A Legacy Unfolds: Atlanta

[PSmurf]

Well here it is ladies and gentlemen the moment you maybe, sorta, just checking it out cuz Im bored moment you been waiting for.

This is truely my masterpiece and I am already about halfway into Chapter Three. So I hope that YOU! YES YOU IN THE GLASSES! OH AND YOU! NOT WEARING GLASSES! REPLY!

So I am going to post a chapter every three days. So chapter two will be posted on Thursday, then Chapter Three is gonna be on Sunday, and so on, and so on.

So I am gonna post this chapter now but one more thing: It is now your chance to star in this fic. I am offering you a role in A Legacy Unfolds. With you filling out my resume I am giving you a five chapter garuntee meaning every five chapters you will see your character. Yes I am serious. Starting with the next chapter after you premere will be One, then two, and so on, and on the SIXTH chapter after your appearence you will be seen again.
----
The Resume
----
Name:
Age:
Badges:
Looks:
Hair:
Eyes:
Pokemon:
Personality:
----
End Resume
----
Now for the chapter:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Legacy Unfolds: Atlanta
Chapter I
-One-
The Storm and The Beginning

The continent of Atlanta was a quaint tropical place with lush and trees and beautiful wildflowers and bushes of varying shapes and sizes. The date was June 30th, 1996 and the Sinai’s were a normal family consisting of a mom, a dad, a sister, and a brother. They were a very young family the mom and dad were twenty-four, the sister sixteen, and the brother five. But this isn’t your normal become a trainer and win a league story this is a story of fear and tears, because June 30th, three days after my fifth birthday, the two legendary Pokemon battled.

Groudon and Kyorge had battled before but only for an hour or two, this one lasted six months. Six, long, cold, scorching hot, rainy, chaotic, long months. The reason was Teams Aqua and Magma both provoked the others to the point of mass destruction.

The first day started normal, I got up, ate, and then outside a light drizzle came on. I remember begging my mom to let me play outside, I loved rain back then but now it was traumatizing to most who remember way back then. The weather cleared up and soon became burning up to a hundred and twelve degrees.

I remember seeing kids run home from the park soaked in sweat dribbling there basketball but when it hit that one-twelve point the basketball stuck to the cement, it was too hot for the kids to care so they took off running.

About thirty minutes of scorching hot heat lead to thunderstorms of great destruction. Soon after, many weeks later, the two mixed so we had hundred degree thunderstorms. Tornado’s started a month into the devastating storm and the Presidents of Atlanta, Kanto, Johto, and Hoenn issued a nationwide evacuation giving the people a room in a massive bunker underground. But they failed to note that Groudon could go underground, which is exactly what he did.

Three months into this tragedy people where getting used to living in a stone house when their was a massive earthquake and a large tear ripped over the Siyere City bunker Groudon and Kyorge had tackled the bunker and a large rip fell down the center large enough for a tornado to fit in.

The men had all left to pry rocks in the rip to save the rest of us but most of them died in their attempts.

“Lily take Jeremy and June and run!” my father said running around the corner, the tornado was winding it’s way toward us. “Charizard and Wailord can only hold it for a few seconds!”

“Not without you Ken!” my mom roared, I was packing away all my toys in my rolling suitcase happily not knowing how much danger I was in.

“Don’t worry, I’ll… meet up… with…you!” my dad said forcedly, “Charizard! Pidgeot! GO!”

A giant orange lizard six feet tall with a jiggling tan belly stood out of his Greatball. His face was pale and twisted and a horn stood behind his gaunt face. Two billowing wings with a span of twenty feet perched on his back, he came out rearing to go.

From the other ball, a normal Pokeball came a bird the size of a Labrador came out. This Pokemon had a span of forty feet and his beach was a full six inches that looked sharp and deadly. He had three feathers that if unrolled would be at least ten feet all in different colors, red, blue, and yellow. Immediately the bird took flight and looked terrified at the tornado snaking its way to our spots.

“Jeremy come here, Pidgeot and Charizard use your Twister attacks to buy us some time!” Ken said beckoning to me.

“What daddy?” I asked coming to him only to be pulled into a giant bear hug.

“Jeremy take this Pokeball it does not open but keep it as a good luck charm maybe it will open for you someday,” he said taking a gold chain off his neck.

