Fin

[Pichu Luver]

Well I could use another sort of F word up there, but that would be entirely inappropriate outside of Mt. Moon, and I am trying to be, in the slightest of measures, serious here. Even while driving all grammar fiends into frustrated flapping twitches (excuse me while I giggle). If this here message, after I have absent these many months from TPM, has been posted I am no longer among your number. By that I mean I have passed on. Kicked it (though not a bucket, as buckets usually have things in them which spill all over you, lol), had my swan song, bit the dust … I can’t think of any other saying but the final one no one likes to say, died.

Some explanations are in order, and if you prefer not to read the health related, do jump to the *. I apologize for length, but I summarized this as best I could.

Some of you here knew I had cancer. It first appeared, or I first realized I had it in December of 2010. To make a long story short, I ended up in the hospital and after some tests to figure why I had ended up there in the first place, they found I had a tumour coming off my pancreas. Thankfully (if anything can be good about this sort of news) it was a rather rare kind, and not the usually quickly deadly pancreatic cancer, but pancreatic neuroendocrine cancer. It is a slow growing cancer, and affects a different area of the pancreas. One and 100 000 people get it a year. Know how to pick ‘em eh? XD!

I probably had it for years and never knew it as I had very few symptoms (hot flashes sometimes and a weird rash on my leg and those only in the last few months before it was found). The good news, if they got it all out, it was unlikely to come back. I had surgery in January 2011 a Whipple procedure. Basically they took part of my stomach, my duodenum (upper part of small digestive tract), part of my pancreas, my gall bladder, my appendix (I’m sure this was just because they were in there LOL), and part of my right colon as it was unhealthy due to the way the tumour had wrapped around a blood vessel leading to it. The tumour itself was the size of a grapefruit.

The end result of this was I was cancer free for almost a year. I had complications and lost a lot of weight but by March of the next year (2012) I believed I was on the mend and the follow up was just a precaution. Unfortunately it was bad news. It was back, and it was in my liver, possibly my lungs. I had not had chemo due to all the health problems I had after the surgery, and in my cancer, chemo is not very effective. If they catch it early enough, it usually never comes back. Unfortunately due to its size, and how it had entered my bloodstream, it had gone somewhere else. It took them a while to tell me the truth, but unfortunately now they cannot cure it, only delay the inevitable.
*
This is where I sit, as I write this. I am on drugs to try and keep the cancer at bay for as long as possible, but obviously now my life has ended. I’m hopefully this will not reach you all for years, but I write this in early November 2012. I wish to tell you, the members of TPM, what has happened to me. Many a member has disappeared without word or warning and I might as well not be in that number if I can help it.

No, not many of you knew me very well and for most I was probably just another quiet random member. I was very briefly a Mod under the name River. I was very bad at it. I know and I apologize for the horridness. Darkestlight and MLG are infinitely better. I had River because I forgot the email and pass to this account, was embarrassed by a past post and abandoned it. Thankfully Lady Vulpix gave it back to me. Many thanks.

In the interest of thanking, I want to thank all of you. I have been here for over ten years and all your posts and this place has made my life richer. I may not have posted regularly, but I read quite a bit. Though some of you infuriated me at times, or upset me, it was much more often that I laughed, grinned and in generally was quite happy.

Chobichibi, Weasel Overlord I am extremely sorry. I greatly appreciated what you did on June 9th and I have no reasonable excuse for not posting. I was in a bad place then as the drug I was on was causing my blood sugar to crash and I was constantly terrified, and not very happy. I saw it and read what you did and saw the pictures. Thank you SO much. You are also slightly crazy. But you know, always in the best way. ^_~

Thank you both for the great times in FFDD it is the most fun I have EVER had in RPG. This extends to everyone who was a part of that RPG. All your chars, while some may have been brief, made it lots of fun. Crystal Tears, classycat_18, Bulbasaur4, Emotional Faun Chiko-sai, Samchu, Kurosakura, Virtual Play, Mystic_clown, darktyranitar thank you for FFDD. Hilarity ensued there, and it was grand.

I posted in the beginning of my membership in PCG, then FF and finally in RPG. To the two original friends I had, Silver_Ledian and Mastermysterious you were GREAT. You were awesome friends to have in my high school years and should you ever stop back here, thank you immensely, Eamon and David. Ridiculous conversations and typos, I shall always be the Typo Queen. I hope you are, and always shall be, well.

I suppose here is where I should post some sort of grand message. You know because I have a WEALTH of experience in my 25 years… I am being sarcastic XD. Forgive me that one moment of woe to me? Health related sure, I know shit tons now. Basically, health problems suck ASS but they aren’t so bad afterward. It is really ridiculous what you can get used to. I got used to having my intestines leak a small amount of fluid out from above my bellybutton for a whole friggin year. While I never got used to blood sugar crashes, I could be happy between them. That seems to be the point. You can still find amusement and laughter when the worst shit happens. Sometimes even during them. Sarcasm was my friend. Black humour was my friend. Irony was buddy of mine. Humour is generally awesome. In some ways I hope something RIDICULOUS happens at my funeral or whatever it is that my parents and sis do. Cause damn, funny is the way of life.

