Are you who you thought you'd be?

[Drago]

When I was seven years old, I decided that I wanted to be an actor. Nothing else would do. Moreover, I wanted to be rich and famous. I wanted people to care who I was.

Fast forward seventeen years, and that still hasn't happened. And it isn't for a lack of trying, either. It's a struggle trying to stay on top of an industry that is overcrowded with hundreds of people exactly the same as you, only more talented, attractive and experienced.

As of late, I've focussed more on voice acting, an area where I can better control perceptions. To help strengthen my mic work, I've also been doing my graduate diploma in commercial radio this year. So I can at least say I'm still taking steps towards my goals.

It's dreadful toiling under childish ambitions for all these years, but it begs the question: are you on the path towards your dreams? Think back to yesteryear, maybe even the early days of your membership on TPM. How have you changed, and have those changes honestly been for the better?

[Lady Vulpix]

Interesting question. My life has not turned out in any of the ways I expected as a child (I used to think I'd be married with children by now, and be a dancer, actress or writer; admittedly I gave up on the dancer idea before I turned 6, but the others lasted much longer). I did consider being a teacher when I was 12, and again at some point in high school. And I've enjoyed programming since I was 13 (well, 9 really, but at 9 I could only write programs to draw squares on the screen).

However, that's not who I am, it's just what I've ended up doing and how my life has turned out so far (I still want to write, though). I'm happy to say that who I am is who I envisioned myself as being when I was 7: a good person (I do make mistakes, many of them, but I do my best), sensitive, curious, capable of being surprised and amazed, with a good memory, true to myself, grateful for everything I have and happy to be alive, in contact with my inner child and enjoying myself whenever I can, who likes learning new things and gives her best at everything she does (I do).

I know that didn't sound modest at all, I could list some of my flaws to make up for it, but to be honest I never did consider what defects I would have in the future. I did decide, however, that I would always work on reducing them or getting rid of them if possible, and I'm still trying: it's a life-long task.

[Rossymore]

Well, for me, being on the cusp of a new chapter of my life (leaving school and going to University), I'm fulfilling a dream I had when I was younger, as I've always wanted to go to Uni, the fact that my sister went before me spurred me on even more.
Because I'm also at a young age, I can still aspire to who I want to be and work towards that now. I'll be doing English Literature at Uni, which will help me in becoming a writer. I'm play lots of video games (maybe more then I should) and that is helping me become a better Let's Player on Youtube. That in turn has allowed me to improve my editing skills, opening up other venues such as image manipulation and abridging.

But I'm still not sure what to do with Maths. It'll come to me.

So, hopefully, in five or ten years time, I can look at my life and like what I see and then maybe I'll reply to this thread and raise it from the grave!

[Oslo]

I wanted to be a magician, actor and novelist as a kid, and none of those have exactly panned out. Though I've mostly forgotten about the former two goals (oh, silly little Oslo), I'm continually working away at the last one. I'm making strides, too: I completed a creative writing Honours Thesis project last year and I'm working on ways I can incorporate my developing appreciation for writing poetry into my prose. Other goals did work out, though. For example, I went to school for English Language and Literature, which is something I've always wanted, and I'm just a couple months away from completing my M.A. with another degree in the works.

In terms of who I am personally rather than vocationally, I'm not sure how I measure up to my expectations. This part of life is much harder to qualify than the career side of things. I was bullied as a kid and I always wanted to get out of my shithole small town so I could meet friends with like interests. I managed to do both, fortunately, so that I think indicates that I have at least some favourable qualities. That's really all I can think to say.

[Magmar]

Great thread concept, Drago, and such insightful responses! Eloquently well-said, Gabi. :)

I wanted to be an astronomer and watch the skies when I was young. I even considered meteorology for a long time. As I developed my talents at work and at university, I learned that my personality was ideal for leadership, and my talents lie there. I chose to study human resource management because I wanted to understand why people behave the way they do and how I can motivate them to do their best. I did that when I was Managing Editor of my college newspaper, Executive Editor of a literary magazine, Promotions Director for a radio station, and represented my major in student government. I always want to be the leader and hate being at the bottom... it's just the way I am. I like to achieve, so I got a minor in mathematics. I wanted to be proud of my team's outcomes, so I served as a copy editor for a while and transformed the writing from sloppy to consistent and concise.

Today, I'm less than a year away from my MBA and am in the process of getting my honors thesis approved. This is going to be a huge endeavor. The scope of this project is very nearly horrifying... but I'm energized by the prospect of engaging myself in something so big and so meaningful. I'm looking at Ph.D. programs around the world.

