Minty Thrill (if it bleeds, we can kill it)

[Drago]

Crystalmaster Mike: Hmm, well Tony has gotten powers of sorts from his new appendage... completely useless powers, but fun ones all the same! Also, I'm glad you decided to take in Tony's Times. The quality of Minty Thrill is very up and down as time goes by, trying to come up with so many scenarios and being written over such a long timeframe, but TT was when I was at my best, and I like to think a quality little piece in itself.
Hopefully some of the things you know now won't throw you off while reading MT. ...Or perhaps they'll hype you up for the rather distant future sequel...? OMG sequel
Sike Saner: lol is it just me or am I progressively making Tony into more of a jerk as the fic goes on? Just peering through the highlights; clobbering Klepto, throwing Smeargle and Punchinello to the zombies, claiming to be God... lol oh Tony you sleaze.

Yeah, it's late. But we've been busy, you know. Today's chapter isn't that much different from its original state, and it's rather short, to boot. But I love some of the jokes in it so I kept it pretty much the same, and I was distracted by Freezepop's Less Talk, More Rokk, too. Blame Fai for that last one. Incidentally, this chapter was originally written on February 18th.

MINTY THRILL
Chapter the Seventeenth but prone to masquerading as Chapter the Fifteenth if so provoked
The ‘Nome Dome

“Leaves… what… what’s going on?” I gasped loudly, throwing my arms to my face dramatically as a look of pure horror crossed my face, “It’s impossible… it… just can’t be!! …Look! Look!” I stumbled backwards, pointing straight into the sky. “The sun, Leaves, the sun!! It’s… it’s disappeared!! O sweet gods up above, are we now accursed with eternal darkness? Will we ever again see the sweet, glistening glow of the life-bringing star? Has it all ended?” I took a deep, heavy breath, trying to take in the possibilities of the situation. “Or is this a new path you have chosen for us? A wild future with a populace consisting solely of mole men and spunky mulch shippers from Illinois?” I slammed a fist down to the ground in rage, “Why have you taken our sun? You fiends! You cruel fiends! You will forever regret this day… this day… this day…” I gazed at my watch, which I had only recently glued back together and noted the late hour, “Hang on, night. All right, you will forever regret this night! This night on which you have taken away the sun! A night with no sun? I stand aghast at such a thing! I… I…” I lowered my previously pointed finger, and blinked. “Uhh… I suppose the sun doesn’t usually come out at night, does it…”
I folded my arms across the back of my head, and put a decisively pensive look on my face, “You know…it wasn’t very polite of Punchinello to send us off in the middle of the night…” I gazed over my shoulder, “And with a tail, no less.”

I reached over and grabbed the newly acquired appendage, paying full attention to it for the first time. It was a tan colour, and looked like a paintbrush, dipped in a dark brown. Something about it seemed oddly familiar.
“Hang on…” I muttered, and grabbed the Pokédex. I pointed it at my tail.

Smeargle… a Normal-Type… Pokémon with… abnormal battling capabilities…

“Oh brilliant…” I groaned, and slipped the ‘dex into my pocket. For all intents and purposes, I was now roughly 8% Smeargle. I sighed and let my tail drop, coiling it along the way. I noted this with interest.
“Hey, wow.” I muttered and flicked the tail around, “I can control this wacky thing!” I twisted it about and then slapped it against the ground.
“Hey Leaves, look at this!!” I swung the tail in his direction.
“Saaaaaur!” he wailed, before I inadvertently slapped him across the face. “Saaur…” he whimpered, tears welling up in his eyes.
“Uh, maybe you shouldn’t have looked so closely…” I gulped. I painfully crammed the tail into my pocket, and continued towards the gym. “Well at least we know it’s open,” I said with a grin, “I mean, all the lights are on. …Of course, maybe that just means that the janitor doesn’t like the dark. Or the dark doesn’t like the janitor.”

By this time, we had finally arrived at the door.
“Hey, I want to make a big entrance…” I said with a grin, and opened the door ajar. I took a deep breath, lifted my foot, and gave it a mighty kick. It flung partly open before stopping with a crash and bouncing back. A loud ‘OW!’ emanated from within it.
“Oh god!” I cried, “I hurt the door!” I threw my arms against it, hugging it tightly like someone would in those romance movies, assuming one of the characters was seven feet tall, rectangular and wooden. “How could I do that to something that has done so much for me over time? How could I have hurt the door! I hurt the door, forgive me Jesus!!”
It opened, slightly, to a portly man rubbing his nose. “Quite alright,” he muttered, “Although it’s pronounced Theodore.”
“Not now!” I hissed, “The door needs me!!”