The necklace was golden and chained around your neck, no clip or twist it was big enough to slip down your head. At the end dangling limply was a very deep royal blue top and a bottom that’s more crème than white. The blue had light sky blue swirls making the top a bumpy texture.

“Thank you daddy, buh bye!” I said smiling and putting on the necklace the ball stopped just above my belly button.

“I love you son, goodbye!” my dad said, little did I know then it was the last time I’d hear my dad’s voice.

“Love ya too, see you in a few min… I mean days… I mean, Mom
what comes after minutes?” I said breaking off to ask my mom the question.

“Hour’s, honey,” she said crying.

“Right hours daddy,” I said smiling.

“Goodbye Ken, I love you so much,” my mom said hugging my dad tightly.

“Goodbye Lily, I love you too, I’ll see you in… heaven,” my dad said whispering the last part so I couldn’t hear, but I did, I did.

“Take my other Pokemon Lily I couldn’t have them… die… in their Pokeballs,” he said whispering that word again, but he wasn’t a good whisperer I heard that too, and that scared me. My mom and dad kissed a few seconds and then my mom picked me up and ran as fast as she could.

Before we were out of earshot I heard a blood-curdling scream I turned around and saw my dad fifty feet in the air limp with Pidgeot and Charizard behind.

“DADDY!” I screamed! That triggered something in the Pokeball in changed from light blue swirls to dark navy blue, I was too young to take any notice but when I saw the photos and cameras of that faithful day.

I soon noticed the non-return of my father and as I became older and remember that day I realized what had happened. I still wore the Pokeball my dad gave me as it matches my royal blue tee shirt and baggy cargo jeans. I have a black vest I wear over my shirt and brown hair that sometimes gets into my eyes so every about thirty seconds I brush it away.
It was now eight years after that storm and 2004, I was thirteen years old and mere minutes from starting my journey and taking a go at being a trainer. It was July 12th the day I was getting my Pokemon. The Pokeball was already at our house but my mom said I couldn’t open it until she got home from her three day shift at the Pokemon Center is Siyere City.

Siyere City had rebuilt after the devastating storm, my mother after collecting Flood, Collision, Life, and Home Insurance rebuilt a bigger and better Pokemon Center. My dad and mom had a lot of insurance just to be safe and it paid off.

In Atlanta you don’t get Pokemon from Professors like in Kanto, Johto, and Hoenn. You get them from the Head Nurse at the Pokemon Center, A.K.A. my mom. She had my Pokemon chosen for me when I was ten.

I was sitting in the Laz-E-Boy in the living room clutching my Pokeball tightly in my hand. I started to think of my journey when all of a sudden all I could see was a brilliant blue glowing light originating from the Pokeball my dad gave me. It was enveloped in a light and started floated and it reached my heart the chain fell as the Pokeball was disconnected. I set my starter on the right hand table, but before anything else happened I heard the doorknob turn and my mind flickered the floating ball fell to the floor as my mom walked in.

Better not tell mom. I thought.

“Hi honey, how was your day,” she said exhaustedly, walking into the living room and sitting on the couch.

June was the gym leader of the gym in Marroal City our neighboring city to the north. June trained Mid-evolution Pokemon; she has the only gym in the world not having a specific element of Pokemon. I know personally she had a Kirlia, a Poliwhirl, an Ivysaur, and a Charizard she didn’t battle with. She was a very nice sister and let me visit her gym and watch her train, foolish on her part. I know perfect strategy to beat her.

“Mom can I… you know… CAN I OPEN MY POKEBALL PLEASE!” I blurted out hopefully.

“Sure why not, June tipped me you liked this species of Pokemon it especially for you,” she said smiling, and laughing.

“June sent it, so is it a Poliwag, or maybe a Ralts, or a Bulbasaur!” I said.

“You’ll only find out by opening it or if I told you, but the first one is better,” she said taking off her shoes.

“Pokemon Go!” I said throwing the ball into the corner of the room; the ball burst open and pinkish-red energy scrambled to form my starter Pokemon.

