GAMEFREAK Designers Flunked High School Science

[Dark Sage]

Why am I making this claim? Well, maybe they didn't. But...

I've been spending some time reading the PokeDex entries for Pokemon in the games, and I've come to two conclusions:

First, the world where the games are set in is an even worse dystopia than the post-apocalyptic future seen in The Hunger Games.

Why do I make that claim? Ever read those PokeDex entries? Pokemon are downright dangerous. Some prey on humans, some do ghastly things like display their frozen victims, some devour the dreams of sleeping victims, and some steal the souls of vicitms.

And yet, parents actually encourage their children to hunt and train these things, unsupervised.

But anyway, the other conclusion I made is that whoever thought some of these entries up is clearly bad at physics, biology, and other sciences. I realize that a common tool in fiction is artistic license, which means that being unrealistic can make something more interesting. (If a spaceship really could travel at light speed across the galaxy, the cost of fuel it would need for one trip would surpass the National Debt.)

But... While I can buy the idea of physical gods like Dialga and alternate dimensions like the Torn World, some things here are beyond impossible.

Take Cubone. Wears the skull of its mother, right? Well, since a Cubone is never seen without a skull, that means that this Pokemon either kills its mother right after being born, or the mother always dies after its young is hatched. Either way, this would have resulted in the species going extinct rather fast.

Magcargo is even worse. Its entry states that its skin is twice as hot as the surface of the sun. Know how hot that is? Let’s just say I wouldn’t want to be near it. Camerupt and Torkoal are just as bad.

Of course, if the entries are being written by the same guy who writes them in the anime version, maybe it makes sense. That guy did seem to be a few corndogs short of a full picnic…

(Oh, in case you didn't notice, this thread was all made in jest. Don't take me seriously. )

[Rossymore]

The Pokedex entries make more sense when you realize they were probably written by ten year old kids. And writers have no real sense of scale (see most science fiction ever), so paying attention to how tall or how heavy Pokemon are will only cause headaches, especially when some Pokemon really don't match their height in our minds (the anime's really good at giving Pokemon their own height that seems much better, such as Arcanine).

And Cubone was made before breeding was a thing, so blame retcon. And Kangaskhan. And Onix too, I suppose.

[Kumori]

Pokémon isn't really mean to be taken scientifically seriously, I don't think. Pokémon wouldn't be half as interesting if it really applied all the laws of science.

It is meant to be a children's series, and last time I checked, children didn't fully understand science

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

inbe4Blade, anime physics aren't the same as Earth physics

[DivineAll]

*insert MST3K mantra here*

[Magmar]

Level 100 Zapdos vs. Level 2 Pidgey

*Thunder Wave then Thunder or Drill Peck = enormous cruelty potential

[Dark Sage]

Yes, I know. Science Fiction Writers Have No Sense Of Scale. That's a Trope page with many sub-pages.

I was making a little joke here.

Anyway, I'll give you another example: Wailord, the largest known Pokemon. It's a whale with an average length of 14.5 meters, but an average weight of a mere 398 kg. Seriously? Sperm whales have an average length of 12 to 18 meters, and weigh more than 20,000 kg. Wailord's size and weight statistics are utterly ridiclous. And I can be here all night giving other examples of Pokemon where that's the case.

[Blademaster]

(Oh, in case you didn't notice, this thread was all made in jest. Don't take me seriously. )

I didn't know that until I read this line.

Anyway, obligatory:



Which one do YOU think is the most absurd?

Magcargo and Wailord come close by defying the laws of classic mechanics every day of their lives. But there's a fine line between bending/breaking the laws of nature and just being shoe-on-head retarded.

The latter is where Grimer falls.

"It was born when sludge in a dirty stream was exposed to the moon's X-rays. It appears among filth."

...The Moon isn't capable of producing X-rays. In fact, the Sun barely has that ability. And even if they take the DBZ route and say that it's sunlight reflected from the Moon that has magic powers, that only works with light. X-rays can't be reflected by the Moon because the Moon isn't made of lead.

