My Pokémon Adventure

[Bjarni Haraldur Sigfússon]

My pokémon are in my sig! But they knows more moves in my pokémon adventure! Yeah, I'm 32 years old in my adventure! I about always used my pokémon! I have Togetic, Feraligtar, Red Gyarados, Charizard, Miltank and Nidoking! I never choose my adventure! My dreams choose them! Anyway here is my pokémon in my adventure:
http://pokemasters.net/images/games/ruby_sapphire/rs208.png http://pokemasters.net/images/games/ruby_sapphire/rs315.png http://pokemasters.net/images/games/ruby_sapphire/rs232.png http://www.psypoke.org/dex/shiny/053.gif http://pokemasters.net/images/games/ruby_sapphire/rs376.png http://pokemasters.net/images/games/ruby_sapphire/rs326.png

Yeah, we are sometimes comming intro adventure but not last night! Nothing happens last night! So not always! But I have comming intro lot of adventures, but it's not cartoon, it's real adventure and true story! But alot of them isn't in this FanFiction, I think I have tell engough, let's beginning right away!
_______________________________________________
Saturday 19 of Jule 2003
_______________________________________________
I woke up in some pokémon center in some city! The clock was 08:17 I don't know the name of city, but I woke up and said "Ah, let's wake up!" and I goes down in one computer in pokémon center and gone on internet and was ring to Bill and he answered telephone and said "Hi, who is calling?" and I said "It's me, Bjarni Haralur Sigfússon! How is it going for my pokémon?" and Bill answered "They are great! They slept great this night! Do you wan't them back?" And I said "Yes" and he said "Here ya go!" and he sent my pokéball back in e-mail! And I got them back! I gone out of the city and gone to the beach! And said "Go, Feraligatr!" and he said "Fera" he knew what he have to do, because he was my first pokémon and know about me! He was swimming and swimming in the sea! And all Tentacools was scared and swam alone from my Feraligtar, because Feraligatr is so big pokémon and so strong! But it took a many minutes to swim to next city, about half hour! And 30 minutes later was we comming to some city on island! They was no gym in this city! I think I know why! There isn't gym in all cities, but there was one house in this city! They was text on this house! I have read it in my mind: "Cooltrainer Kevin Jackson's house! I'm 15 years old, and I know much about pokémon. If you have any questions, please visted me and I wan't to do everything I can to help you! But if I can't, don't be angry! I don't know everything, but I'll try my best to help you! Go ahead, ask!" and I gone intro his house and he says "Welcome to my house, you looks old! What's the problem! Tell me, and I'll do best as I can to help you!" and I said "Hi, my name is Bjarni Haraldur Sigfússon and I really need help!" and Jackson said "No problem, tell me how I can help you!" and I answered "I really much wan't Golem! But I don't know where he is wild pokémon! Is it true that he isn't wild pokémon? Should I just chatch Gravelere and evolves him?" and Cooltrainer Kevin Jackson said "Bjarni, you are really wrong! Why do you really think he isn't wild pokémon? He is wild pokémon! You think he isn't wild because he is so rare! Yeah, he is rally rare! Anyway, you can found him in Mt.Silver! There can you found him! You can found him in Voctory Road, and some other caves there strong pokémon is! He is so rare! But he is wild! Go to Mt.Silver and found him!" I said "Yes, thank you! I'll try that!" and I gone out and tossed pokéball and said "Charizard go!" and he said "CHARIZARD" and I said "Charizard, fly me to Mt.Silver!" and he flied long way! Really long! But then then clock was 10:34 and Charizard flow me all way to Mt.Silver! And I said "Thanks alot, Charizard! This cave is Mt.Silver! Now it's time to chatch Golem!" and I gone intro cave! I didn't see anything, it was so dark! I tossed the Pokéball into the air. Togetic appeared and chirped "Toge!" I said, "Togetic, light all dark areas!" He smiled and said "Toge!" before glowing brightly and doing just what I asked! He was even better than flashlight!! He flied over me and followed me! One Donphan attacked to me and I said "Go, Nidoking!" and he came out of pokéball gone on Nidoking's bag and said "Run alone from this Donphan and go faster!" Donphan attacked to one Crobat! And this Crobat was angry and attacked to Donphan and uesed super leach life! And Togetic continued flying so fast! And then I said "Nidoking, Search for Golem" and he said "Nido!" and it took a long long time! He ran and ran! And searched and searched! 12:01 has one Golem attacked and said "Golem" and I jump out of Nidoking and I said "Nidoking, earthquake" and he have making big earthquake! And It didn't do much damage on Golem so much! He was so strong! Golem, have making fire and attacked to Nigoking! This fire blast attack did big damage on Nidoking and killed him and I said to Nidoking, "No, are you all right Nidoking?" and Golem was angry and said "GOLEM!!!!:mad:" yeah, he was really angry! And attacked by using Rock Eneregy on me! And I fainted and Togetic said "Toge?:(" and was sad! I was fainted in long long time! I only showed all black, and I can't move, or talking! I was fainted! But I was on hostpital, and I woke up and I didn't knew who I am! I was hurt! And I said "Who am I? How old am I?" and Blissey said "Blissey!" and Miltank have came out of pokéball and said "moo" and shot Milk intro my mounth! And I said "Now I know my name, and who I am! Thanks, Miltank! I'm not fainted anymore!" and I walked in the city and said "Next time, I'll first find somebody to help me to chatch Golem! That's how I chatch Golem!" the clock was 19:45 I gone on hotel and pay money for this hotel! After I used some of my money to hotel, I gone to pokémon center! And sent my pokéballs to Bill and says "Here is my pokémon, please take care of them!" and he said "Don't worry, Bjarni, I'll take care of them! I'll snetd them to my box! They'll be fine there! I'll send them to Pokémon Center they just slee..." and then I said "I know that, ok?" and Bill said "Good night, Bjarni!" and I said "Good night, Bjarni!" and then he turned computer off! And I did it too! I gone intro my room on the hotel and said "Ah, I'm so tired, let's go to sleep!" I slept then clock was 19:59. and then I slept I woke up at home!
________________________________________________
That wasn't all! I have comming intro alot of Adventure before! But they are so much, and I haven't time! But I wan't they are also some Adventure that I didn't came in! I'll try to chatch Golem again today, I'll tell you that tomorrow! See you tomorrow!