The molecules rearranged and shifted out of the Pokeball. The energy formed a small two-foot dog-like Pokemon that has small ears on his head with a long bump thing on his forehead. His tail was three inches long and wagging even though he was still pink. When the energy cleared a black dog was standing in front of me. The bump on his forehead was a gray skull and he had bone like stripes arching over his back.

“Houndour,” he growled sitting on my lap being careful not to make contact with his fire tail and me.

“Houndour. Awesome!” I said speechless petting his head.

“And here’s your prescription PalmPoké and Badge Protector,” my
mom said withdrawing two brown packages parcels.

“Awesome!”

I opened the first one and a red and gold PalmPoké fell onto my lap with a bunch of bubble wrap. I picked it up and looked at it, it was made of a sort of fiber plastic. The base was a rectangle with grips in where you hold. On top was a disc that hung half off of the first rectangle. Then was a sort of half rectangle half circle thing that absorbed into the disc.

The second package held a red Badge Protector that you had to store all eight of your badges. It was an inch thick rectangular box that opened where circular podiums cushioned your badge.

“The Flame Edition of the PalmPoké,” my mom said beckoning for the contraption. “You open it like this.”

She spun the disc to the right and the lid folded all the way around and placed into the bottom rectangle. She then pointed it at Houndour who was still on my lap.

“Houndour the Dark Dog Pokemon, a Pokemon of the Dark and Fire Type. Houndour uses his black figure to sneak around in the dark behind Pokemon then scare them with fire type attacks. Houndour is a very loyal Pokemon rivaling with the only other dog Pokemon, besides the Eeveelutions, to the extent of extreme pain for its trainer. Houndour travel all terrains to become strong and graceful.”

“That’s awesome!” I said taking it and closing it by winding the lid back making it click into place.

“And if you turn it the other way and there’s a map of Atlanta,” she said, quickly I looked at the map.

“To the east is the Island of Inferno, I know there’s a Magmar who knows Fire Blast there so I don’t want to go there yet. To the North is Kidd City where there is a gym with water Pokemon and since Houndour is dark and fire type and my only Pokemon it wouldn’t be wise to go there yet. To the south is Marroal and that’s June’s gym so it would definitely be unwise to go to. So west is the only option I just have to take a ferry across Glenn Oak River to Glenn Oak Island to fight Dew Stellar in her Grass gym,” I said all knowingly.

“My little baby is so smart,” my mom said as her eyes watered, I smiled.

“Well it’s almost seven I think I’ll go finish my book, How To Be a Trainer for Dum-Dums. Good night mom, and well you’d better have a rest in your Pokeball cause you need to get in shape you got yourself a beer belly,” I said poking Houndour’s stomach.

“Houndour!” he said poking my stomach with his front paw and laughing.

“Yeah I know I’m walking too, and every morning we’ll find a good mountain to climb,” I said.

Atlanta before the storm was a smooth jungle land filled with fields and gardens. But the storm made the fields transform into hills and mountains. The whole of Atlanta was now infested with big rocky mountains and dirt hills. The paths and roads now go up and down and through mountains.

“Return,” I said as Houndour recalled into the ball and I made a mental note to when I visited Kidd City go to the museum about Pokeballs.

“Goodnight honey,” my mom said as I walked upstairs to my room.

I set Houndour’s Pokeball on my bedside table behind my alarm clock. I went into my closet and looked through my belts I picked out my best belt black leather about three inches thick. I took a hunting knife out and cut six slits in the leather belt not all the way through but enough to fit magnets in. I picked up a circle magnet and flung it out towards my Pokeball, it stopped in midair and shot into the top of the Pokeball.

“Perfect,” I said retrieving the magnet and putting it in the first slit, then the remaining five in the last I lifted the belt up and gazed at it proudly. I didn’t have enough money to buy a new real belt they cost five hundred to one thousand bucks.

I read my book until ten and fell asleep soon after on my desk, I had a peaceful nights sleep but uncomfortable.

Siyere City was also famous for something else, the last day of the storm, December 12th a cloaked figure appeared with two Masterballs. He threw them both and the Pokemon were captured, the only reason it wasn’t done sooner was because no one was brave enough. The guy dropped the two Pokeballs into Professor Keller’s personal dorm with a note. The two Pokeballs were stored in the Siyere City.

