The Adventures of Matt and Maya: Protectors of Pokemon

[Houndoom Of Rage]

Well this is my first fic at TPM. I hope this one turns out better than all my other ones!

Matt and Maya: Pokemon Protectors

Prologue: This is a story about two friends starting as trainers. They travel together on their Pokemon journey. They want nothing more than to get all 8 badges and master this new league. They roam the region simply known as the “R” region. Eventually along the way, they hear of an evil group dedicated solely to torturing and destroying pokemon.
They enlist in a group of pokemon trainers dedicated to stopping this fiendish crew. With the promise that when the evil thugs are defeated they get free entry to the R-League without getting badges. Will they defeat this menace? Or will Matt and Maya’s own pokemon fall victim to their cold-blooded scheme? Find out the only way possible. Read along with the story!

Ch. 1
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(Matt)
My friend Maya and I were locked in a cell together. The cell opened only twice a day when we were fed. Other than that, we had nothing to do but sit there in pitch-blackness and talk to each other. Maya leaned close to me. She grabbed my hand and put something round in it. It was a pokeball! I didn’t have time to think because I suddenly heard an ear-splitting howl.
“NO!” I screamed.
“Yes you will get up!”
I opened my eyes to see my mom. Standing in my room. With my posters of Houndoom posted on the wall! I regained my awareness. I was not in a dark cell with nobody but Maya to keep me company. I was not listening to the painful sounds coming from a pokemon being tortured. I was in my room. I was getting ready for my first day as a pokemon trainer. The only thing true about that dream is that me and Maya would be together for a long time.
I packed up the new backpack my mom gave me. I filled it with clothes, food, and necessary trainer items of which I had ten of each. I put my pokedex in my pocket and set of for my dad’s research lab. He would be giving us our starters.
All of my friends who are also getting their trainer’s licenses today would have to choose between Sapdisk, the grass pokemon, Emda, the fire pokemon, or Bubblish, the water pokemon, all caught by my dad’s aides. I however would be getting a special starter. I would be getting a Houndour that was personally caught by my dad. I guess him not being home all the time is okay, because he makes up for it by spoiling me all the time.
I passed by Maya’s house and she burst out at that moment. She was running as fast as she could.
“Hey Matt! Wait for me!”
“Hey Maya! Have you decided which starter your gonna get?”
“Well I heard Anthony is choosing Emda. I know Krystal has had here eyes on a Sapdisk since it was discovered. So I guess it’s gonna be Bubblish for me.”
We arrived at my dad’s research lab at that moment. We walked up the large steps, the really large steps, we arrived panting to see my dad dressed in his white lab coat stained with every pokemon bodily fluid imaginable. He still wore it because he is an authority on pokemon anatomy. He was doing a study on pokemon genetics to see where and why and how new pokemon are formed.
“Hello guys! Maya, go inside you’re just in time. Matt I need to talk to you.”
Maya went inside. I moved toward my dad so I can hear over the noisy crowds who just arriving to get their starting pokemon.
“What dad?”
“There’s good news and bad news. The bad news is:”
He pulled out a pokeball and opened it to reveal a tiny black pokemon It immediatle started staggering around. It was similar to a houndour/houndoom, except it had no skull pattern/horns on its head. I had never seen it before.
“That is you starter.”
“What’s the good news?”
“This is a Houndin, the baby form of Houndour. It’s a little clumsy, but surprisingly strong.”
I pointed my pokedex at it. Houndin, while just as strong as Houndour is particularly clumsy. This pokemon boasts the title of being the strongest baby pokemon.
“Wow thanks Dad!” I loved my clumsy, yet actually cool looking, baby pokemon.”
At that moment Maya came out. She had the biggest ear-to-ear smile I had ever seen. She told me that she had gotten an Emda because she arrived a little earlier.
“Wow! Good for you! Are you ready to go?”
“Yeah.”
“Cool. Let’s go!”
We were about to leave but…
“Wait you guys still need some pokeballs!”
My dad gave us each 10 pokeballs and we left my hometown excited about becoming Pokemon Masters.

[Black Knight28]

I give it a 5/10. I'm trying not to be hard on ya'. There are a few things you need to do to make it a good fic.

1) Prologue needs to be longer. Its job is to set up the story, and leaving the reader anxious to read more of it.
2) The chapter needs to be longer.
3) Need details! What does Matt and Maya look like? How do they know each other?
4) If you are going to mention another character such as Anthony, you need to tell us, the reader, why he is important. Who are Anthony and Krystal? Are they Matt's friends or enemies?
5) And did I mention details?

