Finally, part 5B is complete. Here we go!

Meanwhile, Mikagorn, Kylegolas, and Nateli continued their track after the wee hobbits. Suddenly, the sound of many donkeys was heard. Mikagorn led Kylegolas to a nearby rock to hide, but Nateli was too slow. (EXERCISE YOU FAT ***! >:O) The donkeys came over the hill and trampled the fat dwarf like hell. "Ow, ow that hurts! Stop it!" He screamed. Mikagorn sighed. "Riders of SPPhan, what news from the mark?" He yelled. The riders instantly turned their donkeys and headed back towards Mikagorn, trampling Nateli again.

In an instant, they formed a hexagon around the travelers. The donkey-men then threatened them with their spaghetti noodle sticks. Craomer and his donkey pushed through the crowd. "What business does an elf, a man, and a dwarf have in the riddamark?" He asked. "There are 4 of us! Mikomir still lives inside Kylegolas!" Nateli roared getting up. His head was covered in blood and he had hoof marks everywhere.

Craomer dismounted his donkey and angrily approached Nateli. "I would cut off your dick drawf…if it sprouted more than a half an inch from your waist." He said. Kylegolas quickly pulled out his sniper rifle. "You would die before your stroke touched that magnificent *****!" He yelled. Kylegolas then found himself looking around. "It was Mikomir!" He screamed. Mikagorn calmed him down as Kylegolas began to cry.

"I am Mikagorn, son of Psychotorn, this is Nateli son of Goiter, and Kylegolas of the woodyland realm. We are friends of SPPhan, and Joedon your king." He said. "Hey you forgot Mikomir you buttpipe!" Mikomir said through the sobbing Kylegolas. "Joedon no longer recognizes friend from hoe. Not even his own kin." Craomer said removing his helmet. At this, the soldiers pulled their noodles away.

"Suziemon has poisoned the mind of the king and claimed lordship over these lands. My company is of those loyal to SPPhan, and for that we are banished." Craomer then said. "The white admin is cunning…she walks here and there they say; as an old prostitute, dressed in colorful and revealing clothing. Everywhere her spies slip past our nets."

"We are no spies!" Mikagorn roared. "We track a couple of Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys westward across the plain. They took two of our friends captive." Craomer looked shocked. "The Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys are destroyed. We slaughtered them during the night!" He wailed. "There were two hobbits…did you see two hobbits with them?" Nateli roared. "Since when do you care about them?" Kylegolas blurted out. "They would be small, only chodes to your eyes." Mikagorn said. "We left none alive. We piled the carcasses and burnt them." Craomer said pointing the smoke in the west. "They make great powder for smoking once they're cremated." He added in grinning.

"Dead?" Nateli said saddened. "They may be alive, we are still sort of stoned from the cremated Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey bodies." Craomer said giggling. Craomer then whistled causing two donkeys to approach. Two men were seated on them. "May these donkeys bare you to better fortune then their former masters." He said. "Hello? We're still here!" One shouted. Craomer took a bow out and shot both of them. "May they bare you to better fortune." He said again.

Craomer then got back on his donkey. "Look for your friends...and trust a hope. As I said we are high." He said then whistled. With that, the donkey-men rode on. "We ride north!" He yelled. The donkey-men turned to see North was a large mountain. "We ride west!" Craomer then said. "You came from the west." Kylegolas replied. "We ride south!" Craomer then said and the donkeys headed off. In the process they trampled Nateli again….

Mikagorn rode one donkey and Kylegolas rode the other. Nateli was dragged by a rope on the back of Kylegolas's. They arrived at the death site to find the ash's of the many dead Robot Pirate Ninja monkeys. Nateli was the first to rush to them. As Mikagorn and Kylegolas dismounted, he poured some of the ashes into his pocket for later, "We'll see if its as strong as they said." He grinned. He then noticed something on the ground. "Its one of their wee belts!" He said holding it up. He then looked around. "Its one of their wee pants." He said. "And there we shirts, and their wee boxers!"

Mikagorn looked around. "Two hobbits lay here!" He said. "They took off their clothes. They had sex, and went into Fagorn Forest for seconds." He said looking up. "So they are in Fagorn Forest naked?" Nateli asked. "Guess so…" Mikagorn said disgusted. "Oooh, I can't wait to find them!" Kylegolas grinned, and then hit himself. "God damnit Mikomir!" He yelled. "Curse you!"