I still gaze at the moon for long periods of time and try to find the planets amongst the stars. I never lost myself in the shuffle. I don't plan to. I'm not meant for city life, where I can't see the Galaxy in the sky. I don't want much in terms of things, but I do want to live somewhere with very little light pollution so I can always find Mars amongst the stars.

[Dark Sage]

Astronomers can command a six-figure salary, Magmar. Of course, seeing as a doctorate is required and the field is rather small, it's little wonder.

[mattbcl]

When I was a kid, I had aspirations of being an astronaut. Aspirations, mind you. My dad was (and continues to be) a nut for the space program, and so I grew up on both tales and experiences of the advances of space exploration (I've been to two shuttle launches). But as time dragged on, I didn't really see it happening... too many obstacles to overcome, and I fell out of interest with it. Yet the wonder my dad has for advances we're making rubbed off on me somehow, and I always keep an eye on what's happening up in the sky. It helped that my parents are both huge sci-fi nerds, hence a collective family love for all things Star Trek and Star Wars (yes, we love both, deal with it).

As I grew older, my mom wanted me to choose an extracurricular, so that I could apply myself beyond the walls of school. I wasn't interested, and the less interested I became, the more she pushed, until she finally exerted her parental authority and put me in band. This is where I learned the likes of clarinets and saxophones - one of the best players in the bands in which I played, or so I was told, and for a while, I did my best to eat it up. I practiced nightly, I went to contests, auditioned for district, but my dislike of being placed there by another authority eventually overwhelmed my ability to enjoy the experience. I considered becoming a professional musician once, but eventually blew off the concept - it was too lofty a goal to pursue, and I couldn't get past the fact that I hadn't chosen it for myself.

During my high school career, we moved to another town, and I bailed out on band to take up an extracurricular of my own choosing - Writers' Guild. Writing has been a passion of mine for as long as I can remember. I think it has something to do with seeing my dad compose his sermons on our 1984 Packard Bell computer and print them out on this noisy, shrieking, overheating, poor excuse of a cutting-edge printer. I would compose stories that were hilariously bad by most standards, but I was also an avid reader, and expanding my horizons helped improve my technique. I eventually got to the point where, in middle school, I was comfortable enough to share my writing with my classmates, who usually weren't able to see past the gawky, socially inept nerd I was. For whatever reason, though, they really enjoyed my writing and demanded to see more.

Since then, I've been writing to get people to like me. But although that admission is a bit embarrassing for me, truth is it seems to be working, because it was through writing that I was able to find romance, and learn social skills (of sorts, anyway). I care a lot about people's opinions of me, and if my writing can make them react on a positive note, it makes my day. Seeing people accept my writing makes me think that I'm similarly acceptable.

That's the career path I've been wanting ever since I first realized writing was helping me come out of my shell. But motivation is an extraordinarily elusive beast for me these days, and I don't make money by just sitting in front of my computer, waiting for the words to come out on the page, much as that would be a pretty wonderful job.

Got myself a summer job as a carpet cleaner. That summer job turned into a full-time job... then the company came under new management... then I got promoted... then I got promoted again... and there I've been, for the last seven years. The only people who've worked for this company longer than me are the people that operate it. Writing doesn't pay my bills, like I wish it would. This does.

What was I going to be? An astronaut. A musician. A writer.

What am I? A carpet cleaner.

Not at all what I expected. Had anyone told me, say, ten years ago that this was going to be how my life would turn out, I'm not sure how I would've responded. Maybe angry or disgusted. Maybe resigned. And I really shouldn't be resigned to a life that's less than fulfilling, as mine is. I think it has something to do with my lack of motivation, and fear of failure - a mixture that can be absolutely poisonous to a life that might otherwise be uplifting and exciting.

On the other hand, it isn't all dreadful. Had it not been for the interest my dad attempted to cultivate in me regarding space exploration, I might not enjoy the sciences, nor would I so attentively examine and ponder the possibilities present in the universe, whether that universe is up in space or at the dinner table with my friends and family. Had it not been for my mom pushing me into band, I wouldn't have learned how to play clarinet or saxophone, nor would I now be singing and drumming with a group of neat kids. And had it not been for my interest in writing, I wouldn't have found this website, either ten years ago or now, and I wouldn't have had any girlfriends at all, to say nothing of the one I want to be with for the rest of my life.

And so, to more directly address the point of the thread... if I'm on the path towards my dreams, it's still a long, twisting road through a dense forest. I can't see where the next turn will take me, so I don't know if I'm headed for those dreams, or just further into the dark. I'm changing every day and every year. So's the path. My dreams sometimes have to change along with it. By the time I reach one, I might just pass it up and move on to the next, because it may not be as important to me as it once was. Obstacles will come along, some for the better, some for the worse. But whatever they are, I'll have some great stories to tell by the end of it all.