The morning after I woke up and stretched out soon realizing I still had my old clothes on. I walked to my closet and took out a red tee shirt and a new clean black vest and some cargo jeans that had a red strip down each side. I took off my blue Pokeball and placed it in the pocket of my new jeans and wrapped my new shirt around it for safekeeping. I walked into the bathroom down the hall and turned on the shower as hot as it could. I stripped down and stepped in…

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I stepped out of the shower feeling refreshed and after toweling off I put on my new clothes placed the necklace back safely around my neck. I walked back into my room and secured my homemade Pokebelt around my waist and threw Houndour’s Pokeball on the ground and my canine appeared at my heels. I hooked the ball on my belt and walked downstairs.

“Oh hi honey,” my mom said, I could tell she was fighting very hard to fight back tears.

“Hi mom, see my new belt I made,” I said pointing at my belt proudly.

“That’s nice honey, I have a gift for you,” she said taking out three boxes, I knew from the size expanded Pokeballs were set in the gifts.

“Thanks mum, you didn’t have too,” I said opening the boxes and dumping the contents out onto the table.

There was a blue swirled Pokeball with a red half circle with a red upside down triangle on the bottom. I recognized it as a Lureball and then there was a Pokeball that had a yellow sapphire encrusted lightning bolt fastened onto the top half of the Pokeball that was yellow. This one was unknown to me. The last was a pure white ball with a black zigzag on the top half; I knew it as a Fastball.

“What’s the middle one?” I asked my mom, she picked it up and rolled it left and right.

“That one is a Lightningball, used specifically for grass Pokemon of course, then the Lureball is for water Pokemon, then the Fastball is for fast Pokemon normally that can outrun normal Pokeballs,” she said minimized each and placing them in a new backpack made of a comfortable looking material it was the same color as my Pokeball necklace. “Also here’s a Trainer Card, and three-hundred dollars.”

She handed me six fifty-dollar bills, and a fiber plastic card, “It’s got two thousand dollars on it.”

“Thanks mom for the Pokeballs and the new backpack, and most importantly the money, well I’d better get going, it’s a two day hike to Glenn Oak River,” I said hugging my mom.

“Goodbye honey, remember any Pokemon you think I might like send them to me,” she said kissing my cheek. “Houndour make sure you take care of my baby.”

“Houndour!” he barked approvingly.

“Bye mom, I’ll be sure to keep in touch, I promise, see ya later,” I said opening the door.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Note: This is 7 pages on Word, and thats my goal, even though I want it ten its to hard without rambling.

PLEASE REPLY AND PLEASE CONSIDER MY GARUNTEE! Bye.

[Dark Sage]

Okay, this was a good start.

My only criticism so far - how could parents that were twenty-four have a teenage daughter? Obviously you meant "six", not "sixteen".

But I like the story. I can make some predictions already. Team Magma and Team Aqua might well be major villains in this saga.

I'm glad to see you using "unorthodox" starters (like Houndour). I've always loved the Houndour family myself.

But keep up the writing, and don't give up if it turns hard.

- Venusaur

P.S. First reply! Whee!!

[PSmurf]

Venusaur: Oh boy wat a type I think that could win an award, I meant THIRTY-four, oh boy.

Thanks Venusaur for your reply and also I have worked a little on Three and Jeremy will catch his first in the end of three beginning of four.

Bye.

[mr_pikachu]

This was pretty good. Nice use of the background and starter. I'll be interested in what the history has to do with this, as well as the effect the Pokeball will have.

There were a lot of grammatical issues, though. You need to edit a bit more. There were a lot of run-on sentences and sentences where commas were strangely absent at critical points. Try to work some on utilizing punctuation properly, espcially in controlling the length of your sentences.

Otherwise, not bad. I'll keep reading this, so I'll see you next chapter!

[Shadow Djinn]

Aren't you Zee Sage? o-O; He always used Sinai as a last name..and Jeremy I vaguely remember.....Anyway. The first chapter is ok, decent overall. Though I shouldn't be talking. Eh. I noticed some small typos so you should do about three spell checks a chapter, usually I do that unless I forget....

