Here it is, hope the mods don't get bitchy. Let's start with the basics. You must have a deck of over 40 cards to play casually, and 60 cards to play in a tournament. First thing to know: every card is a spell, except for lands. Let's go over the anatomy of a card. Pardon me using a bitmap, I'm not at home (I'll convert it to jpg later), but it's not that big.
Lesson #1: Anatomy of a card
-Land

the big sun in the bottom middle of the card means "tap: add one white mana to your mana pool." on older cards, it is written out. You need to have the amount of mana listed at the top of a spell to pay for it. Numbers inside of a gray circle indicate that amount of mana may be paid for with any color. There are five different colors of mana. Colorless is not a color. Lands themselves, since they are not spells, do not have a color.

just thought I'd throw in another land for comparison.
-Creature

Mana Cost: this is how much the card costs to play. Each land produces a type of mana, as shown on the land. The creature's color is the same as the colored mana on the top of it, or the background color on the card.
Name: What's in a name? Kitsune shows this creature is a fox, Blademaster alludes to it being a samurai.
Picture: Does diddlyshit.
Type: I know I didn't include it, bad me, but the card type is "spell type - spell subtype" in this case, it's "Creature - Fox Samurai" The expansion symbol is to the right. In all new sets, the symbol is color coded. Black is common, silver is uncommon, gold is rare.
Game text: This text is relevant to gameplay.
Flavor text: this text is not relevant to gameplay, but provides some insight on the particular creature or spell.
Power/Toughness: Only creatures have this. I'll go in-depth on my next installment.
-Enchantments and Gold Cards

This card is a gold card. It is multicolored. This means it is a green card, a white card, a multicolored card, and a green and white card. It's probably the best common in the game, too. This is an "enchant creature" This card may be played on any creature and has the stated effect. This is a "local enchantment."

This is an enchantment. It is played on the field, and is referred to as a "global enchantment."
-Spells

This is a sorcery. That means this spell may only be played on your turn, and may not be played in retaliation to another spell.

This is an instant. It may be played at almost any time, including in retaliation to another spell. This is the only type of card that may be played when it is not your turn.
-Artifacts

This is an artifact. An artifact has no colors, unless its game text changes the rules.

This is an artifact creature. It can be considered an artifact, a creature or both.

This is an artifact land. It is not a spell, but bears the artifact subtype.
I know this post was pretty useless, but it'll come in handy when I post my next installment, probably on saturday or sunday.
Next installment: Random things. Probably basic gameplay, creature abilities, and legend rule.