PDA

View Full Version : From Hope to Destiny



Daredevil
25th October 2003, 02:47 PM
Hi guys ^_^, I have been working on fanfic's, I decided I could use some critics to make my writing better. So I wrote this first chapter, but I having trouble with the title, so that will have to do. Here is the world premiere of From Hope to Destiny!
------

From Hope to Destiny
Chapter 1: Pika to you too!
By: Daredevil


I sat in a chair in front of my computer, staring at the powerful thing. Studying my father’s program with great detail. Only one program could be this powerful, a Pokedex.

Yes, my father was the creator of the second type of Pokedex. I was always treated differently, hoping my father would license them up, setting them off on their journey. All he did all day was received messages of new information to plug into his program. When he packaged them up and sent the upload through every kids and adults pokedex.

I hoped I was going to get mine soon, but it was unlikely. He once took a picture of me with my dirty blond hair that went into curls, always being puffy. All I found out, was that was a picture for an article he wrote.

“Tyler, how would you like to test my secret battling room for me?” My Dad said as he walked into the room.

He just turned around as I followed him to our elevator system. Yes, I was living inside my dad’s monstrous Pokedex headquarters. As we went to the basement, I saw the most amazing thing I’d ever seen. It was indescribable. I saw a battling arena with high tech equipment. It had a board showing pokemon used, trainers, and what pokemon have yet to continue to be used.

“Now we need to test out the system with a little battle. Tyler, you up for it?” He asked walking over towards his other room.

“Oh yeah, always am.” I said shouting as he brought out a pokeball.

I caught it and walked to my station, wondering what kind a pokemon I had received to battle with. I studied pokemon a lot, but was mostly into hacking and my dad even let me use security codes to program in the pokedex.

“Pokeball, Go!” My Dad threw out his pokeball as a small, star shaped creature appeared.

“Pokemon, I choose you!” I said, throwing out my pokeball.

“Looks like we have a Staryu versus a Treecko. Sounds like fun, now let me just make sure the board is working – ok it is.” My Dad said.

I quickly rushed through attacks in my mind on what it knew. I already had a type advantage, but this was only my second battle ever. But, the first time I used a powerful, evolved pokemon that had a powerful mind of its own.

“Staryu, Water Gun!”
“Treecko, Dodge it and use Razor Leaf!”

Staryu pointed its top point down and shot out water straight out of it, coming for Treecko. It rolled to the right and just managed to get out of the way of the deadly attack. It shot out leaves, razor sharp, straight out, taking Staryu down.

“Ok, just need to test one more thing son, then you can go back to working on the security issues for version 2.36.”

My father recalled Staryu and looked up at the screen as it did exactly what it was suppose to do, black out KOed pokemon.

I returned Treecko back into its pokeball, and handed it to my father when the intercom rang, noting my father that someone was calling.

“This is the Pokedex HQ from Littleroot, how can I help you?” My father said.
“This is Prof. Elm, with some new information, sending email now. Thanks, and have a good day!” Prof. Elm said as he hung up.

I just ran upstairs thinking of battling again. I loved when I got to test my Dad’s battle arena; just I wanted to finish battling. As I walked upstairs I continued with the Security locks on the Pokedex when I turned on the Pokemon Channel. On the TV I saw our town’s professor, Prof. Birch giving a talk show.

“Yes trainers, today is that day. The day when we will send of three new pokemon trainers out in hope of conquering the Houen League! This year we have our usual, Mudkip, Treecko, and a Torchic. We also would like to that Mr. Walker for providing our trainers with Pokedex’s free, and Mrs. Birch for providing each kid with a backpack, money, clothes, and everyday gear that all of you will need to have.

If you are interested please stop by around 5 PM, which is in 30 minutes. Thank You.”

My eyes lit up like light bulbs when I saw those three pokemon. The only problem was I couldn’t get there until 5:30 so that I could finish the new security on the Pokedex.

“Why me!” I cried to myself.

I quickly then turned around and started on the coding. I coded for an hour until I finally finished the last coding bit, “ if {name} attacked {showplace}”

As I grabbed clean shirt, I ran downstairs to present the code to my dad. He smiled as I snuck out the door.

“Where are you going Tyler?” He asked.
“Going to Birch’s real quick.” I replied running away.

