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Daredevil
17th November 2003, 03:07 PM
Well, this is my second piece of writing, and I found out how these fanfics work. I learned from other fics, that you need to be organized, stay on schedule, and to keep ahead of the chapters your posting. With that said, I'll be posting new Chapters on Sunday's, Previews on Wednesday and Friday's. With that said, Daredevil brings to you the next level of pokemon.

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Let It Be

Chapter One: In My Dreams

By: Daredevil



I sat in my chair, working on my computer. My reflection showed my blond curly hair, and my blue eyes. I was searching on a pokemon website, as I browsed through it. The new league in the South, the Balad Region, was accepting participants. There were already around 500,000 people signed up.

I wanted to be one of them.

I lived my life above my father’s lab. He worked on studying pokemon behavior, attacks, and health. I loved interacting with the pokemon, and always had wanted my own. I was told the same thing every time. That I needed to learn about them so one day I could assist my father.

“Sweetie, Lunch is ready.” My mother said as she popped her head into my room. I stepped up and walked to our bar area, where we ate our lunch. My dad was already gobbling down pizza, so I decided I might as well ask him.

“Dad, can I have a pokemon, like a Gyarados, or a Treecko, or a Dragonite!” I said as I walked towards my plate of Buffalo wings.

“No, maybe tomorrow for Christmas you can maybe get that new hacking book that you wanted, since you love your computers and servers.” He said as he drank some water.

“Why not, I can handle being a trainer, living by myself, I mean I prac-.” I said as I stopped trying not to hurt my father’s feelings, since that wouldn’t get me any closer to getting a pokemon.

Hours passed, as I sat on my computer looking at the old Indigo League site that showed last year’s top three places, their pokemon, and the sixteen Gym Leaders.

The winning trainer had also won the Silver Conference, so he must have been very good. His name was Jordan Barbina, and he had a nice lineup of unusual or underused pokemon, except one, a Typhlosion.

I went straight to the Balad League page to investigate, as saw his name listed under the qualified trainers. His name was listed, which pushed me to die to enter even more. Think of the glory you would receive for beating such a trainer of his caliber.

Time flew by that night and it was already 11:45 PM. I always went to bed before midnight, like I always did on Christmas Eve hoping Santa would bring me a pokemon. To bad Santa wasn’t my Dad.


*

“Patrick, get up, it's late, and presents await you.” My mom said as she shook me until I finally pushed her away and woke up, slipping on a shirt, socks, and shorts. I walked towards my Family Room where our tree was, where I saw three presents.
I rushed over to rip them open as I found, The Pokemon Bible, By Prof. Elmside. It was a 2000 page book with everything you could know about being a trainer, leagues, grooming, health, attacks, and lots more.

Next I found a new hat, it was blue and had a pokeball on the front. I remembered pointing that out to my mom that week.

Finally, in the last box, I opened it up and found an envelope. It was from my dad, and I rushed to open it with excitement, while I went so fast, I got a paper cut on my finger. I pulled it open and it said..

Dear Son,

I have been waiting for this Christmas for a long time. I kept saying no because I knew a Professor in town was giving away 16 pokemon on Christmas Eve. I reserved you a pokeball, so you can go pick it up at Prof. Burnsmith’s next door. I left all your stuff there, clothes, backpack, pokedex, and pokeballs.

Go on now son, and be sure to call us once you get your pokemon.

Love,
Dad

I looked up and ran outside, without getting breakfast and without saying goodbye. I ran over to the multi floor laboratory. I ran inside where a girl, about my size, with blond hair, blue eyes, some jeans, and a t-shirt on.

“I’m sorry Sarah, you and that other boy’s Patrick will have to go to Maple Town to Prof. Elmside’s Lab to pick up a pokemon there, again I’m sorry, thieves in cloaks stole two pokeballs before Officer Jenny came to scare them off.” Prof. Burnsmith said

I stepped forward to let Burnsmith know I had arrived.

“So, how far is Maple Town?” I questioned as Sarah turned around, looking at me. I just smiled and looked back at Burnsmith to get my answer.

