PDA

View Full Version : Zuta: A New World!



MeLoVeGhOsTs
31st January 2004, 05:44 AM
Zuta: A New World!
****************

"Matt! Is you're stuff ready!" his mother yelled from down the stairs.
"Yes mom! I've done it yesterday" Matt shouted back.
"Ok, then come down and eat something! A pokemon trainer should eat allot" his mother yelled.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming…" he said

Matt was a youngster who lived in Fortree city . His mother was Tritini, she called him Matt after a trainer and good friend, who once toured hoenn with her

He comes to the dinner table and takes a piece of bread.

Dad will take you to Zuta, pidgeot needs to be walked anyway" his mother said.

"Ok, should I take my cloud glasses with me or not?" he asked his mother.
"No it won't be necessary, but do what you want" his mother replied.
"Ok, I'll leave it at home, I gave enough luggage already"

"Matt, finish you're meal, we're gonna leave" a dark figure said.
"Ok, dad!" Matt said, he hugged his mother, took his backpack and followed his dad.

"Go, Pidgeot" His father yelled.
A giant Pidgeot appeared and spread his wings.
"A long flight will be good for you, you need to spread you're wings, right?" his father said to the Pidgeot.
"Pid!!Geot!"
Pidgeot nodded.
"Alright, Pidgeot we're flying to Zuta. You know, where you lost a flying contest against that. Pidgeos… " Matt's father said embarrassed.
"Pid…" and Pidgeot lowered its head; it showed a form of embarrassment.

"Ok, let's go!"
Matt's dad putted on his cloud glasses, climbs on Pidgeot and sticks his hand. Matt replied by sticking out his hand as well.
"Dad, how long until we arrive in Zuta?" Matt asked his father.
"With Pidgeot's Extremespeed it will take about half an hour" His father replied.
"Not so long…Great! That way I don't have to wait all day to get my starter!" he yelled. excited.

They flew over Hoenn where they got, Matt sees an Altaria and touches his cloud wings, they were also pursuit by a Fearow, but Pidgeot's Wing attack dealed with that issue. At last they arrived in Reeto city.

Pidgeot landed on an open spot in the grass.
"So, this is the place where you're big adventure is going to start" his father said.
"I can't wait!!" Matt replied excited.

A young woman in a lab coat comes to greet them.
"Hi, you must be Matt, right?" She asked.
"Yes, that's right, and who are you, if I may ask" he said very polite.
"Of course, I'm pr.Zue I'm an expert on happiness-based evolutions, because when I was a child I always loved my pokemon…" She said while bragging while Matt and his father scouted the surroundings.
"…Ok, enough about me, who are you?" she asked while finally putting her bragging to a halt.
"I'm Matt and I want to get my starter and defeat every opponent" he said proudly.
"Oh, another one…" she said not surprised.
"What do you mean another one?" he asked confused.
"Oh, there are allot of trainers who wish to defeat the gym leaders, but there aren't many who actually succeed!" she replied
"Oh..." his courage sank to his feet when he heard this
"Anyway you can give it a shot…" she said while leaping back
"Could you follow me?" she said while showing that Matt must follow her

They walk until they stopped at a big building. Pr.Zue did the 'follow me' sign again
"Wow, this place is huge!" Matt shouted
"Here we are!" she said while entering a door witch says:" Meeting room"

He steps into the room, takes a chair and prepares himself to listen at the Professor

"In Zuta, you have the ability to choose between 3 starters" she said while pointing at some pictures.
"Here's the first one: Salaka, it is a dangerous fire/poison combo, he is a lizard who is know for its deadly poison" she said while showing Matt the picture of a black lizard with red spots on it.
"The second one is Ducka: it's a duck pokemon of the Water/Ice type: he is capable of cracking every ice pick with his sharp beak" she said while pointing at another poster now with a blue duck with a sharp beak.
"And finally Cacta: it's a living cactus of the Grass/Fighting type, he has large stingers on his head who contain a deadly poison, he uses his mushroom like gloves to give the opponent a big punch in the face" she said while showing Matt the last picture of a cactus like creature with mushroom looking boxing gloves.

"So witch one do you want?" she asked.

"Hmm, ducka: nah, I don't like water pokemon" he thought
"Salaka seems cool, but so does Cacta!"
He couldn't decide witch one he would take.

After a half hour of thinking while the pr. and his father where gone he decided.

"Pr.Zue, I've decided" he yelled waiting for the professor to show up.
"Ok, I'm here! Witch one is it?" She asked appearing from behind the door.
"It's Cacta!" he said both sad because he didn't get Salaka but happy and proud with his new pokemon!

"Ow, great!" she said happy.
"The most trainers don't pick him because of his 4x weakness to the flying type, but I will tell you this: Cacta is a wonderful pokemon with allot of strength! You will need to take good care of him because when you do, he will want to win every battle for his trainer!" she said convincing Matt that he picked a good pokemon.
"Yes, glad I picked the right one!" he said happily.

"Could you follow me, we need to get you're trainer equipment" she said.

They left the meeting room, walked until they saw a red door with text written on it again.
Matt read the sign on the door: "Trainer room" it said.

"So, here we are" Pr.Zue said while stopping at the red door.

They entered and he saw thousand of pokeballs probably from other trainers who had more then 6 pogey's already.

"This is the place you will get you're poketech: It's a new device that contains: Pokedex, Pokenav, and much more! You can see the gender of a pokemon, it's level, if it has breeding moves, it's type, it's evolutions, it's shiny form and explanation about the pokemon like the pokedex did before poketech was invented" she said while explaining it all to Matt.

"It looks cool!" he said excited.
He took the tech.
"Go Cacta!" he said.
"Caaac!! Ta!!" the pokemon said.
His pokemon appeared and went to Matt; he greeted Matt and showed of by making some punches in wide air.
"You're one cool pokemon!" Matt said to Cacta.
Cacta blushed and nodded.

"Let's see…" he said and pointed his Tech towards Cacta.
Cacta
Type: Grass/fighting
Gender: Male
Level: 5
Breeding moves: 0

Cacta: the grass pokemon who is eager to fight, he always challenges everyone that he encounters, he likes to fight and always wants to win his battle's, especially for his trainer. If he doesn't win he gets mad at his self and will train non-stop until he thinks he's strong enough.

"Neet!! This device rocks!" he yelled.

"I know…Oh, before I forget" Pr.Zue said and she pulled a bag out of her desk.
"Here, these are you're balls for catching pokemon: 3 pokeballs, 1 greatball, 1 Lureball and 1 skyball" she said while handing over the balls and checking if she had given everything.

