped, as Ricardo got up and scooped me out of the Phanpy’s way. Mars rolled right past, and hit the wall with such effort that she tore right through it! She continued rolling off into the distance, until we were hit by the bright flash of light. Mars had made a tunnel outside, if not inadvertently.
However, this distraction caused Cubone to begin weakening, and Determinator forced him back. Cubone stumbled backwards and, dutifully, Ricardo took his place in the one-on-one standoff. Troubleclef and Mercury followed Mars out the newly made exit, and Cubone and Mareep stood by my side.
“Ricardo, you’ve got to end this now, before this thing can get outside!”
Ricardo nodded, and grinned evilly at Determinator. He then began to… glow?
I pointed the Pokédex at Ricardo for the solution, and the response almost seemed panicked.
…Explosion.

“HOLY HELL!” I wailed, scooped up Cubone and Mareep, and made a mad dash through the tunnel. I leapt onto the soil of Attiles City, and the three of us ducked for cover. …As James, Chase and Leaves walked up.
“Guys?” I muttered, confused, “How did you get through so fast?”
“Through the magic of technology!” James said with a grin, “Apparently, the Pokémon Centre had taken it upon themselves to create a cable car down to Attiles.”
“Oh.” I said with a frown, “That’s dandy.”
Chase looked around for a moment. “…Hang on…” she muttered, “Where’s Ricardo?”

There was a loud explosion from Mt. Madran, and the top blew off like a volcano. Rocks flew everywhere, and Ricardo fell nearby, sizzling.
“Gol.” He wheezed, and blinked twice.

There was a pause from everyone, as the remaining debris hit the ground.
“…Perhaps I should explain this…” I chuckled, then heard a clanging sound. I looked over to the left and there, in the grass, was the head of Determinator. Sparks flew off it, and it jittered insanely.
I dashed up towards it, and it opened it’s mouth to speak. I moved closer so I could understand it’s words.

Terminator…3. Rise of the Machines. In theatres… now.
It stopped moving, and I stood up tall.
I looked over to the others, when I was hit with a sad realisation.
“I’ve… I’ve KILLED ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER!!”

I began to bawl loudly, as the others collapsed to the ground, annoyed as all hell.
Drago
28th July 2003, 12:14 AM
There! Character bios are now up and ready. Once again, I'd appreciate if anyone had any input for the bios, such as mistakes I've made, points I've missed out on, or if they have any complaints that there seem to be forty-odd villains ^^;
Fun fact: The character bios are, in total, 5,600 words long.
I'm so obsessed with the bios today! Bio bio bio...

Oh yeah, just so that I don't forget, Chapter 26: (working title) A Very Stupid Sity, is quite obviously the crew's first escapades in Attiles City. Expect to find out more about newcomers Mareep and Agwa, Leaves decides to spearhead the Bulb-is-sore fashion world, learning a new word in the process, and James gets arrested!
All that, and absolutely nothing else, coming soon. ^_^
Powarun
30th July 2003, 04:14 PM
Okay, a terminator rip off. Dang you, this is probally weirder than my story. Okay, also I forgot who the rolling guy was, until you said it was Phampy. It was a good chaper nonthe less adn I can't wait to see more.
Drago
13th August 2003, 08:19 AM
"Hi little girl! Look what I've got, a shiny red ball... Do you want to trade?"
lol, I love that movie (Jingle All the Way). And, although it has nothing to do with the upcoming chapter, it's still too good to ignore. So there. :P

Powarun: lol, weird is what I was born to do, I suppose. Good to know you're willing to read more chapters because, at this rate, they ain't a-stoppin'!

And so, in what just may be the most heavily modified chapter, due to re-reading my preview after I was half-done, let's see if I can make sense of Tony's newest escapade...
Ooh, and, if I'm not mistaken, by the end of this chapter, Tony will have said “Aww Hölle!” thirty times. Quite magical, really.

MINTY THRILL
“We aim to please!”
Chapter 26
A Very Stupid Sity

I gazed across the serene surroundings of Attiles City. After the foreboding Dezu, and the ragtag Kurabusu, this mostly local area seemed nice. The grass was a healthy green, the houses were colourful while at the same time mute, and all across the town they were doing this new dance called the Charleston.
Yes, it seemed that this town would provide me with a healthy break from the hubbub that came with Pokémon training…

I stopped in my tracks, and the others looked at me, confused. For I had just come to a realisation…
“I haven’t actually trained since Dezu City!” I gasped aloud.
Chase frowned. “Uh, that’s great Chambers, except we were talking about how our Pokémon are starving…”
“That’s of no importance now!” I retorted, “What good will a starved Pokémon do if it isn’t properly trained?!”
James frowned. “I don’t think that made sense…” he muttered.
“You two don’t think at all, do you!” Chase snapped, and started walking ahead, “I’ll just have to imagine a solution myself. …AGAIN!”
“Try to imagine being nice while you’re at it!” I snarled, and almost swallowed my tongue when I realised what I had said.
James backed up slightly, “Watch it Tony…” he gulped, “If it weren’t for her connections we’d have been dead by now.”
“Yeah, but I’m sure I’d have a lot more fun as a dead man!” I muttered, and sat down next to Leaves, “Wouldn’t have to put up with the compulsory voice of reason that every one of these cliché adventures seem to feature…”

My eyes filled with a sparkle of sneakiness, or perhaps there was something in my eye. Your call.
“I can see it now…” I said with a grin, “Leaves, James and Anthony… LJA is for lovely jolly adventures!”
James frowned, “You’ve been thinking that up for a while now?”
I shrugged, “I do it for every single person I meet, hoping they’ll be my friend.”
“So, what did you have when it was just you and Leaves? Something clever for LA?”
I shrugged again, if for no other reason simply because I liked to shrug, “Nothing special.” I said nonchalantly, “Let’s attack.”
“That the sort of thing you did often before you met Chase and I?” James asked curiously.
“Oh yes indeed…” I said, clutching Leaves tightly, and most likely suffocating him slowly, “Back in the day… we used to go on all sorts of nutty adventures… we met all sorts of people… none of these conversations where I was called a bonehead, just making friends with complete strangers…”
“Yeah, we saw how well that did you.” James scoffed, pointing at my tail.
“Hey,” I snapped, “I’d like to see YOU do this!”
I pulled Leaves over, grabbed my tail, and started painting madly with it. By the end, he looked like a very angry clown.
“Green with envy?” I smirked.
“Simply seething with jealousy, Tony.” He sighed, “Anyway, we should probably keep Chase’s advice in mind, and get around to giving the Pogeys some grub.”
“…Pogeys?” I grunted, with a twisted look on my face.
“I dunno…” James said, walking towards the buildings, “I read it off some site called TPM.”
“TPM? What’s a TPM?” I looked down at Leaves, who followed my example, and shrugged. “Total Porcupine Menace? Tango Per Minute? Teletubbies Painfully Murdered?”
Hopefully, it was the latter.

I peered around the area, which was starting to seem a tad too idealistic with each step. Honestly, a wall looked like it was worth more than me.
Nearby, there was a chubby woman with a hose in her hand, merrily humming.
I wandered over, and noticed something bizarre… there wasn’t any water coming out of the hose.
“Hi…” I muttered, “Umm, this is a tad strange but we just came into town and were sort of…”
The woman turned toward me and smiled. “Sorry dear, didn’t hear you there!” she bubbled, “I was just watering the garden.”
“But… there’s no water with which to water…” James grumbled in an unusually delightful little double wording.
The woman looked back at her hose, and burst with laughter. “Oh dear!” she cried, “It appears I’ve forgotten to turn on the tap!! It hadn’t occurred to me…”

James, Leaves and I looked around at each other, each exchanging concerned glances. “Know where we could eat?” I asked quickly.
“Yes.” She nodded, and turned back to the garden, “Yes I do.”
We stood there for a while silently.
“…And perhaps you could tell us where?” I squeaked.
“Oh, I thought I had…” she said with a warm smile, “You can eat… Umm… oh dear! I’ve completely forgotten where you CAN eat!!”
She began chortling again, and, annoyed, we walked away.
“Freak…” I muttered, and let my Pokémon out.
They seemed quite refreshed by these new surroundings, and Cubone didn’t hesitate to put on his headphones.
I leant down, and listened in on the music.

Sunny days, sweepin’ the clouds away!
On my way, to where the air is sweet…
Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?

I smiled lightly, when all of a sudden the music took a turn towards a less friendly tune.

Lying scuz, everyone’s got the buzz.
Looks like my life sentence is going to repeat
Bloody show me the stinkin’ way, to Satan Street!

Shaking my head lightly, I tilted away and looked at the others. Klepto was hopping all around Mareep, chattering away obsessively about something or other, and Agwa was… gone?
“Wha?” I muttered, and looked back. Agwa had stopped and was lying down right in the street.
I wandered towards her.
“Agwa?” I asked worried, “What’s wrong? Aren’t you coming with us?”
“Skitti…” she sighed.
“Well hurry up!” I grumbled, “We’re hungry, and at this rate, starvation seems pretty likely!”
“Tiii…” she said nonchalantly, leaning her head.
“Well what do you want to do?” I snapped.
“Skiiiiiii…” she said with a yawn.

“Well I aim to please!” I grinned, and grabbed James’ bag. I shuffled around inside, and pulled out a set of skis that I had conveniently packed at some point or another.
I dropped them on her, and she kicked her legs around frantically.
“Skiwwyyyyyyyyy!!” she cried, and shot up.
“Changed your mind, huh?” I chuckled, “So you’re coming with us?”
She nodded, annoyed, and stepped ahead. I managed to make about five steps before she dropped down to the asphalt again.
“Aggggg…” I snarled, and hoisted her over my shoulder.

We walked on, and, after much annoyance, and profanities from Cubone’s headphones, we arrived at a building. It had a big sign reading Nine’s Dines, with a picture of a Mine-fails on it.
“We’ll stop in here.” I told everyone, “Because Agwa’s surprisingly heavy.”
Offended, she chomped onto my ear.
“Whaaaaaaa!” I wailed, “Someone shoot it!!”
I dashed about insanely, and crashed through the diner’s doors. Agwa and I looked up, to see a smiling waitress looking right at us.
“Hellooooooo!” she seemed to cheer, “And welcome to Nine’s Dines, home of Rich Uncle Rich and Tentales!”
Agwa and I looked at each other, then at the waitress. I stood up, Agwa still hanging from my ear.
Perhaps it’d be best to respond with similar enthusement. I thought to myself, proud to have used such a word.
I leaned up in her face.
“HELLO!” I roared, “MY NAME IS TONY AND I HAVE COME FOR SOME NUM-NUMS!”
James wandered in, and saw the situation. “Hey!” he smiled, “That looks like fun! I want to join in the yelling game.”
He dashed up next to me. “And I’m RAPPIN’ J!” he cried, and began doing a bizarre rap, “Ooh ehh ooh ehh ah ah,” he rambled, in something that most likely looks very rude in print.
“And this is Leaves.” I lifted Leaves to her face so she could get a good look.
“Saur.” He muttered, in not at all the yelling tone that he should’ve been using.
“And these…” I continued, thrusting my hand towards the remaining crew, “Are some others.”

“Uh…” the waitress droned, frowning, “I’m Katie, and that’s all well and good, but I’m afraid nudists are not allowed here!”
My face contorted, confused. “Nor should they be.”
She cut me off, and pointed at Mareep. “That wool-less Pokémon is not allowed! Put her in her Pokéball, please.”
Klepto suddenly began leaping up and down frantically. “Tuuuuuu!” he shouted, and I shook my head.
“Sorry Mareep…” I sighed, and pointed the ball at her. Right when the beam hit, though, Klepto leapt into the way, returning both Pokémon to the one ball.
My eyes widened. It was a bizarre happening, to say the least.

“So, can we eat?” I asked finally.
“I don’t know, can you?” Katie asked, curious.
I shook my head. “This is getting us nowhere…”
“And nowhere isn’t the best place to be!” Katie said proudly, as if stating a fact.

BLOODY BRILLIANT.

And so, after a conversation in which James and I had to explain every ninth word, we had gotten some food and some information from the eager-to-please Katie.
“So who’s this Tentales?” James asked Katie, while chewing on a club sandwich.
“Tentales is Nine’s Dines’ mascot!” she cried happily, “You see, we found this Pokémon out in the street. It was a Mine-fails.”
I looked over at James with a smile on my face.
“So, we took it in, and dedicated the diner to it.” She continued, “Nine’s Dines. However, in the diner’s third year, I decided to put some ribbons on her tails. After putting nine of them on, I found that there was still a tail left over. After a year of studies by Attiles’ City’s best physicians, they came to the conclusion that she in fact had ten tails. Nowadays, though, we don’t really let many people see her, what with her being so rare and all. So we decided to make a new mascot in Rich Uncle Rich.”
“So where’s Rich Uncle Rich?” I asked curiously, and Katie waved her hand towards a metallic midget monstrosity standing near the door.
I wandered up to it, and it peered at me.
Hello and welcome you to Nine’s Dines. It said in a primitive electronic voice. I leant closer towards it, intrigued. I Rich Uncle Rich, and you someone else. Ha ha ha. Wait for being seated, or eat right here. But don’t eat right here, for it rude. And if you rude, I eat your nose.
It then opened its mouth, baring sharp metallic teeth.
Yum yum! It buzzed, and clamped down onto my nose.
“EEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGG!!” I bellowed, “Get it off! Rich Uncle Rich, STOP BITING ME!”
Leaves and Agwa couldn’t stop laughing, as James and Cubone dashed up.
“BOOOONE!” Cubone wailed, hitting the robot with his bone, to no avail.
“Um, um…” James gulped, “Maybe these buttons will help…”
He pressed one, and an Adrian Legg tune started up from the back of Rich Uncle Rich’s head.
“No…” he gulped, “How bout this one?”
He pressed the next one, and Rich Uncle Rich lifted its hand to its forehead.
Does Rich Uncle Rich see any customer? It asked, and started looking around, hitting me in the face with its elbow.
“Um… this one?” James squeaked, and pressed the next button.
Rich Uncle Rich’s face took on a sinister glare.
Rich Uncle Rich will dance for you! It declared, and began doing the can-can, kicking me in the crotch.
“JEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEESSSSS!!!!!” I cried, in a significantly higher voice than usual.

Now bored of the show, Leaves ambled up, leapt up to Rich Uncle Rich’s head, and smacked it with the brass knux. It stopped dancing and looking, and its eyes took on the dead stare of before.
“Uggghhh…” I groaned, my nose still clamped in the hideous teeth, “Thanks Leaves…”
“Bulbsa.” He muttered, and poked one of the buttons, resulting in one last kick from Rich Uncle Rich.

Katie walked up, as James opened up the mouth of the robot. I fell back, my face throbbing.
“Funny.” Katie grumbled, “Never seen him do that before…”
********************************
I slumped down over the counter, as Katie cleaned some glasses.
“So, how come Tentales isn’t here now?” James asked.
“Well…” she whispered, “There’s been reports that tonight, two burglars had planned on breaking in and taking her away from us. So I kept her at home today.”
“Weren’t the customers disappointed?” James muttered.
“Nah.” Katie grinned, “I just told ‘em she was at my place, they didn’t mind.”
James and I once again peered over at each other.
“Ehh…” James said slowly, “Perhaps you should leave watching Tentales to us… After all, you can always trust Tony and James!”

Suddenly, a big hairy hand clamped down over James’ shoulder, and threw him onto the floor.
“So we’ve finally found you!” the owner, an equally hairy police officer, declared, “Thought you could get away with kidnapping Tentales, huh?”
James rubbed his head, and sat up. “What? What are you on about??”
“We know all about you…” the officer snarled, “You’re James! There was a man from Team Rocket named James, who disappeared years ago…”
“So?” James snapped, getting right in the officer’s face, “All because I’m James doesn’t-”
“A CONFESSION!” the officer roared, and picked James up by the throat, “You admitted yourself that you’re James!! You dirty criminal!”
James croaked something, but it was muffled by the officer’s tight grasp.

He dragged him out, as the rest of us stood there, dumbfounded.
“Well that was interesting.” Katie stuttered.
“And so completely not right!” I growled, and looked down at Leaves, “No worries, though. Leaves is a professional at all sorts of illegal things. No doubt he can bust James out of prison.”
Leaves nodded, and we stepped outside. Ready for action, Leaves slipped on the shades he had stolen from a security guard.
We took no more than a few steps, when a tall fellow shoved past me, and picked Leaves up.
“Oh this is SPLENDID!” he cried, then turned toward me. “Hi. My name is Phil McQuarters, fashion agent extraordinaire. Your Pokémon is simply screaming good taste, so I’m just going to take him. Right now.”
He said it so fast it was all a blur. I sat there, disoriented. “Umm… ok?” I grumbled, and without hesitation, McQuarters dashed off with Leaves in his arms, ready to bring him into the world of fashion.

After several moments’ hesitation, I walked back into the diner.
“Minor setback.” I grumbled, and buried my face in my hands.
********************************
“Simply put, Tony, you’ve got to get me out of here!” James wailed. I was standing in front of his prison cell, which I had decided to visit for some bizarre reason at some random interval, “Basically, we both know that those thieves are going to show up tonight, right? Well, you and Leaves bust ‘em, and clear up my name!”
“OK.” I said with a smile, “So how’s prison?”
“Great fun!” James replied, “Lots of food, constant parties, I’m loving it.”
“Really?” I gasped.
“NO!” he snarled, “It’s cramped, dark, and I’m married to three large men! GET ME OUTTA HEEEEEEEERE!”

I backed away, assuring James that I would do the best I could.
I glimpsed up at a nearby TV hanging from the prison ceiling.

And now, he’s coming to home video! He’s the Bulbasaur with style! His motto is, “If you can’t be good, be good at it!”
So buy Leaves’ Fashion World Videos 1-5 today! Pay with credit card and get a free Leaves plush that squeaks when you squeeze it, and steals wallets when you don’t!
I frowned. In the course of two hours, it seemed Leaves had become the top Bulb-is-sore model. …Which was frankly quite disturbing.

I returned to the diner, and awaited night time. Amazingly, it came right on schedule.
“Alright.” I told Katie, “I’m going to take some of my Pokémon to your house, and we’re going to have a tea party.” I gasped when I realised I had revealed more than I had intended. “That is to say, we’re going to ambush two possibly armed criminals, and take them down using our wits… and perhaps a large net.”
“Sounds good…” Katie nodded, and looked out the window, “But I’d hurry if I were you. It looks like somebody’s already breaking into my house.”
“Aww Hölle!” I bellowed, and tore out into the street, frantically trying to stick a sock onto my head, so that… well, in retrospect, I honestly don’t know why.
Finally, I got the garment on, and, without any way of seeing, barrelled along.
“YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!” I cried, shaking my fist in the hopes of intimidating all who opposed me. …However that came to a dead halt when I crashed into what could be defined as a wall.
I pull the sock up over my forehead, making me look like a Smurf from the hood, or something, and drop two Pokéballs. Cubone and Agwa make the scene, Cubone looking determined, Agwa looking at Cubone looking determined.

We crept in through the open door, and wandered around. Inside was the light of a TV down the end of a hallway. There was a tall person with a gun standing around, looking through various drawers. I flicked on the light, and he whirled around surprised.
“Hmm…” I grumbled, “Perhaps I should’ve thought this through…”
He shot blindly, and hit the wall behind me.
I looked in Cubone and Agwa’s direction. “Methinks he’s one of the thieves.”

He frantically fired another bullet, and I frantically leapt into another room.
I looked at the various bits of lingerie lying around the floor.
“Ooh…” I said with a smile, “Very nice…”
“Joe!” The tall bloke shouted frantically, “You keep lookin’, I’ll get the mook. This is a job for Mangler Mickey!” If nothing else, at least I could now thank him for revealing to me both their names.
“Cubone,” I whispered, “Surprise this bozo with Bonemrang.”
Cubone nodded, and piffed his bone around the corner. There’s a crash and a shout, as the bone whirls back.
“…Think he was surprised?” I snickered, and leapt out to confront this Mickey character. I was shocked to see him pointing the gun at me.
“Perhaps not!” I squealed, and ducked a miserably aimed bullet.
I fell right next to a frantic Cubone.
“You know Cueball…” I felt inclined to say, “I have a very strange life.”

I rolled back into the previous room, and looked around frantically for something to save myself with.
“Cubone!” I wailed, shaking the life out of him, “Do something!”
Cubone clutched his claws, determined, and closed his eyes. He began glowing brightly.
“No no no!” I snapped, “That didn’t work last time, it won’t work now!!”
He dimmed down, and rolled his eyes.
“Boooonecue…” he grumbled.
In the corner, Agwa shivered, terrified, under a collection of items.
“Agwa you coward!” I snapped, and began throwing things out of my way, “Get out of there so that I can hide!”
I stopped when my hand landed upon a certain item… a skateboard. I suddenly thought back to the old days… with my skateboard… the one that I never learned how to ride… the pain… the collisions… the further pain…
I pondered to myself. What would hurt more, a bullet to the head, or stacking a skateboard? I already knew how one of them felt, I didn’t revel in the possibility of discovering the wonders of the other.
I grabbed the skateboard, and looked at Cubone and Agwa.
“This is it guys… the moment of truth…” I took a deep breath. “It’s time to conquer my fear of crashing.”

I threw the board around the corner, and leapt onto it, crying a battle cry that sounded more like I was licking a running beater.
…However, apparently skateboards don’t glide gracefully on carpeted floors. I stood in front of the gunman, eyes widened.
“Umm…” I gulped, “Plan B.”
I picked up the skateboard, and smacked him across the face with it. He fell to the floor, and I stomped over him triumphantly.
“Alright, that’s Mickey down…” I whispered to myself, “Now it’s time for Joe…”
I walked into the next room, and peered around the corner. There was a gun on the floor… and a big brown sack.
Curiously, I looked further, and sitting in the hall was a teddy bear wearing a mask. On his striped shirt was written, ‘Joe’.

“Umm…” I grumbled, and kicked the bear over. I walked back to Cubone and Agwa.
“I’ve subdued Joe.” I said with a weak smile, “My might is simply… unbearable!!”
**************************** (That’s three of these in one chapter! Oooh…)
James and I sat at the diner. He was finally free, and Mickey and Joe were behind bars. We looked surprised at the doors, when Chase walked in.
“Well Chambers…” she muttered, “I’ve been looking for you all night! I just bought Leaves back for you…”
At her side was Leaves, who looked more expensive than he had previously.
“Leaves, I can’t believe you!” I cried, “You abandon me right when I need you most, I don’t know how they’re treating you, where you are, in fact, I don’t even know who you’re with! Then you come back, when everything’s over and done with!”
“Oh, and apparently…” Chase muttered, “He learned a new word as a model.”
“Leaves, I was very worried about you!” I groaned. Leaves looked up at me, dropped his shades slightly, and walked around. He opened his mouth, and croaked at me,
“Blah blah blah…”
Powarun
13th August 2003, 02:03 PM
Okay. sometimes I wonder how Tony is still alive. Dodging bullets, trying to use a skateboard on carpet, he is just lucky.

Is leaves famous or is he just a one day model? ANd I loved the TPM spin offs especailly abou tthe teletubbies, and it sorta scaredme when I saw your sig.

To bad Mine tails wasn't seen.
burakkichu
15th August 2003, 01:45 PM
ok so it's been a while since i last replied, hehe. yay! Tony has a skitty now! a scaredy skitty, though. ^^ and at first i thought Joe was a teddiursa. ^^;;;;;
E_Eevee
18th August 2003, 07:40 PM
okay, I've definately got my dose of silly for the day :D LOL, forgot about the tail. And a skitty...with the name Agwa O.o Poor cubone.
Drago
30th August 2003, 09:44 PM
Powarun: lol, Tony's just very lucky, I suppose. And I forgot to include Mine-fails. Just simple as that. ~_~
burakkichu: Huzzah! Always good to see one of the earliest readers back. ^_^ And thus far, it seems everyone loves Skitty. Eeeeeeveryooooooone...
E_Eevee: Whee! More returnedness! ...And I tend to forget Tony has a tail too. Which sucks, since it could've been quite good in certain scenes.

Now then, let me get to the point of today's interlude...
As you might've noticed, I've slowed to a near halt in chapter updates. Does this mean I'm quitting? No, not especially.
However, I've come to the conclusion that this slowing down is due to one thing... James and Chase. Alright, that's two things. So sue me.
Now, I'm not really sure what the best course of action would be, but I'd like to know everyone's opinion... Would you at all mind if I killed off James and Chase?

I may or may not take such a drastic course of action, but I think it'd be best to know what y'all would prefer before making any rash decisions. Overall, I just felt the quality was better back when it was a Tony/Leaves gig.

Thanks in advance. ^_^
E_Eevee
31st August 2003, 12:38 AM
Mwahaha, please do ^^;;; (preferrably Chase).
Powarun
31st August 2003, 01:34 AM
Must kill them, by a freak accident though, like they went in a bar and a pool ball hit them in the head. You know something that you would htink of... really my mind has enough ideas to kill them off, but yours is different and that is why I read this.

So school is your devil
Drago
1st September 2003, 03:04 AM
Hmm... interesting.
Yeah, I know, it's a bit quick after asking, but I'll still listen to people's opinions. For those of you who want to see them gone, it won't be any time soon. Sort of soon, but not promptly. Also, I never thought of just getting rid of Chase. Nonetheless, the mind stirs, and it's stirring up some things that are most amusing... Hehehe.

Anyway, straight off making that last post, I felt the sudden urge to make a new chapter.

MINTY THRILL
“Approved by nine out of ten dieticians!”
Chapter 27
Frantic Antics in Attiles’ Gym

The fleeting sun began to disappear behind the murky wall of clouds, just peeking over the horizon. Seemed dusk was approaching, and I still hadn’t gotten my gym battle. To the best of my knowledge, it would be best to take care of it now, rather than hang around the city for longer than I needed to. After all, we didn’t need the effects of Attiles City starting to get to me. I was too smart for that, surely.

“So tell me lads…” I said in a strange tone, clutching the struggling Leaves tightly, “Where is this…gym everybody’s talking about?”

Chase raised an eyebrow (she was quite good at doing that), and nonchalantly waved her hand towards a tall, brick building that appeared to have many floors. In fact, it was almost like a residential skyscraper.
I began to briskly jog towards the destination. Leaves puffed alongside me, and we were making good distance.
Suddenly, I felt a jiggle within my coat. There was a bright flash, and Agwa shot out, and started to run with us.
“Well!” I grinned, “This is a pleasant surprise. Shouldn’t be longer than-”

There was a feint thud, as Agwa fell to the ground, exhausted.
“I really wish you wouldn’t do that…” I sighed, and scooped her up under my arm.
********************************
“Sure is big…” I gulped, now standing in front of the gym.
“Yeah, but so was the wart I had removed.” James said, resulting in many a disgusted glance.
“Doubtless we’ll be lucky if the gym’s open…” Chase said, glancing at her watch.
“Open to criticism, anyway.” I snapped, “Who honestly bothers making this many floors for a single gym anyway?”
“Someone with a lot of time, effort, and bricks, I suppose…” James said with a shrug, as we stepped through the doors.

I took one step forward and gasped.
“The… floors… are…
BOUNCY!!!!”

I leapt forward, and began springing off the walls, the halls, and the stalls, should they be available. It seemed that the room was built entirely like a bounce house of some description.
Leaves couldn’t resist, and started bounding around as well. James peered over at Chase, before putting on a big, goofy grin. He followed suit, and joined Leaves and I in the insane bouncing.
“Come on, Chase!” I called, my thoughts swimming with a sense of nostalgia.
“Yeah, you could do this!” James offered, and flipped around, before pouncing off the wall like a torpedo. I pounced up toward the ceiling, and unfortunately met James mid-flight. We crashed to the floor, and bounced weakly to a halt, Leaves cackling all the while.
“I think I’ll pass, thanks.” She muttered, walking carefully up the stairs. James gathered himself, and ran up after her.
Leaves and I just sat there, disappointed.
“Hmph!” I snapped, and punched at the floor.
There was a pause, then a light hissing sound. Curiously, I looked down, and found that I had opened a hole in the floor, as the entire room started to deflate.
“Uh-oh…” I glanced over at Leaves, who had a panicked look on his face.
Without hesitation, we got up and barrelled up the stairs.

As soon as we reached the next floor, I leapt gracefully forward… and landed with a thud.
“Hey!” I whined, rubbing my nose, “No bounce…”
“Yeah kid, carpets don’t cater well to that.” Chase said with a frown, as I began to look around.
“Jeez, this is a change of pace…” I said with awe.

There were no bouncing walls, or brightly coloured ceilings. Now, we were standing in a large, grand room, that made me think of elephants. Perhaps because this was the sort of room elephants would enjoy, but that’s arguable.
The doorway to the next flight of stairs sat straight in front of us.

“Well, no point in waiting around…” I said confidently, and walked forward. …Before I stopped with a crash.
I looked forward, confused, as James walked up. He knocked on whatever it was I had walked into.
“Glass walls, I guess?” he said, “Hard to see though, they’re damn-near invisible…”
I gasped loudly.
My worst enemy… is now… INVISIBLE??

I looked down at Leaves, who had an unusually sympathetic gaze. He knew how much I hated walls. And now, we were faced with invisible ones? This wasn’t going to be fun…

James and Chase started feeling around the wall, slowly walking around and progressing forward. Agwa, who I had only just remembered being there, looked curiously at me through her squinty eyes.
“This ain’t good, my little puddy pal…” I gulped, “Seems I’ll have to confront my worst fear. …How do you think I could do it?”
With feigned interest, Agwa wandered forward with her head lowered, and bumped into the wall.
“You… you think I should do it head-on?” I said with a new sense of inspiration. I looked over at Leaves, who grew more worried as more gears turned in my head.
“I’ll do it!” I roared, and kicked up, which was quite the difficult feat really. I looked over at Leaves for his approval at my most splendid stunt, and he merely rolled his eyes.
I sighed, and charged forward.
“In the words of Super Mario…” I cried, “LET’S-A GO!!”

I crashed right through the first wall, and hit the floor. James and Chase, who were quite far ahead by now, looked back at me, shocked.
“Ow.” I whimpered, and got back up. I proceeded to charge through the second wall, and fell to the floor in a similar way.
“Ow.” I repeated. “I’ll be feeling this tomorrow!”

After much smashing, crashing, and spurts of amnesia, I had reached the other side of the room.
James and Chase casually strolled up towards me.
“How you doin, Tony?” James said nervously.
I grinned widely, several shards of glass pouring out of my mouth. “Feelin’ fine.” I said weakly, and began crawling up the next flight of stairs.

I brushed some debris out of my hair, which included three rats and a midget, and looked straight ahead at the tasks this next floor presented.
And I stepped back. For, right in front of me was many more ME’S!
I raced towards the me’s, and they did the same and ran in my direction.
I fell forward, and hugged the nearest me affectionately.

James and Chase, more than willing to burst my bubble, walked up toward the party of me, and chuckled.
“Mirrors.” Chase said, “This gym sure is something.”
James, however, was already preoccupied with his beloved reflection. Bizarrely, he was already practicing his newest pickup lines.
“Hey there, haven’t seen you around these parts…” he pointed down towards his pants, “So how would you like to get better acquainted with THESE parts?”

He looked over for my approval, and I weakly grinned. From ahead, I could hear Chase groan, annoyed.
“So, anyone got any plans for navigating this hall of mirrors?” she said, “Looks like there’s a lot of forks.”
I scrambled towards her with anticipation.
“Forks??” I bubbled, “Collectible forks, perhaps?”
She rolled her eyes, convinced it was a joke (and I didn’t do more to lead her to believe otherwise), and looked at me for my plan.
“Well, no better cure than releasing the beasts that lurk in my pants…” I shrugged, and dropped my Pokéballs to the floor. (Oh behave)

They each arrived with a cry for appearance, then, after standing around for a while, began socialising.
“Guys, we need these mirrors out of the way.” I commanded, and it was of course Cubone who eagerly stepped forward, and raised his bone at his reflection.
“Bubububooooooone!” he roared, and swept at the mirror at full speed. But it was to no avail, and he bounced back, shocked at the mirror’s strength.
Klepto hopped over to him, looking ready to help. …And promptly stole Cubone’s bone. He took flight, Cubone frantically chasing him.
Klepto dropped the bone, and it landed on Leaves’ head. Shocked, he crashed forward, falling on Agwa’s tail. The cowardly Skitty started darting around in circles, causing a light breeze. Instantly, the wool-less Mareep began to shiver. Evidently, she didn’t like being cold. Sparks began flying from the tuft on her head, and she growled lightly.
“Uh-oh…” I gulped, as more and more static built up.
I ducked down to the floor. For once, I wasn’t going to take the fall…

Shrieking furiously, Mareep released the electricity, shocking everyone in the vicinity, bar me.
After the thunderous roar died down, I got up. The unaffected Cubone looked around, confused, as Mareep panted heavily, her tuft of wool standing straight on end.
“…Methinks we should split up.” I said helpfully, as Chase glared at me furiously.

Before anything drastic happened, I chose a path and began running.
I glanced around nervously, and my reflection glanced back.
“What are you looking at?” we snarled at each other.
“Your ugly face, you freak of nature!” we both shot back.
“You want a piece of this?” we roared, but I was cut off as I crashed directly into yet another reflection.
“Watch where you’re going!” we moaned at each other, and stood up.
“That’s it…” we said angrily, “You’re going down!!”
We leapt at each other, and the mirror fell to the floor. James, who happened to be on the other side of the mirror, watched on confused as I fought my reflection.
“James!” I said quickly, “Help me take this guy out!”
“Alrighty…” he gulped, and raised his fist. He looked around frantically. “But… which one?”
“Hit Anthony, James!” I cried loudly, “HIT ANTHONY!”
“Sure thing…” he shrugged, and popped me one right in the nose.
I fell to the floor but, miraculously, the reflections were also downed.
“Good thinking James.” I nodded, “Now let’s beat feet before they get back up!”
We dashed ahead, and arrived at the base of the stairs.
“Great…” I panted, and then gasped when I noticed something. …There were mirrors lining the stairs!
“Which way do we go?” I gasped, grabbing James by the shirt.
He pondered for the moment, and the tune of Jeopardy ran through my head.

“This way!” he roared, pointing in the opposite direction of the stairs, “We’ll confuse them this way!”
“Brilliant idea!” I said, and ran away from the stairs. We crashed right into one of the mirrors, and sat down, tired and beaten.
“This isn’t going to work…” James whimpered, “We need to get someone here… now!”
“We need to give someone a real reason to get here…” I said, pressing my finger against my chin. I felt around my pocket, and found Cubone’s walkman.
“Brilliant!” I said, “Cueball will stop at nothing to get to this!”
I turned it on, and cranked up the volume. The eerie sound of music rebounded off the mirrored walls.
“Booone!” Cubone cried in the distance. There were a couple of thuds. He was obviously trying his damndest to get to the walkman.
“B…b…BOOONE!” he wailed, and off the mirrors flashed an impossibly bright light.
“Oh great, Cubone’s showing off to nobody again…” I sighed, when all of a sudden, there was a shattering sound.
“What the?” I grumbled, when all of a sudden, Cubone burst through the mirrors towards us.
“Cubone!” I cheered.
He grinned widely at me, and then defensively snatched back his walkman.
“You did well Cueball.” I said with a smile, and grabbed his Pokéball, “Take a break for a while.”

