';..;' Zombie Days ';..;'

[Crazy Elf Boy]

Well here is my third attempt at a fan fiction, this idea is one I have been thinking about for a while. Hope you like it

Chapter 1: 14 Hours till Z day

The wind slowly rustled through the trees, as Steven slowly rose to his feet after kneeling on the fresh green grass. Two bright red and greens birds called to each other as they left the tall large trunked oak swaying in the ever-increasing winds. A herd of stampeding great brown and black boars rolled across the grass plains in an attempt to out run the oncoming storm. Thick grey clouds started to parade across the light blue sky, encompassing it in a dark spooky aura.

“This is it,” said Stephen in a heroic disposition, “Finally the moment I have been waiting for, the reason I started this whole quest. To kill Ganondorf.”

A thundering rumble came from the horizon as a large black ominous cloud, which left a large trail of blackened earth and fouled air were ever it went.

“Damn Ganondorf spreading destruction and grief were ever he goes” snorting Stephen as he spat in disgust on a small patch of grass beside him.

The black cloud grew closer and closer, as the wind picked up and started to grow more and more violent. Animals such as ground hogs and even the bugs emerged from the ground to move away from the oncoming evil.

“Bring it on boy” Shouted Stephen as he wrenched his trusty sword from the patch of dark brown dirt beside him. “I am so ready for this,” he added as he slung the gleaming runed and intricately carved shield that has served him well throughout his nearly impossible quest that on several occasions almost taken his life. But it was his right as a descendant of the great knights of Hyrule to uphold the law of the land and to drive out all invaders that would threaten its inhabitants.

The dark cloud stopped only a few feet from Stephen’s position atop the hill, after the dust settled on a dark black horse with a fiery red mane and deep green eyes was a tall man with flaming red hair just like his mount. He was heavily clad in armor with jewels black as night and red as the deep flames of hell encrusted onto his chest plate and his shoulders. He was surrounded by 5 large green skinned goblins all fashioning Viking style helmets with horns protruding from the sides. The larger one of the bunch had the left horn broken off and adorned on his shoulder were monstrous plates with rusty spikes planted on them; two or three human sized skulls were skewered on them like kebabs.

The dark rider dismounted his hellish dread steed and landed to the ground with a thud. The massive steed let out a terrifying whiny that pierced the air like a knife and made Stephen cringe in pain as the demonic sound blasted his ears.

“Step aside weakling” the grim man whispered as he started to make his way towards Stephen. The grass beneath his feet slowly withered and turned to blight. “You will never be able to defeat the might King of the Gerudo’s Ganondorf” he added with a shrill laugh.

“As long as I still stand there is no way you are going to be able to rule Hyrule” Stephen valiantly said as he took up a defensive position ready for Ganondorf’s attack.

“Ha you dare to oppose the great Ganondorf, you tiny insignificant ant. You can do nothing to oppose me” laugh Ganondorf.

With that a streak of pale lightning ran through the air and struck down one of the goblins of his hideous mount. With a snort Ganondorf turned around to see Steven with a bow and arrow in his hand with another arrow in his hands. With a flicker of light he released it with several more and just smirked as three more of the goblins went down only leaving the leader and Ganondorf left. In a fit of rage in seeing his comrades die the head goblin jumped from his piggish mount and draw a large spear from its side. With a might throw he flung it straight towards Stephen, but within a blink of an eye and with a clang of steel an elongated claw plucked the spear from the air. Another claw grabbed a nearby tree and as Stephen flung around it gaining enough speed it was thrown back towards it owner, hitting the goblin in the chest. Seeing his second in charge fall in battle Ganondorf picked up his sword and swung it towards Stephen, Stephen promptly blocked the attack with his shield the force of the blow caused him to fly back a couple of feet.

“Lets make this interesting shall we” snorted Ganondorf, a wreath of flame surrounded the two combatants. “Two go in, and only one of us come out” said Ganondorf with a grim smirk.

“And I am the one coming out” Stephen laughed. He lunged at Ganondorf with his sword, Ganondorf quickly deflected it with a parry and tiny sparks flew from the block and added to the circle of flames.

An epic battle ensued from the two battlers as many blows were traded as each of them was worn down and all their stamina depleted from the energy taking sword fight. But with one quick swing followed by another Stephen had placed Ganondorf on the ground struggling to breathe.