As I ran through town I passed moms working in the field, remembering how my mom left me, a long time ago. Can’t even handle to think about how my life could be different.


*

When I finally got to the 6580 FT Building I ran in as Birch walked up to me.

“Ah Tyler I was expecting you.” He said laughing.
“I want any pokemon I can get Professor!” I said gasping for air.

He walked over to where 3 pokeballs stood on a case in a triangle. He kept closing his eyes like he had bad news, even though I was still excited.

“They are all gone and taken, but..”
“But what!”
“There is another, that I had just incase, but I think you’d be a great trainer, so I give you a Pikachu!”

I looked in my mind, I remember watching an old show that Pikachu was the star of, it made me sick, because I hated them, and Thunderstone’s to actually evolve them cost millions, due to the rareness of them.

I knew this was most likely my only chance to get a pokemon so I cheerfully said, “I’ll take it.”

He handed me the pokeball along with a green backpack and led me outside where they were doing a ceremony to honor us before we left. I didn’t see why we had to leave immediately, but when I walked out I saw my dad, standing there looking on at me with the “its ok” look.

“Now we’d like to honor our three.. uhh four trainers with the ceremony of receiving the pokedex. Kelly Macri, Sarah Jarret, John Birch, and Tyler Walker, please take your pokedex's

Lets give our trainers of Littleroot a hand!” A well-educated man in a black tux said clapping.

I looked over at John, my worst enemy, I hated him since birth, but we all knew he got Torchic, the best pokemon there. He just gave a fake smile as we walked to our parents, well my just one parent.

“Well, dad, are you going to be ok with this.” I said in fear.

“Son, I don’t know why you didn’t just tell me, I would have had you on your journey earlier if I knew you wanted to do this, I just thought you loved hacking and stuff. But, I want you to go on and catch up, they’ve already said goodbye. Good luck son, I love you, and so would your mom if she saw you!” My dad said wiping away tears.

“I love you too.” I said as I ran off after the three peers of mine.


*

“Glad of you to show up kid.” Kelly said meanly.

I just walked along with them as the pulled out there pokeballs. I hadn’t even seen my Pikachu, and they hadn’t seen their pokemon either.

Kelly pulled out her pokemon first, which was a Treecko, and Sarah’s was a Mudkip. John just said he was going to wait a bit, so it could get used to the pokeball. He seemed very knowledgeable of pokemon, but I still let out Pikachu.

“Pika Chuuu.” It said happily.

It was a small, yellow little rat, with ears and a thunderbolt like tail. It had a tiny hair on its head or fuzz, which made it look extra cute to me. I couldn’t believe it, but I think I liked it.

“Well, guys, we can split up and go separate ways, one we can either go up through Oldale Town, the woods, then to Rustboro City, or we can go through Mt. Volcanic, then to the woods until you reach Rustboro City. There you will find your first gym leader. I myself will be going through the Mt. Volcanic to get some experience with Mudkip. Anyone coming with me?” Sarah exclaimed.

Nobody would, and since Pikachu probably wouldn’t have any advantages in either place, and she seemed like the nicest person there, I figured I might as well get a traveling buddy.

“I will.”

Everyone looked at me, almost laughing, I looked at them confidently.

“Ok, well we better get going, so we can reach a stopping point by nightfall.”

We quickly ran away from them both, which seemed kind of strange, but I was just following her.

“Maybe you need so information kid before we start fighting. The Houen league has two paths, battling to get to the Finals, and doing Contests to get into the finals. If you do contests, you have to win at the 8 of them against others, and beat the Contest Leader, where you will then at the League compete in a Contest League, and you still will fight the battles in the league.

The Battling you battle 8 of the 10 gym leaders and receive their badges, until you get to the league. Got that?

Also, at this stop point, the pokemon center, we need to register for the league, and get the pokedex upgrades and stuff, you know all that already.

Oh, and just to let you know, I am doing contests, like most girls.” Sarah said quickly, like she practiced that speech forever.

“Wow, nice speech. I can handle the pokedex stuff if you need me to. And we might want to stop talking because look what’s straight ahead.” I said in shock.

We both looked ahead as about seven pokemon were coming to attack, six Slugma, and one Magcargo.

We got ready to battle.

