Black Knight28
6th December 2003, 07:36 PM
Awesome I got applies!
mistysakura: Thank you! Chapter one will be up in, umm, well, soon I hope. And yes, each color is a different person. The blue, green, indigo, and cholcolate are men, and the pink and orange are women.
Iveechan: Thank you! Yes, don't threat, there are pokemon in this story, and another form of creatures too that plays a huge role.
Also, I would like to add, this isn't a trainer fic. I can't write trainer fics that well :( .
I don't know if you guys are allowed to do this. I used to be on this forum for a long time, but rarely post. I was Red Hot Fire, and I forgot the other name. Anyway, if you guys would like to join in and have your self play a little role, just type in your:
name:
pokemon (you may use rare ones if you like, and please pick one):
your looks:
your attitude:
where your character lives:
your pokemon special ability:
your pokemon's attitude:
Okay, well, thanks for those who replied. Also, please reply even if you looked at the post, and really didn't read it. I would like some feedback so I know what to correct, and what I'm doing well on. As a writer, I kinda suck at it.
Thanks again!:)
Black Knight28
9th December 2003, 07:47 PM
Okay everyone here is Chapter One. It is more like an introduction of the characters. The action will be in the second chapter and things start to make more sense. I like to have my readers guess what might be coming up next.
Just so you know the begining is a dream, then in the bold itelics Luna is talking. Its going to be doing that in a couple of chapters to tell you guys what happened in the past. Then I switch back to thrid person. So it's dream, first person, and then thrid person.
I hope you guys like it. Please tell me what you guys think of it. Like I wrote before; this is just an introduction of the characters and how they are like. Also an introduction to where this story is taking place. In the next chapter everything will start to make sense, and some of the action occurs.
Enjoy!:)
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I can hear the waterfall. It sounds so relaxing. I feel so warm. The warm breeze is blowing into my ears. What is that smell? It smells like mint. Where am I? I can’t see anything.
“Luna!” someone with a masculine voice screamed at the top of his lungs.
Who is that?
“Luna wake up!” Again she heard it again, but this time sounds like the person is near her.
I can’t.
“Luna! I’m serious! This isn’t the time to be dreaming!” The voice kept echoing in Luna’s head as if she is in a hollow cave.
I’m dreaming?
Once again Luna hears the voice calling out to her, “Someone get the doctor! She needs to go to the hospital immediately!”
Faintly she hears a man say “Yes sir!” Then there was an explosion, and a few screaming out in agony. She started to slightly feel a small fainted vibrate of what feel likes a pack of horses running away from the enemy? Or maybe to an enemy?
What’s going on? It sounds like a battle? But why am I in a battle? Why did I feel like I’m in a whole entire different place awhile ago? I guess...I guess I need to face reality now, but I don’t want to leave my dream.
Thirty years ago a war raged across the whole universe. It was humanity against power. No one knows for sure how it all got started, but evidence shows that the war started more than eight thousand years ago. Many lives lost, many planets destroyed, and many species even perished. Now the war ended up being a battle to struggle for existence.
It seems imposable that two planets, Jupiter and Saturn, are the ones that caused it. It was the two of them against the whole universe. But how they managed to keep this war up for so long is beyond belief. Even the most powerful planet of all, Earth, couldn’t even stop them.
Jupiter’s army, the Red Spot Army, attacked Earth toward their peak of victory. Earth became weak of its army, and soon crumbled under Red Spot Army’s feet. Just when Earth couldn’t find itself in a bad position, it was blown up into nothing.
Jupiter and Saturn found themselves as victors, and control the whole Milky Way, and soon the universe. But someone stopped them before they even reached outside the Milky Way. No one doesn’t know for sure, but just in a snap the war ended.
I remember I was with my mother when that day came into reality. My parents and I were stationed on a distant planet, away from the Milky Way Galaxy, and its name is Nasazoo. Named after the program NASA that found it, and claimed it as Earth’s son. Many earthlings, such as myself, moved here to Nasazoo when it gained its independence from Earth before the war really started to become a hassle.
