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Pichu Luver
23rd July 2003, 09:18 PM
Hey people some of you might know as the sometimes reply to your fics person ^^''' Uh yeah well at least I'm not totally silent right? Heh well I'be written my own decided to post it here. I'm pretty knew at this whole writing a fan-fic thing so don't totally kill me k? ^^''' It's a in-progress fic so I post as I type lol well here it goes.

Crossing Paths
Prologue: Aurora’s Promise

The water washed against rocks that were once a grand mountain. But as always water and winds breaks a mountain and now it is reduced to a few humble rock formations. Dotting which is now known as the Canadian Shield. Perhaps in a few hundred years these rocks would be gone as well but for now they were a seat. For a woman clad in a turquoise dress sat watching the sun fall behind the trees that surround this whole lake, and many many miles around it. The waters were slowly growing black but for now they were purple, pink, and red reflecting the sky above.

The woman sighed and held a sorrowful look in her indigo eyes. She looked around her at the cottages on the lake and behind her, listening to the occasional boat flying past getting to the docks before dark. She could hear laughter from one of the campfires behind her “Silly beings, they don’t even realize what is happening. Perhaps they can laugh now but . . .” she murmured to herself and turned to look at the rock on which she was seated. “Soon they might be as worn as this rock-once a grand mountain now a small insignificant rocky mass. It’s a good seat though.” and a smiled played on her lips. Hope filtered into her eyes and they almost seemed to change . . . Now a light sky blue. “Well all is not lost I suppose, the Guardians may be able to
fix what was wronged.” She turned from the rock and back to the lake, which was now all black, and the sky was now a dark blue to purple the Milky Way starting to show in the heavens above.

She got up from her seat and turned to the people seated around the fire that was situated in front of a cottage. Now they were trying to sing Christmas carols and failing miserably. She walked up to them and jumped down from the rocks to the grass. She leaned against a tree on the outskirts of the group and listened in on the song-

“On the 7th day of Christmas my true love gave to me uh . . . anyone know?” asked a rather plump man with black hair. He was sitting in a chair that seemed dangerously close to tipping.

“Uh . . . 7 swans a swimming isn’t it dad?” asked a slightly skinny girl from a chair across from the plump man. She had blue eyes though hard to tell in the firelight and chin length blond hair.

“Sounds right.” said the man to her left with light brown hair.

“Ok then on the 7th day of Christmas my true love gave to me seven sw-whoa!” the plump man’s chair had tipped and he was about to fall over the small incline that led to some grass then rocks below. The lady in the turquoise dress disappeared in a flash reappearing next to the man and righted his chair.

The man chuckled lightly and said, “Well got lucky there didn’t I? Guess I know how to right a chair.” He chuckled some more and the people around joined in. The blond girl however was staring to a spot next to him, right at the turquoise lady, eyes very wide. She blinked and then seemed confused, rubbing her eyes.

“Yeah you saved yourself from a right banging on the head.” replied a woman on his right with slightly wavy hair. “I suggest you move that chair to a more safe spot.”

“Yeah maybe I should.” he moved to a more safe area that wasn’t about to tip his chair over the edge.

“I think I’m gonna head in, I’m quite tired.” said the blond and looking back at the area where the plump man had been before. She shook her head but then smiled, “Night everyone.”

A round of good nights came from the crowd around the campfire as she turned and headed in the small cottage. The turquoise dressed woman just shook her head causing her shoulder length white hair to dance around. If you hadn’t realized yet no one can see her, well almost no one. The blond girl had seen her, if only for a few seconds. “Yes the Guardians are almost ready. Soon very soon, though I wish I didn’t have to take them, it’s necessary.” Her eyes went a little darker again and she went back to the rocks sitting on them again. “Why it’s me that has to take them is puzzling.” her eyes changed to a dark green as if to reflect her confusion.

A small white light appeared next to her and she turned to it, a smile forming her lips. “Aurora, how good of you to come, beautiful night isn’t it?”

The light grew and formed a human, which sat down on the rocks next to her. She also had white hair, waist length though, and her eyes were for now light blue. She had a royal blue dress on, “Yes it is beautiful, and the air is so pure up here to. How humans live in those cities is beyond me, so polluted.”

