The Lord of the Pokemasters (all Ummmmers must read!) [Archive]

Mikey

28th September 2003, 05:45 PM

Ok, part 1 is finished. Be warned as this is a PG-13 fic!

The Fellowship of the Pokemasters

It was a fairly quiet day in the Shire as Mikey Baggins sat by a tree reading a book. Well, it was as quiet as the Shire could be when the whole town was in an uproar over Cheesy Baggins's eleventy first birthday. As Mikey sat there, he suddenly heard someone coming up the road .It was the distant sound of humming, and Mikey instantly recognized who it belonged too. In a flash he was rushing through the trees where the road met the forest.

There, an old man with a large white beard and a grey cap and gown was humming to himself as he continued towards Hobbiton on his horse and buggy. "You're late." Mikey smiled. The old man turned his head and began to speak.

"An anime moderator is never late nor is he early; he arrives precisely when he means too." Mikey began to smile and the man soon joined in. "It's wonderful to see you again Hanadolf Tattsu!" He yelled leaping into the buggy. Little did he know that the buggy was top heavy, and the whole thing toppled over spilling Hanadolf's fireworks everywhere.

"Damn you Mikey Baggins!" Hanadolf yelled. After bringing the buggy back upright, the two leapt in and continued on into Hobbiton. As the cart pulled down the quiet road past the many working hobbits, Mikey began to question Hanadolf. "What news of the outside world, tell me everything?" He asked.

Hanadolf laughed a bit. "You don't really want to hear all that **** do you my boy?" He asked. Mikey looked confused. "Everything is the same since the last time I came three days ago you fool!" Hanadolf roared as the buggy went over a bridge. The two entered a large part of town where many hobbits were going about their business.

They soon passed by an open area where many people were setting up things for Cheesy's party. "Oh, a long expected party?" Hanadolf remarked. Mikey shook his head. "Actually they just scrounged around for some **** and started today. We didn't even remember it was his birthday." Mike laughed.

Hanadolf shrugged and turned to Mikey. "Well how is the old rascal anyways? I hear this is going to be a party of special magnificence." Mikey laughed. "You know Cheesy, he has the whole town in an uproar." He remarked. "I personally think he's up to something."

Hanadolf stared blatantly at Mikey. "Why do you think that?" He asked. Mike grinned. "Well, for one we only know a few hobbits around here, and he invited ones we have never met nor seen." He replied. "Oh really?" Hanadolf grinned.

"You know before you came along we Bagginses were very well thought off. Never did anything unnatural or have any adventures." Mikey added in. "Now we have completely no friends." Hanadolf began to laugh. "If you're referring to the incident where I fried the town with my pet dragon and blamed it on Cheesy, well then yeah…my bad." He replied.

Some young hobbits noticed the buggy pulling up the road and immediately began to follow it screaming his name. Hanadolf tried to ignore them, but soon turned around. "What the **** are you kids waiting for? Can't an old man get through Hobbiton without being pestered by little brats like you?" He roared. The hobbits stopped and sobbingly pointed to the fireworks. "Oh you want fireworks do you?" Hanadolf yelled and lit one. The firework launched straight at the small hobbits, which leapt to the sides to avoid it. Hanadolf began to laugh and continued on. Mikey looked back dumbfounded.

Mikey then leapt off the buggy. "I'm glad your back." He said grinning. "So am I!" Hanadolf said and continued on rolling his eyes. Soon he came to the small hole on the edge of a hill that everyone knew as Cheesy's. He got out and knocked on the door with his staff. "No thank you! I didn't order any prostitutes!" He heard Cheesy scream from inside. "And what about very old friends?" Hanadolf asked.

The door instantly opened. "Hanadolf!" Cheesy grinned and the two hugged. Cheesy instantly let Hanadolf in. "I'll get us some jell-o shots. They're all the rage with the teens today." Cheesy grinned and walked off. Hanadolf began to look around Cheesy's house. He quickly stuffed a few things in his robe before Cheesy returned. Suddenly, someone knocked on the door.

"I'm not at home!" Cheesy yelled. When the yelling died down, he walked towards the table and took a jell-o shot. "I need to get out of here; no one gives me a moment's piece!" He yelled. "So you mean to go through with your plan then?" Hanadolf asked. "Yes yes, I am." Cheesy replied. A candle holder fell out of Hanadolf's robe and he quickly shoved it back inside.

"Mikey suspects something." Hanadolf then said. "Of course he does, he's a Baggins." Cheesy said. "Are you calling us stupid? Cause if you are…" Cheesy roared holding up a fist. "No no, but you will tell him won't you?" Hanadolf changed the subject. "Yes yes, he'd probably come with me if I asked him too." Cheesy replied.

Hanadolf began to laugh. "Like he'd leave the shire!" He grinned. Cheesy gave him a look. "I'm old Hanadolf, but I don't look it. But I am beginning to feel it…you know…down there." Hanadolf laughed. "Get Viagra then." Cheesy sighed. "I'm talking about my legs you fool! I can't walk fast or far like I used to!" He yelled. "Oh!" Hanadolf replied. "I need a vacation, and I will not come back from it!" Cheesy then yelled.

The night had come, and the party was soon to begin. Up on the hill, Hanadolf and Cheesy watched below holding pipes. "This is the finest pot in the entire shire!" Cheesy said laughing. "Sure is!" Hanadolf replied. "Look, hehe, look what I can do!" Cheesy said and blew a ring with the weed smoke. Hanadolf giggled. "I can do it to, watch me, watch me!" He blew smoke making the image of a very disturbing object that sailed through the ring. The two were obviously high. "Hanadolf, I love you! My friend, this will be a night too…." Cheesy began but soon passed out as Hanadolf inspected his hand giggling.

The firework show began and everyone was dancing. "It's a fiesta!" Someone yelled. Mikey saw his friend Chikowise sitting alone at the table watching a girl dance. He sat down next to him. "Go ask her for a dance Chiko!" He grinned. Before Chiko could interject, Mikey tossed him at her. Chiko tried to dance, but the girl began to scream. "Help, rape!" She yelled. Several hobbits began to beat Chiko to the floor with their purses as Mikey nervously walked away.

Hanadolf lit off another firework as Cheesy told the story of the time he got high with some trolls to some very young hobbits. When Hanadolf was preoccupied, two hobbits- Jaygrin Took (Jay) and Zakiadoc Brandybuck (Zak), stole a very large firework. Inside a tent, they decided to pull a jackass and launched the firework from Jay's rear. The firework turned into a giant seagull in the sky and came down on the party crapping everywhere.

Soon, Hanadolf found the two and gave them dish washing duty. Now was time for Cheesy's speech. He happily walked up on the stage and began. "My dear hobbits, today is my 111th birthday!" Everyone cheered. He talked for a very long time, till he began to fiddle with the small computer chip in his hand. It held the forum of Hunter…"I regret to inform you that this is the end, I am going now." He said and placed the forum into his laptop. He began to giggle and rushed off down the road as if he thought he was invisible. Everyone stared as he ran.

"What the hell?" Someone yelled. "He's gone insane!" Someone else said. Cheesy made it to his house and opened the door. Inside, he took the forum out and laughed to himself. "Stupid hobbits. They probably thing I vanished into thin air!" He laughed. Suddenly, Hanadolf was in front of him. "I suppose you found that clever." He asked.

"It was just a bit of fun!" Cheesy replied. "You will keep an eye on Mikey won't you?" He then changed the subject. "What do I look like to you, a nanny?" Hanadolf asked. Cheesy shrugged. "I'm leaving everything to him." He then said. "What about this forum of yours?" Hanadolf asked. "Yes, that stays too, its over there on the mantel piece…no wait, it's here in my pants." Cheesy replied digging through his pants.

He began to stare at the forum, and then had second thoughts of leaving it. "It's mine, I found it, and it came to me! My precious! Understand autism!" He yelled. "I think you should leave it here. You're starting to sound like someone who was banned from the forum." Hanadolf spoke. "You just want it for yourself!" Cheesy replied. "Yes, I do, but that isn't the point." Hanadolf grinned. Cheesy then seemed to get it. "It stays with Mikey…" He smiled.

With that, he grabbed a walking stick and headed for the door. "Cheesy, you still have it." Hanadolf remarked. Cheesy flicked his fingers and chucked the ring to the floor. "I came up to an ending to my book. One day, I will go back to Hobbiton and murder Hanadolf and then I will live happily ever after!" He grinned. "I'm sure you will!" Hanadolf replied smiling. With a hug, Cheesy set off.

With Cheesy gone, Hanadolf could now take the forum for himself. As he went to grab it, a great red eye appeared in his thoughts and he decided it was a bad idea. He began to sit down by the fireplace and ponder about this forum. Soon, Mikey returned. "He actually left didn't he?" He asked. Hanadolf nodded. "This means you get everything here, besides what I stole." He said and handed Mikey an envelope holding the forum. "Tell everyone about it, keep it out in the open!" He grinned. With that, Hanadolf walked out. "What the hell?" Mikey stood confused.

Meanwhile, in the land of AIMdor, the enemy had captured Bjarni. Amongst the endless babbles they managed three words. "Shire, Baggins! Autism!!!!" He yelled. From the gates of AIMdor, the dreaded Rachwraiths exited on black horses. They were now sent to find the forum!

Hanadolf made it to the local library, where he quickly read some books on the war of the Forums myth. With that, he learned that this may just be the One Forum. The documents stated that fire is the secret to seeing the writing on the forum. The Rachwraiths had now made it to the shire….

Mikey and Chiko had just left a party and were heading home. Mikey arrived at bag end to find it had been broken into. He walked inside and was confronted with the culprit…Hanadolf! AHHHH! "Is it not a secret, is it unsafe?" He asked. Mikey shook his head. "I didn't have time to tell anyone in the 10 minutes you were gone." He replied. Hanadolf snatched the forum from him and tossed it into the fire. "Hey that's mine you butt!" Mikey yelled.

Hanadolf pulled the forum from the fire. "Hold out your hand Mikey. It's quite cool." Mikey did as told and was severely burnt by the scalding forum. "What the hell was that for?" He screamed. "Oops!" Hanadolf replied. "Well, what do you see?" He then asked. "There are markings…it's some form of Jeevanish. I can't read it." Hanadolf sighed. "There are few who can, the language is that of AIMdor, which I will not utter here. In the common tongue it means this- One ring to rule them all…One ring to find them…one ring to bring them and in their darkness BIND THEM!" Mike cocked his head."Um, what the hell does a ring have anything to do with this?" Hanadolf shrugged.

"This is the One Forum forged by the dark Lord Hunter." Hanadolf said staring at the disk. "Cheesy found it in Bjarni's cave…" Mikey said handing Hanadolf a jell-o shot. "Yes, for 60 years the forum lay quiet, but no longer Mikey. Evil is stirring in AIMdor. The forum has awoken, now all Hunter needs is this one forum to cover all the lands in a second darkness. "But wasn't Hunter destroyed?" Mikey asked. "Look, this doesn't make a lot of sense but go along with it!" Hanadolf replied. "If Hunter gets the forum, we are all doomed, k thx!" He added in. "Hunter has returned…his robot ninja pirate monkeys have multiplied and all is rebuilt in the land of AIMdor. He seeking the forum, all his thought is bent on it. And the forum wishes to return to its master."

"Then we'll hide it, put it away somewhere…no one knows it's here right?" Mikey asked. Hanadolf shook his head. "I searched everywhere for the creature Bjarni, but the enemy found him first. Out of all the screams and babbles they managed the words shire and Baggins." Mikey was now scared. "But that would lead them here!" He yelled. Outside ,the Rachwraiths had made it to Hobbiton. With a quick light saber slash to the head, the guard went down…

"What must I do?" Mikey finally asked. "You must leave the shire!" Hanadolf replied. In a matter of minutes, Mikey was packed up and ready to go. "You'll have to leave the name of Baggins behind you…go as Meoff…Jack. Stick off the road." Hanadolf informed him. "I can cut across country easily enough." Mikey replied. "My dear Mikey, you could learn everything there is to know about hobbits but they can still surprise you." He grinned. "Wow, you complimented me." Mikey smiled. "Tell anyone and I'll turn you into a toad!" Hanadolf replied.

"I must see the head of my order- Suziemon the White- she is both wise and powerful. She'll know what to do." Hanadolf then said. Suddenly, there was a rustling in the bushes Hanadolf smacked the bushes and hit someone on the head. With a quick thrust, Chiko was thrown inside. "Chikowise Gamgee have you been eavesdropping?" Hanadolf yelled. "No sir! But I did hear about everything you said!" He smiled. "Please don’t kill me!" Hanadolf grinned. "No, I have a better use for you…."

End of part 1!

CharizardILG27

28th September 2003, 06:24 PM

LOL i love it! Ha ha this ia great fan fic. I really like the Bjarni/Gollum part. Ha ha i love this keep it up!

RJdude

28th September 2003, 06:27 PM

Damn, that was hilarious, especiallly thing stuff with bjarni. That was really great, this whole thing is going to be. Keep it up!

I'm going to keep track of everything

The rings - forums
Sauron - Hunter
Isildur - Gligar Man
Isildur's father, the king (Forgot his name) - Kevin
Gollum - Bjarni
Bilbo - Cheesy
Frodo - Mikey
Sam - Chiko
Pippen - Jay
Merry - Zak
Gandalf - Hanada
Saruman - Suzie

Like I said, this is going to be great.

Discothéque

28th September 2003, 09:38 PM

Bjarni Gollum = yaye!

Awww, Chris and Jay are hobbits. xDD *hugs them*

This is a great fic of sorts. Very hilarious, and it hasn't even gotten that far into it. xD *will make sure to read the rest of it* *has to bookmark since I have bad memory* O_o;

Jay

29th September 2003, 04:41 AM

Fantastic Mikey, I love the characters xD Though I don't quite relate to the Lord of the Rings, I think this is great so far. lol =D Thanks for including me too :O Keep it up buddy.

Lady Vulpix

29th September 2003, 09:52 AM

Yes, nice work! It's funny, and it somehow makes sense in a twisted way. :D

Mikey

29th September 2003, 04:28 PM

Here be part 2. Not the best, but it's still decently funny. It leads up to where they get to Ghettodale! Remember, PG-13 fic!

Part 2

"Keep up Chikowise!" Hanadolf yelled as the group headed towards the forest and away from the Shire. Chiko lagged behind carrying every single supply Mikey and him would need for their trip. All Mikey had was the forum disc clearly visible in his breast pocket. "Be careful you two…the enemy has many spies in his services…phone solicitors, prostitutes. Is it unsafe?" Hanadolf then asked Mikey. "Yes, it's where everyone can see it." Mikey replied. "Never put it on Mikey, for the Agent Smiths of the dark lord will be drawn to its power. Always remember Mikey, the forum is trying to get back to its master…it wants to be found."

With that, Hanadolf sped off on a donkey leaving Mikey and Chiko alone. The two looked back towards Hobbiton one last time, and then set off through the forest. After hours of traveling, they camped for the night, and then headed out again. It wasn't long after the sun rose that they made it to a very large Cuban Marijuana Plantation. A large scarecrow dressed in gang clothing guarded the field.

Chiko stopped just before the scarecrow. "This is it…" He muttered. "This is what?" Mikey asked. "If I take one more step, this will be the farthest away from home I have ever been." Chiko replied. Mikey began to laugh. "No it wouldn't. We come here all the time to steel weed and get high remember? Oh wait, you probably were too stoned to remember." He said. Chiko shrugged and walked forward.

"Remember what Cheesy used to say?" Mikey asked Chiko. "It’s a dangerous business going out your door…and if you don't bring some weed…there's no telling where you could be swept off too." With that, Mikey began to pick some pot from the growing plants. Somewhere in the hills, a Rachwraith looked out over the Marijuana plantation…

Meanwhile, Hanadolf quickly road through Middle Net on his trusty donkey Jackass. Soon he arrived at his destination- Suziemon's Imaginary House. "Smoke rises from the mountain of ummmm, the hour grows late and Hanadolf the anime mod rides to my Imaginary House seeking my council…that is why you have come is it not?" Suziemon said stepping out of her big house. "Suziemon what the hell are you talking about? I have come for help on my history homework!" Hanadolf roared. "What’s the largest political party of Taiwan, and why did the world powers of Europe fall during World War II?" There was a long silence between them when Suziemon finally put her hand on his shoulder. "KITTY HAT YUO!" She whispered in Hanadolf's ear.

The two began to take a stroll through Suziemon's Imaginary Garden complete with her own Marijuana patch and a lake of beer. "You are sure of this?" Suziemon asked. "Yes, and it's been in the Shire this whole time…under my very robe." Hanadolf replied. "So the Forum of Hunter has been found? But you did not see it…your love of the Halflings…"

"Don't get into that!" Hanadolf interrupted. "We still have time to counter Hunter if we act quickly." Suziemon began to laugh. "Time, what time do you think we have?" She asked. The two then walked inside the Imaginary House and into Suziemon's quarters. "Hunter has regained much of his former strength. He cannot yet take physical form nor will he ever be able to please a woman, but he still has his annoyingness." Suziemon said. "Concealed within his Insane Asylum he sees all. His gaze pierces everything, even clothing!"

Hanadolf felt uncomfortable for some time after that. "You know of what I speak of…a great eye…lidless, breathed in flame." Suziemon remarked. "The Eye of Hunter…." Hanadolf whispered. "He is gathering all evil to him…soon he will have an army big enough to assault all of Middle Net." Suziemon then added in. "You know this?" Hanadolf asked. "I have seen it…" Suziemon grinned.

Suziemon lead Hanadolf to a very dark room. In the center were a crystal ball and none other then Miss Cleo. "They are not all accounted for…the lost Seeing Cleos, we don't know who else may be watching." Hanadolf said pulling a sheet over Miss Cleo. "The hour is later then you think." Suziemon said sitting down in her chair. Next to her was a mean looking purple tiger with wings. "The 9 have left Minun Mortis. They crossed the river Viagren on mid summer's eave. They will find the one…and kill the one who caries it." Hanadolf turned to leave. "Mikey!" He yelled heading for the door, but it slammed in his face. He tried another door, but it too closed. After about an hour and a half and 600 doors later, Suziemon stood up.

"You don't honestly thing a hobbit could contend with the will of Hunter? There are none who can." She roared. "Against the power of AIMdor, there can be no victory. We must join with him Hanadolf, we must join with Hunter." Hanadolf looked angry. "Tell me friend, when did Suziemon the Admin abandon reason for madness?" With that, Suziemon roared. "KITTY HAT YUO!" She yelled and held out her staff.

Instantly, the purple tiger next to the chair leapt at Hanadolf. It pounced on him and began to maul. Hanadolf was now severely hurt, and his arms and legs were hanging by threads of cartilage. He was a basket case now. Suziemon had Kitty stand down and picked Hanadolf up by his grey hair. "I gave you the chance of aiding me willingly…but you have elected the way of BAN!" Suziemon roared and chucked Hanadolf into the ceiling with only her hands. Hanadolf went black…

Mikey and Chiko continued through the Cuban Marijuana forest. Suddenly, Chiko was lost. "Mr. Mikey? MIKEY?" He yelled. Mikey soon appeared in front of him. "Dude, I was here all along, you're just high." He commented. "I thought I'd lost you." Chiko then said. "What did he say?" Mikey asked. "He said leave him there Chikowise Gamgee when the going gets rough…and I mean too Mikey…I mean too." Chiko replied. Mikey laughed. "But you don't know the way home!" He replied. "Oh…then I don't mean too." He said laughing.

Suddenly, Jay and Zak crashed through the weed plants and straight onto Chiko. Chiko fell over screaming like a little girl. "Mikey, Look Zak! It's Mikey Baggins!" Jay yelled. "What's the meaning of this?" Chiko asked. "We ran out of weed!" Zak replied. "You've been into farmer ******'s crops again haven't you?" Chiko asked holding the weed they stole. Suddenly, the group could clearly see a giant rainbow pitchfork over the weed leaves. "Like, uh get back here you silly gooses!" Someone yelled. "Run!" Jay screamed and the group took off through the plantation.

The group made it to the edge of the plantation and tumbled over a small hill. They landed hard on the road. "Trust a Brandybuck and a Took." Chiko said dusting himself off. "It was a shortcut!" Zak replied. "Shortcut to what?" Chiko asked. "Shrooms!" Jay said pointing forward. The drug lay perfectly still as Jay rushed to grab them.

"I think we should duck and cover!" Mikey yelled starring down the road. After a large woman screamed, he knew they were right. "Duck and cover!" He yelled again. The group sat down on the road and put their arms over their heads. The Rachwraiths appeared and Mikey and the others were in plain sight, but the Rachwraiths just passed by. "See, duck and cover works every time!" Mikey grinned. "What was that woman in black looking for?" Zak asked. Mike looked into his pocket and saw the forum…

Night had come, and the group was nearing ****leberry Ferry. Suddenly, they were spotted by a Rachwraith! After some running, everyone but Mikey had made it on the small ferry. Mikey ran across the bridge and leapt for the ferry, but missed and fell into the lake. "Eww, I don't want to get wet!" The Rachwraith screamed and headed back into the forest. Mikey's friends pulled him into the ferry.

The group had finally made it to Pee. They knocked on the door and were greeted by an ugly man. "What do you want?" He asked. "We're heading for the Pissing Pony." Mikey said nervously. "Hobbits, what brings you to Pee?" The man asked. "We wish to stay at the inn, and stop being such a nosey bastard." Mikey replied. The man shrugged. "Sorry, my job to ask questions after nightfall. There's been talk of strange brawds around. After a bit of walking through the town, the group made it to the Pissing Pony. They headed inside and up to the desk. "Excuse me!" Mikey said to the pub owner. "Oh hello little masters, if you're seeking accommodations we have nice little hobbit size rooms available Mr.…" "Meoff…Jack Meoff. We're friends of Hanadolf the grey." Mikey interrupted. "Haven't seen him for 20 years." The pub owner replied. "But I just saw him a few weeks ago." Mikey replied. The man shrugged.

The four decided to spend the night at the inn anyways. Mikey walked through the pub too see many drunken people. In the corner was a woman with white hair and a big purple tiger drunk as could be. Zak brought a weird thing on his head to the table. "What's that?" Jay asked. "This is my friend…is a beer bong!" He grinned. "I'm getting one!" Jay yelled and ran off.

"That fellow has been doing nothing but staring at you since we arrived." Chiko told Mike. Mike looked in the corner to see a very dark man smoking a bong and wearing very sluty clothing. "Excuse me, who's that man in the corner?" Mike asked the bartender. "He's one of them Power Rangers. Dangerous they are riding around in the wild. I don't know his real name, but around here…he's known as Stripper.(Virtual Play)" The bartender said and left.

For some reason, Mikey then had the urge to place the forum in his laptop. He was enticed by it, and began to fiddle with the disc. Someone with a very feminine voice (soon to be known as Hunter's) was calling to him. He was then interrupted by Jay. "Sure I know a Baggins…Mikey Baggins. He's over there. You know he's my brother's uncle's nephew's son's daughter's friend's cat's babysitter's friend you know."

Mikey was instantly up. He ran to Jay and smacked him in the head. In the process the forum flipped out of his pocket and into the laptop. Everyone stared in disbelief as nothing happened. Mikey looked around thinking he was invisible. Suddenly, the Rachwraiths knew where he was. Back at the bar, Mikey now saw a very large red eye in front of him. "You cannot hide! Pikaboo!" Hunter grinned. Mikey screamed and pulled the forum out of the slot.

No sooner then he did, he was picked up by a hand. "You draw far too much of my business away Mr. Meoff. It's not easy competing with other strippers you know!" It was Stripper. Stripper shoved Mikey into his room. "What is it you want? Because if it's my virginity that belongs to Chiko….I mean Amanda!" Mikey roared. "I don't want your virginity! Unless you pay me, all I want is a little more caution from you…that is no trinket you carry." Stripper replied.

"I carry a forum!" Mikey replied. "Indeed." Stripper replied. "I can avoid being seen if I wish, but why would I want to with this hot body?" Stripper then said. "Tell me, are you turned on?" Stripper then asked. "Somewhat…" Mikey replied. "Not nearly turned on enough, I know what hunts you." Stripper remarked. Suddenly, Mikey's friends rushed into the room baring light sabers. "Get away!" Chiko roared. "The force is strong in you Hobbit, but that will not save you." Stripper replied.

At the entrance, the ugly man heard a knocking at the door. "Oh a knock knock joke! I love these!" He said rushing out. "Who's there?" He asked. "Open the door." A voice said. "Open the door who?" The man then asked. "Oh **** it!" The voice roared and crashed through squishing the man.

The Rachwraiths entered the sleeping quarters where the hobbits beds were. They began to stab at the beds but soon realized no one was there. With several screams they left. "Hehe, hiding under the beds is fun!" Zak grinned coming out from under. "I got stabbed." Jay replied. "Well duh, you were supposed to hide in the closet." Mikey replied opening it up. "Hehe, you came out of the closet!" Zak grinned. Mikey rolled his eyes. "Tis just a flesh wound." Jay said wiping the blood off.

"What are they?" Mikey asked Stripper. "They were once Rachel." He replied. "But one by one they fell to the power of Hunter. Now they are slaves to his will…neither living nor dead. They will never stop hunting you." The next day the group set off again. "Where are you taking us?" Mikey asked as they trekked a hill. "To the Power Ranger Secret Hideout…AKA Ghettodale, the house of Ozanrond (OzAndy)." Stripper replied. "I will use my Power Ranger powers to defend us!" He then said and continued on.

"The power of my Imaginary House is at your command Hunter." Suziemon said into the Miss Cleo. "What the **** am I doing being your ***** though?" She thought to herself. "Ahh yes, so I can kill you!" She then remembered. "Build me an army worthy of AIMdor!" Hunter called out. "I'll do whatever the **** I want to *****!" Suziemon replied. Suddenly, one of Suziemon's robot pirate ninja monkeys entered the room. "What orders from AIMdor?" The robot pirate ninja monkey asked. "We have work to do…" Suziemon replied.

Outside, Suziemon was now having her robot pirate ninja monkeys cut all the telephone poles in the area down. "The telephone polls are strong, their wires go deep!" The nearest robot pirate ninja monkey said. "Rip them all down!" Suziemon replied. Up above, Hanadolf Tattsu woke on the top of a tower. Remarkably, he was healed from the Kitty mauling. He leaned against the tower and began to cry like a little girl.

"This was the great strip club of Amon Sual. We shall rest here tonight!" Stripper said pointing to a beaten down old building with a neon sign reading "Hot girls inside" hung in the middle of nowhere. The group made camp on the old stripper show platform. "Look what I can do!" Zak said dancing on the pole. "Stop that, no one does it better then me!" Stripper yelled.

Night soon came and Mikey awoke to Zak once again dancing on the pole. "What are you doing? You fool, you'll draw attention to yourself!" Mikey yelled. Stripper was nowhere in sight, but they all suddenly heard the screams of the Rachwraiths. "They were drawn by your moves!" Jay yelled and the group headed to the roof of the building. They were surrounded, and in a small amount of time, the Rachwraiths made it to the roof.

They pulled their light sabers out and began to step toward the hobbits. The hobbits too drew their light sabers. Zak and Jay took no time rushing in, but were easily hit aside. Chiko was too easily taken out and Mikey was shoved to the ground. He then found himself taking out the forum. Without any control he slipped it on.

Mikey thought he was safe now as the forum made him invisible. He began to make faces at the Rachwraiths as they starred confusedly at him. "You can't get me! I'm invisible!" Mikey giggled. The nearest wraith shrugged and stuck the light saber into Mikey's shoulder. Suddenly, Stripper was in front of him. Stripper suddenly pressed a button on his belt and transformed into the red ranger! Using his special Power Ranger moves, he managed to make the Rachwraiths run away.

Stripper then rushed to Mikey. "He's been stabbed by a Mace Windu Light saber by PlaySchool. He's soon become a Rachwraith like them!" He said. "He needs Elfish medicine." "But we're six days from Ghettodale, he'll never make it!" Chiko cried as they rushed through the forest. Meanwhile, below Suziemon's imaginary house, the robot pirate ninja monkeys were busy at work. More and more telephone polls were being harvested to make light sabers. Suziemon watched as her special Ultra robot pirate ninja monkeys were being harvested from the ground. These ones had heat seeking bazookas mounted on their shoulders. Up above, Hanadolf caught a moth and whispered into its ear. It flew off laughing that a man would stoops so low as to talk to a bug.

"He's going cold!" Chiko yelled. The group had made camp at the very spot where Cheesy and the Trolls had smoked weed together years ago. "Chiko, do you know where Cheesy hid his stash?" Stripper asked. "Yes, he hid his weed in the forest." Chiko replied. "It may help to slow the plastic!" Stripper yelled and the two went to search for it.

Stripper found it easily using his special Power Ranger powers. He was suddenly caught off guard when a sword was placed at his neck. "What's this, a Power Ranger caught off his guard?" A woman voice asked. "Samwen!" (Crystal Mew) Stripper grinned. Mikey turned to see something bright coming toward him. He couldn't tell if it was the effects of the Mace Windu Light up light saber by Playschool or the weed he smoked earlier, but it was sure bright.

"Here my voice!" She spoke in Jeevanish. "She's an elf!" Chiko grinned. "He's not going to make it. I must take him to my father. There are five Rachwraiths behind you. Where the other four are I do not know." Samwen said. "Let me go!" Stripper yelled. "I do not fear them. I am faster!" Samwen replied. After a bit of arguing, Samwen mounted her donkey with Mikey and sped off. "What is she doing? Those Rachwraiths are still out there!" Chiko yelled.

Samwen raced long and hard XD on her mule as she made for the river of Ghettodale. Soon she was being chased by Rachwraiths. Using her special Mario cloud she won from saving the princess I the first castle of Mario bros 3, she managed to soar to the river unharmed. The Rachwraiths soon caught up and planned to cross the river. As they did, she began to chant, but nothing happened .The Rachwraiths began to beat her down. Finally, the river came and washed them away, but she was hurt in the process.

Holding her bruises, Samwen prepared to mount her mule again. Suddenly, Mikey began to convulse. "No Mikey, hold on!" She yelled. "What strength we woman have for childbirth…let it pass to him. Let him be spared!" She yelled….

Craig

29th September 2003, 04:42 PM

With each part the story gets a higher and higher rating :> I think its 14A now :P

Keep it up. I like it..the village of Pee

XD

RJdude

29th September 2003, 05:42 PM

Damn, this story gets funny and funnier with each chapter. Loved all the stuff about Oz being a power ranger, and everything with Hanada and Suzie. Just great.

Wolfsong

29th September 2003, 09:28 PM

XD This is funny. I'll be sure to stay tuned. ^^;;

Lady Vulpix

30th September 2003, 12:03 PM

"KITTY HAT YUO!" Lol!
And Sam is Arwen! Nice! I wonder if I'm going to appear. Whether I do or not, this is getting interesting.

Knight of Time

30th September 2003, 12:10 PM

I never thought I would be posting in Fanfiction for the first time, but I gotta say, this fic is AWESOME, Mikey!

:wave:

I'd be surprised if I make an appearance here too in this interesting LOTR twist...

Dragon_Claw

30th September 2003, 03:22 PM

This is funny. Bjarni with his autism and Hanada was his history thingy. I wonder IF I appear, what my funny twitch it. :wave:

Edit: it = is

Chikoo

30th September 2003, 05:08 PM

~_~ Sorry for the last post, Mikey. ^_^' That story was great! I get to be Sam. *dances* The plot is food. I hope Bjarni kidnaps me and makes me his sex slave. ;)

soggy_cardboard

30th September 2003, 07:51 PM

hahahaha, this is sooooo funny!

He began to giggle and rushed off down the road as if he thought he was invisible. Everyone stared as he ran.
i liked that bit the best !:yes:

:D

DannyBoy

1st October 2003, 06:11 PM

WOW this is messed up but in a really good way! LOL! I think this is really funny. You got some great people already like Bjarni is funny as Gollum. To bad you can't make this into a move! I bet it would make big bucks. Sorry for not replying sooner, I have been really busy with finishing up things. I hope you dont stop your other fic, that good 2! Keep it up!

Mikey

1st October 2003, 10:02 PM

Thanks to all that replied! I'm trying to make this as funny as possible.

Just a reminder, part 3 SHOULD be done by tomorrow pending I don't have much homework or don't feel like zooming away with my friends for a joy ride for a few hours.

Part 3 is decently funny, but Suziemon is only mentioned and in it for 2 parts. It spans from Ghettodale, to the fall of Hanadolf in the Mines of BMGia on the bridge of Kazaa's Doom. Tomorrow it will be revealed to you who many of the characters are including:

Legolas
Boromir
Gimli
Balrog
Cave Troll

That's pretty much it, but some of them are major characters. Have fun waiting till tomorrow!:wave:

Mikey

3rd October 2003, 08:34 PM

Ok, here be the deal people of the fic. Part 3 is extremly long, and for that part I am not entirely finished. But to avoid long hours of reading and to save your eyes, I have devided Part 3 into two parts- Part 3A and part 3B. Here is part 3A, which ends just after the council of Ozanrond. Enjoy...

Part 3A

Mikey awoke days later in an old beat up mattress on the floor. The first thing he noticed when he awoke was a cockroach scurrying across the floor. He then noticed Hanadolf Tattsu beside him. "You are in the house of Ozanrond. It is 10:00 in the morning on October the 22nd if you want to know." Hanadolf whispered. "Hanadolf you're alive?" Mikey asked. "Yes and why the hell would you think otherwise? Shows how much you care!" Hanadolf roared.

"Anyways, you're lucky to be alive too. A few more years and you would've been a wraith, but you had some strength in you." Mikey cocked his head. "A few years? I think I could've made it to Ghettodale blindfolded and still made it." He said. Hanadolf raised an eyebrow. "No, you were very close to death! Stop questioning me you smartass!" He roared. "What happened to you Hanadolf? Why didn't you meet us?" Mikey asked. "I'm sorry, I was delayed." Hanadolf replied.

Hanadolf then had a flashback of himself crying like a little girl on top of Suziemon's Imaginary House's roof. He then remembered her savagely beating him around on top of the roof, to the point where his left eye could no longer see there was so much puffiness. "It is over…embrace the power of the forum!" Suziemon roared. "There is only one Lord of the Pokemasters!" Hanadolf yelled. He saw the sparrow fly behind the tower and knew it would fly him to safety. He quickly leapt off the tower smashing the poor little bird in the process.

"Fly Lord of the Sparrows!" He yelled, but the bird was long dead. Hanadolf began to scream as he plummeted to the earth. "And that is how I got back here." He said returning to the present. "But Suziemon's roof must be 100 feet high. How did you survive?" Mikey asked. Hanadolf grinned. "My dear hobbit, it's all about physics." He said. Mikey shrugged.

"Mikey…bless you you're awake!" Chiko said rushing into the room. "Chiko hardly left your side." Hanadolf informed Mikey. "What are you talking about? Oh, you liked that cardboard cut out I left here?" Chiko replied pointing to a large cardboard cut out of himself hanging over Mikey's mattress. "By the skills of Lord Ozanrond, you're beginning to mend." Hanadolf said changing the subject as a person entered the room.

"Welcome to Ghettodale Mikey Baggins." Ozanrond said. Mikey walked outside to see the streets were full of crime and the buildings were all beat up and old. Suddenly, Zak and Jay joined him. The four hobbits were once again reunited, and they were happy. Mikey then saw him sitting there on a bench. It was Cheesy! "You stupid ****er!" Mikey yelled punching Cheesy in the face. Cheesy fell over holding his head and sobbing. "That's for leaving the shire without telling me you bastard!" Mikey yelled helping Cheesy up.

"My dear Mikey!" Cheesy said hugging Mikey. "Get the **** off of me you sick incest loving uncle!" Mikey roared but Cheesy paid no attention. Soon, Cheesy pulled out the book he has finished and handed it to Mikey. "Hair on My Back Again…A Hobbit's Tale by Cheesy Baggins." Mikey said opening the cover. "This is wonderful!"

"Yes, I always shave my back, but it somehow always grows back, so I wrote a book on it. It also has a few things about my adventure." Cheesy said. "I miss the shire…I spent my whole childhood wishing I was off someplace else…on one of your adventures. It seems my own adventure turned out different." Mikey replied. "Of course it's different! You can't expect everything to be the same. Dude, lay off the weed! It's making you stupid!" Cheesy replied smacking Mikey on the cheek.

Soon, Mikey found Chiko packing in one of the alleyways. "Packing already?" Mikey asked. "No harm in being prepared." Chiko replied. "I thought you wanted to see the elves…more then anything. You said they were the sexiest things you ever heard of." Mikey remarked. "I did, but we did what Hanadolf wanted…we got the forum this far. And I thought, well seems like we'd be heading home soon." Chiko replied. "There are plenty of sexy hobbits there." Mikey grinned. "Your right Chiko, we did what we set out to do. The forum will be safe in Ghettodale." Suddenly, an elf leapt out of one of the windows and held another at gunpoint. The elf let him have her purse and he ran.

"His strength returns." Ozanrond said peering out the window. "The wound from the light saber made by Playschool will never fully heal…he will carry it for the rest of his life." Hanadolf replied. "And yet getting this far still holding the forum and not trading it for an episode of Buffy or Angel the hobbit has shown extraordinary resilience to its evil." Ozanrond remarked. "It is a burden he should never have had to bear." Hanadolf added in.

"Hanadolf, the enemy is dancing! The eye is fixed on Ghettodale, and Suziemon has betrayed us! Our list of moderators grows thin!" Ozanrond roared. "Suziemon has crossed monkeys with pirates with ninjas with robots, and some have heat seeking bazookas attached to their shoulders. She's breeding an army at the gates of her Imaginary House, an army that can move in sunlight at a decent speed." Hanadolf informed Ozanrond.

"This evil cannot be concealed by the power of the elves…well it probably could, but I don't feel like it." Ozanrond replied. "Hanadolf, the forum cannot stay here." Down below, a muffin mobile carrying Mikomir (The Muffin Man) rode into Ghettodale. Next was Kylegolas (Syberia) on a donkey. Finally, Nateli (Systematic Revolution) and the other dwarves walked in.

"This peril belongs to all of Middle Net…they must decide now before Buffy comes on how to end it. The time of the elves is over; my people are leaving these shores. Who will you look to when we are gone…SPP? They are down 90% of the time, what can they do?" Ozanrond said to Hanadolf. "It is in TPM that we must place our hope. "TPM? TPM is weak." Ozanrond replied. "The race of TPM is failing, the blood of the newbies is all but spent…dignity forgotten. It is because of TPM the forum survived. I was there Hanadolf. I was in my mother's womb three thousand years ago when she fought in that battle."

Ozanrond then had a flashback to the battle, but all he could hear were sounds from outside. "Otto took the forum…I was there the day the strength of TPM failed." Ozanrond's mother walked into the crakes of Mt. Doom. "He kicked three times. That means he wants you to cast it into the fire." She said. "No!" Otto replied. "It should have ended that day…" Ozanrond then said coming back to the present. "Evil?" Hanadolf asked. "No, that stupid sitcom West Wing. It's getting so old." Ozanrond replied. "But yeah, evil endured then too."

"Otto kept the forum; the line of admins is broken. There's no strength left in the world of TPM." Ozanrond then said. "There is one who could reunite them and reclaim the throne of TPMdor." Hanadolf then said. "He turned from that path long ago. He has chosen exile." Ozanrond then remarked.

In the old rundown museum, Mikagorn sat reading to himself. Suddenly, Mikomir entered looking around. He soon noticed the shards of the Dell Computer, the same computer used by Otto in the hacking of the forum, lying on a busted up statue next to an empty beer bottle. A homeless person lay cuddled next to it on some newspaper covered in yearn. "The shards of the Dell Computer! These are the pieces of the computer that hacked the forum." Mikomir said rushing up to them. Mikagorn lifted his head and watched him.

Mikomir lifted the pieces of the computer but was greeted by a very ugly blonde kid on the cracked monitor. "Dude, you're getting a Dell!" He grinned giving a thumbs up. "Still messed in the head." He said shivering. He then noticed Mikagorn. "But no more then a broken emblem." He then set the monitor down. "Hey, you need a Dell…no don't walk away…why do they always walk away? Don't you like me?" The Dell kid screamed, but the monitor soon flicked off. Mikomir exited the room as Mikagorn lifted the monitor back onto the beat up pedestal. The homeless man stirred and began to urinate again.

"Why do you fear the past?" Mikagorn heard a voice behind him and turned to see Samwen. "You are Otto's heir…not Otto himself." She remarked. "You are not bound to his fate." Mikagorn turned to face her. "The same pot filled blood flows through my veins. The same weakness." He muttered. Samwen approached him. "Your time will come. You will face the same evil, and you will defeat it." She grinned. She then began to speak in Jeevanish. "Speak in English woman!" Mikagorn yelled.

Out on one of the broken down wooden bridges with many homeless bums under it, Samwen and Mikagorn stood. "Do you remember how we first met?" She asked him in Jeevanish. "Yeah, you were just some new face in Ghettodale that I didn't single out for a few weeks." Mikagorn replied. Samwen looked a bit confused, and then smiled. "Many years have passed, but you did not have the same courage you carry now." Samwen then muttered. "Do you remember what I told you?"

"Ummm, let me see here…not really." Mikagorn replied. Samwen rolled her eyes and pointed to her necklace. "Oh yeah…you said VP + Cm forever. Love knows: no differences, no distance, no limits. Then you said you bound yourself to me." Mikagorn replied. "Forsaking the virgin life of your people." Samwen smiled. "And to that I hold. I would rather share one lifetime with you…then face the ages of this world alone." She said handing him her Super Duper Special Virginity Pendant Necklace Thingamabob. "I choose a non-virgin life."

"You can not give me this!" Mikagorn replied. "It is mine to give to whom I will…as is my heart." Mikagorn cocked his head. "But if you give me your heart, you would die as your blood wouldn't flow and it would be sad, not to mention how sick and twisted that would be to give me your heart as a sign of affection." He replied. Samwen put her finger to his mouth to hush them, and then they made out long and hard….for many many many many many many MANY hours.

The next day in the old beat up basketball court, the Council of Ozanrond had begun. "Strangers from distant lands, friends of old, you have been someone here to answer the tiny threat that Hunter of AIMdor possesses. Middle Net is on the brink of destruction, none can escape it. You will unite or you will fall. Each race is bound to this fate this one doom…except the Puerto Ricans, we don't want them." Ozanrond said. Several Puerto Ricans left unhappily. They looked back sadly but Ozanrond shooed them off. (No offense to anyone Puerto Rican)

"Bring forth the forum Mikey." Ozanrond said when the Puerto Ricans had left. Mikey sat lounging on his half busted chair. After some time, Ozanrond stood up. "Bring forth the forum." He repeated again. "I just walked many miles to get the forum here, and now you want me to walk another three feet to that ****ing pedestal? If you want to show it off to the council, you come get it!" Mikey replied. Ozanrond sighed and pulled out a 20 dollar bill. "Bring forth the forum." He repeated. With that, Mikey got up and placed the forum on the pedestal. Then after taking the 20 bucks he sat down.

"So it is true." Mikomir replied staring at it. "It is a gift…a gift of the foes of AIMdor. Why not use this forum? Long has my father, the steward of TPMdor kept the forces of AIMdor at bay by the blood of my people while your lands kept safe. Give TPMdor the weapon of the enemy; let us use it against them!" He yelled. "You cannot wield it…none of us can. The forum is so vile and twisted that it will only answer to the vilest and twisted person of Middle Net…it answers to Hunter alone." Mikagorn replied.

"And what would a Power Ranger know of this matter?" Mikomir asked. "This is no mere Power Ranger…this is Mikagorn son of Psychothorn, and ere to the thrown of TPMdor. You owe him your allegiance." Kylegolas roared standing up. "Mikagorn? This is Otto's heir?" Mikomir said looking at Mikagorn. "He looks more like the heir to the throne of McDonalds!" He roared. "Sit down Kylegolas." Mikagorn said in Jeevanish. Kylegolas did as ordered, but stuck his tongue out to Mikomir in the process. "TPMdor has no king…TPMdor needs no king." Mikomir said sitting down.

"Mikagorn is right…we cannot wield it." Hanadolf spoke up. "You have only one choice…the forum must be destroyed." Ozanrond said. "Or we could just not do anything." Mikey replied. Ozanrond gave him a look. "Well what are we waiting for?" Nateli said standing up and grabbing his ax guitar. With great force he rushed to the forum and smacked it over and over with his ax guitar. After about 10 minutes, he tired himself out and fell down. "You done?" Ozanrond asked. Nateli nodded panting.

