The Ringwood Hero Festival

[Charles Legend]

Right you guys I don't mind criticism as long as its constructive criticism since I am far more willing to work out a compromise if I know what both positive and negative comments about my stories which is to say I like it when I get feed back with valid and well-reasoned opinions, in a friendly manner rather than an oppositional one.

Now I realize that I have been both unfair and have had a bit of a rude attitude, I think part of the reason why is I felt like you guys consider every one of my ideas to be insane. However I will try my hardest to curb my narrative attitude.

anyways here is the first chapter.

Chapter One: valentine's Day

A young very pretty girl named Clair Joyce Legend as she sat on a bench as She brushed her pretty long pink hair, she had her pet Eevee and Swablu out next to her.

She sighed and looked at a her Father’s Farfetch’d who was laughing his head off at a comic book he was reading called “The Misadventures of the Rubber Ducky!”

“Leeks do you think Charles likes me?” Clair asked the duck...

Leeks set aside his comic book and looked at her “Clair I think he dose but he might have been embarrassed by the valentines card and gift you gave him. I mean it is true that your father has a Lopunny, I have battled along side her a number of times but the thing is Clair most the male population has a fear of the feminine, for example there are people think that a boy or man who likes pink and the same kinds of things you girls do are gay.

Your uncle is a good example of that, since he gave your farther a hard time, especially that time your mother made your father wear a very fancy pink dress so he could challenge the Celadon Gym after he got kicked out for being an idiot boy.

Your uncle Ryan made fun of him every time they meet and had a battle after that including in there battle to brake the tie to become the mayor.” Leeks explained and put one of his wings on her arm “Clair I know you have a major crush on Charles, but I think it would be best if you slowed down and got to know him better, I know why don’t you invite him over to dinner they say the key to a mans heart is threw his Stomach!”

“Yeah I guess your right Leeks, I just felt sorry for Charles have the other boys at school pick on him do to him having a small and almost girl like body, that and he is very smart, and I think he is very kind and gentle, unlike that jerk face Ricky.” Clair said soft and gently as she scratched her Eevee behind the ear, who purred loudly.

Just then a young hooked nosed boy with black greasy hair carrying a gaiter walked pass and herd the last words she had said “So I am a jerk, am I Clair?” The boy snarled. “Well in that case why don't you battle me with that pathetic Eevve of yours,if I win you dump my idiotic uncle of mine and become my girlfriend, Go The Destroyer!” Rick snarled and called out his rather large and ugly Carnivine “Sleep Powder!”

however Ricky failed to notes that Rook his uncle's Houndour was laying at Clair's feet, rookie looked at the ugly flytrap and snarled before releasing a wide spread stream of fire which burn up the blue powder.

“Ricky you have some nerve talking to Clair like that" Charles said with his back turned on Ricky he was sitting on the grass behind the bench Clair was sitting on, he was currently fishing in a small lake known as the Memorial Lake, It was give the name do to the fact that in its center is a small island with the state of the towns legendary hero St.Charles, Everyone in Ringwood calls him Charles Legend as a nickname since he Aspires to be come a legendary hero just like the legendary hero.

"Am I suppose you thunk your far more superior to me just because your Prof Cucumber's son?" Ricky snarled. "Destroyer use Vine Whip!"

"Nope all I want from you is to apologize for killing my lab rat! Charles snarled as he casted out his line. "Rookie counter with Fire Spin!"

The Destroyer aimed one of its vines at Rookie and whacked him in the face, Rookie growled and shot a spinning vortex of fire from his mouth singing the ugly flytrap.

"Your pathetic rat was better off being sent to the big cheese ball in the sky then helping you win the hero festal" Ricky taunted. "Destroyer use Bug Bite!"

However the ugly flytrap bit down on rick's head instead.

"Rookie finish them off with Take Down." Charles said ignored that fact he had a bite on his fishing pole.

“HOUNDOUR!” Rookie barked in acknowledgement then as he backed up then rushed at Ricky who screened as he was knocked to the ground by a devastating tackle.

“Ricky your a jerk and always well be, Leeks send him away please.” Clair said coldly turned her nose up unto the air and closing her eyes.

“Gladly Clair.” Leeks said “Final Leek!” he yelled as he jumped high in the air and did a corkscrew dive at Ricky and The Destroyer, and smashed his leek in to them, and they both fell to the ground with swirls in their eyes...