After Cubone had returned to his ball, and the others had slowly but surely made their way through the shattered path of mirrors, we ambled clumsily up the next set of steps.
I peered around, as I seemed to have done overly often today, and was more or less disoriented by the appearance of this fourth floor. There was no floor ahead of us! Just a dark, gaping hole.
Chase leant over the side. “Now how the hell does that work? Shouldn’t this just lead to the third floor?”
“Dunno.” I said with a shrug, “Let’s find out.”
Instinctively, I shoved James down.
“You baaaaaaaastaaaaaaa…” his voice faded as he fell further into the scientifically unsound darkness.
Finally, there was a thud.
“…Any other bright ideas?” James shouted from down below.

“Well…” Chase said with a shrug, “Obviously we can’t jump to the other side…”
I shot a strange look at her.
“How do WE know that?” I said in a dangerous voice. The kind that sounded more like a bad Don Adams impersonation.
With a flourish, I ran furiously, and made a mighty leap!
…And fell significantly short.

However, rather than plummeting down, I found myself landing on an awful lot of nothing.
I shook it off, and sat up.
“Invisible floor!” I chuckled, and shot a fist to the air.
Chase slowly found the path, and walked up towards me, Leaves faithfully following. Most likely because he was hungry.
“So?” she snapped, “Does it keep going?”
I felt around forward, and found nothing.
“Nope.” I sighed, “It turns.”
“Brilliant…” Chase groaned, “How are we supposed to navigate our way around an invisible path?”

Then, there was a cheeky cackling.
I nonchalantly looked over at Leaves. Seemed he had a plan.
“I know I’m going to regret this…” I said slowly, “But what should we do Leaves?”

With a wide smile on his face, Leaves bit my tail.
I howled with pain, as gooey Smeargle paint splattered across the room.

“Great!” Chase said perkily, walking forward, “I can see the path now.”
I stroked my tail affectionately. “Yeah…” I snapped, “Great.”
Leaves smirked at me and, while nobody was looking, I gave him a swift kick, nearly knocking him off the path.
We shot each other evil glares, as we crossed the path to the stairway.
I poked my head down, remembering James’ current position of down-ness.
“You right down there?” I called, my voice echoing back to ask me the same question.
“Yeah, you go ahead.” He replied, “I’ll be fine.”
“What’s it like down there?” I said curiously.
“It’s dark, barren and lonely.” He said quietly.
I chuckled lightly. James had just described an X-Box game.

Making our way up the stairs, we were hit with a bright light.
Klepto fell back, stunned, as Leaves slipped on his shades.

“Welcome…” a goofy voice roared, “To the main event!”
I adjusted to the brightness, and took in the surroundings. …The room was just like an oversized circus tent, complete with striped walls, and the necessary fat man standing in the middle, yelling at us.
“I’m your respected gym leader, Frown the Clown!” the fat one called.
I looked curiously at this Frown fellow. He was bald and fat, and he had a permanently worried look locked into his expression. He was a bit like Andre Agassi crossed with Homer Simpson.
Just like my dream… My mind ran through, only he’s not driving a Volkswagen.
“And I take it you’ll be my lovely competitor?” he said, licking his lips.
“Why yes I will be,” I replied, a tad worried, “Although I believe lovely is an understatement.”
“You?” Frown snapped, living up to his name, “I meant the girl!”
I glanced down at the Pokémon standing at my side.
Agwa and Mareep? …This guy ain’t right…
“The HUMAN girl.” He snarled, and I only just remembered Chase being there.
“Oh, her?” I scoffed, “Nah, she’s not that lovely once you get to know her.”
For that Chase gave me three punches to the gut, followed by an axe kick that straightened my stance, and most likely shattered the cartilage in my nose.
“So, what’s the deal?” I whimpered, ignoring the pain.
“It’s a one-on-one battle, kiddo.” Frown snarled, waddling over toward the wall. His hand landed on a bright red switch. He yanked it down, and several flames shot down to the arena floor, “With these flamethrowers activating every couple minutes!” he roared, and a drastic panic music seemed to blare.

“…A bit over-elaborate, I think.” I muttered, and walked down toward the arena floor.
“I’ll pick first.” Frown said gleefully, several gooey strings of saliva hitting the floor as he spoke.
He threw a Pokéball down with all his might, and it hit the floor. …And sat there.

“Stupid malfunctioning ball!” Frown snarled, and began kicking at the ball before it finally broke open.
A huge, flopping, manta thingy hit the floor, and it immediately made me think back to my schooling.
“Good god almighty!” I gasped, “It’s a Canteen!!”
“That’s Mantine, Chambers.” Chase spat from the sidelines, “Moron.”
Leaves looked up at me, ready for action.

“Sorry Leaves me boy…” I said worriedly, “But I’m not sending you in there with those overactive pyros going off.” I flicked Cubone’s Pokéball into my hand, “I’d prefer to focus on tactics…”
Leaves groaned, as though my tactics were foolish.
“Hey, they’ve worked in the past!” I snapped, “Like when Cubone fought the Hitmonlee! I might’ve lost, but I lost pretty damn bad!”
He looked at me, and I realised that perhaps that wasn’t the best example.
“Whatever.” I scoffed, dramatically raising the Pokéball, “Go Cubone!”

Cubone shot out with a bright flash, ready for action.
“My god, Chambers!” Chase gasped, “When did that happen??”
“What?” I snapped, “When did what happen?”
Cubone looked over his shoulder, and leant on his bone. He grinned slightly, as he opened his mouth to speak.
“Marowak.”
Mew Trainer Rose
1st September 2003, 10:21 AM
“Oh great, Cubone’s showing off to nobody again…”


Tony wasn't there to press B on the Gameboy this time. :P Which is like what he was doing, keeping Cubone from evolving.

i had an idea for why Cubone might know all those crazy attacks. He was originally a Smeargle who Sketched a bunch of moves, then one time used Metronome and Transformed into a Cubone. Then for some reason he was unable to change back, maybe someone used Disable or something. Then, he stayed a Cubone, but kept all teh carzy attacks, and after being a Cubone for a while, he eventually got a Cubone's stats instead of a Smeargle's. It's complicated and crazy, but that's what this fic is about, right? :D

Hey, i wanna play in the bouncy room! *runs into it and jumps, only to fall painfully flat on her face* Ow!...Oh yeah, the whole thing deflated. :(
E_Eevee
3rd September 2003, 12:41 AM
The canteens are coming, run away or they'll slosh on you *LMAO* What a freaky gym. The mirror part was funny. Tony doesn't even realize he's attacking glass
Drago
7th October 2003, 03:02 AM
Mew Trainer Rose: O.O Good god, that's brilliant! I never thought of any real reason Cubone, erhem, Marowak, has all these moves, other than he likes to dance. Nonetheless, I think you should copyright that. That's a damn good reason, there.
E_Eevee: lol, those wicked canteens. And I don't think its too hard for Tony to be confused by mirrors. After all, he often forgets what a wall is...

And so anyway, I return for more Mintyness! It was quite a frantic time, since from September 21st to October 1st, I was on a cruise. During that time, I stripped Minty Thrill down to the bone, and came to the conclusion that the title really doesn't have any relevance to anything. ^^;
However, I got up to many fic things. For one, I've started up preliminary writing for a new Pokemon POV fic, which is as of yet untitled, and not to mention, I felt like a mook leaving without a chapter, so I took it upon myself to make a day-by-day journal from Leaves' POV. Yup, it's a new chapter, but it has nothing at all to do with the plotline. It's sort of a spinoff, or a subchapter, or something.
Before you get reading, though, just assume that for this cruise, Leaves can talk. Otherwise the restraints on conversations would be limitless... And the writing isn't great, due to being written on the spot oftentimes, with an unhealthy amount of plentiful star pauses. So just a brief warning. Oh, and it's quite long too (obviously), sorry that I couldn't think of a good way to break it...

DISCLAIMER: The following is from a strictly characteristic point of view. I should not be held accountable for any offense taken through statements made, and/or occurances in places. Those who are offended by gratuitous mentioning of genitalia should not read on, unless it is from a surveyer's eye. If anybody has a querie/complaint, feel free to PM me, and I'll see what I can do. Enjoy.

MINTY THRILL
“Fun while it lasts!”
Chapter ??
Leavesboat

DAY 1: September 21st, 2003
( >'-')>

A light breeze sighs across the sunswept deck of this great ship, mighty as she is seaworthy. All’s calm, and as I start to get my sea legs, I feel compelled to observe the area around me.
Off in the distance, a large, quivering mass of blubber lumbers towards his table. In his hands, he merrily carries an oversized plate of chips. He is the epitome of the fat white man.
He yanks the chair behind his massive derriere with little to no thought. Then, like a pale, hairy tiger, he parks his wide load in the chair. …And into the small puddle the earlier rain had left.
Welcome to MY cruise.

Yes indeed, as if I don’t go on enough adventures as it is, today I got aboard the Pacifier’s Eye, well prepared for O&P’s fine island tours. …All right, so we don’t actually get to an island for three days, but at least the thought was there.
So what’s happened so far?
Not too much. It’s been five hours, and we still haven’t left Furudo’s coast. Maybe the captain fears he’ll miss it when we go. Anyway, I promptly treated myself to a short tour. Short because I got tired, lost, and hungry. And murderous, but that’s nothing new. So, with a hankering for chips, I set right at ‘em. Now, I must tell you, I like my chips so ketchup-drenched it looks like Drambui with a couple of straws poking out. And obviously, I’m eating them when one plots against me, and makes a kamikaze dive to the table. It lies in a pool of its own ketchup, a morbid image of a French fry skydiving escapade gone so terribly wrong.
Well, as I mourn the loss, it tilts over, and before I can shout, ‘Don’t do it, man!’ that sucker is down on my lap, making a red stain that looks quite wrong. Bollocks.
********************************
The lifejacket sits on my shoulders. I breathe heavily, as I frantically try to remember the directions. Panic sets in. Is the ship going down? No! It’s a drill, or it should be. Typically, I’ve lost my way, so now I wander through the abandoned aisles, the lifejacket making me look like a desperate trendsetter, or one of G.I. Joe’s less respected troops.
Will I find my way? Well, yes. Apparently, I just arrived at my destination. And now I listen enthusiastically. The enthusiasm mostly due to the fact that I can’t hear a damn thing that’s being said. The shrill demonstration alarm is right across from the room, resulting in fumbled keys and cursed words.
Nonetheless, I’m here now. Although I can’t see either, what with three huge butts in the way. Incidentally, I think they all belong to the same person.
********************************
3:54 PM, Eastern Standard Time. …At least, I think we work on EST. If not, then we should.
Anyway, we’re sitting outside, and I don’t care how geeky I seem to passers-by. Point is, the ship’s soon to head off, and I’m determined to put the experience on paper. Right now, I’m gleefully listening to the tunes of Inner Circle, courtesy of a bald guy and his less bald crony.
Yeah, they’re good, but I still want to spit on ‘em.

AAAGH! A streamer! We’re under attack!!
Oh wait, we’re moving. …Leave me alone; I’m new to this.
********************************
Ahh, out at sea. As I peer over the side, the cost sloshing by, I can think of but one thing. …I hate heights! So I did the smart thing, and leapt away from the rail. The wall is definitely my friend.
********************************
And, as if you need further evidence of my ability to jump incoherently from time slot to time slot, the sun is already fading, as the clouds in the distance announce dusk. Right now, I think I might have discovered my favourite part of this cruise; sitting in a room at the front of the ship, a pianist in the background, and Lady Godiva between my fingers. …That Lady being a drink, of course. For shame, all those who thought otherwise. Doesn’t really matter, I don’t even have any fingers that I’m aware of.
Although the name rings all too familiar, and I seem to recall clutching at a Lady Godena’s collar, demanding she give me money, but she seemed a lot less yielding than this beverage. At least Lady Godiva isn’t a 250-pound bodybuilder looking to throw me out the window.

…But I digress (heavily), and I suppose it’s because time is running short, and I’ve written very little all day. No fears, though, there’s another nine days yet. And it’s hard to write when you’ve got to entertain yourself! …And don’t be cheeky.
********************************
And so we approach the final jump for the day. Dinner eaten, a chicken course, and I’m surprised how much I enjoyed i funghi. Although, even if I didn’t, it wouldn’t matter. I didn’t pay for it y’know.
Boy howdy, I’ll be surprised if they don’t piff me overboard…

So I believe I should list all the people I met on this first day. First, while lining up to go aboard, there was a Dutch couple. No, I didn’t catch their names. Nor did I understand any of what they said. I think they called me a ‘geinybop’. Those meanies.

Later, while waiting for money (don’t ask), I struck a conversation with Vicki.
I like Vicki. She has a fat wallet and bad vision.
I like Vicki. A LOT.
And finally, at dinner, I came across a very colourful cast.
There was the maitré d, a spitting image of an Italian Brad Garrett, and there was also the waiter, Dino. He was so nice, he introduced himself twice. That means twice as many handshakes for me.

At the seating arrangements, I was introduced to Luke and his mom, Trish. They reminded me of boats, for some reason. *looks at the cabin floor* Oh, that’d be it.
Also, there was the nutty Maury, and Maury’s wife, who probably had a name.

So, quite a long list of people who’ll be victims when I sink this sucker… whoops, I mean, happy lovely jolly friends. Yeeeeesssss…

DAY 1: TODAY LEAVES…
Got on board. Would’ve been a tad tricky to go on a cruise otherwise.
Realised it’s another two days out at sea. Bollocks, says this land-lubber!
Killed a chip.
Learned how to drown.
Found a new reason to hate G.I. Joe.
Set off into the wild blue yonder. Well, actually, it was more greenish than blue, but you know what I’m at.
Clutched tightly to the rail for fear of sudden diving urges.
Watched the bow for about two hours. It didn’t do much.
Listened to the pianoing of some dude, who plays a damn fine ‘On My Own’. I love Eponine, don’t you?
Remembered the horrors of women named after mocktails.
Met many a peep.
Remembered Maury’s wife’s name (Lindy).
Fiddled with temperature settings. Broke knob.
Froze through the night.


DAY 2: September 22nd, 2003
( >'-')>

The waves crash against the hull, the hallway sways back and forth, as the boat rocks about again and again. AND IT’S MAKING ME SICK! All this bloody bobbing around… the only place I feel fine and dandy is up on the deck, even with the constant spray and insanely strong winds. Seems that this hassle is the only thing keeping my toast and croissant breakfast down…
Doesn’t make for easy writing, though. And even worse, Tom Clancy’s classic book, Red Storm Rising, is becoming progressively shorter, as each page rips right off, and careens toward the open sea.
********************************
By crikey, I’m a weirdo, huh? Right after writing about how sick I feel, I’ve come back from a big lunch! It involved food, you know.

At the table happened to be an Asian couple. Although, they assured me they were not an Asian couple. Well, what were they then?
An Asian pair?
An Asian magician and his lovely assistant?
America’s favourite cat-and-mouse duo?
I demanded an explanation, confused and angered by their Asian lies.
Their answer was that they were Malaysian. So what, I forgot the Mal. Amazingly, one was from the south, the other from the east, proving it IS worth taking risks. And you can blame Malaysia for this last paragraph.

Afterwards, I slept for several hours, blissfully watching the sights of the sea pass by.
Wave…wave…wave…corpse…wave…wave…hey, there’s a ducky…
********************************
Wearing my sunglasses now. Is it an onslaught of sun? Nope, actually, the lights in the hallway are too damn bright. Although, despite the style, it’s getting me a lot of weird stares. Maybe because they’re too sizes too big, and make me look like a green Elton John.
********************************
Wellity wellity… Here I now sit, attending a cocktail party. Looking across row after row at the sort of people I make jokes about, complete with a stuffy laugh. Honestly, sitting here in a god-forsaken suit for the first time in my life, am I just as pompous as all these rich retirees around me? I hope so. Could score chicks that way.
********************************
Dinner eaten, and just returned from the ship’s musical for the night. Lots of kicking and backflips, a bit like a Jackie Chan flick. Now there’s a novel idea, next time I watch Rush Hour I’ll play some Les Mis. Chris Tucker would make a great Javert! And afterwards, we got some final words from a comedian fellow, who told jokes about old women and eggs. And honestly, isn’t that what we’re all here for?

DAY 2: TODAY LEAVES…
Felt ill.
Sat up on a windy deck.
Mourned the loss of the chapter where the Russians invaded.
Ate lunch, or perhaps ‘brunch’.
Confused the Malaysians.
Watched the water wave (because it couldn’t say hello).
Loathed the hallway lights.
Made out to be a really bad Elton John impersonator, which is disappointing.
Cursed the pompous.
Cursed the mirror.
Cursed by witches.
Wondered if chicks thought I was lovable.
Wondered why.
Listened in on five more Maury jokes, mostly inappropriate.
Watched a show. Wished for Jackie Chan appearance.
NOTE TO SELF: Pitch script idea for Rush Hour 3: Traffic Jam.


DAY 3: September 23rd, 2003
( >'-')>

Egad, gadzooks and zooks-e! Today I’m not sick, but I’ve got a runny nose! Actually, that’s an understatement; I’ve got an Olympic sprinty nose!! Not to mention it’s Tuesday, so I’m missing RAW, and with it, Lance Storm’s first face turn for about a decade…

So, in spite of my surroundings, I’ve locked myself away in the cabin for today, in a testament to that good old pastime of watchin’ the boob tube. …Although, it’s hard to recreate that when the remote’s only got six buttons, and with it, the power of four channels. Unfortunately, CNN doesn’t fill that WWE void. Although curiously, the aerobics channel is currently incorporating a few self-defence bits to keep you fit, so now people outside will hear a lot of ‘hi-ya! Bend the knees…’
Actually, looking at the credits, there seem to be a whole lot of pointless jobs incorporated. I mean, floor manager? Now there’s a job to write home about…
********************************
*sigh* Midday, or thereabouts, and on this third day, the novelty of the cruise is starting to wear thin. Who knows why; too many old people, too many young people, too many old people masquerading as young people, too many young people disguised as old people masquerading as young people…

Of course, tomorrow we hit our first port of call, Nouméa, which means a chance to hang out with all the locals. Hopefully, being back on land for a tad will refresh the purpose of the cruise. The Magic 8-Ball seems sceptical…and shattered on the floor.
********************************
Ahh, the sea be kind to this old salt when you’re out here on deck 8. None too windy, and the waves seem to urge me to continue reading Tom Clancy’s 830-page *glances down* or rather, 212-page classic. However, these confound deck chairs are more trouble than they’re worth!
It’s hard enough for me to lie down as it is, I don’t need to be waging war with crappy seats!

Bah, now that I’ve lobbed the useless thing overboard, it’s time to head back to the cabin (and hide until this thing blows over).
********************************
The plump man takes a deep breath. His fingers twitch nervously, and he seems to be awash by a sense of pensiveness. He dismisses it, however, prepared to make the biggest, and perhaps last, great jump of his life.
He shifts his hat slightly, breathes out, and starts running furiously. His feet fly swiftly and silently against the cobblestone beneath him, and his arms pump mightily. His gratuitous girth belies his speed.
He hops up onto the spring placed precariously close to the edge, and bounds off, using all the leverage he can manage.
He soars through the air confidently, almost casually, before beginning his abrupt descent toward his moving target. All he can do now is hope he tracked its flight pattern perfectly. He nears his destiny, when suddenly, the flying turtle he had aimed for starts climbing higher. It manages to slip past, and the plumber plummets hopelessly down to the fiery depths of hell.

GAME OVER

DAMMITALL!! Why was Miyamoto so deadset obsessed with making Super Mario Bros Deluxe so absolutely hard? Obviously, with my superior skills, I soared through the normal game, and conquered most of the Lost Levels, but World 8-3 is insane. You know, why did Bowser have to play it safe? Why choose to make the empire’s last line of defence show a sense of plumber hatred never seen before? I tell you, no matter how goofy Nintendo make his personality, this dude’s a brilliant tactician. He does amazing things with troops who are downed by a single jump. I mean, in all his army, their most feared weapon is their flipping HAMMERS. And through all of this, he still manages to kidnaps the Princess, overthrow an entire kingdom AND perfect his go-kart skills. It’s obvious that Bowser really does make the Mario world go round.
Honestly, where would we be without Bowser?

Here you’ve got Mario, crippled from a gorilla-related mishap that ended his exciting days as a carpenter forever. His girlfriend/niece/whatever the twisted storylines indicate, Pauline, ditches the poor sod, and no amount of rescue from oversized pinball machines will win her back. With his workers compensation, Mario fires up a last-ditch job as a plumber, which, although a tamer profession, is damned expensive. His last option is to live off his brother Luigi (who, according to the DK cartoon lore, is probably grieving over the awful relationship between him and his estranged daughter). Anyway, they’re given some screwy offer to clear out pipes filled with crabs and flies.
Now, stop right there. Given the curious nature of the situation, and the overwhelming presence of the Shellcreepers, it’s highly likely that these are some of Bowser’s rogue troops. However, for the sake of argument, we’ll assume otherwise. Who knows what really happens down in the sewers of Brooklyn, anyway. If New York’s houses ninja turtles, who’s to say Brooklyn doesn’t have angry icicles.

Anyway, the bros follow the tubes, and end up in the Mushroom Kingdom; a democratic society with a senile Chancellor and an army of mushrooms. In a Communist world, the kingdom should’ve been invaded decades ago. Well, anyway, pipes are two-way things, so the various baddies the bros encounter are wreaking havoc on this world as well as their own. So when the crab-and-fly-overrun Kingdom is suddenly visited by Italian plumbers with overalls and questionable surnames, they’re naturally suspicious of the pair. The innocent and no doubt confused plumbers are taken into custody, and thanks to a bad system and a kangaroo court, Mario and Luigi are accused of sabotage, and sentenced to life in prison.

When all seems bleak, there’s a sudden invasion by the villainous Koopa army. The Kingdom’s troops are easily overpowered, and the few remaining politicians decide blackmail and extortion is the way to go. They convince Bowser to trade the Princess for the lives of the Mario Bros. Bowser weighs the issue, and makes a bold decision. Who wants some nagging member of the royal family, whom he could no doubt easily recapture, when he could have not one but TWO hardworking plumbers who work for peanuts, and can jump really high?
Bowser sees the benefits, and dreams of a future with no more backed-up toilets.

He accepts the offer, but keeps his troops at their posts. And just as well he should, because as soon as Mario and Luigi are released from jail, they go against the government’s decision, and rebel against the Koopa forces. After Bowser is defeated, the government sees only bad things for the Mushroom Kingdom. Should others hear of the cowardly actions of the Kingdom’s parliament, trade offers would drop, and the economy would be in shambles. Desperately, they make a shifty cover-up story involving heroes and warp pipes, resulting in Mario and Luigi regaining their freedom.

HOWEVER, since our situation was a world without Bowser, the invasion never occurs, and the Mario brothers DIE IN PRISON. Does that sound like kind of thing Nintendo could build an empire around?
Hell no! So now, ask yourself, who’s the real hero? Mario or Bowser? …Who did you say?

Well, you’re wrong. The answer was Luigi. Without his financial and commercial support, Mario never would’ve been hired for a job as important as the crab-and-fly dilemma, and Mario would’ve died a sad and unsuccessful man.
…Doncha just love trick questions?
********************************
Wow. After all that writing, I needed to calm my nerves, and where better than my beloved bow room? And even better, today I got the middle seat, meaning I get the best view. Of course, I had to use some sneaky tactics to get it, but it’s a dog-eat-dog world, and to the victor goes the spoils.
********************************
And today’s done. And although earlier I was griping about the cruise wearing thin, I found that today, even though it was more or less spent entirely in the cabin, I redeveloped that cruising hype. And why not? Looking out at the sea, I have a fulfilled sense that I’m out in the middle of nowhere. And, despite nowhere being the simplest of places, it’s also the hardest to find.

Speaking of nowhere, don’t forget that tomorrow I get the opportunity to wreak havoc on the shore of Nouméa, New Caledonia, part of French Polynesia. Best part is, it’s a peninsula! So it’ll be just like ‘Monster Island’! …He said it was just a name! What he meant is that Monster Island is actually a peninsula.
Alright. Simpsons reference necessity. And finally, let me remind you that I’m damned good at creating writing material, even on a day as uneventful as today. I mean, for my 14.6/10.2 (cm) notebook, take out all the Mario crap, and it’s only four pages. But hey, when it’s Mario, you can never get enough!!

DAY 3: TODAY LEAVES…
Made quite the clever runny nose pun.
Cried foul at Darth Vader and his CNN.
Watched RAWrobics. (Eh? Eh?)
Reminded all to watch out for young people disguised as old people masquerading as young people.
Killed an 8-Ball.
Threw a consarn deck chair overboard.
Paid a whopping fine (Bollocks!)
Knew too much about Nintendo’s chubby mascot. Mario’s Picross, anyone?
Rediscovered nowhere.
Undiscovered nowhere.
Made Simpsons reference #1.
Found out how big this notebook is (gasp!)


DAY 4: September 24th, 2003
( >'-')>

Hey, I had the weirdest dream last night, that’d work great in a Tommy Lee Jones movie. Basically, he’s a cop who’s back on the streets, after being wrongly accused of a crime, and put in jail for a couple years. He wants revenge, so he and his (newbie) partner rock up to some dude’s house. Jones needs info, but he’s miffed at this guy, who’s a drug dealer and lawyer who let Jones down in the past. Anyway, they walk up to the area where a huge second-floor window is. The dude casually looks out, spots Jones grinning with a minigun, and packs himself, obviously thinking Jones is here to off him. The dude dives out of the way and, just for fun, Jones unloads a round, shattering the window. They stand there for a minutes, debris still falling from the windowsill. Jones peers over at his partner and remarks, ‘He’s shy.’
Ha! Now, as if you couldn’t see that in Tommy Lee Jones’ next flick! Gold!!

Huh? Oh yeah, I suppose I better head out to Nouméa now, eh?
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Alright, I’m finally off the boat …and sitting on an otherwise empty shuttle bus, listening confusedly to the Frenchman on the radio. Did I mention the first language here is French? If not, then SURPRISE!!
Oh! Oh! He just said ‘2 Fast 2 Furious’. There’s a bit of English for you.

You know, I made a lot of sacrifices to get here. First, I bought an overpriced bottle of water, simply because the cruise newsletter said I should. I don’t wanna go against the powers of that thing. Last time I scoffed at its recommendations, it gave me a papercut. It’s got powers, man.
Then I had to clarify who I was before I got off. Really, am I THAT hard to recognise? I’m a damned superbulbamodel, for crying out loud! Not to mention, this suntan lotion makes me slimier than usual. It’s beyond me how I could get a sunburn anyway, but remember: PAPERCUT.
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Green shopping carts? Oh yeah, this place is French all right. So far, it’s been an interesting visit. For one, it’s the first place since Fiji where I’ve been isolated from the general public. It’s quite disheartening to walk past l’ carnivale and hear the booming voice of a French Randy Savage sounding like he’s about to execute someone. It’s funny, too. These French people really don’t like me.
Security guard spots me, and puts on The French Scowl. Not just a scowl, but The French Scowl. It’s one thing I’ve only just discovered, and you just won’t understand until you get it yourself, like cancer, or cable TV.
And it’s been hellish trying to mutter French apologies, when I’m so used to saying Italian ones. ‘Pardon moi’ is a hassle when compared to ‘scusa’. So oftentimes I end up saying the latter. Well, I’m sure at least one Italian fella turned around and, with a tear in his eye, uttered, ‘grazie’.

Although, I’ve crossed one thing off my ‘to do’ list, I’ve been chased down the street by someone shouting ‘monsieur’, and strangely, I found ‘Coca-Cola light citron’.
Funny, I never saw that anywhere else. These French people are hiding something, I’m sure.
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I’m certain now, though, that I’m not fooling anyone. Every single person knows, just knows, that I’m not French. For one, I’d be the only person who says to a complete stranger, ‘bonjiour, c’est-moi’. I later discovered that meant, ‘hello, it’s me’. Not something you’d usually say to passers-by. They didn’t seem to care it was me.

Worse still, I try my damndest, and manage ‘bonjiour’ (without the ‘c’est-moi’), and I get The French Scowl. Bollocks! Or balles, if you’d like.
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Well, this overly tight hat has done me in, so I’m going back onboard. My Nouméa experience is over, so I say au revior to the islanders, and their hometown hero, Bob Marley. He’s on practically every second radio station, and merchandise of the Wailers vocalist is even more abundant than usual. Makes me wonder if they know he’s dead.
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Agg…
Man, all in all, the hardest part of that trip was getting back on the boat. Metal detectors, bag checks, and a drastically long line. In all this, they make it harder for everyone BUT the stowaways. I know better than anyone else that you don’t use the bally entrance to get on illegally!!

On the plus side, while waiting, I got to hear a bunch of people cheer when they discovered they were riding on the ‘colourful’ bus, to which the large Polynesian driver shouted ‘Happy happy!’
And that’s the kind of New Caledonian memory that stays with you.
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And now, I merely peer out the window, my eyes landing upon the first sign of land I’ve seen for too long. I don’t really think this cruising thing’s for me. I prefer to be on dry land, where I have everything that I need, and can easily buy anything I don’t need.
Oh well. At least it isn’t long until we hit Vanuatu, where I can stock up on some much-coveted supplies.

…So I suppose the question is, what did I think of Nouméa? It’s hard to say, really. The roads and sidewalks were in bad repair, and there were a few too many quaint little shops for my liking, but I found it to be all right. It’s exciting to be somewhere where you can’t understand what people are saying, and it’s rare to see a sign with any English. Maybe it’s just nice to break away from the norm. Of course, in my life, ‘norm’ is hard to define! (Closest I can think of goes back to my days at Cheers…)

So where are we off to tomorrow? I dunno, some beach area, I think. Which sucks since I don’t swim.
Nonetheless, I suppose I can make the most of things, and right now I’m probably thinking too far ahead. After all, the ship hasn’t actually left Nouméa yet. Not for another three hours!
Maybe I just have a tendency to plan too far ahead.
…Just as long as SOMEBODY does. (ahem)
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It’s approaching 1600 hours, and the ship is heading back out to sea. Am I partying out on the deck? No! It’s too hard to steal wallets out there, so I’m in the cabin watching Matrix Reloaded. Neo’s whipped out the pole, and he’s kasmacking the plentiful Smiths.
You know, all those Smiths isn’t hard to believe. You ever looked in a phonebook? You’ve got Smiths coming out the wazoo!
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Well, we’re now back from the country-western show, and guess what? Trish and Lindy were part of the show, contributing in the line and square dancing. Surprisingly, at one point they pulled people up from the audience, and this really hot western chick grabbed my protruding claw, and up I went. I’m no dancer, that’s for sure, but I refuse to say no to such a damn fine lady. Afterwards, I wandered around for a while, and made some new friends. It’s late, so I can only remember that two of them were named Adam. Oh, you’re such a forgetful fellow, Leaves. Damn your feeble brain!!

Well, tomorrow, (or today, rather. It’s 0130…) we hit Mystery Island, but I still ain’t swimmin’!
…Or sinkin’!

DAY 4: TODAY LEAVES…
Dreamed a dream (of days gone by?)
Should’ve called Tommy Lee Jones TJ.
Realised the scene could also be done at a door.
Landed in Nouméa. It’s all in the aim, you see.
Heard the Frenchman say ‘2 Fast 2 Furious’.
Feared the papercut.
Cowered at the concept of green shopping carts.
Mispelt ‘grazie’, probably.
Misspelt ‘misspelt’.
Didn’t look French enough.
Saw Bob Marley. Like a bajillion times.
Payed 100 francs for a can of Coke.
Enjoyed the antics of the large Polynesian man.
Rambled on about something Nouméan, I’m sure.
Used Army terminology, for some reason. Won’t be the last time.
Said something quite bizarre, in ‘You’ve got Smiths coming out the wazoo!’
Watched an anime music video: Needed more Sonic.
Got grabbed by hot western chick (again??)
In case you missed it, made Simpsons reference #2.


DAY 5: September 25th, 2003
( >'-')>

So tell me, does Billy Joel have a thing for the Fonz?
…Alright, I’m pretty sure anyone under 20 doesn’t know the answer to that…

Today, I had breakfast for the first time (ever), and I suppose it’d be wise to take a look around the island of mystery, or Mystery Island, at some point. But, not now. Sleep now. Sleep here. Sleep goooood…
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*yawn* Ahh, well rested. Now it’s time to hit Mystery Island!

…Hang on…

It’s DISAPPEARED!! Suitable mysteriousness, granted, but rely on me to lose a whole bloody island.
Cripes, I guess I overslept…
In such a situation, a Scottish person would say ‘Ach.’
A Canadian person would say ‘Eh?’
An Australian person would say ‘Oi!’
An Irish person would still be sleeping, probably.
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By crikey, today sure is an anti-Bulba day. I was heading to the bow to drown my sorrows in yet another Lady G, but every single window seat is el occupodo! So here I sit, sulking, and waiting for one of these clowns to pry themselves from MY chair…
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To avoid defeat, you gotta retreat! ~Back in the cabin, I’m waiting ‘till 1800 hours to return to the bow. By that time, most of the slobs will be dinnering. Pretty sneaky!
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And the Lord said to his people, BOLLOCKS!
Yes, the day is over. It was a bore, but never fear, we can really look forward to the next few!
Tomorrow, it’s Lamen Bay, where I’m hoping to find some Dewgong (haven’t eaten lately), then on Saturday we hit Port Vila, Vanuatu. And that means none of The French Scowl!

Anyway, tonight we saw a ‘magician’. I don’t use punctuation marks because I pronounce it magic ion (since it sounds so dandy), but in this guy’s show, it wasn’t about grinning a lot, bowing every minute, and having more hair than a Wookie. For this guy, entertainment came first. He was so damned good, it’s surprising he’s not a household name. …So what if I forgot what his name was?
And then of course, the last laughs came from our buddy the comedian, who I later discovered was the cruise director, who I later discovered was named Dan, who I later discovered the pillow. (Get it? Pillow? Cover? …Bah! In Soviet Russia, jokes tell you!!)

So it seems I’m halfway through my cruising adventure. Chances are the last three days (which are at sea) will be, reporting wise, boring, but if you can’t wow ‘em with logic, impress ‘em with bull.

Hmm… bull. Bull sounds like ball. Ball reminds me of Baldrick. Baldrick sounds like bollocks. Bollocks is British for testicle.
‘Great, now my testicle has ants on it.’
HAHA! Simpsons reference strikes once more!!

DAY 5: TODAY LEAVES…
Made Joel/Fonz connection.
Broke my fast.
Missed Mystery.
Made an Irish joke. Or pun, if you will.
Got deprived of watchin’ the sea with Lady G.
Reminded you of The French Scowl (just then).
Said something or other about magic ions and Wookies (as you do).
Turned out to be an awful, awful joke teller.
Called everyone a joke.
Made THE BEST SIMPSONS REFERENCE EVER (#3).
Drago
7th October 2003, 03:06 AM
DAY 6: September 26th, 2003
( >'-')>

‘Wish you were here at the land of the tourist trap’.
Yes, I just returned from a walk around the isle of Lamen Bay, where lazy dogs roam, schoolchildren sing about that ‘joy down een mai art’, and the native language was inspired by talkative crickets.

Well, not much to say, really. I wandered around for a while, and pondered where a dude got his blue heeler from (not enough meat on those things, after all).
Although, hard as I tried, I couldn’t find the damned Dewgong. Though I did hear a satisfying thud on the boat trip back, then strangely, a red trail in the water. Still no Dewgong, though.