"The forum cannot be destroyed by any craft we here possess." Ozanrond then said. "What if we had Kraft mac and cheese?" Someone yelled from the council. "Then we could probably destroy it, but as of now there is no such thing." Ozanrond said. "And I'd like to get this council done before Buffy and Angel night if you don't mind. The forum was made in the fires of Mt. Ummmm, only there can it be unmade. It must be taken deep into AIMdor and cast back into the fiery chasm from whence it came…one of you must do this…"

"One does not simply walk into AIMdor. Its Black Gates are guarded by more then just Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys. There is evil there that does not sleep and the great eye is ever watchful. Tis a barren wasteland riddled with fire, ash and dust. The very air you breathe is a poisonous fume…not with ten thousand men could you do this." Mikomir remarked. "Actually, I visited my aunt in AIMdor last week. The Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys let me pass easily. They're pretty nice." Someone yelled out. Mikomir sighed. "No, they are very mean and want to harm you." He yelled.

"Have you heard nothing Lord Ozanrond has said? The forum must be destroyed!" Kylegolas roared standing up. "And I suppose you think you're the one to do it?" Nateli replied. "And if we fail what then…what if Hunter takes back what is his?" Mikomir shouted. "I will be dead before I see the forum in the hands of an elf!" Nateli berated. The council was now at it. They began to fight in a gang war. Ozanrond pulled a knife from under his robe and joined the fray. The arguing lasted for some time.

"SHUT THE **** UP!" Mikey roared over the screaming. "If you're all so ****ing undecided on who should take it, then I'll take the ****ing thing to AIMdor. But I do not know the way!" Hanadolf turned around. "I will help you bear this burden Mikey Baggins as long as it is yours to bear." He said. Mikagorn stood up and knelt by Mikey. "By my life or death I can protect you, though I really don't want to. You have my light saber." He said.

"And you have my slingshot." Kylegolas blurted. "And my ax guitar." Nateli said stepping uneasily toward the group. "You carry the strength of us all little one…but this is indeed the will of the council…TPMdor will see it done." Mikomir responded walking toward them. "You have my fishing pole." Someone else said standing up. Ozanrond sighed. "Gosh Damnit, Carlos, besides the fact that that was late, I said no Puerto Ricans. Va pronto!" He roared. Carlos lowered his head and walked away.

"Mr. Mikey doesn't go anywhere without me!" Chiko yelled leaping from the bushes. "No it is indeed hard to separate you seeing as he was summoned to a secret council and you were not. Is there some sort of obsession I'm missing?" Ozanrond asked. "We're coming too!" Zak and Jay yelled leaping out. "Wow, hobbits must really love same sex orgies." Nateli whispered to Kylegolas. "Shut the hell up dwarf!" Mikey yelled. "So be it, you shall be the Fellowship of the Pokemasters." Ozanrond said. "Now if you'll excuse me, I believe I missed the first 10 minutes of Buffy because of all this ****."

RJdude

3rd October 2003, 08:47 PM

Nice. Not as funny as the other ones, but it was still pretty funny, specially for a rather boring part in the actual LotR. I guess the fellowship has been decided... you made some pretty good choices for the characters, too. Keep it up.

Crystal Mew

5th October 2003, 12:16 AM

LMAO Mikey, great fic :yes: I was actually laughing out loud...XD

Intresting..very intresting... *proud to be Samwen* X)

keep it up :)

Mikey

5th October 2003, 09:55 PM

Just to inform everyone, part 3B will definitly be done by tomorrow. It will go all the way to when Hanadolf falls off the bride of Kazaa's Doom. From there, there will be part 4A and part 4B. 4A-When the group makes it ashore. 4B- To the end of FOTR

The fic will then go to part 5 from there which begins TTT. And for the sake of spoilers, I will have to wait for ROTK movie to come out as people won't want it spoiled. I may add stuff that they leave out from the books though when I do. Thanks again to the readers and expect part 3B tomorrow!

My fic has everything people love- mindless sex, lots of explosions, and firepower, lots of firepower, more violence, robot pirate ninja monkeys and stupid pointless comedy, and more explosions, and of course....Suziemon! :)

homeofmew

6th October 2003, 04:40 PM

Good Job XD "Kitty Hat Yuo"
Will I be in this story :(!

Mew Trainer Rose

6th October 2003, 05:42 PM

LOL! Bijarni.....playscool light saber.....thinks he can be invisible...."still holding the forum and not trading it for an episode of Buffy or Angel"....."This evil cannot be concealed by the power of the elves…well it probably could, but I don't feel like it."....."But if you give me your heart, you would die as your blood wouldn't flow and it would be sad, not to mention how sick and twisted that would be to give me your heart as a sign of affection."....."What if we had Kraft mac and cheese?"..."Gosh Damnit, Carlos, besides the fact that that was late, I said no Puerto Ricans. Va pronto!".....robot pirate ninja monkeys!

ROTFLMAS

really good stuff. I wish i could see Angel here in college, but I have no tv. :( all i have is my cassette of the songs from Buffy: The Musical. :(

*starts singing* They got! The mustard! OOOOOUUUUTT!
*her pokemon, acting as background singers:* They got the mustard ooooouuuutt!

^_^

Mikey

6th October 2003, 05:48 PM

Ok, it took some time but here is part 3B!!!

Part 3B!!!

Later that evening, Mikey visited Cheesy in his room. They talked for some time, though Mikey was very cautious that his uncle didn't try and take advantage of him in this vulnerable state he was in at the moment. After some conversation, Cheesy walked to his closet and pulled out a small hobbit-sized purple light saber. "It's my old light saber Sting...here take it take it." Cheesy said handing Mikey the blade. Mikey took the light saber and pressed the button. A large energy beam struck out. "It's so light!" Mikey remarked. "Yes yes, made by the elves. The blade vibrates when robot pirate ninja monkeys are close." Cheesy remarked.

"And it's times like that my lad, that you will be extra aroused." Cheesy then added in. Mikey eyed his uncle nervously. "Oh, here's a pretty thing." Cheesy then said taking out a long white dress. "Lethril...as light as a feather, but as hard as a stiffy." Cheesy informed Mikey. "Dude, you need to lay off the porno." Mikey replied. "Let me see you put it on!" Cheesy remarked. "Um, yeah, I'd rather not take my clothes off in front of you, kthx bai!" Mikey replied.

"Please?" Cheesy asked. Mikey sighed and began to slip the dress thingy on. The forum suddenly shown under Mikey's shirt attached to a chain around his neck. "Oh, my old forum. I should very much like to hold it again one last time." Cheesy grinned. "Mikey began to fondle it when suddenly Cheesy's face turned into Michael Jackson's and lashed out at him. Mikey cried out and pulled away. Cheesy returned to normal and backed away frightened. "I'm sorry to disappoint you my boy, I'm sorry you must carry this burden, I'm sorry for everything!" Cheesy said beginning to cry. "Oh get the **** over it." Mikey remarked. "It's not even your fault; you're just so over ****ing emotional!"

The next day, the Fellowship set out from Ghettodale. They crossed the old beat up bridge and into the forest. After hours of traveling they had come to a small hill slope with many ruins. Hanadolf rose up over the hill and fiddled with his hat as the score from The Lord of the Rings played. Suddenly, he smashed into the camera. "Oh, son of a *****! Get the **** out of my way!" Hanadolf roared. The cameraman began to cry and rushed off. Hanadolf sighed and began to walk again as the rest of the fellowship passed. After Hanadolf came Kylegolas, followed by Nateli, then the hobbits, and finally the two men.

The fellowship decided to take a break on the runes of the hill. "We must hold this course west of the Mist Mountains for forty days. Then if our luck holds, the gap of SPPhan should still be open to us." Hanadolf said. "There our road turns east to AIMdor." Down below them, Zak and Jay were receiving light saber lessons from Mikomir. "Good, now strut your stuff around! That's it turn around and bend over!" Mikomir said as the hobbits starred confused.

"If anyone must ask for my opinion, I'd say we were taking the long way round. Hanadolf, we could pass through the mines of BMGia, my cousin Archiac would give us a royal welcome." Nateli said. Hanadolf shook his head. "No Nateli, I would not take the road through BMGia unless I had no other choice." Hanadolf replied smoking his weed pipe. Suddenly, Kylegolas spotted something in the distance.

As they watched the skies, Mikomir got a little to friendly with Jay and Zak, which pissed them off. They tackled him to the ground and began to stab him. "Ow that hurts. ****ing **** ow!" Mikomir roared. After many cuts and flesh wounds, the hobbits finally backed off. Mikomir seemed to enjoy it though. "What's that?" Mikey asked Kylegolas. "Nothing, just someone smoking a bong." Nateli said. "It's moving fast, and against the wind." Mikagorn remarked. "Flying monkeys from Dunland!" Kylegolas roared. "Hide!" Mikagorn yelled.

The group began to scatter. Chiko quickly put out the fire and joined the group. "Duck and cover!" Hanadolf roared. "It worked the last time." Mikey added in. The group all leaned down and placed their hands over their heads and keep quiet. Soon, the flying monkeys entered the area. They looked down at the hill and immediately noticed the group ducking and covering. "Are they retarded?" One of the flying monkeys asked. "Most likely." Another replied, and with that the monkeys flew off.

"Spies of Suziemon. The passage South is being watched." Hanadolf said standing back up. "We must take the pass of Everest." He then roared looking up at a very high snow covered mountain. "I like Africa!" Chiko said as they trudged up the mountain. Hanadolf sighed. Suddenly, Mikey slipped on the snow and tumbled down towards Mikagorn. As he retrieved his footing, he realized the forum was not on him anymore. A few feet ahead, Mikomir picked it up.

"Mikomir." Mikagorn whispered. "It is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt over something so arousing." Mikomir said staring at the forum. "Such a sexy thing." He began to caress the forum as if he wanted to do more..."Give the forum to Mikey." Mikagorn commanded. Mikomir slowly walked towards Mikey. "As you wish." He said dropping it into Mikey's hands. "I care not." He then said and rubbed Mikey's hair. Mikagorn took his hands of his light saber. "Damn, I almost had an excuse to kill the ****er!" He whispered.

Meanwhile, at Suziemon's Imaginary House, the flying monkeys had returned. They quickly flew into the opening that lead to her basement towards where she stood. "So Hanadolf, you tried to lead them over garjfglfjglfdjg;d. And if that failed, where then would you go? If the mountain defeats you, will you risk the more dangerous road?" She asked herself. "Suziemon, you're talking to yourself again." One of her robot ninja pirate monleys said. "Silence, KITTY HAT YUO!" She yelled. Immediately Kitty sprang into action and mauled the poor monkey to death. "Anyone else want to defy me?" She then asked. One Monkey put his hand up. "BURN!" She yelled and he burst into flames. "Anyone else?" Another raised its hand, then put it down slowly. "Good..." She grinned.

The Fellowship was now tracking up a very snowy slope. Kylegolas did not sink in the snow, for he had special Micheal Jordan shoes on. The group suddenly heard a loud female voice from afar. "There is a frill voice on the air." Kylegolas muttered. "It's Suziemon!" Hanadolf yelled as a chunk of ice fell from above. "She's trying to bring down the mountain! We must turn back!" Mikagorn roared. "Thanks captain obvious!" Nateli added in. "No!" Hanadolf roared and stepped up to counter Suziemon's spell.

On top of her Imaginary House, Suziemon chanted her spell while holding an empty beer bottle. Well, it was supposed to be a spell but she was so drunk that she was just making up words and uttering noises while stumbling around. She took another bottle out and chugged it, then yelled "Kaleidoscope, it's a parteee!" in her loudest voice. A lightning bolt struck the top of the mountain causing an avalanche to cover the group.

After some time, Hanadolf resurfaced. Soon everyone emerged. "Is everyone here?" Mikagorn asked. "I'm not." Someone yelled. "Who's not?" Mikagorn asked. "Me..." The person replied. "We must get off the mountain and to the gap of SPPhan, or take the worse road to the mine city!" Mikomir yelled. "The gap of SPPhan takes us too close to Suziemon's Imaginary House!" Mikagorn yelled. "If we can't go over the mountain, let us go under it! Let us take the Mines of BMGia!" Nateli yelled. Hanadolf suddenly heard Suziemon's voice. "BMGia, you fear to go into those mines...the dwarves delve to greedily and too deep. You know what they awoke in the darkness of Kazaa's Doom...I asked for a ****ing whiskey shot not a martini! Burn you insolent fool!" She yelled chucking the martini at one of her robot pirate ninja monkeys as it burst into flames. "Let the ring bearer decide!" Hanadolf muttered. Everyone turned to Mikey. "What, I wasn't paying attention." He said shrugging. "Sigh, we can continue this path or go through the mines." Hanadolf said. After a long thing of eenie-meanie-miney-moe, Mikey went with the mines. "So be it..." Hanadolf muttered.

After some time, the group managed to stray away from Mt. Everest and soon arrived at the doorstep of BMGia. A large lake lie next to it. "The walls of BMGia!" Nateli grinned. It as now late as the group headed up to them. Mikey slipped and his foot fell into the water. He looked out frightened over the lake. Hanadolf rubbed his hands against the wall and began to mutter something to himself. The moon came out exposing the picture of a naked woman with closed legs and some Jeevanish writing. "It reads the legs of Diane...speak job and they shall open." Hanadolf said. "What do you suppose that means?" Jay asked. "Oh it's very simple, speak the password and the legs will open." Hanaodlf grinned.

Hanadolf pressed his staff on the naked woman's legs and began to yell some phrases. An hour had passed the legs would still not spread. Hanadolf was starting to give up. "The mines are no place for a pony...even one so brave as this." Mikagorn said to Chiko. "But it's so sexy!" He cried. Mikagorn sighed and released the horse. It sadly trotted away. "Will I ever see it again?" Chiko asked. "Of course." Mikagon grinned as a large bird flew down and snatched the horse up. Taking a big bite out, it then flew away.

Zak and Jay started to chuck rocks into the lake. Mikagorn then stopped them. "Do not disturb the water..." He said. Hanadolf chucked his staff and sat down. "It's hopeless. This Diane won't spread her legs for anyone!" He yelled. Mikey stepped up. "It's a riddle...speak job and enter. What's the elfish word for blowjob?" Mikey asked. "Swirlswallow!" Hanadolf grinned. Suddenly, the leg's of Diane spread wide to reveal the opening. The fellowship entered the opening between Diane's legs.

"Soon my friends you will enjoy the feeble hospitality of the dwarves! Roaring fires, malt veal, red meat off the bone!" Nateli grinned. Hanadolf blew on his staff and it lit up. "This my friends is the home of my cousin Archiac¡Kand they call it a mine...A MINE!" Nateli grinned. "This is no mine, this is a tomb!" Mimoir wailed. All around were thousands of dead bodies. Nateli began to freak out and started to cry like a baby. Kylegolas pulled a spit wad from one of the dead bodies. "Robot pirate ninja monkeys!" He whispered.

Everyone cautiously drew their weapons. "We make for the gap of SPPhan...we should have never of come here!" Mikagorn roared. The group began to leave when something slimy sudden grippied Mikey's leg and pulled him away. Everyone turned to see a giant creature surfacing from the water. "An Octo*****!" Kylegolas roared.

Chiko yelled for Mikagorn and began to cut the slimy tentacle off Mikey's foot. The Octo***** retreated, but came back with double the freshness, double the fun! The tentacles grabbed Mikey and lifted him up. Suddenly, Mikey pulled a thing of Mentos from his pocket and slipped one in his mouth. With a wink, he threw the mentos to Kylegolas who also took one. The mentos theme song began to play as Kylegolas launched a sling shot arrow into the Octo*****. The battle continued when finally the Octo*****'s mouth closed in on Mikey. With a flick of his wrist, a mentos entered the monter's mouth. Mikey winked. "Mentos, the fresh maker!" The announcer said as the Octo***** released Mikey.

As the group started to run back into the mines, the Octo***** slammed itself into the wall causing them to become trapped. "We now have but one choice; we must face the long dark of BMGia. Be on your guard. There are older and more fouler things than Tina in the deep places of the earth." Hanadolf said. The group began to head down the tunnels. Soon they came to a cross road where Hanadolf did not know the way. He sat down and began to think while the rest rested.

Mikey looked down into the chasm and noticed a small ugly and deformed boy crawling below. "There's something down there." Mikey said to Hanadolf. "It's Bjarni." Hanadolf replied. "Bjarni?" Mikey asked. "Yes, he's been following us for three days." Hanadolf remarked. "He escaped the dungeons?" Mikey asked. "Escaped, or set loose?" Hanadolf grinned.

Bjarni placed a cold hand onto a rock and began to spy on the group. "Wicked memberses! Don't bann us from the forums, we don't spamm! Please, only for me?" He muttered. "He hates and loves the forum. He will never be rid of his greed for it." Hanadolf said. "It's a pity Cheesy didn't ban him when he had the chance." Mikey said. "Pity? It was pity that stayed Cheesy's hand. Many that live deserve banning, and some that are banned deserve life. Can you give it to them Mikey? Do not be too eager to dish out bannings and judgment. My heart tells me Bjarni will have some part to play before the end, for good or evil." Hanadolf said. "The pity of Cheesy may rule the fate of many."

"I wish the forum had never of come to me. I wish none of this happened." Mikey then said. "Of course you do. This stupid thing is costing us years of our lives. But that isn't for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces of work in the world Mikey besides the works of evil. Cheesy was meant to find the forum and in which case you also were meant to have it. And that is an encouraging thought?" Hanadolf remarked. "Oh, it's this way!" He then said changing the subject and pointing right. "He's remembered!" Jay grinned. "No, but BMGia was full of gays, and they like to put things in their right ears, so I used common sense." Hanadolf grinned.

After some time, the group made it to a very large area that stretched for what seemed like miles. They continued through it to find a large doorway. Nateli rushed inside to find light shinning upon a single tomb. "No! NO!!" He cried. "Here lies Archiac, son of Homdin. Lord of BMGia. He is dead then." Hanadolf said reading the tomb. He then noticed a diary and picked it up. Opening to one of the pages he began to read¡K

"September 21st- Like oh my god, I just met the greatest guy today! We are getting together for waffles and sex later! I can't wait!" The diary began. The entry soon changed. "We cannot get out, they have taken the bridge. The drums, we like cannot get out! I won't get to see Chadly! They are coming!" It said. Suddenly, Jay accidentally knocked a dead body down a nearby well making gallons of noise! BAD JAY! YOU MADE US GET CAUGHT! >:O The drums began to beat and Mikomir ran to close the door just as a spit wad hit the door. He slammed it shut and sighed. "They have a cave Kelly!"(Aquatic Fury) he said.

Mikey's light saber began to vibrate. "This is strangely arousing!" Mikey grinned whipping it out. Mikomir and the others began to bard the doors. Everyone then drew their light sabers and waited for the monkeys to arrive. "Let them come! Here's one dwarf warrior that stills draws prompt." Nateli grinned. As the robot pirate ninja monkeys broke through, Kylegolas launched a sling shot arrow into one of them. It shrieked as its mechanical insides malfunctioned. After several more arrows, the door busted open and the robot pirate ninja monkeys smashed in flinging their Japanese throwing stars. "Avaste ye swabies!" One of them yelled.

Soon the hobbits rushed in to join the fray. What ensued was lots of violence and explosions! Lots more violence, and killing, and many many explosions. Thousands of killings and more violence and sex! Lots of sex. Suddenly though, the Cave Kelly crashed through the wall wearing dominatrix gear and carrying a big whip. It immediately tried to dominate Nateli, but he leapt away as Kylegolas shot a sling shot arrow at it. The Cave Kelly dominated many other robot pirate ninja monkeys, but it just couldn't get to Nateli. It then tried its luck with Kylegolas, but he snared the whip and leapt onto the Kelly's head.

With careful precision, Kylegolas rammed some sling shot bullets into the Kelly's skull. He then leapt off and continued to fight. Chiko began to kill the sexy things with his frying pan. After some time, Kelly noticed Mikey and ran after him knowing he was a sure domination. Mikey hid behind a block and what followed was a game of peek-a-boo. Soon though, Kelly found its domination and grabbed him. Mikey sliced Kelly with his light saber, and it fell back.

Soon Mikagorn leapt in to stop the best. After lots and lots of violence, Mikagorn was hit away and Kelly stuck his domination pole into Mikey's chest. Chiko cried out as Mikey fell down. Zak and Jay were mad! GRRRR! They leapt down and began to stab the Kelly with their light sabers. Kelly managed to throw Zak off, but Jay kept going. Soon Kylegolas shot two bullets into its head, and Kelly was banned! You are the weakest link, goodbye!

Chiko rushed to Mikey who was lying face down. Mikagorn pushed him and to their surprise he was alive! YAY! "I'm all right, I'm not hurt." Mikey said breathing heavily. "You should be dead!" Mikagorn remarked. "I think there's more to this outfit then meets the eye!" Hanadolf suggested. Mikey then unbuttoned his shirt to reveal the lethril. "You're full of surprises master Baggins!" Nateli grinned. The drums sounded again and the fellowship headed off.

After running for many miles, the robot pirate ninja monkeys were zeroing in. "Avaste ye swabies!" they yelled chucking their ninja stars. After several minutes, the group was surrounded. Suddenly, a very loud roar rang out through the area and the robot pirate ninja monkeys began to run. "What new devilry is this?" Mikomir asked. "A Brillrog...a child molester of the ancient world. This foe will rape us if we don't run!" Hanadolf yelled. The group took off in the opposite direction as the Brillrog chased.

Soon they came to a very large cliff. "Lead them on Mikagorn!" Hanadolf yelled. The group ran down the stairs but soon came to a gap in them. Kylegolas leapt across and called for the others. Hanadolf followed as spit balls began to strike. Kylegolas shot one with great precision with a sniper rifle. Zak and Jay jumped next as part of the stairs began to crack. Mikagorn then tossed Sam, but Nateli wouldn't be tossed. He leapt to the other side, but fell short and fell down into the chasm below. Soon, the stairs collapsed some more leaving Mikagorn and Mikey on the other side. The Brillrog roared again causing the rock to fall and break the stairs. It began to wobble, but Mikey and Mikagorn leaned forward and defied the odds of physics by leaping onto the other stairs.

The group began to run again and soon Nateli was running with them. "Where did you come from?" Kylegolas asked. "There was a trampoline down there!" Nateli grinned. After much running, the fellowship came to the bridge of Kazaa's Doom. Large RIAA billboards and lawyers littered the area saying Kazaa is bad! EVIL! >:O Suddenly, the Brillrog appeared! SCARY! It bellowed as it saw potential rapage- Hanadolf! The group ran across Kazaa's doom while receiving commercial after commercial telling them that bootlegging is wrong.

Hanadolf turned back and held up his staff. "We are not to be raped! Dark molestation shall not avail you! You shall not pass!" He yelled. Brillrog snorted and moved molest Hanadolf. "YOU SHALL NOT..." Hanadolf roared but Brillrog stepped on him. Blood oozed from below its foot. Brillrog was now saddened by the loss of its potential prey, and it quickly tried to rape what was left, but tripped and fell into the chasm below. "No!" Mikey yelled as he was pulled away by Mikomir. Spit wads were striking everywhere as they ran.

Soon the group was outside and everyone was crying. BOO HOO, Hanadolf died! :*( "Kylegolas, get them up!" Mikagorn yelled. "Give them a moment for pities sake!" Mikomir yelled. "By nightfall these hills will be swarming with robot pirate ninja monkeys. We must head for the Drimill forest!" Mikagorn commanded. The group moved the others up and then looked for Mikey. He was on the edge of the cliff with sadness in his eyes...poor Mikey!

aragornbird

6th October 2003, 07:18 PM

Wow, I never thought I'd be posting in the fanfic forums, but this is just too much! I haven't read all of them yet, but I can tell it will be great. Keep it up, Mikey, and remember to include me in there, somewhere...;)

Craig

6th October 2003, 09:47 PM

*replies*

very nice. very funny. I can't wait until I make an appearance though! *cough Craomer*

Jay

7th October 2003, 02:53 AM

I have been slow and haven't read all of it - but my part rawks lol XD It's very funny and I love it all so far, especially my parts :} I think I do need to watch LoTR sometime though ;o You rule Mikey. =)

Okay maybe when I get spare time I'll read it all o_O Fantastic though, keep it up... though I probably don't need to say that at your supposedly supreme potential demonstrating now. =D

Lady Vulpix

7th October 2003, 12:18 PM

Cool! So Tina got a part after all! And so did Brillo! XD
I liked the way you mentioned violence without describing it. It was funny. And saw were the lawyers of Kazaa's Doom.
Keep up the good work!

By the way, in the 4th-to-last paragraph you said Mikagorn tossed Sam, but Sam stayed on Ghettodale. I assume it was Chiko who was tossed.

RJdude

7th October 2003, 03:01 PM

lol, the funniest one yet. Suziemon is hilarious, as are most of the other characters. However, remorse for Bjarni was something Hanada would never have, but oh well.

Mikey

7th October 2003, 10:02 PM

Originally posted by Lady Vulpix

By the way, in the 4th-to-last paragraph you said Mikagorn tossed Sam, but Sam stayed on Ghettodale. I assume it was Chiko who was tossed.

Actually, it was a typo for Chiko. It wasn't a typo of Samwen, I accidentally put Sam (Samwise) You find I may do that once and a while so catch me! ;)

Mikey

14th October 2003, 09:19 PM

Just a little reminder. Part 4A will be done tomorrow. I knw it's been some time but I have been very busy this week. So get excited (especially Tina who has been waiting to see her character for ages). Have fun waiting!;)

Mikey

19th October 2003, 11:38 AM

Finally, the wait is over. Part 4A is here. Just one more part of the Fellowship of the Pokemasters to go then we enter the Two Imaginary Houses! This part is a little short, but I wanted part 4 divided. Expect Part 4B within the week! Ciao!;)

The day wore on as the group ran toward Drimill Forest. It was not long before the entered the tree lines and began single file through the mysterious place. "Keep up wee hobbits! They say a great rapist lives in these woods…an Elf ***** of terrible power. All who look upon her fall under her spell and are never seen again." Nateli said to the hobbits as they pressed on.

"Mikey…" A voice suddenly rang out in Mikey's head. "You're coming to Molesteon. These are the footsteps of doom. You bring great evil here…and a great many things I can rape forum bearer!" It said. Mikey looked around confused. This voice was very manly, yet womanly, and it made him nervous. "Are you ok Mr. Sexy?" Chiko asked. Mikey ignored him and continued to look around.

"Well, here's one dwarf she could rape easily. I have the eyes of a flea and the ears of a giraffe." Nateli said grinning. Suddenly, a great many sniper rifles were aimed at his face. Everyone looked around scared as more sniper rifles were aimed around. Suddenly, one went off and Fred fell down dead. "Who the hell was Fred?" Zak asked turning around. "Who cares, just an extra." Jay replied.

"The dwarf breathes so loud we could have shot him in the dark." Kyledir (Dark Prince) said stepping out of the foliage. "Kyledir of Molesteon!" Mikagorn grinned. "We come in peace, we need your protection." He continued in Jeevanish. "Mikagorn, these woods are perilous! We should turn back!" Nateli yelled peering at the sniper rifle in his face. "You have entered the bathhouse of the lady of the woody. You cannot go back." Kyledir grinned. "Come, she is waiting. It's been a long time since she has raped anything but the men that live with her."

The group continued through the forest till they came upon Molesteon, which was actually just the Ewok village. The fellowship was scaling a winding set of stairs while passing by many Ewoks holding candles. "Yub yub!" One said to the other as they stared at the group. "Uki Uki!" It replied. Soon they came to the very top where a bright light shone over a large hut. To the side was Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, and Chewbacca being roasted.

Out of the hut came a very short black haired elf named Tinadriel (Mrs. Virtual Reality). Alongside her was another elf, Daneborn (IloveXtina). They slowly walked down the stairs, but Tinadriel would not take her eyes off Mikey. Mikey turned away as she made her descent. Suddenly, Tinadriel slipped on her large dress and came tumbling down the stairs. Daneborn wobbled a bit from the sudden fall, but regain his balance.

Smiling embarrassedly, Tinadriel got up and dusted herself off. "Eight are here but nine set out from Ghettodale. Tell me where is Hanadolf? I must desire to speak with him." Daneborn said. Mikagorn peered up into Tinadriel's eyes. It was hard not to look at her, but he knew once they made eye contact she would definitely want to rape him.

"He has fallen into shadow…Brillrog raped him. That bastard! I wanted the chance!" Tinadriel said calmly. Mikey looked up at this with sadness in his eyes. "The quest stands on the edge of a p*nis…stray but a little and I shall rape every single one of you." Tinadriel then spoke. She then turned her head to Mikomir and grinned. A large robotic lock on screen locked onto his face and she grinned further. Mikomir knew he was targeted, and it made him cry.

Tinadriel's eyes then wandered to Chiko, who stared back at her like he wanted to be raped. "Yet hope remains…while the company is true." She then grinned. "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Go now and rest, for you are weary with sorrow and much toil. I will come to each of your rooms to steal your virginity soon." She then said. Mikey looked up confused and now wanting to look in her eyes. Nateli then raised his hand. "Yes?" She asked. "My virginity is already gone!" He yelled. "Well then I'll just have to settle for your anus's virginity then." She grinned. "I do have strap ons you know." Mikey was now looking straight at her, and he heard the same voice from before. "Welcome Mikey of the shire…one who has seen the EYE!" It yelled as her eyes targeted him.

The Ewoks had just finished eating Han Solo and the others, and they were now being very helpful to the group. Kylegolas returned to camp to find everyone resting. "They mentioned Hanadolf." He said. "What did they say about him?" Jay asked intriguingly. "I have not the balls to tell you." Kylegolas replied. Mikey put his head down.

Mikomir was now leaning against a tree in sadness. Mikagorn approached. "Take some rest, these borders are well protected." He said. "I shall find no rest here." Mikomir replied. "I heard her voice inside my head. She wants to rape me first. She then spoke of my father and the fall of TPMdor. She then said that there is still hope, but I cannot see it." Mikagorn sat down beside Mikomir. "My father is a noble man, but even now his rule is fading." Mikomir said. "And now I lose faith. He looks to me to make things right, to see the glory of TPMdor restored. Have you ever seen it Mikagorn?"Mikomir then asked placing his hand on Mikagorn's knee and rubbing it back and forth.

Mikagorn shoved it off. "I have seen the white city many years ago, but that won't make me have feelings for you sicko!" He yelled. "One day, our paths will lead us there together." Mikomir replied. "Are you insane? I will not be you manbait!" Mikagorn said and walked off.

Meanwhile, Tinadriel had just finished her molestation of Nateli's *** and was now heading towards the hobbit's tent. As she walked, Mikey was woken by the sound of her monstrous footsteps. He got up and followed her when she passed the camp and headed down some stairs to a birdbath. Some tiny birds were happily playing in it. With a grin, she flicked her fingers and a large monitor lizard leapt up and ate them whole. She laughed at their screaming calls.

She then turned and took her vase to the nearby waterfall and got some whiskey from the fall. Mikey slowly walked down the steps as not to alarm her or provoke her into raping him. "Will you look into the birdbath?" She asked him as he made it down. "What will I see?" He asked. "Even the wisest cannot tell. Besides bird **** and feathers and blood, it shows things that were, things that are, and some things that have not come to pass." She then replied and poured the whiskey into the bath.

Mikey slowly approached and peered into the large bath. The whisky faded and what he saw was devastating. All of his friends were being raped by Tinadriel, then handed over to Suziemon's robot pirate ninja monkeys for slaughtering. O yeah, lots of burning and violence too, with explosions! The forum began to come out of his shirt and into the whisky. As the eye of Hunter formed, Mikey pulled back and toppled over. He quickly got back up knowing he was in a vulnerable position for rapage.

"I know what it is you saw. For it is also in my mind. It is what will come to pass if you shall fail. The fellowship is braking. It has already become. He will try to take the forum. You know of whom I speak." Tinadriel said. "One by one it will destroy them all." Mikey sighed and pulled the forum from his neck. "If you ask it of me…I will give you the one forum." He said. "You offer it to me freely. I cannot deny that my heart has truly desired this." Tinadriel said stepping up.

At that moment, she ceased to be Tinadriel and turned into Barbra Streisand! AHHHH! "In place of dark lord you would have a stage frightened ****ty singer! Not beautiful but the ugliest person! The biggest nose in the world! All will love me and despair!" She yelled, then slowly turned back into herself. "I passed the test. I will diminish and go into the west and remain Tinadriel." She said as Mikey closed his hand. "I cannot do this alone." He said sadly. "You are a forum bearer. To bear a forum of power is to be alone." Tinadriel replied.

"This task was appointed to you and if you do not find away, then we could just find some other stupid idiot to take you place." She then said. "Then I know what I must do…but I'm afraid to do it." Mikey remarked. Tinadriel smiled and walked up to him. "Even the smallest person can change the course of the future. Don't be such a *****." She grinned and kissed his head. "Now let's go get you raped shall we?" She smiled.

Meanwhile, at Suziemon's Imaginary House, Suziemon was now giving her pep talk to her Ultra Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys. "Do you know how the Ultra Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys came to be?" She asked. The Monkey roared in reply. "They were normal monkeys. Taken by the shoguns of Japan and trained as ninjas, then again to the Pirates of the Caribbean and taught to be pirates. Finally their arms were torn off and replaced by robotic arms and large bazookas were mounted on their shoulders. Now, perfected! My fighting Ultra Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys! Whom do you serve?" Suziemon finished. "Suziemon!" The Ultra Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey General yelled.

The Ultra Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys were now perfected, and they were just being suited up. They were also smacked with the white hand of Suziemon, leaving an imprint on their faces. With the bazookas mounted they were ready. "Cut them down! Do not stop until they are found! You do not know pain or fear! You will taste man flesh!" Suziemon roared. The Ultra Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys began to cheer. "One of the Halflings carries something of great value. Bring them to me alive and unspoiled." Suzmiemon then said to the general. "Kill the others!" With that, the vast army of Ultra Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys ran out of her Imaginary house to find the fellowship.

The group was now leaving Molesteon in tiny boats. As Mikey passes Tinadriel on shore, he recalled what she had given him. "Farewell Mikey Baggins. I give to you the firefly of Tinadriel. Let it be a light for you in dark places when all other lights go out." Tinadriel said in his flashback. Each of them was also given elfish cloaks that could make them invisible! YAY! The stream wound out into a vast river where the group traveled for some time.

Chiko turned to see a log floating downstream. On it was some ugly boy talking to himself. "Bjarni is still after us." Mikagorn noted. Bjarni continued to steer the log, but it suddenly was swept into a current and went over a large waterfall. "Guess not anymore." Chiko grinned. In another area, the Ultra Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys were hot on their trail.

For several days they traveled the river while being pursued by the creatures, when they soon came to a wide canyon. On each side were statues of Kevin, the ultimate Pokemaster. "Long have I desired to look upon the kings of old. My kin!" Mikagorn grinned as they passed through. As they went by, the arm of one fell off and crashed into the sea. "Cheap pieces of crap if you ask me." Nateli replied. The boats steered away from the river as they approached a waterfall and the fellowship was now on land again!

homeofmew

19th October 2003, 12:59 PM

People Who I would Rape For Real (Online)
I wouldn't rape anyone IRL but this is totally not correct :p
"Non Rapeables"
> Nathan
> Hunter
> The Muffin Man

:no: to Killing Suzies Monkeys
:yes: For being Drunk
:no: Turning into an FUGLY singer
:yes: for me being in the story ^_^
:no: For giving up the forum

Lady Vulpix

20th October 2003, 10:28 AM

Tina got 2 parts and left me with none? :mad: That's not fair!
How did she convince you to do that?

homeofmew

20th October 2003, 01:15 PM

;o I only got 1 part ~ IloveXtina is CLEARLY NOT ME!
:( I am only one person may I add :)!

Mikey

20th October 2003, 02:44 PM

Don't worry Gabby. You have a part that will come up soon. I wouldn't forget ya!;)

Craig

21st October 2003, 11:51 AM

i quite enjoyed that chapter, because maybe I'll nake an appearance in the next one! :) Hey, ya never know.

Im interested in seeing what part Gabi will play..

keep up teh good work.

CharizardILG27

21st October 2003, 09:58 PM

Great Story! Oooo i cant wait untill we get to the Return of the King. I wonder what the Mount Doom (Crack of Doom :P ) would be. heh anyways keep up the funny work

DannyBoy

22nd October 2003, 06:56 PM

Wow. even though I had a short part it was still funny! Oh and the name seems very intresting. This was a funny chapter! Thanks for putting me in to. Keep up the good writing.

Venasaur89

22nd October 2003, 07:28 PM

Hi, nice fic Mikey!

Ummm....can you post a list of people who are in the fic and are gonna be in the fic?/
thanks.

Mikey

2nd November 2003, 11:37 AM

OK, I have been so extremly busy that it has become hard to do anything. But as of now, expect the last part of Fellowship of the Pokemasters tonight. We will then get into Two Imaginary Houses which will run into December, and after viewing Return of the King, Return of the Pokemasters will begin!

Venasaur89

2nd November 2003, 12:10 PM

Uhh..u didn't answered my question.

can you post a list of people who are in the fic and are gonna be in the fic?/

Mikey

2nd November 2003, 01:48 PM

Venusaur, the people that will appear in the fic are suppsoed to be surprises. When they appear, you will see who they are.

Here's part 4B, which ends The Fellowship of the Pokemasters. Enjoy!

Mikey and the others got off the boats and started a small fire. "We cross the lake in broad daylight. Leave the boats in the open and we'll continue on foot. Perhaps the Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys won't see us." Mikagorn said picking up some supplies. "We cross AIMdor from the North." Nateli stood up. "Easy as pie. First we have a labyrinth of razor sharp *****es, followed by a stinking land of old baby diapers as far as the eye can see." He roared. "That is our road." Mikagorn grinned. "I suggest you take some rest and recover your strength master dwarf." He then grinned. Nateli was now pissed off. "We should leave now!" Kylegolas said to Mikagorn. "No, Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys patrol these shores. We must wait till they approach, that way they won't see us." Mikagorn replied. Kylegolas turned his head. "How much ****ing weed did Tinadriel give you?" He asked. "I only smoked a few blunts." Mikagorn grinned and began to giggle.

"I am not worried about the eastern shore. Something draws near. I can feel it because it is turning me on." Kylegolas then remarked. Zak brought some old logs to feed the fire as Nateli continued to *****. He then looked around. "Where's Mikey?" He asked. Chiko leapt up and began to search for his lost master. Mikagorn looked around and saw Mikomir's sombrero shield sitting without an owner.

Mikey began to track through through the forest looking around. He soon came to a giant *** of a statue that had fallen and begun to erode. "None of us should wander alone. You least of all. So much depends on you." Mikomir said appearing randomly carrying a pile of strap ons. "What are those for?" Mikey asked. "Hey, just because I have a fetish is no reason for you to attack me! Back off! Tinadriel got me hooked on these things!" Mikomir roared and rubbed his head against them. "Want one?" He asked holding the dangling thing out. "You sick freak!" Mikey roared and began to back off.

"I know why you seek solitude." Mikomir grinned and began to approach. "You suffer; I see it day by day. Are you sure you do not suffer needlessly?" Mikey just looked at him without talking. "There are other ways Mikey; Other paths that we could take." Mikey glared at him. " I hear what you say, and it would seem like wisdom except for the warning in my heart." Mikomir rolled his eyes. "You can't have a warning in your heart. That pain is probably a mild heart attack!" He roared.

Mikomir then began to approach. "We are all afraid." He grinned. "But to let that fear drive us to destroy what we have; don't you see that it's madness?" Mikey glared at him. "There is no other way!" He roared and stepped away. "If you are planning on raping me I'd rather you not! Getting it from Tina was enough for the rest of my life!" He then added in. Mikomir then became enraged. He chucked the strap ons and roared. "I ask only for the strength to defend my people! If you would but lend me the forum!"

"NO!" Mikey roared and backed away. "Why do you recoil I am no rapist." Mikomir said and began to approach. "You are not yourself." Mikey replied. "What chance do you think you have? Alone in the woods. You're defenseless and vulnerable. I could rape you so easily and take the forum for myself! If I don't, Hunter will, and you will beg for death before the climax!" Mikormir screamed.

Mikey turned and began to run in a stereotypical woman being chased by killer fashion. Mikomir began to chase him. Mikey ran screaming, turned around and stopped, screamed louder, turned back and continued to run. After several minutes of this, Mikomir caught up and tackled him to the ground. He then began to try to de-clothe Mikey. "Give it to me baby!" He yelled. Mikey screamed and put the forum on. In an instant, he was still visible.

Mikomir was confused. Mikey stopped struggling as if he thought he could get away. At this, Mikey kicked him and began to run. "I can still see you!" Mikomir yelled. Mikey stopped and ducked and covered. "You'll take the forum to Hunter! You'll betray us! You go to your death, and the death of us all!" Mikomir roared looking around for the now invisible Mikey. "Curse you!" He yelled getting up. He then stumbled and fell down the hill.

"Mikey? Mikey?" He cried. "What have I done?" With the forum still on, Mikey got up from his crouch and began to run up an old statue. He hid against the side and peeked out over the edge. The eye of Hunter was plainly visible in front of him. "Peekaboo!" It grinned. Mikey stumbled and fell as he tore the forum from his hand. He landed with a thud on the ground.

"Mikey?" Mikagorn said stepping up. Mikey began to cry as he backed away. "It has taken Mikomir!" He yelled. "Where is the forum?" Mikagorn said approaching. "Stay away! You won’t rape me!" Mikey roared. "Mikey? I swore to protect you!" Mikagorn yelled. "Can you protect me from yourself? Or am I too attractive to you too?" Mikey asked. With that, he opened his hand to reveal the forum. Mikagorn slowly approached and put his hand in Mikey's, closing his. "I would have probably gone with you to the end, and to the very fires of AIMdor." He said. "I know." Mikey replied. "Look after the others, especially Chiko. He won’t understand." Mikagorn nodded.

He the noticed Mikey's light saber was vibrating. "Go Mikey!" He yelled and turned drawing his light saber. "GO!" He yelled again and shoved Mikey. "Ow you bully!" Mikey replied and began to punch Mikagorn. "Oh Jesus Christ!" Mikagorn yelled and shoved Mikey who tumbled down the cliff. Mikagorn rounded the corner to see thousands of Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys roaring with pleasure. They then charged as Mikagorn began to use the force. He chopped his way through many as more came. Loads of violence ensued and lots of unneeded explosions because everyone likes those.

To the side, one Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey turned to another. "Arg, you would never suspect that one man could take on 50 of us at a time matey." He yelled. The other one nodded. Meanwhile, Chiko searched the forest for his lost master. Back at the action, Mikagorn began to climb some random stairs he found as more Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys poured in to get slayed. More violence continued.

Mikagorn was suddenly knocked back by a Robot Pirate Ninja monkey. He was about to be slain when the Ninja Turtles leapt into battle. Everyone loves Ninja Turtles! "Kawabunga!" Michelangelo yelled. "Turtle power!" They yelled in unison and leapt at the Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys. The Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys laughed as their Ultra Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey general fired a bazooka from his shoulder showering them all in turtle goo! "Well that was random and pointless." Mikagorn yelled and leapt back into battle for more violence.

"Find the Halflings!" The Ultra Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey General roared as his Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys started to run. More violence started as Kylegolas entered the fight with his trusty sniper rifle. Even Nateli began to hit people with his ax guitar. Gallons and gallons of violence ensued. Meanwhile, Mikey stumbled down the cliff on his escape. The Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys closed in and he ducked behind a tree.

Zak and Jay looked at him. "What a moron. Like a tree will hide him!" Jay yelled. The Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys passed Mikey up without noticing. "Wow, what incredible irony." Zak replied. He then motioned for Mikey to come hide with them. Mikey shook his head. "What's he doing?" Jay asked. "Isn't it obvious? He's masturbating!" Zak replied. Mikey shook his head and motioned down the hill. "Oh, I mean he's leaving." Zak grinned.

Jay leapt out. "No he's not!" He yelled. Zak followed and they soon realized they were spotted. "Run Mikey!" Zak yelled. The two then pointed to Mikey. "Hey, he's over there! Get him!" They yelled. Mikey's eyes opened in shock and he began to run down the hill. The Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys paid no attention to him and came after Zak and Jay. "That didn't work!" Jay yelled and the two began to run.

Meanwhile, more and more violence continued as Nateli, Kylegolas, and Mikagorn slayed the Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys. Back at Zak and Jay, the two were now nearly caught. As a Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey prepared to cause violence to them, Mikomir leapt randomly from the forest to save them, but missed and tumbled down the hill. The Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys stopped to laugh hysterically. Mikomir came back up brushing himself off, and held up his Light Saber.

