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Gavin Luper
8th March 2004, 04:51 AM
G'day!

This is my new fic. I just have to warn everyone that the prologue is a bit full-on and quite different to the rest of the fic, but it does get a lot better.

So yeah - please read!

The First March

--------------------------
Prologue

The moon was hidden behind the clouds as a tall figure crept stealthily around the high-fenced perimeter of the Ellence Royal Museum. The museum was the biggest in the country and, on this night, the most protected: a recent delivery had seen the ancient Mythikian Jewels arrive for a two-day display in the museum’s archaeology exhibit. Dozens of armed guards were posted both outside the museum’s stone walls and inside the hallways, so that any chance of the jewels disappearing appeared to be a great unlikelihood.

Despite this, a person was creeping round the tall iron fence that surrounded the building. Dressed simply in casual jeans and a top, the young girl circled slowly, choosing her moment of invasion carefully. She had one aim in mind: to get her hands on the Mythikian Jewels. She slipped along the fence in silence, unseen by any guards. Abruptly, the moon emerged from behind the cloud; the street was at once flooded with revealing moonlight.

The invader paused, her heart pumping hard. Moving as slowly as possible, she extended an arm into her pocket and retrieved two thick gloves, slipping them swiftly onto each hand. Then, just as silently, the invader produced a sleek silver revolver from her belt, grasping it firmly with her gloved hands. She stood straight and silent, awaiting her cue …

A loud bang of gunfire echoed from the other side of the museum and, at the same time, the moon’s silvery rays were cloaked by another blanket of cloud. On the other side of the iron fence, several guards were rushing to attend to the commotion. Gunfire was now coming in long bursts from some other point around the edge of the museum. The moment the last of the guards had disappeared around the corner of the two-storey museum, the invader leapt into action: her first task was, she believed, far too easy. She sprinted along the fence line until she reached the side gate with its entry keypad. A light blinked scarlet above the iron gate. The only possible way in to the museum was the legal way – punching in the password on the keypad at the side gate. The fence was hardly an entry point: twelve feet high, its lower half was made of smooth stone, devoid of any footholds, whilst the upper half of the fence consisted of iron bars, tall and pointed at the very top.

The invader located the electronic keypad, built into the stone wall. Without hesitation, she punched in seven digits with her gloved hand. The light above the keypad blinked green and a great grinding sound punctured the sounds of the distant gunfire, which had increased in frequency.

The gate had opened barely twelve inches when the invader slipped through it and into the museum compound. Her heart pounded as she ran for the glass doorway that the guards had abandoned in their haste to investigate the gunshots. The moon reappeared again as the invader reached a set of stone steps leading up to the glass entrance doors; excited, she pelted up the steps, ready to enter the corridors of the museum –

“ No you don’t!”

A man came flying from the foot of the stone steps behind her, grabbing the invader at her ankles. She toppled instantly onto the steps, but with lightning speed she twisted her foot around and delivered a sharp kick to her attacker’s face. There was a resounding crack; the man’s nose broke as the invader threw him off her and returned to her feet once more.

“ Yes I do,” she said defiantly. The man, who was quite solid, was rising, standing halfway up the stairs, his hand clasped to his bleeding nose. Without a hint of mercy, the invader swept her foot around and connected with his ankles, sending the guard flying backwards and landing, with an enormous crunching sound, at the foot of the stairs.

The invader wiped sweat from her brow as she stood over the motionless guard. With a smile of grim satisfaction, she pulled a chain of keys from his belt. Trusting that there would be no further attackers, she turned the key in the lock secured around the heavy doors and swung them open, continuing into the museum.

It was dark. No lights were burning, and worst of all for the invader, there was no map for her to follow. It was all up to chance from here on in.

‘ Come on,’ she thought, hurrying silently through the dark corridors. The lack of guards was unnerving her, for it surely meant that she was nowhere near her goal?

The invader crept onwards, slinking down a side passage and taking two right turns, but still the corridors of the museum were enemy free. She shivered in the unnaturally cool air conditioning around her and took one step forward, but she never got any closer than that to the hidden room containing the Mythikian Jewels.

“ SECURITY BREACH LEVEL THREE! ALL PERSONNEL TO SECTION C7!”

