View Full Version : The Best Way To Get Things... (Comedy/Parody One-Shot)

Cool-headed Blaziken
4th December 2007, 06:00 AM
The Best Way To Get Things... (Comedy/Parody One-Shot) Rated: K+

Once upon a time, there were two cute little creatures playing tag in the woods. One was a little baby mouse, a Pichu named Jerry, with yellow fur and pink circled cheeks. The second was a white and blue furry squirrel with yellow cheeks called a Pachirisu, but everyone calls him Patchy.

They were all playing happily when suddenly they heard some screaming and whistling sounds from above before they a huge crashing noise nearby. They went there to check what or who it was that made those noises.

It turned that to be two people in black and white uniform with a pink ‘R’ on each of their tops, a small cat called a Meowth and a blue blob creature called Wobbuffet. They were lying down deep inside a hole with black burnt marks on their bodies.

“(Oh, look it’s our vict… I mean our friends)!” Jerry squealed in delight.

“(Hey! Can we play with you guys)?” Patchy squeaked hopefully.

“James! Meowth!” the dark woman said angrily as she quickly stood up looking down on the light purpled haired man. “When I said to buy some electric proof nets, I didn’t mean for you to get them with flowers on them.”

“But Jessie, they had those cute looking Weepingbell pictures on them,” James said pleasantly.

“And the net smelt so pleasant too,” Meowth said relaxingly, who appears to be under effect of that smell.

“And because of that, those Beedrills ripped our net apart!” Jessie yelled.

“(Did you guys get shocked by Pikachu again)?” Jerry squeaked smugly.

Jessie turned around and saw the little rascals. Now showing a dull frown look she picked Meowth up by the head and slapped him silly for being stupid and to also wake him up from that pleasant daze. “Ow! Wot’s de idea!?” Meowth complained.

“Translation, what else?” Jessie said bitterly.

“Wobbuffet!” the blue blob croaked loudly while placing a paw on his head in a saluting manner. There was no translation behind this, he just like to croak things out.

Meowth paid attention to the little rascals, translating what they were saying. “They said that it’s been over five years since we made a vow to capture that twerp’s Pikachu no matter what… and we still haven’t caught it…” he continued on interpreting as the list went on and on and on. “They also said that we are so pathetic that we’s got done by a Magikarp and a Feebas…”

“Wait a minute, how did you jokers know all of this stuff?” Jessie asked, little bit curious.

After Patchy told her his answer, Meowth translated, “you guys should watch the show like the rest of us.”

A vain throbbed on Jessie’s forehead. After being reminded of all those humiliations and now being criticised by these two pests, who wouldn’t be?

“Alright, you two brats!” she snarled. “Set us a stealing challenge and we’ll get you that thing! Anything you want!”

“Er… Jessie,” Meowth said nervously as he sensed an evil aura coming out of the so innocently cute Jerry and Patchy. “I woulda kept that to myself if I were you.”

The next day, a man dressed in black leather clothing was walking through a crowded street reading a small but thick yellow book with a picture of a motorbike at the front. It turned that it was a catalogue. Everyone else walking in the same street kept their distances from him, as they were being scared of him. Even vehicles made way for him when he crossed roads.

Jerry, his friends and Team Rocket were hiding in the bushes spying on him as the black clothed man entered a fast food restaurant still reading his book. “(Try taking on that guy)!” Jerry squeaked, which meant, “(That’s Black Jack. He’s the toughest and meanest trainer around)!”

Team Rocket trembled with fear.

“Dat guy?” Meowth moaned nervously.

“Can’t we settle for tings a little less aggressive? Like a book from a library?” James said worriedly.

“(You want to back out? I guess it’s safe to say that you’re like this Meowth… scared. You’re scared as well as you’re stupid),” Patchy squeaked.

“What!? I ain’t afraid of you or anybody else!” Meowth shouted.

“Er… Meowth,” James said, trying to get Meowth to not go and steal from a man who liked to beat people up. “I don’t know what he said but don’t be fooled… I beg you…”

Inside the restaurant, Black Jack was sitting at a table waiting for his food to be delivered after he ordered a hamburger, some French fries and a cup of coffee. While he waited, he suddenly had a suspicious feeling that someone may play a prank on him. He looked up, predicting an anvil or some other object to fall on him. Nothing was there. He looked underneath a table, thinking that a bomb might there but there was nothing. Having enough looking, he was convinced that nothing’s going to happen.

Soon, the food was delivered to him. He picked up his burger and observed it closely. While he did that, a gloved hand was slowly reaching for the book from underneath the table.

