Pokemon: The Gene Wars (Reworked from Scratch)

[ArmadonRK]

Some of you may remember my old FanFic, Pokemon: The Gene Wars. It received a decent number of good replies, and I was really enthousiastic about it. Then suddenly, one day, I just stopped working on it. I don't remember why.
All I know is that I actually worked well into the story, up to Chapter 7, where I had only posted up to Chapter 3 here on the boards.
I went back over the fic, and noticed how inconsistent it was. My writing skills have vastly improved, so today I set out to rework the entire story from scratch. The only things I have copied so far are the dialogues. The rest is completely redone. I've finished the Prologue thus far and hope to rework 2 more chapters by the end of the week.

Here's the link to Book 1: The End of an Era. This link will contain all chapters as the story progresses.
http://home.1asphost.com/ArmadonRK/g...s/Book%201.doc

EDIT: Instead of Linkage, I'll post the individual chapter here. The "complete" link will remain above.


Prologue: Conspiracy Theory

The halls of the laboratory were silent. Deathly silent. Computer screens flickered on and off. Lights pulsed and flickered. Cables hung everywhere, broken and mangled. Utter darkness consumed many rooms.
The lab had long since been abandoned by Team Rocket. It had been one of their first research centers. It was here that they had first ventured into the complex scientific controversy of cloning.
But on this day, two men were in that desolate lab. Two men dedicated to a goal, who would not stop until they had achieved that goal. One of the men was in his early twenties, his name was Kevin. He was typing and clicking furiously, focused and tense. The older man was in his mid sixties. He was not as fit as he would have liked, but he had Team Rocket to blame for that. They had done so much wrong the world did not know about. Their crimes spread beyond thievery and kidnapping. There were far greater evils, secrets of the computers in that lab. Secrets that they had sworn to unlock.

“It’s been a while.”
“Nice to see you again, James.”
“Enough with the formalities. Where’s the data?”
“Right here,” the old man waved a DVD through the air.
“You know, if we’re right, then the entire history of Pokemon has been a lie.”
“Not all of it.” The old man replied. James was silent for a moment.
“But he was genetically altering humans!”
“It may only be Mewtwo. The rest may be real. They may be the same. We can only hope…”
“There’s only one way to find out,” and with that, James slipped the DVD into the drive. The screen scrolled through several lines of code. Then, the machine deciphered the code, and two images appeared on the screen. Two nearly identical double helixes. Two strands of DNA.
“We have a match,” the older man muttered. James cursed out loud.
“We were right,” he said. “We were right…”

A few hundred feet above them, in Viridian City, above ground, a group of scientists and technicians were scrambling around another laboratory, this one much newer and not abandoned.
Giovanni was sitting nearby, his Persian at his feet, both looking tense and deep in thought.
“Sir! I think I’ve found something!” called out one of the technicians.
“Good,” replied the criminal mastermind. “Very good.”
He stood up from his chair and walked over to the table where the scientists had gathered, his Persian following close behind.
“It’s a strange combination of DNA,” said the technician, pointing to the diagram on the computer screen. “We found it when the Mt. Chimney volcano erupted in Hoenn.”
Giovanni looked at the screen. Very interesting indeed.
Why does this look familiar, he thought.
“Sir,” said the red-haired woman, striding into the room. “You might want to see this.”
”Don’t bother me now Jesse, I have important-“
“You really need to see this!”
Giovanni turned. Jesse and James had long since stopped being incompetent, and were now valuable assets to his organization. It was probably best to listen to her.

Elsewhere, off the coast of Mossdeep, the water rippled as large creatures swam adeptly through the sea. There was a gathering. On an island, where the Castle of King stood. A gathering of creatures so fantastic and powerful. Creatures beyond compare. The Pokemon of legends.
Many had arrived, few had not yet. But trouble was brewing. It was sitting in Mewtwo’s mind for the longest time, until he finally announced it in the middle of the hall.
<We are on the Warpath…> And the creatures around him were silent. What trouble was brewing, they did not know. But Mewtwo did. They waited for him to speak.