Theodore shrugged, and picked up a pen and paper, “So welcome.” he said with a warm smile, “Are you visiting us tonight as a competitor or spectator?”
“Well…” I muttered, “I’ve often been referred to as quite a spectacle, but competitor… I guess.”
“Excellent!” he chortled, and from behind him popped up a tall, long-nosed woman who reminded me of something quite ugly.
“And what, pray tell, would your Pokémon be?” she said, frowning. Her nostrils flared so widely I thought she was going to suck me up.
“A cheating Bulb-is-sore, a dancing Cubone, a thumb-sucking Nidorina and a rather cheeky thieving Natu!” I replied, “But alas, in saying this I’ve given away my battling methods… Perhaps you’d like to give me some new Pokémon?”
“I should say!” she scoffed, and I gasped hopefully, “None of your Pokémon qualify!”
“Whaa?” I snapped, “Qualify for what? The Olympics?”
“I’m afraid, lad, that the ‘Nome Dome is quite the serious event,” Theodore said sternly, “And we can’t make any exceptions.”
“The Gnome Dome?” I repeated, “You mean midget fights? Isn’t that illegal?”
“No, no, no…” said Theodore, “The ‘Nome Dome! Quite the spectacular event! Here.” he handed me a pamphlet, “Here’s the basics.”

I glanced at it, curiously. The cover read, 101 Splendid Ways to Remove Warts.
“Wow!” I gasped, “This IS spectacular!”
The woman snatched the pamphlet away from me, and stuck another one in my hands.
“Hey…” I whimpered, “I was reading that!!”

The ‘Nome Dome
Where cute Clefairys, gruesome Gravellers, and dreaded Drowzees finger their way to the finals!! Despite myself, I giggled. The ‘Nome Dome was an idea originally conceived by the residents in the back streets of Moralliny City. They delicately integrated the fine art of mastering the Metronome technique with…

“Wow!” I gasped suddenly, and Theodore and the woman beamed proudly, “This is sooooo boring!!”
“Wha-whaaaaaat?” Theodore rambled, stepping backwards, “You must be kidding!! You’re just a disrespectful little punk, aren’t you?!”
“Maybe so…” I muttered, “But who really cares about Moronilly City and their Meterfoam?”
Theodore turned an entertaining shade of white, as the woman screeched as though she had just won the lottery. Or she was getting rhinoplasty.
“Alright alright!” I shouted, covering my ears, “I love your tournament! It’s as enjoyable as a fresh-baked pickle from the oven!!”
All of a sudden a young, attractive girl stepped in to save my bacon.
“Mom! Dad!” she snapped, “Please! Stop harassing the entrants!!” They backed away obediently, and my saviour looked at me, embarrassed. Instinctively, I got a mental analysis. She was a little short, but very attractive. She looked perhaps a year or two older than me, but still had very cute pigtails. She wore a black shirt with sparkly red handprints across the front of it, which seemed quite inviting indeed. She had jean shorts on, which showed off quite a bit of thigh… down to…
“WHOA!” I gasped, and dropped to her feet, “Look at those shoes!! I mean, wow! Just look at ‘em!!” Leaves shook his head. The movement reminded me he was there, rather than somewhere very far away, as I would’ve preferred.
“Come on, admit it!” I gushed, “If God were a shoe, he’d look just like this!!”
“Excuse me?” the girl snapped, backing away.
“Pardon…” I muttered, standing up and brushing myself off, “I was just admiring your God shoes.”
“Uhh… neat.” She said quietly, before putting the smile back on her face, “Anyway, I’m Chase Ginnit! I’m the head organiser of the ‘Nome Dome! Of course, I’ll be entering it myself, too, as tradition. These are my parents, Theodore and Daisy Ginnit.” Theodore? Like that Bunkit kid? …Sure hope he didn’t grow up fast and fat. I’d hate to think the Bunkits were stalking me…