Oh, and I bought a stick for $10. But not just any stick. This was a magical stick. This stick helps me walk, you see. Though some wise guy carved a snake head into the top, for some spooky voodoo reason.
It was great! …Until it got taken by quarantine.
I can’t believe the audacity… If I had a girlfriend, she’d kill me!
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I hate stairs! Just trudged up from the theatre which was, of course, located on the bottom floor.
Didn’t think too much of the theatre though; Screen was a tad too small. Great sound though. There I watched Shanghai Knights, which, although no Rush Hour, was alright. Lacked the gunplay of the original, I thought. As always, the best scenes were the fight scenes. After all, Jackie Chan ain’t no kung-fool! (I’m getting worse, I think)
You know, I taught the Chan-man a thing or two back in the day; which really got him going. Before me, he was selling fortune cookies and pitching scripts with Gary Coleman…
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Wow, that was a strange little moment, eh?
And speaking of moments, tomorrow we hit the momentous Port Vila, Vanuatu! It’s the stop I’ve been waiting for, mostly because it gets the monkey off my back, no more pressure from all those giftmongers back onshore.
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So, another day done! I’ve covered less than I thought I would’ve, and most of that was Chan ramblings.
But then, when have we ever been let down by Chan-san? Anybody?

…Thought not.


DAY 6: TODAY LEAVES…
Made an attractive tourist for tourist attractions.
Lost the evolved Seel thingies.
Bought a stick.
Got a stick.
Slipped in Simpsons reference #4.
Hated stairs.
Sinned. (Mentioned Gary Coleman in the same sentence as Jackie Chan)
Had a ‘strange little moment’.
Said giftmongers. Bizarre.


DAY 7: September 27th, 2003
( >'-')>

They’re heeere…
Yes! At some point or another, the ship crashed into Port Vila, Vanuatu. It’s a tad tricky to do much now, so I’m making the big step to the outside world! But first, I must state… does anyone else see the similarities between Andrew W.K. and Rhyno?
Isn’t that just the Vanuatuan question?
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…So tell me truly, since when had Dickens’ Great Expectations come to such a sad end?

~What did I think of Port Vila? It was a huge disappointment! It was hot, uncomfortable and crowded, and about the only thing I can remember is a gathering of fat broads waddling into ‘Fantasy Lengerie’. Whoever said every memory is a happy one.
Of course, since it was a shopping gig, most people have had their dues, um, dued. Pirated DVDs, knock-off Nike, and an Eminem CD that appears to be lacking the CD. I love this country.

Maybe I’m a cynic. Maybe I’m sick. Maybe I’m angry that an old woman pushed in line for a pen.
Point is, I’m returning from the port (and perhaps even the whole cruise (bitter). I thought this was supposed to be the main stop! I ended up preferring Nouméa, actually. And I suppose I’d be the only one on this entire cruise who did…

Perhaps I could describe the Vanuatu people? Well, they were very… deaf. And they seemed prone to misunderstanding every word I said, eventually replying something that in any other country would be rude. Me fail English? That’s unpossible!
And furthermore, every time I tried to look suave, people laughed at me. Well, there’s no real way to tell if they were laughing at me. Perhaps they were laughing with me, but that seems a tad optimistic.

So, let me just take a time-out to let you in on some of my favourite products spotted… or at least, the ‘Vanuatu Version’.

#5~ Cheap! Teatree ‘Shamoo’- It smooths, it conditions, it weighs six tonnes!
#4~ The Best of Eminem CD, featuring ‘Lost Yourself’- I suppose now it’ll be hard to lose yourself.
#3~ X-Men 2 DVD, with a web address for the movie; http://disney.go.com/- Who knows, maybe it’s Wolverine’s favourite website?
#2~ DVD titled ‘Blair With Project’- Now with free project? Sold!
And my favourite, #1~ Lion King beach towel with green Rafiki- Best part is, they also gave him a new name to suit his colour change. Kids, meet your new best friend, Raf**ki! I was actually quite tempted to buy it, until I realised I’d be drying myself on a green baboon with an explicit name. And that’s something even I’m not game enough to try.

So all in all, the experience was lacking. Although this time I didn’t describe my adventure as I had in Nouméa, that’d be due to its repetition. Walk in store, walk out of store, repeat. It looked quite interesting when done so rapidly, but alas, looks can be deceiving.
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And now, I sit by the window, even though it’s a (literal) pain in the butt, as the ship pulls back out to sea, soon to head back to more familiar territory. Now that my Eminem CD is packaged with a free CD this time, I suppose I can look back on Vanuatu with fond memories. Only damn album I can find that features Forget About Dre. Of course, the question now is how will the quality go, and of course, if the damn thing’s in English. The last thing I need is for The Real Slim Shady to be replaced by The Gappen Di Bobby…
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Rich Gannon… Jerry Rice… Charlie Garner…
All these great players… SO HOW COME THE RAIDERS ARE STILL LOSING?
Augh, it seems that ever since the Superbowl, the NFL Oakland Raiders have hit a slump. I haven’t seen them do much since, aside from some amazing pre-season performances from Justin Fargus. It really hurts to see such a good team in such shoddy playing style.
Nonetheless, they’re not my favourite team…
Who is? …The Arizona Cardinals.
…Stop laughing!!
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Three more days of all these antics, although they’re starting to wear thin, repetition and all. Not to mention whenever I meet up with people, they seem to ditch me.
Why is it so hard for me to make friends? Useless fools. They should all love me. I’m very likable, dammit! Right? RIGHT?

DAY 7: TODAY LEAVES…
Hit the port. (Take that!)
Had Great Expectations.
Had to return to the library promptly.
Saw fat broads with lingerie. Um, yay?
Found pirated Pirates of the Caribbean.
Bought CD without CD.
Found the port to be bitter.
Made Simpsons reference #5, which was okay, but paled in comparison to #3.
Got laughed at.
Got Uzi.
Got even.
Listed Vanuatu’s Virgins!! Err, versions, that is.
Said The Gappen Di Bobby. ‘nuff said.
Made some Raiders ramblings.
Celebrated Arizona (or Phoenix, if you live in the past. I KNOW I DID!!)
Was ditch-ed.
Is likable, despite being ditch-ed. Das poppycock, man.


DAY 8: September 28th, 2003
( >'-')>

Ah yes, today is the day for a little thing called Fright Night.
I slept in today, hoping that when I woke up, it’d all be over, and I wouldn’t have to put up with screaming five-year-olds dashing about. Eventually I got up, when I came to the sad realisation that they do that every day.
So, to see if my fears are correct, I roam the halls. The children have damn well spawned overnight. The ships overflowing with ‘em. So I head for the beloved bow room, a Lady Godiva just within my grasp. The wide grin on my face diminishes when I arrive and, lo and behold, every single window seat is taken. Worse still, eighteen of the twenty-two seats are where old fogies have chosen to retire (literally). Of course, today would have to be the day the ship crosses through the Havannah-Boulari passage, which in English is sightseeing for the elderly. Trees, a shipwreck, and a lighthouse named after a Shokan prince (Goro, disbelievers, Goro).
Well, I refuse to allow myself to enjoy a Lady Godiva while in one of the non-window seats, or ‘loser seats’, so my only hope is that they’ll die or go to lunch. The latter being more likely, but the former creating better writing material.
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Seems nothing’s sacred on this wicked day. I close my eyes for a little peace, and thumping music blares nearby. Coincidence? One can only guess…
So I decide that I might check out the nearby ice carving on deck.
I approach the door, and it’s opened by a girl with wide gashes across her face. It’s her Fright Night costume, I’m aware, but it’s just a tad unsettling when she’s just heading back from a chainsaw demonstration. Either way, I’ve dealt with zombies in the past. They’re too damned talkative, and they always hog the remote.

So you know what? I think I just may spend most of the day in my favourite room, the bow room. And why not? It’s my cruise, I choose to spend it in the room where the Ladies are cheap, easy, and quick to replenish. Lady Godiva, that is.
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AAAUGHH!!! Is it just me, or do humans have this thing about irritating me?

Pianist, alcoholic drinks, window seats overlooking the sea… Does that sound like the kind of place you’d bring your kids?
Well apparently my theories mean diddly-squat because as I was slowly adapting to my loser seat, happily reading Red Storm Rising, my sharp hearing picked up on a light shuffling of feet. I analysed the oncoming sound.

Sneakers. White. Shoelaces undone, Velcro on one pair. One new pair, another soon to be chucked. It was then that I noticed they were wearing sneakers. FOR SNEAKING. I put these factors against the speed of the approach, the short time between steps and, oh yeah, the shrill giggling.

SOME BROAD HAD ENTERED THE BOW ROOM WITH HER FRIGGIN’ CHILDREN.

She was the typical mother of the ‘despicus idiodine’ variety, stuck with kids she wished weren’t there. Cripes, they have rooms for children! Playrooms, arcades, overboard even, but why oh why bring them to the only place where I find peace?
I attempted to read on… but one of them had a sneezing fit. Oh god, I was so very gone. Interestingly, in my book, Russians were mourning over children caught in an explosion. Satisfying. Truly.
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Now then. WHAT? The time WHAT? is now 3:16. WHAT? And as such, WHAT? I’m gonna get a tour of the galley. WHAT? I said the galley. WHAT? That’s the kitchen. WHAT? The foodhouse. WHAT? The hot box. WHAT? The place where they make your damn food. WHAT? And whether you like it or not, WHAT? I’m gonna describe to you WHAT? my touring experience. WHAT? And that’s the bottom line, ‘CAUSE STONE COLD SAID SO.

…Hooray!

Alright then, you know YOU are to blame for reading an entry written at 3:16. But nonetheless, I got to take a peek through the galley, which was a pleasing venture. Lots of shiny stuff, and plenty of switches for me to throw. Hehehe… Ooh, ooh, and I saw a big cake.
It was all quite dandy, and led by Dino, our mate. (And the waiter) So isn’t that swell? …WHAT? Who keeps saying that?? …It was him! Let’s get him, fellas.
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So through the day, despite all adversaries’ attempts, I came out on top. At dinner, to make Fright Night complete, I came in full Scream attire!! …Only to find two other people wearing the same thing.
Oh well. I was the only one who was a foot tall and armed with a bazooka. (Long story)

Tomorrow I plan on killing some spooky pounds from the get-go. I’m gonna hit the jogging track, then check out the gym. I’ll be getting up early, so see you at 1130 hours!!

DAY 8: TODAY LEAVES…
Slept in (as opposed to sleeping out).
Roamed the halls. The walls in the mall are like, totally totally tall!
Panicked over an overflowing ship, as you do.
Watched old people watching their watches.
Might’ve underused a clever Mortal Kombat link.
Saw a girl cut open. Very attractive.
Rambled (you choose when).
Knew an awful lot about shoes.
Made Simpsons reference #6 (a damn fine episode, that).
Suggested children be thrown overboard. Hopefully they’ll consider.
Blatantly stole Austin’s bit. …Oh well, it was mine originally
Explored the galley, which I thought belonged to pirates.
Made Simpsons reference #7 (Two in a day! Oh you animal, you.)
Screamed
Knew what you did last summer.
Exorcised.
Came from the black lagoon.
Umm… Psychoed?


DAY 9: September 29th, 2003
( >'-')>

Boy, a Tom Clancy novel sure would hate this place. I’m up at the top of the ship, running the jogging track, and it’s windy as all hell! Not to mention the waves are choppy today, meaning a lot more swaying.
Nonetheless, I’ll have to run against the wind to be in top condition. Cheerio!
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Crikey. In the end, the boat’s rocking only got worse. It simply felt too weird to be trudging an uphill jog one minute, then barrel down the next, so I just opted to walk the whole way. Took me about an hour to finish two miles, or thirty laps.
Afterwards, I sprang to the bow room, where I can get the best view of the crazy sea.
Unfortunately, it’s not the best time I’ve had, nearby there are thirteen-year-olds giggling about the name of the drink, Fun on the Rocks. I hate kids.
Additionally, every second person has taken a window seat. …They’re using the spares to hold their stuff.

Aw hell no. I did not just see that.

Twice I’ve been deprived of a Lady Godiva, so I ripped some cosmetics off the middle seat, and firmly planted myself.
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Hey look!! There’s a Sharpedo in front of the ship!

…Ooh… now there’s a dead Sharpedo behind the ship…
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I down the last of the Lady Godiva… all’s well.
Then, all of a sudden, I hear more footsteps. I’ll cut the crap, it was more stinkin’ kids. And they even had the nerve to utter ‘Oh good, they’re not here.’

Pardon moi for the complaints, but still. It miffs me right off to have my peace disrupted. Why couldn’t they stick a slot machine in the middle of the room? Then I wouldn’t have to put up with these mooks!
Well, likelihood is I wouldn’t be let in either, but I’d still feel like a winner.
However, this time I ain’t leaving. I downed a mocktail, then two, then three, then four, then five, then six, then seven…then I discovered they left hours ago. …And I’m down $30. Well, I feel successful. I’ve won the battle, now it’s time for me to run from the war.

And, replenished with enough Godiva to nuke a whale, I’m ready for the gym! …Good, it’s empty, so now all I have to do is choose an exercise machine …And figure out how it works. Bollocks!
Alright, perhaps I should just stick with the treadmill. Seems easy enough.
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And so, I’ve finished my treadmilly antics. …Although I don’t know how to turn the ruddy thing off! Instead, I’ve just left it on the lowest setting and walked away, hoping nobody will notice.
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*yawn* Boy am I sleepy. ‘twas the last formal night and, more or less, the last ‘official’ night. Tomorrow the goal is to hit home more than anything else, so it’ll be a day of packin’, restin’ and, in my case, summarizing.

In other words, tomorrow will it’ll be short and sweet, and there will be no end of day summary (heaven forbid), or any new happenings.
Alas no, tomorrow I’ll be cleaning things up and chucking things out.

Anyway, on this final formal, I went the whole nine yards. Appetiser, entrée, and of course, lobster thermidor for dinner. And, while everyone else was dancing, (between stealing wallets) I finished things off with a baked Alaska. Don’t ask why a Grass-type would want something that’s intended to be lit on fire. Perhaps I just have weird hobbies…
However, what pleased me most, is that I noticed something that I had not before. In the dinner room each night… there were no children allowed. All the kiddies had to whine and moan out in the hall. What a triumphant end! These antagonising kids fell short of ruining me, despite their efforts, so to them I say: ‘You tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, don’t ever try.’

And, after dinner, we caught the last show, and got yelled at by an angry lobster. Although he should be happy: He survived.

Well, better be sleeping now. We’ll clear everything else up tomorrow. Just like all those science questions I’ve gotten over the years.
‘This here is a square.’
‘Whoa, whoa. Slow down egghead!’

DAY 9: TODAY LEAVES…
Got up fer some joggin’.
Gave up.
Walked 500 miles (-498 miles).
Watched that kooky sea shine on.
Despised all the little people.
Showed a disregard for Calvin Klein.
Saw a sharky friend die. (Damn right he was close… only a couple yards!!)
Smelled the ‘stinkin’ kids’.
Used French casually. C’est moi! C’est moi!!
Preferred restriction over constriction… or something.
Implied that Lady Godiva nukes whales.
Stuck with the treadmill.
Stuck on the treadmill.
Ran like the dickens.
Told you about tomorrow, psychic fellow that I am.
Went the whole nine yards.
Defied all mathematical capabilities, and added an extra yard.
Laughed at small children.
Made Simpsons reference #8.
Got yelled at by an unhappy crustacean.
Made Simpsons reference #9, which although none too original, was that damn good.


DAY 10: September 30th, 2003 **AN OVERVIEW FOR ALL OF YOU****
( >'-')>

Ah, that packing was a lot quicker than I expected. Nonetheless, only a handful of things are sitting about, as I prepare to get goin’ tomorrow morning. (And I have to wake up at 5 AM. Bollocks.)

So, what have I got planned for today?
Eh, mostly Clancy reading, and playing Pokémon Ruby. Good game, that. Just a shame there’s no Bulbasaur…
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Hmph! I’m getting back to writing now. All these contests are bugging me. (Who’s to say my Aggron isn’t beautiful??)

It’s hard to say much right now. It’s a sit down day. Time is fleeting. Madness takes its toll.
This is sort of like January 2nd, really. The amazing finale is over, and it’s one more day until you lose whatever excitement’s left. Sort of depressing, really, so instead of treating today as a new day, we’ll use it as aftermath. Shady Aftermath? Exactly!

Well for starters, I only ever did manage to find one gift, a ceramic owl for mother dearest, which I fear shall shatter in much owly chaos. And I didn’t get a tan, a burn, or a hug. Not one.

Lady Godivas downed? Between three and three hundred.

Simpsons quote total?
Mmm… sacrilicious.
Ten. Yep, ten.

In this report, I said bollocks a total of ten times, including just then. Wow, quite the 10 day, no?

And I guess that’s more or less all I wanted to say! It’s been fun cruising around, but I’ve got a buttload of work to do when I get back. I don’t even know where all these antics fit into my life, what with all the duels and such. Challenging every single sod you see usually bears those results.
My bed calls (five hours earlier than usual, no less), and I’m not about to deprive it of my sleephood. So, I suppose I’ll leave you now, with high hopes for the next special segment (or whatever other cheap spinoff they stick me in). I’ll tell Dino you said hello. Trust me, he’s a good fellow. He’ll give you grand advice, and one hell of a smile. What a waiter.

The sun sinks slowly but surely into the sea far off, as if the calm waves are pulling it down. Various lights flick off on the Pacifier’s Eye, as many people prepare for bed. The ship is finally ready to drift off to sleep, and the passengers let out a collective snore. Men, women and children all lay down their heads. It’s time for everyone to sleep, and that means but one thing.

…TIME TO STEAL SOME WALLETS.
burakkichu
10th October 2003, 10:38 AM
lol, nice narrative! XD leaves and lady (lurrien) could probably be pals, except that lady doesn't know nearly as many simpsons and wrestling references. and that last bouncy gym reminded me of....um, a big jupiter jump. ^^;; and cueball is so marowacky now, yay! *waits for the conclusion of the gym battle*

yes i like the skitty. *everybody* likes skitty! cuz it's so cute, dangit! ^__^ can't be a skitty and NOT be cute....well, unless i wrote a fic about an ugly, charmless, totally kawaii-less skitty-kitty. hm...that might be "different".
Andrew
10th October 2003, 09:27 PM
Huzzah for the trip!

Ok ok, I'm a Minty thrill closet reader! *Puts hands up*

Loved the narrative of what happened with the trip, and the Bowser rant made me laugh. Also on the treadmill, exactly what I would've done! Lol.

Ah well, old people on trips really suck... and will you ever see the stick again!?!

And Mareep and Klepto and Leaves are my favs :)
Drago
14th October 2003, 12:38 AM
EDIT: Hey look, 100 replies. How magical!!

Hey hey! Took me a month, but I've finally finished the next proper chapter. A bit soon after Leavesboat, granted, but that was more to stall you than anything else. Mwahaha.
burakkichu: You know it's funny, in my prototype fic I keep finding myself comparing a character to Lady. She's just such a damn cool character, and I've actually began working a few of her quirks into Leaves.
Werdnazo: Mwahaha, I knew you couldn't resist. ^_^ Thanks for the kind words, although now I'm sad about the stick again. I was robbed of $10...
And so, the next chapter. One that just may have the most bizarre ending of all... And that's saying a lot.

MINTY THRILL
“Currently legal!”
Chapter 28
Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport

My eyes widened, as I stared at Cubone with disbelief. Only now did I notice that he was bigger, burlier, and his skull seemed to have completely absorbed his head. How scary.
“Cubone!!” I wailed, “What are you doing??”
“Marow?” he muttered, confused.
“I command you to go back to the way you were! You were so much more delightful!!”
Everyone in the room gave me weird looks, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t ready to accept such a drastic change.
“Dammit Cueball!!” I whimpered, “You’re a lot less funsize… I can’t believe you’d do such a thing…”
“Marowak…” he said solemnly, thinking he had disappointed me greatly.
“The least you could do is not change your name!” I snapped, then looked down at the rest of my team. Shock… disgust… and snoring. Damn that Skitty.
Nonetheless, I guess I just had to make this work, for fear of looking uncool.
“Oh… To hell with it! You’re still Cubone to me!”
“Maroooowak!” he cheered, throwing his bone to the air.
“So, goooooooo Cubone!” I roared, and paused for a moment. “…The Marowak!”

“Heartwarming.” Frown scoffed, which spooked me slightly. His face paint made the smirk look like a face of its own. I half-expected it to tell me to ‘start the reactor’.
“But what if we put a small… stipulation into the match?” he chortled.
“Another one??” I muttered, “How many stipulations do you need…”
“If I win this match…” Frown said, “I get the custody of the little lady…”
“Sure!” I grinned, and Chase stared at me with disbelief, “I didn’t know she had any custard, but whatever honks your horn, pal.”
“Chambers!” Chase gasped, aghast, “You’re putting my life on the line?? You’ll willingly put me in the hands of that greaseball?”
“Well why not?” I asked, confused. I looked over at Frown. “They look like very nice hands, really. Small, pudgy, caring. My god, is that a manicure? What style…”
Chase’s face lost all expression, but that was a good thing. It meant she wasn’t going to rant and rave.
“Besides, now that Cubone’s on evosteroids, he’s pumped up!” I said, “I’ve got everything under control!”
“Then let’s go!” Frown roared, and threw his hand down. As he did, several of the flamethrowers went off. Cubone backed up slightly, disoriented and spooked.
He ducked under the heat, trying to keep an eye on Mantine.

The flamethrowers abruptly shut off, and all in attendance were shocked to see Mantine hovering above Cubone, its mouth rapidly filling.
“That’d be bad…” I gulped, “Cubone! Move very very fast!”
“Marrr…” he sighed, and made some snazzy evasive manoeuvres. First he ducked, (by that point I was already disoriented) and then did a couple backflips. Most likely to show off.
Annoyed, the Mantine fired off a few rounds of water. Cubone continued his flipping madness, and dodged all of the poorly aimed shots.
“Hahaha!” I cackled, “No hope! That overgrown kite has abysmal aim!!”

Mantine glared at me, and quickly shot some water in my direction.
“Oh crap!!” I gulped, and braced myself against the oncoming water attack.
It hit me, and I looked up, annoyed.
“What was it?” Chase gasped, “Water Gun? Hydro Pump?”
“Nope.” I snapped, “He spat at me.”

Cubone continued his dandy array of moves, and the Mantine still struggled to keep track of him, let alone hit him. I peered towards the sidelines, and saw a spark coming from a flamethrower.
“Crap!” I said frantically, “Cubone! It’s gonna fire fire!!”
Cubone nodded, and instinctively dropped to the gym floor. Mantine zeroed in, but couldn’t fire in time. Cubone was already hidden beneath a veil of flame. It seemed this quirk was working out for us…
Suddenly, and quite unexpectedly, Cubone leapt up from the flames, and smacked Mantine across the face with his bone. Mantine span around dizzily, then tumbled down to the ground. Cubone stood beside it, as a few dying flames licked about.
“I win!” I cried, shooting a fist to the air.
“Not quite kiddo.” Frown snorted, “That was just a warm-up. This next round is the decider.”
“Brilliant.” I scoffed, “So what’s the catch? There’s always a catch. Well, maybe not when I was in the outfield in PE, but that’s behind me.”
“You’re given an option for how you’d like to finish our match.” Frown snarled, “Either five more one-on-one duels, or just one more round, two-on-one.”
“That’s a tad cheap…” I snapped.
“Not at all!” Frown assured, “It’s your way. My next Pokémon against two fighters of my choosing.”

I looked over at Chase, who shrugged in response. The two-on-one seemed to be the preferable match. Just seemed too easy, though.
“Two-on-one?” I stated, and Frown nodded.
“Your call,” I repeated, “Your Pokémon-”
“Against two fighters of my choosing.” Frown finished.
I looked down at my team. Leaves, Cubone, Klepto, Mareep, Agwa…
This could work…

“Alright then!” I said with a confident grin, “I’ll bite.”
“Oh, I should hope so…” Frown cackled, “For this final round, I will choose Rhygo!”
He span his Pokéball, and dropped it to the ground. Again, it… didn’t open.
Frown kicked it angrily for a couple seconds, then picked it up.
“Dammit,” he muttered, “I hate it when this happens.”
He pulled out a screwdriver.
“Gimme a minute.”
He tinkered with the ball, and finally out burst a GIANT ANGRY BOULDER. …Hang on, that describes like seven different Pokémon…
I snatched out the ‘dex, and thrusted it at the opponent with such speed that it flew from my hand, and hit the rock right in the face. It snarled angrily, and I gulped as I waited for the Pokédex’s theory.

Rhydon… a most intimidating…rock/ground hybrid… It can resist very hot temperatures… and send a full-scale tank flying… with a single charge… It is also a great babysitter… and can be a very reliable can opener…

“Okey-dokey.” I muttered, “I’m officially worried. Who’re you gonna pit against your poorly named beast of mass destruction?”

Frown chortled under his breath, and his vast flab did the wave as he did.
“My first choice… is that one!” He shot a finger down as though he were trying to take someone’s eye out. It was aimed at Agwa.
“Damn.” I sighed, I was hoping he wouldn’t choose her… “And the other?”
“Is…


YOU!”


…U? I don’t recall having a U Pokémon…
“What’re you on aboot, eh?” I rambled, instinctively.
“You and your Skitty are going to take on Rhygo!” he cackled.
“Pfft.” I snorted, “So what. I’ve fought giant rocks before.”
“Oh really?” Frown gasped, and promptly returned Rhygo to its Pokéball, “In that case I’ll send out Machamp instead.”
“Me ‘n’ my big mouth…” I groaned, as Frown sent out a huge gray monstrosity.
It had four arms… Bulging biceps… and… a bra?
“Wha?” I said, confused.
Machamp broke out in a panicked sweat.
“DAMMIT MACHAMP!!!” Frown bellowed, ripping the bra from Machamps chest, “I keep telling you not to do that!”
I looked down at Agwa, who would most likely be raising an eyebrow if she had one. Or eyes, for that matter.
“But this’ll do fine for a bind.” Frown sighed, and handed me the bra.
“Alrighty…” I muttered, “That’s quite bizarre, what do you want me to do with this?”
“Why, tie you and your Skitty together!” Frown said with a grin.
“You-, but… I…we…” I babbled, confused.
“Do it!!” Frown snarled, “Or I’ll take the girl away from you FOREVER!”
I tilted my head slightly. “I fail to see the threat…”

I shrugged, and wrapped the bra around one of Agwa’s paws. I put the other half around my ankle, and made a knot. Such a lovely knot, it was.

“Okay then!” I proclaimed, and stepped forward, standing nose to lack of nose with Machamp, “Let’s get this done!!”
As Frown prepared the flamethrowers, I got a good look at the opponent. He was big, no doubt. I was quite surprised with Agwa’s courage, to be willing to take on such a foe.
I proudly looked down at my kitty companion, and noted the bubble coming from her nose.
“Bubble attack?” I muttered, confused.

I leant down, and popped the bubble.
“Skiii?” Agwa yawned.
“You were sleeping??” I groaned, as she stretched. She wagged her tail, slightly, then realised she was on the battling floor.
“TEEEEEE!” she squealed, and scrambled frantically.
She swept me right off my feet, and started dragging me along the floor.
At that moment, Frown set off the flamethrowers, which shot right over Agwa and I, and instead engulfed Machamp.
They stopped quickly, and the charred fighter looked mighty angry.
“Jeez…” Frown groaned, “This is too risky, Machamp can’t dodge the flamethrowers… I’d better cut them for the match…” Machamp nodded angrily, then looked accusingly at me, and I did my best to shake my head as I tried to slow down Agwa.
We were doing laps of the gym, which is all good for track and field, but wasn’t helping battling matters much.
“STOP AGWA!!” I wailed, “STOOOOOOOPPPP!!”
I grabbed onto her tail, and she skidded to a halt.
Relieved, I leant back… and saw Machamp heading directly towards us.
“GO AGWA!!” I cried, “GO GO GOOOOOOO!!”
Without hesitation, Agwa resumed her frantic dashing. Machamp leapt forward, and grabbed hold of my wrist. This didn’t seem to slow Agwa down, though. She kept right on running, dragging Machamp and I along the floor.
Frustrated, Machamp pulled his way up my arm to get closer. I tried my hardest to shake him off, but he appeared to be bigger, stronger and grayer than I could ever hope to be.
Now he was close enough to begin his pummelling frenzy. He smirked, and smacked me across the jaw. It damn near took my head off, but I still instinctively grabbed his fist afterward.
“HA!” I cackled, “A bit shorthanded, are we?”
It was then he chose to remind me that he had a delightful second set of arms. He grabbed hold of my jacket with one, and wrapped his giant palm around my throat with the other.
“Geeeeeeaag…” I choked, as he laughed in my face. Perhaps this strangling situation was more fun from his end.
I lost grip of his wrist, and, now with yet another free hand, he resumed hitting me in the face. Not even Agwa’s sharp turns phased him. He was a very competent passenger, apparently. He started beating the spit out of me, although the specks hitting his face were little more than a nuisance.
Jeez, was he trying to win the match, or kill me?? …All signs pointed to the latter.

My vision got hazy, when all of a sudden, the hand around my throat lost its grip. I came back to my senses, and realised that my saliva was actually making the gym floor very slippery, and the stowaway Machamp was struggling to hang on. Agwa took one more turn, and Machamp couldn’t hold on. He rolled to a stop.
“Hahaha!” I roared victoriously, “Excelsior!!”

Machamp got up, brushed himself off, and started chasing after us.
“Oh crap.” I sighed, “I was hoping he wouldn’t think of that…”

Thinking like a true tactician, Machamp stopped running, and instead chose to slide across the slick spit puddles. He closed in on us rapidly, and reached out to return me to his lethal clutches.
Agwa looked over her shoulder.
“SKIIIIII!” she squealed, and sped as fast as she could. Not only did she leave Machamp in the dust, but she had picked up enough speed to run right up the wall!
Confused but relieved, I dangled along as the fast as hell, and apparently quite strong Skitty ran right up to the ceiling.
“Great going Agwa!” I cheered, as she slowed to a halt.
“Tyy…” she panted, with a smile.
“Although it would’ve been even better if you hadn’t stopped.” I gulped, and, in quite the cliché, we fell at Machamp’s feet.

We struggled to stand, and once again I was face to face with my adversary. I tried to run, but Agwa was frozen with fear. She nervously dug her claws into the floor, and I couldn’t manage to pull her away. We were stuck.
“Perhaps now would be a good time to tell you I’m allergic to pain?” I asked hopefully, but Machamp only laughed and proceeded to punch me with all four arms.
“Owww!” I whined, “That hurt. That hurt as well. That also hurt. That hurt too. Haha, that didn’t hurt as much. Ow, that one did.”

I stumbled backwards, but I still couldn’t get far with Agwa holding me back.
Machamp marched towards me, and I reached into my pocket. Frantically, I pulled out my tail, and pointed it at Machamp.
“Don’t make me do it!!” I snarled, “Do I look stable to you??”
Machamp merely sighed.
“I warned ya, man!!” I roared, and did the best thing I could manage. I painted a smiley face on his shoulder.
He looked at it, then at me.
“…Shouldn’t I get paid for that?” I said meekly.

Rather than give an answer, though, Machamp opted to lift me by the shirt collar. He lifted me higher and higher, and eventually ripped Agwa off the gym floor, tearing out some floorboards with her. He held me in place, and started winding up a finishing punch.
“Umm… this is no good…” I gulped, “How will Anthony Chambers get out of this one?” I said shakily in my best narrator voice, hoping that an answer would come to me.
“Err… ahh…”

Machamp pulled his arm back…
“WAIT!” I squealed, and he lowered his fist, “You can’t hit me yet!!” I gasped.
He grunted, as if to state why, and I frantically went through my pockets.
“Because…” I pulled out Leaves’ brass knux. “You haven’t put these on yet.”
I handed the knux to Machamp, and I could hear Leaves groan from the sidelines. Machamp grinned widely, and slipped them on his knuckles. He pulled his fist back to punch.
“Hang on…” I snapped, and he slowed down again, “You aren’t going to hit me like THAT, are you?”
He looked at his fist, confused.
“Jeez, you may as well hit me with a pillow, you really don’t know how to use brass knux, do you??”
Before he could answer, I snatched them from his hand.
“First, you have to have them propped correctly.” I continued, and reached towards his face. I tilted his head back so that his chin was pointing towards me. “Then, you tense your fist. And you don’t pull back first, you just fire off, like this!”
I smacked him across the teeth, and he fell backwards. I stumbled to my feet, and scooped Agwa up under my arm. I ran towards Frown. Things worked exactly to plan, but there was a slight dilemma. …My plan stopped right there…
“After him, you moron!” Frown snarled, “He’s coming this way!!”
Machamp dizzily shook off the pain, and started after me. Agwa chattered uncontrollably, and despite my efforts, she wouldn’t snap out of it. I pulled her claws from the floor she had ripped out, and took a look at her. She didn’t look like she was ready to help much… I pulled her tail, in an attempt to get her to react, but to no avail. She was so frozen with fear; I could even hold her up by her straightened tail. Like some sort of bizarre Popsicle…
“Chaaaaaaa!” Machamp bellowed as he raced towards us. He was getting pretty close, and still, all I had managed to do was get within the frantic Frown’s spit range. (Wow, there’s been a lot of spitting today…)
It’s times like these I wish I had a plan…

“Wait, wait…” I muttered, something culminating in my head. …This could work…
I looked up. Machamp was coming fast. REALLY fast.
Worth a shot…

I started running towards Machamp, being significantly slowed by dragging Agwa along.
Machamp chuckled, and started running at me even faster. I responded, and picked up speed as well.
There were various gasps and shouts from the sidelines, but I wasn’t going to hold back. I had to do this.
We closed in, and when it looked as though collision was imminent, I kicked Agwa up into my hand. I grabbed onto her stiffened tail, and smacked Machamp in the face with her as hard as I could. I stumbled up, and dove out of the way.
Disoriented, Machamp charged on, heading right for Frown.
“No, no, noooooooooooo!!!” Frown screamed, as Machamp crashed right into him. They slid back, and rolled clumsily into the wall. Machamp had been knocked out! …And his trainer appeared to be pretty dead, as well.

“YES!! YES!!! YESSSS!!!!” I shouted, leaping up and down. Back to her senses, Agwa got yanked up by her paw with me. She irritatedly snapped various Skitty curses at me.

I marched towards Frown, who weakly pushed Machamp aside.
He glimpsed up at me, and then fell back into a blobby pile of fat.
Whimpering, he handed me a belt buckle. It was in the shape of a question mark, no doubt symbolising the idiocy of Attiles City.
“I really wanted some company…” he sighed.
“CHAMBERS!” Chase cried, and dashed towards me. “You actually won! …Although, not without a fair share of stupid choices throughout the match. All you ever seem to do is get lucky at the end, that’s all. I’m surprised you haven’t been killed years ago if you go about doing things like that. That doesn’t win matches, it just manages to get a lot of people hurt. What are you supposed to be, Chambers, some sort of clown?”
“THAT IS ENOUGH!!!” I roared, and everyone backed up. Well, except Agwa. Despite her efforts, she was still tied to my ankle. “I’m afraid I’m not a clown, Chase, but I’m leaving you with someone who is!!”
“What?” Chase snapped, “What’re you on about?”
“I don’t care that I won, you’re staying here with Frown!” I snarled.
“Chambers, you can’t just DITCH me here…” Chase snorted, “You’re supposed to trade Pokémon, not people! You won the match, so this bozo doesn’t get to lay a finger on me!!”

I looked down at Agwa. …who grinned.
“AAAAH!” I cried.
“SKITTTTTTYYY!” Agwa wailed.
We fell to the floor, and Agwa held up a white flag.