[ArmadonRK]

No replies? Oh well, the story continues. Chapter 1 is here.

Chapter 1 – Warpath

The Warpath was unknown to most. There were few who knew what it was, and fewer still who chose to act on that knowledge. Among those few were the great legendaries. Mewtwo, who knew all there was to know about Warpath, and Mew, who had seen it begin. Events had been set in motion which could not be stopped. There was no choice but to see it through to the end, and that was precisely what they planned to do…

Giovanni was boarding his private jet, when he received a phone call.
“What?” he asked.
“Sir, it’s me, James.”
“What do you want?” grumbled Giovanni.
“There’s some commotion about a hundred miles from the cast of Mossdeep. Reported sightings of legendary Pokemon. We’re on our way to intercept.”
This was good news. Giovanni was pleased. “Engage and capture, as always James,” he was smiling now. “Good luck.” He hung up the phone. And relaxed, smiling at the ceiling.

Ash was wrapped up in Professor Oak’s new physical fitness plan for Pokemon Trainers. Honestly. Ash didn’t see the point in it, but somehow, there he was, rock climbing in Mossdeep. He moaned and groaned all the way up the slope.
“Professor, why are we doing this again?”
“Because, Ash, we have to keep you in shape. Look at Gary! He’s not complaining now, is he?”
Ash was growing tired, as was Gary, but Ash was just more vocal about it. He scowled behind Gary’s back and continued climbing.

Back in the underground lab beneath Viridian, James was on the brink of a very important discovery. One that would change the way he was going about the entire thing. But, unfortunately, he would not make that discovery.
Team Rocket had never decommissioned the old lab, because they never felt the need to. But someone had followed James and his companion. Someone had told the highest members of Team Rocket. And neither of the men noticed the Electrode roll into the room. And as the Charizard unleashed a torrent of flames, so did the Electrode explode, leaving nothing but a smouldering ruin.
James and his companion had not been alone. There had been five of the, involved in the Rocket Fiasco known as the “Clone Predicament.” Two of them were till working away in a lab deep in the forests of Kanto. Two men named Kevin and Richard.
But now, the Rocket members walked away from the ruined labs, returning to the surface, unaware that a thousand miles away, two men still plotted to thwart them.

Giovanni was in the air the next time James called. He picked up the phone eagerly, knowing that the clone Pokemon that was now standard among Rocket employees would be able to defeat any legendary Pokemon that might come along their way.

[Amethyst Flygon]

This seems really interesting. I like that Jesse and James aren't incompetents. This story doesn't need them acting like clowns. The chapters seem a little short, not a lot of decisive action occurs in them. Both parts seem like they belong together in a prologue. I know that this is a rewrite, but I think you could improve it by having more stuff happen instead of continually introducing new things.
Overall, good job. You used enough parallelism to have my English teacher faint from joy.

[mr_pikachu]

This is pretty good. I like the extension of the Mewtwo plot, and James and co. attempting to discover whatever truth is out there. (That sounds like it's from the X-Files, doesn't it?) I'm still not quite sure who's working with who here, mostly because a lot of it is rather vague. But it would almost seem that Jesse is on Giovanni's side, while James is going against him... them being enemies would certainly be an interesting twist.

Like Amethyst, though, I think these chapters are too short. These two could have easily been combined into one chapter, and maybe even just a prologue. It would be nice to have a bit more description of the characters and settings. I understand you probably want the plot to be vague for now, and that's fine. But you want to give your readers at least some idea of what's going on. Give them just enough to keep them interested. That's critical.

This is going nicely so far, though. I'm curious about what's going on, and what each of the characters will have to do with it. I suppose only time will tell. Anyway, I'll see you next chapter!

[ArmadonRK]

Actually, there are two Jameses. Yes, it;s confusing, but that's just how it turned out as I was writing. Hopefully the "sides" will be more defined in Chapter 2, which will be up soon.

And, yes, my chapters are short, maybe when I have more time to write these chapters I will make them longer, but for now, this will have to do.