The Mega Team Battle

[www.pokeusa.com]

The Mega Team Battle
Prologue

The story starts off in the scene with alone character sitting down on the rock, looking at the pretty view with his favourite pokemon, who now asleep. His name is Jay, aged 15 who live in the island of Murcott located on the southern side of the group of the famous tropical islands called Orange Archipelgo. He closed his eyes and talking to his own brain.
It have been seven years since I have been moving here to live and I like this island a lot, I always remember how I got my very very first pokemon. He was once a Treecko - now he is a Grovyle, his skin colour was different than the orgininal Grovyle - greenish yellow skin, green leaves, yellow belly and orange eyes, these change were affected by the climate of the Orange Islands. I meet him not long after I moved to this island.
He opened his eyes and saw his tropical Grovyle have been awaken. He stand up and walk a little to his first Pokemon. He then spoked to his Pokemon 'I really trust you, you were my very very best friends since we first meet, seven years ago'. The tropical Grovyle is really happy and love his trainer.
The trainer, Jay looked at his own watch and eplied to his own pokemon "Grovyle, I guess it time to go home, it's 5:30pm" Grovyle nodded and both walked off back to their cabin.

[Mindprobe]

Slightly short prologue, but I like the start. The climate of Orange Islands caused the color change o.O Nice explanation, I would've go something like genes and such. I'd like to see more description in the character's appearance and the enviroment around him.

[DannyBoy]

That was a intresting but short prolouge. You told about what is going on and why your pokemon is that color. You didn't say alot in this except that your pokemon is special becuase of the weather. I think you could have added mroe into it about why you moved there and stuff. Spelling needs some work, I noticed a few mistakes like with Grovyle's name at the end. Remember when you write a chapter that it is long and full of detail so it is good. I will keep reading to see how this goes, keep it up!

[www.pokeusa.com]

Originally posted by IloveX-TINA
That was a intresting but short prolouge. You told about what is going on and why your pokemon is that color. You didn't say alot in this except that your pokemon is special becuase of the weather. I think you could have added mroe into it about why you moved there and stuff. Spelling needs some work, I noticed a few mistakes like with Grovyle's name at the end. Remember when you write a chapter that it is long and full of detail so it is good. I will keep reading to see how this goes, keep it up!

yea, i will fix it up, this is just beta, i will write a better version.

EDIT: I have fixed the Prologue and now posted the first chapter.





The Mega Team Battle
Chapter One: The Orgin of Grovyle
Jay and his trustworthly Grovyle have come back home to their cabin. He heard a phone ringing.
Jay replied as soon as he picked up the phone "Jay Shin speaking" A cheerful women voice replied "Hi Jay, my name is Professor Ivy"
Jay: "Hello, how I help you?"
Ivy: "Well, I got a request for you"
Jay: "What sort of request"
Ivy: "The request is...Will you fly up to Pallet Town in the north?"
Jay: "Sure but I dont have anything to fly!"
Ivy: "Ah, what sort of Pokemon you have?"
Jay: "Super rare Tropical Grovyle"
Ivy: "This tropical Grovyle...was a Treecko right?"
Jay: "Yes, do you know his orginality?"
Ivy: "Of course! Eight years ago, I spied on a person who wanted to catch the rare pokemon - some unknown pokemon I never know"
Jay: "Where was Treecko come from?"
Ivy: "Oh damnit, I forgot! Treecko was come to the island of Murcott on a boat with his trainer. A very dangerous tidal wave appears drowned his trainer and luckly, another pokemon called Gyarados saved Treecko and take him back to Murcott. The trainer was your uncle, Jeff Shin"
Jay: "Oh poor Uncle Jeff...my dad getting worried what happened to him since last time he meet."
Ivy: "Well, your cousin is staying in Pallet Town in the north so will you take my Pidgeot to fly to the north?"
Jay: "Absolutely yes!"
Ivy: "Great!"
Ivy called out to her assistants to get the Pidgeot and returned the large bird to his pokeball and given to Professor Ivy. Ivy take the ball from his assistants and placed it on the pokeball transporter.
Ivy: "There you go."
Jay got the pokeball and said "Thanks!"
Ivy: "Well, when you get to the north, make sure you meet Professor Oak, my dear old master."
Jay: "Sure, what I do with this Pidgeot ewhen Im at Pallet Town?"
Ivy: "Give it to Oak when you have arrive so he will give it back to me."
Jay: "Okay then!! See you later!!"
Ivy: "Bye"
Both two people hanged up their phones.

