View Full Version : Hunted (oh my goodness - a story!)

18th October 2008, 08:56 PM
Yes. Can you believe it? I have written something! I know, I'm so proud. *wipes tear*

Well, this is one piece out of a two part story that is being handed in as my major assessment for Writing Fiction. We had to develop a story with two perspectives, and this is one of them I guess! Any feedback is totally totally necessary! =]

Um... yeah. So thats it for now. :D

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Hunted - Part 1: Blaire

Here we were, camping again. I loved to be on the hunt, I loved to track down the enemy. It gave me a thrill every time we found one of the enemy and destroyed it. Thousands of innocent lives, saved. These people didn’t even realize the danger they were in. Living in ignorant bliss, no knowledge of the pain and terror caused by the enemy’s superior powers and by their desire and thirst for blood and anguish.

The blood and anguish that tore families apart, that left survivors scarred so deeply they felt as though they would never heal and never recover. Images that were burnt into the minds of witnesses, like trademarks of farmers branded onto unsuspecting cattle. They would never fade; never heal as time goes on. Always a reminder.

I didn’t like to think about these things. I often buried them with happier thoughts. Yvonne and Hunter were happier thoughts. Our trio, although we had only been together a few months, made me smile and laugh almost every day. Right now, Yvonne was clearly trying to push her powers to the limit once more.

“Damned fire!” This was followed by a string of explicit words I was amused to hear come out of her usual ladylike mouth. She glared at the fire, cradling her hand against her chest. I tried to conceal my laughter. Yvonne was so determined to stretch her powers, so unsatisfied with being able to breathe underwater, that she just had to stick her hand into the fire.

She probably felt useless. Sometimes it frustrated me that all she could do was breathe underwater. Handy if we were hunting amongst islands, but in the middle of the country, with no sea for kilometres, it seemed pointless. She was good company and she took care of Hunter and I like my own mother would have.

“You really should stick to water,” Hunter called from somewhere in the darkness surrounding us. He was surveying the forest with eyes that weren’t phased by the absence of light, collecting firewood. Hunter found any opportunity to have a go at Yvonne. I think he found it exciting to see her mad. It amused me, but I never joined in.

“Blaire, come and help me with these logs!” Hunter yelled out to me. I saw a few logs thrown out of the darkness, and went to carry them. He appeared beside me, carrying a few of his own. “Have you heard anything yet?” he inquired.

I shook my head. “Not yet, but I’m keeping an ear out,” I replied. My supersonic hearing had been scanning the surrounding cities. It was the middle of the night, the only things to be heard were howling cats, crying babies, and young lovers.

Approaching the fire once more, I saw that Yvonne had made us some supper. I gave her a kiss on the forehead along with a thank you.

“Yvonne, you know I can’t eat crackers,” Hunter sounded disappointed. “You know I’m allergic to the yeast.”

“Oh my goodness, I am so sorry!” Yvonne frantically started to apologize, before acknowledging the large grin on Hunter’s face. Her worried expression turned to a mix of wanting to be mad and wanting to laugh.

“That’s slack man,” I defended her. “She just stuck her hand in the fire, give her a break.” Hunter looked genuinely sorry for a moment, before bursting into laughter.

* * *
It was during my watch that the explosion happened. The forest was one moment calm, the only sounds being the crackling of a dying fire. The next, Yvonne and Hunter were sitting right up, and my sensitive ears were burning with the pain of such a loud noise.

Clutching my ears to somehow numb the intense fire inside, Hunter and I leapt up and for our trail bikes. Yvonne attempted to gather our sleeping bags and clean the campsite, but Hunter and I shook our heads. We stuffed our belongings into large backpacks, and started the bikes, speeding in the direction of the nearest city.

I followed the dim taillight of Hunter’s bike. Hunter led the way, his night vision guiding him around invisible trees and obstacles.

I wish the explosion had deafened me. I heard the wails as if it were Yvonne and Hunter wailing beside me. The shrieks of horror from families, the cries of pain from those hurt. I wanted to curl up into the foetal position and rock backwards and forwards. My insides felt as though they were in a thousand knots. I wanted to throw up and die. Their pain was so intense.

Sirens wailed. Cries of help, shouts of panic and anguish were mixed and became one distraught city. Speckled lights on the horizon drew closer as we rode towards and into the city. Around us, buildings lay shattered, bodies lay bleeding and dying on the streets, amongst the rubble and debris, and people ran one way and another, confused and scared.

I focused intently on the road in front of me.

* * *

When I heard the voice, it sung to me a piercing melody, one that broke through all the clutter and noise my ears were picking up. The voice was small and trembling, as though it belonged to a scared little child. It was whispering and sobbing at the same time. “I don’t know where we can go.” Then, there was silence. Total silence.

Unnatural silence

Hunter’s sharp eyes scanned our surroundings, my ears perked for any sounds. Yvonne stood as still as she could, her knees shaking slightly. I sometimes forgot it was only her first hunt, and felt a little sorry for her.

A snap.

