A Grilled Fish
14th June 2003, 08:08 AM
<written long ago> EDIT: I took away my signature
How to catch wild Pokemon
(or 'It was late one night and I was tired')
Prologue
The crescent moon shone brightly in the night sky. Hoot hoot, Zubat, and other nocturnal Pokemon lurked in the shadows. No diurnal Pokemon dared to roam, for fear of the blood sucking Crobats. Only one brave day Pokemon had the courage to go into the night. It could not see, but it was not afraid. This brave Pokemon was Poliwhirl.
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Chapter 1 Some ping-pong balls have been used in crochet, and knitting
"I'm sorry, but nothing is wrong with it. It's flame is fine, no physical or mental damage, I don't see anything wrong with your Charmander! What was the problem again?"
"Well you see, Charmander refuses to battle a Sandslash if there is a stuffed Indian fruit bat in the same room. He will only battle it if there also are exactly three hundred sixty four trillion, nine hundred seventy two billion, six hundred eighty three million, one hundred five thousand, two hundred sixty four and two hundred sixty four billion trillionths tennis balls in the room!"
"Ah. How exactly did you get into this situation?"
"I don't know."
"I see. Well, my advice is that when you battle a Sandslash; make sure that there are no stuffed Indian fruit bats in the room."
"Oh wow, thanks Nurse Joy! You sure are smart!" Charles the Pokemon Trainer said. Nurse Joy rolled her eyes.
"Well, you better get to sleep, it's three A.M. in the morning," she said.
"OK." Charles crawled onto and fell asleep on the Pokemon Center couch.
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Geodude floated happily along his way.
"Geodude!" It said with a smile. It floated through the mountains and into the city. It made itself comfortable in the middle of the road, and went to sleep. Four hours later, the first person walked on him.
"Geodude!" It said, and picked up the person and seismic tossed them away. Geodude did this to every person who tried to step on him, which were a lot because Geodude was sitting in the most stepped on space in the Poke universe. He had marked it with an X. Geodude did this every day, why he got satisfaction from it is unknown. After a long day, Paprika City closed down, and the crowd died down. Geodude floated into the largest Pokemart in the world, two to the power of 736,132,863,510,346,527 times the size of Celadon City's Pokemart and Goldenrod's Pokemart put together. Geodude floated up the stairs into the spray paint section, and spray-painted itself white.
"Geodude!" It said happily, and floated out the window. Geodude floated back to its mountain, waiting for the next day. Geodude counted how many people he had seismic tossed by seeing how much paint had been scratched off when the day was done. Geodude was happy, because this day he had broken his record.
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"What I need to do is get another Pokemon," Charles said to himself. He walked around in Embellish City, looking for wild Pokemon. He walked uninvited into someone's house.
"Hi, do you have any Pokemon I can use?" He asked the terrified old man who was drinking tea.
"AHHH! THE END HAS COME! IT IS ARMAGEDDON!" The frightened man took out a sign that read,
'Help, the world is ending!' and ran outside yelling like a maniac.
"Hmm. He must not have any. I have to find a Pokemon so I can battle the gym leader with more than just a Charmander!" Charles searched the room, but found nothing interesting, so he walked out. What Charles did not know, is that there was something interesting in the house, and that was a 1952 design Hallway Incorporated refrigerator; a real collectors item. There was only one left in the world. It was a shame that Charles didn’t take it before the house blew up for no apparent reason.
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Geodude floated to Paprika City for another day of seismic tosses. Geodude saw an interesting species of beetle on a twig he passed, but he didn’t bother to pick it up. Geodude floated into the city, and saw a trainer kneeling down and petting a Bulbasaur.
"Good Bulbasaur. Nice Bulbasaur," The person said.
"Bulba…" Bulba purred. Geodude decided to move from the most stepped on spot to see the Bulbasaur.
"Oh my, an ugly old Geodude! Don't let it hurt you Bulbasaur!" Bulbasaur extended a vine to the floating Geodude.
"Bulba," it said. Geodude shook the vine.
"Dude!" It said. They both looked at the trainer, and fell into a fit of laughter. The trainer, named Diane, returned the Bulbasaur, and ran off.
"What is the world coming today with white Geodudes the same color as the pavement in Paprika City…," Diane muttered to herself. Geodude shrugged, and continued to seismic toss people (http://www.tv-tokyo.co.jp/pokemon/).
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Charles wandered around the town in circles. A middle aged man sat outside of a house, relaxing on summer vacation. After the fifteenth time Charles walked by him, the man asked,
"Hey kid! Why are you walking around in circles?"
"I'm looking for wild Pokemon," answered Charles. "Do you have any for me?"
"I'm sorry, but no one here will give you a free Pokemon, but I can tell you how to find one," the man said.
"How?" Charles asked.
"I will open and close my mouth in different shapes, vibrating my voice box, making sounds your ears are able to understand."
"Ah. How can I find a wild Pokemon?"
"Go into the forest."
"OK." Charles walked off into the forest, and a Metapod dropped out of a tree.
"Metapod!" It said.
"No I'm sorry, but I haven't," Charles answered Metapod.
"Tapod! Tapod!" Metapod said, wanting to battle.
"Oh, you have a stuffy nose, ay? Well thanks for the advice. I have met one, and there were many Pokemon in it. That's a good idea." Charles walked deeper in the forest in search of a pond. There was not a pond in the forest. Charles walked out of the forest into a different city.
"Oh well, maybe someone here will tell me how to get to the pond," Charles said to himself. He walked into Ariak City.
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The Poliwhirl rested in its pond, alone. No Pokemon dared to think to be able to have a chance to be eligible to approach the Poliwhirl. Poliwhirl feared no one, everyone feared him.
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One day, a game boy game was being played. It was being played by Billy, who was in a restaurant in Katmandu, in Asia, on the world, in the solar system, in the galaxy, in the universe. If you multiplied the coordinates that Billy was by two, divided them by five, and added six, then you would find a happy Geodude.
"We the people of the United States of America, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare and, get ourselves nine-hundred seventy four trillion, six-hundred twenty four billion, three-hundred fifty one million, eight-hundred forty six thousand, eight-hundred forty two liberty for ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this constitution for the United States of America," Geodude said in Pokemon language to a nearby Ekans. Ekans knew this Geodude, he said something weird every day. Ekans had gotten used to it by now, because whenever Ekans questioned Geodude's nonsense, Geodude just floated away. Ekans slithered into the bushes waiting for a Pokemon Trainer to battle.
Chapter 2 Why license plates should change
Kev Naahon stared at the license plate that read 631.
"The number aint changing," he said.
"Yep," answered the man in the car.
"We've got places," Kev said. "For them numbers that aint don't none are not isn't change."
"Yep," answered the man who had calculated the string of negatives. Kev chewed his gum, sitting in the toll box.
"Listen bub, make my life easier and make the number change. I don’t wanna have ta' use… the Mextranit."
"Nope."
The wise guy crashed his four-wheel drive through the gates. Kev picked up the Module External Xiphias Transmogrifier Rotating Application Neon Intimate Teleporter, and pressed the big red button. The license plate vaporized. If only the license plate had changed from 631 to 632, maybe it's life would have been spared. The man in the four-wheel drive was angry.
"No…one…vaporizes…MY LICENSE PLATE!!!" The man hopped out of the car, and exciting music played. "Rhydon, go!" The man yelled. Kev calmly let out his Blastoise who calmly used a calm Hydro Pump with its calm cannons, and the calm water hit the Rhydon calmly, knocking it out. Kev held out a Pokeball.
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"So sir, you say the pond is left, then right, then straight, then into the big well?"
"Pond? What are you talking about, young man?" Charles was talking to a man he had passed by on the road.
"Um…. I don't know." The man eyed Charles strangely.
"I never said anything about a pond, you juvenile delinquent. Now make like a Moltres and molt off. I've got business to do." The man walked off.
"Darn. I'll never catch another Pokemon that way," Charles said to himself aloud.
"What's that you say, shonny?"
"Huh?" An Old Man stared at Charles.
"Did you just mention catching another Pokemon shonny?"
"Umm…. Yeah," answered
"I bet your lookin' for a secret pond," said An Old Man.
"Yeah," said Charles.
"Chock full of rare Pokemon," continued An Old Man.
"Yeah, yeah, that's it," Charles said excitedly.
"That lays in the depths of an unknown place,"
"Yeah, mmm hmm," Charles nodded.
"That only certain An Old Mans know of,"
"Yep, that's it, where is it, where is it?" Charles practically screamed.
"Sorry boy, never heard of it." An Old Man disappeared with a poof of smoke.
"That was weird," Charles said to himself.
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"I have a Pokeball, and I know how to use it, bub. Leave here and you can go free."
"Never!"
"OK. Pokeball, go." Kev Naahon threw a Pokeball at the man, who was sucked into it. The ball shook, and then turned white. Kev picked up the Pokeball, and it was transported to a place worse than jail. Kev sighed, and breathed a little mushroom cloud as people in the anime did.
'When will people learn?' he thought.
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"Do you know what this means, Dertanp?" Iaz the great scientist asked. Dertanp the Donphan shook its head no.
"This is the rare cherry with seventeen and two thirds pits! And certainly you know what that means (http://www.usatriathlon.org/)." Donphan shook its head no again, waving its trunk and knocking over a beaker of nitroglycerine.
"It means that I can now take over the world! Bwahahahahahaha! Ha ha! Heh? Donphan? Oh Donphan?" Iaz the great scientist looked over where Donphan used to be standing. Now there was a gigantic hole. Iaz the great Scientist jumped in the hole saying,
"I'm coming to save you Donphan!" Iaz the great scientist fell two to the power of six hundred forty three million seven hundred thousand thirty two light years. By the time he reached the bottom, about 1000 years had passed, causing Donphan and Iaz the great scientist to die of old age.. They had already burned up from falling at such a high speed anyway. The seventeen and two thirds cherry pits floated mysteriously down the pit in thirty seconds, and picked up what was left of Iaz the great scientist and Donphan. In thirty seconds they were out of the hole. The pits carried the two to a time machine, and went back in time to when Iaz the great scientist was asking Dertanp the Donphan
'what this means'. The pits showed Iaz the great scientist and Donphan the ashes of themselves, and warned Donphan not to knock over the bottle of nitroglycerine somehow even though cherry pits can't talk. The pits and the ashes mysteriously disappeared, because they had created a time rift in meeting themselves, proving that Ash of the anime is just the pits.
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"HEY, WHERE CAN I FIND THE POND FULL OF RARE WILD POKEMON?" Charles yelled as he crashed through a door uninvited into someone's house. Kev spit out his tea in surprise.