“Oh crap the Poliwag got away!" Charles shouted so loudly he startled Luna his Buneary so much that she fell into the water, he sighed as his bunny hopped out of the water and shook off, he could not help but chuckle at the fact her fur puffed out, then he looked at Leeks after putting his Old Rod away and picking up Luna. "Good work Rookie, Leeks I see that Mayor Ryu has trained you well."

“Why thank you Charles but all it was a Fury Attack.” Leeks said as he picked up his comic and rolled it around his leek which absorbed it. "Yeah even so Porkchop who is of course Principal Ryan's Emboar, was a pain in the butt to defeat."

"Oh I'm sorry Clair, I forgot thank you for the valentines card you gave me earlier today, I thought it was very kind and sweet of you, as well as for my cute and cuddly Luna here," Charles said nuzzling his Buneary, as he walked over to Clair and Leeks."While it is true that Ricky did make fun of me when I showed him them, I think he was more or less jealous of the fact that you like me seeing that your the mayor's daughter.”

“Thank you Charles, Rookie is just as brave and faithful as his father Darkest Knight my dad’s Houndoom, Ricky is just a horny little pervert, I'm sorry he made you fail to catch that Poliwag, and you do know my father got lucky do the fact he injected mutated Mew DNA into Leeks when he was still an egg.” Clair said as she gave Charles a hug. “I know why don't you come over for dinner?”

"Clair I would like that, but fist would you mind hold Luna for me for just a moment? Charles asked as he handed her his wet bunny, then he marched over to Ricky and used Wake-up Slap on his face. "Tomorrow you and I are going fishing down at Duck Lake you jerk face!" he snarled.

"Fine whatever." Ricky said recalling his Carnivine and then threw into a nearby trash can and gave Charles "the finger" before walking off.

Charles sighed as he grabbed The Destroyer's Pokéball and washed it off before pocketing it. then looked at his watch 3:00 PM "oh crap your farther will be home soon!"

They quickly walked away from Ringwood Park, and walked north east to the very creepy looking Forbidden Graveyard with dead rotting trees and broken and worn out tombstones.

“Man Clair I can't believe how many people thought this place was forbidden.” Charles said as he saw a bunch of ghost Pokémon along with a few Cubone, Vulpix and Murkrow, along with several rotten jack-o-lanterns, who eyes seemed to be following them.

“Yeah we know its not forbidden, it just called it because all the Ghost Pokémon that live here, in truth some ghost I think are rather cute such as Misdreavus, Shuppet and Drifloon, but I can understand why some people think that way, legend has it that there was this psychopathic mass murder called Jack the Creeper anyways it is said he just disappeared, some claim that he was not even a human but a Pokémon who was owned by a crime boss, some even claim that it evolved from these rotten jack-o-lanterns” Clair explained pointing at one.

They soon however turned north and passed an old mansion that had a sign next to it the only thing Charles could make out threw the thick fog were the words Hero’s Mansion, they kept heading north past the Sakura Orchards, they came to a very foggy clearing, Just then he saw fogy Images of Dragon Pokémon flying around and hearing their roars. “Ah yes your have pet dragons welcoming you!” Charles said has he was again holding his bunny as she was quivering with fear at the roars of all the dragons.

“Yeah I know, both my father and my uncle are from Blackthorn so my dad decided to uses our property as a dragon holy land."Clair said rolling her eyes.

"Yeah he told me how he saved the life of his Dragonite when it just hatched into a Dratini who was an albino runt." Charles said.

"Yeah Myth is after all one of my fathers most power pokémon, clearly the same can't be said about uncle Ryan whose useless Golem.encased him in cement by his during
exhibition match last week my father.

"Yeah our Principle is quite funny, I know lets get the football players to stuff him into the schools Mascot during graduation.

"He is our Principal, not our Principle." Clair glared daggers at Charles "But I agree with the plan. she grinned.

"Yeah let's super glue it and make him sing the schools song." Leeks joked.

"How about this we don't actually glue it, we only tell him we did but I agree with him singing our schools song." Charles said as they reached the front door of Clair's house and a Mew floated up to them them.

“Oh hello, Rose have you bugged Blackthorn today looking up and seeing Mayor Ryu's Rayquaza, also have been bugging Game Freak reticently to give you more moves to play around with?” Charles asked said as they reached the living room pulling out their homework from their backpacks.

<"Yes I won the race around the world, Blackthorn is angry at me because I used Telaport, and no they are too busy with the sixth generation, but they quickly kicked me out of Glitch City thus preventing me from spoiling every thing. however the truth is Ryu has known about these so called new Pokémon since he took Joyce to Paris for their Honeymoon as well as the rest of France."> Rose said telepathically.