“Ahh, not to far lad, just go through the small valley and your there. Be a rough journey without a pokemon through yer valley, so you might want to start early this morning, and I’m sure you can sleep at Elmside’s tonight.” Burnsmith said as he walked over towards a closet.

He pulled out our backpacks, which were bulging out, since our parents must have given us way to much stuff to carry.

“Come inside the lab, and I’ll register you kids for the league, and get you your free TM, your Pokedex, Pokeballs, and your PokeNav. I hope you use those PokeNav’s good since no other trainers got ‘em ‘cept you.” He said as we both walked into the lab.

The lab was amazing, it had about four other scientists studying on computers, while five were examining pokemon, or feeding them. It was all white, and had a glass table in which a Bulbasaur was being examined.
He went to a desk, which had piles of scattered papers, which showed me he wasn’t very organized. When he walked back he handed us the items he told us about.

“Now kids, I have around 2000 TM’s and you each get to pick one. These are special moves that many pokemon don’t learn, but some do, and you just swipe it through your Pokedex, and select the pokemon you want it to go on. Easy enough? Well now pick your first TM.” Burnsmith said as he brought up 2000 little papers with numbers on them.

Sarah picked first and picked out number 1013, as Burnsmith reached down and grabbed a crystal colored card. He handed it to Sarah, as she read it out loud.

“Ice Beam. Well, now lets hope I get a pokemon that can use this, it looks like a good move from the picture.” Sarah said.

“Umm, Sarah, there is no picture, that’s the background.” Burnsmith said giggling.

“Oh, well, my mistake.” Sarah said smiling as she pulled out her backpack, and gently set the TM in the smallest slot in her backpack. Then it was my turn. I wanted a great move like Hyper Beam, but that was the rarest move. I pulled out my number, number 468, and received an orange card.

“Sunny Day, well I know this move, the pokemon does like a dance, and if your outside the sun shines brightly raising the heat, but if your inside, it just raises the humidity, and the heat of the room. Err, kind of was looking for a better move.” I said in disappointment.

As soon as we received all of that stuff, I opened up my PokeNav, and saw Maple Town from our current location, Newberry Town, was a short distance, but a dangerous distance.

“Now before you go, I warn you to be cautious even though the valley between Maple Town and Newberry is only about 200 yards, there are many wild pokemon there, and you do not have your own pokemon to battle them.” Burnsmith said.

I looked over at Sarah as she said, “Thanks, and goodbye,” as I said the same. We walked outside to the fresh sun, and the small breeze running and headed north towards the valley.

“Well, if you didn’t hear, my name is Sarah Miller. But, I never did catch your name.

“Oh, my name is Patrick Tadolini.” I said, as we walked by a little old lady taking care of some Sunkern. While we walked, I thought of what pokemon I wanted, maybe a Bagon, maybe a Dratini, or a Charmander. Maybe I’d even want a Sunkern!

I looked up and saw a sign saying “Diagon Valley”. I looked over at Sarah as she gave me a thumbs up, so we walked forward. This valley wasn’t anything like the Professor had described, showing he isn’t much of an outside person.

The valley was more like a forest, and I saw what he said about being dangerous, I saw many eyes looking down at us from the treetops.

“Umm, how about we have a race across?” I asked with sarcasm, meaning that we needed to get across very fast.

“Sounds good!” Sarah replied laughing.

We then sprinted across through the trees where we found apples, oranges, and leaves shooting down at us. I noticed we were running pretty fast, and could see some buildings up ahead, until two leaves zoomed way to fast by us to be thrown.

I looked ahead and saw a very mad Victreebel. It obviously ruled the valley, and wasn’t to excited to have visitors. It shot out more and more leaves until we both hid behind trees.

“Any ideas?” I asked Sarah.

“None, maybe lets hope a trainer co-.”Sarah said as I cut her off.

“Look its Elmside!” I yelled in excitement.

Elmside ran out with a pokeball, in which I thought he was going to battle it, but he returned the Victreebel into the pokeball. We both walked out in relief, and greeted Elmside.

“Oh sorry, I set out Victreebel this morning incase any other thieves came, forgot to bring it back. Also, I understand you two are in need of your starting pokemon? I have set out two for both of you. So lets go get them.” Elmside said as we walked towards another enormous laboratory.