“…What?” Chase gasped, “What’re you doing??”
I looked up. “Sorry Chase, but I’m afraid Agwa and I just lost. Frown never actually returned Machamp to his Pokéball. He was still in the fight, and he won.”
“But…but…” Chase stammered. But there was no real way out of this.

Frown defied his name, and a huge smile spread across his face.
Chase’s eyes narrowed, and she poked an accusing finger at me.
“Fine then, Chambers.” She hissed, “You win, but just for now… I’ll be back… And I will totally and utterly DESTROY you!! Just you WATCH! I won’t rest until I see you OBLITERATED!!”
“Destroy, watch, obliterated, got it.” I muttered, listing the capitals. Annoyed, frustrated, and finally, out of my life forever, Chase stormed off into a nearby room. A cheer erupted from my Pokémon, and they partied on, even after I had returned them to their Pokéballs.
Leaves looked up at me, and smiled. …Yes, he had stolen Chase’s wallet.

Frown gathered himself, and returned Machamp to his Pokéball.
“Jeez kid,” he said, “You sure it’s okay if I take the girl?”
“I was about to ask you the same thing…” I muttered, “I better just get James and get out of here.”
“There was another one of you?” Frown muttered, “Where was he?”
“Ah, he fell down the hole on the previous floor.” I said offhandedly.
“Oh my god, you’re kidding.” Frown gasped, turning pale.
“No…” I muttered, and he barrelled down the stairs. I followed him, and watched confused, as he put on a gasmask, and jumped down the hole. I looked over the edge, and was surprised by what I saw. The hole was barely higher than Frown himself.
“That’s not deep at all!” I snapped, “Why didn’t James just climb out?”
Slowly, Frown raised his hand. In his palm… he held James.
My eyes widened.
“Tony, you bonehead!!” James cried in a shrill voice, “Do you realise how hard it’s gonna be to get chicks now! THIS IS AWFUL!!!”
“Oh come on, James…” I cackled at my tiny friend, “I’m sure they’ll be INCHING towards you!”
“Shaddup…” James snapped, and hopped onto my shoulder.

Frown climbed out of the hole, and looked over at me.
“Don’t worry…” he puffed, “The size doesn’t actually wear off, but I know that there’s a scientist who knows the cure. He’s a way away from here, but it’s on the way.”
“Grand!” I said with a smile, “Don’t worry. We can wait. We’re patient.”
James groaned, and sat down. “We are?”
****************************
Leaves and I stood outside the gym. It was weird. I had entered with four, and I returned with two and a half, or something.
I looked over to James, who was pacing back and forth on my shoulder.
“So James, where are you going to stay? You obviously can’t walk all the way…” I reasoned, and he looked at me with a grin.
“Not to worry,” he said, while grabbing onto my ear. “I know of a place that isn’t currently occupied…”
Without hesitation, James crawled into my ear. I could clearly hear as his footsteps echoed throughout my head.

“Well whaddya know?” I chortled to Leaves, “Chase is the new best friend of an obese clown, and James is the man who lives inside my head! …And do you know what that means?”
Leaves shrugged, and I knelt down towards him.
“IT’S BACK TO OUR MAYHEM!!!!”

We cheered, and leapt to the air. Tony and Leaves were back in business.
Mew Trainer Rose
14th October 2003, 08:13 AM
Woo! The tail makes another appearance!
James should just stay there, he can give Tony tips on battling...and everything else. :P Whenever he's hungry, Tony can just stick a piece of food in his ear. ^_^
Powarun
15th October 2003, 08:12 PM
Only this fic, this is the one of hte most messed up peices of insantiy I read. Poor Marowak, poor poor marowak, most trainers are happy if their pokemon evolves, but only Tony would, hate to see what would happen if Leaves evolved. Cueball you have my pity. Not you Tony though or James, you got what you guys deserved, Tony deserved to get beaten up by a Machamp and James your role was so bad that you were shrunken.
The Silver Storm
18th October 2003, 09:37 AM
HAHAHAHHAHAH, Oh god that is funny.

Yes, I'm back. Problems with the computer (and other things) can really hampewr your reading.

Oh I can't wait to see Chase's revenge.
Drago
24th October 2003, 04:25 AM
Mew Trainer Rose: Teehee, I can just picture Tony sticking a pizza slice in his ear... Actually, I'll probably do that sometime in the future.
Powarun, The Official Defender of Cubone: lol.
The Silver Storm: Huzzah! More returnedness! Good to see you back, and hopefully you'll notice that I continue to use Hölle with a capital H. :yes:

Hey, guess what? I decided that as this was my last work experience day, I'd write a new chapter. Only ten days since the last. Wow, I'm improving with my speed! ^_^

MINTY THRILL
“Like a fine wine…”
Chapter 29
Skool

Kyle
********************
Stinkin’ birds.
It was a well-known fact that the route between Attiles City and Basusu Town was overrun by territorial fowl, as it had been for centuries.
About a decade ago, workers attempted to get the population to clear off, by taking down all the trees, and turning the route into a long, cobblestone walkway. All it seemed to do, however, was cheese the birds off, and they became more aggressive than ever. It’d have to be a good day if you managed to get through the route without being swooped at least once.
Right now, they were keeping their distance. I had already threatened a few with my baton, although they were still acting more cautious than usual. Almost nervous.

Whilst navigating around the vile amount of droppings, I did my best to stare the onlookers down. Spearow, Fearow, Murkrow… The usual customers, really.
I noted that a few of them had scars that looked new. Had Chambers gone ape on them? It’d explain why they were so unusually calm. Nonetheless, I opted to avoid observation. I was pretty close to Basusu, and I could get a rough confirmation that Chambers wasn’t here on this route.

…No time to dawdle, there wasn’t much for Chambers to stay for in Basusu. No gym, no tournaments, nothing. Since I already knew that, though, maybe I could use that to catch up on valuable time.

Sometimes my tactics amaze even me.

Tony
********************
“And that’s the end of that chapter!” I grinned proudly, throwing a book aside to indicate just how much the chapter had ended. It was beyond me where the book had come from, how it was in my hand, or why I was suddenly referring to it. In any event, it was now in pieces on the pavement, and seemed to in fact be quite ended.
“So let’s trek off towards the next route!” I roared, pointing aimlessly into the distance.
“Saur?” Leaves muttered, and tilted his head to the side.
“Well, I don’t think we have to make any more stops. Nobody’s been seriously bashed, and we’ve got enough supplies to last… seven hours, or so. Hey, if all else fails, we could eat Mareep.”

I took a step forward (which was so marvellous I feel it needed mention), when I was suddenly grabbed on the shoulder.
“JESUS!” I gasped, shocked.
“No, Jeffrey.” The hand owner corrected, “Jeeeeeeeeffreeeeeeeey.”
I turned around, and got a good look at this Jeffrey. He was short and stocky, but had strangely long arms that looked as though they had been put on the wrong person. He had a large, puffy face, and smart-looking eyebrows. REALLY smart-looking eyebrows.
“Damn!” I said quietly, “Nice eyebrows! They real?”
I reached over and ripped one off. I inspected it carefully amidst his screaming.
He glared angrily at me. “Do you have any idea who I am??” he snarled.
“Yeah sure,” I said, and leant towards him, “Jeeeeeeeeffreeeeeeeey.”
He shook his head, then looked down at Leaves.
“This… wouldn’t happen to be your’s,” he said slowly, then looked at me, “Would it?”
“Well, yes. Yes he is.” I responded proudly.
Leaves sniffed his leg, then opened his mouth and bit at him.
Jeffrey’s eyes narrowed, and he kicked his leg around frantically. Leaves still hung on, though, and Jeffrey did his best to keep his composure.
“May I see your license?” he said.
I pulled out my Pokédex, and pressed random buttons before it finally began identification.

Anthony Chambers… Trainer # 04195…

Current…Pokémon count: 5. Current belt…buckle count: 3. Current type count… 7. Current…hair count: 3,789. Current… ‘Aww Hölle’ count: 30. Current…

“That’s enough!” I snapped, and mashed the buttons.

Zucchini is… a dish best served… constantly.

“Uh… yeah.” I muttered, and looked at Jeffrey with feigning interest, “That’ll be that then.”
“Not so fast!” he shouted, and I was tempted to merely slow down, but decided against it. “So, you’re a Pokémon trainer in Attiles City who hasn’t graduated from Attiles City’s respected Pokémon school!”
“Pfft.” I snorted, “I did so graduate from Pokémon school. Took me five years, but I graduated.”
Jeffrey slowly moved into my face. “Graduated from where?”
“Burake Town’s Pokémon school.” I replied.
“So, did you graduate from Attiles City’s Pokémon school?” he asked.
“Well, no.”
“So therefore you cannot legally train here.”
“But I-”
“Nup!” he snapped, and stuck his hand in my face.
“But Burake’s got Professor Gu-”
“Nup!”
“It’s among the top-”
“Nup!”
“It sets the future for-”
“NUP!”

I leant back, and sighed. “Alright. You’ve made your point.”
“So, follow me, you hooky-playing rapscallion!” he cried triumphantly, and marched forward. The fact that Leaves appeared to have ripped off his pants didn’t even faze him.
********************************
“So laddy,” Principal McLanty, a saliva-spewing Scotsman said warmly, “Just fill out this form, and you’ll be enrolled to Attiles City’s Pokémon training course, Caring Responsibilities And Pokémon.”
He stood up from his chair, and marched towards the door, “I’ll leave you to it. Give me a holler when you’re done.”
“Okay…” I muttered, and looked over at Leaves. He seemed just as confused about the whole kafuddle as I did. Nonetheless, I was fairly willing to take a stab at it. Shouldn’t be too hard to fill out an enrolment form. I looked confidently at the sheet.

Name.

I squealed, and dropped the pencil.
“My god Leaves!” I gasped, “This is too hard!! What does this mean? What am I supposed to name? The school? My goals? My purpose? Is this some sort of trick question? What if the answer is to finish the question, and the word actually means ‘namely’? What’s so damned namely about it? What, Leaves, WHAAAAAT?”
I wept, and buried my face in my hands.

…But I wasn’t licked. Not just yet.
I looked around the room for an answer. Any answer. On the desk, there was a photo of the principal shaking hands with some hairy old football coach.
“Umm… Hairy.” I thought to myself, and wrote down Hairy. However, maybe I’d have better luck if I put two answers. Surely one of them would be right. I peered back at the desk; it seemed to have all the answers. The first thing that caught my eye was a couple of burnt-out cigarettes. Cigarette… butts! Of course! I proudly wrote down, ‘butt’.
“Marvellous.” I stated, and looked at the next question.

Age.

“Jiggers, this just seems to get harder and harder…” I gulped, and looked over at Leaves, who was busy going through desks and stealing report cards.
“Well, no point in letting it down, I better do as it says.” I sighed, then sat about for a couple minutes.
“Done!” I announced, “I feel older, that should be enough aging for now.” I put a tick next to the request, and tackled the next question.

Occupation.

“Hmm, I should think of something snazzy…” I grumbled, and thought hard as I could. “Trainer? No. Breeder? No. Lover? …No, sadly.”
I leant back, and thought back. “What was it that Jeffrey called me? A hooky-player? Hmm… those Canadian hooky-players get payed a lot of money…” I began to write, ‘hooky-player’, but found that there wasn’t enough room. I rubbed it out, and wrote the shortened version. Hooker.

Pokémon:

This was a strange one; it had six blank spaces next to it. I guess my answer had to be six words?
“Alrighty…” I muttered, and looked into the mirror.
Was I a Pokémon, as the question had assumed? I didn’t look very Pokémony. But, perhaps I do, but don’t know it? After all, who am I to say what looks Pokémony and what doesn’t? Now that’d be a strange thing…
Nonetheless, I was fairly certain that I wasn’t a Pokémon. So, in the six spaces, I wrote ‘No I am not a Pokémon’.
…Well, maybe I was a hybrid of human and Pokémon. A Pokéman, if you will. Better just assume otherwise, though.

Course.

“Now what did the principal call the course?” I pondered, “Oh yeah, Caring Responsibilities and Pokémon.” I wrote down the abbreviated form, and then noticed that the answer was now ‘CRAP’.
“Oh dear…” I nervously looked around, and hoped that nobody would ever notice.

Country.

Wow, this one was easy. I wrote down ‘western’. Strange that they should request my musical preferences.

Zip code.

“Ah, interesting.” I muttered, “I’ll need you for this one, Leaves.”
Leaves pulled his head out of a drawer. He was covered with various smiley-face stickers, but didn’t look very happy nonetheless.
“Alrighty Leaves… ZIP!” I roared.
Leaves nodded, and dutifully zipped around the room.
“Quick, what’s the code?” I commanded.
“Bulb!” he panted.
“Dandy!” I grinned. The zip code was Bulb. I wrote that down, and looked at the last question.

References.

“Uh-oh…” I gulped, “Who can I refer to?” I tapped the pencil nervously against the page. “Umm… well, I guess he’ll have to do.”
I quickly scrabbled down my answer, then looked proudly at it.
Reference: Mr. Michaels
Occupation: Smelly old man
Relation: None, fortunately
Phone: I wouldn’t recommend it
“And there we go!” I bubbled. I looked around deviously, and grabbed a book.
“AND THAT’S THE END OF THAT CHAPTER!” I cheered, and piffed the book towards the door. It opened at just that moment, though, and hit Mr. McLanty in the head.
“Aww Hölle…” I squeaked to myself, as Mr. McLanty stood there, fuming.
There was a quiet whirring in my pocket.

Current… ‘Aww Hölle’ count: 31.
********************************
Now, through the magic that is the scene change, I was standing in front of a large class. I looked around nervously. This was the biggest audience I had had since I had volunteered to answer the timeless question, ‘where’s the beef’. Leaves didn’t bother to stand by my side. Instead, he continued to go through any drawers he could find.
“Now then, class.” The teacher, a curly-haired woman whose interests seemed to lie elsewhere, “I’d like to introduce to you our newest student…”
She looked down at the form, and struggled to read the writing. “Um, Harry Butt.”
There was a wave of laughter, and the teacher looked furiously at the class.
“SHUT UP! All of you!!” she bellowed, and the class immediately went quiet. “An unfortunate name is nothing to be laughed at! It is not funny in the slightest, and I am shocked and hurt that you would all be immature enough to think otherwise!”
She looked apologetically at me.
“Thank you, Mrs. Wienerface.” I said quietly.

“So…” Mrs. Wienerface continued, “Would you like to introduce to us your Pokémon?”
“Sure thing!” I grinned, and clumsily snatched out my Pokéballs.
“This is Klepto!” I started, and threw the Pokéball to the floor. Klepto clumsily launched out, and looked excitedly around the classroom. …It looked as though there was a lot of stuff to take. He darted around, before finally perching readily atop the air conditioner, which was emitting an overly strong breeze.
“This is Agwa!” I said next, and dropped her Pokéball. She came out, and immediately noticed that she was surrounded by people. She nervously scrambled up my leg, and leapt atop my head, shivering.
“She makes a really good hat.” I announced, and held out Cubones Pokéball.
“This here’s Cubone.” I dropped the ball, and there were confused mutters as to the Pokémon I released.
“That’s a Marowak!” one of the pupils in the front row snorted.
“Yeah, so?” I snapped, “He’s Cubone.”
“That’s a swell name for a Marowak…” the pupil sneered sarcastically.
I took a deep breath, and prepared for the most drastic moment of my life. It was time to let the memory of Cubone go…
“Alrighty,” I sighed, “He’s the Marowak formerly known as Cubone!”
“Hah!” the pupil cackled, “You bonehead…”
Marowak assumed that that remark was directed towards him, and proceeded to whip out his bone, and slap the snot out of the pupil.
Before Mrs. Wienerface could intervene, I had already dropped Mareeps Pokéball.
“This is Mareep!” I proudly announced.
She shot out, and posed proudly… before she began shivering. She peered up at the air conditioner, and angrily shot electric bolts at it. Panicked, Klepto squawked as he avoided each volt.
“AND THIS IS LEAVES!” I shouted, and tore Leaves from the drawer. Enraged, he let loose a round of staples he had been collecting in his mouth.
The classroom began to run around screaming, as the pointy staples shot about.

After Leaves had finished, the remaining pupils looked at me, nervous and shocked.
I proudly waved a hand up. “And those are my Pokémon!”

There was scattered applause, as Mrs. Wienerface pointed towards a vacant seat. Most likely vacant because the student who once sat there was now dead, but that’s arguable.
I wandered towards it, with Agwa still clutching onto my head. Leaves followed me, and leapt into the chair, leaving me to sit at the empty spot in the floor.

Mrs. Wienerface turned towards the board, and began writing something. I breathed a sigh of relief. Usually, I would be expelled and jailed for such a display of malice, but remember. ATTILES CITY IS FULL OF STUPID, FORGETFUL PEOPLE!

I leant over towards the person who was sitting in the seat next to mine.
“Hello!” I said with a grin, “I’m Harry Butt… apparently.”
“MARVELLOUS!” the boy responded, and looked at me like a madman.
“Wh-who are you?” I gulped.
“Why, I’m Fred!” he replied, “Fred the madman.”
“Ah. I see.” I muttered. I wasn’t about to argue, he did indeed seem like a madman.
I leant in another direction, and was face to, um, back, with a girl with blonde hair put in a ponytail.
“G’day,” I said somewhat cautiously, “I’m Harry of the Butt family! And you are?”
“Umm…” she droned, and tilted her head, “Jeez, sorry. I’ve forgotten who I am. Just call me Amy.”
“No!” I snapped, “I already know an Amy.”
“Oh, sorry.” She giggled, “Call me Trish, then.”
“Will do.” I replied, and leant once more, which although painful, allowed me to see the last nearby person.
“Howdy.” I wheezed, trying to avoid breaking my back in this hellish state of leaning, “I’m Butt. Harry Butt.”
“Greetings and salutations then, Harry.” The person replied, “My name is Leonard, but unfortunately people opt to calling me Lenny. Nitwits, the lot of them… Most interesting display, might I add. Seemed to get the class motivated in ways not previously seen.”
“Alrighty…”
Correction to earlier statement, ATTILES CITY IS FULL OF STUPID, FORGETFUL PEOPLE, AND A SMART BLOKE NAMED LENNY!

“So let’s get ready for a session of P.E.!” Mrs. Wienerface suddenly announced.
“No!” Lenny snapped, to my shock.
“Why not?” Mrs. Wienerface demanded.
“Because all we do is stand outside and try to remember what session it was!” Lenny groaned.
“Oh come on, Lenny…” Mrs. Wienerface chuckled, “You only get out what you put in!”

Lenny fumed for various reasons.
“Allow me to hypothesise. We go outside, and we do nothing. Therefore we are achieving nothing. Therefore, the only thing we are getting out of doing this nothing is nothing in return.”
He stood up.
“And furthermore, the statement, ‘you only get out what you put in’, is just an excuse to make people feel better that they are not getting fit. It’s an exact testament to how human beings are a pathetic race, and cannot be viewed as otherwise. You put in the effort. Now, theoretically, if you’re getting exactly what you’re giving, you’ll get effort in return. Therefore, you are not gaining any physical improvements, instead you’re just getting more effort to go back the next day and repeat the effort in the hopes that perhaps you can contradict your own damn theory!!”

A hush hit the room. The students all looked at Lenny. Even the one who Marowak had temporarily paused from beating.

“…That’s exactly what I’ve been saying for years now, it is!” Fred shouted.

“Well, I’ve completely forgotten what we were talking about.” Mrs. Wienerface announced, “So I’ll just let us all start on our exams.”
The students all took out pieces of paper, and started writing.

“Damn…” I snapped, “Better get started.”
I looked over at the desk, but… couldn’t find the exam sheet. Panicked, I surveyed the area. Every student had stopped dead, and were pondering the answers. All except Lenny, who was handing his sheet up to the front desk. He looked more annoyed than before. My eyes landed upon Leaves, who shot a giant spitball at someone nearby. I watched as the slimy paper oozed down the back of their head, and I could clearly make out the word ‘exam’.
“Aww Hölle!” I whimpered, “Hölle! Hölle! Hölle!”
I crouched nervously next to the chair. Where would I get a new exam sheet? My best option was to tell the teacher my dilemma, and request a new one. …But I thought that I’d instead steal a sheet from someone else.
I crawled around the classroom, slowly inching towards my random target. I felt like Jaws, or George Bush.

I popped my head up in front of someone who looked stealfromable. I hid underneath their table, reached towards their exam sheet, and grabbed it. I tried to bring it down under the table, but it appeared to be… stuck. I frantically yanked at it, but to no avail. I peered up to see why. The student had twelve gluesticks on the table, and another three in his mouth. …Perhaps he had prepared for such an instance.
Annoyed, I crawled under the next table. By my calculations, it was Fred’s. Perhaps he would be a good person to take an exam sheet from I reached up, and felt around. I worried that perhaps he’d notice this hand reaching around his table, but hoped that he’d assume it was Thing. My hand finally fell upon a sheet, and I pulled it underneath the table. I anxiously looked at it. However, it wasn’t the exam sheet. It read, in big letters, ‘I am MAD.’
I groaned, and crumpled it up. I was getting pretty mad myself.
I continued to the next table. I reached up, and CHOMP! Something bit my hand! I held back a scream, and looked up. Leaves was chortling to himself. …That was obviously my table.
Onward I went, under the next table. I reached my hand up, and was met with a:
“Who’re you?”
“Uh-oh…” I gulped. This kid was actually smart enough to realise that there was a hand in front of him.
“Umm… I’m the sheet muncher!” I grumbled in a gruff voice, and opened and closed my hand as if it were talking.
“Oh no!” the kid gasped, “What do you want??”
“I’m hungry!” I replied, “I want you to give me your sheet!”
“Okay, okay!” the kid gulped, and stuck the sheet in my grasp.
“Yummy!” I growled, and pulled my hand down. I looked anxiously at the sheet.

Eggs
Toothpaste
Bread
Molasses

“Great.” I snarled to myself. Perhaps it would’ve been wise to tell him WHICH sheet I was after.

I sighed, and realised that all my Pokémon were sort of… still out of their Pokéballs, and causing havoc. Gosh, I guess I was preoccupied.
I returned Agwa to her ball first, and as she left, she took with her a wad of my hair. I slid across the floor to Marowak, and returned him as well, finally ceasing his relentless beating. I looked towards the front of the class. Klepto was mourning the death of his precious air conditioner, and Mareep was still shivering unnoticed.
I stood up, and crept slowly towards them. I returned Klepto, and looked up at Mareep. She looked back, and growled at me.
“Come on, Mareep…” I said quietly, “Nobody has to know we’re here…”
“Reeee!” she squealed, and dashed towards the window. She leapt up a surprising distance, and ripped down the curtain. The classroom was hit with a bright light, and everyone looked at Mareep and I. There was another silence, other than Leaves cackling at the misfortune of the situation.
Rather than care about the situation, Mareep chose to wrap herself snugly in the curtain she had removed.
“This couldn’t get worse…” I groaned quietly, when all of a sudden Mr. McLanty burst into the room.
“What’s goin’ on here??” he roared, and doing this, shot off a wave of spittle. A drop hit Mareep in the eye, and she began to growl.
“Oh dear…” I gulped, and leapt behind Leaves for cover.
“MAREEEEEEEEEEEP!!!” Mareep bellowed, and unleashed a thunderbolt across the classroom. Leaves and I cowered under the range, listening on to the pained screams.

Finally it stopped, and I promptly returned Mareep to her Pokéball.
Leaves and I stood there quietly, as the students, Mrs. Wienerface, and a very unhappy Mr. McLanty stared at us.

“Umm…” I gulped, then quickly pointed at the wall, “Look! JOHN WAYNE!!”
As everyone looked in that direction, Leaves and I bolted from the room, and ran down the hallway. It was safe to say that I didn’t pass my exam.
As we boldly attempted to navigate the seemingly endless halls, there was a shaky voice over the PA system.
“Attention, teachers, students and anyone else listening!” McLanty roared, “Evacuate your classrooms and find two misfits! A small boy and his even smaller Bulb-is-sore!”
“See?” I poked my tongue at Leaves, “Told you you were a Bulb-is-sore…”
“The boy has brown hair, and an awful dress sense,” McLanty continued, “Goes by the name Harry Butt!” There was a slight pause. “Ha ha. Very funny. In any event, all the doors are locked so they cannot escape! Find them, destroy them, KILL THEM!!” I shuddered at his words. “Additionally, lunch in the cafeteria today will be meatloaf.”
“Aww Hölle…” I groaned, “I hate meatloaf…”
Leaves looked at me angrily.
“Oh, and additionally we appear to be trapped.”
We navigated around a corner, and straight into an entire year level of students.
“That can’t be good…” I whimpered, and turned around, “About face!”
However, it’s now that I noticed yet another year level on the other side of us. We were trapped, and being flanked. In Dungeons & Dragons, that means twice the damage.
They began heading in our direction.
“We’re gonna beat you to two ugly bloody pulps!” I heard one state, and as we were not currently racing towards two ugly bloody pulps, I assumed he was referring to us.

I piffed a Pokéball to the floor, and Marowak fired out, looking all too ready to run away from the dilemma.
“Cueball!” I gasped, “Urm, rather, Marowball! DO SOMETHING!!”
Marowak nodded, and raised his fingers for Metronome. He then shone a bright shine.
“Oh no… please tell me… he’s not about to use…”

Explosion. The Pokédex announced. …Current ‘Aww Hölle’ count: 33.

Leaves and I braced ourselves, when finally Marowak let loose an explosion that tore apart the entire school. Walls, halls, and every other sort of all was blown in every direction, and we were shot right out of the building. What happened next was a blur, but Leaves, Marowak and I were sent right out of Attiles City. We were all charred and steaming, and glaring angrily at Marowak who, although exhausted, thought the whole situation was a little funny.

“And there you have it…” I wheezed, “Another lawsuit…”
A book from the school landed, and Leaves rolled his eyes, knowing all too well what I was about to do.
I picked it up, and held it high.
“And that’s the end of that chapter!” I announced, and threw it lazily to the air. A piece of paper floated down from it, and I grabbed it curiously.
“Hey look!” I said with a grin, “It’s the exam sheet! Maybe I can avoid failing it after all!”
I took another glance, and realised there was only one question. Although it was hard to read, I could barely make it out.
“Bul?” Leaves muttered, curiously.
“What was the question?” I took a random stab and assumed that’s what he was referring to, “Well, the question was…”
I read the sheet.

Name.

My eyes widened, and I threw my hands to the sky.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO………………”
Andrew
24th October 2003, 04:50 AM
Hee! You had me laughin out loud in some of the parts of this. Mew Trainer Rose's theory was actually quite a good one!

Ah so back to school for our loveable wierdo, and his team of
MarrowBall
Leaves
Klepto
Agwa and Mareep.

Still, the answering of the questions was classic, and the stapler gag too.

The explosion was a bit hammy, but I was expecting kids to start running around and talking about Terrorists. lol. And the Jaws=Bush comment = Gold. Great work DK, I love it.
Drago
4th November 2003, 08:08 PM
A trainer named Tony, a ‘saur named Leaves
Throughout the struggles remain thick as thieves
With their travels, you’re certain to see
Kookiness, madness, and charming Plan B
And although it started with just the two
Many other oddballs soon joined the crew
A kleptomaniac, a dancer high-powered
A nudist, and the inevitable coward
And although more lay just over the horizon
Anyone who knows, would surely be advisin’
For them to run, for them to run fast
Rather than join the Minty Thrill cast
For Tony, you see, is thick in the head
In all these antics, he should be dead
But on he lives, long live the king
To continue with his questing… thing
So look ahead, look proud if you will
For another year… of Minty Thrill

“Whaddya think, Leaves?” I said proudly, with a goofy grin on my face, “Have I outdone myself with this poem, or what??”
Leaves nodded in approval, though seemed a tad sceptical.
He tapped his claw on the line where I stated myself to be ‘thick in the head’.
“Hey!” I snapped, “Now why would that be there?”
Leaves shook his head. I don’t think he believed me anymore.
“Oh come on…” I sighed, “What in hell’s bells makes you think I didn’t write it?”
He peered down at the bottom of the poem, where, in bold writing, was Mareep’s signature.

I crumpled up the poem, and shook my head.
“Aww Hölle…”

***********************
Yes indeed! It was a year ago on this day, November the 5th (Australian time) that Minty Thrill first saw sunlight, moonlight, and perhaps even a flashlight.

It sure has been zany, and it's sort of gone by quick, I think. I'd like to thank all my readers, supporters, and Werdnazo. He just sits there, looking important :P j/k

I'm looking forward to seeing what this new age brings for Minty Thrill, and I'm going to do my damndest to make sure that the 30th chapter makes a good start for a new year of Thrill!

Peace, peeps!
classy_cat18
4th November 2003, 10:33 PM
Good poem. :P

Yeah, I read your fic when I have the time. It's funny; a good pick-me-up when I'm having a bad day, and I've been having a few of those.
E_Eevee
9th November 2003, 03:14 PM
The havoc, the havoc. You think they could visit my school? I'd love that :D Okay, my old school anyway. Poor Lenny. He should have run away. I wouldn't have minded that PE, beats running laps over and over and over and over again.

Country, why western of course LOL The questions were great, but I loved the Bush-bash and him scronging around under the desks.
Drago
25th November 2003, 06:14 AM
classy_cat18: Hey, new readers are good to have, and it's great to know that MT is a good pick-me-up. Means a lot. ^_^
E_Eevee: Yeah, the desk scrounging was easy to write; it was based on a true story... O_o Well, a little bit of creative changes here and there, but still. Incidently, there's a fun fact about Lenny that I might save for later... I like fun facts!!

And hey guess what! Attiles City isn't quite through yet, I thought I'd send it off with this most unusual addition...

MINTY THRILL
“Why resist?”
Chapter 30
Further Example of Random Horror

“So, the final flickering of the campfire wakes Sherlock Holmes. He stretches, and looks up at the night sky. He rapidly pokes Watson, and points up towards the stars.
‘Tell me Watson,’ Holmes mutters, ‘what do you see?’
Watson yawns, and strokes his beard lazily.
‘I see an array of light, a show to be presented to the nocturnal beasts of the night. An exciting yet simple compilation of twinkling lights, belying the massive expanse of the sky, as though to achieve some higher cause.’
Watson sits there, thoughtfully, before replying,
‘What do you see, Holmes?’
So Sherlock whips his head in Watson’s direction, his eyes filled with rage.
‘Watson, you freak, some mook has stolen our tent!!’”

James slapped his tiny knee, howling with laughter after telling his newest joke.
I peered over at Leaves, who put a look on his face as though to ask, ‘can I eat him?’
I sighed, and placed James on my shoulder so he could crawl back into my ear.
“Tell me, how is it you come upon all these jokes while living in my head?” I muttered.
“The TV reception in here is great.” James nonchalantly replied as he hopped back in.

I stood up, and began walking.
“You know Leaves, all these conversations with tiny blokes in my head is starting to get weird…”

I reached into the oversized backpack I had recently acquired from a dumpster, and pulled out the Furudo map.
“Okey-dokey…” I muttered, looking down at the map then up at my surroundings to make a comparison, “According to this map… Attiles City has a direct link to Basusu Town… but that seems a tad drab…”
I glanced around for alternatives, then shot a wild look at Leaves.

“How about we head in the opposite direction?” I suggested giddily, “I’m sure that’d be a blast, and by the looks of things… Once we hit Burake Town, we could take the river trail to Lake Faxworth, then head out to sea, and end up in a direct circle to Basusu Town!”
I looked on with a starry-eyed gaze, picturing my crew backpacking through the routes. It’d be just like Daniel Boone, only with the lack of the man. The big man. God, those were some crappy lyrics.

Before I could put this master plan into action, however, I heard the feint sound of weeping. I peered around curiously, trying to locate the source. Leaves looked around, a little paranoid it seemed.

Finally my gaze fell upon the sight of a young girl sitting on the doorstep of a dilapidated shack, her face buried in her hands. I strolled over to console her. After all, the house was so depressing it made me want to cry too.

“Hello young lass!” I said in my merriest voice, “I’m Tony, and I came upon the conclusion that you’re not exactly a bucket o’ smiles at the moment.”
She looked up, and a small gasp escaped from my lips. This kid… was so damned pale! Her black hair and freckles seemed to be the only colour she had at all.

“H-hi…” she snivelled, wiping away a tear, “My name is Maraline…”
“Well that’s marvellous!” I said nervously, and began walking away, “I hope that works out for you…”
I thought I had escaped from the uber-creepy kid, until I heard her start crying again.

“Oh would you stop that??” I muttered, “You’re depressing the Bulb-is-sore.”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Tony,” she whimpered, “It’s just that I… I don’t know what I’m gonna do.”
She resumed her loud bawling, and I started twitching furiously.
“I’ll tell you what you’re gonna do,” I snapped, “You’re gonna stop that crying, or I’m gonna give your parents an earful of angry!”
At this, she began wailing and shrieking.

I looked around, worried. Various Attiles City residents were looking in the general direction. They had expressions that made me feel like a bad guy. Jeez, it wasn’t like I cut the kid’s toenails with a chainsaw…
“Alright, alright…” I sighed, “What’s your poison? Err, problem.”
“There’s a g-g-ghost in my house!!” she bellowed.
I took another look at the house. It looked to me like the whole thing was an oversized ghost…
“So, I take it you want to be very far away from these ghosts?” I asked, to which she nodded rapidly.
“Will do.” I sighed, and hoisted the disoriented kid over my shoulder.
I plopped her down a couple feet away from the house.
“There, problem solved.” I muttered, and started walking away.

I could only take a mere nine steps (I counted) before the familiar crying resumed.

“Alright, I’ll go in and beat up some ghosts…” I groaned, and marched towards the house. Leaves followed me, a tad reluctantly. Maybe he thought reluctant was the way to go about things.

I took a deep breath, and opened the door. Maraline quickly dashed in, before stopping and seeing what was taking me so long. Frankly, it was the doormat that had caught my attention, but I believe she assumed otherwise.

“Hang on a minute,” I said, “Just need to pull my Pokéballs out.”
I then put a sour look on my face. I was getting sick of all these vulgar mentions.
I pondered for a moment. Perhaps Pokéspheres would be preferable.

Looking quite proud, I grabbed the four Pokéspheres, and dropped them to the ground. Marowak, Klepto, Mareep and Agwa shot out, leaving me quite disappointed that there were no new surprises.
Comfortable that I was now surrounded by various creatures of mass destruction, I merrily strolled into the house.
Leaves, Klepto and Mareep stayed close by my side, while it was up to Marowak to drag Agwa along.

“I don’t know when the ghosts really got here, but they’ve been scaring me for a couple weeks.” Maraline said softly, sitting on a large sofa, “It’s been getting worse every day.”
“Well, perhaps now that we’re here, they’ll get scared and run away!” I said confidently.
Marowak hopped into a beanbag, which he sunk into comfortably. That is, if it’s comfortable to be practically enveloped in the thing. He didn’t seem to think so, as he started frantically pounding at the beanbag with his bone.
I groaned, knowing that my team was about as intimidating as a bowl of soup.
“The one good thing, though, is that I know where they are.” Maraline continued, in what sounds like a pretty obvious statement, “Are you ready for me to take you there?”
“Err, uh, not exactly…” I gulped, “I’m a little …hungry right now, think I’ll grab a snack!”

I leapt up from the floor, and dashed out of the room. I was in way over my head. And I’m a pretty tall guy, so that’s a lot of way to be in.

