Brigh Dangerfield:

“Release all zigs! For great justice!”

As the helmsman gulped and pressed the button, Brigh found herself holding her breath in anticipation. Amidst the wailing of the sirens and the flashing red lights, her heart began to pound to the rhythm of the alarms. Her knuckles were white as her grip on the arm of the captain’s chair (in which she had presumptuously placed herself) had tightened until she was practically shaking, her eyes transfixed on the display screen as she waited for something to happen. Time seemed to slow down and it seemed to her as if seconds were taking minutes.

….Then she realized that it WAS minutes. Nothing was happening. At all. All activity on the bridge had ceased. Even the advancing enemy ships appeared to have stopped moving. It was as if time itself had halted and everyone on board (except for our main characters, conveniently) had been stuck in place.

“Hey! What’s going on?” Brigh exclaimed, jumping out of the captain’s chair.

“I—I don’t know,” Meiya replied, hesitantly looking around, “Everyone’s frozen.”

“Literally…” added Drake, as he reached over and rapped his knuckles the forehead of a random crewman that was now, for some reason, completely encased in ice. As they spoke, the also began to hear a faint, rhythmic jingling sound that was soon accompanied by a light curtain of soft, falling snow.

“What kind of black, Communist devilry is this?!” Brigh demanded of the heavens. As if giving her a reply, a booming voice was heard echoing throughout the bridge.

[We interrupt this genre to bring you a special announcement!]

“Oh no…” said Jack, covering his eyes.

[Oh yes! It’s that time of year again, folks! Time for cheer! Time for merriment! Time for peace on earth and good will towards men! All of which seem to be quite lacking in this RPG…]

“And whose #$%$^@&$ fault is that….” muttered Drake.

[And that is why we have decided--]

“We? Who’s WE?” Jane cried.

[AHEM. That is why we have decided to hold the very first It Sucks to be Us: Christmas Special!]

“…You have GOT to be kidding me,” everyone said in unison.

[SILENCE! You’re doing a Christmas Special and you’ll damn well like it! Now then, it has come to our attention that the Council has stolen Christmas.]

“Stolen Christmas?” Roy chimed in from a corner of the bridge where we has making a snowman around one of the frozen crewmembers. “You mean like the Grinch?”

[Kind of. But the Grinch only stole presents. The Council has actually stolen Christmas itself!]

“Wait, wait, wait…” Brigh said, holding up her hands in a gesture of confusion. “That’s not even possible. How can you steal a day? There’s no way in hell that could---“ Just then a piece of paper flutter down in front of Brigh’s face and she instinctively reached up and caught it. Glancing down at it she saw that it was a calendar for the month of December, and the spot where December 25th should have been was conveniently blank. “Sonofabitch, how did they do that?”

[Now go forth! It is time for you…to SAVE CHRISTMAS!]

Suddenly, the entire area was engulfed in a bright white light, leaving the group temporarily blinded. After it faded they found themselves standing in your standard winter-wonderland-type terrain. All of their outfits had changed once again. Brigh found that her bullet-proof vest was now a festive sweater vest, and her pants were covered in bobbles. Fisherman Steve was, appropriately she felt, dressed in a Santa suit. Roy and Jack’s clothing had been replaced with green elf garb, complete with curly-toed shoes with bells on the tips. Jane was a reindeer (although it almost looked like she was just wearing the skin of a reindeer...). Meiya was some sort of sexy variation of Mrs. Claus which drew the full attention of Drake who, for some unexplainable reason, was now dressed as an angel.

There was a brief moment of silence as everyone in the group took in the full horror of the situation. Final, Drake broke the silence.

“Ho Ho F***ing Ho….”