[Chikoo]

*claps* ;o Tihs isn't spam, yay! *Hugs*
Hmmm..the story if fine. However, get your mom or someone to go over your spelling and grammer, k? ;)

PS- I only understood 15% of the story cuz of teh grammer.

[Cheesey]

*gets up from floor which he fell on from all the laughing*

Awww, that was brilliant Bjarni. I was laughing my head off. Are you going to do another adventure? Please? :>

[Bjarni Haraldur Sigfússon]

Originally posted by Cheesey
*gets up from floor which he fell on from all the laughing*

Awww, that was brilliant Bjarni. I was laughing my head off. Are you going to do another adventure? Please? :>

Yes, but I didn't chose this adventure, nobody chose it! But Cheesy, can you tell me how I can chatch Golem? It have been dishappen, please domebody help me to chatch Golem, he is so strong pokémon and hard to chatch!


Originally posted by Chiko Pokemon
*claps* ;o Tihs isn't spam, yay! *Hugs*
Hmmm..the story if fine. However, get your mom or someone to go over your spelling and grammer, k? ;)

PS- I only understood 15% of the story cuz of teh grammer.

No, I can get help from myself! I think you are right, maybe should I edit my thread! I think so! :)

Quote's edit: Sorry again about double posting, forgive me?

[Rambunctious Jamirus]

Ugh. >_< That gave me headache reading it.

