Minty Thrill (Trainer Rip-Off)

[Drago]

Powarun: Thanks, I tried to vary things around a tad from the norm, it had been a good while since it was a Leaves and Tony escapade...
Funnily enough, the reason that some chapters take longer than others is because I'm writing them all out as I go. That way, I can better adapt to any negative feedback I get for doing something. So right now, I've written 24 chapters... although I'm thinking that if Tony's only got two buckles, we've still got a loooooooong way to go...
Wallets... I completely forgot about the wallets!! Bugger...

I updated (well, I'm about to, give me some time) the character list, although all I did were fix up some grammatical errors. If I missed any, don't hesitate to tell me.
I've decided that what I'll do is update the list every five chapters, so by the end of the next chapter, any new characters will be included, and I'll try to make sure that all bios are up to date (ie, listing more of Mareep's quirks)

And so, we're moving on to Chapter 24, which if I'm not mistaken I'm posting at least a week quicker than usually... Well, perhaps not, but I think it's close enough...

Minty Thrill
Chapter 24
Nitty Gritty, Little Skitty
(…As if that isn’t the cutest chapter title in the world??) ^_^

“So, the judge finally declared it wasn’t James Bond’s baby. After the court case, Bond was talking to his associates, yeah. So, one of ‘em says, ‘tell me, Bond, you weren’t breaking a sweat in there. How did you know it was not your child?’ And Bond says, ‘Simple, my dear friend. …I always wear… A BONDOM!!”
James looked at Chase and I with anticipation. He had just finished telling us what just might’ve been the longest and most overdetailed James Bond joke in existence.
“Tell me, James.” Chase grumbled, “Where did you hear that crappy excuse for a joke from?”
James frowned, “Well, I liked it.” He huffed, and shifted his balance onto one foot, “And I read it off the back of a cereal box.”
“All that?” I gasped, “From one cereal box?”
“…Well…” James said sheepishly, “Sort of. I changed the details slightly.”
Chase looked at James with a frown.
“OK, so all it said was, ‘Which secret agent has a headspin 24/7.’, but I thought it needed a kick! …And a court case. …And a judge called Four-Fingered Flow.”
I raised an eyebrow. “So, which secret agent DOES have a headspin 24/7?”
James looked at me with a wild grin, “James Bong!!” he blurted.

Chase and Leaves groaned at the joke as though it was tasteless. Just can’t please some people, I guess.
“Well, in any event, that first joke was a bit longer than necessary…” I muttered, “I mean, it’s…” I looked up at the sky, and my jaw dropped with disbelief, “Daytime??”
Chase and James looked up, and were also shocked.

“You’re telling me that that joke took nine hours??” Chase bellowed furiously.
“Hm.” James chuckled, “I suppose I shouldn’t have included the meaning of life in it.” He paused for a moment. “Twice.”

The tense moment and inevitable death of James were cut short, when there was a vibration in my pocket. I tried to ignore it, but it just kept going.
Annoyed, I reached into my pocket, and pulled out Cubone’s Pokéball. I threw it to the ground, and Cubone came out in a bright flash, which seemed to disorient him at this early hour. He held his bone low, and rubbed his eye sleepily.
“Cubone,” I scolded, and waved my finger at him, “How many times have I told you not to shake around in my pocket while I’m busy? It’s rude, and impolite, and…”
My pocket vibrated once again.
“Ack!” I exclaimed, “You’re still doing it! That’s an awfully cheeky trick of you to do…”
Confused, I reached back into my pocket, and my hand landed on the mobile phone.
“Whoops.” I muttered, returning the confused Pokémon. “Sorry Cueball.”

I put the phone to my ear.
“Tony Chambers, I don’t do windows but I’ll do lunch anytime.” I muttered in another random phone answering spurt.
“Chambers!” came the angry reply from the other end.
I groaned, and pulled the phone away from my face. It was Mr. Michaels… I hadn’t talked to him for a while. A very happy while.
“Hello Mr. Michaels.” I said drolly, “How’s the wife and kids been?”
“I’m single, you filthy little sweatsock!!” Michaels snarled.
“And you’re going to remain that way if you refer to your most beloved tenant as an article of sports clothing…”
“Favourite tenant?” Michaels hacked. I felt as though I could smell his bad breath through the phone. “I love you like a toe loves a hangnail!!”
I smiled warmly. “Well Mr. Michaels.” I said with a starry-eyed gaze, “Just as long as you’re the toe I choose to cling to, be it as a hangnail or a sweatsock.”
Michaels went silent for a moment. “I hate it when you do that.” He grunted.
“So whatever do you call for?” I muttered, “Bought a new pair of especially large trousers that you couldn’t wait to tell me about?”
“What? Of course not…” he spat.
“Oh dear…” I sighed, disappointed. “…Couldn’t you tell me about the trousers anyway?”
“There are no trousers!” Michaels snapped.
I gasped. “What did you do with them?”
“I NEVER HAD ANY TROUSERS!” Michaels wailed.
“Ack, Mr. Michaels, I really don’t recommend wandering around without any trousers…”
“Just shut up and let me continue!” he said in an oddly whiny voice.
“Alright…” I grumbled, “The trousers will have to wait then…”
“Anyway,” Michaels said in a voice that indicated that he was proud of himself, “I finally got the Pokémon warp thing.”
“Wha?” I gasped, “You don’t mean…”
“Indeed I do!” he cackled, most likely pleased that he had used a word with as many consecutive E’s as ‘indeed’, “So now you can send me the excess Pokémon and I’ll put ‘em in your room, and the money will roll in!”
I breathed a sigh of relief. Seems he had forgotten about-
“And you better hurry up with that wish-granting Pokémon!” he finished, and hung up.
“Damn…” I groaned, “Now what am I gonna do? Michaels wants Pokémon, and I’ve only got four…”

I shook off the severity of the situation, and looked over to Leaves, who was stamping around.
Curiously, I looked over his shoulder. Surely he wasn’t so impatient that he couldn’t wait through a phone call?
I frowned. A few small ants were running back toward their hill, terrified. Leaves stomped around at them, and swept them all away. He cackled as they scattered off in different directions, abandoning their hill. He then began pacing around the tiny anthill triumphantly. Apparently, he had claimed the hill as his own.
“Well Leaves…” I sighed and peered up at Mt. Madran, “I sure hope you’re feeling as confident about the hill ahead of us…”
********************************
Finally, after much inconvenient hassle, we were ready to tackle Mt. Madran. Unfortunately, it seemed going through it was unavoidable, as attempts to walk around through the brush resulted in poison ivy rashes and ambushes from insurance salesman. Additionally, during that course of exploration, Leaves had assaulted a pesky lawyer, so we were now restricted from any further attempts around the mountain, and now whenever a lawyer saw me, they had permission to call me a weenie. It’s tough being Tony sometimes.

“So about how long do you think it’ll take to get through this thing?” Chase asked meekly.
“Well, it’s hard to say…” James grumbled, “I think we have to take that path up to the top, then go inside and get to the bottom from in there.”
“Hang on…” Chase cut in, “Why don’t we just take that spiralling path around to the other side, then climb down?”
“A rocky crag juts out around that side.” James sighed, “It blocks the path in, and it stands between it and the city.”
“Alright!” I shouted, “That’s enough talk! I mean, jeez, at this rate Chase will grow a beard before we get through this thing!”
Chase kicked me in the back, and I fell flat on my face. Leaves was horrified to find that I had landed right on his anthill.

James and Chase groaned, and started walking up the path.
I brushed myself off, and took off after them. I grabbed both their hands, and began to merrily skip.
“We’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of oooooooooooooooooozzzz!!” I cried.
James looked at me strangely. “The wonderful wizard of ooze?”
“No…” I frowned, “I said oz.”
“No you didn’t!” he snapped, “There were too many o’s there!”
“How dare you accuse me of such things!” I cried, “I was prolonging the note!”
“You couldn’t prolong a note if your life depended on it!” James hissed.
I furrowed my brow. “For that, I’m making you Toto.”

Chase groaned loudly, and stomped ahead. I gulped, and looked at James.
“I guess she wanted to be Toto…” he muttered.
I looked down, and realised that James and I were still holding hands. I wretched mine away from his, and looked around frantically.
“Sure hope nobody saw that…” I gulped.
Suddenly, we heard an annoyed cry from in front of us. We ran ahead, to see Chase looking frustrated at a tall lanky fellow.
“So sorry! So very sorry…” he babbled, then looked over at me. He ran over to me, and shoved a Pokéball into my palm.
“Take it! Take it away! Just take it away from meeeee!” he wailed, and jumped off the edge of the mountain.
Leaves and I looked over the edge, and he was slowly getting up.
“Alright…” he said dizzily, “That wasn’t the smartest way to go about it… But still.” He continued running and screaming off into the distance, this time a tad more carefully.

“What was his problem?” James asked curiously.
“Maybe he doesn’t like mountains…” I muttered, then looked back at the Pokéball I now held.
“…Should I open it?” I asked pensively.
“I don’t know…” James muttered.
“I wouldn’t trust a ball from a freak like that…” Chase warned, “Who knows what’s in there? It could be something real bad…”
“Only one way to find out…” I gulped, and the others cringed.
I shrugged, and put it close to my face.
“IS THERE SOMETHING REAL BAD IN THERE??” I screamed at it. “IF THERE’S SOMETHING REAL BAD IN THERE, SAY…” I paused. “Umm, say better beer makes better boogers!”
I waited for a response.

…Nothing.

“All clear.” I said with a smile, when the ball suddenly opened up in a bright flash. I fell backwards, shocked, as the beast took form. It was a… it was a…

*CUT TRANSMISSION*

Hello everyone! My name is George, and I have hair. Many hairs, in fact.
We hope you enjoyed this episode of Minty Thrill. Now, I’m afraid that we’re going to have to cut it short, for favour of something better. Buhuhuhuh.
Yes, Minty Thrill… has been cancelled.

But never fear, we at the Jamantri Co. studios know what you people want more of, so we’re willing to provide!

…See? A squirrel. Everyone likes the squirrel. Everyone loves the squirrel.

Or maybe two squirrels. Now I have to ask myself, would two squirrels really turn things around for me, or would that just make it seem like we’re trying to hard, hm?

I suppose that will have to wait for a while later… Buhuhuh…

Umm…aw, crap on crutches! I can’t think of anything. I suppose we’ll have to return to Minty Thrill, unfortunately. I mean, it’s not the best-written thing in the world. For one, what’s with the dramatics? We know what’s in the Pokéball. It said what in the TITLE, dammitall!

Oh well. Never fear, for I shall be back sometime soon! BUHUHUHUHHHHHHHH!!

*RESUME TRANSMISSION*

It was a… it was a…

It was a bit brighter than I would’ve liked for it to have been.
Nonetheless, I grabbed the Pokédex, and pointed it clumsily at the Pokémon.
…A female…Skitty… it said quickly, It is…another RS… Pokémon. …Now that it is your’s… it would be wisest…to use the serum before…things get…out of hand…

I nodded, and scooped the shocked Skitty up into my arm. I then pulled out the Weedle horn, and poked it in her small belly. She growled angrily at me.
“Uh-oh…” I gulped, “Guess I didn’t use enough…”
I injected more into her. She frowned, then continued growling.
“Gaaaah!” I wailed, and continued poking at it, “This ain’t working!!”
I must’ve looked quite despicable stabbing a tiny little feline with the sharp white implement. I certainly didn’t feel like I was making many fans.

After a while, Skitty twisted and turned, and slapped me in the face with her large tail. She scampered further up the path, and I stumbled around dizzily.
“Why didn’t it work?” I muttered to the Pokédex. There was silence, before it came up with its theory.
There was the presence of…statistic recovery… it said as though it thought it were quite smart, The Skitty was using…Heal Bell before the serum…could sink in. …It would be wise to…immobilize it first…
“Very well then!” I smirked, and looked down at Leaves, “Immobilize it!” I roared.
He looked confused.
“Well, I don’t see you coming up with any better plans…” I snapped at him. He Leered back at me, and I felt a shiver down my spine. “Ch-cheater.”
“Lessee…” James advised, “Well, if it could use Heal Bell to recover its status, paralysing it wouldn’t really help. We need to zonk it out! You got any sleep inducing moves?”
“Indeed I do!” I reached into my pocket, and yanked out a packet of sleeping pills. I held it high, and a shiny background appeared behind me, anime-style.

I looked at the back of the box.
“So all we need to do is make the Skitty take a maximum of two with water every six hours to regulate drowsiness!” I said triumphantly.
Leaves leapt up, and whacked me across the back of my head with the brass knux. A large bump developed.

“Owwwwwwwww…” I whined, “Alright…umm…” I snapped my fingers when an idea hit me. Or maybe that was just aftershock from the brass knux. “Klepto!”

“Don’t worry guys!” I said with a smirk, “This one’s in the bag!” I threw Klepto’s Pokéball up to the sky. It soon landed…and rolled off the edge of the mountain.
I cringed every time it fell another foot down.

Jeez, Klepto has really lousy luck…

After the ball finally cracked open, Klepto flew up, annoyed, and awaited instruction.
“Get that Skitty!” I commanded. Klepto promptly flew up after it. There was a moment of awkward silence as I realised that perhaps actually telling Klepto my goal would’ve been productive.

Soon, he flew back down, the struggling Skitty held tightly in his talons.
“Noooooo…” I groaned, “That’s not right! Put that Skitty back where you got it from!”
Klepto flew back up, and I realised what I had done.

“…Oops.”

I released Mareep, and she joined Leaves and I as we ran up the path to try and catch up with Klepto.
Eventually, I was shocked to see Klepto was sprawled on the ground. There was a big bump on his head, and he laid there, kicking once or twice. Skitty looked down at him, then at us. “Yikes… that thing must be tough…”
I looked down at my Pokémon.

“Alright. Leaves, Mareep, take this thing on together!”
They nodded, and ran forward, bumping into each other clumsily along the way. I groaned, when they finally met the Skitty.
The three Pokémon stood there staring at each other, when all of a sudden Skitty faded from view!
Leaves and Mareep looked around, confused, when she suddenly reappeared, and smacked Leaves in the face.
Faint Attack. The Pokédex assisted.
Leaves backed up slightly, and Skitty set her sights on Mareep. She swayed around, then span, and Mareep backed up. She suddenly looked calm and uncaring.
Attract. The Pokédex buzzed.
“Aww, that’s sweet.” I grinned. “And so completely WRONG!” I smacked Mareep across the back of the head, and she waved her paws around frantically.
“I do not approve of my Pokémon having love interests in each other!!”
On an interesting note… Pokédex continued, That attack…should not have worked. …Perhaps you do not know your Mareep as well…as you had thought…
I crammed the device in my pocket nervously. “That’ll be enough outta you…”

Mareep snarled, before shooting a ray of electricity in Skitty’s direction. Skitty hopped aside, and Mareep took another shot. She continued shooting, and Skitty continued dodging.
“Damn,” I said to nobody, “Can’t get the upper hand…”
“Saur!” Leaves shouted to me.
“Oh yeah!” I grumbled, “I sorta forgot about you… Go get Skitty while she’s occupied!”
Leaves charged towards Skitty…and got a shock from Mareep.
“Sauuuuuuuur!” He snarled angrily over his shoulder, “Bulababa!!”

He looked back in Skitty’s direction, only to be tackled to the ground in a ferocious Double-Edge assault. It was easy to tell it was Double-Edge, really. I mean, all I had to do was think of the Edge part. WWE’s Edge’s finisher is a Spear. Spears hurt when thrown at you. Hurting happens to yourself when you use spear, thus being doubled.
I put a finger on my chin. Perhaps there was a much easier way to remember that…

Leaves and Skitty rolled along the ground, and Leaves was flung further down the path. Skitty looked ready to attack him, when all of a sudden Mareep came from behind and shot a mighty electric bolt at Skitty. The tiny cat stumbled around, dizzily. This was my chance.

“Pokéball! Goooooooo…” I began, then remembered that I already owned Skitty.
Hmm… I wonder what WOULD happen if I threw a Pokéball at a Pokémon I already owned…
I curiously flung the ball at Mareep, who looked at me shocked as she was sucked into it.
“Oopsie.” I gulped, then turned back to the Skitty.
I pulled out the Weedle horn, then leapt at the target for extra effect.
“Time to finish this!!” I roared, and thrust the horn down.

Leaves looked at me wide-eyed. I had… missed. I laid there, the horn dug into the ground next to the quickly recuperating Skitty.
“Well, it’s small and hard to hit…”

Skitty stumbled to her feet, and looked furiously at me. She span around, and slapped me with her tail repeatedly.
“Owwwww!” I moaned, then shot up.
“Two can play at that game!!” I snarled, and lifted up my coat. I span around, and smacked Skitty in the face with my own tail. Paint splattered across the ground, and she rolled backwards, then stopped against the cliff wall, dizzy and disoriented.
I smirked, and wrapped my tail around the horn.
“It’s a tail that just won’t fail!” I grinned, and wagged my tail excitedly. …And in the process stabbed myself in the arm.
“Aww Hölle…” I gulped, “That can’t be good.”
I collapsed to the ground weakly, a goofy grin on my face. Leaves groaned, and injected the serum into Skitty himself.
James and Chase only now walked up the path, and looked at me, annoyed.
“Well…” I babbled, “It’s my Skitty… I shall name her…” I suddenly lost energy. “Agwaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…”

For lack of better things to do, I quickly shook off the effects of the serum, and James helped me up. I returned the Skitty, who was now unfortunately officially named Agwa, to her Pokéball, and hobbled over to Klepto.
“It’s alright my feathered friend, you helped out.” I sighed, “Just too bad she took you out so quick…”
I picked Klepto up, and only then noticed that next to his head was a rather large rock. …The kind that would cause a nasty bump… I looked around, and noticed that there were a lot more of varying sizes lying around.
“Hang on…” I muttered, “So Agwa didn’t knock him out… but these rocks…”

“Look out!!” James suddenly wailed, pointing to the top of the mountain. My eyes widened when I saw the boulder barrage falling towards us, “AVALANCHE!!”

I stared on, horrified, as the boulders tumbled our way…

*END TRANSMISSION*

[Mew Trainer Rose]

Agwa? eh, he can prertend he meant Agua, teh spanish word for water. tho why he'd want to name a Skitty "water" is beyond me. Then again, i have no idea why Leaves would want to reign over an anthill.

Wish-granting pokemon? just get a pokemon with Wish. it won't grant whats-his-face's wishes, but it'll grant wishes just teh same.

[Powarun]

Good chapter, can't wait until Skitty evolves, it would be cool to have a trainer with a Delcatty. How did you come up with the name Agwa or did you steal that from a PBS show my bro watches.

What are James and Chase's reactions to Tony's tail anyway. And merry christmas, because Klepto can learn wish. Ha ha

[Drago]

Mew Trainer Rose: lol, never thought of that! And it makes perfect sense that Leaves wants to rule over an anthill. He's territorial, and when I pictured him doing it, it seemed so cute! ...Sorry, couldn't help myself ^^;
Powarun: You know, you're right, James and Chase's reactions to the tail have been quite nonexistent, haven't they? I suppose I'll have to elaborate on that soon... As far as the name goes, I was just trying to think of something that would sound like Tony was going unconscious, and yet sounded sort of catchy anyway. Agwa just hit me that way.

And as far as Wish goes, remember... Tony's not that bright!!

Oh yes, you know what a chapter title like 'Determinator' means. It's another bizarre and nonsensical romp through the world of Furudo! And, as promised, I'll also update the character list. But, I can't get to that just now. Hopefully, by tomorrow it should have all the new characters, as well as a better description for Mars and Mercury. Hopefully.

MINTY THRILL
“You can’t stop at just one!”
Chapter 25
Determinator

I bellowed loudly as the boulders rolled quickly towards us.
“I’m doomed!” I screeched, putting aside the fact that perhaps others were as well. I frantically looked over at Leaves.
“Do something!!” I cried.
He paused for a moment. “SAAAAAAAAAAAAAUR!” he wailed.
“Swell.” I snapped. “Just swell.”

Suddenly, though, I heard a… snickering.
I looked in the direction of the sound, and found that it was Chase. She was trying her best to keep her composure as she clutched a Pokéball in her hand.
“You seem to forget that you aren’t the only one with Pokémon…” she said with a smirk, and flicked the ball to the ground.
Ricardo the Golem came bursting out, and he pointed towards the avalanche. He roared as he shot off his hands, and caught two especially large boulders.
Chase stylishly threw more balls down.
She grinned as her other Pokémon raced toward the closest boulders.
Amazingly, Mars and Mercury each held off a boulder, and Troubleclef used some absurd psychic power to suspend another.
“Come on!!” Chase shouted, “The Pokémon Centre’s just a little further!”
James and Leaves followed Chase further up the mountain, but I was frozen with fear.

“So very doomed…” I rambled mindlessly, as Chase’s Pokémon struggled to hold the weight.
“Doom doom doom…” I continued, “Or, if you’re dyslexic, mood mood mood…” Actually, it was pretty entertaining just saying doom. Although after saying it so much, the word sounded quite weird. “Doomity doomity doom doom doomity doomity…”
“PHWAAAAAAAN!” Mars wailed, as a boulder escaped her grasp, and continued to fall down my way.
“AAAAAAG!” I bellowed, and clutched onto the nearby Ricardo for cover.
Ricardo backed up with the strain, and tripped up. He fell backwards, and landed with such force that he managed to break a hole in the path.
I gulped, and without thinking otherwise, took a dive down after him. Mars, Mercury and Troubleclef were quick to follow.

I landed with a thud, and dizzily looked around the chamber we were now in. Only a few streams of light shone through the hole, which a boulder had blocked off. There were stalagmights…stalagfights…stalag… big pointy things sticking out of the ceiling, as well.
I got up nervously, and pondered for a moment.
“The most likely scenario…” I muttered, “Is that we’re trapped within one of Mt. Madran’s most hazardous parts, and we are all quite dead. Dead dead dead. Deadity deadity… oh forget it.”

With little to no thought, I started pounding against the walls, hoping to open up a new hole, or at very least make myself feel better.

Groggily, Chase’s Pokémon began getting up one by one. They hadn’t really the slightest clue what had happened, nor where their trainer was. They nervously looked around at their surroundings.
Troubleclef pensively walked over to me, and tilted her head slightly.
“Cleff…weeeeeeeeeeee!” she wailed.
“Umm… I wholeheartedly agree?” I muttered, trying to calm the pink star thing.
“Cweeeeeeffa!” She continued to cry.
“Hey!” I snarled, “Am not!”
Troubleclef groaned, and buried her face in her hands.

She seems…to have lost…faith. A familiar voice offered. Frantically, I pulled the Pokédex out of my pocket.
“Brilliant!” I bubbled, “You can comprehend the situation!”
To a certain…extent. It replied.
“Alrighty, I don’t know what that means, so…” I placed the Pokédex on a rock, “Get us out of here!” I roared proudly.
There was a moment of silence, before it finally said, …How?
“Damnation…” I snapped, “Well, could you at least tell us where we are?”
You are at…Mt. Madran, between…Kurabusu City and Attiles…City.
“Thank you, Captain Obvious.” I snorted, “Specify, woulja?”
There was another pause.
The inner workings of…Mt. Madran is broken up…into several…chambers. You are in chamber A34… The only…plausible route to the…tourist…path is… through to the…next chamber.
“Mmkay…” I muttered, not really paying attention to any of that besides noticing how strangely the ‘dex said the word ‘chamber’, “So, anything you can tell us about these walls? This area? The inner workings of a rather large rock?
Chambers…A1 through…E86…are rumoured to be cursed… Although… it is also rumoured that…one of said chambers… holds a threshold…of gold…
“G…g…gold?” I wheezed, and started to shiver.
Suddenly, the urges of the Kinnikuman legacy started to course through me. I couldn’t resist… I had to do the Kid Muscle thing… and I HAD TO DO IT NOW!
“GOOOOOOOOLD!” I wailed, and seemed to pull a jackhammer out of nowhere. “Delectable GOLD!”
I began pounding into the ground, as the Pokémon looked at me, confused as all hell.
“Leave me alone.” I sneered, “I watch too much anime.”

There was a jerking before I heard the definite clang of metal. Anxiously, I threw the jackhammer aside (much to Ricardo’s chagrin, as he ended up being the trajectory target), and brushed aside some dirt.
There was something hard…and metallic down there…
I wiped some more dirt away, and saw the shiny gleam of… silver?
Curiously, I leant down, and licked at it. I thought for a moment.
“Nope, that’s steel.” I sighed, “Doesn’t taste silvery enough.”
And silver would…taste like? The Pokédex questioned.
“Silver tastes like silver!” I snapped.
I half-heartedly brushed a little more dirt aside, and found that there was more to this steel than previously assumed.
“Yegods…” I gulped, “This thing looks like a skull…”

I heard a feint whirring, and looked around nervously. I put my ear to the Pokédex. It wasn’t making a sound.
I put my ear to my stomach. It wasn’t making a sound.
I put my ear to my watch. It wasn’t making a sound. …Probably because I don’t have a watch.

Then it hit me. The sound was coming from the ground…
I put my ear against the dirt, and it seemed to be getting louder, as though it were coming closer.

Just then, a metallic hand shot out of the ground, making the hideous sound of robotic joints.
I frowned. “Shh!” I snapped at the hand, “I’m trying to figure out what’s making the noise, so stop making so much noise!”
With about as much thought as a robotic hand could give, the hand grabbed me by the throat, and threw me aside. I landed clumsily as the hand’s owner clawed it’s way out of the ground. Chase’s Pokémon gasped in unison, making a mostly musical sound, really. It was a huge robotic skeleton! …Thing.

Its red eyes had a piercing glare as it peered around, before coming eye-to-eye with me.
I am… de Terminator. It said in a robotic voice with an Austrian accent. I sat back, confused.
“De what?” I muttered.
De Terminator. It repeated.
“De what??” I said again, even more confused.
It pounded its hands against the ground.
De Terminator! De Terminator! It whined.
“Oh.” I gulped, then leapt dramatically to my feet, “It’s… DETERMINATOR!!” I wailed.
Close enough. It sighed.
“Aww Hölle!” I stammered, “So tell me… Mr. Determinator… What is it that you’re here to determine?”
It pointed an expensive finger at me.
You. It said simply.
“Oh I’m very much determined…” I said with a weak laugh, “But honestly… what is it that you wanna do? Play poker? Maybe a little make-belief? I betcha you could pull a pretty mean Steve Austin impersonation.”

You have brought my curse upon yourselves. Determinator replied, looking around at each and every thing in the room (which took five minutes, but we didn’t dare interrupt) So I have no choice but to disengage your lives. Promptly.
“Aww jeez…” I groaned, “I don’t have time for that…”

Nervously, I reached into my pocket, and pulled out a Pokéball.
“This’ll have to do…” I bellowed as I threw the ball at Determinator.
He looked as confused as possible as he got sucked into the ball.
I stood there blankly, not exactly knowing just what had happened, or how it had happened.
After much struggle, Determinator popped out of the ball, and peered at me.
Don’t ever do that again. It grumbled.
“Oh. Sorry.” I said sheepishly.

Determinator tilted his head, then walked towards me, most likely ready to kill me, or something along those lines.
“Ricardo!” I wailed, “Save me!”
Ricardo nodded, and leapt at Determinator. He punched at it a few times, only to be nonchalantly swept aside.
“Alright…” I muttered, “That didn’t work…”
I looked over at Chase’s other Pokémon. “Alrighty then… Mars! Save me!”
Mars started rolling on the spot, something her evolution was more prone to doing, then rolled right towards Determinator! …And right past it. She continued rolling uncontrollably up the wall.
“What lousy aim.” I groaned, and took another look at the remaining forces. They seemed to be getting less and less intimidating by the minute.
“Mercury.” I muttered, knowing all to well how this would end up, “Save me… just try not to get killed…”

Mercury raced towards Determinator, swiping her claws madly, slowing down with each step she took. Determinator gazed down at her, and she let out a squeal.
Frantically, she took a dive behind a rock.

I let out a mushroom cloud, anime-style. Then I looked over to Troubleclef, who was still whining about something or other.
“You wanna try?” I spat, “Anything to prolong the inevitable?”

Dutifully, Troubleclef stood up, and, sniffling, raced towards Determinator. She was cut off abruptly, though, when she damn near got run over by the still-spinning Mars.
“Cllllllleeeeeeefff!” she wailed at the elephant, and angrily chased after it.
“Bloody brilliant.” I groaned, my tone seeming all too reminiscent of Blackadder. With Pokémon like this being my last hope, the prospect of death seemed less and less painful.
I shrugged and, feeling quite suicidal, made a mad dash towards Determinator. I leapt up, and hit it in the face with a spinning back kick. However, the normally powerful move just ended up resulting in a painful landing for me. I scrambled to get away from the oncoming Determinator.
“Please don’t kill me!” I wailed, “You’ll find it’ll leave such a nasty aftertaste in your mouth! And little children won’t like you very much! And you’ll prevent a small boy from ever going to space!!”
Don’t you watch de movies? It growled, annoyed, I can’t be bargained with. I can’t be reasoned with.
I opened my mouth to speak, but, knowing what I was about to say, it cut me off.
And no, I cannot be ‘determined’ with, either.
“Aww Hölle.” I snapped, and cringed as it lifted its fist into the air.

…Unless… It stopped mid-strike, and seemed to have a giddy look on its face, You wouldn’t happen to have any… catfood? Would you?

I frowned.
“Uhh… no…” I muttered, and it’s face returned to the cold uncaring glare of before.
Can’t help you then.

“Good god almighty!” I wailed, “I have no more options!!”
I thrust my hands around frantically, and only then realised that I had Pokémon of my own. I pulled out the four balls.
“Oh yeah… forgot about you guys…”
I dropped them to the ground, and Cubone, Klepto, Mareep and Agwa stood at the ready. Except… they were all still battle-worn. Klepto fell unconscious to the ground, and Mareep struggled to stand. Agwa took one look at the approaching menace, and… fainted.
“Coward.” I snapped, and returned Klepto and Agwa.

Determinator shoved past Cubone and Mareep, lifted it’s fist, and thrust down at top speed!
I closed my eyes, and felt something on my chest. There was a loud clanging sound, and, realising that I was quite alive, I opened my eyes.
Determinator was standing there, his fist planted firmly on Cubone’s helmet. They both stood there, as though frozen in time. Cubone had taken the hit for me.
“Cubone!!” I cried, and Mareep backed up slightly.

…However, Cubone was still moving…
In fact, he seemed to be forcing Determinator back!
What…what is dis?? Determinator roared, and grabbed at Cubone’s claws, as though they were playing a game of mercy.
Mareep saw her chance, and began charging at Determinator’s legs.
Determinator was beginning to lose it’s footing, and started to back away from this double-team effort.
“Yes!” I gasped, “It’s working!!”

I looked around, and was shocked to see… Mars was rolling right towards me!
“What the?” I gasped, as Ricardo got up and scooped me out of the Phanpy’s way. Mars rolled right past, and hit the wall with such effort that she tore right through it! She continued rolling off into the distance, until we were hit by the bright flash of light. Mars had made a tunnel outside, if not inadvertently.
However, this distraction caused Cubone to begin weakening, and Determinator forced him back. Cubone stumbled backwards and, dutifully, Ricardo took his place in the one-on-one standoff. Troubleclef and Mercury followed Mars out the newly made exit, and Cubone and Mareep stood by my side.
“Ricardo, you’ve got to end this now, before this thing can get outside!”
Ricardo nodded, and grinned evilly at Determinator. He then began to… glow?
I pointed the Pokédex at Ricardo for the solution, and the response almost seemed panicked.
…Explosion.

“HOLY HELL!” I wailed, scooped up Cubone and Mareep, and made a mad dash through the tunnel. I leapt onto the soil of Attiles City, and the three of us ducked for cover. …As James, Chase and Leaves walked up.
“Guys?” I muttered, confused, “How did you get through so fast?”
“Through the magic of technology!” James said with a grin, “Apparently, the Pokémon Centre had taken it upon themselves to create a cable car down to Attiles.”
“Oh.” I said with a frown, “That’s dandy.”
Chase looked around for a moment. “…Hang on…” she muttered, “Where’s Ricardo?”

There was a loud explosion from Mt. Madran, and the top blew off like a volcano. Rocks flew everywhere, and Ricardo fell nearby, sizzling.
“Gol.” He wheezed, and blinked twice.

There was a pause from everyone, as the remaining debris hit the ground.
“…Perhaps I should explain this…” I chuckled, then heard a clanging sound. I looked over to the left and there, in the grass, was the head of Determinator. Sparks flew off it, and it jittered insanely.
I dashed up towards it, and it opened it’s mouth to speak. I moved closer so I could understand it’s words.

Terminator…3. Rise of the Machines. In theatres… now.
It stopped moving, and I stood up tall.
I looked over to the others, when I was hit with a sad realisation.
“I’ve… I’ve KILLED ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER!!”

I began to bawl loudly, as the others collapsed to the ground, annoyed as all hell.

[Drago]

There! Character bios are now up and ready. Once again, I'd appreciate if anyone had any input for the bios, such as mistakes I've made, points I've missed out on, or if they have any complaints that there seem to be forty-odd villains ^^;
Fun fact: The character bios are, in total, 5,600 words long.
I'm so obsessed with the bios today! Bio bio bio...

Oh yeah, just so that I don't forget, Chapter 26: (working title) A Very Stupid Sity, is quite obviously the crew's first escapades in Attiles City. Expect to find out more about newcomers Mareep and Agwa, Leaves decides to spearhead the Bulb-is-sore fashion world, learning a new word in the process, and James gets arrested!
All that, and absolutely nothing else, coming soon. ^_^

[Powarun]

Okay, a terminator rip off. Dang you, this is probally weirder than my story. Okay, also I forgot who the rolling guy was, until you said it was Phampy. It was a good chaper nonthe less adn I can't wait to see more.

[Drago]

"Hi little girl! Look what I've got, a shiny red ball... Do you want to trade?"
lol, I love that movie (Jingle All the Way). And, although it has nothing to do with the upcoming chapter, it's still too good to ignore. So there.

Powarun: lol, weird is what I was born to do, I suppose. Good to know you're willing to read more chapters because, at this rate, they ain't a-stoppin'!

And so, in what just may be the most heavily modified chapter, due to re-reading my preview after I was half-done, let's see if I can make sense of Tony's newest escapade...
Ooh, and, if I'm not mistaken, by the end of this chapter, Tony will have said “Aww Hölle!” thirty times. Quite magical, really.