"Hey boy, you don't need to scream ya' know. Ya' almost gave me a heart attack, especially after a hard day of using the Mextranit. Didn't your mother tell you not to barge into people's houses?"
"Um…."
"That's a rhetorical question."
"Yeah, whatever. Just tell me where the pond is."
"Pond? Why are you looking for a pond?" The man asked.
"Not apond, the pond! A nice Pokemon with a stuffed up nose told me about it, and I've seen it before I was a pokemon trainer."
"Errr…" Kev Naahon had a sweatdrop. "If you're looking for the pond, it is in the Bulba Mansion of Cherry City on Pit Street." Kev Naahon was making this up.
"Thanks ok bye bye" and with that, Charles ran out the door in search of Cherry City without time to use proper punctuation. Kev Naahon poured himself some more tea.
'I wonder that crazy chap's name was,' he wondered.
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Nitroglycerine condiments devour neutral authenticity, veracity, and legitimacy. Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level: 12.0
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Chapter 3 Ekans resembles a carrot
Poliwhirl sat on a rock, its face expressionless. It stared off into the distance, no emotion showing. Poliwhirl looked down at the pond. A lily floated by on the shining blue water, the blue the same hue as Poliwhirl's skin. Young immature Rattatas piled on top of each other as they tried to get a peek of Poliwhirl through the grass. Poliwhirl spotted, them, and stood up and made his hand into a fist. His eyebrows curled into an angry expression. The Rattatas ran away, extremely frightened. Poliwhirl sat back down, and stared off into the distance. His thoughts were unknown to the Pidgeottos flying overhead, as Flying types are not Psychic.
"GEODUDE!" Poliwhirl turned his head in surprise, and his eyebrows curled again.
"Poli!" The first time Poliwhirl had spoken in days. The Pokemon in the nearby trees scattered in fear. When Poliwhirl spoke in anger, no one wanted to be near it.
"Geo, geo geo!" Geodude laughed. Geodude floated out of nowhere, and flicked Poliwhirl on the head.
"Poliwhirl!" Poliwhirl warned Geodude to get away. Geodude laughed,
"Geo, geo geo!" Poliwhirl used Hydro Pump on Geodude. Geodude just stood there, smiling, and it danced in the water, enjoying it.
"Geo, geo Geodude!" It said blissfully as the water did not weaken it at all, and strengthened it.
"BLISSEY!" Blissey said.
*Get out of here Blissey; I am trying to write!* "Blissey," Blissey pouted.
Poliwhirl turned so red in anger, a Pokemon expert might have mistaken it for a shiny Pokemon. No one did this to Poliwhirl.
"Geodude!" Geodude threw rocks the appeared from thin air at Poliwhirl. Poliwhirl dodged them. "Geo….DUDE!" Geodude floated up to Poliwhirl, picked him up calmly, and sent Poliwhirl into deep space.
"Geo geo!" Geodude laughed as Poliwhirl flew into orbit.
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Ekans looked around. Geodude still had not come. Ekans worried of her friend.
"Ekans, ekans!" Ekans called. "Kans," Ekans sighed. 'Geodude passes by every day, where is he?' Ekans wondered. A blueberry hairspray sandwich covered with rocky road ice cream with sliced banana peel sprinkles appeared on a plate in front of Ekans. "Ekans?" Ekans sniffed the sandwich, and took a bite. "Ekans!" Ekans liked the taste, and ate the rest of the sandwich. A fake puffin doll that was stuffed with pencil lead appeared out of the atmosphere and picked Ekans up somehow. It flew into the air, and Ekans squirmed. "EKANS! EKANNNNNNS!" Ekans screamed for help. A jet airliner passed, and with one last "Kans!" Ekans was sucked into the jet engine. A little boy inside the plane saw this out of the corner of his eye. He saved and turned off his game boy that he had been playing ever since he had gotten to the restaurant in Katmandu. Billy, who was sitting in the aisle seat, told his parents that he had to use the lavatory, and he unbuckled his seatbelt. Billy walked to the back of the plane, and pulled an oxygen mask out of a container. He took a parachute from a compartment, and got some magnet-plungers out of his backpack. Billy jumped out the window of the plane, and closed the door. No one noticed. Billy stuck his magnet-plunger onto the plane, and climbed over to the roaring jet engine. Billy was deaf. Billy threw a boomerang into the air, and the boomerang spun around into the jet engine. The engine stopped going. Billy climbed into the jet engine, and grabbed the chopped up (http://www.ucomics.com/) Ekans. Billy turned the magnet-plungers off, and pushed himself off the plane.
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Dertanp the Donphan walked along, waving its trunk happily.
"Donphan, don, phan, phan, phan," it sang. Iaz the great scientist walked along its side. People passing by stared at them. This might have been because Iaz the great scientist tripped over every fire hydrant on the block. Iaz the great scientist's shirt patterned with cherry pits also could have been the cause for this. Iaz and Dertanp stopped at a house, and Iaz the great scientist unlocked the door with a key. Donphan and Iaz the great scientist walked into the house. The house was filled with cherry pits. Iaz the great scientist closed the door, and turned on a light.
"Pits," Iaz the great scientist began, "I have brought to you your vicar." Iaz the great scientist pulled the seventeen and two thirds pits out of his front shirt pocket, and laid them on a rostrum. The cherry pits shined a great white, and cast bright rays all over the place. Iaz the great scientist and Dertanp covered their eyes to shield them from the dazzling light. The rays cast over the millions of other cherry pits in the room, and all the pits came together. The light went away, and Iaz the great scientist took their hands and trunk off there eyes. A humongous cherry pit floated in the living room. "She's beautiful…," Iaz the great scientist whispered.
"Don, phan!" Donphan shook its head up and down, indicating the homo-sapien term known as 'yes'.
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Bellsprout and Horsea played together by the river.
"Horsea, horsea!" Horsea spit water onto Bellsprout.
"Bell, bellsprout!" Bellsprout wiggled around, shaking off the water. "Bellsprout!" Bellsprout playfully shoved Horsea into the river. Horsea bobbed up, and said,
"Horsea, horsea!" Horsea smiled and danced around. Bellsprout danced and smiled also. "Bellsprout, bellsprout!" It said. The two pokemon were having a great time. A Charizard flew into the scene, and burned them both to a crisp for fun. Horsea sank into the river bottom, to later be eaten by a passing Gyrados, and Bellsprout was reduced to ashes. Charizard laughed at the two, and flew away. Charizard was evil and gruesome, as you probably guessed.
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`` So, what is this Bulba Mansion of Cherry City on Pit Street you're talking about?*
"Uhh…" Officer Jenny stared at Charles.
"Listen, I have more important things to do, so you better not be playing a trick on me," Officer Jenny said.
"Oh no, not a trick, you see An Old Man told me the whereabouts of the pond,"
"Wait a minute, what pond?" Officer Jenny asked.
"The one Metapod told me about. Anyway, An Old Man told me the pond was at Bulba Mansion of Cherry City on Pit Street."
"I'm sorry, but that doesn't exist. You may want to try the pond that in the nearby Laakruse Forest.
"Thanks, Officer Jenny, bye, see you later, your so helpful, goodbye, sayonara, OK," Charles ran out of the police building into Laakruse forest. The forest was dark and spooky.
"Gee, its so dark here, if only I had a flashlight or Mole-trace, or Chur-ee-zam or Tee-fly-shin or some fire Pokemon to light the way," Charles said. Charmander popped out of its Pokeball.
"Charmander, char!" Charmander said, pointing to its tail.
"Get back in your Pokeball Charmander, its too dark and dangerous out here for you and I'm trying to think of a way to light the way." Charles returned Charmander, much to Charmander's dismay.
"Hey, wait a minute," Charles realized. "Charmander can help me!" Charles let Charmander out. Charmander was happy his trainer was not completely brainless. "OK, Charmander, run into the town, and buy me a flashlight, here's some money." Charles gave Charmander some money, and sent it off into town. Charmander sighed, and walked off into town.
"Charmander can get back to town safely because it can see with its flame tail," Charles said to himself.
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Chapter 4 This is the pits
Billy opened his parachute, and he floated softly to the ground. Billy looked around him. He saw a capable glue container lying on the dithering ground in front of him. Billy picked it up, and glued Ekans back together. Billy sprinkled a mixture of gunpowder, pencil shavings; ground corn flakes, sandpaper sand, dregs, and sliced parsley on Ekans. Billy then poured a mixture of cranberry juice, peanut butter oil, sap, Feraligatr water, water collected from inundations and hurricanes, and gold pieces into Ekans mouth. Ekans eyes slowly opened, and then opened all the way. Ekans hopped up with energy.
"Ekans, ekans!" It said disgustedly. This meant, "Yechh! That stuff tasted horrible!" Ekans spit on the ground to show this to Billy. Unfortunately for the plant Ekans spit on, Ekans had spit out poison. The plant died, which wasn't too good for the world of herbology. This was because this was the last existing plant of the Mucarrus Polarus Forwutrus Polis Sapien. Billy picked Ekans up.
"Ekans, come with me," Billy said to Ekans. Ekans, who was confused, (about why his stripes had been blue last morning but now green, but not about how a blueberry hairspray sandwich covered with rocky road ice cream with sliced banana peel sprinkles sandwich tasted good and how a fake puffin doll stuffed with lead carried him into a jet engine, or how he came back to life, or why he hadn't thought before he destroyed the last Mucarrus Polarus Forwutrus Polis Sapien in existence), allowed himself to be carried by Billy from the dithering field they were in into a volcano where they were nearly almost eligible to win a chance to meet there untimely demise.
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The massive cherry pit spoke.
"This may be a fluke, pie ham more water." Iaz the great scientist gasped.
"Dertanp, this creature is so superior he speaks in perfect code! I must understand him! Do you?" Dertanp shook its head yes. "OK, what did it say?"
"Don, donphan, don, donphan," Dertanp the Donphan said. This translated as, "Luke, I am your father." Iaz the great scientist scratched his head.
"I got it! The oversized kerasion kernel said 'more pie ham and water would be a fluke.'!" Donphan shook its head no. Iaz the great scientist hooked a translator to the pit. The pit spoke again.
"Pie Cyndaquil break clover the curled."
The translator said in a robotic voice,[QB]
I will take over the world[/QB
"Good, good," Iaz the great scientist said. "But quit the robotics, computer." Iaz flipped a switch on the translator.
"Moo pit church, the nose pen fun sand pie Cyndaquil sue miss," The pit said. The translator proceeded to say normally,
"Together, the chosen one and I will do this." Iaz the great scientist asked the pit,
"Who is the chosen one?"
"Moo pot task tea, sue par the plate my tent fist," The cherry pit said. The translator translated,
"Do not ask me, you are the great scientist." Iaz the great scientist and Dertanp the Donphan fell down as in the anime. Iaz the great scientist stood back up.
