PDA

View Full Version : *~ Ethereal View ~*



Bulbasaur4
1st October 2003, 09:50 PM
This is a very different type of story then what i am used to writing. Please bare with me as I try hard to make it work. ^^ It has very interesting concepts, and you might be a little lost at first but it is meant to make you a little lost at first. This is just the prolouge, so don't be alarmed by the shortness of it.
Also, this is M for mature, for swearing and possible violence and sexual references.

Thanks for reading this in advanced...



Can… you help me?



Do… do you understand?



Please… … … help… … … … … … me.

They don’t understand.


They cannot find… out. If they do…





I’ll never be the same again.
I’ll be in danger.






Don’t let them hurt me…






Ethereal View
Never meant to be…






I tried to comprehend the words as they were projected fiercely at my face. Blinking slightly, I found it rather hard to concentrate on the meaning of them. I mean, she was shouting so loudly… so forcefully, it was really hard to hear much of anything except the words she put emphasis on.
“Dumb b*tch! Watch where the hell you’re going!” She snarled, reminding me slightly of the kitten which often pretended to pounce on the beautiful yellow butterflies which sat on the windowsill occasionally. Stomping off in a rather not complimenting way, she left me to pick up my books which fell all to myself. The smell of smoke was evident in the air, and I immediately began to wonder why on earth she would smoke. Then I began to wonder why should would smoke in school. That led me to think of why no one had caught her smoking in the-

“Some one must have a little P.M.S, just ignore her.” Another, sweeter and far more interesting voice came to my ears as I gazed towards my ‘friend’, Arisu. She had beautiful, long blonde hair, which reached slightly past her waist and complimented her startling blue eyes. I couldn’t help but wonder how she made her hair look like perfect velvety ribbons, which were found on beautiful porcelain dolls.
“ I think she was having a bad day.” I stated matter-of-factly, as I picked up my last book and stood tall and let loose a small smile. Arisu managed to roll her eyes and blow a puff of air at her hair, which tended to waver in front of her eyes.
“I will never understand why or how you let people walk all over you. It was so obvious that you did not mean to run into her. Besides, she probably ran into you… “ Arisu trailed off, twirling her fingers in the air and shrugging to herself as if trying to contemplate certain thoughts in her mind.

Wow, I didn’t notice how bright the Academy was today.
“It must be so sunny out today! That must mean it is going to be warm!” I suddenly chimed, hugging my books to my chest tightly as I let loose a wider smile, gazing at Arisu. She blinked, and laughed outright.
“ It’s fall dear Rain, and it will not be warm. Just because it is sunny doesn’t mean it is going to be warm.”
“But doesn’t the sun bring warmth?”
“Yes…”
“ So it will be warm if it is very sunny!”
“No- argh, how can you be more of a blonde than me? You’ve got the most sable hair ever, and yet you act like a total empty robot. If you want to learn about it, read a book.”
I made a mental note to do that as soon as possible. This school was still rather new to me… being here for only 3 1/3 months. I shrugged and nodded, as we began to walk down the hallway.
“ Will it rain today?” I asked suddenly, and Arisu shook her head.
“It is way too sunny to rain.”
“ But if the sun is out, and it cannot be warm, then the sun could be out and it could still rain.”
Arisu slapped herself in the face, and I winced slightly but remained smiling. Just as she was about to speak, I shook my head.
“ Yes, I will go read about it.”
Arisu then nodded, as if to say, “that’s right.”

I wondered… why was that girl who bumped into me in such a hurry? Why did she smoke?
“RAIN! The bell is gonna ring in a hell of a furry if you don’t get your little ditzy butt in her pronto!” Arisu said rather morbidly, as she motioned for me to hurry into the class of art. I nodded, and quickly dashed to my seat.
“ I swear… you act like it is still the first day of school.” Arisu mumbled, sticking her head into the desk as the teacher began to talk in a rather droning tone…
But that girl…

Timarelay
4th October 2003, 06:27 AM
Hi ^^ Remember me? I stop by TPM every now and then but it's been a while since I finally took a moment to read something.

I think this could've been written much, much better. You could've gotten the effect of the first person narrative without the writing being so... I don't know what the right word is. Not quite erratic... But the style's just very hard to read and connect with and get through. The first sentence alone seems a bit too stiff and forced and not at all what a real person would say unless there were trying to elevate their vocabulary and doing it completely wrong.

I hate for my first review to be negative =/ I'm sure you've got a good idea behind this(remembering stuff I've read by you before, I should hope so, because your writing can be awesome). I'm just having a little trouble seeing it through the style.

Black Knight28
4th October 2003, 12:45 PM
Wow.

I'm already confused, but you wrote that readers will be, so I'm kind of expecting something really good going to happen. Like action or something like that.

Anyway, I believe what Timarelay wrote too. However, I couldn't write like that so I'm not going to be hard on ya'. I kind of suck at grammer and spelling, but seeing you doing better then I am....I'm liking the story.

Keep going!

mistysakura
5th October 2003, 01:08 AM
Is Arisu meant to be "sweet"??? And is it a deviation of "Elise", by the way?

Well... this is interesting. Is it a non-Pokemon fic? It seems a bit... how should I say this? It seems a bit messy. Events seem to pop out of nowhere. Short, too. On the other hand, I wonder why Arisu's menat to be her 'friend', and not a real friend? I have too many questions.

Bulbasaur4
5th October 2003, 09:38 PM
^^ YAY!
*laughs*

I'm happy I at least got reviews, whether they seem horrible or not. Actually I wanted that reaction... truthfully! You see, the prolouge is supposed to be entirely confusing. And I purposefully made it jump from one thing to another, and purposefully did everything tha tyou guys said was wrong in it. ^^ YAY! So that means it's good to me!

THere is a reason behind all of it... you'll find out more. I'll be posting the next chapter tomorrow. It will be easier to read, and slowly you'll understand the reason from the prolouge. ^^