"And as last but not least, you're TMbox" she said while giving Matt a funny looking thing.
"What is it and what does it do?" he asked while holding the thing upside down.
"It's a TMbox! You can select a move you want, but it has to be a TM, you can see this here, on the boxlist" she said while showing Matt the list that was printed out of the box.
"Once you selected you're TM, you press that red button and it will come out in a mini bottle" she said.
"Oh, and then what do I do when I get that bottle?" he continued asking.
"Well, you open it and put it in you're pokemon's food, then train on that specific technique for 2 day's and you're pokemon then will be able to use the TM as an attack! Isn't great!"

"Yes, so my pokemon can then use attack's it normally wouldn't learn?" Matt asked
"Yes, that is correct!" she answered him.
"Ok, thanks! Is there anything else I should get?" Matt asked, he wanted to now for sure before he left.
"Yes, here take this, A potionspray with 30 sprays in it and some food for cacta and any others you might catch" pr.Zue said while giving Matt the stuff
"That's all except for some good luck!" she said.

They left the room and Pr. Zue guided them to the exit.

"Well, thanks again!" Matt thanked her.

"Well Matt, I'll be leaving then" his father said while releasing Pidgeot.
"Ok dad, thanks for the ride and I hope you will win allot of flying contests! Hopefully Pidgeot will ever transform into Pidgeos" Matt said while wishing his dad good luck
"Yeah, I hope so too, but anyway: behave, train good, be nice to you're pokemon and win allot of battles!" his father replied.
"Thanks dad, see you later!" he said and he left.
"Ow, wait! How do I supose to buy food if I don't have any money!" Matt said to his dad.
"Totally forgot, here's 6000, it's not much but it's something, right?" his father said while handing over the money.
"See you!" his father waved him out.
Matt could hear his father yell 'Extremespeed' from a distance.

"So that's that!" Matt said.
"Come out, Cacta!" he shouted and released Cacta.
"Caaaac!!"
"You're in a good mood! I hope you will fight good and strong" he said against Cacta.

They walked until they reached the end of Reeto city.

"Well, let's see…were do we need to go…" He asked himself while taking out his Poketech.
"A here it is! A map of the Zuta region." he said while pressing the blue button.

A map of the Zuta region

So we need to head north and then proceed to Fatala city.

They headed like they said and found themselves wrapped in the beautiful forest of route 01.
"Isn't the forest beautiful? You as a grass pokemon should enjoy it even more!" he said to Cacta while enjoying the forest.

Suddenly a Pidgey banged against Matt and Cacta.

"Sorry…I was training my furret and I didn't expect anyone around these parts…" A boy with brown hair, a long T-shirt with a pokeball on it appeared and apologized to Matt.

"Can't you see what you're doing!!" Matt yelled angrily.
"I'm sorry…I didn't mean to hurt you…" the boy said shy.
"It's alright, I just freaked out when that pidgey hitted my stomach" Matt explained.

"Oh..ok" the boy said relieved.
"Hi, I'm Matt" he introduced himself.
"I'm Jack, nice to meet you and again, sorry for the pidgey accident" he appoligezed again.
"It's ok, I'm fine" Matt convinced Jack.

They walked a bit further in the woods.

"So you have a furret, right?" Matt asked.
"Yes, that's right! He is the strongest member of my team, actually the only member.." Jack answerd a little embarresed.
"Should I, may I…" Matt asked
"Go on, what?" Jack was confused he didn't understand what Matt was trying to say.
"May I scan you're furret with my Tech?" Matt asked again.
"Sure go ahead!" Jack answerd while releasing his furret.
"Now furret, stand still and listen to Matt, ok?" Jack comanded his Furret.
"Ok, furret! lets scan you" Matt said and he pressed the red button.

Furret
Type: Normal
Gender: Male
Level: 19
Breeding moves: 1
Double edge: A powerfull normal attack, but the user of this move gets hurt by this attack.

Furret: It makes a nest to suit its long and skinny body. The nest is impossible for other Pokemon to enter. The deeper the nests go, the more maze-like they become. There is no telling where the tail begins. Despite its short legs, it is quick at hunting Rattata.

"Wow he's cool, but doesn't Furret normaly look brown?" Matt asked.
"Yes, but mine's shiny!" Jack answerd like that was no big deal.
"Shiny, that means he's rare!" Matt was stunned.
"Yes, but I don't care if he's shiny or not. He's my partner and that is what counts!" Jack said confident.

"What do you wanne do with you're life?" Matt asked Jack while they were walking deeper and deeper into the forest.
"I wanna be like my dad and become a breeder, but my ultimate goal is to own a Pidgeos!" Jack answerd.
"Oww, that’s why you was battling a Pidgey when I passed, but a Pigeos that's hard to get!" Matt said.
"How do ya mean?" Jack asked.
"Well first you need to train it until Pidgeot, his happiness should reach above limits and you only have one shot! At l.56 Pigeot's happiness needs to be at 300, or else he won't evolve!" Matt explained to Jack.
"Yeeshh, that's hard! But at least I can try, and if I fail I will have a Pidgeot anyway!" he said like he didn't care.
"Sure you can try!! You must try! Don't give up!" Matt supported Jack.
"Ok! I will try!" Jack said.

"Where are you of to" Jack asked Matt.
"I'm of to Fatala city" Matt answerd his question.
"Oh, me too! I want to train a pidgey and my furret by defeating badges and gaining experience" He explained.
"I just want to be a good trainer!" Matt said

He followed Jack trough a rough forest and they finnaly appeared on what used to be a road.
"I know it sounds funny but this is a short way to Fatala city" Jack said, and believe it or not, it was a short way! Finnaly they arrived at the end of Route 01 and Fatala city was close.

OOC: This is kinda boring, but it will get better, i promise! So keep reading and giving comments!

Well what do you think?

DannyBoy
31st January 2004, 08:55 AM
This was ok. Good seeing its in a different place and you had different starters. The whole proffessor thing is uverused but you made it a little bit different so its ok. Matt seems to be a really cool person. He took a while to think though on what pokemon. The only big problom I see that you can fix real easy and a lot of people sometimes have trouble with is description. You could have described what it was like on the way to Zuta, what Pidgeot looks like, what the new starters look like is a big one because we never seen them before. Are they red? Blue? Green? Description really helps people make a mental pic of whats going on. Other than that it was ok. I knoew you can do it, just take your time. Keep it up! I will look out for the next chapter to see how your doing.

Iveechan
31st January 2004, 09:04 AM
It is also way too dialogue heavy. Like what X-tina said, describing the locations and stuff is good. But I like the creativity in the fic, the new starters (I had a fire/poison starter idea too, though I was leaning towards a snake). Yeah... some tweaks will make the story smoother and better.

mistysakura
1st February 2004, 12:05 AM
I think this isn't bad. the originality was pretty good, with the new Pokemon, and for once, the trainer doesn't live in the Professor's town! The length of the chapter was good.

