I'm issuing an open challenge to anybody I haven't fought recently (Sorry, MLG.). Here's the rules. Prepare for a long read - this arena is gonna be the next Monopoly Melee Board, mark my words!
Number: 5-on-5, one Pokemon at a time.
Order: You can send out first; I'll attack first.
DQ: 1 week
Banned moves: None at all.
SPECIAL RULE: Rather than 3 actions, each round will consist of 4 actions. The arena should explain why.
And, speaking of which... The arena:
Penzance Beach
A beach at the base of a rocky cliff. The surf further down is relatively calm, with an old-fashioned pirate ship docked nearby, and several grassy plants are scattered about amidst the sand and rocks.
Scattered around the beach is a small group of maidens in white dresses, gloves, and shoes, as well as old-fashioned hats. Opposite them are a group of assorted pirates, some scruffy and/or hairy, some not, mostly in dumb-looking, outdated outfits. The two groups appear to be arguing about something, but what that is won't be revealed until a couple of rounds into the battle, at which point the pirates will advance and attempt to seize the maidens. When this exactly starts is up to the ref; it will play out like this:
PIRATES/MAIDENS ROUND, ACTIONS 1 AND 2: The maiden leader, 'Mabel,' will begin to sing, calling the lead pirate (the Pirate King) "monster" and threatening that she and the other maidens "are lords of chancellory, and Father is a Major-General." Following this, the pirates begin to panic, one singing a warning of danger because the aforemention revelation of who 'Father' is. This exchange takes place at the start of the round and takes up 2 actions. It will not interfere with the battling Pokemon.
PIRATES/MAIDENS ROUND, ACTION 3: The maidens will affirm "Yes, yes, he is a Major-General!," and then from behind the crowd of ruffled maidens and startled pirates, a red parasol will fly up and open, the crowd will part, revealing a foppish, moustachioed/sideburned British gentleman in a militant outfit and hat - Major-General Stanley. He is extremely well-mannered and will announce his entrance, stating "Yes, yes, I am a Major-General!". During this action, any Pokemon that is battling will be punished for disrespecting the Major-General, who will strike the offending Pokemon with his umbrella.
PIRATES/MAIDENS ROUND, ACTION 4: After greeting and/or beating the combatants and proclaiming "it is, it is a glorious thing to be a Major-General!," he will turn his attention to the pirates and maidens, and a rather silly tune will begin to play. This will end the round and start the real fun...
For every following round, the famous Major-General Song will sing, one line per action. Depending what line he sings, a specific action will happen, in order (See below for explanations of the colors):
I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
The Major-General will smile and nod to any Pokemon that listens to him gloat, granting that Pokemon a boost of confidence - and a random 1 stat point boost.
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
Any Normal attack used during this time will gain a random Pokemon-type that is either Super-effective or at least normally effective against the opponent. Depending on what the opponent is weak against, the type will be either animal (Dragon, Bug, Fighting, Psychic), vegetable (Grass, Bug, Poison, Ground), or mineral (Ground, Ice, Rock, Steel).
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
The most infamous of the kings of England, Henry VIII, appears on the field; all female Pokemon are smited for 10HP and 10EN due to their inability to bear the King a son. If the Pokemon he strikes are of the Ghost and/or Dark type, she/they are accused of witchcraft and receive the 'Anne Boleyn' treatment, which hits for 20HP and 20EN.
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
The Pokemon that attacks first in this round is struck by a tactic developed in the Battle of Marathon called 'double envelopment.' When this occurs, a platoon of soldiers charge the attacking Pokemon, then split and attack around it from the sides. This maneuver does 10HP of damage and hits with the force of a Fighting-type attack.
The Pokemon that attacks second in this round is struck by the Napoleonic aftermath of the Battle of Waterloo - like how Napoleon was said to die of poisoning, the Pokemon that attacks second this round is stricken with Toxic poisoning.
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
All attacks issued this round add HP to the enemy and EN to the user, instead of subtracting them as they usually would. The reverse also applies, subtracting HP when healing moves are used/draining EP while Relaxing, etc..
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
All HP and energy loss/gain done this turn has the quadratic formula applied to it. If our ref doesn't know how to do quadratic calculations, here's a calculator: http://www.1728.com/quadratc.htm If THAT doesn't help, get someone smart to calculate for you.