“Yes well, perhaps they get used to it. How is a wonder though.” said the first woman. “Can you tell me why I have to be the one to take the Four from their holiday? As far as I know I will have no further involvement with them.”

“Well Eventide it’s better if they have no involvement with me until near the end of the journey.” she replied.

“Yes well would you mind reciting that to me? You know the whole Promise you made up a while ago.” said Eventide her eyes going an excited pink.

“A while ago? Wasn’t more like 500 years? Now that’s quite a while isn’t it?” said Aurora an amused look on her face her eyes going a light green.

“Well I didn’t want to imply you were old or anything so uh . . . You made it when you were what, 1568?” said Eventide stammering and looking a little worried.

Aurora laughed and said, “Now no need to get frantic or anything, I know my age and I’d say I’m still quite young.”

Eventide looked at her skeptically but seemed to relax and said, “No offence but you are the oldest one out of us. Anyway would you mind reciting it? I’ve never heard and the others wouldn’t say it.”

“They wouldn’t say it huh? Well I’m going to need to talk to them, we were all 300 once. Anyway, yes it would be a pleasure to say it now how did it go?” she seemed to ask herself closing her eyes and said,


“The Guardian Three shall be chosen,
When Mother Nature has been crying,
For Humans have been abusing Earth,
And so now is it slowly dying.

As to mark them as the Guardian Three,
There shall be a brown fleck on the left ring,
Their early life is really a sad tale,
Now though kind respect makes them want to sing.

Unfair though as life has always been,
They will be taken from holiday,
To a lake that is not as so far,
As the quest to where they dare not say

First they all will go to a new school,
Where they all shall learn to battle hard,
Not with themselves but with sleek creatures,
Hope to win is in the hearts who sparred.

Who which means Lovely Goddess of War,
Journeys alone in another’s path,
Learning how to swing through grey canyons,
On lines so thin please don’t do the math.

Few in good beasts and only newly trained,
Now they venture through the strange moving hoop,
To find that friends are few in testing grounds,
Those you have hang in there through each mad loop.

Once trust has been gained adventure starts,
Saving the teams is their goal for now,
Until when the time is right for change,
Kittens and fairies fit for a bow.

Finally back to a land of battles,
Now they’re ready to fight for a token,
And maybe just maybe catch some new friends,
Now home they go for she has spoken.

Unfortunately she is not done,
A short break then time to save nature,
Combined they will save the humble Earth,
Man learns and they say catch ya later.”

She opened her eyes and they seemed a solemn navy. Eventide noticed this and said, “I’m sorry Aurora if I upset you in any way I was just curious. Perhaps to much . . .”


Aurora turned to her and replied, “No we all have a right to know, the others should have told you but perhaps it was best if I did. Anyway it is said, though I wish I hadn’t made it . . .”

“Well someone had to, maybe it was all the better you did. If Matin had made it imagine what he’d of done. At least you were calm about it.” said Eventide trying to cheer up her mentor and friend.

Aurora seemed to lighten up at this and smiled at Eventide, “Yes well if he had made it all the poor children would be very confused right now wouldn’t they? Always such a worrywart wasn’t he? Prophecies always seem to come to those who want them the least. Remember what he was like when it happened? So jealous.”

“Yes very funny.” remarked Eventide, “ you knew it would be a long time until the Four would arrive. May I ask how?”

The skies were now very dark and the Milky Way almost fully visible. Aurora looked up at them and stared for a while simply looking or something more Eventide couldn’t tell until she spoke. “The stars tell a lot you know.”

Eventide simply nodded, it was said the Ancient could read the stars (Aurora didn’t like to be called that but it was the formal term for the eldest Naki). How she read them Eventide did not know but she guessed she would know when she was older. “The starts are beautiful, if not readable right now.”

“Yes well be happy that you cannot read them yet, I look at them and all I see is dates and information. It can be useful yes but . . . I’d rather just look at them and be blissfully unaware, like you. Remember that we will all be an Ancient one day.” remarked Aurora. “Why they came up with Ancient as the name is beyond me makes us sound so old.”

“Yes well . . . us Naki’s were always strange in our ways weren’t we? The Elves despised us for that.” Eventide and Aurora chuckled a little. Eventide looked away from the stars and back at the rock, “Though I can’t imagine myself as an ancient. I’m simply to . . . what’s the word? Chancy I’d say, taking risks and perhaps hanging around humans too much. They’re quite strange but interesting creatures to I’d have to say. Perhaps that’s why the Guardians have to save them . . .” said Eventide looking back at the stars.