Just watch the grammar; you're using a lot of excessive apostrophes. For instance, "you're" means "you are", and "it's" means "it is". I'm pretty sure that when you used those words, you meant "your" and "its". And plurals don't need apostrophes either. ILXT covered the description thing.

Well, keep it up, and have fun writing!

Topaz
1st February 2004, 10:02 PM
Yeah! New place new Pokemon! My favourite combination in journey fiction. Lets see, its an alright start but your letting your dialogue tell the picture to much, and also a fair few spelling mistakes. My suggestion is pull up you word document and revise it three or four times before posting, adding more each time. As a reference I make sure I have a least three lines per paragraph, and at least to describing dialogue. Like this:

"Hi, you must be Matt, right?" She asked.
"Yes, that's right, and who are you, if I may ask" he said very polite.
"Of course, I'm pr.Zue I'm an expert on happiness-based evolutions, because when I was a child I always loved my pokemon…" She said while bragging while Matt and his father scouted the surroundings.
.
or
"Hi, you must be Matt, right?" The tall middle aged woman asked, offering out her hand. Loose blonde curls bounced by the side of her head, framing her broad grin. She always liked seeing new trainers start off, not their enthusiasm, but their Pokemons. Almost always there was a bond formed right from the start, the love between a trainer and beginner Pokemon was undeniable the thing that made them strongest.
"Yes, that's right, and who are you, if I may ask?" The young lad was very polite, he stared at his shoes brushing his *colour* coloured hair that stuck out in cowlicks and corkscrews from their long trip.
"Of course, I'm Professor Zue," she introduced, raking her hair back with a smug gleam in her eye before closing them wistfully. "I'm an expert on happiness-based evolutions, because when I was a child I always loved my pokemon…"
While the woman continued to brag Matt peered around him at the pretty scenery, scouting the way in his mind to the nearest town. Over the green swelling hills he could already make out a sandy streak that must have been the path.
And voila! Your language doesn't have to be so flowery but you saw how much of the 'mind picture' could be seen by expanding?
I gotta read more because I love your created Pokemon, I would have chosen salaka myself, but you don't have any problem describing them, as most people do with created Pokemon. I can see that you have the skills to write something wonderful, we just have to get you off that dialogue addiction *grins!* More!

MeLoVeGhOsTs
2nd February 2004, 11:15 AM
Thanks for all the tips, but this was only the beginning...it will get better and about those spelling errors, i'm only 14 years old and it's my second year of english



"Look Jack!" Matt shouted," It's a big building!"
And he was right; it was the Federation building of Fatala city.
"Ahh, I see it too" Jack responded.
"Cacta, return, you will need you're strength later…" Matt said and returned cacta into his pokeball.

They ran towards the city when suddenly Jack tripped over what he thought to be a rock.
"What was that?" Jack asked confused.
"Pidd!!" It was an angry pidgey, she was sleeping in the grass when Jack fell over it and waked her up. The pidgey released a sand attack and they were blown away towards a big tree.
"Watch out!" Matt warned Jack who was about to hit the tree. Jack saw it and dodged it with only a few millimetres to spare.
"Wow, that was close!" Matt said relieved.

"That pidgey has potential" Jack said and he was interested in the pidgey.
"Hey Matt, I'm going to catch this one, I think she might be the one that I was waiting for" Jack said and he was giving a sign to Matt that he needed to leave.

"Go Furret!" Jack yelled and he released Furret out of his luxeryball.
"Furret, use Fury swipes!" Matt commanded him.

"Furr!" And he took position.

And the furret did what he was told to do, his claws began to glow and then he slashed like a madman! The pidgey was deadly hitted, but not ready to give up. She flew up and began to rush down, preparing for her tackle attack.

"Furret, use defense curl!" Jack yelled towards Furret.

Furret understood it, he curled himself into a ball and there appeared a silver ball around him. Pidgey was ready, she stormed down hitting furret.

"Furr…" Furret uncurled himself and was alright, he had only minor damage.

"Good job Furret! Now attack with Double-edge!" Jack said.
"Furr! Et!!" And he rushed at Pidgey slamming his entire body against her.

Pidgey was hit and flew against a tree. She was knocked out.

"Alright! Now…Skyball!" Jack said and he threw the ball.

The ball moved bit by bit but finally stopped.
"Yes, I got my Pidgey! At last…" Jack yelled, Matt saw it in his eyes…He was going to train that pidgey, it was the one.

"Good, now you finally got you're pidgey!" Matt cheered him on.
"Yes, now I'll be able to train him to a Pidgeos and realise my dream!" He answered.

"Let's get going shall we?" Matt asked.
"Sure! I need to get my pidgey healed" Jack responded.

They walked towards the big building and ended up in Fatala city.

"Jack, what is the Federationbuilding?" Matt asked Jack.
"It's a building where you can trade pokemon!" Jack replied.
"Great let's go visit it!" Matt suggested.
"Do you even have a pokemon that you can trade?" Jack asked.
"I only have Cacta and I don't want to trade him…what a bummer" Matt said disappointed.
"I know! You can have one of my pidgey's I already got 12 of them..."
"Really! You're the best" Matt thanked Jack.

They were on their way to the FB when Jack realised that he needed to charge up his pokemon.

"I'll see you at the FB, I'll go charge them up first! And I bring back 3 pidgey's to trade! See you later!" Jack said and he left of towards the center.

Matt went into the FB and it was full of people shouting, buying and much more!

"Wow, this place is huge!" Matt said, he was overwhelmed by the offers.

He walked around watched here and there, and finally came towards the elevator.

"Hey Matt! It's me, I'm back" A voice yelled, it was Jack.
"Here you go, that's yours" Jack said while he handed over a Pokeball.
"Gee, thanks man!" Matt replied.

"Here's a sign: 1st floor: Meeting room, 2nd floor: Trainer swap, 3th floor: Poketrade, 4th floor: Rest out with a drink at our vending machines or buy something at the barging sales!" Matt read it out loud

"I want to visit the Poketrade!" Matt yelled.
"Ok, let's go!"

They both stepped into the elevator. It was a nice elevator with wall carpet and some nice poke speakers with the shape of pikachu.

"2nd floor: Trainer swap" a voice said, it came out of the speakers

Matt observed the elevator once more when the voice said they arrived at the 3th floor.

"We need to get of here!" Matt told Jack.
They stepped outside the elevator and saw a big room full of trainers who were trading pokemon.

"Comme on Jack, let's check this out!" Matt was overexcited.
"Ok, ok don't need to rush it…" Jack said to Matt

They walked, looked and offered until they saw a little stand in a corner.