“Are you there yet?” Jessie whispered, seeing James nervously reaching for the catalogue. They were discreetly hiding under the table, trying to not make any noises or anything else to get Black Jack’s attention.

“Just a few seconds,” James whispered back, who sweating beads because of the pressure he was going through.

“Oh my gosh! Team Rocket!” a voice yelled, surprising the trio, making them scream. A chubby man in street clothing ran over to them with a pen and a notepad. “My name’s Malik! I think you guys are great! I’ve seen all your one-shots! Can I have your autographs!?”

“You’re ruining everything!” Jessie yelled angrily.

Outside the restaurant, sounds of bashing and beating were heard while clouds of dust were sent flying out. “The food’s great,” Black Jack said casually as he calmly made his exit while reading his book. “Ciao.”

That stopped what Team Rocket was doing. Jessie was beating up the poor man while James and Meowth tried to pull her off until they realised how fast Black Jack ate his meal.

“Eh?” Meowth said in a surprised way. “Dat was fast.”

They decided to follow Black Jack wherever he went, making sure he doesn’t see them. They followed him through a market. This time had a blue crocodile pokemon called a Feraligatr with him to help him carry some groceries, with the book placed in one of the bags. While they walked, Feraligatr spotted a market stall with a bunch of…

“(Ooh! Pokemon dolls)!” Feraligatr growled before running towards the stall to take a closer look while his trainer followed.

“Feraligatr, what are you doing?” Black Jack asked when he reached it.

“(I wanna see if I can find a doll version of me)!” Feraligatr growled in reply

He quickly spotted a cuddly toy that looked a like him. He placed the groceries down and picked it up. “(Kids would like this! They’d wake up in the middle of the night and see this little thing, get scared and all that)!” he growled joyfully before He moved it towards Black Jack’s face while moving its arms, throwing his voice over like it was some sort of puppet. “(Raa! Raa! Go to sleep)!” he growled loudly, making the doll put on a scary act.

He placed the doll down with a big smile on his face while Black Jack gave him a dull look and the stall owner gave him a scared one. “No one, apart from me and this guy, were watching so everything’s good,” Black Jack said before walking away.

“(Hey! That was good! C’mon)!” Feraligatr growled dejectedly while picking up the groceries before following him.

While they walked away, Team Rocket was still trailing them, trying to find the right time to steal the catalogue. They disguised themselves as bushes, even though they were following them in the street. “Jessie,” James whispered in a whining sort of way as usual. “It’s been thirty minutes and they’re still holding on to those bags.”

“Shut up, James,” Jessie complained quietly.

“Yeah, ya gonna blow our cover,” Meowth said also being quiet.

“Wobbuffet,” Wobbuffet croaked.

Feraligatr immediately stopped, placing a paw on Black Jack’s shoulder and letting out a small growl. Panicking, the trio and Wobbuffet quickly hid in the nearest alleyway. “Thanks a lot, you three,” Jessie whispered angrily. “Now we’re in trouble.”

“How’s it ma fault?” Meowth argued.

“Ssh,” James responded to his two partners, trying to quiet them down.

The suspicious looking Feraligatr pulled the annoyed Black Jack backwards close towards the bushes. “Now you’ve done it,” Jessie snarled.

Feraligatr’s eyes widened with excitement. “(What!? Into a movie)!?” he growled. He and Black Jack were looking at a poster that hanged on the wall of a building, where Team Rocket was hiding from around the building’s corner. The poster had a picture of a cheery looking red winged lizard dancing around in a playground with some children doing the same thing. The poster was labelled ‘Bobby the Happy Charizard: The Movie’.

“Bobby!?” Black Jack said in absolute shock and disbelief. “That ‘one-plus-one-is-two’ guy!?”

“(I’m going to get reserve tickets)!” the crocodile growled excitedly as he began sprinting away.

Black Jack shuddered at the thought of allowing his friend to see that ‘thing’ and tried to think of the best reason not to see that movie, no matter how heart breaking it would be. “It’s just a man in a suit! Really!” he shouted to him.

But Feraligatr didn’t hear him as he happily skipped into the movie theatre, with Black Jack hurrying to catch up with him. Relieved, yet puzzled, Team Rocket got out of their disguise. “Feraligatr? He likes dat sorta stuff?” Meowth asked.

“Never mind that,” Jessie said. “Let’s get them!

They followed Black Jack’s example as they rushed into the theatre, trying to catch Black Jack and his pokemon out and more importantly get the catalogue. But to their surprise, they weren’t there. “Huh? Where did dey go?” Meowth asked in puzzlement.

“Weren’t they in here earlier?” James asked in a confused way.