Jay looked at his watch again and check the time. The time is 7:15PM. He walked around the house a little and noticed his Grovyle was asleep. He took out his pokeball to put Grovyle back in the ball. He then put the ball into his pocket and called out Pidgeot. Jay commanded the Pidgeot after hopping on his back "Will you fly to the north to Pallet Town!" The Pidgeot nodded. The trainer Jay have setted off to the sky on the borrowed Pidgeot.

[DannyBoy]

Ok, what I say I dont what you to be offended, I only wan tto help you. Ok first with your when ever you write a chapter length is a major factor in it. You should try and write at least two pages on word to have a ok chapter. Another thing that will help you with length is description. For this chapter you could have described the walk back to the cabin, like what everything looked like outside and if you seen any snimals...Another you could have described the cabin, you could have said what the inside looked like to. Also you could have added more about where it came from with more. You could have added a lot mroe to this chapter and I know you can. I have to go but I hope you take these thoughts when you write the next chapter. Keep it up!

[www.pokeusa.com]

Originally posted by IloveX-TINA
Ok, what I say I dont what you to be offended, I only wan tto help you. Ok first with your when ever you write a chapter length is a major factor in it. You should try and write at least two pages on word to have a ok chapter. Another thing that will help you with length is description. For this chapter you could have described the walk back to the cabin, like what everything looked like outside and if you seen any snimals...Another you could have described the cabin, you could have said what the inside looked like to. Also you could have added more about where it came from with more. Well woman, I will descibe things BUT the program I use is Notepad with large font.

[DannyBoy]

Ok now your just being rude. First I am not a woman, and callign a girl woman is disrespectful. It is ok you have note pad just try and make it long, look at other peoples storys on length. Or when you think you have enough copy and poaste it to a reply and check how long it is and if its about 6,000, then it is good.

[www.pokeusa.com]

The length is very very long.... heh.




The Mega Team Battle
Chapter Two: Jake and the Purple Dratini
The flight have taken all night in the darkness...From the sky on the Pidgeot, Jay looked down and saw many of the island. He spotted something... He talked to himslf "Ooh, there is something interesting..." The strange pokemon roomed very fast from one of the island to the sky. He ordered Pidgeot to dodge the strange pokemon. The pokemon quickly nodded and zoomed very fast. Jay spotted more of the islands, he saw a group of Lapras swimming, many boats and trainers swimming around near the islands... Three hours later, the flying Pokemon have landed at the mainland. "I guess this is Pallet Town" said by Jay. He returned Pidgeot back to the pokeball and called out Grovyle's. The tropical green and yellow Grovyle looked confused from the sleep and saw the trainer by saying "Grov! Grov!" The tall trainer with black spikey hair and black eyes. He wore his favourite training clothes - blue pants and lite blue hawaiian t-shirt. The trainer looked at his watch and saw the time. The time now 9:30AM, the very early morning. He then replied in a nice friendly clearly voice "Welcome to the new land, we are no longer at Murcott Island, this place is called Pallet Town, in the religion of Kanto." The confused Grovyle sensed something. The tropical Grovyle run away by sensing something. Jay ran after him. Fifteen minutes of chasing, the tropical Grovyle have stopped sensing and have a crush on Bayleaf. Soon, another trainer come in, the one who own the farm is no other than...PROFESSOR OAK!!! The old professor comes up to the Bayleaf "Stop that, leave this Grovyle alone" in an angry voice. The bayleaf is angry and rans off. Grovyle is still chasing the Bayleaf but its failed...the trainer grabbed his long leaf, made him asleep. Professor Oak walked up to the trainer, who now stood next to a sleepy Grovyle. The professor replied "You must be Jay?" Jay replied back "Yes, take this Pidgeot Pokeball" The proffessor took the Pidgot pokeball and replied in a happy voice "Thanks, your cousin is waiting at my Lab" Both Oak and Jay walked to the lab after Jay returned his Grovyle to the Pokeball.