"Oh great one, please stay here while I find the chosen one for you."
"Should eye (http://www.wellsfargo.com/) knee saw," The computer said.
"Good idea," the translator translated.
"Goodbye," Iaz the great scientist said, and left, tripping over Donphan who was still on the floor.
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"Charmander, char!" Charmander returned to Charles' side. Charmander handed Charles a blue flashlight. A blue colored Sunkern appeared out of the sky, and fell onto Charles' head. Sunkern hopped off. Charles lay on the ground, fainted. "Charmander, charmander!" Charmander said worriedly as he shook Charles. "CHARRRRRS!!!!!" Charmander Flamethrowered Charles.
'Maybe we should change Charles' name to Crel-ash,' Charmander said, looking at the pile of ashes that was Charles. Charmander had an anime sweatdrop. Charles magically stood up, without a spot of dirt on him.
"Good job Charmander, I knew I could count on you," Charles said. Charles returned Charmander to a Pokeball, and shined the blue flashlight. The flashlight's light reflected on the pond in front of him. "Hmm… I wonder where the pond is," Charles said. Charles walked into the pond, and tripped over a white Geodude. Charles fell face first into the water. Geodude picked Charles up, and was about to seismic toss him, when Geodude had a better idea that involved poker playing and a year. Geodude set Charles down.
"Geodude," Geodude said.
"I'VE BEEN WAITING ALL MY LIFE FOR THIS MOMENT! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! A WILD POKEMON! A REAL WILD GEODUDE!" Charles screamed. "Geodude," Charles said, "I am going to cap— wait a minute, I just thought I'd say the word poetry. Poetry, poetry, I like the word Poetry, don't you?" Geodude stared at Charles. Charles realized that he didn't know how to capture a wild Pokemon. "Uhh…Geodude, you just wait right there while I go find someone to tell me how to catch wild Pokemon," Charles said, and with that he ran off. Geodude shrugged, and sat in the pond waiting.
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Billy jumped into the volcano's crater, and a Charizard flew beneath Billy. Ekans wrapped itself around Billy's neck tightly, afraid that it would burn. Billy suffocated, and fainted on the gruesome Charizard. Charizard flew off into the sunset, which burned them all up because as you might know, the sun is quite hot. So much for Billy, Ekans and Charizard, looks like those threads have been burned up! Get it? Burned up? HAHAHAHAHA…
We are extremely sorry. We could not continue this Chapter, for the author has been temporarily mugged and placed in an insane asylum. Don't worry, you may have a new chapter…when he regains normality.
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? ? ?
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*The writer, entitled with the nickname 'Imakuni's Arcanine', which is a name we at the insane asylum cannot understand the meaning of, have gone crazy, and have locked ourselves in a padded room with a straightjacket. The author, seeing his chance, escaped using his trusty question mark to free himself, and Fire Blasted his way out of the asylum. He, being a dedicated writer, (hint, hint), has written this chapter. This proves that only people at The Pokemaster's message board and hopefully anyone else who goes to this message board or reads FanFics at the Pokemasters, have the substantial not to die from this confusing nickname.*
Chapter 5 Armageddon
Poliwhirl passed Billy, Ekans, and Charizard in their journey to the sun.
"Poli, Poliwhirl!" Poliwhirl waved hello to Billy, Ekans, and Charizard, although it is a mystery why Poliwhirl could speak, let alone survive in deep space. It is a 'sub-mystery', if you will, (I will you to write my will, but will you?) why Billy, Ekans, and Charizard's ashes floated out of the sun's orbit, floated down the earth, resting on a certain model of a statue of a flight simulator that simulates flying through the space coordinates Poliwhirl is currently at. The model, which rested in its proper place in the metropolitan museum of art, (in the Egypt section), had a glass case around it, with a sign reading,
DO NOT TOUCH
Mysteriously enough, the ashes slipped through a crack in the glass and landed on the model of a statue of a flight simulator that simulates flying through the space coordinates Poliwhirl is currently at, and into the exterior of the model. This does not seem to have importance, as it is unimportant to the story. Nonetheless, (which shouldn't be a word in my opinion, just like 'Pseudoantidestablishmentarianism'), the reader may find it interesting enough that a Bellsprout walked by the model. The reader also may find it more interesting that the model exists, and is so expensive and precious, is that the real simulator, and the real statue of the simulator, have been lost. The simulator can't be re-built, for it is extremely hard to program those coordinates, and only one person knows how, but unfortunately that person has flown on a dragon into the sun.
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Charles ran into someone's house.
"HI, HOW ARE YOU, WELL ENOUGH CHIT CHAT, HOW DO YOU CATCH WILD POKEMAN? OOPS, SORRY, I MEAN MON, I ALWAYS DO THAT WHEN I'M EXCITED AND IN A HURRY," Charles yelled. He waited, and yelled the exact same two statements again.
'Hmm…,' he thought, and he walked over to the stairs that supposedly led to the second floor. Charles fell through a trap door that was placed in front of the steps.
"Ahhhhhh," he said shortly, calmly, and softly as he fell through an eternal blackness. He landed softly on concrete. "Ow," Charles commented as he rubbed his back that was in pain.
"An interesting notion," came a voice from a chair. The thing sitting in this chair was blocked from view. "How interesting of you," the voice continued, "to comment your simple yet complex statement."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever, how do you catch wild Pokemon?"
"That," the evil sounding voice said, growing louder, "is of no importance." The chair turned around. Charles might have gasped at the sight if his mind wasn't distracted so much. A massive encyclopedia sat, stood, whatever you call it, in the chair. "BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" the encyclopedia laughed. It's pages shook as he laughed. Charles might have had an anime sweatdrop if he was paying more attention.
"Hmm, the person talking must have been a psychic Pokemon or something and teleported away, oh well, I'll look up what to do in this encyclopedia," Charles said, paying no heed to the laughing encyclopedia. Charles walked over to the chair, and opened the encyclopedia.
"GUARDS! ARREST THIS FOOL!" The encyclopedia cried as Charles opened to the 'H' section.
"H, h-o, h-o-w," Charles said to himself as he flipped through the encyclopedia. Millions of airplane tickets rushed in and picked up Charles. Charles closed the encyclopedia as the plane tickets formed a flat surface, grabbed his leg, and flew away. The encyclopedia followed somehow. "Oh wow, a real flying carpet!" Charles said excitedly. He sat cross-legged and pulled out an Indian flute type thing, and played an Arabic tune. The airplane tickets threw him into the pit of great danger: The pit of passports! If you think that was bad, they were diplomatic (http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/POWERPUFF/index.html ) passports! Charles rubbed his back again. "Ow," he commented. The diplomatic passports glared at Charles. They hadn't eaten for days, and they were hungry.
"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" The encyclopedia laughed as it looked over the pit at Charles. Charles stared at the passports. Charles stared at the pit's high walls. Charles looked up and stared at the encyclopedia. Charles carved the word 'cherry' in the dirt on the pit wall with his Indian flute. The cherry pit, being a cherry pit, became much smaller, and Charles climbed out.
"Now," Charles said, "To get some… SLEEP! Boy am I George Bushed!" Charles said, (which was the totally tubular new saying, can you dig it?), and fell asleep on top of the cherry pit.
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Donphan sniffed all over the neighborhood.
"Found… the chosen one… yet?" Iaz the great scientist asked groggily with a yawn as he, with red eyes, slumped over Donphan asleep.
"Donphan," Donphan said, shaking Iaz the great scientist off of itself. A few minutes of snoring and silence passed. Iaz the great scientist stood up at approximately three hundred fifty-two thousand, thirty seven hundred twenty-six light years per nanosecond.
"WHAT IS IT? WHO IS IT! NO I CAN’T.… NOT THE," Iaz the great scientist yelled. "Oh," he said.
"Donphan," Donphan said, meaning, "It's only 3:54 in the afternoon, and we've only been searching since 10 a.m." Iaz the great scientist did not understand Pokemon language. Iaz the great scientist pointed to the sky and asked,
"What's that?"
"Don, donphan…," Donphan stated, meaning, "I'm not falling for that stupid 'made you look' joke again. Oh well, I guess I'll make you happy," Donphan looked in the sky. A giant music stand floated through the air. "DONPHAN!" Donphan cried in fright.
"Made you look!" Iaz the great scientist said laughing. "Donphan? Hello?" Iaz the great scientist's laughing stopped. He turned and saw that Donphan had fainted. The giant music stand fired red makeup at Iaz the great scientist. "I'M BLEEDING…," Iaz cried as he held his side in pain where he had been hit by the lipstick.
"Not good…," Dertanp (who had waken up) said. Iaz the great scientist stopped the drama, stopped clutching his side, and asked,
"Did you just talk?" Donphan used rollout on Iaz the great scientist.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Poliwhirl floated in deep space. An asteroid flew by, about to crush the world in a year. Poliwhirl had a mission: to warn the world of the immense danger that was going to happen in a year. The asteroid had stealth technology, rendering it invisible to radar. Poliwhirl tried to get back to Earth, but you have to be going pretty fast to get out of orbit. Poliwhirl sighed. A Psyduck floated by, holding its head, and it yelled,
"PSY-AYE-AYE!" Poliwhirl stared into space as the duck Pokemon floated out of view. After a short moment, Misty floated by.
"NO PSYDUCK, WE AREN'T IN THIS STORY EITHER!" Misty yelled. Poliwhirl watched Misty float out of view.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Charles woke up. Charles yawned. Charles sat up and looked around him. He was in the air, floating above millions of cherry pits.
The chosen one they said robotically in unison. (Millions of voices sound very weird saying the same word)
We have come to take you to our father, whom you shall take over the world with they said. Charles lifted up a finger and opened his mouth, and a passing jet airliner smashed into him.
"OOF!" Charles said, smashed against the plane's tip. The tip was about three cents, and I'm sure there is also a story about three cents. Of course, three cents isn't a very good measurement. The cherry pits were sucked into the plane's engine. The engine slowed, then stopped altogether. The plane fell, the cherry pits were chopped up, and the plane fell some more. The people inside the plane, (who were only two, because it was a test flight, for someone still in training, and he failed this training session, which caused him to become an evil scientist, make a time machine, go back in time, but unfortunately, the time machine caused him to turn into an encyclopedia. This encyclopedia wanted revenge on Charles for making him fail, and the plane tickets he had collected in his training helped him get revenge), jumped out with two parachutes, and fell safely into someone's sunroof. The driver turned to them.
"Geodude," the driver said. The other passenger in the front seat agreed,
"Charmander, char." A rough translation is,
"We were on our way back to The Pond to see if Charles has figured out how to catch wild Pokemon yet."
