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Cool-headed Blaziken
9th June 2006, 08:18 AM
To celebrate the opening of the Football/Soccer World Cup, I decided to post this one-shot.

Soccer Stupidity (TR Comedy One-Shot)

Once upon a time, there was a group of people and pokemon wearing soccer uniform. One of them was wearing a black referee uniform, a black bandanna around his forehead and a pair of sunglasses. That man’s name was Black Jack, famous for being the main character of a particular fanfic. “What is Brian Powell thinking making me wear this stupid costume?” he thought to himself as he looked at the players, feeling quite embarrassed.

He then looked at his group, consisting of various types of pokemon. A green dinosaur named Tyranitar, a blue crocodile named Feraligatr, a large purple monster Nidoking, a blue meteorite-like pokemon Metagross, a red fiery fighter known as Blaziken and huge blur dragon Salamence. “3-on-3 isn’t much,” he thought to himself. “We’re gonna need some more players.”

“Help! Runaway thief!” a voice yelled. Black turned to the voice’s attention and saw another group, this time consisting of Team Rocket. One was a woman with long purple hair, the other was a man with short purple hair and the third one was a cat-like pokemon. They were none other than Jessie, James and Meowth. They were chasing a little yellow mouse called a Pichu with a neck collar and a name tag signed ‘Jerry’ attached to it who was carrying a pile of sandwiches. “Give us back our sandwiches you pesky brat!” Meowth yelled. While running, Jerry stuck out his tongue, taunting them in response.

They all barged into Metagross and were knocked down by this immovable object. All six of Black Jack’s pokemon stared down at them while Black Jack came towards them. When he reached them, he smiled an evil smile when the Rocket agents and Jerry came around.

“How would you guys like to play some soccer?” Black Jack asked.

“Uh… no thank you,” James replied nervously. “We’re fine.”

“I don’t think so…”


Picking players

Before Black Jack planned how the players would be picked, James whimpered that he didn’t want to play football. So, Black Jack decided to let him be the referee instead. Wobbuffet also became referee after he released himself from Jessie’s pokeball.

After a game of scissors, paper and brick, Black Jack and Nidoking became the captains, with Tyranitar picking first.

“(I’ll pick… Metagross)!” Nidoking growled, pointing at his chosen team mate.

“Hey! I always get picked first!” Jessie complained as Metagross walked over to his captain. “Why not this time?”

“Don’t worry, you’ll get picked,” Black Jack said. “Blaziken,” he continued choosing quickly, much to Jessie’s dismay.

It was then Nidoking’s turn. “(Jerry),” he growled after noticing Jerry’s sad, cute face. Everyone looked at Nidoking in surprise. “(What)?” he growled as though he was being judged. “(He was showing that face)!”

“Anyway, Tyranitar.”

“(Salamence).”

“Feraligatr.”

“(Meowth).” Meowth shrugged towards Jessie as she was feeling more left out each time the captains choose their plays apart from herself.

“Now, Jessie, I pick you,” Black Jack said.

“You don’t pick me,” Jessie said correcting him. “You’re stuck with me!”


Warm ups

Both teams were given a football each to train with. Black Jack’s team decided to do some kick ups where each player of team will have to pass the ball to each other while it was in mid-air. Each player on that team was doing it successfully until Feraligatr inadvertently kicked it so hard that flew up high into the air until it was out of sight.

“Now that ball knows how I feel,” Jessie said showing a dull look on her face while looking up. But ball fell and landed harshly right on her face; she let out a loud scream of pain while covering her face. “My makeup is ruined!” she cried.

“(Oh great),” Salamence growled. “(We’re stuck with a Cinderella).”

Black Jack spotted Feraligatr running in one direction. “Hey! Where are you going?” he yelled to him.

“(Getting the ball)!” the blue crocodile roared.

“The ball’s over there,” Black Jack said pointing to the other direction.


Meanwhile on the white team’s side, Jerry, now dressed in a white soccer player’s uniform, was standing by a goal post looking at his clothes. “(The colours don’t suit me),” he squeaked.

“C’mon then, you little pipsqueak!” Nidoking yelled towards him, also wearing a white costume. “Throw me the ball!”

The Pichu looked around for the ball and spotted it next to another goal post, which was smaller than him by an inch. He then walked over to it and tossed it over to his team mate.

The ball landed and rolled over to Nidoking. “Hey there, little twerp-o! Watch out for my Wayne Rooney!” Nidoking shouted, trying to show off as he kicked the ball trying to score but Jerry blocked it and tossed it back to him.

“Bending it like Beckham!” Nidoking shouted as he kicked the ball again trying to score.

