View Full Version : The September Fanfic Writing Contest! (Free Muffins)

Chris 2.1
2nd September 2004, 08:39 AM
Hey guys, the September FFWC is UNDERWAY!

*Cuts a lame ribbon*

Right, this month we have another Pokemon-based competition. The prize is, as usual, a siggy thing I'll make up for you, to enable you to boast lots about your achievements.


Write a short peice based around a battle with a Legendary Pokemon. It can be any Legendary Pokemon you wish, and can be fought using any species or any number of Pokemon. The result is up to you - does the legendary Pokemon defeat the opposition, fall down to the opposition or even become captured? It's your call


Each entry will be judged on 3 catagories, each catagory out of 10, giving a total of /30 marks.

Writing - To get full marks, the User must showcase and display varying writing techniques. It must flow easily and be an interesting read.

Plot - This catagory is hardest to get higher marks. Marks are awarded depending on how much sense the story makes. Any obvious people with strong characters or personality can earn points here, too.

Effort - While everyone should put a certain degree of effort into their entry, this catagory will mark those who put impeccable planning into their entry, and don't simply post a reply and make it up.

Ok, I'll mainly do the judging, but I'll try and enlist the help of any Mod's who are free at this moment in time.

All Ok?




3rd September 2004, 01:24 PM
I'll be glad to help judge. We shouldn't split the stories, though, since one of us is probably a tougher critic than the other. Maybe we could both do each story and average the two scores. Three scores if anyone else wants to help judge.

3rd September 2004, 02:14 PM
Do we do the writing here...? If so, I'll edit the post. I've already got a good idea for a story, so I'll try'n refine it before editing this post.


EDIT: Well, here it is... Good luck to me, I guess. :(

The Steely Mind

I walked into the town, exhausted. Being the only overage Pokemon trainer in the entirety of Hoenn, it was a lonely thing to be traveling without anyone my own age, but I got along well enough. My Pokemon were well-trained at this point; I had trained each of them since birth and had developed a strong bond with them over the past year and a half.

There was a bar in the center of the town, along with the church and town hall, and I stumbled in for a pick-me-up. I had just turned 21 a few weeks before, and I was definitely making full exercise of my newly-found privilege. Various townsfolk were inside, talking about the day's news and other sorts of gossip. I was never much into such talking, but I figured it couldn't hurt.

I sat down at the bar, said to the bartender, "Gimme a gin and tonic," and then sat far back on my stool. The people stared at me as if I had three heads, but since I had been a drifter for almost six years, I was used to it. My drink appeared, and I put down some money. I was tired, and the alcohol just seemed to intensify the extreme exhaustion. Still, I sipped it quietly, ignoring the barkeep's inquiring looks.

"A Pokemon trainer, I see."

I spun around to see an old man, wrinkled like the depths of the Eastern Ocean and sporting two long bits of moustache on his upper lip. I was surprised he could see me, because he appeared to be squinting, but he continued. "Maybe you're an adventurous lad, eh? There's something here that might interest you some..."

"Yeah?" I said, the alcohol dulling my curiosity a little. "Wassat?"

"Ah... it's an old legend among the people here..." The man twirled one of moustaches around his finger absently, as if he was trying to remember this "legend" because it had been so long since had had told it.

"Get on with it." I said impatiently, taking a larger sip of my drink. "I wanna gettuh bed soon, 'cause I'm tired..."

"Of course, of course." the man apologized. "It has been passed down to only the most worthy of Trainers that dare to come through here." I shot him a look, and he bowed. "Forgive me. It's been a long time since I've told this... Ah, yes, it starts with the mighty Hienyu, this small town's most powerful trainer ever.

"Hienyu was a wise, powerful trainer, but he was proud. He believed that none could stand against him, so he went out to seek the strongest trainers and wild Pokemon all over Hoenn. He would fight them, and usually win, and when he did he took their rarest Pokemon for his collection. In this way, he amassed a huge collection of powerful monsters, which made him only more powerful.

"He came home one day to see his parents and sister, and he saw a shadow cross the ground as he entered town. Now, Hienyu was certainly not stupid, and he knew it was a powerful, one-of-a-kind Pokemon, and he wanted to catch it. It took him many days, but he eventually tracked the beast to the top of the mountains, where he fought it.

"As it turned out, not even Hienyu's most powerful Pokemon could stand against it. He was defeated, but rather than face defeat, he leaped off the peak to his death. Thus he ended his own torment, but his restless spirit haunted the Pokemon forever.

"Since then, he has lured only the best trainers to the mountain to do battle with the Pokemon, hoping that one day someone could defeat and capture the creature and release his spirit from the torment of haunting the thing forever."

"Let me get this straight." I said skeptically, barely taking in what he said. "You want me to go fight a Pokemon that may be way too strong for me, just so I can try to free a centuries-old ghost from the eternal torment of existing between the world of the living and the world of the dead?" The man nodded happily. "Forget it. I've got better things to be doing. The Hoenn league tournament is in a month, and I need to get to Ever Grande City before-"

"Suit yourself, then, lad..." the old man said, turning his back to me. "You're passing up the opportunity of a lifetime, though. That thing could wipe the floor with those at the Hoenn League..."


I woke up the next morning with muddled memories of the night before and a powerful hangover headache. I had drunk at least a dozen gin-and-tonics before going to bed, and I had been so massively drunk at that point that I had crawled up the stairs and into a random room. There was a girl in bed next to me, and I had never seen her before, but she and I were both fully clothed, and my embarrassment was washed away by my headache.

I stumbled downstairs, ate breakfast hurriedly, and went outside to find some semi-warm, running water. My head hurt a lot at this point(the milk had been cold and my head had throbbed so painfully went I drank it I knocked over my bacon and eggs), and I needed to try and find some relief. There was a woman who had pointed me up a mountain path, and at that a crazy thought entered my head: Maybe I should go and try to get that... whatever the hell it was...

So, with that, I made my way up the path and through a forest that was dark and gloomy. The trees were huge, hundreds of feet tall apiece. Their branches seemed to grow together, as if forming a ceiling over my head that blotted out the sun. I could barely see ten feet in front of me, and if anything was an omen, this sure was. It made me feel very nervous, and I began getting the paranoid feeling of thinking everything was following me, watching me... I slowly forgot my hangover, but I could tell that things would not improve as I trudged up the mountain.

I had been trying to keep track of which way I went, so I could make it back down safely, but my anxiety took over and pushed everything else out of my mind. It seemed to me that I wasn't moving of my own accord, that something was driving me, against my will, to make this journey that Hienyu made all those years before... I shook my head, trying to clear it of such thoughts. Nothing could make me do anything I didn't want to do. Nothing! I was a human being, with a mind, a heart, and a body of my own, and nothing else could make me do anything.

In any case, I eventually lost track of time. I couldn't see the sun, it was as dark as night underneath the foliage, and frankly, my fear made it difficult for me to tell much of anything. What if, like Hienyu, I couldn't defeat this monster, and I was forced off the mountain to a death as painful as his suicide?

Damn it, give it a rest already. I yelled at myself, annoyed at the fact that such a confident person as myself was feeling so utterly pessimistic.

First sign of insanity, the other side of me said slyly, yelling at your head inside your head.


Several pidgey and taillow flew from their perches at my yell. I was right, of course; fear was driving me insane. But that same voice was now telling me again that something wasn't right... Something was up here.


Several hours and many raving later, the forest began to thin out. I could see the sun setting in the west(the horizon opposite the mountain), and darkness was beginning to fall. Cursing, I drudged onward. I had left my tent and supplies in town, and now that I was no longer completely hung-over, I was able to think carefully, and see the idiocy in my actions. There was nothing I could do now, I convinced myself, and I kept going.

You still don't know where you're going. the pessimist voice said, sounding bored.

Could you give it a rest already? I asked rigidly, knowing full-well that my annoyance was seeping through my veins and making this voice keep talking. I'm more worried about getting eaten by a half-starved ursaring than I am about being lost.

Suit yourself.

It started becoming clear to me that this was not, as I had suspected, my own voice. I was becoming suspicious that, as the old man in the bar had implied, Hienyu's spirit had taken up residence inside me and was driving my to go and fight the legendary Pokemon. However, I found it extremely irritating that Hienyu was such an immense bastard, and not a hero, as the old man had made him out to be. Sighing, I continued up the barren slope, over dirt and scrubby grass.

It was then that I noticed something ahead of me. It appeared to be just a sudden outcropping in the side of the mountain, but then it occurred to me that it may well be the cave that Hienyu had fought the Pokemon in. Scrambling forward, I made my way up to the cave and inside. Grabbing a PokeBall from my belt, I released my first choice in Pokemon, a little, yellow rabbit. It had long, squared-off ears that were tipped with blue, and on its cheeks were blue ovals with bars of yellow in them. Most people would recognize it as a Minun, but to me it was Tempest.

"Min." Tempest said, putting its head back to view the ceiling. "Nun. Nunmin minminun."

"Yeah yeah, I know you don't like being in enclosed spaces." I replied, rolling my eyes. "But you've got a job to do... And maybe I'll feed you a little extra and find you a nice Plusle to... erm.. hang around with."

This got Tempest going. Uttering its name the entire time, it emitted just enough electricity to provide enough light to see inside the pitch-black cave. We walked forward, fully intending to explore the cave to its fullest, or at least until I found and beat the enigmatic Pokemon hidden in its depths.

An hour later, though, it became obvious to me that this would be no easy task. Twice we had passed the same rock (at least I think we did... It may well have been my newly-created psychosis talking), and we met a dead end three times. I began getting frustrated; I hadn't expected the Pokemon to have moved so far inside the cave. This had been a monumental blunder on my part, and it was just another mistake in a long list.

Suddenly, as we passed a five-foot-long stalactite, there was a distinct change in the feeling of the ground beneath my feet. I tapped it, and it sounded... hollow? I was confused; how could a cave be hollow? Gritting my teeth, I decided that we should keep going this way. "C'mon, Tempest, let's keep moving. There should be something further ahead; maybe we can find the damned thing."

"Miun..." Tempest looked nervous. It seemed uneasy when it got too far away from me, so it stayed close to my legs as I fought the metaphorical sirens in my head that were screaming "YOU REATARD! DON'T GO THAT WAY!" Of course, these were just voices. But I was starting to feel more at ease with these voices...

Was I really going mad?


There it was, in all its splendor... Standing right there before me was the monster that had been Hienyu's downfall...

It had taken another hour to find it. Tempest and I had come to another dead end, but this one, like the floor, was hollow. I used my Machamp to smash through the steel, and we found the Pokemon standing inside.

It was a tall, steel gray, metallic being, its body shaped somewhat like a pear. It didn't have eyes, but in their stead it had seven dots arranged in a hexagonal pattern on its chest. Its arms were long and curved, and shaped roughly like blunted forks. They didn't seem to be able to be bent, but could swivel at the shoulders.

It was called Registeel.

I had heard of this Pokemon before, and it was indeed a legend. It was so mysterious that it wasn't, like many other legendary Pokemon, included in children's books. It hadn't yet taken its place among the ranks of Mew, Articuno, Ho-oh, and Raikou; instead, it was a recent discovery. People had noticed it traveling along throughout the countryside, and also realized that it was stealing all their iron objects. It was a magnetic thing, and had such a powerful magnetic field that it could attract objects from miles around

Maybe that's what brought me here... I wondered, staring at it as it stood to gaze at me.

"Maybe not."

I spun around, looking for the source of the obviously human voice. Behind me stood the old man from the bar, smiling sinisterly and pacing. "Not, it wasn't the stupid Pokemon's magnetic power that brought you... It was, as you suspected, Hienyu that brought you to this... abomination.?

"How d'you know that..."

"Very simple." the man cut me off, smiling even broader. He shrugged. "I am a psychic. I can see the thoughts of other people as if they were telegrams. I can also... influence these thoughts, and even send return messages." He laughed. "It was my voice that you heard, that suggested you were mad, that you were lost, that you would die... And, in fact, it was also Hienyu that influenced you."

"You mean-" I started, but he again cut in.