MINTY THRILL
“We aim to please!”
Chapter 26
A Very Stupid Sity

I gazed across the serene surroundings of Attiles City. After the foreboding Dezu, and the ragtag Kurabusu, this mostly local area seemed nice. The grass was a healthy green, the houses were colourful while at the same time mute, and all across the town they were doing this new dance called the Charleston.
Yes, it seemed that this town would provide me with a healthy break from the hubbub that came with Pokémon training…

I stopped in my tracks, and the others looked at me, confused. For I had just come to a realisation…
“I haven’t actually trained since Dezu City!” I gasped aloud.
Chase frowned. “Uh, that’s great Chambers, except we were talking about how our Pokémon are starving…”
“That’s of no importance now!” I retorted, “What good will a starved Pokémon do if it isn’t properly trained?!”
James frowned. “I don’t think that made sense…” he muttered.
“You two don’t think at all, do you!” Chase snapped, and started walking ahead, “I’ll just have to imagine a solution myself. …AGAIN!”
“Try to imagine being nice while you’re at it!” I snarled, and almost swallowed my tongue when I realised what I had said.
James backed up slightly, “Watch it Tony…” he gulped, “If it weren’t for her connections we’d have been dead by now.”
“Yeah, but I’m sure I’d have a lot more fun as a dead man!” I muttered, and sat down next to Leaves, “Wouldn’t have to put up with the compulsory voice of reason that every one of these cliché adventures seem to feature…”

My eyes filled with a sparkle of sneakiness, or perhaps there was something in my eye. Your call.
“I can see it now…” I said with a grin, “Leaves, James and Anthony… LJA is for lovely jolly adventures!”
James frowned, “You’ve been thinking that up for a while now?”
I shrugged, “I do it for every single person I meet, hoping they’ll be my friend.”
“So, what did you have when it was just you and Leaves? Something clever for LA?”
I shrugged again, if for no other reason simply because I liked to shrug, “Nothing special.” I said nonchalantly, “Let’s attack.”
“That the sort of thing you did often before you met Chase and I?” James asked curiously.
“Oh yes indeed…” I said, clutching Leaves tightly, and most likely suffocating him slowly, “Back in the day… we used to go on all sorts of nutty adventures… we met all sorts of people… none of these conversations where I was called a bonehead, just making friends with complete strangers…”
“Yeah, we saw how well that did you.” James scoffed, pointing at my tail.
“Hey,” I snapped, “I’d like to see YOU do this!”
I pulled Leaves over, grabbed my tail, and started painting madly with it. By the end, he looked like a very angry clown.
“Green with envy?” I smirked.
“Simply seething with jealousy, Tony.” He sighed, “Anyway, we should probably keep Chase’s advice in mind, and get around to giving the Pogeys some grub.”
“…Pogeys?” I grunted, with a twisted look on my face.
“I dunno…” James said, walking towards the buildings, “I read it off some site called TPM.”
“TPM? What’s a TPM?” I looked down at Leaves, who followed my example, and shrugged. “Total Porcupine Menace? Tango Per Minute? Teletubbies Painfully Murdered?”
Hopefully, it was the latter.

I peered around the area, which was starting to seem a tad too idealistic with each step. Honestly, a wall looked like it was worth more than me.
Nearby, there was a chubby woman with a hose in her hand, merrily humming.
I wandered over, and noticed something bizarre… there wasn’t any water coming out of the hose.
“Hi…” I muttered, “Umm, this is a tad strange but we just came into town and were sort of…”
The woman turned toward me and smiled. “Sorry dear, didn’t hear you there!” she bubbled, “I was just watering the garden.”
“But… there’s no water with which to water…” James grumbled in an unusually delightful little double wording.
The woman looked back at her hose, and burst with laughter. “Oh dear!” she cried, “It appears I’ve forgotten to turn on the tap!! It hadn’t occurred to me…”

James, Leaves and I looked around at each other, each exchanging concerned glances. “Know where we could eat?” I asked quickly.
“Yes.” She nodded, and turned back to the garden, “Yes I do.”
We stood there for a while silently.
“…And perhaps you could tell us where?” I squeaked.
“Oh, I thought I had…” she said with a warm smile, “You can eat… Umm… oh dear! I’ve completely forgotten where you CAN eat!!”
She began chortling again, and, annoyed, we walked away.
“Freak…” I muttered, and let my Pokémon out.
They seemed quite refreshed by these new surroundings, and Cubone didn’t hesitate to put on his headphones.
I leant down, and listened in on the music.

Sunny days, sweepin’ the clouds away!
On my way, to where the air is sweet…
Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?

I smiled lightly, when all of a sudden the music took a turn towards a less friendly tune.

Lying scuz, everyone’s got the buzz.
Looks like my life sentence is going to repeat
Bloody show me the stinkin’ way, to Satan Street!

Shaking my head lightly, I tilted away and looked at the others. Klepto was hopping all around Mareep, chattering away obsessively about something or other, and Agwa was… gone?
“Wha?” I muttered, and looked back. Agwa had stopped and was lying down right in the street.
I wandered towards her.
“Agwa?” I asked worried, “What’s wrong? Aren’t you coming with us?”
“Skitti…” she sighed.
“Well hurry up!” I grumbled, “We’re hungry, and at this rate, starvation seems pretty likely!”
“Tiii…” she said nonchalantly, leaning her head.
“Well what do you want to do?” I snapped.
“Skiiiiiii…” she said with a yawn.

“Well I aim to please!” I grinned, and grabbed James’ bag. I shuffled around inside, and pulled out a set of skis that I had conveniently packed at some point or another.
I dropped them on her, and she kicked her legs around frantically.
“Skiwwyyyyyyyyy!!” she cried, and shot up.
“Changed your mind, huh?” I chuckled, “So you’re coming with us?”
She nodded, annoyed, and stepped ahead. I managed to make about five steps before she dropped down to the asphalt again.
“Aggggg…” I snarled, and hoisted her over my shoulder.

We walked on, and, after much annoyance, and profanities from Cubone’s headphones, we arrived at a building. It had a big sign reading Nine’s Dines, with a picture of a Mine-fails on it.
“We’ll stop in here.” I told everyone, “Because Agwa’s surprisingly heavy.”
Offended, she chomped onto my ear.
“Whaaaaaaa!” I wailed, “Someone shoot it!!”
I dashed about insanely, and crashed through the diner’s doors. Agwa and I looked up, to see a smiling waitress looking right at us.
“Hellooooooo!” she seemed to cheer, “And welcome to Nine’s Dines, home of Rich Uncle Rich and Tentales!”
Agwa and I looked at each other, then at the waitress. I stood up, Agwa still hanging from my ear.
Perhaps it’d be best to respond with similar enthusement. I thought to myself, proud to have used such a word.
I leaned up in her face.
“HELLO!” I roared, “MY NAME IS TONY AND I HAVE COME FOR SOME NUM-NUMS!”
James wandered in, and saw the situation. “Hey!” he smiled, “That looks like fun! I want to join in the yelling game.”
He dashed up next to me. “And I’m RAPPIN’ J!” he cried, and began doing a bizarre rap, “Ooh ehh ooh ehh ah ah,” he rambled, in something that most likely looks very rude in print.
“And this is Leaves.” I lifted Leaves to her face so she could get a good look.
“Saur.” He muttered, in not at all the yelling tone that he should’ve been using.
“And these…” I continued, thrusting my hand towards the remaining crew, “Are some others.”

“Uh…” the waitress droned, frowning, “I’m Katie, and that’s all well and good, but I’m afraid nudists are not allowed here!”
My face contorted, confused. “Nor should they be.”
She cut me off, and pointed at Mareep. “That wool-less Pokémon is not allowed! Put her in her Pokéball, please.”
Klepto suddenly began leaping up and down frantically. “Tuuuuuu!” he shouted, and I shook my head.
“Sorry Mareep…” I sighed, and pointed the ball at her. Right when the beam hit, though, Klepto leapt into the way, returning both Pokémon to the one ball.
My eyes widened. It was a bizarre happening, to say the least.

“So, can we eat?” I asked finally.
“I don’t know, can you?” Katie asked, curious.
I shook my head. “This is getting us nowhere…”
“And nowhere isn’t the best place to be!” Katie said proudly, as if stating a fact.

BLOODY BRILLIANT.

And so, after a conversation in which James and I had to explain every ninth word, we had gotten some food and some information from the eager-to-please Katie.
“So who’s this Tentales?” James asked Katie, while chewing on a club sandwich.
“Tentales is Nine’s Dines’ mascot!” she cried happily, “You see, we found this Pokémon out in the street. It was a Mine-fails.”
I looked over at James with a smile on my face.
“So, we took it in, and dedicated the diner to it.” She continued, “Nine’s Dines. However, in the diner’s third year, I decided to put some ribbons on her tails. After putting nine of them on, I found that there was still a tail left over. After a year of studies by Attiles’ City’s best physicians, they came to the conclusion that she in fact had ten tails. Nowadays, though, we don’t really let many people see her, what with her being so rare and all. So we decided to make a new mascot in Rich Uncle Rich.”
“So where’s Rich Uncle Rich?” I asked curiously, and Katie waved her hand towards a metallic midget monstrosity standing near the door.
I wandered up to it, and it peered at me.
Hello and welcome you to Nine’s Dines. It said in a primitive electronic voice. I leant closer towards it, intrigued. I Rich Uncle Rich, and you someone else. Ha ha ha. Wait for being seated, or eat right here. But don’t eat right here, for it rude. And if you rude, I eat your nose.
It then opened its mouth, baring sharp metallic teeth.
Yum yum! It buzzed, and clamped down onto my nose.
“EEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGG!!” I bellowed, “Get it off! Rich Uncle Rich, STOP BITING ME!”
Leaves and Agwa couldn’t stop laughing, as James and Cubone dashed up.
“BOOOONE!” Cubone wailed, hitting the robot with his bone, to no avail.
“Um, um…” James gulped, “Maybe these buttons will help…”
He pressed one, and an Adrian Legg tune started up from the back of Rich Uncle Rich’s head.
“No…” he gulped, “How bout this one?”
He pressed the next one, and Rich Uncle Rich lifted its hand to its forehead.
Does Rich Uncle Rich see any customer? It asked, and started looking around, hitting me in the face with its elbow.
“Um… this one?” James squeaked, and pressed the next button.
Rich Uncle Rich’s face took on a sinister glare.
Rich Uncle Rich will dance for you! It declared, and began doing the can-can, kicking me in the crotch.
“JEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEESSSSS!!!!!” I cried, in a significantly higher voice than usual.

Now bored of the show, Leaves ambled up, leapt up to Rich Uncle Rich’s head, and smacked it with the brass knux. It stopped dancing and looking, and its eyes took on the dead stare of before.
“Uggghhh…” I groaned, my nose still clamped in the hideous teeth, “Thanks Leaves…”
“Bulbsa.” He muttered, and poked one of the buttons, resulting in one last kick from Rich Uncle Rich.

Katie walked up, as James opened up the mouth of the robot. I fell back, my face throbbing.
“Funny.” Katie grumbled, “Never seen him do that before…”
********************************
I slumped down over the counter, as Katie cleaned some glasses.
“So, how come Tentales isn’t here now?” James asked.
“Well…” she whispered, “There’s been reports that tonight, two burglars had planned on breaking in and taking her away from us. So I kept her at home today.”
“Weren’t the customers disappointed?” James muttered.
“Nah.” Katie grinned, “I just told ‘em she was at my place, they didn’t mind.”
James and I once again peered over at each other.
“Ehh…” James said slowly, “Perhaps you should leave watching Tentales to us… After all, you can always trust Tony and James!”

Suddenly, a big hairy hand clamped down over James’ shoulder, and threw him onto the floor.
“So we’ve finally found you!” the owner, an equally hairy police officer, declared, “Thought you could get away with kidnapping Tentales, huh?”
James rubbed his head, and sat up. “What? What are you on about??”
“We know all about you…” the officer snarled, “You’re James! There was a man from Team Rocket named James, who disappeared years ago…”
“So?” James snapped, getting right in the officer’s face, “All because I’m James doesn’t-”
“A CONFESSION!” the officer roared, and picked James up by the throat, “You admitted yourself that you’re James!! You dirty criminal!”
James croaked something, but it was muffled by the officer’s tight grasp.

He dragged him out, as the rest of us stood there, dumbfounded.
“Well that was interesting.” Katie stuttered.
“And so completely not right!” I growled, and looked down at Leaves, “No worries, though. Leaves is a professional at all sorts of illegal things. No doubt he can bust James out of prison.”
Leaves nodded, and we stepped outside. Ready for action, Leaves slipped on the shades he had stolen from a security guard.
We took no more than a few steps, when a tall fellow shoved past me, and picked Leaves up.
“Oh this is SPLENDID!” he cried, then turned toward me. “Hi. My name is Phil McQuarters, fashion agent extraordinaire. Your Pokémon is simply screaming good taste, so I’m just going to take him. Right now.”
He said it so fast it was all a blur. I sat there, disoriented. “Umm… ok?” I grumbled, and without hesitation, McQuarters dashed off with Leaves in his arms, ready to bring him into the world of fashion.

After several moments’ hesitation, I walked back into the diner.
“Minor setback.” I grumbled, and buried my face in my hands.
********************************
“Simply put, Tony, you’ve got to get me out of here!” James wailed. I was standing in front of his prison cell, which I had decided to visit for some bizarre reason at some random interval, “Basically, we both know that those thieves are going to show up tonight, right? Well, you and Leaves bust ‘em, and clear up my name!”
“OK.” I said with a smile, “So how’s prison?”
“Great fun!” James replied, “Lots of food, constant parties, I’m loving it.”
“Really?” I gasped.
“NO!” he snarled, “It’s cramped, dark, and I’m married to three large men! GET ME OUTTA HEEEEEEEERE!”

I backed away, assuring James that I would do the best I could.
I glimpsed up at a nearby TV hanging from the prison ceiling.

And now, he’s coming to home video! He’s the Bulbasaur with style! His motto is, “If you can’t be good, be good at it!”
So buy Leaves’ Fashion World Videos 1-5 today! Pay with credit card and get a free Leaves plush that squeaks when you squeeze it, and steals wallets when you don’t!
I frowned. In the course of two hours, it seemed Leaves had become the top Bulb-is-sore model. …Which was frankly quite disturbing.

I returned to the diner, and awaited night time. Amazingly, it came right on schedule.
“Alright.” I told Katie, “I’m going to take some of my Pokémon to your house, and we’re going to have a tea party.” I gasped when I realised I had revealed more than I had intended. “That is to say, we’re going to ambush two possibly armed criminals, and take them down using our wits… and perhaps a large net.”
“Sounds good…” Katie nodded, and looked out the window, “But I’d hurry if I were you. It looks like somebody’s already breaking into my house.”
“Aww Hölle!” I bellowed, and tore out into the street, frantically trying to stick a sock onto my head, so that… well, in retrospect, I honestly don’t know why.
Finally, I got the garment on, and, without any way of seeing, barrelled along.
“YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!” I cried, shaking my fist in the hopes of intimidating all who opposed me. …However that came to a dead halt when I crashed into what could be defined as a wall.
I pull the sock up over my forehead, making me look like a Smurf from the hood, or something, and drop two Pokéballs. Cubone and Agwa make the scene, Cubone looking determined, Agwa looking at Cubone looking determined.

We crept in through the open door, and wandered around. Inside was the light of a TV down the end of a hallway. There was a tall person with a gun standing around, looking through various drawers. I flicked on the light, and he whirled around surprised.
“Hmm…” I grumbled, “Perhaps I should’ve thought this through…”
He shot blindly, and hit the wall behind me.
I looked in Cubone and Agwa’s direction. “Methinks he’s one of the thieves.”

He frantically fired another bullet, and I frantically leapt into another room.
I looked at the various bits of lingerie lying around the floor.
“Ooh…” I said with a smile, “Very nice…”
“Joe!” The tall bloke shouted frantically, “You keep lookin’, I’ll get the mook. This is a job for Mangler Mickey!” If nothing else, at least I could now thank him for revealing to me both their names.
“Cubone,” I whispered, “Surprise this bozo with Bonemrang.”
Cubone nodded, and piffed his bone around the corner. There’s a crash and a shout, as the bone whirls back.
“…Think he was surprised?” I snickered, and leapt out to confront this Mickey character. I was shocked to see him pointing the gun at me.
“Perhaps not!” I squealed, and ducked a miserably aimed bullet.
I fell right next to a frantic Cubone.
“You know Cueball…” I felt inclined to say, “I have a very strange life.”

I rolled back into the previous room, and looked around frantically for something to save myself with.
“Cubone!” I wailed, shaking the life out of him, “Do something!”
Cubone clutched his claws, determined, and closed his eyes. He began glowing brightly.
“No no no!” I snapped, “That didn’t work last time, it won’t work now!!”
He dimmed down, and rolled his eyes.
“Boooonecue…” he grumbled.
In the corner, Agwa shivered, terrified, under a collection of items.
“Agwa you coward!” I snapped, and began throwing things out of my way, “Get out of there so that I can hide!”
I stopped when my hand landed upon a certain item… a skateboard. I suddenly thought back to the old days… with my skateboard… the one that I never learned how to ride… the pain… the collisions… the further pain…
I pondered to myself. What would hurt more, a bullet to the head, or stacking a skateboard? I already knew how one of them felt, I didn’t revel in the possibility of discovering the wonders of the other.
I grabbed the skateboard, and looked at Cubone and Agwa.
“This is it guys… the moment of truth…” I took a deep breath. “It’s time to conquer my fear of crashing.”

I threw the board around the corner, and leapt onto it, crying a battle cry that sounded more like I was licking a running beater.
…However, apparently skateboards don’t glide gracefully on carpeted floors. I stood in front of the gunman, eyes widened.
“Umm…” I gulped, “Plan B.”
I picked up the skateboard, and smacked him across the face with it. He fell to the floor, and I stomped over him triumphantly.
“Alright, that’s Mickey down…” I whispered to myself, “Now it’s time for Joe…”
I walked into the next room, and peered around the corner. There was a gun on the floor… and a big brown sack.
Curiously, I looked further, and sitting in the hall was a teddy bear wearing a mask. On his striped shirt was written, ‘Joe’.

“Umm…” I grumbled, and kicked the bear over. I walked back to Cubone and Agwa.
“I’ve subdued Joe.” I said with a weak smile, “My might is simply… unbearable!!”
**************************** (That’s three of these in one chapter! Oooh…)
James and I sat at the diner. He was finally free, and Mickey and Joe were behind bars. We looked surprised at the doors, when Chase walked in.
“Well Chambers…” she muttered, “I’ve been looking for you all night! I just bought Leaves back for you…”
At her side was Leaves, who looked more expensive than he had previously.
“Leaves, I can’t believe you!” I cried, “You abandon me right when I need you most, I don’t know how they’re treating you, where you are, in fact, I don’t even know who you’re with! Then you come back, when everything’s over and done with!”
“Oh, and apparently…” Chase muttered, “He learned a new word as a model.”
“Leaves, I was very worried about you!” I groaned. Leaves looked up at me, dropped his shades slightly, and walked around. He opened his mouth, and croaked at me,
“Blah blah blah…”

[Powarun]

Okay. sometimes I wonder how Tony is still alive. Dodging bullets, trying to use a skateboard on carpet, he is just lucky.

Is leaves famous or is he just a one day model? ANd I loved the TPM spin offs especailly abou tthe teletubbies, and it sorta scaredme when I saw your sig.

To bad Mine tails wasn't seen.

[burakkichu]

ok so it's been a while since i last replied, hehe. yay! Tony has a skitty now! a scaredy skitty, though. ^^ and at first i thought Joe was a teddiursa. ^^;;;;;

[E_Eevee]

okay, I've definately got my dose of silly for the day LOL, forgot about the tail. And a skitty...with the name Agwa O.o Poor cubone.

[Drago]

Powarun: lol, Tony's just very lucky, I suppose. And I forgot to include Mine-fails. Just simple as that. ~_~
burakkichu: Huzzah! Always good to see one of the earliest readers back. ^_^ And thus far, it seems everyone loves Skitty. Eeeeeeveryooooooone...
E_Eevee: Whee! More returnedness! ...And I tend to forget Tony has a tail too. Which sucks, since it could've been quite good in certain scenes.

Now then, let me get to the point of today's interlude...
As you might've noticed, I've slowed to a near halt in chapter updates. Does this mean I'm quitting? No, not especially.
However, I've come to the conclusion that this slowing down is due to one thing... James and Chase. Alright, that's two things. So sue me.
Now, I'm not really sure what the best course of action would be, but I'd like to know everyone's opinion... Would you at all mind if I killed off James and Chase?

I may or may not take such a drastic course of action, but I think it'd be best to know what y'all would prefer before making any rash decisions. Overall, I just felt the quality was better back when it was a Tony/Leaves gig.

Thanks in advance. ^_^

[E_Eevee]

Mwahaha, please do ^^;;; (preferrably Chase).

[Powarun]

Must kill them, by a freak accident though, like they went in a bar and a pool ball hit them in the head. You know something that you would htink of... really my mind has enough ideas to kill them off, but yours is different and that is why I read this.

So school is your devil

[Drago]

Hmm... interesting.
Yeah, I know, it's a bit quick after asking, but I'll still listen to people's opinions. For those of you who want to see them gone, it won't be any time soon. Sort of soon, but not promptly. Also, I never thought of just getting rid of Chase. Nonetheless, the mind stirs, and it's stirring up some things that are most amusing... Hehehe.

Anyway, straight off making that last post, I felt the sudden urge to make a new chapter.

MINTY THRILL
“Approved by nine out of ten dieticians!”
Chapter 27
Frantic Antics in Attiles’ Gym

The fleeting sun began to disappear behind the murky wall of clouds, just peeking over the horizon. Seemed dusk was approaching, and I still hadn’t gotten my gym battle. To the best of my knowledge, it would be best to take care of it now, rather than hang around the city for longer than I needed to. After all, we didn’t need the effects of Attiles City starting to get to me. I was too smart for that, surely.

“So tell me lads…” I said in a strange tone, clutching the struggling Leaves tightly, “Where is this…gym everybody’s talking about?”

Chase raised an eyebrow (she was quite good at doing that), and nonchalantly waved her hand towards a tall, brick building that appeared to have many floors. In fact, it was almost like a residential skyscraper.
I began to briskly jog towards the destination. Leaves puffed alongside me, and we were making good distance.
Suddenly, I felt a jiggle within my coat. There was a bright flash, and Agwa shot out, and started to run with us.
“Well!” I grinned, “This is a pleasant surprise. Shouldn’t be longer than-”

There was a feint thud, as Agwa fell to the ground, exhausted.
“I really wish you wouldn’t do that…” I sighed, and scooped her up under my arm.
********************************
“Sure is big…” I gulped, now standing in front of the gym.
“Yeah, but so was the wart I had removed.” James said, resulting in many a disgusted glance.
“Doubtless we’ll be lucky if the gym’s open…” Chase said, glancing at her watch.
“Open to criticism, anyway.” I snapped, “Who honestly bothers making this many floors for a single gym anyway?”
“Someone with a lot of time, effort, and bricks, I suppose…” James said with a shrug, as we stepped through the doors.

I took one step forward and gasped.
“The… floors… are…
BOUNCY!!!!”

I leapt forward, and began springing off the walls, the halls, and the stalls, should they be available. It seemed that the room was built entirely like a bounce house of some description.
Leaves couldn’t resist, and started bounding around as well. James peered over at Chase, before putting on a big, goofy grin. He followed suit, and joined Leaves and I in the insane bouncing.
“Come on, Chase!” I called, my thoughts swimming with a sense of nostalgia.
“Yeah, you could do this!” James offered, and flipped around, before pouncing off the wall like a torpedo. I pounced up toward the ceiling, and unfortunately met James mid-flight. We crashed to the floor, and bounced weakly to a halt, Leaves cackling all the while.
“I think I’ll pass, thanks.” She muttered, walking carefully up the stairs. James gathered himself, and ran up after her.
Leaves and I just sat there, disappointed.
“Hmph!” I snapped, and punched at the floor.
There was a pause, then a light hissing sound. Curiously, I looked down, and found that I had opened a hole in the floor, as the entire room started to deflate.
“Uh-oh…” I glanced over at Leaves, who had a panicked look on his face.
Without hesitation, we got up and barrelled up the stairs.

As soon as we reached the next floor, I leapt gracefully forward… and landed with a thud.
“Hey!” I whined, rubbing my nose, “No bounce…”
“Yeah kid, carpets don’t cater well to that.” Chase said with a frown, as I began to look around.
“Jeez, this is a change of pace…” I said with awe.

There were no bouncing walls, or brightly coloured ceilings. Now, we were standing in a large, grand room, that made me think of elephants. Perhaps because this was the sort of room elephants would enjoy, but that’s arguable.
The doorway to the next flight of stairs sat straight in front of us.

“Well, no point in waiting around…” I said confidently, and walked forward. …Before I stopped with a crash.
I looked forward, confused, as James walked up. He knocked on whatever it was I had walked into.
“Glass walls, I guess?” he said, “Hard to see though, they’re damn-near invisible…”
I gasped loudly.
My worst enemy… is now… INVISIBLE??

I looked down at Leaves, who had an unusually sympathetic gaze. He knew how much I hated walls. And now, we were faced with invisible ones? This wasn’t going to be fun…

James and Chase started feeling around the wall, slowly walking around and progressing forward. Agwa, who I had only just remembered being there, looked curiously at me through her squinty eyes.
“This ain’t good, my little puddy pal…” I gulped, “Seems I’ll have to confront my worst fear. …How do you think I could do it?”
With feigned interest, Agwa wandered forward with her head lowered, and bumped into the wall.
“You… you think I should do it head-on?” I said with a new sense of inspiration. I looked over at Leaves, who grew more worried as more gears turned in my head.
“I’ll do it!” I roared, and kicked up, which was quite the difficult feat really. I looked over at Leaves for his approval at my most splendid stunt, and he merely rolled his eyes.
I sighed, and charged forward.
“In the words of Super Mario…” I cried, “LET’S-A GO!!”

I crashed right through the first wall, and hit the floor. James and Chase, who were quite far ahead by now, looked back at me, shocked.
“Ow.” I whimpered, and got back up. I proceeded to charge through the second wall, and fell to the floor in a similar way.
“Ow.” I repeated. “I’ll be feeling this tomorrow!”

After much smashing, crashing, and spurts of amnesia, I had reached the other side of the room.
James and Chase casually strolled up towards me.
“How you doin, Tony?” James said nervously.
I grinned widely, several shards of glass pouring out of my mouth. “Feelin’ fine.” I said weakly, and began crawling up the next flight of stairs.

I brushed some debris out of my hair, which included three rats and a midget, and looked straight ahead at the tasks this next floor presented.
And I stepped back. For, right in front of me was many more ME’S!
I raced towards the me’s, and they did the same and ran in my direction.
I fell forward, and hugged the nearest me affectionately.

James and Chase, more than willing to burst my bubble, walked up toward the party of me, and chuckled.
“Mirrors.” Chase said, “This gym sure is something.”
James, however, was already preoccupied with his beloved reflection. Bizarrely, he was already practicing his newest pickup lines.
“Hey there, haven’t seen you around these parts…” he pointed down towards his pants, “So how would you like to get better acquainted with THESE parts?”

He looked over for my approval, and I weakly grinned. From ahead, I could hear Chase groan, annoyed.
“So, anyone got any plans for navigating this hall of mirrors?” she said, “Looks like there’s a lot of forks.”
I scrambled towards her with anticipation.
“Forks??” I bubbled, “Collectible forks, perhaps?”
She rolled her eyes, convinced it was a joke (and I didn’t do more to lead her to believe otherwise), and looked at me for my plan.
“Well, no better cure than releasing the beasts that lurk in my pants…” I shrugged, and dropped my Pokéballs to the floor. (Oh behave)

They each arrived with a cry for appearance, then, after standing around for a while, began socialising.
“Guys, we need these mirrors out of the way.” I commanded, and it was of course Cubone who eagerly stepped forward, and raised his bone at his reflection.
“Bubububooooooone!” he roared, and swept at the mirror at full speed. But it was to no avail, and he bounced back, shocked at the mirror’s strength.
Klepto hopped over to him, looking ready to help. …And promptly stole Cubone’s bone. He took flight, Cubone frantically chasing him.
Klepto dropped the bone, and it landed on Leaves’ head. Shocked, he crashed forward, falling on Agwa’s tail. The cowardly Skitty started darting around in circles, causing a light breeze. Instantly, the wool-less Mareep began to shiver. Evidently, she didn’t like being cold. Sparks began flying from the tuft on her head, and she growled lightly.
“Uh-oh…” I gulped, as more and more static built up.
I ducked down to the floor. For once, I wasn’t going to take the fall…

Shrieking furiously, Mareep released the electricity, shocking everyone in the vicinity, bar me.
After the thunderous roar died down, I got up. The unaffected Cubone looked around, confused, as Mareep panted heavily, her tuft of wool standing straight on end.
“…Methinks we should split up.” I said helpfully, as Chase glared at me furiously.

Before anything drastic happened, I chose a path and began running.
I glanced around nervously, and my reflection glanced back.
“What are you looking at?” we snarled at each other.
“Your ugly face, you freak of nature!” we both shot back.
“You want a piece of this?” we roared, but I was cut off as I crashed directly into yet another reflection.
“Watch where you’re going!” we moaned at each other, and stood up.
“That’s it…” we said angrily, “You’re going down!!”
We leapt at each other, and the mirror fell to the floor. James, who happened to be on the other side of the mirror, watched on confused as I fought my reflection.
“James!” I said quickly, “Help me take this guy out!”
“Alrighty…” he gulped, and raised his fist. He looked around frantically. “But… which one?”
“Hit Anthony, James!” I cried loudly, “HIT ANTHONY!”
“Sure thing…” he shrugged, and popped me one right in the nose.
I fell to the floor but, miraculously, the reflections were also downed.
“Good thinking James.” I nodded, “Now let’s beat feet before they get back up!”
We dashed ahead, and arrived at the base of the stairs.
“Great…” I panted, and then gasped when I noticed something. …There were mirrors lining the stairs!
“Which way do we go?” I gasped, grabbing James by the shirt.
He pondered for the moment, and the tune of Jeopardy ran through my head.

“This way!” he roared, pointing in the opposite direction of the stairs, “We’ll confuse them this way!”
“Brilliant idea!” I said, and ran away from the stairs. We crashed right into one of the mirrors, and sat down, tired and beaten.
“This isn’t going to work…” James whimpered, “We need to get someone here… now!”
“We need to give someone a real reason to get here…” I said, pressing my finger against my chin. I felt around my pocket, and found Cubone’s walkman.
“Brilliant!” I said, “Cueball will stop at nothing to get to this!”
I turned it on, and cranked up the volume. The eerie sound of music rebounded off the mirrored walls.
“Booone!” Cubone cried in the distance. There were a couple of thuds. He was obviously trying his damndest to get to the walkman.
“B…b…BOOONE!” he wailed, and off the mirrors flashed an impossibly bright light.
“Oh great, Cubone’s showing off to nobody again…” I sighed, when all of a sudden, there was a shattering sound.
“What the?” I grumbled, when all of a sudden, Cubone burst through the mirrors towards us.
“Cubone!” I cheered.
He grinned widely at me, and then defensively snatched back his walkman.
“You did well Cueball.” I said with a smile, and grabbed his Pokéball, “Take a break for a while.”

After Cubone had returned to his ball, and the others had slowly but surely made their way through the shattered path of mirrors, we ambled clumsily up the next set of steps.
I peered around, as I seemed to have done overly often today, and was more or less disoriented by the appearance of this fourth floor. There was no floor ahead of us! Just a dark, gaping hole.
Chase leant over the side. “Now how the hell does that work? Shouldn’t this just lead to the third floor?”
“Dunno.” I said with a shrug, “Let’s find out.”
Instinctively, I shoved James down.
“You baaaaaaaastaaaaaaa…” his voice faded as he fell further into the scientifically unsound darkness.
Finally, there was a thud.
“…Any other bright ideas?” James shouted from down below.

“Well…” Chase said with a shrug, “Obviously we can’t jump to the other side…”
I shot a strange look at her.
“How do WE know that?” I said in a dangerous voice. The kind that sounded more like a bad Don Adams impersonation.
With a flourish, I ran furiously, and made a mighty leap!
…And fell significantly short.

However, rather than plummeting down, I found myself landing on an awful lot of nothing.
I shook it off, and sat up.
“Invisible floor!” I chuckled, and shot a fist to the air.
Chase slowly found the path, and walked up towards me, Leaves faithfully following. Most likely because he was hungry.
“So?” she snapped, “Does it keep going?”
I felt around forward, and found nothing.
“Nope.” I sighed, “It turns.”
“Brilliant…” Chase groaned, “How are we supposed to navigate our way around an invisible path?”

Then, there was a cheeky cackling.
I nonchalantly looked over at Leaves. Seemed he had a plan.
“I know I’m going to regret this…” I said slowly, “But what should we do Leaves?”

With a wide smile on his face, Leaves bit my tail.
I howled with pain, as gooey Smeargle paint splattered across the room.

“Great!” Chase said perkily, walking forward, “I can see the path now.”
I stroked my tail affectionately. “Yeah…” I snapped, “Great.”
Leaves smirked at me and, while nobody was looking, I gave him a swift kick, nearly knocking him off the path.
We shot each other evil glares, as we crossed the path to the stairway.
I poked my head down, remembering James’ current position of down-ness.
“You right down there?” I called, my voice echoing back to ask me the same question.
“Yeah, you go ahead.” He replied, “I’ll be fine.”
“What’s it like down there?” I said curiously.
“It’s dark, barren and lonely.” He said quietly.
I chuckled lightly. James had just described an X-Box game.

Making our way up the stairs, we were hit with a bright light.
Klepto fell back, stunned, as Leaves slipped on his shades.

“Welcome…” a goofy voice roared, “To the main event!”
I adjusted to the brightness, and took in the surroundings. …The room was just like an oversized circus tent, complete with striped walls, and the necessary fat man standing in the middle, yelling at us.
“I’m your respected gym leader, Frown the Clown!” the fat one called.
I looked curiously at this Frown fellow. He was bald and fat, and he had a permanently worried look locked into his expression. He was a bit like Andre Agassi crossed with Homer Simpson.
Just like my dream… My mind ran through, only he’s not driving a Volkswagen.
“And I take it you’ll be my lovely competitor?” he said, licking his lips.
“Why yes I will be,” I replied, a tad worried, “Although I believe lovely is an understatement.”
“You?” Frown snapped, living up to his name, “I meant the girl!”
I glanced down at the Pokémon standing at my side.
Agwa and Mareep? …This guy ain’t right…
“The HUMAN girl.” He snarled, and I only just remembered Chase being there.
“Oh, her?” I scoffed, “Nah, she’s not that lovely once you get to know her.”
For that Chase gave me three punches to the gut, followed by an axe kick that straightened my stance, and most likely shattered the cartilage in my nose.
“So, what’s the deal?” I whimpered, ignoring the pain.
“It’s a one-on-one battle, kiddo.” Frown snarled, waddling over toward the wall. His hand landed on a bright red switch. He yanked it down, and several flames shot down to the arena floor, “With these flamethrowers activating every couple minutes!” he roared, and a drastic panic music seemed to blare.