---

Ok so first notes, I trying to get chapters up EVERY WEEKEND, and yeah. I decided on a Pikachu, because I read your stories and nobody has one except for the one's with Ash as the star soo.. lets stick with a new Pikachu, and I promise, this one's got a decent personality.

Hope you like.

Venasaur89
25th October 2003, 03:13 PM
geeez...TPM is getting new fanfics almost every couple of days, which is a good sign. Anyways, you had a excellent start that your father is a creator of the pokedex, and that you are a hacker...that's pretty cool! Uhh..you didn't described the main character, like how he looke like, what grade did he graduate, his age, and other stuff. And you didn't needed to hurry up for the getting pokemon thing. As long as it's not the same Pikachu as Ash's, its okay to have a Pikachu as your first pokemon. You just need more description, details, and the length is good.

I'll be looking for the next chapter.

Keep it up! 8/10 for the chapter!

mistysakura
25th October 2003, 06:24 PM
The bit about the father being a pokedex creator was good. Nice and original. Some of the other bits, like xcoming too late to get a Pokemon, and getting a different one instead, weren't that good, though. I was worried that this would turn into the anime for a second, but seeing that Tyler hates Pikachu, that shouldn't turn out to be too cliched.

Not much stuff in this chapter yet. The description could be worked on, since the only thing I could actually picture wad the battle room (and that was from pictures from the anime.) I don't know what any of the characters look mlike at all, and that could become a problem when it comes to picturing the story in the reader's head.

also, a few typos here and there that weren't picked up by spell check, eg."“Well, guys, we can split up and go separate ways, one we can either go up through Oldale Town, the woods, then to Rustboro City, or we can go through Mt. Volcanic, then to the woods until you reach Rustboro City." The one is ma\eant to be an "or", right? Or isit just my reading skills?

Not bad for a first chapter, really. it sets up the scene and all, and the fic doesn't get off to a sluggish start. Keep it up!

DannyBoy
25th October 2003, 07:01 PM
I thought that was an ok start except the whole professor and the starters. I agree with Misty on the dad inventing a pokedex. The length was good and you could have had more description like on what the pokemon looked like, what the places like the lab and arena. Jus tlittle things like that helps. Good start and keep it up!

Heavenly Sage HLSOE
25th October 2003, 09:26 PM
Well...This one really lacks description (something that'll hopefully be improved upon). It seems so monotone and the plot is...how do I put it like... run-of-the-mill. An okay start though.

Cheers and best of luck.

Daredevil
26th October 2003, 07:05 AM
Venusaur: Thanks ^_^, yeah I seen alot of new fics just today too. Thanks for being my first reader =D.

misty: Thanks a bunch for the compliments. I don't really understand what you mean on that one sentence, but it was prolly my bad, like usual.

Xtina: Working on descriptiveness majorly. Sorry about the starters, I wanna start my fic out in a place where you guys know about, and then we'll head someplace new =D. Pikachu will be fun, promise.

Sage: Err, I'll try to improve.


Descriptiveness will be improving majorly next chapter. Maybe tonight I'll post a little preview for us all =D.

Daredevil
27th October 2003, 03:06 PM
Chapter 2 is finished. I'm not posting it until tomorrow, but to keep you guys interested heres two little teasers ;).


“Nice Slugma, nice Slugma.” I said backing up while Pikachu slowly walked forward.

I looked up and saw around three guys and one girl dressed in Black right above them. It looked like these pokemon belonged to them, and they were challenging us to a battle without us accepting.

“Well, here we go I guess.” Sarah said, stuttering.


----

I looked at him with a confused face. He had on a suit, and obviously lots of kalone, maybe a bit overdone. He had brown hair that was slicked back, and was about average height. He looked basically by your typical rich snob.

“One of you must battle me, because I want to prove to everyone that I am the greatest. So just say Sure Bill and we can get on our way!” Bill said meanly.

“Uhh, ok. I will battle you!” I said confidently.

--

Yay, its an ok battle. Next Chapter is Great so far, it might even have a 2 parter =D. (Meaning same story problem is in 3 and 4).


Shouldn't of said that, but get ready for Chapter 2 tomorrow.

Venasaur89
27th October 2003, 03:52 PM
Interesting. SO let me guess that the next chapter is gonna be action-packed, am I right?