In some parts the fic seemed off subject, like when Jeremy's mom came home, he suddenly mentioned June. And when he wanted to sleep, he mentioned the other thing Siyere is famous for. And instead of " two pokemon" the guy captured, you should've said Groudon and Kygore. And some sentences were run on....such as this:

Thanks mom for the Pokeballs and the new backpack, and most importantly the money, well I’d better get going, it’s a two day hike to Glenn Oak River,” I said hugging my mom.

Should've been:

Thanks mom for the Pokeballs, new backpack, and most importantly the money. Well, I better get going, it's a two day hike to Glenn Oak River," I said, hugging my mom.

Also, hwo does a lightning ball catch grass types easier? o_O;

Anyway, besides that the fic is pretty decent. Some small improvements and I'm sure it'll be a good fic. Ciao.

[PSmurf]

Mr. Pikachu: Thanks for the reply and compliment, I think from now on I'll triple check instead of double.

Shadow: Zee Sage is my brother although he lost interest in Pokemon so when I asked him for permission to use Sinai he was like: Pokemon's gay I dont care.

as for the lightningball and the grass it orriginally was a Grassball but later I changed it and I forgot to change the grass to electric. O_o!

Thanks guys Chapter 2 is still out on Thursday and I got a special suprise! Chapter 5 introduces the third main character and its smoeone from the boards!!!

Okay guys reply and dont forget my 5 chapter garuntee!

[PSmurf]

Sorry for the delay but my internet was acting up yesterday so I couldn't get on to post. Anyway I wont delay you longer and post your characters.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Legacy Unfolds: Atlanta
Chapter II
-Two-
On The Road

The sun was just barely in the sky, I left so early with Houndour at my heels I realized I forgot to eat breakfast. After an hour of walking in zigzags and jagged paths I stopped on the flattest piece of land I had come upon since my freedom had started.

“So Houndour do you like your toast buttered, normal, or just bread,” I said taking out my PalmPoké. I had read part of the manual as I walked the path earlier and I read about the newest function of the PalmPoké.

“Pokemon Speech Function on!” I said turning the disc to the right and speaking into the two-way speaker.

“Houndour,” my new Pokemon barked, and that’s all the normal ear could hear but a few seconds later the drone sound of the PalmPoké hissed.

“Buttered.”

“Okay, well as long as I have it out I better check out your attacks,” I said. I cleared my voice and said into the speaker, “Houndour Attacks.”

“Houndour at birth knows Tackle, Scratch, and Ember, according to the P. T. I. (Pokemon Tracking Information) your Houndour only knows the three.”

“Cool, Houndour I need a favor,” I said putting together a mesh of grass, leaves and firewood. “Ember the fire pit.”

“Hound, dour, Houndour,” my companion barked, seconds later the PalmPoké said, “Okay Jeremy.”

“Oh yeah, Pokemon Speech Function off,” I said blushing to the machine and shutting the top flap, I pocketed it.

Houndour inhaled sharply and then blew very fast and soon repeated again, a small red light flickered in Houndour’s mouth, then the ember sparked and within milliseconds there was a fireball in his mouth. He spat it onto the grass and soon there was a blazing fire, which I found a good stick and speared the two slices of bread on the top.

“Ready for some grub pal,” I said waving the bread through the fire until lightly toasted. I un-speared the toast and took out a small lunchbox from my backpack and opened it. Inside was five coolers lining the wall with water bottles and milk and butter inside, which I took out the butter. I lathered the butter on the toast and tore one slice in pieces and giving them individually to Houndour.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ten minutes later the fire was extinguished, the food was eaten, and the stuff packed away in my bag. The sleeping bag on top of my traveling backpack was really weighing me down.

As we traveled along Route 402 we soon got sick of constantly turning and going up, then turning the other way, then going down. I wish that I could drive, but three years until I could. As the day progressed it seemed that nothing could make the frown on my face edge.

As the sun started to sink Houndour, who was sever meters ahead of me, yelped and I ran forward only to have my stomach disappear into my mouth, a monstrous cliff had became all my eyes could see.

I fell about forty feet but it felt like a hundred before I landed and started skidding down the sandy terrain fighting threw brush and pointy twigs and branches and low hanging trees on my two feet I threw my arms over my head and started yelling. It went on for five minutes before I thudded on the ground. My arms fell limp and I saw Houndour ten meters away bruised and mangled body unconscious. My eyesight slid in and out of focus, I crawled on the rough rocks and dirt towards him and one touch I soon fell and slid unconscious.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Hello, are you dead?” asked a feminine voice above me.