“These are your parents?” I said in my most suave voice, “I couldn’t tell. I mean, you’re nothing like them.”
“Really?” Chase said interestedly.
“Oh yes, they’re quite hideous.”
“WHAT?” Chase gasped, looking angry, as though I had insulted her or something.
“Uhh, uhh…” I gulped, “I meant, they’re charming! They’re brilliantly smart! I love them!”
“So I’m nothing like them?” she snarled, “I must be incredibly dumb then!”
“No, no, no!” I whimpered desperately, “Just a little dumb?”
What followed was a slap so forceful I lost vast quantities of saliva, curiously ending up on a family portrait. Theodore and Daisy stormed away, either hurt, or looking for a rifle.
“Bye mom! Bye dad!” I squeaked, before looking back at Chase. She was glaring angrily at me.
“Chase…” I babbled, “That’s an interesting name, does it have something to do with… chasing?”
“Now look…” she hissed, pure hatred in her voice, “Before I rip your jaw off with my thumb, and beat you to death with it, is there anything else you’d like to say?”
“Uhh…” I gulped, looking around nervously.
“I’m carrying your child!” I shouted suddenly. There was a stunned silence.
“Saaaur…” Leaves moaned, and covered his eyes.
“Think she bought it?” I whispered, as she raised her fist. It was too late to assume she was just pleased with her hand and showing it proudly to me.
“I’ll be your servant!!” I choked, and she stopped mid-swing.
“What?” she muttered, and lowered her fist.
“Well…” I said, catching my breath, “You said you were participating in the ‘Nome Dome? I’ll enter it, and, if I lose, I’ll be your personal servant!”
“…But what if I lose?” she asked, leaning against the door.
“Uh, hadn’t thought of that…” I muttered, “But if you lose… you have to… marry me?”

“What?” she gasped, with a shocked look on her face. However, it soon turned to a grin, “Sure thing. There’s no way you can win, so whatever you want to believe, kid.”
“Oh grand!” I grinned, “So, uh… what am I supposed to do?”
Chase rolled her eyes. “Alright, you enter any type of Pokémon, up to a maximum of three. These three Pokémon have to know Metronome to qualify, which is obvious enough. The catch, though, is that you can’t command them to use any other attack. You can tell them basic things, run, jump, duck, whatever, but the only proper attack they can use is Metronome. That’s where the fun begins… So who’s your Pokémon?”
“Cubone!” I said with a grin.
“They have to have Metronome, bonehead.” She snapped.
“But he does know Metronome! He does, he does, he doooooooeeeeeees!” I whined, stamping my foot.
“Fine I’ll enter your stupid clod of dirt.” She snorted, writing it down, “Makes it easier for me to win. Name?”
“Yergago!” I grinned, brandishing a thick moustache and even thicker Italian accent, “Yergago Meniterelli!” She didn’t look impressed.

“…Oh, you meant my name.” I said with a chuckle, “Right. Well, I’m Anthony Jamieson Franklin Morgan Tyler Jones Roger Harry Edward Chambers.” I paused for a moment, “The first.”
“And hopefully the last…” she muttered, “And how many battles have you been in before this?”
“Real battles?” I grunted, “Uhh… Four.”
“Just four?” she said in a tone of disbelief, then noticed the belt buckle, “You must’ve been pretty lucky to have beaten Gordon then… so how many of those did you win?”
“Absolutely none of them!” I said proudly.
Chase peered at me for a moment, before getting back to writing. She muttered something, but all I caught was ‘weird’ and ‘freak’. I guessed it was something like ‘it’s weird how freaking good he is.’
“And that’s it.” She grinned, setting the form on a nearby table.
“Great!” I exclaimed, “So when’s my first match?”
She looked at her watch lazily, “In a minute or two. Guess you’d better hurry…”
“Egad!!” I gasped, and tore past her, Leaves close behind. I ran randomly about the building until I spotted a door labelled ‘This way to arena’.
“Nah…” I said with a frown, “Too obvious.” I continued down the hall, until I came upon a dead end. “Hm.” I muttered, “This tournament’s a tad duller than I had imagined…”
I backtracked for a while, until I reached another door.
“This would be it!” I said anxiously, and let Cubone out from his ball, “Get ready to fight, Cueball!” I roared, and threw the door open. Inside was a mop, a pail and a pair of suspenders. They looked like a pretty villainous bunch.
“I guess this is some sort of test… Cubone!” I commanded, “Use Metronome!”
He lifted his fingers, and wiggled them about. After a moment, they glowed an eerie glow. Something quite E.T. inspired. Hey, that’d be handy when my night-light isn’t working…
The objects started to vibrate; it looked like he was going to make them float.
They rose from the floor before falling back down unceremoniously.
“Hey!” I snapped, kicking the mop spitefully, “What happened?” I reached into my pocket, and grabbed the Pokédex. I pointed it at Cubone. Dream Eater.