In the forest, Jay and Zak ran skipping and naked. "La la la la la!" They said giggling. Suddenly, a lone Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey appeared. "I'm going to rip off your filthy little dicks!" He yelled. Jay and Zak began to skip faster. They hid behind a tree, but realized that was a ****ty hiding spot. Soon they climbed a telephone pole. "He's gone!" Zak grinned still naked. Suddenly he was pulled down. "ZAK!" Jay roared.

Two large eyes soon appeared on the telephone pole and Jay freaked out. "Ewww, its naked get it off!" The pole yelled and grabbed Jay. "Let's put a maggot hole in your belly matey!" The Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey roared, but he was suddenly flattened by the telephone poles foot. "Run Zak!" Jay yelled. Zak got up and began to skip away, but was picked up. "Little nudists!" The pole roared. "It's talking Zak, the telephone pole is talking!" Jay giggled. "We must be high!" Zak grinned. Jay and Zak looked down for a moment to see large banana below with feet. It seemed to be dancing. "It's peanut butter jelly time!" A song ran out as the banana danced. "See we are high!" Jay grinned. Suddenly, the banana was flattened by the pole's foot.

"Pole, I am no pole! I am an AT&T!" The telephone pole roared. "Pole header…Shepard of the forest!" Zak grinned. "Polebeard (Link 10) some call me. Others call me Matt!" The pole grinned. "And whose side are you on?" Jay asked. "Side? Well let's just say I don't play for the team that skips naked with other men if that's what you're asking!" Polebeard roared. "No, the good or bad side!" Jay fixed. "Oh, well, I am on nobody's side because nobody is on my side, little nudist! Nobody cares about telephone poles anymore!" Polebeard grinned.

"We're not nudists, we're hobbits!" Zak replied. "Hobbits? Never heard of a hobbit before." Polebeard said. "Sounds like nudist mischief to me!" Polebeard roared. "They come with beach parties, they come with colonies; ****ing, sucking, pounding, smacking, ******! Destroyers of the perfectly good beaches, curse them!" Polebeard roared. "No you don't understand! We're hobbits, half-lings, shire folk!" Zak roared. "Maybe you are and maybe you aren't. The white moderator will know!" Polebeard grinned. "Suziemon!" Jay said in despair.
Meanwhile, after countless wrong turns and trips to the bathroom, Bjarni finally lead the hobbits out of the hills. "See, see, we's leads you out! We don't spam, nevar!" Bjarni said happily. "Hurry hobbitses hurry!" He grinned. "Very lucky we find you! You would've spammed and we put you back on topic!" He said. Mikey looked out over the valley and continued down the hill. Bjarni smiled at Chiko. "Nice hobbit!" He grinned.

The three continued into a smelly wet land. Chiko's foot fell into some piss. "Ugh, this is yearn, he's lead us into an old diaper disposal!" He roared. "A diaper disposal, yes yes! Come mastar, we will take you through safe parts where you can't spam!" Bjarni said motioning for them to follow. "Come hobbits come, real quickly! Soft and quick as shadows we must be to not be banned!" Bjarni continued to talk as they waded through the diaper disposal. "I found it I did! The way not to spam! Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeys don't use it, they don't know it! They spam for miles and miles! We don't spam, nevar!"

The three headed on for a while. Chiko then began to see many faces in the piss. "There are banned things, banned faces in the pee!" Chiko roared. "All banned, all rotten. Elves and men and Robot Pirate Ninja Monkeyses. A great battle long ago! The Band Diaper Disposal, yes that s their name! They all spammed! We don't spam though! Understand autism! This way, don't follow the lights!" Bjarni said. Chiko sort of stumbled. "Careful now, or hobbits get banned and join the others, and light little blunts of their own!" Bjarni roared.

Mikey stumbled off course to look at the banned people in the peeepee. Soon he found himself pulling the forum out. It was as if the banned people really wanted it. And soon, he found himself falling face first into the fesses of the diaper disposal. For a long time, Mikey was confronted by the banned people, till he was suddenly pulled out by Bjarni. "Don't follow the lights! Please only for me? We don'ts get many chances not to spam!" Bjarni roared. "Mr. Mikey are you all right?" Chiko yelled rushing to him.