"Hello, what do you have for us?" Matt asked the shopkeeper.
"Well, I've got some very special pokemon for you…" the man said a bit mysterious, he looked funny, had black hair and a pointy nose, a freaky little guy. He grabbed a blue and a black ball.

"And what's in it?" Matt asked intrigued.
"It's a Crawto and a Marine…" the man answered.
"Those are very rare and special…" the man said.
"Wait, I will look them up in my tech…" Matt said and he grabbed his tech.

Crawto
Type: Dark/Flying
Gender: Female
Level: 5
Breeding moves: 0

Crawto: A craw, it is know for its nightly flights, people say when you've seen this pokemon fly during the day that you are cursed for eternity. That's why it species have been murdered and now it's a rare pokemon. This creature can summon darkness and moonlight…

Matt looked at the black bird who seemed devilish. He had a skull like iron plate over his head and had a sharp beak.

"Hey that guy has a spearow beak!" Jack said.

Cool and know Marine…

Marine
Type: Water/Electric
Gender: Male
Level: 5
Breeding moves: 0

Marine: This pokemon was very common, but when people wanted to kill the cursed pokemon: Crawto it was used to for fill that task of destroying it. After that, the Marine were abannded and starved to death, now it is a rare pokemon.

This pokemon looked like a sea tank, a big one. He had a shell with yellow marks on it and looked like a big turtle. Matt couldn't understand how this thing swam. And even more how the hell it is an electric type.

"You're right they are both rare!" Do you want to trade you're Crawto for my Pidgey!" Matt said.
"I aggree…" the mysteryman replied.

"Step forward please…" the man asked.
Matt steped forward like he was told to and putted his pokeball into the tradingmachine.

The pokemon were swapped by the machine and had now the vision of there new trainers.

"Go Crawto!" Matt yelled, a black bird with small red eyes, an iron plate on her head who was shapped into a skull with awesome sharp claws who made scratches on the beautiful, yet expensive floor appeared, it was cleaning it's feathers when it laid it's eyes on her new trainer, she flew towards Matt and greeting him with a hoot.

"Hi, I'm Matt, you don't mind If I call you Wing, don't you?" he greeted back.
"Craaaww!" she nodded.

"Wing, return" Matt said when he returned her into her ball.
"Thanks, for the trade mister!.." Matt thanked the man but he and his stand were disappeared.
"Strange…Don't you think?" Matt asked Jack.
"What?" he replied.
"That the stand disappeared" Matt said.
"There wasn't any stand there only an empty corner!"
"But…" Matt didn't understand, he was sure that he traded his Wing with that weird man.
"Comme on, let's get out of this place…" Jack said.
"Ok…" Matt aggreed, but he was still thinking of that weird man.

Once they were out of the FB, they were heading for the pokemoncenter, it was getting late and it became dark.

"What kinda type does the Treetop city badge uses?" Matt asked Jack.
"I think it's….Bug" Jack replied.
"Great! I have a flying pogey!" Matt said.
"Yeah, me too!" Jack said.

They arrived at the Center and rented a room, the center now has the ability to rent rooms.
"Ok, let's get some sleep, good night" Matt said to Jack"
"Yeah, good night…" Jack responded silently and the 2 doors closed.

MeLoVeGhOsTs
5th February 2004, 11:48 AM
"Good morning!" Matt said when he released his Cacta and Wing.
They both nodded and said something sleepy.

"Time for breakfest! But first we need to wake up Jack!"
They walked towards Jack's room and knocked on the door.
"Comme in…" A sleepy voice said.
"Furr!!!" And Jack's furret jumped into the arms of Matt.
"And a good morning to you too!" Matt greeted Furret.

Cacta and furret were playing in the hall while pidgey was waking up Jack who was half asleep.
"Hmm, ah Pidgey!" Jack said when he was opening his eyes a little bit.
"Listen Matt, if we step a bit faster then normal we can get to Treetop city by tonight!" Jack said.
"Hmm, sounds good! Let's eat and then leave!" Matt told Jack.

They both headed downstairs, paid the bill and left in search of a restaurant.
"Here's one!" Jack said while he pointed out a little red building.
"That's fine for me, let's get going, I'm starving!" Matt said and he entered the restaurant.

They entered and went sitting on a square table in the corner of the restaurant.

"I'll order a sandwich, I think…" Jack silently said.
"Ohhh, I know: Waffels!" Matt yelled.
"Quiet down a bit, not everybody needs to know what you are gonne order" Jack said a bit embarresed when he looked around if anyone else was looking at them.

The waiter came to them and they orderd there breakfest.
"Oh, and 4 bolws of Pokemonfood with jelly" Matt yelled to the waiter and saw him nodding when he dissapeared in the kitchen.

"Go, Cacta and Wing" Matt said while he released them.
"They need to eat something aswell!" Matt said to Jack.
"You're right! I totally forgot" Jack answerd and he released his pokemon

The waiter was back and brought there food allong with him

"Here you go, that will be a 1000§" the waiter said while he delivered the food.

Matt handeled over the money and putted his wallet back.

"Thank you, enjoy" the waiter said and he returned to the kitchen.

Matt, Jack and there pokemon began to ate, they were so hungry that they ordered a second time.

"Oeff, now I'm full" Matt said while he touched his stomach.
"Me too…" Jack said even the pokemon had ate there belly round.

"Well, shall we get going then?" Matt asked Jack.
"Ok…Thanks for the meal!" Jack said while he thanked the waiter.

They both grabbed there backpacks and left the restaurant.

"Oh, before we leave I want to visit the market, I need some stuff" Matt said.
"Ok, then let's get going" Jack said.

They walked a bit and after a minute or two they came at the pokemarkt.

"Ah, here it is!" Matt said while taking a halt at the markt. They entered, took a car and started shopping.

"Look! Here are the statuscondition healers!" Jack said while showing Matt a blue table with sprays, pills and drinks on it.
"Good work! Let's see… I need 3 antidotes" Matt said while taking a bag of pills.
"3 awakings and 3 paralyze heals" Matt said while taking the rest he needed, 3 awaking drinks and 3 paralyze-sprays.

"I'll buy this!" Jack said while he looked at 2 netballs, he laid them in the shoppingcar and they looked around for more usefull item's.

"This might come in handy!" Matt said while showing Jack 3 mini-bottles.
"What are they?" Jack asked.
"There TM's, those are very usefull in a battle!" Matt explained.
"Oh, and what are those TM's?"
"On this map there is explanation of the TM's" Jack said
"The blue bottles are Special attacks, the yellow ones are Psychical attacks and the pink ones are attacks that don't do any damage" Matt readed out loud.
"Yes, but what TM's are those?!" Jack said.
"Let's see…" Matt took out his TMbox and pointed the radareye towards those bottles.

