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Mew_girl
25th June 2003, 04:39 PM
whoa its been like what forever? yah I've been busy and I never got into this place like I thought but I'm trying here again so here is my fanfic er another one. most of the ones I put here died so I gave up posting them here but I'm trying again. if you don't like something in the story then tell me cuz I want to know what you think and all.

just to let you know this is pg-13 it might go down. volince eek.


Fallen Angel

The dark the light. The love the hate. The tears the smiles. The evil the innocent.

One long fight that started in the beginning of time. The fight that will end when the sun goes out.

The winner?

There will be no winner. In less the one can be found.

Can you stand the dark? Can you find the light? Are you the one we need?

Maybe.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The sunsets as are hero's make there way down the long road to a new town where the next badge is. The leader of the group, a boy with spiky black hair and zigzag birth marks smiles as he looks up at the sun.

"Another great day" he said smiling. The red head partner of the group sighed.

"Yeah great" she said sighing. The other male, tall and dark skinned looked at a map.

"We are about a days walk away from blackthorn city," He said folding the map and putting it in his pocket.

"All right lets set up camp!" said the leader.

They worked hard, setting up the camp laying out the sleeping bags and starting a fire.

"Ash can you get the fire wood?" said the girl.

"Sure Misty" said the boy with zigzag cheek birthmarks on his face. The other boy was fixing a stew his name was Brock (yes, yes introducing characters I was)

Ash walked off into the forest, his pokachu on his shoulder. Ash bent over and picked up a few sticks and adding them to the pile in his hand after a while he had enough and headed back to camp. A swooping sound was heard and Ash quickly looked around. The forest of trees was around him and he could see the camp not to fair away. But something was standing in the shadow of a tree. Blinding in looking just like a shadow, but a long black feather could be see coming out of the shadow. Ash looked at it confused.

"Pikaaa" said Pikachu angrily. "Whatever you are come out," Ash ordered. The area around him got cold. It was not a cold like snow or winter, it was cold like evil, and the being stepped out.

The trainer gasped at the sight of the thing. It liked like a man, but with two long feathered wings and small horns coming out of his head. His eyes the color of blood and long claws on his fingers.

"Aw future members" The demon like thing said his voice hiss like. Ash noticed the crystal around his neck, it was green colored. Ash stepped back at the sight, it could not be any pokemon or human or anything on earth. Could it?

"Who-what are you?" Ash asked, Pikachu growled. The being laughed deep and hard, it made the hairs on Ash's neck stand. The being took a step forward and Ash took one back. Pikachu stood his ground.

"I am a demon of the dark, a warrior," He says. "I am Saru" He says "Please let me tell you something" he said walking closer. Pikachu's cheeks lit up and gave the demon a thunderbolt, the demon winced but it did not stop him, he turned to the mouse pokemon and pointed his hand at it. A black ball of energy shot out, hitting the pokemon hard. Pikachu screamed in pain as he went flying. Ash rushed over to his pokemon picking him up. Pikachu did not move did not make a sound not even breathing. Ash's eyes filled with water.

"You killed him," Ash said hugging the pikachu. "No! No! Wake up!" Ash yelled shacking the pokemon, but Pikachu lade limp in his arms.

"Ash?" He heard and he turned around to see Brock and Misty standing there staring at the demon.

"Oh you have friends? Much better" The demon said smiling and showing pointed teeth like a vampire. Misty run over to Ash and took one look at pikachu.

"OH MY WORD WHAT HAPPEN!" she yells jumping away.

"He killed Pikachu" Ash said standing up stilling holding the body of his best friend.

"Oh no boo hoo I killed the rat" Said Saru, smirking to himself. Misty's eyes watered as she began to cry. Brock stood there in shock then shook his head reaching into his bag and pulling out a pokeball.

"Onix tackle that thing!" he yelled as the rock snake came out and charged the demon. The demon flew up and shot to more black energy balls, hitting the rock pokemon and knocking it out. Brock ran up to his pokemon glad to see it was still alive and returned it.

"Sorry buddy" Brock said. The demon smiled.

"I think I'll take the B*** first" the demon said flying down and grabbing misty around the waist and flying back up. Misty screamed kicking and fighting against the demon but he had a strong grip on her.

"Calm down" he said. "I want to make you an afore you don't want to refuse" he says into her ear. His hands are moving up and down her body feeling around. Misty closes her eyes afraid.

"Please stop" Misty cries and stops struggling.

"Good girl" The demon whispers. He stops moving his hands around her body and holds on tight. He can hear the trainers yelling at him from the ground. He turns his head down to look at them.

"Try anything and I'll drop here," he yells down to them, the trainers stop yelling and watch, to afraid for their friend. The demon puts his face back against Misty's ear.

"Now here is what I have to offer, I'll put it simple for your small brain. Join the dark or die"

"What?" Misty asks, ever more confused. "What's the dark?" she asks.

"Oh it's a great place, you get wings and you can get whatever you want, we fight the light, a spoiled goodie goodies that don't know when to quit," He answers her.

"If it's so great why do you have to threaten people into joining?" Misty said. The demons nails dug into her skin.

