Dream ..........or not ?

[Zaiphon]

this is a story i wrote after a dream , i haven't really come around completing it .
A note- When i say asleep i mean this person is sleeping and is transported to another world , awake is when their awake lolz.

Prologule-asleep

In a forest clearing there stood a espeon and a drifloon ."Will you give up your throne to me? " The drifloon asked , " No , I will not the " The espeon answered "the pokemon will never serve under you ", "Well face it" the drifloon said.

Chapter 1 - Awake

I awoke with a start , my body covered with sweat , I wondered what my dream was about . But I didn't have time to ponder , My mom shout " C'mon Cressel , wake up and eat your breakfast ! " , "Coming " I shouted back . I brushed my teeth , bathed and got ready for school .Then i went downstairs , there I was greeted by the sight of my younger brother who stuffing food into his mouth and my mom who was cooking . "Good Morning" I greeted , "Good Morning" they both greeted .I just had enough time to eat my toast and pack my lunch when my bus arrived , "See you " I muttered heading out . I sat with my best friend , Lier . The school hours passed like an average high school girl's school hours , At school the bus broke down , so Lier and I walked to my house to study. On the way , Lier dragged me to a book store to check out some manga . While we were there , I saw a book that stood out of the rest , it was ' Drawn into war ' (check out evergrandecity.com literature section) . I went to the counter to pay for it , the guy at the counter said " $9 please , also you get a free pokemon card " . I payed the money to him and took the card, it was a Glaceon card , it looked oddly familliar to me . I came back from dreamworld just in time to hear Lier say "Cressel , Cressel let's go " , "Uh let's leave Leir " I replied , on the way home , I kept thinking about the card not listening to Lier's gibberish . When we reached home , my mom and Cyrus (younger brother ) weren't there , there was a note on the table , it read "Hey Cressel , Cyrus and I are going to stay at Cole's house alrighy , if Lier comes home tell her she can stay for a sleepover , I already called her house okay?Also there's money for food in the top cabinent " "Hey Lier , it looks like we're having a sleepover " I said , " Cool , I'm hungry can we have dinner ?" She asked , "Oh alright " I said amused . I called the pizza guy and ordered a cheese pizza and two boxes of garlic bread." He said he'll dilver the food in 30 minutes " I told Lier , to which she replied " What ? that long ? that is way not fair " "Oh take the sandwich in the fridge " I said even more amused " Oh thanks " she said while taking the sandwich out , I began shaking my head in a amused sort of way . Lier asked " Why are you shaking your head Cress ?" "No reason" I replied a little sheepishly . "Hm" she replied a little suspiciously , "Well i'm gonna read my book okay ? I finished my notes at school " I said , " alright" she said .I began reading my book and when the food arrived , i ate it . After a while I began feeling drowsy .

[Zaiphon]

yes I suck at my grammer, yes this is a double post .Note- This is not the fun part , I think the 1 st to 6th chapters aren't gonna t battlish k
Chapter 2 - Asleep

I was shaken awake by my brother , Cyrus, after shaking me about 20 times , he shouted "WAKE UP CRESSEL !!!!!!!! " , then I finally opened my eyes to see a Jolteon , I
said " Wait , your not my brother " , "I know , I'm a Jolteon and your a Glaceon too,it seems we have transformed into pokemon in this world ,unlike us our mom is different both in body and in mind , we have a dad too , same problem , our new mom and dad asked me to wake you up and bring you to the base of the tree " My brother said .Now that I looked beyond him to see that I was sleeping in a tree ."Ugh , let's go and talk to our mom and dad k ? " I said , " Of we go to adventure " he said , "adventure ?" I asked .He was walking towards the tree trunk , I followed him . When we reached the trunk , he stopped and said " hey Cressel you have to leap from here , alright ? Nothing will happen I promise .

[dratinihaunter13]

"nothing will happen i promise" = famous last words right? haha

thanks for posting your story at tpm! i like your dream idea. to me, dreams can always be a very cool aspect of writing. you're very creative to imagine people turning into pokemon in this alternate world. the format of dream/awake sets up good suspense and foreshadowing. also, i'm a fan of eevee-lutions. i wonder what that drifloon at the beginning meant!

you know about grammar so i'll talk to you about dialogue briefly! for example, when the mom, Cyrus and Cressel all say "Good morning", that sounds boring. give them more personality by letting them say more than just good morning. like the mom could say "good to see you're finally awake, sleepyhead!" Or if she's mean, she can say, "eat your breakfast and get out." always look for ways to give your characters personality.

and to make your story easier to read, you can start a new paragraph before each person talks. like...

..
Bob went to the store. A man knocked him over in a rush to leave the store. Bob landed on his back and cried out in pain. The rude man looked back and spat at Bob.

"Watch where you're going!" he said. Bob stood up slowly and rubbed his back.

"What's your problem?" Bob asked. But the man had already started running again.
..

Have fun writing and always look for ways to improve! All of us here are constantly trying to help each other get better.

[Zaiphon]

Oh ty , this dream thing , well I was inspired by some stories , you xa check them out on www.evergrandecity.com
story names - Team pure silver and drawn into war , unforunately I was banned from there

[Gavin Luper]

Hi Zaiphon,

Just wanted to say welcome to Fanfic and I hope you're enjoying your stay here.

Dratini_haunter13 has given you some pretty helpful advice so I'd echo his words and encourage you to keep writing.

Cheers!