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
All HP and EN damage calculated this round is binomially expanded: an attack that does 7 damage and costs 6 energy, for instance, will do 7+6+5+4+3+2+1+0=28 damage and cost 6+5+4+3+2+1+0=21 energy. This applies to HP/EN gain, as well.
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
A random 3-headed Pokemon - either Magneton, Dodrio, or Dugtrio - appears and forms its three heads into a decorative Pythagorean triangle... from which a Tri Attack is then launched. The Tri Attack will be Electric, Flying, or Ground, depending on what Pokemon uses it. Whichever Pokemon is currently winning will be who the attack is aimed at.
I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;
The field becomes a 6x6 graph for the duration of the action, with this symbol on it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Ta...to_a_curve.svg Any Pokemon standing on the black line (40% of that happening) loses 5EN. Any Pokemon standing on the red line (25% of that happening) loses 5HP. Any Pokemon standing on the maroon spot (40%x25%=10% of that happening) loses half its current HP and EN.
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
A swarm of animalcules assault the field, striking both Pokemon with 10HP of Bug attack power and a random status anomaly: Poison, Sleep, or Paralysis.
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
Any Normal attack used during this time will gain a random Pokemon-type that is either Super-effective or at least normally effective against the opponent. Depending on what the opponent is weak against, the type will be either animal (Dragon, Bug, Fighting, Psychic), vegetable (Grass, Bug, Poison, Ground), or mineral (Ground, Ice, Rock, Steel).
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
The Major-General will smile and nod to any Pokemon that listens to him gloat, granting that Pokemon a boost of confidence - and a random 1 stat point boost.
I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's;
King Arthur's Round Table and Caradoc's wizard appear and examine both battlers. Whichever battler has more health is given a blessing by the Knights of the Round Table that increases said battler's ATK/DEF. Whichever battler has more energy is endowed by the wizard's magic, which boosts SPATK/SPDEF.
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox,
If any attacks used during this turn create an acrostic (the first and/or last letter of each attack word spell out a message related to the Pokemon), the Pokemon using said attacks does Super-effective damage this round. This effect is cumulative.
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,
During this action, the prostituional and blasphemic emperor Elegabalus appears on the field. The first Pokemon to attract the emperor's attention will receive his 'blessing': the Pokemon's HP will halve, but in exchange the opposing Pokemon will be irrefutably Attracted to that Pokemon for the remainder of its time on the field.
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;
The battlefield becomes a bowl-shaped parabola. Physical attacks are useless, and Special attacks will fire straight forward and, depending on the angle, may fire the attack back at the user or off into the sky harmlessly.
I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,
One of Gerard Dow's dark, candlelit portraits appears over the field; Dark and Fire energy blasts shoot from it at whichever Pokemon is more vulnerable to the attack. If neither of the combatants are vulnerable, the blasts will randomly choose their targets.
I know the croaking chorus from The Frogs of Aristophanes!
The frogs from The Frogs appear at the middle of the field and croak their eerie song, Confusing any Pokemon that hear it as well as lowering their Speed.
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore,
A relaxing tune is heard across the field. Relaxing while this tune plays restores 10HP and 10EN. Any sort of noise made during this song will cause it to abruptly end, negating or removing the bonus for both parties.
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.
The popular Pinafore exchange of, "What, never?", "No, never!", "What, never?", "Well, hardly ever!" booms across the field; for the remainder of the battle, both Pokemon present during the exchange gain the ability to use one attack that they could not normally use.
Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform,
The most famous cuneiforms of the Pokemonverse - the 28 Unown - appear on the field and rain down a hailstorm of Secret Power attacks. They carry various status anomalies and attack strengths between 1 and 5 damage. Unless blocked somehow, this attack will likely be fatal; any attack used on the Unown will result in them instantly KO-ing the attacker, even if it's Protecting and at 100HP.
And tell you every detail of Caractacus's uniform:
Two insignias appear on the ground; a Pokemon standing on one has a 50/50 chance of losing 1 point in all its stats or having its HP filled to 100HP.
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
Any Normal attack used during this time will gain a random Pokemon-type that is either Super-effective or at least normally effective against the opponent. Depending on what the opponent is weak against, the type will be either animal (Dragon, Bug, Fighting, Psychic), vegetable (Grass, Bug, Poison, Ground), or mineral (Ground, Ice, Rock, Steel).