“No this can’t be” gasped Ganondorf, “I am all mighty, all powerful I AM GANONDORF”

“And your all out of luck as well” Stephen gloated as he held his word of Ganondorf ready to deliver the final blow.

“Stephen were going out now,” cried Ganondorf from his place on the ground.

“What?” Stephen enquired.

“I said were going out now Stephen” repeated Ganondorf. Suddenly a break in the clouds streamed a bright white light through the skies illuminating the whole battlefield.

Suddenly everything in the world stopped, nothing was moving at all. “Mum” Stephen cried “Can’t you see I was playing my game and shut the door the light your letting in is ruining the atmosphere”

“Oh sorry dear, Just telling you that we are about to leave soon” Mum replied.

“OK, ok, I get it. Just give us a ring when you get there. I should be fine by myself here” said Stephen

“Ok, also what time are you leaving to go back to uni?”

“Ummmm I think it won’t be for a couple of days, should go meet up with Bowie and that tomorrow, maybe go to the movies or something”

“Ok, just have a good time, talk to you when we get to Gunnedah”

“Yep, got it. Talk to you then Mum. See ya”

Stephen’s mum walked quietly out of the room and down towards the garage where the shining white Holden commodore was sitting. Stephen’s family was going down to Gunnedah as they normally did during the September holidays, but Stephen was staying home since he needed to go back to university soon.

“Ah now that there gone everything is much quieter” said Stephen with a sigh as he went back to his game.

The light outside started to get darker and darker as night crept closer. Stephen turned his head towards the small radio clock on his bedside table.

“Oh crap, 1am I better get to bed otherwise I won’t be able to get up tomorrow” shouted Stephen as he got ready to go to bed.

Putting on his blue pajama pants and leaping into his nice comfy bed. Slept slowly crept up on Stephen before he was completely out.


Next Chapter: 3, 2, 1 ZOMBIES

[firepokemon]

I probably am not in the right frame of mind to be reviewing such a story as am very grumpy so will apologise if I seem harsh. But this requires some major editing and checking theres just way too words where they shouldn't be words which are not properly in their place and words that are missing letters and thus make no sense in the current sentence. I'm not sure if it's a real first chapter or its missing a proper beginning and I question the setting. Is this guy playing a roleplaying video game or fantasy video game, something like that? And I say this not to be rude, but to then find out the guy is a university student just bewilders the mind. If it is a video game, thats fine it just maybe needs to better spelled out.

And I'll quote a bit from the story just to show you where some of the mistakes lie and why it requires a more thorough checking.

The dark cloud stopped only a few feet from Stephen’s position atop the hill, after the dust settled on a dark black horse with a fiery red mane and deep green eyes was a tall man with flaming red hair just like his mount.

- Sentence makes no sense.

“You will never be able to defeat the might King of the Gerudo’s Ganondorf”

- Mighty not might. Also dialogue needs improvement

mount and draw a large spear

and drew

The larger one of the bunch had the left horn broken off and adorned on his shoulder were monstrous plates with rusty spikes planted on them; two or three human sized skulls were skewered on them like kebabs.

Sentence doesn't make sense.

Stephen’s mum walked quietly out of the room and down towards the garage where the shining white Holden commodore was sitting. Stephen’s family was going down to Gunnedah as they normally did during the September holidays, but Stephen was staying home since he needed to go back to university soon.

I don't feel thats necessary.

.......

And I spotted much more than this while reading.

......

But this would be my non-bullshit way of going about doing the rest of this story. My advice just keep what you are doing and keep posting all the chapters, do not worry at this stage about grammatical mistakes; or incorrect punctuation; or spelling errors; or words where they shouldn't be; or the dialogue or anything else etc.

My advice is keep posting the story as you come up with your ideas and then once the story is completed and I mean fully complete the story. Then go through every chapter, every word, every sentence and make sure you they sound right, read them once, twice maybe even three times until they are perfect and post the story again chapter by chapter.

So once you complete the story, start fixing things where they need to be fixed and post the story chapter by chapter again. This may sound exhausting, the fact that you'll have to do the story twice. But I feel it would be the better way to go. So don't stop doing the story. Just realise its going to take time, checking, checking and even more checking, reading it one, two, three or more times but the end result will be a much better story. So take my suggestions on board but worry about completing the story before looking at fixing mistakes.