“…A bit over-elaborate, I think.” I muttered, and walked down toward the arena floor.
“I’ll pick first.” Frown said gleefully, several gooey strings of saliva hitting the floor as he spoke.
He threw a Pokéball down with all his might, and it hit the floor. …And sat there.

“Stupid malfunctioning ball!” Frown snarled, and began kicking at the ball before it finally broke open.
A huge, flopping, manta thingy hit the floor, and it immediately made me think back to my schooling.
“Good god almighty!” I gasped, “It’s a Canteen!!”
“That’s Mantine, Chambers.” Chase spat from the sidelines, “Moron.”
Leaves looked up at me, ready for action.

“Sorry Leaves me boy…” I said worriedly, “But I’m not sending you in there with those overactive pyros going off.” I flicked Cubone’s Pokéball into my hand, “I’d prefer to focus on tactics…”
Leaves groaned, as though my tactics were foolish.
“Hey, they’ve worked in the past!” I snapped, “Like when Cubone fought the Hitmonlee! I might’ve lost, but I lost pretty damn bad!”
He looked at me, and I realised that perhaps that wasn’t the best example.
“Whatever.” I scoffed, dramatically raising the Pokéball, “Go Cubone!”

Cubone shot out with a bright flash, ready for action.
“My god, Chambers!” Chase gasped, “When did that happen??”
“What?” I snapped, “When did what happen?”
Cubone looked over his shoulder, and leant on his bone. He grinned slightly, as he opened his mouth to speak.
“Marowak.”

[Mew Trainer Rose]

“Oh great, Cubone’s showing off to nobody again…”

Tony wasn't there to press B on the Gameboy this time. Which is like what he was doing, keeping Cubone from evolving.

i had an idea for why Cubone might know all those crazy attacks. He was originally a Smeargle who Sketched a bunch of moves, then one time used Metronome and Transformed into a Cubone. Then for some reason he was unable to change back, maybe someone used Disable or something. Then, he stayed a Cubone, but kept all teh carzy attacks, and after being a Cubone for a while, he eventually got a Cubone's stats instead of a Smeargle's. It's complicated and crazy, but that's what this fic is about, right?

Hey, i wanna play in the bouncy room! *runs into it and jumps, only to fall painfully flat on her face* Ow!...Oh yeah, the whole thing deflated.

[E_Eevee]

The canteens are coming, run away or they'll slosh on you *LMAO* What a freaky gym. The mirror part was funny. Tony doesn't even realize he's attacking glass

[Drago]

Mew Trainer Rose: O.O Good god, that's brilliant! I never thought of any real reason Cubone, erhem, Marowak, has all these moves, other than he likes to dance. Nonetheless, I think you should copyright that. That's a damn good reason, there.
E_Eevee: lol, those wicked canteens. And I don't think its too hard for Tony to be confused by mirrors. After all, he often forgets what a wall is...

And so anyway, I return for more Mintyness! It was quite a frantic time, since from September 21st to October 1st, I was on a cruise. During that time, I stripped Minty Thrill down to the bone, and came to the conclusion that the title really doesn't have any relevance to anything. ^^;
However, I got up to many fic things. For one, I've started up preliminary writing for a new Pokemon POV fic, which is as of yet untitled, and not to mention, I felt like a mook leaving without a chapter, so I took it upon myself to make a day-by-day journal from Leaves' POV. Yup, it's a new chapter, but it has nothing at all to do with the plotline. It's sort of a spinoff, or a subchapter, or something.
Before you get reading, though, just assume that for this cruise, Leaves can talk. Otherwise the restraints on conversations would be limitless... And the writing isn't great, due to being written on the spot oftentimes, with an unhealthy amount of plentiful star pauses. So just a brief warning. Oh, and it's quite long too (obviously), sorry that I couldn't think of a good way to break it...

DISCLAIMER: The following is from a strictly characteristic point of view. I should not be held accountable for any offense taken through statements made, and/or occurances in places. Those who are offended by gratuitous mentioning of genitalia should not read on, unless it is from a surveyer's eye. If anybody has a querie/complaint, feel free to PM me, and I'll see what I can do. Enjoy.

MINTY THRILL
“Fun while it lasts!”
Chapter ??
Leavesboat

DAY 1: September 21st, 2003
( >'-')>

A light breeze sighs across the sunswept deck of this great ship, mighty as she is seaworthy. All’s calm, and as I start to get my sea legs, I feel compelled to observe the area around me.
Off in the distance, a large, quivering mass of blubber lumbers towards his table. In his hands, he merrily carries an oversized plate of chips. He is the epitome of the fat white man.
He yanks the chair behind his massive derriere with little to no thought. Then, like a pale, hairy tiger, he parks his wide load in the chair. …And into the small puddle the earlier rain had left.
Welcome to MY cruise.

Yes indeed, as if I don’t go on enough adventures as it is, today I got aboard the Pacifier’s Eye, well prepared for O&P’s fine island tours. …All right, so we don’t actually get to an island for three days, but at least the thought was there.
So what’s happened so far?
Not too much. It’s been five hours, and we still haven’t left Furudo’s coast. Maybe the captain fears he’ll miss it when we go. Anyway, I promptly treated myself to a short tour. Short because I got tired, lost, and hungry. And murderous, but that’s nothing new. So, with a hankering for chips, I set right at ‘em. Now, I must tell you, I like my chips so ketchup-drenched it looks like Drambui with a couple of straws poking out. And obviously, I’m eating them when one plots against me, and makes a kamikaze dive to the table. It lies in a pool of its own ketchup, a morbid image of a French fry skydiving escapade gone so terribly wrong.
Well, as I mourn the loss, it tilts over, and before I can shout, ‘Don’t do it, man!’ that sucker is down on my lap, making a red stain that looks quite wrong. Bollocks.
********************************
The lifejacket sits on my shoulders. I breathe heavily, as I frantically try to remember the directions. Panic sets in. Is the ship going down? No! It’s a drill, or it should be. Typically, I’ve lost my way, so now I wander through the abandoned aisles, the lifejacket making me look like a desperate trendsetter, or one of G.I. Joe’s less respected troops.
Will I find my way? Well, yes. Apparently, I just arrived at my destination. And now I listen enthusiastically. The enthusiasm mostly due to the fact that I can’t hear a damn thing that’s being said. The shrill demonstration alarm is right across from the room, resulting in fumbled keys and cursed words.
Nonetheless, I’m here now. Although I can’t see either, what with three huge butts in the way. Incidentally, I think they all belong to the same person.
********************************
3:54 PM, Eastern Standard Time. …At least, I think we work on EST. If not, then we should.
Anyway, we’re sitting outside, and I don’t care how geeky I seem to passers-by. Point is, the ship’s soon to head off, and I’m determined to put the experience on paper. Right now, I’m gleefully listening to the tunes of Inner Circle, courtesy of a bald guy and his less bald crony.
Yeah, they’re good, but I still want to spit on ‘em.

AAAGH! A streamer! We’re under attack!!
Oh wait, we’re moving. …Leave me alone; I’m new to this.
********************************
Ahh, out at sea. As I peer over the side, the cost sloshing by, I can think of but one thing. …I hate heights! So I did the smart thing, and leapt away from the rail. The wall is definitely my friend.
********************************
And, as if you need further evidence of my ability to jump incoherently from time slot to time slot, the sun is already fading, as the clouds in the distance announce dusk. Right now, I think I might have discovered my favourite part of this cruise; sitting in a room at the front of the ship, a pianist in the background, and Lady Godiva between my fingers. …That Lady being a drink, of course. For shame, all those who thought otherwise. Doesn’t really matter, I don’t even have any fingers that I’m aware of.
Although the name rings all too familiar, and I seem to recall clutching at a Lady Godena’s collar, demanding she give me money, but she seemed a lot less yielding than this beverage. At least Lady Godiva isn’t a 250-pound bodybuilder looking to throw me out the window.

…But I digress (heavily), and I suppose it’s because time is running short, and I’ve written very little all day. No fears, though, there’s another nine days yet. And it’s hard to write when you’ve got to entertain yourself! …And don’t be cheeky.
********************************
And so we approach the final jump for the day. Dinner eaten, a chicken course, and I’m surprised how much I enjoyed i funghi. Although, even if I didn’t, it wouldn’t matter. I didn’t pay for it y’know.
Boy howdy, I’ll be surprised if they don’t piff me overboard…

So I believe I should list all the people I met on this first day. First, while lining up to go aboard, there was a Dutch couple. No, I didn’t catch their names. Nor did I understand any of what they said. I think they called me a ‘geinybop’. Those meanies.

Later, while waiting for money (don’t ask), I struck a conversation with Vicki.
I like Vicki. She has a fat wallet and bad vision.
I like Vicki. A LOT.
And finally, at dinner, I came across a very colourful cast.
There was the maitré d, a spitting image of an Italian Brad Garrett, and there was also the waiter, Dino. He was so nice, he introduced himself twice. That means twice as many handshakes for me.

At the seating arrangements, I was introduced to Luke and his mom, Trish. They reminded me of boats, for some reason. *looks at the cabin floor* Oh, that’d be it.
Also, there was the nutty Maury, and Maury’s wife, who probably had a name.

So, quite a long list of people who’ll be victims when I sink this sucker… whoops, I mean, happy lovely jolly friends. Yeeeeesssss…

DAY 1: TODAY LEAVES…

• Got on board. Would’ve been a tad tricky to go on a cruise otherwise.
• Realised it’s another two days out at sea. Bollocks, says this land-lubber!
• Killed a chip.
• Learned how to drown.
• Found a new reason to hate G.I. Joe.
• Set off into the wild blue yonder. Well, actually, it was more greenish than blue, but you know what I’m at.
• Clutched tightly to the rail for fear of sudden diving urges.
• Watched the bow for about two hours. It didn’t do much.
• Listened to the pianoing of some dude, who plays a damn fine ‘On My Own’. I love Eponine, don’t you?
• Remembered the horrors of women named after mocktails.
• Met many a peep.
• Remembered Maury’s wife’s name (Lindy).
• Fiddled with temperature settings. Broke knob.
• Froze through the night.

DAY 2: September 22nd, 2003
( >'-')>

The waves crash against the hull, the hallway sways back and forth, as the boat rocks about again and again. AND IT’S MAKING ME SICK! All this bloody bobbing around… the only place I feel fine and dandy is up on the deck, even with the constant spray and insanely strong winds. Seems that this hassle is the only thing keeping my toast and croissant breakfast down…
Doesn’t make for easy writing, though. And even worse, Tom Clancy’s classic book, Red Storm Rising, is becoming progressively shorter, as each page rips right off, and careens toward the open sea.
********************************
By crikey, I’m a weirdo, huh? Right after writing about how sick I feel, I’ve come back from a big lunch! It involved food, you know.

At the table happened to be an Asian couple. Although, they assured me they were not an Asian couple. Well, what were they then?
An Asian pair?
An Asian magician and his lovely assistant?
America’s favourite cat-and-mouse duo?
I demanded an explanation, confused and angered by their Asian lies.
Their answer was that they were Malaysian. So what, I forgot the Mal. Amazingly, one was from the south, the other from the east, proving it IS worth taking risks. And you can blame Malaysia for this last paragraph.

Afterwards, I slept for several hours, blissfully watching the sights of the sea pass by.
Wave…wave…wave…corpse…wave…wave…hey, there’s a ducky…
********************************
Wearing my sunglasses now. Is it an onslaught of sun? Nope, actually, the lights in the hallway are too damn bright. Although, despite the style, it’s getting me a lot of weird stares. Maybe because they’re too sizes too big, and make me look like a green Elton John.
********************************
Wellity wellity… Here I now sit, attending a cocktail party. Looking across row after row at the sort of people I make jokes about, complete with a stuffy laugh. Honestly, sitting here in a god-forsaken suit for the first time in my life, am I just as pompous as all these rich retirees around me? I hope so. Could score chicks that way.
********************************
Dinner eaten, and just returned from the ship’s musical for the night. Lots of kicking and backflips, a bit like a Jackie Chan flick. Now there’s a novel idea, next time I watch Rush Hour I’ll play some Les Mis. Chris Tucker would make a great Javert! And afterwards, we got some final words from a comedian fellow, who told jokes about old women and eggs. And honestly, isn’t that what we’re all here for?

DAY 2: TODAY LEAVES…

• Felt ill.
• Sat up on a windy deck.
• Mourned the loss of the chapter where the Russians invaded.
• Ate lunch, or perhaps ‘brunch’.
• Confused the Malaysians.
• Watched the water wave (because it couldn’t say hello).
• Loathed the hallway lights.
• Made out to be a really bad Elton John impersonator, which is disappointing.
• Cursed the pompous.
• Cursed the mirror.
• Cursed by witches.
• Wondered if chicks thought I was lovable.
• Wondered why.
• Listened in on five more Maury jokes, mostly inappropriate.
• Watched a show. Wished for Jackie Chan appearance.

NOTE TO SELF: Pitch script idea for Rush Hour 3: Traffic Jam.


DAY 3: September 23rd, 2003
( >'-')>

Egad, gadzooks and zooks-e! Today I’m not sick, but I’ve got a runny nose! Actually, that’s an understatement; I’ve got an Olympic sprinty nose!! Not to mention it’s Tuesday, so I’m missing RAW, and with it, Lance Storm’s first face turn for about a decade…

So, in spite of my surroundings, I’ve locked myself away in the cabin for today, in a testament to that good old pastime of watchin’ the boob tube. …Although, it’s hard to recreate that when the remote’s only got six buttons, and with it, the power of four channels. Unfortunately, CNN doesn’t fill that WWE void. Although curiously, the aerobics channel is currently incorporating a few self-defence bits to keep you fit, so now people outside will hear a lot of ‘hi-ya! Bend the knees…’
Actually, looking at the credits, there seem to be a whole lot of pointless jobs incorporated. I mean, floor manager? Now there’s a job to write home about…
********************************
*sigh* Midday, or thereabouts, and on this third day, the novelty of the cruise is starting to wear thin. Who knows why; too many old people, too many young people, too many old people masquerading as young people, too many young people disguised as old people masquerading as young people…

Of course, tomorrow we hit our first port of call, Nouméa, which means a chance to hang out with all the locals. Hopefully, being back on land for a tad will refresh the purpose of the cruise. The Magic 8-Ball seems sceptical…and shattered on the floor.
********************************
Ahh, the sea be kind to this old salt when you’re out here on deck 8. None too windy, and the waves seem to urge me to continue reading Tom Clancy’s 830-page *glances down* or rather, 212-page classic. However, these confound deck chairs are more trouble than they’re worth!
It’s hard enough for me to lie down as it is, I don’t need to be waging war with crappy seats!

Bah, now that I’ve lobbed the useless thing overboard, it’s time to head back to the cabin (and hide until this thing blows over).
********************************
The plump man takes a deep breath. His fingers twitch nervously, and he seems to be awash by a sense of pensiveness. He dismisses it, however, prepared to make the biggest, and perhaps last, great jump of his life.
He shifts his hat slightly, breathes out, and starts running furiously. His feet fly swiftly and silently against the cobblestone beneath him, and his arms pump mightily. His gratuitous girth belies his speed.
He hops up onto the spring placed precariously close to the edge, and bounds off, using all the leverage he can manage.
He soars through the air confidently, almost casually, before beginning his abrupt descent toward his moving target. All he can do now is hope he tracked its flight pattern perfectly. He nears his destiny, when suddenly, the flying turtle he had aimed for starts climbing higher. It manages to slip past, and the plumber plummets hopelessly down to the fiery depths of hell.

GAME OVER

DAMMITALL!! Why was Miyamoto so deadset obsessed with making Super Mario Bros Deluxe so absolutely hard? Obviously, with my superior skills, I soared through the normal game, and conquered most of the Lost Levels, but World 8-3 is insane. You know, why did Bowser have to play it safe? Why choose to make the empire’s last line of defence show a sense of plumber hatred never seen before? I tell you, no matter how goofy Nintendo make his personality, this dude’s a brilliant tactician. He does amazing things with troops who are downed by a single jump. I mean, in all his army, their most feared weapon is their flipping HAMMERS. And through all of this, he still manages to kidnaps the Princess, overthrow an entire kingdom AND perfect his go-kart skills. It’s obvious that Bowser really does make the Mario world go round.
Honestly, where would we be without Bowser?

Here you’ve got Mario, crippled from a gorilla-related mishap that ended his exciting days as a carpenter forever. His girlfriend/niece/whatever the twisted storylines indicate, Pauline, ditches the poor sod, and no amount of rescue from oversized pinball machines will win her back. With his workers compensation, Mario fires up a last-ditch job as a plumber, which, although a tamer profession, is damned expensive. His last option is to live off his brother Luigi (who, according to the DK cartoon lore, is probably grieving over the awful relationship between him and his estranged daughter). Anyway, they’re given some screwy offer to clear out pipes filled with crabs and flies.
Now, stop right there. Given the curious nature of the situation, and the overwhelming presence of the Shellcreepers, it’s highly likely that these are some of Bowser’s rogue troops. However, for the sake of argument, we’ll assume otherwise. Who knows what really happens down in the sewers of Brooklyn, anyway. If New York’s houses ninja turtles, who’s to say Brooklyn doesn’t have angry icicles.

Anyway, the bros follow the tubes, and end up in the Mushroom Kingdom; a democratic society with a senile Chancellor and an army of mushrooms. In a Communist world, the kingdom should’ve been invaded decades ago. Well, anyway, pipes are two-way things, so the various baddies the bros encounter are wreaking havoc on this world as well as their own. So when the crab-and-fly-overrun Kingdom is suddenly visited by Italian plumbers with overalls and questionable surnames, they’re naturally suspicious of the pair. The innocent and no doubt confused plumbers are taken into custody, and thanks to a bad system and a kangaroo court, Mario and Luigi are accused of sabotage, and sentenced to life in prison.

When all seems bleak, there’s a sudden invasion by the villainous Koopa army. The Kingdom’s troops are easily overpowered, and the few remaining politicians decide blackmail and extortion is the way to go. They convince Bowser to trade the Princess for the lives of the Mario Bros. Bowser weighs the issue, and makes a bold decision. Who wants some nagging member of the royal family, whom he could no doubt easily recapture, when he could have not one but TWO hardworking plumbers who work for peanuts, and can jump really high?
Bowser sees the benefits, and dreams of a future with no more backed-up toilets.

He accepts the offer, but keeps his troops at their posts. And just as well he should, because as soon as Mario and Luigi are released from jail, they go against the government’s decision, and rebel against the Koopa forces. After Bowser is defeated, the government sees only bad things for the Mushroom Kingdom. Should others hear of the cowardly actions of the Kingdom’s parliament, trade offers would drop, and the economy would be in shambles. Desperately, they make a shifty cover-up story involving heroes and warp pipes, resulting in Mario and Luigi regaining their freedom.

HOWEVER, since our situation was a world without Bowser, the invasion never occurs, and the Mario brothers DIE IN PRISON. Does that sound like kind of thing Nintendo could build an empire around?
Hell no! So now, ask yourself, who’s the real hero? Mario or Bowser? …Who did you say?

Well, you’re wrong. The answer was Luigi. Without his financial and commercial support, Mario never would’ve been hired for a job as important as the crab-and-fly dilemma, and Mario would’ve died a sad and unsuccessful man.
…Doncha just love trick questions?
********************************
Wow. After all that writing, I needed to calm my nerves, and where better than my beloved bow room? And even better, today I got the middle seat, meaning I get the best view. Of course, I had to use some sneaky tactics to get it, but it’s a dog-eat-dog world, and to the victor goes the spoils.
********************************
And today’s done. And although earlier I was griping about the cruise wearing thin, I found that today, even though it was more or less spent entirely in the cabin, I redeveloped that cruising hype. And why not? Looking out at the sea, I have a fulfilled sense that I’m out in the middle of nowhere. And, despite nowhere being the simplest of places, it’s also the hardest to find.

Speaking of nowhere, don’t forget that tomorrow I get the opportunity to wreak havoc on the shore of Nouméa, New Caledonia, part of French Polynesia. Best part is, it’s a peninsula! So it’ll be just like ‘Monster Island’! …He said it was just a name! What he meant is that Monster Island is actually a peninsula.
Alright. Simpsons reference necessity. And finally, let me remind you that I’m damned good at creating writing material, even on a day as uneventful as today. I mean, for my 14.6/10.2 (cm) notebook, take out all the Mario crap, and it’s only four pages. But hey, when it’s Mario, you can never get enough!!

DAY 3: TODAY LEAVES…

• Made quite the clever runny nose pun.
• Cried foul at Darth Vader and his CNN.
• Watched RAWrobics. (Eh? Eh?)
• Reminded all to watch out for young people disguised as old people masquerading as young people.
• Killed an 8-Ball.
• Threw a consarn deck chair overboard.
• Paid a whopping fine (Bollocks!)
• Knew too much about Nintendo’s chubby mascot. Mario’s Picross, anyone?
• Rediscovered nowhere.
• Undiscovered nowhere.
• Made Simpsons reference #1.
• Found out how big this notebook is (gasp!)

DAY 4: September 24th, 2003
( >'-')>

Hey, I had the weirdest dream last night, that’d work great in a Tommy Lee Jones movie. Basically, he’s a cop who’s back on the streets, after being wrongly accused of a crime, and put in jail for a couple years. He wants revenge, so he and his (newbie) partner rock up to some dude’s house. Jones needs info, but he’s miffed at this guy, who’s a drug dealer and lawyer who let Jones down in the past. Anyway, they walk up to the area where a huge second-floor window is. The dude casually looks out, spots Jones grinning with a minigun, and packs himself, obviously thinking Jones is here to off him. The dude dives out of the way and, just for fun, Jones unloads a round, shattering the window. They stand there for a minutes, debris still falling from the windowsill. Jones peers over at his partner and remarks, ‘He’s shy.’
Ha! Now, as if you couldn’t see that in Tommy Lee Jones’ next flick! Gold!!

Huh? Oh yeah, I suppose I better head out to Nouméa now, eh?
********************************
Alright, I’m finally off the boat …and sitting on an otherwise empty shuttle bus, listening confusedly to the Frenchman on the radio. Did I mention the first language here is French? If not, then SURPRISE!!
Oh! Oh! He just said ‘2 Fast 2 Furious’. There’s a bit of English for you.

You know, I made a lot of sacrifices to get here. First, I bought an overpriced bottle of water, simply because the cruise newsletter said I should. I don’t wanna go against the powers of that thing. Last time I scoffed at its recommendations, it gave me a papercut. It’s got powers, man.
Then I had to clarify who I was before I got off. Really, am I THAT hard to recognise? I’m a damned superbulbamodel, for crying out loud! Not to mention, this suntan lotion makes me slimier than usual. It’s beyond me how I could get a sunburn anyway, but remember: PAPERCUT.
********************************
Green shopping carts? Oh yeah, this place is French all right. So far, it’s been an interesting visit. For one, it’s the first place since Fiji where I’ve been isolated from the general public. It’s quite disheartening to walk past l’ carnivale and hear the booming voice of a French Randy Savage sounding like he’s about to execute someone. It’s funny, too. These French people really don’t like me.
Security guard spots me, and puts on The French Scowl. Not just a scowl, but The French Scowl. It’s one thing I’ve only just discovered, and you just won’t understand until you get it yourself, like cancer, or cable TV.
And it’s been hellish trying to mutter French apologies, when I’m so used to saying Italian ones. ‘Pardon moi’ is a hassle when compared to ‘scusa’. So oftentimes I end up saying the latter. Well, I’m sure at least one Italian fella turned around and, with a tear in his eye, uttered, ‘grazie’.

Although, I’ve crossed one thing off my ‘to do’ list, I’ve been chased down the street by someone shouting ‘monsieur’, and strangely, I found ‘Coca-Cola light citron’.
Funny, I never saw that anywhere else. These French people are hiding something, I’m sure.
********************************
I’m certain now, though, that I’m not fooling anyone. Every single person knows, just knows, that I’m not French. For one, I’d be the only person who says to a complete stranger, ‘bonjiour, c’est-moi’. I later discovered that meant, ‘hello, it’s me’. Not something you’d usually say to passers-by. They didn’t seem to care it was me.

Worse still, I try my damndest, and manage ‘bonjiour’ (without the ‘c’est-moi’), and I get The French Scowl. Bollocks! Or balles, if you’d like.
********************************
Well, this overly tight hat has done me in, so I’m going back onboard. My Nouméa experience is over, so I say au revior to the islanders, and their hometown hero, Bob Marley. He’s on practically every second radio station, and merchandise of the Wailers vocalist is even more abundant than usual. Makes me wonder if they know he’s dead.
********************************
Agg…
Man, all in all, the hardest part of that trip was getting back on the boat. Metal detectors, bag checks, and a drastically long line. In all this, they make it harder for everyone BUT the stowaways. I know better than anyone else that you don’t use the bally entrance to get on illegally!!

On the plus side, while waiting, I got to hear a bunch of people cheer when they discovered they were riding on the ‘colourful’ bus, to which the large Polynesian driver shouted ‘Happy happy!’
And that’s the kind of New Caledonian memory that stays with you.
********************************
And now, I merely peer out the window, my eyes landing upon the first sign of land I’ve seen for too long. I don’t really think this cruising thing’s for me. I prefer to be on dry land, where I have everything that I need, and can easily buy anything I don’t need.
Oh well. At least it isn’t long until we hit Vanuatu, where I can stock up on some much-coveted supplies.

…So I suppose the question is, what did I think of Nouméa? It’s hard to say, really. The roads and sidewalks were in bad repair, and there were a few too many quaint little shops for my liking, but I found it to be all right. It’s exciting to be somewhere where you can’t understand what people are saying, and it’s rare to see a sign with any English. Maybe it’s just nice to break away from the norm. Of course, in my life, ‘norm’ is hard to define! (Closest I can think of goes back to my days at Cheers…)

So where are we off to tomorrow? I dunno, some beach area, I think. Which sucks since I don’t swim.
Nonetheless, I suppose I can make the most of things, and right now I’m probably thinking too far ahead. After all, the ship hasn’t actually left Nouméa yet. Not for another three hours!
Maybe I just have a tendency to plan too far ahead.
…Just as long as SOMEBODY does. (ahem)
********************************
It’s approaching 1600 hours, and the ship is heading back out to sea. Am I partying out on the deck? No! It’s too hard to steal wallets out there, so I’m in the cabin watching Matrix Reloaded. Neo’s whipped out the pole, and he’s kasmacking the plentiful Smiths.
You know, all those Smiths isn’t hard to believe. You ever looked in a phonebook? You’ve got Smiths coming out the wazoo!
********************************
Well, we’re now back from the country-western show, and guess what? Trish and Lindy were part of the show, contributing in the line and square dancing. Surprisingly, at one point they pulled people up from the audience, and this really hot western chick grabbed my protruding claw, and up I went. I’m no dancer, that’s for sure, but I refuse to say no to such a damn fine lady. Afterwards, I wandered around for a while, and made some new friends. It’s late, so I can only remember that two of them were named Adam. Oh, you’re such a forgetful fellow, Leaves. Damn your feeble brain!!

Well, tomorrow, (or today, rather. It’s 0130…) we hit Mystery Island, but I still ain’t swimmin’!
…Or sinkin’!

DAY 4: TODAY LEAVES…

• Dreamed a dream (of days gone by?)
• Should’ve called Tommy Lee Jones TJ.
• Realised the scene could also be done at a door.
• Landed in Nouméa. It’s all in the aim, you see.
• Heard the Frenchman say ‘2 Fast 2 Furious’.
• Feared the papercut.
• Cowered at the concept of green shopping carts.
• Mispelt ‘grazie’, probably.
• Misspelt ‘misspelt’.
• Didn’t look French enough.
• Saw Bob Marley. Like a bajillion times.
• Payed 100 francs for a can of Coke.
• Enjoyed the antics of the large Polynesian man.
• Rambled on about something Nouméan, I’m sure.
• Used Army terminology, for some reason. Won’t be the last time.
• Said something quite bizarre, in ‘You’ve got Smiths coming out the wazoo!’
• Watched an anime music video: Needed more Sonic.
• Got grabbed by hot western chick (again??)
• In case you missed it, made Simpsons reference #2.

DAY 5: September 25th, 2003
( >'-')>

So tell me, does Billy Joel have a thing for the Fonz?
…Alright, I’m pretty sure anyone under 20 doesn’t know the answer to that…

Today, I had breakfast for the first time (ever), and I suppose it’d be wise to take a look around the island of mystery, or Mystery Island, at some point. But, not now. Sleep now. Sleep here. Sleep goooood…
********************************
*yawn* Ahh, well rested. Now it’s time to hit Mystery Island!

…Hang on…

It’s DISAPPEARED!! Suitable mysteriousness, granted, but rely on me to lose a whole bloody island.
Cripes, I guess I overslept…
In such a situation, a Scottish person would say ‘Ach.’
A Canadian person would say ‘Eh?’
An Australian person would say ‘Oi!’
An Irish person would still be sleeping, probably.
********************************
By crikey, today sure is an anti-Bulba day. I was heading to the bow to drown my sorrows in yet another Lady G, but every single window seat is el occupodo! So here I sit, sulking, and waiting for one of these clowns to pry themselves from MY chair…
********************************
To avoid defeat, you gotta retreat! ~Back in the cabin, I’m waiting ‘till 1800 hours to return to the bow. By that time, most of the slobs will be dinnering. Pretty sneaky!
********************************
And the Lord said to his people, BOLLOCKS!
Yes, the day is over. It was a bore, but never fear, we can really look forward to the next few!
Tomorrow, it’s Lamen Bay, where I’m hoping to find some Dewgong (haven’t eaten lately), then on Saturday we hit Port Vila, Vanuatu. And that means none of The French Scowl!

Anyway, tonight we saw a ‘magician’. I don’t use punctuation marks because I pronounce it magic ion (since it sounds so dandy), but in this guy’s show, it wasn’t about grinning a lot, bowing every minute, and having more hair than a Wookie. For this guy, entertainment came first. He was so damned good, it’s surprising he’s not a household name. …So what if I forgot what his name was?
And then of course, the last laughs came from our buddy the comedian, who I later discovered was the cruise director, who I later discovered was named Dan, who I later discovered the pillow. (Get it? Pillow? Cover? …Bah! In Soviet Russia, jokes tell you!!)

So it seems I’m halfway through my cruising adventure. Chances are the last three days (which are at sea) will be, reporting wise, boring, but if you can’t wow ‘em with logic, impress ‘em with bull.

Hmm… bull. Bull sounds like ball. Ball reminds me of Baldrick. Baldrick sounds like bollocks. Bollocks is British for testicle.
‘Great, now my testicle has ants on it.’
HAHA! Simpsons reference strikes once more!!

DAY 5: TODAY LEAVES…

• Made Joel/Fonz connection.
• Broke my fast.
• Missed Mystery.
• Made an Irish joke. Or pun, if you will.
• Got deprived of watchin’ the sea with Lady G.
• Reminded you of The French Scowl (just then).
• Said something or other about magic ions and Wookies (as you do).
• Turned out to be an awful, awful joke teller.
• Called everyone a joke.
• Made THE BEST SIMPSONS REFERENCE EVER (#3).

[Drago]

DAY 6: September 26th, 2003
( >'-')>

‘Wish you were here at the land of the tourist trap’.
Yes, I just returned from a walk around the isle of Lamen Bay, where lazy dogs roam, schoolchildren sing about that ‘joy down een mai art’, and the native language was inspired by talkative crickets.

Well, not much to say, really. I wandered around for a while, and pondered where a dude got his blue heeler from (not enough meat on those things, after all).
Although, hard as I tried, I couldn’t find the damned Dewgong. Though I did hear a satisfying thud on the boat trip back, then strangely, a red trail in the water. Still no Dewgong, though.

Oh, and I bought a stick for $10. But not just any stick. This was a magical stick. This stick helps me walk, you see. Though some wise guy carved a snake head into the top, for some spooky voodoo reason.
It was great! …Until it got taken by quarantine.
I can’t believe the audacity… If I had a girlfriend, she’d kill me!
********************************
I hate stairs! Just trudged up from the theatre which was, of course, located on the bottom floor.
Didn’t think too much of the theatre though; Screen was a tad too small. Great sound though. There I watched Shanghai Knights, which, although no Rush Hour, was alright. Lacked the gunplay of the original, I thought. As always, the best scenes were the fight scenes. After all, Jackie Chan ain’t no kung-fool! (I’m getting worse, I think)
You know, I taught the Chan-man a thing or two back in the day; which really got him going. Before me, he was selling fortune cookies and pitching scripts with Gary Coleman…
********************************
Wow, that was a strange little moment, eh?
And speaking of moments, tomorrow we hit the momentous Port Vila, Vanuatu! It’s the stop I’ve been waiting for, mostly because it gets the monkey off my back, no more pressure from all those giftmongers back onshore.
********************************
So, another day done! I’ve covered less than I thought I would’ve, and most of that was Chan ramblings.
But then, when have we ever been let down by Chan-san? Anybody?

…Thought not.


DAY 6: TODAY LEAVES…

• Made an attractive tourist for tourist attractions.
• Lost the evolved Seel thingies.
• Bought a stick.
• Got a stick.
• Slipped in Simpsons reference #4.
• Hated stairs.
• Sinned. (Mentioned Gary Coleman in the same sentence as Jackie Chan)
• Had a ‘strange little moment’.
• Said giftmongers. Bizarre.

DAY 7: September 27th, 2003
( >'-')>

They’re heeere…
Yes! At some point or another, the ship crashed into Port Vila, Vanuatu. It’s a tad tricky to do much now, so I’m making the big step to the outside world! But first, I must state… does anyone else see the similarities between Andrew W.K. and Rhyno?
Isn’t that just the Vanuatuan question?
********************************
…So tell me truly, since when had Dickens’ Great Expectations come to such a sad end?

~What did I think of Port Vila? It was a huge disappointment! It was hot, uncomfortable and crowded, and about the only thing I can remember is a gathering of fat broads waddling into ‘Fantasy Lengerie’. Whoever said every memory is a happy one.
Of course, since it was a shopping gig, most people have had their dues, um, dued. Pirated DVDs, knock-off Nike, and an Eminem CD that appears to be lacking the CD. I love this country.

Maybe I’m a cynic. Maybe I’m sick. Maybe I’m angry that an old woman pushed in line for a pen.
Point is, I’m returning from the port (and perhaps even the whole cruise (bitter). I thought this was supposed to be the main stop! I ended up preferring Nouméa, actually. And I suppose I’d be the only one on this entire cruise who did…

Perhaps I could describe the Vanuatu people? Well, they were very… deaf. And they seemed prone to misunderstanding every word I said, eventually replying something that in any other country would be rude. Me fail English? That’s unpossible!
And furthermore, every time I tried to look suave, people laughed at me. Well, there’s no real way to tell if they were laughing at me. Perhaps they were laughing with me, but that seems a tad optimistic.