Daredevil
28th October 2003, 06:33 AM
From Hope to Destiny
Chapter 2: Firing Up For Battle
By: Daredevil


“Nice Slugma, nice Slugma.” I said backing up while Pikachu slowly walked forward.

I looked up and saw around three guys and one girl dressed in Black right above them. It looked like these pokemon belonged to them, and they were challenging us to a battle without us accepting.

“Well, here we go I guess.” Sarah said, stuttering.

She pulled back her long brown hair and pulled out a pokeball. She looked at it and then threw it onto the field. Mudkip came out looking for play, which we weren’t doing.

Pikachu looked back and I pointed to help out Mudkip. It quickly ran up to Mudkip with a “Pika Pika, Pikachu.” They got in an attack pose, while one of the dark people finally spoke, the woman.

“Kids, can we please have your pokemon, before you make us hurt you. We can do this the easy way, and just hand over your pokemon to the Dark Hunters.” The red haired lady said as she stepped forward.

“Never!” I replied.

“Slugma – Ember!” They men yelled as their Slugma attacked.

I looked over to glance at Sarah, and when I saw her face, it was like nothing I’d seen before. She looked like she could take on anything, by the way she felt. Obviously she already loved her Mudkip.

“Tyler, trace our steps back and see if you can find any trainers to help. Mudkip can keep these hypocrites away for a bit, but we are going to need help.” She said seriously.

“No, we can do it. Together.” I replied.

“Pikachu – Thundershock.”
“Mudkip – Bubble!”

The many Slugma shot out little balls of fire at Mudkip and Pikachu, that almost toasted them, but they managed to dodge.

Pikachu tightened its body and shot a bolt of electricity on two of the Slugma. They gave off a harsh “Sluggg” cry, as the bolt finished. They looked wiped already, and I noticed Pikachu had a nice Thundershock attack.

While I was taking just two on, Sarah was amazingly taking on the other four with her Mudkip. It shot bubbles out keeping the Slugma away from it.

“Slugma, Body Slam.”

The Slugma flew into the air, and were coming down for Mudkip fast. Mudkip was trying its best to get them back, but two were coming down very fast. I choked for a bit, until I ordered, “Pikachu, Quick Attack!”

Pikachu flew across the ground and jumped up, hitting one dead on, knocking it out, but taking damage from flying back into the ground.

“Mmm, it seems you two are a bit better then we supposed. We fled now, but you will meet a Dark Hunter again, and I promise you, it will be your last meeting of one with your pitiful pokemon” The Lady said as the men returned the Slugma, and the Magcargo followed behind them.

I gave a big gasp of air for relief and grabbed Pikachu.

“Great job, you did awesome for your first battle!” I said smiling, as I set it on my shoulder.

Sarah was with Mudkip, talking to it, as she started to walk on with it, so I followed her with Pikachu. We walked across the dirt trail that had rocks that were in lava before. It was a bumpy walk, and my feet got tried after awhile until I stopped.

“Oh, sorry, I forgot, good battle back there. If you want to stop, the Pokemon Center is just about 10 yards ahead, so we can rest, and talk to some fellow trainers.” Sarah said, as she just started walking faster.

We walked forward for a long time until we reached the Pokemon Center. I opened the door and saw about 3 other trainers sitting. A nurse welcomed me, and said to call all pokemon center nurses’ Joy. She took Pikachu off my back, and said that she would take it, along with Mudkip, for a heal.

I just sat down next to a boy on a couch. He had a map out and was drawing on it, calculating his route mileage.

“Umm, hi!” I said smiling.

“Oh, hi there.” He said with an unsure face.

I didn’t know how to make conversation with strangers really well, since I never used to get out much. I just said “Hi” to people I saw on the streets while I went to the Computer Store to pick up the latest programs.

I just decided I might as well check on my Pokedex updates, to see if any new information was released.

I opened up the small red gadget, and hit a button. It opened up showing my face, the small blond hair, with the curliness in it. It also showed my blue eyes very well. I hit the “UPDATE” tab on the controller. It showed that a new map had been uploaded. I downloaded the upgrade, and looked at my current position. It seemed that we’d have to find a way to get across, since a river cut off the path.

Suddenly, Sarah sat down next to me.