[Lady Vulpix]

I've been saying this for a long time: Pokedex entries make no sense whatsoever. Whoever wrote them must have been badly intoxicated.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Intoxicated? Sorry but I beg to differ, if you are serious, Lady Vulpix. I think it's about creativity and imagination. Pokemon happens in an alternate universe where their planet does have the same form that our Earth does, still the same physics don't apply. According to Wikipedia, Satoshi Tajiri has Asperger's, a syndrome where I myself get most of my own eccentric creativity from. Unlike my early cartoons, at least Gamefreak games don't have a Babylonian soldier who stumbles over a stone in front of Jerusalem and flies over the city walls, thank gods.

[Dark Sage]

I gotta ask Blade, where did you get that?

Those were all good points, but I never saw that webite before.

[Lady Vulpix]

Mikachu: just because both you and Satoshi Tajiri has have Asperger's, it doesn't mean that all criticism aimed at him is also aimed at you. Unless you share a hive mind and come up with all your ideas together, which would be quite creepy.

I generally appreciate creativity, and you should know I love writing myself. It's just that Pokedex entries don't make any sense. Take the ones about Cubone, for example. According to the Pokedex, every Cubone's mother is dead, even though you can breed a female Cubone or Marowak and keep both the mother and the child. Now read that description about a Charizard's fire and tell me why Pokemon don't die when hit by a Fire Blast. And there are more examples that just make no sense.

Don't take it personally, you're not the one who wrote those Pokedex entries. I'm not even sure if it was S.T. or someone else who worked for GameFreak. But whoever did it wasn't using logic while writing them.

[ChobiChibi]

Has no one thought that bad translation could partly be to blame? Just a thought.

I don't put too much thought into these things cos its a game >> You could start questioning all the games that have a fantasy aspect to them, but that would take all the fun out of everything.

[Lady Vulpix]

There's a big difference between fantasy and contradiction. I love the former and can rarely stand the latter.

[ChobiChibi]

When I say fantasy in this instance, I mean any game that has its own reality in which things wouldn't be possible in the real world. Even games like GTA, based on real cities in the real world, have stuff that's simply not possible in the real world. Like crashing a car at 100 miles an hour into another car and not dying, for example.

And I wouldn't call them contradictions. They're not logical, and physically not possible, but they don't contradict themselves in their own game universe... With the exception of Cubone, I'll give you that, since that really doesn't make sense.

Also, sorry you only got half this post, my phone decided I was ready to post when I wasn't.

[Roy Karrde]

Has no one thought that bad translation could partly be to blame? Just a thought.

I don't put too much thought into these things cos its a game >> You could start questioning all the games that have a fantasy aspect to them, but that would take all the fun out of everything.

Same thought crossed my mind, unless someone can translate the pokedex from the original game, then most of these arguments of flavor text are based on what the English translators wanted.

But I gotta agree with Dark Sage, when I read the flavor text for some of the Red/Blue Pokemon I was shocked, and thought it was unbelievably cool. It made it seem a bit more like an adult game compared to the cartoon.

[Blademaster]

I gotta ask Blade, where did you get that?

I think I first saw it on the Pokemon board on 4chan. If you look at the pic's URL, though, it's from deviantArt.

I do not know which instance came first.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Someones said TRANSLATIONS? My Japanese may be a little rusty but here you go, I found a Website named Ultimate Pokemon Center and let's get into the business.

CUBONE
Red/Green:
Shiniwakareta hahaoya no hone wo atama ni kabutte iru. Sabishii toki oogoede naku to iu.
しにわかれた　ははおやの　ほねを　あたまに　かぶっている。さびしいとき　おおごえで　なく という。
Wears a bone of its dead mother in its head. Is said to raise its voice crying when lonely.

Blue:
Atama ni hone no herumetto wo kabutte iru no de hontou no kao wo mita mono wa inai.
あたまに　ほねの　ヘルメットを　かぶって　いるので　ほんとうの　かおを　みたものは　いな い。
Since it wears a bone helmet in its head, nobdy has seen the true face.