"Yes, we were."
As for the cherry pits, they fell onto the ground creating a giant crater. Charles, who was somewhat glued to the plane, peeled himself off the plane, and fell onto the roof of an observatory. He fell through the roof, and crushed the telescope, (which was the only telescope in existence that could see the coordinates that the deadly asteroid was at, and the maker of this telescope left his secret of how to reach those coordinates, (which all scientists had a problem with, because of an unknown reason, (which is true because the unown were causing the problem),), inside many parentheses) before any scientist could look through it. Charles rubbed his back, and asked the scientist who walked in to look through the telescope,
"How do you catch wild Pokemon?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter 6 Mextra, mextra, read all about nit!
The Module External Xiphias Transmogrifier Rotating Application Neon Intimate Teleporter is a simple machine, long since the days of simple streetlights that operated simply turning colors which prevented blind creatures from driving adapted by workers at toll gates. Because a number on a license plate is boring, the creators of the Module External Xiphias Transmogrifier Rotating Application Neon Intimate Teleporter decided to make sure that all license plates changed, especially if they had no pattern. For example, if a license plate read 9876-351, anyone could calculate quickly that the first digit minus the second gets the numeral one, the fourth digit subtracted from the third gets one, the second part of the license plate's first digit plus its third digit minus the second digit of the section equals one. Take all three ones, multiply two of them, and with the two ones left over subtract one from the other, and you get a nice clean zero. If the license plate had read 9876-352, this would not have been possible, therefore the license plate should change to 9876-351. If a car or another vehicle travels through a toll booth, the license plate must change or feel the wrath of the dreaded Module External Xiphias Transmogrifier Rotating Application Neon Intimate Teleporter, which is termed by the more fearful of it, 'the thing'. It also is called the Mextranit. Drivers become good friends with there license plates, as license plates have a sort of friendly personality. If you resist the power of 'the thing', you may be sent to jail, or worse, sent to Professor Oak. This case is what happened to a misfortunate driver of a four-wheel drive. This man, known by everyone besides his daughter as 'Jack'. His daughter, Diane, called him by his real name, Shockrolandagepoimaclandscapeprose Dailyracterventurequotathesaurusummary Choralandioriginotationebulart. His name used to be Sir Ooleon, but he changed it long ago. He is, or was until he was sent to Professor Oak a gym leader.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Geodude and Charmander returned to the pond, they saw that no Charles was there. They played poker, and somehow Geodude won every time until Charmander Flamethrowered the cards in frustration. They looked around the pond for something else to do.
BAAAAM! A crash was heard. Charmander yawned and walked over to the sound. Geodude followed.
"Bell…," a voice said from under a crashed steaming giant tuning fork.
"Geo, geodude," Geodude said, lifting up the mutilated tuning fork and helping the Bellsprout to its feet.
"Charmander, char," Charmander said, and it lifted up a crashed huge steaming microphone. The top of the microphone opened, and a horsea popped out.
"Horsea…," It said, falling to the ground. Charmander woke the Bellsprout and Horsea up by using Fire Blast. Bellsprout and Horsea stood back up, but fell back down when a Diglett fell from the sky onto them. Geodude and Charmander ignored the two Pokemon that were squished by the Diglett and turned there heads to the sky for inspection. Six Digletts fell on Charmander, causing him to also be buried under Digletts. Geodude looked at Charmander, and laughed,
"Geo, geo geo, geo!" Geodude stopped laughing when nine-hundred sixty thousand two hundred thirty seven Digletts fell on him. Geodude seismic tossed all the fallen Digletts back into the air, then smiled. "Geodude!" It said proudly as it flexed its muscles. Bellsprout, Charmander and Horsea lightly clapped, but seized their applause when all the Digletts fell back down on top of them. Geodude stuck his head out of the pile of Digletts, and started to climb out, when a Snorlax fell onto them. A Meowth and Slugma fell onto the pile, pushing them underground. Fortunately, they had fallen into Geodude's underground hideout, where there was food, water, and most importantly, a cable television with six million channels. They sat on a couch and watched TV, because they were blocked by sleeping Pokemon. They did this for approximately one year.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Iaz the great scientist woke up chained to a panel, a strange apparition shaped as a helmet (http://www.squirtle.com/) attached to his head. Iaz the great scientist was gagged, which Iaz the great scientist had a preference to say with two syllables. He also pronounced syllables sill-ab-ulls. Iaz the great scientist looked around the room. It was a big room, with a transparent roof that opened up. Many machines were attached to the wall, and he saw Donphan operating some of them. Donphan turned to Iaz the great scientist, made a face like ^_^ , waved its trunk, and said,
"BWAHAHAHAHAHA! I am the evil scientist Donphan, and I shall take over the world! What do you have to say about that," at this point he made quotation marks by moving its trunk in a manner that a human would move its index and middle finger to signify quotation marks, "'trainer'? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Mmmmmf, mmm, mmmmf," Iaz the great scientist said. Donphan laughed, and pressed a button on the wall. The roof opened, and lightning struck in the sky. The sky suddenly turned dark and rainy, even though it was twelve o' clock noon. Donphan held its trunk in the air and laughed crazily. Iaz the great scientist did not show any sign of nervousness or fright, he was as cool as a Ditto transformed into a Delibird's ice. A lightning bolt struck a lightning rod, and the energy surged into
"You call?" No, get out of here Lt. Surge! "Yes, sir! Sorry sir! Goodbye sir!" anyways, the energy surged into the machine installed on Iaz the great scientist's head. Iaz the great scientist wasn't electrocuted, because a can of liver blocked its way. Iaz the great scientist ate the liver, and magically became extremely strong. Iaz the great scientist ripped himself off of the panel he was chained to, and seismic tossed Donphan into orbit. Donphan waved hello to Poliwhirl.
"Donphan," he said.
"Poli, poliwhirl," Poliwhirl said. The scene returns to Iaz the great scientist, and he holds a can of liver up to the screen. Scientist music plays, and he sings,
"I'm smart and strong forever, 'cause I eats me liver, I'm Iaz the great scientist!" The U.S.S Anne passed through the building and blew its foghorn twice to go with the song, which suspiciously was similar to a jingle in a cartoon named 'Popeye the sailor man'. Iaz the great scientist was sued for copyright infringement, and he lost the case. He was sentenced to one minute of community service, which the giant cherry pit successfully completed for him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Because the scientist refused to tell Charles how to catch wild Pokemon, Charles continued on his way, unaware of the impending danger that awaited him. He began to walk out of the observatory, although little did he know that a wall of knives awaited him on the other side of the door. The encyclopedia's write-on-page (as opposed to write-on-hand or right hand man, or more politically correct, woman,) a paper clip named zip, (named this because a synonym for paper clip is fastener, a synonym for fastener is band, a synonym for band is posse, which party is a synonym for, followed by the synonym for that, participant, than member, followed by associate, connect, fasten, and a synonym for fasten is zip. Fasten-nating, isn't it?) chuckled evilly. Small but agile, the paper clip was deadly. As she chuckled, the tiny paper clip shook. Charles opened the door that had the word EXIT above it, and entered a room. The door shut behind him, and a second wall with spikes on it fell over it. Charles looked in the room around him. The walls and ceiling all had millions of spikes. He heard a voice.
"BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Because you ruined my boss' job, you will pay! PAY! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" Charles said,
"Would you like that in credit, check or change?"
"Hmm? I don't know, but you are going to change. Into minced person! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"What's up with your excessive use of BWAHAHAHAHAS?" Charles asked. The voice said nothing. Charles shrugged, and walked up to the wall with spikes. He realized that that wall had no door. Charles stood in the middle of the floor, and waited for a door to appear. The walls and ceiling slowly began to close in.
"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" The voice said.
"Shut up," Charles snorted. The voice, which was a paper clip named zip, was taken aback.
"Oh, my! The," at this point, the paper clip attempted to gesture quotation marks with its middle and pointer finger, although it had none. She realized she could not be seen anyway, and gave up. "'great' Charles! I'm so scared!" The paper clip continued with less than no hint of sarcasm in her voice.
"I'm flattered," Charles said with a new feeling of greatness and no sarcasm.
"Twit," The paper clip muttered. "Leave it to a guy like him to ruin my fun," she added grumbling. Charles didn't hear her. Charles pulled something out of his pocket, which caused the paper clip to gasp.
"Oh, no! If you have something in your pocket, it might be a bomb because you were expecting this to happen! All my plans might be ruined!" The paper clip worried. Charles ate what he had pulled out. It was a popcorn kernel.
"Mmm…," Charles said with satisfaction. He loved unpopped popcorn kernels.
"Phew," The paper clip said with relief. At this point, the walls and ceiling were about fifty feet away from Charles. Charles pulled something out of his other pocket.
"Oh, (insert explicative here)," the paper clip said. It was a sunflower seed. Charles cracked it with his teeth, and spit the shell out. The shell bounced off of the spikes, flew to the other wall, and repeated this process until it reached the ceiling. The sunflower seed shell slipped through a small crack into a control room, knocked the paper clip over onto a button, and the spikes discontinued their closing in. They retracted into the wall, and a door appeared on the wall opposite the one Charles came in. Charles walked out disappointed that his first date didn't work out.
'I didn't get to even see her!' Charles thought.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The chosen one walked through the forest, with her Bulbasaur. They came to a clearing, and the chosen one sat down on a rock. Bulbasaur said,
"Bulbasaur." Diane, once named Aloof, had changed her name to Diane when she became less Aloof with the help of two Bulbasaurs. The Bulbasaur Aloof now owned was one of them. Bulbasaur sniffed the air twice, and ran off.
"Bulba, bulbasaur," it said to Diane. Diane followed it into the bushes, and they came to the remains of millions of cherry pits.
"Oh my," Diane gasped. Bulbasaur nudged the pile with its nose. Diane began to say something that would have caused the cherry pits to come together and take over the world, (in a good way, because the cherry pits could prevent the end of the world), but she was stopped by a falling Diglett.
"Dig-uh-lett!" Diglett said as-a-matter-of-factly.
