Meh first Fan Fic

[Crazy]

"GGGGGAAAAAAAHHHH!!!" screamed Zim,what did I just step on?? Zim looked down only to see a sand spur stuck to his feet. He quickly pulled it off and put on his shoes. Today he was going to catch his first pokemon. It was a sunny cloudless day,perfect for catching a pokemon. Zim got his pokeballs ready and ran off to the grassy plains. Then he saw what looked like a Zigzagoon. He tried to sneak up behind it while it was eating a berry. Then Zim let out a loud yell and hurled a pokeball at the Zigzagoon. Zigzagoon was transfered into the ball. It wiggled and Zigzagoon broke out. The Zigzagoon lokeed very mad and started running towards Zim. "AHHHHHHHHH" he screamed as he ran as fast as he could. He saw a pond as he was running and jumped into it. The Zigzagoon then looked pleased and ran off. "Darn pokemon"said Zim. Guess i'll have to find a way to weaken the pokemon first. AHAH! I could always chase a weaker pokemon until it gets tired! Then Zim spotted a Lotad sitting near the pond he had just jumped into. OOOGA BOOGA BOOOGA!!! Zims cry startled the Lotad and it started running. Lotad was so scared that it didn't notice the tree in front of it. CLONK!!! Lotad lay uncouncious on the ground. "This is my chance"thought Zim. Then he threw a pokeball at the Lotad. The ball wiggled but the pokemon did not break out. "YES I CAUGHT MY FIRST POKEMON"cried Zim.

END OF CHAPTER 1

Sorry I was using your topic to test if I could change thread titles.

[mistysakura]

^ Not the best title. I suggest the Fic Name changing topic (http://www.pokemasters.net/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=18727).

Well... interesting start. It was quite original, as Zim caught a Lotad instead of a Zigzagoon as he origianlly intended. The length was short, though. Usually the guildeline is at least 1 word page (and for some people, that length is absolutely miniscule, but that's not my point.) Description will help there. Some people here don't knwo a thing about R/S, so try to decribe what the Pokemon look like. Zim's appearance, the background, and things like that will help us picture the fic in our heads also. Another thing was grammar; e.g. ""YES I CAUGHT MY FIRST POKEMON"cried Zim." should have been ""YES, I CAUGHT MY FIRST POKEMON!" cried Zim."

I hope you write more, as originality is one of the most important things in a fic and you seem to have gotten the hang of that. By the way, introduce the characters next time.

[Crazy]

Ok thanks I will try to be more descriptive next time,and I will also increase its length.Oh yeah I knew I forgot something to put in the story when I finished it and it tuned out to be a very important part. Introducing my Character and explaing the pokemon.

[Crazy]

This is the sequal to Meh first Fan Fic. Zim is a tall brown haired 12 year old boy who lives in a town that is not on the maps. In his last adventure Zim had captured a small pokemon with a lily pad on its head,this pokemon is called a Lotad.

CHAPTER 2: Zim was very pleased with himself for capturing his first pokemon all on his own. In fact he was so pleased with himself that he did not notice a trainer in his path. BAM!! "Watch where you're going you idiot!" screamed the trainer. "Why weren't you watching where you were heading?"replied Zim. Well I thought you knew where you were going! "Same here"lied Zim. Oh well, Zim are you a pokemon trainer?? Yes I am. Well then would like to battle a friend of mine? My pokemon are not strong enough to battle yet. "Sure take me to your friend said Zim". Zim was excited,he was about to have his first battle! The trainer lead Zim into dark woods and then to a dirt path."Just follow the path"said the trainer. Zim followed the long twisted path. He finally came to a clearing where he saw a short black haired young boy. What are you here for? "Well I wanted to battle you."replied Zim. Fine, we can have a one on one battle. I CHOOSE WURMPLE!! A odd bug pokemon came out of the pokeball. "Well I choose LOTAD"yelled Zim. Lotad use absorb! Wurmple use poison sting! Lotad used his absorb attack and it hit Wurmple. Zim saw the poison stinger heading for Lotad. LOTAD jump into the air! Lotad jumped as high as it could. But Lotad was very clumsy so it did avoid the stinger but it landed on its head.Lotad was knocked out cold. "GAAAHHHHH!! I lost my first pokemon battle!"said Zim. Zim shook hands with the trainer and walked off. I have to start traing my Lotad more! It is so clumsy.My Lotads absorb didn't even affect that Wurmple!!

END OF CHAPTER 2

[mistysakura]

Thread now merged. Post all chapters in the same thread next time.

