A Horror Story(Mature=Violence)

[Crazy]

I will now begin writing on what I hope will be a 2 part story. This part will tell the pain and misery these creatures has caused. Part 2 will explain the origin of the creatures.

Part 1

Chapter 1: A Sighting
Over the days many strange murders have occured. In most of them the victims were never found, only blood was left over. All of these murders started on the 1st of October, and every day at least 2 murders are commited and the goverment has already started searching for the criminal behind all of this. The murders have been happening everywhere in the world and never in any one spot. It all seemed to be random and many people were becoming parinoid. People spent most of their time hiding in fear because the murders had reached a alarming number.
The odd thing was that no one had ever seen whatever was causing all of this chaos. As the people of the world would soon find out what they were dealing with was far from human. We will now join a particular family that will see the creature and live to tell about it. "Mom,where is dad at? He should have been back by now."said Jimmy (the son)."I'm not sure honey."replied Carla(the mom). Jimmy was a short boy with brown hair. He wore a blue shirt and had green eyes. His mother Carla was a tall woman who had a serious face and wore a red dress. She had fiery red hair and she was very smart. Jimmy's father and Carla's husband had went outside to see what was knocking on thw window a hour earlier. He sent Carla and Jimmy into the basment and told them not to come out until he came back.
They waited, and waited until a loud sound broke the horrible silence. It was a scream, it was coming from outside."Dad!"shouted Jimmy. Carla sat in the dark and cried, she knew it was her husband. Then something started to pound hard on the basement door. Then something busted through the door and walked slowly down the dusty basement stairs. Then the thing appeared before Carla and Jimmy. It was covered in blood and it was small. It had incredibly sharp teeth which were also stained with blood.
It smiled a horrible ghastly smile and lunged towards them.

THE END

Hoped you enjoyed chapter 1. P.S. I will end most chapters like this one.

[dratinihaunter13]

I like the idea of murders happening all around the world, that's nice and scary. Since that's happening an interesting direction would be to show some families maybe not from the United States.

This was a short chapter. There were some instances of good details but it would help grab readers if you put more material for them to read in your chapters. Especially at the end, the creature is small and has sharp teeth. That could be absolutely anything. It's impossible for the reader to picture what is lunging at these two characters. "Jimmy's father and Carla's husband" sounds like two different people, though I know it's one. stick with either "jimmy's father" or "carla's husband" or better yet give him a name.

It might be tempting to just show action and deaths in this story, but consider going into some background on the victims in future chapters. With the length of this it feels more like a news report than a story. keep writing, it's an idea that can definitely go places =).

[Crazy]

I like the idea of murders happening all around the world, that's nice and scary. Since that's happening an interesting direction would be to show some families maybe not from the United States.

This was a short chapter. There were some instances of good details but it would help grab readers if you put more material for them to read in your chapters. Especially at the end, the creature is small and has sharp teeth. That could be absolutely anything. It's impossible for the reader to picture what is lunging at these two characters. "Jimmy's father and Carla's husband" sounds like two different people, though I know it's one. stick with either "jimmy's father" or "carla's husband" or better yet give him a name.

It might be tempting to just show action and deaths in this story, but consider going into some background on the victims in future chapters. With the length of this it feels more like a news report than a story. keep writing, it's an idea that can definitely go places =).

Yeah you're right, I do need more detail and I should put more background. Oh part 1 is quite long as you will find out. I can't seem to help writing short chapters, I like to leave the readers wondering but I will try to lengthen them. The father is gone though, so you won't hear about him again. Plus there are many different creatures not just the small ones. I will write Chapter 2 tommorow oh and thanks for the review.