'These are Psychic, Reflect and Double team'

"Nice device you got there" Jack complimented Matt.
"Thanks, pf.Ben gave it to me!" Matt replied.
"I don't really need one of these, you?" Matt asked.
"Hmm, this one will come in handy" Jack said while taking the pink Double team one.
"Good, let's head to the the forest, but first we need to pay our stuff" Matt said while going towards a nice little shopassisant.
"Thank you! That will be 1650§!" She said while taking Matt's stuff through the laser-scaner.
"Here you go" Matt replied and gave her the money.
"And for you youngman, that will be 1000§" She said talking to Jack.
"Ow…Here!" Jack said when he waked up from a daydream.
"Thank you for visiting Fatalacity's Market! I hope to see you again!" The shopassisant said while waving them out.
"Bye!" The two said waving back.

They walked towards a forest and Jack was explaining the rules of a battle when he stopped.

"Well..we will now be entering the Treetopcity forest, it is famous for it's bug-type pokemon" Jack said while he explained it to Matt who wasn't really paying attention, but was facinated by the forest.

While they were walking Matt admired the beautifull forest and he saw some weedle who were chasing a Caterpie's. Matt laught but suddenly a Beedrill appeared.

"What's this" Matt asked and when he saw the beedrill.
"Beee!!" The beedrill made some sort of sound by slapping his wings together. Suddenly 4 more Beedrill appeared.
"Beee!!!" They rushed towards Matt and Jack.
"Howly cow! What did we do wrong?" Jack asked while he dodged one of the beedrill.
"I don't know, but we need to get out of here!" Matt replied also dodging a beedrill.
"Oh no we don't! I can use some training" Jack convinced Matt to stay.

The beedrill came with all five in a row, flying towards Matt.
"No!" Matt couldn't move he was surrounded.
Suddenly a beedrill attacked him, he pointed his poison stingers at him and got ready to use Fury attack.
"Piddd!" It was Jack's pidgey, the beedrill was warn out when he fell down, hurting himself.

"Good job!" Jack congratulated Pidgey.
"Thanks bud, I owe you one." Matt thanked Jack, but at that moment another Beedrill flew right towards Jack.
"Enough, go Wing!" Matt yelled and he released his Wing.
"Euhh, I don't know any attacks..." Matt said a bit embarresed.
"I know!" Jack replied "You nee..Arghh!"

Jack was hit by a poisonous stinger.
"Jack! No!" Matt ran towards Jack but the beedrill come across.
"Matt…Use you're…tech…" Jack silently said.
"Jack…" Matt took his tech and pressed a green button witch had 'Attacks' written on it.

'Crawto: l.5 ability's: Smog, Nightshade and Mud slap'

"Ok, Wing! Use Smog and limber the sight of those Beedrill!"

A black smog appeared out of Wing's wings, and the beedrill couldn't see.

"Ok, now we got them!" Use nightshade if one comes out!" Matt yelled determent.

2 Beedrill came out of the smog and aimed at Matt. But they didn't got the change to attack because Wing took them out one by one with her Night shade.

"Good job! I'm proud of you!" Matt concratulated Wing,"But it isn't done yet! We need to take out the rest!"

The fog began to dissapear when a beedrill stabed Wing with his stinger.
"Wing! Use Mud-slap" Matt comanded Wing and watched worried.

Wing did what she was told to and flew down, sat on the ground and scraped the mud of the floor, right into Beedrill's face. Beedrill was blinded.

"Good job! Now come here!" Matt said and Wing flew towards Matt
Matt took out a purple box, took a pill out of it and made Wing eat it.
"Crawww.." She didn't like it.
"I know it tastes bitter, but it will cure the poison!" Matt calmed down Wing.

The smog was now completely gone and the two remaining Beedrill charged at Wing.

"Wing! Use Smog again!" Matt yelled.

As before the smog appeared but the beedrill weren’t that stupid and went around, they charged at Wing from two different side's. Wing was stuck.

"Quick Wing, rise!" Matt yelled and Wing went up in the air making the two beedrill banging against eachother.
"Good work!" Matt said when he saw the beedrill make there escape.
"That was a good training! It has made you allot stronger, I can tell!" he said.

Matt rushed towards Jack and helped him up.
"Are you ok?" Matt asked him.
"Yes, I'm fine…" Jack replied
"Well, let's get going then I want to reach Treetop before tonight!" Matt said and went allong.
"Ok, ok…" Jack said and he followed Matt.

They walked trough the forest bit by bit and finally saw a light.

"Yes, we made it!" Matt said cheerfully.
"Yes….NO!" Jack yelled.

Topaz
7th February 2004, 12:17 AM
You're building your team up very quickly, the classic way is being 'given' pokemon as well as TM's. I can once again give you the advice to slow down and take you're time. Its quality people read, not quantity.

MeLoVeGhOsTs
14th February 2004, 08:26 AM
There was a guy dressed in a green cape standing before them.

"What is it?" Matt asked Jack.
"Oh…nothing, a memory of my childhood came up" Jack replied and was hoping that Matt bought it.
"Ok…" Matt said, he didn't understand.

Suddenly the man in the cape dissapeared.

They went ahead out the forest atlast and saw a trainertip sign: 'Treetopcity right ahead' it said.

"Well, looks like where here!" Jack said relieved.
"Here? I don't see nothing only a big tree…" Matt said disbelieving Jack.
"The three is the city!" Jack said and he poined towards the sky where Matt saw a plate of wood on the tree with a whole city on top of it, on that tree were 2 other tree's much smaller then the big one.

"HOWLY COW!" Matt said amazed by the sight.
"Pretty neet, huh!" Jack said.
"You bet ya!"

They went towards the big tree and saw a stair made out of wood.
"Now what do we do?" Matt asked Jack.
"Well, those stairs lead towards the first platform of Treetopcity, then for the 2 other tree's there are elevators." Jack explained.
"Good, let's get going then!" Matt said and he went as first on the wooden stairs.

After a half hour of climing those stairs, Matt stopped.

"YES! the end!" He said while showing Jack a hole in the platform.
"Yes, I know comme on, let's go…" Jack said pushing Matt up.

They went through the hole and saw a big, modern city.
"Can you believe this! A whole city ontop of a tree!" Matt said.
"Yes…Look there is a pokemoncenter over there" Jack replied.

They arrived at the center and looked around.

"Can I help you?" Nurse Joy asked.
"Sure! Here!" Matt said and he handed over his pokeballs.
"Can you heal them?" Matt asked0
"Ofcourse, do you're pokemon need healing as well?" Joy asked Jack.
"Yah…sure…" Jack replied but he was staring at a poster.