A loud voice bellowed all around the museum, coming from all directions and echoing violently in the hollow corridor. At the same time, a shrill siren began ringing throughout the complex, alerting everyone in the building to the breach of security. A dozen footsteps could be heard marching towards the corridor the invader was in; she froze in her tracks. Why was the alarm going off now? She had not tripped over any wires or stepped over any obvious boundary, had she? Still, there was little time for questions. By the echoey sounds within the museum, the guards had almost reached her, and she had not moved a step. Flustered for the first time in her life, the invader about-faced and set off at a run down the corridor again, her revolver held out like a sword in front of her. But it was difficult to run in the pitch-blackness, and after a few metres the invader felt another person – a man, judging by the size of him – run full-pelt into her. Both she and the man toppled to the ground; her head banged the wall painfully.

“ Ow!” she cried involuntarily.

There was an urgent scrabbling sound around her as the man groped around the floor for something. The invader looked up, rubbing her head, and gasped: the man held a torch in one hand, and in the other was an small and plain cloth bag, closed by a drawstring. She gaped – it was he, not her, who had set off the alarm. The man before her had reached the Jewels, and succeeded. She tried to stand up, in order to take the cloth bag from him. She didn’t get it, but the man relinquished his grip; the bag dropped to the ground and hastened fingers scooped it up.

Before the invader could get her thoughts in order, the man’s footsteps petered out into the distance as a second set of footsteps began to come closer.

The invader’s head was swimming. She rubbed it with her gloved hand, but it did not help; her eyes were blurred, her ears ringing with the ongoing squeal of the intruder siren. Once more, she tried to return to her feet in the dark, but apparently a guard had caught up with her, for a firm hand had clamped down on her shoulder.

“ Got her! Over he-eere …” The guard collapsed as the invader mustered her strength and kicked him sharply in the groin.

The invader rose to her feet and, almost completely unable to see, she ran onwards, her revolver outstretched. People were approaching her from in front; desperate for her own escape, she pulled the trigger; a flash of light, a loud BANG and a shout indicated that she had shot down one of the guards.

‘ Why me?’ the invader thought bitterly as she struggled to run onwards. She turned a corner and smiled darkly – there was faint moonlight coming down this corridor … she was close to the door.

“ STOP!”

Another guard. Behind her, this time. The invader fired three shots haphazardly over her shoulder and again heard a yell – she had hit. But there were scores of footsteps echoing behind her now, she had to move along quickly … turning a corner, her vision began to clear. There they were – the doors, straight ahead. Only ten metres away. The invader pelted for the door, her head and heart hammering. Five metres … louder footsteps amongst the siren … three metres left … a panicked shout … half a metre … a series of metallic clicks behind her …

The invader burst into the moonlight and onto the top of the staircase. She took her first step, and at the same time, there was an explosion of gunfire behind her …

At the foot of the stairs, her body was sprawled beside her earlier victim’s. It could fight no more.

Chris 2.1
8th March 2004, 06:59 AM
Whoa! Amazing! This has really high potential's, Gavin, and I loved reading it. The invader's movements, thoughts and actins were described beautifully (I hope it's not based from personal experience....), and you could really imagine yourself there.

One question...how did she know the 7 digit code?

It's also worrying she was killed! She's been watching too much 24...she thinks its too easy! Hehe. I wonder if the person who shot her actually wanted the Mythikian Jewels for themselves...


I'm sure this will unfold into another winner, Gavin! ... Does this mean LTL is drawing to a close?

-Chris

DannyBoy
8th March 2004, 04:06 PM
So far it sounds good. Description of everything happening was well done. Usually I don't like prologes but that was pretty good. Usually nothing really attention grabbing are in them but you had action which is good.

Noticed a few grammer and spelling errors buut nothing to go nuts about. Also a couple space typos in the quotes.

I will definitally keep ann eye on this. Good start, keep it up.

mistysakura
9th March 2004, 01:11 AM
Whoa, action-packed start. That makes a good hook, and I'm definitely going to continue to read this. The action was great, and I wonder if there's a purpose in not mentioning her name. Must be; looks very deliberate. The description was very fast-paced and suitable.

By the way, I thought there was meant to be a link in your sig!

Andrew
9th March 2004, 06:15 AM
Hi Gavin!

Is this a re-working of that other thing you sent me the other month? Very Alias/24 Cool :)

I loved the very spy moments, the fight and the other theif setting off the alarm. Very suprising.

I was also shocked that you killed off our little theif too. Cool (y) Good work, can't wait to read more!

Gavin Luper
10th March 2004, 07:58 AM
Whoa, replies!

Chris: Amazing? Really? Cheers! Lol, no, it's not from personal experience, it's from my own imagination (i'm starting to think I might actually have one!). As for how she knew the 7-digit code, I don't want to say yet, you'll find out later! Oh, and her death was, as far as the storyline goes, purely accidental.