I'll be sure to share a few along the way.

[Blademaster]

I loved the movie Top Gun as a kid and wanted to be a fighter pilot for years because of it.

Then came the years of Nazist private education, the ocular birth defect that would keep me from ever serving in any branch of the military, the genetic anxiety disorder that would keep me from ever functioning like a normal person my own age, the crippling emotional void left by privatized and home-based school systems that left me unable to understand basic human emotions for years, and the failed attempt at college that I abandoned when I finally accepted that I was only going there basically because it was the only 'job' I could perform at the time.

And you know what I have to show for it all?

Myself.

It's only now that I'm starting to see that all the factors of my life led me to where I am today... I have a job. I can drive a car. I'm only on a single medication instead of the 2 or 3 staples I required for years. And perhaps most important.. Those failures and vices led me to strive to find new ways to succeed. Like that strange, alien device I first tampered with over ten years ago called a 'computer.' Its mystery enamored me, its unexplored depths instantly attracting my knowledge-seeking one good eye. And after a few years of fear and naivete, I finally made my way here. And I found all of you.

From that point on, my life was different. I had always been quiet, afraid to try and socialize. The wall of anonymity that is the Internet gave me a mask to hide behind. Behind that mask, I watched and interacted with you all. You showed me emotions and interactions. You taught me about the world through your different cultures and nationalities. You gave me jokes to laugh at, heavy bags to kick and punch, shoulders to cry on... Through good times and bad, you gave me everything that I'd wanted and needed, but never known the want or need for.

You helped me. You, reading this right now. Thank you. For everything you've done and continue to do.

It really changed my life. (http://img4.imageshack.us/img4/8476/collectiveinternethug.jpg)

[Gavin Luper]

It's awesome to read your respective accounts of your lives and dreams. It strikes me as amazing how similar we all are, ultimately.

As for me ... I remember deciding, when I was seven years old, that I wanted to be a writer. I have vigorously pursued this destiny ever since. I won a prize at high school, I chose to study creative writing at university, I had a short story published when I was 20 and I have written published journalistic articles, too. I am now working on my Honours thesis, which will be extrapolated into a novel. I have achieved some of my other dreams, like travelling overseas through much of Europe, learning other languages (French and Italian), going to uni (the first in my family to do so), and acting (in some short student films, but I'll claim this, 'cause it was great fun). I still have so much that I aspire to - being a musician, a professional actor, having a novel (rather, several novels) published, getting more into sports - but I have achieved a great deal given how young I am.

Personality-wise, am I the person I thought I'd be when I was younger? Totally not. I used to be quite reserved and toxically perfectionistic. I'm glad I am more outspoken now and more accepting of my humanity.

[Crystal Mew]

I thought I'd be married with kids by now....haha glad I'm not

[Samchu]

I asked myself this same question a little while back and the answer, no, nope, not even close. Which is kind of sad considering that my career choices haven't exactly changed over the years. Initially, I wanted to be a football player. Or, for you Americans out there, a soccer player. I was good at it, and I mean really good. I was out in the street every night playing with or against the neighbourhood boys and I was the top player on the school team, a position I shared with a girl who played and trained weekly as part of an after school team. I wanted to join an outside team but my Dad was a single parent struggling to afford a live-in nanny to take care of us, a Slovakian girl who spoke little English and couldn't drive. Sure she was lovely, but that meant no one to make sure I could get to or from training sessions. So I did the best I could. I pushed myself in streets and up sidewalks. My family told me there was no money in women's football but that just made me more determined to succeed. Then Middle School happened and suddenly there were no tournaments to go to. Girls lost interest in football so there was no girls team. I ended up in mixed rugby because my neighbour played so I could actually go to practices but I didn't have any love for it.

Towards the end of High School I finally had the means to join an outside team but the damage had been done. I'd lost my edge. I still loved it, still pushed myself, still had that drive. But my confidence was lost, my skill rusted. And as I quickly learned, no coaches out there train you and they all act not for love of the game but for personal stake. I watched my hard-work get sidelined because there were daughters or girlfriends. But the biggest insult came in a cup match where I was moved out of position and given strict orders to follow the advice of a specific player. A player's whose advice contradicted that of my team captain's and therefore left me with no idea of what I was doing. Team captain was the manager's fiance. She bitched I wasn't listening to her and the same man who told me to listen to someone else substituted me. So I quit and I waited out the months until Uni and I started playing again. It was an uphill battle but I thought I was making progress. I found myself well suited to the winger role, being fast and a decent passer. But suddenly I was forced to play centre. Yes, I know you go where the coach tells you but I was out of my depth, surrounded by bodies and all of them bigger than me. I was back to struggling just when I'd found myself. And then the season was over. After that, I got a job which meant I couldn't play match days so I didn't play. I haven't kicked a football in 3 years and I can't watch a match without that itch coming back. Hopefully I'll be able to pick it up as a hobby but sadly that career path is lost to me.