“Yes that may be why, many inventions they’ve made, but they always seem to have a bad side effect. Well not all.” said Aurora as she looked out across the lake and heard the hearty chuckling in the background.

“They are trying to repair the damage they’ve done you know, those um hydro-electric cars and the just plain electric cars look promising. It’s to little to late isn’t it though . . .” Eventide looked sadly across the lake. “How long?”

“If the Guardians are unable to fix the damage then a year. It’ll start to really fall apart after that. I wonder if they’ve noticed it yet?”

“Slightly, not really though. Life still goes on as usual.”

Aurora nodded and sighed. “It’s really not fair for those four, having to fix something they didn’t mess up in the first place, well at least not directly.”

“Well hopefully humans will learn and not do it again? I wonder what will happen when they fix it . . . I’d like to see that.” Eventide grinned and turned to Aurora hoping for an answer,

“That not even I know. It could be subtle or outstanding. I personally hope for the later, make them really remember who saved their butts, and how they better make sure they do it right from now on.” Aurora looked up at the stars again and smiled, “And if I’m reading this right it will be the later.”

“Well bada boom bada bing!” Eventide said a big grin on her face. Aurora looked over at her and raised an eyebrow. “Uh . . . heard a human say and it sounded right for the moment . . .”

Aurora gave a hearty laugh and wiped some tears from her eyes, “well perhaps your right on one thing . . . You hang around humans a little too much.” Aurora laughed some more and Eventide looked a little sheepish. “You’ve certainly entertained me tonight Eventide and I have to thank you for that.”

“No problem Ancient.” said Eventide good-naturally and got up ready to spring off.

“Now I’ll have to punish you for that.” said Aurora also getting up.

“Eek help me!” cried Eventide and took off across the rocks, Aurora giving chase. As she reached the water she glowed white and changed into a little bright light. Aurora followed suit and they chased each other around in the air before diving into the water. They reappeared again and disappeared.

“Hey what was that?” asked the plump man looking out to the lake.

“Who knows it was probably just a fish eating some bug,” said the brown haired man.

“Yeah; well what day were we on?”

“The 12th.”

“Ok on the 12th day of Christmas . . .”


"When ideas fail, words come in very handy."~Goethe

So there it is! I hope you well at least sorta like it heh. I'll be adding little quotes at the end of each chapter just cause I feel like it :P Hehe well seeya!

~Pichu

Pichu Luver
29th July 2003, 11:57 PM
I get the point. ~ ~ So forgive me would yeah? Oh some swearing in this one. Not much though.

Chapter 1:Taken

A skinny girl sat on the rocks that reached out into the lake as a cool gentle breeze swept around her. The rocks water and wind blending together, each a part of the other. The girl was looking around at the small beach to right and the cottages and trees everywhere else. She was slightly short for her age, which was 13, and possessed bright blue eyes. Those eyes seemed to hold both defiance and serenity. A smile was plastered on her tanned face as she closed her eyes and toke a deep breath the wind ruffling her short blond hair.

“It’s so great up here not a chance for boredom, and everyone doesn’t have a care in the world.” I let a small giggle escape from my mouth. “For Pete’s sake they were singing Christmas songs last night.” I kept my eyes closed against the suns warm light. It felt so good. Although remembering last night made me frown. Something had happened that I couldn’t quite explain.

For the past few months I could swear I was seeing a woman perhaps around 20 to 25. She had striking white hair that reached about her shoulders and a turquoise dress on. Other then that I couldn’t tell much she seemed to come and go so fast for one second I’d see her then when I blinked she’d be gone. It was slightly disconcerting but she always seemed to be there to help. Every time I had saw her; she had saved someone or something I cared about. Last night it had been my dad’s friend Murat from cracking his skull open on rocks, before it had been my favourite necklace rescued from the sink drain, and also my friend Michelle from falling off her bike and in front of a car.

There are a few more stories but I’d rather not go over them at this moment. This was not a recollecting of the past. I was waiting on my friend Angelica. I only see her once a year was waiting on her to get her butt out of her family’s cottage to swim.