Okay, first off, the story is technically not long enough to be a chapter according to FanFiction notes. Second, it's too hard for a lot of people to understand. Third, I have no idea what most of this is. Fourth, PLEASE give a paragraph for every time a new person speaks. Fifth, a lot of the sentences are run-on. Sixth, the grammer and spelling in your story is the problem why I don't understand it. Seventh, this story is one HUGE paragraph which is not good. Eighth, the accented E does not work on the Internet anymore. Ninth, PLEASE have someone edit this (friend, family member, etc.). Tenth, once you get this edited, you can post it again but try to lengthen it and add in detail. Eleventh, a story in this forum must be around 2 pages on MS Word.

I think that explains it all.

[Bjarni Haraldur Sigfússon]

Originally posted by Rambunctious Jamirus
Ugh. >_< That gave me headache reading it.

Okay, first off, the story is technically not long enough to be a chapter according to FanFiction notes. Second, it's too hard for a lot of people to understand. Third, I have no idea what most of this is. Fourth, PLEASE give a paragraph for every time a new person speaks. Fifth, a lot of the sentences are run-on. Sixth, the grammer and spelling in your story is the problem why I don't understand it. Seventh, this story is one HUGE paragraph which is not good. Eighth, the accented E does not work on the Internet anymore. Ninth, PLEASE have someone edit this (friend, family member, etc.). Tenth, once you get this edited, you can post it again but try to lengthen it and add in detail. Eleventh, a story in this forum must be around 2 pages on MS Word.

I think that explains it all.

Twelweth, it's not a story, it's a true items that happens in real world! Thirteenth, I didn't make that, I did make fanfiction, but it happend in real world! Fourteenth it's that much as real FanFiction should be!

Need to tell you more? :D

[Mikey]

Ugh, *has a really bad headache from all the "ands"*

Bah, nice try Bjarni. A non SPAM post. Let's see, where should I begin. Like Chiko, I really didn't understand much of your story. It seemed pointless and boring. It was all one big paragraph with no seperating, which made my head hurt. There were way to many "ands" and "he saids" that I wanted to shoot myself. Besides that, it was a a decent fic for u.

Yes, like CHeesy said. You make funny fics!:yes:

EDIT- Dude, if this happened to you in real life that stuff you're smoking must be stronger then I thought, now you're hallucinating. Give me some now!!!

[Shadow Djinn]

Originally posted by Bjarni Haraldur Sigfússon
Twelweth, it's not a story, it's a true items that happens in real world! Thirteenth, I didn't make that, I did make fanfiction, but it happend in real world! Fourteenth it's that much as real FanFiction should be!

Need to tell you more? :D

Really Bjarni --;. The story...ok....At least say it's a SHORT story --;. And your vocabulary was pretty bad, have someone EDIT it. And no, this is NOT fanfiction. I dont know what most of this is --;. Read Rambunctious's Through Blind Eyes or RJ: Legacy of a Master. THAT is true fanfiction. --; And pokemon isnt in the real world. If it's not a story, then at least put in the title "My Pokemon Adventure(Short Story)" >>;. Later.

~DT8

[mr_pikachu]

I agree with Chiko Pokemon that the story does need some extra editing, either from yourself or from someone else. You might even do both if you are able to. Also, it's generally not the best idea to have your fanfic have random events in it. It might work in this case because of the uniqueness of it, but I really don't know. I've never seen this sort of thing attempted before.

Rambunctious Jamirus made some good suggestions about writing your fanfic. It would be a wise idea to do what you can on following them. If I may, I'd like to expand a little bit on a few of the things he mentioned.

The first thing that came to mind was the fact that the entire thing was one long paragraph. You need to break that down to make it easier to read. An easy rule to follow on this is that you start a new paragraph whenever you change speakers. This alone will make it much more readable.

