I guess I post this here

[Mewtwo-D2]

Well, kids, if any of you used to frequent the RPG forums and remember a game I started called Time-Space Continuum, this will make more sense. TSC is currently being made into a video game by us long-term players, and since I'm head of the music department, it was my duty and my pleasure to start writing lyrics for image songs. This is the one I wrote for my character Thea. For some backstory, Thea could've had all the power in the multiverse, only to sacrificed it for love... and was then murdered by her lover. Please critique.

Once you were singing,
Softly, sweetly
Singing in the brightest daylight
Only you, my love,
Could've sung so fair a tune.

Hours in the sunlight playing
Softly, sweetly
Knotting worries into chains of daisies
You, my love,
Could touch my soul.

Then I heard you,
Softly, sweetly,
Whispering the evil's words
You, my love,
Had sold your soul.

I saw you then,
Softly, sweetly,
Light before the darkness fleeing
Once my love,
But now no more.

Blackest night comes
Softly, sweetly
Treading on the lightest paws
No, my love,
Never coming any more.

Felt you touch me,
Softly, sweetly,
Darker than the moonlight shadows
Felt, my love,
You crush my heart.

Blood is flowing,
Softly, sweetly
Red as the cursed moon above
Held my love
As I lay dying.

Felt the darkness then surround me
Softly, sweetly
Like a friend.
But friends no more, when you my love
Traded your heart for something more.

Love was sweet, but sweeter still,
Softly, sweetly,
Came the lure of power.
So great it was, my love
That you gave your lovers life.

Now I slumber,
Softly, sweetly,
Somewhere between heaven and earth
Waiting, my love
For one last kiss forevermore.

[Royal_Goddess_Tina]

Oh my... Wow... That was definitely breath taking... Those words actually made me cry... You have done such a beautiful job... It is really sad though... :( I really love it though!!! Keep up the magnificant job writing like that... I look forward to reading more from you... Post more as soon as your done writing it.... :wave:

[mr_pikachu]

*stares in shock* A game... on TPM... is gonna be... a real video game? *stares in shock*

SWEEEEEET!!! :D

Erhem. ^_^; Anyway, about your song - well, for one thing, it'd be easier to critique if I could hear the rhythm and all, but since that's not very possible over the net (especially with my crappy comp :mad: ), I'll make do.

The lyrics seem very heartwrenching. The repeated lines of "Softly, sweetly" and "my love" serve to greatly accentuate the horrific reality of lovers torn by love "for something more", as you put it. The references to darkness and blood are fine, but they won't be as easy to recognize in music format, unless the words are playing onscreen. The only thing I can see to really criticize offhand is the use of blood. It makes the lover seem very coldhearted, as if he hated Thea, rather than showing his love for her. (Of course, this could be how she's supposed to be portrayed, in which case my criticism is null and void.) Seeing as how I don't know what's supposed to be going on with these characters, the only criticism I can feel good about giving is the use of sensory writing, and only then because it may not be as effective in the actual game. Overall, though, this is good work. Keep it up!


P.S. Does this game now have an actual contract with a VG company? I'd like to know.


P.P.S. Oh, I almost forgot! Could you give me a PM when the details of the game are finalized? I'd really like to try it out for myself. Thanks!

[Mewtwo-D2]

For the video game aspect, we don't have a contract yet... we're building this all ourselves currently ^^; It's a little hard, considering the game has been going on for almost four years.

To explain a bit more of the backstory, Thea's lover, Will, was originally an assassin with a split personality. One side loved her and wanted to protect her, the other side was convinced that love would make him/them weak. Thea sacrificed herself to save him and her sister sometime after the first game closed and the second game started. When she died, Will kind of lost it, and his darker side gained more control. Thea was able to resurrect, since she was the one of the holiest beings that had ever existed. She merged with the candidate-for-archangel, so when she came back, she had changed and he had changed. Will's first incarnation died in battle, breaking the vow they had made when she came back, that they would die together. After about two years, Will was raised again, but while in limbo his soul had been taken over by a demon. He rejoined Thea and tricked her into getting the Sword of Dimensions for him, which he then impaled her with. She's been dead roughly forty years in game time, her soul shattered. However, in the last forty years, she's been able to repair herself somewhat and is about to rise from the dead with her two other sides: Kaethe the angel, and Erianthe the demon. Will is currently the Emperor of a demon kingdom bent on taking over the multiverse, while each of Thea's personalities wants something different from him: Kaethe wants to kill him, Thea wants to stop him, and Erianthe wants to join him. And that's where things stand as of now.

By the way, thank you both so very much for reviewing ^_^

[PancaKe]

That is a really touching song! Its really cool. I really enjoyed it. I love the whole thing how it goes "once you were my love but no more" thing thats happening. It's just got a great effect! I love the last bit , "Now I slumber, Softly, sweetly,Somewhere between heaven and earth Waiting, my love For one last kiss forevermore." I swear its so cool. Especially the bit about Waiting cuz i dunno it just is cool! You should put that to some really soft music, or really HEAVY MUSIC!! lol sorry im a bit lost.

Oh yeah, and if this is only one song that your posting, or if you write songs and want to show them, then they really do belong in the poetry corner along with other peoples songs and poetry. I'm gonna have to close this because its "mod duties" but you can repost it in the poetry corner whcih can be found in this forum. Okay?

Dats kool.

I loved the song by the way!

~Mist