This time Jerry dived to block the ball, bouncing it back to him again.

“Michael Owen!”

Blocked.

“Shearer!”

Blocked again.

“Gascoine!”

And again.

“Eric Cantona!”

And again.

“Ian Wright!”

And again… Jerry wasn’t even paying much attention this time as he caught the ball with one paw while yawning and tossed it back.

Nidoking caught it with his paws, letting out a few breaths. “If you think you’re so good, try this one for size!” he said as he ran away from the scene.

Jerry jogged from one goal post to another as he waited for what Nidoking had planned. A moment later, he saw something that he would call strange. His eyes widened with shock and then quickly duck down after seeing a ball zooming towards him. Soon, a bunch of footballs were zooming past him getting into the net of the goal.

It turned out that Nidoking had brought a machine that was shooting out a bunch of them. “It’s the football shooter machine!” Nidoking shouted enthusiastically. “I bought it off from ebay! It works every time! All the goals and no fuss!”

He soon realised that the machine ran out of balls to shoot out and picked up a bucketful of balls and tipped them into the hole of the machine. “Get ready… huh?” Nidoking boasted but soon saw Metagross standing in front of the goal with Jerry standing on top of it s******ing.

“Hey! that’s not fair!” Meowth yelled. He then picked out a tennis racquet and ball out of his pockets. “Who’s up for tennis!?”

He tossed the ball up into the air and whacked it with the tennis racquet towards Metagross who used its psychic powers to deflect it sending it right into Meowth, who was playing with one of the balls the machine shot out, hitting him in the face and knocking him down. “(Fifteen-love!)” Jerry yelled triumphantly.


Planning

“... Feraligatr, I want you to be in goal for the team,” Black Jack said and his team mates nodded to his plans. “Let’s go!”

“Hey! What about me?” Jessie asked after everyone ran to their positions.

“You... you go long,” Black Jack said.

“How long?”

“Just near that goal on the other side.”


First Half

Black Jack’s team started when Black Jack passed the ball to Blaziken who booted it right across the field. Meowth, having instinctive love for round objects, leapt to grab the ball but got caught and was sent flying with it until they hit Metagross in face and fell to the floor.

Metagross then used his psychic powers to move the ball, manoeuvring it away from anyone from the opposition that tried to get to the ball until it reached the goal. Angry, Black Jack’s team ran over to James and Wobbuffet, who were the referees of this match.

“Hey! Ref! That’s not fair!” Black Jack yelled scaring James out of his wits.

“What!? It’s not my fault that Metagross is a psychic!” James whimpered.

“(One-nil to Nidoking’s team)!” Wobbuffet croaked loudly as he checked the soccer rule book. “(The rulebook doesn’t say anything about using psychic powers)!”

“(Still, it ain’t right)!” Feraligatr roared angrily.

“(Hey! Metagross scored that goal fair and square)!” Nidoking roared as he came towards the arguing group.

“(Aw. I’m stuck between a blockhead and a pin head),” Wobuffet croaked quietly to himself.

“(Hey! No one calls me a pin head)!” Nidoking roared angrily.

“(And no one calls me a blockhead)!” Feraligatr roared, also being angry as they and their friends started beating up Wobbuffet and James.

“Wah!” James whimpered as he was getting beaten up. “This is worse than those riots after those football matches. Jessie! Where are you!?”


At one of the goal posts, Jessie and Jerry were eating a couple of hot dogs with bored looks on their faces. “Go long, he says,” Jessie said. Soon, her eyes widened with shock as tears began to form. She then covered her mouth and ran away while Jerry let out a small s******. He walked over to a small bush and tucked away a red bottle labelled ‘Really, really hot chilli sauce’ with his foot. He then walked back to his hotdogs and continued to enjoy watching the beating... for the rest of the game.

“And they say the refs never lose,” he squeaked before picking up another hot dog.


END!


Dedicated to all teams participating in this year's football event... including the one team I'll be supporting the most...

COME ON ENGLAND!

...And good luck to all of you.

A/N: Apologies for the shortness. I was planning to write more but I've been feeling down with hayfever. -o-'

darktyranitar
16th June 2006, 05:33 AM
Ahaha, never thought that Black Jack and his Pokemon would star in a soccer team. Their playing style is a bit unorthodox, however...

Hey, the ending seem quite familliar... it's a bit like the other TR comedy one-shot that you wrote! And just a note, I am not a big fan of soccer. But... good luck to the England team that you were supporting!

Crazy Elf Boy
16th June 2006, 09:18 AM
Very funny Blaziken