Lots of violence ensued as Mikomir defended the little Jay and Zak. He then pulled out his party blower and began to blow into it. Kylegolas head from far away. "The party blower of TPMdor!" He yelled. "Mikomir!" Mikagorn responded. After some violence, the three began to head towards the sound to provide aid. As more violence continued, the Ultra Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey General made it to the top of the hill and spied Mikomir.

Mikomir continued to cause violence as the general aimed and fired a bazooka into his chest. Mikomir fell to the ground and panted, then got back up and caused more violence. The General roared and fired another bazooka into his chest. He fell again, and after more time, he got back up. "Isn't it weird that extras in movies die in one shot, but important people take hundreds to go down?" A Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey said to another. "And isn't it more awkward that he didn't explode from the force of the first?" It replied.

Sentimental music played as more and more bazooka shots fired into poor Mikomir. After standing there and doing nothing for the past 10 minutes, Zak and Jay lunged to help, but were immediately grabbed and taken away by the Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys leaving Mikomir alone with the general. He aimed his bazooka straight at Mikomir's face and prepared to fire when he was suddenly struck from behind by Mikagorn.

The two began to duke it out with much violence and explosions. Mikagorn was knocked into a tree as the genral chucked a sombrero shield. It struck him, but only got him caught in the tree. Mikagorn managed to break free as the general smashed his light saber into the tree. More violence continued as Mikagorn got back up. The general then launched a bazooka but it was deflected by Mikagorn's sword. (Pretty impossible huh?) As more violence continued, Mikagorn finally managed to stab the general in the stomach. He then pulled his light saber out and cut off its head.

As Mikagorn turned to leave, the head bounced against his leg. "Fight me!" It roared. "But you're immobile." Mikagorn replied. "Tis just a flesh wound! I can still bite you to death!" It roared back. Mikagorn sighed and stepped on it.

He then began to run towards a fallen Mikomir. "They took the little ones!" He muttered. "Lie still." Mikagorn replied. "Mikey, where is Mikey?" Mikomir asked. "I let him go." Mikagorn replied. "Then you did what I could not." Mikomir replied. "I tired to take the forum from him." Mikagorn put his hand on the dying man. "The forum is beyond our reach now." He said. The two talked about failure and such, you know unimportant crap. Finally, after Mikagorn sweared not to let the white city fall, Mikomir died…

With a kiss to the lips, Mikagorn stood up with tears in his eyes. Mikey was now back at the boats. With the forum in hand, he heard Hanadolf's words in his head. "All you have to decide is what to do with that time that is given to you." It repeated. Mikey clutched the forum and grabbed a boat to shove off. Sentimental music played as he did.

Chiko soon appeared calling for Mikey. "Go back Chiko!" He yelled. Chiko began to wade towards the boat. "I'm going to AIMdor alone!" Mikey yelled. "Course you are and I'm going with you!" Chiko yelled as the water got up to his knees. "You can't swim!" Mikey yelled. Chiko suddenly remembered this and fell down. He began to flail in the knee deep water as if he couldn't swim. After some time, he stopped and Mikey pulled him in. He then was fine again.

"I made a promise Mr. Mikey that I would leave you. But I don't keep my promises." He grinned. The two began to cry and hugged each other in the boat. After some time, they let go. "This doesn't make us gay does it?" Mikey asked. "No, just cause two wet guys hug and make out in a boat doesn't make us gay. We were just caught up in the moment." Chiko replied. "We didn't make out." Mikey remarked. "Oh of course we didn't." Chiko grinned. "What were you daydreaming about now?" Mikey asked.

After letting Mikomir float off a waterfall, Nateli, Kylegolas, and Mikagorn returned to the boats. "Hurry, Mikey and Chiko would have reached the Eastern shore." Kylegolas said getting in a boat. He then saw no one was following him. "You mean not to follow?" He asked. "Mikey's fate is no longer in our hands." Mikagorn replied. "Then it has all been in vane. The Fellowship has failed." Nateli replied. Mikagorn put his hand on Nateli's shoulder. "Not if we hold true to ourselves." He grinned. "Ew, get your hands off me you sick ****!" Nateli yelled.

"We will not abandon Zak and Jay to tourment while we have strength left. Leave all that can be spared behind. We must travel light. Let's hunt some Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey" Mikagorn then said and rushed into the forest. "Oh! I wanted to see them suffer!" Nateli yelled and chased after with Kylegolas not far behind.

"There it is; AIMdor. I hope the others find a safer route." Mikey said standing on top of a hill with Chiko. "Stripper will look after them." Chiko replied. "I don't suppose we'll ever see them again." Mikey then added in. "We may yet Mr. Mikey. We may." Mikey turned to him. "I'm glad you're with me." He grinned. With that, the two headed down the hill toward AIMdor together while Sentimental music played on….

THE END OF FELLOWSHIP OF THE POKEMASTERS!!

Lady Vulpix

2nd November 2003, 02:10 PM

Funny! :D Sentimental music, and Ninja Turtles against Ninja Monkey Robots! Yes, I do know they were pirates too. Keep it up!

RJdude

2nd November 2003, 06:07 PM

Sorry I haven't read this in a while.

Anyway, very funny as always. The cameo by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was hilarious. I can't wait for The Two Imaginary Houses... keep it up!

Mikey

2nd November 2003, 07:37 PM

Thanks people. Since I can't wait for part 5 myself, it may be up by the end of the night!

Mikey

2nd November 2003, 09:29 PM

Ok, I got bored and really wanted to do this...so here is part 5A and the beginning of...

The Two Imaginary Houses

The scene opens on the same Mountain our favorite Fellowship tracked under in the last installment. After needlessly drifting the camera over the mountain for what seems like ****ing hours, WHY WON'T WE GET TO THE MOVIE? We then start to hear a familiar voice.

"We are not to be raped! Dark molestation shall not avail you! You shall not pass!" Hanadolf yelled. Brillrog snorted and moved to molest Hanadolf. "YOU SHALL NOT..." Hanadolf roared but Brillrog stepped on him. Blood oozed from below its foot. Brillrog was now saddened by the loss of its potential prey, and it quickly tried to rape what was left, but tripped and fell into the chasm below. "No!" Mikey yelled as he was pulled away by Mikomir. Spit wads were striking everywhere as they ran.

Brillrog was now falling fast fighting the bloody pulp of Hanadolf. It tried desperately to rape him, but Hanadolf would not allow it. He began to stab at Brillrog with his trusty light saber. He was only an arm and a head now, but he did some damage. After lots of violence and falling for hours, the two crashed into a large lake below...

Suddenly, Mikey awoke from his wet dream. "Hanadolf!" He yelled and breathed heavily. "What is it Mr. Mikey?" Chiko asked getting up from his position next to him. Mikey laid back down. "Nothing...just a wet dream." He replied.

After some more rest, the two began to scale the rocky cliffs on their way to AIMdor. They soon came to a section where AIMdor was viewable in the distance. "AIMdor, the one place we don't wish to see any closer. The one place we are trying to go, and it's just where we can't get. Face it Mr. Mikey, we're lost." Chiko said turning to him. "I don't think Hanadolf meant for us to come this way." Mikey rolled his eyes. "That idiot? Of course he did. He always manages to find the hardest paths to places."

The Eye of Hunter suddenly got closer and Mikey clutched the forum. "Mr. Mikey? It's the forum isn't it?" Chiko said putting his hand out. "It's getting heavier." Mikey replied. "How is that possible? According to the law of matter, matter can't be created nor destroyed." Chiko replied and sat down. Mikey continued to breathe heavily and took some water out. "What food have we got left?" He asked. "Let me see." Chiko replied fishing through his bag. "Oh look, we have matzah bread! And look, more matzah bread!" He then replied. He then took a bite and grinned. "I don't usually like foreign food, but this Jewish stuff, it's not bad." He grinned. "Nothing ever dampens your spirits eh Chiko?" Mikey grinned. Chiko turned to see a large number of black clouds glooming. "Those rain clouds might." He said.

The two headed on slowly up the mountain. "This looks strangely familiar." Chiko said as they passed a large rock in the shape of a *****. "It's because we've been here before. We're going in circles!" Mikey roared. "No we aren't Mr. Mikey. It's more of a hexagon." Chiko replied pointing. Mikey looked to see their feet prints in a shape of a hexagon 2 ft in diameter. "Wow, we haven't gotten very far." He said surprised.

As they started off again, Chiko suddenly smelt something. "Aw what's that horrid stink?" He asked. "Can you smell it?" Mikey approached him. "Yes, I can smell it. We aren't alone." He said in a raspy voice. Night came and the two slept against a large section of the mountain. From above, strange noises started. A very ugly and half naked child wearing some sort of childish blue hat started down the mountainside. "The thieves, the thieves, the filthy little thieves. Where is it? Where is it autism? They banned it from us...my precious. Curse them, we hates them, they don't understand autism! It's ours it is, and we wants it!"

Mikey and Chiko suddenly awoke and grabbed the poor autism child from the mountainside. He cried out in shock and began to fight back. He then saw the forum and leapt at Mikey desperately trying to get it from him. Chiko tried to pull him off, but the creature pushed him away and kept at it. Finally, he was pulled struggling as Mikey backed away. Chiko held him hard, but the creature soon bit his neck and began to scratch at him. Mikey pulled Sting from his belt and placed it at the creature's throat.

"This is Sting...you've seen it before, haven't you...Bjarni?" Mikey roared. Bjarni paid no attention and continued to claw at Chiko. "Release him, or I'll cut your throat." Mikey commanded. Bjarni slowly did as ordered, then let out a large scream.

Morning had come and Mikey and Chiko pressed on. Chiko now had the struggling Bjarni tied to a leash. "It bans, it banses us! Please understand autism, it freezes! Take it off us, please only for me!" He yelled. "Quiet you!" Chiko replied. Bjarni began to let out a low wail. "It's hopeless; every Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey in AIMdor is going to hear this racket." He yelled. "I say we tie him up and leave him here." Bjarni yelped. "No, that would ban us...ban us!" Chiko glared at him. "It's no more then you deserve!" He yelled.

Bjarni fell to the ground and began to moan as Mikey stepped up. "Maybe he does deserve to be banned, but now that I see him...I do pity him." He said. Bjarni suddenly smiled and slowly approached them. "We'll be nice to them if they don't bann us! Please, take it off us...only for me?" He grinned. "We swears to never spam again! We swears!" Mikey glared at him. "There's no promise you can make that I can trust." He said. " We swears to serve the mastar of the precious! We will swears on on...the precious! Please understand autism!" He wailed. "The forum is treacherous, we will hold you to your word." Mikey replied. "Yes, on the precious...on the precious!" Bjarni replied.

"I don't believe you!" Chiko yelled and ran at him. Bjarni cowered away but Chiko pulled back causing Bjarni to fall back. Mikey grabbed Chiko and pulled him back. "Chiko stop!" He yelled. "He's lying. He's not sexy enough. If we let him go he'll throttle us in out sleep!" He yelled. Bjarni clasped his neck and breathed heavily. Mikey approached him. "Do you know the way to AIMdor?" He asked. "Yes¡K" Bjarni replied. "You've been there before?" Mikey then asked. "Yes...¨ Bjarni nodded. Mikey took the leash and pulled it off of him. "You will lead us to the Black gate." He said. Bjarni raced along the hills motioning for the hobbits to keep up.

Meanwhile, the herd of Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys ran along the valley. Zak and Jay were among them. "Zak? Zak?" Jay wailed, but Zak didn't respond. One of the Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys stopped and put his hand up. "What is it matey, what do your robot scanners detect?" One said to him. "Arg, tis man flesh!" He responded. "They picked up our trail mateys!" One yelled and the group took off faster. As they went, Jay bit off his Weed of Molsteon and spat it to the ground.

A few miles away, Mikagorn lay his head against the ground. "Their pace has quickened! They must have traced us." He yelled and began to run. "Come on Nateli!" Kylegolas roared. Nateli tiredly ran toward them. " 3 days and nights pursuit. No food, no rest. No sign of our quarry but some fair rock can tell!" He yelled and chased them. Action music played as the three made their way across the open spaces of Middle Net. Nateli seemed to lag behind the whole way. (Exercise more instead of playing guitar all day! >:O)

It wasn't long before Mikagorn found the Weed of Molesteon. "Not idly do the Weed of Molestoreon fall. They must be close, less then a day ahead of us!" He yelled and pressed on. Nateli fell down the hill and slowly ran after them. "I'm wasted on cross country. We dwarves are natural sprinters. Very dangerous over long distances. Kylegolas stopped and petted him on the head. "Just keep thinking that." He grinned.

Suddenly, a large amount of energy was soaked into him. "What the **** was that?" Nateli asked. "I don't know." Kylegolas replied. "Here's Mikomir!" He suddenly found himself saying. "Oh **** no! Oh **** NO! Mikomir is inside me now!" Kylegolas roared. "Wow, this is a nice body to take over." Mikomir replied through Kylegolas. "So firm!" Kylegolas began to punch himself. "Get out of my body you queer!" He roared. "No, I think it's hot!" Mikomir replied through Kylegolas. Nateli began to walk away. "What a weird ****." He whispered.

The group came to a large hill that gave them a view of the upcoming lands. "SPPhan...home of the donkey lords. There's something strange at work here. Some evil gives speed to these creatures." Mikagorn said. "That or they are just on speed." Kylegolas found himself saying. Mikagorn looked at him funny. "It wasn't me, it was Mikomir. He possessed me!" Kylegolas said. Mikagorn rolled his eyes and began to run. Kylegolas pulled ahead. "Kylegolas, what do your elf eyes see?" He asked. "The Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys turned northeast. They are taking the Hobbits to Imaginary House 1! Oh, I also see some hot stable boys." He yelled. "I didn't say the last part." He then said. Mikagorn was in shock. "Suziemon!" He said.

At Suziemon's Imaginary House, Suziemon continued to look into her Seeing Miss Cleo. "The world is changing...who now has the strength to stand against the armies of Imaginary House...and AIMdor. To stand against the power of Hunter and Suziemon...and the union of the two Imaginary Houses." She said. "Together my ***** Hunter...we shall rule this middle net!" Down below, the Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys continued their work of destroying the telephone poles. Suziemon approached to watch.

"The old world will burn...the forests will fall, a new order will rise. We will drive the machine of war with the sword and the bazooka and the banana of the Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey." She grinned as more Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys were harvested. "We have only to remove those who oppose us." She then headed towards the wild men she had found at the local pub. "The horseman took your lands; they drove your people into the hills to scratch the living off rocks. Take back the lands they stole from you. It will begin in SPPhan." She roared as the Wild Pub men took off into SPPhan.

Lots of violence and burning and explosions ensued as the Wild Pub men took over SPPhan. A random woman with no importance to the story put her kids on a horse and told them to head to the capitol of SPPhan. She said she'd find him there then sent them off. As she watched them go, she was blown to bits by a bazooka. More violence happened as the city exploded. "SPPhan my lord, is ready to fall." Suziemon grinned.

At the capitol of SPPHan, the king's men brought his dying son into the throne room. Lady Gabrielyn (Lady Vulpix) rushed into the room to see what was happening. There, her brother Craomer (Craig) was tending to the king's sons wounds. She walked to the king's throne to give him the news. King Joedon (SerebiiPP) was now old and weary from Suziemon's hold on him. "Your son is wounded my lord." Gabrielyn said to him. "He was ambushed by Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys. If we don't defend our country, Suziemon will take it by force." Craomer added in.

"That is a lie!" A very ugly man said stepping out of the shadows. His name was Simon Wormtongue. (Greenshirt) "Suziemon the Admin has always been our friend and ally." He roared. King Joedon whispered something into his ear. "Robot Pirate Ninja Moneys are roaming free across our lands. Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys bearing the white slap of Suziemon." Craomer said tossing a Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey helmet.

Simon Wormtongue glared at him. "Why do you lay these troubles on an already troubled man? Can you not see, your uncle is weary by your sexual arousal for war." He said. "sexual arousal for war?" Craomer said grabbing the ugly Simon Wormtongue by his neck. "How long was it since Suziemon bought you? What was the promised price Simon? When all the men are dead you take you share of the liquor?" Craomer asked. Simon turned his attention to Gabrielyn, who was leaving the room. "Too long have meshed my sister. Too long have you haunted her steps." Craomer roared.

Simon broke free and grinned. "You see Craomer, too much have you talked. You are banished forth from the Kingdom of SPPhan, under pain of rape." He grinned pleased with himself. Meanwhile, Mikagorn and the others continued after the Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys. "They run as if the very dominatrix whips of their master were behind them." Kylegolas said. "Yeah, it turns me on." Mikomir grinned through him. Night was now falling as they continued.

"We're not going no further till we had a breather." One of the Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys roared. "Get a fire going. We'll roast some bananas!" One roared. Taking this time, Jay waddled to Zak. "Zak, Zak?" He asked. "I think we might have made a mistake leaving the Shire Jay." Zak responded. The Robots Pirate Ninja Monkeys began to slash at the nearby Telephone poles, causing a large roar. "What was that?" Jay asked. "It's the poles." Zak replied. "You remember the old forest, folk used to say there was something that made the poles grow tall, and come alive." He said. Jay began to laugh. "Are you high?" He asked. "A little!" Zak grinned back.

"I'm starving, we haven't had anything but bananas for three stinking days!" One of the Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys roared. "Let's eat those little things!" Another yelled pointing at Zak and Jay. "They are not for eating." The general replied. "What about their *****es? They don't need those. Oh they look tasty!" One yelled. Suddenly, a bazooka imploded one of the nearest Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys and they all began to feast on its remains.

Zak and Jay began to crawl towards the Telephone Pole forest. Suddenly they were grabbed from behind. "Go on, squeal for me! It'll turn me on before I eat you!" A Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey grinned. Suddenly, a sniper rifle bullet struck his back. Hundreds of donkeyman raced into the group and began to slaughter the Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys. As usual, lots of violence, drugs, sex, alcohol, and explosions followed. Jay turned to see a donkey ready to sit on him, and he screamed.

Lady Vulpix

3rd November 2003, 12:36 PM

I'm in! Yay! :D

Great chapter, Mikey! Each chapter is falling together better than the previous one! I especially liked your characterization of Bjarni. Priceless! And Mikagorn's possession of Kylegolas! XD

RJdude

3rd November 2003, 02:44 PM

You're funniest yet. You did such a great job on Bjarni, he's hilarious. *Crosses fingers for...

**Lord of the Rings Spoilers**

A more painful death to Bjarni then they gave to Gollum.*

**End Spoilers***

Mew Trainer Rose

3rd November 2003, 03:28 PM

Nooooo! The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were killed! *cries and sings a verse of the song "Turtle Power" in their memory*

Battles and violence galore! Weee!

I'll read the other chap later, busy with some other stuff right now.

CharizardILG27

3rd November 2003, 04:18 PM

this is exellent!! My favorite "chapter" was the ending of the fellowship, the one were the 2 go on the boat and sail away. Everything is very funny, but it also relates to the books/movies. Very funny, and cant wait for more Bjarni!

I am also starting to write a funny version of Harry Potter :) it will also include people from here, even though i dont really know too many people here. It should be up within the next week.

Mew Trainer Rose

4th November 2003, 08:27 PM

erm...matzah isn't bread. It's just matzah. Like koala bears aren't bears, they're just koalas. and matzah get triring when you have to eat it for more than a week, without any bread. Ever tried to make a sandwich with matzah? darn near impossible....uh, anyway...

hehe. Bijarni on a leash. i remember that part in the book, but this way's much funnier. obviously. :P *tosses Bijarni a doggie biscuit*

powermudkip

4th November 2003, 09:30 PM

Uh...I just a little bit and I was wondering which Hunter is the evil one? ^^;

Mikey

4th November 2003, 10:28 PM

The evil Hunter is the one we all hate in Ummmm. (GameWizard)

powermudkip

5th November 2003, 06:04 PM

*wipes sweatdrop*
Yay!I'm not the evil one!
Most people hate me also so I wouldn't be surprised if it was me.;_;

DannyBoy

5th November 2003, 06:20 PM

WOw that was a funny *** chapter! Mikey sure does have some strange wet dreams...creepy! Bjarni brings the best comedy to this. I wonder if he reads this, imagin he could post, i wonder what he would say...hm...But I think its funny as hell! Great job! Keep it uP!

Lady Vulpix

6th November 2003, 10:31 AM

Rose, this was Elven Matzah, it has different properties. Like... It can satiate your stomach, and it's tasty.

And yes, technically it isn't bread, and neither koalas nor pandas are bears, and orcas aren't whales either. And what's worst... almonds and hazelnuts belong to the nuts family, but nuts don't! But that's just what people call them, so I guess we can live with that.

Mikey

30th November 2003, 07:04 PM

Finally, part 5B is complete. Here we go!

Meanwhile, Mikagorn, Kylegolas, and Nateli continued their track after the wee hobbits. Suddenly, the sound of many donkeys was heard. Mikagorn led Kylegolas to a nearby rock to hide, but Nateli was too slow. (EXERCISE YOU FAT ***! >:O) The donkeys came over the hill and trampled the fat dwarf like hell. "Ow, ow that hurts! Stop it!" He screamed. Mikagorn sighed. "Riders of SPPhan, what news from the mark?" He yelled. The riders instantly turned their donkeys and headed back towards Mikagorn, trampling Nateli again.

In an instant, they formed a hexagon around the travelers. The donkey-men then threatened them with their spaghetti noodle sticks. Craomer and his donkey pushed through the crowd. "What business does an elf, a man, and a dwarf have in the riddamark?" He asked. "There are 4 of us! Mikomir still lives inside Kylegolas!" Nateli roared getting up. His head was covered in blood and he had hoof marks everywhere.

Craomer dismounted his donkey and angrily approached Nateli. "I would cut off your dick drawf…if it sprouted more than a half an inch from your waist." He said. Kylegolas quickly pulled out his sniper rifle. "You would die before your stroke touched that magnificent *****!" He yelled. Kylegolas then found himself looking around. "It was Mikomir!" He screamed. Mikagorn calmed him down as Kylegolas began to cry.

"I am Mikagorn, son of Psychotorn, this is Nateli son of Goiter, and Kylegolas of the woodyland realm. We are friends of SPPhan, and Joedon your king." He said. "Hey you forgot Mikomir you buttpipe!" Mikomir said through the sobbing Kylegolas. "Joedon no longer recognizes friend from hoe. Not even his own kin." Craomer said removing his helmet. At this, the soldiers pulled their noodles away.

"Suziemon has poisoned the mind of the king and claimed lordship over these lands. My company is of those loyal to SPPhan, and for that we are banished." Craomer then said. "The white admin is cunning…she walks here and there they say; as an old prostitute, dressed in colorful and revealing clothing. Everywhere her spies slip past our nets."

"We are no spies!" Mikagorn roared. "We track a couple of Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys westward across the plain. They took two of our friends captive." Craomer looked shocked. "The Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys are destroyed. We slaughtered them during the night!" He wailed. "There were two hobbits…did you see two hobbits with them?" Nateli roared. "Since when do you care about them?" Kylegolas blurted out. "They would be small, only chodes to your eyes." Mikagorn said. "We left none alive. We piled the carcasses and burnt them." Craomer said pointing the smoke in the west. "They make great powder for smoking once they're cremated." He added in grinning.

"Dead?" Nateli said saddened. "They may be alive, we are still sort of stoned from the cremated Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey bodies." Craomer said giggling. Craomer then whistled causing two donkeys to approach. Two men were seated on them. "May these donkeys bare you to better fortune then their former masters." He said. "Hello? We're still here!" One shouted. Craomer took a bow out and shot both of them. "May they bare you to better fortune." He said again.

Craomer then got back on his donkey. "Look for your friends...and trust a hope. As I said we are high." He said then whistled. With that, the donkey-men rode on. "We ride north!" He yelled. The donkey-men turned to see North was a large mountain. "We ride west!" Craomer then said. "You came from the west." Kylegolas replied. "We ride south!" Craomer then said and the donkeys headed off. In the process they trampled Nateli again….

Mikagorn rode one donkey and Kylegolas rode the other. Nateli was dragged by a rope on the back of Kylegolas's. They arrived at the death site to find the ash's of the many dead Robot Pirate Ninja monkeys. Nateli was the first to rush to them. As Mikagorn and Kylegolas dismounted, he poured some of the ashes into his pocket for later, "We'll see if its as strong as they said." He grinned. He then noticed something on the ground. "Its one of their wee belts!" He said holding it up. He then looked around. "Its one of their wee pants." He said. "And there we shirts, and their wee boxers!"

Mikagorn looked around. "Two hobbits lay here!" He said. "They took off their clothes. They had sex, and went into Fagorn Forest for seconds." He said looking up. "So they are in Fagorn Forest naked?" Nateli asked. "Guess so…" Mikagorn said disgusted. "Oooh, I can't wait to find them!" Kylegolas grinned, and then hit himself. "God damnit Mikomir!" He yelled. "Curse you!"

In the forest, Jay and Zak ran skipping and naked. "La la la la la!" They said giggling. Suddenly, a lone Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey appeared. "I'm going to rip off your filthy little dicks!" He yelled. Jay and Zak began to skip faster. They hid behind a tree, but realized that was a ****ty hiding spot. Soon they climbed a telephone pole. "He's gone!" Zak grinned still naked. Suddenly he was pulled down. "ZAK!" Jay roared.

Two large eyes soon appeared on the telephone pole and Jay freaked out. "Ewww, its naked get it off!" The pole yelled and grabbed Jay. "Let's put a maggot hole in your belly matey!" The Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey roared, but he was suddenly flattened by the telephone poles foot. "Run Zak!" Jay yelled. Zak got up and began to skip away, but was picked up. "Little nudists!" The pole roared. "It's talking Zak, the telephone pole is talking!" Jay giggled. "We must be high!" Zak grinned. Jay and Zak looked down for a moment to see large banana below with feet. It seemed to be dancing. "It's peanut butter jelly time!" A song ran out as the banana danced. "See we are high!" Jay grinned. Suddenly, the banana was flattened by the pole's foot.

"Pole, I am no pole! I am an AT&T!" The telephone pole roared. "Pole header…Shepard of the forest!" Zak grinned. "Polebeard (Link 10) some call me. Others call me Matt!" The pole grinned. "And whose side are you on?" Jay asked. "Side? Well let's just say I don't play for the team that skips naked with other men if that's what you're asking!" Polebeard roared. "No, the good or bad side!" Jay fixed. "Oh, well, I am on nobody's side because nobody is on my side, little nudist! Nobody cares about telephone poles anymore!" Polebeard grinned.

"We're not nudists, we're hobbits!" Zak replied. "Hobbits? Never heard of a hobbit before." Polebeard said. "Sounds like nudist mischief to me!" Polebeard roared. "They come with beach parties, they come with colonies; ****ing, sucking, pounding, smacking, ******! Destroyers of the perfectly good beaches, curse them!" Polebeard roared. "No you don't understand! We're hobbits, half-lings, shire folk!" Zak roared. "Maybe you are and maybe you aren't. The white moderator will know!" Polebeard grinned. "Suziemon!" Jay said in despair.
Meanwhile, after countless wrong turns and trips to the bathroom, Bjarni finally lead the hobbits out of the hills. "See, see, we's leads you out! We don't spam, nevar!" Bjarni said happily. "Hurry hobbitses hurry!" He grinned. "Very lucky we find you! You would've spammed and we put you back on topic!" He said. Mikey looked out over the valley and continued down the hill. Bjarni smiled at Chiko. "Nice hobbit!" He grinned.

The three continued into a smelly wet land. Chiko's foot fell into some piss. "Ugh, this is yearn, he's lead us into an old diaper disposal!" He roared. "A diaper disposal, yes yes! Come mastar, we will take you through safe parts where you can't spam!" Bjarni said motioning for them to follow. "Come hobbits come, real quickly! Soft and quick as shadows we must be to not be banned!" Bjarni continued to talk as they waded through the diaper disposal. "I found it I did! The way not to spam! Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys don't use it, they don't know it! They spam for miles and miles! We don't spam, nevar!"

The three headed on for a while. Chiko then began to see many faces in the piss. "There are banned things, banned faces in the pee!" Chiko roared. "All banned, all rotten. Elves and men and Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeyses. A great battle long ago! The Band Diaper Disposal, yes that s their name! They all spammed! We don't spam though! Understand autism! This way, don't follow the lights!" Bjarni said. Chiko sort of stumbled. "Careful now, or hobbits get banned and join the others, and light little blunts of their own!" Bjarni roared.

Mikey stumbled off course to look at the banned people in the peeepee. Soon he found himself pulling the forum out. It was as if the banned people really wanted it. And soon, he found himself falling face first into the fesses of the diaper disposal. For a long time, Mikey was confronted by the banned people, till he was suddenly pulled out by Bjarni. "Don't follow the lights! Please only for me? We don'ts get many chances not to spam!" Bjarni roared. "Mr. Mikey are you all right?" Chiko yelled rushing to him.

That night, Mikey began to fondle the forum. "So bright, so beautiful! Ah precious!" Bjarni began. He was obviously talking to himself. "What did you say?" Mikey asked. "Mastar should be resting, mastar can't spam or he'll be banned!" Bjarni replied. "Who are you?" Mikey asked. "Mustn't ask, not its business! We'll hit you with our new hammer!" Bjarni roared. "Hanadolf told me you were one of the old river folk!" Mikey said stepping up to him. "Cold be hand and bone, cold be travelers far from home!" Bjarni began to poetically say. "He said your life was a sad story!" Mikey roared. "They do not see what lies ahead when sun is down and moon is dead!" Bjarni roared. "You were not so very different from a hobbit once were you? ROB?" Mikey asked.

"What did you call me?" Bjarni asked. "That was your name once, wasn't it…a long time ago? Before the forum gave you autism?" Mikey asked. "My name?" Bjarni grinned. "Robby!" He chuckled. Suddenly, a large wail was heard from above. "Black riders!" Chiko roared! "Hide, hide!" Bjarni roared. Mikey suddenly remembered the light saber poke and fell down injured. Chiko grabbed him and pulled him under a tree. "They will ban us, they will ban us!" Bjarni wailed. "I thought they were banned!" Chiko roared. "No you cannot ban them!" Bjarni roared.

Up above, a Rachwraith rode on the most frightening creature of all…a giant PARAKEET!!!!1111 AHHHH! "Theys on wings!" Bjarni cried. Mikey felt himself grab for the forum. "They are calling for it, they are calling for the precious!" Bjarni giggled. Chiko slapped Mikey out of it. The giant Parakeet circled again, and then flew off. "Hurry hobbits, the black gate is very close!" Bjarni said stepping out.

Meanwhile, in Faggorn Forest, Nateli tasted something on the trees. "Yuk, Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey semen!" He yelled. The group continued on through the woods. "These are strange tracks." Mikagorn said while investigating. "The air is so close in here." Nateli added in. "This forest is high…very high!" Kylegolas said. "Oh I love it when you get all knowledgeable! You know exactly how to turn my crank!" Mikomir wailed through him.

Kylegolas ignored him. "The poles are speaking to each other!" He said. Nateli pulled out his axe guitar. "Nateli, lower your axe!" Mikagorn said. "They don't like rock!" Kylegolas turned to Mikagorn and spoke in Jeevanish. "Something is out there!" He said. "Hey, don't speak that!" Mikomir roared. "I'll admit I dig accents, but I want to understand what you're saying!" He roared. "What is it?" Mikagorn asked. "The white moderator approaches!" Kylegolas replied. "We cannot let him speak for he will put a spell of us!" Mikagorn replied. Everyone pulled out their weapons.

A blinding flash of white light the scene and Nateli chucked his axe guitar only to see it break in half. Kylegolas's sniper rifle bullets missed and Mikagorn's sword caught on fire. Everyone backed away and began to cry. "You are tracking the footsteps of two young hobbits." A voice rang out. "Where are they?" Mikagorn roared. "They passed through here the day before yesterday." The voice replied. "They met someone they did not expect. Does that comfort you?" Mikagorn looked confused. "Not really…" He replied.

The moderator then revealed himself. "Who the **** are you?" Nateli roared. Ugh, I had to explain this to the hobbits too!" The moderator roared. "Ok, when I fell, that Brillrog raped me for many days. I finally managed to kill him, but I slipped out of thought and mind. I was covered in Brillrog semen, and so I am now the white mod you see before you. But I am now Chrisdolf. (Chris)." He said angrily. "But, you were Hanadolf before you fell!" Mikagorn said confused. "Yeah, well the readers hated Hanada being Hanadolf, so I'm a better person, so shut up and live with it!" Chrisdolf said. "Anyways, I am Chrisdolf the white, and I come back to you now…at the turn of the tide!" He grinned. Nateli turned to Kylegolas. "This is all ****ed up now!" He yelled.

Lady Vulpix

1st December 2003, 09:44 AM

Hanadolf became Chrisdolf? Weird! :rolleyes:
And I didn't know robots had semen. I guess you learn something new every day.

Nice chapter, Mikey!

Mikey

18th December 2003, 06:42 PM

After seeing Return of the King I have been inspired to shift into over gear. Because of this, you can expect maybe 3 parts this weekend, and much more over x-mas break. I have yet to decide if I should do Return of the Pokemasters now or once it comes to DVD to do a better interpretation. Hmm, have some thinking to do.

crimson_flygon

18th December 2003, 07:36 PM

wow I am actually posting at fanfiction, of course I am repeating the words of many people XD but when you find a fanfic like this you have to come out and say how great it is, so here I go

YOUR FANFIC ROCKS MAN! IT IS SO FUNNY I SAT THEIR LMAO FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES STRAIGHT! GOOD JOB AND KEEP IT COMING!

Yeah I love it, I would put a funny quote and laugh at it but there are so many it is impossible to pick just one. It rocks, I am speechless.

RJdude

21st December 2003, 09:05 AM

Nice to see a new chapter up. Very funny... Hanadolf turning into Chrisdolf was kinda weird, but other then that, good chapter... can't wait to see how you do RotK (best... movie...ever).

PNT510

23rd December 2003, 07:09 PM

Now I only read the first 3 chapters, but anyone who found this story funny should be killed. This is by far the stupided thing ever written.

Mikey

23rd December 2003, 08:22 PM

Originally posted by PNT510
Now I only read the first 3 chapters, but anyone who found this story funny should be killed. This is by far the stupided thing ever written.

People have different senses of humor. To each is own, stop insulting me and go away! >:O:wave:

Mikey

30th December 2003, 06:02 PM

I have finally managed to complete part 6A. Enjoy

PART 6A

"One stage of this confusing, pointless, and stupid journey is over, another begins. War has come to SPPhan. We must ride to Clitoras with all speed." Chrisdolf said as the group journeyed out of the forest. When they reached the tree line, Chrisdolf stopped and let out a low whistle. "What's he doing?" Nateli asked Mikagorn. "I don't know, he's probably gone crazy from the Brillrog rapage." Mikagorn replied. Chrisdolf sat there for some time waiting, but nothing happened. Suddenly, he let out a loud shout. "Katirefax (Katie), get your white horse *** over here this instant!" He screamed.

From the valley below, a beautiful white horse came trotting up the hill. But instead of a horse head, this horse bore the head of a red haired woman. "That is one of the Merhas, unless my eyes are cheated by ecstasy." Kylegolas said. The group waited as Katirefax continued up the hill. "It sure is taking its sweet old time." Nateli yawned. After what seemed like hours, the horse made it to Chrisdolf. "Katirefax is the lady of all horses, and has been my friend for about a week now." Chrisdolf said petting it. "I hate you." Katirefax replied.

It took some convincing, but Katirefax finally allowed Chrisdolf to mount her. The group then took off across the valley towards Clitoras. Meanwhile, back in Faggorn Forest, Polebeard continued up the mountain with the two naked hobbits. "My home lies in the forest here, the roots of the mountain. I told Chrisdolf I would keep you safe, but that would involve work, so I don't think I'll be keeping that promise." Polebeard informed them. "The poles have grown wild and dangerous, like the girls in Girls Gone Wild, they would rape you if they can. There are too few of us now, too few of us AT&T's left to manage them."

After climbing for some time, Mikey and Chiko finally made it up. "The Black Gate of AIMdor!" Bjarni wailed as they came over the top. Down below was a small black picket fence with lots of flowers and gardens. The two seemed confused, and looked at Bjarni. "Hunter is also an outdoor designer and gardener, yes precious!" He grinned. "He likes to makes Black Gate look pretty so guestses will come and visit him."

Chiko turned back to Mikey. "I think Gafer would have a thing or two to say if he could see us now." He said. "Mastar says to show him the way into AIMdor, so good Robby does what mastar says! She, we don’t spam!" Bjarni said approaching Mikey. "I did…" Mikey replied. Behind the Black Gate, the armies patrolled. Two small white towers with balconies stood to each side of the fence. The many guards watched over the area from them while smelling the pretty flowers.

Suddenly, a large amount of people came from the trail towards the Black Gate. "We can't get past them!" Mikey said sadly. Bjarni tried to hide himself behind the rocks as he cried to himself. A horn blew from behind the gate and two Kelly's began to open it. Mikey turned to Bjarni. "It's just a weak little picket fence. Why do they need Kelly's to open it?" Mikey asked. "Hunter is lazy!" Bjarni grinned. Mikey shrugged and turned back. "Look, the gate is opening!" Chiko whispered. "I noticed!" Mikey replied.

Chiko moved slightly to get a better look. "I can see the way down!" He whispered. Suddenly, the rock he was on gave way and he began to slide down the mountain. "Chiko no!" Mikey wailed. He immediately jumped down after him. "Mastar!" Bjarni cried. Some of the people marching towards the gate heard the ruckus and made their way towards the fallen Chiko. Mikey made it there first and tried to pull him out. The people were closing in fast and Chiko wouldn't budge.

Mikey thought fast and placed himself over Chiko to hide him. The people approached, and to their shock they saw a tiny person on top of another. "Aww, they're just engaging in public display of affection." One of the people said. The others began to say how cute it was, and then they turned to leave. "Let's let the lovers be." They grinned.

When the people were gone, Mikey got off of his friend. "That was close." He said pulling him from the ground. He then turned and peered out at the gate. The army was nearly through. " I do not ask for you to come with me Chiko." Mikey remarked. "I know Mr. Mikey, but I don't know the way home so I have to." Chiko replied. "I doubt even pretending to be lovers will hide us in there." Mikey waited a few seconds more. "NOW!" He yelled and the two lunged.

Suddenly, they were pulled back by Bjarni. "No, no mastar! They'll ban you, they'll ban you! Don't take it to him! Please, only for me!" Bjarni wailed. "He wants the precious, always he is looking for it, and the precious wants to go back to him! But we mustn't let him have it! I'll hit him with my hammer if he takes it!" The gate was now beginning to close. Mikey tried to go again, but Bjarni pulled him back. "Nom there's another way, more secret, a dark way!" Bjarni wailed.

"Why haven't you spoken of this before?" Chiko growled. "Because mastar did not ask! We don'ts want to spam, and going that way means spamming!" Bjarni replied. "He's up to something!" Chiko roared and shoved him away. Mikey looked at the pitiful child in his stupid blue hat. "Are you saying there's another way into AIMdor?" He asked. "Yes! There's a path, and some stairs, and a tunnel!" Bjarni replied. Mikey thought about it for some time.

"He's led us this far Chiko." He finally said. "Mr. Mikey, no!" Chiko replied. "He's been true to his word." Mikey added in. "Lead the way Robby." Mikey replied. "Good Robby, always helps!" Bjarni grinned and started to head off. Mikey followed and Chiko reluctantly followed suit. The black gate slammed shut behind them.

The horses came over the hill to see Clitoras in the distance. "Clitoras, and the crappy hall of Menopause. There grows Joeden, King of SPPhan, whose mind is overthrown. Suziemon's hold over Joeden is now very strong." Chrisdolf said. Inside the throne room, Gabreilyn held an old and nasty Joeden's hand. "My lord, your son is dead. My lord, Uncle, will you not go to him?" She said. Joeden stared at her but had no emotion in his eyes. "Will you do nothing?" She asked.

"Be careful what you say. Do not look for welcome here!" Chrisdolf said and had Katirefax rush down the hill. The others followed. Inside, Gabrielyn grieved by her cousin's bedside. From the shadows of the doorway, Simon Wormtongue slowly entered. "Oh, he must have died some time in the night." He hissed. "What a tragedy for the king to loose his only son and heir. I understand his passing is hard to accept especially after your brother has deserted you." Gabrielyn smacked him and pushed away. "Leave me alone! Stop thinking with your snake!" She roared.

"But you are alone, and vulnerable. And, I find thinking with my snake quite fun!" Simon grinned. "Who knows what you've spoken to the darkness in bitter watches of the night when all your life seems to shrink. Your so fare, so cold, and I am so very horny. It's been a long time since I got any; I'm quite desperate." Simon continued. "Your words are poison!" Gabrielyn shrieked and kicked him in the balls. She then rushed from the room as Simon clenched his injured groin.

Gabrielyn looked out across the balcony. She soon noticed some men on horseback approaching. Suddenly, the gown she was wearing tore from her body and floated down towards the entering men. She quickly rushed back inside wearing nothing but her undergarments. "Oh, what a pretty gown, get it for me!" Mikomir begged Kylegolas. "I am not wearing woman's clothing." Kylegolas replied. "Why not, it's fun!" Mikomir replied.

The men rode farther into the city as all the people stared at them. "What the **** is up with them? They all act like no one ever comes here!" Nateli roared. The group made it to the throne room and were greeted by a guard. "I cannot allow you in front of King Joeden so armed Chrisdolf, by orders of Simon Wormtongue." The guard said. The group began to hand their weapons to the guards. "Kylegolas, do not give them the vibrator I hid in your back pocket!" Mikomir roared. "Where the **** did you get a vibrator when you're a ghost and inside me?" Kylegolas demanded. "I stole it from a hooker ghost!" Mikomir grinned.

The guard tried to take the vibrator but Mikomir quickly made Kylegolas hit him. "It's mine!" He roared. Kylegolas sighed. "It's not mine!" He said. The guard looked angry. "See what you're doing to my life?" Kylegolas roared. When all the weapons were given, Chrisdolf turned to the guard. "Your staff." The guard said. "Oh, you would not part an old man from his walking stick." Chrisdolf said sadly. "You're like 18 years old." The guard replied. "Tell them it's your vibrator. They let you keep it then!" Mikomir said through Kylegolas. Chrisdolf sighed. "It's my vibrator." He grinned. "Ok then sickos!" The guard said and opened the doors.

As the group headed to the throne, Simon turned to his master. "My lord, Hanadolf the Mod is coming." He hissed. "The curtsey of your hall is somewhat lessened of late." Chrisdolf roared. "He's not welcome." Simon roared. "Why should I welcome you Chrisdolf? You're a Pokemasterer." Joeden replied. "A just question my liege." Simon grinned. "Late is the hour in which the mod chooses to appear! Ill news is an ill guest!" Simon said getting up. "Be silent! Keep your drunk tongue behind your teeth!" Chrisdolf roared.

"I did not pass through fire and death to say three words to a stupid drunk and horny retard." Chrisdolf finished. He then held up his staff. "I told you to take the moderator's staff!" Simon roared. The guards approached the group to reclaim the staff, but violence soon began. Guard after guard was knocked away as violence erupted everywhere. Chrisdolf began his chant as Nateli knocked Simon to the ground. "I would stay still if I were you, and no touching. I know how horny you are." He roared.

"I release you from this spell!" Chrisdolf said holding out his hand. Suddenly, Suziemon began to speak through Joeden. She laughed drunkenly for awhile, then spoke. "You have no power here Chrisdolf the Mod!" She roared. Suddenly, Chrisdolf took off his grey robe to reveal nothing! He was nude! Suziemon freaked out and immediately gave up her hold on Joeden. "Oh my god that was the most vile thing I have ever seen!" She roared with disgust as she left his body. Chrisdolf grinned and put on his white robe.

Joeden slumped down and was caught by Gabreilyn. He slowly turned back into his old self. "I know your face. Gabrielyn!" He grinned. He then saw Chrisdolf. "Breath the free air again, but be careful, it may contain pot smoke." He said. Theoden slowly got up. "Wet have been my dreams of late." He said. "Your fingers would remember their own strength better if they grasped your dic…." Chrisdolf began. "Why not just let him grasp his light saber?" Mikagorn cut in. "Ah yes!" Chrisdolf replied and handed Joeden his light saber.