This one was a five floor, almost 5280 ft lab. Nothing like I had ever seen. Once we entered in it, there were two pokeballs sitting on the table.

“The one on the left is Sarah’s, and the one on the right is Patrick’s. You can see what I’ve selected for you too now.

I grasped my pokeball expecting the best. We both threw them onto the ground and appeared two pokemon.

------------------
Hope you liked it.

mistysakura
18th November 2003, 12:00 AM
Not a bad start. I like how Patrick wasn't just a trainer waiting to get his Pokemon, and how his dad kept it from him that he was getting a Pokemon. Just watch out for cliches, though. Don't make Patrick win every battle, or do nothing but train and battle in gyms, or something like that. Always make sure that there's something that stands out as being original, something that people will remember your fic for.

Nothing else big, just watch the difference between "to" and "too" (I've seen it used wrongly twice, so I'm pretty sure it's not a typo). Keep writing, I'll be wating for the next chapter!

Daredevil
18th November 2003, 02:24 PM
mistysakura: Well, I am only 12, and truthfully haven't learned the difference between too and to and word seems to be inaccurate with correcting them.

Also, don't worry, there will be lots of sidequests like in the next chapter, which you get a preview of tomorrow =D.

Also hello to meh silent readers.

Zee Sage
18th November 2003, 02:26 PM
Nice but one thing to overused is like the just go-to-the-professor-and-get-a-pokemon. Like I love trainer fics, just don't like that this on how you go to the professor and he gives u a pokemon. Other than that excellent fic DareDevil. More chapters soon!!!!! :)

mr_pikachu
18th November 2003, 06:53 PM
Not bad, not bad! So you're only twelve, huh? Pretty darn good, I'd say. Though I would've thought you'd have been taught the difference between "to", "too", and "two" by now. Ah well, we'll get to that eventually. ;)

Anyway, this was a nice start. It was relatively creative, as Patrick didn't know until the last minute that he was getting a Pokemon. I hope you can keep up the creativity and make this fic really stand out. This was a good way to begin your fic. Keep 'em coming! :wave:


P.S. Were you once Cyndaquil7? Because if I'm not mistaken, your avatars are identical. Just wondering. See ya!

Daredevil
18th November 2003, 07:02 PM
Zee: Thanks Chapter will be up Friday Night or Saturday morning, its short, but action packed.

Pikachu: Yeah but I know nothing about English with grammar, but am in like high school math ;_;. Yes I'm Cyndaquil7 so shhhh.

Daredevil
19th November 2003, 02:25 PM
Sneak Peek =D.


-Captured?
As we walked outside with our pokemon returned I stretched out my arms to find them grabbed by someone.

“What are you doing Sarah?” I laughed, thinking she was pulling a joke.

I looked over to find her held too by one man in a dark black cloak. Two fastened me, and we were walked to a car, where we were pushed into a trunk.



Freed, maybe?

I broke the glass of the window, letting everyone go before me. While Houndour and I were just about to crawl out, something grabbed my leg.

“Get back in here boy.” A deep voice yelled, as Houndour bite his arm. He quickly let go in pain, and I crawled out to safety. Outside, I found that it was a worse case scenario. There were Six Dark Hunters outside, with five Poocheyna standing in front of them.



Yey, Chapter up Friday Night.

Cyndaquil7
21st November 2003, 02:18 PM
Chapter 2: Bring Me Back to the World


I let go of my pokeball, and out came a small black dog, about two feet tall, looked around twenty-five pounds, and had white circles around its feet and on its back. It also had an orangish tone to its stomach and face. I pointed my pokedex at it in question, and then it came up with:

Houndour – This fire pokemon crawls through the shadows using its other dark type attacks, pouncing on its opponent with vicious bites.

“Wow, what a cool pokemon. Sarah, what pokemon do you have?” I asked as I bent down to pet Houndour.

“I have no clue, but it’s so cute!” Sarah said as she pointed her pokedex at it.