I stumbled clumsily into a random room, which funnily enough was the kitchen. I decided to make good on my snacking claims, and wandered around looking for something to chew on.
I didn’t have to look long before I found an old refrigerator, covered with spider webs.
“Nothing does better to whet the appetite…” I grumbled, swatting them aside.
I pulled the door open, and took a look at the contents. Inside were several cackling, rotting heads.
Death…
Doom…
Mary Tyler Moore…
They wailed.

I sighed, and moved one aside. Just more severed heads.
“Nothing there.” I muttered, and continued my stroll around the kitchen.
There were an awful lot of knives, and morbid cookie cutters shaped like machetes. …Or perhaps they were machetes. Who knows.

I opened the cupboard, and out stumbled an axe-wielding suit of armour.
“Who goes there?” it commanded, in an echoey voice.
“Nobody!” I squeaked, hoping I could disguise myself as nobody.
“You wouldn’t happen to be friends with that Maraline wench, would ye?” the suit of armour questioned.
“No, of course not!” I gulped, “I hate her! Hate her, hate her, hate her.”
The suit of armour leant back slightly. “Likewise… However, is the enemy of my enemy my friend… or my enemy?”
“Well, I could be the friend of the enemy’s enemy,” I replied, “But I don’t know you very well. I mean, who knows, maybe I’m the friend of the friend of the enemy.”
“Pish posh!” the suit of armour roared, “I’m the enemy of the enemy, and friends of the enemy are enemies of me and my friends.”
“But how can you be sure?” I accused, poking it in the chestplate, “Your friends could be friends of the friends of the enemy, in which case you would be the enemy’s friend’s friend’s friend’s friend, in which case you would be my enemy!” I paused for a moment, “And a very friendly one at that.”
“Very well,” it sighed, stepping back into the cupboard, “But beware… BEWARE…”
It slammed the cupboard door shut, and I stood there, trying to figure out what the hell had just happened.
“Oh, and um, tell me if you happen to find a sandwich in the fridge. I keep putting stuff in there, but those damn heads keep eating it…”

Slowly, I backed away back to the front room.
“Alrighty, now that I’ve shuffled through heads and argued with armour, I feel I’m ready to take on these ghosts of your’s.” I said glumly.

I followed Maraline up a ladder, and could feel a cold chill as we approached the trapdoor above us.
“Jeez…” I shuddered, “There must be ghosts up here, it’s pretty cold. It’s like ice!”
She opened up the door, and we stepped up. …And into a miniature hockey rink. Holy hell.

“So tell me…” I said slowly, “What is this doing in your attic?”
“It wasn’t always here!” Maraline whined, “The ghosts made it!”
I leant down towards the ice, “Well, pretty intuitive ghosts. This is class right here.” I leant further, and ended up with a faceful of ice.

I shook it off, and looked back to Maraline’s direction. However, there was nobody there except my shivering Pokémon. I slowly slid towards Mareep. She was so cold, she had turned blue. Well, bluer than usual.
“Don’t worry Mareep…” I sighed, “You’re not alone, Agwa must be cold too. I mean, look at her shiver.”
And truthfully, Agwa was shivering uncontrollably. However, she had turned quite pale. I looked forward to see what she was looking at, and was face to face with the 1874 Dezu Sliders, a team notorious for being brutal to their opponents… and quite dead, really. They held hockey sticks in their hands, that had been equipped with spikes and various other unsafe objects.
“Kill youuuu…” they droned in unison, skating towards us. It sounded almost musical, in a ghostly hockey sort of way.
“I…can’t…believe it…” I said slowly, gasping for breath.
“I…I…
LOVE YOU GUYS!!”

I leapt towards the ghosts, pen and paper in hand.
“Can I have your autographs?”
I ran up to the goalie, Vason Joorhees.
“You’re my favouritest player in the whole world, Mr. Joorhees!” I bubbled, “Can I have your mask?”
I pulled off his mask, with a grin on my face. It diminished, however, when I noticed that years of being dead had not been kind to Vason’s complexion.
“I see you need it more.” I muttered, and placed it back on.

One of them lifted his spiky hockey stick above his head.
“Hockill!” he wailed, and swung at me with all his might.
I grabbed it just before it hit me, and snatched it away.
“Jeez, you’ve gotta be more careful, pal. You could use a trainer…” I snapped, then was hit with a great idea.
“I could be a trainer!” I cheered, “Better yet, I could be a part of the team!”
I took the stick in one hand, closed my eyes and swung in madly in the hopes of impressing my heroes. “See what a swing I’ve got?”
They must’ve been impressed, I could hear them screaming wildly.

However, when I opened my eyes, the team wasn’t there. Instead, there was a pile of limbs and torsos.
“Aww Hölle, I’ve killed the dead sportspeople…”

“Are you coming??” a voice from the sidelines snapped. I looked over to see that it was Maraline, “There are more this way.”
I shrugged, placed Agwa and Mareep under each arm, and followed Maraline to a long hall.
“You’d better be careful,” Maraline warned, “Hanging Harold is known to drop in here…”
I gulped, and walked cautiously.
I peered down at Leaves, who was ripping threads from the carpet as he walked. Klepto and Marowak shared the headphones, and seemed completely oblivious to the situation.

Maraline’s head suddenly whipped up, and she pointed at the incredibly high ceiling with fear.
“Oh no!” she squealed, “Here comes Hanging Harold!!”
I looked up, and a rotund fellow with a noose around his neck was falling towards us at high speed, brandishing a mace and laughing insanely.
I ducked for cover, as he plummeted right above me.
“Save me, Poseidon!!” I wailed, hoping to get the sympathies of a random god.
Suddenly, the laughing was replaced by a loud snap. I looked up at Hanging Harold, who was swinging back and forth, lifeless. He appeared to have been… hung.

“…Well, that was easy.” I said with a grin, “What next?”
Maraline looked at me curiously, and continued into the next room.
“Now here’s where things get REALLY scary…” she gulped, “Big Boris, Little Louie, and Medium Mike all come here to get rid of unwanted intruders.
I nodded. It made sense, the room looked like a lovely place for killing. It was big, and about the only feature it had was a large hole in the middle of the floor.
My ears pricked, and I could hear a soft wailing.
“Yikes, they’re coming…” I gasped, and dropped Agwa and Mareep to the floor. I looked around frantically, as the wailing got louder and louder. Still, I couldn’t see any ghosts.
I looked down at Leaves, who was breaking into a cold sweat. Agwa and Mareep were still reeling from the fall. Marowak and Klepto were singing a Bob Marley song. I looked back at Leaves, who shrugged.

“Hmm… Wailing sound… Wailers…” I muttered, “Hang on, Bob Marley AND THE WAILERS?”
I whirled back towards Marowak and Klepto. They were wailing to the music, proving to be the cause of the sound, and not very good singers. I breathed a sigh of relief, when all of a sudden, Maraline screamed.
“It’s Big Boris!!” she squealed.

And indeed, a big bloke who looked quite like the Boris type was making a beeline for us. He swung a club madly, and was deceptively fast.
“Oh no!” I cried.
Big Boris ran right for us and… fell down the hole.
We stood there for a brief moment, when another figure came into view. This time it was a lean ghost, flailing nunchaku.
“It’s Medium Mike!!” Maraline squealed.
“Oh no!” I cried.
Medium Mike ran right for us and… stole Big Boris’ idea. Yup, he was holebound.
There was another pause, when there formed a midget ghost swinging an intimidating-looking flute.
“It’s Little Louie!!” Maraline squealed.
“Oh no?” I muttered.
Little Louie apparently had more brains than the previous two, so he jumped when he reached the hole. …Unfortunately, he wasn’t very good at jumping.
We stood there, exchanging bemused looks.
“Uhh… Maybe you should get that fixed?”

Maraline suddenly ran from the room into the next one, which was dark and foreboding. I would’ve preferred it if it were light and inviting, but you can’t have everything.

We followed her faithfully, and ran confusedly through the dark.
“Maraline??” I called, “Where’dja go?”
We kept running, until I lost my footing, and fell down another hole. This sure was a holy house…

A light lit above us, and I shook my head and got a grip on the surroundings. All of my Pokémon had followed to join me down here, and it seemed that we weren’t in a hole, but a long pit, with no visible way of getting back up. Everyone got to grips with their surroundings, and I looked up to see Maraline standing at the top of the pit.

“Maraline, get us outta here!” I wailed, when all of a sudden she started giggling.
“I didn’t think you’d get this far…” she yelled down at us, “But now daddy’s gonna getcha!!”
“And you know what,” I muttered, “That genuinely frightens me.”
I stood up, and put a sad look on my face in the hopes that I could convince Maraline to let us up.
“Come on, we’ll do anything you want!” I wailed, and looked around. “It puts the lotion on its skin, it really does!”
Suddenly, there was a strange sound echoing off the walls. It appeared to have some sort of beat.
Then, there was a low voice, that stated simply, dead man walking.

No… It couldn’t be…

Then, I could hear a guitar. A tune belted out,
You’ve done it now,
You’ve gone and made a big mistake
And I can’t allow
For you to think you can just walk away…

“Aw jesus.” I groaned, and fell back, “It’s the freakin’ phenom.”
A seven-foot-tall ghost appeared from the top of the hole. He was pale, had long, black hair, and wore black clothes and an arguably fashionable black hat.
“Hey look!” I said giddily, “It’s the old school Undertaker! Haven’t seen him for a while…”
Leaves rolled his eyes, and the Undertaker lifted his gloved hand.
I levitated up towards the top of the pit, and was face to face with Taker.
“My daughter says you’ve been causing problems…” Taker snarled.
“Yeah, I probably have. But could you do that eye trick for me?” I said hopefully, “You know, the whole rolling in the head thing?”
“I don’t do that!” he snapped.
“Then what do you do that’s so scary?” I asked, getting more and more disappointed.
“You want scary?” he said in an eerie voice, “Get a load of this!”
He blinked, and the light turned off. He blinked again, and the light returned.
“Pssh.” I snorted, “That’s not scary.”
“Whaddya mean?” Taker roared, and inadvertently blinked, turning the lights back off.
“Dammit!” he groaned, and blinked again.

“So what else you got?” I sighed.
Taker grinned an evil grin, turned around, then flicked his hand in my direction. I cowered with fear, but… nothing happened.
“Uhh… what exactly did you do?” I muttered.
He cackled, and held up his hand. In it, he held… my boxers!
I gasped.
“Good god! The Undertaker stole my boxers!!”

“Undertaker?” he snorted, “What ARE you on about?”
I could feel a groan coming on.
He leant back slightly, and a clash of thunder roared overhead.
“I am… THE UNDERWEARTAKER!!”
I couldn’t help but groan. Good thing I had prepared one.

So it was, yet another World Wide Evil goon was standing before me.
“So could you get onto the point of all this?” I grumbled.
“Well, you see, Maraline lures people into this house.” Underweartaker chortled, “…And they never return!!”
“And you do what, exactly?” I said confused, “I mean, you lead people in here to stay? How long you been doing this for? Dragging so many people in here would mean a lot of mouths to feed…”
“Enough talk!” Underweartaker roared, and closed his eyes. …Of course, this made the lights go out.
“Dammit dammit dammit.” He shouted, and blinked again.
“Now then, I challenge you to a Pokémon battle!!” he said, and waved his hand down towards the pit.
“You will use the chirping pillow and the hunchback dinosaur.” He commanded, and Leaves and Klepto floated up at my side. Although, Klepto always could’ve flown out himself. Go figure.

“Very well,” I said confidently, “We shall battle!”
I stepped forward, inadvertently kicking Klepto in the back of the head.

Confidently, the Underweartaker laughed. And laughed. And laughed. For about twenty minutes. It wasn’t even an evil laugh. More like he had just remembered a funny joke. Even Maraline looked embarrassed.
I shook my fist at my opponent. “Keep chortling and I’ll cram my Skitty down yer throat.”

Underweartaker regained his composure, and went back to looking intimidating.
“Then I’ll get out my Pokéball.” He announced.
I shook my head. “PokéSPHERE.” I snapped, “Quit living in the past.”
“Time for agony, Doom!” The Underweartaker roars, and sends out a curious-looking ghost Pokémon. It was green, and solid, unlike most ghosts. However, it was emanating a ghostly glow.

I snatched out the Pokédex (which I should perhaps think of also renaming) and pointed it with marvellous accuracy at the opposing Pokémon.

Breloom… An RS Grass/Fighting Pokémon… There was then a whirring sound, as though the ‘dex was taking in new information as it went. Although, there are frequency waves emanating…from this Pokémon that is more reminiscent… of the Ghost-type… Perhaps it utilizes the abilities…of all three types?

“Alrighty…” I muttered, confused, “Kleppers has the advantage, so go to it young bird-thing!”
Klepto dutifully flipped towards the opposition, launching off a psychic blast. The Breloom shuddered slightly, then continued staring at Klepto, its eyes glowing a creepy red.
“Ooh, that ain’t good.” I gulped, “Leaves, get in there with an almighty spear/tackle!”

Leaves barrelled at Doom with all his might, but instead of colliding with the target, he went right through it.
“Aww Hölle!” I croaked, “He does seem to be quite ghostly…”

Dooms red eyes flashed white, and Leaves and Klepto were encased in a cloak of darkness. They cried in pain that I couldn’t for the life of me understand.
“Oh no!” I gasped, “He’s, uh, scaring them with his darkness, or something…”
Leaves and Klepto eventually scrambled out, beaten and battered. They didn’t look like they had much left in them.
“Right, if physical and psychic attacks won’t work, maybe Grass ones will!” I pointed my finger at Doom as though they needed directions, “Leaves, use Vine Whip!”
Leaves stared at me, confused.

“Come on, Leaves, you’ve done it before… Vine Whip!!” I shouted.
Leaves broke out in a panicked sweat, as he looked at the Breloom target.
He… sort of stood there, doing nothing.

“Brilliant.” I rolled my eyes, “How ‘bout an Ice attack? Anyone got one of those?”
“Marooooow!” Marowak shouted the affirmative from down in the pit.
“Bloody well brilliant, then.” I groaned.

Meanwhile, Doom disappeared and reappeared in a plethora of different locations, before spinning rapidly around Leaves and Klepto, whacking them with various different kung-foo moves.

“Agg, Breloom Lee is cleaning house!” I gulped, “And Leaves and Kleppers are almost down… I guess I’ll have to use… PLAN B!!”

Instinctively, Leaves and Klepto put Plan B into action. Leaves ripped out the brass knux from…well, I dare not say, and smacked Doom across the chops. This gave Klepto the time to barrel down the pit, and pull up Marowak, who launched off his Icy Wind attack.
The wind ripped around the room, and headed in Doom’s direction.
His eyes went pale, and he disappeared abruptly.

However, the attack still managed to clean up Leaves, Klepto and even Marowak, all of whom quite obviously are at a slight disadvantage to it.

They all tumbled to the floor, and Doom reappeared, cackling in an evil Breloom way.
“Give it up, kid, you’re through!” the Underweartaker blurted, reminding me that he was there. Well, he had been quiet for quite a while.

However, there was another sound breaking the silence. It was a… chattering sound. I looked towards the pit, and to everyone’s shock, Mareep was climbing out! She was shivering insanely, covered in snowflakes from the Icy Wind. She looked miffed…

And when Mareep’s miffed, everybody dies.

“Maweeeeeeee…” she snarled, static clinging to the tuft of fluff on her head.
“Oh crapola, this ain’t good…” I gulped, as Underweartaker and Maraline exchanged glances. They nodded, and disappeared in a most ghostly way.
Confused, Mareep stopped charging her attack, and looked around. They were gone as ghosts could be. I looked back towards Doom, who lowered his head slightly, and disappeared as well.

I sat back against the wall.
“And the saddest part of all this is that that sumbitch still has my underpants…”
********************************
We were quick to leave the house, now that it was filled with ghosts that we had killed. Dead ghosts, no less.

“Nice job, guys.” I said with a grin, and smiles were abound. “…’cept you, Agwa.”
“Skitty!” she snapped, and poked her tongue at me.
I returned them all to their Pokéspheres, when my hand landed upon something strange. A ball that hadn’t been there before.
“Great…” I groaned, “Has Klepto found yet another cherry bomb?”

I took it out. It had a glassy shine to it, and seemed to in fact be a Pokésphere.
I dropped it to the ground and, to my surprise, was met with Doom the Breloom! Leaves backed up defensively, and let out a low growl.

“Huh?” I muttered, bemused, “How in the hell did you get there?”
Doom just stared at me, in a gaze that could only be described as evil. …Or perhaps stoned, but drugs are evil, so that’s close enough.
“Well, if you’re freeloading for a while, I guess I better inject that serum now…” I reasoned, and pulled out the Weedle horn.

I poked it at Doom’s arm, but it went right through it!
He looked down at it, then at me.
“Uhh, well, you seem tame enough.” I muttered, “So welcome to the team!”
I outstretched my hand for a handshake. He looked at my hand, then back at me.

“Pfft, fine then.” I huffed, “You’re dead to me, man.”
A creepy smile crossed Doom’s face, and he hovered around us.
“And, uh…” I gulped, “I guess you’re pretty dead to everyone else for that matter…”
Drago
27th November 2003, 01:29 AM
(Best Captain Blubber impersonation) Wa-hay!
Just updated the character profiles, so now it has like another twenty needless profiles. Check it out on page 5, it's a lot more effort than I thought it would be!

Additionally, Chapter 31 is in progress. I already know what's going to happen. Although, I guess everyone already has a pretty fair idea by now anyway, eh?
Drago
8th December 2003, 01:32 AM
Finally, I can get me damned bird chapter outta the way! And the next chapter has already been roughly planned out. What can I say, I'm a writing fool! (Emit the word writing, if you wish) ^^;

MINTY THRILL
“There’s no substitute for quality!”
Chapter 31
Birds, Battles, and a Bloke Named Ben

“IT’S MINE, DAMMIT!!!”
I dived to the ground as quick as I could. I skidded to a painful halt across the unforgiving sidewalk, and then laid still for a while, not in pain, but in pure bliss. For I had just claimed something most marvellous, and my determination seemed to example just how much I deserved it.
I looked up at a bemused Leaves, and a grin spread across my face. I held in my hand the object I had just made such an effort for.
“I FOUND AN EARRING!!” I cried triumphantly, despite Leaves being right in front of me. I got up, and brushed myself off.
“And it’s a good thing, it was in such clear sight, who knows who might’ve taken it before me…”
I looked around briefly. There didn’t appear to be a soul in sight, much less an earring-obsessed one. There was just emptiness, and a fire hydrant. Perhaps an earring-obsessed fire hydrant, but perhaps not.

“So let’s put it on!” I said with a grin, and placed it against my ear. It fell unceremoniously to the ground, so I frowned and tried again. However, it yielded the same results.
“What in hell’s bells is wrong with this stupid earring?” I snapped, and inspected it.
After brief thought, I realised that my ear wasn’t pierced.
“Minor setback,” I muttered, then looked malevolently at Leaves, “How about you wear it?”

I handed it over to Leaves, who looked at it for a brief moment, then proceeded to eat it.
“Hey! You ate my earring…” I stated the obvious, “Perhaps I should take this as an indication that we haven’t eaten for several days?”
Leaves nodded rapidly.
“Well, how was I supposed to know…” I said dully, before peering back at the city behind me.
“Although… I can’t exactly remember the way to Nine’s Dines…” I continued, biting my lip.
I shrugged, and started towards the route to the next town. “So perhaps we’ll find some food this way?”

Despite Leaves’ garbled protests, we were on our way to the next city. Or town, as the case was. The route was not exactly an example of friendliness. Just a cobblestone path that lacked any discernable features.
I looked down at Leaves. He didn’t seem too happy. It was safe to assume that it was because the earring was tearing apart his insides, but where’s the fun in that? I instead realised that this route needed some sprucing up.
“Never fear, Leaves,” I said suddenly, “I know just what to do!”

I pulled out my tail, and looked at it for a moment. It was currently brown. Not exactly a merry colour. I squeezed it for a while, and as the brown paint oozed out, it slowly changed to a yellow shade.
“There!” I stated, smiling, “This oughta cheer us up!”
I looked back at Leaves, who was snarling at me, covered in the brown paint.

With a flourish, I pointed my tail to the ground, and fired with about as much accuracy as a hippopotamus with a bow and arrow.
After a while, I held fire, and admired my work.
In the middle of the path, there was now a messily defined yellow line. It wasn’t as wide as I had hoped, but it would have to suffice.
“There!” I said happily, “Now we can follow the yellow brick road!”

I started marching, as Leaves reluctantly followed, hanging his head low.
“Although, you know, this yellow line reminds me of something.” I said quietly, tapping my chin, “It almost makes it look like a road itself… Why, if someone was really really stupid, they might end up driving down this road!”

I stopped dead in my tracks, and Leaves bumped into me.
“Saur!” he snapped, trying to push me forward.
“No Leaves, I’m afraid my own clichés have done me in again…” I sighed, “With my luck, after saying this looks like a road, and that someone really stupid will drive down it, it’s simply inevitable that a car will drive down this road, and hit me.”
I braced myself, as Leaves turned around. I noticed his eyes going wide, as he shuffled slightly off to the side.
“That’s my cue…” I muttered, and turned around. My eyes widened as well when I spotted the oncoming vehicle.
“Oh look, it’s not a car…
It’s a truck!”
********************************
I woke up, not in a hospital or morgue as I had suspected (assuming of course that it’s possible wake up in a morgue…), but lying down in the backseat of a truck. It was pretty safe to assume that this was the truck that had hit me. Angrily, I leant over, and punched the nearest wall. If it was able to hit me, it’s only right that I hit it back.

“Oh, you’re finally awake!” a gruff voice chortled, and I turned towards it. The truck driver slowly pulled off to the side, and leant back towards me, “Took you long enough.”
“What do you expect?” I cried accusingly, “I just got hit by a truck!!”
“Uhh, no…” the truck driver muttered, “I stopped several feet away from you, you just fainted.”
“Well it still hurt!” I snapped, “I feel I deserve some reconciliation!”
I quickly snatched the pine freshener.
“I’m taking this!” I hissed.

He shrugged, and turned back towards the road.
“Well, the name’s Benjamin. Benjamin Bath.” He said nonchalantly.
“Could’ve fooled me…” I wheezed, wafting away the stench of the fellow.
“So where you headed?” he continued.
I looked at him blankly. There was no way to go but forward, WHERE THE HELL DID HE THINK I WAS HEADED?
“Uh, Basusu Town…” I said simply, “It’s…right forward.”
“Huh, what a coincidence!” Ben smiled, and started driving again, “I was on my way there too!”

I rolled my eyes, and looked around at my Pokémon, who as one may realise, had decided to let themselves out.
Leaves and Agwa were going through the various compartments for loose change, as Marowak was dancing madly near the radio. He was like a one-Poké mosh pit, although headbanging was still awkward with his larger skull, and he was making dents in the dashboard as he headbutted about.
“Hey, where are my other Pokémon?” I asked as though I cared.
“Eh, a few of ‘em are in the back of the truck…” Ben replied, and pointed towards a window to the back.

I looked through, and could make out Mareep uncharacteristically ripping through boxes, as though she was looking for something. Off in the corner, Klepto was madly swooping at a very annoyed Doom, only to go right through him. My guess is that he wanted to steal Doom’s mushroom hat thing. He was one tenacious bird…

“Hey, what’s goin’ on over there?” Ben said suddenly. I looked out the window to see what he was on about, and could make out several birds swooping and pecking at someone.
“Jeez, those things aren’t happy,” I gulped, “We better help them…”
“Why would we want to help them kill that poor person?” Ben gasped.
“I meant help the person you boob.” I snapped, “But how would we do that?”
Ben swerved the truck in their direction, and there were several squishing sounds under the wheels.
“Ah.” I cringed, “Of course.”

Ben and I got out of the truck, and walked over to the person as the last of the birds flew off. I was a tad confused, when I noticed that several of them were carrying sticks in their beaks. Perhaps they were off to light a campfire, or something.
The person got up, a little shaken, but fine.
“Many thanks, my friends…” he sighed, and I instantly recognised him.
“Lenny?” I said.
“Harry?” Lenny replied, adjusting his glasses.
“Uh, my friends call me Tony…” I muttered.
******************************** (Yes, I do love my stars, thank you.)
“So, you survived the explosion then?” I asked as we sat about in front of the truck.
“Yes, I did in fact.” Lenny said in a huff, “I can’t be so sure for others, and I was in fact on my way to the hospital in Basusu Town…”
“Why not just go to the hospital in Attiles City?” I said.
“Attiles doesn’t have one…” Lenny said quietly, “They replaced it with a pinball arcade.”
“What a great idea!” I gasped, “Uhh, that is to say, umm… yeah.”
“Nonetheless,” Lenny said with a smirk, “I couldn’t care less for your inevitable imprisonment; I’ve got bigger things to attend to.”
“Namely get attacked by a flock of birds?” Ben chimed in suddenly.
“Ah, well…” Lenny muttered, “That’s sort of true, for I had discovered exactly what’s been going on with the birds…”
“They want you dead?” I asked.
“Yes.” Lenny replied.
“For any particular reason?” I continued.
“No, of course not.” Lenny snapped.
“Are you sure?” I asked suspiciously, “Perhaps you owe them money?”
Lenny ignored the remark, and turned towards Ben, in the hopes that he was bright enough to comprehend the situation. Good luck.

“Now, as we’re well aware, the birds of this route have a history of aggression towards humans.”
“I am now.” Ben muttered, already confused.
“So I asked myself, how come it’s humans specifically?” Lenny continued, sounding smarter with each vowel, “I looked into it, and found that the birds were initially aggressive because the mating season was over, and they were just starting to protect their eggs. At this same time, Attiles City had just gotten its… urgh… pinball arcade… and so people began visiting from the impoverished town of Basusu. The birds had been aggressive yearly, but it was only now that tourists had began coming in larger numbers, that the mayor of Attiles City at the time, Mayor Vengler, had seen how much of a threat they were to the rising popularity of the city.
Not wanting to create an alternate route, he ordered for the council to destroy the route, and turn it into a barren cobblestone path. However, it was all in vein, for the eggs had hatched, and the birds were no longer aggressive as construction started. So, had the mayor not been greedy, the problem never would’ve continued. Nonetheless, since all their trees were gone, the birds were sure to move on, or die.”
I peered over at the disinterested Ben, who was playing with a yo-yo.
“It was around this time when reports came in that a new flock of Farfetch’d had been spotted. Doubtlessly you saw that the birds back there were using sticks and the like. Well, the Farfetch’d had taken on a leadership role, and began training the young Pidgey and Spearow to fight with sticks and leeks, just as they do. Now, what many don’t realise is that the Farfetch’d intended for the flock to leave the land, and that the weapons were merely meant as protection. However, before the flock could leave, idiotic hunters came through, and wiped out every Farfetch’d that they could find, due to their rarity.”
Lenny leant forward and frowned, angered at the thought.
“Now that the flock had lost their leaders, all hope seemed lost. What people failed to realise is that in this short time, the birds were docile, but now they had sealed their own fate. A new bird, doubtlessly a Fearow, took the leadership role and, under his rule, the outcast Murkrow flocks gathered here. So now, the ever-growing flock was lead by a Fearow, and had Murkrow in their ranks.
NOW the attacks resumed, and the route has become more or less abandoned in the interim. Now, obviously the original Fearow has died, and one of his offspring had taken control, but the point remains the same.”
Lenny turned toward us and grinned, as though he was about to say something exciting.
“Which takes us to now. In the last couple of weeks, there have been some very interesting statistical reports as to the birds’ actions. Attacks have become less frequent, but more severe. For the first time, people have been hospitalised. Suddenly, the attacks seem more deliberate, and obviously less random. All the people attacked have been very important people. Council members, police officers, and me, the mayor’s son.
Some theorise that the birds have become smarter; others believe that a new Fearow has taken control, but I now know what’s really happened. A new, unheard of bird has come in, and overthrown the previous Fearow. I know that it’s a new bird, because I observed the fresh scars on the various birds. The claw marks, they aren’t quite the same as any other I’ve ever seen. So obviously, this new bird has a bad temperament, and a lot of intelligence. Logically, the best answer would be to kill this bird.
But I now realise, that should this bird be eliminated, another Fearow would take control. What we need to do is defeat this bird… with a Farfetch’d. Once the flock has a leader in the bird they trust, they will do what they had intended ten years ago, and finally leave this accursed place.”

Lenny stopped, most proud of himself. Ben was snoring, and I was sitting there blankly. Lenny kicked Ben in the gut, and he woke immediately.
“So, what do you have to say?” Lenny asked.
“You’re the mayor’s son?” I gasped.
Lenny fumed, “Something to do with the story!”
“What’s a Farfetch’d?” I asked.
“Something INFORMATIVE about the story!” he whined.
I looked at him curiously, “That story was 609 words long.”
“Oh, forget it.” Lenny groaned.

“So, er, umm…” Ben gargled, trying to find something to say, “What do we do?”
Lenny dropped a Pokéball, and out came a… BIRD WITH A STICK!
“Look out, it’s one of the birds!!” I cried, and leapt atop the bird. I punched at it, as it clawed and pecked back. We rolled around, before it finally pinned me down, and began smacking at me with its stick.
“Save yourselves!!” I wailed, “RIGHT AFTER YOU SAVE MEEEEEEEE!!!”

Lenny groaned, and whistled. The bird immediately ran to his side.
“She’s my Farfetch’d, Tony.” He snapped.
“I knew that…” I scoffed, brushing myself off, “I just wanted to make sure SHE knew that…”
I snatched out the Pokédex, and pointed it nonchalantly.

Farfetch’d… a normal/flying bird… Pokémon. It carries an onion sprig… in its beak as a weapon. They are known to be friendly…and amicable Pokémon… but are prone to stealing loose objects.

At that mention, Farfetch’d leapt over, and stole the Pokédex from my grasp.
“Hm, guess it is, too.” I chortled, when Klepto hopped over, and peered at Farfetch’d.
He trilled for a moment, before leaping at Farfetch’d, and snatching the Pokédex back.
“Faaaaaar!” Farfetch’d crowed.

A much smaller and weaker bird, Klepto frantically took flight, and Farfetch’d was quick to follow.
“Kleptomaniac meets… Farfamaniac?” I chuckled, to little to no response.
“Now then, the plan is that Farfetch’d defeats this unknown bird, and in turn, becomes the leader of the flock.” Lenny explained.
“Pfft.” I snorted, “That’s a bit easy, I say we blow everything up.”
“In an effort to frighten the birds?” Lenny muttered.
“No, just so that everything blows up.” I said with a smile.
“I like it!” Ben grinned.

Lenny shook his head, then turned slightly. He covered his eyes from the sun, and pointed ahead.
“Look, I can see them off in the distance.” he announced.
I looked in the direction, and made an audible gulp. There were a whoooole lot of birds, being led by a small, but really fast one.
I would’ve identified it with the Pokédex… if Klepto didn’t still have it.

Lenny was visibly nervous.
“This isn’t good…” he said shakily, “I hadn’t taken into account the rest of the flock. You’ll have to somehow distract them while Farfetch’d and I take on the blue one…”
He turned towards me, “Think you could do that?”
“You bet!” I said with a grin, and snatched Marowak’s bone from his hand.
“Maro?” he grumbled, confused, as I held the bone up high.
I flung it in the direction of the birds, and it… came back before it even got close.
“Dagnabbit, I wish I could throw better…” I snapped, when it swung back and smacked me in the face.
“Dagnabbit, I wish I could duck better…” I snapped, rubbing my most likely broken jaw.

I looked up weakly, and saw that one by one, the birds were beginning to fly toward us.
“Wow, it worked!” I said proudly, and looked around. Ben, Leaves, Marowak and Klepto were already swarming into the truck.
“Hey you cowards!” I snapped, “Wait for this coward!!”

I leapt in, and Ben shifted around uncomfortably.
“Jeez, there ain’t enough room for all of you!” he snapped, “Get in the back of the truck, would ya?”
I nodded, and tripped out. I ran towards the back, and as the last of my Pokémon got into the back of the truck, I made a head count.
Mareep… Leaves… Agwa… Klepto… Doom… Marowak… Farfetch’d…
Farfetch’d?

“Get out, you freeloader!” I snapped, and piffed Farfetch’d towards Lenny.
“Alright, all my Pokémon are in the truck!” I yelled to Ben. He started to drive.

I looked over at Lenny, then at Farfetch’d, who were looking at me, bemused.
“I know I’ve done something wrong.” I muttered, “And that was…”

Leaves looked out at me, also bemused.

“Ah yes, I forgot to get in the truck.” I groaned, and started after them.
“Slow down!” I wailed, as I discovered that I wasn’t quite as fast as a truck.

Above, waves of birds were beginning to turn towards us. In fact, the entire flock was coming after us, except the blue one, which was heading for Lenny and Farfetch’d. Quite a job well done, then.

“Stop the truck!!” I bellowed, and Ben did just that.
I grinned for a brief moment, until of course I collided with the vehicle.
“Owie.” I muttered, and waved my hand, “Right then. Flying Pokémon… I know who would have just the advantage… Come on out, Doom!”

I looked over at Leaves, who was staring at me expressionlessly.
“Just call me Ash Ketchum!” I said with a grin, as Doom floated lazily beside me.
A few of the birds circled overhead, as other birds began swooping down at us.

“Oww!” I whimpered, and looked down at Doom, who was getting progressively more annoyed as each bird pecked at him.
“Do something!” I whined. Doom smirked, and went transparent.

“Oh, that’s REAL helpful…” I snapped, as the birds began focussing entirely on me.
“Would anyone else like to help??” I cried, to no response. In desperation, I reached into the truck, and pulled Mareep out.
I looked down at her, quite confused. She was wearing a thick woolly sweater, with a picture of a Ninja Turtle on it. She wagged her tail, finally protected from the breeze.

“Whatever,” I muttered, and placed my hand on her back, “Now get rid of these birds!”
Mareep nodded, and shot electric sparks at each of the birds.
I cheered her on, ignoring the fact that I had neglected to let go of her.
“Way to *bzzt* go, Mareep! You’re *bzzt* killing ‘em *bzzt* dead! And making everything *bzzt* go all spotty, too…”

I tumbled to the ground, a static mess.
Mareep looked down, confused.
“Don’t stop now!” I shook off the pain, “GO GO GO!!”
“Sure thing!!” Ben called from the front, as truck started moving again.
“Oh no!!” I wailed, and resumed my pursuit.

I ran after the truck like an absolute madman, my arms waving in the air, and birds beginning to peck at me. Through my mind, I could hear only the Benny Hill tune.

“Somebody save me!” I whimpered, and it was of course Marowak who stepped forward, trying to keep balance as the truck went along the path. He threw his bone, and it hit several of the birds.
“Way to go, Marowball!” I cheered.
“Maroow…” he gulped, eyes widened.
I turned around, as the bone was heading back, and right for me.
“I’m really getting sick of this…” I grumbled, as it smacked me across the face. I stumbled and rolled to a stop, as the truck tore off into the distance.
The birds proceeded to flock around and attack. It was a flurry of swooping, pecking, and beatings with sticks. Just like my freshman years.

“Owieeeeee!” I wailed, “Stop it Spearow! Stop it Murkrow! Stop it Natu!”
I paused for a minute. “Stop it Natu?”
I rolled out of the way, and the Natu looked at me sheepishly.
“Thanks a lot, Klepto.” I snapped at him.
“Tuuu…” he chortled, tilting to the side.

The birds regrouped, and began circling me again.
“So what’s the plan, Kleppers?” I gulped. He pecked at me again.
“A NEW plan, preferably.” I snapped at him.
He turned towards the birds, and shot off a psychic blast. A few Murkrow swooped in front, however, and the attack was deflected.
Klepto backed up, nervously.
“Jeez Klepto, it looks like we’re doomed!” I gulped, “…Again.”