"Yes." He said, spreading his arms wide in a welcoming gesture. "I am Hienyu. I didn't die, per se, but I did lose my body when I fought Registeel all those years ago. As a price for my ruthlessness and my pride, the gods sent me to fight Registeel, and when I lost, they removed me from my body and left me to float as random thought particles in the atmosphere. Since then, I have... heh... amused myself by drawing people here, to fight and die against Registeel, much as I did."

"Man, you are a bastard." I said in awe, but I paid him no mind. I turned back to Registeel. "I know this is way cliché, but... I've taken the time to love and care for my Pokemon, which you didn't. I can?t lose against this thing!" I pointed at it. "Get'm, Machamp!"

Machamp rushed forward, ready to fight. Registeel, however, just stood there and looked at him, as if inviting me to make the first move. So I shrugged, bellowed, "CROSS CHOP!" and watched as Machamp ran at Registeel, brought all four arms back, and attacked with an upward karate chop with his lower arms and a downward slash with his upper arms. This attack normally was enough to beat level forty Pokemon, even at half damage, but when it connected, Registeel didn't move at all, and Machamp's arms were stuck where they hit.

"Champ?" he wondered aloud, but to our astonishment, Registeel's arms melted, shifted, and reformed in the same basic shape as before, but with elbows and a thumb-like fourth dulled claw. It then grabbed Machamp around the waist, lifted it over its head, and tossed it like Machamp was made of feathers. My Pokemon hit the wall and fell heavily to the ground.

"Damn it!" I brought Machamp back, suddenly realizing there was a reason Registeel had "steel" in its name. "Freaking type advantage... Oh well. Go, Dugtrio!"

The three little moles that were known as Dugtrio appeared, and immediately dug themselves into the ground. They then popped up again, sang a short song of, "Trio, Trio, Dugtrio, Trio!" and faced Registeel. Again, it stared at Dugtrio, waiting for me to make a move.

"EARTHQUAKE!" I roared, and Dugtrio followed my commands. They dove underground and did something that made the steel ground quake... but unlike what should have happened, the ground did not split, and Registeel stood and stared. I was about to make another move when Registeel attacked again.

It walked up to Dugtrio, lifted its leg, and brought its foot down on the head of one of the moles. The Dugtrio was immediately reduced to Dugduo. Then, before I could attack, Registeel attacked again, its hand glowing before it slashed the two Diglett, who sank into the hole with their brother.

"NO!" Things weren't looking good. That was two of my best Pokemon... I couldn't use Tempest, because it was tired, and I only had three other Pokemon: Arcanine, Pidgeot, and Gengar. Obviously, neither Pidgeot or Gengar would be of any help... I reached to my belt, knowing that it was now or never. I could either fricassee Registeel, or go the same way Hienyu did. "Arcanine, your turn!!!"

The large dog appeared, howled, and stood ready to face its opponent. Registeel, as it had with Dugtrio and Machamp, stared at my Pokemon until I attacked. I knew I had to use this, and attack as hard as I could before anything happened. "Fire Blast, Arcanine! MAKE HIM PAY FOR WHAT HE DID TO DUGTRIO AND MACHAMP!" Arcanine opened its mouth, charged a ball of fire, and let loose the attack. It formed a five-pointed figure, which slammed into Registeel and sent it flying backwards.

"Yes! 'Bout f***ing time!" I cheered, watching intently as Registeel slowly stood. Its eye-like things glowed a deep, flickering red, and then the air around it began to sizzle. "What the...?" I wondered aloud, watching as an aura of bright yellow encircled the Pokemon, causing a wave of heat to expand outward. While Arcanine wasn't effected any, I nearly fell over from the intense heat. And then... the aura expanded outward, reaching towards us as if it wanted to kill us.

"Oh, crap..."

The following explosion shook the entire mountain, and probably most of the valley, and sent me careening backwards. My head was reeling... it was like getting hit with a giant two-by-four on every inch of my body... I was amazed that my head didn't exploded with the pain, but then, my dizziness probably had something to do with that. As I slowly regained most of my consciousness, I noticed that Arcanine was still standing, looking just barely hurt, but Registeel was looking weakened. The steel that had made up a great deal of the chamber had been blown away, leaving just rock.

"Arcanine, finish it with Eruption!" I roared, ready to show Hienyu what a real trainer could do. Arcanine's eyes turned red, and another wave of heat surged through the room. However, this time the ground underneath Registeel turned orange and melted to lava... And, in a spectacular display of power, the lava seemed to implode, rocketing upward around Registeel and melting the ceiling of the chamber. When the lava fell beck down and cooled, I saw that Registeel had been beaten. All that was left of the once-powerful Pokemon was a pile of molten slag.

"YEE-HAW!" I roared, pumping my fist into the air in celebration. I had won! I had won! But, as my initial feelings of glee died down, I realized that I had killed Registeel rather than captured it. I was a bit disappointed, but... I turned around to look at Hienyu who was cowering at the entrance of the chamber. I smiled sadistically. Yes, I'd make up for it... I'd make up for my loss of a Pokemon in a big way.



As I watched Hienyu fall from the cliff face, I decided that it had worked out. I had kicked the bastard out of my head... and I had freed future trainers who may have stumbled upon that village from deaths at Hienyu?s hands. Most of all, though, I had beaten a Pokemon that many had deemed too powerful for normal trainers. This, more than anything else, gave me a sense of pride.

Pride's a deadly sin, you know. that voice in my head said.


Chris 2.1
4th September 2004, 12:53 PM
DH: WHOO! Thanks. Good idea, btw. And yea, erm yea. So yea.

PS100: Hey, yea post your stories here!

So yea *cuts a lamer ribbon* GO!

Whisper in the Wind
8th September 2004, 03:18 PM
When's the final posting date?

Chris 2.1
9th September 2004, 02:19 PM
September....29th. I'll then judge the entries with [insert mod here] and we'll post them on the last day of the Month.

17th September 2004, 04:02 PM
*takes a muffin*

Okay then, here is my entry for the September TPM Writing Contest! The legendary in question in my short story is Suicune, and although she is considered genderless in the games I will refer to her as a female pokemon throughout, so no criticism for that please! I really cannot believe no-one is entering this contest – where are all the writers on TPM??? I mean, if I can put together a story anybody can! MORE ENTRIES PLEASE!!!! Anyways, it looks like a normal battle, but there’s a small unexpected turn of events at the end. I guess you could say there’s a moral in there somewhere, deep down. Lol what do I know? Read and rate and criticise as you wish.

:misty: Misty VS Suicune :245:

Misty’s eyes popped with disbelief, as the proud form of Suicune stood before her at the lakeside. Her wispy, elegant ribbon tails twirled and twisted in the evening breeze, and her shiny, polished coat was dazzling to the eye.

“Hmm.” thought Misty, her eyes taking in every groove and curve of Suicune’s body. “Surely this legendary would be the icing on the cake for my water pokemon collection!”

Misty slipped down as close to the lakeside as she could, and rolled two of her pokeballs down the sandy shoreline. A muffled burst of energy sounded from within the water, and a collection of air bubbles on the water’s surface confirmed to her that her pokemon had released themselves underwater. She smiled excitedly before releasing two more pokemon – Golduck and Starmie.

“C’mon guys!” she said, racing down to face Suicune. “You better fight your best – this is a capture that cannot go wrong!”

Suicune turned dangerously when she heard Misty’s voice, and took off running across the surface of the water. However, she was stopped in her tracks by a large Gyarados. The ferocious water dragon swayed from side to side threateningly, rooting the legendary to the spot.

“Kingdra, Hyper Beam!!!” shouted Misty, taking advantage of Suicune’s lack of defence and movement.

On cue, the seahorse dragon sent a burst of multi-coloured energy at Suicune. It struck her hard in the side, opening a large gash that oozed a strange, clear-coloured blood. She yowled in pain, but suddenly she dissolved into the water…

“She’s using Acid Armour!” explained Misty, waving her hands ecstatically. “Locate her with a Mind Reader Golduck!”

Golduck’s forehead gem glowed, and using his psychic powers he located Suicune’s energy in the water. He sent a Psywave at her, and she became visible again. She dashed away across the lake, with Misty’s crew of pokemon in hot pursuit.

“Golduck, attack her!!” said Misty, and he blasted a wave of brilliant white energy at Suicune. Suicune turned and became surrounded in a blue aura, and the attack redirected at Kingdra, who was charred by the attack, and was left floating motionless on the water’s surface. Misty recalled him angrily.

“Be careful of Suicune’s special ability – it doubles the power of her counter attacks!!! Starmie, use a Swift!”

Starmie’s gem flashed red, and a set of golden stars burst from it quickly. Suicune conjured a Gust attack which swallowed the stars and kept travelling towards Starmie. Gyarados summoned a Twister to cancel out the Gust, but the attacks caused an explosion which blew Starmie onto the shoreline. She collapsed, and Misty recalled her.

“Golduck, Gyarados, Hyper Beam!!!” screamed Misty, and her water pokemon followed orders.

Suicune tried to conjure a Light Screen to limit the force of the attack, but her attempt failed and the two Hyper Beams sent her flying. She smashed gruesomely into a tree trunk on the lakeside, and Misty sent Golduck in hot pursuit.

“Finish her off with a Psycho Extreme!” said Misty, and Golduck began powering up his most powerful psychic attack. Misty bit her nails nervously as Golduck carefully charged the attack, watching as Suicune struggled to stand. If she could just stay there until Golduck was ready…

Golduck shouted his name shrilly, and sent a beam of pure white energy from his left paw, and a beam of pure black energy from his right paw. The two beams merged as they travelled through the air, and headed straight for Suicune. However, Suicune managed to conjure a Mirror Coat just in time, and the beam doubled back with twice the power and sent Golduck across the sandy shoreline. Misty gasped as a plume of smoke obscured her vision, but when it cleared Suicune was lying on the ground, unconscious. Misty threw a pokeball and the legendary was sucked inside. The ball rocked once…twice…and thrice with a final ping. Misty had captured Suicune! She ran over to the ball and picked it up excitedly, kissing it happily.

She plucked a ball from her belt and recalled Gyarados, who was watching the action from the water. Misty spotted Golduck twenty yards away down the shoreline, and pointed the ball at him to recall him. The beam of red light hit him, but his limp appearance refused to re-enter his pokeball. Misty raced over to him and felt for a heartbeat. She remembered a key rule about pokeballs – they couldn’t recall dead pokemon. Misty fell to her knees and burst into tears, letting Suicune’s pokeball fall from her hand as she wept.

22nd September 2004, 10:23 AM
Does it matter whose POV it is?

Chris 2.1
22nd September 2004, 02:27 PM
No, of course not! Any POV you wish. You may recieve marks for creativity ;)

22nd September 2004, 02:32 PM
Gasp! How long are the entries supposed to be Chris?
PS100's is a lot longer than mine, if mine is too short you can discount it, i assumed you wanted a one-page short story.


Chris 2.1
22nd September 2004, 03:27 PM
Just because it's long, doesn't mean its good. Length is not a writing skill.

22nd September 2004, 06:09 PM
Just because it's long, doesn't mean its good. Length is not a writing skill.

:cry: I'm hurt.

lol. j/k. I don't think length matters much, either- mine would've been shorter, but I didn't want to skive off some of the backstroy and details, so I made it really lengthy. *shrugs*

Interestingly enough, though, I noticed that both Okabark's fic and my fic ended with a Pokemon dying... Go figure. :lol:


22nd September 2004, 07:31 PM
Whew. I get my entry in... and what's more, I flipped the chase around from the original plan. :)

Legendary Revenge

I pant, running through the lush forest. For how long will this being chase me? Will it catch me? Why is it chasing me in the first place?

I don’t know. I was just walking when it jumped forward. Of course, I was absolutely freaked. Some kind of a bloodthirsty saber-toothed tiger with evil-looking red eyes and horribly long claws.

But what scares me the most is that it seems to have a supernatural control over the element of lightning. The storm clouds seem to follow it around; the lightning strikes seem to go by its will. And it is always after me, with that horrible glare. I sleep in whatever shelter I can find, fearing it. I don’t know how I am still alive.

And I don’t know why it is after me.

No, wait. Maybe it has something to do with that Pokémon I caught the other day. What did my Pokédex call it again? Sweetun? Seekun? No, Suicune. That’s it. A pretty big, slender thing that could either be a feline or a canine, I don’t know. All sky blue in color except for a long, purple cloak that seems to grow from the base of its neck, the white underbelly and some diamond-shaped white spots. And those silky ribbons. The ribbons and the cloak were always rippling in small waves, I remember.