"Whu-" Diane began to say when fifteen more Digletts and a Chikorita fell on her. Bulbasaur started to attack but seized its act after a Steelix fell and crushed both of them, and at the same time destroyed the cherry pits even more. Millions of Digletts continued to fall, and pretty soon the chosen one and her Bulbasaur were buried underground. An Ampharos that happened to be underground also, said,
"Ampharos." Diane dug her way out, and Bulbasaur followed. Diane had had enough, so she sent out a Delibird, got on her Pidgeot, flew into air, and Delibird used Blizzard ten times. It was quite a sight, because there were tons of Pokemon frozen in mid-air, most of them Digletts. Diane was not very appreciative of the sight after being buried underground shortly, and she flew away back to her gym.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How to catch wild Pokemon
(or 'It was late one night and I was tired')
Prologue
The crescent moon shone brightly in the night sky. Hoot hoot, Zubat, and other nocturnal Pokemon lurked in the shadows. No diurnal Pokemon dared to roam, for fear of the blood sucking Crobats. Only one brave day Pokemon had the courage to go into the night. It could not see, but it was not afraid. This brave Pokemon was Poliwhirl.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter 1 Some ping-pong balls have been used in crochet, and knitting
"I'm sorry, but nothing is wrong with it. It's flame is fine, no physical or mental damage, I don't see anything wrong with your Charmander! What was the problem again?"
"Well you see, Charmander refuses to battle a Sandslash if there is a stuffed Indian fruit bat in the same room. He will only battle it if there also are exactly three hundred sixty four trillion, nine hundred seventy two billion, six hundred eighty three million, one hundred five thousand, two hundred sixty four and two hundred sixty four billion trillionths tennis balls in the room!"
"Ah. How exactly did you get into this situation?"
"I don't know."
"I see. Well, my advice is that when you battle a Sandslash; make sure that there are no stuffed Indian fruit bats in the room."
"Oh wow, thanks Nurse Joy! You sure are smart!" Charles the Pokemon Trainer said. Nurse Joy rolled her eyes.
"Well, you better get to sleep, it's three A.M. in the morning," she said.
"OK." Charles crawled onto and fell asleep on the Pokemon Center couch.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Geodude floated happily along his way.
"Geodude!" It said with a smile. It floated through the mountains and into the city. It made itself comfortable in the middle of the road, and went to sleep. Four hours later, the first person walked on him.
"Geodude!" It said, and picked up the person and seismic tossed them away. Geodude did this to every person who tried to step on him, which were a lot because Geodude was sitting in the most stepped on space in the Poke universe. He had marked it with an X. Geodude did this every day, why he got satisfaction from it is unknown. After a long day, Paprika City closed down, and the crowd died down. Geodude floated into the largest Pokemart in the world, two to the power of 736,132,863,510,346,527 times the size of Celadon City's Pokemart and Goldenrod's Pokemart put together. Geodude floated up the stairs into the spray paint section, and spray-painted itself white.
"Geodude!" It said happily, and floated out the window. Geodude floated back to its mountain, waiting for the next day. Geodude counted how many people he had seismic tossed by seeing how much paint had been scratched off when the day was done. Geodude was happy, because this day he had broken his record.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"What I need to do is get another Pokemon," Charles said to himself. He walked around in Embellish City, looking for wild Pokemon. He walked uninvited into someone's house.
"Hi, do you have any Pokemon I can use?" He asked the terrified old man who was drinking tea.
"AHHH! THE END HAS COME! IT IS ARMAGEDDON!" The frightened man took out a sign that read,
'Help, the world is ending!' and ran outside yelling like a maniac.
"Hmm. He must not have any. I have to find a Pokemon so I can battle the gym leader with more than just a Charmander!" Charles searched the room, but found nothing interesting, so he walked out. What Charles did not know, is that there was something interesting in the house, and that was a 1952 design Hallway Incorporated refrigerator; a real collectors item. There was only one left in the world. It was a shame that Charles didn’t take it before the house blew up for no apparent reason.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Geodude floated to Paprika City for another day of seismic tosses. Geodude saw an interesting species of beetle on a twig he passed, but he didn’t bother to pick it up. Geodude floated into the city, and saw a trainer kneeling down and petting a Bulbasaur.
"Good Bulbasaur. Nice Bulbasaur," The person said.
"Bulba…" Bulba purred. Geodude decided to move from the most stepped on spot to see the Bulbasaur.
"Oh my, an ugly old Geodude! Don't let it hurt you Bulbasaur!" Bulbasaur extended a vine to the floating Geodude.
"Bulba," it said. Geodude shook the vine.
"Dude!" It said. They both looked at the trainer, and fell into a fit of laughter. The trainer, named Diane, returned the Bulbasaur, and ran off.
"What is the world coming today with white Geodudes the same color as the pavement in Paprika City…," Diane muttered to herself. Geodude shrugged, and continued to seismic toss people (http://www.tv-tokyo.co.jp/pokemon/).
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Charles wandered around the town in circles. A middle aged man sat outside of a house, relaxing on summer vacation. After the fifteenth time Charles walked by him, the man asked,
"Hey kid! Why are you walking around in circles?"
"I'm looking for wild Pokemon," answered Charles. "Do you have any for me?"
"I'm sorry, but no one here will give you a free Pokemon, but I can tell you how to find one," the man said.
"How?" Charles asked.
"I will open and close my mouth in different shapes, vibrating my voice box, making sounds your ears are able to understand."
"Ah. How can I find a wild Pokemon?"
"Go into the forest."
"OK." Charles walked off into the forest, and a Metapod dropped out of a tree.
"Metapod!" It said.
"No I'm sorry, but I haven't," Charles answered Metapod.
"Tapod! Tapod!" Metapod said, wanting to battle.
"Oh, you have a stuffy nose, ay? Well thanks for the advice. I have met one, and there were many Pokemon in it. That's a good idea." Charles walked deeper in the forest in search of a pond. There was not a pond in the forest. Charles walked out of the forest into a different city.
"Oh well, maybe someone here will tell me how to get to the pond," Charles said to himself. He walked into Ariak City.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Poliwhirl rested in its pond, alone. No Pokemon dared to think to be able to have a chance to be eligible to approach the Poliwhirl. Poliwhirl feared no one, everyone feared him.
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One day, a game boy game was being played. It was being played by Billy, who was in a restaurant in Katmandu, in Asia, on the world, in the solar system, in the galaxy, in the universe. If you multiplied the coordinates that Billy was by two, divided them by five, and added six, then you would find a happy Geodude.
"We the people of the United States of America, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare and, get ourselves nine-hundred seventy four trillion, six-hundred twenty four billion, three-hundred fifty one million, eight-hundred forty six thousand, eight-hundred forty two liberty for ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this constitution for the United States of America," Geodude said in Pokemon language to a nearby Ekans. Ekans knew this Geodude, he said something weird every day. Ekans had gotten used to it by now, because whenever Ekans questioned Geodude's nonsense, Geodude just floated away. Ekans slithered into the bushes waiting for a Pokemon Trainer to battle.
Chapter 2 Why license plates should change
Kev Naahon stared at the license plate that read 631.
"The number aint changing," he said.
"Yep," answered the man in the car.
"We've got places," Kev said. "For them numbers that aint don't none are not isn't change."
"Yep," answered the man who had calculated the string of negatives. Kev chewed his gum, sitting in the toll box.
"Listen bub, make my life easier and make the number change. I don’t wanna have ta' use… the Mextranit."
"Nope."
The wise guy crashed his four-wheel drive through the gates. Kev picked up the Module External Xiphias Transmogrifier Rotating Application Neon Intimate Teleporter, and pressed the big red button. The license plate vaporized. If only the license plate had changed from 631 to 632, maybe it's life would have been spared. The man in the four-wheel drive was angry.
"No…one…vaporizes…MY LICENSE PLATE!!!" The man hopped out of the car, and exciting music played. "Rhydon, go!" The man yelled. Kev calmly let out his Blastoise who calmly used a calm Hydro Pump with its calm cannons, and the calm water hit the Rhydon calmly, knocking it out. Kev held out a Pokeball.
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"So sir, you say the pond is left, then right, then straight, then into the big well?"
"Pond? What are you talking about, young man?" Charles was talking to a man he had passed by on the road.
"Um…. I don't know." The man eyed Charles strangely.
"I never said anything about a pond, you juvenile delinquent. Now make like a Moltres and molt off. I've got business to do." The man walked off.
"Darn. I'll never catch another Pokemon that way," Charles said to himself aloud.
"What's that you say, shonny?"
"Huh?" An Old Man stared at Charles.
"Did you just mention catching another Pokemon shonny?"
"Umm…. Yeah," answered
"I bet your lookin' for a secret pond," said An Old Man.
"Yeah," said Charles.
"Chock full of rare Pokemon," continued An Old Man.
"Yeah, yeah, that's it," Charles said excitedly.
"That lays in the depths of an unknown place,"
"Yeah, mmm hmm," Charles nodded.
"That only certain An Old Mans know of,"
"Yep, that's it, where is it, where is it?" Charles practically screamed.
"Sorry boy, never heard of it." An Old Man disappeared with a poof of smoke.
"That was weird," Charles said to himself.
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"I have a Pokeball, and I know how to use it, bub. Leave here and you can go free."
"Never!"
"OK. Pokeball, go." Kev Naahon threw a Pokeball at the man, who was sucked into it. The ball shook, and then turned white. Kev picked up the Pokeball, and it was transported to a place worse than jail. Kev sighed, and breathed a little mushroom cloud as people in the anime did.
'When will people learn?' he thought.
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"Do you know what this means, Dertanp?" Iaz the great scientist asked. Dertanp the Donphan shook its head no.
"This is the rare cherry with seventeen and two thirds pits! And certainly you know what that means (http://www.usatriathlon.org/)." Donphan shook its head no again, waving its trunk and knocking over a beaker of nitroglycerine.
"It means that I can now take over the world! Bwahahahahahaha! Ha ha! Heh? Donphan? Oh Donphan?" Iaz the great scientist looked over where Donphan used to be standing. Now there was a gigantic hole. Iaz the great Scientist jumped in the hole saying,
"I'm coming to save you Donphan!" Iaz the great scientist fell two to the power of six hundred forty three million seven hundred thousand thirty two light years. By the time he reached the bottom, about 1000 years had passed, causing Donphan and Iaz the great scientist to die of old age.. They had already burned up from falling at such a high speed anyway. The seventeen and two thirds cherry pits floated mysteriously down the pit in thirty seconds, and picked up what was left of Iaz the great scientist and Donphan. In thirty seconds they were out of the hole. The pits carried the two to a time machine, and went back in time to when Iaz the great scientist was asking Dertanp the Donphan
'what this means'. The pits showed Iaz the great scientist and Donphan the ashes of themselves, and warned Donphan not to knock over the bottle of nitroglycerine somehow even though cherry pits can't talk. The pits and the ashes mysteriously disappeared, because they had created a time rift in meeting themselves, proving that Ash of the anime is just the pits.
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"HEY, WHERE CAN I FIND THE POND FULL OF RARE WILD POKEMON?" Charles yelled as he crashed through a door uninvited into someone's house. Kev spit out his tea in surprise.
"Hey boy, you don't need to scream ya' know. Ya' almost gave me a heart attack, especially after a hard day of using the Mextranit. Didn't your mother tell you not to barge into people's houses?"