Yellow:
Nakigoe ga nigiyaka na no wa mittsu aru atama ga sorezore suki na koto wo kangaete iru kara da.
なきごえがにぎやかなのは　3つある　あたまがそれぞれ　すきなことを　かんがえているからだ 。
Its head has three lively cries because they are all considered good.

I clearly couldn't translate the Yellow entry correctly, but it seems that, according to the Japanese originals, too, every Cubone's mother is dead. I might do more later.

[Magmar]

@Blade: That graphic. WINS. Love it!

But yeah, I think they're not meant to be taken literally. I like the logic of "Twelve-year-olds wrote the Pokedex while wandering about describing monsters they'd never seen in-person before, which leads to some of the absurd conclusions. For example, how would a 12-year-old know for a fact that Wailord dives 10,000 feet below sea level since a human couldn't possibly survive that far down without a lead submarine?

It could be this that drives the Cubone entry. Think of it this way... what if that particular Cubone wears the skull of its dead mother (the first one you encounter in Lavender Town or whatever) but all other Cubones actually wear skulls of dead Marowaks in general?

Also, Cubone is totally a baby Kangaskhan. Just Saiyan.

This theory would explain why despite the fact that you can fight 2,000 Pidgeys, but if you don't catch one, you don't get the description in the Pokedex. The Pokedex entry is written by a kid to describe the first Pokemon of its species that he has the chance to observe in captivity. "Wow, Pidgey seems to fly faster than an airplane!" makes sense when you think of the relative distance of an airplane vs. a Pidgey from ground level. A kid would know airplanes are fast, that they're far away, but likely hasn't developed the spacial intelligence to understand that an airplane flying at 30,000 feet is moving much more slowly than a bird flying directly overhead.

[Asilynne]

Because JAPAN!

Lol anyway that cubone thing was a rant Ben and I were going on about last year while we were driving somewhere this topic gave me a laugh.

I love you Gabi! Hive mind LOL

[Crystal Tears]

In Pigeot's defense, I remember watching a show on the Peregrine Falcon and how it could reach ridiculous speeds (looking it up on the net reveals 200 mph or 322 kph). It did a corkscrew motion as it dived, but this didn't hinder it's ability to reach the ridiculous rate. Scientists were trying to mimic it so that our jets could go even faster. So I think Pigeot could maybe reach that speed if it was diving, much like how the Peregrine does (this is still keeping the fantasy evolution of Pokemon in mind - Pidgey's line evolves specifically with a biology to withstand travelling at mach 2).

There was a thing on deviantART where the artist portrayed Cubone's mother as a Charizard that was slain. But I think Cubone could be a product of various sort of similar pokemon babies (similar in the sense of rough body shape) who mothers were slain and they took a token to remember them by. Rapid evolution happened for the youngster and they became Cubone as a sort of defense to the wilderness of the Pokemon World. Marowak is the culmination of that genetic mutation.

Lol, rough ideas of science. XD Probably butchered everything, but I don't care~

[Dark Sage]

Because JAPAN!

Good point... This is the country that thought up Godzilla and Rodan, after all.

[Blademaster]

My attempt at rationalizing Cubone is a simple one: The skull isn't a skull.

Not always, anyway. Here's how I see it:

Cubone's Pokedex entries regularly state that (A) Cubone wears its mother's skull and (B) Cubone's face underneath the skull has never been seen. Well, how can its face never have been seen if so many of them have been caught over the years?

The answer is simple: Cubone's upper head, from its nose over its scalp and down to the base of the skull, is armored. At birth, it doesn't wear a skull, clearly. Yet it hatches from a bred Egg with a skull helmet. This is, I believe, a keratin shell. It has evolved this shell as a means of protecting its brain. As it grows older, it may seek out an actual skull (likely from one of those fabled 'Marowak graveyards' in the Pokedexes), but even if it doesn't, the keratin plating its head is still thick enough by a young age to be confused with a skull, especially by a small child.