It was weird when I caught it. I just saw that thing and let Ariados shoot a sticky web at it so it couldn’t escape. Suddenly all the wild Pokémon of Johto seemed to have something against me, gathering around and snarling, trying to fight me off. I just threw my Master Ball at the thing and ran for it, once matters really started to get serious. But ever since, the Pokémon have been hissing at me wherever I’ve passed. Weird.

Most of them I didn’t really have a problem with, of course, being the Johto League Champion and all, but truth to be told, it was lucky I managed to kill that Ent-whatever thing. Man, that was creepy. Like some gigantic, crimson lion with a cloud on its back and chains on its legs. It was the only one I had problems with, but Scyther took care of it. It was an amazing battle, really, but it’s a shame it wouldn’t show any signs of being hurt so I had to resort to slitting its throat. But it was very shortly after that that this beast started following me. All the more dangerous-looking, so I don’t want to risk battling it until it’s necessary. But I feel it’s going to be soon. That monster is just too fast…

A roar of thunder tells me it’s close. I try to quicken my pace, but I’m too tired. I have no choice, though. Trying to fly on Pidgeot away from something that’s very obviously an Electric type would be automatic suicide.

I dare stopping to look around. There it stands, the beast, snarling at me, still with that evil look in its eyes.

I point my Pokédex slowly at it.

“Raikou, Thunder Pokémon,” it says electronically. “No data.”

Raikou. So that’s what it’s called.

“I choose you, Steelix!” I announce, holding up my biggest team member’s Pokéball. But Raikou cheats. It sends a small jolt of electricity at the Pokéball. I drop it instinctively, and it melts in mid-air.

“No! Steelix!” I shout out, horrified. Raikou just growls, leaning back. Then it leaps, and I feel the tiger’s wicked, two-inch-long claws dig into my body. The pain is unimaginable. I scream, but nobody hears it. Those horrible jaws lock around my neck, and I feel the long fangs sink in on both sides. Everything goes dreamy and hazy, and then blank.


The warm blood oozed out of the dead boy’s neck. His eyes were open, fixed for eternity on the stars above. His body would never be found.

That was how the Legendary Beast of Thunder intended for it to be.

Mighty Ho-oh, I have avenged my brother Entei… lay your blessing upon this act…

Raikou gently removed a purple and white orb from the body and threw it into the air. It came back upon the ground, its two halves separating and releasing a sphere of red light which expanded into a slender shape. The red light faded away, allowing the Legendary Beast of Water to shake her head freely.

“Come, sister Suicune,” said Raikou. “Let us continue our eternal race.”

The two Legendaries dashed off into the woods.

28th September 2004, 06:14 PM
Um... Is anybody else signing up? Or is everybody waiting till tomorrow?

*is concerned*


Shadow Djinn
28th September 2004, 07:20 PM
I'm working on it right now, but I'm wondering if it can only be one legendary? ^^;

Chris 2.1
29th September 2004, 11:08 AM
Nah, it could be as many as you want.

Note: Closing date pushed back into Early October.

Shadow Djinn
29th September 2004, 07:07 PM
Um yay! I finished my entry on time! ^_^

The Mystic Dragon

Sky Pillar. The greatest structure of ancient civilizations, filled with mystic pokemon only known to be in fairy tales. Many people said six mighty creatures lay in a deep sleep at the very top, legendary pokemon. Many dared to go there, hardly any returned. And the ones that did, they came back with bodies bloodied and injuries all over. It was quite discouraging. But one boy, an arrogant trainer from Hoenn, from the great city of Sootopolis, took the challenge. His name was Zach, a young boy at 13 with messy black hair. His eyes were a deep blue, and he was dressed casually in a blue shirt and jeans. 8 pokeballs decorated the leather belt wrapped around his torso, and a white headband was strapped to his forehead, emblazoned with a green symbol in shape of a leaf. He had been to many lands, his own Hoenn, the distant wasteland known as Orre, and the prospering Kanto and Johto. His team was unlike one has ever seen, a team completely full of rare and powerful pokemon. But Zach was not content. He had heard of a powerful dragon, a pokemon so powerful, it was unstoppable. It was known as Rayquazza, a green serpent that could decimate any pokemon with ease. Zach was after it. His info had come from Drake, Dragon trainer of Hoenn, who had admitted that he had never made it to the top. Zach intended to.
After careful weeks of planning, Zach finally set his course. Upon his Flygon, a great dragon that resembled a dragonfly, he flew. Covering many miles, he fought flocks of Fearow and Pidgeot, along with Swellow and Pelipper. He thought he was prepared for the quest that he had taken on. He definitely was not. He thought he was prepared, of course. In his pack, along with an arsenal of different pokeballs, was the treasured Master Ball. The infallible capturing tool, capable of capturing anything. At least that was what he was told. He landed at the base of Sky Pillar after hours of flight, and recalled his dragon. He slowly stepped into the tower, but all he found was a long tunnel, which would eventually lead to a stone staircase. Along the walls were paintings of great beasts, mostly legendaries. Zach encountered no difficulties, and with great caution, finally took the final step to the top. As he clambered up, he was blown back by a great blast of wind. There was a deep, cold laugh. Squinting, he made out a young man wrapped in a hazel cloak, black hair flapping wildly in the wind.

“ So. You’ve come.” The stranger said simply, as the wind died down. Pushing to his feet, Zach quickly took a pokeball from his belt, enlarging it and prepared to throw it into the air.

“ I wouldn’t do that. Look around you.” The stranger laughed. Zach did. Around him were six statues, made with the greatest detail, all sculpted from stone. Three were of humanoid like creatures, one was of a great dinosaur like beast, and another resembled an orca. The one that caught Zach’s most attention however, was the last one. A great dragon curled up, red stripes running along its snake like body. Its eyes looked almost real, showing hate, rage, and fury.

“ Fascinating, isn’t it?” The man leapt off the tall pillar he had been standing on moments ago, and tapped one of the statues.

“ These are pokemon. Legendary pokemon you hear of everyday. And these show how real they are.”

“ Who are you?” Zach questioned weakly. The wind swirled around the roofless room, yet it did not seem to affect them. The man grinned wickedly.

“ I am the trainer legend who all speak of. My name is Ash.”

“ You’re lying.” Zach said simply, his eyes fixed on Ash’s grinning face.

“ No. I’m not. These pokemon, they are mines. All of them.” Ash let out a laugh.

“ What pokemon?” Zach replied angrily, looking around the room.

“ These. COME!” Ash roared. There was a brief silence. Then, the statues began to glow, letting out a bright flash of light. Zach covered his eyes as he staggered back, the glow slowly fading. The dinosaur like pokemon became real before his very eyes. Red plates covered it’s back, while it had two claw like hands. It let out a powerful roar, fire coming from its mouth. Then, the orca began to do the same thing. It’s entire back was blue while it’s under body was white, with two long fin like arms coming from it’s side. They were shaped like claws, and a red symbol ran down each of the ‘arms.’ It hovered several feat above the air, fierce red eyes fixed on Zach. The three humanoids then began to take shape as well, color blending into their body as they slowly stepped off their pedestals. One was made of ice, in the shape of a rectangle with two claw like arms and legs. It hovered several feet above the ground, letting out a “ Re…” The next one was a behemoth crafted of stone, with one arm long and sluggish, the other short and shout. The last humanoid was a metal humanoid, with two long claw arms and stilt like legs. Each of them had dots that resembled Braille on their body. Ash pulled out five pokeballs, and they each launched a red beam, sucking the beasts within the balls. The last statue shook, as it two began to take shape. The long, snake like dragon uncurled, it’s green body glimmering dangerously. It let out a powerful roar, spewing a great tongue of flame.

“ You are confused.” Ash deducted snidely, examining the paralyzed Zach, who had a look of awe printed across his face. His pokeball fell to the ground, breaking Zach’s frozen concentration. He finally spoke again.

“ Rayquazza.” Zach muttered, stooping down to retrieve his ball. The dragon, known as Rayquazza, let out another roar, before being sucked inside one of Ash’s pokeballs.

“ Yes, that is indeed the dragon. I caught him.” Ash laughed. “ But this place is not ordinary. This is a gym.” Zach let out a cry of disbelief.

“ No way.” He said thickly.

“ Yes way. It is the Oracle Gym, a gym of legendary pokemon. And I am the gym leader. If you defeat me, you shall win a great reward, but I warn you, this battle, win or lose, will be kept secret. You must never reveal this gym’s location.” Ash continued, drawing a pokeball.
“ Now, the rules are this, a simple 6 on 6, single match. Frankly, I’ve never lost, and definitely won’t lose to an arrogant idiot like you. Not even Steven Stone of the great Elite 4 has defeated me in combat. Choose your pokemon.” Zach tossed the pokeball in his hand into the air. From it came a bright red orange dragon with large wings, and a flaming tail.

“ I will use Charizard.” Zach said confidently.

“ Hmph. No match for what I have in store. Groudon, rise!” The red dinosaur like pokemon sprouted from its pokeball in a bright flash.

“ Start with Slash.” Zach ordered swiftly.

“ Same.” Ash countered. The two pokemon raised their claws, dealing a slash to each other on the chest. Groudon, however, quickly tacked Charizard to the ground with his shoulder, and raised a foot.

“ Earthquake.” Ash commanded. Groudon’s foot fell to the ground, shaking the stone battlegrounds. Charizard was thrown back by the quake’s force, and Groudon was prepared to do it again.

“ Take flight.” Zach barked. Charizard pushed to his feet and spread his wings, and took to the air with a great whoosh . He let out a ball of fire, which hit Groudon’s armored plates harmlessly.

“ Solarbeam.” Ash smirked. The dinosaur fired a powerful yellow beam from its jaws, which smashed into the airborne Charizard at full force. Charizard plummeted to the ground weakly, but it slowly came to its feet.

“ Heat Wave. Then follow up with a Blast Burn.” Zach said quickly, as Ash opened his mouth to give commands.

“ Groudon…” But his command went unheard. Charizard had let out a vicious roar, before breathing a massive amount of flames, enveloping Groudon in a pillar of orange fire. But Charizard wasn’t done yet. He fired yet another blast of flames from his jaws, this time in the form of a beam, striking Groudon in the chest. The armored creature crashed into the ground as the flames around it flickered away. Ash recalled Groudon in anger, and threw another pokeball into the air.

“ Kyogre, Hydro Pump.” Ash said quickly. A large, hovering orca like creature appeared, immediately firing continuous jets of water at the tired dragon. Charizard toppled over after the fifth blast of water, groaning in pain. Zach recalled him and threw another pokeball into the air.

“ Dragonite! Thunder!” A yellow dragon appeared; with two great wings sprouting from it’s back. Two antennas were on its head, and it let out a great “ Baroo!” Its antennas sizzled, as a bolt of electricity shot from them, striking the motionless Kyogre. It cried out in pain, enraging Ash.

“ Blizzard! Ice Beam! Sheer Cold! Hydro Cannon!” As the bolts died away, Kyogre began a renewed assault on the yellow dragon that faced him, firing rapid blasts of ice, followed by a powerful blue beam.
“ Thunder! Thunderbolt! Shockwave! Hyper Beam!” Zach roared. A vicious swarm of lightning bolts, in turn, flew in Kyogre’s direction, followed up by a great white blast. They both cried in pain as the two forces struck each other, falling to the ground. Dragonite pushed to his feet, while Kyogre remained on the ground. Ash swore and recalled him. Then, he took three pokeballs, and began to speak calmly.

“ The next segment of this battle will be a 3 on 3. You need not know why, simply choose three.” Then he tossed his pokeballs into the air.

“ Go! Registeel, Regice, and Regirock! The humanoids previously seen before appeared, all announcing their names dully. Zach quickly recalled Dragonite, throwing three pokeballs out onto the field. First came Flygon, followed by a menacing winged purple dragon known as Salamence, and then followed up by a black demon like dog pokemon known as Houndoom.

“ They will battle.” Zach said calmly.