[I]I can remember seeing a bright light up in the sky, and then suddenly the whole sky turned pure white. It was odd because it was in the middle of the night. Not only Nasazoo experience that, but the whole universe too. Then after that two bight beastly eyes appeared in the sky.
The eyes began to talk and said “Don’t you worry anymore. The war is over for as long as I can live. Just remember one thing: never stop dreaming. Your dreams may very well see the fate of this universe. In ten years they war will rage on again, and I won‘t be here to stop it.” And they disappeared. It was like they were talking directly to me.
Then ten years later the war continued. It was like Jupiter and Saturn couldn’t except defeat at all, and now they are more powerful than ever. Now it is definitely a war for humanity not to be endangered. Not to forget that Nasazoo was destroyed along with the Milky Way. They used a strong weapon. A weapon that a wise immortal person can’t come up with, and now they are using it on one of the most mystical and powerful galaxy of all time; The Light Galaxy.
Did the eyes foreseen the future, and predicted the war will continue on? Or were they just an allusion? My very own allusion that my dreams made up to escape the war’s devastation? How can my dreams determine the fate of the universe?
[I]New Era
Episode One: Dream of Dreams
Luna finally was able to open up her eyes again to only find herself in a hospital room. Get-well flowers are decorated all over the room. There are many types of daisies, roses, tulips, and one of her favorite; the snowy rose. It’s red mixed with white that swirls around the paddles, and glitters as the sun’s rays hits it.
She slowly got out of her comfortable bed that is covered in thick light blue sheets. One of the most comfortable things that she has been laying in for the longest time. Her body felt stiff, and weak as she slid herself off of it. Finally she got up and started walking around on the soft white carpet and feeling it between her toes. She smiled as she was doing that.
A large window let the sun’s rays lit up the room. Each snow flower sparkled, and Luna crouched down to each one of them to smell their mint smell. Then she noticed a letter attached to one of the flowers. She read it out loud to herself:
Luna,
What happened three days ago is a miracle that you made it out alive. I thought that I lost you there for a moment. I tried to get to you as fast as I can, but when I got there Brendan told me he sent the doctors to take you to the ER. I was thankful, and thankful that you are still alive. After that explosion that knocked you out, many lives were lost, but all except you. They even named the battle after you; The Battle of Luna. If it wasn’t for you, we would have lost. I just hope that the war will be over soon. I miss you a lot, and I hope that these flowers will cheer you up.
Love you always and forever,
Rich
Oh how sweet she said to herself as she is reading it over and over again. Her husband, Rich, joined in the war when she did. He is in charge of the Lunar Squad at a planet called Serenity.
Serenity is one of the planets in the Light Galaxy. It is roughly about the size of Saturn. What is special about it is that it is constantly storming there. No tornadoes, and no hurricanes; just light rain and lightening. Occasionally there are days when it isn’t raining.
Luna, however, is stationed on Chora, and leader of a group called Royal Rhapsodies. Chora is one of the most mystical and dreamy planet of all. The size is twice as big as Jupiter. It has two rings going vertical and horizontal. On a clear day you can see the rings in the light blue sky. They look like colored rainbows.
Once the rings collide into each other once a year, Chora has a festival. People get dressed up in the most colorful ways. Parades, concerts, and competitions are held on Chora’s capital cities, especially at the Royal City. Every year, war or no war, people come together and celebrate Chora’s holiday called Light Solstice.
Luna kept walking around her room, sniffing each flower, and then she stopped in front of a mirror. She ran her light tanned colored hands threw her medium cut, curly, redish hair. Then she look at her wonderful womanly figure for any scratches, scabs, or scars. Non of the above, but just a few scratches on her forehead. She smiled as she felt each one and said to herself, And they say women can’t handle pain. If a man found scars on his forehead he will be bawling like a baby.