Simon tried to squirm away, but Nateli held on. He then began to hump his leg and Nateli finally let go. Simon rushed from the building as Joeden chased him. "Your witchcraft would have had me crawling on all fours like a hooker!" He roared. "Send me no from your side!" Simon begged. Joeden grew tired and raised his light saber, but Mikagorn stopped him. "No my lord. Enough blood has been spilt on his account." He said. Simon got up and ran off down the hill and out of the city like a little girl.

"Hail Joeden King!" The guards yelled. Nobody moved. "Bow you idiots!" The guard roared. Everyone got down on their knees. "Bow, not kneel!" He roared again. After several times, they managed to get it right. Joeden then turned and looked around. "Where is my weed?" He roared. "My lord, your son is dead and you only care about weed?" The guard asked. "Yes, weed is more important than family!" Joeden roared and rushed back into his throne room to find some.

DannyBoy

30th December 2003, 06:25 PM

That was great! Bjarni was stupid but great. You really make the character Bjarni just like the real one and thats good. Also the end was great! Caring more about weed then his son. Who would ever guess a king to be a stoner. Great job keep it up!

RJdude

31st December 2003, 08:05 AM

lol, very funny chapter... you've got Bjarni down perfectly, and the whole thing with Joeden wanting weed was funny... keep it up.

Lady Vulpix

1st January 2004, 05:47 PM

Nice chapter! And kicking Simon was fun, though I'll have to find myself a gown that will not betray me. ;)

Moonlight Espeon

1st January 2004, 09:21 PM

Er.. XD Being a cave troll is kind of fun. Extremely hilarious fic. XD I laughed all the way through it. I would quote the funny parts, but it'd take up the whole thread. Some of the parts were disturbing though oO *being amused and disgusted at the same time* XD

Mikey

5th January 2004, 02:11 PM

Thanks for the replies all. Just to let you know, part 6B is in the making and should be up sometime within the next few days. :yes:

Mikey

17th January 2004, 10:45 AM

Ok, I didn't expect to get sick that week. Sorry for not getting it done. Part 6B SHOULD DEFINATLY be up by Sunday though. :yes:

Lady Vulpix

18th January 2004, 01:52 PM

DEFINATLY? :rolleyes:
Hmm... Anyway, here I'll be. :D

Mikey

18th January 2004, 03:54 PM

Here is part 6B. It's rather long but I enjoyed writing it. Here you go.

Joedon now stood outside the tomb of his son picking dandelions that grew around it. "Mama had a baby and the head popped off!" He grinned snapping the flower part off the stem. Chrisdolf sighed. "Don't you even care that your son is dead?" He asked. Joedon shrugged. "His loss. Look at it this way, now he won't have to be all sad when I die!" Joedon grinned and took another puff of his weed. He then realized that the blunt was ending and looked around for more. Sadly, he couldn't find any.

Soon tears began to form in his eyes. "No parent should have to go without weed." He cried. After bawling, he began to crumble to the ground in tears. "The blunt was strong in life. Its spirit will find its way to the halls of your four fathers." Chrisdolf replied, but Joedon continued to sob. Chrisdolf then looked up to see the two children who had no importance to the story ride up on the horse. The little girl seemed angry, and she showed it by shoving her brother off. "You're too big to ride fag!" She screamed.

The children were let into the city and told of what had happened to their village. Afterwards, they told Gabrielyn of their hunger. Gabrielyn smiled and led them to the door. "You're not important anymore. You can go now!" She grinned and shoved them out. She then turned to King Joedon. "They had no warning, they were unarmed. Now the Pub men are moving through the westfold vomiting and staggering as they go." She said.

Gabrielyn then turned to see the door had opened again. The little girl stepped in. "Where's mama?" She asked. Gabrielyn smiled. "Oh, your mother was probably killed very brutally by the pub men dear. Her head is probably lying separated from her body somewhere. Let's play a game! It's called find mommy's torso!" She said and shoved the girl back out. Chrisdolf sighed and turned to Joedon. "This is but a taste of the terror that Suziemon will unleash. All the more potent she is driven out of hatred of Hunter. Ride out and meet her head on!" Chrisdolf demanded.

"Draw her away from your woman and children." Chrisdolf finished. Joedon didn't look convinced. Chrisdolf sighed. "And your weed?" He added in. Now Joeden looked worried. "You have 2000 high men wandering aimlessly throughout Middle Net now as we speak. Craomer is loyal to you. His men will return and fight for their king." Mikagorn remarked. Joedon got up. "They will be 300 leagues from here by now." He roared. "They're high, how far can they actually go?" Nateli roared. "Craomer cannot help us." Joedon remarked. "Look they are passing by here right now!" Nateli pointed out the window as the horseman road by.

"I said Craomer cannot help us!" Joedon roared. "I know what it is you want of me, but I will not brig further harm to my weed. I will not risk open war." Nateli began to munch on the food that was spread out on the table. "Open war is upon you, whether you would risk it or not." Mikagorn replied. "When last I wasn't high, Joedon, not Mikagorn, was king of SPPhan." Joedon barked. Nateli took a sip of beer and burped like the rude little **** he is. "Then what is the king's decision?" Chrisdolf asked.

"By order of the king, the city must empty! We make for the refuge of Elm's Teats! You cannot bring any of your belongings. Everyone must spare them so that they may each take a sack of Joedon's weed to safety." The King's guard informed the city. "Elm's Teats! They flee to the mountains when they should stand and fight! Who will defend them if not their king?" Nateli roared. He looked out to see Craomer and his men ride by again and sighed.

"He is only doing what he thinks is best for his weed." Mikagorn replied. "Elm's Teats has saved them in the past." Chrisdolf shook his head. "There is no way out of that bosom, Joedon is leading them into a trap. He thinks he's leading them to safety. What he will get is a massacre. Joedon has a weak will so I fear for him. I fear for the survival of SPPhan. He will need you before the end Mikagorn. The people of SPPhan will need you. The defenses have to hold." Chrisdolf informed him.
"They should hold, but no promises." Mikagorn replied. Chrisdolf then turned to Katirefax who was nestled all warm in her stable. "The grey pilgrim, that's what they used to call me. 300 lives of men I walked this earth and now I have no time." Chrisdolf said to himself. "I think you need to see a psychiatrist about that self talking thing. Seriously, I'm worried 'bout you man." Katirefax said as he mounted her. "Good luck, my search will not be in vein." Chrisdolf informed Mikagorn. "What's to search for? Craomer and his men wander by here every five minutes!" Nateli roared as the horsemen came by again.

"Look to my coming on the first light on the 5th day. At dawn, look to the east!" Chrisdolf said and road out of the stable. "What was that again?" Mikagorn asked. Kylegolas shrugged. Crhisdolf and Katirefax exited the city plowing over random people as they went. Inside, Gabrielyn began to practice with a light saber she had found. As she turned around her arm met another light saber, cutting her. "Ow, son of a *****! What the **** did you do that for?" She screamed as Mikagorn panicked. "I thought you had skill with a blade! I meant to counter your saber!" Mikagorn cried.

After the blood stopped, the two began to talk. "The women of this country learned long ago that those without swords can still die upon them. I fear neither death nor pain." Gabrielyn informed him. "What do you fear my lady?" Mikagorn asked. "A cage, you know, one of those show girl ones where you dance half naked in for money. I don't want to be an old hooker dancing in one till youth and old age accept me. And all chance of valor has gone beyond recall of desire." She replied. "You are a daughter of kings, a shield maiden of SPPhan. Unless your father goes poor, I do not see that as your fate." Mikagorn replied. "Me however, I was known as Stripper once. So I know how to cage dance till the cows come home!" He grinned and began to dirty dance.

The city began to empty as everyone carried Joedon's weed out. They followed him as well as they could, but the weed was heavy and he had a donkey. Meanwhile, in Suziemon's Imaginary House, Simon Wormtongue had finally arrived. The two began to talk about Joedon's plans. "Joedon will not stay in Clitoras. It's vulnerable he knows this. He will expect an attack on the city. They will flee to Elm's Teats." Simon informed Suziemon.

"The great bosom of SPPhan." He added in. "It will be a slow road. They will have women and children with them." He finished. Suziemon smiled. "That means we have time to go the pub!" She grinned. The two grabbed hands and happily skipped out of her Imaginary House towards the pub. After some time, they returned drunk to the Imaginary House. Simon followed Suziemon to the basement. "What's down here?" He asked. "Kitty has been busy. She's been multiplying!" Suziemon grinned. She then turned to one of her robot pirate ninja monkeys. "Send out your Kitty riders!" She giggled.

Meanwhile, Bjarni was busily trying to catch a fish in the river. Well, he was trying but Autism children have hard times. After awhile, his stupid blue hat fell off and he was forced to catch it instead. "Hey sexy don't go getting too far ahead!" Chiko roared. "Why do you do that?" Mikey asked. "Do what Mr. Mikey?" Chiko asked. "Call him names, run him down all the time." Mikey replied. "Cause that's what he is Mr. Mikey. There's not left in him but lies and deceit. It's the forum he wants, and he'll spam to get it." Chiko replied.

"You have no idea what it did to him. What it's still doing to him!" Mikey roared. "Didn't it give him autism?" Chiko asked. "Yes, but you don't understand autism!" Mikey roared. "I want to help him Chiko." Mikey added in staring at the retarded boy playing in the water. "Why?" Chiko asked. "Cause I have to believe he can come back." Mikey replied. "You can't save him Mr. Mikey. Autism is a disease." Chiko remarked. "What do you know about it? You don't understand autism!" Mikey roared. Chiko frowned and walked by him.

"I'm sorry Chiko. I don't know why I said that." Mikey replied. "Well I do, it's the forum. You can't take your eyes off it. I've seen you. You've not eaten, you barely sleep. It's giving you autism! You have to fight it!" Chiko remarked. "I know what I have to do Chiko! The forum was entrusted to me. It's my task, mine, and mine alone! We don't spam, understand autism!" Mikey roared back. "Can't you hear yourself? Don't you know who you sound like?" Chiko asked.

That night, the group set up camp and went to bed. However, Bjarni remained awake. "We wants it, we needs it! Must have the precious, only for me!" He said to himself. "They stole it from us! Sneaky little hobbistes, they don't understand autism!" Suddenly, the Robby portion took over. "No, not mastar!" He replied. "Yes precious, meanies! They will cheat you, hurt you, bann you!" Bjarni took over. Robby once again responded. "But mastar's my friend!" He said. "You don't have any friends, no one likes a people who can't spell, talk, or type!" Bjarni added in.

Robby put his hands over his ears. "I'm not listening, you don't understand autism!" He cried. "You're a liar, and a thief! Spammmerrrr!" Bjarni grinned. "Go away, please only for me?" Robby cut in. "Go away? Ha, where would you be without me? BJARNI, BJARNI! Only I can spell! It was me, we survived because of me!" Bjarni roared. "Not anymore, mastar looks after us now! We don't needs you! Leave now and nevar come back, please only for me?" Robby roared. Bjarni was in shock at Robby's new found strength. "Leave now and nevar come back, please only for me?" Robby repeated. After saying it a few more times, Bjarni disappeared.

Robby was in shock. "We told him to go away, and away he goes precious! Robby is freee!" Robby grinned and began to dance. Morning came and Mikey was greated by a pair of bunnies on his stomach. "Look, look, look what Robby finds! They are young, they are tendar, they are nice! Eat them, eat them!" He grinned and began to bite into one. "You'll make him sick you will, behaving like that. There's only one way to eat a brace of coneys!" Chiko roared.

Chiko began to roast the rabbits as Robby cried. "You stupid fat man hobbit! You's ruins it!" He cried. "What's to ruin? There's hardly any meat on them." Chiko replied as Mikey began to walk away. He heard a weird sound in the distance and went to investigate. "What we need is a few good taters." Chiko remarked. "What's tatars precious, what's tatars?" Robby asked. "Po-ta-toes! Boil them, mash them, put them in a stew. Lovely big golden chips and a nice piece of fried fish." Chiko began but Robby interrupted by spitting. "Even you couldn't say no to that." Chiko smirked. "Oh yes we could! Give it to us raw and wriggling, you keep nastee chipes!" Robby roared and began to walk away.

"You're hopeless." Chiko remarked. Meanwhile, Mikey continued through the forest. Chiko realized he was gone and ran to find him. Mikey peered over a cliff to see an army of midgets walking along the valley. Chiko and Robby joined him. "Who are they?" Chiko asked. "Wicked tiny people! Servants of Huntar! They are called to AIMdor. The dark one is gatharing all evil to him. He will soon be ready to unleash his war upon Middle Net!" Robby replied.

Mikey began to back away. "We have to keep moving, come on Chiko!" He said. Suddenly, a large creature emerged from the forest as it followed the midgets. Mikey looked at Robby. "It's a giant Donphan!" Chiko grinned. The creature lumbered into view as more appeared. "Aren't Donphans small and don't exist?" Mikey asked. Robby giggled. "This is Pokemastars, we have Donphans! I killed them in my story, but these ones are harder! They were given steroids by the midgets, and so they are big now!"

Large sniper towers were mounted on the backs of the Donphans. "No one at home is going to believe this!" Chiko grinned. Suddenly, sniper bullets rang out through the forest, hitting several midgets. The Donphans became started. One began to use roll out. As it did, the sniper tower on its back went with it, smashing on the ground as it rolled. Mikey and Chiko began to freak as the Donphan used roll out right towards them. Suddenly, it diverted direction and rolled on. The other Donphans bellowed and followed as the midgets screamed for their lives.

"We've lingered here too long." Mikey whispered and began to head off. Suddenly, he bumped into a strange man. Mikey was surrounded. Chiko tried to help but was also caught. Robby was nowhere to be seen. Another man emerged from the group. It was RJmir. (RJ Dude). He looked at the two hobbits then to the ones holding them. "Bind their hands." He said and walked off.

Meanwhile, the SPPhan people continued towards Elm's Teats. Nateli rode a donkey as he talked with Gabrielyn. "It's true you don't see many dwarf women. In fact, they are so alike in voice and appearance, that they are often mistaken for dwarf men." Nateli sighed and recalled that night he picked up a dwarf hooker only to find out she was a man. Suddenly, the donkey sped on causing him to fall off. Gabrielyn laughed and helped him up. That night, Mikagorn rested while recalling moments with Samwen he had before leaving.

He had just woke up from a night with casual sex, and the two began to talk. "You told me once that this day would come." Mikagorn said in Jeevanish. "This is not the end...it is the beginning. You are to go with Mikey." Samwen responded. They continued to talk about stuff no one cares about. Samwen said some **** about the Even Star, and they then made out and all that other crap.

"Where is she? The woman that gave you that jewel?" Gabrielyn asked stopping Mikagorn's daydream. Mikagorn then had another flashback about Ozanrond saying some other boring crap about letting Samwen go with her people and for Mikagorn to stop thinking with his dick. He then recalled telling Samwen, upsetting her, and him giving her back her virginity. "It was a gift, keep it!" She said. "My lord?" Gabreilyn interrupted. "She is sailing to the undying lands with all that is left of her kin." Mikagorn replied.

Two SPPhan guards began to pull ahead and scout the area. As they made it to a pass, they stopped to look around. From above, a Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey was mounted on a Kitty. It leapt down on to the nearest guard and began to maul him. "KITTY HAT YUO!" Suziemon's voice sounded out over the valley as her precious cat mauled the guard. Kylegolas rushed in and shot the Kitty with his sniper rifle. He then killed the robot pirate ninja monkey on board. "A scout!" He roared. "Oh, he was hot!" Mikomir said through him. Kylegolas sighed.

Mikagorn rushed in to soo what was going on, then rushed back. "What is it? What do you see?" Joedon asked. "Kitties, we're under attack!" He replied. Everyone began to panic and cry. "All riders to the head of the...aw **** it just follow me!" Joedon roared as everyone began to follow him. Kylegolas came to the top of the hill to see many Kitty riders advancing towards them. "You must lead the people to Elm's Teats!" Joedon said to Gabrielyn. "I can fight!" She replied, but Joedon smacked her. "Do as I say *****!" He roared. Gabrielyn sighed and told everyone to follow her.

The riders made it to the top of the hill where Kylegolas was sniping kitties with his sniper rifle. He then flung himself onto Nateli's donkey and the two cavalries rushed towards each other. When they made contact, mauling and violence began immediately. Lots and lots of violence and drugs and alcohol began to ensue as the cavalries fought to the death. "KITTY HAT YUO!" Was heard whenever a kitty mauled someone.

Nateli fell off his donkey and was immediately attacked by a Kitty, but he managed to kill it. It fell on him and he began to cry. Lots more violence happened, and some minor sex as well. Lots and lots of violence kept going on as many kitties, people, robot pirate ninja monkeys, and donkies were killed. A robot pirate ninja monkey tried to hurt Nateli, but he broke its neck. Then, another kitty came at him, but Mikagorn killed it.

Lots more violence happened. Mikagorn was then knocked from his donkey. As he struggled to gain control of the kitty that attacked him, more violence happened. He managed to knock off the robot pirate ninja monkey, but the kitty he was on decided to commit suicide and jumped off the cliff with Mikagorn still on it. The battle ended when the violence downisized, and Mikagorn was no where to be seen! What happens next, find out later!

Lady Vulpix

18th January 2004, 04:21 PM

Oh... Suspense!
That was good. Mikagorn recalling his stripper days and dancing for me. XD
Though I felt sorry for the poor unimportant girl. ;o
And R.O.B. keeps getting better!
And the Donphans were great!
It was really funny. Keep up the good work!

DannyBoy

18th January 2004, 04:27 PM

That was really good! That was amazing espeically the no parent shoudl go without weed! The Bjarni's part with Robby. THis is just to much! This was great! By the way, how was Freddy VS. Jason? Keep it up!

Little_Pikachu

18th January 2004, 08:35 PM

I litterally laughed myself to tears over the Bjarni bit and the whole autism thing XD Maybe I'm a bit drunk, but I'm sure it'd be funny if I was sober too.
Ah, more Suziemon please! ^_^ how dare they leave her out of the Best Villian category in the awards :(

Also:
"And whose side are you on?" Jay asked.
"Side? Well let's just say I don't play for the team that skips naked with other men if that's what you're asking!"

XD You're a genius, Mikey.

RJdude

19th January 2004, 07:37 AM

Hilarious chapter, Mikey. The whole thing with Joeden and his weed, and Bjarni vs. Robby almost had me on the floor (And I'm not drunk). Plus, I made my debut, and its a cool role too... keep it up, can't wait for the next one.

Mikey

22nd February 2004, 10:00 PM

Ok, I know it's been awhile since I have wrote a chapter, but expect the next one to be up within the week. I guarantee it. I'm shifting into overdrive for both fics here!

Mikey

1st March 2004, 06:27 PM

This is the moment you've been waiting for. Part 7A of Lord of the Pokemasters! Part 7B should be up in the coming weeks. Part 8 will be a one parter to finish off THe Two Imaginary Houses, and part 9 will start Return of the Admin. I believe Return of the Admin may not begin till August though as I really would like the DVD to do a better interpretation. For that, part 7B and part 8 may be positioned out so there's not a huge space in between. Anyways, here we go!

Part 7A

The battle was over and the field was littered with many dead donkeys and kitties. Nateli and Kylegolas wandered through the bodies searching for their lost comrade. "Mikagorn?" Kylegolas yelled. "Who cares about him? Let's just head over to the Middle Net Gay Bar and pick us up some new hotties." Mikomir said through Kylegolas. Kylegolas stopped and sighed. "You know, I'm beginning to think that's you talking." Nateli grinned. "Shut the hell up!" Kylegolas said aiming his sniper rifle. He wanted to shoot, but it was best he didn't.

The two continued towards the cliff when they heard a distinct laugh. "Hardie har har!" a Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey giggled. Kylegolas ran over to him. Nateli made it to the little monkey first and placed his ax guitar by his testicles. "Tell me what happened and I will ease your passing." He roared. The monkey seemed scared. "Argh, how is cutting off me balls easing?" He asked. Nateli shrugged. "Fair enough!" He said and backed off.

The monkey then decided to speak. "He's…banned! The lad took a little plank walk off the cliff." It giggled. Kylegolas grabbed the monkey and shook him. "You lie!" He roared. The thing giggled some more when he suddenly cried out in pain and died. Kylegolas turned to see Nateli had brought his ax guitar down on the Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey's groin. "What? He was asking for it!" Nateli roared. Kylegolas then discovered Samwen's Virginity Star Pendant thingy in the monkey's hand and rushed to the edge of the cliff. It was only about a two foot fall, and Mikagorn was in plain sight, but they somehow were too dumb to see him lying unconscious just below.

"Get the dead on horses! The kitties of Imaginary House will return…leave the wounded." Joedon roared. Kylegolas looked at him shocked. "Come…" Joedon said and walked off. Meanwhile, the ***** people that didn't take part in the calvalry fight had finally come upon the refuge of Elm's Teats. "Elm's Teats! There it is, we made it!" They yelled and began to head toward the fortress. An old woman came up to Gabrielyn for aid, but she just smiled and walked off. The woman ended up falling and dying.

The doors of the refuge opened and the people began to spill in. More pussies were also present that were too scared to fight. The scene zoomed out to show the whole fortress, which was made out of cardboard but hardened with Viagra. On each side were two large mountains resembling boobs. The two children with no importance to the story saw a woman and ran to greet her. "Mama!" They grinned. The lady turned around. "I'm not your mother you stupid *****! Go away!" She yelled. The girl's brother then poked her. "I win, I found mommy's torso!" He grinned and put down the bloody slump that used to be their mom. The girl began to cry as the kid laughed.

"Make way for the king!" The guards yelled as they road in on donkeys. No one moved and Joedon and his riders ended up running over many of the refugees. Gabrielyn rushed up to greet them, but found out the hottie Mikagorn wasn't present. She then looked sad. "So few, so few of you have returned." She said. Joedon stepped down from his donkey. "My weed is safe…that's all that matters." He said and walked off.

Nateli then stepped up to Garbielyn. "Lord Mikagorn, where is he?" She asked. "He fell…" Nateli responded. She looked bewildered. "Damn, it's always the hot ones that die before I get to screw them!" She yelled and rushed off. "Draw all our forces behind the wall. Bard the gate, and put a watch on the surround." Joedon said as he surveyed the area from the top of the fortress. "And what of those who cannot fight my lord?" His follower asked. "Screw that, everyone fights!" He yelled. "But sir, infants cannot hold swords." His follower replied. "Well they can learn now can't they?" Joedon replied. "Suziemon's arm will have grown long if she thinks she can reach us here."

"Elm's Teats has one weakness. Its outer wall is solid horny cardboard with two large boob towers on each side…except for a small cleavage in the center, which is little more than a tray." Simon Wormtongue informed Suziemon at her Imaginary House. Suziemon was busy pouring alcohol into a large bowling ball. "How, how can fire induce cleavage?" Simon asked. "What kind of device could shatter the boobs?" He then added in getting close to the ball with his candle. Suziemon stopped him. "Alcohol is very flammable! We don't want a repeat of yesterday!" She roared. Simon recalled the previous day where he did the same thing and blew up half the Imaginary House and shuddered.

"If the boobs are breached, Elm's Teats will fall." Suziemon then said. "Even if the boobs are breached, it would take a number beyond reckoning, thousands to storm the teats!" Simon remarked. "Tens of thousands." Suziemon grinned and stepped onto her Imaginary Balcony. "But my lordess there is no such force." Simon replied. Suddenly, many party blowers ran out over the valley as Suziemon revealed her great army of Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys to Simon.

"The new power is rising! Its victory is at hand!" Suziemon roared as the Monkeys cheered. "This night, the land will be stained with the semen of SPPhan! March to Elm's Teats!" Suziemon roared as the scene zoomed out to show the many Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Prate Ninja Monkeys that massed by her Imaginary House. "Leave none unbanned!" She roared. "TO WAR!" She finished and turned to Simon. "There will be no dawn for man…" She grinned.

The army of Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys then began their march towards Elm's Teats. Meanwhile, Polebeard continued to travel through the forest with Jay and Zak. "Look, there's pot smoke to the south!" Jay roared. "There's always pot smoke rising from Imaginary House these days!" Polebeard replied. "Imaginary House?" Zak said in shock. "There was a time when Suziemon would walk in my woods, but now she's all hocked up on boos and crack cocaine." Polebeard informed the two as Zak crawled higher up the pole. "She no longer cares for growing anything unless it makes you high." Polebeard finished. "What is it?" Jay asked as Zak looked out at the Army of Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys. "It's Suziemon's army…the war has started." Zak replied.

Meanwhile, Mikagorn continued to lie by the cliff unconscious. He slowly slipped into wet dreams of Samwen as he did. They made out and all that boring crap that Mike likes and drags the story along. Soon, a donkey started to nudge him and Mikagorn regained consciousness while finding he was making out with the donkey! He got on it and the donkey road off.

Meanwhile, Samwen was lying on her bed like the lazy depressed person she is. "Samwen, it is time. The ships are leaving these shores. Go now before it is too late." Ozanrond said entering the room. "I have made my choice." She replied. ~YAWN~ "He is not coming back." Ozanrond said as he approached her bed. "Why do you linger here when there is no hope?" Samwen looked up with tears in her eyes. "There's still hope." She said. Ozanrond laughed. "I used to believe in hope till they announced this is the last season of Angel!" He said.

Ozanrond then began to explain some crap about how even if the war was one, Samwen would still have to watch Mikagorn die. You know, all that boring crap that no one cares about. Samwen then smiled. "But that's why I will get some booty from him, and then leave him for an elf." She grinned. "Samwen, you can get booty in the Undying Lands if that is your desire. There is nothing for you here, only pain. There they have birth control!" He grinned.

More tears came into Samwen's eyes. "Am I not sexy enough for you?" Ozanrond said sitting next to her. "Of course you are father." Samwen replied and the two began to hug. (But none of that sick crap you people reading this are thinking now! PERVS!) With the thought of birth control in her mind, Samwen decided to depart for the Undying Lands while Ozanrond watched her go. "Damn, I almost had some of that!" He said as she disappeared across the bridge.

He suddenly began to here Tinadriel muttering something. "Speak English you sick rapist!" He said in his head. "Sorry, my bad!" She said back. "The power of the enemy is growing. Hunter will use his master Suziemon to destroy the people of SPPhan. Imaginary House has been unleashed. The eye of Hunter now turns to TPMdor, the last free kingdom of men. His war on this country will come swiftly. He senses the forum is close. The strength of the forum bearer is fading. He is weakening and becoming vulnerable. He will be a prime rape target soon. In his heart, Mikey begins to understand. The quest will claim his virginity. You know this, you have forseen it. It is the risk we all took. In the gathering dark, the will of the forum grows strong. It works hard now to find its way back into the hands of men, who are so easily seduced by its sexyness. The young captain of TPMdor has but to extend his hand and take the forum for his own, and the world will fall. It is close now, so close now to achieving its goal. For Hunter will have dominion over all even until the ending of the world. The time of the elves is over; will we leave Middle Net to its fate? Do we let them stand alone?" She said and breathed heavily after letting all that out. "Now back to my raping!" She said and exited Ozanrond's mind.

A map was set out and the scouts were looking at it. "What news?" RJmir asked them. "Scouts report that Suziemon has attacked SPPhan. Joedon will flee to Elm's Teats. We must look to our own borders. Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys! Hunter is mastering an army. Men will be attacked on both fronts by these vile creatures. 500 men are covering Fishgilliath, but it won’t hold." The scout finished. "TPMdor is weak. Hunter will strike us soon." RJmir replied. Down below, Mikey and Chiko were unmasked and stood there looking confused.

"I quite enjoyed the blindfold. It's erotic." Chiko grinned. "My men tell me that you are Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey spies." RJmir said stepping in. "Spies, we're sexier than that!" Chiko roared. "If you are not spies then who are you?" RJmir asked. "We are hobbits of the shire. Mikey Baggins is my name, and this is Chiko Gamgee." Your bodyguard?" RJmir asked. "His sex slave." Chiko replied. "No your not!" Mikey roared as Chiko shrugged. "And where is your skulking friend. The gangly creature. He had a stupid blue hat." RJmir asked.

"There were no others." Mikey replied. "We set out from Ghettodale with seven companions. One we lost in BMGia. Two were my kin, a dwarf there was also, and an elf, and two men." Mikey replied. "Mikagorn and Mikomir of TPMdor." RJmir looked stunned. "You were a friend of Mikomir's?" He asked. "For my part." Mikey replied. "It will grieve you then to learn that he is dead." RJmir said with a sad face. "Not really. What about you Chiko?" Mikey asked. Chiko shook his head. "I wanted to know how he died, he was my brother you **** heads." RJmir roared.

That night, RJmir was called out to the Forbidden jocose. RJmir grabbed Mikey and told him to follow. There, Bjarni was trying to catch a fish. After tripping and falling in, he managed to snag one. He then began to sing the Pokemon theme song as he beat it to death on a rock. "To enter the forbidden jocose bears the penalty of ban." RJmir said. Mikey looked around to see sniper rifles aimed at the autism child. "Shall I shoot?" RJmir asked. Mikey thought it over. Seeing the stupid kid get blown to bits would be fun, but his conscious overcame him.

"No, the creature is bound to me, and I to him. He is our guide! Please, let me go down to him!" He said. RJmir nodded. As Mikey walked away RJmir laughed to himself. "Such a fool to trust an autistic child to guide you somewhere. You'll probably end up in Hogwarts!" Mikey made his way down and motioned to Bjarni. "Robby, mastar is here!" He said. Bjarni stopped eating the fish and turned. "Come Robby!" Mikey said motioning for him to come. "Trust mastar!" Mikey said. "Robby, you must trust mastar!" Mikey said. Bjarni finally started to move. When he made it ashore, he was immediately grabbed by the TPMers causing his stupid blue hat to fall off. "Don't hurt him!" Mikey wailed. "Mastar!" Bjarni cried as he was pulled away. He grabbed his hat as he went. "Understand autism!" He wailed as Mikey watched with guilt…

DannyBoy

1st March 2004, 06:51 PM

Yea, another chapter! That was great! The best part was,

"Samwen, you can get booty in the Undying Lands if that is your desire. There is nothing for you here, only pain. There they have birth control!" He grinned.

I just got a kick out of that. Reminds me of a girl I know who loves booty! Also, the Oz's parts, great again. Love this! I still can't wait for you to do the texas chainsaw fic. I think that would be another great one!

classy_cat18

1st March 2004, 09:25 PM

Oh man, that was hilarious! I have to put down my favorite line:

"Why do you linger here when there is no hope?" Samwen looked up with tears in her eyes. "There's still hope." She said. Ozanrond laughed. "I used to believe in hope till they announced this is the last season of Angel!" He said.

I'll miss Angel, too.

Wait a minute: you're doing a texas chainsaw massacre fic? Is it going to be a funny one?

Mikey

1st March 2004, 10:06 PM

Yeah, I was planning something to do in the time between finishing the Two Imaginary Houses and the release of Return of the King so I can do Return of the Admin. I finally decided on The Pokemaster Chainsaw Massacre, which is a parody of the movie, but now I'm turning it into a somewhat Scary Movie, in which TPM members will be thrown into a bucn hof different horror movies joined together. It will have its own script and won't follow one almost to the pin point like this did. But yeah, that's what I have in the works.

Thanks for the replies :)

RJdude

2nd March 2004, 06:10 AM

Great chapter, lot's of funny stuff in here, and more RJmir goodness.

Mikey thought it over. Seeing the stupid kid get blown to bits would be fun, but his conscious overcame him.

I laughed hard at this line, especially when I thought about the original.

Well, keep it coming... and I think the scary movie is a good idea.

Mikey

2nd March 2004, 03:29 PM

IMPORTANT!!!! READ!!!!!!!!

I have just now found a very detailed script for Return of the King. This means that we will not have to wait until August to start Return of the Admin! In fact, I may finish The Two Imaginary Houses this week and start it next week! This is going to be the greatest and funniest moments of the fics, so start reading!

Mikey

3rd March 2004, 07:43 PM

Bah, I am swamped with a stupid English essay for the next few days so it may take till SUnday to get the new chapter up. Until then, enjoy this teaser "trailer" for Return of the Admin.....

The scene zooms out over the vast fields of Pellinwhore field. Mt. Ummmm looms in the distance looking danerous and gay as Hunter has decided to redecorate with purple. A vast light shoots up into the sky.
"The eye of the ****** it moving..." Kylegolas says to Mikagorn. "Ohhh, it's giving me hungry eyes! Hungry eyeeeees! One look at you and I can't deny I got..." "Shut up!" Kylegolas then had to yell as Mikomir tried to talk through him.
The scene then changes to the swooping of the Fell Keets on the White Swallow City. It's in the shape of a large white wedding cake. "The end has come..." Ozanrond's voice is heard as Mikey makes his way ip a set of stairs.
*Old Line Cinema* Sentimental music plays as it shows various places of middle Net. It then shows Mikagorn and Chrisdolf talking during the after party of Elm's Teats. "Everyday Mikey moves closer to AIMdor." He says to Chrisdolf. "How do we know Mikey is alive?" Chrisdolf asks. "You're right, we're doomed. Mikey couldn't live if he tried to leave his neighhborhood..." Mikagorn replies and puts his head down.
"Come mastar! Come to Robby, only for me?" Bjarni motions Mikey up the cliffside. "This is your test...you have exactly one hour to finish it and no flunking! Every path you have skipped through dandelions and cotton fields...has lead to this road." Ozanrond says as it shows more scenes of Kylegolas with is sniper rifle and such. It also shows Chrisdolf on the walls of the city looking down at the Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey army.
"The enemy will never let Mikagorn come to the throne of TPMdor. Well, Hunter is lazy so he might forget, but we'll wait and see." Ozanrond says to Samwen at Ghettodale. "It is time..." Samwen replies. It then shows the elves reforging the dell computer. The dell guy appears on the screen. "Dude you're getting a...." He begins but the sledge hammer comes down and hits him. The dell computer is then shown with water dripping from it. "Give him the computer of the admin." Samwen is heard saying.
It then switches to Mikagorn opening a dell computer box and pulling away the packing foam. He begins to pop the bubble wrap before Ozanrond stops him. "Become who you were born to be!" He yells.
The precious will be ours, only for me! :)" Bjarni is then seen saying at a small pond. Suddenly, Chiko appears behind him. "He means to ban us!" Chiko tells Mikey. "Nevar!" Bjarni roars crying. "I'm not sending him away. Come Robby.." Mikey replies grabbing the stupid kid by his hand. Bjarni turns back and smiles his stupid autistic grin and tips his little blue hat to a mad Chiko.
The scene then changes to Mikey and Chiko looking up as purple light shines up into the sky, killing a bunch of birds as it goes. The ***** Queen then lands on a tower riding her Fell Keet as it roars. "The board is set...the pieces are moving..." Chrisdolf begins to say. It then shows a Fell Keet swoop down and annialate a few horsemen. "He is here!" Kylegolas says in shock.
The scene then changes to Mikagorn heading inside the paths of giving head...I mean the dead. It then switches to Mikey rushing through a dark scary cave when Nalob rushes around the corner, her Nala from Lion King head roars and her eight legs make funky noises. OH MY! "We come to it at last.." Chrisdolf is then heard saying.
The scene then zooms out to show the Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey army massing in Pellinwhore Fields. "I see in your erections the same excitement that would harden me... A day may come when the viagra of men fails. When we forsake our wives and break all bonds of marriage. But it is not this day, this day we fight!" Mikagorn roars as it shows him consoling Gabrielyn. The scene then shifts to Chrisdolf on Katirefax, then to Joedon, *This March* and finally to Craomer crying on the fields. *The Journey ends*It then shows Tinadriel smiling at Mikey as she helps him up. Mikey pulls away as she tries to rape him.
"Whatever happens, stay with me." Gabrielyn says dressed as a man with Zak in front of her. He looks scared :o. When Mikagorn's speech ends, the whole Sereherim cheers. *There can be no triumph without mindless banning* It then shows Chrisdolf walking through the ruins of the battle. "All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you." His voice is heard.
It shows a bunch of the characters, then Chrisdolf riding out and shooting a semen beam at the Fell Keets to scare them away from RJmir's fleeing troops.
"We won't see the Shire again..." Zak says to Jay to cheer him up. *No Victory...whatsoever* "You gave away your life's virginity. I cannot give you protection for the men you screw anymore." Ozanrond then says as he walks away from a lounging Samwen. Troops then ride towards the door of the WHite Swallow City, but they don't open and the horsemen crash into it and fall down. It then shows Samwen crying. *No Freedom...whatsoever*
Triumph music begins to play. "We cannot achieve victory....well we can't anyway cause our armies suck." Craomer then says to Mikagorn and Chirsdolf in the WHite Swallow Hall. It then shows the calvalries fighting and the charge of the Donphan. Kylegolas is seen on one trying to bring it down. "Not for ourselves..but I can teach you my stripper techniques to give Mikey a chance..." Mikagorn then says.
It then shows a bunch of random scenes of the Fell Keets, Chrisfdolf fighting, Samwen hugging Ozanrond, A Donphan's foot hitting the earth, and Bjarni's stupid face. It then shows Chiko battered and bruised. "No!" He screams before the title comes up. *THE RETURN OF THE ADMIN*

Well, what do you think of my teaser trailer? lol (P.S- I was bored...and did this as I went along just now)

DannyBoy

4th March 2004, 03:55 PM

Sounds pretty good! I liked the way you wrote it. The old line cinema thing was cool. To bad you couldn't make a real trailer...that would be cool but this i just as good. You mention all are favorite characters. I was wondering if you heard about them making a Hobbit movie. Would you do the prequal of this fic if it did happen? Keep it up!

Mikey

4th March 2004, 06:11 PM

Well, I was in the mood, so here's part 7B of Lord of the Pokemasters. All that remains is part 8, which ends the Two Imaginary Houses. We will then move on to Return of the Admin, which is going to be HILARIOUS!

Part 7B

Bjarni was thrown to the ground in the inside of one of the caves. He screamed and cried as the TPMdorians kicked him forward. He began to rush away clawing at the walls and looking for a place to hide. He finally found a small indent in the wall that he hid in. "We can still see you…" RJmir said walking into the room. "Where are you leading them?" He then asked. Bjarni continued to sob as RJmir grew mad. He picked a rock from the ground and chucked it at the poor autistic child. "Answer me you pathetic spammer!" He yelled.

Bjarni wailed further. "Robby…why does it cry Robby?" Bjarni began to speak evilly. RJmir stared at the stupid child. He was unsure of what was going on, but he knew Bjarni was messed up. "Cruel members hurts us! Mastar tricks us!" Robby wailed. "Of course he did…" Bjarni began to say while rubbing Robby's back. "I told you he was tricksy…I told you he was a spammer…" Robby wailed some more. "But mastar doesn't spam…doesn't spam!" He roared. "Mastar betrayed us!" Bjarni growled. "NOO!! Not its business!" Robby replied. RJmir was suddenly under the impression that he had some bad shrooms earlier to be seeing this messed ****. "Leave us alone!" Robby wailed. "Filthy little spammers…they banned it from us!" Bjarni roared smacking his hand against the ground. "What did they ban?" RJmir asked intrigued. Bjarni turned his head Exorcist style and glared at him. "MY PRECIOUS!" He roared and began to yell as his stupid blue hat slid off his head.

"We have to get out of here. You stay, I'll escape." Chiko whispered to Mikey as they sat in their cave prison. Mikey glared at him. "You can do it. Give me the forum Mr. Mikey…just this one. I'll put it in my laptop and escape…disappear." Chiko said crawling to Mikey. "I can't…" Mikey said turning to Chiko. "You were right Sam…You tried to tell me…I'm sorry. The forum is taking me Sam…if I put it on…he'll find me. He'll see." Mikey replied. "Mr. Mikey, who's Sam?" Chiko asked confused.

RJmir then entered the room and drew out his lightsaber. Mikey and Chiko backed away in fright. "So, this is the answer to all the riddles. Here in the wild I have you…two ******s, and a host of men at my call…and the forum of power within my grasp." RJmir said prodding the forum with his saber. Mikey clung to the wall. This new act of coming on strong was not turning him on. "A chance for RJmir, captain of TPMdor…to prove his quality." RJmir finished.

Suddenly, a great amount of chanting overtook Mikey and he began to look possessed. "No!" He screamed and sliced the light saber away. The plastic bent and it light up and made light saber noises as he did it. Mikey rushed away and clung to the forum. "Stop it…leave him alone! You're not sexy enough for him! Don't you understand? He has to destroy it. That's where we're going…to AIMdor…to the mountain of fire." Chiko roared. One of the TPMdorians entered the room. "Osgilajkjafkfkjadfh is under attack my lord. They call for reinforcements." He said. Chiko continued to talk but no one paid any attention. "Don't you see? It's such a burden. Will you not help him?" He asked. "Prepare to leave…" RJmir said to his man. He then turned to Chiko. "The forum will go to TPMdor…" He grinned.

Meanwhile, Mikagorn road his donkey far and wide across Middle Net. As he came upon the hill, he saw the Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey army marching along aimlessly. He began to scream like a girl and turned to flee. "Hey wait, thousands of Monkeys and only one stripper means…loads of money!" He grinned and road down to offer his services to the army. After several hours, Mikagorn fled with the cash and road on towards Elm's Teats. His donkey traveled for many miles across the plains, passing a few dogs having sex ad the occasional pub before finally coming upon the fortress.

Mikagorn road his donkey in to find that not a soul cared that he was alive. Nateli pushed past the people to see what the commotion was. "Oh, you're alive? Damnit, you interrupted my bong time!" He roared and turned back into the crowd. Mikagorn sighed and headed off to speak with the king. On his way he came across Kylegolas. "You're late…" He said in jeevanish. "And you were getting it on. I can smell Ultra Mega Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey bodily juices from miles away." Mikomir said through Kylegolas. Mikagorn began to laugh. "I didn't say it!" Kylegolas wept. Gabrielyn turned to see her beloved had returned. "Yes, I still have a chance to get some!" She grinned. She then noticed Kylegolas handing Mikagorn the virginity pendant and she frowned. "So he's got a ***** back at Ghettodale, he's leading me on, and now he's got a male lover? This is turning into an episode of Springer!" She roared and stormed off.

Mikagorn then opened the doors to the king's quarters and stepped inside. As he did, the rug curled under him and he tripped; falling to the ground. He picked himself up and dusted himself off before approaching Joedon and warning him of the coming army. "A great host you say?" Joedon asked. "All of Imaginary House is emptied." Mikagorn replied. "How many?" Joedon asked. "10,000…and let me tell you they have strong pelvic muscles!" Mikagorn roared grinning. "Shush…too much information. K thnx bai!" Joedon shushed Mikagorn. "Don’t worry. They didn't even know what to do with a stripper. It's an army bred for a single purpose…to destroy the world of men." Mikagorn then said. "They'll be here by nightfall…" He then said. "Let them come!" Joedon roared.

"I want every person within these walls baring arms." Joedon then said as he marched along the horny cardboard wall. "But sir, look!" A soldier said and showed Joedon a baby. He put a light saber in the baby's hands and it fell out. "They can't bare arms." He said. "So, then they will be diversions." Joedon grinned and petted the child. Joedon then stepped outside the doors and began to tell his plans to defend the keep. "This is no band of mindless monkeys! These are Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys! Their transmetal bodies are thick and their shields brawn." Nateli roared resting on his ax guitar. "I have fought many wars with opposing Pokemon sites master dwarf…I know how to defend my keep." Joedon said and walked past him. "And if they call us names we can just sue them for slander." Joedon called back.

"They will break upon this fortress like water on rock. Suziemon's forces will pillage and burn. We've seen it before. Homes can be rebuilt, people can repopulate…but my weed must be kept safe!" Joedon said as the group walked along the wall. "Within these walls we will outlast them." "They do not come to destroy your weed Joedon. They come to kill its people…down to the last child." Mikagorn roared as he followed. Joedon suddenly grabbed him. "What would you have me do? Give them my weed and tell them to not harm my men? I can't do that!" Joedon roared. "If this is to be my weeds end, then I'd want to make such and end…which means I want it to go down being smoked!" Joedon roared triumphantly.

"Send out riders my lord. You must call for aid." Mikagorn suggested. "And who will come? Dwarves? Elves? We are not so lucky in our list of friends as you. My people are very unsocial and nerdy. The old alliances are dead." Joedon replied grabbing Mikagorn. "TPMdor will answer." Miagorn squirmed out. "TPMdor? Where was TPMdor when the west full fell? Where was TPMdor when our enemies closed in around us and stole my weed? Where was TPMdor…I need a ****ing smoke!" Joedon suddenly yelled. One of his men handed him a blunt and he lit it up and took a puff. "Now see what you did? You almost gave me a stroke! Good thing I had a blunt to bring my heart level down!" He roared and took another puff.