So, let me just take a time-out to let you in on some of my favourite products spotted… or at least, the ‘Vanuatu Version’.

#5~ Cheap! Teatree ‘Shamoo’- It smooths, it conditions, it weighs six tonnes!
#4~ The Best of Eminem CD, featuring ‘Lost Yourself’- I suppose now it’ll be hard to lose yourself.
#3~ X-Men 2 DVD, with a web address for the movie; http://disney.go.com/- Who knows, maybe it’s Wolverine’s favourite website?
#2~ DVD titled ‘Blair With Project’- Now with free project? Sold!
And my favourite, #1~ Lion King beach towel with green Rafiki- Best part is, they also gave him a new name to suit his colour change. Kids, meet your new best friend, Raf**ki! I was actually quite tempted to buy it, until I realised I’d be drying myself on a green baboon with an explicit name. And that’s something even I’m not game enough to try.

So all in all, the experience was lacking. Although this time I didn’t describe my adventure as I had in Nouméa, that’d be due to its repetition. Walk in store, walk out of store, repeat. It looked quite interesting when done so rapidly, but alas, looks can be deceiving.
********************************
And now, I sit by the window, even though it’s a (literal) pain in the butt, as the ship pulls back out to sea, soon to head back to more familiar territory. Now that my Eminem CD is packaged with a free CD this time, I suppose I can look back on Vanuatu with fond memories. Only damn album I can find that features Forget About Dre. Of course, the question now is how will the quality go, and of course, if the damn thing’s in English. The last thing I need is for The Real Slim Shady to be replaced by The Gappen Di Bobby…
********************************
Rich Gannon… Jerry Rice… Charlie Garner…
All these great players… SO HOW COME THE RAIDERS ARE STILL LOSING?
Augh, it seems that ever since the Superbowl, the NFL Oakland Raiders have hit a slump. I haven’t seen them do much since, aside from some amazing pre-season performances from Justin Fargus. It really hurts to see such a good team in such shoddy playing style.
Nonetheless, they’re not my favourite team…
Who is? …The Arizona Cardinals.
…Stop laughing!!
********************************
Three more days of all these antics, although they’re starting to wear thin, repetition and all. Not to mention whenever I meet up with people, they seem to ditch me.
Why is it so hard for me to make friends? Useless fools. They should all love me. I’m very likable, dammit! Right? RIGHT?

DAY 7: TODAY LEAVES…

• Hit the port. (Take that!)
• Had Great Expectations.
• Had to return to the library promptly.
• Saw fat broads with lingerie. Um, yay?
• Found pirated Pirates of the Caribbean.
• Bought CD without CD.
• Found the port to be bitter.
• Made Simpsons reference #5, which was okay, but paled in comparison to #3.
• Got laughed at.
• Got Uzi.
• Got even.
• Listed Vanuatu’s Virgins!! Err, versions, that is.
• Said The Gappen Di Bobby. ‘nuff said.
• Made some Raiders ramblings.
• Celebrated Arizona (or Phoenix, if you live in the past. I KNOW I DID!!)
• Was ditch-ed.
• Is likable, despite being ditch-ed. Das poppycock, man.

DAY 8: September 28th, 2003
( >'-')>

Ah yes, today is the day for a little thing called Fright Night.
I slept in today, hoping that when I woke up, it’d all be over, and I wouldn’t have to put up with screaming five-year-olds dashing about. Eventually I got up, when I came to the sad realisation that they do that every day.
So, to see if my fears are correct, I roam the halls. The children have damn well spawned overnight. The ships overflowing with ‘em. So I head for the beloved bow room, a Lady Godiva just within my grasp. The wide grin on my face diminishes when I arrive and, lo and behold, every single window seat is taken. Worse still, eighteen of the twenty-two seats are where old fogies have chosen to retire (literally). Of course, today would have to be the day the ship crosses through the Havannah-Boulari passage, which in English is sightseeing for the elderly. Trees, a shipwreck, and a lighthouse named after a Shokan prince (Goro, disbelievers, Goro).
Well, I refuse to allow myself to enjoy a Lady Godiva while in one of the non-window seats, or ‘loser seats’, so my only hope is that they’ll die or go to lunch. The latter being more likely, but the former creating better writing material.
********************************
Seems nothing’s sacred on this wicked day. I close my eyes for a little peace, and thumping music blares nearby. Coincidence? One can only guess…
So I decide that I might check out the nearby ice carving on deck.
I approach the door, and it’s opened by a girl with wide gashes across her face. It’s her Fright Night costume, I’m aware, but it’s just a tad unsettling when she’s just heading back from a chainsaw demonstration. Either way, I’ve dealt with zombies in the past. They’re too damned talkative, and they always hog the remote.

So you know what? I think I just may spend most of the day in my favourite room, the bow room. And why not? It’s my cruise, I choose to spend it in the room where the Ladies are cheap, easy, and quick to replenish. Lady Godiva, that is.
********************************
AAAUGHH!!! Is it just me, or do humans have this thing about irritating me?

Pianist, alcoholic drinks, window seats overlooking the sea… Does that sound like the kind of place you’d bring your kids?
Well apparently my theories mean diddly-squat because as I was slowly adapting to my loser seat, happily reading Red Storm Rising, my sharp hearing picked up on a light shuffling of feet. I analysed the oncoming sound.

Sneakers. White. Shoelaces undone, Velcro on one pair. One new pair, another soon to be chucked. It was then that I noticed they were wearing sneakers. FOR SNEAKING. I put these factors against the speed of the approach, the short time between steps and, oh yeah, the shrill giggling.

SOME BROAD HAD ENTERED THE BOW ROOM WITH HER FRIGGIN’ CHILDREN.

She was the typical mother of the ‘despicus idiodine’ variety, stuck with kids she wished weren’t there. Cripes, they have rooms for children! Playrooms, arcades, overboard even, but why oh why bring them to the only place where I find peace?
I attempted to read on… but one of them had a sneezing fit. Oh god, I was so very gone. Interestingly, in my book, Russians were mourning over children caught in an explosion. Satisfying. Truly.
********************************
Now then. WHAT? The time WHAT? is now 3:16. WHAT? And as such, WHAT? I’m gonna get a tour of the galley. WHAT? I said the galley. WHAT? That’s the kitchen. WHAT? The foodhouse. WHAT? The hot box. WHAT? The place where they make your damn food. WHAT? And whether you like it or not, WHAT? I’m gonna describe to you WHAT? my touring experience. WHAT? And that’s the bottom line, ‘CAUSE STONE COLD SAID SO.

…Hooray!

Alright then, you know YOU are to blame for reading an entry written at 3:16. But nonetheless, I got to take a peek through the galley, which was a pleasing venture. Lots of shiny stuff, and plenty of switches for me to throw. Hehehe… Ooh, ooh, and I saw a big cake.
It was all quite dandy, and led by Dino, our mate. (And the waiter) So isn’t that swell? …WHAT? Who keeps saying that?? …It was him! Let’s get him, fellas.
********************************
So through the day, despite all adversaries’ attempts, I came out on top. At dinner, to make Fright Night complete, I came in full Scream attire!! …Only to find two other people wearing the same thing.
Oh well. I was the only one who was a foot tall and armed with a bazooka. (Long story)

Tomorrow I plan on killing some spooky pounds from the get-go. I’m gonna hit the jogging track, then check out the gym. I’ll be getting up early, so see you at 1130 hours!!

DAY 8: TODAY LEAVES…

• Slept in (as opposed to sleeping out).
• Roamed the halls. The walls in the mall are like, totally totally tall!
• Panicked over an overflowing ship, as you do.
• Watched old people watching their watches.
• Might’ve underused a clever Mortal Kombat link.
• Saw a girl cut open. Very attractive.
• Rambled (you choose when).
• Knew an awful lot about shoes.
• Made Simpsons reference #6 (a damn fine episode, that).
• Suggested children be thrown overboard. Hopefully they’ll consider.
• Blatantly stole Austin’s bit. …Oh well, it was mine originally
• Explored the galley, which I thought belonged to pirates.
• Made Simpsons reference #7 (Two in a day! Oh you animal, you.)
• Screamed
• Knew what you did last summer.
• Exorcised.
• Came from the black lagoon.
• Umm… Psychoed?

DAY 9: September 29th, 2003
( >'-')>

Boy, a Tom Clancy novel sure would hate this place. I’m up at the top of the ship, running the jogging track, and it’s windy as all hell! Not to mention the waves are choppy today, meaning a lot more swaying.
Nonetheless, I’ll have to run against the wind to be in top condition. Cheerio!
********************************
Crikey. In the end, the boat’s rocking only got worse. It simply felt too weird to be trudging an uphill jog one minute, then barrel down the next, so I just opted to walk the whole way. Took me about an hour to finish two miles, or thirty laps.
Afterwards, I sprang to the bow room, where I can get the best view of the crazy sea.
Unfortunately, it’s not the best time I’ve had, nearby there are thirteen-year-olds giggling about the name of the drink, Fun on the Rocks. I hate kids.
Additionally, every second person has taken a window seat. …They’re using the spares to hold their stuff.

Aw hell no. I did not just see that.

Twice I’ve been deprived of a Lady Godiva, so I ripped some cosmetics off the middle seat, and firmly planted myself.
********************************
Hey look!! There’s a Sharpedo in front of the ship!

…Ooh… now there’s a dead Sharpedo behind the ship…
********************************
I down the last of the Lady Godiva… all’s well.
Then, all of a sudden, I hear more footsteps. I’ll cut the crap, it was more stinkin’ kids. And they even had the nerve to utter ‘Oh good, they’re not here.’

Pardon moi for the complaints, but still. It miffs me right off to have my peace disrupted. Why couldn’t they stick a slot machine in the middle of the room? Then I wouldn’t have to put up with these mooks!
Well, likelihood is I wouldn’t be let in either, but I’d still feel like a winner.
However, this time I ain’t leaving. I downed a mocktail, then two, then three, then four, then five, then six, then seven…then I discovered they left hours ago. …And I’m down $30. Well, I feel successful. I’ve won the battle, now it’s time for me to run from the war.

And, replenished with enough Godiva to nuke a whale, I’m ready for the gym! …Good, it’s empty, so now all I have to do is choose an exercise machine …And figure out how it works. Bollocks!
Alright, perhaps I should just stick with the treadmill. Seems easy enough.
********************************
And so, I’ve finished my treadmilly antics. …Although I don’t know how to turn the ruddy thing off! Instead, I’ve just left it on the lowest setting and walked away, hoping nobody will notice.
********************************
*yawn* Boy am I sleepy. ‘twas the last formal night and, more or less, the last ‘official’ night. Tomorrow the goal is to hit home more than anything else, so it’ll be a day of packin’, restin’ and, in my case, summarizing.

In other words, tomorrow will it’ll be short and sweet, and there will be no end of day summary (heaven forbid), or any new happenings.
Alas no, tomorrow I’ll be cleaning things up and chucking things out.

Anyway, on this final formal, I went the whole nine yards. Appetiser, entrée, and of course, lobster thermidor for dinner. And, while everyone else was dancing, (between stealing wallets) I finished things off with a baked Alaska. Don’t ask why a Grass-type would want something that’s intended to be lit on fire. Perhaps I just have weird hobbies…
However, what pleased me most, is that I noticed something that I had not before. In the dinner room each night… there were no children allowed. All the kiddies had to whine and moan out in the hall. What a triumphant end! These antagonising kids fell short of ruining me, despite their efforts, so to them I say: ‘You tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, don’t ever try.’

And, after dinner, we caught the last show, and got yelled at by an angry lobster. Although he should be happy: He survived.

Well, better be sleeping now. We’ll clear everything else up tomorrow. Just like all those science questions I’ve gotten over the years.
‘This here is a square.’
‘Whoa, whoa. Slow down egghead!’

DAY 9: TODAY LEAVES…

• Got up fer some joggin’.
• Gave up.
• Walked 500 miles (-498 miles).
• Watched that kooky sea shine on.
• Despised all the little people.
• Showed a disregard for Calvin Klein.
• Saw a sharky friend die. (Damn right he was close… only a couple yards!!)
• Smelled the ‘stinkin’ kids’.
• Used French casually. C’est moi! C’est moi!!
• Preferred restriction over constriction… or something.
• Implied that Lady Godiva nukes whales.
• Stuck with the treadmill.
• Stuck on the treadmill.
• Ran like the dickens.
• Told you about tomorrow, psychic fellow that I am.
• Went the whole nine yards.
• Defied all mathematical capabilities, and added an extra yard.
• Laughed at small children.
• Made Simpsons reference #8.
• Got yelled at by an unhappy crustacean.
• Made Simpsons reference #9, which although none too original, was that damn good.

DAY 10: September 30th, 2003 **AN OVERVIEW FOR ALL OF YOU****
( >'-')>

Ah, that packing was a lot quicker than I expected. Nonetheless, only a handful of things are sitting about, as I prepare to get goin’ tomorrow morning. (And I have to wake up at 5 AM. Bollocks.)

So, what have I got planned for today?
Eh, mostly Clancy reading, and playing Pokémon Ruby. Good game, that. Just a shame there’s no Bulbasaur…
********************************
Hmph! I’m getting back to writing now. All these contests are bugging me. (Who’s to say my Aggron isn’t beautiful??)

It’s hard to say much right now. It’s a sit down day. Time is fleeting. Madness takes its toll.
This is sort of like January 2nd, really. The amazing finale is over, and it’s one more day until you lose whatever excitement’s left. Sort of depressing, really, so instead of treating today as a new day, we’ll use it as aftermath. Shady Aftermath? Exactly!

Well for starters, I only ever did manage to find one gift, a ceramic owl for mother dearest, which I fear shall shatter in much owly chaos. And I didn’t get a tan, a burn, or a hug. Not one.

Lady Godivas downed? Between three and three hundred.

Simpsons quote total?
Mmm… sacrilicious.
Ten. Yep, ten.

In this report, I said bollocks a total of ten times, including just then. Wow, quite the 10 day, no?

And I guess that’s more or less all I wanted to say! It’s been fun cruising around, but I’ve got a buttload of work to do when I get back. I don’t even know where all these antics fit into my life, what with all the duels and such. Challenging every single sod you see usually bears those results.
My bed calls (five hours earlier than usual, no less), and I’m not about to deprive it of my sleephood. So, I suppose I’ll leave you now, with high hopes for the next special segment (or whatever other cheap spinoff they stick me in). I’ll tell Dino you said hello. Trust me, he’s a good fellow. He’ll give you grand advice, and one hell of a smile. What a waiter.

The sun sinks slowly but surely into the sea far off, as if the calm waves are pulling it down. Various lights flick off on the Pacifier’s Eye, as many people prepare for bed. The ship is finally ready to drift off to sleep, and the passengers let out a collective snore. Men, women and children all lay down their heads. It’s time for everyone to sleep, and that means but one thing.

…TIME TO STEAL SOME WALLETS.

[burakkichu]

lol, nice narrative! XD leaves and lady (lurrien) could probably be pals, except that lady doesn't know nearly as many simpsons and wrestling references. and that last bouncy gym reminded me of....um, a big jupiter jump. ^^;; and cueball is so marowacky now, yay! *waits for the conclusion of the gym battle*

yes i like the skitty. *everybody* likes skitty! cuz it's so cute, dangit! ^__^ can't be a skitty and NOT be cute....well, unless i wrote a fic about an ugly, charmless, totally kawaii-less skitty-kitty. hm...that might be "different".

[Andrew]

Huzzah for the trip!

Ok ok, I'm a Minty thrill closet reader! *Puts hands up*

Loved the narrative of what happened with the trip, and the Bowser rant made me laugh. Also on the treadmill, exactly what I would've done! Lol.

Ah well, old people on trips really suck... and will you ever see the stick again!?!

And Mareep and Klepto and Leaves are my favs

[Drago]

EDIT: Hey look, 100 replies. How magical!!

Hey hey! Took me a month, but I've finally finished the next proper chapter. A bit soon after Leavesboat, granted, but that was more to stall you than anything else. Mwahaha.
burakkichu: You know it's funny, in my prototype fic I keep finding myself comparing a character to Lady. She's just such a damn cool character, and I've actually began working a few of her quirks into Leaves.
Werdnazo: Mwahaha, I knew you couldn't resist. ^_^ Thanks for the kind words, although now I'm sad about the stick again. I was robbed of $10...
And so, the next chapter. One that just may have the most bizarre ending of all... And that's saying a lot.

MINTY THRILL
“Currently legal!”
Chapter 28
Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport

My eyes widened, as I stared at Cubone with disbelief. Only now did I notice that he was bigger, burlier, and his skull seemed to have completely absorbed his head. How scary.
“Cubone!!” I wailed, “What are you doing??”
“Marow?” he muttered, confused.
“I command you to go back to the way you were! You were so much more delightful!!”
Everyone in the room gave me weird looks, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t ready to accept such a drastic change.
“Dammit Cueball!!” I whimpered, “You’re a lot less funsize… I can’t believe you’d do such a thing…”
“Marowak…” he said solemnly, thinking he had disappointed me greatly.
“The least you could do is not change your name!” I snapped, then looked down at the rest of my team. Shock… disgust… and snoring. Damn that Skitty.
Nonetheless, I guess I just had to make this work, for fear of looking uncool.
“Oh… To hell with it! You’re still Cubone to me!”
“Maroooowak!” he cheered, throwing his bone to the air.
“So, goooooooo Cubone!” I roared, and paused for a moment. “…The Marowak!”

“Heartwarming.” Frown scoffed, which spooked me slightly. His face paint made the smirk look like a face of its own. I half-expected it to tell me to ‘start the reactor’.
“But what if we put a small… stipulation into the match?” he chortled.
“Another one??” I muttered, “How many stipulations do you need…”
“If I win this match…” Frown said, “I get the custody of the little lady…”
“Sure!” I grinned, and Chase stared at me with disbelief, “I didn’t know she had any custard, but whatever honks your horn, pal.”
“Chambers!” Chase gasped, aghast, “You’re putting my life on the line?? You’ll willingly put me in the hands of that greaseball?”
“Well why not?” I asked, confused. I looked over at Frown. “They look like very nice hands, really. Small, pudgy, caring. My god, is that a manicure? What style…”
Chase’s face lost all expression, but that was a good thing. It meant she wasn’t going to rant and rave.
“Besides, now that Cubone’s on evosteroids, he’s pumped up!” I said, “I’ve got everything under control!”
“Then let’s go!” Frown roared, and threw his hand down. As he did, several of the flamethrowers went off. Cubone backed up slightly, disoriented and spooked.
He ducked under the heat, trying to keep an eye on Mantine.

The flamethrowers abruptly shut off, and all in attendance were shocked to see Mantine hovering above Cubone, its mouth rapidly filling.
“That’d be bad…” I gulped, “Cubone! Move very very fast!”
“Marrr…” he sighed, and made some snazzy evasive manoeuvres. First he ducked, (by that point I was already disoriented) and then did a couple backflips. Most likely to show off.
Annoyed, the Mantine fired off a few rounds of water. Cubone continued his flipping madness, and dodged all of the poorly aimed shots.
“Hahaha!” I cackled, “No hope! That overgrown kite has abysmal aim!!”

Mantine glared at me, and quickly shot some water in my direction.
“Oh crap!!” I gulped, and braced myself against the oncoming water attack.
It hit me, and I looked up, annoyed.
“What was it?” Chase gasped, “Water Gun? Hydro Pump?”
“Nope.” I snapped, “He spat at me.”

Cubone continued his dandy array of moves, and the Mantine still struggled to keep track of him, let alone hit him. I peered towards the sidelines, and saw a spark coming from a flamethrower.
“Crap!” I said frantically, “Cubone! It’s gonna fire fire!!”
Cubone nodded, and instinctively dropped to the gym floor. Mantine zeroed in, but couldn’t fire in time. Cubone was already hidden beneath a veil of flame. It seemed this quirk was working out for us…
Suddenly, and quite unexpectedly, Cubone leapt up from the flames, and smacked Mantine across the face with his bone. Mantine span around dizzily, then tumbled down to the ground. Cubone stood beside it, as a few dying flames licked about.
“I win!” I cried, shooting a fist to the air.
“Not quite kiddo.” Frown snorted, “That was just a warm-up. This next round is the decider.”
“Brilliant.” I scoffed, “So what’s the catch? There’s always a catch. Well, maybe not when I was in the outfield in PE, but that’s behind me.”
“You’re given an option for how you’d like to finish our match.” Frown snarled, “Either five more one-on-one duels, or just one more round, two-on-one.”
“That’s a tad cheap…” I snapped.
“Not at all!” Frown assured, “It’s your way. My next Pokémon against two fighters of my choosing.”

I looked over at Chase, who shrugged in response. The two-on-one seemed to be the preferable match. Just seemed too easy, though.
“Two-on-one?” I stated, and Frown nodded.
“Your call,” I repeated, “Your Pokémon-”
“Against two fighters of my choosing.” Frown finished.
I looked down at my team. Leaves, Cubone, Klepto, Mareep, Agwa…
This could work…

“Alright then!” I said with a confident grin, “I’ll bite.”
“Oh, I should hope so…” Frown cackled, “For this final round, I will choose Rhygo!”
He span his Pokéball, and dropped it to the ground. Again, it… didn’t open.
Frown kicked it angrily for a couple seconds, then picked it up.
“Dammit,” he muttered, “I hate it when this happens.”
He pulled out a screwdriver.
“Gimme a minute.”
He tinkered with the ball, and finally out burst a GIANT ANGRY BOULDER. …Hang on, that describes like seven different Pokémon…
I snatched out the ‘dex, and thrusted it at the opponent with such speed that it flew from my hand, and hit the rock right in the face. It snarled angrily, and I gulped as I waited for the Pokédex’s theory.

Rhydon… a most intimidating…rock/ground hybrid… It can resist very hot temperatures… and send a full-scale tank flying… with a single charge… It is also a great babysitter… and can be a very reliable can opener…

“Okey-dokey.” I muttered, “I’m officially worried. Who’re you gonna pit against your poorly named beast of mass destruction?”

Frown chortled under his breath, and his vast flab did the wave as he did.
“My first choice… is that one!” He shot a finger down as though he were trying to take someone’s eye out. It was aimed at Agwa.
“Damn.” I sighed, I was hoping he wouldn’t choose her… “And the other?”
“Is…


YOU!”


…U? I don’t recall having a U Pokémon…
“What’re you on aboot, eh?” I rambled, instinctively.
“You and your Skitty are going to take on Rhygo!” he cackled.
“Pfft.” I snorted, “So what. I’ve fought giant rocks before.”
“Oh really?” Frown gasped, and promptly returned Rhygo to its Pokéball, “In that case I’ll send out Machamp instead.”
“Me ‘n’ my big mouth…” I groaned, as Frown sent out a huge gray monstrosity.
It had four arms… Bulging biceps… and… a bra?
“Wha?” I said, confused.
Machamp broke out in a panicked sweat.
“DAMMIT MACHAMP!!!” Frown bellowed, ripping the bra from Machamps chest, “I keep telling you not to do that!”
I looked down at Agwa, who would most likely be raising an eyebrow if she had one. Or eyes, for that matter.
“But this’ll do fine for a bind.” Frown sighed, and handed me the bra.
“Alrighty…” I muttered, “That’s quite bizarre, what do you want me to do with this?”
“Why, tie you and your Skitty together!” Frown said with a grin.
“You-, but… I…we…” I babbled, confused.
“Do it!!” Frown snarled, “Or I’ll take the girl away from you FOREVER!”
I tilted my head slightly. “I fail to see the threat…”

I shrugged, and wrapped the bra around one of Agwa’s paws. I put the other half around my ankle, and made a knot. Such a lovely knot, it was.

“Okay then!” I proclaimed, and stepped forward, standing nose to lack of nose with Machamp, “Let’s get this done!!”
As Frown prepared the flamethrowers, I got a good look at the opponent. He was big, no doubt. I was quite surprised with Agwa’s courage, to be willing to take on such a foe.
I proudly looked down at my kitty companion, and noted the bubble coming from her nose.
“Bubble attack?” I muttered, confused.

I leant down, and popped the bubble.
“Skiii?” Agwa yawned.
“You were sleeping??” I groaned, as she stretched. She wagged her tail, slightly, then realised she was on the battling floor.
“TEEEEEE!” she squealed, and scrambled frantically.
She swept me right off my feet, and started dragging me along the floor.
At that moment, Frown set off the flamethrowers, which shot right over Agwa and I, and instead engulfed Machamp.
They stopped quickly, and the charred fighter looked mighty angry.
“Jeez…” Frown groaned, “This is too risky, Machamp can’t dodge the flamethrowers… I’d better cut them for the match…” Machamp nodded angrily, then looked accusingly at me, and I did my best to shake my head as I tried to slow down Agwa.
We were doing laps of the gym, which is all good for track and field, but wasn’t helping battling matters much.
“STOP AGWA!!” I wailed, “STOOOOOOOPPPP!!”
I grabbed onto her tail, and she skidded to a halt.
Relieved, I leant back… and saw Machamp heading directly towards us.
“GO AGWA!!” I cried, “GO GO GOOOOOOO!!”
Without hesitation, Agwa resumed her frantic dashing. Machamp leapt forward, and grabbed hold of my wrist. This didn’t seem to slow Agwa down, though. She kept right on running, dragging Machamp and I along the floor.
Frustrated, Machamp pulled his way up my arm to get closer. I tried my hardest to shake him off, but he appeared to be bigger, stronger and grayer than I could ever hope to be.
Now he was close enough to begin his pummelling frenzy. He smirked, and smacked me across the jaw. It damn near took my head off, but I still instinctively grabbed his fist afterward.
“HA!” I cackled, “A bit shorthanded, are we?”
It was then he chose to remind me that he had a delightful second set of arms. He grabbed hold of my jacket with one, and wrapped his giant palm around my throat with the other.
“Geeeeeeaag…” I choked, as he laughed in my face. Perhaps this strangling situation was more fun from his end.
I lost grip of his wrist, and, now with yet another free hand, he resumed hitting me in the face. Not even Agwa’s sharp turns phased him. He was a very competent passenger, apparently. He started beating the spit out of me, although the specks hitting his face were little more than a nuisance.
Jeez, was he trying to win the match, or kill me?? …All signs pointed to the latter.

My vision got hazy, when all of a sudden, the hand around my throat lost its grip. I came back to my senses, and realised that my saliva was actually making the gym floor very slippery, and the stowaway Machamp was struggling to hang on. Agwa took one more turn, and Machamp couldn’t hold on. He rolled to a stop.
“Hahaha!” I roared victoriously, “Excelsior!!”

Machamp got up, brushed himself off, and started chasing after us.
“Oh crap.” I sighed, “I was hoping he wouldn’t think of that…”

Thinking like a true tactician, Machamp stopped running, and instead chose to slide across the slick spit puddles. He closed in on us rapidly, and reached out to return me to his lethal clutches.
Agwa looked over her shoulder.
“SKIIIIII!” she squealed, and sped as fast as she could. Not only did she leave Machamp in the dust, but she had picked up enough speed to run right up the wall!
Confused but relieved, I dangled along as the fast as hell, and apparently quite strong Skitty ran right up to the ceiling.
“Great going Agwa!” I cheered, as she slowed to a halt.
“Tyy…” she panted, with a smile.
“Although it would’ve been even better if you hadn’t stopped.” I gulped, and, in quite the cliché, we fell at Machamp’s feet.

We struggled to stand, and once again I was face to face with my adversary. I tried to run, but Agwa was frozen with fear. She nervously dug her claws into the floor, and I couldn’t manage to pull her away. We were stuck.
“Perhaps now would be a good time to tell you I’m allergic to pain?” I asked hopefully, but Machamp only laughed and proceeded to punch me with all four arms.
“Owww!” I whined, “That hurt. That hurt as well. That also hurt. That hurt too. Haha, that didn’t hurt as much. Ow, that one did.”

I stumbled backwards, but I still couldn’t get far with Agwa holding me back.
Machamp marched towards me, and I reached into my pocket. Frantically, I pulled out my tail, and pointed it at Machamp.
“Don’t make me do it!!” I snarled, “Do I look stable to you??”
Machamp merely sighed.
“I warned ya, man!!” I roared, and did the best thing I could manage. I painted a smiley face on his shoulder.
He looked at it, then at me.
“…Shouldn’t I get paid for that?” I said meekly.

Rather than give an answer, though, Machamp opted to lift me by the shirt collar. He lifted me higher and higher, and eventually ripped Agwa off the gym floor, tearing out some floorboards with her. He held me in place, and started winding up a finishing punch.
“Umm… this is no good…” I gulped, “How will Anthony Chambers get out of this one?” I said shakily in my best narrator voice, hoping that an answer would come to me.
“Err… ahh…”

Machamp pulled his arm back…
“WAIT!” I squealed, and he lowered his fist, “You can’t hit me yet!!” I gasped.
He grunted, as if to state why, and I frantically went through my pockets.
“Because…” I pulled out Leaves’ brass knux. “You haven’t put these on yet.”
I handed the knux to Machamp, and I could hear Leaves groan from the sidelines. Machamp grinned widely, and slipped them on his knuckles. He pulled his fist back to punch.
“Hang on…” I snapped, and he slowed down again, “You aren’t going to hit me like THAT, are you?”
He looked at his fist, confused.
“Jeez, you may as well hit me with a pillow, you really don’t know how to use brass knux, do you??”
Before he could answer, I snatched them from his hand.
“First, you have to have them propped correctly.” I continued, and reached towards his face. I tilted his head back so that his chin was pointing towards me. “Then, you tense your fist. And you don’t pull back first, you just fire off, like this!”
I smacked him across the teeth, and he fell backwards. I stumbled to my feet, and scooped Agwa up under my arm. I ran towards Frown. Things worked exactly to plan, but there was a slight dilemma. …My plan stopped right there…
“After him, you moron!” Frown snarled, “He’s coming this way!!”
Machamp dizzily shook off the pain, and started after me. Agwa chattered uncontrollably, and despite my efforts, she wouldn’t snap out of it. I pulled her claws from the floor she had ripped out, and took a look at her. She didn’t look like she was ready to help much… I pulled her tail, in an attempt to get her to react, but to no avail. She was so frozen with fear; I could even hold her up by her straightened tail. Like some sort of bizarre Popsicle…
“Chaaaaaaa!” Machamp bellowed as he raced towards us. He was getting pretty close, and still, all I had managed to do was get within the frantic Frown’s spit range. (Wow, there’s been a lot of spitting today…)
It’s times like these I wish I had a plan…

“Wait, wait…” I muttered, something culminating in my head. …This could work…
I looked up. Machamp was coming fast. REALLY fast.
Worth a shot…

I started running towards Machamp, being significantly slowed by dragging Agwa along.
Machamp chuckled, and started running at me even faster. I responded, and picked up speed as well.
There were various gasps and shouts from the sidelines, but I wasn’t going to hold back. I had to do this.
We closed in, and when it looked as though collision was imminent, I kicked Agwa up into my hand. I grabbed onto her stiffened tail, and smacked Machamp in the face with her as hard as I could. I stumbled up, and dove out of the way.
Disoriented, Machamp charged on, heading right for Frown.
“No, no, noooooooooooo!!!” Frown screamed, as Machamp crashed right into him. They slid back, and rolled clumsily into the wall. Machamp had been knocked out! …And his trainer appeared to be pretty dead, as well.

“YES!! YES!!! YESSSS!!!!” I shouted, leaping up and down. Back to her senses, Agwa got yanked up by her paw with me. She irritatedly snapped various Skitty curses at me.

I marched towards Frown, who weakly pushed Machamp aside.
He glimpsed up at me, and then fell back into a blobby pile of fat.
Whimpering, he handed me a belt buckle. It was in the shape of a question mark, no doubt symbolising the idiocy of Attiles City.
“I really wanted some company…” he sighed.
“CHAMBERS!” Chase cried, and dashed towards me. “You actually won! …Although, not without a fair share of stupid choices throughout the match. All you ever seem to do is get lucky at the end, that’s all. I’m surprised you haven’t been killed years ago if you go about doing things like that. That doesn’t win matches, it just manages to get a lot of people hurt. What are you supposed to be, Chambers, some sort of clown?”
“THAT IS ENOUGH!!!” I roared, and everyone backed up. Well, except Agwa. Despite her efforts, she was still tied to my ankle. “I’m afraid I’m not a clown, Chase, but I’m leaving you with someone who is!!”
“What?” Chase snapped, “What’re you on about?”
“I don’t care that I won, you’re staying here with Frown!” I snarled.
“Chambers, you can’t just DITCH me here…” Chase snorted, “You’re supposed to trade Pokémon, not people! You won the match, so this bozo doesn’t get to lay a finger on me!!”

I looked down at Agwa. …who grinned.
“AAAAH!” I cried.
“SKITTTTTTYYY!” Agwa wailed.
We fell to the floor, and Agwa held up a white flag.

“…What?” Chase gasped, “What’re you doing??”
I looked up. “Sorry Chase, but I’m afraid Agwa and I just lost. Frown never actually returned Machamp to his Pokéball. He was still in the fight, and he won.”
“But…but…” Chase stammered. But there was no real way out of this.

Frown defied his name, and a huge smile spread across his face.
Chase’s eyes narrowed, and she poked an accusing finger at me.
“Fine then, Chambers.” She hissed, “You win, but just for now… I’ll be back… And I will totally and utterly DESTROY you!! Just you WATCH! I won’t rest until I see you OBLITERATED!!”
“Destroy, watch, obliterated, got it.” I muttered, listing the capitals. Annoyed, frustrated, and finally, out of my life forever, Chase stormed off into a nearby room. A cheer erupted from my Pokémon, and they partied on, even after I had returned them to their Pokéballs.
Leaves looked up at me, and smiled. …Yes, he had stolen Chase’s wallet.

Frown gathered himself, and returned Machamp to his Pokéball.
“Jeez kid,” he said, “You sure it’s okay if I take the girl?”
“I was about to ask you the same thing…” I muttered, “I better just get James and get out of here.”
“There was another one of you?” Frown muttered, “Where was he?”
“Ah, he fell down the hole on the previous floor.” I said offhandedly.
“Oh my god, you’re kidding.” Frown gasped, turning pale.
“No…” I muttered, and he barrelled down the stairs. I followed him, and watched confused, as he put on a gasmask, and jumped down the hole. I looked over the edge, and was surprised by what I saw. The hole was barely higher than Frown himself.
“That’s not deep at all!” I snapped, “Why didn’t James just climb out?”
Slowly, Frown raised his hand. In his palm… he held James.
My eyes widened.
“Tony, you bonehead!!” James cried in a shrill voice, “Do you realise how hard it’s gonna be to get chicks now! THIS IS AWFUL!!!”
“Oh come on, James…” I cackled at my tiny friend, “I’m sure they’ll be INCHING towards you!”
“Shaddup…” James snapped, and hopped onto my shoulder.