“That isn’t always the case ya’ know,” said a familiar male voice.
Luna gasped as she turned around and notice nothing. She swore she heard someone talking behind her, or maybe someone is playing a game with her. That’s it. Someone is playing a game with me, or maybe it’s the spherevision.
There was a chuckle that sounded like it was coming from the corner of the room, “Nope. It isn’t the spherevision.”
Luna gasped again, and back up into the corner of the room; opposite of the other corner where she thought she heard that familiar voice, “Okay. You sound familiar, but stop playing games with me!” Then she grabbed the lamp on the nightstand. “Don’t make me go cobra! I’ll get Opra on your ***!”
Then she heard the door opened from the side of her. She started shaking in her knees, and held the lamp in front of her as if she was going to swing it, but with no luck of hitting someone. “Opra?” said the same voice, “Who in the hell is Opra?”
Luna slowly opened up her eyes, and notice a man at the opened door. He looked like he is in his mid-twenties, a very handsome fella’ with tanned skin, green eyes, and short, messy, spiked, white hair. He is wearing khaki cargo pants, black belt, black boots, and a white dress shirt untucked. Yeah, he is your normal frat boy, but he is married.
“Christian?” Luna said as she is slowly getting back to normal from fright, “I thought you were stationed at Serenity with Rich?” She slowly put the lamp back down on the night stand.
Christian laughed a little, “Glad to see me?” He has a dozen of her favorite flowers in his right hand. He walked up to the collection of flowers she has all over the room, and placed his with them. “I was called home. Urd is going to have the baby soon. So, I’m going to be here for awhile until she is settled down with our son.”
Luna smiled with happiness. She can’t wait till the baby is born, but she was hoping it will be a girl, “Yay! Congratulations! But, are you sure it’s going to be a boy?”
“We are not sure, but I’m hoping it will be a boy.” Then he paused for a second, “Then again, I’m sure it’s going to be a boy.”
Luna shook her head, and gave him a slightly disgusted look, “Yeah. Whatever. It is going to be a girl, and you guys are going to name her Serenity after my favorite planet. Then I’m going to baby-sit her, and Serenity and I are going to play dolls, house, and have our own little tea party.” Luna kept rambling on how her and Christian’s ‘hope to be’ daughter are going to spend their time in the future. Christian felt he just swallowed his heart, and his stomach digesting it.
“I think I’m going to be sick,” He said as Luna is getting excited, and he kept telling himself, “I’m going to have son. I’m going to have a son. I’m going to have a son.”
Luna stopped, walked up to Christian, and hugged him. She relaxed her head up against his chest, and he hugged her back in return. “I’m glad that you’re safe,” he said.
“When will this war end?” she said as she being comforted by Christian.
He sighed, and pushed her away from him a little so he can look at her brown eyes, “Until humanity learns how to share the universe.”
Just when something can happen at the perfect time, their silence was being broken by a women screaming out-loud. “What do you mean I can’t bring in a furby to my daughter?! What kind of service is this!? If it wasn’t for my daughter you will be trying to pull money out of your...!”
Christian rolled his eyes, made Luna sit down on the bed, looked outside of the room‘s entrance, and interrupted the argument. “Jewels! Put. The. Doctor. Down.” He made it sound like that if she didn’t the doctor is will be in serious trouble.
Suddenly there was a huge thump outside the room. Christian closed his eyes, and shook his head in embarrassment. A women about five foot and six inches tall (about the size of Luna), with long brown curly hair with bits of white strands in them, tanned skin, nice figure, and doesn’t look like she hit her late twenties yet. She hasn’t even got plastic surgery! Sometimes people believe Jewels is Luna’s sister. Not her mother. As for her attitude, well, she wants the best from her family so the saying “mother knows best” pretty much describes her.