“ Triple Superpower.” Ash said lightly. Regice glided towards Salamence first, who charged at the humanoid with confidence. As the dragon got closer, Regice rushed forward to meet him. He grabbed Salamence from under its belly, tossing it aside effortlessly. Salamence crashed into the ground loudly, sending clouds of dust everywhere. The other two Regis took the opportunity to rush Zach’s remaining blinded pokemon. Minutes later, as the dust cleared away, Zach saw his pokemon sprawled on the ground, moaning in pain.

“ C’mon guys. Get up.” Zach urged. Salamence was the first to regain his footing, and without warning, launched a stream of flames at Regice. Regice stood like a statue, weathering the blow with a steely barrier that appeared in front of him. The shield disappeared after the flames disappeared, allowing Regice to simply fire a beam of ice from its hand. Time seemed to slow at that moment, as Flygon got to his feet, diving in front of Salamence to take the blow. The dragonfly skidded across the field, wings completely covered with frost and icicles.

“ Flygon!” Zach cried. The dragonfly remained motionless as Registeel suddenly raced forward in millisecond, grabbing Flygon and tossing him towards Salamence. Zach quickly pulled out Flygon’s pokeball to recall him, but a blue laser knocked the pokeball out of Zach’s hands.

“ No switching or recalling until the round is over.” Ash smirked.

“ That’s not fair!” Zach protested.

“ The world isn’t fair. Regirock, knock that mutt into the sky.” The stone Regi zoomed forward just as Houndoom got to his feet, smashing Houndoom back with his wrecking ball like arm. Salamence whirled around to face Regirock with his claws raised, glowing with purple energy. Regirock was sent flying as Salamence slashed him, leaving a long mark across the humanoid’s chest. Flygon got to his feet again, blowing flames along its wings to melt the ice. What remained was drops of water, weighing the agile dragonfly down. Buzzing in annoyance, Flygon shook his wings, sending water flying through the air.

“ Flamethrower, Flygon. Same for you Houndoom. Salamence, you use a Hyper Beam. All on Regice.” Zach snarled. Houndoom, who once again had gotten to his feet, blasted several balls of fire from his mouth, followed by a great tongue of flames. Regice was knocked back, before being battered by Flygon’s stream of blue flames. Salamence charged an orb in his mouth, and fired a great beam of destruction from his powerful jaws. Regice’s left arm shattered as the behemoth fell over, its right arm slowly melting from the flames.

“ Regice, Regirock, use Rest. Registeel, use Zap Cannon on Houndoom!” Ash’s usually kind face was now disfigured with a vicious snarl, his cloak swinging behind him. Registeel quickly blasted a ball of electricity towards Houndoom with precise accuracy, nailing Houndoom, who simply skidded back a few feet, and retorted with a beam of dark energy that sent Registeel flying. However, it twisted around in the air, landing once again on its steely legs.

“ Now, Metal Claw.” Ash ordered, eyeing the resting Regice and Regirock.

“ Quickly now, Houndoom, Heat Wave. Salamence and Flygon, attack Regice with Dragon Rage! Now!” Zach ordered. Registeel rushed forward with superhuman speed, smashing Houndoom aside with his bulky arms and fired a powerful beam from its body. Salamence turned to face Registeel with a bright red shield glowing in front of him. The shield absorbed the attack, allowing Salamence to quickly take flight and bombard Registeel with quick fireballs flying from his open mouth. The flames lit the ground around Registeel, sending him sprawling and skidding across the ground. But, seconds later, Registeel stood up again, unfazed. Houndoom darted behind him and exhaled a massive amount of flames, enveloping Registeel in a fiery sphere. Salamence whirled around and slammed Registeel with his tail, and firing a blue ball towards Regice. Flygon did the same, which aroused Regice from his peaceful slumber. He was unfazed from the two successive blows, and released a blue beam of ice from its body. Flygon quickly took flight, avoiding the blast and countering it with a kanji of flames. Regice simply glided away, letting the flames hit the ground harmlessly. Salamence charged forward with his head lowered, and sent Regirock flying into the air. Regirock woke in midair, and raised his long arm. A pillar of earth rose up to meet him, allowing him to land. His long arm then separated into dozens of boulders, which battered Houndoom with a flurry of blows. A brown aura then surrounded him as a glowing circle appeared around Houndoom, who looked around nervously.

“ RUN!” Zach bellowed. Houndoom quickly dashed away, as a dozen stalagmites rose up from the ground beneath him. He hit the ground with a sickening thud, signifying he was clearly knocked out. Registeel slashed an X with his claws, which hit Salamence from behind, and knocking him into Regice, who was crushed under the dragon’s weight. A spire rose from underneath the dragon, throwing him to the air and sending him plummeting to the ground. Flygon turned upon Registeel in fury, savagely slamming his tail into Registeel with mighty force. Registeel buckled upon impact, allowing Flygon to finally raise a pillar of flames from underneath the piece of trash, reducing him to a pile of slag.

“ Regirock! Regice! Registeel! Gather your power! TRIPLE EXPLOSION!” Ash roared angrily. The three Regis glowed in chorus, as Zach sent a string of violent expletives in Ash’s general direction. Three explosions lit the field, sending boulders and gravel everywhere. As the flashes died away, Flygon lay unconscious, with the field reduced to rubble. Ash calmly pulled another pokeball from beneath his cloak, after recalling the three piles of ash lying on the ground.

“ This last battle will allow you to simply use all your remaining conscious pokemon against my last. Choose them.” Ash said, while Zach fumbled with his belt. He pulled out a cluster of three pokeballs and tossed them lightly into the air, recalling his three fallen ones as well. A steel triceratops like pokemon first appeared, standing on two legs, with steel plates covering his body. Then came a large, vicious pokemon in the shape of a t-rex, with brown armor and jagged spikes along his back. And finally, a black dog like pokemon with a blade on its head and tail appeared, with white shaggy fur and a black face.

“ So, an Aggron, a Tyranitar, and an Absol. Pathetic.” Ash mocked, enlarging his last pokeball. He threw it onto the field, and out came the jade dragon Zach had chased after. Rayquazza. Zach was simply amazed at its beauty, the long claws, the red stripes, and the serpentine form. It was the greatest dragon of all time, and he had seen it. But now, he had to battle it.

“ Triple Blizzard.” He ordered sharply. A blast of icy shards and icicles battered Rayquazza, who shrugged off the blow, and swept his tail into Aggron, who endured the blow, and rammed it’s entire body again Rayquazza, who ignored it and sent a blue tornado at Tyranitar. Tyranitar took the blow, and charged with his claws bared. He dealt two flashing cuts along Rayquazza’s tail, causing the beast to roar out in pain.

“ Outrage!” Ash barked. Rayquazza battered Zach’s pokemon with blows, sending them flying. Aggron quickly stood up, firing a quick succession of Ice Beams, Tyranitar quickly joining in, while Absol aided them with an onslaught of icicles. Rayquazza writhed in pain as the blows struck him, covering his body with frost and sleet. But certainly not for long. A great glistening beam erupted from Rayquazza’s mouth, smashing into Absol and blowing him into unconsciousness. Zach quietly recalled him as Tyranitar and Aggron charged forward blindly, ramming into Rayquazza’s side. Howling in pain, the great dragon took flight, sending random attacks everywhere along the field. Aggron finally succumbed to the beast’s wrath after a powerful Fire Blast, leaving Tyranitar on his own. But not for long. Zach hurled another pokeball into the air, releasing the Dragonite that had endured Kyogre’s blows.

“ Baroo!” It cried, firing Ice Beam after Ice Beam. Tyranitar sent elemental attacks flying, denting Rayquazza’s green armor.

“ Outrage again!” Ash yelled. Tyranitar leapt in front of Rayquazza, his armor glistening as Rayquazza unleashed a combo of headbutts, slashes, and slams. Tyranitar stood his ground as Dragonite charged a Hyper Beam, a sphere rotating in his mouth. As Rayquazza ended his blows, Tyranitar slowly staggered back, breathing heavily. As soon as Dragonite released his beam, Tyranitar fired his own, smashing into Rayquazza with supernatural power. The dragon shrieked, firing a Hyper Beam of his own, which knocked Tyranitar out, who was quickly recalled. But Dragonite’s attack prevailed, and the great beast finally tumbled, crashing to the ground. Ash quietly recalled him, staring at Zach with an expression of awe.

“ You…are truly remarkable. I give you, the prize.” He reached into his cloak, and handed Zach a sparkling disc.

“ This contains the complete data of the Pokedex, and reveals the locations of all the pokemon you wish to capture. Now, leave this place, and never speak of it again.” And the legendary trainer finally drew back, walking into the shadows of the ruined field.

Whisper in the Wind
1st October 2004, 11:42 PM
Well, I've just got to proof mine, so when is the final posting date?

Shadow Djinn
2nd October 2004, 12:50 AM
The date, which was supposed to be Sept 30 is now early October...so I suppose maybe the 10th or so.

Chris 2.1
2nd October 2004, 09:32 AM
Yea we'll say Oct 10th. I'm performing my big play on Thursday, and as well as five-hour rehearsels I have school work to do, too. Not to mention two fanfics and three ASB Matches

Whisper in the Wind
5th October 2004, 12:22 PM
yay, finally finished it :)

Shape Shift

“No turning back now” Suzie muttered to herself. Her chronic gambling problem had gotten the worst of her. Not only had she gambled away nearly all her money, now she’d gambled with her life. It was either honour or life, and she had too much pride to runaway dishonourably. She said if she lost she’d capture the legendary that roamed the Zuya Tower and give it to the winner of the bet, Ben. As long as she still had a breath leaving her mouth she would catch the creature. The twenty five year old brushed her dark red hair back and began to climb the several thousand spiral stairs that circled Shift Mountain. Each step she took seemed like an eternity.

After twenty minutes of stair climbing she already felt like quitting. What kind of creature would make this? The mountain was sculpted to perfection, each stair slowly making the mountain thinner and thinner. She glared up at the top. The huge black tower seemed so far away. She was beginning to regret gambling away her Fearow, with him she could be at the top in no time, but she wasn’t one to dwell on her mistakes. It was the only reason why she could make so many.

It was an agonising journey just getting up the mountain. She’d begun with a golden sun rising in the east, but now a scarlet sun set in the west, the red glow shining from behind the tall black tower. But, she had completed the first task. Doors of at least twenty foot stood in her way, engraved with Unown warnings and blackened as dark as the devil’s heart. “No door will stand in my way!” she growled under her breath ignoring all the ancient writing and instead reaching to her Pokeball belt. She pulled off a red and white orb and rubbed it on her tattered black combat trousers before clicking the release button. She threw it directly at the door and let it explode in a flash of see-through red light in front of her. A human shaped Pokemon of similar height to her stood before her as her six foot tall boxer took form. Red gloves atop her fists, light tan skin covering her body, a skirt around her waist and her hair styled in spikes above her sinister face. She looked at her trainer strangely, wondering why her trainer took so long to give her an order. After about thirty seconds of thought Suzie finally though of something. She stepped towards the door and pointed her finger at what appeared to be a slit in the double-doors. “Hitmonchan. Use Mega Punch here!” she ordered, pointing her fingers towards the tiny gap that separated the double-doors. She knew it was locked from the inside but she had faith in her Hitmonchan’s strength. She stepped aside and watched her Pokemon approach the doors.

Hitmonchan’s right fist began to glow white as she drew it back. There was a two foot distance between Hitmonchan’s right fist and the door, and she knew it was enough. Her punch hit the door faster than lightning hitting the ground as she split the doors apart with a loud snap. Whatever held the doors together was definitely made of wood and who or whatever roamed within wasn’t making much of an effort to keep people out of it’s home. Hitmonchan slammed the doors apart and stepped into the tower while Suzie following behind her. It was only a matter of time before she found the creature. The tower may have been a forty floor mansion but there is only so long a creature can hide. She reached for her second Pokeball and clicked it open, throwing it towards the centre of the unlit room. A flash of see-through red took form to another human sized Pokemon, though this one stood much shorter than Hitmonchan. His face was rat-like and of golden yellow, the rest of his body thin with plates of brown covering the joints that kept his limbs together. “Flash Alakazam!” Suzie ordered. The five foot tall creature muttered something before causing light to show around him. He became a torch, in his hands his spoons glowing brightly, causing an artificial white to surround his thin yellow body. His long moustache flapped as he muttered something and the light got brighter and brighter until he had finally lit the entire room.