The birds tore at us top speed…
And a bizarre claw stretched out of nowhere, and punched one aside. The birds looked around, nervously, as the claw continued to extend and smack them about. It was an amusing sight, like watching a pigeon get beaten up by an accordian.

Sky Uppercut. The Pokédex buzzed out of my pocket.
“Shut up!” I snapped at it, “I put you in there for a reason…”
Do you want… a piece of this? It threatened, and I leant back, a tad nervous.

Nonetheless, the claw bapped the remaining birds about, then formed into a visible form.
“Why, it was Doom all along!” I grinned, as the Breloom floated toward me, “Attaboy Doom, you’re already proving to be of more use than Klepto…”

There was a crowing sound in the distance. I looked in its direction to see that the blue bird was beginning to overwhelm Farfetch’d.

Swellow… an RS bird Pokémon… in the same vein as Pidgey and Hoothoot… They are fast and gutsy… but tend to be quite cocky, and can be easily… stricken from behind.

“Well, I guess we should stricken it from behind then, eh?” I nodded at Klepto and Doom.
They nodded back, and Klepto soared towards Swellow. He darted about it, pecking at it, as Lenny pulled Farfetch’d aside. I pulled out the Weedle horn.

“Alright,” I instructed, “What we’re going to do, is I’m going to put this horn on your claw. Then you do the stretchy punchy thingy, and inject the serum.”

I handed the horn to Doom, and it went right through him.
“Stop doing that!” I snapped.
Doom grinned creepily, and solidified. I placed the horn on his claw, and he began aiming at the Swellow.

I leant back, relieved, when I noticed a strange string protruding from the horn. I followed it, and it lead right back to my coat. Seemed a thread had gotten caught onto the horn.
I turned pale when I realised what that meant.
“Aww Hölle.”

Doom launched off his punch, and me with it. We flung straight towards Swellow, who turned around just in time to see its fate.
We collided, and not only did we inject the serum, but I got a damn fine Headbutt in on the Swellow.
I tumbled to the ground, and looked up at Lenny.
“Hooraaaaaay.” I coughed weakly.
********************************
Despite yet another painful day of mayhem, it seemed that all was well. Ben, Leaves and I stood in front of Lenny, who had all the birds, including Farfetch’d and Swellow, standing behind him.
“So, I take it they’re under your control?” Ben queried.
“Yes, it seems that way!” Lenny grinned, “And I’m most certainly going to put them to good use.”
He turned, and marched his birds back to Attiles City.
“I’m sure you will, Lenny…” I said with a warm smile, “I’m sure you will…

We watched them in the distance, as they suddenly began to run, and take flight.
“ATTAAAAAACK!!” Lenny roared, “Death to all Attilians!!!”

Ben, Leaves and I shared concerned glances.
“Perhaps we should just ignore that?” I stated.
“Agreed.” Ben gulped, nodding slowly.
classy_cat18
8th December 2003, 02:34 PM
That chapter was insane! I loved it when Tony kept forgetting to climb in the truck, plus I felt kinda relieved when Mareep found a sweater. Keep it coming!
Drago
4th January 2004, 01:44 AM
classy_cat18: Yeah, I KNEW Mareep needed a sweater after trying to draw a wool-less Mareep. It was harder than I thought or maybe, you know, I just suck at drawing ^^; Although I could make a request for someone else to give it a shot. Iveechan mebbe... Anyway, thanks for continuing to read!

And here, there are at least two important things that happen in this chapter. Shocking...

MINTY THRILL
“Now with 16% more cheese!”
Chapter 32
A Wet and Pennyless Town

Another psychic blast from Klepto, and the opponent’s tiny blue seahorse Pokémon was struggling to stand. Or flop, as the case was. Hehehe… stupid Ofcoursea.

This battle was surely going to be over as quickly as it had started. I took a moment to recall what exactly had happened. After Ben and I had gotten close to Basusu Town, I noticed a butterfly on the window. It was irritating me, so I tried swatting it off. Sadly, it was on the other side of said window, so I did what anyone would’ve done. Gotten out and sat on the other side.
I rubbed the back of my head, wincing. Doesn’t work quite as well when you’re in a moving truck…
Actually, in all that, I seemed to have forgotten exactly how I did end up in this battle, anyway. My memory just stops at the rolling out of a truck part…

“Return, The Great Horsea!” my opponent commanded, returning the whimpering Pokémon to its ball, “But never fear; The Great Angelo knows what to do! He uses his talent and rugged good looks to overcome all odds…” he flung a new ball with a lot of topspin, and it rolled to a stop on the concrete, “Now it is your turn!”

I watched on curiously, as the Pokémon shot out. One look at its diminutive stature and distinct brown fur, and I leapt back in fear.
“Oh Jesus!!” I squealed, clutching Leaves close, “IT’S EEEEEEVIIIIIIIILL!!!”
“It’s The Great Eevee, you fool.” The Great Angelo scoffed.
“I know that,” I snapped, “But it is in fact quite evil.”
I stood up, and gulped. This Eevee could spell the end for this battle. After all, any decent trainer knew how uber-strong these things were. They could make a Momix faint with a single tackle… They could make a Farizard flinch with a mere leer. THEY COULD DESTROY THE ALMIGHTY MOO WITH BUT A FLICK OF THE WRIST!!
I leant towards Klepto.
“Listen buddy, you’ll need all the help you can get against something like an Eevee.” Leaves handed me the brass knux, and I put them in front of Klepto.
“Tuu?” he chirped, tilting to the side.
“Slip these on your wrist, and you’ll do fine.” I said with a smile, but my heart sunk when the horrifying truth dawned on me. …Klepto had no wrists with which to slip.
“Would you hurry up?” The Great Angelo roared, “You are wasting The Great Angelo’s time, and the only thing he can do now is reassure himself that it is time well spent, as he is spending it with none other than The Great Angelo!!”

I gulped, and nodded. “Kleppers, just try and get in at least one peck before you get annihilated…”
Klepto swooped in, and pecked Eevee in the back of the head. It fell to the ground, and tears welled up in its eyes.
“VEEEEEEEEE!!!” it bellowed, and started to cry.
“Do not let all of your fans down, The Great Eevee!!” The Great Angelo cried, “Use your double-edge!”
But still, The Great Eeevee… cried.
“Hm,” I muttered to Leaves, “I guess Eevee ain’t as good as all the adverts said…”
Which sucks, since I recently ordered one on E-Bay for two grand…

The Great Angelo returned the decidedly not-so-great Eevee, and smiled a most wicked smile.
“The Great Angelo still has one more trick up his sleeve… which is almost as wonderful as his massive biceps!”
He sent out his new beast.
“Go, The Great Dratini!”

I gasped politely, but was less than impressed with the new challenger.
“What?” I grumbled, “It’s a worm with rudders.”
“Pitiful fool…” The Great Angelo chuckled, “Soon you will know just how brilliant this Pokémon is… and by extension, you’ll be even more aware of just how brilliant The Great Angelo is!”

Did this dude have cue cards or something?

“Whatever.” I yawned, “Go on Kleppers, take out The Great Bratini…”
Klepto swooped in with another peck. The Great McThingy blinked briefly, then immediately shook off the attack.
“Alrighty then…” I muttered, “Give him a psychic wave.”
Klepto turned a light blue that was quite pretty, and would do excellent as a night light. He shook slightly as he charged up the attack, before finally letting it loose in an amazing neon flash.
In response, The Great Fatweenie… ducked.
“Aww Hölle!” I bellowed, “You don’t just DUCK an attack like that! You can deflect it, you can absorb it, you can just damn well die from it, BUT YOU DO NOT DUCK IT!!”
I pulled out an armful of Dragonball Z DVDs, and piffed them onto the battlefield. “Learn something!!”

“Forget this battle, in a way that nobody would ever forget The Great Angelo,” The Great Angelo resumed his ramble, “And show this urchin a real wave!”

The Great Martini nodded, and stood straight on its tail. It then twisted, and rolled around for a bit.
“You call that a wave?” I snorted, and grabbed a Groucho Marx cigar; “I’ve seen better waves from a man with no arms.”
Leaves looked at me, with a bizarre look on his face.
“Don’t bother me, kid. Go play under a bus, or something…”

Suddenly, and before I could launch any more marvellous quips, an impossible surge of water raised from behind The Great Linguini. The cackling worm leapt atop the swell, and it shot up to become a full-blown wave, most likely named The Great Wave.

Klepto gulped, and flew behind my leg. Leaves also looked up nervously.
“Sauuuuur…” he whimpered.
“Uhh, don’t worry, guys…” I announced, “I’ll see if there’s a solution up in this here tree…”
I leapt up onto a tree, and scrambled up to the top, leaving Klepto and Leaves to take the attack.
“That’s right fellas,” I called, “Show them just how tough we are!”
The wave crashed over them, and then there was a calm silence, with a coat of water on the ground. I sprang from the tree and, despite landing on my butt and probably breaking some tail bones, ran over to my Pokémon. Klepto was out, and Leaves looked dizzy and seasick.
“So, did you learn anything?” I snapped, and hoisted the sputtering Pokémon over my shoulder, “Never drink seawater!”
“Bul…” he groaned, and coughed out a starfish.

I returned Klepto, and sent out Marowak.
“Waaak!” he cried, eager to please.
…He then noted the water around his ankles.
“MarOW!!!” he cried, and leapt onto my head.
“Jeez, how bad could water be…” I snapped, and reached into my bag. I grabbed two tissue boxes, and placed them on Marowak’s feet.
“There. Problem solved.”
Marowak nodded, and jumped down. He began skating playfully over the water.

“Take out this new threat with a Toxic as vile as these buffoons when compared to The Great Angelo!” The Great Angelo chortled.

The Great Houdini leant back, then splurted out a few purple splotches of splotch.
“Marroww?” Marowak gulped, not getting the time to react. The goo hit him dead-on. He shivered slightly, and then leant on his bone.
“Good gooey god!” I snarled, “You’ve poisoned him!! That’s a crime! You and your gungy attack will head straight to jail…”

Concerned, The Great Oldmeany slithered over to see if Marowak was okay.
“A-HA!” I roared, “You return to the scene of the slime…”
The Great Angelo shook his head. “Put this clown out of his misery… With a Fire Blast!”

The Great Luigi nodded, and furrowed his brow. Smoke came out his ear-like thingies, and Marowak backed away nervously.
“Marowak!” I whimpered, “Do what you do best!”
Marowak nodded, and placed the headphones over his skull. He then proceeded to do the monkey.
“No, Marowak… I meant battle, this won’t-” I stopped when I got hit by a drip from the sky. I looked up, and gasped. Rain… Marowak was using Rain Dance!
The Great Scarymovie used Fire Blast, but it turned out pitifully.
I cheered and leapt up and down, flinging Leaves off my shoulder.

However, it seemed that nobody else was as ecstatic.
“Rowwwww…” Marowak grumbled, and placed a couple tissues on his skull. The Great Yet-teeny shivered as the cold rain continued to pelt him. The Great Angelo just looked genuinely unhappy.
“The Great Angelo is fabulously wet.”

“Well I… I… Ahhh ACHOO!!” I sneezed and shot a booger for distance and accuracy, “Perhaps this battle could continue later?”
“Sounds like a plan.” The Great Angelo nodded, “We’ll finish this at Basusu’s Town Square at 9:30 tonight. Until then… Farewell!”
The Great Angelo slipped a jetpack on, and grabbed The Great… Oh jeez, I’ve forgotten what it’s called.
Flames shot out, and as The Great Angelo rose to the air, he struck a pose, raising one arm to the air, and placing the other behind his back.
“Quite an exit, wouldn’t you say?” The Great Angelo smiled, but got no response. “The Great Dratini? The… Great Dratini?”
The Great Angelo looked at his hand. He held the charred remains of the poor Pokémon, fried by the fire while The Great Angelo had been posing.
“Aww man, Whitney is gonna kill me…”

I ignored this example of gross negligence, and picked up Leaves and Marowak. I used them to shelter myself from the rain as I ran into Basusu Town.
“Gotta find a place to stay…” I said, and looked around.
Small, poorly built stores… Dilapidated shacks that looked to have unsteady roofs… A supermarket that only sold X-Boxes…
“Dude! This place sucks!” I whined, and peered over at a nearby sign.

Basusu Town
Average Population: 312
Average Income: $3

Making other towns wealthier by comparison since 1849!

I ignored the sign (and the fact that it was written on cardboard) and ran towards the nearest house. I pounded on the door frantically, the rain was really starting to pick up.
“Hello? Anyone in there? Let me in! You better let me in or I’ll hurt you… I’m an axe murderer!! And I’m looking for axes to murder!”

I shrugged, and just opened the door. I ran inside, relieved. However, something was suspicious about this house. The rain was still falling. I looked up… There was no roof.
I looked around, and spotted a shivering woman sitting in the corner.
“Lady, you’ve got no roof!” I moaned.
“Yeah, been meaning to get that fixed…” she replied dully.
I groaned and, now regretting the combined weight of Leaves and Marowak, took back to the streets.

“Man, I’m getting soaked!” I said to nobody in particular, “This is worse than the time I picked a fight with a waterbed…”
I squinted through the squall, and could barely make out comparatively nice building with a large ball on its roof.
“Pokémon Centre!” I said gleefully, and started making a beeline for it, “What a lucky break.”

When I got there, though, I noted the strange colouration. Rather than the usual red-and-white, the Pokémon Centre (and the Pokéball atop it for that matter) was brown and green.
“Wow, never before have I been so thankful to see the colours of vomit…”
I set my Pokémon down, and pulled the handle… clean off the door.

“Geeaah!!” I gasped, staring in disbelief at the handle. I shared a worried glance with myself and myself exclusively. “Urr, maybe this is a pushable door…”
I lightly pushed it, and the door swung right off its hinges. It hit the floor with a loud thud, and a cloud of dust.
“Well, I was right, right?” I muttered, and stepped inside.

It looked to be the same setup as a regular Pokémon Centre, although the furniture was shoddy, and most of the lightbulbs were missing.
I walked up to the counter and rang the bell. It immediately fell to pieces.

Out from the backroom walked the nurse, who was… a… man?
“What the?” I muttered, but was still greeted by the customary,
“Welcome to the Pokémon Centre. We can heal your Pokémon to perfect health.”
Afterwards, the gruff bloke lit a cigarette and added, “Whaddya want?”
“An explanation, perhaps?” I muttered.
“Those are usually an extra five bucks…” he snorted, “But I’m the nurse, Nurse Karl. I work here with my Chansey, Gomer.”
He pointed towards an unusually small Chansey sleeping in the corner. In fact… It was just a Jigglypuff with a new hairdo taped on.
I looked with growing nervousness at this Karl fellow. He didn’t look very nursing. Nonetheless, my Pokémon weren’t terribly well…

I turned around and whispered quietly, “What do you think James?”
I waited for a response, but gone none. I poked my finger into my ear, and pulled out a tiny sign reading, ‘Out to Lunch’.
“Damn… better make a judgement call…” I sighed, and placed Leaves and Marowak on the counter. I released Klepto, and put him there too.
“Hm,” Nurse Karl muttered, rubbing his chin, “This bird’s a little small but yeah, I think I could make a pretty good meal outta them.”
My eyes widened, “No, no, no!!” I bellowed, “You have to heal them, not keell them!”
“Fine,” Nurse Karl sighed, carrying them into the backroom, “But you won’t be thinking that when dinnertime comes along…”

I shuddered, and flopped lazily onto one of the couches.
“GET OFFA ME!” it roared, and I damn near sprang halfway across the room.
I watched on as a scraggly old man climbed out from under the cushions, and stroked his thick beard with anger. Strange thing to do when you’re angry, given, but nonetheless.
“My god, the talking couch had eaten you?” I gasped.
“All I was saying was get off me damn bed!” he snarled.
“Your bed now?” I said confused.
“Damn right, and what’re you doing in my house anyway?” he continued.
“Now stop right there!” I said defensively, standing up, “The ‘hobo’s house’ gimmick is better suited to a subway, or perhaps a charming movie, but it is NOT welcome in my Pokémon adventure, you sanctimonious sonuva-”
“Now YOU listen HERE!” the hobo yelled, standing from the couch, “I will not allow such-”
“YOU FREAK!!” I cried, “YOU do NOT interrupt a CHRIS JERICHO QUOTE!! He’s the KING OF THE WORLD!!”
“You and your Chris Jericho can shove it!” the hobo scoffed.
Losing all sense of control and composure, I leapt upon the hobo, bloodthirsty and looking to steal a limb.

In the fray, two Pokéballs fell from my belt, and Mareep and Doom joined the fray.
We rolled around the floor, knocking furniture out of the way, and causing a ruckus.
Nurse Karl quickly ran out.
“What in the hell are you doing??” he shouted.
“I’m fighting a hobo!” I hissed, “Leave me alone!!”
“What??” Nurse Karl was confused by the mere absurdity of the comment.
I stood up, and got right in Nurse Karl’s face.
“I have engaged in fisticuffs with a hobo, a sheep, and a dead mushroom, in order to defend Chris Jericho’s good name.”
Nurse Karl looked at me as though this new explanation made even less sense.

“Just listen.” Nurse Karl muttered, “You better leave Lefty alone, or else the council will be over you like a bad smell… I’ll get him to explain it.”

I shrugged, and sat across from Lefty. We shared hateful glances.
“Lefty…” I finally said angrily, “Would you… PLEASE…

Tell me a story?”

Doom, Mareep and Lefty fell to the floor.
“What?” I muttered, “I haven’t heard a good story in a while now… So what’s with this whole council thing?”
“Well kid,” Lefty started, picking himself up, “Basusu Town was never a rich town, financially. It was cheap and affordable, and everyone who didn’t want to spend a lot of money headed here. But it was nice, nonetheless, so people didn’t mind bringing their families to live here. Eventually, it got to the point where we were overpopulated. Usually the story stops there, but something strange started happening. Townspeople who had been around for a long while were getting robbed and, in some cases killed. Nobody knows for sure, but it seemed that a rogue band of crooks were trying to get rid of all the original townspeople, in a way of claiming to town for all newcomers. Well, in compensation for the remaining originals, the mayor decided to give all at risk extra legal coverage. And it was great for a while. Cheaper rates, more fuel for your dollar, and you had direct contact to bodyguards. Basically, the original townspeople were put above all others. And of course, some smarmy punk who just rolled into town had to ruin it. Discrimination laws against newcomers came into play, so suddenly everyone had to be treated equal. In turn, all the originals didn’t want to give up what they had, so now all rates were dropped, all fuel was cheaper, and everyone had a bodyguard.”
This really isn’t a very good story… “And then?” I sighed, feigning interest.
“There was just no money left!” Lefty said sadly, and leant back, “And so, this is what came of it… The sad shell of a place you’ve arrived at.”

“I don’t get it,” I muttered, “Why does everything have a logical explanation these days??”

I got up and stretched. “So anyway, where’s your Pokémon gym?”
“Gym??” Lefty started to laugh, “GYM???”
He began laughing uncontrollably, so I chose to wander around for a while. It sure was hard being a Pokémon master… especially when I had evil Pokébeasts and crime syndicates with wrestling impersonators to deal with as well.
“Your Pokémon are ready…” Nurse Karl called. I strolled over, and checked over them.
“How you doing guys?” I asked.
Klepto sprang up with vigour, as Marowak cheered, spinning his bone. Leaves smiled… then coughed up some sand.
“Uh, yeah, you might want to get that checked out…” Nurse Karl muttered.
I nodded, and returned Marowak, Klepto, Doom and Mareep.
“Well, I’m going to be here until around about 9:30…” I announced as though anyone cared, “So tell me Nurse Karl, what’s with the brown and green?”
“You mean on the roof?” he muttered, “Back in the day, all Pokéballs were brown and green. But the big difference wasn’t the colour, it was the way they worked. They didn’t have technology like they do now, so they had to work on a mechanical system instead of an electronic one. They were damned heavy, and a pain to carry when you had a lot of ‘em. But they were actually more efficient for catching Pokémon.” Nurse Karl looked around, then ducked behind his desk. “In fact, I got one of ‘em left, if you want it…”
“You know, it might be interesting…” I said, “Sure, I’d like that.”
With a little more effort than you’d expect, Nurse Karl placed the oddly-coloured ball on the table. I put it in my bag, proud to have something actually valuable in there.
“That’ll be $90.” He said with a serious look on his face.
I frowned, but was then stricken with the answer.
“Just charge that to my bank account.” I grinned, “My name is Mr. Michaels.”
********************************
The time had arrived, and I made my way through the darkened streets towards Town Square. The sky was starry, not a cloud in sight. Nonetheless, it was still dark enough to be scary, so I made sure to release all my Pokémon just in case. Already Agwa was cowering.
We arrived, and rather unsurprisingly, Town Square turned out to just be a block of cement.
“Well, here’s Town Square.” I said to Leaves, who hopped atop it proudly.
“Look ma!” I guffawed, “Top of the town!”
“So, you have arrived after all…” the voice of The Great Angelo said from behind us. I whirled around, and was surprised to see that he was joined by two men. One looked like a bodyguard (he was bald, as per tradition), and the other was lanky, and wore a suit.
“Uhh…” I muttered, “Friends of yours?”
“The Great Angelo never comes unprepared!” The Great Angelo chortled, “To The Great Angleo’s left is his personal bodyguard, Simeon-Jerry Rice.”
I rolled my eyes so much it hurt.
“And to his right, is his lawyer, Lawrence Pottbellerfieldmen, Jr.”
Lawrence nodded politely.
“So you see, in this battle, there is only one winner!” The Great Angelo cackled.
“Hmm…” I muttered, “And I suppose that winner would be Mr. Rice. I mean, he’s a lot bigger.”
“The Pokémon battle!” The Great Angelo snarled, “If you even dare touch The Great Angelo’s Pokémon… HE’LL SUE!!”
I gasped. Somehow my winning was becoming less likely.
“It’ll be two Pokémon…” The Great Angelo chuckled, “But it will only be as unnecessary as asking for The Great Angelo’s super-valuable signature!! …Because you, umm, won’t get it.”
The Great Angelo dropped The Great Pokéball which signalled the start of The Great Battle.
Out came his intimidating and feared Manburn!!

Lanturn… The Pokédex instructed in a perhaps better name, An unusual hybrid of both… Water-…and…Electric- Types… This wily fish…lights the seafloor…while searching for…prey.

“Searching for prayers?” I muttered, confused, “Umm, who here isn’t religious?”
All of my Pokémon raised their hand, as well as Lawrence Pottbellerfieldmen, Jr.
“Alrighty…” I said, “Who here is sacrilegious?”
Leaves raised his claw even higher than he had before. Not to be outdone, so did the lawyer.
“You’re up, then.” I stated, and Leaves ran onto the battlefield.
“Remember, filth…” The Great Angelo taunted, “Suing…”

Lanturn began firing sparks at Leaves, which he dodged with ease. He looked at me while he evaded the attacks.
“Well, jeez…” I gulped, “Maybe you could… no… Or maybe… no, that wouldn’t work…”
A spark suddenly caught Leaves, and he started to shiver with paralysis.
“How about… You should… Maybe you could… growl.”

Leaves shook off the paralysis, and snarled at the Pokémon. He then looked back at me, as though to ask ‘now what?’
I stood there blankly.
“LEAVES!” I shouted, “Growl again!”
Leaves growled on command, then looked back.
“Growl some more!” I demanded.
He let off a small groan that sounded more like he had a migraine, then hung his head low.
“Wow, good times, eh Leaves?” I reminisced after this most familiar display.

“The Great Lanturn!” The Great Angelo began, “Start up a whirlpool!”
Lanturn began to spin in place, and shoot a stream of water. It circulated into one big twister of liquid.
“Now, surge a Thunderbolt through it!” The Great Angelo commanded, and Lanturn nodded. Sparks flew off the fish, before it shot off an applause-worthy bolt of lightning. It crashed into the middle, and the whirlpool began surging with electric power.
“How do you like The Great Lanturn’s specialty?” The Great Angelo cackled, “It’s called The Great Whirling Vortex of Shock!”
“Dude, I’d just call it a Thunderwhirl.” I scoffed, “Honestly.”

“Bulbaur…” Leaves scoffed, and slowly walked towards the oncoming attack.
“Aww Hölle,” I gulped, “There’s no way Leaves could withstand an attack of such utter utterness… Leaves, just do something that nobody else would think of!”
Leaves shrugged, and grabbed a beach towel.
“Something that’ll SAVE US!!”
“Bulb…” Leaves snorted, as though he was unimpressed by the technique.
“Leaves, what’re you DOING?” I gulped.
He grinned, and looked at the oncoming attack. He closed his eyes, and began to snarl. A pink light shone in front of Leaves, and I had to shield my eyes.

It’s… too bright! …And… too girly…

When I opened my eyes, a mostly transparent pink shield stood between Leaves and the attack.
“What in the hell is that?”

Light Screen. The ‘dex answered, A valuable technique… that cuts the power of… oncoming…special attacks by…half.

Leaves continued to create more shields, until there were finally five in front of him. The Thunderwhirl crashed through each shield, becoming progressively smaller, until it crossed through the last one, now a pitiful image of its former glory.
The attack hit Leaves, but it was hardly an attack anymore. Leaves shook off what was about as intimidating as static shock, and grinned malevolently.

“Whooooo!” I cheered, leaping to the air, “I don’t know what just happened!”
I pointed at Lanturn, “Now Leaves, time for The Gore!!”
Leaves charged forward, ready to finish the Lanturn, but stopped dead when he recalled… the imminence of suing.
“Crap in a cap!!” I moaned, “I forgot about that…”
However, I noticed something about Lanturn. It… wasn’t moving.

“Oh no!!” The Great Angelo wailed, “The Great Lanturn has…drowned!!”
“Fish outta water.” I muttered, “Forgot about that.”
“Nonetheless,” The Great Angelo reassured himself, “All that’s needed is The Great Angelo’s strongest Pokémon, which is almost as strong as The Great Angelo’s fanbase!”

I cringed. Oh no… here it comes…
“Go… THE GREAT DRATINI!”

A frown spread across my face even before the Pokémon was released.
“Hey, wasn’t that-”

Out came the former Dratini, which now looked more like an overcooked French fry.
“Damn.” The Great Angelo groaned, “Forgot about that.”
“So then,” Lawrence Pottbellerfieldmen, Jr, announced, “The winner is… THIS SMALL BOY!”
A tear hit my eye, “And what a great day for small boys everywhere…”

“Now then, Mr. Angelo…” Lawrence continued, “I’m afraid there are laws against killing not one but TWO Pokémon in a single day…”
“What does that entitle?” The Great Angelo gulped.
“I’m afraid it entitles that a great deal of pain will be bestowed upon your person, with a dozen consecutive beatings, as well as a most ferocious noogie.” Simeon-Jerry Rice answered, to many bemused glances.
Without a moment’s hesitation, The Great Angelo took off, followed by his bodyguard and lawyer.
T’was so strange, I felt the need to applause.

“Well, I guess that just about wraps up things here…” I announced to my Pokémon.

“Not quite!” A voice called from behind me, and I whirled around. All this whirling around was getting dizzying…
“So we finally meet…” a kid about my age, said.
“Yes, I’ve been meaning to get around to meeting more people…” I replied, hoping to sound impressive.
“Allow me to introduce myself…” the kid continued, “The name is Riddells. …Kyle Riddells.
Andrew
4th January 2004, 02:28 AM
Oh gosh, its good to laugh, thank you for a truely hillarious chapter DragoKnight. The whole Great Angelo was hillarious, with his darned Eevee Lol! and Bratini.

The Dragonball thing was funny too. The Marowak thing had me going "Umm K"

The awful town, that got me laughing. So james left a sign on Tony's ear... surprising. And the Sacreligious Lawyer ROFL!

Good on Leaves for getting the Light Screen move :)

And who is this Kyle Riddles?! Please don't have him speak in riddles.

Great work.
classy_cat18
4th January 2004, 10:20 PM
Tony...is...an idiot. Quite the character. I'm surprised that he keeps winning his matches. But the chapter was funny, especially when that guy accidentally torched his Dratini with his jetpack.
Drago
6th March 2004, 09:37 PM
Hey, would you look at that? Two-month hiatuses are cool. Especially if it meant that at least one person couldn't sleep quite right, knowing that Kyle Riddells was stalking our hero.
*lol* Yes indeed, it returns! I'll now apologise for my lateness, but I've been working hard on my next fic. It doesn't have anything to do with Minty Thrill, nor is it even a comedy. Hopefully my '1337 writing skillz' can help me pull off a fic without the comedy. ...Yeah right. ^^;
Well, hopefully I can pick up where I left off, with a renewed writing vigour.
classy_cat18: Thank you kindly. ^_^ You know, I often wonder what this fic would've been like had I made it a normal trainer fic. For one, I guess there would've been no Klepto or Agwa. Heaven forbid.
OzAndrew: Thanks. I was really pleased with the last chapter myself. Though I'm cursing myself for forgetting one thing. Tony could've called The Great Dratini 'The Great Bikini'!! Damn...

And finally, it'll be revealed just what sort of person Kyle Riddells is, in this new chapter! ...Before you ask, yes, I do like explosions. A LOT.

MINTY THRILL
“Two months = flavour saver!”
Chapter 33
Confrontation with Kyle Riddells! Truths unveiled, changes imminent! Japanese titles are fun!

“Kyle Riddells?” I gasped, stumbling back with horror, “Kyle… Riddells?”
Riddells looked at me confidently. “You’ve heard of me then?”
“Er, no…” I replied, “I just lacked anything better to say.”
With a flourish, Riddells grabbed out a pair of handcuffs.
“Now come with me… quietly.” He threatened, then reached back.
“Or else I’ll be forced to use this!” He pulled out a nightstick, then reached back.
“In which case you’ll have this!” He pulled out a picture of various nightstick-related injuries, then reached back.
“And perhaps some of these!” He pulled out a variety of band-aids, one of which featuring a rubber ducky with a machete, then, fumbling with the various items, reached back.
“Then you’ll be going to this!” He pulled out a jail built out of Lego blocks.
I stood there silently for about a minute.
“…Not if I do THIS!” I started to run.
Unfortunately, I didn’t get terribly far. I only got a couple steps before I tripped over Agwa. Perhaps I shouldn’t have kept her sitting around for no apparent reason.

“You fool!” Riddells mocked, trying desperately to stack up his various items, “You can’t escape from the law!”
“What about all the people who flee to Mexico?” I said.
“Well, they, umm… don’t escape so much as, uh… avoid… yeah.”
I peered down at my Pokémon.
“Alright, guys.” I whispered, “What was the battle formation for when you’re facing someone bigger than you?”
They proceeded to line up, shove Marowak into battle, then ducked and covered.
“Damned cowards…” I snapped.
Guess I taught ‘em too well…
“Nonetheless!” I cried, shooting a fist to the air and punching a statue, which crumbled to dust, “I’m quite prepared to fight you and win and not lose!”
Marowak swung his bone around like Astaroth with a warhammer. He messed up and it was flung aside, so he resorted to leering intimidatingly.

Riddells, now frantically juggling his items, reached for a Pokéball. “Go Kuda!”
And, out of the bright flash came the ferocious and, er, blue…
“Gogogoduuuuuuuuck!” She cried, and for lack of a better thing to do, I gasped once again.
“Good god, Leaves and various associates of Leaves,” I cried, “It’s the wicked and revered GODUCK!” I looked down at them, fear in my eyes, “And I don’t know where it’s going to go!!”
Golduck, the ‘dex corrected as it tends to do, The water-type evolution of Psyduck. Golduck know a variety of psychic-attacks, and it seems to use that as the focus of its offensive.
“You just know everything, don’t you?” I sneered, and pointed it at Leaves.
Bulbasaur, it continued, A highly venomous Grass/Poison hybrid. Though it is popular among beginning trainers for its toughness, it is not wise to get emotionally attached to, as it tends to spread its toxins.
“Hmm… perhaps I should’ve checked on that earlier…” I gulped, and looked back at Riddells.
Obviously, Kuda had the advantage over Marowak, if not for being a water-type, then because it was so much more duck-like.
“I better improvise…” I muttered, and threw Klepto to Marowak’s side.
“Haha! Now the odds are in my favour!”
“Oh yeah?” Riddells sneered, and threw a new Pokéball. Out came a red thing, which was quite a nice contrast with the blue thing that was Kuda.
Scizor, the ‘dex informed before I could take any guesses, The Bug/Steel evolution of Scyther. Whereas Scyther relies on an all-out attack with its slicing scythes, Scizor prefers to calculate its moves, then clamp its hapless enemies between its claws.
“Ooh, scary.” I taunted, “Go back to the tool shed, you stupid utensil!”
She looked angrily at me, and I backed away, “Although, you are a very nice utensil…”
“Do you really think you can beat the tandem of Kuda and Eponine?” Riddells sneered.
“No!” I proudly stated.
From the side, I could hear Leaves groan.

Little does he know… I thought deviously, That I’ve been training Marowak and Klepto to work as a team… Quite the ubër team at that.
“Now then, Marowak, Klepto, use baseballbird!” They nodded, and Marowak got his bone at the ready.
Klepto leapt in front of him, and Marowak hit him with all his might, sending him flying, and probably doing a fair bit of damage to Klepto’s cranial capacities. Klepto was sent soaring at top speed… unfortunately it was nowhere near the opponents.
“Foul ball?” I groaned, and felt as though I were an unfortunate umpire.
After bouncing off several buildings, Klepto landed back, dizzy and bruised.

“You call that a tandem attack?” Riddells cackled, “Wait until you see the geyser!”
Eponine dug underground rapidly, and eventually sprang out of the ground near Marowak and Klepto. She looked evilly at them.
Kuda then proceeded to send water down the hole, which shot out the other end, and did indeed create a geyser.
Marowak and Klepto looked at it, confused.
“Uhh, could one of you just… walk into it, please?” Riddells groaned.

“Scoff and scoff again!” I scoffed, “I’ve got much better team moves… Doom, Mareep, come and show them the shocking ghost bomb!”
Doom and Mareep stood forward, and Mareep shot a ball of electricity towards Doom. He caught it something of a mysterious (nonsensical) way, then span it around and added his own ghostliness to it, enlarging it in the process.
He soared to the sky, and held the shocking ghost bomb over his head. This attack was breaking so many copyrights, I felt as though I was being sued every second.
“Loooooooooom!!” he roared, as he hurled the bomb in Kuda and Eponine’s direction. They flinched, and ducked for their lives.
After a couple seconds passed, they looked up. The bomb was coming at them, but it definitely wasn’t setting any records for speed. In fact, it was going so slowly it was hard to tell if it was even moving. Doom landed back down, and looked up sheepishly at me.
“Did you really have to fly up so high?” I groaned.

“Nothing but mere special effects!” Riddells laughed, “Time for me to end this… With one thousand headaches!”
Eponine grabbed Kuda around the waist, and locked her claws together. She then used swords dance, and the two span around at top speed. Then, in mid-spin, Kuda began to send off psychic blasts. They shot about in all directions. To my horror, they formed into the forms of spirits.
“These spirits focus on brain power!” Riddells explained, “They’ll attack the smartest enemy!”
I watched on, interested to discover which one of my Pokémon was the smartest target.
The spirits began to veer towards Klepto… then turned away. They headed for Mareep… and at the last minute pulled back. They then turned towards me… and for some odd reason, fell dead to the ground.
“What?” Riddells gasped in disbelief, “That’s never happened before…”

I shrugged it off, and sent forward my last team of Leaves and Agwa.
“Time now for the flipping feline!” I announced.
Agwa backed up, then ran towards Leaves as fast as she could (which, with all her running, was pretty damn fast). When she got to him, he grabbed her paws, and launched her into the air. I watched as Agwa flew into the night sky.
“Yes!” I cheered. That was the first time they had managed to pull it off successfully.
We stood about, and Leaves looked around, sweatdrops appearing on his head. I never really thought about what was supposed to happen next.
“…That one could use some thinking through.” I muttered.