I looked over my shoulder with a raised eyebrow at the cottage. Conveniently right next to ours. Our two families were good friends and had a ball every summer when we met. I got up and started to walk over, “What could be taking her so bloody long?” I grumbled to myself. I carefully walked over the rock and roots sticking up from the ground, which had caused many an unfortunate people to fall and create quite a spectacle my dad being one of the unfortunate recipients of the roots.

I banged on her door prepared to argue about the water not being that cold when I saw her running out towards me, “hey sorry but I can’t go swimming with you I’ve already promised my brother I’d go with him to the movie theatre in town.”

I sighed but then smiled, “Nah that’s ok I’ll just go by myself. Gotta practice beating you at that dive anyway.” I winked at her. She did seem sincerely sorry. It was funny but no one seemed to be around today my parents were in town looking at some museum. And it looked like Angelica’s family was going in town to.

“Well alright but be careful ok? Cause no ones here.” She said looking worried.

“Don’t worry I will. I’m the most careful person on the lake.” I said grinning and turning from her, “Well see ya, have fun at the movies.” I waved to her and walked back down to the rocks to swim out to the dock not far from shore.
“Yeah right most safest, bye!” she called back to me and I raised my hand. I made sure that a rock was on my towel so it didn’t fly away. I walked down into the water making sure not to slip on the algae covered rocks.

“Man this is cold.” I muttered to myself as I jumped in and made my way to the dock. I’d get used to the water but it defiantly wakes you up REAL fast. I climbed up out of the water and to my surprise there was no one on the beach, or in front of the cottages. Which was very weird considering it was a beautiful day.

“Wonder where everyone is.” I mumbled as I looked around. I shrugged it off and prepared to dive. Angelica and me were seeing who could dive in with the least amount of splash. I was trying to go up then straight down which was proving difficult. I toke a small leap to warm up then jumped as high and far at I would go and for once I got it right! I went down straight into the water. I punched the water after breaching the surface in celebration. Then I realized I had went so deep in fact it started to get cold and I turned upward not wanting to touch the plants on the bottom. I had done before and didn’t want to again.

I opened my eyes a tad to make sure I was going in the right direction and to my surprise I saw a weird light blue circle directly above me. About 5 feet in diameter I estimated. I guessed it was because of my blurred sight that the water was looking weird and swam right up into it. Besides not like I had a choice, I needed air. Big mistake though. The minute I touched it I felt like I was spinning and I was sucked right into it.

I tried to scream but it was futile. My voice had chosen a really bad time to stopped working. Where’s a cough drop when you need one? Finally I realized I was flying through the freakiest light blue tunnel. I didn’t feel like myself though. I couldn’t feel my body; it was as though it was as if only my conscience was flying through this tunnel of freakiness. My conscience or whatever was telling me that it was VERY cold.

Just when I thought I would freeze to death I came flying out the ‘tunnel’. I flipped over and had a quick view of the tunnel I had shot out of. It looked like light blue water rippling continuously. Then inevitably I hit the ground and everything went black.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I did not know how much longer later I woke up and did my usual groan. Landing on your head does leave a dull ache you know. I opened my eyes and discovered grass, “ok its official my brain is not working.”

“Well your mouth sure is.” grumbled a voice to my right.

“Uh who the h*** said that?” I asked to the voice and sat up rapidly. Much to the dismay of my brain, which clouded my eyes for a few seconds. When they cleared I saw to my surprise saw 2 other teens laying on the ground or sitting up.

“Me.” said a guy, raising his hand. He had longer then most light brown hair. At this moment he had his back to me and was rubbing the back of his head. I must say he looked a little drenched.

The other was still lying on the ground rubbing his forehead. He was a boy with almost black hair. He had glasses or so I guessed, as there was a pair next to him. He also looked like he had fallen in mud or something.

“How’d you people get here?” I asked as the two people slowly sat up, and they turned towards me. They were still rubbing their heads. Mine hurt as well but I wasn’t about to rub it, I wanted answers.

“Strange blue portal.” mumbled the teen with almost black hair. He squinted at me before finding his glasses and shoving them on. Showing his hazel eyes. The others nodded in agreement.

“How strange is that? You’d thing they could move us less roughly though. I thought I’d freeze to death. Anyone have a Tylenol handy?”

“No sorry.” said the guy with light brown hair and green eyes. “What are your names? I’m Neal Miles.”