Suzie looked around, unnerved by her surroundings. It was like a human lived in this tower. Black leather sofa’s, a wide screen television and what appeared to be a chandelier hanging from the ceiling. Suzie wondered over to a switch and flicked it. Candles flicked on atop the chandelier and the television flicked on, fuzzy and static. “Hitmonchan” Suzie shouted to her boxer. “Check this room” she ordered. “Alakazam” she said, turning to her psychic. “Where is it?” she asked herself.

“Upstairs” a low bellowing voice said. Alakazam lost all focus and the light he emitted. Hitmonchan jumped and turned in shock, fists up and ready. Unlike her Pokemon Suzie wasn’t even surprised, she just shuddered, the low bellowing voice chilling her spine. It reminded her so much of her father, well at least what she remembered of him. He left her before she‘d even turn seven and all she could recall were tattered shards of bonding. Alakazam, Hitmonchan and Suzie turned to the source of the voice. The television was no longer static. A giant face dominated the screen. It almost looked human. The face was a turquoise green, appearing like a hockey mask. Down the centre was a black slit, moving as it talked, most likely serving as a mouth. On either side of the long slit were white eyes, no pupil or colour in it, just plain white, staring a hole through Suzie as she looked into them. Around the face were the outer coating of the creature. A bright red helmet-like shape surrounded the mask like face, on the left and right hand side of the face was two vent-like ears. In the centre of each ear was a turquoise slit that appeared like loudspeakers, though they functioned in an opposite way.

“How?” Suzie said, staring into the cold eyes of the creature. She could tell this creature was honourable. It didn’t want to jump them from behind and didn’t want the same done to it. The creature wanted a face to face fight, just like Suzie.

“Look at the wall opposite the entrance door. You shall see a brown wooden door. Pull it open and step inside. You will be inside an elevator. It will take you to the top of this tower, where you shall meet me…” the creature said, trailing off eerily.

Suzie nodded at her Hitmonchan to check the door for any traps. Once Hitmonchan was done she nodded back to say it was safe and Suzie looked back to the screen. “I’ll be there” she replied to the screen. The screen went back to static after she’d spoke and she made her towards the elevator, withdrawing her two Pokemon to their Pokeballs to join the rest of her team. She clipped them calmly and closed her eyes to take a deep breath in before marching towards the elevator. She stepped into the centre and watched the doors close in front of her, standing totally still as she was taken up to the top of the tower. A chill went over her as the lift bumped into a stop. “Why am I doing this?” she asked herself, suddenly realising that even if she was successful there would be no victory in it for her. She still would be giving Ben the creature. Butterflies formed in her stomach as door opened in front of her. She hissed a prayer under her breath, despite the fact that she wasn’t even religious.

She took two steps into the top floor room. The elevator she had taken put her in the centre of a huge room. Circles surrounded the elevator’s drop off point. The first ring was of water. There was a three foot ring of concrete which was the surrounded by what appeared to be a ring of lava. Another ring of concrete surrounded that and surrounding that ring was a ring of ice. This is continued in a similar fashion all the way to the edges of the room, going water, fire, ice, repeatedly for about ten layers. The room was some kind of freaky arena and she could tell more people than just her had been in the room before. All light in the room went out for a moment and Suzie sensed the presence of the Pokemon in the room. The lights flicked back on right next to her was the Pokemon she was after, breathing hot breath onto her back. She jumped forward and jolted herself into a turn to face the creature. It looked so human. Standing just like one, two arms of red on either side possessing hands of turquoise just like it’s mask-like face. In between both arms was a human like body. An upper body like a human’s chest, however below that it’s body became thin and rounded, and changed from red to a dark brown colour. In the centre of it’s chest shined a blue gem, flashing on and off like the beat of a human heart. Below it’s thing abdomen stood two legs, thick at the top but eventually thinning down until they were merely points standing on the ground. Suzie studied every detail of the Pokemon for about ten seconds while her and the Pokemon were surrounded by tension, Suzie feeling fear and the creature smelling it.

“Are you here to fight or not?” the creature asked in it’s low bellowing voice, the slit at the centre of it’s face vibrating with each syllable it spoke.

Suzie reached for her Pokeballs at the right side of her waist, gripping one firmly in her hands. “Yes” she replied stiffly, leaping back to the ring that lay in between the water and fire as she threw a Pokeball in the creature’s direction. The creature immediately leapt back, leaping past four layers of water, fire, ice and water once more, also standing in between lava and water like Suzie was. Next to the elevator’s drop off point Suzie’s Pokemon took form. A turquoise-blue rabbit-lizard hybrid appeared. Standing like a rabbit on all fours, covered in cheetah like spots of dark blue. She had blood red eyes that gazed at the magnificent beast before her, her rabbit like ears sensing that she was in for a very difficult fight. “Nidorina, Crunch!” Suzie ordered. Nidorina didn’t want to do it, but she had to obey orders. She used her natural born agility to leap from one ring to the other as she jumped forward-left, forward-right and forward-left once more in the direction of the creature. She took one final leap into the air and went directly for the Pokemon’s head. The Pokemon didn’t have to do anything in particular. It focused it’s psychic powers and made it’s eyes glow bright purple before unleashing it’s attack. The innocent Nidorina was only an inch away from crushing the Pokemon’s head as the attack was released. The red and turquoise Pokemon used a psychic attack and side stepped as it threw the Nidorina through the air and through the walls of the tower. Concrete brick of darkest black fell apart as the psychic creature sent the rabbit-lizard through the tower walls before letting go of all control the moment it sensed Nidorina was in mid air. Suzie gulped as she realised what had happened to Nidorina. She didn’t need any expertise to know the creature had just sentenced Nidorina to death by gravity.

“Surely you can do better than that” the creature bellowed sarcastically in the most sadistic of tones. “You must have better Pokemon that I can send to the depths of hell” the creature continued.

“What are you?” Suzie hissed aggressively.

The creature let out a maniacal laugh, dipping it’s head back as it bellowed laughter into the air. “Your worst nightmare” it hissed. “Now fight!” it ordered.

Suzie knew she couldn’t win this as repeated one on one battles. She prepared to unleash her two most trusted Pokemon. Hitmonchan and Alakazam, the only Pokemon she had kept with her throughout her entire life. She sent Alakazam’s Pokeball to the left and Hitmonchan’s Pokeball to the right, letting the two be unleashed. Alakazam used his psychic powers to send the Pokeballs back to Suzie and she clipped them onto her belt before beginning to stare down the creature. It was almost like it was surrounded. On it’s left was the psychic Alakazam, spoons in hand just waiting for an order and the agile boxer Hitmonchan on the right, ready to crush her opponent‘s bone‘s under the power of her fists, but Suzie wasn’t quite done. She released another Pokeball out, letting it land in the water and make a splash directly before her feet. From out of the ball exploded see-through red light that took form into the shape of a jelly fish. The roof of his head was visible on the water‘s surface, see-through sea blue jelly floating on the waters surface, two giant balls of ruby red jelly on the left and right hand side’s of his head. Underneath his jelly head tentacles were visible, at least ten snake like ropes of brown skin. At the centre of his forehead was a ruby gem shaped spot, just above and in between his two eyes.

“I like your choices” the creature bellowed sarcastically. “Maybe I should prepare as well” it said. None of the Pokemon or Suzie had a clue what this meant, but then they saw. The psychic began to glow a bright white and started to change shape, almost like when a Pokemon evolved. It’s human shaped body soon became something completely different. Where the abdomen was once thin it began wide, the entire body of the creature becoming at least four foot wide. The once human-like arms had become two long flaps. The inner of the arms being red and the outer of the arms being turquoise. It’s head had slid downwards, no neck anymore, the mask like face sticking at the top of the more symmetrical body. The gem remained in the same place however, beating in a similar fashion as before. “Do you like?” it hissed evilly.

“Tentacruel, Wrap! Hitmonchan, Fire Punch! Alakazam, Psybeam!” Suzie ordered quickly, a sense of desperation in her voice. The jellyfish Pokemon sent four of it’s tentacles forward and began to bind the Pokemon in the rope-like vines as the Hitmonchan approached, left fist burning with flames. Alakazam centred his focus and crossed the two spoons in his hands. As the two spoons crossed paths a long beam of purple shot from the crossing point and headed for the shape shifting creature.

The creature wanted to be treated like this. It wanted to see what this human could conjure up, and as far as it could tell, it wasn’t anything special. Tentacruel held the creature in place as the flaming left fist of Hitmonchan smashed into the right shoulder of the Pokemon while the purple beam hit the left shoulder of it. It took the blows with ease and let out a sinister laugh as Alakazam had stopped firing his beam and the Hitmonchan had backed away, her momentum forcing her to leap across several rings of concrete to avoid landing into the lava, water or ice. With one movement the creature forced the wrap to be relinquished as it thrust both of the flap like arms apart, breaking the grip of Tentacruel and forcing him to retreat his injured tentacles back to his body.

“Is that all you have human?” the creature asked rhetorically in a mocking tone.

Hitmonchan and Alakazam didn’t take kindly to this comment and without any orders from their trainer, they readied themselves to attack again. Alakazam told Hitmonchan from his mind that he was going to hit the creature with a Blaze Kick to the left shoulder and that all Hitmonchan had to do was keep the creature distracted. What they failed to realise was the creature was listening to this all and was already preparing itself.

“Tentacruel, Whiplash!” Suzie ordered.

The creature was too focused on countering Alakazam and Hitmonchan’s double effort to even notice this. It prepared to lash it’s right arm at the approaching Alakazam the moment he took to the air with a burning foot while it used it’s left arm to smack the Hitmonchan around the face as it approached with a Mach Punch. Without even realising it until it felt the pain, one of Tentacruel’s tentacles lashed forward and slapped the creature directly on the glowing blue gem at the centre of it’s chest. Suzie noticed how badly the creature reacted to this. It wasn’t like all the other attacks, it reacted with a screech of pain as she noticed the gem flashed faster and faster, like when a person’s heart raced when in fear. She knew it now, that was this creatures weakness. If she could cause enough damage to that gem she could bring this creature down.

The creature completely forgot about it’s original defence plan and was caught in the front of the left shoulder with a fiery kick as the back of it’s right shoulder was hit with a swift punch. The momentum of both attacks cause the creature to turn at an incredibly fast pace, sent off of it’s feet spinning in the air as it began twisting horizontally. As it was about to come down it thought quickly, feeling the heat from the lava that it’s face was about to land in. It had to shape shift again. In mid air it’s body began changing form once more. The two thick flap like arms became four whip like tentacles, sent firing into the air while the remaining of it’s body was still glowing white as the creature remained shape shifting. The wide body became streamline again, the abdomen becoming thin and brown once more, the chest returning to it’s original shape. The two thick leg’s it had before changed, splitting into two making four very thin legs, turning the creature into an eight-limbed spider-like creature. The outside of it’s head changed once more, making three red spikes, one sticking out of it’s head and two sticking out of the left and right.

The four tentacle’s shot into the air and grabbed at whatever they could reach, but there was nothing to reach for. In the creature’s mind everything was slowed down like a slow motion replay of what was about to happen. It sensed there was nothing to pull itself up with and sent all four of it’s tentacle arms through the ceiling of the tower, forcing them to wrap around the hole’s they made, but it still wasn’t enough. The creature knew it was going to happen and it was inevitable. It’s turquoise face smashed into the lava as the tentacles tried to get a firm grip. The creature only had it’s face in the lava for two seconds at the most, but they were two slow seconds of agony before it finally got a firm enough grip from it’s tentacle’s to sling itself into the air, doing a complete roll through the air as it let go of the ceiling and landed to perfection of the concrete. It was enraged, it was the closest it had ever came to death. The creature could still feel it’s face melting in the heat and it demanded vengeance. It could sense Alakazam, Tentacruel and Hitmonchan ready to pounce on their opportunity.