“Now… it’s time for my finishing technique…” Riddells announced, “Use gigantic fiends of pain!”
Kuda and Eponine looked at each other, and proceeded to flash a variety of colours. A wind picked up, and whipped around them.
“Their power levels are rising rapidly!!” I gasped, and hastily spiked my hair up, “What should we do, Piccolo??”
I looked down at Leaves, who merely snarled in response.
“You’re no fun.” I snapped.
Meanwhile, Kuda and Eponine had grown to epic proportions, and were towering above us. Well, they were only eight feet tall, but I still felt short.
“You’ll never overcome this technique!” Riddells cackled.
All of a sudden, Agwa fell back down, and landed on Kuda’s head. She then bounced off and hit Eponine in the noggin.
The duo fell to the ground, and shrank back to size.
“Well done, Agwa!” I cheered.
“Ugh.” she groaned in response.

“Oh to hell with it!” Riddells muttered, and took out his nightstick, “ATTACK!!!”
Kuda and Eponine shook off the pain, and proceeded to run in our direction.
“CHARGE!!!” I cried, and my Pokémon started to run.
…In the opposite direction.
“Good idea!” I gulped, and started to run with them, “Those nightsticks really hurt!!”
I learned that the hard way on Halloween in ’98. …How was I supposed to know those policemen didn’t want me to steal their car?

“Come back and fight us!!” Riddells bellowed.
“No thank you!” I yelled back.
We neared a house. “Quick, let’s hide in here!” I called.
“I heard that!!” Riddells roared.
“Damn!” I snapped.
We ran toward the door, but it was closed, locked, and not willing to help us.
Lacking any other option, I charged towards the wall, which collapsed under my force.
I looked around. The floor was covered with mattresses, the windows had no glass, and the resident wasn’t happy at all.
“Dammitall!!” he snapped, “That was new cardboard!!”
Riddells was quick to follow us, and stood in the newfound doorway.
“You’re trapped now!” he said.
I picked up a lamp, and threw it at him. It bounced right off, as though it was plastic. Sadly enough, it probably was.
I picked up a sword and flung it at him. He dodged the rubber weapon, and continued to walk towards us.
Lacking any other option, I picked up the resident, and threw him at Riddells. He too fell apart like sand.
We were a tad bemused.

“I’m not going down without a fight!” I roared.
“But you said before you weren’t going to fight…” Riddells muttered.
“Yeah, but I wasn’t trapped, now was I?”
I led the charge, and leapt right at Riddells. My Pokémon tried to use superiority in numbers to take down their larger opponents.
Riddells and I rolled around the floor, and when I found the chance, I punched him in the face.
“Ow!” he whined.
“Oh, sorry…” I gulped.
He threw me off, and we circled each other. I had to hold back the temptation to ask if he ‘wanted to rassle’.
I charged at him, but he stepped aside, and threw me towards the wall. I collided into it, and my head went right through the wall (and without the knowledge of it being cardboard, that sounds pretty impressive).

I tried frantically to pull my head back out, but it was stuck damned good. The best I could manage was to rip part of the wall off with me.
I looked at Riddells, and although I couldn’t manouvre terribly well with a cardboard necklace, I felt as though I had the upper hand.
I charged again, and this time when he tried to throw me aside, he was knocked back by my cardboard fashion statement.
I dropped a couple elbow drops on him, then leapt up on the couch, ready to land a frog splash. Unfortunately, the couch deflated from underneath. Maybe I was just so full of associative rage.

I ran towards Riddells, and leapt for a headbutt, but he rolled aside, and I held my head in pain. I acted as though I had just headbutted a brick wall, and writhed around on the floor. Riddells stood up, and looked at me confused.
“Surely it doesn’t hurt to headbutt a mattress?” he muttered.
I looked back up. “Uh, you know what, it doesn’t…”
I stood up, and ripped the cardboard from my neck. I threw it at Riddells like a Frisbee. He caught it, and sneered wickedly. He threw it back at me, and I just barely managed to catch it. I sent it back, and he caught it once again. He threw it at me, but I messed up, and it fell to the floor.
“Best two out of three?” I grumbled.

Riddells swung a punch at me.
I ducked, and then poked my tongue out at him.
“You missed!”
He swung another punch, which hit me right in the nose. I tumbled to the floor.
“Owww… you didn’t miss…”
Riddells grabbed the nightstick in both hands, and swung it at me. I rolled back, and he continued to swing. I crashed into one of the walls, and Riddells held the nightstick above his head. He sent the nightstick down with all his might, and I just barely managed to duck my head. When I moved back, I slipped back. There was a large hole in the mattress, and I fell headfirst through it. I just barely grabbed onto the edge.
“Good god!!” I wailed, “They couldn’t afford any floorboards! That mattress was the floor!”
I looked down. They couldn’t even afford the concrete base. Or the ground. Or the mantle of the earth. There was nothing between me and the center of the world.
“This makes little sense even by my standards!!” I cried, “I can see straight into Hell!”
Satan peered up.
“Hello…” he muttered, perplexed.

“Just grab my hand, Chambers…” Riddells muttered… “I’ll help you up. …Help you up… Help you up…”
I opened my eyes, and looked around. There was no hole in the mattress, no hell, no El Diablo… Instead, there was a huge lump on my head, and Riddells standing over me.
“What happened?” I groaned.
“You knocked yourself out when you headbutted the mattress.” He replied, “As chance would have it, you managed to land on my nightstick.”
“Golly… sounds painful…” I muttered, and stood up.

My Pokémon looked at me sadly. They were all cuffed. Poor Klepto was just crammed into one cuff.
Riddells put on my cuffs, and, making a new hole in the wall, we walked outside. We went a fair distance away from Basusu Town before Riddells stopped. He returned Kuda and Eponine, placed their Pokéballs on a tree stump, and had my team and I stand in a straight line.
“Let’s have no funny business.” Riddells said, “Your face is purple enough as it is.”
“Yeah, you think maybe we should get that checked out?” I muttered.
“Nah, not really…” Riddells replied, “Now then, you realise that when you’re put in jail, all your Pokémon will be taken away from you, and donated to law-abiding trainers.”
“Nooo!!” I cried, “I need them! How else could I tunnel out of jail??”
“My point in case.” He snapped.

I turned toward my Pokémon.
“Well guys,” I sighed, “I guess this is it… I’ll miss you all terribly, but I’m afraid that Riddells is taking you away from me. …I’ll never see any of you again.”
There was a stunned silence, before a mighty cheer arose from my Pokémon.
“Fine,” I snorted, “Forget you guys too.”
They all started to dance merrily around Riddells.
“Rub it in, why don’t you…” I whimpered.
Around they went, around and around… I decided to take one last look at my Pokémon.
Leaves…
Marowak…
Klepto…
Mareep…
Agwa…

“Hang on,” Riddells snapped, “Where in the hell is the Breloom?”
Doom appeared before him, and sent off a bright flash of light. Stunned, he stumbled back. Klepto flew up, snatched the key from him, and threw it to Leaves, who proceeded to open each of the Pokémon’s cuffs.
Marowak span his bone at top speed, and dug a deep hole.
He leapt out, and Mareep and Agwa took Riddells out by the legs. He tumbled down the hole with a thud.
“Yeah!” I cheered, “My Pokémon kick as… Umm… tushy.”
I wanted to give a nice image, after all.
“You moron!” Riddells snapped, “I’ll just use my Pokémon and-”
“You mean the Pokémon you left sitting on a tree stump?” I chortled quite wickedly, “I’m afraid all they can do is spectate.”
“Damn you, Tony Chambers, damn you straight to hell!!” Riddells wailed.
“Bah, been there, done that.” I muttered, and began to walk away.

“Chambers!” Riddells called, and I turned back, “Just tell me… What did you do with that shocking ghost bomb?”
I looked back at Basusu Town. There was an increasingly bright flash of light.

“…Uh-oh.”
Mew Trainer Rose
7th March 2004, 08:29 PM
lol. much amusing fightingness. ^_^

Your writing style actually reminds me of a writer for my college's newspaper. He writes a column called "Humor du Jor", which tends to be very random. just like this fic. :)
Andrew
9th March 2004, 06:13 PM
Hah! Go Lego! This chapter was all DBZ feeling.

I loved the team attacks, Baseball Bird heh. The Doom/Mareep combo was fantastic. Agwa's attack was also humorous.

Loved Satan's cameo. Ah well, Kyle, buh bye! And what will happen to his two Pogeymon? Did Klepto get the hankering for a shiny new Pokeball?

The Shocking Ghost Ball. Oh my gosh, made me laugh so much at the end of teh chapter. Fantastic.

Great work DK. Keep it up (y)
Drago
7th April 2004, 06:04 AM
Mew Trainer Rose: Thanks! I really appreciate knowing that my writing style is reminscent of those of other people. I'm still trying to decide what exactly that style is myself! lol
OzAndrew: Ooh, I think we all know that Kyle isn't quite gone. Not just yet. At least now though, he won't be ahead of Tony. DBZ is coo', incidentally. I should've had a Krillin cameo, dammit.

Now, tonight is quite the marvellous night, for Minty Thrill has once again become my main priority. It still teeters around the halfway mark, I think. And ahead lies quite the monumental chapter. It's filler, I admit, but it is the longest chapter in Minty Thrill history! At 4,930 words, its beaten the previous record of 4,449 words by a fair margin, which was set by Chapter 12, Freaky Fun.
Isn't that something? I'm sure it could be. :heh:

MINTY THRILL
“Fear ‘The New Children on the Block’!”
Chapter 34
On the Route Again

Running is grand. It picks up the pace in video games, it keeps you healthy and, in my case, it helps put sporting distance between yourself and an obsessive police trainee.

I panted heavily, now a comparably safe distance away from Basusu Town.
“Yes indeed!” I announced to all my marvellous Pokémon before returning them to their Pokéballs, “Back to travelling, then!”
I took a glimpse at the map, and grinned widely.
“This is our lucky day, Leaves!” I bubbled with glee, “Looks like the next two cities… are one city!”
“…Saur?” he said, confused.
“According to this, the cities known as Derako City and Dougufu City have settled their long-standing rivalry, and moulded into one super-city, known as Derufu City! Wow, all the places in Furudo seem to have very strange names…”
I folded up the map, and looked ahead. Yet another route, ho-hum. Who would’ve thought that the most dreaded part of a Pokémon adventure would be the travelling. It all felt so pedestrian…
“Looks about a week’s travel or thereabouts to get there…” I muttered, “Best to start off now.”

And so, onward we pressed. Leaves seemed quite taken aback by the overwhelming foliage. Perhaps he felt as though he was less an impressing plant than those that surrounded him. I felt the usual spurts of pain in my head caused by James’ renovations. I really wished he would stop nailing paintings to the walls.

“Growwwwwwwlithe!” A sound snarled. It was quiet, but sounded considerably aggressive.
I turned around towards the source, and was face to face with it, a tiger-striped dog. It had a blue scarf around its neck, and had an expression that mixed hunger with aggression with puppiness. Yes, puppiness.
“A rare and elusive Grouchith.” I announced, hushed.
One wonders… how it is that you could mispronounce the…name of something… that had just spoken? The Pokédex said, in its usual know-it-all tone. Growlithe is a… Fire-type dog. It can be well… disciplined, but is generally territorial… and… smelly.
I raised an eyebrow. Smelly?
I guess the Pokédex could use new batteries soon…

“Growl!” the Growlithe growled in a very growly sort of growl.
“Yes, yes, be patient…” I snapped, “I’m trying to decide who to pummel you with. After all, a Fire-type would do marvellous on team Tony…”
I rummaged hastily through the Pokéballs, before finally deciding on Mareep. She could stand to use some more battling experience.

Growlithe snarled fiercely, and Mareep looked back angrily, until she seemed to notice something. She dashed at top speed towards Growlithe, dodging its various fiery blasts.
“Attagirl, Mareep!” I cheered her on.
She got right up to Growlithe, and stole its scarf. She then scrambled back by my side, flicking the scarf around her neck and wagging her tail proudly.
“Umm, that looks very nice Mareep…” I said, bemused, “Matches your sweater…”
Why do I even bother?

“In any event,” I pointed malevolently towards Growlithe, “Use Thundershock!”
Mareep nodded, which in itself sent several sparks flying from her furry noggin. She wiped her feet along the ground frantically, as though there were a carpet underneath. She then sent off a splendidly blue pulse of electricity. Growlithe, in true RPG tradition, stood there dully to take the attack. Never mind the fact that there were like five million places for it to dodge toward, it just stood there, looking suitably terrified. I looked down at Leaves, as I pulled out a Pokéball.
“A move as powerful as Thundershock should be enough to weaken a Growlithe!” I grinned, to which Leaves rolled his eyes.
“So go go go!” I flinged the Pokéball at top speed. So fast, in fact, that instead of opening up to catch Growlithe, the damn thing just hit the pup right in the face.
“Ow!!” It complained, looking quite irritated. It shook it off, and bounded off as fast as it could, leaving me to believe that pursuit wasn’t necessary. It was gone.

“Damnation…” I groaned, “That wasn’t the plan…”
Mareep shrugged, and trotted toward a log. All these fashion statements seemed to have turned her into quite the prima donna.
I sat down, annoyed. Leaves sat beside me either to console me or laugh at me.
“I really could’ve gone with a Growlithe… though I wonder what it was doing here?”
Leaves scratched a message in the dirt, which read, ‘Evading your capture’.
He grinned wickedly, which gave me enough incentive to smack him upside the head.
I got up, and with a heavy heart, pressed on, Leaves and Mareep in tow.
The route seemed to become a tad unforgiving from here, with a few ledges slowing down the progress. Leaves and Mareep did surprisingly well climbing without any hands to be mentioned.

After climbing one ledge too many, I plopped face first into the grass.
“I sure wish there was a place to rest…” I panted, and then looked up. A sign in front of me read, ‘THIS WAY, a place to rest’.
“Oh how frighteningly convenient!” I bubbled, and then followed the sign towards a medium-sized shack.
“Now then…” I said, “Mareep, you may be a tad unfamiliar with the drill, but usually houses on routes mean a free meal, followed by much chaos.” I peered toward Leaves, “…Or sometimes preceded by. Nonetheless, there’s always chaos, so stay on guard.”
I walked up toward the door, and reached out my hand to knock. While I did, however, it opened suddenly, smacking my hand aside.
“Owww!” I whimpered, rubbing my hand gingerly, “You punk door!” I pushed it back, but it came right back at me at full speed, sending me reeling. Angrily, I punched at it, and it was driven back, before once again opening at top speed and hitting me without a second thought. Or a first thought, really. It was one door attack too many, and I fell back. It was beyond me how I could defeat a Golem, but not a door.
“Who the hell is pummelling my door??” a tall, spectacled man snapped, stepping out from the doorway.
“You’ve got it all wrong!” I whined, “The door was pummelling me, I tells ya!!”
The spectacled man looked at me as though he thought I was insane. He then gazed at the Bulb-is-sore brandishing brass knux, and the growling Mareep wearing a Ninja Turtles jumper. Then he looked at me as though he knew I was insane.

“Uhh, come in then, my boy…” he stepped back into the house, and I walked in slowly, feeling small and beaten, “The name’s Doctor Pierce.”
“ANOTHER doctor?” I groaned, “Come on, what’s the likelihood that I would meet three doctors in the one quest??”
“Well, I’m a psychiatrist, if that’s any consolidation.”
“Ahh,” I sighed, relieved, “Whatever ‘consolidation’ is, I’m sure that’s it.”
I released my other Pokémon once again (surely they would be getting sick of that by now), and they promptly made themselves at home. Marowak and Klepto started literally unpacking.

“The name’s Tony Chambers, but all my friends call me…” I bit my lip, “Well, I don’t really have too many friends, so I dunno what they call me.”
“And I take it you’re here for a rest and an escort?” Dr Pierce asked.
“See?” I whispered to Mareep, “Hospitality and a meal!”
I grinned at Dr Pierce. “Yes, a rest and escargot would be most appreciated.”
Dr Pierce opened his mouth to say something, but it was interrupted as Leaves and I dashed toward the fridge.
I ripped the fridge door open (and off, in my haste), and promptly sampled the foodstuffs. I got a gobfull of juicy goo from some vials.
Dr Pierce pulled me out by my shirt, not looking at all impressed.
“That, Mr. Chambers…” Dr Pierce said slowly, attempting to keep his composure, “Is bad manners… and that fridge… is full of deoxyribonucleic acid.”
“Manners aside, I recommend you try some.” I held up a vial, “Horse DNA is delicious!”
********************************
As we sat around the dinner table that evening, I felt a bit ripped off. Now that my team featured a muscular six Pokémon, food had become a bit more rationed than it used to. I myself was given a mere five drumsticks, as opposed to the twelve I was used to. It felt like a cheap Happy Meal. Though it wasn’t making me particularly happy.
I peered over at Doom, who was staring nonchalantly at his full plate.

“Not hungry, Doomo?” I said. He looked up at me, and put the fork in his mouth. The food fell right through his frame, and hit the seat with a messy splat.
“Oh yeah… you’re dead!” I chortled, just remembering the small fact, “More for me then.”
I reached across the table, but before I could grab the plate, the veteran thieves Leaves, Marowak and Klepto swooped past, leaving it bare.
I stared at the plate as it spun to a stop. Now I felt like Ronald McDonald, his burger snatched heartlessly by the Hamburglar.
Dejected, I leant back toward my plate, which was also cleaned off.
“Holy hell!!” I groaned.
Dr. Pierce walked back into the room with his plate, and looked at me wide-eyed.
“Hungry, Mr. Chambers?” he gasped, “Gorging yourself isn’t a healthy way of life!”
“Aww Hölle…” I whimpered, and watched on as everyone else enjoyed their meal. All I could do was spout incomprehensible gripes, reminiscent of Muttley.

“So tell me Mr. Chambers,” Dr Pierce started, “What was it that possessed you to enter the Pokémon training profession?”
“Captain Howdy?” I replied nonchalantly, before giving it some more thought, “Umm, perhaps the fact that I could get a week off school.”
“And how many weeks has it been?” he leant forward, interested.
“…Seventy-five?” I squeaked, a tad unsure.
“Good lord, what do your parents think of this?” Dr Pierce gasped.
“Parents?” I grumbled, “What of them?”
Dr Pierce waved a hand towards a couch, “Perhaps you could better explain this disillusion.”
I shrugged, and hopped onto the couch. Dr Pierce sat nearby.
“So what are your parents like?” he said, writing down notes, which was curious since I hadn’t yet said anything.
“Well, I remember my father being an angry man. Didn’t take much to get him miffed… Thanks to him, my parents set a record of shortest ever marriage.

Flashback to the wedding day of Wallace and Priscilla Chambers. Wallace bellows with disbelief about what Priscilla had done to his car.
“What in the hell gave you the right to paint ‘Just Married’ on my Dodge?!! This car outranks you in importance, if anything; IT should be painting on YOU!! …To hell with this, I’m getting a divorce. After all, it’s said that the fifteenth marriage never works out.”

“Most interesting!” said Dr Pierce, “So you were raised by your mother, then?”
“Alas, no.” I wailed dramatically, “She died giving birth to my older sister.”
Dr Pierce gave a bemused look.
“Err, long story.” I said quietly.
“And how did this situation affect you as a child?”

Flashback to a young and still remarkably attractive Anthony Chambers, figuring out Mother Goose stories with his cousin.
“No no no,” Tony sighed, “The cow couldn’t have physically managed to merely spring over the moon using her own force. If anything, the cow that jumped over the moon was in fact, not at all jumping, but sent from a cannon. Perhaps it’s a metaphorical saying?”

Dr Pierce peered at me.
“Pardon my haste…” he said, “But the Tony you describe sounded quite different to the one I see? Is there any reason why you’ve become a tad less, umm, gifted in the sense?”

Flashback to… oh jeez, running out of flashbacks here… The day I came to an English test with a man from London in my backpack, expecting an A+? No, that’s not it… How about the day I challenged a fish to see who could hold their breath longer? No… Oh wait, I got it!
Flashback to a seven-year old Tony, at an open field at dusk.
He walks curiously towards a scientist, who’s aiming a cannon towards the sky.
“What’s going on?” Tony asked curiously, and the scientist looks down at him, excitement lining his face.
“We’re testing to see if we can send a cow over the moon!” he replied simply.
“Splendid!” Tony squealed, watching with joy as they loaded the confused Miltank into the cannon.
“All we need is for someone to pull this rope.” The scientist thrusted a rope towards Tony, who gladly took it in hand.
A voice cried, “FIRE!” and the Miltank was sent booming out of the cannon.
The last voice Tony heard was the scientist muttering, ‘Oops, gave the kid the wrong rope’, for Tony found himself holding onto the rope tied around the Miltank’s neck.
Nonetheless, despite the impending doom, Tony cheered with pride, for he and the cow were on their way to proving Tony’s theory correct. Nearby, though, Tony spotted a strange figure headed for them. It was an airborne bicycle flying past the moon.
“Look out, Elliott!!!” Tony screamed, but it was all for nought. The two forces collided, sending the small boy off his bike, and Tony and the Miltank plummeting toward the earth.
…The flashback sort of stops there.

“…I KILLED E.T.!!” I cried to Dr Pierce.
“But, the movie clearly shows that they not only made it past the moon, but E.T. made it safely home.” Dr Pierce said.
“That’s what they wanted you to think.” I assured.
Dr Pierce leant back and groaned, “None of that was true, was it Mr. Chambers?”
“Well it’s hard remembering my past, so I just pieced it together by making stuff up.” I replied, “In my past, I won the civil war!”

Dr Pierce got up, annoyed.
“Anyway,” he muttered, “We better get to sleep. Tomorrow it’s my duty to escort you part of the way to Derufu City. On the way, however, I was hoping we could stop briefly to partake in a musical production.” He handed me a brochure.
“We’re watching a play?” I grinned, and looked excitedly at the pamphlet, “Called Phanpy of the Opera?”
Dr Pierce snatched it back, “That’s Phantom of the Opera!” he snorted, and looked at the pamphlet, “…No, wait… You’re right…” he slapped his forehead. “Wrong pamphlet.”
I sighed as I headed towards the couch to sleep, “Some people were just BORN stupid…”
********************************
It was now tomorrow (of course! Those stars mean a jump in time, remember?), and my crew and I were decked out in our finest. Well, Marowak and I were anyway. It was too much of a hassle trying to get a suit on anyone else.
Dr Pierce led the way to a huge opera house, which seemed to be misplaced in the otherwise dull surroundings.
“This opera house was built to commemorate the unity between Derako and Dougufu, which explains its curious position.” Dr Pierce explained, in what is surely an important plot point.
We skipped through the line, past all the frowning ticket holders. I shrugged to my Pokémon at the audacious action. Maybe Dr Pierce was a notorious line cutter? Everyone has a hobby.
We stood at the front door, and were suddenly welcomed in by all varieties of hoods in suits. Naturally, my Pokémon and I took a defensive stance. All too often when we were surrounded it meant we were in trouble.
However, they were grinning, which was an unusual change.
“Dr Pierce!” One of them spouted, “Our respected patron… you and your guests may head right towards your box.”
I snorted with disgust. We were expected to watch the entire show from a dinky little box? What sort of opera was this?
“So you’re the patron?” I asked Dr Pierce, to which he nodded. “Ohhhh…”
I looked back at my Pokémon, and whispered, “What the hell is a patron?”

We followed Dr Pierce up a long flight of stairs. They sure were making us work for our box.
Eventually, we reached the top, and my team and I fell to the floor, panting.
“No wonder all you rich people manage to stay fit… Operas are hard work!”
“Nonsense!” Dr Pierce scoffed, sitting down, “An opera is a relaxing time for respected members of society to partake in a joyous display of the creativity of others.”
“So, in other words… An opera is where you steal other people’s ideas?” I asked, taking my seat.
“More or less…” he replied, as people filed in.

“Ladies and gentlemen, before we begin, we’d like for you to note the locations of the fire exits, and in an emergency, leave in an orderly fashion.”
Golly, already they’re telling us how to leave. These people think ahead…
“We would also like to bring your attention to the patron of tonight’s production, Dr. William Pierce.”
The crowd applauded as the spotlight hit Dr Pierce. He stood up to bask in their adulation, and waved back.
Not wanting to look stupid, I stood up too, only for Dr Pierce to sit back down.
“Damn.” I muttered, and sat down.
“And his distinguished guests.”
The spotlight turned toward my Pokémon, who stood and cheered for themselves.
Trying to avoid further embarrassment, I got back up. However, the spotlight had already left and my Pokémon had taken their seats as I got to my feet.
“Double damn!” I snapped, and flopped back down.
“Now, if you will all rise, for our national anthem.”
Everyone stood up, and I looked around in disbelief.
“This is ridiculous!” I whined, “They don’t sing the national anthem at operas!!”
“You’ve never been to one before,” Dr Pierce pointed out, “How would you know?”
“…Good point.”

And the show progressed. And it was confusing. Putting things in place was like trying to piece together a soggy jigsaw puzzle.
“Does the phantom want her dead, or does he just want to get in her pants?” I whispered to Dr Pierce.
“For the last time, he wants to get in her pants!” Dr Pierce snapped.
I leant back. I thought it was a trick question, and he actually wanted to use her to take over the theatre himself. Damned confusing operas.
I looked over at my team, who all seemed completely immersed in the play. Mareep was even sporting a set of looking glasses.
“Where’d she get those from?” I muttered to myself, and then looked at Klepto, who had a large collection of stolen opera goods. Even Leaves’ collection of things he had stolen tonight paled in comparison.
I twiddled my thumbs for a while, until it reached halftime. Err, I mean the intermission.
It was the perfect opportunity to make up on lost eating time, as we scrambled around the room from tray to tray. We chased one fellow around for a good five minutes before pouncing on him and taking his egg puffs, making animalistic calls of victory upon doing so.
Afterwards, I mingled with the upper brow peeps for a while, telling my best ever jokes.
“No…” a disinterested fellow with a thick moustache muttered, “I don’t know what a Psyduck wears to his wedding…”
“A DUXEDO!!!” I roared, and slapped my knee in triumph. I slapped his knee afterwards, and he walked away, looking offended.

Intermission was coming to a close, and people were beginning to head out of the room. My Pokémon and I used this time to stockpile as many supplies as we could. Now that Marowaks helmet was an actual part of his head, it made things a bit tricky. Leaves’ bulb made a good storing place for a plate of truffles though, much to his chagrin.
Nearby, someone had taken Dr Pierce off into the corner to tell him something, and I watched on curiously as the psychiatrist’s expression turned to one of horror.
He ran up to me, looking gravely serious.
“Mr. Chambers, I’ve just received some horrifying news…” he said slowly, “It seems Gregory Massel, who plays the Phantom of the Opera, has a bomb concealed within his coat. He plans on brandishing it during the crowd-pleasing number, ‘The Point of No Return’. If his demands are not met, he has no reservations against detonating it.”
“What are his demands?” I gulped.
“He wants the theatre blown up.” Dr Pierce said dully.
“Hmm, a win-win situation for him, it seems…” I said, stroking my chin, “But perhaps we can stop him before he blows up everything!”
“We can’t just stop the play!” Dr Pierce sighed, “The production would be a disaster, and the critics’ snide reviews would prove catastrophic for the theatre.”
“What if nobody knew?” I suggested.
“In what sense?” asked Dr Pierce.
“Well, what if we stopped him when he goes off-stage?”
“Still ceasing the production! Out of the question.”
“What if we got security to escort him off?”
“How would that explain his departure?”
“We could write it into the play!”
“You have no respect for Andrew Lloyd Webber, do you?”
“Not as much as I used to.”
********************************
The plan was set in place. I stood above the stage, ready for my effort. When the rigging lifted the Phantom off in the act before the aforementioned song, it would be my job to get the bomb off him, and force him to finish the play. A bit of a shaky plan, I admit, but I had enough trouble trying to understand the play, let alone understand how to prevent an explosion.

“Dude…” I groaned, looking over the edge of the scaffold, “This is pretty high…”
“Yeah, well try being my size.” James whimpered, peering out my ear, “Everything looks like a long way down.”
I did my best to ignore the height, and instead paced back and forth, ready to fight the Phantom of the Opera. Sounds drastic, no?

Just then, I heard the sound of a pulley. I looked over, and the rope with the Phantom in tow was coming up. I ducked down low to avoid his Phantomy gaze.
“Soon, my plan will come to fruition…” he cackled, “Soon, I will command respect from all those puny infidels! …Like you, the boy on the scaffold.”
I sat up, amazed.
“How did you see me?” I gasped.
“Your tail was wagging over the edge.” He replied casually.
“Aww Hölle,” I snapped, grasping the offending appendage, “I keep forgetting about this thing.”
“Do you wish to confront me then, boy?” the Phantom challenged.
“No, no matter what anyone told you, I had no intentions of taking the bomb from your possession!” I paused for a minute, “Honest.”
The Phantom opened his coat slightly, showing that the bomb was currently on him.
“Be my guest, sir.” He said, showing that he was either cocky, or a class act all the way.
I ran gently across the scaffold toward him, and tried to grab the bomb, but alas, being the Phantom gave him magical evasion techniques. Or perhaps he was just moving out of the way. Whatever the case, I couldn’t manage to get a hold of the bomb.
“Olé!” the Phantom hissed, unleashing his dreaded glove.
He repeatedly smacked me across the face with all his might. It felt like Tony vs. Door all over again, and of course we all remember how that turned out. I looked up at the Phantom, with a piercing gaze and a swollen cheek.
“You sir, are a pompous ass!” I snapped, and slapped him across the face with my tail.
He looked at me with disbelief. “Nobody dares humiliate Sir Gregory Massel!!”
I tilted my head, confused.
“Umm, that’s me.” He said quietly.
“Oh, okay.” I nodded.

I proceeded to try out one of my kung-foo stances. It was like a cross between a praying mantis and a drunken bear swatting at bees.
The Phantom responded with a kung-foo stance of his own, which looked strangely like a bear crossed with a drunken praying mantis swatting at bees.
“Hayabusa!!” I wailed, and ran full-bore at the Phantom.
He stepped past my lunge, and pushed me to the scaffold.
“Hey no fair!” I whined, “Pushing isn’t allowed!”
The Phantom grabbed hold of a rope.
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a theatre to destroy!” he laughed, going back down toward the stage, “Perhaps we could continue this another time!”
“Sure thing!” I called, “How does 6 tomorrow sound?”
It was then I recalled that it was my job to prevent him from destroying said theatre.
“Whoopsie.” I gulped, and got back up.

I stood over the edge of the scaffold, ready to jump onto the stage after the Phantom. Just before I leapt though, I stopped.
“Come on, it’s obvious I wouldn’t survive.” I snapped, “That’s just stupid.”
“…On the other hand,” I said quietly, “I’ve done a lot of things I should’ve died from.”
“…On the other hand,” I sighed, “None of those had to do with drops this high.”
“…On the other hand,” I realised, “Some of those were arguably worse!”
“…On the other hand,” I snapped, “This Phantom seems to just scream death.”
“…On the other hand,” I began, “Oh, to hell with it. I ran out of hands three hands ago.”
I looked over at the curtain nearby. It had a loose rope attached to it, and it went all the way down to the stage. Climbing down that would be a quick but safe way to confront the Phantom.
I reached over, desperately trying to wrap my fingers around as quick as I could. I managed to grasp it, and took it in both hands. I gulped, and readied myself.
“Tally-ho…” I said meekly, and stepped off the scaffold.

Unfortunately, I had a lot more weight than I had anticipated, and began a quick descent toward the stage.
“Oww owww owwww!!!” I bellowed as the rope burnt my hands. I took a breather, and let go.
“Oh hell, that’s not right!” I gasped, and clutched onto the curtain.
I slowed briefly, before it started to tear. I tumbled down onto the stage, which was a surprisingly pleasant landing.
“What a relief!” I gasped, and looked down.

Seems I had landed right on Christine Daaé, the leading lady, right in the middle of her musical piece.
I looked to the side. The stunned audience were looking right at me. Even the Phantom seemed shocked.
Better play along…

“Here I am!” I cried in my most musical voice, “Uncle Sam!! I did not land with a slam… So thank you ma’am!”
The Phantom walked up to me. “You pitiful fool!” he sang, “You worthless tool…
That was not, uh, cool… Tonight I will rule!”
I motioned desperately for my Pokémon to come onstage.
“I will defeat you now. Do not question how, I will not allow, you… silly cow!!”
My Pokémon danced onstage, all sporting top hats.
I danced up next to them, and we started up a tap dancing number, which got the crowd’s applause.
“Steal the spotlight from me, will ya…” the Phantom snapped under his breath. He dropped a Pokéball, which sent out… a Growlithe!
“Holy hell!” I gulped, “Isn’t this swell? I know you as well! You escaped my capture, can’t you tell?”
“Fire Blast!” the Phantom roared, “Do it fast! Make it last! KICK HIS ASS!!”
“Hey, that doesn’t rhyme.” I muttered, until the Growlithe proceeded to send out a flame shaped a bit like the sticks on Blair Witch Project.
“Time to run!!” I squealed, and did just that, “This ain’t much fun…” I pointed toward the audience, “So I ask which ooooooooooone…” Despite the severity of the situation, I held the note, “Has a water Pokémon?”

A helpful onlooker threw a Pokéball toward me. I released the Pokémon within, a muscular tadpole.
“Time for a watery bath, you’re on the warpath, for I hath… The Polymath!”

Poliwraaaath… the Pokédex sang. And lemme tell you, the Pokédex is a pretty abysmal singer.
“Thank you.” I muttered.
Poliwrath shot a ball of water out of god knows where, and it hit Growlithe dead-on. It also managed to dampen the Phantom’s suit, which I thought was going a bit far.
“Time to put him to sleep, this promise I keep, read ‘em and weep… Thunderbolt, Mareep!!”
Mareep charged up, and sent a mighty thunderbolt from her tuft. And as it neared the Phantom, I only just remembered the bomb being on him. I ran frantically toward the thunderbolt, hoping to stop it somehow. An idea came to me as the bolt turned back down towards the Phantom.
“That would be obscene, and awfully mean, so I’ll depend on he who is green… LEAVES, USE LIGHT SCREEN!!!” I bellowed, and Leaves set up a Light Screen right next to me. I picked it up, and lifted it over my head. The thunderbolt bounced off, which was an unexpected bonus.
I then took it in both hands, and smashed it over the Phantom’s head. He fell to the floor, unconscious.
I threw the pieces aside, and ran to center stage.

“You alone,
Can make my song take flight…
It’s over now,
The music… of… the… night!!!”