They have arrived the Lab and Oak yelled "JAKE!!! GO TO THE BACK!!!" Another trainer comes up, his name is Jake and he is 12. He have same hair style and eyes as Jay but smaller body and shorter hair. He wore his favourite white shirt with black shorts. He have his Dratini, laying on his crossed arms. The Dratini is different... The skin colour is not deep blue, it is deep purple. The belly colour is fresh white. Jake replied "Hello there, Nice to meet you again Jay, Havent seen you in like...eight years, since my father mysteriously disappeared." Jay replied back "Hello, Nice to meet yyou and..oh! you got a really nice Dratini, the beautiful Dratini." The young kid replied back to his older cousin "Wow, thank you, do you have any Pokemon?" Jay replied "Yes!" He lowered his arm to his pocket to get a Pokeball and yelled as he throw, "I CHOOSE YOU GROVYLE!!!". The tropical Grovyle appears and he is very happy, he runs over to Jake, licked him with his tongue, frightened the purple Dratini away. Jake replied "How nice, you got a nice Pokemon, it have the similar colour I saweight years ago, it was belongs to my dad." Jay said "Oh right, your father died in a tidal wave and luckily another pokemon saved your father's Treecko and now living on Murcott Island" Jake replied "Daddy died?? Nooo...." Jay replied in a really serious voice "Dont cry Jake, one day, I went for a walk seven years ago, many bug pokemons were chasing me as I run then I fall over crying...the bug pokemon were chasing me but another pokemon saved me in a nick of time. I befriended the Tropical Treecko. He evolved into Grovyle that is now was a year ago." Jake said "Wow, that was really cool! You have my father's treecko and it have EVOLVED!" Jay replied back in a funny voice "Oh yeah!" The conversation was on for a really long time as the three were stooding up[ all the time near the back door of the lab.

[DannyBoy]

That was a little bit better inlength. Still could go a bit longer. Also description got a little bit better. But you could still work on describing where you are. You could have said what teh town looked like and what the lab looked like. Are you writting these as you go along? If so take your time with them. Some of the best chapters in fics cna take days to write. Also I noticed some spelling errors, I recommend getting word or proof reading after you right it. Grammer also needs a little work. An example is,


"Thanks, your cousin is waiting at his Lab"

That should be "Thanks, your cousin is waiting at my Lab,"

Also you use the wrong word in some places like above with the word his should be my. I still recommend checking out some fics here to see how they go. Also check out the writers lounge for some more tips on to write better. I bet if you take some of the advice there and witht he little things I say, you could become a good writer. Keep it up!

[www.pokeusa.com]

AHHHHHH!!!!!

OMG Drats! I misthinking on something... I made some typos Damnit!!!


Oh well, here is thewe attackment of the characters and the pokemon....And I am writing as I go.

If I dont describe things like stuffs in Oaks Lab, same as it was in the anime ;p

[attachment deleted by admin]

[www.pokeusa.com]

I am still writing and writing and writning........here is chapter three....