Yes there are times to be serious; you all know when that should be. Please, please don’t be a glass half empty kind of person. Look at me! Shit can always be worse. Even in my case. As I write this know I’m dying. I knew I was dying since April 2012 and I still think happy thoughts and look forward to things. Appreciate what I have. I could have a really horrible deadly cancer that took me away rapidly, but I had as of right now an extra two years. There is good among the bad, for when I felt good I’ve basically been off on vacation for two years, and have governmental permission to continue it. I can be lazy cause the Feds say so! Who hoo!

When it’s bad, and it has been very bad at times, therapists can really help. Everyone has different limits to what they can handle. By the beginning of 2011 I was barely sleeping and was having panic attacks way too often (those are NOT fun. Mine made me feel like I was having a heart attack. So please don’t be a wise ass around someone in the middle of one). I got help and started sleeping again and was helped out of my depression. If you need help coping with whatever, go find someone. Sometimes it’s a friend’s ear, but maybe you need something more. It is not a weakness to admit you need help. Anyone who says you’re just being weak and too ‘deal with it’ and ‘man up’ is just an asshole and you should never listen to assholes ‘cause all they do is expel shit.

I think someone here said that originally, but I borrowed ‘cause it’s an awesome saying.

I wish you all to find your happiness. Before all this happened I would have been quite happy to work outdoors in a physical labour job my whole life. I was not the most sociable, and I was quite happy that way. Perhaps I am simple minded and overly optimistic, but that was me. Don’t let life beat you down. Yes there are times to cry and rage, but that don’t mean you should say fuck it all to life. People can be ass-hats but they can also have you in stitches with laughter. Laugh at your own ridiculousness people! Trust me; there is humour to be found everywhere and in nearly every situation, even if it’s black humour.

I hope you all live to see some crazy amazing stuff. The next 50+ years looks to be SO COOL. I am seriously jealous to anyone who sees the upcoming AC movie. Who knows? Maybe I can watch it before all of you. Time might be fluid. XD! I’ll leave you to your own beliefs about the other side. Appreciate life people, ‘cause it’s awesome.

Crystal Tears, Sierra, CC. I love you dear ol sis. Try not to bite too many heads off, and to anyone who gets snapped at right now, forgive her eh?
That’s right I eh’d you.



PS: After this, perhaps you should close this account. I suppose banning is the only way to do that, but is there any way to close an account without the banning name? Perhaps… NOT BANNED. ROFL.

tl;dr? XD! Fair enough.

Laughter people!


For all of you who don’t know, my sister asked me to post this for her. I also advised Lady Vulpix that I would be doing this. For those who are unaware, Rio (Pichu Luver) passed away on April 6th. I apologize for posting this so late, but I had problems even reading the file let alone logging into her account and doing this.

Thank you,
CT

[Mew Master]

*sniff* Goodbye River.

[DarkestLight]

I appreciate you having the strength to post this, CT. She is a wonderful person and having the foresight to write this out for us so we don't wonder where she may be is a testament to that-even if it comes with a reminder of the finality of it all. S.I.P.

[Magmar]

(types and backspaces a message about 50 times)

Too many words, will keep it brief instead...... rest in peace Rio

Crystal Tears my condolences for your loss she is deeply missed

[Blademaster]

I'm sorry, Crys.

[Knight of Time]

It's always tough stuff here when we lose a TPMer to the great TPM in the sky, but even moreso when cancer is the culprit.

It was hard enough hearing about the cancer battle Tainted had...but to hear River/Pichu Luver had cancer too, is just so touching and sad at the same time.

Crystal Tears, I'm so sorry for your loss, and I hope you're staying strong these days. Your sister will never be forgotten here.

[Dark-San]

Not another loss. I have two friends that have since remained uncontactable after the Nepal quake and now this. Sorry to hear about this Crystal but stay strong.

[ChobiChibi]

Still making me laugh and cry, even now <3

See you on the farplane someday, Rio. I miss you.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Levätköön Rakas Ystävämme rauhassa.

[classy_cat18]

Goddammit. I had no clue. I just kept one eye open for her return. Sorry for your loss, CT.

[Lady Vulpix]

Still making me laugh and cry, even now <3

See you on the farplane someday, Rio. I miss you.

Same here.

Those were really wise words, thank you for sharing them, Sierra. I'm touched that she took the time to write this for us. I hope she can still have fun and good times where she is now.


Oh, and I'll do something about her account.

[Roy Karrde]

Oh, and I'll do something about her account.

I think a honorary mod would be fitting, it just seems right.

[CaptainJigglypuff]

I can't believe we've lost two members due to cancer in less than two years. Hard to process it.

[Blademaster]

Oh, and I'll do something about her account.

Her name is yellow now. What'd you do?

[Knight of Time]

Her name is yellow now. What'd you do?

Did you check the Forum Leaders page, Blademaster?

She reinstated Pichu Lover's account as a memorial account (just as a way to remember Pichu Lover)...I guess it's fitting to have an "In Memory" section there now, even though it is on the bittersweet side.

[Gavin Luper]

This was very upsetting to read, but also an uplifting and inspiring message to those of us still here. Rest in peace, Rio/Pichu Luver.

Condolences to you, CT.

Gabi, really like what you did with the yellow memorial counts. Very fitting.

[Magmar]

Did you check the Forum Leaders page, Blademaster?

I've never heard of said page tbh

so i found it

Very apropos way to memorialize those we have lost Gabi thank you

[RedStarWarrior]

This sucks. I finally remember my password and login to see this.

[Ultimate Charizard]

I havent been here in a long time but im glad i saw this.

It never fair but when its someone so young...

Safe journey River.