Tentacruel launched eight of it’s ten tentacle’s forward, ready to hold the creature down once more as Hitmonchan skipped from one ring to the other with both fists ready to punch repeatedly. Alakazam began focusing his mind as he prepared to launch a second Psybeam, but the creature thought carefully and picked it’s spots. The huge advantage of it’s new form was it had more limbs, and therefore it could do plenty of thing’s at once. They were split into two, one turquoise left tentacles and one turquoise right tentacles, both of which launched towards the human shaped psychic and boxer. It’s two red tentacles headed for Tentacruel, one slapping apart the eight tentacle’s heading for it while the other went to hit the creature. Suzie watched in horror as the creature multi-tasked and took apart her team. Hitmonchan was tripped as it crossed from one ring to the other sent flying face first into the ice ring. It didn’t look particularly dangerous but none of the Pokemon or Suzie herself realised that the moment the ice shattered it would re-frost, trapping the Hitmonchan’s head in ice as she slowly suffocated. Alakazam’s focus was completely shattered as he was whipped into the wall, fortunately not enough to send him through, but enough to shoot him into paralysis as his spinal cord cracked at it’s centre. The creature finally wrapped it’s right red tentacle around Tentacruel, binding it tightly as it choked the life out of the jellyfish.

“And now things get really evil” the creature hissed, it’s voice no longer as bellowing, more like a screech, probably a side effect of the lava that scarred it’s face. From the top of it’s head and all the way down it’s right red tentacle, sparks started to charge and soon a long trail of electricity shot from the head down the tentacle and towards Tentacruel.

Suzie knew Tentacruel wasn’t getting out of this as she saw the electricity flowing slowly along the creatures tentacle. Just as it was about to hit the jellyfish’s head she shouted “Mirror Coat” to her Pokemon, seeing him as a last resort, since the rest of her team was in pieces. Tentacruel focused all he could, determined to survive the electrical attack. In a huge flash of light the electricity left the creatures arm and engulfed the Tentacruel in a huge wave of pain. Suzie couldn’t bare to watch the sadistic act, seeing the Tentacruel’s ruby red jelly head beginning to bulge under the pressure of it all. The left hand side of his head exploded and ruby coloured puss splattered around the top floor. The electrical attack continued and the Tentacruel had to endure an agonising thirty seconds more if it before the creature finally relented, clearly tired from it as it’s gem heart showed as it flashed faster and faster, almost like the creature was trying to regain breath.

Tentacruel hissed something before launching all ten tentacles towards his tired enemy. Even the psychic creature didn’t see this coming as it felt all of it’s body wrapped. The injured Tentacruel took all of the electricity that it was shocked with and focused on sending it down each of the ten tentacles, hissing in pain as charges of electricity were seen travelling along his tentacle’s which were acting like wires. The red and turquoise creature felt it’s own power being used against it. Deadly volts of electricity travelled down the Tentacruel’s ropey tentacles, the creature too proud to die without leaving his mark on his killer. The creature finally mustered the strength to fight out of the predicament, using it’s four long arms to tie Tentacruel’s tentacle’s together and snap them in two. Tentacruel screeched in pain as it felt it’s limbs being torn apart, the creature he was trying to kill feeling the ropey leftovers slide off of him as he prepared to deal the final blow to Tentacruel.

With all the strength it possessed it grabbed Tentacruel with it’s long arms and threw him into that air with all the power it possessed. The shape shifting Pokemon using every ounce of hate within in it to send Tentacruel through the concrete roof of the tower and into the air. Suzie dropped to her knee’s in horror, ready to sob as she saw her last Pokemon sent out of sight into the sky. Tentacruel came back down and crashed into one of the rings of lava, breaking through the floor and making a splash of lava as he went through the ground and crashed through seven floors before finally losing enough momentum to hit a floor without breaking it and instead breaking himself, a splatter of puss escaping the poisonous jellyfish as lava poured from above to land hard on his leftover carcass.

Suzie was in a trance of tears. The murderous creature finally relaxed, it’s gem’s flashing slowly changing back to normal. It glowed white once more and shape shifted yet again, returning to it’s original human-like form. Suzie was on her knee’s, sobbing tears into her hands, feeling like the most idiotic person in the world. At first the creature was honourable and was ready to fight fairly, but the way things went, it had no choice but to become sinister. Turning his hand so the palm went in the air, the creature used it’s psychic powers to lift Suzie into the air. She knew now she’d receive the same treatment as her Pokemon did. She landed on her feet with her chin in the air, facing the Pokemon eye to eye. Tears still trickled down her cheeks and they wouldn’t stop. The Pokemon didn’t understand this emotion at all, but it didn’t care enough to find out either. It focused it’s eyes from behind the mangled turquoise mask that was it’s face and stared into her soul before deciding how to kill her. It looked towards the lava ring directly behind her and couldn’t resist.

“Zam!” Alakazam hissed violently as he launched a fireball from his right hand. It barely clipped the creature but it was enough to draw it’s attention. It dropped Suzie and she landed back first on the concrete ring, next to the bubbling lava. The human-shaped shape-shifter slowly marched towards Alakazam as he fired another fire ball, though this one missed the creature completely. His last dying act to save his trainer as he felt himself lifted into the air, getting bended as easily as rope by the powerful psychic. Alakazam could feel his spine breaking even more until the final death blow was felt, his entire spine breaking out of his back, finally let out of his agony by the sweet feeling of passing as his lifeless corpse was dropped to the ground. What the creature didn’t see is where the fireball went though. A half conscious Hitmonchan dragged her head out of the ice as the fireball melted it for her. Slowly she took her aim. “Aim for the gem!” Suzie shouted to her Hitmonchan as she saw her preparing to attack. Shouting that out loud was enough to catch the creatures attention, but it wasn’t enough time to save it from being attacked. With all the hatred, love, anger, care, and every ounce of strength in her, Hitmonchan launched herself from the ground and across the room, her right fist un-gloved revealing pure knuckle. The creature tried to do something but the Hitmonchan was too fast for it to do a single thing as Hitmonchan’s knuckle smashed into the gem centre of the creature, cracking the glassy outer casing apart. Hitmonchan’s sheer momentum was beyond her control as she punched her and the creature into the wall, breaking it apart and sending them both down the forty floors of the Zuya Tower. A loud thud echoed as she heard the two Pokemon hit the floor. A huge sob left her body as she heard the two corpses hit the ground. Her long time companions had died just fulfilling their orders, and it was all her fault. It was an unnecessary fight, and now she had no Pokemon and no friends. It took her about thirty minutes just to gain enough strength make her way out of the tower, sobbing as she stepped into the elevator. Just before the doors closed she took one last look around, looking at the broken remnants of the room and her Pokemon.

The short journey down the elevator seemed like an eternity as the deaths of her Pokemon flashed before her mind. She had to crawl on all fours just to get across the bottom floor. Eventually she made her way through the shattered doors of the Zuya Tower and looked in front of her. Hitmonchan was clearly dead, but the creature she had battled was still breathing. The shattered gem still flashed, faintly and slowly. She could see this Pokemon was suffering deeply, and it deserved to. But then she remembered why she had come to the tower. She hated to save this creatures life, but she swore to catch the Pokemon. She drew an unused Pokeball from the left side of her Pokeball belt and dropped it onto the creature. A tear shed from her eyes as she saw it absorb the creature and close shut without even rocking. She’d given up all her Pokemon to fulfil a bet, and she knew she’d never forgive herself. But the least she could do is make sure her Pokemon’s death were not in vain. She picked up the Pokeball containing the legendary creature and attached it to her Pokeball belt and slowly made her way towards the endless staircase once more, disappearing into the dark cloak of night…

5th October 2004, 01:26 PM
Aw man, why'd you make the Hitmonchan a female? And make it die? Aw well... nicely written battle *grumbles*.

5th October 2004, 02:09 PM
Good to see more entries coming in toward the end ^_^. Chris, I think I'll have my half of the reviews done this friday. If not, then saturday.

Chris 2.1
5th October 2004, 02:39 PM
Which ones are you doing? Lol setting standards I simply can't compete with! Only post them when mine are done, too. we can't have people rely on ME, cos my life's busy atm. Hamlet is performed on thursday! Eep! To like 300 people.

But yea, I'll try getting around to it. Later.

6th October 2004, 01:44 AM
You said it'd end on the 10th. Does that mean we can submit our entries up until that date? I had assumed it did...

*crosses fingers and hopes for the bit of extra time to finish*

Whisper in the Wind
6th October 2004, 11:04 AM
Aw man, why'd you make the Hitmonchan a female? And make it die? Aw well... nicely written battle *grumbles*.

They look female to me :D

8th October 2004, 04:41 AM
chris: i meant my half of all of them. i thought we were both doing all of them, then just averaging out the two scores between us. I won't post til after you do. good luck with hamlet ;).

mrpika: yikes, it did sound like that huh, my bad. No I'm sure people can keep posting entries up until the tenth. I just meant i'd have all the reviews done that i could have. Up until the tenth should be fair game for submissions.

Chris 2.1
9th October 2004, 06:54 AM
Hey peeps! I was on the NEWS and in the PAPERS and was interviewed on TV after Hamlet was a roaring sucess! :D:D:D

So I'll just mull around here and try and analyse some of your stories, giving some marks already and etc all. I'll try that today, but seriously guys I'm like....ZZZZZ....


You're all doing GREAT! I've read all the stories so far, of course, and must say I have already got some ideas as to who may win! I'm going to ask Fanart to make a nice siggy thing for the winner!

10th October 2004, 09:07 AM
Here's my entry.

Flames of Rage

Matt readjusted his backpack, groaning slightly as its massive weight pressed down on him even harder.

“Jeez… how can a few dozen Pokéballs get so heavy?” he grumbled to himself. The redhead plodded forward, kicking a few pebbles as he trudged along.

He abruptly stopped. The backpack crashed to the ground as his mind went devoid of all thought. All that he knew at that moment was the deep, guttural purring that filled his ears.

The giant bird’s eyes flashed open as it sensed the quick, rasping breaths coming from the young boy. It flapped its mighty wings twice, rocketing itself into the air and scattering all the foliage that had surrounded it.

Matt could barely breathe. He blinked several times, certain that his eyes were deceiving him. This was the kind of thing that was only in fairy tales. Fairy tales and cartoons. There was no way he could be staring into the face of a Moltres. It couldn’t be possible!

Yet it was. The flaming bird stared at him intently with its sharp, unblinking red eyes. Matt quickly grabbed a Pokéball from his belt. This was it. The chance of a lifetime.

“Go, Marill!” he yelled, throwing his Pokeball to the ground. The blue, spherical Pokémon appeared, waving the slightly smaller ball on her tail. Then she looked up at her opponent and screamed. Unlike Matt, the Marill knew quite well the extent of the power of a legendary Pokémon. Even if Matt didn’t know that he was overmatched, Marill certainly did.

“Use Water Gun, Marill!” The Pokémon couldn’t believe her ears. A Water Gun wouldn’t come close to harming a legendary. Then again, it wasn’t as if she dared to disobey him. He’d proved his skills by defeating her in a battle, and she wasn’t bold enough to disrespect that ability. She tentatively spat the large stream of water toward her foe, and it took only a sharp flap of Moltres’ wings to blast the attack back at Marill. The bird then opened its beak and blasted a monstrous stream of fire at her. Marill instantly collapsed from the extreme agony of the burns.

Matt fumed silently. He knew very well that Moltres was a Fire type Pokémon, so it clearly had a disadvantage against Marill. Yet his Pokémon failed anyway. After quickly coming to the conclusion that Marill was just weak, Matt slammed another Pokéball to the ground. From it emerged a large bird that was almost entirely bathed in sapphire. It drew its wings back, revealing a small red crest hanging just above its fluttering white belly.

“Wing Attack, now, Swellow!” Unlike Marill, Swellow didn’t necessarily think his trainer was crazy for challenging a Moltres. He just knew they wouldn’t win. The bird quickly flapped his wings as rapidly as he could before diving toward his opponent, who treated him with a relative apathy. It really didn’t surprise Swellow at all when, just as he reached Moltres, a gigantic cyclone of fire appeared from nowhere and engulfed him in terrific flames. He quickly chose to submit rather than suffer more pain needlessly. Seconds later, he crashed to the ground in a heap. Moltres raised an eyebrow at what it could sense was a dive, but fully understood Swellow’s reasoning.