“Well, it looks like we can take the Pidgeot service across the River, and then we’ll be right at the front of the Woods. The river is only about 800 yards away, so we need to get to the woods before Nightfall, and see if we can find a good rest area.” She said.

Nurse Joy came out with two pokeballs and handed one to me, and one to Sarah. They were our pokemon all healed up. We walked outside to find two kids battling, two boys, one with a Ponyta, and another one with a Machop. We ran past them, as one boy yelled, “We won Machop!”

Sarah and I walked along the path until we made it to the Pidgeot air service. A man in a hat, and a uniform greeted us, and hopped on a large Pidgeot. It had long wings, and was about five times the size of myself.

We both hopped on and we flew off.

“So, more pokemon trainers? I’ve seen about two dozen today, all heading for the Petalburg Woods. Same for you two?” He asked.

I looked at him and nodded, as we took a steep dive to the ground. We landed at the Swellow Transportation. It seemed that those two places were in rival for taking people across. Once we stepped on the ground I look ahead, and saw a thick place of forest.

We walked up to the entrance, to go in the forest, so we could get to the Wood’s pokemon center, then a boy stepped in front.

“Stop!” He said.

I looked at him with a confused face. He had on a suit, and obviously lots of kalone, maybe a bit overdone. He had brown hair that was slicked back, and was about average height. He looked basically by your typical rich snob.

“One of you must battle me, because I want to prove to everyone that I am the greatest. So just say Sure Bill and we can get on our way!” Bill said meanly.

“Uhh, ok. I will battle you!” I said confidently.

“I choose you – Corphish!”
“Lets go, Pikachu!”

A golden pokeball rolled out onto the field revealing the pokemon obviously named Corphish, but I hadn’t seen much of it before. So I pulled out my red pokedex, and aimed it at Corphish, and received the information.

Corphish: This water pokemon uses it pincers to grab its opponents and attack them. This pokemon will eat anything, even metal devices.

I studied the dex entry, with the list of attacks. It seemed like its moveset was near Mudkip’s so I thought I shouldn’t have a problem with it. Only thing I wasn’t to familiar with, was the mighty pincers that it had on its hands.

“Corphish – Bubble.”
“Pika!” Pikachu said as it dived down to the ground. It rolled back up onto its feet, unharmed.

“Pikachu – Agility!”
“Corphish – Bubble!”

Corphish shot out, yet again, more round bubbles that floated around. Pikachu showed off its amazing speed as it ran around it.

“Pikachu – Quick Attack!”

Pikachu then jumped up and smacked itself into Corphish. Corphish slid down onto the ground sliding dirt with it. It obviously had never battled before, and wasn’t under the care of a very good trainer. I sort of felt sorry for pokemon like that, which had to be owned by rich snobs.

“Corphish, get up, come on buddy!”
“Pikachu – Thundershock!”

Pikachu jumped into the air, while yellow surrounded it. Pikachu shot out an amazing electric attack, frying Corphish to a crisp. It was Knocked Out, and Pikachu had done it.

“Way to go Pikachu!” I yelled in excitement as I ran to hug Pikachu. I was fortunate to have such a powerful pokemon on my side. Not just powerful, but hopefully soon to be my best friend.

“Good job Tyler! You really pulled that one off with a thrill.” Sarah said as she patted me on the back, congratulating Pikachu and me for such a great battle.

“Well, good battle. Hopefully, Corphish and me can move on, and win our next one. Your Pikachu is really strong, keep hold of it, it’s a good one.” Bill said, trying to be a good sport.

While he walked away I walked on into the forest, where at the beginning stood a large Pokemon Center. Sarah and Me walked in, and went upstairs to where they had around eight beds laid out.

As I walked upstairs, I couldn’t believe whom I saw.
------

NEXT CHAPTER: Next Chapter is great so far, its a two parter so 3 and 4 will be on same plot. Its a great plot, and will be leaving everyone wondering whats happening to who next =).

Venasaur89
28th October 2003, 07:32 AM
Great CHapter! Really good. NO grammer/spelling errors, and you had good details, and the length was good as well. The battles were good, but could have been made longer. But, you could have described the scenery when you walked to the Pidgeot flying service, and the river....just keep working on it! and you left me in suspense when you said, "As I walked upstairs, I couldn’t believe whom I saw.

Great Job! Keep it up.