View Full Version : =Von Carstein= A new fic by me!

25th January 2003, 04:32 PM
Here is a new fic, by me. I hope you guys like it, it takes place in the rennaisance times. The first chapter is a bit small, but I hope you sort of like it, the other chapters will be longer!

Please give suggestions to make it better, but please dont pick out every gramatical mistakes, but im sure there are plenty! LOL

I already have some ides how to make this better, better spacing out of dialogue...stuff like that :)

Von Carstein

Chapter 1

"Come on, Gavin, hurry up!" Alexander called as quietly as he could down the dark hallway, "Im coming!" he heard, as Gavin slowly tip-toed towards him. Alexander and Gavin were theives, Alexander had long brown hair, wearinng a brown sleeveless vest with an undershirt that had thin, puffy white sleeves. Gavin, on the other hand had short red hair, with a bland black shirt and pants, with a large silky green cape. "Lets just take it and get out of here" Gavin said. Alexander nodded, and picked up the ornately colored candle holder off a table, and put it in his bag.

"This place is pretty nice" Gavin announced "No really, its only the house of the prince of Ranlios" replied his partner "Oh.. I forgot about that !" Gavin tried not to look dumb. "Gavin Greenbrach, you arn't very smart" "Oh well, lets just take what we need and get out of here" as Alexander stuffed another few silver plates into the bag, making a few noises.

"Lets go.." Gavin said, looking out the window, as he started to walk away "No, wait" Alexander protested, as he walked over towards a shelf and started looking at a few fine dining glasses. "This is a nice glass, Im taking it" as he went to grab it, his bag swung to the side and hit the shelf, two wine glasses tumbled down onto the floor with a large crack. Gavin flinched, as they both started to make there way out, until they heard "Whos there!!" It was a guard. "See what you've done!" Gavin whispered loudly at Alexander after they hid themselves behind a large table as the guard walked into the room, holding a lantern up high and a flintlock pistol at his waist

"I know your in here!" The guard announced to the seemingly empty room, he wasn't about to believe the glasses just fell by themselves. He drew up his lantern, shining the light all across the room...and then onto the table

"Hey! you there!" he drew up the pistol. The two theives look at eachother and then Gavin smirked, he pulled a pistol of his own, jumped up over from the table and let off a shot, the flares erupted, a large bang ensued and smoke drew up into the air! Alexander and Gavin bolted out of the room as more candles were turned lit and people were shouting all over, trying to figure out what happened. "That wasn't very smart" Alex said "Either was dropping that glass!" Gavin retorted. "Stop, in the name of the Count Von Carstein!" another guard said, drawing a musket from his back,and fired, missing by a long shot. Alexander drew his sword and slashed the reloading musket man on the way down the stairs. "Stop!" more shouts were called, as a crossbow bolt went flying into the arm rail. The guards were clearly alerted of there presence of the two men, and were obviously instructed to kill. Two guards started to run up the stairs, holding rapiers in the air yelling. The guards tried to slash at Alex and Gavin, but they were quickly parried and dispatched. Alexander and Gavin got down the stairs and kicked the door open, and then started running out towards the streets across the emerald green courtyard.

"Hey, get back here!" they heard, but they kept running, the bag swinging wildly back and forth. Suddenly the galloping of a horse and the bang of a Calvalry gun was heard, as a large piston of dust went flying into the air right next to Gavin's right leg. "Into that alley!" Alexander said "That shot nearly hit me!" Gavin said, eyes shot open, as the horseman was almost right behind them, sword drawn. As they ran into the alley way, and then took a few sharp turns, and then heard the guards run in the opposite direction, they lay against the wall, huffing and puffing from exhaustion. They looked at eachother and then laughed and hugged eachother "Another job well done!" Gavin shouted, as he took out his fired pistol and started to reload it. "Yea" Alex said, opening the bag "One of the plates is chipped, oh well. We can sell it to a jeweller, he'll want the silver!" "Thats nice," Gavin said "Hey.. wait.. Gavin, didnt one of those guards say 'stop in the name of the Count of Von something?' " "Yea, so" Gavin said, paying more attention to the pouring of the small packet of black powder. "Well, thats the house of the prince, why would he say that!" "Maybe he moved out, Alexander. I don't know, just leave me alone for a minute" Alexander sighed, the prince wouldn't move so suddenly, would he?

Darien Shields
25th January 2003, 05:28 PM
Quite Nice. A Bit messy at parts. While I do enjoy the variet of weapons, it doesn't seem to make sense to have guards in your house armed varyingly with Pistols, Rifles, Crossbows and Rapiers seperately. Oh well, it's still good.