The Boy and His Dragon

[Linc]

This is my first FanFiction so i may not be to good.

Chapter 1: The Journey Begins

The sun was setting far off on the horizon and sky was getting darker. A 13 year-old boy was sitting on the hill that overlooked the sea. His name was Linc and he was starting his journey through the Pokemon world tomorrow. He lived in the town of Sandstone in the Daru Region. He thought he would get one last look of his secret cove one more time. So he went down to a cave that he discovered when he was about six. He went through the cave and on the other side was his secret cove. There was where he got the best the sight of the Starmies' and Staryus' when their core glew brightest at night and there was the place Seels came and did their mating ritual every year. "I should go back home now..." he said after the sun was out of sight and the moon just started shining in the night sky. The high tide was coming in and it wasn't safe near the beaches because the high tide brings Sharpedos and Carvahnas to hunt. He walked back through the cave and back to his house on the sand path. His mom greeted him as soon as he came through the door. "So tomorrow's the big day huh Linc?"
"Yup. I think I'll go to bed. I'll need all the rest I can get so I have enough energy for tomorrow." He ran up stairs and got into bed. He turned the TV on and skimmed the channels until he saw an interesting show. "Four strange Pokemon has been flying through the skies of Daru. Last night they were spotted flying over the town of Stalag." Stalag was a far off town to the north. He tried to here more of the story but his body wouldn't let him and he drifted to sleep.
He was awakened next morning by a loud thud. He jumped out of bed and looked out the window. On the ground he saw a Swellow knocked on its back. "Another bird! Why do this things keep ramming into my window!" Linc shouted with disgust. He looked at his wall opposite from his window and saw one of his posters half off the wall and you could see the back which had an advertisement for Poke-Chow. He put on his blue hat which had a picture of a Pokeball on it with red lines going across the sides of the Pokeball. He got his vest with a pocket to keep Pokeballs in and his backpack. He brought extra clothes and a potion and some Repels (just in case). He ran outside to his friend Addison's house. "Addison let's go! We're gonna miss the Pokemon if we don't go!!!" He shouted at the top of his lungs.
"I'm coming, I'm coming" Addison said as he walked down the stairs. He came out the door and they set out to the lab. They got to the lab after about ten minutes. The lab was on a cliff that looked across the sea. They walked through the door and there they saw Prof. Boulder working on his Pokemon transport machine. "Hey Prof.! We're here!" Linc said as the boys ran up to the young man. "Yes good. Well come with me and we'll pick your first Pokemon." He said as he laid them to a machine with three Pokeballs on it. "These Pokemon are rare ones that I caught in the wild. They are Bulbasaur, Totodile and Torchic."
"I'll take Totodile!" said Addison.
"Um...Prof.? Do you have anything a little different?"said Linc
"Well, we do have one other one, but it's kind of reckless..."
"I'll take it!" said Linc with excitement. A Pokeball with a mark on it that looked like a dragon came out of the middle of the machine. Linc opened it and out came a small dragon. "Bagon!" It said. It ran around the room and then spewed fire in to the Prof.'s face. After recovering from the burn, Prof. Boulder gave them a small machine and five Pokeballs. "That machine is very important. It's a Pokedex. As soon as you catch a Pokemon its data will be entered in your Pokedex. On this journey you will be collecting Pokemon while battling Gym Leaders. When you beat eight Gym Leaders, you will be accepted to the Daru Pokemon League. Good luck and don't fail."
After a couple of minutes, the boys came to a fork in the road.
"Linc, why don't we go seperate ways from here on and we'll see who gers more Pokemon at the end of our journey!" Addison said. "Sure. See you in the Pokemon League!!!"

What do you think? Please be honest.



I'll be doing one chapter each day.

[Charizard04621]

It's not bad. The title caught my eye and I decided to read. It sucks when people read and don't reply, though, so I'll reply. ^_^; I liked the start with the descriptions, but I've got a few things to say:

1) You continue to use the same sentence structure (subject, verb, object) through the whole chapter. As in, He/she/it did this to so-and-so. He/she/it did whatever. If you don't vary your sentence structure, it gets old very quickly and makes your writing choppy. You've got to watch out for that.

2) I liked the start, but the part where Linc gets his pokémon is kind of cliché. Hopefully you won't be doing too much more of that.

3) Just a warning, you might not want to push yourself to write a chapter a day... Writer's block is bad and time constraints can push you into feeling that your story is a pain rather than an enjoyment. You can write a chapter a day if you want, but I hope you don't force yourself.

[Linc]

Thanks for the tips! I'll try it.

[Topaz]

I too was caught by the title, nice one but the thing I find confusing is the paragraphing. Just a new line for everytime someone speaks.
Another tip is to slow down. Think of yourself walking down the path, what do you see on either side? How do you feel about that? You trip over a stone, how do you react? To me the entire thing about writing fanfiction is a game of What If. The idea is to put problems in the path of your trainer for them to overcome, that's what makes it exciting.
Hope to help
Tez

[mistysakura]

Hmm... not a bad title. I agree with Charizard04621 that the descrption at the start was nice, but it sort of declined from there. More description and detail could have been put into the othe \r parts as well, such as what the Bagon looked like (I, for one, don't have a clue), how the Swellow knocked into the window, etc. In other words, show, don't tell. (I swear that's one of the golden rules of writing.)

The news report sounds interesting, though. Strange Pokemon are always fun to read about.