"You will join" he said digging harder, Misty cried out in pain and started to struggle again but only made the nail deep in deeper.

"Let her go Saru" a female voice is heard. The demon cries out in pain and lets Misty go, she starts falling to the ground, Misty screams closing her eyes ready for the stop pain and death. But it did not come. She opened her eyes and looked up. She was being held tightly in someone's arms.

"A angel" Misty said looking at the lady. The girl holding here had long white wings, each wing a little bigger then her body, her long purple hair blue in the wind and she had the most beautiful baby blue eyes. They soared around then the angle being landed by Ash stilling holding Misty tightly in her arms. Ash and Brock stared at the beautiful woman. The demon landed a few yards away hissing.

"Can you stand?" asked the angle her voice high and sweet to hear. Misty nodded and the angle let her down. Misty stood there shaking. Ash ran up to her, Pikachu's body on the ground.

"Misty you ok" Ash asked. Brock walked up to the angle.

"Thank you" he said. Brock noticing her beauty but just could not hit on her. The angle nodded and turns to the demon.

"These are my human Mai stay away. I got here first" He says. Mai rolls her eyes.

"You have to make a game out of everything don't you? I want you to leave, I have half the mind to call my friends," The Angle known as Mai said. The demon sighed.

"If I didn't like you so much I'd kill you, your welcome to join are side anytime," Says the demon, he snaps his fingers and was gone in a puff of smoke. The angle smirked and turns back to the group.

"Oh my I did not know it was you" Mai said to ash smiling. "Oh and your friends"

They all seem confused.

"How do you know me?" asked Ash. The angle smiles

"Oh I forgot I was a pokemon then! I'm Mai but you would know me as mew" she said, they all seem confused.

"Oh yes, yes! Mewtwo whipped you minds about me!" she said snapping her fingers. "Mewtwo was cloned from a mew fossil, well I am a mew err I mean I use to be"

"What?" Brock asked. Ash turned away back to pikachu he picked the body up.

"I don't care right now, I just want to know" Ash says

"WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON?" He yells at Mai. Mai jumps back noticing the mouse's dead body.

"Oh dear did he do that?" Mai said walking up to Ash.

"Yes HE did this" Ash answers. My reach's her hand out to Ash.

"Can I see?" she asks. Ash blinks letting the tears run down his face, then hands the body over. "Its not to late I think" maid said putting her hand on the Pikachu's head.

"If Light let it be let this being live again" She said, a light shines in her hand and Pikachu starts breathing again.

"He is asleep let him rest" She says handing the pokemon back to Ash, Ash blinks a couple times holding the now alive pokemon. He looks up at Mai.

"Who are you really?" He asks.

Mai smiles.

uh whatever...-__- so far all the sites I've put this no one likes so if someone would please tell me what they thought thanks. and if you see grammer mistakes please tell me where so I can fix them. thank you.

Co1
25th June 2003, 10:31 PM
First let me start off by saying great plot, and great opening chapter..

EXCEPT:

Sooo many typeos.. lots of spelling was wrong, lots of puncuation was missing, etc. You should by typign this in Microsoft Word and have spellcheck turned ON to catch all your little spelling mistakes. But also, make sure you PROOFREAD every chapter to catch the things that Word doesn't catch. Description was decent, a little lacking in some places, but good nonetheless..

Decent length, try and make your sentences flow together a bit more. Try and leave little author notes out, cause it takes away from the fic.

One last thing: The names of cities and Pokemon should be capitalized.

Pardon me for asking, but.. is English your first language? How old are you?

Overall, work on your punctuation/spelling/grammar

Mew_girl
26th June 2003, 09:50 AM
whoa...note to self say take out point out erros and hide from people.


anyway this is one of my better stories and I DID write it in Microsoft Word and I DID have spell check on.

I'm not going to say my age cuz I don't want to get laughed out of the site.

and thanks for the uh comments peop- you and uh o.o ouch.


I'll try harder and if the next chapter is any better do tell and if not then don't tell...lol ok you cna tell....


Grammer? what grammer? I mean yes I know I'm working at it.
but just give me some time its been a while since I write anything at all!

Co1
26th June 2003, 11:01 AM
Originally posted by Mew_girl
whoa...note to self say take out point out erros and hide from people.


anyway this is one of my better stories and I DID write it in Microsoft Word and I DID have spell check on.

I'm not going to say my age cuz I don't want to get laughed out of the site.

and thanks for the uh comments peop- you and uh o.o ouch.


I'll try harder and if the next chapter is any better do tell and if not then don't tell...lol ok you cna tell....


Grammer? what grammer? I mean yes I know I'm working at it.
but just give me some time its been a while since I write anything at all!

To be honest I don't really care how old you are, I was just wondering.. You probably wont' get laughed at. There are people in their twenties here and people as young as eight years old here.

And don't get me wrong your first chapter was good, but you just need to make it easier to read by proofreading your writing and correcting your little puncuation mistakes, the few grammar mistakes, and the several typos you made. IMO it doesn't matter how bad the first chapter of a fic is (and yours was NOT bad) as long as you learn from your mistakes and improve as the story continues. Get what I'm saying? :)