Yay, Zim lost! Not that I don't like him, it's just that some fics never make their main character lose, and that gets really boring and repetitive. The description was a bit better in this one, but the ending was abrupt.

Keep it up, you're improving.

[mr_pikachu]

You really need to describe things more. As mistysakura said, the surroundings, the characters, and the Pokemon all deserve at least a LITTLE description.

Also, this fic is somewhat difficult to read, because it is really not formatted correctly. Just remember that when someone else speaks, start a new paragraph. (Description helps to make the chapter more than an endless chain of one-liners, as well.) This goes for all writing in English, not just fanfics here.

Anyway, good luck, and keep writing!

[Crazy]

Where we last left of Zim had just lost his first pokemon battle.

CHAPTER 3:The sky was no longer sunny and cloudless,in fact it was dark and windy. Zim was in the woods so he could train his Lotad."Hmmmm I wonder where pokemon would hide in the woods?"he thought to himself. Just then Zim saw a bush move and what came out of it was a lazy looking,yellow pokemon with brown stripes."I think that is called a Slakoth."he told himself.

I'll fight it and that should make Lotad stronger.GO LOTAD!! A small blue pokemon with a lily pad on its head appered. Lotad use growl! Lotad growled,but Slakoth didn't seem to be surprised at all.Ok that didn't work.Lotad use absorb! The attack was successful,and some of Slakoths energy had been drained. Ok now finish it off with a astonish attack! Due to the rain the ground had become muddy and slippery which caused Lotad to slip and miss its target,instead it slid into a rock. Lotad was no longer able to battle but the Slakoth was still damaged from Lotads last attack. Zim threw a pokeball and successfully captured the Slakoth. Yes,I caught my second pokemon! Zim still wanted to train his Lotad so he set off deeper into the woods. Zim was no longer on the path and it was getting late."Crud i'm lost!"he said to himself.

He was getting tired and was about to give up when a Wurmple appeared. A Wurmple is a red and white bug pokemon with a stinger. Finally,another pokemon! Ok go Lotad! Lotad had recovered from its last failure. Lotad use astonish! Lotad did as he was told and tried to surprise and damage Wurple. The attack hit Wurmple,but it didn't seem to do much. Then suddenly Wurple used its string shot and it wrapped Lotad up in silk and ran off.NO! I don't think this Lotad will ever win a battle! Zim called back Lotad and eventually found the path. The path lead him out of the woods. But when he reached the end of the woods he saw a huge city with tall skyscrapers and many cars. He also noticed a pokemon center in the middle of the city.Then he headed towards the new place.

END OF CHAPTER 3

[Crazy]

Mods I could not change the title to my last fan fic,so I started this to make it more interesting and hopefully attract more readers. Ok readers,to make a short story shorter I will sum up the last 3 chapters. Zim had caught a Lotad,and a Slakoth.He also lost his first pokemon battle,and his Lotad has no battle skill. He was training in the woods until he found a city outside of the woods.

Chapter 4:WHAT THA FRICK?

Zim a tall brown haired 12 year old boy had set out on his pokemon journey. We join Zim at a city in the middle of nowhere. "Wow cool city!"Zim thought to himself. While Zim was walking he noticed many buildings in certain shapes, squares,triangles,and even circles.It was night and the street lights were shining brightly. Zim also noticed that all of the buildings were either blue,orange,or green.

Zim was heading towards the pokemon center when he saw a young man running across the street. He was wearing a white and black striped shirt and he had a bandana on his head with a skull and cross bones.He seemed to be looking for somone.Zim decided to ignore him and contnued to walk towards the pokemon center.Right when he got near the door heheard somone shouting,surrender your pokemon in the name of Team Rocket.Then he heard another person shout surrender your pokemon in the name of team Aqua!"WHAT THA FRICK?!"Zim said to himself.

Who are they?I have never heard of Team Rocket or Team Aqua.Then he spotted the young man he saw earlier picking a fight with a dark haired short man with a red R on his shirt."Hey get outta here, this is Team Aquas hiest!"shouted the young man."Wrong,this is Team Rockets hiest!"replied the short man. Then the guy with the skull and crossbone bandana through a pokeball. So did the short man with the red R on his shirt.

END OF CHAPTER 4

P.S.The next chapter will be about Team Aquas and Team Rockets quarral.

[mistysakura]

You can't change the thread name, but I can. Thanks for noticing the Fic Name changing topic I mentioned a few posts ago. Bu tit doesn't matter now.