The Mega Team Battle
Chapter Three: The Journey....Begans!
In the lab, the conversation was on for a really long time. Jay learn that his mom and aunt (Jake's mom) were living together and Jake is really a Dragon Trainer.
The conversation got interupted as the phone have started ringing. The old Professor walked up to the lounge followed by Jay and Jake with their Pokemon.
The Lounge room is just like the one in the anime - sofa, charis, tables and stuffs. Oak picked up the phone and replied "Hello, Professor Samual Oak speaking" The same woman who spoke to Jay on the previous day replied "Professor Violet Ivy, how are you Samual?"
Oak: "I am very well fine, I got the pidgot, Jay is here."
Ivy: "Great! send me that Pidgeot back!"
Oak placed the Pidgot Pokeball on the Pokeball transporter. The pokeball disappeared and now appeared on Ivy's.
Ivy: "I got it, I need to go! bye!"
Oak: "See you later."
Both Oak and Ivy hanged up their phones. Oak walked up and sat down on the sofa, opposite side of the one where Jake and Jay were sitting. Oak yelled out to Tracey,the famous Pokemon Watcher to cook foods for them. Tracey agreed. 30 minutes later, Tracey have arrived with loads opf food to eat. Tracey said in a very polite voice "Wow Jay, you have a very nice Grovyle, IDo you like to see my sketching skills?" Jay replied "Sure!" Tracey grabbed the sketchpad and starting drawing up the Tropical Grovyle. He talked to his own brain "Oh wow, this Tropical Grovyle is very rare because of its nice greenish yellow colours. This pokemon is very clean and in a very good shape." He finished sketching and show it to Jay "Oh wow this is very good, you are a very good Pokemon Watcher." Tracey replied back in a very pleased voice "Thank you, you are so welcomed." Jay checked the watch and look at the time, The time is 8:30. Jake really wants to go home. Both Jake, Jay, Grovyle andd Dratini have come home to Jake's house. As soon as they enter Jake's house, the house is at medium shape, with many flowers and have two levels house. The people come in, the two women comes out, one of it is Jake's mother who have brown hair and blue eyes. Jake gave his own mom a hug. Then she saw her nephew, Jay is here and said to him "Oh, you must be Jay? I havent seen you since he was only four! That was eight years ago!" Jay replied back "Yes, thhat is it Aunt Sara" Another woman come up and hugged her long lost son, that woman have blonde hair with green eyes. She yelled in shock "Oh is that really you Jay? I havent seen you in eight years - The reason I cannot come with you because I was very afriad of bugs." Everyone were laughing out very loud. Jay replied "Yes. Dad's a ranger of the Murcott Island." His long lost blonde haired mother replied "Well, is that true you got a Tropical Grovyle? That was once belonged to your Uncle Jeff" He replied "YYESSSS!!!" The people are getting tired of standing up and all walked to their dining room consists of a large table ith 6 chairs. Everyone have sat down. Jake said "I have not started my journey out of Pallet Town yet!" Jay replied "So do I!!!" The brown haired woman said "Ok, tomorrow is your day to start your journey from here." The two kids agreed. The blonde woman said "I need to phone Oak first so he will come to meet you here tomorrow morning. Now kids, you need sleep." The kids have gone to sleep in Jake's bedroom. Jay was sleeping on the floor, Dratini was sleeping on the basket, Jake was sleeping on his normal comfortable bed and the Tropical Grovyle was sleeping in the garden bed full of tropical flowers. That was the same spot he was laying down when he was a Treecko, eight years ago.

The next morning, everyone have awaken except for Tropical Grovyle cause he like to lay down a little more. The boys have come downstairs dressed. The have arrived the kitchen, saw their mothers sitting on the table reading newspapers.
One of the woman, the blonde have stood up, asking for breakfast. Jay wants his cearel and Jake want his pancakes. The blonde woman start cookinng breakfast meals. Half an hour later, everyone have aten their breakfast and then, they heard a door knock. The brown haired woman have stood up and walked toward to the door and open the door reveals Professor Oak.

The Professor have come in and walked towards to the boys. The professor said in a friendly formal voice "Hello Jay, Hello Jake, I got something for you today."
Jay replied "What is it?" The professor puts his hands, both hands into his pocket and reveals 2 Pokedexes and 10 empty Pokeballs, one pokedex each and 5 pokeballs each for Jay and Jake. The both both said Thank You Professor. They were very happy. Before they leave for their journey, they call back their Pokemon and said Goodbye to their mothers and Oak. Jay and Jake have left home to start their journey north to Viridain City.

[DannyBoy]

That was a ok chapter. Once again description and length got a little bit longer. Just remember take your time when you write these. Plan out what you wana do and elaborate when you do it. Just keep trying and I know you can make these hcapters even better. Keep it up!