Frown climbed out of the hole, and looked over at me.
“Don’t worry…” he puffed, “The size doesn’t actually wear off, but I know that there’s a scientist who knows the cure. He’s a way away from here, but it’s on the way.”
“Grand!” I said with a smile, “Don’t worry. We can wait. We’re patient.”
James groaned, and sat down. “We are?”
****************************
Leaves and I stood outside the gym. It was weird. I had entered with four, and I returned with two and a half, or something.
I looked over to James, who was pacing back and forth on my shoulder.
“So James, where are you going to stay? You obviously can’t walk all the way…” I reasoned, and he looked at me with a grin.
“Not to worry,” he said, while grabbing onto my ear. “I know of a place that isn’t currently occupied…”
Without hesitation, James crawled into my ear. I could clearly hear as his footsteps echoed throughout my head.

“Well whaddya know?” I chortled to Leaves, “Chase is the new best friend of an obese clown, and James is the man who lives inside my head! …And do you know what that means?”
Leaves shrugged, and I knelt down towards him.
“IT’S BACK TO OUR MAYHEM!!!!”

We cheered, and leapt to the air. Tony and Leaves were back in business.

[Mew Trainer Rose]

Woo! The tail makes another appearance!
James should just stay there, he can give Tony tips on battling...and everything else. Whenever he's hungry, Tony can just stick a piece of food in his ear. ^_^

[Powarun]

Only this fic, this is the one of hte most messed up peices of insantiy I read. Poor Marowak, poor poor marowak, most trainers are happy if their pokemon evolves, but only Tony would, hate to see what would happen if Leaves evolved. Cueball you have my pity. Not you Tony though or James, you got what you guys deserved, Tony deserved to get beaten up by a Machamp and James your role was so bad that you were shrunken.

[The Silver Storm]

HAHAHAHHAHAH, Oh god that is funny.

Yes, I'm back. Problems with the computer (and other things) can really hampewr your reading.

Oh I can't wait to see Chase's revenge.

[Drago]

Mew Trainer Rose: Teehee, I can just picture Tony sticking a pizza slice in his ear... Actually, I'll probably do that sometime in the future.
Powarun, The Official Defender of Cubone: lol.
The Silver Storm: Huzzah! More returnedness! Good to see you back, and hopefully you'll notice that I continue to use Hölle with a capital H.

Hey, guess what? I decided that as this was my last work experience day, I'd write a new chapter. Only ten days since the last. Wow, I'm improving with my speed! ^_^

MINTY THRILL
“Like a fine wine…”
Chapter 29
Skool

Kyle
********************
Stinkin’ birds.
It was a well-known fact that the route between Attiles City and Basusu Town was overrun by territorial fowl, as it had been for centuries.
About a decade ago, workers attempted to get the population to clear off, by taking down all the trees, and turning the route into a long, cobblestone walkway. All it seemed to do, however, was cheese the birds off, and they became more aggressive than ever. It’d have to be a good day if you managed to get through the route without being swooped at least once.
Right now, they were keeping their distance. I had already threatened a few with my baton, although they were still acting more cautious than usual. Almost nervous.

Whilst navigating around the vile amount of droppings, I did my best to stare the onlookers down. Spearow, Fearow, Murkrow… The usual customers, really.
I noted that a few of them had scars that looked new. Had Chambers gone ape on them? It’d explain why they were so unusually calm. Nonetheless, I opted to avoid observation. I was pretty close to Basusu, and I could get a rough confirmation that Chambers wasn’t here on this route.

…No time to dawdle, there wasn’t much for Chambers to stay for in Basusu. No gym, no tournaments, nothing. Since I already knew that, though, maybe I could use that to catch up on valuable time.

Sometimes my tactics amaze even me.

Tony
********************
“And that’s the end of that chapter!” I grinned proudly, throwing a book aside to indicate just how much the chapter had ended. It was beyond me where the book had come from, how it was in my hand, or why I was suddenly referring to it. In any event, it was now in pieces on the pavement, and seemed to in fact be quite ended.
“So let’s trek off towards the next route!” I roared, pointing aimlessly into the distance.
“Saur?” Leaves muttered, and tilted his head to the side.
“Well, I don’t think we have to make any more stops. Nobody’s been seriously bashed, and we’ve got enough supplies to last… seven hours, or so. Hey, if all else fails, we could eat Mareep.”

I took a step forward (which was so marvellous I feel it needed mention), when I was suddenly grabbed on the shoulder.
“JESUS!” I gasped, shocked.
“No, Jeffrey.” The hand owner corrected, “Jeeeeeeeeffreeeeeeeey.”
I turned around, and got a good look at this Jeffrey. He was short and stocky, but had strangely long arms that looked as though they had been put on the wrong person. He had a large, puffy face, and smart-looking eyebrows. REALLY smart-looking eyebrows.
“Damn!” I said quietly, “Nice eyebrows! They real?”
I reached over and ripped one off. I inspected it carefully amidst his screaming.
He glared angrily at me. “Do you have any idea who I am??” he snarled.
“Yeah sure,” I said, and leant towards him, “Jeeeeeeeeffreeeeeeeey.”
He shook his head, then looked down at Leaves.
“This… wouldn’t happen to be your’s,” he said slowly, then looked at me, “Would it?”
“Well, yes. Yes he is.” I responded proudly.
Leaves sniffed his leg, then opened his mouth and bit at him.
Jeffrey’s eyes narrowed, and he kicked his leg around frantically. Leaves still hung on, though, and Jeffrey did his best to keep his composure.
“May I see your license?” he said.
I pulled out my Pokédex, and pressed random buttons before it finally began identification.

Anthony Chambers… Trainer # 04195…

Current…Pokémon count: 5. Current belt…buckle count: 3. Current type count… 7. Current…hair count: 3,789. Current… ‘Aww Hölle’ count: 30. Current…

“That’s enough!” I snapped, and mashed the buttons.

Zucchini is… a dish best served… constantly.

“Uh… yeah.” I muttered, and looked at Jeffrey with feigning interest, “That’ll be that then.”
“Not so fast!” he shouted, and I was tempted to merely slow down, but decided against it. “So, you’re a Pokémon trainer in Attiles City who hasn’t graduated from Attiles City’s respected Pokémon school!”
“Pfft.” I snorted, “I did so graduate from Pokémon school. Took me five years, but I graduated.”
Jeffrey slowly moved into my face. “Graduated from where?”
“Burake Town’s Pokémon school.” I replied.
“So, did you graduate from Attiles City’s Pokémon school?” he asked.
“Well, no.”
“So therefore you cannot legally train here.”
“But I-”
“Nup!” he snapped, and stuck his hand in my face.
“But Burake’s got Professor Gu-”
“Nup!”
“It’s among the top-”
“Nup!”
“It sets the future for-”
“NUP!”

I leant back, and sighed. “Alright. You’ve made your point.”
“So, follow me, you hooky-playing rapscallion!” he cried triumphantly, and marched forward. The fact that Leaves appeared to have ripped off his pants didn’t even faze him.
********************************
“So laddy,” Principal McLanty, a saliva-spewing Scotsman said warmly, “Just fill out this form, and you’ll be enrolled to Attiles City’s Pokémon training course, Caring Responsibilities And Pokémon.”
He stood up from his chair, and marched towards the door, “I’ll leave you to it. Give me a holler when you’re done.”
“Okay…” I muttered, and looked over at Leaves. He seemed just as confused about the whole kafuddle as I did. Nonetheless, I was fairly willing to take a stab at it. Shouldn’t be too hard to fill out an enrolment form. I looked confidently at the sheet.

Name.

I squealed, and dropped the pencil.
“My god Leaves!” I gasped, “This is too hard!! What does this mean? What am I supposed to name? The school? My goals? My purpose? Is this some sort of trick question? What if the answer is to finish the question, and the word actually means ‘namely’? What’s so damned namely about it? What, Leaves, WHAAAAAT?”
I wept, and buried my face in my hands.

…But I wasn’t licked. Not just yet.
I looked around the room for an answer. Any answer. On the desk, there was a photo of the principal shaking hands with some hairy old football coach.
“Umm… Hairy.” I thought to myself, and wrote down Hairy. However, maybe I’d have better luck if I put two answers. Surely one of them would be right. I peered back at the desk; it seemed to have all the answers. The first thing that caught my eye was a couple of burnt-out cigarettes. Cigarette… butts! Of course! I proudly wrote down, ‘butt’.
“Marvellous.” I stated, and looked at the next question.

Age.

“Jiggers, this just seems to get harder and harder…” I gulped, and looked over at Leaves, who was busy going through desks and stealing report cards.
“Well, no point in letting it down, I better do as it says.” I sighed, then sat about for a couple minutes.
“Done!” I announced, “I feel older, that should be enough aging for now.” I put a tick next to the request, and tackled the next question.

Occupation.

“Hmm, I should think of something snazzy…” I grumbled, and thought hard as I could. “Trainer? No. Breeder? No. Lover? …No, sadly.”
I leant back, and thought back. “What was it that Jeffrey called me? A hooky-player? Hmm… those Canadian hooky-players get payed a lot of money…” I began to write, ‘hooky-player’, but found that there wasn’t enough room. I rubbed it out, and wrote the shortened version. Hooker.

Pokémon:

This was a strange one; it had six blank spaces next to it. I guess my answer had to be six words?
“Alrighty…” I muttered, and looked into the mirror.
Was I a Pokémon, as the question had assumed? I didn’t look very Pokémony. But, perhaps I do, but don’t know it? After all, who am I to say what looks Pokémony and what doesn’t? Now that’d be a strange thing…
Nonetheless, I was fairly certain that I wasn’t a Pokémon. So, in the six spaces, I wrote ‘No I am not a Pokémon’.
…Well, maybe I was a hybrid of human and Pokémon. A Pokéman, if you will. Better just assume otherwise, though.

Course.

“Now what did the principal call the course?” I pondered, “Oh yeah, Caring Responsibilities and Pokémon.” I wrote down the abbreviated form, and then noticed that the answer was now ‘CRAP’.
“Oh dear…” I nervously looked around, and hoped that nobody would ever notice.

Country.

Wow, this one was easy. I wrote down ‘western’. Strange that they should request my musical preferences.

Zip code.

“Ah, interesting.” I muttered, “I’ll need you for this one, Leaves.”
Leaves pulled his head out of a drawer. He was covered with various smiley-face stickers, but didn’t look very happy nonetheless.
“Alrighty Leaves… ZIP!” I roared.
Leaves nodded, and dutifully zipped around the room.
“Quick, what’s the code?” I commanded.
“Bulb!” he panted.
“Dandy!” I grinned. The zip code was Bulb. I wrote that down, and looked at the last question.

References.

“Uh-oh…” I gulped, “Who can I refer to?” I tapped the pencil nervously against the page. “Umm… well, I guess he’ll have to do.”
I quickly scrabbled down my answer, then looked proudly at it.
Reference: Mr. Michaels
Occupation: Smelly old man
Relation: None, fortunately
Phone: I wouldn’t recommend it
“And there we go!” I bubbled. I looked around deviously, and grabbed a book.
“AND THAT’S THE END OF THAT CHAPTER!” I cheered, and piffed the book towards the door. It opened at just that moment, though, and hit Mr. McLanty in the head.
“Aww Hölle…” I squeaked to myself, as Mr. McLanty stood there, fuming.
There was a quiet whirring in my pocket.

Current… ‘Aww Hölle’ count: 31.
********************************
Now, through the magic that is the scene change, I was standing in front of a large class. I looked around nervously. This was the biggest audience I had had since I had volunteered to answer the timeless question, ‘where’s the beef’. Leaves didn’t bother to stand by my side. Instead, he continued to go through any drawers he could find.
“Now then, class.” The teacher, a curly-haired woman whose interests seemed to lie elsewhere, “I’d like to introduce to you our newest student…”
She looked down at the form, and struggled to read the writing. “Um, Harry Butt.”
There was a wave of laughter, and the teacher looked furiously at the class.
“SHUT UP! All of you!!” she bellowed, and the class immediately went quiet. “An unfortunate name is nothing to be laughed at! It is not funny in the slightest, and I am shocked and hurt that you would all be immature enough to think otherwise!”
She looked apologetically at me.
“Thank you, Mrs. Wienerface.” I said quietly.

“So…” Mrs. Wienerface continued, “Would you like to introduce to us your Pokémon?”
“Sure thing!” I grinned, and clumsily snatched out my Pokéballs.
“This is Klepto!” I started, and threw the Pokéball to the floor. Klepto clumsily launched out, and looked excitedly around the classroom. …It looked as though there was a lot of stuff to take. He darted around, before finally perching readily atop the air conditioner, which was emitting an overly strong breeze.
“This is Agwa!” I said next, and dropped her Pokéball. She came out, and immediately noticed that she was surrounded by people. She nervously scrambled up my leg, and leapt atop my head, shivering.
“She makes a really good hat.” I announced, and held out Cubones Pokéball.
“This here’s Cubone.” I dropped the ball, and there were confused mutters as to the Pokémon I released.
“That’s a Marowak!” one of the pupils in the front row snorted.
“Yeah, so?” I snapped, “He’s Cubone.”
“That’s a swell name for a Marowak…” the pupil sneered sarcastically.
I took a deep breath, and prepared for the most drastic moment of my life. It was time to let the memory of Cubone go…
“Alrighty,” I sighed, “He’s the Marowak formerly known as Cubone!”
“Hah!” the pupil cackled, “You bonehead…”
Marowak assumed that that remark was directed towards him, and proceeded to whip out his bone, and slap the snot out of the pupil.
Before Mrs. Wienerface could intervene, I had already dropped Mareeps Pokéball.
“This is Mareep!” I proudly announced.
She shot out, and posed proudly… before she began shivering. She peered up at the air conditioner, and angrily shot electric bolts at it. Panicked, Klepto squawked as he avoided each volt.
“AND THIS IS LEAVES!” I shouted, and tore Leaves from the drawer. Enraged, he let loose a round of staples he had been collecting in his mouth.
The classroom began to run around screaming, as the pointy staples shot about.

After Leaves had finished, the remaining pupils looked at me, nervous and shocked.
I proudly waved a hand up. “And those are my Pokémon!”

There was scattered applause, as Mrs. Wienerface pointed towards a vacant seat. Most likely vacant because the student who once sat there was now dead, but that’s arguable.
I wandered towards it, with Agwa still clutching onto my head. Leaves followed me, and leapt into the chair, leaving me to sit at the empty spot in the floor.

Mrs. Wienerface turned towards the board, and began writing something. I breathed a sigh of relief. Usually, I would be expelled and jailed for such a display of malice, but remember. ATTILES CITY IS FULL OF STUPID, FORGETFUL PEOPLE!

I leant over towards the person who was sitting in the seat next to mine.
“Hello!” I said with a grin, “I’m Harry Butt… apparently.”
“MARVELLOUS!” the boy responded, and looked at me like a madman.
“Wh-who are you?” I gulped.
“Why, I’m Fred!” he replied, “Fred the madman.”
“Ah. I see.” I muttered. I wasn’t about to argue, he did indeed seem like a madman.
I leant in another direction, and was face to, um, back, with a girl with blonde hair put in a ponytail.
“G’day,” I said somewhat cautiously, “I’m Harry of the Butt family! And you are?”
“Umm…” she droned, and tilted her head, “Jeez, sorry. I’ve forgotten who I am. Just call me Amy.”
“No!” I snapped, “I already know an Amy.”
“Oh, sorry.” She giggled, “Call me Trish, then.”
“Will do.” I replied, and leant once more, which although painful, allowed me to see the last nearby person.
“Howdy.” I wheezed, trying to avoid breaking my back in this hellish state of leaning, “I’m Butt. Harry Butt.”
“Greetings and salutations then, Harry.” The person replied, “My name is Leonard, but unfortunately people opt to calling me Lenny. Nitwits, the lot of them… Most interesting display, might I add. Seemed to get the class motivated in ways not previously seen.”
“Alrighty…”
Correction to earlier statement, ATTILES CITY IS FULL OF STUPID, FORGETFUL PEOPLE, AND A SMART BLOKE NAMED LENNY!

“So let’s get ready for a session of P.E.!” Mrs. Wienerface suddenly announced.
“No!” Lenny snapped, to my shock.
“Why not?” Mrs. Wienerface demanded.
“Because all we do is stand outside and try to remember what session it was!” Lenny groaned.
“Oh come on, Lenny…” Mrs. Wienerface chuckled, “You only get out what you put in!”

Lenny fumed for various reasons.
“Allow me to hypothesise. We go outside, and we do nothing. Therefore we are achieving nothing. Therefore, the only thing we are getting out of doing this nothing is nothing in return.”
He stood up.
“And furthermore, the statement, ‘you only get out what you put in’, is just an excuse to make people feel better that they are not getting fit. It’s an exact testament to how human beings are a pathetic race, and cannot be viewed as otherwise. You put in the effort. Now, theoretically, if you’re getting exactly what you’re giving, you’ll get effort in return. Therefore, you are not gaining any physical improvements, instead you’re just getting more effort to go back the next day and repeat the effort in the hopes that perhaps you can contradict your own damn theory!!”

A hush hit the room. The students all looked at Lenny. Even the one who Marowak had temporarily paused from beating.

“…That’s exactly what I’ve been saying for years now, it is!” Fred shouted.

“Well, I’ve completely forgotten what we were talking about.” Mrs. Wienerface announced, “So I’ll just let us all start on our exams.”
The students all took out pieces of paper, and started writing.

“Damn…” I snapped, “Better get started.”
I looked over at the desk, but… couldn’t find the exam sheet. Panicked, I surveyed the area. Every student had stopped dead, and were pondering the answers. All except Lenny, who was handing his sheet up to the front desk. He looked more annoyed than before. My eyes landed upon Leaves, who shot a giant spitball at someone nearby. I watched as the slimy paper oozed down the back of their head, and I could clearly make out the word ‘exam’.
“Aww Hölle!” I whimpered, “Hölle! Hölle! Hölle!”
I crouched nervously next to the chair. Where would I get a new exam sheet? My best option was to tell the teacher my dilemma, and request a new one. …But I thought that I’d instead steal a sheet from someone else.
I crawled around the classroom, slowly inching towards my random target. I felt like Jaws, or George Bush.

I popped my head up in front of someone who looked stealfromable. I hid underneath their table, reached towards their exam sheet, and grabbed it. I tried to bring it down under the table, but it appeared to be… stuck. I frantically yanked at it, but to no avail. I peered up to see why. The student had twelve gluesticks on the table, and another three in his mouth. …Perhaps he had prepared for such an instance.
Annoyed, I crawled under the next table. By my calculations, it was Fred’s. Perhaps he would be a good person to take an exam sheet from I reached up, and felt around. I worried that perhaps he’d notice this hand reaching around his table, but hoped that he’d assume it was Thing. My hand finally fell upon a sheet, and I pulled it underneath the table. I anxiously looked at it. However, it wasn’t the exam sheet. It read, in big letters, ‘I am MAD.’
I groaned, and crumpled it up. I was getting pretty mad myself.
I continued to the next table. I reached up, and CHOMP! Something bit my hand! I held back a scream, and looked up. Leaves was chortling to himself. …That was obviously my table.
Onward I went, under the next table. I reached my hand up, and was met with a:
“Who’re you?”
“Uh-oh…” I gulped. This kid was actually smart enough to realise that there was a hand in front of him.
“Umm… I’m the sheet muncher!” I grumbled in a gruff voice, and opened and closed my hand as if it were talking.
“Oh no!” the kid gasped, “What do you want??”
“I’m hungry!” I replied, “I want you to give me your sheet!”
“Okay, okay!” the kid gulped, and stuck the sheet in my grasp.
“Yummy!” I growled, and pulled my hand down. I looked anxiously at the sheet.

Eggs
Toothpaste
Bread
Molasses

“Great.” I snarled to myself. Perhaps it would’ve been wise to tell him WHICH sheet I was after.

I sighed, and realised that all my Pokémon were sort of… still out of their Pokéballs, and causing havoc. Gosh, I guess I was preoccupied.
I returned Agwa to her ball first, and as she left, she took with her a wad of my hair. I slid across the floor to Marowak, and returned him as well, finally ceasing his relentless beating. I looked towards the front of the class. Klepto was mourning the death of his precious air conditioner, and Mareep was still shivering unnoticed.
I stood up, and crept slowly towards them. I returned Klepto, and looked up at Mareep. She looked back, and growled at me.
“Come on, Mareep…” I said quietly, “Nobody has to know we’re here…”
“Reeee!” she squealed, and dashed towards the window. She leapt up a surprising distance, and ripped down the curtain. The classroom was hit with a bright light, and everyone looked at Mareep and I. There was another silence, other than Leaves cackling at the misfortune of the situation.
Rather than care about the situation, Mareep chose to wrap herself snugly in the curtain she had removed.
“This couldn’t get worse…” I groaned quietly, when all of a sudden Mr. McLanty burst into the room.
“What’s goin’ on here??” he roared, and doing this, shot off a wave of spittle. A drop hit Mareep in the eye, and she began to growl.
“Oh dear…” I gulped, and leapt behind Leaves for cover.
“MAREEEEEEEEEEEP!!!” Mareep bellowed, and unleashed a thunderbolt across the classroom. Leaves and I cowered under the range, listening on to the pained screams.

Finally it stopped, and I promptly returned Mareep to her Pokéball.
Leaves and I stood there quietly, as the students, Mrs. Wienerface, and a very unhappy Mr. McLanty stared at us.

“Umm…” I gulped, then quickly pointed at the wall, “Look! JOHN WAYNE!!”
As everyone looked in that direction, Leaves and I bolted from the room, and ran down the hallway. It was safe to say that I didn’t pass my exam.
As we boldly attempted to navigate the seemingly endless halls, there was a shaky voice over the PA system.
“Attention, teachers, students and anyone else listening!” McLanty roared, “Evacuate your classrooms and find two misfits! A small boy and his even smaller Bulb-is-sore!”
“See?” I poked my tongue at Leaves, “Told you you were a Bulb-is-sore…”
“The boy has brown hair, and an awful dress sense,” McLanty continued, “Goes by the name Harry Butt!” There was a slight pause. “Ha ha. Very funny. In any event, all the doors are locked so they cannot escape! Find them, destroy them, KILL THEM!!” I shuddered at his words. “Additionally, lunch in the cafeteria today will be meatloaf.”
“Aww Hölle…” I groaned, “I hate meatloaf…”
Leaves looked at me angrily.
“Oh, and additionally we appear to be trapped.”
We navigated around a corner, and straight into an entire year level of students.
“That can’t be good…” I whimpered, and turned around, “About face!”
However, it’s now that I noticed yet another year level on the other side of us. We were trapped, and being flanked. In Dungeons & Dragons, that means twice the damage.
They began heading in our direction.
“We’re gonna beat you to two ugly bloody pulps!” I heard one state, and as we were not currently racing towards two ugly bloody pulps, I assumed he was referring to us.

I piffed a Pokéball to the floor, and Marowak fired out, looking all too ready to run away from the dilemma.
“Cueball!” I gasped, “Urm, rather, Marowball! DO SOMETHING!!”
Marowak nodded, and raised his fingers for Metronome. He then shone a bright shine.
“Oh no… please tell me… he’s not about to use…”

Explosion. The Pokédex announced. …Current ‘Aww Hölle’ count: 33.

Leaves and I braced ourselves, when finally Marowak let loose an explosion that tore apart the entire school. Walls, halls, and every other sort of all was blown in every direction, and we were shot right out of the building. What happened next was a blur, but Leaves, Marowak and I were sent right out of Attiles City. We were all charred and steaming, and glaring angrily at Marowak who, although exhausted, thought the whole situation was a little funny.

“And there you have it…” I wheezed, “Another lawsuit…”
A book from the school landed, and Leaves rolled his eyes, knowing all too well what I was about to do.
I picked it up, and held it high.
“And that’s the end of that chapter!” I announced, and threw it lazily to the air. A piece of paper floated down from it, and I grabbed it curiously.
“Hey look!” I said with a grin, “It’s the exam sheet! Maybe I can avoid failing it after all!”
I took another glance, and realised there was only one question. Although it was hard to read, I could barely make it out.
“Bul?” Leaves muttered, curiously.
“What was the question?” I took a random stab and assumed that’s what he was referring to, “Well, the question was…”
I read the sheet.

Name.

My eyes widened, and I threw my hands to the sky.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO………………”

[Andrew]

Hee! You had me laughin out loud in some of the parts of this. Mew Trainer Rose's theory was actually quite a good one!

Ah so back to school for our loveable wierdo, and his team of
MarrowBall
Leaves
Klepto
Agwa and Mareep.

Still, the answering of the questions was classic, and the stapler gag too.

The explosion was a bit hammy, but I was expecting kids to start running around and talking about Terrorists. lol. And the Jaws=Bush comment = Gold. Great work DK, I love it.

[Drago]

A trainer named Tony, a ‘saur named Leaves
Throughout the struggles remain thick as thieves
With their travels, you’re certain to see
Kookiness, madness, and charming Plan B
And although it started with just the two
Many other oddballs soon joined the crew
A kleptomaniac, a dancer high-powered
A nudist, and the inevitable coward
And although more lay just over the horizon
Anyone who knows, would surely be advisin’
For them to run, for them to run fast
Rather than join the Minty Thrill cast
For Tony, you see, is thick in the head
In all these antics, he should be dead
But on he lives, long live the king
To continue with his questing… thing
So look ahead, look proud if you will
For another year… of Minty Thrill

“Whaddya think, Leaves?” I said proudly, with a goofy grin on my face, “Have I outdone myself with this poem, or what??”
Leaves nodded in approval, though seemed a tad sceptical.
He tapped his claw on the line where I stated myself to be ‘thick in the head’.
“Hey!” I snapped, “Now why would that be there?”
Leaves shook his head. I don’t think he believed me anymore.
“Oh come on…” I sighed, “What in hell’s bells makes you think I didn’t write it?”
He peered down at the bottom of the poem, where, in bold writing, was Mareep’s signature.

I crumpled up the poem, and shook my head.
“Aww Hölle…”

***********************
Yes indeed! It was a year ago on this day, November the 5th (Australian time) that Minty Thrill first saw sunlight, moonlight, and perhaps even a flashlight.

It sure has been zany, and it's sort of gone by quick, I think. I'd like to thank all my readers, supporters, and Werdnazo. He just sits there, looking important j/k

I'm looking forward to seeing what this new age brings for Minty Thrill, and I'm going to do my damndest to make sure that the 30th chapter makes a good start for a new year of Thrill!

Peace, peeps!

[classy_cat18]

Good poem.

Yeah, I read your fic when I have the time. It's funny; a good pick-me-up when I'm having a bad day, and I've been having a few of those.

[E_Eevee]

The havoc, the havoc. You think they could visit my school? I'd love that Okay, my old school anyway. Poor Lenny. He should have run away. I wouldn't have minded that PE, beats running laps over and over and over and over again.

Country, why western of course LOL The questions were great, but I loved the Bush-bash and him scronging around under the desks.

[Drago]

classy_cat18: Hey, new readers are good to have, and it's great to know that MT is a good pick-me-up. Means a lot. ^_^
E_Eevee: Yeah, the desk scrounging was easy to write; it was based on a true story... O_o Well, a little bit of creative changes here and there, but still. Incidently, there's a fun fact about Lenny that I might save for later... I like fun facts!!

And hey guess what! Attiles City isn't quite through yet, I thought I'd send it off with this most unusual addition...

MINTY THRILL
“Why resist?”
Chapter 30
Further Example of Random Horror

“So, the final flickering of the campfire wakes Sherlock Holmes. He stretches, and looks up at the night sky. He rapidly pokes Watson, and points up towards the stars.
‘Tell me Watson,’ Holmes mutters, ‘what do you see?’
Watson yawns, and strokes his beard lazily.
‘I see an array of light, a show to be presented to the nocturnal beasts of the night. An exciting yet simple compilation of twinkling lights, belying the massive expanse of the sky, as though to achieve some higher cause.’
Watson sits there, thoughtfully, before replying,
‘What do you see, Holmes?’
So Sherlock whips his head in Watson’s direction, his eyes filled with rage.
‘Watson, you freak, some mook has stolen our tent!!’”

James slapped his tiny knee, howling with laughter after telling his newest joke.
I peered over at Leaves, who put a look on his face as though to ask, ‘can I eat him?’
I sighed, and placed James on my shoulder so he could crawl back into my ear.
“Tell me, how is it you come upon all these jokes while living in my head?” I muttered.
“The TV reception in here is great.” James nonchalantly replied as he hopped back in.

I stood up, and began walking.
“You know Leaves, all these conversations with tiny blokes in my head is starting to get weird…”

I reached into the oversized backpack I had recently acquired from a dumpster, and pulled out the Furudo map.
“Okey-dokey…” I muttered, looking down at the map then up at my surroundings to make a comparison, “According to this map… Attiles City has a direct link to Basusu Town… but that seems a tad drab…”
I glanced around for alternatives, then shot a wild look at Leaves.

“How about we head in the opposite direction?” I suggested giddily, “I’m sure that’d be a blast, and by the looks of things… Once we hit Burake Town, we could take the river trail to Lake Faxworth, then head out to sea, and end up in a direct circle to Basusu Town!”
I looked on with a starry-eyed gaze, picturing my crew backpacking through the routes. It’d be just like Daniel Boone, only with the lack of the man. The big man. God, those were some crappy lyrics.

Before I could put this master plan into action, however, I heard the feint sound of weeping. I peered around curiously, trying to locate the source. Leaves looked around, a little paranoid it seemed.

Finally my gaze fell upon the sight of a young girl sitting on the doorstep of a dilapidated shack, her face buried in her hands. I strolled over to console her. After all, the house was so depressing it made me want to cry too.

“Hello young lass!” I said in my merriest voice, “I’m Tony, and I came upon the conclusion that you’re not exactly a bucket o’ smiles at the moment.”
She looked up, and a small gasp escaped from my lips. This kid… was so damned pale! Her black hair and freckles seemed to be the only colour she had at all.

“H-hi…” she snivelled, wiping away a tear, “My name is Maraline…”
“Well that’s marvellous!” I said nervously, and began walking away, “I hope that works out for you…”
I thought I had escaped from the uber-creepy kid, until I heard her start crying again.

“Oh would you stop that??” I muttered, “You’re depressing the Bulb-is-sore.”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Tony,” she whimpered, “It’s just that I… I don’t know what I’m gonna do.”
She resumed her loud bawling, and I started twitching furiously.
“I’ll tell you what you’re gonna do,” I snapped, “You’re gonna stop that crying, or I’m gonna give your parents an earful of angry!”
At this, she began wailing and shrieking.

I looked around, worried. Various Attiles City residents were looking in the general direction. They had expressions that made me feel like a bad guy. Jeez, it wasn’t like I cut the kid’s toenails with a chainsaw…
“Alright, alright…” I sighed, “What’s your poison? Err, problem.”
“There’s a g-g-ghost in my house!!” she bellowed.
I took another look at the house. It looked to me like the whole thing was an oversized ghost…
“So, I take it you want to be very far away from these ghosts?” I asked, to which she nodded rapidly.
“Will do.” I sighed, and hoisted the disoriented kid over my shoulder.
I plopped her down a couple feet away from the house.
“There, problem solved.” I muttered, and started walking away.

I could only take a mere nine steps (I counted) before the familiar crying resumed.

“Alright, I’ll go in and beat up some ghosts…” I groaned, and marched towards the house. Leaves followed me, a tad reluctantly. Maybe he thought reluctant was the way to go about things.

I took a deep breath, and opened the door. Maraline quickly dashed in, before stopping and seeing what was taking me so long. Frankly, it was the doormat that had caught my attention, but I believe she assumed otherwise.

“Hang on a minute,” I said, “Just need to pull my Pokéballs out.”
I then put a sour look on my face. I was getting sick of all these vulgar mentions.
I pondered for a moment. Perhaps Pokéspheres would be preferable.

Looking quite proud, I grabbed the four Pokéspheres, and dropped them to the ground. Marowak, Klepto, Mareep and Agwa shot out, leaving me quite disappointed that there were no new surprises.
Comfortable that I was now surrounded by various creatures of mass destruction, I merrily strolled into the house.
Leaves, Klepto and Mareep stayed close by my side, while it was up to Marowak to drag Agwa along.

“I don’t know when the ghosts really got here, but they’ve been scaring me for a couple weeks.” Maraline said softly, sitting on a large sofa, “It’s been getting worse every day.”
“Well, perhaps now that we’re here, they’ll get scared and run away!” I said confidently.
Marowak hopped into a beanbag, which he sunk into comfortably. That is, if it’s comfortable to be practically enveloped in the thing. He didn’t seem to think so, as he started frantically pounding at the beanbag with his bone.
I groaned, knowing that my team was about as intimidating as a bowl of soup.
“The one good thing, though, is that I know where they are.” Maraline continued, in what sounds like a pretty obvious statement, “Are you ready for me to take you there?”
“Err, uh, not exactly…” I gulped, “I’m a little …hungry right now, think I’ll grab a snack!”

I leapt up from the floor, and dashed out of the room. I was in way over my head. And I’m a pretty tall guy, so that’s a lot of way to be in.

I stumbled clumsily into a random room, which funnily enough was the kitchen. I decided to make good on my snacking claims, and wandered around looking for something to chew on.
I didn’t have to look long before I found an old refrigerator, covered with spider webs.
“Nothing does better to whet the appetite…” I grumbled, swatting them aside.
I pulled the door open, and took a look at the contents. Inside were several cackling, rotting heads.
Death…
Doom…
Mary Tyler Moore…
They wailed.

I sighed, and moved one aside. Just more severed heads.
“Nothing there.” I muttered, and continued my stroll around the kitchen.
There were an awful lot of knives, and morbid cookie cutters shaped like machetes. …Or perhaps they were machetes. Who knows.

I opened the cupboard, and out stumbled an axe-wielding suit of armour.
“Who goes there?” it commanded, in an echoey voice.
“Nobody!” I squeaked, hoping I could disguise myself as nobody.
“You wouldn’t happen to be friends with that Maraline wench, would ye?” the suit of armour questioned.
“No, of course not!” I gulped, “I hate her! Hate her, hate her, hate her.”
The suit of armour leant back slightly. “Likewise… However, is the enemy of my enemy my friend… or my enemy?”
“Well, I could be the friend of the enemy’s enemy,” I replied, “But I don’t know you very well. I mean, who knows, maybe I’m the friend of the friend of the enemy.”
“Pish posh!” the suit of armour roared, “I’m the enemy of the enemy, and friends of the enemy are enemies of me and my friends.”
“But how can you be sure?” I accused, poking it in the chestplate, “Your friends could be friends of the friends of the enemy, in which case you would be the enemy’s friend’s friend’s friend’s friend, in which case you would be my enemy!” I paused for a moment, “And a very friendly one at that.”
“Very well,” it sighed, stepping back into the cupboard, “But beware… BEWARE…”
It slammed the cupboard door shut, and I stood there, trying to figure out what the hell had just happened.
“Oh, and um, tell me if you happen to find a sandwich in the fridge. I keep putting stuff in there, but those damn heads keep eating it…”

Slowly, I backed away back to the front room.
“Alrighty, now that I’ve shuffled through heads and argued with armour, I feel I’m ready to take on these ghosts of your’s.” I said glumly.