"Um…."
"That's a rhetorical question."
"Yeah, whatever. Just tell me where the pond is."
"Pond? Why are you looking for a pond?" The man asked.
"Not apond, the pond! A nice Pokemon with a stuffed up nose told me about it, and I've seen it before I was a pokemon trainer."
"Errr…" Kev Naahon had a sweatdrop. "If you're looking for the pond, it is in the Bulba Mansion of Cherry City on Pit Street." Kev Naahon was making this up.
"Thanks ok bye bye" and with that, Charles ran out the door in search of Cherry City without time to use proper punctuation. Kev Naahon poured himself some more tea.
'I wonder that crazy chap's name was,' he wondered.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nitroglycerine condiments devour neutral authenticity, veracity, and legitimacy. Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level: 12.0
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Chapter 3 Ekans resembles a carrot
Poliwhirl sat on a rock, its face expressionless. It stared off into the distance, no emotion showing. Poliwhirl looked down at the pond. A lily floated by on the shining blue water, the blue the same hue as Poliwhirl's skin. Young immature Rattatas piled on top of each other as they tried to get a peek of Poliwhirl through the grass. Poliwhirl spotted, them, and stood up and made his hand into a fist. His eyebrows curled into an angry expression. The Rattatas ran away, extremely frightened. Poliwhirl sat back down, and stared off into the distance. His thoughts were unknown to the Pidgeottos flying overhead, as Flying types are not Psychic.
"GEODUDE!" Poliwhirl turned his head in surprise, and his eyebrows curled again.
"Poli!" The first time Poliwhirl had spoken in days. The Pokemon in the nearby trees scattered in fear. When Poliwhirl spoke in anger, no one wanted to be near it.
"Geo, geo geo!" Geodude laughed. Geodude floated out of nowhere, and flicked Poliwhirl on the head.
"Poliwhirl!" Poliwhirl warned Geodude to get away. Geodude laughed,
"Geo, geo geo!" Poliwhirl used Hydro Pump on Geodude. Geodude just stood there, smiling, and it danced in the water, enjoying it.
"Geo, geo Geodude!" It said blissfully as the water did not weaken it at all, and strengthened it.
"BLISSEY!" Blissey said.
*Get out of here Blissey; I am trying to write!* "Blissey," Blissey pouted.
Poliwhirl turned so red in anger, a Pokemon expert might have mistaken it for a shiny Pokemon. No one did this to Poliwhirl.
"Geodude!" Geodude threw rocks the appeared from thin air at Poliwhirl. Poliwhirl dodged them. "Geo….DUDE!" Geodude floated up to Poliwhirl, picked him up calmly, and sent Poliwhirl into deep space.
"Geo geo!" Geodude laughed as Poliwhirl flew into orbit.
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Ekans looked around. Geodude still had not come. Ekans worried of her friend.
"Ekans, ekans!" Ekans called. "Kans," Ekans sighed. 'Geodude passes by every day, where is he?' Ekans wondered. A blueberry hairspray sandwich covered with rocky road ice cream with sliced banana peel sprinkles appeared on a plate in front of Ekans. "Ekans?" Ekans sniffed the sandwich, and took a bite. "Ekans!" Ekans liked the taste, and ate the rest of the sandwich. A fake puffin doll that was stuffed with pencil lead appeared out of the atmosphere and picked Ekans up somehow. It flew into the air, and Ekans squirmed. "EKANS! EKANNNNNNS!" Ekans screamed for help. A jet airliner passed, and with one last "Kans!" Ekans was sucked into the jet engine. A little boy inside the plane saw this out of the corner of his eye. He saved and turned off his game boy that he had been playing ever since he had gotten to the restaurant in Katmandu. Billy, who was sitting in the aisle seat, told his parents that he had to use the lavatory, and he unbuckled his seatbelt. Billy walked to the back of the plane, and pulled an oxygen mask out of a container. He took a parachute from a compartment, and got some magnet-plungers out of his backpack. Billy jumped out the window of the plane, and closed the door. No one noticed. Billy stuck his magnet-plunger onto the plane, and climbed over to the roaring jet engine. Billy was deaf. Billy threw a boomerang into the air, and the boomerang spun around into the jet engine. The engine stopped going. Billy climbed into the jet engine, and grabbed the chopped up (http://www.ucomics.com/) Ekans. Billy turned the magnet-plungers off, and pushed himself off the plane.
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Dertanp the Donphan walked along, waving its trunk happily.
"Donphan, don, phan, phan, phan," it sang. Iaz the great scientist walked along its side. People passing by stared at them. This might have been because Iaz the great scientist tripped over every fire hydrant on the block. Iaz the great scientist's shirt patterned with cherry pits also could have been the cause for this. Iaz and Dertanp stopped at a house, and Iaz the great scientist unlocked the door with a key. Donphan and Iaz the great scientist walked into the house. The house was filled with cherry pits. Iaz the great scientist closed the door, and turned on a light.
"Pits," Iaz the great scientist began, "I have brought to you your vicar." Iaz the great scientist pulled the seventeen and two thirds pits out of his front shirt pocket, and laid them on a rostrum. The cherry pits shined a great white, and cast bright rays all over the place. Iaz the great scientist and Dertanp covered their eyes to shield them from the dazzling light. The rays cast over the millions of other cherry pits in the room, and all the pits came together. The light went away, and Iaz the great scientist took their hands and trunk off there eyes. A humongous cherry pit floated in the living room. "She's beautiful…," Iaz the great scientist whispered.
"Don, phan!" Donphan shook its head up and down, indicating the homo-sapien term known as 'yes'.
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Bellsprout and Horsea played together by the river.
"Horsea, horsea!" Horsea spit water onto Bellsprout.
"Bell, bellsprout!" Bellsprout wiggled around, shaking off the water. "Bellsprout!" Bellsprout playfully shoved Horsea into the river. Horsea bobbed up, and said,
"Horsea, horsea!" Horsea smiled and danced around. Bellsprout danced and smiled also. "Bellsprout, bellsprout!" It said. The two pokemon were having a great time. A Charizard flew into the scene, and burned them both to a crisp for fun. Horsea sank into the river bottom, to later be eaten by a passing Gyrados, and Bellsprout was reduced to ashes. Charizard laughed at the two, and flew away. Charizard was evil and gruesome, as you probably guessed.
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`` So, what is this Bulba Mansion of Cherry City on Pit Street you're talking about?*
"Uhh…" Officer Jenny stared at Charles.
"Listen, I have more important things to do, so you better not be playing a trick on me," Officer Jenny said.
"Oh no, not a trick, you see An Old Man told me the whereabouts of the pond,"
"Wait a minute, what pond?" Officer Jenny asked.
"The one Metapod told me about. Anyway, An Old Man told me the pond was at Bulba Mansion of Cherry City on Pit Street."
"I'm sorry, but that doesn't exist. You may want to try the pond that in the nearby Laakruse Forest.
"Thanks, Officer Jenny, bye, see you later, your so helpful, goodbye, sayonara, OK," Charles ran out of the police building into Laakruse forest. The forest was dark and spooky.
"Gee, its so dark here, if only I had a flashlight or Mole-trace, or Chur-ee-zam or Tee-fly-shin or some fire Pokemon to light the way," Charles said. Charmander popped out of its Pokeball.
"Charmander, char!" Charmander said, pointing to its tail.
"Get back in your Pokeball Charmander, its too dark and dangerous out here for you and I'm trying to think of a way to light the way." Charles returned Charmander, much to Charmander's dismay.
"Hey, wait a minute," Charles realized. "Charmander can help me!" Charles let Charmander out. Charmander was happy his trainer was not completely brainless. "OK, Charmander, run into the town, and buy me a flashlight, here's some money." Charles gave Charmander some money, and sent it off into town. Charmander sighed, and walked off into town.
"Charmander can get back to town safely because it can see with its flame tail," Charles said to himself.
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Chapter 4 This is the pits
Billy opened his parachute, and he floated softly to the ground. Billy looked around him. He saw a capable glue container lying on the dithering ground in front of him. Billy picked it up, and glued Ekans back together. Billy sprinkled a mixture of gunpowder, pencil shavings; ground corn flakes, sandpaper sand, dregs, and sliced parsley on Ekans. Billy then poured a mixture of cranberry juice, peanut butter oil, sap, Feraligatr water, water collected from inundations and hurricanes, and gold pieces into Ekans mouth. Ekans eyes slowly opened, and then opened all the way. Ekans hopped up with energy.
"Ekans, ekans!" It said disgustedly. This meant, "Yechh! That stuff tasted horrible!" Ekans spit on the ground to show this to Billy. Unfortunately for the plant Ekans spit on, Ekans had spit out poison. The plant died, which wasn't too good for the world of herbology. This was because this was the last existing plant of the Mucarrus Polarus Forwutrus Polis Sapien. Billy picked Ekans up.
"Ekans, come with me," Billy said to Ekans. Ekans, who was confused, (about why his stripes had been blue last morning but now green, but not about how a blueberry hairspray sandwich covered with rocky road ice cream with sliced banana peel sprinkles sandwich tasted good and how a fake puffin doll stuffed with lead carried him into a jet engine, or how he came back to life, or why he hadn't thought before he destroyed the last Mucarrus Polarus Forwutrus Polis Sapien in existence), allowed himself to be carried by Billy from the dithering field they were in into a volcano where they were nearly almost eligible to win a chance to meet there untimely demise.
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The massive cherry pit spoke.
"This may be a fluke, pie ham more water." Iaz the great scientist gasped.
"Dertanp, this creature is so superior he speaks in perfect code! I must understand him! Do you?" Dertanp shook its head yes. "OK, what did it say?"
"Don, donphan, don, donphan," Dertanp the Donphan said. This translated as, "Luke, I am your father." Iaz the great scientist scratched his head.
"I got it! The oversized kerasion kernel said 'more pie ham and water would be a fluke.'!" Donphan shook its head no. Iaz the great scientist hooked a translator to the pit. The pit spoke again.
"Pie Cyndaquil break clover the curled."
The translator said in a robotic voice,[QB]
I will take over the world[/QB
"Good, good," Iaz the great scientist said. "But quit the robotics, computer." Iaz flipped a switch on the translator.
"Moo pit church, the nose pen fun sand pie Cyndaquil sue miss," The pit said. The translator proceeded to say normally,
"Together, the chosen one and I will do this." Iaz the great scientist asked the pit,
"Who is the chosen one?"
"Moo pot task tea, sue par the plate my tent fist," The cherry pit said. The translator translated,
"Do not ask me, you are the great scientist." Iaz the great scientist and Dertanp the Donphan fell down as in the anime. Iaz the great scientist stood back up.