Possibly a tree branch or a leaf crunching under foot was heard a few kilometres to the left. Then a rustling of leaves, growing closer. My heart quickened its pounding. I was sure that everybody could hear the constant thudding.

“It’s coming our way,” I managed to whisper

The thought of a battle excited Hunter. Yvonne’s eyes filled with fear of the unknown. I was worried about survival.

The rustling stopped all of a sudden. We pulled out our guns. Standing back to back, we used our senses to survey the area. Hunter’s night vision scanned the trees constantly. I listened intently. It wasn’t right for it to be so quiet.


Something scrambling through low shrubbery and the debris on the forest floor. Deep gasps, in and out, seeking much needed air. They grew closer and closer. I aimed my weapon into the darkness of the trees.

“Don’t shoot that way.” The same small voice, this time calm, floated through the air and weaved its way to us in the same intricate melody it had previously. “He’s not the one you want.”

I turned my head. She looked like a small child, but she was much older than that. She stood before us. Long, flowing dark hair trailed down her back and swayed as though moved by a gentle breeze. The forest was still around her. Her aura lit her surroundings dimly. She stood and stared at us with large empty golden eyes, as though she was waiting for us to kill her.

“No!” A cry of pure anguish and horror echoed the empty forest. A lanky boy, scruffy black hair covering his face, emerged from the darkness surrounding us, bleeding and bruised. Uncontrollable sobs flowed as he collapsed to the ground.

She was the enemy.

She smiled at him, and closed her eyes.

A strong breeze whipped up from nowhere.

Forces blew so strong it was hard to stay standing. Yvonne stumbled back, caught by Hunters quick reflexes.

She opened her eyes, and stared into my own.

Then, there was nothing.

Dark Sage
18th October 2008, 09:47 PM
Good to have you back, PancaKe. It's been a long time.

This story seems very interesting. I want to see more of it. How much do you have planned? Hopefully, you can continue it.

Once again, it's good to see your return. I hope you're with us a long time.

19th October 2008, 12:35 AM
Heyyyy Dark Sage :] Thanks! Its pretty cool to be back. Yeah, with this story I plan to write one more part, but that's it for the assessment. I have a 2000 word limit, and that part one is already 1200 words. Haha. But yes one day I would love to take the idea further, just haven't thought that far ahead yet! Thanks for reading though! :D

30th October 2008, 10:36 PM
Part Two - Josh

It was unusual for Emily and I to be in such a crowded place, but I ignored the dangers of this as I searched for a pair of earrings as perfect as the girl that was to wear them. The two small saffron cats were hiding right at the back of a low rack, smothered by the masses of earrings surrounding them. I didn’t say a word as I handed them to Emily.

“They’re perfect!” Emily exclaimed, holding them up to her ears as she examined herself in the mirror. She stood on her toes to reach up and see her own reflection. She smiled and placed the earrings down on the rack again. “Maybe one day we can settle down and have some money spare for little cat earrings.” There was hope in her small voice.

I brushed aside the bangs that covered her eyes and kissed her on the forehead. “One day, we will,” I promised. She grasped my hand tightly, her miniature fingers barely causing a dent, and smiled.

It had taken quite some convincing to get Emily to come to the markets tonight. Emily was fearful to be in public places, worried that she would accidentally wipe everybody out. I had convinced her that we both needed more supplies to keep fleeing, and that she deserved a night of window shopping.

We had been running from the hunters for a while. It had become much harder to keep track of the days since fleeing home. It was the safest thing to do, for us, and for all those we cared about. Emily’s powers were far beyond comprehension. She couldn’t control them, didn’t know what made them trigger, and was only learning how to suppress them for a short amount of time before they erupted from her. Our only hope was finding a cure. There had to be some way of helping Emily to control her powers. She could already sense when they were building up inside her, and she could hold them down for short periods of time.

There was some hope.

The hunters weren’t interested in hope. They wanted her dead and her powers gone from the earth forever.

Emily’s hand squeezed mine so suddenly that I jerked it away in pain. I had never felt her grasp me that tightly before. Her eyes were filled with panic, and I watched them intently as their colour began to change. She looked up at me, terrified.

“We have to leave, now,” she said, trying to stay as calm as possible.

“Are you serious?” I asked, panic beginning to grasp my stomach.

“Yes!” she yelled, and bolted for the exit. I ran behind, squeezing her hand tight for fear of losing her amongst the people.

A small breeze began to blow through the market place. Cool and gusty, it began to pick up and blow harder. It was difficult to run against such forces. Long strands of my hair began to blow in my face and eyes. Emily was running faster and faster, but it seemed that the exit was becoming further and further away.

It was like a bad dream.

The lights in the room seemed to be getting brighter and brighter. Emily squeezed my hand so tightly I felt as though it would break. My feet weren’t moving fast enough. I couldn’t see anything but bright lights. Panic had spread all through the room now, the strong gusts and blinding lights causing chaos amongst the people.

Emily stopped running, and grabbed me tight. Her arms reached around my back, and she buried herself into my chest. The earth trembled around us. Her heart beat was furiously pounding inside her. The light was blinding, even though my eyes were screwed shut.