"Ah I see Rose to bad Professor Oak still rejects many of the Pokémon that are found here in the Sacred Islands, thus rejects my father's and my research."Charles said.

“Charles your a nerd, anyways let's check the news!” Clair said as they got started on the essay on the war of 1812.

“Hello all those watching at home a week from today marks the fist day of the anneal Hero Festival held here in Ringwood Town, those seeking to enter this year’s festival can sign up at the mayor’s office on the 26th floor.” A reporter said on the news cast.

Charles was on the edge of his seat one of the reasons for why hhe has been entering the Hero Festival since he fist became a official Pokémon trainer was to prove that even with disabilities he still dreams of becoming a Pokémon Professor.

Just then mayor Ryu walked into the room and sat down on his chair.

“What a day, we just finished finalizing the guide book for this years arenas.” Mayor Ryu said. “Clair would you be a dear and get me a drink please?” he asked his daughter.

“Sure thing father.” Clair said to her father with admiration and respect then walked elegantly out of the room, Charles then realized Ryu was looking strait at him with a stern look on his face then agine having white hair, and mustache, and beard as well as being in a suit made him look intimidating.

Luna was quivering with fear again and tying her best to hide from the powerful trainer siting in a lazy boy recliner.

“So Charles I see Clair gave you a Buneary, next thing you know she will want to make to try on one of her fancy pink dresses, regardless I say your skills as a trainer have greatly improved, from what I saw earlier while in the park over seeing some last minute preparations for this years hero festival.” Mayor Ryu said.

“Well yes she did after I admitted to her that unlike most guys I do like cute pokémon like Buneary, and well she has made me try on a fancy pink dress a few times actally mostly during Halloween.' Charles said nervously. "But thank you Ryu, I just hope it well pay off for this year's festival."

“I see, well the thing is it was no accident you ended up setting by her that day in the cafeteria, for you see I tough
my daughter to have unwavering kindness and respect, and as you know I been teaching you to have unwavering courage and loyalties to your friends, as well as how to control your temper, despite what ever hardships you may face.” Mayor Ryu explained.

“I see know ever is still hard, especially when I am facing my nephew Ricky who is my greatest rival.” Charles sighed.

“I know the felling Charles my own brother Ryan who is your Principal, was one tough opponent to beat back when we were younger it was not until after are more quotable activities within Team Rocket did we form a sort of respect for each other.” Mayor Ryu explained.

Just then Clair walked carrying a tray off food and three special drinks.

“Err thank you Clair I was not expecting you to bring me a dink, but thank you.” Charles said bowing his head and tried to hid the fact he was blushing, then he glared daggers at Leeks and hissed “You just had to tell her that did you?”

“Well it’s the truth is it?” Leeks asked.

“Yeah whatever Leeks, Ryu I thought most of the arenas for the festival were already established?” Charles asked .

“Well as you know the entirety of Tortuga Island is officially falls with in the political boundaries of Ringwood Town however not much of the land has been explored, and as such the areas that are used for the Hero Festival are expanded on each year.” Mayor Ryu said.

“Well I best be off to the kitchen to help my mom prepare dinner, Clair said and left the living room Rose followed her out.

Mayor Ryu got up and walked over to the mantle on which was an aquarium With a Gorebyss along a Huntail a Clamperl were a dozen pictures of Clair on it as well, Charles got up and walked over to him they both looked at the pictures of Clair, Charles was in some of them along with her.

“Charles I want to thank you for helping Leeks keep an eye on Clair for me, so to show you my thanks, I want you to have this Charmander.” Mayor Ryu said handing him a Pokéball “That Charmander is the son of my most powerful Charizard named Rizadon, I expect you to do well in the Hero Festival next week.”

“Thank you so much Ryu I won’t let you down sir.” Charles said and gave his mentor a bow of respect.

“All that I ask of you is that you and Clair be partners as such I’m also entrusting Leeks to be your guide.” Mayor Ryu said just then his stomach rumbled and so did Charles’s stomach .

“So Ryu what t are some of the new locations?” Charles asked the mayor They headed him to the dinning room.

“Oh thanks for reminding me please hand me your Pokédex. ” Ryu said “Now normally you would have to wait like all the others but in Clair and your case I’ll bend the rules a bit and atomically register you both since as the mayor and I’m the one calling the shots I have the final say in who gets in. the festival.”

“But sir is not playing favorites?” Charles asked handing back the Pokédex.