Thanks for reading. And yeah, LTL is beginning to draw to a close, but it's a way off yet ... another 15 chapters still to go!

Immortal Dreams: G'day, thanks for reading! I know what you mean about the prologues, I can usually hardly sit through them, that's why I made this one different. Oh yeah, sorry you had to put up with the typos, I didn't proofread it ^^. Thanks again!

mistysakura: Hey, sup? Yeah, it's a lot of action for a prologue but it will probably make sense later on. And like you said, it's more interesting. As for the no-name, that was pretty obvious, but you're right; there is a purpose.

Oh, sorry bout the link-thing. I was so tired when I posted that I forgot what the hell I was doing. I'll fix it soon. Thanks!

ozzy: hey! Yeah, this is more or less the reworked version of the one I sent you, except this one is, well, different, obviously. Very spyish I suppose ... still, it's action packed, which is always good to read, right?

I killed her off :D Evil, hey? Thanks for reading and please keep doing so. Chapter 1 coming soon!

Cheers everyone!

mr_pikachu
12th March 2004, 10:02 PM
Woohoo! Another fic by Gavin! *does a little dance*

Say, I thought you said you'd be leaving after LtL? No, I'm DEFINITELY NOT complaining, but I was curious if you'd changed your mind... :D

Anyway, this is one of the most exciting prologues I've seen, even in books. Of course, I think your stuff compares to books anyway, but whatever. :) This had great description, lots of action, and totally shrouded identities. I wonder who the thieves could be? And did the "successful" one get away? Hmm. Anyway, great start. I'm looking forward to another great fic by you! As you always say, "Cheers!" :wave:

Gavin Luper
13th March 2004, 04:42 AM
mr_pikachu: Hello, thanks for the read! I haven't changed my mind either - I'll be leaving when LTL concludes, but that looks like being a good few months away yet, so I'd thought I'd start writing this and posting it for review. Who knows, if this goes well I might stay on a bit longer *shrugs*.

Thanks for the comments. I tried to make that as interesting as I could, and by the response everyone's giving it wasn't too bad after all. A whole bunch of effects are to come from the events in the prologue, though, which is what makes it relevant to the rest of the story.

Wow. My stuff compares to books? Awesome, thanks. That's my eventual aim, so maybe one day I WILL get something published?

Chapter 1 in the works ...

Cheers mate!

Chris 2.1
13th March 2004, 05:57 AM
Be warned - I tried leaving the boards, but they take up about 70% of my time, so I was very lost without TPM.....hehe. Try taking up a time-demanding hobby like Yacht construction or Greyhound breeding, so when you leave TPM you can't be tempted back....

PancaKe
14th March 2004, 02:42 AM
I drown in schoolwork, and here you are putting up a new fic?? Damned you!

Its pretty darn good so far, I like the way the intruder is actually female, gives quite a change from the usual "he did this". And nicely done, jewels already taken. :) Thing is, im not actually hooked just yet. but knowing you, chapter one will take me and I'll never look away :P

~Mist

Gavin Luper
14th March 2004, 06:51 AM
Brit Chris: I think I'll find it fairly easy to leave, once I have no fics left here. I hope, anyway ...

Mist: Don't I usually write Tara instead of 'Mist'? Oh well. Thanks for reading, I hope your workload decreases soon, it's pretty hectic, hey? Anyhoo, as long as you liked the fic so far that's ok. I wouldn't expect anyone to like it much yet at all, cause not much has happened and there's no real characters yet, but people are reading, so I'm happy :).

Seeya round!

Cheers!

Darien Shields
14th March 2004, 03:10 PM
Woo! Very good!
I read the prologue, but not many of the other posts, so I apologise if I repeat anything said already.
Very much "You Dastard" when you killed her off, just when I was picturing how she would set out on a quest to capture the thief and reclaim the jewels... Aww! Stupid guards! Can't they tell when someone's not actually stolen something? Terrible!

Keep it up!

Gavin Luper
21st March 2004, 05:20 AM
Darien: Hey! Lol, as if I'd do something like have her set out on a quest to recapture the jewels ... it'd be too obvious, and I can't have you guys working out the storyline before the prologue even finishes, can I?

More will become evident at around chapter 2 or 3. For now, I'm working away at chapter 1 of this; I'm at a bit of a standstill with the next chapter of LTL.

Cheers!

Transient Thought
27th March 2004, 08:27 AM
Great story! Great hooker! This is one that I will defeinitely follow up on.

Gavin Luper
2nd April 2004, 03:38 AM
Transient Thought: Thanks very much for reading, I'll post the first chapter soon!

Cheers!