Another point to mention is that, yes, a lot of the sentences are run-on. This can also be dealt with somewhat by starting a new sentence (and paragraph) whenever you change speakers. Also, once you finish one thought, start a new sentence for the next thought. I'll give an example.

~~~~~~~~~~
And I tossed pokéball and said "Go, Togetic" and he said "Toge!", "Togetic, light all dark areas!" and he said "Toge" and did that!
~~~~~~~~~~

Here is another way to write those same thoughts.

~~~~~~~~~~
I tossed the Pokéball into the air. Togetic appeared and chirped "Toge!"

I said, "Togetic, light all dark areas!"

He smiled and said "Toge!" before glowing brightly and doing just what I asked!
~~~~~~~~~~

That should give you a rough idea about how to make it more readable in that respect.

Also, try to include some descriptions. What did the area you flew over look like? What did Bill look like on the telephone? What did the Pokemon Center look like? You might also want to describe the features of your Pokemon.

I must say that this is a very unique idea, and it might work with a bit more effort. You're very brave for stepping out into an entirely unexplored field like "Pokemon dreams" for a fanfic. Good luck, and continue writing! You'll get better every time you do!

[Bjarni Haraldur Sigfússon]

Originally posted by Dark Templar 8
And pokemon isnt in the real world.

Your right, but they are in pokémon world! Anyway, your wrong, it's true story! And it happend in the pokémon world! :P

[Shadow Djinn]

*sigh* WE ARENT IN THE POKEMON WORLD BJARNI.
--; Duh it happened in the pokemon world, but should I quote?


Originally posted by Bjarni Haraldur Sigfússon
Twelweth, it's not a story, it's a true items that happens in real world!

And it's not a true story Bjarni. Get someone to edit this...thing >>. I could hardly understand it.


" Nidoking, searching for GOlem" would be " Nidoking, Search for Golem!"....Looks would be look, and enregy isnt a word. It's ENERGY...

EDIT: My feature ._.

~DT8

[mr_pikachu]

Okay, so now that you have the descriptions of these places/people, try putting those into your story! Thos kinds of descriptions will help, believe me!

Oh, and about the Mt. Silver description, try using colors, shapes, and feelings in your description, not just saying where it is. For instance, you could say, "I flew over the entrance of Mt. Silver. The rocks were jagged and sharp, but my Charizard adeptly avoided them. As we neared the entrance, the wind began whipping at me, and I felt like I was in a freezer. Finaly we touched down amidst the large shadow that was the entrance."

Now, I understand that may not have been what you saw in your dream, but that is simply an example to help you along. Try thinking a little bit more in terms of these types of descriptions. Good luck, and keep on writing!

[Bjarni Haraldur Sigfússon]

mr_pikachu, do you like my Snubbull?

[Rambunctious Jamirus]

Ugh >_< Headache...

Okay, I know this is your game and I know you edited the first post but still, it is too hard to understand. The part about Snubbull is hard to understand as well. First, you talk about Snubbull the you switch to something about a Nidorino and 'cautch' is not a word, it's spelled 'catch'. Then there's something about a Totodile.

If that was part of your story then please read number eleven on my first post.

Bjarni, you keep posting useless posts all in this topic. The one above me is an example. Stop replying to your thread if it isn't a chapter of your story or at least after five posts from different people.

Go with mr_pikachu on the descriptions and things and PLEASE have another person edited your story. There are too many mistakes to count.

And, for the record, I'm a she, not a he.

[mr_pikachu]

Well, at the moment, your Snubbull seems like a lot of other Snubbulls, with the only difference beign that he refuses to evolve into a Granbull. If you're going to mention him, he should be included in your actual story. And try using descriptions that distinguish him from other Snubbulls. That will help determine whether or not your readers really care for him. Good luck! ;)

[Bjarni Haraldur Sigfússon]

Originally posted by Rambunctious Jamirus
Ugh >_< Headache...