“Am I in Heaven?” I groaned and soon rolled over very fast, my eyes sprung open and I ran painfully because of the hundreds of small scratches on my legs and the large scratches on my arms, into the forest and threw up all over a bush.

I stepped into the small clearing embarrassed and looked at the girl who had nursed me back to health.

She had dirty-blonde hair that was shoulder length tied in a red bandanna. She wore a blue-red blouse and Capri pants. She had a real Pokebelt on, which were two normal Pokeballs.

“Houndour,” I said suddenly remembering my faithful companion I had only known for… two… days. I couldn’t believe it by position of the sun it had to be three ‘o’ clock in the afternoon the next day.

“He’s fine I called the Center and they sent the helicopter and they took him to a Pokemon Center,” she said.

“So did you like rescue me?” I asked timidly putting my hand behind
my head and blushing.

“Yeah I came down the cliff on top of my Phanpy and saw you and the Houndour so I immediately called the Pokemon Center, that’s when they sent the helicopter. They didn’t have any room for you or me so they said that when you came to visit the Center in Glenn Oak Island.

“But I don’t have any Pokemon and how am I supposed to get
through Glenn Oak Forest? I am so stuck in a hole right now,” I said pacing back and forth.

“Relax I’ll help you I have my Pokemon, A Phanpy and Nidoran Female,” she said taking out a roll of bandages and wrapping them around my arms and legs until I was the mummy wearing clothes.

“But. No offense, but I don’t even know you how am I supposed to trust you?” I said questioningly at her.

A small blue elephant had just rolled into the clearing and when the Pokemon unfolded it had firewood in its trunk. It had a pinkish red stripe down it’s back.

“Oh Phanpy you’ve come back, and you got the firewood,” she said petting the Phanpy on it’s head.

“Phanpy, the Stampede Elephant, Phanpy uses its extreme accuracy and trunk to make one of the best fighting style know to Pokemon. Phanpy uses it’s slender body to maneuver into a ball and roll around. When Phanpy evolves into a Donphan it uses its extremely accurate sense of smell to track down special minerals.”

I shut my PalmPoké and set it in my back pocket, I noticed a few scratches on it from the fall.

“Well to answer you question, would someone meaning to sabotage you kiss you?” she said smiling.

“Um probably not, but please don’t kiss me,” I said, blushing, as much as I wanted it I couldn’t.

“What you scared?” she mocked, and then pointed over my shoulder at the cliff, I turned and saw nothing when I turned back she pecked me on the cheek. “See nothing about it.”

“You do this a lot?” I asked blushing a deep shade of pink.

“Nope first time, but the helicopter pilot told me to do anything to not let you go through the forest alone,” she said.
“Oh wow, I’ve know you for about an hour and I haven’t even introduced myself, Jeremy Sinai,” I said extending my right hand to her.
She perked up from the fire pit and shook my hand, “Roxanne Teller.” She bent over the pit and picked grass over the wood, she took a lighter from her pocket and lit the fire.

“I figure we camp out here tonight and then hike all day to the ferry. The docks just on the other side of Glenn Oak Forest,” Roxanne said placing her hands over the fire.

“I’ll go find some cooking sticks,” I said getting up; Roxanne placed the two Pokeballs down by her side when suddenly I realized the necklace.
After the weird incident yesterday I had dubbed a prank, I reattached Houndour’s Pokeball to the chain.

“My Pokeball Necklace, oh man I freaking lost my dad’s charm,” I yelled furiously running in and out trees searching the ground, I ran up the cliff and back down, and up and down, and up and down.

“You mean, this?” Roxanne said as I sat down gasping for breath, she withdrew a golden chain and Pokeball.

“You had to mention this after I ran up and down the hundred foot cliff three times?” I said.

“It was funny!” she said handing it to me, I placed it around my neck and strange warmth flooded my body.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sun hung low as me and Roxanne talked the whole way. She was from Kidd City and had been training a week. When dawn sprung and the morning dew fresh on my face. And my sleeping bag damp with the rain. I tightly rolled my sleeping bag and strapped it to my backpack.