Randomly, I dabbled in paleontology. I love dinosaurs. Always have. Still do, in fact. But...I don't know really. It's not that I grew out of it, I just never really clicked with science and being a paleontologist just sort of...stopped being a career goal. I'm not sure when it happened but I just realised that this wasn't going to be what I spent my life doing. Awesome as it would be, it's just not what I'm meant to do.

I spent the middle section of my teenage years imagining being an RAF pilot. I say imagining because it was never what I considered to be a plausible goal. I'm short sighted, very much so in my right eye and I knew from the start that would be a hinderance. But I maintain that one day I will hold a pilot's licence of some description. I've flown an acrobatic plane, albeit briefly. It won't be a career but it'll be something.

Writing...now writing is something I have been passionate about for a long time. I didn't realise until 6th grade how much it meant to me and from that point I was determined to make that work. I wrote all the time, especially in classes I wasn't supposed to. I kept practicing and re-working, filling notebooks and notebooks. I wrote a novel one summer. Just sat down every night and bashed out a new section. Took it to school the following year and handed it round my classmates. I'll never forget the sight of my friend walking down the corridor, so completely absorbed in what she was reading that she had no idea what was going on around her. And I thought, that's what I want to accomplish in my life. So I edited the book and sent it to every literary agent I could find. I failed there. The book was terrible; cliched, full of holes. I figured I needed some direction, someone to show me what I needed to know to fix my mistakes. So I decided to do a writing degree. But rejection had also taught me to consider that writing alone was not the best option for me, I needed to go joint honours, have an academic stimulus as well as a creative one. So I looked around and found a little University tucked in the corner of London that offered Creative Writing with Classical Civilisations and I thought, hey, I liked studying Greeks and Romans, let's do it.

Currently, I'm finishing a Master's degree in Historical Research with the intent of taking a PhD in Classics and becoming a Classics lecturer. I still write, I still love to write, and I'd still love to make a career out of it but I've gone as far as I can go with it academically. So until I manage to get something published, this is the direction I'm taking.

So yeah...not even close to the person I thought I would be. I look back and think that young me would kick current me in the ass if they saw the direction I'd taken and how many things I'd let fuck me over. Realising that has been a kick up the ass for me, and has inspired me to get my life prioritised. Be interesting to see how the me 10 years from now is different from me now and the expectations I have of myself now.

[Katie]

Yes I am a ballerina

[Asilynne]

When I was a kid I wanted to be a lot of things mainly because I had (and still have) so many varied interests its hard for me to nail something down lol I've wanted to be a vet, an astronomer, an air force pilot, a sign language (and other foreign language) interpreter, a published poet, and even the President one day. I am none of these things and some of them I have since decided weren't for me after all.
But under all the job titles I had a dream of what I wanted for the future, something that I dreamed about as a little kid and it never changed or faded away, and that was to get married and have a happy, loving family. I came from a broken family and I longed to start a family of my own one day that stayed together and didn't have horrible arguments and fights. My family now is calmer since we are all grown and the old hurts have faded but I still have that dream, to have kids and maintain a home and loving family with a husband who is loving and supportive, and who is also a teammate and best friend. After a long time I think I'm finally on that path :)

I also have a new dream that I never thought I would want to do when I was a kid, and that is to become a nutritionist. I still plan on going to college and even if it takes awhile I have learned from my Granny that its never too late to achieve what you want for yourself, so that is what I'll do!

BTW, this is a very inspirational and thoughtful topic so thanks for posting, its nice to get an insight on the people who we see posting every day :)

[Jeff]

When I was little, I remember wanting to be a firefighter because it sounded like a cool job. Then I grew older and wanted to be a scientist, because that's what fit my interests. I've always figured that by 27 I'd be married and have a family and a good job. I guess I've taken the scenic route. I am working on going back to college though, possibly as early as this fall, and I've also recently started to get more serious about meeting someone (most likely spurred by the fact that earlier this year a girl asked me for my phone number, which made me realize that it is possible for girls to be interested in me:P). As for my dream of being a scientist, my dad, who works for the Maryland State Highway Administration, has been trying to interest me in a job at their lab, which tests things like the friction between tires and roads with varying degrees of wear and tear in order to ensure that the roads are safe, and of course, other things. It does interest me, I just need that degree.