Jack threw his balls to Matt and Matt gave nurse Joy the pokeballs. Then he walked over towards Jack.

"What do you see?" Matt asked.
"Look here, it's a poster about this gym's badge" Jack said and showed Matt the poster.
"This gym is known for it's bug type pokemon, the specialty of this city's gym is 'BUGBEAM' a move disigned by the gymleader: Fog. Watch out for these bug's because they are mostly fast but you have those endurence bug's aswell, so be carefull! Use fire or flying pokemon!" Matt read outloud, it was a warning poster.

"In hoenn, the first two badges must have a warning poster, for rookie trainers, it contains some info about the gymtype and/or specialty. And some info about what type is good against the gym." Jack explained.

"Hmm, intresting….Bugbeam…Maybe the tech has something to say about the move" Matt asked himself.

He took his dex and searched for Bugbeam.

"Ah! Here it is!" Matt said and he pressed a button.

'Bugbeam: a powerfull bug attack, most likely the best bugattack besides Megahorn, it's striking power is 80, it's accuracy is 95 and it has one side affect: there is a change this attack will poison you're pokemon. It is a green beam. When it hits and you get lucky it will spread mini bugs, those bugs inject a poison. This however is very rare, the only one who ever got the side effect was Bug-master Fog. No further data.'

"Woow! That is some attack!" Matt said.
"Yeah, you better watch out!" Jack said with a grimmy smile.
"You better watch out aswell!"
"No…" Jack replied." I have discided not to take the gymchallenge."
"Why not?" Matt asked.
"I want to become a breeder and fighting is not the good way to acieve my goal, I now realise that." Jack explained.
"Oh…well, good luck!"

"You're pokemon are fully healed!" Nurse Joy had arrived with the pokemon.
"Ok, great!" Matt said. He accepted the balls and have Jack his.
"Thank you for coming! I hope we'll see you again!" Joy said.
"Thanks!" they both said and waved.

They explored the town, ate and finnaly went to the 2 upper trees.

"Well, witch one do we have to take?" Matt asked.
"According to this guidebook, we need to take the left one, if we want a good training spot. From there you can get to the gym, who is located on the right tree" Jack replied.
"But if the gym is on the right one, we don't need to go to the left one? And by the way how did you get that guide?"Matt was confused.
"I picked that up at the restraurant! ok, the right one will lead you directly to the gym, and if you go to the left one, it will give some time to train." Jack explained.
"Ok then, the left one it is!" Matt said and they stepped in the elevator.

Jack pressed the button and the elevator went to the top and open his doors.

"Ok, were here!" Jack said.

"GO Wing! Go Cacta!" Matt yelled and released his pokemon.
"GO Furret! Go Pidgey!" Jack released his pokemon aswell.

"Let's start with checking you're levels…." Matt said. He grabbed his tech and pressed the blue button.

'Cacta: l.5 ability's: Tackle, leer' Matt aimed his dex at Wing now.
'Crawto: l.9 ability's: Smog, Nightshade, Mudslap and Gust'

"What! Gust! Amazing!" Matt yelled in excitement.
"Now Jack's…"
'Error, the trainers hasn't given his approval'
"What is this!" Matt shouted.
"This is for safety! If the trainer doesn't give his approval, you can't scan his pokemon for attacks, this is for the element of surprise! So you can't scan you're opponent's pokemon for it's attacks" Jack explained

"Ok, may I scan yours?" Matt asked Jack.
"Sure go ahead" Jack replied.

'Furret l.19 ability's: Double-edge, Defense curl, Fury swipes and Quick attack'
'Pidgey l.6 ability's: Tackle, Sand-attack'

"Well, it's Cacta that is going to need training the most, but I will use Wing the most! What should I do?" Matt asked Jack.
"I would train Cacta and Wing! Let's battle for training!" Jack suggested.
"Good! Wing you battle with Pidgey!" Matt said. Wing nodded.
"And you battle with Cacta!" Jack said to Furret;" But go easy on him"
"CAC!!!!!!" it sounded mad because he thought he was underestimated.
"It's ok Cacta! You will battle fair." Matt said.

And so did the training began. Wing and Pidgey fought in an airbattle, but Cacta was having trouble with Furret, he was much to fast and could easily dodge every tackle Cacta did.

"Caacc!" Suddenly it happend, Cacta became a flash of light, appeared right before the nose of Furret and puched him in the face.

"What the hell!" Matt looked supprised. He pointed his dex at Cacta.

'Mach Punch: it's striking power is 40, accuracy is 100 and it has one side effect: it always attacks first. This attack comes in handy against fast opponents.'

"Cool, ok Cacta! Use Mach punch!" Matt commanded, he knew this was a good attack to faint a normal type.

Cacta flashed before Matt's eyes and went towards Furret. As usuall it hitted Furret right in between his eyes.

Furret was getting punched by Cacta when he started concentrating on Wing.

"Ok Wing! Use gust!" Matt yelled. Wing understood him and flapped its wings so hard that a minature tornado appeared and fainted Pigey.

"Oops, sorry…Looks like Wing is to strong for Pidgey…" Matt appoligezed to Jack.
"It's ok, but I will not let my furret be defeated by Cacta!" Jack said with a big smile on his face.
"Furret enough! Come here!" Jack yelled. Furret looked supprised but came to his master.
"Hey! What are you doing!" Matt protested against Jack.
"I'm going to heal my Furret, you heal Cacta and prepare for a great battle!" Jack said.

"Ok,!" Matt said and he sprayed Cacta 2 times with the potion spray.

After that, Jack went away for a while, and Matt made good use of that to train Cacta a bit more.

"Well I'm back!" Jack said.
"What have you been doing?" Matt asked.
"You'll see…" Jack replied with a devilish smile.

"Cacta! Attack!" Matt yelled and Cacta prepared himself.
"Furret! Let's kick some ***." Jack said and furret nodded while he took his position aswell.

"Cacta! Use Mach punch!"
"Furret, counter with Quick attack!"

You could see Cacta flash again, but this time Furret beated in speed with a quick attack.

"What is this! Mach punch always attacks first!" Matt yelled.
"Yes, but in case there is another first strike move used, the fastest one wins, and that is my furret because of his higher level!" Jack explained.

"Darnit! Cacta we can still win! Use leer attack!"
"Furret, don't look! Use double team!"

Furret shut his eyes and made a several copies of himself surrounding Cacta.
"What kinda trick is this!" Matt said
"It's that TM I bought!" Jack answerd.
"Hmm…" Matt was getting mad because he didn't buy any TM's.

"Cacta, use Tackle!"
"Furret, use Defense curl!"