I held Emily close to me, preparing for my last moment with her.

* * *

I opened my eyes to a dark forest canopy, and Emily’s face peering over mine. “Are you okay?” Her voice quivered, and her eyes were bloodshot and puffy. She had been crying for some time.

I sat up. Memories came flooding back. I could hear the torturous screams of the people, the hurricane winds and see the blinding lights. How had I survived?

“I think I’m getting better at my powers,” Emily began to speak, her voice quiet. She stared at her hands, not making eye contact with me.

I brushed my hair out of my face. “What do you mean?”

“I didn’t destroy you,” she replied. “I thought… I thought I was going to lose you then.”

I nodded slowly. I thought the same thing.

Emily continued. “There must be some reason why you weren’t destroyed.” She looked up, a glint of hope in her eyes. “Maybe I’m getting better at controlling my powers.” I smiled at her, hopeful also. If she could control her powers, it would mean that it would be all over.

* * *

Something wasn’t right when Emily dropped her soup. She had been staring so intently at the liquid inside her mug, watching the small alphabet shapes float from side to side, when it slipped from her hands and fell to the ground, gushing out all over the floor.

I chuckled, and leant over to collect it. Her hand pushed mine away in defence. She sat rigid, barely breathing. “They’re close.”

It was barely louder than a whisper. I heard it, and nodded. I left the soup where it lay on the floor, slowly making its way out of the cup, and withdrew my hand.

“I don’t know where we can go,” Emily said, trying to keep her voice calm.

“Can’t we keep hiding?” I asked. “We can make a run now, can’t we?”

She shook her head. “I have to face them.” She stood up, and bolted.

The forest was dark and blinding as I chased after her. She quickly got out of sight, and I found myself stumbling over the various plants and hidden tree branches that littered the forest floor. I was panicking. She was much faster than me, much lighter. It was hard to breathe whilst running so fast. There was a deep pain developing my side.

There was a dim light and a clearing of some sort ahead. I ran faster and faster, hoping to intervene whatever Emily was planning. I didn’t want to hear a single word about self sacrifice.

“Don’t shoot that way.” I heard Emily’s voice from ahead in the clearing. She was keeping her voice controlled and calm. I knew that her heart was racing. Mine was too. I lunged into the clearing, yelling.

I landed on the ground with a heavy thud. Three hunters stood before me, not quite sure which way to point their guns. I wanted to grab Emily, fling her over my shoulder, and run – but I was frozen.

Her left hand clenched and released repeatedly. Her knees were trembling slightly. She looked me in the eye, and nodded slowly. A soft and gentle breeze blew through the forest from nowhere.

I wanted to run, but I couldn’t. I wanted to hold Emily tight once more, but I couldn’t. I stayed close to the ground, screwed my eyes shut, and prayed while bracing myself for the howling winds and blinding lights that I had seen earlier.
Then there was nothing.

* * *

I didn’t know what to make of the scene when I woke up.

The hunters, all three of them, lay motionless on the ground before me. Blood stained their skin and clothes. One looked as though the contents of her stomach had burst open and splattered across her body.

Across the other side, Emily lay awfully still.

My heart refused to beat. I could feel my stomach clenching together so tightly I was fighting back the urge to vomit. Large patches of black began to absorb my vision. I don’t know how I made it to her side. I found myself howling uncontrollably to the empty forest surrounding us. Nothing was right.

It tried to find her pulse, but my fingers were fumbling too much to detect a beat. Emily didn’t twitch as I jerked my hands up and down her arm and on her neck, searching for signs of life. Was she unconscious? Wouldn’t she have woken up by now? She woke up before me last time, so why should this be any different?

What if she wasn’t going to wake? It was all I could do to keep from howling into the night air. I shook her, almost hysterical with the fear that I had lost my love. “Emily, please,” I whispered, brushing hair from her face. “Wake up.”

She stirred slightly. Relief overwhelmed me. Before Emily could do so much as to open her eyes, I had lifted her and embraced her in my arms, thankful that she had survived.

“I thought I had lost you,” I whispered into her ear.

An unsteady hand stroked the back of my head. Soft, small fingers wove their way between each strand, soothing my overwhelmed state.

“It’s okay,” she whispered in my ear. “I can’t die.”

Lady Vulpix
1st November 2008, 07:51 AM
That's a very sad story! Very well-written, too. I liked reading both sides, and the descriptions of all the sounds in the first part.

10th November 2008, 06:14 PM
Thanks Gabbi. :)
Yeah I don't really know what I was thikning when I wrote this.
I guess i just wanted to write something and write it well. I hope I get good marks for that subject.

Sike Saner
21st December 2008, 06:19 PM
Very nicely done. ^^ I'm impressed by how well you were able to flesh out those characters within a story of this length. There were some also nice, vivid descriptions in there--the description of the state in which Emily's power left those hunters is one that particularly stands out in my mind. But I think my favorite thing about this was getting to see these events from two sides of the picture like that. That was awesome. ^^