I submit 2 pieces of evidence for my claim:

First, look closely at a member of the species that has evolved. Marowak's eyelids and lower jaw have bone over them. Cubone's eyes and lower jaw are bare. Evolving quite likely encourages further growth of the 'armor' I described to spread to these areas; if nothing else, it makes more sense than evolution MELTING BONE INTO AN ANIMAL'S SKIN.

And second, why would Cubone evolve such a feature? Almost no other living Pokemon has such thick armor over its head. Well, no other Pokemon has the brainpower to use TOOLS, either. Cubone and Marowak, like some of our world's primates, are the only known animals besides humans that use tools (the bones they carry), which means that, as far as Pokemon intelligence goes, they're quite likely some of the smartest non-Psychic Pokemon in existence. But they're small. They cannot fly, they cannot Teleport or move at a high speed, and there's very little that they can beat in terms of brute strength alone.

So we wind up with a Pokemon species that adapted advanced intelligence, and then used that intelligence to obtain tools, which it uses to defend itself and thus preserve its fragile little life. It's quite a remarkable phenomenon.

(Spoiler:) Yes, Farfetch'd can use a tool, as well. But Farfetch'd are nearly extinct, and they have no signature moves, which leads me to believe that they're far less intelligent than Cubone and Marowak are.

[Dark Sage]

Actually, Blade, the whole thing about "no-one ever seeing a Cubone's face" isn't as farfetched as you think. (No pun intended.)

In most games, they remind you that it is only assumed that Pokemon lay eggs, because no-one has ever actually witnessed it. You put two compatable Pokemon together, and the egg appears... Apparently, the female always manages to time the birth when humans aren't watching somehow.

Exactly why and how they do this isn't known. Maybe it's best to simply not think about it too much...

[Blademaster]

I prefer meticulous overanalysis to willful ignorance, thank you very much.

[DarkestLight]

Timburr family might have some words with Cubone over smartest tool wielding non Psychic Pokemon

[Dark Sage]

Timburr family might have some words with Cubone over smartest tool wielding Pokemon

Yes, I believe that their PokeDex entry says that they taught humans how to make concrete. Or something like that.

[Blademaster]

Timburr family might have some words with Cubone over smartest tool wielding non Psychic Pokemon

They can have all the words they want. Nothing in evolution says that two different creatures can't evolve the same type of adaptation.

[Asilynne]

Actually going back to animals who use tools, some birds do too (in the real world). Going a step farther than just using tools though, some birds actually make tools and use them to get at food or things they can't reach. Besides all those birds in the wild that do it as an everyday part of their lives, I read an article on a parrot that does it as well.

IMO, birds > primates (besides humans of course)

[DarkestLight]

<.< ...IMO, dolphins > birds > primates

*Runs away before she yells at him*

[Lady Vulpix]

I heard that the African grey parrot can learn hundreds of words, use them in context and understand some basic mathematics.

[Blademaster]

I think the upper limit for a bird that's been recorded is 2,000 words...

...Speaking of which, wasn't Chatot some big popular gimmick back in early G4? Whatever happened to that little bugger?

[Asilynne]

<.< ...IMO, dolphins > birds > primates

*Runs away before she yells at him*

QFT

Yeah Gabi African gray parrots don't just learn words, they know their meanings too They've been said to have the intelligence of a 5 year old child.

[Dark Sage]

At least one Pokemon - Lapras - can understand human speech, according to most of its PokeDex entries.

Of course... I tend to think that's true for ALL of them, seeing as they understand the commands of a trainer the instant the trainer catches them. I mean, in the real world, it typically takes dogs a rather long time before they can respond to a trainer's instructions.

Edit: On a related note, I realized something. Uxie. Likely a Pokemon with a bright idea that turned out to be not so bright after all and caused a great deal of trouble for Pokemon in general.

See, according to what we know, Uxie gave humans intellignce. That would lead to the development of technology, which in turn would lead to humans being able to capture and train Pokemon. Including Uxie.

Even if this had been Uxie's intention all along, well, we all know what Cyrus did... A good example of technology used for evil purposes, and a case where what Uxie did came back to hurt it and its two friends in a big way.