Gray's Adventure

[dabsaww]

Chapter 1 4/22/10

There I was, sitting in my queen bed. A pillow propped behind my head, my heavy cotten sheets overlapping my body. I peaked out the window, I saw the star. The star was looking fantastic, its glow illuminated my cabin, and the forest around it. I reached over and grabbed my glass of water off my nightstand. It was cold, colder then usual, and it didn't even have ice.

I picked it up to get another taste, as I lifted the bevarage towards my lips, I heard the most terrifying noise I had ever heard! RAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! I dropped my glass, it shattered on the hardwood floor. I leaped out of bed faster then I ever had before, I sprinted down the stairs. I arrived on the first floor, wondering what the sound could of been.

Then I saw something, something so abnormally strange, I blinked my eyes to see if I was dreaming. There, right above the kitchen table, a wooden spoon sat suspended in the air. I got close to it, near enough to reach up and touch it, but I didn't. I simply stood there, in the middle of the night, still in my pajamas, and stared dumbfounded at the spoon.

I reached up to grab it, then THWACK! It hit my hand at such a high speed that I yelled out in pain! "Why you little!" I tryed to grab it again. This time it hit my head. THWACK! Over and over again I tried to grab it, and over and over again I got Smacked. Suddenly I had an idea. I reached over towards the drawer and pulled out my own wooden spoon.

I stricked at it, and with a click my spoon was parried. I tried to hit it again, once again parried. Then, I lunged at one part and punched at another. My fist hit something, but the feeling was strange at the least.

The spoon slammed to the ground. I bent over to pick it up when, something, grabbed hold of my hair. It twisted it, knotted it, and caused excrutiating pain. Spoons still in hand, I flailed like a mad man and hit whatever it was, off my head. It landed on the floor with a thump. I ran towards it.

If you've ever seen fire, which you most likely have. Then you'd seen this thing's hair. It was a deep shade of blue with purple in its hair. The tips of its hair were pink. Its eyes were yellow, and had red centers. It wore the most beautiful red beads around its neck. Then, I realised what the little monster was.

[Chris 2.1]

Hey! I really liked this first installment. You thrust the reader into a new situation and it was a bit confusing at first, but that added to the mystique of the chapter. There were a couple spelling errors (stricked = struck) but it was nice and snappy and I didn't mind that it was rather short.

In first person, it can be easy to overuse 'I'. Try and vary your descriptions a little bit. Otherwise, can't wait to find out what the monster is!