I followed Maraline up a ladder, and could feel a cold chill as we approached the trapdoor above us.
“Jeez…” I shuddered, “There must be ghosts up here, it’s pretty cold. It’s like ice!”
She opened up the door, and we stepped up. …And into a miniature hockey rink. Holy hell.

“So tell me…” I said slowly, “What is this doing in your attic?”
“It wasn’t always here!” Maraline whined, “The ghosts made it!”
I leant down towards the ice, “Well, pretty intuitive ghosts. This is class right here.” I leant further, and ended up with a faceful of ice.

I shook it off, and looked back to Maraline’s direction. However, there was nobody there except my shivering Pokémon. I slowly slid towards Mareep. She was so cold, she had turned blue. Well, bluer than usual.
“Don’t worry Mareep…” I sighed, “You’re not alone, Agwa must be cold too. I mean, look at her shiver.”
And truthfully, Agwa was shivering uncontrollably. However, she had turned quite pale. I looked forward to see what she was looking at, and was face to face with the 1874 Dezu Sliders, a team notorious for being brutal to their opponents… and quite dead, really. They held hockey sticks in their hands, that had been equipped with spikes and various other unsafe objects.
“Kill youuuu…” they droned in unison, skating towards us. It sounded almost musical, in a ghostly hockey sort of way.
“I…can’t…believe it…” I said slowly, gasping for breath.
“I…I…
LOVE YOU GUYS!!”

I leapt towards the ghosts, pen and paper in hand.
“Can I have your autographs?”
I ran up to the goalie, Vason Joorhees.
“You’re my favouritest player in the whole world, Mr. Joorhees!” I bubbled, “Can I have your mask?”
I pulled off his mask, with a grin on my face. It diminished, however, when I noticed that years of being dead had not been kind to Vason’s complexion.
“I see you need it more.” I muttered, and placed it back on.

One of them lifted his spiky hockey stick above his head.
“Hockill!” he wailed, and swung at me with all his might.
I grabbed it just before it hit me, and snatched it away.
“Jeez, you’ve gotta be more careful, pal. You could use a trainer…” I snapped, then was hit with a great idea.
“I could be a trainer!” I cheered, “Better yet, I could be a part of the team!”
I took the stick in one hand, closed my eyes and swung in madly in the hopes of impressing my heroes. “See what a swing I’ve got?”
They must’ve been impressed, I could hear them screaming wildly.

However, when I opened my eyes, the team wasn’t there. Instead, there was a pile of limbs and torsos.
“Aww Hölle, I’ve killed the dead sportspeople…”

“Are you coming??” a voice from the sidelines snapped. I looked over to see that it was Maraline, “There are more this way.”
I shrugged, placed Agwa and Mareep under each arm, and followed Maraline to a long hall.
“You’d better be careful,” Maraline warned, “Hanging Harold is known to drop in here…”
I gulped, and walked cautiously.
I peered down at Leaves, who was ripping threads from the carpet as he walked. Klepto and Marowak shared the headphones, and seemed completely oblivious to the situation.

Maraline’s head suddenly whipped up, and she pointed at the incredibly high ceiling with fear.
“Oh no!” she squealed, “Here comes Hanging Harold!!”
I looked up, and a rotund fellow with a noose around his neck was falling towards us at high speed, brandishing a mace and laughing insanely.
I ducked for cover, as he plummeted right above me.
“Save me, Poseidon!!” I wailed, hoping to get the sympathies of a random god.
Suddenly, the laughing was replaced by a loud snap. I looked up at Hanging Harold, who was swinging back and forth, lifeless. He appeared to have been… hung.

“…Well, that was easy.” I said with a grin, “What next?”
Maraline looked at me curiously, and continued into the next room.
“Now here’s where things get REALLY scary…” she gulped, “Big Boris, Little Louie, and Medium Mike all come here to get rid of unwanted intruders.
I nodded. It made sense, the room looked like a lovely place for killing. It was big, and about the only feature it had was a large hole in the middle of the floor.
My ears pricked, and I could hear a soft wailing.
“Yikes, they’re coming…” I gasped, and dropped Agwa and Mareep to the floor. I looked around frantically, as the wailing got louder and louder. Still, I couldn’t see any ghosts.
I looked down at Leaves, who was breaking into a cold sweat. Agwa and Mareep were still reeling from the fall. Marowak and Klepto were singing a Bob Marley song. I looked back at Leaves, who shrugged.

“Hmm… Wailing sound… Wailers…” I muttered, “Hang on, Bob Marley AND THE WAILERS?”
I whirled back towards Marowak and Klepto. They were wailing to the music, proving to be the cause of the sound, and not very good singers. I breathed a sigh of relief, when all of a sudden, Maraline screamed.
“It’s Big Boris!!” she squealed.

And indeed, a big bloke who looked quite like the Boris type was making a beeline for us. He swung a club madly, and was deceptively fast.
“Oh no!” I cried.
Big Boris ran right for us and… fell down the hole.
We stood there for a brief moment, when another figure came into view. This time it was a lean ghost, flailing nunchaku.
“It’s Medium Mike!!” Maraline squealed.
“Oh no!” I cried.
Medium Mike ran right for us and… stole Big Boris’ idea. Yup, he was holebound.
There was another pause, when there formed a midget ghost swinging an intimidating-looking flute.
“It’s Little Louie!!” Maraline squealed.
“Oh no?” I muttered.
Little Louie apparently had more brains than the previous two, so he jumped when he reached the hole. …Unfortunately, he wasn’t very good at jumping.
We stood there, exchanging bemused looks.
“Uhh… Maybe you should get that fixed?”

Maraline suddenly ran from the room into the next one, which was dark and foreboding. I would’ve preferred it if it were light and inviting, but you can’t have everything.

We followed her faithfully, and ran confusedly through the dark.
“Maraline??” I called, “Where’dja go?”
We kept running, until I lost my footing, and fell down another hole. This sure was a holy house…

A light lit above us, and I shook my head and got a grip on the surroundings. All of my Pokémon had followed to join me down here, and it seemed that we weren’t in a hole, but a long pit, with no visible way of getting back up. Everyone got to grips with their surroundings, and I looked up to see Maraline standing at the top of the pit.

“Maraline, get us outta here!” I wailed, when all of a sudden she started giggling.
“I didn’t think you’d get this far…” she yelled down at us, “But now daddy’s gonna getcha!!”
“And you know what,” I muttered, “That genuinely frightens me.”
I stood up, and put a sad look on my face in the hopes that I could convince Maraline to let us up.
“Come on, we’ll do anything you want!” I wailed, and looked around. “It puts the lotion on its skin, it really does!”
Suddenly, there was a strange sound echoing off the walls. It appeared to have some sort of beat.
Then, there was a low voice, that stated simply, dead man walking.

No… It couldn’t be…

Then, I could hear a guitar. A tune belted out,
You’ve done it now,
You’ve gone and made a big mistake
And I can’t allow
For you to think you can just walk away…

“Aw jesus.” I groaned, and fell back, “It’s the freakin’ phenom.”
A seven-foot-tall ghost appeared from the top of the hole. He was pale, had long, black hair, and wore black clothes and an arguably fashionable black hat.
“Hey look!” I said giddily, “It’s the old school Undertaker! Haven’t seen him for a while…”
Leaves rolled his eyes, and the Undertaker lifted his gloved hand.
I levitated up towards the top of the pit, and was face to face with Taker.
“My daughter says you’ve been causing problems…” Taker snarled.
“Yeah, I probably have. But could you do that eye trick for me?” I said hopefully, “You know, the whole rolling in the head thing?”
“I don’t do that!” he snapped.
“Then what do you do that’s so scary?” I asked, getting more and more disappointed.
“You want scary?” he said in an eerie voice, “Get a load of this!”
He blinked, and the light turned off. He blinked again, and the light returned.
“Pssh.” I snorted, “That’s not scary.”
“Whaddya mean?” Taker roared, and inadvertently blinked, turning the lights back off.
“Dammit!” he groaned, and blinked again.

“So what else you got?” I sighed.
Taker grinned an evil grin, turned around, then flicked his hand in my direction. I cowered with fear, but… nothing happened.
“Uhh… what exactly did you do?” I muttered.
He cackled, and held up his hand. In it, he held… my boxers!
I gasped.
“Good god! The Undertaker stole my boxers!!”

“Undertaker?” he snorted, “What ARE you on about?”
I could feel a groan coming on.
He leant back slightly, and a clash of thunder roared overhead.
“I am… THE UNDERWEARTAKER!!”
I couldn’t help but groan. Good thing I had prepared one.

So it was, yet another World Wide Evil goon was standing before me.
“So could you get onto the point of all this?” I grumbled.
“Well, you see, Maraline lures people into this house.” Underweartaker chortled, “…And they never return!!”
“And you do what, exactly?” I said confused, “I mean, you lead people in here to stay? How long you been doing this for? Dragging so many people in here would mean a lot of mouths to feed…”
“Enough talk!” Underweartaker roared, and closed his eyes. …Of course, this made the lights go out.
“Dammit dammit dammit.” He shouted, and blinked again.
“Now then, I challenge you to a Pokémon battle!!” he said, and waved his hand down towards the pit.
“You will use the chirping pillow and the hunchback dinosaur.” He commanded, and Leaves and Klepto floated up at my side. Although, Klepto always could’ve flown out himself. Go figure.

“Very well,” I said confidently, “We shall battle!”
I stepped forward, inadvertently kicking Klepto in the back of the head.

Confidently, the Underweartaker laughed. And laughed. And laughed. For about twenty minutes. It wasn’t even an evil laugh. More like he had just remembered a funny joke. Even Maraline looked embarrassed.
I shook my fist at my opponent. “Keep chortling and I’ll cram my Skitty down yer throat.”

Underweartaker regained his composure, and went back to looking intimidating.
“Then I’ll get out my Pokéball.” He announced.
I shook my head. “PokéSPHERE.” I snapped, “Quit living in the past.”
“Time for agony, Doom!” The Underweartaker roars, and sends out a curious-looking ghost Pokémon. It was green, and solid, unlike most ghosts. However, it was emanating a ghostly glow.

I snatched out the Pokédex (which I should perhaps think of also renaming) and pointed it with marvellous accuracy at the opposing Pokémon.

Breloom… An RS Grass/Fighting Pokémon… There was then a whirring sound, as though the ‘dex was taking in new information as it went. Although, there are frequency waves emanating…from this Pokémon that is more reminiscent… of the Ghost-type… Perhaps it utilizes the abilities…of all three types?

“Alrighty…” I muttered, confused, “Kleppers has the advantage, so go to it young bird-thing!”
Klepto dutifully flipped towards the opposition, launching off a psychic blast. The Breloom shuddered slightly, then continued staring at Klepto, its eyes glowing a creepy red.
“Ooh, that ain’t good.” I gulped, “Leaves, get in there with an almighty spear/tackle!”

Leaves barrelled at Doom with all his might, but instead of colliding with the target, he went right through it.
“Aww Hölle!” I croaked, “He does seem to be quite ghostly…”

Dooms red eyes flashed white, and Leaves and Klepto were encased in a cloak of darkness. They cried in pain that I couldn’t for the life of me understand.
“Oh no!” I gasped, “He’s, uh, scaring them with his darkness, or something…”
Leaves and Klepto eventually scrambled out, beaten and battered. They didn’t look like they had much left in them.
“Right, if physical and psychic attacks won’t work, maybe Grass ones will!” I pointed my finger at Doom as though they needed directions, “Leaves, use Vine Whip!”
Leaves stared at me, confused.

“Come on, Leaves, you’ve done it before… Vine Whip!!” I shouted.
Leaves broke out in a panicked sweat, as he looked at the Breloom target.
He… sort of stood there, doing nothing.

“Brilliant.” I rolled my eyes, “How ‘bout an Ice attack? Anyone got one of those?”
“Marooooow!” Marowak shouted the affirmative from down in the pit.
“Bloody well brilliant, then.” I groaned.

Meanwhile, Doom disappeared and reappeared in a plethora of different locations, before spinning rapidly around Leaves and Klepto, whacking them with various different kung-foo moves.

“Agg, Breloom Lee is cleaning house!” I gulped, “And Leaves and Kleppers are almost down… I guess I’ll have to use… PLAN B!!”

Instinctively, Leaves and Klepto put Plan B into action. Leaves ripped out the brass knux from…well, I dare not say, and smacked Doom across the chops. This gave Klepto the time to barrel down the pit, and pull up Marowak, who launched off his Icy Wind attack.
The wind ripped around the room, and headed in Doom’s direction.
His eyes went pale, and he disappeared abruptly.

However, the attack still managed to clean up Leaves, Klepto and even Marowak, all of whom quite obviously are at a slight disadvantage to it.

They all tumbled to the floor, and Doom reappeared, cackling in an evil Breloom way.
“Give it up, kid, you’re through!” the Underweartaker blurted, reminding me that he was there. Well, he had been quiet for quite a while.

However, there was another sound breaking the silence. It was a… chattering sound. I looked towards the pit, and to everyone’s shock, Mareep was climbing out! She was shivering insanely, covered in snowflakes from the Icy Wind. She looked miffed…

And when Mareep’s miffed, everybody dies.

“Maweeeeeeee…” she snarled, static clinging to the tuft of fluff on her head.
“Oh crapola, this ain’t good…” I gulped, as Underweartaker and Maraline exchanged glances. They nodded, and disappeared in a most ghostly way.
Confused, Mareep stopped charging her attack, and looked around. They were gone as ghosts could be. I looked back towards Doom, who lowered his head slightly, and disappeared as well.

I sat back against the wall.
“And the saddest part of all this is that that sumbitch still has my underpants…”
********************************
We were quick to leave the house, now that it was filled with ghosts that we had killed. Dead ghosts, no less.

“Nice job, guys.” I said with a grin, and smiles were abound. “…’cept you, Agwa.”
“Skitty!” she snapped, and poked her tongue at me.
I returned them all to their Pokéspheres, when my hand landed upon something strange. A ball that hadn’t been there before.
“Great…” I groaned, “Has Klepto found yet another cherry bomb?”

I took it out. It had a glassy shine to it, and seemed to in fact be a Pokésphere.
I dropped it to the ground and, to my surprise, was met with Doom the Breloom! Leaves backed up defensively, and let out a low growl.

“Huh?” I muttered, bemused, “How in the hell did you get there?”
Doom just stared at me, in a gaze that could only be described as evil. …Or perhaps stoned, but drugs are evil, so that’s close enough.
“Well, if you’re freeloading for a while, I guess I better inject that serum now…” I reasoned, and pulled out the Weedle horn.

I poked it at Doom’s arm, but it went right through it!
He looked down at it, then at me.
“Uhh, well, you seem tame enough.” I muttered, “So welcome to the team!”
I outstretched my hand for a handshake. He looked at my hand, then back at me.

“Pfft, fine then.” I huffed, “You’re dead to me, man.”
A creepy smile crossed Doom’s face, and he hovered around us.
“And, uh…” I gulped, “I guess you’re pretty dead to everyone else for that matter…”

[Drago]

(Best Captain Blubber impersonation) Wa-hay!
Just updated the character profiles, so now it has like another twenty needless profiles. Check it out on page 5, it's a lot more effort than I thought it would be!

Additionally, Chapter 31 is in progress. I already know what's going to happen. Although, I guess everyone already has a pretty fair idea by now anyway, eh?

[Drago]

Finally, I can get me damned bird chapter outta the way! And the next chapter has already been roughly planned out. What can I say, I'm a writing fool! (Emit the word writing, if you wish) ^^;

MINTY THRILL
“There’s no substitute for quality!”
Chapter 31
Birds, Battles, and a Bloke Named Ben

“IT’S MINE, DAMMIT!!!”
I dived to the ground as quick as I could. I skidded to a painful halt across the unforgiving sidewalk, and then laid still for a while, not in pain, but in pure bliss. For I had just claimed something most marvellous, and my determination seemed to example just how much I deserved it.
I looked up at a bemused Leaves, and a grin spread across my face. I held in my hand the object I had just made such an effort for.
“I FOUND AN EARRING!!” I cried triumphantly, despite Leaves being right in front of me. I got up, and brushed myself off.
“And it’s a good thing, it was in such clear sight, who knows who might’ve taken it before me…”
I looked around briefly. There didn’t appear to be a soul in sight, much less an earring-obsessed one. There was just emptiness, and a fire hydrant. Perhaps an earring-obsessed fire hydrant, but perhaps not.

“So let’s put it on!” I said with a grin, and placed it against my ear. It fell unceremoniously to the ground, so I frowned and tried again. However, it yielded the same results.
“What in hell’s bells is wrong with this stupid earring?” I snapped, and inspected it.
After brief thought, I realised that my ear wasn’t pierced.
“Minor setback,” I muttered, then looked malevolently at Leaves, “How about you wear it?”

I handed it over to Leaves, who looked at it for a brief moment, then proceeded to eat it.
“Hey! You ate my earring…” I stated the obvious, “Perhaps I should take this as an indication that we haven’t eaten for several days?”
Leaves nodded rapidly.
“Well, how was I supposed to know…” I said dully, before peering back at the city behind me.
“Although… I can’t exactly remember the way to Nine’s Dines…” I continued, biting my lip.
I shrugged, and started towards the route to the next town. “So perhaps we’ll find some food this way?”

Despite Leaves’ garbled protests, we were on our way to the next city. Or town, as the case was. The route was not exactly an example of friendliness. Just a cobblestone path that lacked any discernable features.
I looked down at Leaves. He didn’t seem too happy. It was safe to assume that it was because the earring was tearing apart his insides, but where’s the fun in that? I instead realised that this route needed some sprucing up.
“Never fear, Leaves,” I said suddenly, “I know just what to do!”

I pulled out my tail, and looked at it for a moment. It was currently brown. Not exactly a merry colour. I squeezed it for a while, and as the brown paint oozed out, it slowly changed to a yellow shade.
“There!” I stated, smiling, “This oughta cheer us up!”
I looked back at Leaves, who was snarling at me, covered in the brown paint.

With a flourish, I pointed my tail to the ground, and fired with about as much accuracy as a hippopotamus with a bow and arrow.
After a while, I held fire, and admired my work.
In the middle of the path, there was now a messily defined yellow line. It wasn’t as wide as I had hoped, but it would have to suffice.
“There!” I said happily, “Now we can follow the yellow brick road!”

I started marching, as Leaves reluctantly followed, hanging his head low.
“Although, you know, this yellow line reminds me of something.” I said quietly, tapping my chin, “It almost makes it look like a road itself… Why, if someone was really really stupid, they might end up driving down this road!”

I stopped dead in my tracks, and Leaves bumped into me.
“Saur!” he snapped, trying to push me forward.
“No Leaves, I’m afraid my own clichés have done me in again…” I sighed, “With my luck, after saying this looks like a road, and that someone really stupid will drive down it, it’s simply inevitable that a car will drive down this road, and hit me.”
I braced myself, as Leaves turned around. I noticed his eyes going wide, as he shuffled slightly off to the side.
“That’s my cue…” I muttered, and turned around. My eyes widened as well when I spotted the oncoming vehicle.
“Oh look, it’s not a car…
It’s a truck!”
********************************
I woke up, not in a hospital or morgue as I had suspected (assuming of course that it’s possible wake up in a morgue…), but lying down in the backseat of a truck. It was pretty safe to assume that this was the truck that had hit me. Angrily, I leant over, and punched the nearest wall. If it was able to hit me, it’s only right that I hit it back.

“Oh, you’re finally awake!” a gruff voice chortled, and I turned towards it. The truck driver slowly pulled off to the side, and leant back towards me, “Took you long enough.”
“What do you expect?” I cried accusingly, “I just got hit by a truck!!”
“Uhh, no…” the truck driver muttered, “I stopped several feet away from you, you just fainted.”
“Well it still hurt!” I snapped, “I feel I deserve some reconciliation!”
I quickly snatched the pine freshener.
“I’m taking this!” I hissed.

He shrugged, and turned back towards the road.
“Well, the name’s Benjamin. Benjamin Bath.” He said nonchalantly.
“Could’ve fooled me…” I wheezed, wafting away the stench of the fellow.
“So where you headed?” he continued.
I looked at him blankly. There was no way to go but forward, WHERE THE HELL DID HE THINK I WAS HEADED?
“Uh, Basusu Town…” I said simply, “It’s…right forward.”
“Huh, what a coincidence!” Ben smiled, and started driving again, “I was on my way there too!”

I rolled my eyes, and looked around at my Pokémon, who as one may realise, had decided to let themselves out.
Leaves and Agwa were going through the various compartments for loose change, as Marowak was dancing madly near the radio. He was like a one-Poké mosh pit, although headbanging was still awkward with his larger skull, and he was making dents in the dashboard as he headbutted about.
“Hey, where are my other Pokémon?” I asked as though I cared.
“Eh, a few of ‘em are in the back of the truck…” Ben replied, and pointed towards a window to the back.

I looked through, and could make out Mareep uncharacteristically ripping through boxes, as though she was looking for something. Off in the corner, Klepto was madly swooping at a very annoyed Doom, only to go right through him. My guess is that he wanted to steal Doom’s mushroom hat thing. He was one tenacious bird…

“Hey, what’s goin’ on over there?” Ben said suddenly. I looked out the window to see what he was on about, and could make out several birds swooping and pecking at someone.
“Jeez, those things aren’t happy,” I gulped, “We better help them…”
“Why would we want to help them kill that poor person?” Ben gasped.
“I meant help the person you boob.” I snapped, “But how would we do that?”
Ben swerved the truck in their direction, and there were several squishing sounds under the wheels.
“Ah.” I cringed, “Of course.”

Ben and I got out of the truck, and walked over to the person as the last of the birds flew off. I was a tad confused, when I noticed that several of them were carrying sticks in their beaks. Perhaps they were off to light a campfire, or something.
The person got up, a little shaken, but fine.
“Many thanks, my friends…” he sighed, and I instantly recognised him.
“Lenny?” I said.
“Harry?” Lenny replied, adjusting his glasses.
“Uh, my friends call me Tony…” I muttered.
******************************** (Yes, I do love my stars, thank you.)
“So, you survived the explosion then?” I asked as we sat about in front of the truck.
“Yes, I did in fact.” Lenny said in a huff, “I can’t be so sure for others, and I was in fact on my way to the hospital in Basusu Town…”
“Why not just go to the hospital in Attiles City?” I said.
“Attiles doesn’t have one…” Lenny said quietly, “They replaced it with a pinball arcade.”
“What a great idea!” I gasped, “Uhh, that is to say, umm… yeah.”
“Nonetheless,” Lenny said with a smirk, “I couldn’t care less for your inevitable imprisonment; I’ve got bigger things to attend to.”
“Namely get attacked by a flock of birds?” Ben chimed in suddenly.
“Ah, well…” Lenny muttered, “That’s sort of true, for I had discovered exactly what’s been going on with the birds…”
“They want you dead?” I asked.
“Yes.” Lenny replied.
“For any particular reason?” I continued.
“No, of course not.” Lenny snapped.
“Are you sure?” I asked suspiciously, “Perhaps you owe them money?”
Lenny ignored the remark, and turned towards Ben, in the hopes that he was bright enough to comprehend the situation. Good luck.

“Now, as we’re well aware, the birds of this route have a history of aggression towards humans.”
“I am now.” Ben muttered, already confused.
“So I asked myself, how come it’s humans specifically?” Lenny continued, sounding smarter with each vowel, “I looked into it, and found that the birds were initially aggressive because the mating season was over, and they were just starting to protect their eggs. At this same time, Attiles City had just gotten its… urgh… pinball arcade… and so people began visiting from the impoverished town of Basusu. The birds had been aggressive yearly, but it was only now that tourists had began coming in larger numbers, that the mayor of Attiles City at the time, Mayor Vengler, had seen how much of a threat they were to the rising popularity of the city.
Not wanting to create an alternate route, he ordered for the council to destroy the route, and turn it into a barren cobblestone path. However, it was all in vein, for the eggs had hatched, and the birds were no longer aggressive as construction started. So, had the mayor not been greedy, the problem never would’ve continued. Nonetheless, since all their trees were gone, the birds were sure to move on, or die.”
I peered over at the disinterested Ben, who was playing with a yo-yo.
“It was around this time when reports came in that a new flock of Farfetch’d had been spotted. Doubtlessly you saw that the birds back there were using sticks and the like. Well, the Farfetch’d had taken on a leadership role, and began training the young Pidgey and Spearow to fight with sticks and leeks, just as they do. Now, what many don’t realise is that the Farfetch’d intended for the flock to leave the land, and that the weapons were merely meant as protection. However, before the flock could leave, idiotic hunters came through, and wiped out every Farfetch’d that they could find, due to their rarity.”
Lenny leant forward and frowned, angered at the thought.
“Now that the flock had lost their leaders, all hope seemed lost. What people failed to realise is that in this short time, the birds were docile, but now they had sealed their own fate. A new bird, doubtlessly a Fearow, took the leadership role and, under his rule, the outcast Murkrow flocks gathered here. So now, the ever-growing flock was lead by a Fearow, and had Murkrow in their ranks.
NOW the attacks resumed, and the route has become more or less abandoned in the interim. Now, obviously the original Fearow has died, and one of his offspring had taken control, but the point remains the same.”
Lenny turned toward us and grinned, as though he was about to say something exciting.
“Which takes us to now. In the last couple of weeks, there have been some very interesting statistical reports as to the birds’ actions. Attacks have become less frequent, but more severe. For the first time, people have been hospitalised. Suddenly, the attacks seem more deliberate, and obviously less random. All the people attacked have been very important people. Council members, police officers, and me, the mayor’s son.
Some theorise that the birds have become smarter; others believe that a new Fearow has taken control, but I now know what’s really happened. A new, unheard of bird has come in, and overthrown the previous Fearow. I know that it’s a new bird, because I observed the fresh scars on the various birds. The claw marks, they aren’t quite the same as any other I’ve ever seen. So obviously, this new bird has a bad temperament, and a lot of intelligence. Logically, the best answer would be to kill this bird.
But I now realise, that should this bird be eliminated, another Fearow would take control. What we need to do is defeat this bird… with a Farfetch’d. Once the flock has a leader in the bird they trust, they will do what they had intended ten years ago, and finally leave this accursed place.”

Lenny stopped, most proud of himself. Ben was snoring, and I was sitting there blankly. Lenny kicked Ben in the gut, and he woke immediately.
“So, what do you have to say?” Lenny asked.
“You’re the mayor’s son?” I gasped.
Lenny fumed, “Something to do with the story!”
“What’s a Farfetch’d?” I asked.
“Something INFORMATIVE about the story!” he whined.
I looked at him curiously, “That story was 609 words long.”
“Oh, forget it.” Lenny groaned.

“So, er, umm…” Ben gargled, trying to find something to say, “What do we do?”
Lenny dropped a Pokéball, and out came a… BIRD WITH A STICK!
“Look out, it’s one of the birds!!” I cried, and leapt atop the bird. I punched at it, as it clawed and pecked back. We rolled around, before it finally pinned me down, and began smacking at me with its stick.
“Save yourselves!!” I wailed, “RIGHT AFTER YOU SAVE MEEEEEEEE!!!”

Lenny groaned, and whistled. The bird immediately ran to his side.
“She’s my Farfetch’d, Tony.” He snapped.
“I knew that…” I scoffed, brushing myself off, “I just wanted to make sure SHE knew that…”
I snatched out the Pokédex, and pointed it nonchalantly.

Farfetch’d… a normal/flying bird… Pokémon. It carries an onion sprig… in its beak as a weapon. They are known to be friendly…and amicable Pokémon… but are prone to stealing loose objects.

At that mention, Farfetch’d leapt over, and stole the Pokédex from my grasp.
“Hm, guess it is, too.” I chortled, when Klepto hopped over, and peered at Farfetch’d.
He trilled for a moment, before leaping at Farfetch’d, and snatching the Pokédex back.
“Faaaaaar!” Farfetch’d crowed.

A much smaller and weaker bird, Klepto frantically took flight, and Farfetch’d was quick to follow.
“Kleptomaniac meets… Farfamaniac?” I chuckled, to little to no response.
“Now then, the plan is that Farfetch’d defeats this unknown bird, and in turn, becomes the leader of the flock.” Lenny explained.
“Pfft.” I snorted, “That’s a bit easy, I say we blow everything up.”
“In an effort to frighten the birds?” Lenny muttered.
“No, just so that everything blows up.” I said with a smile.
“I like it!” Ben grinned.

Lenny shook his head, then turned slightly. He covered his eyes from the sun, and pointed ahead.
“Look, I can see them off in the distance.” he announced.
I looked in the direction, and made an audible gulp. There were a whoooole lot of birds, being led by a small, but really fast one.
I would’ve identified it with the Pokédex… if Klepto didn’t still have it.

Lenny was visibly nervous.
“This isn’t good…” he said shakily, “I hadn’t taken into account the rest of the flock. You’ll have to somehow distract them while Farfetch’d and I take on the blue one…”
He turned towards me, “Think you could do that?”
“You bet!” I said with a grin, and snatched Marowak’s bone from his hand.
“Maro?” he grumbled, confused, as I held the bone up high.
I flung it in the direction of the birds, and it… came back before it even got close.
“Dagnabbit, I wish I could throw better…” I snapped, when it swung back and smacked me in the face.
“Dagnabbit, I wish I could duck better…” I snapped, rubbing my most likely broken jaw.

I looked up weakly, and saw that one by one, the birds were beginning to fly toward us.
“Wow, it worked!” I said proudly, and looked around. Ben, Leaves, Marowak and Klepto were already swarming into the truck.
“Hey you cowards!” I snapped, “Wait for this coward!!”

I leapt in, and Ben shifted around uncomfortably.
“Jeez, there ain’t enough room for all of you!” he snapped, “Get in the back of the truck, would ya?”
I nodded, and tripped out. I ran towards the back, and as the last of my Pokémon got into the back of the truck, I made a head count.
Mareep… Leaves… Agwa… Klepto… Doom… Marowak… Farfetch’d…
Farfetch’d?

“Get out, you freeloader!” I snapped, and piffed Farfetch’d towards Lenny.
“Alright, all my Pokémon are in the truck!” I yelled to Ben. He started to drive.

I looked over at Lenny, then at Farfetch’d, who were looking at me, bemused.
“I know I’ve done something wrong.” I muttered, “And that was…”

Leaves looked out at me, also bemused.

“Ah yes, I forgot to get in the truck.” I groaned, and started after them.
“Slow down!” I wailed, as I discovered that I wasn’t quite as fast as a truck.

Above, waves of birds were beginning to turn towards us. In fact, the entire flock was coming after us, except the blue one, which was heading for Lenny and Farfetch’d. Quite a job well done, then.

“Stop the truck!!” I bellowed, and Ben did just that.
I grinned for a brief moment, until of course I collided with the vehicle.
“Owie.” I muttered, and waved my hand, “Right then. Flying Pokémon… I know who would have just the advantage… Come on out, Doom!”

I looked over at Leaves, who was staring at me expressionlessly.
“Just call me Ash Ketchum!” I said with a grin, as Doom floated lazily beside me.
A few of the birds circled overhead, as other birds began swooping down at us.

“Oww!” I whimpered, and looked down at Doom, who was getting progressively more annoyed as each bird pecked at him.
“Do something!” I whined. Doom smirked, and went transparent.

“Oh, that’s REAL helpful…” I snapped, as the birds began focussing entirely on me.
“Would anyone else like to help??” I cried, to no response. In desperation, I reached into the truck, and pulled Mareep out.
I looked down at her, quite confused. She was wearing a thick woolly sweater, with a picture of a Ninja Turtle on it. She wagged her tail, finally protected from the breeze.

“Whatever,” I muttered, and placed my hand on her back, “Now get rid of these birds!”
Mareep nodded, and shot electric sparks at each of the birds.
I cheered her on, ignoring the fact that I had neglected to let go of her.
“Way to *bzzt* go, Mareep! You’re *bzzt* killing ‘em *bzzt* dead! And making everything *bzzt* go all spotty, too…”

I tumbled to the ground, a static mess.
Mareep looked down, confused.
“Don’t stop now!” I shook off the pain, “GO GO GO!!”
“Sure thing!!” Ben called from the front, as truck started moving again.
“Oh no!!” I wailed, and resumed my pursuit.

I ran after the truck like an absolute madman, my arms waving in the air, and birds beginning to peck at me. Through my mind, I could hear only the Benny Hill tune.

“Somebody save me!” I whimpered, and it was of course Marowak who stepped forward, trying to keep balance as the truck went along the path. He threw his bone, and it hit several of the birds.
“Way to go, Marowball!” I cheered.
“Maroow…” he gulped, eyes widened.
I turned around, as the bone was heading back, and right for me.
“I’m really getting sick of this…” I grumbled, as it smacked me across the face. I stumbled and rolled to a stop, as the truck tore off into the distance.
The birds proceeded to flock around and attack. It was a flurry of swooping, pecking, and beatings with sticks. Just like my freshman years.

“Owieeeeee!” I wailed, “Stop it Spearow! Stop it Murkrow! Stop it Natu!”
I paused for a minute. “Stop it Natu?”
I rolled out of the way, and the Natu looked at me sheepishly.
“Thanks a lot, Klepto.” I snapped at him.
“Tuuu…” he chortled, tilting to the side.

The birds regrouped, and began circling me again.
“So what’s the plan, Kleppers?” I gulped. He pecked at me again.
“A NEW plan, preferably.” I snapped at him.
He turned towards the birds, and shot off a psychic blast. A few Murkrow swooped in front, however, and the attack was deflected.
Klepto backed up, nervously.
“Jeez Klepto, it looks like we’re doomed!” I gulped, “…Again.”

The birds tore at us top speed…
And a bizarre claw stretched out of nowhere, and punched one aside. The birds looked around, nervously, as the claw continued to extend and smack them about. It was an amusing sight, like watching a pigeon get beaten up by an accordian.

Sky Uppercut. The Pokédex buzzed out of my pocket.
“Shut up!” I snapped at it, “I put you in there for a reason…”
Do you want… a piece of this? It threatened, and I leant back, a tad nervous.

Nonetheless, the claw bapped the remaining birds about, then formed into a visible form.
“Why, it was Doom all along!” I grinned, as the Breloom floated toward me, “Attaboy Doom, you’re already proving to be of more use than Klepto…”

There was a crowing sound in the distance. I looked in its direction to see that the blue bird was beginning to overwhelm Farfetch’d.