There are many more. I'm in a rush because I have a Forensics' seminar to go to. Yeppie! You need a lot of details so the reader knows what is going on, where this is taking place, who these people are, and what the pokemon looks like. I'm not attacking you with grammar because I suck at that too, however, it's a good story. I really want to know what's going to happen next, so please write more :)

[PancaKe]

The beginning, I will say, is very interesting. The prologue is written in more of a blurb form so you may just want to call it a summery of the fic instead of a prologue. And the beginning lines of the chapter were very good, I actually believed the fic started from halfway into the story, which would have been quite an interesting startoff. It is still interesting, you've let us know quite well that its not a typical trainer fic although it does lack paragraphing and description and characterization. But thumbs up because its such an unusual start. You've got me reading now ;)

Good work. And oh yeah, Houndin sounds soooo cute!!!!!

~Mist

[Houndoom Of Rage]

Black Knight28: Thanks for the advice. I don't think you were very harsh at all. The first chap was so short because I just wanted an introduction. I guess I could be more detailed. Thx for not roasting my grammar. Especially those misspelled words. ALL TYPOS! In case you couldn't tell I hate them. I don't describe the new starters because Matt has no Idea what they look like yet.

Mist: Thanks. That means a lot coming from you. I'm not much of a writer so unless someone helps me with the paragraphing, I wouldn't be expecting much change there. Btw, I'm glad you like Houndin. I thought about Houndour being derived from Hound and Hour. Houndin is hound+minute.

Next chap soon!

[DannyBoy]

Well I think you have a ok start so far on your fic. It seems really original and I like the pre-evo of Houndour as a starter and then you said all other people are getting new starters and I think the names are creative. I do think you could have added a little more description into it and some more length into the chapter and prolouge. You could have described on the house they were in, what outside looked like, what the dad looks like, and little things like that can help add some intrest and sometimes it it helps make mental pictures of what it looks like. I think you will do good. Keep it up!

[Houndoom Of Rage]

IloveX-TINA: thanx. I will try to edit that chap. I have an original idea and I wouldn't be surprised if it did get far.

Unfortunately, I forgot to bring the second chap with me. I will either post it when I get home or tomorrow. then I will begin chap 3.

[Houndoom Of Rage]

Here's the second chapter. It's a little longer. The third one should be up by Sunday.

Matt and Maya: Pokemon Protectors
Chapter 2
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Maya
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“Go Emda!”
I tossed her pokeball into the air. We were about to battle. I had wanted Emda to battle some pokemon other than a Houndour as a start. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with a dual type. When he told me that he had a new pokemon too, I wanted to battle. Emda popped out of her pokeball. She could have been a human if she weren’t 9 inches tall. She was red and had short, hair-like embers coming from her head.
“She’s so cute!” I remarked.
I heard Matt mumble something. I didn’t quite catch it.
“What was that?” I asked
“Oh nothing!” he said quickly, “Go Han!”
He quickly sent out his pokemon. At first I thought he had been lying and had gotten his Houndour after all. I was about to protest when I saw it. it was pretty funny looking for a Houndour. I finally realized it wasn’t a Houndour at all.
“Emda, Attract!”
“Han! Use Bite!”
Emda started dancing around for Han. Han quickly became infatuated with the dancing Emda, which wasn’t very hard. Then something went wrong. Emda started dancing the opposite direction. She began moving faster and faster. I was confused and looked at Han. Its eyes were glowing. I pointed my pokedex at it. You are witnessing Houndin’s ability, Soul Control. It would be wise to recall your pokemon.
“What!? Matt! Get that thing to stop!”
“HAN STOP IT!”
The little beast’s eyes stopped glowing. Eventually my poor pokemon slowed down and fainted. Matt was sitting there quivering. Emda was passed out. Han was confused. His confusion quickly changed to sadness. I was furious.
“HOW DARE YOU? THAT WAS NOT NICE!”
“Wait! Maya, umm…”
“What? Did you see what your little beast did?”
“I don’t think it was his fault.”
“Oh? Then I suppose it’s your fault then!”
“I didn’t say that either. My dad told me about this. It only happens when a dark pokemon loses control over itself. It will cause it’s opponent to move around at a rapid speed beyond it’s control. It only stops when the opponent faints.”
“That pokemon is dangerous. We’re not too far from home. You can get a better starter!”
“That’s not an option. Han’s only a baby. It has grown attached to me. I can’t just abandon it.”
“At least call your dad. We can see if there’s anything else we can do.”
Matt sighed. “We’ll see what we can do.”
“Thank you.”
Matt and Han went to make a call at the nearest payphone. I sighed. I wondered if there’s anything that we could work out. I really respected him for doing this. Now that I was no longer angry, I grew frightened. What’s going to happen to us? If Matt doesn’t set things straight what will I do? I did not want to stay around that thing. Suddenly Professor Boyd walked up, stroking his beard.
“Nice day for a walk, huh?” He said.
Professor Boyd was Matt’s dad. He was really bony, yet big. He had a beard and several tattoos. Instead of his usual stained labcoat, he wore some jeans and black sleeveless shirt.
“Hello Professor! Matt was just about to call you about that pokemon you gave him.”
“Ah. It’s doing him good huh?"
“Actually we fear it’s a little violent. He wants another pokemon.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, but there was a purpose to me giving him that pokemon. Until he evolves that Houndin I can’t take the Houndin away.”
Just then Matt and Han came back.
“There you are dad! I was just calling you!”
“ I know. Listen, Matt. I can’t take Houndin back. It’s part of my research and I want you to evolve it.”
“I’m worried about Han though.”
“I will do two things for you,” he handed him a pokeball. Matt opened it to reveal a poliwag.
“Polly?”Matt alread seemed to know this poliwag.
“Yes, use her as much as possible. Catch other pokemon and use Han only if you have to. Give this to Han so he won’t lose control again.”
Matt was given a weird bottle. He was instructed to put it in with all of Han’s meals.
“Thanks dad.”
“I gotta get home. See you later.”
We said goodbye to Professor Boyd and decided to eat dinner and go to bed.