[mistysakura]

okay... by some people, say CCC's standards, very very very short. ny my standards, very short. But it doesn't matter that much if you describe things enough and such.
I like how the opening is unique, and they don't get a starter Pokemon from the lab and set out on their journey or stuff like that, but some bit sare confusing. I mean, I get the general drift of it, but some stuff like how come the boys are going on journeys aren't explained all that well. Also, I don't get how on earth his cousin is trapped in Pallet town when one, he seems to be doing quite well there, and two, he's got Professor Oak for a neighbour.
Also, some grammar problems; remember the past tense of "Have" is "had", and if you want to use present tense, he/she/it uses "has".
That's it, you've improved a lot, and kee;p it up!

[www.pokeusa.com]

Originally posted by mistysakura
okay... by some people, say CCC's standards, very very very short. ny my standards, very short. But it doesn't matter that much if you describe things enough and such.
I like how the opening is unique, and they don't get a starter Pokemon from the lab and set out on their journey or stuff like that, but some bit sare confusing. I mean, I get the general drift of it, but some stuff like how come the boys are going on journeys aren't explained all that well. Also, I don't get how on earth his cousin is trapped in Pallet town when one, he seems to be doing quite well there, and two, he's got Professor Oak for a neighbour.
Also, some grammar problems; remember the past tense of "Have" is "had", and if you want to use present tense, he/she/it uses "has".
That's it, you've improved a lot, and kee;p it up! oh crap, i will fix chapter 1 now
replaced trapped with staying


EDIT: fixed and here is Chapter Four!




The Mega Team Battle
Chapter Four: Secrets of Team Dark
From the last chapter, the two boys, Jay and Jake have left Pallet town, heading toward to the north. They always walk up the track on Route One to Viridain City.
On thier way, they heard someone called out "Jay!". Both boys were stopped and started to look around. Five minutes later, the trainer jumped down, right behind Jay's back. The trainer have very long black hair with blue eyes and he wore red shirt with grey jeans. He trainer tapped on Jay's shoulder and said "Hi dude, havent seen you in eight years - since the last day of school before you move out to Orange Islands" Jay replied back "Hi Byron, I do remember you - since you were seven." Byron is shocked and tell him many things that he have done important over eight years. Jay said "Wanna battle? One on four?" Byron laughed. Byron sent out his Rattata, Sentret, Zigzagoon and Poochyena while Jay called out for Grovyle. Byron is in shock and said "Wow, your Grovyle is very strong. Now attack!" All of his four weaklings battle the great Grovyle. Jay ordered his Grovyle to use Pound. The Pound attack from Grovyle hit all four and about to finish off with his signature attack. Jay commanded "Use your main attack...LEAF BLADE!!!" Byron yelled "Rattata! Sentret! Poochyena! Zigzagoon! TACKLE!!!" The Leaf Blade attack stopped the four and made them faint. One of the pokemon is almost fainted...Poochyena have evolved to....MIGHTYENA. Byron commaned his Mightyena to do Sand Attack after called his three fainted ones back to the pokeball. The Mightyena is about to do his Sand Attack on Grovyle, but it missed because the Tropical Grovyle jumped up really high to dodge the attack and about to prepare his finisher. Jay yelled out to his Grovyle "CHARGE UP FOR YOUR SOLAR BEAM ATTACK!!!!" Grovyle have gained the sunlight and about to finish Mightyena off. Byron is in shock and getting really pissed and asked Mightyena to do a Hyper Beam attack. It was too late for the poor Mightyena, the Solar Beam attack is fully charged and already fired to Mightyena. Mightyena is very slow in speed due to tireness when it was earlier. The Solar beam successfully hit Mightyena, fainted. Byron is still pissed and yelled out to Jay in an agry voice "The battle is good! Now GO ABSOL!!!" During the time when Byron called out his Absol, Jay and Jake runs away leaving Byron alone, thinking they gone invisible. Byron, now very confused and called back his Absol.