“Next time you won’t be so lucky!” Jewels yelled at the doctor once more from the room’s entrance. Once she turned around she acted like any other typical mother: gasping for joy that her precious is alive, walking up towards them, hugging them till their face turns dark blue, and then start complaining about the living conditions and asking questions like why he/she isn’t in bed.
Before Jewels sat down beside Luna off to the side of the bed, a fur ball creature with no neck, two small years, a beak as its mouth, two small feet, big brown eyes, and light brown fur with bits of chocolate colored spots all over it jumped right out of Jewel’s purse, and purred around Luna. Its name is Chip; Luna’s friend and pet that she got when she was a kid.
Luna looked a little bit embarrassed herself after when Jewels yelled at the doctor, and hugging her to bits. She knows that her mother misses her, but she only wishes that she will do it someplace else. “Mother I’m fine. Actually I’m fine enough to go back home.”
“Oh hun don’t be ridiculous,” Jewels said as she is trying to get Luna back into bed, but Luna kept refusing. “The ‘no good for nothing doctor with a degree written on a Shoney’s napkin’ said your fine, but I don’t think so. You are still traumatized from the battle.”
“Traumatized!?” Luna couldn’t believe her mother would say such a thing, and her tone of her voice tells is all. “Mother I’m fine!”
Jewels answered back with a light slap on Luna’s knee, “Yes. Traumatized.“ Then she stopped to notice Christian moving in beside the bed with his hands in his back pockets. “Christian? I thought you were suppose to be at Serenity?”
Once again Christian sighed. It’s like he might have to tell the reason why he is over and over again till everyone on Chora knows, “Urd is going to have her baby soon.”
Jewels clapped in excitement, “Lovely! A girl!”
Christian moaned once again. It started to become a pattern to him. Both Luna and Jewels want a girl, but what for? To play tea party, house, and what else there can possibly be. However, he didn’t hear Jewels’ plan with the baby, so he didn’t even bother continuing with the discussion.
Luna, however, did it for him, “I know! We need another girl running around the palace! I can teach her how to cook, and maybe when she gets older we can go shopping..”
Jewels interrupted and continued Christian’s ’hope to be’ daughter’s future, “First I need to teach her not to be pushed around by men. Then she needs to know how to rule the country. Not to mention that she needs to know how to sign her name beautifully. Although I think Christian should tell his daughter about the birds and bees, and lets not forget puberty.”
Christian couldn’t believe his ears. Here it goes again. Discussing his child’s future. Now he learned his lesson: never discuss the gender of the baby till it is born; simple as that. “No,“ he said as he pointed at Luna, and then he pointed and looked disgusted at Jewels, “And hell no.“
Both Jewels and Luna scoffed as Christian said that. They know that Urd is going to have a daughter, but they figured that Christian won’t realize that because he is the ‘typical’ male in their eyes. He needs a boy to continue the families’ genes, but the same can go with a girl, but he doesn’t see that. He wants a boy to play ball with, grunt with, and talk about combat and war. Even though the war probably, and might, continue when his child is around fifteen years old.
Few minutes passed and Christian felt normal again. “Luna,” he said to break the silence, “Jewels and I are here to bring you home now.”
“No we’re not,” Jewels interrupted Christian with an attitude-like tone. “She still needs to get a cat-scan, MRI, EKG, EEG, and lets not forget physical therapy.”
Once again Luna felt embarrassed and disgusted that her mother said that, “Mother! I don’t need any of those! I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself, and walking.”
Jewels covered Luna’s ears, and whispered to Christian who is rolling his eyes at the fact that Jewels is way over protective of Luna, “I think she is still traumatized.”
Luna yanked Jewels’ hands away from her ears, and held on to them, “Mother! I’m twenty-two years old! I’m..”
This time Jewels’ interrupted Luna by covering up her mouth, “And in denial.”
Luna growled, but as Chip started bouncing on her lap she calmed down and started petting him. Christian began to grab Luna’s suitcases until Jewels got up from Luna’s hospital bed, and stopped Christian from packing Luna’s things.