Anyway, great effort. I can see that you're really trying to describe things. Cool city -- it makes things interesting. Team Aqua versus Rocket's not a bad idea either. The grammar's gotten a bit better, but I can still see a few mistakes here and there.

You're getting there.

[Crazy]

CHAPTER 5:Joining Team Aqua

A battle had just begun at the pokemon center.The battle was between Team Rocket,and Team Aqua. A team Aqua member had just thrown a pokeball,so did the Team Rocket member.Zim had figured out that the guy with the pirate simbol was a Team Aqua member. It was also obvious that the Team Rocket member was the one with the red R on his shirt.

"GO SHARPEDO!"yelled the Team Aqua member."GO CROBAT!"screamed the Team Rocket member. A blue sharklike pokemon with red eyes appeared from the Aqua members pokeball.Then a pinkish bat pokemon came out of the Team Rocket members pokeball. Sharpedo use Bite!!! Crobat use Air Cutter! The Sharpedo could not move because it had no water,making it wide open for a attack.

The Crobat flew high into the air and swooped down at the Sharpedo. The attack knocked Sharpedo out and it was called back. "I am such a idiot!"the Team Aqua member told himself. "No doubt there!" thought Zim. Then the Rocket member ran towards the pokemon center. Zim could not make it threw the thick crowds of Rocket and Aqua members.

Zim decided to try to contact the police,because he knew he had no chance of stopping the two teams on his own. Zim ran down the slippery well lighted street until he found a pay phone. He dialed 911 and waited. Finally the operater picked up the phone and said in a long boring voice "How can I help you?" Get me the police! Ok where is your location? Ummm I am in near a pokemon center in a city of shapes. "Oh you mean Shape City?"said the operator. "Wow what a original name!"Zim thought sarcasticly.

Zim told them about the battle between the two teams. "Ok we will send the police over there immeadiantly. Zim waited,and waited,and waited. He wondered why no one noticed the big riot. Then the police fianally arrived but when they did it was too late. Team Aqua and Team Rocket were both gone.The police left and Zim decided to leave the town.

It had turned day and it was sunny and cloudless. The wind was blowing and Zim was on a trail leading to the next city. When suddenly somone grabbed him from a nearby tree and asked him one question."Do you want to join Team Aqua?"said a deep voice. What? Why should I? You were stealing pokemon from the pokemon center. "Yes,but it was for a noble cause!"said the voice. Like what? "We want to expand the sea and give water pokemon a place to live, it will also give more people swimming places!!" said the man huriddly. "Well, I do like water pokemon and no one was hurt....."Zim thought. Fine I'll join!

Then the man blind folded Zim and led him down a rocky and bumpy trail.

END OF CHAPTER 5

[Crazy]

CHAPTER 6: Team Aqua's Plan

"What have I gotten myself into?"Zim thought to himself. The man continued to lead Zim down a long and bumpy trail. Finally the man took of Zim's blindfold and shoved him into a dark building. The building had many statues of water pokemon. There was a gold statue of a gigantic blue pokemon with white dots on its fins. It was a well furnished building and it had a picture of a rough looking man who Zim guessed must be the leader. Zim then saw the same man in the picture walk into the building. "Hello Zim, I have heard that you would like to join Team Aqua. Is this true? "he said in a booming voice. "Yes,it is"Zim replied in a nervous tone.

Well Zim, I hope you realize that Team Aqua will stop at nothing to achieve thier dream. Zim looked a little confused. "Ah, I bet you are wondering why we were stealing those pokemon?"said the leader. Yes I am. We stole them to finish off Team Magma once and for all. Then a look of disgust came over the leaders face. We need as many pokemon as possible so we can wipe out Team Magma. Team Magma doesn't want us to achieve our goal.

I bet you are also wondering how we will expand the sea.
We will do this by awakining a great pokemon named Kyrouge. Kyrouge has the ability to cause strong rain storms. By using these storms we can increase the amount of water in the world. But there is a problem.... Kyrouge lies at the bottom of the ocean. To get there we need a submarine, and in order to get it we will need to steal papers on how to build one. We also need to get a special orb that should control Kyrouge.

Then the leader turned to Zim. I need you and a group of my men to steal the plans. Do you accept?? Yes, I accept. Good now guards,show him to his room. Oh and Zim, my name is Archie. With that the guards took Zim to his room.

THE END OF CHAPTER 6

[Crazy]

Mistysakura, can I start a new thread with this story REVISED? I want to start over with more description and longer chapters. So could you close this so I can do a better version of this story?