With that glorious finish, the audience got up on their feet, whooping and cheering. I fell to the floor, as the rest of my Pokémon bowed. Once again, through bizarre circumstances, I had saved the day. And this time, I even managed to prevent an explosion for once.
The curtains closed, and Dr Pierce ran up toward me. I leered toward him.
“See?” I snapped, “I told you that operas are hard work!”
Drago
22nd May 2004, 03:01 AM
This thing called life... It's an irksome thing.
Well, upon returning to Minty Thrill, I scanned through some of my favourite chapters, and found something strange. Suddenly, Tony's speech is filled with …, as he tries to capture new Poké*Żn. Indeed, it looks like immense editing lies ahead. The most fun will doubtlessly be had with the cast list. It'll result in many deaths, and many delays. Mostly deaths, though.
I've fixed chapters one through five, and hastily made a new chapter, while I was at it. And frankly, it's... quite disturbing. Hope it's not too bad, though. Don't want to lose my high standards of respectable writing, after all! (cue roar of laughter here)

MINTY THRILL
“Leeching off the popularity of others since 2002.”
Chapter 35
Pains, Insanes and Automobiles

Now, Dr Pierce was escorting us toward Derufu City. I looked around at the quite nifty route. There were high black fences lining the way, with Christmas lights affixed to them, for no apparent reason. And above us, I had only recently noticed a road that was curiously set uncomfortably high. Sure, I had seen the pillars along the way, but had merely assumed that the route was Roman, or something along those lines.

“That, my friend, is the end of this trip!” Dr Pierce announced.
I looked around curiously. Despite his claim, I failed to see the end anywhere nearby. In fact, we only looked to be about a tenth of the way there, even after half a day’s travel.
“Dr Pierce
” I said slowly, “Are you planning on killing me, or something?”
“Not especially
” he replied, “Why do you ask?”
“Because
” I stated, “This ain’t the end of the trip
 In fact, aside from that garage a little ahead of us, this is what could be considered a barren area.”
“Barren,” Dr Pierce muttered, “Nice choice of word.”
I grinned proudly. Dr Seuss comes through again! Maybe I should say glumforkis next.
“Aside from that, however, inside that garage is where your journey will continue.” Dr Pierce said.
I squinted at the garage. It was pretty small. Was I to assume this was an especially short journey?
“Mr. Chambers, it isn’t my duty to escort you all the way, you realise.” Dr Pierce said.
“So that garage is going to escort me?” I said in awe.
“No, Mr. Chambers
” Dr Pierce replied, a tad perturbed, “It’s what’s inside the garage.”
“A smaller garage?” I queried.
A vein protruded from Dr Pierce’s forehead, “No
 It’s my associate, one Mr. Howard Skinner.”
“As opposed to two Mr. Howard Skinners.” I said in my best smart voice.
“
Indeed.” Dr Pierce sighed, “In any event, he’ll escort you further. So this is where I bid adieu, Mr. Chambers. I’d like to say it’s been wonderful travelling with you
 but I’m not terribly sure if I could.”
Dr Pierce then walked back toward his place.
“Ah, what a nice guy.” I said to Leaves, who nodded.
“Sure will miss him.” I continued, and Leaves nodded again.
“Grab his wallet?” I asked, and Leaves didn’t hesitate to nod.
“Brilliant.” I grinned, and started toward the garage.

I made sure to take a good look at said garage before entering. It was
 garage-like in appearance, and garage-like in various other qualities.
“Damnation.” I sighed, and dejectedly knocked on the door, “I can’t really think of any way to humorously injure myself.”
There was a brief pause, before the door swung open, and out stepped a short, stocky fellow, with a hairdo reminiscent of a balding clown, and a stench that likewise reflected one.
“Whaddaya want?” he said in a gruff, Brooklyn accent.
“An introduction, a breath mint, and a soothing melody.” I gagged, “Most likely a soothing melody so that at least my imminent death by gassing will be slightly pleasant.
“Oh, so you wanna ride, then?” he grunted.
“Yep.” Said I (as opposed to I said).
“Come on in, then.” He said, shuffling into the garage.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, before entering the dinghy surroundings.
When I opened them, however, I was shocked to find that the garage was in impeccable condition. The floor was clean, the fans were industrial strength, and in perfect working condition, and everything was sorted neatly and properly.
“The name’s Howard.” Howard announced, “Yours?”
“Tony
” I said, still in awe as to the condition of the surroundings.
“Nice meetin’ you, Tony. Where you headed?” he said, while polishing a tool of some description. The absurdity of a tool needing polish was surely irrelevant.
“Going to Derufu City.” I announced rather proudly, “To get myself a belt buckle. And perhaps immunize some crazy beasts. And avoid hassles from a bizarre crime syndicate. And say ‘Aww Hölle’ a couple times, just for good measure.”
“Sounds a bit like my schedule
” Howard chortled, “Just lemme know when you wanna head off, then.”
“No better time than the present!” I said, “You packed any supplies? It looks like a pretty long walk
”
“None needed.” Said Howard, “We ain’t walkin’.”
“Are we running, perhaps?” I asked.
Howard slapped the hood of a nearby car. “We’re taking the Chevy.”
“So we’re pushing that, then?” I sighed.
********************************
I sat, defeated, in the back seat. Howard and Leaves sat up front, both quite angry. Seemed as though they blamed me for the mess.
I personally blamed Leaves. Despite how I called the front seat, he didn’t think twice about taking the seat. Neglecting to realise this, I also sat in the front. And, upon sitting on the Bulb-is-sore, he took it upon himself to bite my tail. Paint
 eeeeeverywheeeere


“So how are we gonna get there? There’s no way a good car could drive up those ledges, let alone this one.” I said, and bit my tongue when Howard shot a mean glare.
“We’re takin’ the super’ighway.” He replied.
“Superhighway?” I repeated, interested, “And where would this be?”
Without a response, Howard turned the Chevy toward the nearby fence. He got out, and punched a code into a lovely little code punchy thingy. There were a couple beeps (both from the machine, and to censor out Howard’s swearing when he punched in the wrong code), before part of the fence slid open. We drove through the newly made entrance, and quite easily through the foliage, to my surprise.
“This is amazing!” I gasped, “It’s like we’re driving through nothing!”
“Yeah, it is.” Howard chuckled.
I opened my window, and leant over to stick my head out.
Howard noticed, and his eyes went wide, “Hey Tony, don’t do that!”
I stuck my head out the window, and was promptly knocked out cold by the aforementioned foliage.
********************************
When I came to, I had a throbbing head and an eye so swollen I couldn’t see out of it. I was lying on the backseat.
“
What happened?” I moaned.
“I tolja not to stick yer head out.” Howard sighed, “Those are some real dangerous plants.”
“But we drove through ‘em so easily
”
“It’s a Chevy,” Howard cut me off, “It has to do something right.”

I looked out the window. The plants weren’t there now. All I saw outside were clouds, and a flock of Pidgey.
“That’s nice.” I said quietly. I peered down a little lower, and nearly leapt out of my seat with fear. We were up incredibly high, on a shockingly narrow road.
“Where are we?” I gasped.
“The super’ighway.” Howard replied, “Y’know, the one that goes over the garage?”
“I don’t like the superhighway!” I whimpered, “Let me off the superhighway! I wanna take the superlowway
”
“Quite whinin’,” Howard snapped, “I’ve drove down this ‘ighway hundreds of times.”
I noted this, but still felt uncomfortable.
“It’s so narrow, even this one car barely fits
” I gulped, “What if someone tries to drive the other way?”
“Then you have a superhighway superstandoff, of course.” Howard replied briefly.
“Of course.” I nodded, before realising what he had just said. “A
 superstandoff?”
“Yeah, you come at each other really fast, and whoever stays on the road can keep going.”
“Sauuur!!” Leaves gasped, a tad worried by the concept.
“What are you, insane?” I cried.
“This super’ighway cuts six hours off the travelling time.” Howard said, quite proudly, “
So now who’s insane?”
Leaves leapt into the backseat, and looked at me, worried.
“Maybe we should do something
” I said.
Leaves quickly fastened his seatbelt.
“That’s a start
” I said, “Now perhaps we should get away from this madman!”
Leaves nodded once again. He thought it was a capitol idea.
I took another look out the window.
“We can’t jump out, obviously
” I reasoned, “I doubt we’d even land on the road. We’d probably miss, and plummet to a horrid bloody death. 
And we don’t want that.”
I looked around, panic welling up. “Attacking Howard would likewise be suicide. Even though I’m sure we could take him, with ease.”
“I heard that
” Howard snarled.
“I’m running out of ideas
” I gulped, “Maybe we could, umm
 close our eyes and hope nothing comes our way?”

“It’s about time!” Howard said suddenly. I looked forward, and saw that a car was headed right for us.
“Holy hell!!” I cried, and went frantically through my pockets for something that could save me and, if possible, Leaves. My hands landed upon a PokĂ©ball. I ripped it out, and sent out the PokĂ©mon inside.
“Tuuuu!” Klepto trilled merrily. He looked ahead, and saw the car.
“Tuuuu!” Klepto trilled terrified. On paper, it looks the exact same, strangely.

“Do something!” I commanded, and Klepto’s eyes flashed blue. To my amazement, Klepto managed to lift the oncoming car right off the highway.
We sped safely under it.
“Awwww!” Howard snarled, “That ain’t fair! Damn!”
“I love you, little buddy!!” I sighed with relief, “You saved so many lives!”
Klepto’s eyes went back to normal, and he smiled as much as his beak would allow.

There was a loud crash, followed by an explosion as the other car fell back to the ground.
I winced slightly, and looked at Leaves, who shrugged.
“Maybe you should work on that, Kleppers.” I said sheepishly.

So on we drove. Any car that headed our way, Klepto lifted above us, and fortunately he paid better attention to the landings. Howard drove faster and faster, hoping to actually hit someone.
“You’re a bunch of cheaters!” he accused, “A bunch of no-good, hazard avoiding cheaters!”
“Cheaters we may be,” I snapped, “But cheaters with all limbs intact, thank you!”
I looked down at Klepto, who, unlike Howard, was keeping his eyes on the road.
“How you holding up, Klepto?” I asked.
“Tuna!” he replied, and I couldn’t help but laugh. Only then had I realised the possible words Klepto could inadvertently say. Hopefully soon, he’d say ‘tutu’.
“Well, Mr. Skinner,” I said confidently, “It looks as though your little game of ‘let’s kill everyone’ has had a wrench thrown into it! Hahaha! I laugh!”
Howard suddenly turned the wheel just enough to throw me to the side, and make me headbutt the car door.
“Ow
” I whined, “That wasn’t funny!”
I rubbed my noggin, and looked ahead. It looked as though something was headed our way again.
“What is that?” I muttered, “Another car? It looks bigger than usual
 And those headlights, they look like they come from a truck, or something
”
“
He’s here!” Howard said, with a voice that mixed shock with anticipation.
“Who’s he?” I gulped.
“Kevin Skinner
 my brother.” Said Howard.
“Good, maybe he could talk some sense into you.” I said with a smile.
“Last time I saw him, I had just beaten him in a superstandoff.”
“Aww jeez, I guess he won’t want to talk to you then
” I gulped.
“Actually, no
” Howard said, deep in thought, “I did see him once after that
 I was shocked he’d survived, though not without being twisted beyond familiarity. He said he’d get me back
 And he said he’d do it in style.”
I took another look at the oncoming vehicle. It wasn’t getting any smaller. I was getting more and more worried.
“He’d said something about a pet project he was working on
” Howard continued, “A vehicle with the height and power of a truck
 But narrow enough to fit on the superhighway
 And big enough to take down a Tyranitar.”
“Not good. Really, really not good
” I gulped, “You know you can’t beat him, can’t we turn back now??”
“Never!!” Howard roared, and picked up speed.
“Hell no!!” I cried, “Klepto, can you lift that thing??”
Klepto’s eyes turned blue, and an aura surrounded the oncoming monster vehicle. The suspension began to lift slightly, then dropped back down before the wheels had even left the road. Klepto panted heavily, tired and worn.
“Damn!!!” I wailed, and wrenched about in my seat, “I don’t wanna die, I don’t wanna die!! I want to live, Howard! Won’t you let me live? Won’t you PLEASE?!”
“Waaaaahaaaahaaaaaa!” Howard cackled, insane. Needless to say, living wasn’t his main priority.
“To hell with this
” I snapped, and picked up Klepto and Leaves. I opened the door, put a confused Leaves on an equally confused Klepto’s back, and threw them out the window.
Fortunately, though struggling immensely, Klepto managed to maintain flight.
I sat on the edge of my seat, looking down at the ground far below.
“Now here’s where things get confusing.” I muttered, “In the cartoon, Ash gets set on fire, electrocuted, and thrown off a variety of cliffs, and the PokĂ©balls stay safe. 
Then, he drops one on a rock, and it breaks.
Damn, cartoons are confusing. Nonetheless
” I stuck the PokĂ©balls in my inside coat pocket, where they had the best chance of surviving the fall.
“Leaves, take care of yourself. I’ll miss you.” I called out to the mid-air PokĂ©mon, “And Klepto, thanks for trying
 I respect you, Kleppers.”
With that, I leapt out of the car, and began the free-fall towards the ground. 
Which needless to say, wouldn’t be pleasant.

I kept my eyes tightly shut, too nervous to open them and know how soon it would be, but likewise terrified to not know.
Then, finally, I hit.


It was a lot softer than I had expected. Almost feathery. And hey, it was painless, too. Maybe dying wasn’t so bad after all. 
Uh, yeah. So now, I guess I’m dead. Dead dead dead. Dead dead dead dead
 dead?

I opened my eyes, and was face to face with Leaves.
“Leaves??” I muttered, bemused, “You dead too?”
I looked around. We were in mid-air, and on the back of a really big green bird.
“Hang on, that couldn’t be
”
“Xatuuuuuuu!” the new and improved Klepto cawed proudly, as we glided through the sky. I looked back at the superhighway. Both vehicles were up in flames, both drivers extra crispy. Obviously I was quite pleased with my decision to jump.
Klepto touched down safely on land, and Leaves and I hopped off. I pointed the Pokédex at Klepto.

Xatu
 the Psychic/Flying hybrid evolution of
 Natu. Unlike Natu, Xatu
 is often seen flying in the sky. 
It is said that one eye sees into the past
and one eye into the future
 The extra set of eyes on
 its body
 are where it
actually sees from.

“Well isn’t that strange!” I looked at Klepto, then at the figures in the PokĂ©dex. Oddly, despite Xatu being listed at 4’11’’, Klepto was a fair bit taller than I was, indicating that he chose to defy the figures.
“So Klepto, I guess now it’ll be easier for you to steal things, eh?”
“Tuu!” he nodded, and peered over at a nearby flower. He focused his eyes slightly, and the flower zipped into his beak like he had a magnetic pull.
“Very Jedi-esque!” I said with a grin, before looking around nervously, hoping not to get sued.
I then thought back to Marowak’s evolution. So far, neither of them had resulted from battles, which I thought was the only way they could. Guess I had a bit to learn


“Nonetheless, now that that chaos is out of the way, I think it’s high time I got myself another belt buckle.”
I got on Klepto’s back, and Leaves sat close behind.
“Onward
 to the city of Degag
 Dejuku
 Deoxys
 uhh, wherever we were going!”
Drago
3rd June 2004, 06:55 AM
Oh, COME ON...

I am starting to really get miffed here. I fixed up the entire cast list, which took almost as long as it did to write it up in the first place, and I come back to find that the latest chapter has fallen victim to the mayhem, a mere two weeks after being posted. Oh and while we're at it, the first five chapters, which I had fixed, are once again nonsensical (even moreso than usual). I still have the code for the proper chapters saved in my computer, but why bother? It'll prolly just happen a third time...
Honestly, I don't know how much longer I can put up with this... :disgust:

On a lighter note, however... I think this chapter is a step up in quality. It's snazzy! Well, until it too goes bananas. *sigh*

MINTY THRILL
“5% off your next psychiatric meeting!”
Chapter 36
The Molepeople

“Klepto…” I roared in a mighty tone, “Away!”
Klepto tore off into the sky in such an amazing show of away that I was thrown off his back, and fell atop Leaves.
“…Perhaps Klepto’s aways need practice…” I muttered to myself, as he sheepishly flew back to the ground.
I returned him, and looked ahead. “Well, after all these near-death experiences, I could sure go for a pleasant stroll to the next locale, how ‘bout you Leaves?”
“Saaaaauuur!!” Leaves whimpered from underneath me, and I got up slowly.
“Saaaaauuur, indeed!” I said, and took a few steps ahead.
Before I could progress as far as I had hoped, however, I felt an unevenness in the ground.
I looked down, and keenly noted that it had in fact collapsed underfoot. Leaves and I fell a fair distance, before crashing with a thud.
“Owww!” I whined, “A… hole? What is a hole doing here? It should be elsewhere, where it could come in handy!”
I heard an ominous organ sound, the sort which could accompany a funeral or a wedding. I cringed slightly, hoping that no spouses or corpses would be falling down from above.

“To respect the world with-

“OH MY GOD!!” I squealed, and leapt out of the hole with anticipation, “It’s Team Rocket!! This is amazing! In fact, this is one better than amazing, this is very amazing!”
I looked around frantically, before finally spotting two people wearing blue shirts with a pleasantly red ‘R’ on them.
“Oh yes!!” I skipped merrily toward them, “I suddenly feel very important!”
“Uhh…” the female of the duo muttered, “Think you could go back into the hole ‘til we finish our entry?”
“What? Oh yeah, sure.” I sprang back down into the hole and landed with a thud. I looked up anxiously, “Please continue!”
“Saaurrr…” Leaves hacked. Unfortunately I had managed to land on him.

“To respect the world with preservation!”
“To enlighten the entire nation!”
“To remove cookies with an oven glove!”
“To find a new lyric, that rhymes with glove…”
“Ned!”
“Kelly!”
“Team-”

“Alright, I get the damn point!!” I wailed, holding my head, “I can’t put up with hearing this… How in hell’s bells did Ash put up with it in every single episode? …Especially since some episodes were only set twelve minutes after the other.”

“Nevertheless,” Kelly commanded, “We request custody of the Bulbasaur! If we gave this precious Pokémon to the boss, we would be put straight into the highest rank!”
“Whaa??” I scoffed, aghast, “Look, I don’t know why you lot are always saying something like a Bulb-is-sore will give you prestige and power… Just go to Burake Town! Professor Gum gives them out every Sunday! With a free Yu-gi-oh card!” I lifted Leaves up, “And either way… This is a used Bulb-is-sore… Do you realise what the mileage on this thing is? He’s worthless to you… In fact, all my Pokémon are misfits at best… A dancing Marowak, a manic-obsessive Xatu, A NAKED MAREEP?” I frowned briefly. I was actually starting to depress myself.
“Why not steal something valuable like a Dragtoright? Or a Scarytoast? In fact, you should be stealing Pokémon from the route nearest to the Pokémon League, that’s where all the best ones would be!! Next you’ll be telling me you were currently following a small boy with a Pikachu…”
Ned and Kelly looked around nervously.
“…No…” Ned gulped, and hurriedly shooed away a bemused lad with a Pikachu.

“So, what do we do?” Kelly whispered, “This kid’s got a point… Maybe we should let him out?”
“But he might sue us!” Ned gulped, “They took a pretty mean spill…”
“Well what do you suggest, Einstein?” Kelly snapped.
“Shh, don’t ever call me that in public!!” Ned snapped back, “What if it gets out to the press? Einstein and Kelly?”

There was a light crumbling from beneath me. I assumed it was Leaves, who I had still not gotten off of, but upon closer inspection, it appeared as though the bottom of the pit was starting to give.
“Umm, fellas?” I said worriedly.
“Not now!” Ned snapped, “Now come on Kelly, I don’t ever say your real name in public, do I?”
“Hey, I legally changed my name when I was seventeen!” Kelly poked Ned in the chest, “It’s not my fault you chickened out at the last minute!”
“My name is the only thing I have left from my grandfather!” Ned sobbed, “Do you really think I would just drop it and forget him??”

The crack was getting progressively bigger, until the ground felt loose.
“Saaurr…” Leaves gulped, and got up slowly.
“This would be a good time to do something clever…” I gulped, “…But where would the fun be in that?”

The ground finally fell apart, and Leaves and I proceeded to plummet into the darkness.

From above…
“Jeez, we must’ve dug the hole right above an underground cavern…” Ned muttered.
“What are the odds of that?” said Kelly.
“I guess we should get them…” Ned gulped.
“What?” Kelly gasped.
“Remember, they might sue us if we don’t!” Ned said nervously, “Do you want to be sued, Ms. Kelly?”
“They can’t sue us if they’re DEAD, Einstein!”
“STOP SAYING THAT!!”

From progressively more below…
“Leaves, do you see that?” I cried as I tried to focus on where we were falling.
Leaves looked down, and noticed a stream emanating a red glow.
“That, Leaves, is what we call magma.” I said informatively.
“Saur.” Leaves said, a tad more enlightened.
“…And magma hurts, my dear friend.” I continued with more helpful advice.
“…Saur.” Leaves repeated, though in a more concerned tone.
I proceeded to bellow as loudly as possible, and it caused a loud echo which made it seem as though the walls were screaming back. …Or maybe they were, who knows.

Before we managed to hit the liquid magma however, we stopped in mid-air. I looked around, confused. Something had caught us, quite obviously. I looked up, and saw what looked to be a primitive crane device. It swung us over to a nearby ledge, where we landed with a thud.
“That’s the second time I’ve landed with a thud today…” I muttered, brushing myself off.
“Who dares trespass?” an ominous voice boomed.
I cleared my throat, “Tony Chambers and his Bulb-is-sore!” I replied in an equally booming voice.
“Who dares steal my booming voice shtick?” it said angrily, “That’s a trademark of the WWE!”
“Aww crap…” I groaned, “More WWE chumps?”
A group walked out of the shadows. A Tazz lookalike, a Spike Dudley lookalike, and a Tajiri lookalike. In laymen’s terms, a group of short people walked out of the shadows.
“I am the king of the molepeople!” the Tazz lookalike said, “Tazzmolian Devil!”
“I am the prince of the molepeople!” the Spike-alike (hehe) said, “Spick Duddits!”
“I am the politically-correct race ethnicity member of the molepeople!” the Tajiri lookalike said, “Mr. Japan!” He then proceeded to pull out a Japanese flag.
“And I…” a large bloke announced, “am Jon Heidenreich!”
“…Who?” Tazzmolian Devil snorted, “Get outta here, you wannabe.” He proceeded to push Jon over the ledge into the magma.

“Well that was interesting.” I muttered, “But I really best be off now. I have places to go, non-mole-people to see…”
“You wish to leave?” Tazzmolian said in his booming voice, “There is no possible way of you exiting!”
“How ‘bout that exit over there?” I pointed towards a large doorway with an exit sign over it.
Spick ran over, and took down the exit sign.
“It’s not an exit anymore!” Tazzmolian cackled.
“…I see…” I muttered, and began to walk past the molepeople.
“Oh come on, please stay!” Tazzmolian suddenly said in a desperate tone, “We get ever so lonely down here…”
“So why don’t you just leave?” I asked.
“Well, we would like to…” Tazzmolian said sheepishly, “But we fell and we’re too short to get back out…”
“Sad story.” Spick said.
“Vely sad.” The politically incorrect Mr. Japan sighed, while reading a Sailor Moon comic.
“And either way, look at what we have built!” Tazzmolian thrusted his hand towards a handful of buildings near the magma river.
“Jeez, how could you make that down here?” I said, interested.
“Dung.” Tazzmolian replied dully.
“Eww…” I muttered, “How about that crane?”
“Dung too.” Tazzmolian muttered. “Everything we have is made of dung… Even Mr. Japan over there is made of dung.”
“What??” Mr. Japan gasped, before proceeding to draw out plans for technological advances.
“We will allow you to leave…” Tazzmolian continued, “If you can overcome the tests… OF THE MOLES!”
“Are you sure I can’t just leave?” I whined.
“No!” Tazzmolian snapped, and grabbed a Pokéball, “Test the first… You must take me on, in a three on three Pokémon battle. First team to have any of their Pokémon faint loses!”
“Will do…” I replied, and grabbed two Pokéballs. Out came Agwa and Marowak. Leaves stood beside them.
In response, the molepeople sent out a Sandslash, a Magcargo and a Marowak of their own.

“Alrighty then, guys… Use Tackle! And Tackle… and TACKLE!”
My bemused team ran off in random directions at the opposition, not sure who was taking on which.
“Sandslash, use Slash, Magcargo, use Ember, Marowak, use Bone Club!” Tazzmolian responded.
The three Pokémon proceeded to launch their attacks. Leaves and Agwa managed to dodge the first two, but Marowball got smacked across the face by his Marowak brethen.
“…Roww…” he snarled in a tone I had never heard him take before. All the other Pokémon backed away nervously, as he tightened his grip around his own bone.
Suddenly, he grabbed the walkman, and placed it over his head. He hummed merrily, as everyone else fell to the ground.

“Yeah well,” I muttered, “Leaves, Agwa, double-team Marowak!”
“Two can play at that…” Tazzmolian snarled, “Sandslash, Magcargo, attack Marowak!”
They all looked confused, then shrugged and attacked the nearby Marowak.
“Noooo!” I cried, “Not OUR Marowak!”
“Stop that!!” Tazzmolian whined as his Pokémon also pummelled their own teammate.

This was getting embarrassing. At this rate, we were killing ourselves.
“Fine, Leaves, go after that Sandslash!” I commanded.
“Oh-ho!” Tazzmolian cackled, “Not likely! Sandslash, dig underground to get away!”
Sandslash nodded, and began digging frantically.
“Slash slash slash slash… Slaaaaaaaassssshhhh…” it sounded as though it was falling.
We looked down the hole, and recalled the fact that we were on a ledge overlooking the magma. The unfortunate Pokémon fell right into it.
Tazzmolian looked up at me. “…Whoopsie.”

“Well you won that round…” Tazzmolian snarled, “But we have more tricks up our sleeves, don’t we?”
“Of course we do!” Spick snarled.
“をまとめ” Mr. Japan proclaimed.
“In this second test,” said Spick, “You have to beat Tazzmolian in a Pokémon battle… on Game Boy!”
I looked at the dung-made Game Boys he held in his hands.
“Not Game Boy Advance?” I asked, disappointed.
“We’re working on it! We’ve only got crude materials, y’know…” Spick stated, offended, “We wanted to make an X-Box, but we didn’t have enough dung…”
Tazzmolian sat down, “In any event, to make things fair, we’re both using teams of Pokémon at level 100. No Rare Candies, either.”
“Uhh yeah sure…” I muttered, and looked at the Game Boy in my hands. Unfortunately, I had never played the game before… Surely it’d be just the same as an actual battle, though?
I sat down, and turned it on. Suddenly, after a logo came up, a Gengar and Jigglypuff appeared onscreen.
“Good god!” I gasped, “That was fast… Gengar! Use Scratch attack!”
Gengar took a swipe, but Jigglypuff leapt aside.
“You fiend!” I hissed, when suddenly Jigglypuff leapt at Gengar, and the screen went white.
“Noooooooooooooo!!!” I howled, “I lost…”
I looked back down, and saw that it was only the introduction.
“…Oh, okay…” I muttered.
I pressed a button, and was stricken with some difficult choices… Continue, Options, or New Game?
Hmm… I thought, maybe if I choose new game, we’ll suddenly be playing Street Fighter.
I followed the prompts given by New Game, until I was face to pixelated face with Professor Oak. He proceeded to lecture me on the world of Pokémon, before asking me my name.
…Was this some sort of trick? Why did he care, anyway?
I put in the fake name, of Raoul.

Raoul was suddenly thrust into his house, seemingly discarded by the uncaring Oak.
“You ready yet??” Tazzmolian snapped.
“Hang on, hang on…” I sighed, “This game is confusing…”

After about a half-hour of trying to figure things out, I had assembled a mighty team of Bulb-is-sore, Rattata, Pidgey and Caterpie. The Game Boy version of Leaves had already hit an impressive level 9.
I stumbled upon the link centre, and before I knew it, the screen flashed in an epileptic fit.

TAZZY wants to battle!

“And so do I…” I said, determined.

TAZZY sent out MEWTWO!

“Aww Hölle…” I gulped.

Go! Rattata!

Suddenly my proud rat didn’t seem quite as intimidating. Perhaps levels meant nothing in the games, though? Level 7 was still quite an event…
“What sort of joke is this??” Tazzmolian chortled, and confidently stabbed in some commands.
What would I do in response? That RUN option seemed pretty appealing… Perhaps, however, I could impress him with my tactics?

RATTATA used QUICK ATTACK!

“Hahahahaaaaaa!!” I roared triumphantly, “I guess this means that Rattata is faster! I watched proudly as the opponent’s health bar… did nothing.
“What?” I gasped, “Rattata didn’t do any damage??”
Leaves handed me a magnifying glass, and looking through it, I could see a sliver of damage.
“Oh, there it is…”

MEWTWO used BARRIER!

I winced slightly, before noticing that Mewtwo’s attack hadn’t done a thing.
“Waaaahaaahaaa!” I chortled, “Mewtwo does nothing… Rattata is INVINCIBLE!!”
Even if I wasn’t doing much damage, I was still leading the fight. Time to take it to him!!

RATTATA used QUICK ATTACK!

RATTATA’s attack missed!

“Rattata you over impetuous fool!” I groaned, “Stay focussed! Don’t let him intimidate you with his exaggerated features… Just remain calm, and-”

MEWTWO used PSYCHIC!

Then, as if on cue, Rattata fell offscreen. He was a defeated Pokémon, on Game Boy. And unlike in real life, there was no way I could nurse him back to health. He was just taken offscreen, and out of my life. No fame, no glory, no love.

The following Pokémon suffered similar fates, although Pidgey did manage a critical hit that made up for at least two damage, until Leaves was the last one.

Get ‘em! LEAVES!

“Leaves, if you let me down, I swear I will cram you full of crappy TMs until they’re coming out your nostrils!”
“…Saur?” The nearby Leaves gulped nervously.
I surveyed my options. A fierce Leech Seed seemed like a good option… But perhaps Tackle would catch him by surprise?
I nervously decided on the move that would surely be my last, and waited for Mewtwo to attack.

…And waited.
…And waited.

I looked up at Tazzmolian, who was shouting angrily.
“STUPID BATTERIES!!” he roared, and threw his Game Boy to the ground. His Pokémon had been effectively taken out of existence, while Leaves stayed onscreen. That meant…
“I WIN!!” I roared, “And you don’t because I do!!”

Tazzmolian fumed. “No-one has ever made it to the third test… No-one had made it to the second test either, but that’s beyond the point. …This third test is such a mystery, that the only one who knows about it… is Mr. Japan!”

We all looked over at Mr. Japan. He was talking on a mobile phone
“Sorry, I’ll have to call you back.” He whispered, “Hope that Sammy thing works out for you, Naka-san.”
Mr. Japan looked around at everyone.
“Third test…” he said, “Is test of speed! Is test… of agility!”
He grabbed one of the Pokéballs, and sent out Magcargo.
“Summon magma!” he commanded to Magcargo. It did so, and slowly, the magma from below started to rise, “You must outrun the element!” he cackled.

Tazzmolian and Spick watched on in disbelief as the rising magma destroyed their city. Additionally, Mr. Japan had neglected to note that the magma was about to kill them, too.
“…Oops.” He gulped, “Gomen nasai… Nisa!”
He tore off for the exit, followed by a furious Tazzmolian and Spick. I looked around, panicked. I peered upward. Maybe I could still make it out of the pit?
I scaled the rocky wall for a bit before I was finally on the ledge that the crane was situated on. I clambered frantically into it, and fiddled with the various switches and such, until the cherry picker section finally rose up. Leaves hopped onto my shoulders, and I crawled slowly up the narrow steps leading to the basket. I hopped inside, and reached for the edge of the hole, which I could just touch with my fingers.
“Just a little further… Or is it farther?” I strained, although in all honesty, I was no more interested in knowing which would’ve been the proper thing to say.

Suddenly the entire thing began to fall to the side. The basket lost half its hinges, and dangled upside-down, while I desperately clung onto the side. I looked down. The crane was now starting to sink into the magma, which had started rising deceptively fast. The entire thing was starting to melt.
“They just don’t make dung like they used to…” I gulped, as the entire thing began to slowly go down…

Suddenly, a pair of vines were around my waist.
“Leaves?” I gasped, “Is that you?”
We were suddenly pulled out of the hole, and fell down into the grass. A nearby Machamp then picked up a gigantic boulder, and threw it over the hole. A few weak streams of lava oozed out, but then subsided.

I looked around, amazed, until I was helped up by none other than Kelly.
“You alright, kid?” she asked.
“Yeah sure…” I muttered, and looked around. “Thanks for the help…”
“No problem…” Ned said with a grin, and returned Machamp. Kelly then returned her Weepinghell.
“Uhh… I guess you want to, sorta, steal my Pokémon now?” I said sheepishly.
“Nah, forget it…” Kelly chuckled, “We’re not even part of Team Rocket anyway.”
“You’re not?” I gasped.
“No, of course not…” Ned sighed, “We’d like to be, but until then, we’re just plain old Pokémon rangers. Can’t you tell by the uniforms?”
“They have an R like Team Rocket does, Einstein…” Kelly snapped.
Ned looked like he was about to explode.

“Well, thanks for the help, but I best be on my way.” I said with a grin, and sent out Klepto. “Time for me to fly!”
“Hang on, why didn’t you just use that to get out of the hole?” Kelly asked, bemused.
“…Because… umm… Klepto… doesn’t like… holes. Yeah, that’s it.” I broke out in a cold sweat. I hate it when people use logic.
“Now then, Klepto… AWAY!”

Once again Klepto tore off into the sky. …And once again, I was thrown right back down to the ground.
“…And away we go…” I said meekly.
Drago
11th June 2004, 06:24 AM
That's it. That's about as much as I'm going to care.

When I started Minty Thrill in early November, 2002, I knew nothing about fic-writing. The nearest experience I had was RPing, which I felt was different, but the same.
The same in so many ways. And in one especially painful way; the eventual bitterness that manifested.

As any reader might have noticed, as of late, every single chapter has been made nonsensical by bizarre code spurts, which I in turn promised to fix. I did, and lo and behold, it merely went back to a state of shambles. I have it all saved, and was about to fix it once again, when I thought... why bother?

The last three chapters have been posted, and nothing. No complaints, no compliments, nothing. You can interpret this however you like. Do I need my ego to be constantly fed? Do I require a pat on the back? Am I really that insecure?

Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.

Minty Thrill has been surpassed by many fics. Many great fics, and ones that had bundles of replies. That's not what gets to me. What gets to me is the fact that I'm working with nothing.

Does nobody like these chapters? Are they so bad as to the point of disgust?
If that's the case, then tell me. I can't take guesses as to what people don't like. It's not enough to just hope that every once in a while I'll produce something worthwhile after taking a couple unsuccessful stabs at it.
With no replies, I'll just have to assume that people dislike what I'm writing. They read it, they don't care, they leave. That being the case, I've come to one bold conclusion.

...If you don't care, then neither do I. Minty Thrill is now finished, leaving various plotholes, ideas that never had any result, and an overall sense of abandonment.

I'd like to thank my readers. Without you, I would've quit long ago. And I apologise to anyone who feels this is a rash decision. If anyone thinks less of me, or thinks that I can't handle things, and runs away from them, then you can PM me and say that. I'll be sure to give you a witty reply.
Or perhaps you'll thank me from taking time away from your busy schedules. I apologise for wasted time, wasted effort, and anything else I may have selfishly squandered.

Fic-writing was fun for a while. Maybe I'll write another one one day. But I won't be able to enter it with as much enthusiasm as I did in the first place.

And once more, I'd like to reinterate... If you think any less of me, then that's your opinion. And to be quite frank, I would've liked to have heard it a lot sooner, when I still cared.

Thanks for reading,
~DragoKnight

MINTY THRILL
5th November, 2002-
11th June, 2004