Baltoy – This psychic and ground pokemon spins itself on its bottom point. BALTOY has very strong attacks, and has been rumored to be faster then some pokemon with four legs.

Wow, and my pokedex says that both of our pokemon can learn the TM’s we got back at Burnsmith’s lab. We both greeted our pokemon, who already seemed to like us.

“Well kids, you made it here in great time, so you might as well look around town since you got about four hours till ten. I’ll see you then.” Elmside said as we both returned our pokemon, and walked out the door.


*
“Get ready here those kids come, I heard them say goodbye. Anytime now, and we’ll have new slaves for Master Noah. Ok here they come, get ready, and make sure those other two kids stay quiet!” A woman yelled from above the laboratory.


*

As we walked outside with our pokemon returned I stretched out my arms to find them grabbed by someone.

“What are you doing Sarah?” I laughed, thinking she was pulling a joke.

I looked over to find her held too by one man in a dark black cloak. Two fastened me, and we were walked to a car, where we were pushed into a trunk.

“Is that help?” Two voices said from the trunk. They were both manly, and then I suddenly felt movement under me.

“Oh hi, I’m Patrick, and did you get attacked by those cloaked people too?” I asked to find out some more about those people.

“Oh yes, they are part of the new big organization called the Dark Hunters. This stick, owned by this small boy named Noah, controls them all. We’ll be sent to a chamber where he will come and turn us into mindslaves, nothing big. Oh, so you know, I’m Jared, and my other friend is Justin. We just got our starting pokemon from Elmside when we were captured.” Jared said, providing me with lots of background information on the people.

“Oh, and Sarah, are you okay?” I asked, forgetting she was captured too.

“Yeah, I am.” She replied.

Suddenly the car stopped, and the trunk was opened. We walked into a cave, then a long ways in a huge base, where along the way we saw hundreds of the Dark Hunters. We were then pushed into a jail cell, with nothing in it.

“Might as well give our pokemon some air.” Justin said, as he released his Machop. Along with Jared, who had a Squirtle, Sarah’s Baltoy, and my Houndour.

I quickly thought through my head until I realized I huge flaw in what those men did. They forgot to take our pokemon, in which could bend the metal bars. That was too easy though. But, then again, maybe they wanted us to get out of the jail cell.

“Justin, this is going to sound easy, but tell Machop to bend the bars, since it’s strong.” I said, as he nodded towards Machop. It walked towards the bars, grasped them, and pulled them revealing a little hole. The pokemon jumped through quickly, then one by one all of us crawled through the small hole.

“Now, which way do we go?” Sarah asked, scratching her head in more confusion.

We just started to walk towards the left, where there was a hall. We quickly ran into the next room. There was a bed, a radio, and a Dark Hunter.

We quickly backed up and went into the next room. This one was empty, but had a few computers in it, with programs running.

“Finally, something I know how to use.” I said as I ran up to the first computer. I looked at it and noticed that they had Pentium Servers holding up all of the power in the building. That’s how they communicated, with the radios, which got their power from the servers.

“Aha! I can turn off the servers, and all the power goes down, so we can get out of here easier.” I said as I begin turning off all of the servers one by one. First lights, power, and everything went out.

I ran out of the room giving the others the sign that we needed to get out before the lights turned on again. Ahead, we saw two mindslaves, and behind us two. We were trapped.

“Lets go Houndour!” I yelled as Houndour jumped in front. I yelled, “Give them a Smokescreen,” and as I said that the air was filled with smoke, clearing us an easy way to pass the first two.

We all ran as fast as we could through the dark hallways, sneaking easily by some of the lesser mindslaves. Before us we saw light, coming from something straight ahead. It was a window, a window that would be our getaway path.

I broke the glass of the window, letting everyone go before me. While Houndour and I were just about to crawl out, something grabbed my leg.

“Get back in here boy.” A deep voice yelled, as Houndour bite his arm. He quickly let go in pain, and I crawled out to safety. Outside, I found that it was a worse case scenario. There were Six Dark Hunters outside, with five Poocheyna standing in front of them.

“Let’s do this.” Justin said as he nodded for to head out. All four of our pokemon, Machop, Squritle, Baltoy, and Houndour, stepped out.