Matt’s fists clenched. Now he was truly angry. There was no way he’d let one Pokémon take down every member of his lineup. No matter how strong that one was, he was determined to not suffer that kind of embarrassment. He threw his next Pokéball with all his strength, releasing a cluster of large tube-like beings into the dirt. The brown creatures stared up at the flaming bird floating above them before realizing just how illogical it was for their trainer to even think of sending them into this battle.

“Get ‘im, Dugtrio! Magnitude!” Matt shouted. On this command, various thoughts went through the minds of the three moles that formed Dugtrio, ranging from curiosity about how quickly the battle would end to the questionable mental state of their trainer. They quickly came to a group consensus about their next action, and unsurprisingly chose to disregard the order. The three beings burrowed into the ground, digging through it at an amazingly rapid rate, and reappeared next to Matt’s feet. Moltres wasted no time in blasting a gout of flames through the tunnel the Dugtrio had created. The stream took a fraction of a second to travel the distance of the tunnel before rocketing Dugtrio into the air. After a brief flight the Pokémon toppled back to earth, utterly defeated.

Their trainer gritted his teeth. This battle was absurd. Three Pokémon losing to one, without even touching it? Something had to be amiss. There had to be some reason for his losing streak. Without thinking he took out his rage on his fallen partner, slamming his shoe into the creature before recalling it.

Moltres’ eyes opened wide. A trainer striking his own Pokémon? Unforgivable. Without even a thought as to the consequences, the legendary fired an incredible stream of fire all around the area, lighting up the brush in a massive inferno. Matt was still grabbing another Pokéball when he realized the gravity of what Moltres had just done. He shakily looked around him to see a raging conflagration in every direction. It was clear that even in this short amount of time, the inferno had to have grown far too thick to simply burst through. Matt’s arms dropped to his sides. He wasn’t completely sure what he had done to enrage Moltres as much as he had, but he was certain that he was in major trouble. Deciding on his last resort, he looked up to Moltres, his eyes pleading for assistance.

It was no use. Moltres turned around in midair and launched itself toward the sky. The last Matt ever saw of the legendary was the distant streak of crimson eclipsed by the towering blaze that was his fate.

Chris 2.1
10th October 2004, 01:52 PM
Thanks, Mr Pikachu! I'm starting the reviews now. ^^

Chris 2.1
10th October 2004, 02:42 PM
Ok, I've got the results!

BUT DH13, do you wanna post our seperate results, and then calculate an accumulated total? Or should I PM you my results, or vice versa, and then we add them up and post in here?


11th October 2004, 03:24 AM
I just got the last one to read, Chris. I got comments with mine so I'll post mine up when they're ready (tomorrow, definitely), then you can post yours up, with an average.

Everyone, fair warning, I can be a bastard when it comes to judging for these things. All my criticisms are to help =).

11th October 2004, 01:55 PM
Lol, its ok to be dreadfully honest Dratinihaunter13, goodness knows i could do with a sharp kick up the bee hind, lol. We won't hold it against you, although i do regret not making a better attempt.

11th October 2004, 03:01 PM
All right, here are my reviews. The comments may be harsh, but the scores are fair relative to one another. I reviewed on a consistent scale and so did chris, so try not to blame either of us for a low score because the final count will be an average of the two of us! Thanks for all the entries. They were fun to read, especially with people choosing all these different legendaries.

In the order of submission:

Writing: Nice job with varying writing techniques. The beginning was easy to read with a nice calm tone of a guy just getting some drinks at a bar. What brought this score down were some interruptions in flow like Registeel appearing out of nowhere. It felt like I skipped a scene before that. There's some explanation, but it pulled me back and forth. The two different tones before and after the battle had some inconsistency also. Good storytelling.


Plot: Nice plot twist. It wasn't too predictable and helped out your mark here. Unfortunately, plenty of things didn't make a lot of sense in this story. Hienyu loses his body, but he has a body in the story. This amazing trainer Hienyu can't beat Registeel, but this drunk guy who can't figure out a type advantage can beat Registeel. The drunk flaw was good, but it never came back, and seemed to be put there for no reason except, "My main dude needs a flaw."


Effort: This took some creativity to come up with, and the effort was definitely satisfactory. Some things could have been improved upon, like the parts that didn't make sense. That and typos got you the 6.


Overall: 22/30


Writing: Though the battle flowed like a typical battle should, there weren't any varying techniques here, just a battle. That hurt the writing part of the review quite a bit, since the actual attacks could have also used a little more creativity than mainly hyper beams, psychic moves, and counter moves. With what writing was actually there, there weren't too many problems.


Plot: There wasn't a story here, just a battle. I don't know how that 1 page limit thought came to your head. Don't let this score get to you too much, it sounds like you just misunderstood the guidelines a little bit. But even with what was written, the last explosion seemed a little contrived, since two attacks didn't even collide for it. Also, the twist of Golduck dying was cheap. It seems like it was just put there for some 'just add water' originality and that bothered me. More development around that twist would have made it good.


Effort: The entry seemed like a quick fix. The battle had some thought put into it, but using Misty and her pokemon didn't allow much effort to be put in to making new characters.


Overall: 15/30


Writing: Right away, a tense change throws me off with 'pant' in the first line, and 'I was' soon after. The tense shifts keep happening until the end. The tone made it seem like a dream at the beginning, which was kind of cool, since even at the end the tone is dream-like and ethereal with the legendaries talking and joining their eternal race. The flashback to catching Suicune was needed for later on in the story, but it really interrupted the exciting chase scene. Only a despicable, ruthless trainer would slit Entei's throat like that, at least that's how it sounded like in the writing, but the trainer doesn't even get that rep in the beginning of the story. Good move with changing POV before character died. Dying in first person is strange. Not much storytelling here.


Plot: The idea of this kind of vengeance worked well. I liked the legendaries in this story. A pokemon trainer as good as this kid should know the legendaries' names at the very least, however. That was an inconsistency that wouldn't go away throughout the plot. Not a whole lot of room for sub-plots in this story's length either.


Effort: One idea held most of the effort in this story, the vengeance. Everything else didn't seem to take a lot of planning. The boy's character isn't developed, though that's not all bad because the story is centered on the legendaries. But the legendaries get only the last few lines for their own.


Overall: 19/30

Shadow Djinn

Writing: There's quite a bit of confusing language in this story. Choppy
writing in parts. I didn't know who dropped what pokeball at the beginning,
Ash or Zach. Zach is described as arrogant, but he doesn't say very many
arrogant things. In fact, we don't get much from him besides humble remarks
of the gym and battle orders. Ash even seemed more interesting. The battle
dialogue seemed very contrived, like it wasn't really the characters saying
their lines, but more you the author saying the lines. The ending came very
quickly also. The dedication to a long battle description, and knowledge of
pokemon attacks helped this score a bit, but this was more an ASB battle than a story.


Plot: In these stories with anime characters in them, there are plot holes to
be filled, like how does Zach know Drake and how the heck did Ash get like
that. Where the heck did the blue laser come from? And when there is mention of Ash's usual kind face, I can't remember him being kind anywhere in this story. Inconsistencies like this, and the lack of a plot aside from the typical ultimate battle bring this score down. It's also hard to believe that
Rayquaza is fine past a triple blizzard, but less effective attacks take it down.


Effort: A 6 on 6 battle always takes some effort, but I didn't see an attempt
to make many of the battle techniques creative. A lot of it was the typical
explosion followed by who's gonna stand up and back-and-forth monotony. Some imagination was used with the known pokemon attacks.


Overall: 12/30


Writing: Suzie seems interesting right off the bat with her gambling problem.
The description of Shift Mountain is also intriguing. It kept me reading, not
knowing who the legendary was going to be. The bit about Suzie's dad seemed random and out of place. Also, the plot was quite vague at the beginning, and tough to put a finger on. The reader likes to know where he or she is going or where they are. Vagueness shouldn't be used for shock value, but other writing techniques should be used to impress. Paragraphing was a problem, especially between the room description and the first part of action. The scenic description of the battle ground must have its own paragraph. Though the character was great, it was tough to believe how she could cry for her pokemon while being ok with gambling with their lives. Nice battle-writing.


Plot: A strong character usually drives a steady plot, as was the case here. There was some unnecessary description that didn't pertain to the plot all that much. The ringed room was tough to picture, which hurt the battle portion of the plot. I'd think that many rings would either be part of a ridiculously large room or of a comically trivial arrangement of very small rings. The battle was creative and fun to read. When the creature dropped Suzie, I didn't remember him picking her up. Other details are also left out every once in a while. At least there was some other plot going on besides the battle.


Effort: Typos that could have easily been fixed in a single re-read were sprinkled in this story. Creativity points give effort points, though.


Overall: 22/30


Writing: The beginning was a little awkward for me. I didn’t know what the low guttural purr was, and Moltres showed up too quick before I could get comfortable with the story and where we were exactly. Each pokemon’s feelings on facing a legendary were nice to know, but awfully repetitive once we got to Dugtrio. I didn’t know enough about Matt or his team to really care what happened to them. Unique character personalities in the pokemon showed up in battle, though, which was refreshing. What brought this score up was the format of the story. The end had a moralistic feel to it, bordering on biblical with the fiery punishment for wrongdoing.


Plot: I wanted to know why in the world he had a few dozen pokeballs in his backpack. There wasn’t much of a plot other than the battle, which ran pretty ordinarily. Yeah, Matt’s not a master trainer or anything, and that’s nice and believable, but there was still room for creativity in the battle description. Also, Moltres really had no reason to be there, which was tough to accept. Matt abusing his Dugtrio came out of nowhere, and seemed to just be there for an eye-opener so Moltres could act righteous. Plot should make sense with the character, and Matt did not come off as abusive beforehand. The end wrapped up the story into a tight, little fable where the lack of character or sufficient set-up for plot could be forgiven to some degree.


Effort: The battle had little to surround it, but this story came with a message just beneath its surface, also having to do with how Matt came to that point where he stomped Dugtrio. Other than background information, everything else in the story read to satisfaction. I’m sure you can write better, though.


Overall: 21/30

Here are my overall scores that still need to be averaged with Chris's:
PS100: 22/30
Oakbark: 15/30
Dragonfree: 19/30
Shadow Djinn: 12/30
Onimusha: 22/30
Mr_Pikachu: 21/30
What happens in the event of tie, chris? Share and do we pick one? Oh well, hopefully no ties ^_^.

11th October 2004, 03:57 PM
Right away, a tense change throws me off with 'pant' in the first line, and 'I was' soon after. The tense shifts keep happening until the end.
The tenses aren't shifting. What's happening now (and is in present tense) is that he's running away from Raikou. Therefore, the description of when Raikou started chasing him happened in the past and belongs in past tense. The whole description of when he caught Suicune is also him remembering it after it happened, so it belongs in past tense. It doesn't make sense to say "I am just walking when it jumps forward" when it's him thinking about what happened some unknown amount of time ago. The reason the first person part is in present tense is that it would be stupid to make somebody die in past tense first person. At least, I'm 100% positive that the tenses are correct and logical and should be exactly like that. It's like you're claiming that if a story is in present tense, all dialogue must be in present tense too, whether it's talking about things that are happening now or happened long ago. This is no different, except it's thoughts, not dialogue.

Chris 2.1
12th October 2004, 11:46 AM
Ok, I'll list my reviews FIRST, then put your avaraged results below them, so it goes:

DH's results

My Results


Submitter: PS100
Fanfic Name: The Steely Mind
Description: A Pokemon Trainer, upon arriving in a small town, is given a challange: to release a centuries-old ghost by risking his own life in a fierce battle against the legendary Registeel. Putting his task of reaching Evergrande City on hold, the trainer accepts.
Comment: This fic is big. It's bmuch bigger than I expected, but has a lot of decent words used to help connect peices of the story together. The character of Hienyu is interestingly cliche, but somehow suiting to the story and a nice touch. The battle is interesting, but the use of Minun makes one predict a downfall in the battle against Registeel. Minun is incredibly hated by many, and it's size and power make us assume it's going to be Uuber powerful. Pokemon Choices in a fanfiction are crucial, remember that. The second-last line was brilliant, but the last one sort of hammed everything up slightly. Try not to switch between moods too much.