“Kyla Bellona.”

“Jacob Jarret but call me Jake.” said the almost black haired kid. I frowned as I heard an English accent escape from his mouth. “Um, Kyla were you by any chance swimming recently?”

I realized I was still wearing my bathing suit and said rather sarcastically,” Well what do you think?”

He looked hurt but said nothing and turned away from me.

“Before the arguments start how about we try and find our where we are.” said Neal rolling his eyes.

“I can help there.”

“YOU!” Jacob, and Neal yelled stared wide eyed behind be. I snorted but turned around to see a woman in a turquoise dress, shoulder length white hair and light green eyes.

“Yes . . .yes . . . me.” she said as she held her stomach laughing herself silly and tried to regain control.

I raised an eyebrow at her and Jacob asked, “You’ve seen her to? I’ve only seen her for a few seconds.”

Neal and I nodded and the girl finally stopped laughing, well almost. She smiled warmly and said, “Welcome, I’m Eventide. I already know your names so no need to tell me.”

“What are we doing here?” asked Neal.

“That will be explained in a second first how did you all get here? You first, tell me” she asked Neal. Well, more like ordered. She still seemed to have a cheery attitude but I could of sworn her eyes changed colour to a navy blue.


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A teen of about 16 was walking down the sidewalk of a fairly busy street, which belonged to this fairly small city in Oregon, USA. This town was surrounded by hills and trees great places to horseback ride go ATV-ing, or dirt biking. He was whistling happily to himself. He had just bought himself a new portable CD player with his birthday money, one he had wanted for a long time. His ear length brown hair bounced around on his head only sometimes getting in the way of his vision.

People passing him on street gave him odd looks but today nothing could bug him though and his green eyes showed happiness. He had just passed his and his friends favourite hangout point when he was clapped on the shoulder.

“Hey Neal want to come and go bike riding? Mark says he found a great spot with some great hills.” said Kyle, Mark behind him.

“Nah sorry can’t, dad’s coming over today. Says he’s got a big surprise, but it’s up to me if I want it.” I said my confusion over why I wouldn’t want it showing on my face.

“IF you want it. Ha why wouldn’t you? Well I’ll see ya around then.” he said raising his hand in farewell and heading off home with Mark.

“Bye!” I called after them and continued on my way home. My house was on the outskirts of town. It had about 10 acres and we used just for bike riding mostly. It was hidden from the road and had a lot of privacy.

I soon exited the town and was walking down the road to my house. Should of used my bike but I thought might as well walk. The dikes were full from many days rainfall before. I wasn’t far down the secluded road when I heard a cars coming.

I turned to step off the road but I’d rather not get wet. The car appeared and was going rather fast down this type of road. I silently cursed and reluctantly stepped of the road into the water. Unfortunately I didn’t think it be that slippery and I slipped right in.

“Oh f***!” I cried out as I fell in the water


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“And now I’m here after going through a less then great ride through a blue tunnel.” finished Neal sarcastically.

Eventide nodded slightly and turned to Jacob or ‘Jake’. I could tell this guy was a less then outgoing person and I usually didn’t get along with those type of people. They never stood up for themselves, which I found rather annoying.

“Now you please.” she said

He nodded and told his story . . .


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

On a bench in a park was a almost black haired boy. A pond could be heard hitting its shores not to far away. This park was in fact in the city of Bath, Avon, England. The boy was too involved in his game (which is in fact Pokemon Silver) to notice that some kids laughing quietly were sneaking up on him from behind.

“Come on Joni I know you can be Red’s Snorlax. It an’t that hard.” he mumbled to himself. Pushing his glasses further up his nose.

“Jacob playing your silly little game again?” asked one of the kids as he reached the bench. Jacob jumped and turned around . . .

“It isn’t silly, now please leave me alone.” I said politely as I could.

“Right well I think we’ll just take that game off you. You don’t really need it anyway,” said the boy smirking at me. The rest of his group, which consisted of 3 guys and a girl, started to walk up to me.

“No it’s mine just leave me alone wouldn’t you Tyler.” I said and I got up nervously and backed up.

“Sure we’ll leave you alone once you give us that game. We just want to see what’s so good about it,” said Tyler.