"The AT&T's have not been troubled by the wars of men and admins for a very long time. But now something is about to happen that has not happened for an age." Polebeard said stepping into a vast clearing. "An AT&T orgy…" He finished. "What's that?" Jay asked. "Tis a gathering…" Polebeard replied. The two hobbits looked around to see many more telephone poles stepping from the forest and into the clearing. "Oh my god Jay they're hideous! Run, I'll try to fight them off!" Zak yelled. "Good, good, many have come. Now we must decide if we shall go to war…" Polebeard finished.

Meanwhile, back at Elm's Teats, every person was fitted with war equipment. Babies cried as they were fitted with armor and sabers too heavy for them and the women wondered why the hell they were fighting. Mikagorn looked around at the chaos. "These are no soldiers…" He said to Kylegolas. "But some of them are hot!" Kylegolas heard himself blurting out. "Most have seen too many winters…" Nateli roared. "Or too few…look at them…they're horny! I can see it in their eyes. And why shouldn't they be? Three thousand against three hundred? It's enough to get anyone excited!" Kylegolas roared. "They are just doing what they feel is right to defend their people." Mikagorn replied. "But they suck! They'll all die anyways!" Kylegolas roared. "Then I shall die as one of them!" Mikagorn roared and walked away. Kylegolas tried to go after him but Nateli stopped him. "Let him go throw his ***** tantrum." He said.

Night was now falling on Elm's Teats as Joedon began to have his servants place his armor on. "Everyone in Elm's Teats has been sent to the armory." His advisor said. "Who am I?" Joedon asked. "You are our king my lord." His guard replied. "Really, I'm a king? That's totally rad!" Joedon giggled. "Sir, are you high?" His guard asked. "Nonsense, how did it come to this and all that other ****. See, I can make a famous Lord of the Ring Speech for you! I am not high, I are very capabibble of leading my arms to victory!" He roared holding his arms out and making them fight each other as he giggled some more. His guard sighed and walked away. Joedon giggled some more then passed out on the floor.

The people of SPPhan massed on the wall, each taking their places to defend it. Mikagorn looked around when he spied a baby leaning against the wall. A saber was over its body and he couldn't see the face because the helmet was too big. "Give me your sword." Mikagorn said. The baby just sat there. The helmet slid slightly off his head and the baby giggled and spit up a bit. Mikagorn sighed and picked the sword up himself. "What is your name?" He asked. "Doggie!!" The baby giggled. Mikagorn began to practice with the saber.

Suddenly, a boy that looked like a woman approached him. "The men are saying we won't last the night. They say it is hopeless." He said sadly. Mikagorn stood up. "Can't you seem I'm busy? Get the hell out of here you stupid he-she!" He roared. The boy ran off crying. "This is a good light saber." Mikagorn then said and took one more swipe. By accident, the saber smacked the baby and sent it falling down the wall. Mikagorn looked over to see it hit the earth and splatter. "****, I didn't do it!" He yelled and ran off.

Mikagorn then began to suit up. He then reached for his sword, but it was missing. Kylegolas held out a dildo to him. "Aww sick, why the hell did you do that?" Kylegolas said to Mikomir tossing it aside. He then regained control of his body and handed Mikagorn his sword. "We have trusted you this far and you have not led us astray…well Nateli doesn't trust you and you did lead us to Antarctica by accident a few times, but you still got us here." Kylegolas said. Mikagorn smiled and put his hand on Kylegolas's shoulder. Kylegolas seemed to enjoy it and he hoped it was Mikomir with that expression. Nateli then entered wearing a dress. "They ran out of armor! Don't laugh!" He roared as Mikagorn and Kylegolas broke into tears.

The three suddenly heard the sound of a giraffe dying calling from across the valley. "That is no Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey horn. Only elves slaughter innocent giraffes to signal their coming!" Kylegolas said and rushed from the room. Outside the walls came a large number of elves marching upon the city. One dragged a dying giraffe behind it that continued to bellow. All carried extra caliber sniper rifles. "Open the gate!" Someone yelled. The gate didn't open fast enough and the elves marched straight into it. Like robots, the whole army continued to march against the door like they were stuck toys. The door soon opened and they continued in.

Kyledir stepped out from the elf army and approached King Joedon as he entered the scene. "How is this possible?" He asked. "I bring word from Ozanrond of Ghettodale. An alliance once existed between elves and men. Long ago we fought and died together. This was a happy time when Buffy and Angel were all new back to back. We're here to honor that allegiance." Kyledir replied. Joedon grinned. "I never watched those shows…" He replied. The elves looked in shock and turned to leave. "The hell with you then!" They roared. Mikagorn then stopped them. "I watched them!" he said. "How do we know you're telling the truth?" Kyledir asked. "Well, there was this one episode when Buffy slayed a vampire." Mikagorn grinned and crossed his fingers. Kyledir grinned, "Oh yes, I remember that one!" He said and motioned his troops to stay and fight.

Night had now fallen upon Elm's Teats and every elf and human were stationed somewhere on the wall waiting for the army to come. Soon, the Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys appeared marching below with torches in hand. The scene spanned the wall to find that Nateli couldn't see over. "Aww, you could've picked a better spot **** head!" He roared to Kylegolas. "Shut up and get on your knees!" Mikomir said through Kylegolas. "You scare the **** out of me…" Nateli replied.

Mikagorn approached the two. "Well lad, let's hope whatever luck you live by, it comes to me and I last the night." Nateli grinned. "Your friends are with you Mikagorn." Kylegolas replied. "Screw them; I'm the one that has to last the night!" Nateli roared. It then began to storm as everyone waited countless hours for the army to make it to the wall. After many hours, they finally came close. The monkeys roared and arg'ed as they looked upon their enemies.

"Show them no mercy as they will show you none!" Mikagorn informed his army. A Lone Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey stepped up onto a rock and began to lift his saber. "Make them walk the plank mateys!" He roared. Random babies and stuff cried to try and gain sympathy. Hours of staring at each other followed as each army tried to out breathe each other. "What's happening out there?" Nateli asked. "Would you like me to describe it to you, or would you like me to find you a box?" Kylegolas grinned. "You can describe it." Nateli replied. "Well, once upon a time there was an army of…" Kylegolas began.

The two armies then began to have a chanting competition to see who could yell the loudest. The monkeys won, and the defenders of the wall began to aim their sniper rifles. "And the hot and sexy Kylegolas killed them all with one shot…" Kylegolas finished as Nateli laughed. "Take this!" An old man suddenly yelled chucking a random baby at one of the monkeys. It was struck hard and died on impact. The monkey fell limp and the others began to hop and shriek in common monkey behavior. At this, the Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey on the rock raised is light saber and the Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey army began to charge….

DannyBoy

5th March 2004, 01:22 PM

Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey is the best! I laughed when I read that. Then good ole Bjarni actting stupid once again was great! I can picture how funny it would be if this was real. Good chapter and can't wait for the final part of the Two Imaginary houses!

Crystal Mew

5th March 2004, 10:16 PM

lmao Mikey....great teaser ;P

...although, I sound like such a whore

*cough* :wave:

Mikey

7th March 2004, 07:09 PM

Wow, this chapter is very long and it took forever, but here's part 8! The end of The Two Imaginary Houses! Everyone should read, this is one funny chapter!

Part 8

"So it begins…" Joedon remarked as the Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys began their charge on Elm'ts Teats. The battle had begun. The army was nearing the wall. "Prepare to cause violence with your sniper rifles!" Mikagorn yelled as men and elf pulled his/her sniper rifle and aimed it. As the army approached, Kylegolas gave some much needed advice. "There Transmetal bodies can't withstand a sniper bullet to the balls. No man can!" He roared.
"Fire the violence causers!" Mikagorn roared as sniper bullets began to ring out from the wall. Many monkeys were instantly banned by the sheer violence of the bullets' impacts. "Did they hit anything?" Nateli asked trying to see over. The babies all shot wide and missed. "Give them the violence order!" Joedon roared as his guard ordered their group to fire off their rifles. From the top of Elm's Teats, many bullets rained down banning some more monkeys.

Mikagorn then looked back at those who were behind the horny cardboard wall. "Fire!" He roared. The people let off their sniper rifles and those on the wall were forced to dodge. Many of the bullets banned the people on the wall. Mikagorn used his pole dancing techniques combined with his ultra Power Ranger moves to dodge the bullets. "Ban the enemy you assholes!" He roared.

"Send them to me, come on!" Nateli roared pulling out his axe guitar. The Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys were now very close to the wall. They began to throw ninja throwing stars at the defenders of the wall hitting and banning many. Some launched rocket launchers into Elm's Teats. The defenders were struck hard by the stars and many fell off the wall. After some time, a group of Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys broke through the lines carrying their means of making it up the wall: Mary Poppins's Magical Umbrellas!

Hundreds of the monkeys gripped the handles as the umbrellas began to float up towards the top of the wall. "Mary Poppins's Umbrellas!" Mikagorn warned the defenders. "Good!" Nateli grinned ready to fight. Many umbrellas floated up to the wall now as the monkey army massed below. Mikagorn ordered the troops to replace their sniper rifles with their play school light sabers.

The first of the Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys made it to the top of the wall and leapt off their umbrellas. Nateli caused violence to the first one's special area while roaring in anger. Another monkey leapt off his umbrella and caused violence and alcohol to a bunch of the defenders in the general area. Mikagorn ducked a bunch of slices from a Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey and caused violence to its chest. Lots more violence, sex, drugs, and alcohol with explosions ensued as the battle raged on.

Kyledir banned a monkey as one of his fellow elves was thrown from the wall. Tons of violence continued as many more monkeys, people, and elves were banned. Nateli ducked under one and caused more violence to its private area. (Nateli, what's with the groin killing?) "Kylegolas, two already!" Nateli then roared. "I'm on 200,123,000." Kylegolas roared back. "I don't want no pointy dicked outscoring me!" Nateli roared and caused violence to yet another monkey's balls.

Kylegolas caused violence to some more and turned back to Nateli. "200,123,002!" He roared. Nateli paid no attention and continued to cause violence to random Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey's balls. Mikagorn fought on causing some much need violence around the area. An umbrella floated up and he smashed it away. It floated back down into the Monkey army and banned a bucn hof unlucky monkeys that it hit. More umbrellas started to rise as the battle continued. The air was so thick with violence, sex, drugs, alcohol, and explosions that it was hard to see!

Back in the forest, Zak and Jay watched the AT&T orgy in disgust. "Eww, where do you suppose Polebeard will put that huge thing?" Jay asked Zak. "Oh no…not there, awwwwwwwwwww!" Zak said and turned away. After some time, Polebeard approached them breathing heavily. "We have…huff…just agreed." He said. Polebeard then began to scream sounds of enjoyment. Jay and Zak watched him for awhile until he called down. "Yes?" They asked. "I have told your names to the AT&T's and we have agreed that you are not nudists." He replied. "Well that's good news." Jay answered.

"And what about Suziemon? Have you come to a decision about her?" Zak asked. "Now don't get horny master Zakiadoc." Polebeard replied. "Horny? Our friends are out there. They need our help. They cannot cause violence on their own!" Zak replied. "Violence, yes, it affects us all. But you must understand little hobbit, it takes a long time to say anything during an AT&T orgy. Most of the time when you try to talk they tell you to shut up and be a good *****, or something like shove it and take it like a man." Polebeard replied. "Wow…" Jay said and turned away.
More violence erupted on Elm's Teats as the battle continued. "17, 18!" Nateli roared as he continued to cause violence to monkeys' balls. Meanwhile, some Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Turtles began to scale the entrance to Elm's Teats using their shells for protection. Mikagorn ordered his group to divert direction and cause violence to the turtles instead. The sniper rifles shot out banning many, but the turtles kept coming.

"Is this is? Is this all you can conjure Suziemon?" Joedon said to himself. "KITTY HAT YUO!" rang out over the valley. Suddenly, some Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys brought the alcohol bomb to Elm's Cleavage. Another Monkey then began to run in slow motion carrying a torch through the crowd. As he did, the theme music "Chariots of Fire" played.(music from opening of Bruce Almighty when he's running with the milk) Mikagorn noticed this and told Kylegolas to shoot him. Kylegolas aimed, but Mikomir stopped him. "He's too hot to kill!" He roared. "Do it!" Mikagorn yelled, but it was no use.

The Monkey leapt in and light the alcohol bomb on fire, causing a massive explosion and blowing Elm's Teats in half by the cleavage. Bits and pieces of the cardboard wall flew everywhere banning random things. Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys then began to rush into the cleavage. Joedon looked down to see the turtles were beginning to attack the entrance to Elm's Teats. "Brace the gate!" He yelled.

The babies on duty to guard the gate sat there burping up and whatever the hell babies do. The turtles crashed through and began to cause violence to the poor babies. Suddenly, the ultra mega kung fu babies of legend entered the area and began to blow the turtles back out of the gate with their jujitsu. On the upper wall, people began chucking random things down on the turtles to knock them off as the babies of legend attacked.

The monkeys were now entering the cleavage. Mikagorn slowly regained consciousness and got up to see the monkeys closing in. "Mikagorn!" Nateli roared and headed to jump off. He then saw how far it was. "**** that, sorry Mikagorn!" He yelled down and walked away. "Who will save him now?" Some random person yelled melodramatically. ENTER LINK THE HERO OF TIME! Link leapt down in front of the massing army and began to cause major kick *** violence with his spin attack.

Mikagorn ordered the defenders to shoot their rifles. Everyone shot forward, and Link used Nayru's love so the bullets didn't ban him. However, the monkeys aren't cool enough to have that power so many were banned. Mikagorn and his group then charged the monkeys to help Link. Much violence, sex, drugs, and explosions…not to mention alcohol ensued as the two armies clashed. Many were banned, but none kicked more *** than Link.

Kylegolas didn't want to be left out, so he chucked a random shield towards the stairs. He went to jump on it to slide down all cool and heroically, but the shield moved down the stairs first and he missed. What followed was a bunch of aches and pains as he rolled down the stairs and hit the ground. His limbs were all bent in weird directions and he didn't move. Much more violence continued. Mikagorn found Nateli causing violence near him. He apparently used the stairs while Link was kicking ***. He grabbed him and the two ran as the armies continued to ban one another.

After much more of the AT&T orgy, Jay was vomiting. Polebeard approached them again breathing heavier and holding his back like he had too much. ”The AT&T's cannot hold back this storm. We must weather things as we always have." He said. "How can that be your decision?" Zak asked angrily. "This is not our war." Polebeard replied. "But your part of this world!" Zak cut him off. He looked around for support, but the AT&T's were too busy having an orgy. "You must help…please!" Zak pleaded. "You are young and naïve master Zak, but your part in this tale is over. Go back to your home." Polebeard replied.

Zak and Jay were now cleaning up after random AT&T juices hit them during the orgy. "Maybe Polebeard is right. We don't belong here Zak. It's too big for us. What can we do in the end? We've got the Shire. Maybe we should go home." Jay said stepping up. "The fires of Imaginary House will spread. The borders of Buckley will burn, and all that was once good and green in this world will be gone. Don't you see; there won't be a Shire Jay." Zak replied and walked away leaving Jay all sad.

More and more violence continued as the battle raged on. "Fall back to the keep!" Joedon yelled to the armies. "Get your men out of there!" Mikagorn began to rally the defenders. "To the keep!" he yelled as more and more violence spread all around. He then motioned Kyledir to the keep, and he nodded. Nateli had to be pulled away kicking to stop fighting. Kyledir continued to fight when he was suddenly struck by a play school light saber from one of the monkeys. He fell to his knees and was struck again. Mikagorn ran to him, but by the time he got there…he was banned…

Mikagorn then raced to the edge of the wall and punched a Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey off of its umbrella and floated down Mary Poppins style to the army below. "WEEE!" He yelled. The turtles were now smashing against the gate but the babies of legend held it strong. However, they were pushed back by a tree trunk smashing through. "Oh know, a Baby of Legend's greatest weakness! Wood!" They shouted and ran away crying. The turtles then began to throw their ninja stars into Elm's Teats banning many.

"To the gate, draw your light sabers!" Joedon said making the light come out of his saber. Mikagorn kicked a few monkeys as he ran back up the stairs like a little girl. Sniper bullets still rang down from the higher areas of the wall. Joedon made it to the gate, but he was immediately injured and taken away. "You suck at fighting!" Some random person yelled. "We cannot hold much longer!" His guard said as the turtles smashed against the gate. Mikagorn and Nateli entered the area. "Help them!" Joedon roared. "How long do you need?" Mikagorn asked. "As long as you can give me!" Joedon replied.

Mikagorn and Nateli used the magical side entrance to sneak up on the turtles as they pounded on the gate. They peeked around the corner to see the rabid turtles causing violence. "**** that!" Nateli turned to walk away but Mikagorn stopped him. "I'm going to toss you!" He said. "Hell no! Get you hands off me. Nothing gives you the right to touch me!" Nateli roared. Suddenly he was flying through the air, but because of his fatness, he didn't make the distance and fell down below. Moments later he reappeared and climbed up the entrance himself. "That was pointless!" He yelled as he started banning some turtles. Mikagorn leapt in and helped.

Joedon brought in the new barricade to block the door. Meanwhile, the Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys brought in their Happy Special Magical Umbrella launchers to launch their umbrellas high enough to make it to the upper walls. They launched quite a few, banning many in the process. The giant umbrellas then began to float up to the upper walls. Kylegolas managed to shoot one of the launchers, causing an umbrella to fall back into the army below.

"Nateli, Mikagorn, get out of there! Stop showing off!" Joedon roared. Kylegolas through down a random rope for them to grab. Nateli pushed Mikagorn away and began to climb. Mikagorn followed and the two scaled Elm's Teats together. More and more violence occurred until Joedon couldn't bare it any longer. "Pull everybody back." He yelled. His guards ordered it and people began to pull back. The gate was soon breached and all was lost. "Elm's Teats is breached! Retreat!" Joedon roared. Everyone began to run like pussies.

Meanwhile, Polebeard continued to walk aimlessly through the forest. He had no idea where the hell he was taking the hobbits, all he knew is that he had to get back to the orgy. "Wait, turn around! Take us south" Jay yelled. "South, but that would lead you past Imaginary House!" Polebeard roared. "Yes, but Suziemon is always drunk so we can slip past unnoticed." Jay replied. "That makes perfect sense." Polebeard replied and turned around.

Meanwhile, Mikey, Chiko, and Bjarni were being pushed on. "The forum will not save TPMdor. It has only the power to destroy. Please, let me go!" Mikey begged, but he was just pushed on. "RJmir, you must let me go!" Mikey roared, but it was no use. Back in the forest, Polebeard emerged near Imaginary House to find many poles were cut down. He began to cry. "Many of these poles were my imaginary friends.!" He roared. "Suziemon! An admin should know better!" He then cried. Suddenly, he called out far and wide. "Another AT&T orgy?" Zak asked.

"There is no curse in the tongues of elvish, AT&tish, or men for this trechery." Polebeard sobbed. "I know one, its called what happens when someone is drunk!" Jay replied. "My business is with Imaginary House tonight…with a rock and stone!" Polebeard then roared. Right on cue, hundreds of AT&Ts began to exit the forest all heading towards Imaginary House. "Come little hobbits, the AT&Ts are going to war. It is likely we go to our doom. The last march of the AT&Ts." Polebeard finished as triumphant music played. Inside her Imaginary House, Suziemon looked out to see the marching telephone poles. "Am I drunk or am I seeing an army of telephone poles approaching?" She asked Si. "You're drunk!" He replied and handed her another beer.

Bjarni was pushed into Osgilalkdsfjglksjg as the others followed. Violence was everywhere as they pressed on. "RJmir, Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys have taken the Eastern shore! By nightfall we'll be overrun!" RJmir's friend RandomGuy said stepping up to him. Mikey was starting to look sick. "It's calling to him Chiko! His eye is almost on me!" He cried. He then watched as if high to see Chiko's voice stop coming out. He laughed a bit at how dumb it looked. "Take them to my father." RJmir said to RandomGuy. "Tell him RJmir sends a mighty gift. A weapon that will change our fortunes in this war."

"You want to know what happened to Mikomir?" Chiko roared. "You want to know why your brother died. He tried to rape Mikey after swearing an oath to protect him. The forum drove your brother mad!" Suddenly, a large rock hit a building causing violence to it. Mikey then began to have his demonic face again. He wasn't sure, but he was starting to think it meant his period was coming. "It's here!" He grinned. "My monthly visitor has come!" He yelled.

Suddenly, the high pitched parakeet calls filled the air as the Fell Keets entered the scene. "Camel Toez!" RJMir roared. The Fell Keets swooped in looking for Mikey. RJMir grabbed him and pulled him aside. Bjarni was pushed crying against a wall. RJmir chucked Mikey in plain sight of the CamelToez. "Stay here, keep out of sight!" He yelled and walked off. "Take cover!" He then yelled as a Fell Keet swooped in low and let loose a massive dropping. Several people were banned when it hit them.

Morning had now risen of Elm's Teats and the monkey army were minutes away from breaking into the last gate. People tried to defend it, but Joedon had given up. "The fortress is taken! Stop wasting your time!" He yelled. "You said this fortress would never fall while your men defend it!" Mikagorn roared. "Well I lied. Ok, I always have to make SPP seem better than everything else!" Joedon roared back. Everyone began to cry as the gate was pounded on again. "Is there no other way to get out?" Mikagorn asked. "There's one way, but Joedon already let his weed escape through there. After, it was plugged up to not allow the monkeys to chase it." Joedon's guard replied.

"So much banning. What can one do against such reckless hate?" Joedon suddenly spoke. Mikagorn approached him. "Ride out with me. Ride out and meet them head on!" Mikagorn replied. "For banning and glory!" Joedon grinned. "For SPPhan!" Mikagorn replied. "The sun is rising!" Nateli said randomly. Mikagorn suddenly recalled something was supposed to happen, but he couldn't remember. He then heard Chrisdolf's voice in his head. "Ride the **** out and meet them, I'll be there to help!" He roared. Mikagorn nodded.

"Yes, let the horn of Elm's Teats sound in the deep one last time!" Joedon roared. "Let this be the hour when we draw light sabers together!" Joedon said putting his hand on Mikagorn. "Eww, get away you sick freak!" Mikagorn replied pushing him off. Nateli went up to blow the horn, but it was too disgusting. "I'm not blowing that dirty thing!" He yelled. Kylegolas pushed him aside. "I'm using to sucking dirty things!" Mikomir said through him and began to blow the horn.

The gate was breached and Mikagorn, Joedon, and many more of the Serehirim road to meet them. Much violence was caused as they banned the monkeys and exited the fortress into the daylight. Turtles and monkeys were knocked away as much violence was caused. Mikagorn then looked to the West but saw nothing. "I'm over here you dumb *****!" Chrisdolf yelled. Mikagorn turned and smiled.

"Joedon King stands alone." Chrisdolf grinned. "Not alone!" Craomer said appearing next to him. He then pulled his light saber out. "Serehirim!" He yelled as many of the previously high cavalry appeared on their donkeys appeared. "To the keep, they have weed!" Craomer yelled and the cavalry raced down the hill towards the massing Ultra Mega Transmetal Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys. To assure success, Chrisdolf shot a sticky semen beam at the monkeys to blind them. The cavalry then road in and caused much violence.

Meanwhile, at Imaginary House, the AT&Ts were causing much violence and destroying everything. Suziemon's army tried the best they could to defend themselves, but most of them were as drunk as Suziemon herself. She even came out to inspect what was going on. She looked around to make sure her beer lake was safe, and then went back to chugging her booze. Much violence and bannings were happening as the AT&ts destroyed Suziemon's Imaginary House.

"Break the dam, release the beer river!" Polebeard yelled as they pulled the hinges off the dam and allowed the beer to flow into Suziemon's Imaginary House. She looked out again. "Man, I must be really drunk! My ultimate fantasy of having a house full of beer is coming true!" She grinned. The AT&Ts braced themselves and even drank some beer as it washed by. "Don't drink my beer!" Suziemon yelled and killed a random AT&T with her magic powers. Suziemon's house was taken by the AT7Ts, but it was covered in the greatest defeat ever…gallons of beer!

Mikey was now being drawn by the power of the CamelToez. He left the safety of the open area and walked onto a nearby bridge. "Mikey where you going?" Chiko asked. Suddenly, a Fell Keet baring a CamelToez rose up from under the bridge. It roared menacingly as Mikey pulled the forum out. Whispering was heard as Mikey prepared to slip it in his laptop. The Fell Keet brought its cute little parakeet talons down to grab Mikey, but Chiko pushed him away. RJmir shot a sniper bullet into the beast and it pulled away. Mikey was now aware of what was going on, and it looked like he was being raped!

He instantly pulled his light saber out to stop his assailant. "It's me! It's your Chiko!" Chiko said sadly. Mikey became aware of this and dropped his light saber. "I can't do this Chiko…" Mikey said sadly and leaned against the wall. "I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here, but we are. It's like in the great pornos Mr. Mikey. The ones that really mattered full of darkness and danger, and sometimes you didn't want to see the climax, cause how could the climax not be sticky? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much porn is out there? But in the end, its only porn. Even horniness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the pornos that stayed with you, even if you were too small to know what porn was. But I think Mr. Mikey, I think I do understand. I know now, folks in those pornos had chances of not doing it, but they didn't! They took of their clothes and ****ed till the cows came home; because they were holding on to something!" Chiko said his lengthy statement.

"What are we holding onto Chiko?" Mikey asked as Bjarni appeared next to them. "That there's some good in the forums, and its worth fighting for!" Chiko replied with tears in his eyes. RJmir was listening in and he finally had to interrupt the sexy moment. He grabbed Mikey and smiled. "I think at last we understand each other Mikey Baggins. Release the lovers!" He then replied. "But we're not…" Mikey began, but RJmir wasn't listening.

Chrisdolf lead the important people of the story to the top of a hill on donkeys. "Hunters loss will be terrible, his retribution swift. The Battle for Elm's Teats is over, the battle for Middle Net is about to begin." He said as they looked out towards Hunter's Non Imaginary House. "All our hopes now lie in the hands of two little hobbits, in other words we're doomed!" He then added in.

Mikey and Chiko continued to follow Bjarni through the woods. "I wonder if we'll ever be in a porno?" Chiko then brought up. "What?" Mikey asked turning around. "I wonder if people will ever say, come on, let's watch two hobbits get it on!" Chiko grinned. Mikey sighed. "Not going to happen Chiko!" He replied. "But I couldn't have gotten this far without you!" He then added in. The two shared an intimate moment (not sexual :p) when they suddenly noticed Bjarni was a little ahead. "Wait up!" They yelled and chased after.

"Mastar, mastar looks after us! Mastar wouldn't ban us!" Robby wailed. "Mastar broke his promise!" Bjarni roared. "Don't ask Robby, poor poor Robby!" Robby cried. "Mastar betrayed us! Wicked, tricksy, false! We aught to hit him with our new hammer! Ban them, ban them, ban them both! Then we takes the precious and we'd be the mastar!" Bjarni cut in. "But the sexy hobbit, he knows! Eyes always watching!" Robby cut in. "Then we stabs them out! Bans his eyes and makes him crawl!" Bjarni grinned. "Yes, yes! No, no! It's too risky, it's too risky!" Robby cut in. "We could let her do it…" Bjarni cut in. "Yes, she could do it!" Robby agreed. "Yes precious she could! Then we takes it once they're dead!" Bjarni giggled. "Once they're dead…shhh!" Robby grinned and stepped out from behind the tree they hid at. "Come hobbits, long ways to go yet, Robby will show you the way, follow me…please only for me?" He giggled and lead the two hobbits into the wilderness….

DannyBoy

8th March 2004, 04:27 PM

Good chapter! Good way to end this part! I laughed at the porn and orgy! Poor Zak...he had to witness such a horror! Can't wait for the next part of the fic with the Return of the Admin...should be just as good and just as funny. Keep it up!

Lady Vulpix

9th March 2004, 04:18 PM

Good chapters, and Link's random appearance was funny, but HOW DO YOU MANAGE TO WRITE SO FAST?

I wish you could send me some of your time.

Mikey

9th March 2004, 04:36 PM

Ha, thanks! I actually don't have as much time as you think. It takes about an hour or so to get a chapter done, and during the week I usually have about an hour when I get home, and the time slot from 10 PM onward free. I sometimes spend the time when I get home doing small pieces and do some at night. The first chapter I posted last monday was worked on for like 3 weeks. I did bits and pieces. The other one was done throughout the week and posted Friday. The final one was done in one sitting Sunday when I was bored and had to stay home for a parent party.

I spend a lot of my time hanging with friends, WORKING OUT IS MAJOR, and party hopping and stuff. I usually slack for homework till the last minute (which is why I'm on now, I'm doing a report due tomorrow.) So yeah, I don't manage my school time well. I do my social and leisure stuff before it. :p, I don't know how I manage the grades I do, but I know I manage my citizenship (shudders).

Mikey

10th March 2004, 06:05 PM

Yay! I have completed part 9 of Lord of the Pokemasters. I am happy to announce that we have begun Return of the Admin, and it is amazingly funny and wel thought out. If you love the movie, you'll love my rendition. Tell your friends this is a must read...that means you SAM!!!!!!:mad:

The Return of the Admin

It was a calm and beautiful day on a small lake somewhere in Middle Net. Robby placed a wriggling worm onto a fishing pole. "What do we do now fat man?" Robby asked his cousin Barugol (Baruson) who was sitting in the boat next to him. "How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not your dad and you stick the line into the water!" Barugol replied. Suddenly, his pole snagged something.

"Look, I've got a big fish! Robby, Robby!" Barugol grinned trying to pull the fish into the boat. "Come on, pull it in!" Robby grinned. Suddenly, the fish jerked the line causing Barugol to fall into the lake. Robby looked around and peered into the ripples on the surface of the water. "Barugol come back or I will hit you with my new hammer!" He roared but heard no response. The fish pulled Barugol deep below the surface of the water. When he finally let go, he spied a small object buried on the lake bed. Thinking it was a kiwi bird, he nabbed it before swimming to the surface.

Barugol emerged on land breathing heavily. He stood up and peered into his hand to find the One Forum staring back at him. He began to nudge it as Robby waddled up. "Fat man!" He grinned as he approached. Robby placed himself on Barugol's shoulder and peered at the forum himself. "Give that to us Barugol my best friend!" Robby said grinning at the forum and rubbing Barugol's shoulder. "Why?" Barugol asked. "Because it's my birthday and I wants it!" Robby replied.

Robby then pulled away from his cousin and the two began to stare at each other. Robby made a grab for the forum, but Barugol clasped it tightly. They then became more angry and started to fight over it. Robby was knocked to the ground, but managed to get back up. What follows was a nice long game of mud wrestling. (Eww, unpleasant thoughts!) Barugol then went to choke Robby, but he was pushed away. Barugol then stared in horror as Robby pulled a hammer out randomly. In a matter of seconds, he was bashed over the head and fell down dead.

"I told you not to **** with me!" Robby growled and snatched the forum from his dead cousin. The forum began to whisper as Robby proded it. "My….precious…" He whispered. Time went by after this and the forum slowly overtook Robby. He slowly slipped more and more into an autistic state. In a matter of days, the forum turned him completely autistic. "They cursed us! Spammer is what they called us! They cursed us and drove us away! Bjarni, Bjarni, Bjarni!" He coughed as he slowly crept out of the lives of sane people.

Soon, Robby was alone and half naked weeping by a stream. "And we wept precious. We wept to be so alone!" He cried. Many voices began to mutter. Robby was now almost completely Bjarni. "Cruel!" Robby whispers. "Robby…" His Bjarni side grins. Bjarni fished a catfish from the river. "To catch a fish so juicy sweeeeet!" He sung as he placed it to his mouth and took a bite. Soon after he found a dark cave in the Mist Mountains and crawled inside. "We forgot the taste of bread, the sounds of trees, and the softness of the wind. We even forgot our own name." He wailed as he opened his eyes to reveal he has completely turned into Bjarni. "My precious…" He grinned staring at the forum still in his hand….

Mikey and Chiko were now asleep in a small nook somewhere in the wilderness. Chiko was fast asleep but Mikey hadn't slept in days. He made sure Chiko was asleep, then took out the forum and began to fondle it. Suddenly, a small noise startled him and he shoved it away. Bjarni came crashing down from above the cave and hit his head on the ground. "Ows, Wake up! Wake up sleepies! We must go yes, we must go at once! We don't want to spam!" He grinned to them and shook Chiko awake.

Chiko lazily woke up and looked at Mikey. "Haven't you had any sleep?" He asked. Mikey shook his head. "I've gone and had too much. Must be getting late." Chiko replied. "No, it isn't. It isn't midday yet. The days are growing darker." Mikey replied. Suddenly, the ground below them began to rumble. Mikey and Chiko looked out to see Mt. Ummmm had been painted purple with much fancy things set around including several pictures of Elton John. "Hunter must have redecorated…" Mikey said.

"Come on! Must go, no time, only for me?" Bjarni wailed to the two. Chiko stood up and took a gander at their surroundings. "Not until Mr. Mikey has had something to eat!" He shouted. "No time to loose spammer!" Bjarni wailed back, but the two weren't listening. Chiko pulled out some Matzah and handed it to Mikey. "What about you?" Mikey asked. "Oh no, I'm not hungry…leastways not for Matzah." Chiko replied eyeing Mikey. Mikey was a bit uncomfortable. "If you're trying to act all nice to get in my pants, it's barely working…" He replied. "Barely…" Chiko grinned back. "Besides, I can always do that on the journey home." The hobbits began to walk through the baren wasteland. "Come hobbitses, we are close now. Very close to AIMdor. No safe places from spamming here." Bjarni said as he led them on.

Meanwhile, Chrisdolf, Mikagorn, Kylegolas, Nateli, Joedon, and Craomer rode through the forest on donkeyback. Soon they exited the wilderness and appeared at the beer-logged site which was once Imaginary House. There, Jay and Zak were standing on a broken wall smoking pot. "I feel like I'm back at the old ghetto after a hard day's drug ring." Jay grinned. Zak smiled back. "You have two headz!" He replied. The two then noticed the riders coming down the road. Jay began to laugh and Zak stood up to wave, but he soon stopped to inspect his hand. "Wow, I have like the biggest hand in the world!" He grinned staring at it.

The group stopped in front of the two. "Welcome my friends to Imaginary House!" Zak grinned before toppling over and passing out. "You stupid ******s. Give me some of that weed!" Nateli roared. "We are sitting on a field of victory enjoying a few well earned comforts. The ticila jello shots are particularly good!" Jay grinned. Nateli stared at them. "Just give me the ****ing weed!" He yelled. Chrisdolf sighed. "Hobbits…" He said disgusted. "We are under orders of Polebeard who has taken management of Imaginary House." Zak then added in.

The company headed deeper into Imaginary House drinking some of the beer as they went. Soon they came upon Polebeard. "Ahh master Chrisdolf. I'm glad you've come." He said. Wood and water, stock and stone I can master. But there's an admin to manage here, and she's throwing a real fit. She's such a drunken *****!" Polebeard said. "I heard that you stupid woody!" Suziemon said peeking out her Imaginary Window.

"Just go back to your drinking games you stupid ****er." Polebeard yelled back up. "Don't talk to me like that! I am so banning you once I get out of here!" She roared down. "Sure you are…" Polebeard replied. Suziemon suddenly used her powers of drunken magic to burn a random AT&T near him. "There, the next one will be you!" She roared. "You're too drunk to know who you're killing…" Polebeard yelled back up. "Suziemon, just let me kill them!" Simon Womrtongue roared grabbing the Miss Cleo Seeing stone from her Imaginary Room.

Suziemon immediately lunged at him. "You fool; we do not throw away a valuable seeing stone no matter how drunk we are!" She roared. Suddenly, the orb spoke. "I am Asylintir! (Asyline) Miss Cleo was arrested for blasphemy so now I replaced her as your seeing stone!" She grinned. "Oh my god! Get it away!" Suziemon roared. She walked to the window to see the company still below. "Don't you have better things to do then hold me captive? KITTY HAT YUO!" She roared and chucked the Asylintir down from her Imaginary balcony. Jay looked up just in time to see it crash down on his head and put him in a coma.

"Ha I killed your stupid dumb friend!" Suziemon yelled down pleased with herself. Zak lifted Jay from the beer and dragged him away. "Whatever, we're free and you're stuck up there." Chrisdolf replied. Suziemon looked back into her Imaginary House. It was full of beer and other luxuries. "So?" She replied. Chrisdolf then turned to Polebeard. "Suziemon must remain there Polebeard, under your guard." He said. "Aww, let's just kill her and be done with it!" Nateli roared. "No…she has no power anymore…"Chrisdolf replied. "Oh yeah?" Suziemon roared out the window. "You'll see, when all this is over I will be all powerful!"

"The filfth of Suziemon is washing away." Polebeard then replied. Chrisdolf then pulled the Asylintir from the beer. "Bless my woody…" Polebeard said staring at it. "Boooo! BOOOO! I am scary and make you do bad things!" Asylintir began to speak. "Sure you do…" Chrisdolf replied and covered it up. The group then returned to their donkeys and spead off.

That night at Clitoras, the successful Serehirim celebrated their victory at Elm's Teats. Joedon sat at the head of the gathering with Gabrielyn and Craomer to his sides. "Tonight we remember….aw who cares about the dead? Let's do the train!" Joedon roared. Everyone cheered and started chanting. "Train Train!" They yelled. "Come on Ride the Train" began to play. Joedon stepped in front and Gabrielyn grabbed his hips. The rest of the partiers did the same and they began to march around the room doing the cha cha cha cha cha kick left, cha cha cha cha cha kick right fun dance train thing.

Mikagorn applauded and took a sip of his beer. The Serehirim began to train by and Gabrielyn leaved to speak with Mikagorn. She handed him a goblet and smiled. Mikagorn nodded and took a sip. The bottom of the goblet had a tiny note that read…HAVE SEX WITH ME! Gabrielyn hoped he'd see it but he just walked away. Joedon then approached her. "I am happy for you…you'll finally get laid by a decent guy." He grinned. "You are both decent men…" Gabrieyln replied. "It was me and me alone that lead our people to victory at Elm's Teats! He did nothing!" Joedon roared. He then smiled. "Ahh, don't listen to me. You are young and tonight if for you…" He said and walked off.

Zak was dancing on a nearby table with beer in hand. He was trying to dance with Jay, but he was still in a comma so it just looked retarded. Zak began to sing, and then dropped Jay so he could add some lyrics but all Jay did was slump to the table and hit his head. Meanwhile, Mikagorn approached a smiling Chrisdolf. "No news of Mikey…" He whispered. "No word…nothing…" Chirsdolf replied. Mikagorn then looked around sadly. "We have time…everyday Mikey moves closer to AIMdor." He said. "Do we know that?" Chirsdolf asked. "You're right; Mikey couldn't live if he tried to leave his neighborhood. We're doomed…" Mikagorn replied sadly. "Yes, Mikey probably died the moment we left him. Either that or he and Chiko are spending their honeymoon somewhere." Chrisdolf grinned and the two laughed.

That night, the hobbits were sleeping at the edge of a small pool. Bjarni began to talk in his sleep. "Too risky…spammers! Spammers! Ban them, ban them both!" He yelled himself awake. "Shhh! Quiet, we musn't wake them. Musn't ruins it now!" Bjarni said as he headed to the small pool. He stared at himself in the reflection of the water. "But they knows, they knows, they suspects us!" Robby wailed. "What's it saying my precious, my love? Is Robby using his love?" Bjarni asked. "No, not, nevar! Robby hates nasty hobbitses…Robby wants to see them…banned!" Robby replied.

"And we will! Robby did it once, he can do it again!" Bjarni grinned through the pool. Robby recalled himself beating Barugol with the hammer. "It's ours! Ours! We must get the precious, we must get it back!" Robby growled. "Patience, patience my love, only for me? First we must lead them to her!" Bjarni replied. "We'll lead them to the winding stairs!" Robby grinned. "Yes to the stairs and then?" Bjarni asked. "Up, up, up the stairs we go and then we get to…the Pride Rock!" Robby grinned. "And when they go in, there's no coming out. She's always hungry! She always needs to feed! She has to; all she gets is nasty Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys!" Bjarni replied.

"And them doesn't taste very nice does they precious?" Robby asked. "No, not very nice at all! She spams for sweeter meats! Hobbit meat! And when she throws away the bones and empty thongs, then we'll find it!" Bjarni grinned. "And take if for me! Please, only for me?" Robby grinned. "For us…" Bjarni growled. "Yes yes, we meant for us! BJARNI, BJARNI! The precious will be ours once the hobbitses are banned!" Robby remarked and tossed a rock into the water. The ripples reformed and Robby saw Chiko glaring at him.

"Trecherous little unsexy thing!" Chiko roared and smacked him with a pan. "Ahh, no! Mastar!" Bjarni wailed and cowered back. Mikey rushed up and grabbed Chiko. "No Chiko! Leave him alone!" He wailed. "I heard it from his own mouth! He means to ban us!" Chiko roared looking back at the autistic child with his stupid blue hat. "Nevar! Robby wouldn't ban a fly!" Robby replied and then screamed. "He's a stupid sexy hobbit that hates Robby and he makes up nasty lies!" Robby wailed and rolled his head crying. "You miserable little ******! I'll stove your head in!" Chiko roared rushing toward him and beginning to punch him. Mikey expected Jerry Springer to show up any moment.

"Chiko!" Mikey yelled. "Call me a liar? You're the liar!" Chiko roared menacing Bjarni with the pan. "Chiko, we’re lost!" Mikey roared pulling him off of Bjarni. "I don't care! I can't do it! I can't wait around for him to ban us!" Chiko yelled. "I'm not sending him away." Mikey said silently. "You don't see it do you? He's a spammer." Chiko whispered back. "I can't do this by myself Chiko, not without a guide. I need you on my side." Mikey replied. "I am on your side Mr. Mikey." Chiko replied sadly. "I know Chiko, I know. Trust me, come Robby…" Mikey said and grabbed the autistic child by the hand. As they started off, Bjarni turned back and smiled his stupid autistic smile at Chiko while tipping his blue hat. Chiko frowned and followed.

Night had fallen on Clitoras. Mikagorn walked out onto a proch to see Kylegolas staring out at Mt. Ummmm. Its purple Elton Johnish style was clearly visible in the dark. "The stars are veiled. Something stirs in the east. The eye of the ****** is moving…" He said to Mikagorn. "Oh, and it's giving me hungry eyes! 'Hungry eyes, one look at you and I can't deny I got hungry eyes!'" Mikomir said through him. "God I can't wait till he leaves." Kylegolas sighed.

Inside, everyone had fallen asleep. Jay suddenly awoke from his coma and got up. Angry with the Asylintir, he decided to go beat the **** out of it. "Jay!" Zak whispered getting up. Jay turned and was startled by Chrisdolf having his eyes open. He waved his hand to find Chrisdolf was asleep. He nabbed the Asylintir and replaced it with a bong. "Are you high?" Zak asked Jay. "I just want to kick the crap out of it." Jay replied. "Oh yeah, bring it on! I may not have arms or legs but I can roll you to death!" Asylintir roared.

Jay placed the orb down and flexed his weak little arms. "Here we go!" He said and threw a punch. When his hand connected, light began to swirl around it and Jay couldn't pull his hand away. Suddenly, the eye appeared. "Pikaboo I see you!" Hunter grinned through the Asylintir. "He is here!" Kylegolas said outside to Mikagorn. "Oh, maybe now I'll get some man on man action!" Mikomir said through him. The two sighed and rushed to aid Jay.

Jay began to have a seizure as Hunter giggled from the orb. (Wow, a coma and a seizure on the same day) Zak sighed. "I'm going back to sleep." He replied. Suddenly, Kylegolas and Mikagorn rushed in. Mikagorn grabbed the Asylintir from Jay and struggled with it. "I see you too!" Hunter grinned. Mikagorn managed to let go and it rolled away. He slumped down ready to faint. Chrisdolf woke up and immediately covered the ball with a blanket. Zak rushed to Jay who was as stiff as a log.

Chrisdolf smashed Zak out of the way and leaned down. "Fool of a Took!" He yelled. He smacked Jay hard and he snapped out of it. "Chrisdolf forgive me!" He yelled. "Look at me fag! What did you see?" Chrisdolf replied. "There was a marijuana plant in a courtyard of cake…it was dead." Jay replied. "The city was burning!" He then yelled. "Minas Titith, is that what you saw?" Chrsidolf asked shaking him. "I saw…I saw him! I could hear his voice inside my head!" Jay cried like a girl. "What did you tell him?" Chrisdolf asked. "He asked me my name. I told him it was Cruption, and he could call me later. He said he pound me…" "Shut up! What did you tell him about Mikey and the forum?" Chrisdolf interrupted.