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Matt
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“Hey Matt! Dinner’s ready!” Maya called.
I was still used to that coming from my mom. I sighed. Me and Han were sitting there, I stared at him. I wanted to know more about him. Could that catastrophe have been avoided? Did I really have to accept my sister’s pet poliwag so I could deal with Him? I didn’t have time to think because it was time to eat.
“Matt do you know anything about the next city?” Maya asked.
“Yes. Hunter City has a gym that trains dark pokemon.” I sounded excited while I said it.
“Wow. It must be cool being related to Professor Boyd. Did he tell you

[Black Knight28]

It's okay. You have too much quoets in there, and still not a lot of discriptions. Try describing the battles. Other then that....good job! Keep going!:)

[Houndoom Of Rage]

Thanks for the tip. Does anybody write their chapters on word and transfer it here? If so, what would be a reasonable length? Ch.1 was little over one page and ch.2 was atleat 2 1/4 of a page. I use 12 point Font. I shall post the second part of Chapter 2 soon. Meanwhile, for those peeps who can't wait for Ch.3, I will share some of my ideas. CAUTION: SPOILERS!










Okay.. You honestly don't care if you know what's gonna happen in the story. Oh well...

~Maya catches a Squirtle.
~Matt and Maya reach Hunter City
~Matt battles the Gym Leader, who is revealed as Matt's Twin. He gets the Moon Badge and a hold item to give to Han.
~Maya battles the gym Leader. She also gets the badge.
~Matt catches an Exeggcute.
~Matt and Maya are attacked by the Sanctuary Outreach again. Maya's Emda evolves.
~Matt reveals the next Gym Leaders type (Oh the suspense!)

[Black Knight28]

Hmm..interesting.

I use 10 font on microsoft word. It usually takes me 4 pages max for a chapter. The minimum I use is 2 1/2-3 pages. I'm still working on my prolouge and checking out for details, plot, and some other stuff and It's about 3 pages long. Two pages with a 12 font is like one page 10 font. You may want to write about 3 pages for 12 font. That's just me though.

[DannyBoy]

That was an ok chapter but I have to agree with BLack Knight b/c there is to many quotes and not enough description. Also you should space our writing to make it clearer to read cause I got confused while reading it sometimes. I transfer all my chapters from word and I use 12 point font and usually do at least 6 pages or more but thats just me. All different writers here have their own opioion on how long a chapter should be but a chapter should be at least 3 pages because of all things you would add. To me description is the largest part of the chapter. But yea..but I think you are doing well, you are on the right track but take your time and just have fun writing. Keep it up!

[mistysakura]

Interesting power of dark Pokemon.

I liked the idea of having new starters, but I'd like som more desription about how they look like, etc. Right now, they're relaly hard to picture in my head. By the way, how does Houndin evolve? It can't be levels if it's rarely used; happiness?