Harry Potter and Snape’s Moving Relationship

[Houndoom_Lover]

Harry Potter and Snape’s Moving Relationship

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not owned by me but if it was I would be filthy stinking rich and would not be here talking about how it was not owned by me.

Author Note: I read a fanfiction. I saw hell. So I wrote one while a friend of mine wrote as I spoke it off the top of my head. I'm going for an, I dunno, daily update of fanfictions I already wrote on TPM until I get a second wind to start writing again....


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The class bell rang. Harry, Ron, and Hermione, best friends forever, entered into the classroom of the potions master Severus Snape. They were late. Luckily, Snape was not in the room. The class was in turmoil doing class like things of a turmoil nature.

The trio found a table in the front of the room, for it was unfortunately the only one left.

The dark, dingy, and dank dungeon reeked with the familiar smells of Snape and potions. It was then that Snape appeared with his greasy hair as a curtain around his sallow face, like a very ugly lamp.

Suddenly, he exclaimed, “BZIIIIIIIIGNAAAAAAAAAWWWWW!!” and raced towards his class with such speed that was unheard of.

“Oh no!” Exclaimed Hermione standing up from her chair, “He’s clearly a cannibalistic robot replica of Snape!”

And because Hermione is always right, the robot replica of Snape grabbed Harry from his chair with super human strength and with firm iron grip, lifted Harry to his mouth like he was a chalice of virginity and took a loving, longing bite into Harry’s curvaceous side.

The class screamed in panic and raced to the door, leaving Ron and Hermione to clean up the Harry gore, as Snape ran into the wall several times.

“Oh no! What are we going to do Hermione? I’m scared!” Ron said in a frightened tone. “If I wasn’t so hungry I would help you out!” It was then when Ron spontaneously combusted, leaving a pile of red ash on Hermione's shoes.

“I alone,” shouted Hermione to the ceiling of the dungeon, “with the wit of a Ravenclaw and the bravery of a Gryffindor shall repair Severus Snape 2000.”

And with a many twinkle, twirl, and twist of a screwdriver and wand in awkward places, Severus Snape 2000 was repaired and fully operational to teach Potions class and make love to newcomers at Hogwarts.

“I have done it!” Chortled Hermione, gathering the Ron ashes and sticking them down her shirt, “for now, there are no students left to know that I, Hermione Granger, the reincarnation of Vishnu, have replaced all the Hogwarts teachers with cannibalistic robots. And now that Harry is out of the way, I can go on to make sweet love to my dear Voldemort!”

The bell rang, and Neville Longbottom stuck his head in the door; “Hermione! Hermione!”

Hermione found herself awaken in a bed listening to her mom call her name. That indeed was the best dream ever.

[Kuro Espeon]

LOLOLOLOL, WHAT THE---??
That story was crack... hilarious... but crack. XDD Reminds of some of the messed up Harry Potter stories a friend and I used to make up off the top of our heads for the hell of it. We were high on sugar at the time...

[Houndoom_Lover]

:3 And the story continues to bring smiles to all~ I remember speaking this like it was yesterday...so long ago.

We read so many Harry Potter fanfiction all those summers go, and we just had to whip up a spoof like that. They're so much fun! ^_^

Thanks for the review!

[Cadmus]

Hahaha! That was great!

[Shuppet Master]

Yeah, I sort of expected a Harry Potter fanfic to show up here ever since the Half-Blood Prince came out in theatres. I'm not a big fan of Harry/Snape relationship fics due to the wrongness of it(Harry is 16, Snape was in the late twenties, I think), but whatever floats your boat.

(And yes, I shouldn't have bothered if I didn't like it, but I had to state my two cents.)

[Kuro Espeon]

Yeah, I sort of expected a Harry Potter fanfic to show up here ever since the Half-Blood Prince came out in theatres. I'm not a big fan of Harry/Snape relationship fics due to the wrongness of it(Harry is 16, Snape was in the late twenties, I think), but whatever floats your boat.

(And yes, I shouldn't have bothered if I didn't like it, but I had to state my two cents.)

Um, if you actually READ the fic, you'd notice that there wasn't actually a relationship in it, it was just a parody.

[Gavin Luper]

You are clearly on crack, my friend.

Hehehe. This was hyperactive, Wed, but it brought a smile to my face. Gotta love Harry Potter stuff, especially when infused with utter randomness.

Good on ya for posting this, you crazy cat.

[Houndoom_Lover]

Cadmus: Did I ever tell you I like the way your username sounds? I do- Thanks alot ^_^

Shuppet Master: I wrote this waaay before the Half-Blood Prince became a horrible movie, but yeah. I don't jiv the Harry/Snape either

Kuro Espeon: *whispers* We can't prove that- and thanks for noticing its pardoy. I don't normally dip into that area of writting conscience-ly.

Gavin Luper: Meeeow =^w^= Gotta love a crackfic, thanks alot- I like posting stuff, even though I'm hesistant sometimes. But scoring a smile (or a tear) is a reason we do what we do- Thanks alot for the reply (And yeah! This joint needs more Harry Potter stuff!)


So many replies and reviews in one day. I'm all a twitter ^w^Thanks buntches everyone!

[PancaKe]

I was a little bit sceptical of the title of the story. And then as I read, I couldn't help but smile. Random, yes. Bizzare, yes. But all the right combinations! Ahhhhh

I enjoyed this so much.

[Houndoom_Lover]

The title is meant to confuse and disturb :3

Yay! I gots smiles! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

^w^ I'm like a master cheif of crackfic...The Iron Chef! A-le Quizine!

Or something like that ^w^ Thanks for the review!

[mistysakura]

This definitely cracked me up. So random! I especially like Ron's spontaneous combustion. Snape being a vampire and making love to the new students was great, too, because there are so many weird Snape fics around. And the "it was all a dream"... such great parody material. Although it would have been awesome for it not to have been a dream, because "it was all a dream" seems to bring everything down to normal reality.

[Houndoom_Lover]

Haha, thanks- Maybe we should have left it as that. I remember saying those words, so long ago on the wrickey chair, while my friend snort-giggled with joy :3 I'm so glad you enjoyed it that much- after that night, everything seem to fit in ~giggles~

Seriously though, I was always a fan of Snape having a vampire connection. I was kinda bummed when he turned out not to be one. It seems so plossible in the third book...

Glad you enjoyed it ^w^ And thanks for the review