"Oh great one, please stay here while I find the chosen one for you."
"Should eye (http://www.wellsfargo.com/) knee saw," The computer said.
"Good idea," the translator translated.
"Goodbye," Iaz the great scientist said, and left, tripping over Donphan who was still on the floor.
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"Charmander, char!" Charmander returned to Charles' side. Charmander handed Charles a blue flashlight. A blue colored Sunkern appeared out of the sky, and fell onto Charles' head. Sunkern hopped off. Charles lay on the ground, fainted. "Charmander, charmander!" Charmander said worriedly as he shook Charles. "CHARRRRRS!!!!!" Charmander Flamethrowered Charles.
'Maybe we should change Charles' name to Crel-ash,' Charmander said, looking at the pile of ashes that was Charles. Charmander had an anime sweatdrop. Charles magically stood up, without a spot of dirt on him.
"Good job Charmander, I knew I could count on you," Charles said. Charles returned Charmander to a Pokeball, and shined the blue flashlight. The flashlight's light reflected on the pond in front of him. "Hmm… I wonder where the pond is," Charles said. Charles walked into the pond, and tripped over a white Geodude. Charles fell face first into the water. Geodude picked Charles up, and was about to seismic toss him, when Geodude had a better idea that involved poker playing and a year. Geodude set Charles down.
"Geodude," Geodude said.
"I'VE BEEN WAITING ALL MY LIFE FOR THIS MOMENT! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! A WILD POKEMON! A REAL WILD GEODUDE!" Charles screamed. "Geodude," Charles said, "I am going to cap— wait a minute, I just thought I'd say the word poetry. Poetry, poetry, I like the word Poetry, don't you?" Geodude stared at Charles. Charles realized that he didn't know how to capture a wild Pokemon. "Uhh…Geodude, you just wait right there while I go find someone to tell me how to catch wild Pokemon," Charles said, and with that he ran off. Geodude shrugged, and sat in the pond waiting.
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Billy jumped into the volcano's crater, and a Charizard flew beneath Billy. Ekans wrapped itself around Billy's neck tightly, afraid that it would burn. Billy suffocated, and fainted on the gruesome Charizard. Charizard flew off into the sunset, which burned them all up because as you might know, the sun is quite hot. So much for Billy, Ekans and Charizard, looks like those threads have been burned up! Get it? Burned up? HAHAHAHAHA…
We are extremely sorry. We could not continue this Chapter, for the author has been temporarily mugged and placed in an insane asylum. Don't worry, you may have a new chapter…when he regains normality.
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*The writer, entitled with the nickname 'Imakuni's Arcanine', which is a name we at the insane asylum cannot understand the meaning of, have gone crazy, and have locked ourselves in a padded room with a straightjacket. The author, seeing his chance, escaped using his trusty question mark to free himself, and Fire Blasted his way out of the asylum. He, being a dedicated writer, (hint, hint), has written this chapter. This proves that only people at The Pokemaster's message board and hopefully anyone else who goes to this message board or reads FanFics at the Pokemasters, have the substantial not to die from this confusing nickname.*
Chapter 5 Armageddon
Poliwhirl passed Billy, Ekans, and Charizard in their journey to the sun.
"Poli, Poliwhirl!" Poliwhirl waved hello to Billy, Ekans, and Charizard, although it is a mystery why Poliwhirl could speak, let alone survive in deep space. It is a 'sub-mystery', if you will, (I will you to write my will, but will you?) why Billy, Ekans, and Charizard's ashes floated out of the sun's orbit, floated down the earth, resting on a certain model of a statue of a flight simulator that simulates flying through the space coordinates Poliwhirl is currently at. The model, which rested in its proper place in the metropolitan museum of art, (in the Egypt section), had a glass case around it, with a sign reading,
DO NOT TOUCH
Mysteriously enough, the ashes slipped through a crack in the glass and landed on the model of a statue of a flight simulator that simulates flying through the space coordinates Poliwhirl is currently at, and into the exterior of the model. This does not seem to have importance, as it is unimportant to the story. Nonetheless, (which shouldn't be a word in my opinion, just like 'Pseudoantidestablishmentarianism'), the reader may find it interesting enough that a Bellsprout walked by the model. The reader also may find it more interesting that the model exists, and is so expensive and precious, is that the real simulator, and the real statue of the simulator, have been lost. The simulator can't be re-built, for it is extremely hard to program those coordinates, and only one person knows how, but unfortunately that person has flown on a dragon into the sun.
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Charles ran into someone's house.
"HI, HOW ARE YOU, WELL ENOUGH CHIT CHAT, HOW DO YOU CATCH WILD POKEMAN? OOPS, SORRY, I MEAN MON, I ALWAYS DO THAT WHEN I'M EXCITED AND IN A HURRY," Charles yelled. He waited, and yelled the exact same two statements again.
'Hmm…,' he thought, and he walked over to the stairs that supposedly led to the second floor. Charles fell through a trap door that was placed in front of the steps.
"Ahhhhhh," he said shortly, calmly, and softly as he fell through an eternal blackness. He landed softly on concrete. "Ow," Charles commented as he rubbed his back that was in pain.
"An interesting notion," came a voice from a chair. The thing sitting in this chair was blocked from view. "How interesting of you," the voice continued, "to comment your simple yet complex statement."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever, how do you catch wild Pokemon?"
"That," the evil sounding voice said, growing louder, "is of no importance." The chair turned around. Charles might have gasped at the sight if his mind wasn't distracted so much. A massive encyclopedia sat, stood, whatever you call it, in the chair. "BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" the encyclopedia laughed. It's pages shook as he laughed. Charles might have had an anime sweatdrop if he was paying more attention.
"Hmm, the person talking must have been a psychic Pokemon or something and teleported away, oh well, I'll look up what to do in this encyclopedia," Charles said, paying no heed to the laughing encyclopedia. Charles walked over to the chair, and opened the encyclopedia.
"GUARDS! ARREST THIS FOOL!" The encyclopedia cried as Charles opened to the 'H' section.
"H, h-o, h-o-w," Charles said to himself as he flipped through the encyclopedia. Millions of airplane tickets rushed in and picked up Charles. Charles closed the encyclopedia as the plane tickets formed a flat surface, grabbed his leg, and flew away. The encyclopedia followed somehow. "Oh wow, a real flying carpet!" Charles said excitedly. He sat cross-legged and pulled out an Indian flute type thing, and played an Arabic tune. The airplane tickets threw him into the pit of great danger: The pit of passports! If you think that was bad, they were diplomatic (http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/POWERPUFF/index.html ) passports! Charles rubbed his back again. "Ow," he commented. The diplomatic passports glared at Charles. They hadn't eaten for days, and they were hungry.
"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" The encyclopedia laughed as it looked over the pit at Charles. Charles stared at the passports. Charles stared at the pit's high walls. Charles looked up and stared at the encyclopedia. Charles carved the word 'cherry' in the dirt on the pit wall with his Indian flute. The cherry pit, being a cherry pit, became much smaller, and Charles climbed out.
"Now," Charles said, "To get some… SLEEP! Boy am I George Bushed!" Charles said, (which was the totally tubular new saying, can you dig it?), and fell asleep on top of the cherry pit.
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Donphan sniffed all over the neighborhood.
"Found… the chosen one… yet?" Iaz the great scientist asked groggily with a yawn as he, with red eyes, slumped over Donphan asleep.
"Donphan," Donphan said, shaking Iaz the great scientist off of itself. A few minutes of snoring and silence passed. Iaz the great scientist stood up at approximately three hundred fifty-two thousand, thirty seven hundred twenty-six light years per nanosecond.
"WHAT IS IT? WHO IS IT! NO I CAN’T.… NOT THE," Iaz the great scientist yelled. "Oh," he said.
"Donphan," Donphan said, meaning, "It's only 3:54 in the afternoon, and we've only been searching since 10 a.m." Iaz the great scientist did not understand Pokemon language. Iaz the great scientist pointed to the sky and asked,
"What's that?"
"Don, donphan…," Donphan stated, meaning, "I'm not falling for that stupid 'made you look' joke again. Oh well, I guess I'll make you happy," Donphan looked in the sky. A giant music stand floated through the air. "DONPHAN!" Donphan cried in fright.
"Made you look!" Iaz the great scientist said laughing. "Donphan? Hello?" Iaz the great scientist's laughing stopped. He turned and saw that Donphan had fainted. The giant music stand fired red makeup at Iaz the great scientist. "I'M BLEEDING…," Iaz cried as he held his side in pain where he had been hit by the lipstick.
"Not good…," Dertanp (who had waken up) said. Iaz the great scientist stopped the drama, stopped clutching his side, and asked,
"Did you just talk?" Donphan used rollout on Iaz the great scientist.
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Poliwhirl floated in deep space. An asteroid flew by, about to crush the world in a year. Poliwhirl had a mission: to warn the world of the immense danger that was going to happen in a year. The asteroid had stealth technology, rendering it invisible to radar. Poliwhirl tried to get back to Earth, but you have to be going pretty fast to get out of orbit. Poliwhirl sighed. A Psyduck floated by, holding its head, and it yelled,
"PSY-AYE-AYE!" Poliwhirl stared into space as the duck Pokemon floated out of view. After a short moment, Misty floated by.
"NO PSYDUCK, WE AREN'T IN THIS STORY EITHER!" Misty yelled. Poliwhirl watched Misty float out of view.
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Charles woke up. Charles yawned. Charles sat up and looked around him. He was in the air, floating above millions of cherry pits.
The chosen one they said robotically in unison. (Millions of voices sound very weird saying the same word)
We have come to take you to our father, whom you shall take over the world with they said. Charles lifted up a finger and opened his mouth, and a passing jet airliner smashed into him.
"OOF!" Charles said, smashed against the plane's tip. The tip was about three cents, and I'm sure there is also a story about three cents. Of course, three cents isn't a very good measurement. The cherry pits were sucked into the plane's engine. The engine slowed, then stopped altogether. The plane fell, the cherry pits were chopped up, and the plane fell some more. The people inside the plane, (who were only two, because it was a test flight, for someone still in training, and he failed this training session, which caused him to become an evil scientist, make a time machine, go back in time, but unfortunately, the time machine caused him to turn into an encyclopedia. This encyclopedia wanted revenge on Charles for making him fail, and the plane tickets he had collected in his training helped him get revenge), jumped out with two parachutes, and fell safely into someone's sunroof. The driver turned to them.
"Geodude," the driver said. The other passenger in the front seat agreed,
"Charmander, char." A rough translation is,
"We were on our way back to The Pond to see if Charles has figured out how to catch wild Pokemon yet."
"Yes, we were."