Swellow… an RS bird Pokémon… in the same vein as Pidgey and Hoothoot… They are fast and gutsy… but tend to be quite cocky, and can be easily… stricken from behind.

“Well, I guess we should stricken it from behind then, eh?” I nodded at Klepto and Doom.
They nodded back, and Klepto soared towards Swellow. He darted about it, pecking at it, as Lenny pulled Farfetch’d aside. I pulled out the Weedle horn.

“Alright,” I instructed, “What we’re going to do, is I’m going to put this horn on your claw. Then you do the stretchy punchy thingy, and inject the serum.”

I handed the horn to Doom, and it went right through him.
“Stop doing that!” I snapped.
Doom grinned creepily, and solidified. I placed the horn on his claw, and he began aiming at the Swellow.

I leant back, relieved, when I noticed a strange string protruding from the horn. I followed it, and it lead right back to my coat. Seemed a thread had gotten caught onto the horn.
I turned pale when I realised what that meant.
“Aww Hölle.”

Doom launched off his punch, and me with it. We flung straight towards Swellow, who turned around just in time to see its fate.
We collided, and not only did we inject the serum, but I got a damn fine Headbutt in on the Swellow.
I tumbled to the ground, and looked up at Lenny.
“Hooraaaaaay.” I coughed weakly.
********************************
Despite yet another painful day of mayhem, it seemed that all was well. Ben, Leaves and I stood in front of Lenny, who had all the birds, including Farfetch’d and Swellow, standing behind him.
“So, I take it they’re under your control?” Ben queried.
“Yes, it seems that way!” Lenny grinned, “And I’m most certainly going to put them to good use.”
He turned, and marched his birds back to Attiles City.
“I’m sure you will, Lenny…” I said with a warm smile, “I’m sure you will…

We watched them in the distance, as they suddenly began to run, and take flight.
“ATTAAAAAACK!!” Lenny roared, “Death to all Attilians!!!”

Ben, Leaves and I shared concerned glances.
“Perhaps we should just ignore that?” I stated.
“Agreed.” Ben gulped, nodding slowly.

[classy_cat18]

That chapter was insane! I loved it when Tony kept forgetting to climb in the truck, plus I felt kinda relieved when Mareep found a sweater. Keep it coming!

[Drago]

classy_cat18: Yeah, I KNEW Mareep needed a sweater after trying to draw a wool-less Mareep. It was harder than I thought or maybe, you know, I just suck at drawing ^^; Although I could make a request for someone else to give it a shot. Iveechan mebbe... Anyway, thanks for continuing to read!

And here, there are at least two important things that happen in this chapter. Shocking...

MINTY THRILL
“Now with 16% more cheese!”
Chapter 32
A Wet and Pennyless Town

Another psychic blast from Klepto, and the opponent’s tiny blue seahorse Pokémon was struggling to stand. Or flop, as the case was. Hehehe… stupid Ofcoursea.

This battle was surely going to be over as quickly as it had started. I took a moment to recall what exactly had happened. After Ben and I had gotten close to Basusu Town, I noticed a butterfly on the window. It was irritating me, so I tried swatting it off. Sadly, it was on the other side of said window, so I did what anyone would’ve done. Gotten out and sat on the other side.
I rubbed the back of my head, wincing. Doesn’t work quite as well when you’re in a moving truck…
Actually, in all that, I seemed to have forgotten exactly how I did end up in this battle, anyway. My memory just stops at the rolling out of a truck part…

“Return, The Great Horsea!” my opponent commanded, returning the whimpering Pokémon to its ball, “But never fear; The Great Angelo knows what to do! He uses his talent and rugged good looks to overcome all odds…” he flung a new ball with a lot of topspin, and it rolled to a stop on the concrete, “Now it is your turn!”

I watched on curiously, as the Pokémon shot out. One look at its diminutive stature and distinct brown fur, and I leapt back in fear.
“Oh Jesus!!” I squealed, clutching Leaves close, “IT’S EEEEEEVIIIIIIIILL!!!”
“It’s The Great Eevee, you fool.” The Great Angelo scoffed.
“I know that,” I snapped, “But it is in fact quite evil.”
I stood up, and gulped. This Eevee could spell the end for this battle. After all, any decent trainer knew how uber-strong these things were. They could make a Momix faint with a single tackle… They could make a Farizard flinch with a mere leer. THEY COULD DESTROY THE ALMIGHTY MOO WITH BUT A FLICK OF THE WRIST!!
I leant towards Klepto.
“Listen buddy, you’ll need all the help you can get against something like an Eevee.” Leaves handed me the brass knux, and I put them in front of Klepto.
“Tuu?” he chirped, tilting to the side.
“Slip these on your wrist, and you’ll do fine.” I said with a smile, but my heart sunk when the horrifying truth dawned on me. …Klepto had no wrists with which to slip.
“Would you hurry up?” The Great Angelo roared, “You are wasting The Great Angelo’s time, and the only thing he can do now is reassure himself that it is time well spent, as he is spending it with none other than The Great Angelo!!”

I gulped, and nodded. “Kleppers, just try and get in at least one peck before you get annihilated…”
Klepto swooped in, and pecked Eevee in the back of the head. It fell to the ground, and tears welled up in its eyes.
“VEEEEEEEEE!!!” it bellowed, and started to cry.
“Do not let all of your fans down, The Great Eevee!!” The Great Angelo cried, “Use your double-edge!”
But still, The Great Eeevee… cried.
“Hm,” I muttered to Leaves, “I guess Eevee ain’t as good as all the adverts said…”
Which sucks, since I recently ordered one on E-Bay for two grand…

The Great Angelo returned the decidedly not-so-great Eevee, and smiled a most wicked smile.
“The Great Angelo still has one more trick up his sleeve… which is almost as wonderful as his massive biceps!”
He sent out his new beast.
“Go, The Great Dratini!”

I gasped politely, but was less than impressed with the new challenger.
“What?” I grumbled, “It’s a worm with rudders.”
“Pitiful fool…” The Great Angelo chuckled, “Soon you will know just how brilliant this Pokémon is… and by extension, you’ll be even more aware of just how brilliant The Great Angelo is!”

Did this dude have cue cards or something?

“Whatever.” I yawned, “Go on Kleppers, take out The Great Bratini…”
Klepto swooped in with another peck. The Great McThingy blinked briefly, then immediately shook off the attack.
“Alrighty then…” I muttered, “Give him a psychic wave.”
Klepto turned a light blue that was quite pretty, and would do excellent as a night light. He shook slightly as he charged up the attack, before finally letting it loose in an amazing neon flash.
In response, The Great Fatweenie… ducked.
“Aww Hölle!” I bellowed, “You don’t just DUCK an attack like that! You can deflect it, you can absorb it, you can just damn well die from it, BUT YOU DO NOT DUCK IT!!”
I pulled out an armful of Dragonball Z DVDs, and piffed them onto the battlefield. “Learn something!!”

“Forget this battle, in a way that nobody would ever forget The Great Angelo,” The Great Angelo resumed his ramble, “And show this urchin a real wave!”

The Great Martini nodded, and stood straight on its tail. It then twisted, and rolled around for a bit.
“You call that a wave?” I snorted, and grabbed a Groucho Marx cigar; “I’ve seen better waves from a man with no arms.”
Leaves looked at me, with a bizarre look on his face.
“Don’t bother me, kid. Go play under a bus, or something…”

Suddenly, and before I could launch any more marvellous quips, an impossible surge of water raised from behind The Great Linguini. The cackling worm leapt atop the swell, and it shot up to become a full-blown wave, most likely named The Great Wave.

Klepto gulped, and flew behind my leg. Leaves also looked up nervously.
“Sauuuuur…” he whimpered.
“Uhh, don’t worry, guys…” I announced, “I’ll see if there’s a solution up in this here tree…”
I leapt up onto a tree, and scrambled up to the top, leaving Klepto and Leaves to take the attack.
“That’s right fellas,” I called, “Show them just how tough we are!”
The wave crashed over them, and then there was a calm silence, with a coat of water on the ground. I sprang from the tree and, despite landing on my butt and probably breaking some tail bones, ran over to my Pokémon. Klepto was out, and Leaves looked dizzy and seasick.
“So, did you learn anything?” I snapped, and hoisted the sputtering Pokémon over my shoulder, “Never drink seawater!”
“Bul…” he groaned, and coughed out a starfish.

I returned Klepto, and sent out Marowak.
“Waaak!” he cried, eager to please.
…He then noted the water around his ankles.
“MarOW!!!” he cried, and leapt onto my head.
“Jeez, how bad could water be…” I snapped, and reached into my bag. I grabbed two tissue boxes, and placed them on Marowak’s feet.
“There. Problem solved.”
Marowak nodded, and jumped down. He began skating playfully over the water.

“Take out this new threat with a Toxic as vile as these buffoons when compared to The Great Angelo!” The Great Angelo chortled.

The Great Houdini leant back, then splurted out a few purple splotches of splotch.
“Marroww?” Marowak gulped, not getting the time to react. The goo hit him dead-on. He shivered slightly, and then leant on his bone.
“Good gooey god!” I snarled, “You’ve poisoned him!! That’s a crime! You and your gungy attack will head straight to jail…”

Concerned, The Great Oldmeany slithered over to see if Marowak was okay.
“A-HA!” I roared, “You return to the scene of the slime…”
The Great Angelo shook his head. “Put this clown out of his misery… With a Fire Blast!”

The Great Luigi nodded, and furrowed his brow. Smoke came out his ear-like thingies, and Marowak backed away nervously.
“Marowak!” I whimpered, “Do what you do best!”
Marowak nodded, and placed the headphones over his skull. He then proceeded to do the monkey.
“No, Marowak… I meant battle, this won’t-” I stopped when I got hit by a drip from the sky. I looked up, and gasped. Rain… Marowak was using Rain Dance!
The Great Scarymovie used Fire Blast, but it turned out pitifully.
I cheered and leapt up and down, flinging Leaves off my shoulder.

However, it seemed that nobody else was as ecstatic.
“Rowwwww…” Marowak grumbled, and placed a couple tissues on his skull. The Great Yet-teeny shivered as the cold rain continued to pelt him. The Great Angelo just looked genuinely unhappy.
“The Great Angelo is fabulously wet.”

“Well I… I… Ahhh ACHOO!!” I sneezed and shot a booger for distance and accuracy, “Perhaps this battle could continue later?”
“Sounds like a plan.” The Great Angelo nodded, “We’ll finish this at Basusu’s Town Square at 9:30 tonight. Until then… Farewell!”
The Great Angelo slipped a jetpack on, and grabbed The Great… Oh jeez, I’ve forgotten what it’s called.
Flames shot out, and as The Great Angelo rose to the air, he struck a pose, raising one arm to the air, and placing the other behind his back.
“Quite an exit, wouldn’t you say?” The Great Angelo smiled, but got no response. “The Great Dratini? The… Great Dratini?”
The Great Angelo looked at his hand. He held the charred remains of the poor Pokémon, fried by the fire while The Great Angelo had been posing.
“Aww man, Whitney is gonna kill me…”

I ignored this example of gross negligence, and picked up Leaves and Marowak. I used them to shelter myself from the rain as I ran into Basusu Town.
“Gotta find a place to stay…” I said, and looked around.
Small, poorly built stores… Dilapidated shacks that looked to have unsteady roofs… A supermarket that only sold X-Boxes…
“Dude! This place sucks!” I whined, and peered over at a nearby sign.

Basusu Town
Average Population: 312
Average Income: $3

Making other towns wealthier by comparison since 1849!

I ignored the sign (and the fact that it was written on cardboard) and ran towards the nearest house. I pounded on the door frantically, the rain was really starting to pick up.
“Hello? Anyone in there? Let me in! You better let me in or I’ll hurt you… I’m an axe murderer!! And I’m looking for axes to murder!”

I shrugged, and just opened the door. I ran inside, relieved. However, something was suspicious about this house. The rain was still falling. I looked up… There was no roof.
I looked around, and spotted a shivering woman sitting in the corner.
“Lady, you’ve got no roof!” I moaned.
“Yeah, been meaning to get that fixed…” she replied dully.
I groaned and, now regretting the combined weight of Leaves and Marowak, took back to the streets.

“Man, I’m getting soaked!” I said to nobody in particular, “This is worse than the time I picked a fight with a waterbed…”
I squinted through the squall, and could barely make out comparatively nice building with a large ball on its roof.
“Pokémon Centre!” I said gleefully, and started making a beeline for it, “What a lucky break.”

When I got there, though, I noted the strange colouration. Rather than the usual red-and-white, the Pokémon Centre (and the Pokéball atop it for that matter) was brown and green.
“Wow, never before have I been so thankful to see the colours of vomit…”
I set my Pokémon down, and pulled the handle… clean off the door.

“Geeaah!!” I gasped, staring in disbelief at the handle. I shared a worried glance with myself and myself exclusively. “Urr, maybe this is a pushable door…”
I lightly pushed it, and the door swung right off its hinges. It hit the floor with a loud thud, and a cloud of dust.
“Well, I was right, right?” I muttered, and stepped inside.

It looked to be the same setup as a regular Pokémon Centre, although the furniture was shoddy, and most of the lightbulbs were missing.
I walked up to the counter and rang the bell. It immediately fell to pieces.

Out from the backroom walked the nurse, who was… a… man?
“What the?” I muttered, but was still greeted by the customary,
“Welcome to the Pokémon Centre. We can heal your Pokémon to perfect health.”
Afterwards, the gruff bloke lit a cigarette and added, “Whaddya want?”
“An explanation, perhaps?” I muttered.
“Those are usually an extra five bucks…” he snorted, “But I’m the nurse, Nurse Karl. I work here with my Chansey, Gomer.”
He pointed towards an unusually small Chansey sleeping in the corner. In fact… It was just a Jigglypuff with a new hairdo taped on.
I looked with growing nervousness at this Karl fellow. He didn’t look very nursing. Nonetheless, my Pokémon weren’t terribly well…

I turned around and whispered quietly, “What do you think James?”
I waited for a response, but gone none. I poked my finger into my ear, and pulled out a tiny sign reading, ‘Out to Lunch’.
“Damn… better make a judgement call…” I sighed, and placed Leaves and Marowak on the counter. I released Klepto, and put him there too.
“Hm,” Nurse Karl muttered, rubbing his chin, “This bird’s a little small but yeah, I think I could make a pretty good meal outta them.”
My eyes widened, “No, no, no!!” I bellowed, “You have to heal them, not keell them!”
“Fine,” Nurse Karl sighed, carrying them into the backroom, “But you won’t be thinking that when dinnertime comes along…”

I shuddered, and flopped lazily onto one of the couches.
“GET OFFA ME!” it roared, and I damn near sprang halfway across the room.
I watched on as a scraggly old man climbed out from under the cushions, and stroked his thick beard with anger. Strange thing to do when you’re angry, given, but nonetheless.
“My god, the talking couch had eaten you?” I gasped.
“All I was saying was get off me damn bed!” he snarled.
“Your bed now?” I said confused.
“Damn right, and what’re you doing in my house anyway?” he continued.
“Now stop right there!” I said defensively, standing up, “The ‘hobo’s house’ gimmick is better suited to a subway, or perhaps a charming movie, but it is NOT welcome in my Pokémon adventure, you sanctimonious sonuva-”
“Now YOU listen HERE!” the hobo yelled, standing from the couch, “I will not allow such-”
“YOU FREAK!!” I cried, “YOU do NOT interrupt a CHRIS JERICHO QUOTE!! He’s the KING OF THE WORLD!!”
“You and your Chris Jericho can shove it!” the hobo scoffed.
Losing all sense of control and composure, I leapt upon the hobo, bloodthirsty and looking to steal a limb.

In the fray, two Pokéballs fell from my belt, and Mareep and Doom joined the fray.
We rolled around the floor, knocking furniture out of the way, and causing a ruckus.
Nurse Karl quickly ran out.
“What in the hell are you doing??” he shouted.
“I’m fighting a hobo!” I hissed, “Leave me alone!!”
“What??” Nurse Karl was confused by the mere absurdity of the comment.
I stood up, and got right in Nurse Karl’s face.
“I have engaged in fisticuffs with a hobo, a sheep, and a dead mushroom, in order to defend Chris Jericho’s good name.”
Nurse Karl looked at me as though this new explanation made even less sense.

“Just listen.” Nurse Karl muttered, “You better leave Lefty alone, or else the council will be over you like a bad smell… I’ll get him to explain it.”

I shrugged, and sat across from Lefty. We shared hateful glances.
“Lefty…” I finally said angrily, “Would you… PLEASE…

Tell me a story?”

Doom, Mareep and Lefty fell to the floor.
“What?” I muttered, “I haven’t heard a good story in a while now… So what’s with this whole council thing?”
“Well kid,” Lefty started, picking himself up, “Basusu Town was never a rich town, financially. It was cheap and affordable, and everyone who didn’t want to spend a lot of money headed here. But it was nice, nonetheless, so people didn’t mind bringing their families to live here. Eventually, it got to the point where we were overpopulated. Usually the story stops there, but something strange started happening. Townspeople who had been around for a long while were getting robbed and, in some cases killed. Nobody knows for sure, but it seemed that a rogue band of crooks were trying to get rid of all the original townspeople, in a way of claiming to town for all newcomers. Well, in compensation for the remaining originals, the mayor decided to give all at risk extra legal coverage. And it was great for a while. Cheaper rates, more fuel for your dollar, and you had direct contact to bodyguards. Basically, the original townspeople were put above all others. And of course, some smarmy punk who just rolled into town had to ruin it. Discrimination laws against newcomers came into play, so suddenly everyone had to be treated equal. In turn, all the originals didn’t want to give up what they had, so now all rates were dropped, all fuel was cheaper, and everyone had a bodyguard.”
This really isn’t a very good story… “And then?” I sighed, feigning interest.
“There was just no money left!” Lefty said sadly, and leant back, “And so, this is what came of it… The sad shell of a place you’ve arrived at.”

“I don’t get it,” I muttered, “Why does everything have a logical explanation these days??”

I got up and stretched. “So anyway, where’s your Pokémon gym?”
“Gym??” Lefty started to laugh, “GYM???”
He began laughing uncontrollably, so I chose to wander around for a while. It sure was hard being a Pokémon master… especially when I had evil Pokébeasts and crime syndicates with wrestling impersonators to deal with as well.
“Your Pokémon are ready…” Nurse Karl called. I strolled over, and checked over them.
“How you doing guys?” I asked.
Klepto sprang up with vigour, as Marowak cheered, spinning his bone. Leaves smiled… then coughed up some sand.
“Uh, yeah, you might want to get that checked out…” Nurse Karl muttered.
I nodded, and returned Marowak, Klepto, Doom and Mareep.
“Well, I’m going to be here until around about 9:30…” I announced as though anyone cared, “So tell me Nurse Karl, what’s with the brown and green?”
“You mean on the roof?” he muttered, “Back in the day, all Pokéballs were brown and green. But the big difference wasn’t the colour, it was the way they worked. They didn’t have technology like they do now, so they had to work on a mechanical system instead of an electronic one. They were damned heavy, and a pain to carry when you had a lot of ‘em. But they were actually more efficient for catching Pokémon.” Nurse Karl looked around, then ducked behind his desk. “In fact, I got one of ‘em left, if you want it…”
“You know, it might be interesting…” I said, “Sure, I’d like that.”
With a little more effort than you’d expect, Nurse Karl placed the oddly-coloured ball on the table. I put it in my bag, proud to have something actually valuable in there.
“That’ll be $90.” He said with a serious look on his face.
I frowned, but was then stricken with the answer.
“Just charge that to my bank account.” I grinned, “My name is Mr. Michaels.”
********************************
The time had arrived, and I made my way through the darkened streets towards Town Square. The sky was starry, not a cloud in sight. Nonetheless, it was still dark enough to be scary, so I made sure to release all my Pokémon just in case. Already Agwa was cowering.
We arrived, and rather unsurprisingly, Town Square turned out to just be a block of cement.
“Well, here’s Town Square.” I said to Leaves, who hopped atop it proudly.
“Look ma!” I guffawed, “Top of the town!”
“So, you have arrived after all…” the voice of The Great Angelo said from behind us. I whirled around, and was surprised to see that he was joined by two men. One looked like a bodyguard (he was bald, as per tradition), and the other was lanky, and wore a suit.
“Uhh…” I muttered, “Friends of yours?”
“The Great Angelo never comes unprepared!” The Great Angelo chortled, “To The Great Angleo’s left is his personal bodyguard, Simeon-Jerry Rice.”
I rolled my eyes so much it hurt.
“And to his right, is his lawyer, Lawrence Pottbellerfieldmen, Jr.”
Lawrence nodded politely.
“So you see, in this battle, there is only one winner!” The Great Angelo cackled.
“Hmm…” I muttered, “And I suppose that winner would be Mr. Rice. I mean, he’s a lot bigger.”
“The Pokémon battle!” The Great Angelo snarled, “If you even dare touch The Great Angelo’s Pokémon… HE’LL SUE!!”
I gasped. Somehow my winning was becoming less likely.
“It’ll be two Pokémon…” The Great Angelo chuckled, “But it will only be as unnecessary as asking for The Great Angelo’s super-valuable signature!! …Because you, umm, won’t get it.”
The Great Angelo dropped The Great Pokéball which signalled the start of The Great Battle.
Out came his intimidating and feared Manburn!!

Lanturn… The Pokédex instructed in a perhaps better name, An unusual hybrid of both… Water-…and…Electric- Types… This wily fish…lights the seafloor…while searching for…prey.

“Searching for prayers?” I muttered, confused, “Umm, who here isn’t religious?”
All of my Pokémon raised their hand, as well as Lawrence Pottbellerfieldmen, Jr.
“Alrighty…” I said, “Who here is sacrilegious?”
Leaves raised his claw even higher than he had before. Not to be outdone, so did the lawyer.
“You’re up, then.” I stated, and Leaves ran onto the battlefield.
“Remember, filth…” The Great Angelo taunted, “Suing…”

Lanturn began firing sparks at Leaves, which he dodged with ease. He looked at me while he evaded the attacks.
“Well, jeez…” I gulped, “Maybe you could… no… Or maybe… no, that wouldn’t work…”
A spark suddenly caught Leaves, and he started to shiver with paralysis.
“How about… You should… Maybe you could… growl.”

Leaves shook off the paralysis, and snarled at the Pokémon. He then looked back at me, as though to ask ‘now what?’
I stood there blankly.
“LEAVES!” I shouted, “Growl again!”
Leaves growled on command, then looked back.
“Growl some more!” I demanded.
He let off a small groan that sounded more like he had a migraine, then hung his head low.
“Wow, good times, eh Leaves?” I reminisced after this most familiar display.

“The Great Lanturn!” The Great Angelo began, “Start up a whirlpool!”
Lanturn began to spin in place, and shoot a stream of water. It circulated into one big twister of liquid.
“Now, surge a Thunderbolt through it!” The Great Angelo commanded, and Lanturn nodded. Sparks flew off the fish, before it shot off an applause-worthy bolt of lightning. It crashed into the middle, and the whirlpool began surging with electric power.
“How do you like The Great Lanturn’s specialty?” The Great Angelo cackled, “It’s called The Great Whirling Vortex of Shock!”
“Dude, I’d just call it a Thunderwhirl.” I scoffed, “Honestly.”

“Bulbaur…” Leaves scoffed, and slowly walked towards the oncoming attack.
“Aww Hölle,” I gulped, “There’s no way Leaves could withstand an attack of such utter utterness… Leaves, just do something that nobody else would think of!”
Leaves shrugged, and grabbed a beach towel.
“Something that’ll SAVE US!!”
“Bulb…” Leaves snorted, as though he was unimpressed by the technique.
“Leaves, what’re you DOING?” I gulped.
He grinned, and looked at the oncoming attack. He closed his eyes, and began to snarl. A pink light shone in front of Leaves, and I had to shield my eyes.

It’s… too bright! …And… too girly…

When I opened my eyes, a mostly transparent pink shield stood between Leaves and the attack.
“What in the hell is that?”

Light Screen. The ‘dex answered, A valuable technique… that cuts the power of… oncoming…special attacks by…half.

Leaves continued to create more shields, until there were finally five in front of him. The Thunderwhirl crashed through each shield, becoming progressively smaller, until it crossed through the last one, now a pitiful image of its former glory.
The attack hit Leaves, but it was hardly an attack anymore. Leaves shook off what was about as intimidating as static shock, and grinned malevolently.

“Whooooo!” I cheered, leaping to the air, “I don’t know what just happened!”
I pointed at Lanturn, “Now Leaves, time for The Gore!!”
Leaves charged forward, ready to finish the Lanturn, but stopped dead when he recalled… the imminence of suing.
“Crap in a cap!!” I moaned, “I forgot about that…”
However, I noticed something about Lanturn. It… wasn’t moving.

“Oh no!!” The Great Angelo wailed, “The Great Lanturn has…drowned!!”
“Fish outta water.” I muttered, “Forgot about that.”
“Nonetheless,” The Great Angelo reassured himself, “All that’s needed is The Great Angelo’s strongest Pokémon, which is almost as strong as The Great Angelo’s fanbase!”

I cringed. Oh no… here it comes…
“Go… THE GREAT DRATINI!”

A frown spread across my face even before the Pokémon was released.
“Hey, wasn’t that-”

Out came the former Dratini, which now looked more like an overcooked French fry.
“Damn.” The Great Angelo groaned, “Forgot about that.”
“So then,” Lawrence Pottbellerfieldmen, Jr, announced, “The winner is… THIS SMALL BOY!”
A tear hit my eye, “And what a great day for small boys everywhere…”

“Now then, Mr. Angelo…” Lawrence continued, “I’m afraid there are laws against killing not one but TWO Pokémon in a single day…”
“What does that entitle?” The Great Angelo gulped.
“I’m afraid it entitles that a great deal of pain will be bestowed upon your person, with a dozen consecutive beatings, as well as a most ferocious noogie.” Simeon-Jerry Rice answered, to many bemused glances.
Without a moment’s hesitation, The Great Angelo took off, followed by his bodyguard and lawyer.
T’was so strange, I felt the need to applause.

“Well, I guess that just about wraps up things here…” I announced to my Pokémon.

“Not quite!” A voice called from behind me, and I whirled around. All this whirling around was getting dizzying…
“So we finally meet…” a kid about my age, said.
“Yes, I’ve been meaning to get around to meeting more people…” I replied, hoping to sound impressive.
“Allow me to introduce myself…” the kid continued, “The name is Riddells. …Kyle Riddells.

[Andrew]

Oh gosh, its good to laugh, thank you for a truely hillarious chapter DragoKnight. The whole Great Angelo was hillarious, with his darned Eevee Lol! and Bratini.

The Dragonball thing was funny too. The Marowak thing had me going "Umm K"

The awful town, that got me laughing. So james left a sign on Tony's ear... surprising. And the Sacreligious Lawyer ROFL!

Good on Leaves for getting the Light Screen move

And who is this Kyle Riddles?! Please don't have him speak in riddles.

Great work.

[classy_cat18]

Tony...is...an idiot. Quite the character. I'm surprised that he keeps winning his matches. But the chapter was funny, especially when that guy accidentally torched his Dratini with his jetpack.

[Drago]

Hey, would you look at that? Two-month hiatuses are cool. Especially if it meant that at least one person couldn't sleep quite right, knowing that Kyle Riddells was stalking our hero.
*lol* Yes indeed, it returns! I'll now apologise for my lateness, but I've been working hard on my next fic. It doesn't have anything to do with Minty Thrill, nor is it even a comedy. Hopefully my '1337 writing skillz' can help me pull off a fic without the comedy. ...Yeah right. ^^;
Well, hopefully I can pick up where I left off, with a renewed writing vigour.
classy_cat18: Thank you kindly. ^_^ You know, I often wonder what this fic would've been like had I made it a normal trainer fic. For one, I guess there would've been no Klepto or Agwa. Heaven forbid.
OzAndrew: Thanks. I was really pleased with the last chapter myself. Though I'm cursing myself for forgetting one thing. Tony could've called The Great Dratini 'The Great Bikini'!! Damn...

And finally, it'll be revealed just what sort of person Kyle Riddells is, in this new chapter! ...Before you ask, yes, I do like explosions. A LOT.

MINTY THRILL
“Two months = flavour saver!”
Chapter 33
Confrontation with Kyle Riddells! Truths unveiled, changes imminent! Japanese titles are fun!

“Kyle Riddells?” I gasped, stumbling back with horror, “Kyle… Riddells?”
Riddells looked at me confidently. “You’ve heard of me then?”
“Er, no…” I replied, “I just lacked anything better to say.”
With a flourish, Riddells grabbed out a pair of handcuffs.
“Now come with me… quietly.” He threatened, then reached back.
“Or else I’ll be forced to use this!” He pulled out a nightstick, then reached back.
“In which case you’ll have this!” He pulled out a picture of various nightstick-related injuries, then reached back.
“And perhaps some of these!” He pulled out a variety of band-aids, one of which featuring a rubber ducky with a machete, then, fumbling with the various items, reached back.
“Then you’ll be going to this!” He pulled out a jail built out of Lego blocks.
I stood there silently for about a minute.
“…Not if I do THIS!” I started to run.
Unfortunately, I didn’t get terribly far. I only got a couple steps before I tripped over Agwa. Perhaps I shouldn’t have kept her sitting around for no apparent reason.

“You fool!” Riddells mocked, trying desperately to stack up his various items, “You can’t escape from the law!”
“What about all the people who flee to Mexico?” I said.
“Well, they, umm… don’t escape so much as, uh… avoid… yeah.”
I peered down at my Pokémon.
“Alright, guys.” I whispered, “What was the battle formation for when you’re facing someone bigger than you?”
They proceeded to line up, shove Marowak into battle, then ducked and covered.
“Damned cowards…” I snapped.
Guess I taught ‘em too well…
“Nonetheless!” I cried, shooting a fist to the air and punching a statue, which crumbled to dust, “I’m quite prepared to fight you and win and not lose!”
Marowak swung his bone around like Astaroth with a warhammer. He messed up and it was flung aside, so he resorted to leering intimidatingly.

Riddells, now frantically juggling his items, reached for a Pokéball. “Go Kuda!”
And, out of the bright flash came the ferocious and, er, blue…
“Gogogoduuuuuuuuck!” She cried, and for lack of a better thing to do, I gasped once again.
“Good god, Leaves and various associates of Leaves,” I cried, “It’s the wicked and revered GODUCK!” I looked down at them, fear in my eyes, “And I don’t know where it’s going to go!!”
Golduck, the ‘dex corrected as it tends to do, The water-type evolution of Psyduck. Golduck know a variety of psychic-attacks, and it seems to use that as the focus of its offensive.
“You just know everything, don’t you?” I sneered, and pointed it at Leaves.
Bulbasaur, it continued, A highly venomous Grass/Poison hybrid. Though it is popular among beginning trainers for its toughness, it is not wise to get emotionally attached to, as it tends to spread its toxins.
“Hmm… perhaps I should’ve checked on that earlier…” I gulped, and looked back at Riddells.
Obviously, Kuda had the advantage over Marowak, if not for being a water-type, then because it was so much more duck-like.
“I better improvise…” I muttered, and threw Klepto to Marowak’s side.
“Haha! Now the odds are in my favour!”
“Oh yeah?” Riddells sneered, and threw a new Pokéball. Out came a red thing, which was quite a nice contrast with the blue thing that was Kuda.
Scizor, the ‘dex informed before I could take any guesses, The Bug/Steel evolution of Scyther. Whereas Scyther relies on an all-out attack with its slicing scythes, Scizor prefers to calculate its moves, then clamp its hapless enemies between its claws.
“Ooh, scary.” I taunted, “Go back to the tool shed, you stupid utensil!”
She looked angrily at me, and I backed away, “Although, you are a very nice utensil…”
“Do you really think you can beat the tandem of Kuda and Eponine?” Riddells sneered.
“No!” I proudly stated.
From the side, I could hear Leaves groan.

Little does he know… I thought deviously, That I’ve been training Marowak and Klepto to work as a team… Quite the ubër team at that.
“Now then, Marowak, Klepto, use baseballbird!” They nodded, and Marowak got his bone at the ready.
Klepto leapt in front of him, and Marowak hit him with all his might, sending him flying, and probably doing a fair bit of damage to Klepto’s cranial capacities. Klepto was sent soaring at top speed… unfortunately it was nowhere near the opponents.
“Foul ball?” I groaned, and felt as though I were an unfortunate umpire.
After bouncing off several buildings, Klepto landed back, dizzy and bruised.

“You call that a tandem attack?” Riddells cackled, “Wait until you see the geyser!”
Eponine dug underground rapidly, and eventually sprang out of the ground near Marowak and Klepto. She looked evilly at them.
Kuda then proceeded to send water down the hole, which shot out the other end, and did indeed create a geyser.
Marowak and Klepto looked at it, confused.
“Uhh, could one of you just… walk into it, please?” Riddells groaned.

“Scoff and scoff again!” I scoffed, “I’ve got much better team moves… Doom, Mareep, come and show them the shocking ghost bomb!”
Doom and Mareep stood forward, and Mareep shot a ball of electricity towards Doom. He caught it something of a mysterious (nonsensical) way, then span it around and added his own ghostliness to it, enlarging it in the process.
He soared to the sky, and held the shocking ghost bomb over his head. This attack was breaking so many copyrights, I felt as though I was being sued every second.
“Loooooooooom!!” he roared, as he hurled the bomb in Kuda and Eponine’s direction. They flinched, and ducked for their lives.
After a couple seconds passed, they looked up. The bomb was coming at them, but it definitely wasn’t setting any records for speed. In fact, it was going so slowly it was hard to tell if it was even moving. Doom landed back down, and looked up sheepishly at me.
“Did you really have to fly up so high?” I groaned.

“Nothing but mere special effects!” Riddells laughed, “Time for me to end this… With one thousand headaches!”
Eponine grabbed Kuda around the waist, and locked her claws together. She then used swords dance, and the two span around at top speed. Then, in mid-spin, Kuda began to send off psychic blasts. They shot about in all directions. To my horror, they formed into the forms of spirits.
“These spirits focus on brain power!” Riddells explained, “They’ll attack the smartest enemy!”
I watched on, interested to discover which one of my Pokémon was the smartest target.
The spirits began to veer towards Klepto… then turned away. They headed for Mareep… and at the last minute pulled back. They then turned towards me… and for some odd reason, fell dead to the ground.
“What?” Riddells gasped in disbelief, “That’s never happened before…”

I shrugged it off, and sent forward my last team of Leaves and Agwa.
“Time now for the flipping feline!” I announced.
Agwa backed up, then ran towards Leaves as fast as she could (which, with all her running, was pretty damn fast). When she got to him, he grabbed her paws, and launched her into the air. I watched as Agwa flew into the night sky.
“Yes!” I cheered. That was the first time they had managed to pull it off successfully.
We stood about, and Leaves looked around, sweatdrops appearing on his head. I never really thought about what was supposed to happen next.
“…That one could use some thinking through.” I muttered.