“She is not going anywhere Christian,” Jewels said to him up in front of his face, and holding on to one of the suitcases that Christian has.
Christian looked directly into her eyes, and began to smirk a little bit, “Fine then. Let her be in the hands of a doctor with a degree written on a McDonalds’ napkin.”
It didn’t even take Jewels a second to think about what Christian said. She slowly handed Christian the suitcase, smiled at him, and grabbed the closest flower bouquet, “You know what. You can take those tests some other time. I think you should go home dear, and get some rest.” Then she headed out of the room, but before she totally left she stopped to turn around, and faced Christian, “His degree is written on a Shoney’s napkin. There is a difference.” Then she left the room.
Christian blinked a couple of times, and then snapped back into reality. He helped out with Luna to pack up everything, and even the flowers. She even got dressed from her hospital blue gown into one of Chora’s best clothing lines.
Black short shorts, and around her waist is a waist-like, pink rose-colored, dress that only covers the back of her. Also she put on two gloveless, pink rose-colored, sleeves that go from her wrist to her elbow. Then there are two black strings attached to them that swirl around her forearm and ends almost near her shoulders. Her top is like a black vest, but it leaves a little bit of cleavage. Then last she put on her black leather boots that give her about one more inch in height, and they are zippered from the below the knee to the end.
In males in Chora they just wear your typical t-shirts, pants, sometimes shorts, and anything colorful. It is rare to see guys at Chora to wear all black, and that even goes with ladies. Their fashion is totally different from any other planet outside of the Light Galaxy. You can tell that they are from the Light Galaxy if they are on vacation at Earth.
Luna packed the last of her clothing into her small suitcase, and looked outside her large window. The clear blue sky, there are a little bit of white clouds up there, and then she can see one of the rings that go around Chora. She looked down from where she is at (the sixth floor on the hospital), and watched the people walking in the wonderful green parks with their friends, family, and even their pets. In the distance she can see a huge palace on top of a small mountain. A place where she calls home.
“You know we are not going to the palace,” Christian said as he brought bad news to Luna.
Luna turned around and watched Christian gathering up all her stuff on a hospital cart, “Why is that?” She sounded a little bit concern, and yet upset. Luna has been away from home for almost a year and a half. This is the day she has been waiting for for a long time. Except for the fact that she is in the hospital, and have been embarrassed by her mother.
Christian answered, “We fear that the enemy might attack the palace so we moved to someplace else.” Then he packed the last flower on top of the hospital cart. The thing looked like it is going to topple or won’t even fit in the elevator because all of the flowers. “Yup. That should do it.”
Luna nodded. Even though she isn’t technically going home, however, she is going someplace safe for the time being Hopefully maybe get some rest, heal up, and fight again for her freedom and existence.
mr_pikachu
12th December 2003, 08:18 PM
Darn it, mistysakura took the tense changes! You took the good one! *growls*
This seems like a pretty good story so far. The plot sounds intriguing, like something you'd see on the SciFi channel. Luna's mother has a very distinct character, though the others aren't so well distinguished. You'll get to that in time, though. One character is a good start after only one chapter. I still fail to understand how all these gadgets and shops we have in the present have made it God-knows-how-many centuries into the future. But I guess that's a creative liberty, there. Just try not to overdo it, ok?
The one thing I noticed besides the tense changes is that your descriptions are very direct. You don't want to state things as a series of facts. Instead, let it flow, and become part of the actions that are taking place. Instead of, "She had bleached blond hair," for example, you could say, "She slowly brushed her newly-bleached hair out of her eyes. It cascaded over her shoulders as she looked at it with pride." Something like that would be much better. Also, make sure you follow the grammar rules with helping verbs and such (when needed). Other than that, this looks pretty good. The plot, which is the most important part, looks solid so far. I think you're doing fine. See you at the next chapter! :wave:
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