“Roxanne come on eggs are ready,” I said prodding her rib hard, she woke up and took a paper plate from me full of eggs.

“You didn’t have to,” she said after handing back the paper plate, I threw it into a black garbage bag and put it in a separate pouch in my bag.

“After you took such good care of me last night it is the absolute least I could do,” I said smiling.

“Well Phanpy, Nidoran GO!” she said tossing the balls out and the two Pokemon marched ahead of us as we

Phanpy stood boldly next to a spiky bluish-green bunny Pokemon stood next to him but soon took off after a straggling baby Rattata.

“Nidoran NO! Heel! HEEL!” Roxanne called after the strange Pokemon.

“Nidoran Female, the Female Poison Pin Pokemon, Nidoran Female uses its eight inch horn to inject poison into its opponent. Nidoran Female although smaller and less spiky than its Male counterpart Nidoran Male is three times faster than him, Nidoran Female lack the seriousness to fight crucial battles so instead she uses her playful nature to lure Pokemon to play with her when she is lonely.”

“That is one cool Pokemon I wish I could catch Nidoran Male,” I said longingly.

“Sorry Nidoran, both Males and Females, are found only in Kidd Forest, maybe when you reach Kidd City you’ll catch one,” she said matter-of-factly.

“Bummer,” I sighed, Roxanne chased after Nidoran and returned ten minutes later Nidoran in arms. “You know you shouldn’t treat your Pokemon like dogs, only I should. That’s because I kinda have a dog Pokemon.”

“Yea I know its just a habit my family trains dog Pokemon like Growlithe and Houndour,” she said.

We started walking, and I soon realized that with my bandages it would be impossible to walk the length of the forest comfortably. I unwrapped the bandages and threw them into the garbage bag and looked at my legs. Most of the small scratches were almost invisible by now and then the long ones on my arms were still hurting.

As we walked I watched Roxanne battle wild Pidgeys, Sentret, Rattata, Spearow, and weak Raticate. I felt left out and sad that Houndour and me were missing a major training session.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hours later Phanpy was extremely strong knowing the Rollout technique by the time the sun started setting.

“Are we almost there?” Roxanne moaned I pulled out my PalmPoké.

“It’s another two miles until we reach the dock, I still can’t believe you caught that Voltorb!” I said in a jealous fashion.

Two hours ago a Voltorb rolled into us and used it Self-Destruct and we were forced to blast us twenty feet backwards so all Roxanne had to do was drop a Pokeball on it, none of my ruddy balls fit with Voltorb, except the Lightningball but it was hardly worth it.

“I know maybe I’ll drop it off in Thunder Forest on Glenn Oak Island, it doesn’t really fit on my team,” she said.

“Yea mine neither, so it’s probably the best for Voltorb,” I said as my PalmPoké beeped.

“Half a mile to go,” She said taking out her Ground Edition of the PalmPoké.

It was identical to mine but dirt color and brown, and gray color I think they gave the Editions out by starter.

Five minutes later we had finally emerged from the forest and with a sigh of relief set our eyes on a crystal clear lake. On the horizon was a thin strip of land. I was looking at it when I realized I was looking at a familiar site: trees.

I looked to the right to see a large white cruise liner wanna-be docked to a large set of planks. I, along with Roxanne, walked along the long docks. At the entrance of the boat a man was standing with a belt of four.

“Tickets?” he grunted sitting on a lawn chair set up on the deck of the ship.

“Where do you buy them?” Roxanne asked hunching her shoulders up.

“At the Water Pokemon Care Shop one block that way,” he said pointing to his right, my left.

“Thanks mister,” I said.

“Wait, unless you want to battle?” he asked us both, I shook my head.

“I need to pick my Pokemon up in Glenn Oak,” I said to the Sailor.

“My Pokemon need a rest we’ve been training all day, sorry mister,” Roxanne said as we pivoted around and walked to the left.

“When does the boat leave?” I called after that guy halfway down the dock he checked his watch.

“Ten minutes,” he shouted back to us, “You’d better hurry up if you want to make it.”

We took off running as fast and hard as we could and in three minutes we skidded to a halt next to the store.

“I need two tickets fast!” I said hurriedly.