“Cubone!” I groaned, slapping my forehead “You can’t eat dreams from a utility closet!!” He stumbled around, before his eyes widened and he coughed out a circular piece of paper with an image on it. The Pokédex seemed to be rather talkative, and continued.

When the user’s HP… is full, the targets dream is… rejected and displayed.

“Hm!” I muttered, “Suspender dreams…” I picked up the paper and inspected it. “Hey look! The mop is in Vegas…”
Suddenly, a strange yellow thing appeared in front of us. It looked like a combination of a cat, a goat, and an emoticon of some disturbing description.
“Wh-what is it?” I gasped.
“Abraaaaa…” it droned.
“A bra?” I grunted, “Must be tricky to put you on…”
It opened its eyes, and Leaves, Cubone and I were instantly enveloped in a bright white beam.
“Yaag!” I moaned, “I’ll have spasms in the morning!”
The light then subsided, and we were now in a small room with an irritated-looking boy tapping his foot.

“It’s about time you showed up!” he whined in a very annoying voice, “I’m ready to fight you and win!”
“Ack, you win already!” I hacked, “I succumb to your horrible voice!!”
“That’s not funny!” he snapped, “Let’s show him, Abra!”
“Let’s not, Abra!” I cried, but it seemed inclined to not listen. It growled in a low tone, and at this moment Cubone chose to fly towards the ceiling.
“Bulba?” Leaves gasped and we watched him float high above our heads.
“Yes!!” I cheered, “Cubone FLIES!!”
Cubone hovered in the air for a moment, before rocketing towards us. “Cubone DIVES!!” I roared enthusiastically.
He picked up speed, before crashing to the floor with a sickening thud. “Cubone… crashes.” I gulped, and looked over at the opponent. He had his eyes closed, and was concentrating much in the same way Abra was.
“Hey, what’s he doing?” I asked Leaves, who closed his eyes, and lifted his claws. He then dashed to another spot, and slammed into the ground.
“So you’re saying that they’re communicating psychically to send and receive commands, namely lifting Cubone up and slamming him back down with an obvious disregard for the condition the floor will be in afterwards?” Leaves nodded slowly.
“So they’re not composing un-hearable music to an audience of pancakes, then?” I explored the other option of Leaves’ charades, and was given an answer in the negative.

Abra continued to fling Cubone about, sending him into walls and skidding across the floor.
“This isn’t fair!” I wailed, “Chase said he couldn’t use attacks!” Leaves nudged against me, and pawed at a piece of paper with a scribbled message on it. She said you could give basic commands, which obviously includes telekinesis.
“Anything else?” I asked, and Leaves turned the page over.
Moron.
“This isn’t good!” I whimpered, “Cubone’s going to get slaughtered, and apparently I’m a moron! Pokédex, what do I do?” I looked down at the device, which had a flashing message on its screen.

Battery Low.

“Brilliant…” I spat, and crammed it in my pocket, “Well… I may as well accept it… I lost. How much longer is this going to take? I mean it’s already…” I peered down at my watch. “11:59!” I sighed, and then noted the date displayed upon the watch. 18th of February? That meant…

The seconds ticked down, as Abra forced Cubone high above his head.

“Three…
…Two…
…One…”
The clock struck midnight.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!” I bellowed at the top of my lungs, and Abra and his trainer’s eyes opened suddenly, shocked. Free of the psychic grasp, Cubone began falling back towards Abra. He waved his fingers, and began Metronoming. At this, he took the form of a giant, flaming bird.
“Sky Attack!” the opponent gasped, as Abra looked up, terrified. Before they could react, Cubone crashed down onto Abra, engulfing it in flames. There was a bright glow of light and fire, as well as a mighty rumbling.
When it was over, Cubone stood, panting, beside a deep crater. At the bottom of this crater, Abra was lying in a pool of its own blood, stuttering, twitching, and looking as though it may never battle again.
“Woo-hoo!” I cheered, “I go to the next round!” Leaves, Cubone and my opponent looked at me as though I were a cruel, heartless beast.
“Umm…” I squeaked, “Anyone up for party games?” I pointed towards the dying Abra, “I bet this guy’s a GUN at musical chairs!”