So, I'm not quite there yet, but I would say I'm on my way.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Originally, when I was 5 years old, i wanted to be an archeologist. Yes. And not because of Indiana Jones movies, I never watched them as a kid, but because I was genuinely interested in biblical history. Forgot that quite soon.

Next thing I wanted to be was a writer. I thought it would be easy and fun, but realized soon not easy. I thought too much of myself.

Then came drawing comics. That was like my DESTINY for more than 5 years but then I sorta gave up and started drawing less frequently. I still do draw comics, but not at all so much as before.

As I progressed in the school front, the odds began to seem like overwhelming. I was good at mathematics, I was good at languages. I was still somewhat interested in history. I wanted to be this, I wanted to be that. I even didn't avoid conscription army and actually wanted to be a general or something there. Or something.

I would have been able to study Mathematics at Oulu University but no. Instead, I have taught Japanese and studied more languages and now I work at the library car.

And I'd also like to include TPM. This is the way I can write my stuff for everyone to read around the world.

[Magmar]

And I'd also like to include TPM. This is the way I can write my stuff for everyone to read around the world.

:)

I never thought I'd be nearly 26 and still posting here! I really like having TPM as a part of my life. A bigger part than anyone I know IRL realizes.

[ChobiChibi]

I get that too, Barreh. No other community in my life truly gives as much care and support as you guys. Lots of banter, lots of fun times. I found my best friend here. What more can I say? You're all awesome.

Back to the topic, I don't think I thought a lot about things deep and meaningful as a child, as in what I wanted to be like as a person. But I do like who I am. I'm a lot more confident than I used to be, but people still identify me as the "quiet one". In a mischievous way. I don't see that anymore, myself, knowing that I was a LOT quieter in my youth. But I am mischievous >w>

Career wise, I'm somewhere completely different. I always wanted to be a vet, mostly for my love of cute and cuddly things. But other than getting quite the reasonable science grades, I didn't really do anything to get there. I hit the mid to late teens and decided I wanted to do forensics, but failing AS level chemistry meant I couldn't do that, so I went towards the thing that had always been there: music. I will be a teacher, I'm working on that. I hope the direction I'm going in at the moment is the right one.

[shazza]

No I'm not, and that's a lot been self inflicted by overly emphasized anxiety and self-doubt which has been nothing but a self-fulfilling prophecy. But I'm a wonderful person who is learning to love himself and in turn and step my foot in the door at new experiences and challenges. I'm studying some Psychology which was one of my interests in pursuing as a child, and even if I don't go onto to do a Masters of Clinical Psychology, I'm still enjoying the ride nonetheless.

I don't know what the future has ahead for me, but it's up to me, my actions and self belief as to where it takes me (notwithstanding external events out of my control, of course).

My main interests right now are writing, psychology/counseling and music. Hopefully one of them can be utilised in an occupation, but I'm sick of putting so much emphasis on self-esteem equating to a vocation. It is not means to an end; it is simply a means to other ends.

Travel. I need to travel.

I am not who I thought I'd be, I've made mistakes (mostly by not taking opportunities), but I'm only 23 and have a few years left ahead of me and I'm ready to apply myself. Equating outcomes with your personality/intelligence can be a very damaging trait to have; it may have some merit, but effort and dedication is crucial.

[MToolen]

Am I doing what I thought I'd be doing? Yes. I knew in sixth grade that I wanted to be either an art teacher or a music teacher. In seventh grade, I had the worst art teacher ever (I cannot understate that; absolutely no feedback or direction, which is a teacher's primary responsibility), so I decided on music. In just four short weeks, I will have completed my final classes and can graduate with a Bachelor of Music in Education. I can then go look for a music teaching job and/or grow my private studio. In eighth grade, I met a girl and decided I liked her. Today, we have been married 2+ years, having dated for six before that.

But am I who I thought I would be? I like to think I am. To those I perform for or teach, I have worked hard to be an expert of music as well as being a facilitator of learning (not a spouter of information); while I never will be perfect at them, I have made them a great focus, and I can't deny that I have some talent and skill in the areas. To my wife, I work hard at being a man worth living with, and I intend to keep it that way. To my church (where I lead worship), I work at being a good example of a person using his talents for his ministry.

Of course, being pushed into the real world soon, I will need to convince others of being these things. I appreciate the chance to contemplate it. The responses here are great reads, too, and I love the honesty of this group. I never seem to stick around long, but TPM always feels welcome to me.