All the copies rolled up into a defense position.

"Bad choice! Cacta, Mach punch them one by one, in there defense position they can't flee!" Matt comanded.
"Cacta!" He understood and began to punch the furret one by one.

"Furret, don't let him come to you! Use Quick attack!"

Just like before, Furret beated Cacta at first strike, Cacta flew back and hurted himself.

"Now finish with DOUBLE-EDGE!"

Furret began to glow and prepared himself for the attack.

"NO!" Matt yelled when he saw Furret rush towards Cacta.

"Fuurrrrrrrr!" As he smashed himself against Cacta, Cacta fainted but Furret had dome some damage to his own.

"You won! But you're furret was at higher level so it was expected, and it was smart of you to teach him that Double team TM." Matt congratulated Jack.

"Yeah, we will heal them at the center, get some rest and battle the leader tomorrow! Ok?" Jack suggested.

"Ok, that’s fine by me" Matt said.

And so they went down, let there pokemon sleep in the healing machine and rented one room this time, since they were short on cash…

Topaz
14th February 2004, 07:38 PM
Hmm, you're using a lot of dialogue to write your story, try after every said, add a little bit after it, like 'he said, shaking his head. he said pacing back and forth, he said looking anxious. It adds a bit more picture to your writing.

MeLoVeGhOsTs
15th February 2004, 01:32 AM
The problem is, I live in Belgium and it's only my second year of english, i'm 14 years old(almost 15), so i can't write that good...I got myself some good idea's but i can't explain them...

DannyBoy
18th February 2004, 07:55 PM
This is ok. Topaz is right, it is a lot of diolouge. When you right, I know it may be hard but just describe what everything looks like to you. What are they feeling after they say something, they laughing? Smiling? Are they happy? Think of thouse kinds of questions and that can help you out. You are doing good for someone who has been learning english for two years. My spanish teacher says english is the hardest language because there really isn't any rules to follow. I bet you will improve over time and I will keep reading to see how well you do. Keep it up!

MeLoVeGhOsTs
19th February 2004, 01:31 PM
Thanks, i hope to get more comments, so I can improve and give you a better and enjoyable fic! And BTW I only studied english for about a year and a halve... I know it's a lot of dialogue, but IT HAS TO!! How would i make my caracters say something!! And when I come up some GOOD things, i just can't use them, because i can't explain them in english! What a bummer....

And what do ya think of my battles/battle stratagy's? I need to know?

The next piece is a gymbattle, not the leader but a gymtrainer...anyway, I will be posting every saturday from now on! I post my fic at 3 diffrent places and i like this one the best!! Nice going and i hope you will be enjoying the rest of my fic!

Bye:wave:

DannyBoy
19th February 2004, 01:47 PM
Your battles are ok, but tell whats happening with the pokemon a little bit more in-depth. What color was the attack? What did the attack look like? Was it a stream or colors (Psybeam) or a glowing purple horn releasing needles (posion string). You get what I am saying? If you ever have any questions, feel free to pm or im me on aim at Immortal46290. :)

Topaz
20th February 2004, 07:17 PM
I'm sorry I'm being so harsh, believe me, that's heaps better than my first attempt, and I've been learning english all my life. Its just that I don't often have time to really sit down and read so I try to get to the point. It really is an interesting fan fiction. I tell you what I do. I sit down with my Microsoft Word Document in Webview and I write at least three lines per paragraph, filling it each with as many details as I can think of. Emotions, action's as they do things, how some one feels about something, anything!

MeLoVeGhOsTs
21st February 2004, 02:05 AM
Thanks for everything, but about those 3 lines, that's all fine,but in a battle you can't write 3 lines with every command they give!?

MeLoVeGhOsTs
21st February 2004, 08:27 AM
"Well let's go challenge the gym!" Matt said happy when he awake.
"Sure sure" Jack replied, he was a little sleepy, his eyes were tired and he didn't look concentrated at all.

They both got dressed and took there packback's. While Jack was still sleepy he put his pants on his head and his shirt on his legs.

"Let's go get our pokemon and then eat!" Matt suggested as he couldn't wait to challenge the gym, it was the first time he left his pokemon alone and he needed to know if they were ok.
"Ok, that's fine by me!" Jack replied still sleepy as ever.

They went down, got there pokemon, grabbed something to eat of the PC buffet and went to the tree-elevator.

While they were going up in the elevator, Matt could feel the tention coming up, he almost became stage-fright.

"Well were here!" Jack said teasing Matt.
"Good!" Matt said determind, to show no sign of fear.

They went up to the gym and saw some butterfree's flying. Matt went to the edge of the platform and looked down. He could believe the tree was this high.

"Well! Come on! Here it is!" Jack said showing Matt the entrence of the gym.
"Ok, ok don't push me!" Matt said, and by 'that' time Jack knew that Matt was a little stage-fright.

They entered the gym and saw a forest, nothing but a forest. No battle field, no audience, no trainers and NO gymleader.

"Euhh, HELLO!" Matt yelled in the gym, no response. Suddenly the man in the green cape appeared.
"Hello, I'm am fushia, a gymtrainer at this gym…Follow me please…" He said with a creepy voice. He let his cape hang wild open, so you could see his black costume and a hanger with a pokeball on it.

They walked until they stood at a piece of isolated forest with white lines on it.

"Here it is…the battle field…" he said with his usual voice.
"Ok, but it is just a piece of forest?" Matt asked.
"Yes, but if you look closely you will see the offical battle field stripes, measured by a league apprentice, and approved. You must have an offical battlefield, but it can contain anything you want." He explained while

"Ok, the first trainer will appear in about 5 minutes stand over there and prepare youreself…" He said while showing Matt the trainer field.

Matt stept on the field and grabbed his skyball, he smiled at it.

"Well, now it's you're time to shine!" Matt said and kissed his ball.
"Hello, I am Turito, a gym trainer with the reputation of being very annoying" Turito said.
"Ok, let's just begin." Matt said, he wanted to proceed.

He took his netball and threw it in the air. "Go, Ariados!" he screamed.

The ariados appeared and gained position

"I knew it! Go Wing!" Matt yelled.

Wing appeared and flew a bit to show his strenght. Ariados didn't pay attention.

"This will be a one-on-one battle, with no time limits! BEGIN!" Fushia said.

"Ariados, use stringshot!"
"Wing, fly up high!"

Ariados used his string shot, very fast, but luckely for Wing he was the fastest one. He flew up and waited for comands.

"Ok Wing, use Smog! And limber his sight!"

Wing obbeyed and used his smog attack. In a minute of time the whole battlefield was covered with smog.

"Ariados use Poison sting!"

Ariados' horn began to glow as suddenly a rain of poisonous bullets came flying towards Wing.