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
The Major-General will smile and nod to any Pokemon that listens to him gloat, granting that Pokemon a boost of confidence - and a random 1 stat point boost.
In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and
"ravelin",
Both Pokemon gain a shield - Reflect, Light Screen, or Safeguard - depending on whether the opponent is using a Physical attack, Special attack, or status attack (respectively). If the opponent doesn't attack, the Pokemon gets a Double Team.
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin,
If an attack is used and strikes a Reflect, Light Screen, Safeguard, or Double Teaming Pokemon, the attacking Pokemon gains 1 point of ATK, SPATK, SPEED, or ACC (respectively). If no such shield is struck, the attacked Pokemon gains 1 point of DEF and SPDEF.
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
During this round, both Pokemon moves are PM'ed to the Ref, and thus come as complete surprises to the opponent.
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",
If either Pokemon attacks during this turn, a Delibird gives that Pokemon a Present. What the Present contains is up to the ref's discretion.
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern
gunnery,
The most advanced gun of the time is drawn at random and fires at both Pokemon, doing 10HP of Steel damage if they strike a Pokemon.
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery—
A series of monks cross the beach, on their way back to their abbey. Any attack launched while these pious pacifists are present will bring down a smiting lightning bolt from the sky on the attacker, doing 10 points of Electric damage to the attacker. A Pokemon that doesn't attack will gain the monks' blessing, which raises the blessed Pokemon's luck.
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy—
All Pokemon on the field that are not Normal Pokemon cannot attack this turn; if one Pokemon has a type that is super-effective against the opponent's type, the 'weaker' type's HP and EN are doubled or increased to 100 (whichever comes first). The 'stronger' type, in exchange, gains 2 SPATK and SPDEF points. If there is a Normal Pokemon on the field, or neither Pokemon has a type advantage, the 'strategy' is lost and attacks are carried out as usual. Neither Pokemon can Relax during this action.
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a-gee.
The Major-General's horse - a Rapidash - appears on the field and attacks a Pokemon at random, doing 10HP of Fire damage. This attack is too fast to be dodged.
For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Both Pokemon are struck by all of the Major-General's 'military knowledge,' cutting 50HP and 50EN off of both Pokemon.
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
If either Pokemon on the field during this action has been on the field since the start of the round, that Pokemon's HP and EN is returned to the value it was at at the start of the first action.
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
Any Normal attack used during this time will gain a random Pokemon-type that is either Super-effective or at least normally effective against the opponent. Depending on what the opponent is weak against, the type will be either animal (Dragon, Bug, Fighting, Psychic), vegetable (Grass, Bug, Poison, Ground), or mineral (Ground, Ice, Rock, Steel).
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
The Major-General will smile and nod to any Pokemon that listens to him gloat, granting that Pokemon a boost of confidence - and a random 1 stat point boost.
COLORS
RED lines/actions can be prevented by attacking during that action.
BLUE lines/actions can be prevented by not attacking during that action.
YELLOW lines/actions can't be prevented, but they can be blocked/dodged.
PURPLE lines/actions are unable to stopped, blocked, dodged, or evaded through doing nothing.
GREEN lines/actions are triggered by attacking, like red ones, but depending on the circumstances, these can either be good or bad.
ORANGE lines/actions are pretty much random and don't really fit into any other category.
Other rules in effect to expedite the match:
1. In case it's not obvious by some more 'extreme' actions, there's no Damage Cap in this battle.
2. Like I said earlier, because each verse of Major-General Stanley's song contains 4 lines, each round will contain 4 actions rather than the traditional 3. Interrupting the Major-General's song by breaking up the verses is a big no-no.
3. If a Pokemon faints before a round where the Major-General sings ends, the round 'pauses' so the song is not interrupted; upon releasing a new Pokemon, the remaining actions for that round are reposted and the round 'unpauses' and resumes where it left off.
4. If both sides still have Pokemon at the end of the song, the battle immediately ends; whoever has the most Pokemon left is declared the winner.
Please ask if you have any other questions, which I'm sure I've forgotten.
Good luck, both to my opponent and my ref. You'll both need it... Hell, we ALL will...
Blade VS. Darkly: Battle of the Modern Major-General! (Ref: CEB)
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