Writing - 8/10

Plot - 6/10

Effort - 7/10
Total - 21/30

Submitter: Oakbark
Fanfic Name: Misty VS Suicune
Description: Water Trainer Misty manages to come across legendary beast Suicune. She engages in battle, hoping to capture the Pokemon for herself, but the cataclysmic battle ends in tragedy.
Comment: Unfortunately this Fanfic clashed when being marked. The writing was superb, a truly epic collaboration of senetence types and word uses. However, I felt Misty wasn't portrayed as well as she could be in this. Her anime character wasn't really found at all. The story started with Misty meeting Suicune, but background on the redhead would be nice, as well as some more information regarding Misty and Suicune. Where are they? Where is Misty heading? Things like that. The ending, however, was very interesting to say the least. Different than expected, of course, and a style that suited you very well Oakbark.
Writing - 7/10

Plot - 5/10

Effort - 5/10
Total - 17/30

Submitter: Dragonfree
Fanfic Name: Legendary Revenge
Description: After capturing Suicune and killing Entei, said trainer begins to fight Raikou...or so it seems. Raikou, it transpires, is chasing this trainer to avenge its fallen brother Entei, and free its enslaved sister Suicune.
Comment: A very interesting read. While short, the content makes up for it a lot. The style is intricate. We're told everything in the first part by the trainer as he runs through the land from Raikou. After the trainer infact dies, we see a change of perspective as Raikou presents the body to Ho-oh. The writing in the first part is...fantastic. The rushed yet structured narrative as the trainer runs is effective; very pleasent to read. The plot is interesting, too, and although the bond between the beasts has been seen before, it is used in a much more effective manner.

Writing: - 9/10

Plot: - 7/10

Effort: - 6/10

Total - 22/30

Submitter: Shadow Djinn
fanfic Name: The Mystic Dragon
Description: Zach arrives at the fabled Sky Pillar to confront the 6 dormant legendaries there. Upon arriving, he finds he must duel a fierce trainer by the name of Ash to earn a legendary prize in its own rights.
Comment: Hmm. I found the collection of legendaries rather off-putting. The description is fantastic, especially the description of sky pillar itself. It reminded me of Rapunzel's tower for some reason. Its fairy tale setting makes the more grim inside clash superbly. The battle was written well, but I disliked the choice of Pokemon for Ash. Having a team controlled by say, one legendary would be ok, but it felt like you had trouble making your mind up. The prize, too, felt really not worth the expense. I expected a legendary for Zach. Some small grammatical mistakes, too, but they did not ruin the story at all.

Writing: - 5/10

Plot: - 6/10

Effort: - 8/10

Total - 19/30

Submitter: Onimusha
fanfic Name: Shape Shifter
Description: Suzie, a 25-year old who really does gamble everything away, climbs the mountains to Zuya Tower to catch the legendary beast within. It is a Deoxys. The said Pokemon must be handed over to Ben, the winner of the bet. Armed with Hitmonchan, Alakazam and Tentacruel, Suzie encounters Deoxys shifting between its four forms.
Comment: A pleasure to read. The start was nice: it set the scene, gave us Suzie's character and told us what to expect. The title implied Deoxys, and we all know Oni loves his DNA Pokemon, so it was interesting to see how Deoxys would be portrayed. The battle was good, very good, and the ending was truly epic, with Suzie developing character superbly after her Pokemon's deaths, all at her hands. A joy to read, a joy to rate.

Writing: - 7/10

Plot: - 8/10

Effort: - 8/10

Total - 23/30

Submitter: Mr_Pikachu
fanfic Name: Flames of Rage
Description: Matt, whilst travelling, meets Moltres, the legendary bird of flame. He fights it, despite not being 100% sure of a legendaries strength. Moltres sees Matt as he kicks his Dugtrio and gets mad. After Moltres leaves, Matt obtains with full knowledge of what a legendary is capable of.
Comment: This fanfic was interesting. Based less on the legendary battle, it seemed to make more of a statement about legendaries in general to me. Very good! Matt's death without being stated was an interesting way of putting it. It didn't make you feel sad, which is a great way of explaining his death, that he didn't deserve pity. Good description, but surprisingly some grammatical errors!

Writing: - 6/10

Plot: - 7/10

Effort: - 7/10

Total - 20/30


PS100: 22/30

Oakbark: 17/30

Dragonfree: 20/30

Shadow Djinn: 15/30

Onimusha: 23/30

Mr_Pikachu: 21/30

That means Onimusha is the winner of the September FFWC!! Congratulations et all.

Attached is your siggy thing.

Congratulations and thanks to everybody who participated! I'm sure DH13 can back me up when I say reading them was a pleasure!

I'll take November off, and we'll have a Christmas-themed Contest in December!

[attachment deleted by admin]

12th October 2004, 01:31 PM
The tenses aren't shifting. What's happening now (and is in present tense) is that he's running away from Raikou. Therefore, the description of when Raikou started chasing him happened in the past and belongs in past tense. The whole description of when he caught Suicune is also him remembering it after it happened, so it belongs in past tense. It doesn't make sense to say "I am just walking when it jumps forward" when it's him thinking about what happened some unknown amount of time ago. The reason the first person part is in present tense is that it would be stupid to make somebody die in past tense first person. At least, I'm 100% positive that the tenses are correct and logical and should be exactly like that. It's like you're claiming that if a story is in present tense, all dialogue must be in present tense too, whether it's talking about things that are happening now or happened long ago. This is no different, except it's thoughts, not dialogue.

*sigh* of course this was gonna happen.

I pant, running through the lush forest. For how long will this being chase me? Will it catch me? Why is it chasing me in the first place?

I don’t know. I was just walking when it jumped forward. Of course, I was absolutely freaked. Some kind of a bloodthirsty saber-toothed tiger with evil-looking red eyes and horribly long claws.

But what scares me the most...

"pant" we agree is present tense. "was" we agree is past tense. present and past are two types of tenses, but not the same type, therefore the tense changes, since two occurrences not being the same is defined as a change.

other than just saying the tense changes, i only stated that it threw me off. i have no idea where your dialogue thing came from, definitely not from my review.

so i guess that leaves why it threw me off. We have no more than two lines of past tense surrounded by present tense, squished in there. These past tense lines give no indication they are thoughts, and also occur right at the beginning of the story when the reader hasn't even begun to find his or her footing in the story. Jumping in and out of tenses right off the bat is jarring. As for not thinking there's any other correct or logical way to do it, there is a way and it would make the story flow better also. Start before the chase is happening and do the story in 1st person present til he dies, or the whole thing in 3rd person past, whatever. This way, a tense change doesn't have to stick out, and the timeline of the story isn't leaping back and forth. The reader shouldn't have to be dropped right in the middle of a chase, and your beginning, if written well, wouldn't lose any pull if you started before the chase. The way it is now, it feels like the author's saying, "OK, here we are now getting chased. Whoops, forgot, by the way this is why we are getting chased." I'm not saying what your intentions were, I'm sure they were absolutely perfect. I'm just saying what it feels like in your story to me, the reader.

EDIT: Congrats Onimusha!

12th October 2004, 03:16 PM
I couldn't really have approached it that way, though. It would defeat the purpose. It's supposed to be some rather dimwitted Johto League Champion whose head you see into for the last few minutes of his life. If I had started where he found Suicune, the reader would get to know him too much (especially since then I'd have to follow him around for a few days), which is bad because when you have been following a character for that sort of time, this end becomes way too abrupt, meaning I'd have to give his death more of a purpose, and I'd end up with a completely different fic.

There's also a purpose in having the whole story of Entei and Suicune happening in his thoughts, which is to emphasize his cluelessness and how he doesn't even remember their names, let alone know them. He as a character is based on all the clueless ten-year-olds playing their Gold version and coming across some cool, big Pokémon they either catch or just beat, thinking they can just find another one.

12th October 2004, 05:19 PM
Writing's tough. It's tough to get across exactly what you want to get across. Like I said, I'm sure your intentions were great, it just didn't come through in the story to an objective reader. I'm sure it makes perfect sense to you, you wrote it. As a critic I am mostly limited to saying what's not working, it's not my role to make it work. It's not my story to fix, it's yours.

12th October 2004, 05:23 PM
Brit Chris - Yeah, that award wasn't thrown together in five seconds, eh? :lol:

Whisper in the Wind
12th October 2004, 08:01 PM
Well, I'm shocked that I won *but very happy bout it :)*

Um, kinda not got a clue what to say though, most of the things that seem fitting sound a bit corny/repetitive to me so this is more of a "Yay! I won and just telling you I know" post. Yay :)

Chris 2.1
13th October 2004, 11:11 AM
Brit Chris - Yeah, that award wasn't thrown together in five seconds, eh? :lol:

...and what if it was? Meh I edited Mew and Mewtwo's slightly but...yea, it was. Oni should be happy though.

Whisper in the Wind
13th October 2004, 12:35 PM
Oni is happy :D

13th October 2004, 02:01 PM
Just a quick note for Dratinihaunter:

1] Yes, while i think i did ok (ish), the piece was written in a short space of time, and i regret not putting the extra effort in.

2] There was a previous contest where a one-page entry was standard (right chris?). That's why i assumed this was meant for this contest either.

3] If you think Golduck's death was unimportant and unnnecessary, then you clearly didn't get my story at all. The last few lines are very important, with Misty dropping Suicune's pokeball as she wept for Golduck. This was supposed to bring across to you that after everything she had gone through to catch Suicune, it was worthless if she had lost a poke-companion. She realised that Suicune's capture was irrevelant when her lifelong companion had died. Get it?

4] I probably sound like a sore loser, but i have listened to the points you've made and will work on them for the next time. You give good advice overall.


Chris 2.1
13th October 2004, 03:15 PM
Oh, I see. You should have asked me. That contest was all about limitations; your task was to write about a battle...but with no more than a PAGE in length, setting a bit of a challange for over-descriptors.

13th October 2004, 04:29 PM
It's cool. I didn't say Golduck's death was unnecessary and unimportant. Heck, it's by far the most important part because without it the story would just be another battle, with a suicune. I said the death came off as cheap and needed more development. I can safely say this story isn't hard to get, either. I wouldn't critique a story as actively as I did if I didn't get what you were trying to do theme-wise.

The death was "cheap" because Misty doesn't make one connection with Golduck beyond a command to him throughout the whole story, then you expect the reader to care when Golduck dies. I barely knew Golduck, he just battled like every other pokemon would. Don't think the anime did that work for you either, because it should be your story and your work. Plus the anime is no work of art, just entertaining. It's not difficult to give characters more depth than the TV show does. That's why Golduck's death seemed to come out of nowhere to me. I mean, there are literally no more than 5 lines spent on the realization of his death, the description of his death, and Misty's reaction to it. The way you explained it, this death-scene pretty much makes your story, so it needs more development to make an impact. Not just a small fraction of the story - but again, that probably goes back to the whole page limit issue.

Hopefully that helps.

14th October 2004, 03:09 PM
Good description, but surprisingly some grammatical errors!

...Well, that was certainly stupid of me. The next time I give you trouble about something you write, Chris, remind me of this. Then laugh in my face, because I deserve it. *shakes head at self in amusement*

Anyway, congrats, Onimusha! You did a good job with your piece, and clearly outclassed the rest of us this time. Enjoy that award in your sig!

I'll look forward to the next contest. See you all then! :wave:

P.S. *sighs* Will the Fanfic Awards never start? Procrastination kills, people... :(

Whisper in the Wind
14th October 2004, 03:33 PM
Anyway, congrats, Onimusha! You did a good job with your piece, and clearly outclassed the rest of us this time. Enjoy that award in your sig!

Thank you :nod: And dont worry, I already am :rotfl:

16th October 2004, 07:21 AM
Ha ha, well you've got me psyched up for the next contest Dratinihaunter13, and believe me that's a good thing. You've made an impact.

Bring on the next contest!!

You know, since the last contest was on for so long Chris, why don't you start another one right now? I mean it could still have an end-of-November deadline. Whatcha think?


16th October 2004, 05:48 PM
that sounds like a good idea. thanks for being understanding oakbark, i appreciate it. and yeah, i'm gonna predict a really good entry from you next contest ^_^.

Chris 2.1
17th October 2004, 03:01 PM
Nah, the next FFW/PC (writing/poetry) contest will be in and during December. I have a lot of Coursework to be getting on with at the moment, and even though I have exams in December, I'll fit this in then ^^