Okay, I know this is your game and I know you edited the first post but still, it is too hard to understand. The part about Snubbull is hard to understand as well. First, you talk about Snubbull the you switch to something about a Nidorino and 'cautch' is not a word, it's spelled 'catch'. Then there's something about a Totodile.

If that was part of your story then please read number eleven on my first post.

Bjarni, you keep posting useless posts all in this topic. The one above me is an example. Stop replying to your thread if it isn't a chapter of your story or at least after five posts from different people.

Go with mr_pikachu on the descriptions and things and PLEASE have another person edited your story. There are too many mistakes to count.

And, for the record, I'm a she, not a he.

You are right, I'm so sorry about talking about my Snubbul, but he is my secret pokémon! Now I'm going to chatch more pokés, and yes, I'll leave this thread alone untill tomorrow then I says what happens today, untill tomorrow, I don't do more replies today, untill tomorrow! See ya! :wave:

[Razola]

One question:

Do you know what and where the "Enter" is on your keyboard?

[Kirei]

Wow, that was a good story! Very creative and some interesting ideas! I liked the part when Miltank squirted milk into your mouth and it made your memory return!! :) I don't think you should worry too much about your grammar, it would take away from the effect of the story, it's very unique as it is now, don't try to make it the same as everyone else's all the time! My boyfriend Ade really liked your story too, and he is excited to find out more about your Pokémon adventures!!!

I wish people like Rambunctious Jamirus would stop being so critical, it's only a bit of fun and after all English isn't Bjarni's first language. You try writing a story in Icelandic, and while you're at it, maybe you could try brushing up on your own English grammar: "have another person edited your story" doesn't seem quite right to me you know...

[Razola]

Originally posted by Bugsy
Wow, that was a good story! Very creative and some interesting ideas! I liked the part when Miltank squirted milk into your mouth and it made your memory return!! :) I don't think you should worry too much about your grammar, it would take away from the effect of the story, it's very unique as it is now, don't try to make it the same as everyone else's all the time! My boyfriend Ade really liked your story too, and he is excited to find out more about your Pokémon adventures!!!

I wish people like Rambunctious Jamirus would stop being so critical, it's only a bit of fun and after all English isn't Bjarni's first language. You try writing a story in Icelandic, and while you're at it, maybe you could try brushing up on your own English grammar: "have another person edited your story" doesn't seem quite right to me you know...

You have just commited a terrible crime against the english language.

[Andrew]

Raz, and you just committed a terrible crime too. A 1 line reply :o

Hi Bjarni, welcome to TPM you may want to look at some of these links

Fanfic 101 - http://www.pokemasters.net/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=14534 Its basically an introduction you may like to reead.

The Fanfic Rules-
http://www.pokemasters.net/forums/showthread.php?s=&postid=37775#post37775 - Please get aquainted with them

The Fanfic News-
http://www.pokemasters.net/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=13489 To let you know what's happening.

Also take a read of some other stories around Fanfic and try to use them as models to improve your own writing. Also look in the Fanfic Lounge and Read some threads to see if some of your questions have already been answered.

[ThePhenom]

That was great. :)

You had me at 'Jule'. ;o

[whocares7003]

first pokemon fanfic i've actually enjoyed reading.

[mistysakura]

I agree with RJ... if this was from anyone else I would know that it was a joke. If the author said that it was just a bit of fun, I'd leave them alone. Yet, I'm confused about whether he's actually serious or not. Browsing around Misc and other areas, including the fanfic rules topic *spam alert...*, I found that I either have a very bad sense of humor, or else Bjarni is one of those people who won't listen and are ded serious about what they post, even if it doesn't appeal to others. Judging from the replies received to this thread so far, I deduce that it's the second case. Therefore, RJ and anyone else can comment as they like, as long as it's not too offensive... I hope. Besides, we are helping Bjarni with his English, aren't we?

As for my own opinion, I'm sure people would enjoy your Pokemon adventures more if you fixed up your grammar. For instance, articales like "a" "an" and "the" would help. To be honest, I tried to read to story and gave up after two lines.