As for the cherry pits, they fell onto the ground creating a giant crater. Charles, who was somewhat glued to the plane, peeled himself off the plane, and fell onto the roof of an observatory. He fell through the roof, and crushed the telescope, (which was the only telescope in existence that could see the coordinates that the deadly asteroid was at, and the maker of this telescope left his secret of how to reach those coordinates, (which all scientists had a problem with, because of an unknown reason, (which is true because the unown were causing the problem),), inside many parentheses) before any scientist could look through it. Charles rubbed his back, and asked the scientist who walked in to look through the telescope,
"How do you catch wild Pokemon?"
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Chapter 6 Mextra, mextra, read all about nit!
The Module External Xiphias Transmogrifier Rotating Application Neon Intimate Teleporter is a simple machine, long since the days of simple streetlights that operated simply turning colors which prevented blind creatures from driving adapted by workers at toll gates. Because a number on a license plate is boring, the creators of the Module External Xiphias Transmogrifier Rotating Application Neon Intimate Teleporter decided to make sure that all license plates changed, especially if they had no pattern. For example, if a license plate read 9876-351, anyone could calculate quickly that the first digit minus the second gets the numeral one, the fourth digit subtracted from the third gets one, the second part of the license plate's first digit plus its third digit minus the second digit of the section equals one. Take all three ones, multiply two of them, and with the two ones left over subtract one from the other, and you get a nice clean zero. If the license plate had read 9876-352, this would not have been possible, therefore the license plate should change to 9876-351. If a car or another vehicle travels through a toll booth, the license plate must change or feel the wrath of the dreaded Module External Xiphias Transmogrifier Rotating Application Neon Intimate Teleporter, which is termed by the more fearful of it, 'the thing'. It also is called the Mextranit. Drivers become good friends with there license plates, as license plates have a sort of friendly personality. If you resist the power of 'the thing', you may be sent to jail, or worse, sent to Professor Oak. This case is what happened to a misfortunate driver of a four-wheel drive. This man, known by everyone besides his daughter as 'Jack'. His daughter, Diane, called him by his real name, Shockrolandagepoimaclandscapeprose Dailyracterventurequotathesaurusummary Choralandioriginotationebulart. His name used to be Sir Ooleon, but he changed it long ago. He is, or was until he was sent to Professor Oak a gym leader.
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When Geodude and Charmander returned to the pond, they saw that no Charles was there. They played poker, and somehow Geodude won every time until Charmander Flamethrowered the cards in frustration. They looked around the pond for something else to do.
BAAAAM! A crash was heard. Charmander yawned and walked over to the sound. Geodude followed.
"Bell…," a voice said from under a crashed steaming giant tuning fork.
"Geo, geodude," Geodude said, lifting up the mutilated tuning fork and helping the Bellsprout to its feet.
"Charmander, char," Charmander said, and it lifted up a crashed huge steaming microphone. The top of the microphone opened, and a horsea popped out.
"Horsea…," It said, falling to the ground. Charmander woke the Bellsprout and Horsea up by using Fire Blast. Bellsprout and Horsea stood back up, but fell back down when a Diglett fell from the sky onto them. Geodude and Charmander ignored the two Pokemon that were squished by the Diglett and turned there heads to the sky for inspection. Six Digletts fell on Charmander, causing him to also be buried under Digletts. Geodude looked at Charmander, and laughed,
"Geo, geo geo, geo!" Geodude stopped laughing when nine-hundred sixty thousand two hundred thirty seven Digletts fell on him. Geodude seismic tossed all the fallen Digletts back into the air, then smiled. "Geodude!" It said proudly as it flexed its muscles. Bellsprout, Charmander and Horsea lightly clapped, but seized their applause when all the Digletts fell back down on top of them. Geodude stuck his head out of the pile of Digletts, and started to climb out, when a Snorlax fell onto them. A Meowth and Slugma fell onto the pile, pushing them underground. Fortunately, they had fallen into Geodude's underground hideout, where there was food, water, and most importantly, a cable television with six million channels. They sat on a couch and watched TV, because they were blocked by sleeping Pokemon. They did this for approximately one year.
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Iaz the great scientist woke up chained to a panel, a strange apparition shaped as a helmet (http://www.squirtle.com/) attached to his head. Iaz the great scientist was gagged, which Iaz the great scientist had a preference to say with two syllables. He also pronounced syllables sill-ab-ulls. Iaz the great scientist looked around the room. It was a big room, with a transparent roof that opened up. Many machines were attached to the wall, and he saw Donphan operating some of them. Donphan turned to Iaz the great scientist, made a face like ^_^ , waved its trunk, and said,
"BWAHAHAHAHAHA! I am the evil scientist Donphan, and I shall take over the world! What do you have to say about that," at this point he made quotation marks by moving its trunk in a manner that a human would move its index and middle finger to signify quotation marks, "'trainer'? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Mmmmmf, mmm, mmmmf," Iaz the great scientist said. Donphan laughed, and pressed a button on the wall. The roof opened, and lightning struck in the sky. The sky suddenly turned dark and rainy, even though it was twelve o' clock noon. Donphan held its trunk in the air and laughed crazily. Iaz the great scientist did not show any sign of nervousness or fright, he was as cool as a Ditto transformed into a Delibird's ice. A lightning bolt struck a lightning rod, and the energy surged into
"You call?" No, get out of here Lt. Surge! "Yes, sir! Sorry sir! Goodbye sir!" anyways, the energy surged into the machine installed on Iaz the great scientist's head. Iaz the great scientist wasn't electrocuted, because a can of liver blocked its way. Iaz the great scientist ate the liver, and magically became extremely strong. Iaz the great scientist ripped himself off of the panel he was chained to, and seismic tossed Donphan into orbit. Donphan waved hello to Poliwhirl.
"Donphan," he said.
"Poli, poliwhirl," Poliwhirl said. The scene returns to Iaz the great scientist, and he holds a can of liver up to the screen. Scientist music plays, and he sings,
"I'm smart and strong forever, 'cause I eats me liver, I'm Iaz the great scientist!" The U.S.S Anne passed through the building and blew its foghorn twice to go with the song, which suspiciously was similar to a jingle in a cartoon named 'Popeye the sailor man'. Iaz the great scientist was sued for copyright infringement, and he lost the case. He was sentenced to one minute of community service, which the giant cherry pit successfully completed for him.
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Because the scientist refused to tell Charles how to catch wild Pokemon, Charles continued on his way, unaware of the impending danger that awaited him. He began to walk out of the observatory, although little did he know that a wall of knives awaited him on the other side of the door. The encyclopedia's write-on-page (as opposed to write-on-hand or right hand man, or more politically correct, woman,) a paper clip named zip, (named this because a synonym for paper clip is fastener, a synonym for fastener is band, a synonym for band is posse, which party is a synonym for, followed by the synonym for that, participant, than member, followed by associate, connect, fasten, and a synonym for fasten is zip. Fasten-nating, isn't it?) chuckled evilly. Small but agile, the paper clip was deadly. As she chuckled, the tiny paper clip shook. Charles opened the door that had the word EXIT above it, and entered a room. The door shut behind him, and a second wall with spikes on it fell over it. Charles looked in the room around him. The walls and ceiling all had millions of spikes. He heard a voice.
"BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Because you ruined my boss' job, you will pay! PAY! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" Charles said,
"Would you like that in credit, check or change?"
"Hmm? I don't know, but you are going to change. Into minced person! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"What's up with your excessive use of BWAHAHAHAHAS?" Charles asked. The voice said nothing. Charles shrugged, and walked up to the wall with spikes. He realized that that wall had no door. Charles stood in the middle of the floor, and waited for a door to appear. The walls and ceiling slowly began to close in.
"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" The voice said.
"Shut up," Charles snorted. The voice, which was a paper clip named zip, was taken aback.
"Oh, my! The," at this point, the paper clip attempted to gesture quotation marks with its middle and pointer finger, although it had none. She realized she could not be seen anyway, and gave up. "'great' Charles! I'm so scared!" The paper clip continued with less than no hint of sarcasm in her voice.
"I'm flattered," Charles said with a new feeling of greatness and no sarcasm.
"Twit," The paper clip muttered. "Leave it to a guy like him to ruin my fun," she added grumbling. Charles didn't hear her. Charles pulled something out of his pocket, which caused the paper clip to gasp.
"Oh, no! If you have something in your pocket, it might be a bomb because you were expecting this to happen! All my plans might be ruined!" The paper clip worried. Charles ate what he had pulled out. It was a popcorn kernel.
"Mmm…," Charles said with satisfaction. He loved unpopped popcorn kernels.
"Phew," The paper clip said with relief. At this point, the walls and ceiling were about fifty feet away from Charles. Charles pulled something out of his other pocket.
"Oh, (insert explicative here)," the paper clip said. It was a sunflower seed. Charles cracked it with his teeth, and spit the shell out. The shell bounced off of the spikes, flew to the other wall, and repeated this process until it reached the ceiling. The sunflower seed shell slipped through a small crack into a control room, knocked the paper clip over onto a button, and the spikes discontinued their closing in. They retracted into the wall, and a door appeared on the wall opposite the one Charles came in. Charles walked out disappointed that his first date didn't work out.
'I didn't get to even see her!' Charles thought.
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The chosen one walked through the forest, with her Bulbasaur. They came to a clearing, and the chosen one sat down on a rock. Bulbasaur said,
"Bulbasaur." Diane, once named Aloof, had changed her name to Diane when she became less Aloof with the help of two Bulbasaurs. The Bulbasaur Aloof now owned was one of them. Bulbasaur sniffed the air twice, and ran off.
"Bulba, bulbasaur," it said to Diane. Diane followed it into the bushes, and they came to the remains of millions of cherry pits.
"Oh my," Diane gasped. Bulbasaur nudged the pile with its nose. Diane began to say something that would have caused the cherry pits to come together and take over the world, (in a good way, because the cherry pits could prevent the end of the world), but she was stopped by a falling Diglett.
"Dig-uh-lett!" Diglett said as-a-matter-of-factly.
"Whu-" Diane began to say when fifteen more Digletts and a Chikorita fell on her. Bulbasaur started to attack but seized its act after a Steelix fell and crushed both of them, and at the same time destroyed the cherry pits even more. Millions of Digletts continued to fall, and pretty soon the chosen one and her Bulbasaur were buried underground. An Ampharos that happened to be underground also, said,
"Ampharos." Diane dug her way out, and Bulbasaur followed. Diane had had enough, so she sent out a Delibird, got on her Pidgeot, flew into air, and Delibird used Blizzard ten times. It was quite a sight, because there were tons of Pokemon frozen in mid-air, most of them Digletts. Diane was not very appreciative of the sight after being buried underground shortly, and she flew away back to her gym.
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