That night, Mikey began to fondle the forum. "So bright, so beautiful! Ah precious!" Bjarni began. He was obviously talking to himself. "What did you say?" Mikey asked. "Mastar should be resting, mastar can't spam or he'll be banned!" Bjarni replied. "Who are you?" Mikey asked. "Mustn't ask, not its business! We'll hit you with our new hammer!" Bjarni roared. "Hanadolf told me you were one of the old river folk!" Mikey said stepping up to him. "Cold be hand and bone, cold be travelers far from home!" Bjarni began to poetically say. "He said your life was a sad story!" Mikey roared. "They do not see what lies ahead when sun is down and moon is dead!" Bjarni roared. "You were not so very different from a hobbit once were you? ROB?" Mikey asked.

"What did you call me?" Bjarni asked. "That was your name once, wasn't it…a long time ago? Before the forum gave you autism?" Mikey asked. "My name?" Bjarni grinned. "Robby!" He chuckled. Suddenly, a large wail was heard from above. "Black riders!" Chiko roared! "Hide, hide!" Bjarni roared. Mikey suddenly remembered the light saber poke and fell down injured. Chiko grabbed him and pulled him under a tree. "They will ban us, they will ban us!" Bjarni wailed. "I thought they were banned!" Chiko roared. "No you cannot ban them!" Bjarni roared.

Up above, a Rachwraith rode on the most frightening creature of all…a giant PARAKEET!!!!1111 AHHHH! "Theys on wings!" Bjarni cried. Mikey felt himself grab for the forum. "They are calling for it, they are calling for the precious!" Bjarni giggled. Chiko slapped Mikey out of it. The giant Parakeet circled again, and then flew off. "Hurry hobbits, the black gate is very close!" Bjarni said stepping out.

Meanwhile, in Faggorn Forest, Nateli tasted something on the trees. "Yuk, Robot Pirate Ninja Monkey semen!" He yelled. The group continued on through the woods. "These are strange tracks." Mikagorn said while investigating. "The air is so close in here." Nateli added in. "This forest is high…very high!" Kylegolas said. "Oh I love it when you get all knowledgeable! You know exactly how to turn my crank!" Mikomir wailed through him.

Kylegolas ignored him. "The poles are speaking to each other!" He said. Nateli pulled out his axe guitar. "Nateli, lower your axe!" Mikagorn said. "They don't like rock!" Kylegolas turned to Mikagorn and spoke in Jeevanish. "Something is out there!" He said. "Hey, don't speak that!" Mikomir roared. "I'll admit I dig accents, but I want to understand what you're saying!" He roared. "What is it?" Mikagorn asked. "The white moderator approaches!" Kylegolas replied. "We cannot let him speak for he will put a spell of us!" Mikagorn replied. Everyone pulled out their weapons.

A blinding flash of white light the scene and Nateli chucked his axe guitar only to see it break in half. Kylegolas's sniper rifle bullets missed and Mikagorn's sword caught on fire. Everyone backed away and began to cry. "You are tracking the footsteps of two young hobbits." A voice rang out. "Where are they?" Mikagorn roared. "They passed through here the day before yesterday." The voice replied. "They met someone they did not expect. Does that comfort you?" Mikagorn looked confused. "Not really…" He replied.

The moderator then revealed himself. "Who the **** are you?" Nateli roared. Ugh, I had to explain this to the hobbits too!" The moderator roared. "Ok, when I fell, that Brillrog raped me for many days. I finally managed to kill him, but I slipped out of thought and mind. I was covered in Brillrog semen, and so I am now the white mod you see before you. But I am now Chrisdolf. (Chris)." He said angrily. "But, you were Hanadolf before you fell!" Mikagorn said confused. "Yeah, well the readers hated Hanada being Hanadolf, so I'm a better person, so shut up and live with it!" Chrisdolf said. "Anyways, I am Chrisdolf the white, and I come back to you now…at the turn of the tide!" He grinned. Nateli turned to Kylegolas. "This is all ****ed up now!" He yelled.