“They’re gone?” Jessie asked in bewilderment.

“Not exactly,” said a familiar scratchy voice behind the trio, which spooked the wits out of them. Not only were they taken by surprise but they also recognised the voice. “What do you want?” the voice said suspiciously.

Team Rocket slowly turned around with frightened eyes until the suspicious Black Jack and his Feraligatr. “N… Noth… nothing,” they replied nervously.

Black Jack’s eyes narrowed as he moved in closer towards them while they shivered in fear.

Elsewhere, an egg was being broken, spilling its contents into a mixing bowl.

Back at Black Jack’s location, the Rocket grunts were wrapped up a net, which was hanging from the top of the ceiling inside the building and was swinging back and fourth. They cried for anyone to help release them while Black Jack dusted his hands. “Unbelievable. I can’t believe they fell for that.” Black Jack said smugly. “I mean what kind of tough Feraligatr would some kiddies’ film that does some number stuff.”

Feraligatr became stuck for an answer. “(Yeah… it’s, um… stupid),” he growled sheepishly.

“C’mon, let’s go,” Black Jack said before turning his attention back to his catalogue of motorcycles.

“Black Jack! Feraligatr! Anybody! Help! Let us down!” the failing sneaky trio cried.

A day later after getting themselves free, Team Rocket was stalking Black Jack while hiding themselves in trashcans. They followed him to a restaurant; different in appearance compared to the restaurant he visited the other day. When he entered the building, the trio got into a group circle, discussing their upcoming cunning plan, which Jessie claims that would not fail and therefore she called it the ‘The Never Failing Plan’.

Inside, a man dressed in casual clothing walked up the counter and looked at the food before making his decision. “I’ll have some spaghetti bolognaise,” he said dully to the food clerk. For some odd reason, he appeared to be in a bad mood.

“You’ll need a tray,” the food clerk said. He was an old man with name badge signed ‘Bill Fireman’ on his uniform.

“Do you know who you’re talking to, son?” the man said bitterly. “My name is Billy the Bully! I can knock you out with one punch!”

“Well, you still need a tray.”

“I don’t need a tray to beat you up! I can use a tray to beat the heck out of you if I wanna to! I can just hit a tray on top of your and then kick you in the…”

“No, the food is hot. You need the tray to put the food on.”

Billy looked down on the food and a surprised look came onto his face. “Oh, that!” he said in realisation. “I thought you were challenging me to a fight.”

“A fight? This is a restaurant. I work here.”

“Yeah, but my name’s Billy. Everyone challenges me to fights,” the man said, trying to get the clerk to recognise him. “Billy the Bully? The guy who gets into fights every night? The guy who has a bigger winning streak than that bald wrestling guy? New Bark Town? I run New Bark Town?

“What’s New Bark Town?” Bill asked dimwittedly.

“You’re in New Bark Town! It’s a place!”

“This is a town?”

“This is New Bark Town! I run it as the big boss!”

“You’re Mr. Smithson?”

Billy’s eyes widened with confusion. “Who’s Mr. Smithson?” he asked.

“He’s the manager of this restaurant.”

“I’m not head of catering! I can beat catering with one punch!” Billy shouted angrily. The old clerk became dumbfounded.


“I can beat you with one punch!” Billy shouted. “I can knock out myself with one punch! I… I… I’ll get a tray…” he finished, finally deciding to give up. He walked over to a nearby pile of trays, looking for a dry one. Unfortunately…

“This one’s wet. This one’s wet. This one’s wet. This one’s wet. This one’s wet. This one’s wet. This one’s wet. This one’s wet. This one’s wet. This one’s wet. This one’s wet. This one’s wet. This one’s wet. This one’s wet. This one’s wet. This one’s wet. This one’s wet. This one’s wet. This one’s wet. This one’s wet. This one’s wet. This one’s wet. This one’s wet. Did you guys dry these in the pouring rain? Why the heck don’t we have a plate that is dry and…?” He turned around, seeing a guy in black, with a motorcycle catalogue tucked inside his jacket and a tray in his hands, standing at the counter. “Hey!” he shouted. “I was here first!”

“Hey, if you want food, get in the queue,” the man responded bitterly before turning his attention back to Bill. “Yeah, can I have some spaghetti bolognaise, thanks?”

“Hey! Do you know who I am?!”

“That’s Betty, that is,” Bill said.

“From the Ugly Betty show?” the man in black asked.

“It’s not Betty! It’s Billy,” the man shouted.

“Betty owns this town?” Bill asked. “I thought she does this magazine stuff on TV?”

“No! Bet… no! I run this town!” Billy said.