“Now… it’s time for my finishing technique…” Riddells announced, “Use gigantic fiends of pain!”
Kuda and Eponine looked at each other, and proceeded to flash a variety of colours. A wind picked up, and whipped around them.
“Their power levels are rising rapidly!!” I gasped, and hastily spiked my hair up, “What should we do, Piccolo??”
I looked down at Leaves, who merely snarled in response.
“You’re no fun.” I snapped.
Meanwhile, Kuda and Eponine had grown to epic proportions, and were towering above us. Well, they were only eight feet tall, but I still felt short.
“You’ll never overcome this technique!” Riddells cackled.
All of a sudden, Agwa fell back down, and landed on Kuda’s head. She then bounced off and hit Eponine in the noggin.
The duo fell to the ground, and shrank back to size.
“Well done, Agwa!” I cheered.
“Ugh.” she groaned in response.

“Oh to hell with it!” Riddells muttered, and took out his nightstick, “ATTACK!!!”
Kuda and Eponine shook off the pain, and proceeded to run in our direction.
“CHARGE!!!” I cried, and my Pokémon started to run.
…In the opposite direction.
“Good idea!” I gulped, and started to run with them, “Those nightsticks really hurt!!”
I learned that the hard way on Halloween in ’98. …How was I supposed to know those policemen didn’t want me to steal their car?

“Come back and fight us!!” Riddells bellowed.
“No thank you!” I yelled back.
We neared a house. “Quick, let’s hide in here!” I called.
“I heard that!!” Riddells roared.
“Damn!” I snapped.
We ran toward the door, but it was closed, locked, and not willing to help us.
Lacking any other option, I charged towards the wall, which collapsed under my force.
I looked around. The floor was covered with mattresses, the windows had no glass, and the resident wasn’t happy at all.
“Dammitall!!” he snapped, “That was new cardboard!!”
Riddells was quick to follow us, and stood in the newfound doorway.
“You’re trapped now!” he said.
I picked up a lamp, and threw it at him. It bounced right off, as though it was plastic. Sadly enough, it probably was.
I picked up a sword and flung it at him. He dodged the rubber weapon, and continued to walk towards us.
Lacking any other option, I picked up the resident, and threw him at Riddells. He too fell apart like sand.
We were a tad bemused.

“I’m not going down without a fight!” I roared.
“But you said before you weren’t going to fight…” Riddells muttered.
“Yeah, but I wasn’t trapped, now was I?”
I led the charge, and leapt right at Riddells. My Pokémon tried to use superiority in numbers to take down their larger opponents.
Riddells and I rolled around the floor, and when I found the chance, I punched him in the face.
“Ow!” he whined.
“Oh, sorry…” I gulped.
He threw me off, and we circled each other. I had to hold back the temptation to ask if he ‘wanted to rassle’.
I charged at him, but he stepped aside, and threw me towards the wall. I collided into it, and my head went right through the wall (and without the knowledge of it being cardboard, that sounds pretty impressive).

I tried frantically to pull my head back out, but it was stuck damned good. The best I could manage was to rip part of the wall off with me.
I looked at Riddells, and although I couldn’t manouvre terribly well with a cardboard necklace, I felt as though I had the upper hand.
I charged again, and this time when he tried to throw me aside, he was knocked back by my cardboard fashion statement.
I dropped a couple elbow drops on him, then leapt up on the couch, ready to land a frog splash. Unfortunately, the couch deflated from underneath. Maybe I was just so full of associative rage.

I ran towards Riddells, and leapt for a headbutt, but he rolled aside, and I held my head in pain. I acted as though I had just headbutted a brick wall, and writhed around on the floor. Riddells stood up, and looked at me confused.
“Surely it doesn’t hurt to headbutt a mattress?” he muttered.
I looked back up. “Uh, you know what, it doesn’t…”
I stood up, and ripped the cardboard from my neck. I threw it at Riddells like a Frisbee. He caught it, and sneered wickedly. He threw it back at me, and I just barely managed to catch it. I sent it back, and he caught it once again. He threw it at me, but I messed up, and it fell to the floor.
“Best two out of three?” I grumbled.

Riddells swung a punch at me.
I ducked, and then poked my tongue out at him.
“You missed!”
He swung another punch, which hit me right in the nose. I tumbled to the floor.
“Owww… you didn’t miss…”
Riddells grabbed the nightstick in both hands, and swung it at me. I rolled back, and he continued to swing. I crashed into one of the walls, and Riddells held the nightstick above his head. He sent the nightstick down with all his might, and I just barely managed to duck my head. When I moved back, I slipped back. There was a large hole in the mattress, and I fell headfirst through it. I just barely grabbed onto the edge.
“Good god!!” I wailed, “They couldn’t afford any floorboards! That mattress was the floor!”
I looked down. They couldn’t even afford the concrete base. Or the ground. Or the mantle of the earth. There was nothing between me and the center of the world.
“This makes little sense even by my standards!!” I cried, “I can see straight into Hell!”
Satan peered up.
“Hello…” he muttered, perplexed.

“Just grab my hand, Chambers…” Riddells muttered… “I’ll help you up. …Help you up… Help you up…”
I opened my eyes, and looked around. There was no hole in the mattress, no hell, no El Diablo… Instead, there was a huge lump on my head, and Riddells standing over me.
“What happened?” I groaned.
“You knocked yourself out when you headbutted the mattress.” He replied, “As chance would have it, you managed to land on my nightstick.”
“Golly… sounds painful…” I muttered, and stood up.

My Pokémon looked at me sadly. They were all cuffed. Poor Klepto was just crammed into one cuff.
Riddells put on my cuffs, and, making a new hole in the wall, we walked outside. We went a fair distance away from Basusu Town before Riddells stopped. He returned Kuda and Eponine, placed their Pokéballs on a tree stump, and had my team and I stand in a straight line.
“Let’s have no funny business.” Riddells said, “Your face is purple enough as it is.”
“Yeah, you think maybe we should get that checked out?” I muttered.
“Nah, not really…” Riddells replied, “Now then, you realise that when you’re put in jail, all your Pokémon will be taken away from you, and donated to law-abiding trainers.”
“Nooo!!” I cried, “I need them! How else could I tunnel out of jail??”
“My point in case.” He snapped.

I turned toward my Pokémon.
“Well guys,” I sighed, “I guess this is it… I’ll miss you all terribly, but I’m afraid that Riddells is taking you away from me. …I’ll never see any of you again.”
There was a stunned silence, before a mighty cheer arose from my Pokémon.
“Fine,” I snorted, “Forget you guys too.”
They all started to dance merrily around Riddells.
“Rub it in, why don’t you…” I whimpered.
Around they went, around and around… I decided to take one last look at my Pokémon.
Leaves…
Marowak…
Klepto…
Mareep…
Agwa…

“Hang on,” Riddells snapped, “Where in the hell is the Breloom?”
Doom appeared before him, and sent off a bright flash of light. Stunned, he stumbled back. Klepto flew up, snatched the key from him, and threw it to Leaves, who proceeded to open each of the Pokémon’s cuffs.
Marowak span his bone at top speed, and dug a deep hole.
He leapt out, and Mareep and Agwa took Riddells out by the legs. He tumbled down the hole with a thud.
“Yeah!” I cheered, “My Pokémon kick as… Umm… tushy.”
I wanted to give a nice image, after all.
“You moron!” Riddells snapped, “I’ll just use my Pokémon and-”
“You mean the Pokémon you left sitting on a tree stump?” I chortled quite wickedly, “I’m afraid all they can do is spectate.”
“Damn you, Tony Chambers, damn you straight to hell!!” Riddells wailed.
“Bah, been there, done that.” I muttered, and began to walk away.

“Chambers!” Riddells called, and I turned back, “Just tell me… What did you do with that shocking ghost bomb?”
I looked back at Basusu Town. There was an increasingly bright flash of light.

“…Uh-oh.”

[Mew Trainer Rose]

lol. much amusing fightingness. ^_^

Your writing style actually reminds me of a writer for my college's newspaper. He writes a column called "Humor du Jor", which tends to be very random. just like this fic.

[Andrew]

Hah! Go Lego! This chapter was all DBZ feeling.

I loved the team attacks, Baseball Bird heh. The Doom/Mareep combo was fantastic. Agwa's attack was also humorous.

Loved Satan's cameo. Ah well, Kyle, buh bye! And what will happen to his two Pogeymon? Did Klepto get the hankering for a shiny new Pokeball?

The Shocking Ghost Ball. Oh my gosh, made me laugh so much at the end of teh chapter. Fantastic.

Great work DK. Keep it up (y)

[Drago]

Mew Trainer Rose: Thanks! I really appreciate knowing that my writing style is reminscent of those of other people. I'm still trying to decide what exactly that style is myself! lol
OzAndrew: Ooh, I think we all know that Kyle isn't quite gone. Not just yet. At least now though, he won't be ahead of Tony. DBZ is coo', incidentally. I should've had a Krillin cameo, dammit.

Now, tonight is quite the marvellous night, for Minty Thrill has once again become my main priority. It still teeters around the halfway mark, I think. And ahead lies quite the monumental chapter. It's filler, I admit, but it is the longest chapter in Minty Thrill history! At 4,930 words, its beaten the previous record of 4,449 words by a fair margin, which was set by Chapter 12, Freaky Fun.
Isn't that something? I'm sure it could be.

MINTY THRILL
“Fear ‘The New Children on the Block’!”
Chapter 34
On the Route Again

Running is grand. It picks up the pace in video games, it keeps you healthy and, in my case, it helps put sporting distance between yourself and an obsessive police trainee.

I panted heavily, now a comparably safe distance away from Basusu Town.
“Yes indeed!” I announced to all my marvellous Pokémon before returning them to their Pokéballs, “Back to travelling, then!”
I took a glimpse at the map, and grinned widely.
“This is our lucky day, Leaves!” I bubbled with glee, “Looks like the next two cities… are one city!”
“…Saur?” he said, confused.
“According to this, the cities known as Derako City and Dougufu City have settled their long-standing rivalry, and moulded into one super-city, known as Derufu City! Wow, all the places in Furudo seem to have very strange names…”
I folded up the map, and looked ahead. Yet another route, ho-hum. Who would’ve thought that the most dreaded part of a Pokémon adventure would be the travelling. It all felt so pedestrian…
“Looks about a week’s travel or thereabouts to get there…” I muttered, “Best to start off now.”

And so, onward we pressed. Leaves seemed quite taken aback by the overwhelming foliage. Perhaps he felt as though he was less an impressing plant than those that surrounded him. I felt the usual spurts of pain in my head caused by James’ renovations. I really wished he would stop nailing paintings to the walls.

“Growwwwwwwlithe!” A sound snarled. It was quiet, but sounded considerably aggressive.
I turned around towards the source, and was face to face with it, a tiger-striped dog. It had a blue scarf around its neck, and had an expression that mixed hunger with aggression with puppiness. Yes, puppiness.
“A rare and elusive Grouchith.” I announced, hushed.
One wonders… how it is that you could mispronounce the…name of something… that had just spoken? The Pokédex said, in its usual know-it-all tone. Growlithe is a… Fire-type dog. It can be well… disciplined, but is generally territorial… and… smelly.
I raised an eyebrow. Smelly?
I guess the Pokédex could use new batteries soon…

“Growl!” the Growlithe growled in a very growly sort of growl.
“Yes, yes, be patient…” I snapped, “I’m trying to decide who to pummel you with. After all, a Fire-type would do marvellous on team Tony…”
I rummaged hastily through the Pokéballs, before finally deciding on Mareep. She could stand to use some more battling experience.

Growlithe snarled fiercely, and Mareep looked back angrily, until she seemed to notice something. She dashed at top speed towards Growlithe, dodging its various fiery blasts.
“Attagirl, Mareep!” I cheered her on.
She got right up to Growlithe, and stole its scarf. She then scrambled back by my side, flicking the scarf around her neck and wagging her tail proudly.
“Umm, that looks very nice Mareep…” I said, bemused, “Matches your sweater…”
Why do I even bother?

“In any event,” I pointed malevolently towards Growlithe, “Use Thundershock!”
Mareep nodded, which in itself sent several sparks flying from her furry noggin. She wiped her feet along the ground frantically, as though there were a carpet underneath. She then sent off a splendidly blue pulse of electricity. Growlithe, in true RPG tradition, stood there dully to take the attack. Never mind the fact that there were like five million places for it to dodge toward, it just stood there, looking suitably terrified. I looked down at Leaves, as I pulled out a Pokéball.
“A move as powerful as Thundershock should be enough to weaken a Growlithe!” I grinned, to which Leaves rolled his eyes.
“So go go go!” I flinged the Pokéball at top speed. So fast, in fact, that instead of opening up to catch Growlithe, the damn thing just hit the pup right in the face.
“Ow!!” It complained, looking quite irritated. It shook it off, and bounded off as fast as it could, leaving me to believe that pursuit wasn’t necessary. It was gone.

“Damnation…” I groaned, “That wasn’t the plan…”
Mareep shrugged, and trotted toward a log. All these fashion statements seemed to have turned her into quite the prima donna.
I sat down, annoyed. Leaves sat beside me either to console me or laugh at me.
“I really could’ve gone with a Growlithe… though I wonder what it was doing here?”
Leaves scratched a message in the dirt, which read, ‘Evading your capture’.
He grinned wickedly, which gave me enough incentive to smack him upside the head.
I got up, and with a heavy heart, pressed on, Leaves and Mareep in tow.
The route seemed to become a tad unforgiving from here, with a few ledges slowing down the progress. Leaves and Mareep did surprisingly well climbing without any hands to be mentioned.

After climbing one ledge too many, I plopped face first into the grass.
“I sure wish there was a place to rest…” I panted, and then looked up. A sign in front of me read, ‘THIS WAY, a place to rest’.
“Oh how frighteningly convenient!” I bubbled, and then followed the sign towards a medium-sized shack.
“Now then…” I said, “Mareep, you may be a tad unfamiliar with the drill, but usually houses on routes mean a free meal, followed by much chaos.” I peered toward Leaves, “…Or sometimes preceded by. Nonetheless, there’s always chaos, so stay on guard.”
I walked up toward the door, and reached out my hand to knock. While I did, however, it opened suddenly, smacking my hand aside.
“Owww!” I whimpered, rubbing my hand gingerly, “You punk door!” I pushed it back, but it came right back at me at full speed, sending me reeling. Angrily, I punched at it, and it was driven back, before once again opening at top speed and hitting me without a second thought. Or a first thought, really. It was one door attack too many, and I fell back. It was beyond me how I could defeat a Golem, but not a door.
“Who the hell is pummelling my door??” a tall, spectacled man snapped, stepping out from the doorway.
“You’ve got it all wrong!” I whined, “The door was pummelling me, I tells ya!!”
The spectacled man looked at me as though he thought I was insane. He then gazed at the Bulb-is-sore brandishing brass knux, and the growling Mareep wearing a Ninja Turtles jumper. Then he looked at me as though he knew I was insane.

“Uhh, come in then, my boy…” he stepped back into the house, and I walked in slowly, feeling small and beaten, “The name’s Doctor Pierce.”
“ANOTHER doctor?” I groaned, “Come on, what’s the likelihood that I would meet three doctors in the one quest??”
“Well, I’m a psychiatrist, if that’s any consolidation.”
“Ahh,” I sighed, relieved, “Whatever ‘consolidation’ is, I’m sure that’s it.”
I released my other Pokémon once again (surely they would be getting sick of that by now), and they promptly made themselves at home. Marowak and Klepto started literally unpacking.

“The name’s Tony Chambers, but all my friends call me…” I bit my lip, “Well, I don’t really have too many friends, so I dunno what they call me.”
“And I take it you’re here for a rest and an escort?” Dr Pierce asked.
“See?” I whispered to Mareep, “Hospitality and a meal!”
I grinned at Dr Pierce. “Yes, a rest and escargot would be most appreciated.”
Dr Pierce opened his mouth to say something, but it was interrupted as Leaves and I dashed toward the fridge.
I ripped the fridge door open (and off, in my haste), and promptly sampled the foodstuffs. I got a gobfull of juicy goo from some vials.
Dr Pierce pulled me out by my shirt, not looking at all impressed.
“That, Mr. Chambers…” Dr Pierce said slowly, attempting to keep his composure, “Is bad manners… and that fridge… is full of deoxyribonucleic acid.”
“Manners aside, I recommend you try some.” I held up a vial, “Horse DNA is delicious!”
********************************
As we sat around the dinner table that evening, I felt a bit ripped off. Now that my team featured a muscular six Pokémon, food had become a bit more rationed than it used to. I myself was given a mere five drumsticks, as opposed to the twelve I was used to. It felt like a cheap Happy Meal. Though it wasn’t making me particularly happy.
I peered over at Doom, who was staring nonchalantly at his full plate.

“Not hungry, Doomo?” I said. He looked up at me, and put the fork in his mouth. The food fell right through his frame, and hit the seat with a messy splat.
“Oh yeah… you’re dead!” I chortled, just remembering the small fact, “More for me then.”
I reached across the table, but before I could grab the plate, the veteran thieves Leaves, Marowak and Klepto swooped past, leaving it bare.
I stared at the plate as it spun to a stop. Now I felt like Ronald McDonald, his burger snatched heartlessly by the Hamburglar.
Dejected, I leant back toward my plate, which was also cleaned off.
“Holy hell!!” I groaned.
Dr. Pierce walked back into the room with his plate, and looked at me wide-eyed.
“Hungry, Mr. Chambers?” he gasped, “Gorging yourself isn’t a healthy way of life!”
“Aww Hölle…” I whimpered, and watched on as everyone else enjoyed their meal. All I could do was spout incomprehensible gripes, reminiscent of Muttley.

“So tell me Mr. Chambers,” Dr Pierce started, “What was it that possessed you to enter the Pokémon training profession?”
“Captain Howdy?” I replied nonchalantly, before giving it some more thought, “Umm, perhaps the fact that I could get a week off school.”
“And how many weeks has it been?” he leant forward, interested.
“…Seventy-five?” I squeaked, a tad unsure.
“Good lord, what do your parents think of this?” Dr Pierce gasped.
“Parents?” I grumbled, “What of them?”
Dr Pierce waved a hand towards a couch, “Perhaps you could better explain this disillusion.”
I shrugged, and hopped onto the couch. Dr Pierce sat nearby.
“So what are your parents like?” he said, writing down notes, which was curious since I hadn’t yet said anything.
“Well, I remember my father being an angry man. Didn’t take much to get him miffed… Thanks to him, my parents set a record of shortest ever marriage.

Flashback to the wedding day of Wallace and Priscilla Chambers. Wallace bellows with disbelief about what Priscilla had done to his car.
“What in the hell gave you the right to paint ‘Just Married’ on my Dodge?!! This car outranks you in importance, if anything; IT should be painting on YOU!! …To hell with this, I’m getting a divorce. After all, it’s said that the fifteenth marriage never works out.”

“Most interesting!” said Dr Pierce, “So you were raised by your mother, then?”
“Alas, no.” I wailed dramatically, “She died giving birth to my older sister.”
Dr Pierce gave a bemused look.
“Err, long story.” I said quietly.
“And how did this situation affect you as a child?”

Flashback to a young and still remarkably attractive Anthony Chambers, figuring out Mother Goose stories with his cousin.
“No no no,” Tony sighed, “The cow couldn’t have physically managed to merely spring over the moon using her own force. If anything, the cow that jumped over the moon was in fact, not at all jumping, but sent from a cannon. Perhaps it’s a metaphorical saying?”

Dr Pierce peered at me.
“Pardon my haste…” he said, “But the Tony you describe sounded quite different to the one I see? Is there any reason why you’ve become a tad less, umm, gifted in the sense?”

Flashback to… oh jeez, running out of flashbacks here… The day I came to an English test with a man from London in my backpack, expecting an A+? No, that’s not it… How about the day I challenged a fish to see who could hold their breath longer? No… Oh wait, I got it!
Flashback to a seven-year old Tony, at an open field at dusk.
He walks curiously towards a scientist, who’s aiming a cannon towards the sky.
“What’s going on?” Tony asked curiously, and the scientist looks down at him, excitement lining his face.
“We’re testing to see if we can send a cow over the moon!” he replied simply.
“Splendid!” Tony squealed, watching with joy as they loaded the confused Miltank into the cannon.
“All we need is for someone to pull this rope.” The scientist thrusted a rope towards Tony, who gladly took it in hand.
A voice cried, “FIRE!” and the Miltank was sent booming out of the cannon.
The last voice Tony heard was the scientist muttering, ‘Oops, gave the kid the wrong rope’, for Tony found himself holding onto the rope tied around the Miltank’s neck.
Nonetheless, despite the impending doom, Tony cheered with pride, for he and the cow were on their way to proving Tony’s theory correct. Nearby, though, Tony spotted a strange figure headed for them. It was an airborne bicycle flying past the moon.
“Look out, Elliott!!!” Tony screamed, but it was all for nought. The two forces collided, sending the small boy off his bike, and Tony and the Miltank plummeting toward the earth.
…The flashback sort of stops there.

“…I KILLED E.T.!!” I cried to Dr Pierce.
“But, the movie clearly shows that they not only made it past the moon, but E.T. made it safely home.” Dr Pierce said.
“That’s what they wanted you to think.” I assured.
Dr Pierce leant back and groaned, “None of that was true, was it Mr. Chambers?”
“Well it’s hard remembering my past, so I just pieced it together by making stuff up.” I replied, “In my past, I won the civil war!”

Dr Pierce got up, annoyed.
“Anyway,” he muttered, “We better get to sleep. Tomorrow it’s my duty to escort you part of the way to Derufu City. On the way, however, I was hoping we could stop briefly to partake in a musical production.” He handed me a brochure.
“We’re watching a play?” I grinned, and looked excitedly at the pamphlet, “Called Phanpy of the Opera?”
Dr Pierce snatched it back, “That’s Phantom of the Opera!” he snorted, and looked at the pamphlet, “…No, wait… You’re right…” he slapped his forehead. “Wrong pamphlet.”
I sighed as I headed towards the couch to sleep, “Some people were just BORN stupid…”
********************************
It was now tomorrow (of course! Those stars mean a jump in time, remember?), and my crew and I were decked out in our finest. Well, Marowak and I were anyway. It was too much of a hassle trying to get a suit on anyone else.
Dr Pierce led the way to a huge opera house, which seemed to be misplaced in the otherwise dull surroundings.
“This opera house was built to commemorate the unity between Derako and Dougufu, which explains its curious position.” Dr Pierce explained, in what is surely an important plot point.
We skipped through the line, past all the frowning ticket holders. I shrugged to my Pokémon at the audacious action. Maybe Dr Pierce was a notorious line cutter? Everyone has a hobby.
We stood at the front door, and were suddenly welcomed in by all varieties of hoods in suits. Naturally, my Pokémon and I took a defensive stance. All too often when we were surrounded it meant we were in trouble.
However, they were grinning, which was an unusual change.
“Dr Pierce!” One of them spouted, “Our respected patron… you and your guests may head right towards your box.”
I snorted with disgust. We were expected to watch the entire show from a dinky little box? What sort of opera was this?
“So you’re the patron?” I asked Dr Pierce, to which he nodded. “Ohhhh…”
I looked back at my Pokémon, and whispered, “What the hell is a patron?”

We followed Dr Pierce up a long flight of stairs. They sure were making us work for our box.
Eventually, we reached the top, and my team and I fell to the floor, panting.
“No wonder all you rich people manage to stay fit… Operas are hard work!”
“Nonsense!” Dr Pierce scoffed, sitting down, “An opera is a relaxing time for respected members of society to partake in a joyous display of the creativity of others.”
“So, in other words… An opera is where you steal other people’s ideas?” I asked, taking my seat.
“More or less…” he replied, as people filed in.

“Ladies and gentlemen, before we begin, we’d like for you to note the locations of the fire exits, and in an emergency, leave in an orderly fashion.”
Golly, already they’re telling us how to leave. These people think ahead…
“We would also like to bring your attention to the patron of tonight’s production, Dr. William Pierce.”
The crowd applauded as the spotlight hit Dr Pierce. He stood up to bask in their adulation, and waved back.
Not wanting to look stupid, I stood up too, only for Dr Pierce to sit back down.
“Damn.” I muttered, and sat down.
“And his distinguished guests.”
The spotlight turned toward my Pokémon, who stood and cheered for themselves.
Trying to avoid further embarrassment, I got back up. However, the spotlight had already left and my Pokémon had taken their seats as I got to my feet.
“Double damn!” I snapped, and flopped back down.
“Now, if you will all rise, for our national anthem.”
Everyone stood up, and I looked around in disbelief.
“This is ridiculous!” I whined, “They don’t sing the national anthem at operas!!”
“You’ve never been to one before,” Dr Pierce pointed out, “How would you know?”
“…Good point.”

And the show progressed. And it was confusing. Putting things in place was like trying to piece together a soggy jigsaw puzzle.
“Does the phantom want her dead, or does he just want to get in her pants?” I whispered to Dr Pierce.
“For the last time, he wants to get in her pants!” Dr Pierce snapped.
I leant back. I thought it was a trick question, and he actually wanted to use her to take over the theatre himself. Damned confusing operas.
I looked over at my team, who all seemed completely immersed in the play. Mareep was even sporting a set of looking glasses.
“Where’d she get those from?” I muttered to myself, and then looked at Klepto, who had a large collection of stolen opera goods. Even Leaves’ collection of things he had stolen tonight paled in comparison.
I twiddled my thumbs for a while, until it reached halftime. Err, I mean the intermission.
It was the perfect opportunity to make up on lost eating time, as we scrambled around the room from tray to tray. We chased one fellow around for a good five minutes before pouncing on him and taking his egg puffs, making animalistic calls of victory upon doing so.
Afterwards, I mingled with the upper brow peeps for a while, telling my best ever jokes.
“No…” a disinterested fellow with a thick moustache muttered, “I don’t know what a Psyduck wears to his wedding…”
“A DUXEDO!!!” I roared, and slapped my knee in triumph. I slapped his knee afterwards, and he walked away, looking offended.

Intermission was coming to a close, and people were beginning to head out of the room. My Pokémon and I used this time to stockpile as many supplies as we could. Now that Marowaks helmet was an actual part of his head, it made things a bit tricky. Leaves’ bulb made a good storing place for a plate of truffles though, much to his chagrin.
Nearby, someone had taken Dr Pierce off into the corner to tell him something, and I watched on curiously as the psychiatrist’s expression turned to one of horror.
He ran up to me, looking gravely serious.
“Mr. Chambers, I’ve just received some horrifying news…” he said slowly, “It seems Gregory Massel, who plays the Phantom of the Opera, has a bomb concealed within his coat. He plans on brandishing it during the crowd-pleasing number, ‘The Point of No Return’. If his demands are not met, he has no reservations against detonating it.”
“What are his demands?” I gulped.
“He wants the theatre blown up.” Dr Pierce said dully.
“Hmm, a win-win situation for him, it seems…” I said, stroking my chin, “But perhaps we can stop him before he blows up everything!”
“We can’t just stop the play!” Dr Pierce sighed, “The production would be a disaster, and the critics’ snide reviews would prove catastrophic for the theatre.”
“What if nobody knew?” I suggested.
“In what sense?” asked Dr Pierce.
“Well, what if we stopped him when he goes off-stage?”
“Still ceasing the production! Out of the question.”
“What if we got security to escort him off?”
“How would that explain his departure?”
“We could write it into the play!”
“You have no respect for Andrew Lloyd Webber, do you?”
“Not as much as I used to.”
********************************
The plan was set in place. I stood above the stage, ready for my effort. When the rigging lifted the Phantom off in the act before the aforementioned song, it would be my job to get the bomb off him, and force him to finish the play. A bit of a shaky plan, I admit, but I had enough trouble trying to understand the play, let alone understand how to prevent an explosion.

“Dude…” I groaned, looking over the edge of the scaffold, “This is pretty high…”
“Yeah, well try being my size.” James whimpered, peering out my ear, “Everything looks like a long way down.”
I did my best to ignore the height, and instead paced back and forth, ready to fight the Phantom of the Opera. Sounds drastic, no?

Just then, I heard the sound of a pulley. I looked over, and the rope with the Phantom in tow was coming up. I ducked down low to avoid his Phantomy gaze.
“Soon, my plan will come to fruition…” he cackled, “Soon, I will command respect from all those puny infidels! …Like you, the boy on the scaffold.”
I sat up, amazed.
“How did you see me?” I gasped.
“Your tail was wagging over the edge.” He replied casually.
“Aww Hölle,” I snapped, grasping the offending appendage, “I keep forgetting about this thing.”
“Do you wish to confront me then, boy?” the Phantom challenged.
“No, no matter what anyone told you, I had no intentions of taking the bomb from your possession!” I paused for a minute, “Honest.”
The Phantom opened his coat slightly, showing that the bomb was currently on him.
“Be my guest, sir.” He said, showing that he was either cocky, or a class act all the way.
I ran gently across the scaffold toward him, and tried to grab the bomb, but alas, being the Phantom gave him magical evasion techniques. Or perhaps he was just moving out of the way. Whatever the case, I couldn’t manage to get a hold of the bomb.
“Olé!” the Phantom hissed, unleashing his dreaded glove.
He repeatedly smacked me across the face with all his might. It felt like Tony vs. Door all over again, and of course we all remember how that turned out. I looked up at the Phantom, with a piercing gaze and a swollen cheek.
“You sir, are a pompous ass!” I snapped, and slapped him across the face with my tail.
He looked at me with disbelief. “Nobody dares humiliate Sir Gregory Massel!!”
I tilted my head, confused.
“Umm, that’s me.” He said quietly.
“Oh, okay.” I nodded.

I proceeded to try out one of my kung-foo stances. It was like a cross between a praying mantis and a drunken bear swatting at bees.
The Phantom responded with a kung-foo stance of his own, which looked strangely like a bear crossed with a drunken praying mantis swatting at bees.
“Hayabusa!!” I wailed, and ran full-bore at the Phantom.
He stepped past my lunge, and pushed me to the scaffold.
“Hey no fair!” I whined, “Pushing isn’t allowed!”
The Phantom grabbed hold of a rope.
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a theatre to destroy!” he laughed, going back down toward the stage, “Perhaps we could continue this another time!”
“Sure thing!” I called, “How does 6 tomorrow sound?”
It was then I recalled that it was my job to prevent him from destroying said theatre.
“Whoopsie.” I gulped, and got back up.

I stood over the edge of the scaffold, ready to jump onto the stage after the Phantom. Just before I leapt though, I stopped.
“Come on, it’s obvious I wouldn’t survive.” I snapped, “That’s just stupid.”
“…On the other hand,” I said quietly, “I’ve done a lot of things I should’ve died from.”
“…On the other hand,” I sighed, “None of those had to do with drops this high.”
“…On the other hand,” I realised, “Some of those were arguably worse!”
“…On the other hand,” I snapped, “This Phantom seems to just scream death.”
“…On the other hand,” I began, “Oh, to hell with it. I ran out of hands three hands ago.”
I looked over at the curtain nearby. It had a loose rope attached to it, and it went all the way down to the stage. Climbing down that would be a quick but safe way to confront the Phantom.
I reached over, desperately trying to wrap my fingers around as quick as I could. I managed to grasp it, and took it in both hands. I gulped, and readied myself.
“Tally-ho…” I said meekly, and stepped off the scaffold.

Unfortunately, I had a lot more weight than I had anticipated, and began a quick descent toward the stage.
“Oww owww owwww!!!” I bellowed as the rope burnt my hands. I took a breather, and let go.
“Oh hell, that’s not right!” I gasped, and clutched onto the curtain.
I slowed briefly, before it started to tear. I tumbled down onto the stage, which was a surprisingly pleasant landing.
“What a relief!” I gasped, and looked down.

Seems I had landed right on Christine Daaé, the leading lady, right in the middle of her musical piece.
I looked to the side. The stunned audience were looking right at me. Even the Phantom seemed shocked.
Better play along…

“Here I am!” I cried in my most musical voice, “Uncle Sam!! I did not land with a slam… So thank you ma’am!”
The Phantom walked up to me. “You pitiful fool!” he sang, “You worthless tool…
That was not, uh, cool… Tonight I will rule!”
I motioned desperately for my Pokémon to come onstage.
“I will defeat you now. Do not question how, I will not allow, you… silly cow!!”
My Pokémon danced onstage, all sporting top hats.
I danced up next to them, and we started up a tap dancing number, which got the crowd’s applause.
“Steal the spotlight from me, will ya…” the Phantom snapped under his breath. He dropped a Pokéball, which sent out… a Growlithe!
“Holy hell!” I gulped, “Isn’t this swell? I know you as well! You escaped my capture, can’t you tell?”
“Fire Blast!” the Phantom roared, “Do it fast! Make it last! KICK HIS ASS!!”
“Hey, that doesn’t rhyme.” I muttered, until the Growlithe proceeded to send out a flame shaped a bit like the sticks on Blair Witch Project.
“Time to run!!” I squealed, and did just that, “This ain’t much fun…” I pointed toward the audience, “So I ask which ooooooooooone…” Despite the severity of the situation, I held the note, “Has a water Pokémon?”

A helpful onlooker threw a Pokéball toward me. I released the Pokémon within, a muscular tadpole.
“Time for a watery bath, you’re on the warpath, for I hath… The Polymath!”

Poliwraaaath… the Pokédex sang. And lemme tell you, the Pokédex is a pretty abysmal singer.
“Thank you.” I muttered.
Poliwrath shot a ball of water out of god knows where, and it hit Growlithe dead-on. It also managed to dampen the Phantom’s suit, which I thought was going a bit far.
“Time to put him to sleep, this promise I keep, read ‘em and weep… Thunderbolt, Mareep!!”
Mareep charged up, and sent a mighty thunderbolt from her tuft. And as it neared the Phantom, I only just remembered the bomb being on him. I ran frantically toward the thunderbolt, hoping to stop it somehow. An idea came to me as the bolt turned back down towards the Phantom.
“That would be obscene, and awfully mean, so I’ll depend on he who is green… LEAVES, USE LIGHT SCREEN!!!” I bellowed, and Leaves set up a Light Screen right next to me. I picked it up, and lifted it over my head. The thunderbolt bounced off, which was an unexpected bonus.
I then took it in both hands, and smashed it over the Phantom’s head. He fell to the floor, unconscious.
I threw the pieces aside, and ran to center stage.

“You alone,
Can make my song take flight…
It’s over now,
The music… of… the… night!!!”

With that glorious finish, the audience got up on their feet, whooping and cheering. I fell to the floor, as the rest of my Pokémon bowed. Once again, through bizarre circumstances, I had saved the day. And this time, I even managed to prevent an explosion for once.
The curtains closed, and Dr Pierce ran up toward me. I leered toward him.
“See?” I snapped, “I told you that operas are hard work!”