“Now Patrick, lets use those TM’s we got from Burnsmith’s they should help!” Sarah exclaimed as she pulled out her Ice Beam TM Card. She swiped it across the top of her pokedex, and her available pokemon appeared, being only Baltoy. She hit enter, and an ice blue dome appeared around Baltoy, then disappeared. Sarah read her pokedex while it said, “Move Completed.”

Now I pulled out my orange Sunny Day card, and swiped it in the little indentation in the top and as I hit enter, selecting Houndour to learn it, an orange dome appeared around him, and the Sunny Day move could now be performed by my Houndour.

“Poocheyna’s – Tackle!” The tallest man ordered.
“Machop – Scratch.”
“Squirtle – Bubble.”
“Baltoy – Confusion.”
“Houndour – Ember.”


The Poocheyna ran up, in a row, but one was quickly stopped by Machop’s Scratch attack. Baltoy held the rest in the air for mere seconds, while the Ember and Bubble smashed them to the ground.

“Lieutenant, we won’t be able to easily take these kids with our little Poochyena, we need to take them one by one.” One short Dark Hunter said as the tall man turned around.

“Your right Private, we must flee. Do not worry children, I promise you, we will meet again, with stronger pokemon.” He said as they ran away, returning the beaten Poochyena.

We ran to our pokemon for winning the short battle. We all really didn’t count it as a battle, but a battle is a battle. It was very late, so we all walked back to Elm’s Lab. We told him what happened, he was mad, but again happy to see us all right. He set up some air mattresses in his office, and put our pokemon in his natural habitat area.

As I closed my eyes, I just thought of the kind of power the Dark Hunter clan possessed. Now I knew that evil seeked us, but we were ready to take on any Dark Hunter that came along, together.

-------
Short Chapter, next is like 5 pages, so =D. Enjoy.

mr_pikachu
21st November 2003, 06:48 PM
That was short, but not bad. My main complaint was the way we found out about the kidnappers. I mean, how in the heck would the captives - who had just been captured - know that much about what was going to happen to them? That didn't seem to be how these guys operated. Plus, Sarah and Patrick were captured VERY easily. Plus, the two other kids (don't remember their names) didn't even make an effort to get help when the trunk was opened, and neither did Sarah and Patrick. Not to mention the apparent stupidity of the Dark Hunters to let them out so easily. I don't want to be rude, but there are some points in this chapter that could use a quick re-write. I know you can do better than that, and I'm sure it wouldn't take you very long to make this chapter pristine. Anyway, I'll still be reading, but that's how I feel about this particular chapter. When you introduce the main villains, you want to really scare the reader. ;)

Oh, by the way, do you happen to watch Yu-Gi-Oh? (Dark Hunters and Rare Hunters... mindslaves... just a tad similar, don't you think? ;)) Anyway, I'll see you at the next chapter! Don't forget to write!

Okay, that was bad. Sorry. :P

mistysakura
21st November 2003, 11:03 PM
Interesting plot. Others might find it cliched, but as far as I'm concerned... not bad.
One thing I need to complain about, though, is the lack of description. Have you read Harry Potter 5? Know the part where Sirius dies? It went so fast (like one sentence), some people were like "Huh? What happened?" (I know, I was one of them.)

Some parts of this fic give me the same feeling, eg. I looked over to find her held too by one man in a dark black cloak. Two fastened me, and we were walked to a car, where we were pushed into a trunk.

I think that that could have been described a lot more, with more feelings and stuff. I mean, they're meant to be scared, but that really didn't get to me in those phrases. Also, how strong the men were, the stuffiness of the trunk and the surprise of the whole thing etc. would really help.

Other parts were good, though, like how Patrick helped them escape by making the servers go down. That was nice and creative.

I'm looking forwzard to the next chapter.

Daredevil
22nd November 2003, 07:38 AM
Pikachu: Well, your review helped me learn something right there, besides knowing how bad that chapter was, i knew that =D.

Misty: I have trouble with description, but i'll try really hard to make this next chapter descriptive =D. And I didn't know who died yet in Harry Potter, I was only 2 chapters away too ;_;.