"Wing, dodge them and fly down, then use you're Mud-slap!" Matt has thought this through, he knew that ground attacks were good against a poison-type and focused on that until he needed Gust for the end of battle, because that required allot of strength for such a small pokemon.

"Perfect…String shot!" Turito said with a big smile on his face.

As Wing was flying down, the spiderweb approached him.

"Dodge it!" Matt yelled, But it was to late, Wing found himself trapped in the sticky web.
"Now you're doomed! Use Toxic!" Turito laughed.
"No!" Matt saw his Wing poisoned on the ground.

Matt ran towards Wing and pulled a little pill out of his jacket.

"Here…" Matt said as he gave Wing an antidote.

"Darnit…Ariados! Finish it with Bugbeam!"

"Enough playing already! Wing use GUST!" Matt was getting sick of it, he wanted to finish this as soon as possible.

Wing flapped his wings as hard as he could and he released a major tornado who cancelled the bugbeam before it even could hit and then it stroke Ariados who was whiped out of the field.

"Ariados is whiped out of the field and unable to fight! The winnar is Matt!"

"YES!!" He yelled.
"Oh…Ariados return…" Turito said disapointed.

"Congratulations…Here!" Turito said. By the looks of it he was in a grumpy mood bye his defeat, he just handeled over the prize money and left.

"Good I've won, but I didn't get to see Bugbeam…I need to figure out what it does…" Matt thought.

"You can now eat something, heal you're pokemon or go to the bathroom…" Fushia said with his creapy voice.
"I'm fine! Let's see where are my poitons?..." Matt said while checking his backpack.
"Ah here they are!" Matt said" Wing come here"
Wing flew down and landed softley before Matt's feet.
"Ok, I will heal you" Matt said ready to spray.
"Wait, here you can use this!" Fushia said."every gym is required to have one, it's a healpackcenter! you can restore you're pokemon like in a pokemoncenter!"
"Great! Return Wing!" Matt said as he laid his pokemon on the healpackcenter.

After wing was healed they both ate something until Fushia came towards them.

"Claude will be you're next opponent, he is nothing like Turito…Prepare youreself…"

A short boy approched, the sky turned black when he approched.

"What's this?!" Matt asked as he looked up at the sky.
"This is normal, this is because my pokemon could fight in his full strenght!" Claude said.

"This will be a 2-on-2 battle! BEGIN!"

"Go! Wing!" Matt yelled, still convinced of his flying type victory.
"Thought so!" Go Bugelec!" Claude said with a smile, he was prepared for a flying opponent.

A small bug appeared, he had 2 antenas on his head.

"What's this?" Matt asked as he opened his tech.

Bugelec

Type: Bug/Electric
Gender: Male

Bugelec: this pokemon lives in the high trees of a forest, it zaps it enemey's causing paralyze, then it beats them out until they faint. It only comes out at night.

No furter information available without permission

"Stupid permission! Wing use smog, it worked before!"

The same smog as before filled the room.

"Bugelec! Use double team!"

Bugelec dissapeared in the smog, but double teamed just before he dissapeared.

"Wing now use Night shade!" Matt knew that with the effect of night in this gym his nightshade would increase.

Wing fired a black beam out of his mouth towards the smog, and hitted Bugelec. But to bad for Matt it was only a copy.

"Bugelec! Use spark!"

Bugelec started loading his antennas on his head, sparks began to shoot of them, when finnaly he aimed at Wing and fired the spark attack. Due this attack al his copy's dissapeared because he needed al his strenght for this attack.

"Wing!! Go down and fire mudslap at the Spark! Do it NOW!!" Matt began to worry.

Wing dived to the ground and swiped a piece of mud towards the Spark. It hitted the Mud, dissapeared and Wing was unaffected.

Meanwhile the smog dissapeared.

"Very clever! You're not the dumbest one around I see!" Claude complimented Matt.
"Good….Use Smog again, and hide you'reself in it!" Matt commanded.

Wing did what he was told: he released a smog and covered himself in it.

"Bugelec, drive him out of there with Spark!!"

Several sparks flew towards the smog, but Wing stayed there waiting for a command.

"Wing, be carefull and wait there!" Matt said while a little smile came from his mouth.

"Keep Sparking!!" Claude shouted, he seems intrigued by it.

"Wing, hold on a little more!"

"Yes! Now it's time to strike, use THUNDER!" Claude said, while he noticed the smog clearing out. What he didn't notice was Bugelec's electricity getting out.

As Bugelec kept charging his thunder wouldn't work.

"What is this!" Claude asked.

"You have run out of energy! To bad!!" Matt said, revealing that this was his plan."now you're going to lose!!"

"Oh no I won't! Bugelec use Powerboost!" Claude said." You think I didn't notice my pokemon's energy was getting low? You fool, that was MY plan!"

"What the hell is powerboost?" Matt said while grabbing his dex.

Powerboost: A more powerfull move then Charge, it raises Sp.att and powers up electric type moves. This move is very rare and only a few pokemon can use this sucsessfully. No further information available.

"Oh, crap! Wing use Gust now and blow the remaining Smog towards him!" Matt had a few tricks up his sleeve.

First up was the Gust that hitted Bugelec. He lost his boost and almost fainted.

"Bugelec! Use Moonlight!" Claude said with a smile.

"Oh no!" Matt yelled.

The darkness of the gym made his moonlight even powerfull. He recover only a bit, since the gust was super effective. But Claude had forgotten one thing: the smog came after the gust.

As the smog flew towards Bugelec he inhaled it, became dizzy and fell down on the ground.

"Bugelec is poisoned! Now finish it with Gust!" Matt yelled.

The gust came towards Bugelec, but he was to weak to resist and got hit.

"Bugelec fainted on the spot!Matt has won round one!"

"Damnit! Bugelec Return!"Claude said,but he smiled. You managed to defeat my weakest pokemon!"

"WHAT! Weakest! Oh NO!" Matt felt sick, this was so hard and know he needed to fight an even stronger pokemon.

"Let's get down to buisness and defeat that rookie!" Claude said while he tossed a Great ball up into the air.

DannyBoy
24th February 2004, 04:20 PM
Looks a bit better! Improvment is always a plus! The gym battle was long and I could see you trying you best with it. For someone still learning, pretty darn good. The attacks are done ok and it last long so it felt more realistic then a five sentance battle I see sometimes. Again, good and looks to be getting better and better. Keep it up!

MeLoVeGhOsTs
25th February 2004, 01:58 AM
Thanks, i'm sry to dissapoint you but the next chapter will be a bit short because there's only one pokemon left and then Matt get's to know the leader, so....OR i'll try and give Claude another one? NO? Tell me...