The group had now all mustered in the hall of Clitoras. Jay stood on a stool to the side staring scared as Chrisdolf explained what happened. "There was no lie in Jay's eyes. A fool, but an honest fool he remains. He told Hunter nothing of Mikey and the Forum, but they did talk a lot about getting it on later. We've been strangely fortunate. Jay saw in the Asylintir a glimpse of the enemy's plan. Hunter moves to strike the city of Minas Titith. His defeat at Elm's Teats showed our enemy one thing. He knows now that he sucks at warfare. Men are not as weak as he supposed. There is courage still -- strength enough, perhaps to challenge him. Hunter fears this, as he does clowns. He will not risk the peoples of Middle Net uniting under one banner. He will raze Minas Titith to the ground before he sees our admin returned to the throne of Men. If the beacons of TPMdor are lit, SPPhan must be ready for war!" Chrisdolf explained.

"Tell me, why should we ride to the aid of a site that isn't as good as mine? What do I owe TPMdor?" Joedon asked. "I will go!" Mikagorn replied. "No!" Chrisdolf cut in. Mikagorn gave him a look. "Fine, let's send the droid!" He said pointing to a random C3-PO in the corner. "**** the droid!" Chrisdolf replied and used his staff to blow the droid to bits. "They will be warned." He then said. He then turned and walked towards Mikagorn.

"You must come to Minas Titith by another road. Follow the river, look to the Men in Black arriving in the black ships at the sea." He whispered. He then turned to everyone. "Understand this; things are now in motion that cannot be undone…Wait! I could invent a time machine and go back in time to make them undone!" He grinned and began to walk off. "Or we could just finish this." Nateli remarked. "Fine…" Chrisdolf said coming back. Future Chrisdolf watched the scene from his magical orb. "Damn, I almost became a reality!" He cried as he faded out of exhistance. "I ride for Minas Titith, but I won't be going alone!" Chrisdolf then said turning to Jay.

Chrisdolf then headed to the stables followed by Jay and Zak. "Out of all the members of TPMdor Jay, you are the biggest attention whore!" Chrisdolf said as he went. "Where are we going?" Jay asked Zak. "Why did you try to kick its ***? Why do you always try to kick ***, you know you are a *****!" Zak replied. "I don't know, I can't help it." Jay replied back. "That proves you are an attention whore further!" Zak replied. "I'm sorry all right? I won't do it again!" Jay replied. "Damn straight you won't. I'll kick the **** out of you again!" Asylintir roared from Chrisdolf's hands.

Zak then grabbed Jay by the shoulder. "Don't you understand? Hunter is so dumb that he now thinks you have the forum. They have to get you out of here. At least they are claiming that, probably just to get rid of you." He roared. "And you're coming with me right?" Jay asked sadly. "Hell no! I wouldn't be caught dead with you anymore you dumb ****." Zak replied. The two walked into the stable to find Chrisdolf preparing Katirefax. "If you think I'm allowing Jay to ride me like a pony, you can shove it!" Katirefax neighed. "Shut up and prepare for mounting *****!" Chrisdolf replied. Katriefax sighed.

"How far is Minas Titith?" Jay asked Chrisdolf. "Three days as the CamelToez flies, and let us hope we don't have one of those on our tails." He replied. He then leaped onto Katirefax. "What, did you like eat a whale while you were in there? You're one fat *****." Katirefax said squinching. Chrisdolf then pulled Jay up too. "Damn, I'm going to need some serious surgery when this is done. I might consider suing for slave labor!" Katirefax roared. "Here's something for the road." Zak said handing something to Jay. He then pulled it away. "Psyche!" He grinned. "It's the last of the weed, but I want it." He then said.

"But we'll be able to smoke together again soon right?" Jay asked with tears in his eyes. "Nah, you'll be dead far before then." Zak replied grinning. The thought of Jay dying a slow and painful death brough him joy. "Run Katirefax, show us the meaning of haste!" Chrisdolf then roared. Katirefax began to inch her way out of the stable. "Faster you dumb *****!" Chrisdolf roared. "Hey, I'm pacing myself!" She roared back. As the three slowly exited Clitoras and onto the open plains, Zak ran up to the lookout tower to watch them go. As they left, he lit up a doobie and smoked it trying to make Jay jealous.

Meanwhile, a large herd of elves slowly walked through the forest. Samwen followed on a donkey. "Take her by the dangerous road; the one with snakes and giant pandas. A ship waits at the Grey Haven's to take her across the sea. The semi-last journey of Samwen the whore." Ozanrond's voice was heard. Samwen then looked out at the forest. It slowly took the appearance of a small boy running up to an older man. It turned out this man was Mikagorn. He lifted the child up and the two smiled. Samwen then watched as Mikagorn grinned and took the child into the bedroom. With tears in her eyes and becoming increasingly freaked out, Samwen stopped her donkey. "My lady we cannot delay." An elf says approaching her. She suddenly turned her donkey and plowed over him as she rode back towards Ghettodale.

She arrived in a matter of minutes and rushed up the stairs to her father. "Tell me what you saw!" She roared. "Samwen…" Ozanrond replied. "You have the gift of terrot cards; tell me what you have seen!" She roared. "I looked into your future and I saw rape." He roared back. "But there is also sex! You saw my child!" She replied. "Yes, Mikagorn knocked you up and there was a baby." Ozanrond remarked. "But that future is almost gone."

"But it is not lost!" Samwen roared. "Nothing is certain…" Ozanrond commented. "But some things are certain! If I leave him now, I will never find a **** as good as him! It is time!" She replied. It then shifted to Samwen walking slowly up to the shards of the dell computer. "From the ashes a fire shall be awoken. A light from the shadow shall spring. Rebooted will be the computer that was broken." She chanted. It then showed a flashback of Otto hacking the forum. "The crownless again shall be admin." Samwen finished.

The scene then returned to the present. "Reboot the computer ada!" Sawmen said to Ozanrond. Ozanrond ignored her and began to light up a bong. Samwen looked disappointed and she fell to the bed dropping the book she was reciting this whole speech from. Ozanrond picked it up and took her hands in his. "Your hands are cold. The life of the Eldar is leaving you!" He whispered. "It is my choice. Whether by your will or not, there is no ship now that can bare me hence, or any other man who can bare me child!" She replied. The scene than changed to Ozanrond watching his elves repair the dell computer of legend.

Katirefax was now lumbering on through the wilderness. A trip that should have taken 3 days had now lasted 4 1/2 weeks. Both riders were asleep. "Wake up, this isn't a leisure cruise!" Katirefax roared as they crossed into TPMdor. Chrisdolf woke up to see Minas Titith in the distance. "Oh my god, she actually knew the way!" Chrisdolf grinned. "And here I thought we would die." Katirefax then entered the city. It took another few hours to make their way to the top. The scene zoomed out to show that the city was actually shapped like a giant wedding cake with a giant tit on the top.

Katirefax stopped in the Citadel to let the riders dismount. They walked on passing the white marijuana plant. "It's the plant! Chrisdolf!" Jay grinned tugging on Chrisdolf's robe. "Shut the **** up! We'll smoke later! Right now we need to go see Lord Dannythor (Aipom of Doom) though he is not the admin, he is a caretaker to the throne." Chrisdolf roared. The two came to the steps of the Citadel. "Now listen carefully. Lord Dannythor is Mikomir's father. To give him news of his beloved son's death would be most unwise. Also don't tell him his son's gay. He hates that! Oh yeah, and try not to be an attention whore." Chrisdolf finished and they proceeded inside.

"Hail Dannythor, Lord and Steward of TPMdor. I bring you tidings in this dark hour, and counsel." Chrsidolf roared as they entered. Dannythor was sititng slumped in his chair. "Perhaps you've come to explain these? Perhaps you've come to tell me that my son is gay?" Dannythor asks holding up naked pictures of his son and another man. "No actually, he's dead." Jay grinned. "Jay, stop being an attention whore!" Chrisdolf roared, but Jay just stepped up. "Mikomir died trying to save us, my friend and me. He fell defending us from many foes. I offer you my service as it is in payment of this debt." He said. Jay didn't like the idea of being a sex slave, but he wanted to be center of attention, even if it was on his anus.

"Get up you attention seeking bastard!" Chrisdolf said hitting him with his staff. "My Lord, there will be a time to grieve for Mikomir, but who would want to? War is coming. The enemy is on your doorstep. As steward, you are charged with the defense of this city. Where are TPMdor's armies? You may not have friends, and most would rather commit suicide then come to your aid, but I assure you SPPhan will answer. They have no lives anyways; all their time is spent on Middle Net. You are not alone in this fight. Send word to Joedon of SPPhan. Light the beacons." He then said.

"You think you are wise, ****er, yet for all your subtleties you have not wisdom. Do you think the balls of the White Swallow Tower are small? I have seen more than you know. With your left hand you would use me as a dildo for your sick games with AIMdor. And with the right you seek to supplant me. I know who rides with Joedon of SPPhan. Oh yes, the word has reached my ears of this Mikagorn the stripper and I tell you now, I will not bow to this Power Ranger from the North. Last of a ragged house, long bereft of lordship" Dannythor roared.
"Authority does not give you the right to deny the return of the admin!" Chrisdolf replied. Dannythor suddenly lunged from his chair. "The rule of TPMdor is mine, and mine alone!" He said feriously and began to hug his chair. Chrisdolf sighed and smacked Jay. "Let's get out of here *****." He said and the two walk off.

That night, Chrisdolf and Jay stood on a balcony overlooking Mt. Ummmm in the distance. They could hear the slight sound of Hunter listening to "Candle in the Wind." Jay stared at the dominatrix equipment he was given. "So I imagine this is just a ceremonial possession. I mean, they don't expect me to do any actual dominating, do they Chrisdolf?" He asked. "You're the sex slave of the steward now; you'll have to do as you're told Jaygrin Took, dominatrix of the Citadel." Chrisdolf replied laughing. Jay then went over to the balcony and looked out.

"It's so quiet." He said. "It's the deep fart before the crap seeps out." Chrsidolf replied smoking a bong. "I don't want to be in a porno, but waiting on the edge of what I can't escape is even worse. Is there any hope Chrisdolf, for Mikey and Chiko?" Jay asked. "Are you high? Those two are probably having a grand old time getting married in San Francisco by now!" Chrisdolf replied. "Our enemy is ready, well as ready as Hunter can get. His strength gathers, and not jus Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys… (Flashed to the Donphan army)…but midgets as well…Legions of small people from the South. (Flashed to Men in Black sailing from the west.) Men in Black from the coast. All will answer AIMdor's call." Chrisdolf finished.

"This will be the end of TPMdor as we know it. Here the hammer-stroke will fall hardest. If the river is taken, if the garrison of Osgilasjflkajflkd falls, the last defense of this city will be gone." Chrisdolf informed Jay. Jay turned to the admin. "But we do have the White Admin, that has to count for something right?" He asked. Chrisdolf sighed. The scene flashed to a dark woman placing a mean looking helmet on her head. "Hunter has yet to reveal his bitchiest foe. The one that will lead the armies of AIMdor into battle. The one they say no man can kill…The ***** Queen of PCG. (Angel Blossom)" He said nervously.

"You've met her before. She was a PCG mod, but she got demoded and became bitchy. That's why she stabbed Mikey with the deadly Playskool light saber." Chrisdolf informed Jay. Jay recalled the incident at the old strip club. "She is the lord of the CamelToez, the greatest of the nine. Minas Whoregul is her lair." Chrisdolf finished and looked out towards Mt. Ummmm with a worried look.

Mikey, Chiko, and Bjarni were now at the bridge that lead into Minas Whoregul. The whole area glowed an evil yet gay purple. "The dead city. Very nasty place…full of bitches." Bjarni said leading the two towards the Cliffside. "Quick quick! They will see us, they will see!" He then roared as Mikey and Chiko caught up. Bjarni walked to the edge of a cliff and pointed to a set of stairs. "Come away! Look look, we have found it! The way into AIMdor, the secret stair! Climb!" He grinned and started up it. Chiko began to follow him up, but Mikey suddenly heard Hunter calling to him.

He began to wander across the bridge past two gargoyle statues. "No, Mr. Mikey!" Chiko roared but Mikey didn't stop. "Not that way!" Bjarni wailed. The two leapt from the stairs and wrestled Mikey away from the bridge. "No, they're calling to me!" Mikey roared trying to go back. Just as they reached the stairs, a large flair beam smashes up from Minas Whoregul and into the sky. A large amount of birds were vaporized as it went up. Chrisdolf and Jay looked on in shock at the scene.

"Hide, hide!" Bjarni wailed and led to the two behind some rocks. They then looked up to see a Fell Keet rise from the city and land on top of the city gate. The ***** Queen was mounted on the blue and white oversized birdie. The birdie chirped, but it was so loud Mikey and the others had to hold their ears in pain. "I can feel her saber." Mikey cried. The Fell Keet chirped loudly again and the gate below began to open. A large army of Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys began to march out of the gate. Chrisdolf watched the beam with sadness. "We come to it at last. The great battle of our time." He said.

The army began to march by Mikey and his friends and away from the city. The stairs blocked the hobbits from their view. As the army marched on, the ***** Queen's Fell Keet let out another gigaintic chirp, and then flew from its perche above the gate. It swooped in low over Mikey and let out a large amount of crap from its butt. The white and black droppings smashed into Mikey and co getting them all dirty. "Sick!" Chiko roared. "Come away hobbits! We must climb!" Bjarni said and began to head up the stairs. From the balcony, Chrisdolf continued to stare out into the distance. "The porno is set…the stars are preparing…" He said…

Lady Vulpix

11th March 2004, 07:48 AM

You wrote all that in 1 hour? O_O That's incredible!

Poor Jay... First a comma, then a seizure, then becoming a sex slave... :(

The random parts were funny, especially the one about the future Chrisdolf.

Craig

11th March 2004, 09:01 PM

Yay! Return of the Admin, now it will be funnier :)

lolol

The bottom of the goblet had a tiny note that read…HAVE SEX WITH ME! Gabrielyn hoped he'd see it but he just walked away.

LOL

Dannythor asks holding up naked pictures of his son and another man. "No actually, he's dead." Jay grinned.

LOL!

keep up the good work :-*

Crystal Mew

11th March 2004, 10:02 PM

omfg, I read it! >:o now get off my back plz Mikey :wave:

j-k I love reading this story, when I have time

I like the rotk edition :yes:
I kept saying the real parts of the movies when scenes like 'wake up sleepies! wake up!' X) I love this movie :')

great job Mikey =D

omfg, now you can continue with the next chapter :yes:

DannyBoy

12th March 2004, 12:51 PM

"I told you not to **** with me!" Robby growled and snatched the forum from his dead cousin.

Great! Great! I loved this chapter. Each chapter had gotten better and better everytime. I can only imagin how the end will be! I agree with L.V on Jay, all thse bad things...sex slave has to be the worst! Keep it up!

Little_Pikachu

13th March 2004, 08:51 PM

Yay, Suziemon didn't get cut out :) I know technically my part is over now, but it sure would rock if I ran in at the end and killed everyone for taking too long to get on the boat ;D

I'd like to say that you overexaggerated on my characters alcoholism, but nah, you pretty much got it right x_X (I'm drunk while writing this).

Anyway, yes... Another few great chapers. For some reason I still find the Bjarni stuff hysterical :)

phaedrus

19th March 2004, 03:03 PM

omfgomfgomfgomfgomfgomfgomfgomfg
XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD

this so so ****ing hilarious. i've taken time to reread this, and god is it funny. what happened to Link after Elm's whatchamacallit? he needs another cameo.

you also cameoed me without knowing it. i used to be Donkey here, and by putting donkey's in the story, you unwittingly cameoed me 485102385123058 times (approx.) :D thanks Mikey.:D :o ;) :)

Mikey

1st April 2004, 02:31 PM

Ok, sorry for the long dissapearance, but I needed a break from the net. Now that I'm back we can expect more fun in Lord of the Pokemasters coming this sunday :)

Lady Vulpix

5th April 2004, 09:37 AM

That's good to hear. I hope I can do the same soon too.
Just reporting to let you know I'll keep reading. :D

Mikey

5th April 2004, 02:31 PM

Ok, it was supposed to be sunday for the new chapter, but I had a party I didn't expect and didn't get home until late. Now it's Monday and I have a lot of homework and am going to see the Passion as well, so expect the new chapter within the next few days!

Thanks for being a continuing fan Gabby!

Mikey

10th April 2004, 01:32 PM

Well, after a long break, I have finally completed part 10 of Return of the Admin! Enjoy, and everyone MUST read. That means you Sam!!!!! :mad2:

Part 10

It was now daylight and Chrisdolf quickly lead Jay through the bright streets of the city. "Jaygrin Took my lad, there is a task now to be done. An opportunity for one of the shire folk to show that they aren't useless and gay." He said as they rounded a corner. Chrisdolf then looked up to see a bong of Minas Titith up above. Jay looked up as well confused. Chrisdolf then turned to the little hobbit. "You must not fail me, or I'll ban your ass so hard it won't even be funny." He roared. Jay nodded nervously and began his climb up to the bong.

Meanwhile, in the ruins of Osgiliasfdljflj, guards rushed towards the water as a large amount boats began their approach. Inside the boats were thousands of Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys. One made a splash that angered the leader. "Quiet!" Brianmog (Deck Night) roared. His head was large and pink; not to mention slightly deformed with one eye higher and more squished than the other.

On shore, RJmir noticed the incoming ships. "Quick, come on! To the river quick!" He yelled as they all rushed to the river's opening and took positions behind whatever they could find to hide. Those who couldn't find a spot ducked and covered. "Faster!" Brianmog roared to his ships. "Draw light sabers." RJmir whispered to his men. "But I lost mine!" Someone yelled. "Take this then." RJmir whispered back and tossed the soldier a large amount of bananas. "But sir, Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys love these." He whispered. "I know, we need a diversion and you're not important." RJmir grinned.

The Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys made it to shore and began to get off the ships. They rushed past the hiding people and didn't even see the ones that ducked and covered. What they did see was a soldier with food. Quickly, the entire army rushed towards the unimportant soldier and banned him as they ate their fill. "Now!" RJmir roared as everyone leapt from hiding. Lots of violence began as the soldiers fought to ban the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys. More and more violence went on as many were banned.

Meanwhile, Jay has made it to the bong of Minas Titith. He quickly made sure the guards were staring right at him, and then casually strolled onto the Bong. "What the **** is he doing?" One of the guards asked the other. They shrug and decide to watch. Jay quickly pulled the doobie from above the bong and lit it up. After a quick puff, he tossed it into the bong and caught it on fire. The bong began to smoke as Jay giggled to himself. "Is he insane? That much smoke will get all of Minas Titith high!" The guards roared standing up. Jay giggled some more as he leapt from the bong, but tripped and smashed his head on the ground.

Chrisolf looked out at the mountain to see the second bong light up. "Amon Din…" He grinned. "The bong! The bong of Amon Din is lit!" A guard roared. Everyone began to cough as weed smoke filled the air. Dannythor peaked out his window in disgust. "Hope is returned in the form of highness." Chrisdolf said to himself. He then looked around to see everyone giggling at nothing. They were all high from the smoke. The bongs were lit up one by one across vast distances. After a long time, they finally reached Clitoras.

Mikagorn sat on a stair step eating from a bowl. He suddenly smelt the hint of weed and looked up to zee the last bong light up. Quickly, he giggled like a girl and began to hop scotch back to the king's chambers. He crashed through the doors giggling like made. "Don't step on a crack or you'll fall and break your back!" He finished his hop scotching and began to inspect his hand. "What is it?" Kylegolas asked. "I smell weed!" Joedon said grinning. He quickly rushed out the door and took in a breath of fresh weed. "Ahhh." He grinned.

"The bong is lit. TPMdor calls for aid." Kylegolas said staring up. "I like Aids!" Mikagorn grinned and went in to hug Nateli. "Get the **** away you high piece of ****." He roared back and shoved Mikagorn down. Craomer and Gabrielyn join the group. "SPPhan will answer. Minas Titith is bound to have more weed. We will go to their aid and get it." He grinned. "Muster the Serehirim!" He roared. A guard began to blow the horn of SPPhan as the Serehirim began to get ready. "Assemble the army at Dungarrow, as many men as can be found. You have two minutes." Joedon giggled to Craomer. "On the third, we ride for TPMdor…and war." Craomer stared confused. "My lord, I can't even mount my donkey in two minutes." He replied. "Fine *****, you have two days then. Oh, I can't do what my lord bids in two minutes because I'm such a goody-too-shoes!" Joedon poked fun at Craomer. With a sigh, Craomer headed off.

"Chrisling…" (Ledian X) Joedon then said turning to his slave. "Make haste across the Riddermark. Summon every able bodied man to Dungarrow. I will make it worth your while." Joedon winked. Chrisling giggled and jumped for joy before going to his task. Joedon smacked him with a dominatrix whip before he was out of sight. He then turned to see many riders on donkies stream out of the city. Mikagorn prepared his donkey as Gabrielyn came by. "You ride with us?" He asked. "Just to the encampment. It is tradition for the woman to farewell the men." She replied. Mikagorn then noticed a light saber under her donkey's saddle. He also noticed a pair of his boxers in her hands. She was sniffing them when she noticed he was paying attention. She quickly stashed them away and gave him a look. "The men have found their captain. They will follow you into battle, and possibly ban. You give them hope." She grinned changing the subject.

Joedon stood alone on the hill. "And so, it is before the walls of Minas Titith that the doom of our time will be decided." He said to himself. Craomer then pushed him aside knocking him off the hill. "Now is the hour, riders of SPPhan. Oaths you have taken, fufill them now! To lord and land! Ha!" He roared. The riders cheered and began to ride their donkies out of the city. Joedon regained consciousness on the ground below but was suddenly trampled by a great many hooves. When he thought it was over, a final donkey baring Zak crashed over him.

Meanwhile, more and more violence continued as RJmir and his men were banned. They were not very good fighters since RJmir didn't know how to lead, and so many were just screaming and running around like little girls. Thousands were banned. RJmir cried as he ran through an archway pursued by Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys. "RJmir!" Random Guy roared as he approached. The men began to chuck rocks at the pursuing Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys, but ended up hiting RJmir. The Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys laughed and walked away.

"Oww, son of a *****!" RJmir cried getting up. "We can't hold them. The city is lost." Random Guy said. RJmir looked around to see his men running around screaming. "Tell the men to break cover. We ride for Minas Titith. They have fought bravely." He replied. "Camel Toez!" Someone shouted as the large tweets of parakeets filled the air. Suddenly, RJmir looked up to see two Fell Keets fly down. One took a monstrous crap on some of the running men while the other swooped in and grabbed a person in its cute little feet. "Break cover! Fall back! Fall back to Minas Titith!" RJmir roared before he began to run like a little girl.

Everyone began to run but Random Guy was hit on the back with a playschool lightsaber and fell down as it made noises. "Retreat retreat!" RJmir roared. The men cried as they made it to their donkies and leapt on. In an instant, they were slowly making their way out of the city. Many were banned as they ran. Random Guy cried on his back as Brianmog approached. He grinned and began to hit Random Guy with a playschool lightsaber. "That doesn't hurt." Random Guy remarked. "Shut up and let all consciousness slip as you are banned." Brainmog grinned. Random Guy shrugged. "The age of men is over. The time of the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys has come." Brianmog laughed to himself.

The donkies slowly walked across the fields towards Minas Titith. The Fell Keets began to circle above and then swooped down. Many began to take craps on the donkies as others flung bird seed around. Others swooped in and grabbed the donkies with their cute little feet. Chrisdolf rode out on Katirefax, but she still refused to go fast. "Come on, we have to save them you freak!" Chrisdolf roared. "I'll do whatever the hell I feel like." Katirefax roared back. It took about an hour, but they finally reached the crying men. The Fell Keets had massacred the group. One cute little Parakeet swooped down and annialated a large amount of donkies and men with its cute little wings. Chrisdolf let loose a large semen beam from his staff catching the Camel Toez in sticky white stuff. They began to shriek and flew off back towards AIMdor. Chrisdolf then turned Katirefax around and the remaining group slowly walked back towards Minas Titith.

After some time the group arrived at the legs of Minas Titith. Like the Legs of BMGia, they easily spread open to allow the donkeymen to enter. "Modrandir! They broke through our defenses. They've taken the bridge and the west bank battalions of Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys are crossing the river." RJmir gasped to Chrisdolf when they entered. "It is how Lord Dannythor predicted. Long has he had wet dreams of this doom." A random guard yelled. "Had wet dreams and didn't even bust." Chrisdolf roared.

Chrisdolf turned Katirefax around and RJmir caught sight of Jay. He turned his head in digust. "Oh my god what the **** is that thing on your lap? It's hideous!" RJmir roared. "What this? This is Jay. Yeah, he is pretty ugly, but he's just a stupid attention whore hobbit." Chrisdolf replied. RJmir perked up at the word. "RJmir? This is not the first Halfling to have crossed your path?" Chrisdolf asked in shock. RJmir shook his head and Jay became excited. "You've seen Zak?" He asked. Chrisdolf shoved the stupid kid off of Katirefax. "Your infatuation is still in Clitoras you nitwit. He's talking of Mikey and Chiko." He roared.

"I saw them in Titthilien, not two days ago. Chrisdolf, they've taken the road to the Mogul Tail!" RJmir said frightened. "And the path of Cirith Mungol." (mung is the stuff that comes out when u press on pregnant woman's stomach if you didn't get that). Chrisdolf said in shock. "What does that mean? What's wrong?" Jay looked worried. "RJmir tell me everything…" Chrisdolf whispered.

The two hobbits were now following the autistic child up the stairs of the mountainside. Mikey slipped and regained his footing. Bjarni made it to a landing and looked down at Mikey. "Careful mastar. Careful! Very far to fall. Very dangerous on the stairs. Come mastar! Come to Robby! Please, only for me?" Bjarni grinned. Bjarni then noticed the forum slip from Mikey's neck and become visible. He backed off, but slowly it drove him to reach for it. "Mr. Mikey!" Chiko roared grabbing his sword. "Don't you touch him!" He yelled at Bjarni.

Bjarni continued for the forum, but then grabbed Mikey's hand and helped him up. "Why does he hate poor Robby? What has Robby every done to him? We never spammed, he's just mean! We should hit him with our new hammer! Mastar carries a heavy burden…Robby knows. A heavy, heavy burden. The sexy one cannot know. Robby will look after mastar, only for him. He wants it, he needs it, Robby sees it in his eyes. Very soon, he will spam for it. You will see the sexy one will spam and take it from you!" Bjarni grinned. Mikey looked down frightened at Chiko and clutched the forum.

The ***** Queen looked out at Minas Titith with her Fell Keet perched on the ruin walls of Osgilalksajf. "Send all legions. Do not stop until the city is taken. Slay them all!" She grinned. "But sir…" Brianmog replied. "Don't sir me! I am a female!" The ***** Queen roared. "Could have fooled me. I can't believe you want to destroy a whole city because they demoded you." Brianmog remarked. "I mean…I want to destroy it, but I just want to for the fun and to take over the world, but you are just weird." The ***** Queen now looked pissed. "Do as I say maggot!" She roared as her Fell Keet began to squawk. "Geeze what a *****." Brianmog whispered walking away. He then turned back. "And what about the white admin?" He asked. "I will **** him!" The ***** Queen grinned.

On the walls of Minas Titith, Chrisdolf stood amonst the soldiers. "Where is SPPhan's armies? Why haven't they come?" Someone asked. "Courage is the best defense you have now. Joedon's army is always stoned when they ride. It will take a while." Chrisdolf informed them. Inside the Citadel, Jay bent down as Dannythor inspected him. RJmir sat close by. "Here do I swear feality and service to TPMdor. In living or dying, or…" Jay stopped. "Continue…" Dannythor grinned. "Or I become worn out from too much dominating." He cried. Dannythor grinned and stood up. "And I shall not forget it, nor fail to reward that which is given." Dannythor giggled handing Jay a whip. Jay sighed and reluctantly whipped Dannythor's behind.

"Feality with pain. Valor with whips and torture. Disloyality with vengeance." He said and turned to RJmir. He then sat down to eat. "I do not think we should so lightly abandon the outer defenses, defenses that your brother long held intact." He then said. "What would you have me do?" RJmir replied. "I will not yield the river nor Pellinwhore unfaught. Osgilfkdslf must be retaken." Dannythor replied. "My lord Osgildjfdlkf is overrun." RJmir replied. "Much must be risked in war. Is there a captain here that still has the balls to do his lord's will?" Dannythor asked.

RJmir began to cry. "You wish now that our places had been exchanged. That I had died and Mikomir had lived." He wailed. "Hell yeah, Mikomir was the greatest dominatrix Minas Titith has ever seen, even better that Lil Kim!" Dannythor roared. "Since you were robbed of Mikomir, I will do what I can in his stead." RJmir then said sadly and ran from the room like a little girl. "If I shall return, think better of me father!" He cried as he went. "That will depend upon what you're wearing when you return." Dannythor replied.

The hobbits were now asleep on the stairs. Chiko dozed off and Bjarni instantly awoke. Carefully, he fished through Chiko's pack and pulled out the Matzah. "Eww, Jewish food!" He cried and crumpled some onto Chiko. After, he tossed the rest down the mountainside and giggled. Chiko suddenly awoke. "What are you up too? Spamming our we?" He asked. "Spamming? SPAMMIMG? Sexy hobbit is always so polite. Robby shows them secret ways that no one else could find, and he says spamming! SPAMMING!" Very nice friend, o yes precious, veru nice!" Bjarni replied.

"Alright! Alright! You startled me that's all. What were you doing?" Chiko then asked. "We were not spamming, we were posting our fanart!" Bjarni replied. "Fine, have it your way." Chiko said and shook Mikey awake. "Sorry to wake you Mikey, but we must be moving on." He said. "It's still dark." Mikey said looking around. "We have ourselves an Einstein here!" Chiko grinned. He then fished through his pack. "It's gone!" He yelled. "What's gone?" Mikey replied. "The Jewish bread!" Chiko cried. "What, that's all we had left!" Mikey cried.

Chiko looked around and then to Bjarni. "He must have taken it!" He roared. "What, no Robby hates nasty Jewish bread!" Bjarni cried. "You're a lying spammer! What did you do with it?" Chiko roared. "He doesn't eat it. He couldn't have taken it." Mikey replied. Bjarni then reached towards Chiko. "Look, crumbs on his jacketses! He took it! He took it! Let's hit him with our hammer!" Bjarni roared. "That's a filthy lie!" Chiko roared and leapt onto Bjarni. He began to punch the poor autistic child but was soon pulled away. "Chiko!" Mikey said pulling him off.

Mikey then collapsed against the wall. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to go so far. Well, I actually wanted to kill him, but let's jusy rest awhile." Chiko replied. "I'm allright." Mikey replied. "No, you're not allright. It's that Bjarni, it's this place, it's that thing around your neck!" Chiko replied. "I could help a bit, I could carry it for awhile. Share the load." The words echoed in Mikey's head as if he was stoned. "Get away!" Mikey roared and pushed Chiko. "I don't want ro keep it! I just want to help!" Chiko remarked. "See see! He wants it for himself!" Bjarni commented. "Shut up you autistic freak! Go away!" Chiko replied. "No Chiko, it's you. I'm sorry." Mikey replied. "But he's a spammer. He's poisoned you against me!" Chiko said with tears in his eyes. "You can't help me anymore." Mikey replied. "Go home." With that, Mikey began to head up the hill. Bjarni giggled and then followed. Chiko sat down against the wall and began to cry like a litte girl.

Meanwhile, RJmir and his crew began their track down the streets towards the legs. However, they forgot it was Mardigraw season and no one was paying attention to their sad departure. People littered the sreets dancing and drinking. As RJmir passed, a few guys stepped up. "Show us your boobs!" One yelled holding up some beads. Rjmir sighed and his troops continued down the road. "RJmir, RJmir!" Chrisdolf said pushing through the crowd. RJmir became excited. He thought Chirsdolf would tell him something nice. "Have fun!" Chrisdolf grinned. He then turned to a random woman and handed her beads as she flashed him. RJmir cried and exited the legs of Minas Titith with his crew.

In the Citadel, Dannythor sat eating at his table. "Can you sing master hobbit?" He asked Jay. "Yes, well good enough for my own people. But we have no songs for great halls or evil times." He said shifting his eyes at Dannythor. "And why should your songs be unfit for my halls? Come, sing me a song." He grinned. Jay sighed and prepared himself. "…She bangs! She bangs, o baby when she moves, she moves! I go crazy cause she looks like a flower and she stings like a bee! Like every girl in history! She bangs, she bangs! I'm wasted by the way she moves…" Jay sang while twirling his arms in a circle. Dannythor then stopped him. "What the **** was that?" He asked. Jay grinned. "I've had no professional training!" He smiled. "Well that's the surprise of the century." Dannythor rolled his eyes.

Outside, RJmir and his crew raced towards Osgiliagjdlkjgs on donkeyback. Dramatic music played as the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys aimed their bazooka rifles and let loose a large amount of missiles. Mardigraw ended and Chrisdolf sat drunk on the steps. Suddenly, a bell bagn to toll. In Osgiliaskflj, several Kellys began to push siege dildo towers across the bridge. The Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey army followed. The war was about to begin…

phaedrus

10th April 2004, 07:35 PM

that was hilarious....

keep it up! :lemon:

DannyBoy

13th April 2004, 12:28 PM

That was pretty damn good! I still laugh at the bong parts. Bongs can be fun and my teacher has one in his room and he says it for science but I think he uses it to smoke with but thats off topic. I think the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys should win some sort of award for being the most strangest things ever! Keep it up!

Mikey

18th April 2004, 12:59 PM

Thanks for the 2 readers.... LOL where did everyone go? READ DAMN U!!!

Anyways, the next chapter should be done within the week. Look for it here!

Lady Vulpix

22nd April 2004, 11:28 AM

Ok, I made it. Sorry, I've been really busy.

Jay's singing was funny. And it was interesting to see the new and enhanced Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys. And the argument about the 2 minutes was really funny! XD
And I get to use a light sabre! ^_^ But smelling Mike's boxers? Eww! x_x

Keep it up! http://www.geocities.com/gsteren/Faces/up.txt

Mikey

2nd May 2004, 12:20 PM

Ok, as promised here is part 11. I think you will enjoy it!

Part 11

At Dungarrow, Joedon rode through the camp looking at the ugly people that were present. "My lord, I greet the, sire!" A random rider said stepping up. Joedon looked concern. "How many?" He asked. The rider looked a little concerned. "I bring 500 from the theud.com my lord." He said. Joedon cocked his head in confusion. "500 lbs?" He inquired. "No, 500 men my lord, what were you talking about?" The rider asked. "I wanted to know how much weed Minas Titith holds you stupid fag!" Joedon roared and continued on.

"We have 300 more from Pokeschool.com, my lord." Chrisling said stepping up. "Where are the riders from Pokesafari.com?" Joedon asked. "That site was shut down my lord. None have come." Chrisling replied. Joedon and Mkagorn rode to the edge of the encampment and dismounted their donkeys. They looked out over the cliff to see many people camped below. "Six thousand *****es. Less then half of what I hoped, and none brought weed." Joedon whispered. "Six thousand will not be enough to break the lines of AIMdor." Mikagorn replied. Joedon turned. "More will come, and they will bring pot." He said hopefully. "Every hour lost hastens TPMdor's defeat. We have until dawn, then we must ride." Mikagorn replied.

A donkey became mad and began to go insane as its rider tried to calm it. "The horses are vulnerable and the men are horny." Kylegolas said looking around. "Me too, and I'm vulnerable!" Mikomir said through him. "They grow nervous near the shadow of the mountain." Croamer commented. Nateli looked down the dark and spooky path. "That road there, where does that one lead?" He asked. "It is the road to the Cumholt. The door under the mountain." Kylegolas replied. "None who venture there ever return. That mountain is a meany." Croamer said and walked off.

Mikagorn approached and looked down the dark and spooky road. It was dark, spooky, and it was a road. (Nice description hey?) There, he saw the faint image of a woman. She flicked him off before disappearing. "Mikagorn!" Nateli said startling him. Mikagorn turned to his friend. "Let's go get layed." Nateli followed up and walked off. Mikagorn smiled and followed.

That night, Gabrielyn sat inside a tent helping Zak into his armor. "There, a true esquire of SPPhan." She grinned. Zak looked a little disturbed. "I want to be an esquire of TPmdor. They're cooler!" He said. She sighed and petted his head. Zak then drew his blade and pointed it at her. "Make me an esquire of TPMdor or I'll cut you!" He roared. Gabrielyn sighed. "It's not even sharp." She grinned. "Yeah, but if I poke you enough you'll cry!" Zak roared. Gabrielyn ignored him. "You're not going to ban Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys with a blunt blade. Come on." She said and lead him out of the tent.

Zak exited the tent pretending to be cool by slashing his blade. Gabrielyn rolled her eyes and kicked him. "To the Smitty you retard." She roared. Zak giggled and skipped down the path. Craomer and Chrisling started to laugh eating nearby. "You should not encourage Zak. He's a *****." Craomer said when he was gone. "You should not doubt him." Gabrielyn replied. "I do not doubt his heart, only the reach of his ****." Craomer laughed. "It will be a cold day in hell before he can satisfy a woman." Chrisling lauhed trying to hold in his food. Craomer turned angrily to him. "Donâ€™t laugh you idiot. You're too ugly to satisfy a woman." He roared. "Why should Zak be left behind? He has as much cause to go to war as you. Why should he be left behind?" Gabrielyn asked looking out at the sky.

Meanwhile, a dark figure on a donkey slowly walked up the path towards the camps. It then shifted to Sanwen lying on a bed with tears in her eyes. "I chose a mortal lifeâ€¦I wish I could have ****ed himâ€¦one last time." She said. Mikagorn watched in horror as her virginity pendant smashed on the floor. He immediately woke up from his wet dream and drew his knife. When he comes to, he realized he accidently stabbed and killed one of the gaurds that had entered his tent. He pushed him aside and walked out to go visit Joedon.

Inside Joedon's tent, Mikagorn saw him talking with the dark figure. Joedon noticed Mikagorn and walked over. "I take my leave to go get high." He said and walked out. When he was gone, the dark figure stood up and revealed his hood, revealing Ozanrond. Mikagorn began to pout. "Why aren't you Samwen? I had a booty call!" He roared. "Oh well, you'll have to do." Ozanrond sighed and walked over to him. "I come on behalf of one whom I love. Samwen is on the verge of ban. She will not long survive the Gayness that now spreads from AIMdor. The light of the virginstar is fading. As Hunter's power grows her strength wanes. Samwen's life is now tied to the fate of the forum. A shadow is upon us Mikagorn. The end has come." He said.

"It will not be our end, but his." Mikagorn replied. "You ride to war, but not to victory. Hunter's armies march on Minas Titith, as you know. But in secret he sends another force, which will attack from the river. A fleet of Men in Black ships sails from the south. It will be in the city in two days. You're outnumbered, Mikagorn. You need more men." Ozanrond roared. "There are none you stupid idiot!" Mikagorn roared back. "There are those who dwell in the mountain." Ozanrond replied. Mikagorn looked pissed.

Hookers, prostitutes, you would call on them to fight? They believe in nothing. They'll answer to no one!" Mikagorn roared. "They will answer to the king of TPMdor!" Ozanrond roared pulling a large box with a dell logo from out of nowhere. "Andelril, flame of the west, forged from the shard of Delsil." Ozanrond roared. Mikagorn grinned with glee like a child receiving a new gift. He quickly grabbed the box and began to open it, pushing away the packing foam until he saw the new computer. "Hunter will have not forgotten this computer." He grinned. He then pulled it from the box. The computer reshaped itself into a lightsaber. "You just press this button and it will transform in a computer. Just like a transformer!" Ozanrond grinned.

"The monitor which was broken will now return to Minas Titith." Mikagorn grinned. "The man who wields the power of this computer can summon to him an army more deadly than any that walks this earth. Put aside the Power Ranger. Become who you were born to be. Take the Cumholt road." Ozanrond roared. Mikagorn looked up a little uncertain. "I bring hope to men." Ozanrond said in Jeevanish. "I keep none for myself." Mikagorn replied.

Outside, Mikagorn prepared his donkey to leave. Gabrielyn approached pissed off. "Why are you doing this? The war lies to the east. You cannot leave on the eve of battle. You cannot abandon the men." She roared. "Gabrielyn." Mikagorn said turning to her. "Donâ€™t you at least want a booty call before you leave?" She asked. Mikagorn thought it over but decided it wasn't right to cheat on Samwen no matter how horny he was. "Why have you come?" He asked. "Do you not know?" Gabrielyn inquired. "It is but a shadow and a thought that you love. I cannot give you what you seek." Mikagorn replied and walked off. Gabrielyn began to cry.

Mikagorn led his donkey passed Nateli. "Where do you think you're going?" He asked. "Not this time, this time you will stay Nateli." Mikagorn roared. "Of course I am. I'd rather kill myself then take that road." Nateli bellowed. "Have you learned nothing about the *****ness of Nateli?" Kylegolas asked stepping up with his donkey. "I'm no *****!" Nateli growled and started off into the mountain. Mikagorn laughed and he and Kylegolas followed.

The rider's began to mass behind the leaving trio. "Where is he going? What's happening? I don't understand!" Someone shouted. "He's leaving you stupid ****er." Another yelled. "He leaves because there is no hope." Chrisling roared. "He leaves because he must!" Joedon said stepping randomly out of the shadows. "Too few have come. We cannot defeat the armies of AIMdor." Chrisling replied. "You are my ***** Chrisling. Everyone does as I say, and we will meet them in battle none the less." Joedon roared. "Now I must return to my joint."