Also, some form of paragraphing might help. I'm sure it's not that hard to hit the "enter" key. It's a lot harder to read a page-long block of text than to read sections. It's a lot better on the eyes as well.

I think you can start on those, and work on more complicated things later. By he way, when people give advice, you listen because although it might be a bit harsh, it helps in the end. :D

[Mikey]

Wow, you caught Golem! *holds up tinny white flag and cheers enthusiastically*

This chapter wasn't much better then the 1st. It seemed way to repetitive, more ands then ever, and you killed innocent Donphans! Aso, you can only carry 6 Pokemon so why do u have 7? The length was good, but again, seperate your story into paragraphs and learn to spell.

[Bjarni Haraldur Sigfússon]

Originally posted by Mikey
Wow, you caught Golem! *holds up tinny white flag and cheers enthusiastically*

This chapter wasn't much better then the 1st. It seemed way to repetitive, more ands then ever, and you killed innocent Donphans! Aso, you can only carry 6 Pokemon so why do u have 7. The length was good, but again, seperate yo ustory into paragraphs and learn to spell.

You are right! I can used pokédex to switch pokémon! And then I used Golem in Mt.Silver I have set Nidoking to Bill's PC thanks for dexter!

[Chikoo]

And I thought Chapter 1 was hilarious. XD Chapter 2 is better, it truly is! ;) Keep up the good work! o_O
Dude, that sucks. You can barely understand a word you're saying! Use the enter key, please! Oh, and tell your mommy to proof-read this before you post it. --;
But anyways, keep up the good work! ^_^

[Bjarni Haraldur Sigfússon]

Originally posted by Chiko Pokemon
And I thought Chapter 1 was hilarious. XD Chapter 2 is better, it truly is! ;) Keep up the good work! o_O
Dude, that sucks. You can barely understand a word you're saying! Use the enter key, please! Oh, and tell your mommy to proof-read this before you post it. --;
But anyways, keep up the good work! ^_^

No, somebody here can tell me then I do Spelling errors, but I'm so happy about my new pokémon! :D

[Cheesey]

That was so brilliant, Bjarni. I'm so happy you mentioned me in it because I told you how to catch Golem ._.

Uh, yay? *claps* :x

And don't change your grammar, as Bugsy said it might take away the feel from the story.

O_o

[Chikoo]

You do realize that that Pokémon isn't real, right? Why would you be happy? o_O

[Bjarni Haraldur Sigfússon]

Originally posted by Chiko Pokemon
You do realize that that Pokémon isn't real, right? Why would you be happy? o_O

He is real! You think the pokémon isn't in real world because you haven't visiting pokémon world, right?

[Krystalline Kabutops]

Originally posted by Bjarni Haraldur Sigfússon
He is real! You think the pokémon isn't in real world because you haven't visiting pokémon world, right? Bjarni, Pokemon is a game. there is no Pokemon world. At least not in reality. Do you get it?

[Rambunctious Jamirus]

Okay, for one thing I still can't read this without giving up and just speed reading through the whole thing. Please, just give this to someone who can write decently and have them edit this.

Also, this forum is for sharing your FanFic, we can't just drop everything and revise this whole story for you. But I would like to help with that.

'chatch' and 'cautch' is not how you spell it. It is spelled 'catch'

Also, as I would like to say I have no idea how to speak or read Icelandic or anything else but English and a little bit of French but I do know that in every language I have seen in a book, the dialogue is separated from person to person. And we are trying to help him with his English, not encourage him that this is how the English language looks like everywhere.

And wow, a typo. How many of us have done a typo in a post? *looks at all the hands* Yep, there you go.

And I agree with misty that we might give harsh advice but we're helping him aren't we? The most important thing about any sort of writing is that most people understand it, right? And that we can read it without asking a lot of questions, right?