I turned around a started to sprint into the forest. I knew I couldn’t get them to just go away so I ran. What else was there to do? I couldn’t fight them. I’d get pummelled. Thankfully with all this torment I had become quite the good runner. I could hold them off for quite a while. I slowed for only a second to put my game boy in my pocket and zip it up.

“Aren’t these guys ever going to give up?” I groaned to myself as I looked over my shoulder and saw them still sprinting after me about 5 minutes later. To my annoyance had big grins on their faces. “Great today they REALLY want to beat me up. Must be bored”

Eventually after 10 minutes of sprinting my breath came in rasping gasps and I made one last turn. One way or another I had made it back to the pond in all my turns. Unfortunately the path I was on was muddy as it was so close to the pond.

“Whaaaaaaaaaaa!” I cried as I slipped and slid right into the bushes.

“We got him guys!” cried Tyler behind me as I slid. I looked over my shoulder and saw bushes crashing down. Perhaps if I had turned around sooner I could of stopped myself but sadly I didn’t. I turned around just in time to see the pond and I flew off the slope into it.

I sighed and mumbled, “Good thing I know how to swim.”


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“And that’s pretty much what happened to me except I didn’t fall in the water of course.” he said turning his gaze down from Eventide and looked at the ground. “They hadn’t bugged me in a while though so I guess they really had wanted to get me then.”

He seemed to mumble the last part to himself and I had to feel a little sorry for Jacob. I had never been tormented like that. And if I wasn’t mistaken Eventide’s eyes went darker.

“Well mines pretty obvious I was swimming and was coming up for air when, well I didn’t go through water. At least I don’t think.” I said confused.

“Right well we told our part, now can you please explain what in the h*** are we doing here?” demanded Neal glowering at Eventide.

Eventide sighed with forced patience, “Yes well I guess I must. I did say I would.” she closed her eyes for a second and looked like she was calming herself down. It had looked like she was about to cry. “Well, it’s really quite simple. If you would look at your left ring finger.”

“Uh?” I asked and looked at my left hand. There was nothing odd about it at all just a little birthmark on my ring finger.

“There’s nothing odd though miss, just a birth mark.” said Jacob.

She opened her eyes and said, “That’s the point you all have a birth mark on you left ring finger.”

I rolled my eyes and added sarcastically, “Excuse me but don’t A LOT of people have that? I mean there is what 6 billion people on the Earth.”

“No only you 3 have it”

We just stared at her for a couple of seconds as I thought to myself, what’s the big deal? So what were the only people on Earth to have a birthmark on our left ring finger? Wait how would she - “How do you KNOW that?”

She smiled knowingly and simply motioned us to get up as she started to walk away. We tried but our legs wouldn’t budge.

Neal glared at her and growled,” Ok what have you done to us? We can’t get up.”

“Oh sorry.” She simply waved her hand and we scrambled to our feet immediately. “When you first got here I didn’t want you taking off.”

“Oh yeah and why don’t we just leave now?” snapped Neal.

“Because you have know idea where you are or you would have left already.”

We all glared at her smiling face but followed her. It was true we had no idea where we were and had no real choice but to follow her. The trees seemed to move aside as we passed then came together as we left. It wasn’t obvious it was doing that though. I looked at Eventide with increased suspicion. It didn’t take long to reach a shining lake with one small cottage on its edge.

“Wow.” I breathed as we all looked wide-eyed at the beautiful lake and pristine environment surrounding it. “Where are we?”

“At a lake north of Armstrong. Which in turn is close to Lake Nipigon.”

“Wait you mean we’re still in Ontario?”

“What do you mean we? Last I checked I lived in Oregon.” said Neal.

“And I England.” said Jacob.

We all stopped and turned to look at Eventide who sighed again, shrugging. “Well you were simply transported here. Nice place to live really.”

“We don’t have to live here do we?” I asked getting nervous. “If your some kidnapper it was pretty stupid to tell us where we are.”

“You wouldn’t be able to find your ways back home anyway.”

I groaned, as she was right again.

“Now please come inside and it will be really explained to you alright? I’ll give you some hot chocolate, it’ll make you feel better.”

We simply nodded and followed her inside the small cottage. It had a great view of the lake and a dock stretching out onto the lake a ways. There was a screened in porch with a swing where the boys took their shoes off. Inside was one room that had a couch, two chairs, and a coffee table on the left and a kitchen on the right. A hallway at the back led to the bathroom and bedrooms.