The old man behind the counter looked in his mid-sixties, wore glasses and had gray hair. He wore a blue apron with the store logo on it.

“That’ll be fifty dollars,” he said taking two white tickets with black print on them.

“Here and thanks,” I said dropping a fifty on the counter scooped up the tickets and took off to the docks, five minutes to get on board. Roxanne hurried after me as I gave her, her ticket and she gave me a twenty and a five.

We ran up the dock and halted right at the end of it almost falling off.

“I see your back, you got your tickets?” the same snooty trainer said.

“Yeah can we get on please we need to catch our breath,” Roxanne sighed hard doubled over.

“Sure the boat is leaving in thirty seconds,” the Sailor said stepping to one side and opening the gate that kept you from falling in.

We walked onto the boat’s deck and found some lawn chairs and sat down hands over our heads and breathing deeply. Ten minutes later a loud bell beeped.

“Welcome to the Ocean Blue Ferry Services, servicing you since 1946, we will be at Glenn Oak Island in approximately seventy-five minutes,” the captain droned.

“So after a day of spending time together when we get there it will be goodbye,” I said.

“Jeremy, you know we could keep traveling together?” Roxanne suggested.

“You know if fate wants us to travel together we will meet again so I promise next time we meet I can answer that question,” I said timidly, and closing my eyes. “Wake me up when we dock.”

“Sure,” Roxanne said frowning slightly she recalled Nidoran and Phanpy who had followed us the whole time.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Well, it was great meeting you Jeremy,” Roxanne said holding out her hand.

“Yeah, Roxanne, it was until we meet again take care and thanks,” I said shaking her hand.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I walked through Thunder Forest and about two hours later emerged into darkness to see one of the most beautiful sights I had ever seen. Majestic lights flared throughout the biggest city I had seen.

“I have to get to the Pokemon Center, Houndour needs me as much as I need him,” I said running down a hill and into the streets of a suburb. I ran into the downtown of Glenn Oak, and fell over the Pokemon Center was a pentagonal four story building with a giant top half of a Pokeball with a giant ‘P’ on it.

“Nurse, I need to see my Houndour,” I said slamming my palm onto the desk service bell.

“Hi my name is Nurse Cindy, are you Jeremy Sinai?” she asked, I pulled out my PalmPoké and pushed the disk inward.

“My owner is Jeremy Sinai and he is the owner of the Pokemon: Houndour…”

“Okay follow me,” she said opening the counter and leading me down a corridor labeled Intensive Care.

“Is Houndour okay?” I asked scared.

“Actually Houndour had about a twenty percent chance of living, I’m sorry didn’t the paramedics tell you?” Nurse Cindy told.

“What,” I said stopping, my legs gave way and for the second time in a week I fainted…
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
A little cliffhanger for you please REPLY!

[Dark Sage]

Oh, no! Poor Houndour!

You have me worried now! How could they have been so careless?!

But while I hold my breath waiting for the next chapter...

You have to watch out for run-on sentences, and use better punctuation. Use commas right.

Be careful of commonly confused words you sometimes use your when you should use you're and vice versa.

Go over your manuscript with a fine-toothed combe before you submit it.

I'll be praying for Houndour until the next chapter comes up.

- Venusaur

[mr_pikachu]

Not too bad. We met a new character, had a surprising cliffhanger (though it wouldn't be much of a fic if Houndour died, so he's probably okay), and progressed with the plot. However, I felt that some parts went a bit fast. The running up and down the cliff was a blur, as was the goodbye between Roxanne and Jeremy. Slow things down a little; take your time.

Venusaur's definitely right on the homonyms and run-on sentences. You also had a few sentence fragments, most of which didn't have a verb. You need to have a verb in each sentence to make it complete. Edit a little more before posting. Anyway, I'll see you next chapter!

[PSmurf]

Okay guys I have an announcement. I am pulling the plug on version 1 of this fic. I have just read some fics with great description and I realized that this fics description is horrible.

You notice that i said version 1, yes I am rewriting this fic with the same plot only better.

And the mystery person who is the main character you will still be in it.

Im sorry but your not really losing this nor am i quitting I'm wiping my slate so expect this sometime next week. Again sorry but It wont be long till I start it over so dont worry and Im sorry.