“Not really all I’m doing is updating the map app on your Pokédex.” Mayor Ryu said “But swing by my office anyways.

Later that night after Charles left Clair's house...

Charles was in his greenhouse with the rest of his Pokémon they were gathered around the gave of his Ratacate who died last year, it was the fist Pokémon he ever caught using his starter…

“Well Splinter the festival is here finally, It’s a shame you could not be here to enjoy the battles a long with the rest of us, You and I had many grate adventures together and had met many grate friends along the way.” Charles said shedding a single tear and placed a sunflower on Splinter’s grave then he then looked at his Pokémon that he kept here in the green house most of them were just his extra pokémon he mostly caught as pets.

He looked at his Riolu “Sirius together we will defeat Smartguy and avenge Splinter. My nephew will pay for what he did!” Charles snarled then walked into his bedroom and got to work on translating ancient scrolls that tell of The Sacred Islands creation story and typed it out on his laptop computer, his side table was littered with various ancient scrolls and text all written an almost dead language called Atlanten, However Charles knew how to translate it.

Long ago there were two grate serpents called Yin and Yang they represented the harmony between light and shadow in the universe, they were said to be close to the grand architect, however there was a third dragon who at called the morning star and represented the beauty of all of creation however the dragon refused to bow down to man telling the creator since he was made of fire that he is higher then humans and that he should be god.

The morning star along with it’s followers were cast out of heaven and thrown on to the earth, the dragons of light and shadow while victorious were wounded along with the body of the morning star, their bodies fell in to the sea the creator turned their bodies into a large content.

The grand architect created nine artifacts be before turned their original bodies into the content the creator took the eyes out of each dragon and turned them to stone they became known as the light stone the dark stone and the god stone and as a percussion sealed away their true powers in to the staff of legends, the creator hid one set of stones in the Unova region and the staff of Legends in Jotho.

It is said that the staff of legends was touched by the chosen ones, and that they would accidentally unleash the souls of the three great dragons, Mayor Ryu and his brother Ryan were chosen to be the twin heroes of legend to battle their nemesis a crime boss named Skullfire who is merely a pawn to the dragon of sin.

Hoverer after he was defeated at the hands of Ryu and Ryan, Skullfire fled Jotho after he got truly possessed by Sindra, Ryu and Ryan spent several years tracking him down, they later found out that he resurfaced in the far off land called Atlantis…

During the final battle between Ryu, Ryan and Skullfire they restored the bodies of the three grate dragons however the content of Atlantis sank or at lest it did in part, for the once great content of Atlantis was transformed into an archipelago of 83 Islands. This is how the Sacred Islands came to be formed.

Legends also speak of a giant bird who has a green body and a red breast, a helmet-like orange crest and a yellow beak that is which is partly covered by green filamentous feathers. who is known in the sacred text as the creator deity of the Sacred Islands, humans of the Sacred Islands named this deity Cherfowl do to the fact its said to be the bringer of ever lasting peace and happiness to the world…

The sacred texts also speak of a giant Raven is the chaos bringer and the lord of the underworld called Misraven do to the fact he said to being misery to any human that lays eyes on him.

The sacred texts also speak of Cherfowl sealing away Misraven in the core of Raven’s Island with the power of the Scared Emeralds whose power made the whole Scared Archipelago of twenty-six Islands, it is also said that each Island are the source of the elemental types found in this world…

The legend also states that Cherfowl raised the Islands in to the sky however it did not forget about the Humans and Pokémon that made these Islands their home, and enchanted the Islands so that all the natural resources would be renewed for all of time.

Ever since that time new Species of Pokémon have been discovered however the so called world’s number one authority on Pokémon Prof Oak, doesn’t recognize them as being worthy enough to be added to the National Pokédex, thus rejects the research my father and myself have done thus far.

Edit: Just cleared up some stuff and hopefully made it less confusing for you guys.

~Charles Legend

[Crystal Tears]

Alright, I’m going to ask that you please don’t take offense to what I have to say about your story. I’m not trying to be rude, offensive or hurt your feelings. Please realize that the only way to improve is to take criticism. The world is full of it, and there’s no way to escape it.

First: your general attitude of telling potential readers and reviewers to ‘back off’ isn’t wise. Opening up with hostility when absolutely nothing has been said will ward away people who could’ve potentially helped you.

I don’t know if you’re holding a grudge against certain people – but you shouldn’t let that paint a red hue over everyone.