“Well go to your rooms in the back and get cleaned up and changed. I’ll meet you back here in 10 minutes,” said Eventide putting the kettle on the stove.

We went down the hallway and saw our names on certain doors. Mine was the last on the right and when I opened it I saw clothes sitting on the bed and a dresser with a mirror.

I closed the door and quickly got dressed. The clothes were a perfect fit and quite comfortable. I grabbed the brush on the table and brushed out my hair quickly, eager for answers. Eventide didn’t seem like someone who’d kidnap kids. How could she transport us in a matter of second anyway? Then again I wouldn’t know, as I had been knocked unconscious. Maybe it had been some drug she’d used.

In 10 minutes I was almost myself again and left my room and sat down on the couch, Neal and Jacob already there.

Eventide passed out the hot chocolates and I toke a nervous sip. It really was delicious. And I brightened up a bit. Neal and Jacob seeming happier to.

Eventide smiled and said “Right now where to begin . . .”


"Boredom is a great motivator." -- Uma Thurman


Well I hope you liked it. Sorry they take so long to write, I'm, er picky so to speak. Seeya!

~Pichu

Mikey
30th July 2003, 12:27 AM
Wow, this is a really cool fic so far. It kind of has a "Spirited Away" feel to it with the kids getting transported to a different world. I can't wait to see what Eventide's intentions are. This fic is written perfectly and I have no bad comments for it. Keep it up, I'm rooting for ya!:yes:

mr_pikachu
31st July 2003, 09:52 PM
If I may make a few suggestions, I have an idea or two on ways to make this fic more readable. First of all, it might be a good idea for you to work some on your spelling. Maybe you can use spellcheck, get a friend to edit it, or glance through it yourself. It may even just be typos, for all I know. What I do know is that it detracts from the mood and the readability of the fic. Also, it would be a wise idea to use commas more often when appropriate. Reading continual sentences with little to no punctuation can become frustrating quickly. Whenever there is a pause in a sentence, there should be punctuation of some sort. That punctuation will usually be a comma, though there are exceptions. First, you should concentrate on just getting the pause down on paper in some form or another. After that, you can worry about the type of punctuation. And remember to stay in the same tense! I hate telling people that over and over again, but a lot of people have trouble with it, so I have to tell more and more writers. Long story short, pick past or present tense (past is usually better), and stick with it! One minor note: quotations are exempt and should almost always be present tense, varying when appropriate.

The fic seems to have a somewhat original idea behind it, but whatever you do, DON'T merely make this a fic with a group of kids saving the world! There's gotta be twists to it! Make your fic original with twists no one expects. That'll liven up the fic and attract readers to it. And, hey, don't worry about this mega-long reply. I do this every time I reply to a new writer! Believe me, there are bunches of people who could attest to that. Good luck, and please keep this up! It seems very original, and I want to see where it leads! See ya! :wave:

Pichu Luver
1st August 2003, 10:27 PM
Mikey: Hey thanks for replying! Glad you like it :) Spirted Away huh? Never thought of that but sure :D.

mr_pikachu: *saluts* Yes sir I will work on those problemos. Unfortuantly I am going on a 2 week holiday so will be unable to post. I will work on it when I can and hopefull sort it out. *bangs into head* Must work on grammer, and yes those are probably typo's I do call myself the 'Typo Queen' from time to time. I'm not making totally a 'save the world' thing. I'd like to think there's some wierd twists coming up (eventually)

Well seeya in 2 weeks! When I get back new chappy asap. ^-~

~Pichu

mr_pikachu
1st August 2003, 10:53 PM
lol. Please, please don't compare me to an army general! I don't mean to give orders or anything, I'm just around to give suggestions on what, in my opinion, would make the fic better in any way. And believe me, if you say you've got twists coming up, I trust you on that. You are, after all, a genuine fanfic writer. *salutes* Sorry, just felt like doing that... :P

"Typo Queen"? Heh, I can relate. But don't worry, if you look back through it, you'll catch those things about 95% of the time. ... Okay, yes, I'm just pulling numbers out of thin air, but it sounded good. Anyway, one last tip: Don't rush yourself! We don't mind if it takes a day or three weeks to write a new chapter, as long as it is good, quality material. Good writing is far more important than writing quickly. Good luck, and keep it going! :wave: