The August Writing Contest

[Gavin Luper]

Hola fanficcers!

Welcome to the August Writing Contest!

As part of the greater Fanfic Forum Revival, we're bringing back the writing contests that give you a chance to hone your skills and show off to the rest of the forum!

This month's challenge is:

Write a poem, script, stream-of-consciousness or short story of no more than 1000 words that involves characters or settings related to either one, or several, of the "Seven Deadly Sins": wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony.

Today is August 4th, so the submissions are due to be posted by no later than midnight, August 25th, American Western Standard Time!

How to enter:

Simply post your submission in a new thread in the main Fanfic Forum, and note in the thread title that it is an August contest entry.

Other readers may read your fic and offer comments, praise and constructive criticism; you will be allowed to edit your entry based on this feedback and change it as much as you wish until the deadline arrives and your piece is taken for judging in its final posted form - so make sure the final edit is the one you wish to submit!

How the contest will be judged:

Two moderators will both assess the entries and rate them separately. The entry with the highest combined score will be declared the winner!

We are simply looking for something that is engaging, works overall, and ties in to the theme of the contest in a creative and interesting way.

What the winner will receive:

- A commemorative plaque to be placed in their sig
- Their victory announced via News Article on TPM's main site
- An exclusive interview in the next edition of the E-zine
- One or two other exciting things that we aren't ready to reveal yet
- Eternal glory and bragging rights!

Please register your interest in participating by posting in this thread. Any other comments can likewise be posted here.

So, without further ago, I declare the Fanfiction Forum's August Writing Contest open!

[mattbcl]

It just occurred to me I should announce my interest here too. Whoops! Backwards Matt for the fail. It's already up...

[Gavin Luper]

Wow, that was fast. Well done dude!

[ChobiChibi]

I've got an idea kicking around, so will give this a go

[Gavin Luper]

Gnarly!

I almost wish I wasn't running this so I could enter it lol.

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

I'm in.

[Gavin Luper]

Woot! That makes three so far!

[Crystal Tears]

I'll try, why not? o:

[Pichu Luver]

*Expresses interest* Two different ideas, dunno which to go with yet.

[Gavin Luper]

Woot, awesome stuff CT and Pichu Luver.

And then there were five ...

[Shadow Wolf]

Well, a light bulb went on, so I'll see if it glows brighter.

[Gavin Luper]

Six - woot.

And your thread is up, Louis - I'm assuming the bulb got brighter?

[Shadow Wolf]

Gavin: Yep! It managed to glow.

[Gavin Luper]

How are we going with our contest entries, peeps?

[mattbcl]

I'm happy with my entry, I think I've got my finished product up.

[Gavin Luper]

Nice work mate. I have to say, you're pretty damn prolific!

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

I corrected all the mistakes I noticed already on the same night I posted my entry. I'm unusually proud of myself at FanFic.

[Gavin Luper]

I corrected all the mistakes I noticed already on the same night I posted my entry. I'm unusually proud of myself at FanFic.

Nice work!

[Gavin Luper]

Good work to all the entrants! The August Writing Contest is now closed and is currently being judged! Results will be posted shortly!

[Gavin Luper]

Just an update on this - both mr_pikachu and I have been snowed under lately but we will be collaborating on the judging and releasing our results and feedback soon, so stay tuned!

[Gavin Luper]

Hi everyone,

The judging of all four entries by both judges has now been completed. Thank you all for being so patient with us.

Brian and I will collate our judgments and post them up as soon as we can.

Stay tuned.

Cheers,

Gavin.

[Gavin Luper]

Hullo fanficcers,

Mr_pikachu and I have finally posted the results of our judging in each of the entry threads; you can read our full reviews there if you wish!

The results are summarised below:

In fourth place, with an average score of 65.5% ... Seven Deadly Sims, by Mikachu Yukitatsu!

In third place, with an average score of 73.5% ... Maula Noa's Peak, by Shadow Wolf!

In second place, with an average score of 80.5% ... Pride Unbound, by Crystal Tears!

Which means, the winner of the Fanfic Forum August Writing Contest, in first place, with an average score of 81%, is First Blood, by Mattbcl!

Congratulations, Matt, on your victory! Your piece was a very strong entry and a pleasure to read - well done!

As the winner of the contest, you have won the following:

- A commemorative plaque to be placed in your sig
- Your victory announced via News Article on TPM's main site
- An exclusive interview in the next edition of the E-zine
- One or two other exciting things that we (still) aren't ready to reveal yet ... stay tuned, we will contact you about this shortly!
- Eternal glory and bragging rights!

Congratulations also to Mikachu Yukitatsu, Shadow Wolf and Crystal Tears on your excellent reviews, especially to Crystal Tears who was extremely close to taking out the prize but fell short by just one point!

Thank you all for taking part - we hope to see you all at the next event!

Cheers!

[Shadow Wolf]

I was discussing this with CT a few weeks ago... lol

Well Matt, congratulations. Your piece was indeed strong.

[Gavin Luper]

Review of “Maula Noa’s Peak”

Plot (15/20 points): I read this initially as a volcanic explosion as a metaphor for lust and the fulfilment of that desire. I might be wrong, but certainly I feel I’m on track with the “lust” idea, for this is an extremely lascivious poem. It speaks to me of a kind of addiction to love or to sex, or rather, to the object – the lover. Maybe some co-dependence? In any case, the catastrophic direction in which the narrative moves deals with the deadly sin of lust quite well, given the parameters of a poem. The “succumbing” to passion and “becoming” a slave are powerful terms that bring the poem crashing to its finale, and it’s a successful finale at that: something beautiful has morphed into something tyrannical and evil.

Plot Originality (7/10 points): The downside of this plot – as rich as it is – is that it has been dealt with in abundance before. Not your fault, of course. I think it’s an original enough approach, though, this poem: it doesn’t feel stale.

Writing Style (15/20 points): The style of this seemed to reflect the subject matter: it began kind of innocently enough, and then as the lust itself reared its ugly head and was revealed to be something more sinister, the language changed and became more sinister and dark itself. I thought this was done to good effect. I loved the line “bitter thirst for honey lips”. The questioning tactic worked well, too; it creates an uncertain and unstable atmosphere – you aren’t simply delineating facts, you’re demanding something from a third party, and that becomes tense in itself. The repetition of the first and last stanzas was effective too, in their contrast: an innocent habit had become complete slavery. I liked that technique.

Spelling and Grammar (8/10 points): There were no real issues with the grammar, save for the inconsistency with the punctuation at the end of each line. I usually don’t mind that kind of inconsistency in a poem but it would have to be making a particular point, which it doesn’t here, it just looks like it wasn’t tidied up properly. But aside from that issue, everything else was very good.

Characters (10/15 points): I struggle to assess this kind of poem on this category; it doesn’t seem right because it doesn’t need a character in order to succeed in what it is trying to do. I guess if we consider the speaker as the protagonist, we come to know facets of the character’s personality and enslavement through the questions and chants in the poem. And personally, I think you made a good choice in not having a named character who goes through these trials: the ethereal uncertainty of this poem is what makes it work. Were it clear and specific with a named main character, it would lose a lot of its power. But again, this template was not really designed for poetry, so it seems inaccurate to place too much importance on this.

Settings (10/15 points): As with the Character category above, it’s difficult to apply this to a poem if that poem is not focusing on any kind of specific setting or place imagery. You didn’t introduce any physical setting and that works, because the poem is kind of metaphysical, so I’m content that this was done satisfactorily.

Overall Appreciation (7/10 points): The poem flowed really well and meshed together nicely. The shift in tone happened suddenly but not so suddenly that it jarred: it moved toward what felt like a natural destination and didn’t feel forced or overblown, but well-crafted and restrained. The one thing that didn’t fit completely for me was the title – I still cannot grasp what Maula Noa’s peak relates to! Can you illuminate this for me?

Final Result: 72/100 = 72%

Closing Comments: This was a strong poem. Having already read some of your poetry, I know what you are capable of and this is actually an improvement on some of the poems published in your earlier cycle. You’ve lost some of the naivete that permeated those pieces and the language used here was more ethereal and poetic, which really matched the subject matter of the lustfulness. I thought it was a well-crafted poem and very engaging. The main thing to work on would be the punctuation issues. Aside from that, it works as a poem. To create something that would truly astound and resonate, I would keep going down the path you are going on, keep working on the writing style and keep searching for those powerful images and words – they will add to your palette and make you a stronger poet. Congratulations, this was a really great piece.

[Shadow Wolf]

Thanks Gavin! Thanks Brian!

OK, let me explain the piece...

At the beginning, I wanted to let the reader know that there was a routine to what was coming. (a year ago, again each day...)

A routine about what? Something that might be considered a taboo and a wish at the same time (forbidden freedom and heaven's gate).

Now, which topic is considered like this(a taboo and a wish at the same time)? something that involves two persons (a date can describe two persons).

But what happens when that other is a "demon"? Then whoever (or whatever) it is, it definitely means that he/she/it will do something terrible but curious, and maybe exciting.

The third stanza focuses on the topic: lust. From soft lust (bitter taste for honey lips, soothing skin) to traditions (endless lore) to more "extreme ones" (waving hips), it leaves the person wanting more (one more grin: To smile broadly, often baring the teeth, as in amusement, glee, embarrassment, or other strong emotion.)

The last stanza was a closing line, placing the emphasis on how someone becomes a slave of his/her own carnal wishes.

Finally, the title: To be honest, I was also a bit unsatisfied with the title, since it was maybe "too original and nerdy". You see, Maula Noa is the biggest Volcano in the world. Now imagine yourself at the peak... Now, this might sound a bit strong: What happens when you reach "the climax"? Yep, similar to a volcano.

Brian and Gavin: I see... I had a hunch that something like that might happen, but I was a bit naive on thinking that it would not have been obvious. I wanted to make this poem a bit longer (to prevent such a drastic dichotomy and to give an even more detailed explanation of every part). However, I became afraid of the piece losing its essence while editing it, so I just didn't do anything.

As for punctuation: Ugh, I have problems with this when writing poems. I usually ask myself: what should I do? should I place a dot at the end of each verse, or at the end of each stanza? But what about the commas? But shouldn't the dots close a sentence, and in a way, the whole idea?.....

Combined with the "auto-correct" option of Microsoft Word... I have a hard time choosing the position of dots, commas and other punctuation marks...

Thanks for the tips! I have to consider editing this poem if I want it to have more effectiveness, but I'm glad that it worked well (a 75% and 72% are average, right?)

Finally, I really need some grammar lessons... hmm, should I take tutorials with the grammar nazi to become a writing nazi? *ponders*

[mr_pikachu]

The third stanza focuses on the topic: lust. From soft lust (bitter taste for honey lips, soothing skin) to traditions (endless lore) to more "extreme ones" (waving hips), it leaves the person wanting more (one more grin: To smile broadly, often baring the teeth, as in amusement, glee, embarrassment, or other strong emotion.)

Huh. I actually misunderstood some of the tone here. In particular, after reading lines 9-11 I had guessed a very different meaning for the "honey lips."

Yeah... you can figure out that one for yourself.

I will say, too, that Word's auto-correct feature is terrible. If you know what you're doing with grammar, the feature will create mistakes more often than it will fix them. Sometimes I completely turn off auto-correct, while other times I just check very carefully for changes in the text.

In any case, I enjoyed reading and reviewing this, Louis. Thanks for your writing contest entry, and for your contribution to the boards.

[mattbcl]

Rockin'. Thanks Gavin and Brian (and everyone else who read it)! Glad you enjoyed it!

[Crystal Tears]

Half a point. I lost by half a frikkin’ point. XD

Good job all, and congrats to Matt for winning, obviously. :3

[Gavin Luper]

Half a point. I lost by half a frikkin’ point. XD

I know! I felt so bad with the scores so close haha. It was still a great piece, though! Commiserations!

[Mikachu Yukitatsu]

Congratulations everyone who were better than me... eh, hey, but I was the last one. No big deal, you people did it better. Also, it's great that mattbcl, a newcomer to TPM got the first prize!

As for myself, I made a story based on the only videogame I hate - The Sims! That's a personal accomplisment!