Jay and Jake continue running all the way to the north until they finally reached Viridain City. The city is looked very modern. The boys walked through the city to Pokecenter. They stopped as they saw a Wanted poster. The wanted poster shows three people - they are all look alike, all aged 18. They were wearing black clothes with X in different colour - Red, Blue and Green.
Jay: "Jake?"
Jake: "Yes, these three are bad guys ain't they?"
Jay: "Yeah, i heard their Pokemon were darker than normal. When I was ten, five years ago, I won a contest about the beautiful Pokemon, I come first and my prize was... the Pokemon Encyclopedia. It tells you all about Pokemon, places, items and many many things. It was really useful. One day I wasreading the newspaper on Murcott Island, I saw the picture that reveals someone that looked like the three on the wanted poster. That guy hair is longer. He had his favourite Pokemon, that pokemon was called Houndoom. The colour of that pokemon is darker - darker orange mouth, darker grey horn, darker red lines and skin is completely black."
Jake: "Wow, this is interesting, what so special about the Dark Pokemon"
Jay: "The Dark Pokemon were only controlled by the group called Team Dark. I heard there were something to make them back to normal is to disband the team and destroy their base. Lots of people have failed destroying their bases many times, only people who have tropical Pokemon can enter. There were many bases for every religion. Five years ago, some poeple of Team Dark were arriving on Murcott Island, Their base was half completed and their plans were failed because I trained my Tropical Grovyle and when saw me, they escaped and I used my Grovyle's Leaf Blade attack, destroyed their base and their craft. The group was ashore dead after the attack."
Jake: "Oh well, Tem Dark is very stupid right?"
Jay: "Told you, They are!"
They walked up to to the Pokecenter after finished the conversation and they got inside the center. Jay gave his Grovyle to Nurse Joy for healing.
Another person come in, his name is Daniel. He walked up to Jay by saying "Well, we got a problem, Team Dark is on our nerves. The only person is to disband their group is you - Jay. They were very afriad of Tropical Grovyle. One day, twelve years ago - your Uncle destroyed one base in Pallet Town - we only have twelve bases to be destroyed in the world." Daniel take out a piece of paper from his pocket reveals a list of all bases in the world. There were twelve bases listed.
Jay looked at the list. The list were written in print blue ink. The bases are listed -
Kanto - Celadon City
Johto - Goldenrod City, Oilvine City
Orange Islands - Manderin Island Sth.
Houen - Lilycove City, Rustboro City
The other six are not known yet, they were found but did not recored their location.
Jay and Jake stared at each other. Nurse Joy comes up and gave Jay back his Grovyle. Jay replied "Thanks." Nurse Joy replied back before going back to her counter "Don't forget there is a Pokemon League, In order to get to the place, you need to defeat the gym leaders." Jake is really interested. Jay said "Look like challenging the gym leaders are very interesting, can you please register me and Jake?" Nurse Joy nodded and asked for the Pokedexes. Both boths were given her the Pokedex. Few minutes later, They got it back and Nurse Joy said "You are finally registered, the first gym is in Pewter City" Both boys said "Yes, thank you!" They come out of the Pokemarts, walked up to the PokeMart to stock up things, before heading back to the road.

[DannyBoy]

Ok, this was ok but I know you can do better. When you write your chapters take your time. It seems as if you rushed to get it done. If you keep writing short chapters it will start to get boring after a while. I know you can add a lot more detail. You went from battling to running to a pokemon center in two big paragraphs. You said nothing about what the area looked like when you were battling, you didn't describe the attacks, you didn't describe the town very much or the pokermon center. If you want to have a good story detail is a major thing.

You could have added a lot more to the pokemon battle as well. We know Grovyle is strong and it beat 3 of the 4 pokemon and they evolved. But I can hardly see a newly evolved Mightyena usign a hyper beam. Also after you finish one topic start a new paragraph.

One paragraph could have been about walking and meeting Bryon then another the pokemon battle before the evolution. Then you could have spent a paragraph describing the evolution and what happened.

Some of your sentances you make, dont make sense. Like this,


They stopped as they saw a Wanted poster.

That should be, As they were walking they quickly stopped in front of a poster that caught their attention.

See how that sounds a little bit better. Take your time and read over your chapter. Also if it helps read it out loud and see if it makes sense to you or have someone you know proof read it.

Just take some time on doing chapters and I bet you could make them better. I hope you take the advice people give you and work hard. Keep it up!