Are we trying to help this boy write or what? I won't say what I was going to say because it just didn't sound like something post so I'll just say something else. If you say this is one of the best things you've ever read then you're not helping him at all.

Bjarni, PLEASE get someone to edit this. Send it to someone in a PM or something and have them edit it for you.

*deep breath* I'm done now. And no more one-liner posts please to everyone who keeps doing it.

[Bjarni Haraldur Sigfússon]

Originally posted by Rambunctious Jamirus
Okay, for one thing I still can't read this without giving up and just speed reading through the whole thing. Please, just give this to someone who can write decently and have them edit this.

Also, this forum is for sharing your FanFic, we can't just drop everything and revise this whole story for you. But I would like to help with that.

'chatch' and 'cautch' is not how you spell it. It is spelled 'catch'

Also, as I would like to say I have no idea how to speak or read Icelandic or anything else but English and a little bit of French but I do know that in every language I have seen in a book, the dialogue is separated from person to person. And we are trying to help him with his English, not encourage him that this is how the English language looks like everywhere.

And wow, a typo. How many of us have done a typo in a post? *looks at all the hands* Yep, there you go.

And I agree with misty that we might give harsh advice but we're helping him aren't we? The most important thing about any sort of writing is that most people understand it, right? And that we can read it without asking a lot of questions, right?

Are we trying to help this boy write or what? I won't say what I was going to say because it just didn't sound like something post so I'll just say something else. If you say this is one of the best thingd you've ever read then you're not helping him at all.

Bjarni, PLEASE get someone to edit this. Send it to someone in a PM or something and have them edit it for you.

*deep breath* I'm done now. And no more one-liner posts please to everyone who keeps doing it.

No, I don't need to, I can edit myself! If you see some spelling error, please tell me! It goes to everyone! And I fixed spelling error about 'catch', it's fixed now! [reply of post ends here]
__________________________________________________
Nothing more to say! Who knows what happens next night? Nobody! I don't need to reply more! But I'll tell you what happens tonight tomorrow, see ya tomorrow! Bye, and good night! :wave:

[Krystalline Kabutops]

Originally posted by Bjarni Haraldur Sigfússon
No, I don't need to, I can edit myself! If you see some spelling error, please tell me! It goes to everyone! And I fixed spelling error about 'catch', it's fixed now! [reply of thread ends here]
__________________________________________________
Nothing more to say! Who knows what happens next night? Nobody! I don't need to reply more! But I'll tell you what happens tonight tomorrow, see ya tomorrow! Bye, and good night! :wave: o_O Bjarni, there are too many errors here to count. Why don't you just get a family member to revise for you?!

[Moonlight Espeon]

Uhh.... *tries to calculate how ridiculous this sounds* Oops, my calculator exploded :x

There is no Pokemon world, and there never will be. It is a CARTOON, not reality. Pokemon were created for the entertainment of people, but they are not real. Fanfics are stories of what would happen IF the thing existed.

[Charizard04621]

Um, Bjarni, there's a difference between the words "kill" and "knock out". If you kill something, it dies, and it never comes back. That's why if a person dies he/she gets a funeral. Now, if you're talking about just making a pokémon faint, use the word "knock out". Please. It makes you look less of an evil sadistic maniac. Just... don't use the word kill. It's not really a good word to use constantly.

[Syberia]

OMG, Bjarni, I will personally kill you if you ever use the word "kill" again!

Ummm... *runs*

[SWAMPERT1]

Originally posted by Opaque Onigoori
Bjarni, Pokemon is a game. there is no Pokemon world. At least not in reality. Do you get it? Dude...whats the point of fightin with this kid?? He'll just spam or blame his spam on somethin or not spam and beg not to notbe banned which then turns into spam. There is absolutly no point with fighting with this person. Like yeesh at first it was like, lol when bjarni spammed and now it has gotten anoying. so just dont fight. and hes probly goining to reply( & SPAM) about this post. And bjarni please use spell check on your storys so #1 we can understand the story and #2 its alot easyer to read. GOOD DAY! WOW THAT WAS GOOD TO GET OF BY CHEST:yes:

~SWAMPERT1

[ThePhenom]

Guys, he obviously doesn't have a lot going for him in life, but he's found a place he likes at these forums. He took time out of his day and wrote a fic. Sure it's not the best. Everyone knew what they were expecting when they clicked the link to the topic. The least you guys can do is not criticize him on every little thing. I'm sure he's had a hard life, and I don't know how I'd feel if I was in the same condition that he is in. I say just give him the benefit of the doubt.