As he walked off he noticed Gabrielyn standing alone at the egde of the cliff. If looked as if she was about to jump. "I have left instruction. The people are to follow your rule in my stead. Take up my seat in the Golden Hall. May you long defend Edoras if the battle goes ill." He said. "What other duty would you have me do, My Lord?" She replied. "Duty? I would have you **** me again, but that would be incest and that's not cool. You shall see these days renewed, Gabrielyn. No more despair." He said.
Meanwhile, Mikagorn and friends walked cautiously through the mountain pass. "What kind of army would linger in such a place?" Nateli asked looking up at the old neon signs that all seemed to say things about having sex for money. "One that is cursed. Long ago the Women of the mountain swore an oath to the last King of TPMdor, to come to his aid when he was horny, to have sex. But when the time came, when TPMdor's Kings need was dire, they fled, vanishing into the darkness of the mountain. And so Kevin cursed them, never to rest until they had fulfilled their oath." Kylegolas replied.
The three came to a small hole surrounded by skulls and a neon sign about that read "Hot gurlz inside, low price!" "The very warmth of my blood is rushing below." Nateli grinned. Kylegolas read the neon sign about to the group. Suddenly, a large amount of wind swept out of the door. "Eww, it smells like queef." Nateli roared. The donkeys became spooked from the smell and began to walk off. "Damnit!" Mikagorn roared as they left. "What?" Kylegolas asked. "The donkeys are getting away." Mikagorn said pointing to the animals that were slowly turning around. "Well grab their reigns." Kylegolas suggested. "No, it's too late." Mikagorn replied. Kylegolas turned to see the donkeys hadn't budged much and shrugged.
"I do not fear hookers." Mikagorn then said walking into the opening. Kylegolas followed and Nateli did soon after. "I'm going to get me som PUNAMI!" Hre grinned disappearing inside the mountain. At the encampment, Joedon mounted his donkey. "We must ride light and swift. There is a long road ahead. Man and beast must reach the end with the strength to fight." He told the others. The group took off down the hill when Joedon noticed Zak preparing his own donkety. "Little hobbits don't belong in war Master Zakiodoc. They are pussies." Joedon said. "All my friends have gone to battle. I would be ashamed to be left behind." Zak replied. "It is a three-day gallop to Minas Titith and none of my rider's can bear you as a burden." Joedon roared. "I want to fight!" Zak cried. "I will say no more." Joedon said as his donkey trotted away.
Zak looked a little saddened as the army began to leave the encampment. Suddenly, a rider runs him over with her horse. "Oh my god, are you ok?" She asked getting off. "My lady?" Zak asked a little dizzy. "Ride with me." Gabrielyn said. She was dressed as a man and had a sign around her neck that read "I am a boy. Boys are cool." Zak nodded and the two mounted the donkey taking off with the rest of the army. "Form up! Move out! We ride now to TPMdor!" Joedon roared leading his troops across the field. "My lord, TPMdor is that way!" Someone yelled. Joedon sighed and turned his donkey. "Let's go!" He roared and led the army in the right direction.
In Pellinwhore fields, Hunter's army has massed. A bunch of Kelly's began ot beat drums, making music happily as the troops formed. The army of Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys started to chant as they approached Minas Titith. Meanwhile, Mikagorn and his friends rushed through a maze of hookers. Each one was offering low prices for sex and Nateli stopped for almost everyone, but was always pulled away by Mikagorn. They finally came to a large hall where a really decked out prostitute was waiting for them. She wore a crown of dancer feathers.
"Who enters my domain?" The Queen of the Dead (The Missing Link) inquired. "One who would have your allegiance." Mikagorn replied. "The dead hookers do not suffer the living to pass." The Queen of the Dead replied. "You will suffer me!" Mikagorn roared. The Queen began to laugh as the other hookers appeared around them. Soon, Mikagorn and his friends were surrounded by thousands of them. "Hot Gurlz inside, low price!" The Queen grinned. "The way is shut, now you must be ****ed to death!" She finished.
Kylegolas put up his sniper rifle and shot her in the head. Surpringly, a hole formed. "Ow, son of *****! That ****ing hurt you little bastard! Oh my god is it bleeding? ****!" She roared. When she realized the injury wasn't bad she looked back up. "I summon you to fufill your oaths, except you must fight for me instead of ****ing me." Mikagorn requested. "None but the King of TPMdor can command me!" The Queen roared. She then swung her hooker purse towards Mikagorn who blocked it with his lightsaber.
"The computer was broken!" The Queen said in shock. "It has been remade!" Mikagorn replied grinning. Mikagorn pushed her back as the other hookers became scared. "Fight for us and regain your honor. What say you?" Mikagorn then asked looking around. "What say you?" He repeated. "You're wasiting your time Mikagorn. These dames were built for sex, not fighting." Nateli grinned flirting with one. Mikagorn turned to the Queen of the Dead. "I am Kevin's heir. Fight for me and I will hod your oaths fulfilled." He roared. "What say you?" The Dead Queen thought for a second. "Our price is $100 an hourâ€¦" She grinned.
Outside the legs of Minas Titith the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys began to chant. A soldier on the wall noticed something below. "Open the legs quick!" He yelled. The legs spread and a donkey waddles in bearing an dead looking RJmir. Brianmog rode up to the head of the army mounted on a Kitty. RJmir was brought up to the Citadel where his father rushed from the doors to see what was happening.
"RJmir! Say not that he has fallen!" Dannythor roared. "They were outnumbered. None survived." A soldier said. "But I'm fine!" RJmir suddenly said sitting up. Outside the legs, Brianmog sniffed the air. "Fear, the city is ripe with it. Let us ease their pain. Release the prisoners." He roared. The Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey army catapults began to release some small things. The soldiers on the wall ducked as the private parts of their fellow soldiers landed around them.
Back at the Citadel, Dannythor began to waddle around aimlessly. "My sons are spent! My line has ended, and no other woman will ever have sex with me!" He roared. Jay walked out towards the group hearing what Dannythor spoke. He noticed RJmir was sitting up twiddling his thumbs. "He's alive!" Jay smiled. "The house of stewards has failed!" Dannythor cried. He then approached the edge of the wall to see the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey army below. "SPPhan has desrted us!" He roared.
The catapults began to release striking spots of Minas Titith. People shrieked and ran as parts of the city fell apart. "Joedon has betrayed me!" Dannythor continued as more catapults launched. "Abandon your posts! Flee! Flee for your lives you idiots!" He then yelled to his men. Suddenly, Chrisdolf appeared from behind and began to beat Dannythor with his staff. "Shut the **** up! Prepare for battle!" He roared.
Chrisdolf mounted Katirefax and rode down to the bottom level. "Come on men! To the wall! Defend the wall!" He roared as he went. He passed soldiers trying to flee. "Return to your posts you pussies!" He yelled. Soldiers began to put their sniper rifles up aiming at the army below. Chrisfolf made it to the top of the wall and peered down at the army. "Send these foul beasts into the abyss!" He roared. Minas Titith's catapaults began to launc as well, massacring the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys below with styrafoam. "Stay where you are!" The deformed Brianmog roared to his troops. A chunk of styrafoam started heading straight at him, but he dodged at the last second and spit on it.
"Watch out! Down to the lower level quick!" A soldier yelled. Jay joined the soldiers rushing down the wall to battle. Up above, the Fell Keets squawked as they began to enter the airspace of the city. The cute little birds began to fly down, grabbing men in their cute little feet and tossing them below. They also began to peck and crap on the catapualts, destroying many. People screamed as the Fell Keets grabbed more of them.
"Hold them back! Do not give into fear!" Chirsdolf yelled as a Fell Keet swooped in and grabbed some men from the wall. "Stay at your posts!" He repeated. "**** that!" Some soldiers yelled and began to flee, but were scooped up by the cute Fell Keets. Seige Dildo towers began to approach pushed by Kellys to the wall as TPMdor soldiers shot arrows at them. "Not the towers! Shoot the Kellys you fools!" Chrisdolf roared as the TPMdorians changed targets.
Jay finally made it to the wall exhausted. Chrisdolf noticed him. "Jaygrin Took, go back to the Citadel!" He roared. "They called us out to dominateâ€¦" Jay replied. A siege tower made it to the wall and Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys began to spill out. "This is no place for a hobbit!" Chrisdolf remarked. Chrisdolf began to kick ass, banning many of the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys that came at him. He twisted a few times, banning more and more. Two more came in and he jumped up freezing in midair, and then kicking them back matrix style. Suddenly, one jumped out of nowhere, but Jay thought fast and whipped it with his dominatrix whip. The monkey squealed and fell back. "Dominatrix of the Citadel indeed! Now back up the hill! Quick!" Chrisdolf grinned. Jay smiled and skipped away, happy he was receiving attention. A great battering vibrator was now being brought towards the legs of Minas Titith as Hunter's army chanted.
Meanwhile, Bjarni approached the entrance to the tunnel and sat impatiently waiting for Mikey. Mikey soon approached exhausted. "In there mastar, only for me?" Bjarni giggled. "What is this place?" Mikey asked peering into the dark spooky tunnel. "Mastar must go inside the tunnel." Bjarni beckoned. "Now that I'm here, I don't think I want to." Mikey replied scared. Bjarni grew a little agitated. "It's the only way! Go in or go back!" He grinned. Mikey sighed. "I can't go backâ€¦" He whispered and began to walk inside.
"What's that smell?" He asked as he walked through the spooky tunnel. Cobwebs littered the area. "Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey farts! They come in here to spam sometimes!" Bjarni replied unseen. "Hurry mastar!" He roared. Mikey began to walk through when he suddenly realized Bjarni was nowhere to be seen. "Robby?" He looked around frightened. "Over here!" Bjarni giggled. Mikey continued on when he suddenly touched something sticky. "Eww, what is this?" He asked. "You will see, oh yes, you will see!" Bjarni giggled again.
Mikey called out to Bjarni again, but he was now totally silent. After some more walking, Mikey collapsed to the floor and sobbed. "Chikoâ€¦" He whispered. He got back up and took a step, only to see an ape-like skeleton below. He then looked around to see random dead animals all around. Frightened, he began to run. Meanwhile, Chiko continued down the hill crying uncontrollably. He suddenly lost his footing and slipped down to a lower section. When he came too, he noticed the remains of the Matzah bread and became angry with Bjarni. Quickly, he began to climb back up.
Mikey continued to run but suddenly slipped and fell into a glob of spider webs and bones. He hten randomly had visions of Tinadriel in his head. "And to you Mikey Baggins. I give you the firefly of Tinadriel. May it be a light to you in dark places when all other lights go out." He recalled her saying before trying to rape him. Quickly, he pulled the vile from his pack to find the firefly inside. He began to chant and the light lit up.
Mikey turned to see the head of Nala from the lion king. It roared and came more into view, exposing a spider's body. This was Nalob (Nala, now Wolfsong), the most dangerous creature of the mountain. Mikey held up the vial causing the creature to fall back. Nalob came back in to attack but Mikey slashed at one of her legs. The creature pulled back, but hit the vial away from Mikey. Now ready to cry, Mikey began to run away from the hideous thing.
Mikey ran along the tunnel, looking back to see Nalob right on his tail. After some time, he managed to escape, but soon ran right into a web, trapping him spread-eagle above the ground. Nalob's shadow came into view behind him and Mikey began to freak. Suddenly, Mikey heard Bjarni singing "The Circle of Life" near him. Soon, the demented autistic child appeared on a rock. "Soon you'll be eaten!" He grinned after he finished the song.
Mikey began to cut at the web as Bjarni shrieked. He leapt away and Mikey fell to the ground as Nalob closed in behind him. Sting fell to the ground as Mikey got away. Quickly, Mikey ran through the tunnel and escaped through a hole, collapsing outside. "Spammed away did it precious? Not this time! Not this time!" Bjarni appeared from behind some boulders. He leapt onto Mikey with his hammer trying to whack him with it.
Mikey kicked the autistic child off and leapt onto him, trying to kill it. "It wasn't us! The precious made us spam! It was the precious!" Bjarni wailed begging for his life. Mikey pulled off of him breathing heavily and clutching the forum. "I have to destroy it Robby. For both our sakesâ€¦" He coughed. Bjarni became angry and leapt at Mikey. "No!" He roared. Mikey flipped away causing Bjarni to roll down a hole nearby. Mikey watched him scream as he disappeared into the darkness.
Mikey slowly got up breathing hard and began to stumble along the dark path. "I'm so sorry Chikoâ€¦so sorry." He said and collapses onto the path. He suddenly looked up to find he was in a happy special magical place with Tinadriel in front of him. "This task was appointed to you Mikey of the sire. And if you don't find a wayâ€¦no one willâ€¦" She said holding out her hand. Mikey reluctantly pulled back afraid of being raped. Tinadriel rolled her eyes and grabbed him, shoving him up. Mikey was then back on the desolate path. He knew he had to go on. He had to destroy the forumâ€¦

Mikey

2nd May 2004, 12:22 PM

Ok here is part 11 as promised. I think you'll enjoy it!

Part 11

At Dungarrow, Joedon rode through the camp looking at the ugly people that were present. "My lord, I greet the, sire!" A random rider said stepping up. Joedon looked concern. "How many?" He asked. The rider looked a little concerned. "I bring 500 from the theud.com my lord." He said. Joedon cocked his head in confusion. "500 lbs?" He inquired. "No, 500 men my lord, what were you talking about?" The rider asked. "I wanted to know how much weed Minas Titith holds you stupid fag!" Joedon roared and continued on.

"We have 300 more from Pokeschool.com, my lord." Chrisling said stepping up. "Where are the riders from Pokesafari.com?" Joedon asked. "That site was shut down my lord. None have come." Chrisling replied. Joedon and Mkagorn rode to the edge of the encampment and dismounted their donkeys. They looked out over the cliff to see many people camped below. "Six thousand *****es. Less then half of what I hoped, and none brought weed." Joedon whispered. "Six thousand will not be enough to break the lines of AIMdor." Mikagorn replied. Joedon turned. "More will come, and they will bring pot." He said hopefully. "Every hour lost hastens TPMdor's defeat. We have until dawn, then we must ride." Mikagorn replied.

A donkey became mad and began to go insane as its rider tried to calm it. "The horses are vulnerable and the men are horny." Kylegolas said looking around. "Me too, and I'm vulnerable!" Mikomir said through him. "They grow nervous near the shadow of the mountain." Croamer commented. Nateli looked down the dark and spooky path. "That road there, where does that one lead?" He asked. "It is the road to the Cumholt. The door under the mountain." Kylegolas replied. "None who venture there ever return. That mountain is a meany." Croamer said and walked off.

Mikagorn approached and looked down the dark and spooky road. It was dark, spooky, and it was a road. (Nice description hey?) There, he saw the faint image of a woman. She flicked him off before disappearing. "Mikagorn!" Nateli said startling him. Mikagorn turned to his friend. "Let's go get layed." Nateli followed up and walked off. Mikagorn smiled and followed.

That night, Gabrielyn sat inside a tent helping Zak into his armor. "There, a true esquire of SPPhan." She grinned. Zak looked a little disturbed. "I want to be an esquire of TPmdor. They're cooler!" He said. She sighed and petted his head. Zak then drew his blade and pointed it at her. "Make me an esquire of TPMdor or I'll cut you!" He roared. Gabrielyn sighed. "It's not even sharp." She grinned. "Yeah, but if I poke you enough you'll cry!" Zak roared. Gabrielyn ignored him. "You're not going to ban Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys with a blunt blade. Come on." She said and lead him out of the tent.

Zak exited the tent pretending to be cool by slashing his blade. Gabrielyn rolled her eyes and kicked him. "To the Smitty you retard." She roared. Zak giggled and skipped down the path. Craomer and Chrisling started to laugh eating nearby. "You should not encourage Zak. He's a *****." Craomer said when he was gone. "You should not doubt him." Gabrielyn replied. "I do not doubt his heart, only the reach of his ****." Craomer laughed. "It will be a cold day in hell before he can satisfy a woman." Chrisling lauhed trying to hold in his food. Craomer turned angrily to him. "Donâ€™t laugh you idiot. You're too ugly to satisfy a woman." He roared. "Why should Zak be left behind? He has as much cause to go to war as you. Why can't he fight for those he loves?" Gabrielyn asked looking out at the sky.

Meanwhile, a dark figure on a donkey slowly walked up the path towards the camps. It then shifted to Sanwen lying on a bed with tears in her eyes. "I chose a mortal lifeâ€¦I wish I could have ****ed himâ€¦one last time." She said. Mikagorn watched in horror as her virginity pendant smashed on the floor. He immediately woke up from his wet dream and drew his knife. When he comes to, he realized he accidently stabbed and killed one of the gaurds that had entered his tent. He pushed him aside and walked out to go visit Joedon.

Inside Joedon's tent, Mikagorn saw him talking with the dark figure. Joedon noticed Mikagorn and walked over. "I take my leave to go get high." He said and walked out. When he was gone, the dark figure stood up and revealed his hood, revealing Ozanrond. Mikagorn began to pout. "Why aren't you Samwen? I had a booty call!" He roared. "Oh well, you'll have to do." Ozanrond sighed and walked over to him. "I come on behalf of one whom I love. Samwen is on the verge of ban. She will not long survive the Gayness that now spreads from AIMdor. The light of the virginstar is fading. As Hunter's power grows her strength wanes. Samwen's life is now tied to the fate of the forum. A shadow is upon us Mikagorn. The end has come." He said.

"It will not be our end, but his." Mikagorn replied. "You ride to war, but not to victory. Hunter's armies march on Minas Titith, as you know. But in secret he sends another force, which will attack from the river. A fleet of Men in Black ships sails from the south. It will be in the city in two days. You're outnumbered, Mikagorn. You need more men." Ozanrond roared. "There are none you stupid idiot!" Mikagorn roared back. "There are those who dwell in the mountain." Ozanrond replied. Mikagorn looked pissed.

Hookers, prostitutes, you would call on them to fight? They believe in nothing. They'll answer to no one!" Mikagorn roared. "They will answer to the Admin of TPMdor!" Ozanrond roared pulling a large box with a dell logo from out of nowhere. "Andelril, flame of the west, forged from the shard of Delsil." Ozanrond roared. Mikagorn grinned with glee like a child receiving a new gift. He quickly grabbed the box and began to open it, pushing away the packing foam until he saw the new computer. "Hunter will have not forgotten this computer." He grinned. He then pulled it from the box. The computer reshaped itself into a lightsaber. "You just press this button and it will transform in a computer. Just like a transformer!" Ozanrond grinned.

"The monitor which was broken will now return to Minas Titith." Mikagorn grinned. "The man who wields the power of this computer can summon to him an army more deadly than any that walks this earth. Put aside the Power Ranger. Become who you were born to be. Take the Cumholt road." Ozanrond roared. Mikagorn looked up a little uncertain. "I bring hope to men." Ozanrond said in Jeevanish. "I keep none for myself." Mikagorn replied.

Outside, Mikagorn prepared his donkey to leave. Gabrielyn approached pissed off. "Why are you doing this? The war lies to the east. You cannot leave on the eve of battle. You cannot abandon the men." She roared. "Gabrielyn." Mikagorn said turning to her. "Donâ€™t you at least want a booty call before you leave?" She asked. Mikagorn thought it over but decided it wasn't right to cheat on Samwen no matter how horny he was. "Why have you come?" He asked. "Do you not know?" Gabrielyn inquired. "It is but a shadow and a thought that you love. I cannot give you what you seek." Mikagorn replied and walked off. Gabrielyn began to cry.

Mikagorn led his donkey passed Nateli. "Where do you think you're going?" He asked. "Not this time, this time you will stay Nateli." Mikagorn roared. "Of course I am. I'd rather kill myself then take that road." Nateli bellowed. "Have you learned nothing about the *****ness of Nateli?" Kylegolas asked stepping up with his donkey. "I'm no *****!" Nateli growled and started off into the mountain. Mikagorn laughed and he and Kylegolas followed.

The rider's began to mass behind the leaving trio. "Where is he going? What's happening? I don't understand!" Someone shouted. "He's leaving you stupid ****er." Another yelled. "He leaves because there is no hope." Chrisling roared. "He leaves because he must!" Joedon said stepping randomly out of the shadows. "Too few have come. We cannot defeat the armies of AIMdor." Chrisling replied. "You are my ***** Chrisling. Everyone does as I say, and we will meet them in battle none the less." Joedon roared. "Now I must return to my joint."

As he walked off he noticed Gabrielyn standing alone at the egde of the cliff. If looked as if she was about to jump. "I have left instruction. The people are to follow your rule in my stead. Take up my seat in the Golden Hall. May you long defend Clitoras if the battle goes ill." He said. "What other duty would you have me do, My Lord?" She replied. "Duty? I would have you **** me again, but that would be incest and that's not cool. You shall see these days renewed, Gabrielyn. No more despair." He said.

Meanwhile, Mikagorn and friends walked cautiously through the mountain pass. "What kind of army would linger in such a place?" Nateli asked looking up at the old neon signs that all seemed to say things about having sex for money. "One that is cursed. Long ago the Women of the mountain swore an oath to the last King of TPMdor, to come to his aid when he was horny, to have sex. But when the time came, when TPMdor's Kings need was dire, they fled, vanishing into the darkness of the mountain. And so Kevin cursed them, never to rest until they had fulfilled their oath." Kylegolas replied.

The three came to a small hole surrounded by skulls and a neon sign about that read "Hot gurlz inside, low price!" "The very warmth of my blood is rushing below." Nateli grinned. Kylegolas read the neon sign above to the group. Suddenly, a large amount of wind swept out of the door. "Eww, it smells like queef." Nateli roared. The donkeys became spooked from the smell and began to walk off. "Damnit!" Mikagorn roared as they left. "What?" Kylegolas asked. "The donkeys are getting away." Mikagorn said pointing to the animals that were slowly turning around. "Well grab their reigns." Kylegolas suggested. "No, it's too late." Mikagorn replied. Kylegolas turned to see the donkeys hadn't budged much and shrugged.

"I do not fear hookers." Mikagorn then said walking into the opening. Kylegolas followed and Nateli did soon after. "I'm going to get me som PUNAMI!" He grinned disappearing inside the mountain. At the encampment, Joedon mounted his donkey. "We must ride light and swift. There is a long road ahead. Man and beast must reach the end with the strength to fight." He told the others. The group took off down the hill when Joedon noticed Zak preparing his own donkey. "Little hobbits don't belong in war Master Zakiodoc. They are pussies." Joedon said. "All my friends have gone to battle. I would be ashamed to be left behind." Zak replied. "It is a three-day gallop to Minas Titith and none of my rider's can bear you as a burden." Joedon roared. "I want to fight!" Zak cried. "I will say no more." Joedon said as his donkey trotted away.

Zak looked a little saddened as the army began to leave the encampment. Suddenly, a rider ran him over with her horse. "Oh my god, are you ok?" She asked getting off. "My lady?" Zak asked a little dizzy. "Ride with me." Gabrielyn said. She was dressed as a man and had a sign around her neck that read "I am a boy. Boys are cool." Zak nodded and the two mounted the donkey taking off with the rest of the army. "Form up! Move out! We ride now to TPMdor!" Joedon roared leading his troops across the field. "My lord, TPMdor is that way!" Someone yelled. Joedon sighed and turned his donkey. "Let's go!" He roared and led the army in the right direction.

In Pellinwhore fields, Hunter's army had massed. A bunch of Kellys began ot beat drums, making music happily as the troops formed. The army of Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys started to chant as they approached Minas Titith. Meanwhile, Mikagorn and his friends rushed through a maze of hookers. Each one was offering low prices for sex and Nateli stopped for almost everyone, but was always pulled away by Mikagorn. They finally came to a large hall where a really decked out prostitute was waiting for them. She wore a crown of dancer feathers.

"Who enters my domain?" The Queen of the Dead (The Missing Link) inquired. "One who would have your allegiance." Mikagorn replied. "The dead hookers do not suffer the living to pass." The Queen of the Dead replied. "You will suffer me!" Mikagorn roared. The Queen began to laugh as the other hookers appeared around them. Soon, Mikagorn and his friends were surrounded by thousands of them. "Hot Gurlz inside, low price!" The Queen grinned. "The way is shut, now you must be ****ed to death!" She finished.

Kylegolas put up his sniper rifle and shot her in the head. Surpringly, a hole formed. "Ow, son of *****! That ****ing hurt you little bastard! Oh my god is it bleeding? ****!" She roared. When she realized the injury wasn't bad she looked back up. "I summon you to fufill your oaths, except you must fight for me instead of ****ing me." Mikagorn requested. "None but the Admin of TPMdor can command me!" The Queen roared. She then swung her hooker purse towards Mikagorn who blocked it with his lightsaber.

"The computer was broken!" The Queen said in shock. "It has been remade!" Mikagorn replied grinning. Mikagorn pushed her back as the other hookers became scared. "Fight for us and regain your honor. What say you?" Mikagorn then asked looking around. "What say you?" He repeated. "You're wasting your time Mikagorn. These dames were built for sex, not fighting." Nateli grinned flirting with one. Mikagorn turned to the Queen of the Dead. "I am Kevin's heir. Fight for me and I will hod your oaths fulfilled." He roared. "What say you?" The Dead Queen thought for a second. "Our price is $100 an hourâ€¦" She grinned.

Outside the legs of Minas Titith the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys began to chant. A soldier on the wall noticed something below. "Open the legs quick!" He yelled. The legs spread and a donkey waddled in bearing an dead looking RJmir. Brianmog rode up to the head of the army mounted on a Kitty. RJmir was brought up to the Citadel where his father rushed from the doors to see what was happening.

"RJmir! Say not that he has fallen!" Dannythor roared. "They were outnumbered. None survived." A soldier said. "But I'm fine!" RJmir suddenly said sitting up. Outside the legs, Brianmog sniffed the air. "Fear, the city is ripe with it. Let us ease their pain. Release the prisoners." He roared. The Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey army catapults began to release some small things. The soldiers on the wall ducked as the private parts of their fellow soldiers landed around them.

Back at the Citadel, Dannythor began to waddle around aimlessly. "My sons are spent! My line has ended, and no other woman will ever have sex with me!" He roared. Jay walked out towards the group hearing what Dannythor spoke. He noticed RJmir was sitting up twiddling his thumbs. "He's alive!" Jay smiled. "The house of stewards has failed!" Dannythor cried. He then approached the edge of the wall to see the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey army below. "SPPhan has desrted us!" He roared.

The catapults began to release striking spots of Minas Titith. People shrieked and ran as parts of the city fell apart. "Joedon has betrayed me!" Dannythor continued as more catapults launched. "Abandon your posts! Flee! Flee for your lives you idiots!" He then yelled to his men. Suddenly, Chrisdolf appeared from behind and began to beat Dannythor with his staff. "Shut the **** up! Prepare for battle!" He roared.

Chrisdolf mounted Katirefax and rode down to the bottom level. "Come on men! To the wall! Defend the wall!" He roared as he went. He passed soldiers trying to flee. "Return to your posts you pussies!" He yelled. Soldiers began to put their sniper rifles up aiming at the army below. Chrisdolf made it to the top of the wall and peered down at the army. "Send these foul beasts into the abyss!" He roared. Minas Titith's catapaults began to launch as well, massacring the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys below with styrafoam. "Stay where you are!" The deformed Brianmog roared to his troops. A chunk of styrafoam started heading straight at him, but it just hit him in the head and bounced off unharming.

"Watch out! Down to the lower level quick!" A soldier yelled. Jay joined the soldiers rushing down the wall to battle. Up above, the Fell Keets squawked as they began to enter the airspace of the city. The cute little birds began to fly down, grabbing men in their cute little feet and tossing them below. They also began to peck and crap on the catapualts, destroying many. People screamed as the Fell Keets grabbed more of them.

"Hold them back! Do not give into fear!" Chirsdolf yelled as a Fell Keet swooped in and grabbed some men from the wall. "Stay at your posts!" He repeated. "**** that!" Some soldiers yelled and began to flee, but were scooped up by the cute Fell Keets. Seige Dildo towers began to approach pushed by Kellys to the wall as TPMdor soldiers shot arrows at them. "Not the towers! Shoot the Kellys you fools!" Chrisdolf roared as the TPMdorians changed targets.

Jay finally made it to the wall exhausted. Chrisdolf noticed him. "Jaygrin Took, go back to the Citadel!" He roared. "They called us out to dominateâ€¦" Jay replied. A siege tower made it to the wall and Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys began to spill out. "This is no place for a hobbit!" Chrisdolf remarked. Chrisdolf began to kick ass, banning many of the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys that came at him. He twisted a few times, banning more and more. Two more came in and he jumped up freezing in midair, and then kicking them back matrix style. Suddenly, one jumped out of nowhere, but Jay thought fast and whipped it with his dominatrix whip. The monkey squealed and fell back. "Dominatrix of the Citadel indeed! Now back up the hill! Quick!" Chrisdolf grinned. Jay smiled and skipped away, happy he was receiving attention. A great battering vibrator was now being brought towards the legs of Minas Titith as Hunter's army chanted.

Meanwhile, Bjarni approached the entrance to the tunnel and sat impatiently waiting for Mikey. Mikey soon approached exhausted. "In there mastar, only for me?" Bjarni giggled. "What is this place?" Mikey asked peering into the dark spooky tunnel. "Mastar must go inside the tunnel." Bjarni beckoned. "Now that I'm here, I don't think I want to." Mikey replied scared. Bjarni grew a little agitated. "It's the only way! Go in or go back!" He grinned. Mikey sighed. "I can't go backâ€¦" He whispered and began to walk inside.

"What's that smell?" He asked as he walked through the spooky tunnel. Cobwebs littered the area. "Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey farts! They come in here to spam sometimes!" Bjarni replied unseen. "Hurry mastar!" He roared. Mikey began to walk through when he suddenly realized Bjarni was nowhere to be seen. "Robby?" He looked around frightened. "Over here!" Bjarni giggled. Mikey continued on when he suddenly touched something sticky. "Eww, what is this?" He asked. "You will see, oh yes, you will see!" Bjarni giggled again.

Mikey called out to Bjarni again, but he was now totally silent. After some more walking, Mikey collapsed to the floor and sobbed. "Chikoâ€¦" He whispered. He got back up and took a step, only to see an ape-like skeleton below. He then looked around to see random dead animals all around. Frightened, he began to run. Meanwhile, Chiko continued down the hill crying uncontrollably. He suddenly lost his footing and slipped down to a lower section. When he came too, he noticed the remains of the Matzah bread and became angry with Bjarni. He quickly ate the last of the bread and then began to climb back up.

Mikey continued to run but suddenly slipped and fell into a glob of spider webs and bones. He hten randomly had visions of Tinadriel in his head. "And to you Mikey Baggins. I give you the firefly of Tinadriel. May it be a light to you in dark places when all other lights go out." He recalled her saying before trying to rape him. Quickly, he pulled the vile from his pack to find the firefly inside. He began to chant and the light lit up.

Mikey turned to see the head of Nala from the lion king. It roared and came more into view, exposing a spider's body. This was Nalob (Nala, now Wolfsong), the most dangerous creature of the mountain. Mikey held up the vial causing the creature to fall back. Nalob came back in to attack but Mikey slashed at one of her legs. The creature pulled back, but hit the vial away from Mikey. Now ready to cry, Mikey began to run away from the hideous thing.

Mikey ran along the tunnel, looking back to see Nalob right on his tail. After some time, he managed to escape, but soon ran right into a web, trapping him spread-eagle above the ground. Nalob's shadow came into view behind him and Mikey began to freak. Suddenly, Mikey heard Bjarni singing "The Circle of Life" near him. Soon, the demented autistic child appeared on a rock. "Soon you'll be eaten!" He grinned after he finished the song.

Mikey began to cut at the web as Bjarni shrieked. He leapt away and Mikey fell to the ground as Nalob closed in behind him. Sting fell to the ground as Mikey got away. Quickly, Mikey ran through the tunnel and escaped through a hole, collapsing outside. "Spammed away did it precious? Not this time! Not this time!" Bjarni appeared from behind some boulders. He leapt onto Mikey with his hammer trying to whack him with it.

Mikey kicked the autistic child off and leapt onto him, trying to kill it. "It wasn't us! The precious made us spam! It was the precious!" Bjarni wailed begging for his life. Mikey pulled off of him breathing heavily and clutching the forum. "I have to destroy it Robby. For both our sakesâ€¦" He coughed. Bjarni became angry and leapt at Mikey. "No!" He roared. Mikey flipped away causing Bjarni to roll down a hole nearby. Mikey watched him scream as he disappeared into the darkness.

Mikey slowly got up breathing hard and began to stumble along the dark path. "I'm so sorry Chikoâ€¦so sorry." He said and collapses onto the path. He suddenly looked up to find he was in a happy special magical place with Tinadriel in front of him. "This task was appointed to you Mikey of the sire. And if you don't find a wayâ€¦no one willâ€¦" She said holding out her hand. Mikey reluctantly pulled back afraid of being raped. Tinadriel rolled her eyes and grabbed him, shoving him up. Mikey was then back on the desolate path. He knew he had to go on. He had to destroy the forumâ€¦

homeofmew

2nd May 2004, 05:47 PM

Yeah I was in the last part good job.
Mikey made me post, not my fault.

phaedrus

4th May 2004, 07:36 PM

awesome work. man i need to be in this somewhere besides the donkeys =X

Mikey

5th May 2004, 01:07 PM

Thanks for the replies! Come on readers! Reply! This is the greatest part of the fic and no one seems to be reading it! Anyways, here is by far my best chapter yet. I hope you like it and this time REPLY EVERYONE!!!! Only 2 more parts left after this and then the fic is done!

Part 12

The Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys chanted harder as the vibrator reached the legs of Minas Titith. The Kellys began to pull it back, flexing their broad arms as they did. One Kelly pushed the button causing the vibrator to start vibrating. The Kellys then released it. The battering ram swung forward and smashed into the legs of Minas Titith humming from the vibrations.

Chrisdolf mounted Katirefax. "Back to the legs! Quick! The battering vibrator will be through any minute!" He roared. Soldiers began to rush down the stairs massing at the legs. Katriefax took off after them full speed. "What's with the sudden burst of energy?" Chrisdolf asked her. "Itâ€™s every woman's fantasy! An incredibly large pleasure utensil!" She roared. Up above, Dannythor led his guardsmen through the Citadel courtyard. They carried RJmir who was happily looking around. Dannythor opened some doors and led them into the halls of the stewards. "No tomb for Dannythor and RJmir. No long slow sleep of banned embalmed. We shall burn like the hotties we are." He roared to them. "Bring wood and oil!" He then said. "But dad, I'm fine!" RJmir remarked but Dannythor was too dumbâ€¦

The soldiers had all formed lines at the legs as the vibrator struck again. Chrisdolf and Katirefax stood with them. The vibrator pulled back and smashed the legs again, penetrating them slightly before pulling back. "You are soldiers of TPMdor! No matter what pops that cherry you will stand your ground!" Chrisdolf roared. The vibrator smashed again, this time going all the way through penetrating deep. As soon as the legs were spread, the vibrator's head popped open and several armored Kelly's spewed into the area.

"**** that!" Some soldiers roared. "Let's go gambling." The others began to mutter with each other as they walked off. "Yeah I heard there's a nice casino a few miles from here." One said. Suddenly, an armored Kelly swung its spiked sperm chain smashing them away. The Kellys bellowed as they whipped the white ropes with white spiked heads around banning many. "Fire!" Chrisdolf roared. From behind him, a great many sniper bullets launched from the TPMdorian volleymen. The Kellys began to swat them away and rushed to ban them. Chrisdolf spun Katirefax around and launched a semen beam into a Kelly's eye. The monster bellowed and fell back smashing into the ground. Suddenly, the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys began to rush inside banning many as they went. The TPMdorians began to push back.

Mikey continued up the bleak path nearing Cirith Mungol. The sky above was churning with dark black clouds. The camera zoomed down facing up as Mikey walked on. From the cliffside, Nalob's head peaked out. It then began to slowly crawl out sneaking up above Mikey. Mikey looked up and saw it, but just shrugged. "Must be the windâ€¦" He said. Suddenly, a huge abdomen ass fell in front of him. A large stinger protruded out and smashed Mikey in his chest. "Ow! Ohâ€¦.ugh!" Mikey yelled before going all limp. Foam began to exit his mouth and he soon collapsed.

Nalob gripped Mikey in her eight hairy legs and began to twirl him up in her own special juices. Mikey was soon turned into a mummy. Nalob then looked up to see Chiko standing in front of her. Sting and Tinadriel's firefly were in his hands. "Let him go you *****!" He roared. Nalob dropped Mikey to the ground and rushed towards her new prey, roaring like a mad lion. "You will not touch him again! That's my job!" Chiko roared menacing the lion spider with Sting.

Nalob lunged at Chiko, but he dodged and slashed at it. Nalob pulled back, but immediately rushed in again smashing Chiko away and causing the firefly vile to go flying. Chiko tried to retrieve it, but Nalob kicked it away and leapt towards him. Chiko backed off but soon became cornered by the mountainside. Nalob pounced causing Chiko to fly up. She tried to bite him with her lion maw, but Chiko gripped it shut. He then kicked her causing her to fall back and Chiko to fall over her and back onto the ground.

He retrieved Sting, and when Nalob attacked again he stabbed at her eyes. Chiko stabbed again, but Nalob caught Sting in her jaw and wouldn't let go. Chiko struggled to pull it free, and when he finally pulled it away, it flew out of reach. Nalob unleashed her own sting and tried to jab Chiko. He rolled away from several attempts. He then lunged for the blade as Nalob pounced, causing Sting to puncture her special area as she tried to sting him again. Nalob shrieked in pain and began to spasm on the ground. Chiko giggled as she did. The spider then began to retreat. Chiko retrieved the phial and menaced her with it.

Nalob disappeared into a hole and Chiko rushed to Mikey. He teared the juicy stuff from him. "Mr. Mikey?" He asked holding him. "Oh no! Mr. Mikey wake up!" He yelled beginning to cry. He then flicked his fingers. "Damnit! Now I'm going to be a virgin forever!" He roared. He then smiled. "Or am I?" He giggled looking at the dead looking Mikey. He then noticed Sting was beginning to vibrate. "Damn!" He roared and got up.

Two Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys came down from the stairs and noticed Mikey's carcass. "What's this?" Rustrat (The Rusted One) roared poking it. Chiko watched the scene from some rocks. "Looks like old Nalob has been having a bit of fun!" Rustrat said turning to his friends. "Banned another one has she?" Razbag (Raz) asked. "No, this fellow ain't banned." Rustrat replied jabbing Mikey again. "Not banned?" Chiko whispered to himself hopping Mikey didn't hear what he said earlier.

"She just jabs him with her stinger and pumps them full of Viagra. They get so horny that they go limp for awhile. Then she has her way with them. That's how she likes to do it, sort of like a necrophiliac." Rustrat explained. "Get him to the tower!" He then roared. The Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys picked Mikey's body up and began to head back up the stairs. "This scum will be awake in a couple of hours." Razbag commented. "Then he'll wish he'd never sign uped for the forums!" Rustrat replied grinning.

Back at the hall of the stewards, Jay silently entered to see what was going on. Dannythor's gaurds had built a pyre with bundles of wood by a stone tablet and placed RJmir on it. He kept telling them he was alive, but they ignored him. "The house of his spirit crumbles. RJmir is burning, already burning." Dannythor roared. Jay rushed towards him and began to pull at the wood. "He's not dead you retards! He's not dead!" He roared. Dannythor sighed and grabbed Jay. He dragged him back to the door as Jay screamed and cried. "Come now Jaygrin!" He roared and tossed the attention whore out of the door. "I release you from my service. Go now and get banned in any way seems best to you." Dannythor roared and shut the door leaving Jay to cry. He then turned to his guards. "Pour oil on the wood!" He ordered.

Jay began to run through the city looking for Chrisdolf. He passed many injured soldiers as chaos ensued everywhere. "Where's Chrisdolf?" He asked everyone, but no one answered. On the first level, the Kellys and Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys have taken most of it over. Chrisdolf sped Katirefax away calling to the soldiers. "The city is breached! Fall back to the second level! Screw the women and children, save yourselves!" He yelled as Katirefax plowed over some small children so Chirsdolf could escape.

Outside, Brianmog grinned at the scene. "Move into the city. Ban all in your path." He commanded. The TPMdorians tried hard to push back the attackers, but nothing was working. A few began to slash at a Kelly, but it just swatted them away. "Fight, fight to the last man! Fight for your lives!" Chrisdolf roared from the dors to the second level safe from the fighting. Suddenly, a great many party blowers began to sound over the chaos. Chrisdolf looked out knowing help had arrived.

The SPPhirim had arrived at the edge of Pellinwhore Fields. They looked down on the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey army massed below. The monkeys began to hop up and down screeching and the drums began to roll. Gabrielyn held Zak in her hands. "Courage Zak. We musn't be pussies for our friends." She whispered as Zak gripped her scared to death. Brianmog approached the rear of his troops. "Form ranks you maggots! Pikes in front and snipers behind!" He roared as the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys began to line up.

Joedon and his generals were ahead of the troops. Joedon turned to Craomer. "Take your eored down the left side." He ordered. Craomer nodded and turned to his troops. "Make ready!" He yelled. Joedon then turned to his ***** Chrisling. "Chrisling, follow the webmaster's banner down the center. Grimbold (Grimdude), take your company right after you pass the wall. Forth, and fear no darkness!" Joedon finished his commands.

Joedon then began to ride his donkey down the lines. "Arise! Arise! Soldiers of Joedon! Spears shall be broken! Shields shall be splintered." He yelled. As he passed Gabrielyn, she turned her head and held up her sign. The Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys began to kneel and place up their pikes. "A sword day! A red day, ere the sun rises!" Joedon continued. His donkey began to trot by as he placed his light saber to his army's spears. He then returned to the middle of the troops. "Ride now! Ride now! Ride for ruin and the world's ending!" he roared. Suddenly, a lone soldier began to walk his donkey out towards the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey army.

"What the **** are you doing?" Joedon roared. The soldier turned his donkey around. "You said ride now." He replied. Joedon sighed. "I meant follow me, don't be such a glory hog you stupid newbie!" He roared. The newbie growled. "I don't need to listen to you." He replied. Joedon was now pissed. No newbie was going to tell him how to run his members. "Ban!" He roared pointing at the newbie with his light saber. His army began to chant ban along with him and the newbie looked worried. "Ban!" He roared again. Gabrielyn and Zak roared ban with him. "Forth Eorlingas!" Joedon then yelled as loud as possible.

The newb freaked out and began to rush towards the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey army. The thousands of members of Joe's troops began to lead their donkeys after Joedon all chasing the newbie. The newb began to cry wishing he would have followed the rules. The camera panned up showing the many donkeys and the members riding them all chasing the newbie. The party blowers rang out and the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys began to worry. "Fire now!" Brianmog roared. Sniper bullets launched banning some of Joedon's members.

"Ban!" Joedon roared almost to the army. The newbie rushed into the ranks of the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys, and Joedon and his members followed seconds later. Much violence and banning started to occur as Joedon's troops annialated the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey army. Violence was everywhere and even some sex, drugs and alcohol. Explosions rang out and both Joedon's and Brianmog's armies were banned by the buttload. Joedon caught up to the newbie and stabbed him with the play school light saber banning him. "That should teach you to follow the rules!" He roared. The armies clashed banning more as violence ensued.

Jay finally managed to find Chrisdolf cowering with Katirefax. "Chrisdolf! Dannythor has lost his mind! He's burning RJmir alive!" He roared. "Are you sure you're just not making this up for attention?" Chrisdolf asked. Jay nodded and the admin grabbed him. When Jay was on Katirefax, the three sped up to stop Dannythor. Down below, the SPPherim continued to ban the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys, who didn't stand a chance.

Katirefax rounded a corner when the cries of a Fell Keet filled the air. Chrisdolf haulted her as the cute winged birdie landed on a tower just in front of them. It tweeted and leapt into their path. On its back was the lordess of the CamelToez, the ***** Queen of PCG! Chrisdolf dismounted Katirefax and pulled out his staff. "It's time to be banned white admin!" The ***** Queen shrieked as her Fell Keet fluffed its wings. "Dark ***** of Cirith Mungol! Return to your master!" Chrisdolf replied holding out his staff and releasing a semen beam. The Fell Keet flew up and doged squawking with anger.

"Now you will be bannedâ€¦" The ***** Queen grinned. She ordered her Fell Keet to attack and it lunged, smashing into Chrisdolf and breaking his staff in half. Chrisdolf spun around and got back up. The ***** Queen prepared to finish him. Suddenly, her top fell down exposing one of her breasts. A silver star was present on the tip. "Holy ****!" Katirefax neighed. Jay began to laugh and Chrisdolf tried to hold it in. The ***** Queen freaked out and immediately covered it up. "You have not seen the last of me! It will take more than a wardrobe malfunction to ban me!" She roared. The Fell Keet reared up and dive bombed down towards Pellinwhore fields as Chrisdolf grinned pleased with his win. As he remounted Katirefax, Jay voiced his opinion. "Geeze what a *****â€¦" He remarked.

At the pyre, Dannythor poured oil on himself feeling its coolness. RJmir tried to avoid it, but it was hopeless. Dannythor was set on suicide, and he was too dumb to see his son was alive. "Set a fire in our flesh." Dannythor ordered his gaurds. They looked a little unsure, but slowly brought the torches forward. Suddenly, Katirefax smashed through the door as triumphant music played. "Stay this madness!" Chrisdolf roared. The gaurds drew back, but Dannythor grabbed a torch and dropped it catching the pyre on fire.

Chrisdolf grabbed a spear from a nearby guard and smashed it into Dannythor knocking him from the pyre. Jay stood still scared. "Jay save RJmir!" He roared. But Jay was too much of a *****. "It's your chance to receive the ultimate attention!" Chrisdolf added in. At this, Jay leapt into the fire and shoved RJmir out. He laughed and clapped pleased with his newly found courage. Suddenly, he burst into flames and began to cry running around. Katirefax reared up and trampled him to put it out.

Suddenly, Dannythor grabbed Jay and began to wiggle him. "You stupid whore, you can't take my son from me!" He roared. Katirefax then headbutted him away into the pyre. "Only I can ban Jay!" She roared. RJmir laughed a bit and Dannythor finally noticed he was alive. "RJmirâ€¦" He said before he went up in flames. Screaming, he rushed from the room and to the edge of the nipple. Still aflame, he leapt off falling towards the battle below. Craomer road his donkey lifting his light saber to rally his troops. Suddenly, Dannythor landed on his sword cuasing blood and **** to fly everywhere. "Wow, what incredible irony." He remarked. "So passes Dannythor." Chrisdolf replied from the steward hall.

Down below, the battle raged on as the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys were banned by the hundreds. The SPPherim had taken out many. "Drive them to the river!" Craomer yelled. "Make safe the city!" Joedon added in. Suddenly, the sounds of Pokeflutes filled the air. Joedon turned to see a large amount of giant Donphans spanning the edge of Pellinwhore Fields. Each one had a Tentacruel wrapped around its belly. Their tentacles gripped an axle so that the Donphans could roll without the Tentacruel towers spinning as well. On the Tentacruel's heads were many Cacneas; arms prepped to launch pin missiles.