Second: when you say “On a related please note if I had used the wrong word and had Charles be the one to ether say it or write it down please treat it as if I am implying that he has a Language-based learning disability, because clearly I been trying to establish that he is my likeness with every single flaw that I have including his heath issues among others.. -_-...”

In my opinion, that’s a poor attempt at an excuse to not having to check your spelling and grammar. For the most part, that can excuse when your character Charles speaks, because that is entirely up to you how he converses with other people – but when it comes to the rest of the story, the body of it and description – that won’t do.

My best friend has a learning disability: spelling and grammar are hard for her. However, she overcame the challenge of not understanding how and when you use certain words and punctuation. Now when she writes you can’t tell her writing from any other ‘normal’ person (I use the term normal because that is how you labelled the general populace in you introduction).

My point: stop hiding behind your language-based learning disability. If you want to improve, you’ll need to have the courage to ask others what word should be used or which form of punctuation. My friend I mentioned? All through school I was teaching her English and helping her out, and she’s improved tenfold. I ask mattbcl, samchu and ChobiChibi all the time for help with my writing, and it’s getting better.

You can overcome any challenge as long as you’re willing to ask for help, and implement the advice given.

Also – when you’re summing up your world and giving a brief background, I find it better to tie it into your story instead of making it a point by point statement before the actual story begins. If it’s written in character and describe well, there’s no need to list off facts about the world. You can also fit in facts about the world as you tell the story (as long as they tie into what’s going on), and have people learn about your island that way.

Now I’m no master of grammar like Mr. Pikachu or Gavin_Luper, but I can offer some advice. This list will also include just general little quirks I thought might need attending to.

(These tips are also brought to you by Samchu and ChobiChibi, as they helped me create my review)

1) You like to capitalize words in the middle of a sentence. For example: when you described Clair, you capitalized pretty. Pretty doesn’t need to be capitalized, only her name does. You do this from time to time throughout your story, just remember: you capitalize at the beginning of a sentence, a person’s name (this includes the names of species. Like Pikachu, Elites or Zerg), and a location’s name.
i.e – She stood out from the crowd due to her long, fire-engine red hair. With a smile she turned to the boy.
“My name’s Ruby, and welcome to Cinnabar Island!”

2) You tend to wander away from your points, in the beginning: Clair asks Leeks if Charles likes her, and while Leeks does say he thinks so… he then goes on about Clair’s father having a Lopbunny and presumably enjoying the colour pink (and getting forced into a dress by his wife). I’m assuming he made the connection between the two because maybe Charles likes pink or maybe he’s had a similar experience being forced into a dress, but… there was no context for the off-topicness. If that’s part of Leeks personality, you should state it somewhere so the readers know he tends to prattle on about unrelated things.

3) Charles and Clair have the same last name. This should probably be changed unless this story focuses around an incestuous couple.

4) You may want to explain somewhere in there as to why Leeks can speak like Meowth in the anime. Even just hinting at the tale behind it could entice readers to come back.

5) There are a lot of general errors like using the wrong word – you meant to use sweet but you put sweat instead (and you wrote exponent instead of experiment), you misspelled ‘Mayor’ a few times, etc. All of this can be fixed with reading over the story, having a beta-reader, or using spellcheck on various writing programs available. If you must, read over the fic a couple of times, or politely ask a friend to do so. Sometimes it’s hard to catch your own mistakes, but there’s ways around that.

6) My biggest suggestion is that you read your story out loud when you go back to edit it. You’ll take natural breaths and pauses, making where commas and periods should be. I found it difficult to read because there was no natural pacing to the story. It’ll become easier to read for your viewers and if it’s easier to process you might get more replies.

7) I was confused on the sacred texts; do they mention Ryu, Ryan and Skullfire outright? Because seeing as at least two of them are normal people (or implied as such), these ancient scrolls are not so ancient then. Otherwise, you may want to state in one of those final paragraphs that Charles has gone back to recent history and is not still reading the scrolls. And if Ryu and Ryan are actually some sorts of immortal beings, you may not want to mention them having just spoiled one potential future plot twist.

Positive note: You put a lot of work and thought into your world, and you’ve kept posting this story despite the drama that’s been haunting you in the fanfic forum. I give you credit for keeping at it, and I hope that you continue to put that sort of determination forward when it comes to spelling/grammar and future endeavours. You have a lot of room to improve, and I hope you do.

That final statement about expecting this story to still be here when you wake up is just rude Charles. As I said, curb your attitude or no one in this forum is going to be willing to help you.