“Are you really the Ugly Betty?” the man in black asked.

“No! It’s Billy!”

“Are you her brother? Can you get her autograph?” Bill asked.

“I can’t get… I’m not Bet… all right! I’m Betty! I’m Ugly Betty!”

“Can I have your autograph?” the man in black asked.

“No! Buzz off! I’ll kill you with a tray!” Billy shouted, snatching the tray out of the black clothed man. “Give me some bolognaise or I’m gonna beat you up! I’ll beat all of you up! Momma says to knock you all out!”

Suddenly, the Team Rocket burst into the scene with Jessie in front of her two partners and a blue blob called Wobbuffet who seemingly appeared out of nowhere. “Ah-ha, Mr. Black Jack!” Jessie yelled in triumph. “Thanks to that Billy man, we’ve caught you off guard! Now, we’re going to use this sleeping potion and…”

Before she could finish, she dropped her bottle onto the floor in shock, as where her two partners, after what they just saw… the man in black, known as Black Jack, was standing over the knocked out Billy while holding the tray. “I had feeling some guy was following me,” he said before stepping towards his upcoming victims.

Team Rocket, now at his mercy, got down on their knees and started bowing to him. “We surrender!” they whimpered fearfully. “We’re not worthy!”

“I don’t wanna hear it,” Black Jack said bitterly.

Team Rocket shuddered in fear, knowing what was coming next.

Elsewhere, someone was reviewing an online fanfiction. “What the heck?” he said in annoyance. “This fic’s terrible!”

Suddenly, a fist zoomed out of the computer screen and punched the guy in the face, knocking him off his chair.

Back at the restaurant, Team Rocket was now stuck in a net, hanging from the ceiling. “We’re stuck in the same net as before! We’re swinging in the same way as before! We’re stuck in the same position as before!” James whimpered.

Black Jack dusted his hands before turning his attention back to Team Rocket. “Hey, who are you guys anyway?” he asked.

“Waah! Just like Brian from dat Christmas Carol story! He doesn’t recognise us!” Meowth said tearfully.

“Never mind,” Black Jack said in boredom before turning his attention back to the food clerk. “Yeah, can I have some pasta bolognaise? That would be nice.”

“Would you like peas with that?” Bill asked politely, ignoring Team Rocket who were screaming their lungs out.

“I don’t think peas go with… alright, pour some on.”

Soon, a little Pichu named Jerry and a Pachirisu named Patchy ran into the restaurant, now seeing the mess Black Jack caused and couldn’t help but chortle. They skipped over to him while the food clerk delivered him his food. The Rocket Three couldn’t help but give them some evil glares, hating them for putting them up to the challenge. When Black Jack turned around he saw the two cute little creatures and looked at them vacantly. “Hi, Jerry. Hi, Patchy,” he said casually.

“(Hi, Jacky)!” they squealed together happily.

They both moved their eyes towards the squirming Rockets for a quick second before turning to their friend. “(Hey, Black Jack),” Jerry squeaked. “(Can I borrow something from you)?”


“(That motorcycle catalogue. I wanna know what’s good about it).”

Black Jack placed his hand inside his jacket and took out the book. “Here you can keep it. It’s last year’s edition,” he said.

“Wha-a-a-a-at!?” the Rockets yelled in total shock and disbelief.

“Why couldn’t we have dun sumtin like dat!?” Meowth yelled angrily.

“We’re thieves, aren’t we?” James whimpered while Black Jack and his little friends walked away.

“Hey! Black Jack! Please let us down! Hey!” Jessie cried angrily.

Black Jack ignored them. “So, I’ll be having my lunch now. You joining?” he asked.

“(Nah! We got some little things to do),” Patchy squeaked. He and Jerry turned towards the trio and stuck their tongues out, taunting them.

“Why you nauseating little brats!” Jessie snarled while she angrily moved around inside the net. “I’ll make you twerps pay for…”


The net broke after all that squirming and the trio and Wobbuffet fell and crashed to the ground while Patchy and Jerry made their getaway. “Don’t let them get away!” Jessie screamed as she and her partners began chasing them out of the restaurant while Black Jack sat down and began eating his lunch, pretending that nothing was happening.


There was a sudden explosion from outside, catching Black Jack’s attention as he looked outside the window. He now saw Team Rocket flying through the air, leaving a trail of smoke behind. “We’re blasting off again!” they screamed.

“Wobbuffet!” the blue blob croaked loudly.

“Wow… they’re flying,” Black Jack said in amazement before Team Rocket went out of sight.

“Fool! Fool!” a black bird, called a Murkrow, squawked as he flew over the restaurant while dropping a small white splat.