The lead Donphan bore a small boy with a huge backpack on and a shirt that said "Pokemon Rocks." This was the leader of the Southren Armyâ€¦Johnemon. (Water Pokemon Master). To the side he had a portable TV with a portable DVD player which played Pokemon Heroes over and over again. Joedon looked confused. "I thought the Southron army was composed of midgets." He said. Johnemon smiled. "They were until I got rid of them. Pokemon are too cool to be handled by midgets. They must rule the world! Hunter agreed to let me have Europe if I won, so here I am helping him! I think I'll rename it Pokeope." He giggled. Everyone began to mutter to themselves.

The other Donphans each had a Mr. Mime on their head. "You're the only human in the army?" Craomer asked. "I don't need friends! My Pokemon are my only ones, and they suit me fine!" Johnemon replied. "Dude, Pokemon's gay!" Someone yelled out. Johnemon went insane with rage. "You're just surcumbing to peer pressure! You know it's cool, and now you must all die!" Johnemon roared. The Donphans began to trumpet. Joedon and his members looked a little confused but worried as well.

"See to your donkey! Reform the lines!" Joedon roared. Johnemon began to shout as the Mr. Mime's blowed their Pokeflutes. The Cacnea aimed their arms. "Sound the charge!" Joedon ordered Chrisling. He blew a party blower and the SPPhirim began to gallop their donkies straight at the Donphan army. The Donphans all started to charge as well. Each army ran straight towards each other. The Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys ran past the Donphans running for cover.

The SPPherim came into range and the Donphans began to bash them away with their trunks. A few lowered their barbed wired tusks and smashed into them, banning many. The Donphans also lifted their feet bringing them straight down on masses of the Serehirim. Chaos and violence was everywhere as the Serehirim were being banned by the dozen. The Donphans trumpeted and the Cacnea began to launch their pin missiles banning more. The Serehirim who made it past the giant Pokemon turn and raced back to attack from the rear. The Donphans continued to smash the members banning many.

Craomer turned his donkey and sped up to the front of the lead Donphan who bore Johnemon. He turned to face it as the beast bellowed and lumbered towards him. "What are you doing? If you ban my precious Pokemon I will go Pokemon Heroes on your ass! And trust me; I've seen it 1,200,578 times! I know what I'm doing!" Johnemon roared. Craomer grinned and grabbed a spear from the ground. "Die you Pokemon loving freak!" He roared and chucked the spear smashing it straight into the poor kid. He was instantly banned and fell from the head. A tether connected to the Donphan's ear caught him but tripped the Pokemon up. It bellowed in pain and diverted direction smashing into another Donphan and becoming crushed under it. Craomer was so relieved to have gotten rid of the annoying kid.

Joedon dodged a massive Donphan foot and sliced at its leg. The Pokemon bellowed and curled into a ball. It began to use roll out, plowing over many more of the Serehirim banning them all. "Hurry up!" Joedon roared as a beast lumbered by. Gabrielyn and Zak rode among the Donphans. Gabrielyn was dodging well pulling on her donkey's reigns and twisting it as the Pokemons' feet crashed down. A foot almost crushed them but she managed to pull away in time. "Take the reigns!" She roared. Zak took them and began to steer, bringing the donkey under almost every Donphan foot. Gabrielyn was forced to take the reigns back a few times before he got the hang of it.

The two sped towards the rolling Donphan. Gabrielyn grabbed a light saber from the ground and Zak brought the donkey side by side with the spinning Pokemon. Gabrielyn pushed the saber into it. The Pokemon instantly stopped spinning. When it formed back into itself, a large gash went in a circular motion down its body. It bellowed and fell down. Gabrielyn grinned and took over the reigns, dodging more feet as the Donphans tried to ban more. Many gave up trying to crush them with their feet and were now smashing their trunks along the ground tripping the donkeys up. Chaos and violence was everywhere.

"Aim for their heads!" Craomer yelled bringing his donkey up by a Donphan's leg. He sliced at it, taking the time to notice the thousands of sniper bullets in its hide. The Pokemon stopped running, too injured in one leg to move. It reared up onto its hind legs bellowing with rage. "Bring it down! Bring it down!" Joedon roared desperately. Chrisling launched a sniper bullet into the Pokemon's head and it fell backwards crushing many riders under it. Gabrielyn tried to steer the donkey away, but the impact flung her and Zak off and sent them falling to the ground. She quickly recovered but couldn't find Zak anywhere in the chaos of the fieldâ€¦

DannyBoy

7th May 2004, 07:37 PM

Sorry it took so long to reply but I finally got the chance. Pretty good chapters and they kept me interesting. They were funny and I liked the part when Mikey kicked Bjarni. The whole part infact was really good. Keep it up!

phaedrus

7th May 2004, 11:12 PM

Mikey, incredible! Johnemon rocks! =D

You have two left! Keep the energy up until the end!

This should be best fic of the year =o (only if i'm in it XD)

Mikey

10th May 2004, 05:39 PM

Thanks to all those who replied, but WHERE DID ALL THE OTHER READERS GO? :( I love replies so start replying!

Anyways, the last two parts should be up spanned over the next week. The fic will be completed by the time Return of the King comes out, maybe sooner, so read now and reply!

phaedrus

22nd May 2004, 12:05 PM

oh nos!

two parts to go, less than a week to do it!
aiaiaiaiaiai!

it's el tiempo small-o, my friend! make haste!

can't wait for the next one.

Mikey

22nd May 2004, 02:34 PM

Ha, I was just going to reply to this. Anyways, I'm sort of busy for the next couple days so the next part won't be up until after Wednsday. I will try to finish the fic in a week or so.

phaedrus

22nd May 2004, 07:25 PM

Anyways, the last two parts should be up spanned over the next week. The fic will be completed by the time Return of the King comes out, maybe sooner, so read now and reply!

most likely not happen now, since may 25 is tuesday and rotk dvd is out then. =|

Mikey

6th June 2004, 12:46 AM

Yeah, I have been very busy for the past two weeks so I haven't gotten to write, but you can expect a new chapter this week, and I'll finish it by Sunday too most likely. Get excited because the ending will shock u!

phaedrus

10th June 2004, 05:37 PM

yay finish quickly!

Lady Vulpix

10th June 2004, 07:22 PM

Oh, suspense...
I've finally caught up. Sorry for the delay, I've been way too busy.
Poor Amy, does she know the role she got in this story?
But well, I hope the conclusion is as funny as the previous parts. :)

Mikey

10th June 2004, 08:09 PM

Thanks Gabby. Ok, expect the new chapter tomorrow. And then the finale will be posted on Sunday. Its so sad to see my fic of almost a year end but its been fun :)

Mikey

11th June 2004, 10:01 PM

Sorry for those who were awaiting the chapter today, but I went to a party and didn't have time to finish it. The two parts will be put up this weekend though. Definitly expect the new one tomorrow and the final one Sunday. :)

Mikey

12th June 2004, 09:33 PM

Ok, I have finally finished part 13! Yay! The finale should be up tomorrow, but no promises. I was going to include the House of Healing, but I decided not to as it wasn't really that important plus it was kind of a boring part of the book. Well, he's part 13 for your reading pleasure...

Part 13

Inisde of the city a Kelly was humping the door to the second level trying to break inside. TPMdorians on the other side of the gate were rushing to brace it, but they weren't very good at it. Chrisdolf and Jay sat on a porch just to the side of the chaos.

"I didn't think it would end this way." Jay whispered to Chrisdolf. The white mod turned to him cocking his head. His face was confused.

"End?" He said smiling. "What did you expect? The kellys to break through the door and offer us flowers and candy? Stop being such an idiot!" He yelled to the small attention whore. He then took a deep breath and continued.

"But no, the journey doesn't end here. Ban is just another path…one that we all must take. The grey-rain curtain of this world rolls back and all turns to silver glass. And then you see it…" He explained.

"What? Chrisdolf? See what?" Jay asked in anticipation. Chrisdolf smiled and continued.

"White shores…and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise complete with all the women you want. That is, if you take this and do Alkieda's bidding." Chrisdolf said pulling a bomb with a belt on it out of his robe. "Do it for Alla!" He grinned.

Jay looked a little confused. "I'm not going to become a suicide bomber! Alkieda lies! If you kill people you go to hell!" He shouted. Chrisdolf put the bomb away and folded his arms.

"Fine then…you finally get a chance for attention and you blow it. Alla will send you to hell." He yelled and turned away. Jay sighed and put his head down crying like a baby that lost its sucker. The gate began to give way to the humping Kellys.

A Donphan foot crashed down upon a donkey, turning the poor thing into a pancake as the giant Pokemon continued to rush around the field. Another Donphan smashed some donkeys up with its tusks sending them flying into another Donphan's face. The two Pokemon then began to juggle some of the Serehirim around giggling with glee.

"Rally to me! To me!" Joedon yelled but no one seemed to be coming to him. "I own SPP and if you want to remain unbanned you will rally!" He commanded. Suddenly, the cute tweets of a parakeet filled the air and Joedon turned to see The ***** Queen's massive Fell Keet descending from the sky upon him. The cute birdie flew past him dropping a wad of bird crap that covered Joedon and made him fall. His donkey cried out and fell on top of him pinning the site owner to the ground.

The ***** Queen turned her steed around and flew down to meet the fallen webmaster. The members of SPP began to flee from the mighty Fell Keet as it approached their king. "Feast on his flesh!" The ***** Queen roared. The Fell Keet chirped happily as it came upon Joedon. Suddenly, Gabrielyn lunged in between the two holding up her "I am a boy! Boy's are cool!" sign for the ***** Queen to see.

"I will ban you if you touch him!" She roared. The ***** Queen smiled and began to laugh.

"Do not come between the Cameltoez and its prey unless you wish to start a ***** fight." She roared. The Fell Keet squawked in annoyance. It then brought its cute little head in to bite Gabrielyn but she quickly dodged. The bird was a bit confused as Gabrielyn brought her play school lightsaber down on its neck. The saber lit up and make the normal sounds of light sabers colliding, but did nothing else.

"What the **** are you trying to do? Cut my steed's head off with a plastic sword? You're a ****ing moron!" The ***** Queen roared. Gabrielyn continued to beat the neck with the sword.

"Just hold on! It'll die soon! Give me a minute. That's right birdie! Let all consciousness slip away from you as the plastic tears into your neck." Gabrielyn said to the bird. It stood there taking the beating and looking confused. The ***** Queen began to yawn.

"Is this going to take long? I have to go screw some random guys, get pregnant, and then make them pay me child support so I can be rich." The ***** Queen grinned. Gabrielyn ignored her and continued to beat the Fell Keet. Finally, the ***** Queen leapt off the Parakeet and approached Gabrielyn.

"Oh just ****ing let me do it!" She yelled and grabbed the bird by the neck. She twisted her hands cracking her own Fell Keet's neck and sending it spasming to the ground.

"Holy ****! What a *****!" Gabrielyn shouted stunned and backed off. The ***** Queen did not find this statement amusing. Her fists clenched together and she pulled a machete out in one hand and a fricking mace in the other. Gabrielyn looked on wide eyed as her enemy did so. She quickly grabbed a shield from the ground and held it up. The ***** Queen swung the mace and Gabrielyn ducked. It swung again and she tilted herself back Matrix style to avoid it. Joedon watched this scene amused. The ***** Queen let out a whorish scream and swung again this time shattering Gabrielyn's shield and causing her to fall back.

"***** fight!" Someone yelled. Everything stopped as all the armies crowded around to view the fight. The Men in Black ships were now arriving in the harbor of Minas Titith. A battalion of Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys waited for them to dock. Their leader, Straty (Strat) sat in front impatiently.

"Late as usual. Alien fighting scum! There's banning here that needs doing. Come on you intergalactic rats! Get off your ships!" He roared. Suddenly, Mikagorn, Nateli, and Kylegolas jumped off of the nearest ship grinning with glee. Straty looked a little worried. He then folded his arms and smiled.

"There's plenty for the both of us! May the best dwarf win!" Nateli grinned.

"How about we pin them down and lick cream off of their…" Mikomir said through Kylegolas but he covered his mouth before it finished. Suddenly, thousands of ghostly prostitutes appeared behind them as they all rushed to ban the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys. Before they could reach them, a lone British man in a black shirt stepped in front.

"I'm not impressed." Simon Cowell said in his British accent. Mikagorn stopped and looked confused along with the rest of the army.

"I agree with Simon." Stratly replied. Simon Cowell then turned back to him.

"You guys aren't very impressive either. None of you would make it in Hollywood." He said confidently. Straty grew a bit angry. He walked up to the British man and sliced his neck banning him instantly.

"Now let's ****ing fight!" He roared. Mikagorn nodded and the two armies clashed. The Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys were having too much trouble banning the ghost prostitutes and so they were quickly banned themselves as Mikagorn and his army poured into the city.

Zak awoke under a banned Donphan. He coughed violently and then began to crawl out into the battlefield. He noticed that everyone was now crowded around a single area. Wanting to see what was going on, he quickly crawled through the people to the front and grabbed a random dildo from the ground as he did.

The ***** Queen picked Gabrielyn up by the neck and held her up; choking the poor girl. "Fool! No man can kill me, only another *****. I will ban you now!" She roared. Gabrielyn struggled to free herself. Suddenly, the ***** Queen screamed as Zak chucked the dildo at her foot. She fell down and began to cradle her injured area. Zak pulled back injured from the attack he had done.

"Ow! Who the **** throws a dildo? Honestly?" She yelled rolling her eyes. Gabrielyn stood up and grabbed the ***** Queen's fallen machete. She then removed her helmet and revealed herself.

"I can be a ***** too!" She grinned and shoved the machete into the ***** Queen's face. The ***** Queen shrieked and began to melt away. So passes The ***** Queen of PCG :)

"Oh what a world! What a world!" She screamed before completely melting onto the field. Gabrielyn gripped her now injured hand and fell to the ground.

"Back to the battle!" Everyone screamed and began to fight again. Mikagorn, Nateli, Kylegolas, and the army of the Dead all began to rush into the fields banning many as they went.

"Fifteen! Sixteen!" Nateli roared as he caused violence to the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys in his way.

"Seventeen! Eighteen! Hey that one was cute!" Kylegolas yelled as he did the same next to Nateli.

"Twenty-nine that's still mine!" Nateli giggled at his rhyme. Mikagorn then noticed a Donphan heading straight for Kylegolas.

"Kylegolas!" He yelled to his friend and pointed towards it. The Pokemon was racing full speed towards the elf. Kylegolas squinted his eyes and leapt onto the Donphan's tusk as it passed by. The creature tried to squish him with its trunk but missed and Kylegolas leapt onto it front leg. He then leapt again to the hind leg and climbed up onto the ass.

"Oh, this Donphan has one hot rectum!" Mikomir said through Kylegolas. Kylegolas sighed and began to snipe the Cacneas in the Tentacruel tower.

"Thirty-three! Thirty-four!" He counted off as he did. A Cacnea smiled and lunged to hug him but he dodged and gripped a rope falling down to the tummy of the Donphan. He tried to slice the Tentracuel's tentacle but it just swatted him away.

"Let me do it!" Mikomir said taking over Kylegolas's body. He began to hump the tentacle until the Pokemon couldn't take it anymore and let go. Kylegolas regained control and gripped the tentacle as the Tentarcuel slide off the back and to the ground. Kylegolas leapt off onto the back as it did and then rushed to the head of the Donphan preparing to snipe it. "Stop! You can't kill Dumbo!" Mikomir said halting Kylegolas's body.

"It's not Dumbo!" Kylegolas sighed.

"Then I won't let you kill Babar King of the Elephants!" Mikomir replied.

"Dude, it’s a ****ing Donphan, not some children's book elephant!" Kylegolas yelled. Suddenly, the Pokemon's trunk came up and wrapped around Kylegolas. It then brought the elf down and began to smash him against the ground. "Ow, see what you did!" Kylegolas roared as the Pokemon pushed him into the earth.

"Let me fix it!" Mikomir replied as Kylegolas sighed. "Babar! Oh king of the elephants! Please stop hurting us! I promise to serve you!" Mikomir yelled up to the creature. It suddenly unwrapped them and put them down.

"I will remember this!" The Donphan grinned. Mikomir smiled seeing the hint of Babar in its eyes. The Pokemon turned and waddled away as Mikomir used Kylegolas's body to wave.

"Told you it was Babar!" He grinned. Kylegolas rolled his eyes in disbelief. Suddenly he was wacked over the head with an ax guitar.

"Eighty-nine!" Nateli smiled and continued to ban things. The armies of AIMdor began to retreat as Mikagorn looked around for more to ban. In the background the prostitute army took down a Donphan and began to do naughty things to it.

Gabrielyn used the last of her strength to approach Joedon who was still pinned under his donkey. She grabbed his head and began to cradle him. "I know your face…Gabrielyn, my eyes darken." He coughed.

"No, I'm going to save you." She cried. Joedon's eyebrows lowered.

"You already saved me once, don't try to be a glory hog!" He yelled. "Gabrielyn, my body is broken. You have to let me go!" He then said. Gabrielyn nodded with tears in her eyes and stopped cradling his head and let it fall to the ground. "Ow, son of a *****!" He roared. "I go to my fellow webmasters, in whose mighty company I can now tell them how much better my site was." He then said.

Joedon then stopping talking and Gabrielyn could tell he had been banned. She weapt a bit and then collapsed from her wounds as well. Chrisdolf and Jay were now walking through the desecrated battlefield. Mikagorn stood before the Army of the Dead Prostitutes. The Queen of the Dead was in front of him. "Release us!" She commanded.

Nateli folded his arms. "Bad idea! Very handy in a tight spot, these whores, despite the fact they're dead. They also don't charge much." He remarked.

"You gave us your word!" The Queen of the Dead bellowed.

"I hold your oaths fulfilled. Go now, be at peace." Mkagorn replied. The Queen of the Dead smiled and soon her army began to rise up towards the heavens. Suddenly, Kylegolas's body fell back as Mikomir's spirit left him.

"Hey, what the hell is going on? I don't want to go! I want to stay in Kylegolas's hot body! I almost got him to do it with Nateli! No!" He roared as he rose with the dead army.

"No he didn’t!" Kylegolas said nervously turning to Mikagorn who was staring at him dumbfounded. The group then watched as Johnemon also rose from the battlefield as a ghost.

"Wait a tic? I'm banned? No, I have to do some more Pokemon stuff! I can't be banned!" He cried. He then noticed Mikomir rising next to them. "Is there Pokemon in Heaven?" He asked.

Mikomir turned to him and smiled. "I'll be your Pokemon!" He giggled and clutched the confused boy in his arms.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Johnemon cried as the ghosts disappeared into the sky never to be seen again. Chrisdolf approached Mikagorn and bowed.

Meanwhile, Jay skipped through the battlefield as if he was running through a field of daisies. He then noticed Zak lying dormant on the ground. "Oh my god! It's Zackypoo!" he grinned and rushed towards him. If anyone would give him attention, it would be Zak. Zak was lying next to a banned Donphan as Jay cradled him.

"Zak, Zakky! It's me Jay!" Jay grinned.

"What the ****? You’re the last person I want to see when I'm this injured!" Zak replied weakly.

"I'm going to take care of you!" Jay grinned ignoring his friend's statement.

"Oh ****…" Zak cried.

The scene then shifted to the tower of Cirith Mungol. Mikey lied on the floor on the top of the tower. His hands wer bound and he was stripped of his shirt. He began to stir and noticed his predicament, hoping the Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys didn't have their way with him while he was out.

Rustrat and Razbag were rummaging through Mikey's supplies near him. Rustrat pulled out Mikey's Mithril dress and sniffed it. "Hands off that shiny skin! That's mine!" Razbag roared to him.

"It's going to the great eye along with everything else!" Rustrat replied. Mikey began to fondle his neck realizing the forum was gone.

"I don't take orders from stinken Misc. mods!" Razbag bellowed. The two began to fight, kicking and punching each other around. Rustrat grabbed a light saber and aimed it towards Razbag.

"I'll stick this blade in your gut!" He growled. Razbag grabbed the blade and spun Rustrat around tripping him and causing him to fall into the open trap door. He smiled and kicked Rustrat down to the lower level.

"The scum tried to knife me! Ban him!" Razbag roared down to his troops. The Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey armys began to clash. Rustrat kicked a random one sending it spiraling down out of a nearby window. The two armies continued to beat the crap out of each other causing much violence and uneeded bannings.

Meanwhile, Chiko slowly climbed up the stairs towards the entrance of Cirith Mungol. He entered it to find very few Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys left alive. He rushed through the fortress finding the stairs and began to climb them. He soon came upon some Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys that were coming down. Chiko quickly hid in the shadows and took out Sting.

"Growl! Booooo! I are scaryness!" He roared. The Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys noticed the large shadow on the wall and slowly backed away. Chiko then exited the shadows to reveal himself as the tiny hobbit. The Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys laughed a bit and then rushed at him. Chiko quickly pulled out three bananas and tossed them off the edge. The monkeys shrieked and leapt after them. Chiko then continued his trek towards the top.

Up above, Mikey began to struggle as he heard someone coming. He was suddenly grabbed from the back and pulled forward by Rustrat. "Stop your squealing you dunghill rat! All of the Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys are dead and I need a booty call, so you're it! I'm gonna ram you liked a stuck pig!" He roared. Suddenly, Sting smashed right through him. Chiko had banned the poor Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey.

"Not if I ram you first!" Chiko roared. Rustrat coughed and fell down.

"Chiko!" Mikey grinned. Chiko put Sting down and began to untie Mikey. "Oh Chiko, I'm so sorry. Sorry for everything!" Mikey whined.

"Let's get you out of here. Then you can make it up to me if you know what I mean!" Chiko winked. Mikey ignored him but look despaired.

"It's over. They've taken it! They took the Forum!" Mikey roared. Chiko stood up a little surprised.

"I beggon your pardon but they haven't." He replied. He quickly turned around and undid his pants. Mikey watched him struggle before turning around and holding up the Forum. "I thought I lost you, so I took it. I thought it made a cool weewee ornament." He grinned. Mikey looked a little pissed.

"Give it to me!" Mikey roared. Chiko shrugged and started to undo his pants again. "I meant the Forum you sick bastard!" Mikey replied. The Forum began to whisper to Chiko and he started to pull away.

"Give me the Forum Chiko!" Mikey roared again. Chiko slowly held the chain with the computer chip towards Mikey who grabbed it and placed it quickly around his neck. "You must understand. The Forum is my burden. It would destroy you Chiko." Mikey whispered.

Chiko sighed and began to help Mikey up. "Come on Mr. Mikey. We'd best be moving on." He said.

"I need to find some clothes. I can't go around AIMdor in nothing but my skin, especially with all the purple and Elton John pictures Hunter put up." Mikey replied.

"Damn!" Chiko said flicking his fingers. The scene then changed to show Mikey and Chiko dressed in Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey clothing. They each sported a mechanical arm, a pirate had, a ninja outfit with transmetal coating, a nazi patch, and a terminator eye.

The two came to a cliff and looked down upon the fields of AIMdor below. Thousands of Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys were massing in the area. Purple was everywhere and the sounds of Elton John's music echoed. "There's so many! We'll never get through unraped." Mikey whispered. He then noticed the Eye of Hunter upon the tower. "That's him! The eye!" He cried.

"We have to go in there Mr. Mikey. There's nothing for it. Come; let's just make it down the hill for starters." Chiko replied. Mikey nodded and the two slowly began to climb down the cliff…

phaedrus

13th June 2004, 09:26 AM

awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome. and i got a part yay! i was the lead orc guy right? awesome i want that end up yay!

Mikey

16th June 2004, 11:52 AM

Ok, I decided to hold off on the finale until this coming Sunday to allow those who haven't read this part yet to read. Stay tuned, ending will be yayness! People read!!!!

Lady Vulpix

17th June 2004, 07:26 AM

This chapter was one of the funniest! The scene of Joedon's banning, and the part with all the ghosts going to heaven gave me some good laughs. And it's also funny how you seem to ba adding new adjectives to the Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys each time. I'd never be as dirty-mouthed as you've portrayed me here, but the part where I banned the ***** Queen was funny too.

Mikey

23rd June 2004, 12:15 PM

Sorry for not getting the finale up on Sunday. If you saw my post in Misc. you should understand why. Anyways, I'm not really in the mood to be writing comedy at this time, so the finale will be posted whenever I feel up to it. Please be patient...

Mikey

6th July 2004, 11:40 PM

Jebus, it has been awhile since I wrote in here. I am now ready to write comedy again though, so the exciting conclusion of Lord of the Pokemasters will be up BEFORE SUNDAY. This I promise you. Get ready though because it is going to be a blast!

Mikey

10th July 2004, 07:50 PM

Ha, I sort of lied. The finale will not be up before Sunday...it will be up on Sunday. I'm about 75% done and after I have to do the final touches to make the ending cooler so just bare with me. :)

Mikey

21st July 2004, 01:19 PM

Well, after a VERY LONG wait. I have finally finished Lord of the Pokemasters. It has been fun guys and I hope you enjoy the final chapter. Without any more talk, here's the finale...part 14. Enjoy and please reply with what you think of this chapter and the fic as a whole because I want to know your opinion!

Part 14...The Grand Finale!

Chrisdolf was now walking back in forth inside of the Citadel with Craomer, Mikagorn, and Kylegolas near him. Nateli was there physically, but he was now incoherent in Dannythor's seat smoking pot. "Mikey has past beyond my sight. The gayness is deep." Chrisdolf said sadly. Mikagorn looked up with a little bit of hope.

"If Hunter had the forum we would know it. All of TPM would be redone with annoying and pointless threads and many gay features." He said. Chrisdolf stopped pacing and turned towards him.

"It's only a matter of time. He has suffered a woop ass yes, but behind the gates of AIMdor are enemies having an orgy." He explained. Suddenly, the group was interrupted by some random mumbling from Nateli.

"Let them stay there. We should go and join them though, it sounds fun! Wait, why should we care?" He said not making any sense. Chrisdolf sighed and turned around.

"Ten Thousand Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeies now stand between Mikey and Mt. Ummmm. I've sent him to his rapage." He sad in disbelief.

"No…" Mikagorn cut in. "There's still hope for Mikey. He needs time and safe passage across the plains of Gamewizard. We can give him that, provided he doesn't screw it up."

"How?" Chrisdolf questioned.

"Draw out Hunter's armies. Empty his lands. We will gather our full strength and march upon the Black Gate." Mikagorn replied. Nateli began to giggle at this comment like an intoxicated monkey.

"We cannot achieve victory…well there's no possible way to achieve victory because our armies suck ass." Craomer said stepping up.

"Not for ourselves, but I can teach you all my stripper techniques to give Mikey a chance. If we strut our stuff in front of the Black Gate, Hunter will be sure to keep his eyes on us…not to mention slip dollar bills in our pants. It will keep him blind to all else that wiggles." Mikagorn explained.

"A seduction!" Kylegolas grinned. He then began to smile harder now that Mikomir couldn't respond through him.

"Hunter won't suspect a trap. He's too dumb. He'll take the bait!" Chrisdolf replied quietly to Mikagorn.

"Certainty of death or rape…no chance of success…**** that!" Nateli yelled standing up.

Mikagorn assembled what was left of their ***** army and began to lead everyone out of the legs of Minas Titith and into the smoking battlefield of Pellinwhore Fields. Chrisdolf, Nateli, Kylegolas, and Craomer were all riding near him. Craomer bore Zak on his donkey while Chrisdolf rode with Jay.

In AIMdor, the Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkies began to head away. On the hill, a Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey with a small square mustache and a whip in his hands directed the Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkies to the gate. He held his hand in the air and marched back and forth across the boulder. "Est is zeit fur racht!" He chanted while emphasizing his hand in the air. "Wir Mussen die Juden Ausrotten!" Hitler Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey roared.

"Look, the Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkies…they're not having sex anymore! You see Mr. Mikey, some luck at last!" Chio grinned as he saw that they could now cross the semen filled plains.

After some time and random spots where they got their feet stuck in the leftover Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey semen, the two sat by some rocks now out of Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey armor and rested. Mikey tried to take a sip from his canteen, but it was empty.

"Here, take mine. There's a few drops left." Chiko said handing his canteen to him. Mikey put it to his lips and then spit it out.

"This doesn't taste like water!" He cried. Chiko looked at him.

"Who said it was water? I got it when we were walking through the plains." Chiko replied. Mikey spat at the ground disgustedly.

"There will be none left for the return journey." He then said softly.

"Sure there will. We just have to refill it if you know what I mean!" Chiko winked at the scared hobbit. He then held out his hand and Mikey took it. The two began to skip up the hill.

Mikagorn and his army had finally reached the Black Gate after endless wrong turns and potty breaks. Back on Mt. Ummmm, Mikey and Chiko continued their trek. Suddenly, the Eye of Hunter caught wind of them and turned to look. Chiko got down and began to yell. "Mikey get down! It wants to undress you with its eye!" He cried. Mikey stumbled a bit and then fell to the earth as the light from the eye shown on him.

Mikagorn and his army formed very unorganized ranks just outside of the Black Gate. "Where are they?" Jay asked. He obviously wanted them to come out so he could receive attention. Mikagorn nodded to his friends and the group began to ride up to the gate. They stopped just short of it and looked up.

"Let the Fag of the Purple Land come forth. Let justice be done upon him!" Mikagorn shouted. Suddenly, the Black Gate began to creak and slowly open. Chanting began to fill the air. Hitler Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey was in front of the others as they marched stamping their booted nazi feet against the ground as they came.

"Est is zeit fur racht" He shouted. The other Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkies continued to stomp behind him.

"Wir Mussen die Juden Ausrotten!" They chanted in unison. This continued until Hitler Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey made it to Mikagorn. He tossed Mikey's mithril dress to the ground and spat on it. Mikagorn was in shock.

"Wir haben Ihren jüdischen freund ausgerottet." Hitler grinned. Zak got off of his donkey and walked up to the German. In one quick grab of the neck and a snap, Hitler fell dead.

"*******!" Zak roared.

"Strut your stuff!" Mikagorn yelled to his friends. The entire army began to strip as they danced around. They did erotic dances and some even brought poles to spin on. The Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkies began to spill into the area; each one of them aroused from the sexy dancing.

Back in AIMdor, Mikey and Chiko watched as the eye suddenly turned direction and looked off to the North. "It's gone Mr. Mikey. The light passed over us. Somethings seduced it." Chiko remarked. The two slowly got up and continued their climb to the top of Mt. Ummmm. They could now clearly see the fire erupting from the massive volcano chat room.

Thousands of Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys had now poured out of the gate as Mikagorns army finished their stripping. The army began to look frightened and started to step back, but Mikagorn rode his donkey in front of them. "Hold your ground! Hold your ground! Soldiers of TPMdor, of SPPhan…my brothers. I see in your erections the same excitement that would harden me... A day may come when the viagra of men fails. When we forsake our wives and break all bonds of marriage. But it is not this day. An hour of woodies and shattered pelvices when the age of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good Earth…I bid you stand, men of the net!" He yelled.

Everyone didn't seem to understand what his speech had to do with anything, but they all began to draw their light sabers anyways. Mikagorn turned his horse and lifted his sword as his donkey stumbled forward. Mikey and Chiko continued to climb the hill. Mikey pressed on with all his might, but slowly slipped and fell down the slope. Chiko couldn't seem to move, and Mikey couldn't get up. He began to crawl across the slope, but soon collapsed.

"Who thought I'd die fighting side by side with an idiot." Nateli said at the battlefield turning towards Kylegolas.

"How about fighting side by side with a friend?" Kylegolas asked.

"No, you’re an idiot." Nateli replied.

Back on the slope, Chiko slowly walked up and turned Mikey over. He began to cradle him in his arms wondering if it was the right time to seduce him. He thought it would be best to wait and then tried to comfort Mikey. "Do you remember the shire Mr. Mikey? It'll be spring soon, and the orchids will be in blossom. And the birds will be ****ing in the hazel thicket. And they be sowing summer weed in the lower fields. And eating the first of the very sexy strawberries and cream before having sex. Do you remember the taste of strawberries and sex?" He asked.

Mikey coughed a bit and looked at his friend confused. "No Chiko, I can’t recall the pleasure of sex, nor the sound of urine, or the touch of ass. I am naked in the dark. There is nothing, no veil…between me and the ring of fire! I can see him with my waking eyes!"

Chiko smiled. "Naked in the dark you say?" He grinned thinking about it. Mikey coughed again and Chiko grew worried. "Let us be rid of it once and for all! Come on Mr. Mikey, I can't carry it for you…but I can carry you!" He yelled hoisting him up.

"What the **** are you doing?" Mikey cried. Chiko held Mikey in his arms while gripping his ass for support…a little too much. "You can hold me anywhere else, why there?" Mikey asked. Chiko ignored him and continued to scale the mountain with a grin on his face.

Down below, Mikagorn looked up to see the Eye of Hunter. It was very small and looked deformed, but something was very seducing about it. The eye began to whisper. "Mikagorn…Virtual Playessar." It said. After being mesmorized by the eye for some time, Mikagorn turned around to his troops. "For Mikey…" He whispered and then began to rush towards the Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys that surrounded them.

Zak and Jay began to run seconds later and soon the rest of the army charged forward yelling with their light sabers prepped. Zak and Jay were trampled under the army as they ran. Soon, the two armies collided and much violence and banning began.

Back on Mt. Ummmm, Chiko continued to carry Mikey up the mountainside. He then noticed a large fiery doorway nearby with candles blowing in the wind next to them. He heard Elton John's "Candle in the Wind" song playing from inside. "Look Mr. Mikey…a doorway. We're almost there." He coughed.

From a boulder to their right, Bjarni suddenly climbed into view. He snickered a bit and then prepared to jump. "Clevar hobbits to climb so hi!" He growled and leapt onto them. The autistic child began to claw at them. He managed to grab Mikey and throw him off of Chiko. Chiko fell back as Bjarni leapt off him and onto Mikey; struggling hard to gain control of the forum. Chiko picked up a large rock and threw it; hitting the funny boy in his cantelope shaped head.

Bjarni fell back holding his head and sobbing. "We don’t spam! Don't ban us! Just give us the forum so we can post fanart!" He cried. Chiko leapt onto the autistic child and the two rolled further down the hill. At the Black Gate, Mikagorn's army was getting their asses handed to them on a platter by the Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys. Much violence continued as everyone banned each other. From the airspace of AIMdor, the CamelToez began to enter crying out with rage.

Up above, Bjarni pulled out his hammer and began to wack Chiko. Chiko got pounded hard, but soon managed to hit Bjarni on the chest with his playschool lightsaber. The autistic child began to cry and held his chest. Chiko turned to see Mikey heading up the slope towards the entrance. "Mikey!" He yelled and ran after him.

As the two armies continue to cause violence to each other, Chrisdolf noticed the incoming Fell Keets. He put his head down dismayed but then notices the moth that he talked to before. He looked up and smiled at the incoming beasts. Suddenly, a tiny sparrow flew in front of the CamelToez squawking in anger. However, the bird was just smashed by the sheer bulk of the creature. Jay looked up and grinned. "The sparrows! The sparrows are coming!" He yelled as everyone looked up. "No, I'm talking! Pay attention to me!" He cried.

Thousands of little sparrows began to enter the airspace and peck at the Fell Keets. The giant parakeets didn't seem affected at all by the little birds. Most of the sparrows were killed just running into them. "What the **** is this? Am I high?" Nateli asked himself.

Chiko rushed inside the door humming to "Candle in the Wind". He soon noticed Mikey through the thick smoke. "I'm here Chiko!" He called back hoisting up the forum on the chain. He peered longingly at he computer chip.

"Destroy it!" Chiko cried. Mikey positioned the forum above the lake of fire below and continued to peer at it. "Go on now! Throw it in the fire!" Chiko yelled. Mikey hesitated as the forum began to sing to him. "What are you waiting for? Just let it go!" Chiko cried again with a look of despair. After some time, Mikey turned towards Chiko and grinned.

"The forum is mine!" He growed pulling the computer chip from the chain. He then pulled out a random laptop and slipped it in, now thinking he was invisible.

"NO!" Chiko cried. He watched as Mikey began to skip around the encampment acting like he couldn't be seen. Outside, the Eye of Hunter was startled by something and turned towards Mt. Ummmm. The CamelToez shrieked from the battle field and turned towards Mt. Ummmm smashing through random sparrows as they went.

As Mikey continued to skip around the area, Chiko was suddenly bashed from behind by a hammer. Bjarni giggled and looked forward. "We don't spam! Let us post my fanart, only for me?" He yelled and leapt onto Mikey. The two began to struggle around the walkway.

Back at the battle, a large Kelly approached Mikagorn roaring with rage. It swiped towards him with a sperm mace, but Mikagorn parried and sliced at it. Kylegolas saw this through the violence and began to rush towards him.

Mikey and Bjarni continued to beat the **** out of each other on the walkway. Bjarni then pulled out his hammer and bashed the hand Mikey held the laptop with. Mikey cried out and let the computer go. He fell to the ground holding his crushed hand. Bjarni giggled and held up the laptop. He pulled the forum out and peered at it with autistic eyes. He then began to dance around the walkway. "Yes! Yes! :) :) :) :)! We gots the massage board! We don’t spam! See! We follow the rules!" He giggled clutching the forum. Mikey stood up angrily and rushed towards Bjarni. The autistic child cried out as he grabbed him and began to fight for the forum.

Down at the Black Gate, Miakgorn was smashed away by the sperm mace and covered in semen. He fell to the ground and the Kelly tried to pin him, but he dodged and stabbed it with a kitchen knife in the foot. Mikey and Bjarni continued their fight over the forum. "It's our massage board! We don't spam! Please don't ban us! Please, only for me?" Bjarni cried. Suddenly, the two slipped and fell down towards the lava below.

Bjarni fell down with the forum in hand. Soon, he struck the lava giving him an instant IP ban. "No, we don’t spam! NEVAR! Don't ban us Little_Pikachu! Please, only for me?" He cried as he sunk below the lava never to be seen again. The Forum of Hunter floated on top and the writing began to appear. Chiko rushed to the edge to find Mikey hanging from the side.

"Give me your peepee!" He yelled. Mikey cocked his head and prepared to let go. "Fine, give me your hand!" Chiko responded. Mikey flung it up, but because of his broken bones he couldn't get a grip. "Don't you let go! Reach!" Chiko yelled again. Mikey pushed his foot up and Chiko got a grip. He pulled Mikey up and the two stood panting heavily on the ground. "I never thought I'd be in this position with you. I mean lying down side by side and panting like we just…" Chiko began.

"Shut up!" Mikey cried. Down below, the forum finally was covered up in the lava and began to melt away. The Eye of Hunter began to convulse as if overstimulated. Down below, Hunter's army stopped fighting and peered up. The Kelly that pinned Mikagorn down suddenly rushed from the battlefield. Everyone watched in awe as the tower Hunter's eye rested on began to crumble.

The eye started to cry as the tower fell and soon it blew up, sending dust everywhere in a large explosion. (Everyone loves explosions :)) The ground of AIMdor began to collapse catching many Horny Nazi Super Evil Ultra Mega Transmetal Terminator Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys in it. Mnay began to run but were soon overcome. Mikagorn's army stayed put like dumbasses and the ground overcame some of them before it stopped. Zak began to grin lifting his light saber into the air. "Mikey! Mikey!" He yelled. Suddenly, Mt. Ummmm exploded in a blast of thick lava. Everyone began to cry not even carrying about Chiko…only Mikey because he's cooler! At Mt. Ummmm, the poor Fell Keets were struck by random lava blasts burning them to bits.

Mikey and Chiko rushed from the door as the lava poured out behind them. They leapt onto a large outcropping just out of reach of the lava. They then turned over on their backs and panted once more. "It's gone! It's done!" Mikey grinned.

"Yes Mr. Mikey. It's over now." Chiko replied. Mikey began to smiled and closed his eyes.

"I can see the shire Chiko. The Fannywine River. Bag End. Hanadolf's fireworks! The flashing lights we saw when we were wasted by the party tree!" Mikey explained.

"Bulbasaur4 Cotton.(Bulbasaur4) She had ribbons in her hair…Damn I want those. If ever I was to become a transvestite…I want to look like her." Chiko cried. Mikey stared at him in confusion once more.

"I'm glad to be with you Chikowise Gamgee…here at the end of all this." He said. Chiko smiled back.

"Does that mean we can…" He began but was cut off by the screen fading to white.

The lava surrounded the outcropping as the two laid still. Suddenly, Chirsdolf rode out under a bed of several hundred sparrows. Two more groups followed him. They each picked up an unconscious hobbit and flew away from the mountain.

Mikey awoke days later in a nice sunny room in a large white bed. Chrisdolf laughed at him from the foot of the bed. "Who the **** are you?" Mikey asked. Chrisdolf stopped laughing and took a puff of his weed.

"I used to be Hanadolf but when I died I came back as someone who was actually cool." He replied. Mikey began to laugh with him. Soon, Zak and Jay appeared from a door to the back of the room. They began to laugh too and leapt onto the bed with Mikey. Nateli and Kylegolas then entered. Kylegolas smiled but Nateli just laughed at how dumb this whole ordeal looked. Mikagorn came seconds later and after followed Chiko…with no clothes on. Chrisdolf peered at him and frowned. "This is a reunion…not an orgy…though it looks like it." He yelled. Chiko's face saddened and he walked out.

Later on on top of the Citadel, Chrisdolf prepared to admin Mikagorn. Everyone watched in anticipation as he went into the admin control panel to do so. Suddenly, he was smacked away by another white admin. It was Suziemon! "What the **** do you think you're doing Chris? Sure, I made you an admin, but that doesn't give you the right to admin others behind my back!" She yelled. Chrisdolf slowly got up and looked at her.

"But Mikagorn needs to take his rightful place." He replied. Suziemon glared at him and then noticed everyone was still in Lord of the Ringish clothing.

"Oh my god! Don't tell me you guys are all still playing Lord of the Pokemasters? Come on, that was like so last summer!" She yelled and ripped her wizard clothing off. Everyone gasped as they watched.

"I am the main admin here so this will be my day. It does belong to one woman. And I'll watch as you all rebuild it so that we may live in days of peace." Suzie yelled. Everyone began to whisper to each other and soon the four hobbits, Mikey, Chiko, Zak, and Merry, approached and bowed. Mikagorn looked at them.

"My friends…you bow to no one." He said and bowed. Suddenly, Suzie smacked him away.

"They'll bow when I tell them too!" She yelled. RJmir and Gabrieyln looked at each other in shock as they watched what unfolded. Suddenly, Samwen entered with her little flag prepared to marry Mikagorn. Suzie glared at her. "No Sam, he's not worth it." She said.

Sam giggled. "Your right, I'm young. I'll just do what i do best for another few years...random hookups!" She giggled.

Suzie began to pace around the citadel. "Now, there's a little issue over who gets to go to the Grey Havens I presume, being Lord of the Pokemasters and all. Well, as your ruler once more I will decide." She explained.

"Suzie, what's the grey havens?" Chrisdolf asked. She turned to him and smiled.

"It's a nice way of saying banned." She grinned. "And, since you tried to admin Mike, you will be going there. I'll also send Andy because he provided Mike with that computer I didn't want rebuilt. Tina can go because having a rapist on the board isn't very enticing. Definitly send Mikey because he started all this ****…and why not throw Cheesy in there too on account of he dissapeared for some time."

Suzie led those she chose to the sea where a small wooden boat waited for them. Chiko grabbed Mikey's hand and pulled him back. "You can’t leave!" he cried. Suzie glared at him.

"You want to go too?" She asked.

"Bye!" Chiko replied letting go of Mikey. Some forum members randonly appeared with Cheesy Baggins and shoved him into the boat. Chrisdolf grabbed Mikey and approached the other hobbits.

"Farewell my friends. My work is now finished. Here at last by the shores of the sea comes the end of our fellowship." He said. Suzie suddenly smacked him.

"Stop wasting time and get on the damn boat." She yelled. Chrisdolf nodded and led Mikey on. Ozanrond and Tinadriel appeared seconds later and Suzie piled them in as well. The boat began to leave and everyone watched in sadness as it went. When it was several yards out, it struck an iceberg and sunk below the ocean. Suzie then turned back to everyone. "Let's all go get drunk now!" She grinned. Everyone cheered and pulled out alcohol as party streamers flew down.

SEVERAL HUNDRED ENDINGS LATER

The next day Chiko arrived to his home. The door opened and a ghostly figure came running up to him. "Well, I'm back…" Chiko said to Mikomir and the two walked back inside for some lovin'….