If he wants to believe Pokemon are real, let him. Anything that makes his life that more enjoyable is perfectly alright.

Besides, have any of you ever been to Iceland? I'm sure there are plenty of Pokemon there. :P

[SWAMPERT1]

Originally posted by The Great Nom

If he wants to believe Pokemon are real, let him. Anything that makes his life that more enjoyable is perfectly alright. fine...i guess your right but still he could at least use spellcheck(j/k) even if he does have life hard, if he does, he dosnt need to spam

[Cheesey]

That was great Bjarni, true Bjarni writing. I loved the addition of doughnuts at the end =) Truly brilliant writing. Love it.

[Mikey]

Funny stuff Bjarni, just some comments.

`You killed Mightyena:(
`You can' spell, use spell check
`Turn your work into paragraphs like I said the first time
`SO MANY ANDS!!!!:o
`It doesn't make a lot of sense
`Why would a father live in the city with his kid son at a house in the woods?
`Why do u put bikes in Pokeballs?
`Why would Furrets attack u?

[Rambunctious Jamirus]

I'm sorry to say but Suzie has reported that they have banned Bjarni for good. We'll miss you *coughrightcough*

But, to report on the story, I gave up after the fifth line. The huge block has defined all rules of the English language yet again and the exclamation marks just lessen the real potential of the sentences. As well as all the run-ons.

To make a long story short, I still have no idea why you insist on using the word 'kill' for knocking out the Pokemon or why you actually LET a Jigglypuff sing to you, but still, it is too hard to understand like it is. Too many 'and's is one of the problems.

Why am I doing this if the poor boy can never post again in his account? Don't know...

[ThePhenom]

Damnit people, he's retarded. You guys are ****ing expecting award winning work out of him. If you don't like what he's writing, or if it 'gives you a headache', then don't read it.

His loyality and commitment to posting here should outweigh anything that he did 'wrong' during his stay, which I feel is very little. He's never insulted anyone, and his only goal from being here was 'to make friends'. Yet some of you would rather sit there and make fun of a person with autism rather than try and make him feel better about himself. It's really sad.

[Krystalline Kabutops]

Originally posted by The Great Nom
Damnit people, he's retarded. You guys are ****ing expecting award winning work out of him. If you don't like what he's writing, or if it 'gives you a headache', then don't read it.

His loyality and commitment to posting here should outweigh anything that he did 'wrong' during his stay, which I feel is very little. He's never insulted anyone, and his only goal from being here was 'to make friends'. Yet some of you would rather sit there and make fun of a person with autism rather than try and make him feel better about himself. It's really sad. actually, go look at my quote in the GD rules topic. that was extreme flaming.

[ThePhenom]

Okay, that was the first time I had seen that, and is the only time I've seen Bjarni like that. He's been insulted to the point where one thing like that doesn't earn banishment.

Besides, you're not human if you didn't laugh at "Gryphon, your fanfiction sucks, your family sucks". :P

[GR-Gligar]

Oh NO! Bjarni's gone?? How will I laugh myself to sleep each night? I never even got to copy and paste any of his wise words into my sig,....and I'm too lazy to find the ones I want. Le sigh.

[dratinihaunter13]

and the spamming ends here. wow, a fic topic? who woulda known it. pm me if you're ever allowed back bjarni and wanna keep reporting your pokemon journey.