[Crazy]

Chapter 2: The Escape
The small blood stained creature lept towards them. Its red eyes seemed to burn into theirs. They quickly moved and the odd thing crashed into the wall. It let out a strange yelp and fell to the hard concrete basement floor. "We have to get out of here!"cried the two. The monster seemed to be knocked out cold. They ran up the dusty stairs and busted through the door. They dashed out of the house and headed straight for the car.
The car was dented and the glass was broken out of it. The solid read paint seemed to be scratched out of it and long white marks were all over the car. The moonlight seemed cover the car in a eerie way. They hopped into the recked vehicle and Carla quickly started up the car. Just as they were about to go a big yellow eyed creature with razor sharp claws appeared. As if the claws weren't intimidating enough, long glistening spikes bursted from its formidable, imposing, shoulders. It moved towards two of them with astonishing speed. Spikes shot from the shoulders of the monstrosity rapidly, and narrowly missed the unfortunate pair. They knew better than to just sit their terrified, so Carla drove off at maximum speed. This was good bye. Au revoir!
They soon arrived at what appeared to be a desereted ghost town. They would soon find out that it was filled with even more horrible creatures then they could imagine. The second they arrived they were surrounded by ghastly, ghoulish, fiends. The pair was seemingly enveloped and crowded to the point that they felt almost swallowed in and consumed by the ghoulish gaggle of beasts.
THE END

P.S. If you are wondering where the escape was it was at the very beginning.

[mistysakura]

Hmm... the idea's not bad. Atmosphere's alright, but not fantastic; but I have no idea what to do about it either, so what am I saying? Length's a bit of a problem; probably about twice the length of the second chapter would be more appropriate. More details about each thing that happens would be good, because right now the pace seems a bit too quick to follow, and the chapter's over in an instant.

But the introduction for Chapter 1 was good; set the scene very effectively. Carla and Jimmy have nice instincts too; smart characters, yay! This could go in many different directions, and has potential. Keep it up!

[Crazy]

Thanks for the reviews, I will yet again try to work on my story.

Chapter 3: The Hotel
As the monsters edged closer, Carla sat thinking about how should could get out of this alive. She was scared, but she didn't let that stop her. These monsters were much to big to run over......"Well"she thought"I might as well try it anyway". She attempted to drive straight through the monsters, but her attempt only half worked.True she did drive out of the horrible ring of creatures but when she did, her car flipped over. It hit the cool pavement and rocketed the two out of the death trap. Luckily they were both unharmed and they were still concious. Yet they were not out of the woods yet, they still had all of these monsters to deal with. The pair had never noticed it before, but these creatures were even more frightening than the last.
They had bloody sockets where there eyes should have been, but they had a giant sized mouth that was filled with small pointy teeth.. They were hairless and only rotten skin and torn flesh was there. They had no hands, and they seemed to float above the ground. Jimmy was scared out of his wits, he had never seen anything so horrifying. Carla yet again started to think. Though unfortunately there was much time she realised. So she grabbed Jimmy and ran into the nearest building. The place they had walked into was dark and death seemed to hang around it. No one was in it. Carla quickly shut the door behind her and moved a chair and stuck it under the lock.
She could hear the cretures banging on the door. They could not open it and she doubted that even if they had hands they could. She walked up the stairs and thought "We have to stay somewhere for tonight. I guess this will be it." She opened the first door she came to and was greeted with a freakish site. Blood was everywhere. Pieces of flesh were lying on the floor. Pain seemed to have found a home here. She and Jimmy swiftly left the horrible room. "Something is in here."she thought. Though whatever it was it didn't stop her from staying at the hotel.
She found another room that was untainted. Then she locked the door and found anything heavy and propped it up against the solid wood door. It was late, she could tell. She told Jimmy to try to go to sleep and he layed on the hard uncomfortable matress. The room was small and had a single rug which took up most of the floor space. It had one window which gave a beutiful and frightening sight of the moon. There was a single bathroom which was obviously dirty and unclean.
She layed down on the matress next to Jimmy and also attempted to sleep. Yet the creatures seemed to appear in front of her every time she closed her eyes. The same was true for Jimmy. She also had a odd fealing that she shouldn't sleep, and if she did it would be the end for them. So she layed on the matress, her eyes wide with fear and waited for something to happen. Not long after, she heard a incredible force hit the door. The chairs and even the dresser flew away from the door and almost hit the two. One of the chairs rammed against the one light bulb, and darkness surrounded them.
Then their unseen attacker walked in slowly. THE END