Hello there, goldenzigzagoon! I'm one of the few Yu-Gi-Oh author elites! It's nice to see someone starting up another Yu-Gi-Oh fic. However, if you want to be great, you should take some advice from us. Brian, aka Dark Sage, is the expert on Yu-Gi-Oh duelist-fics.
I read this chapter and it's interesting because there are new characters, but there are some things which would make this story a lot better. Please don't take this as an insult, you have a good story, but you need to fix it up a lot before you can reach the caliber of Dark Sage's fics.
(1) First and foremost, I suggest you read my fic, Sister of Anansi, and Brian's fic, YGO: The Thousand Year(which is now in its second act) to get some idea of what you are aspiring to. People love stories written our way instead of your way. This isn't an insult, it's a fact. For example...
(2) I hate to break it to you, but your story's formatting is HORRENDOUS! You've got a lot of poor capitalization and the duels are hard to pick out from the rest of the story. Also, when you have a monster summoned, you need to list both attack and defense, even if one of the stats isn't used. For example, White Magician Pikeru is (1200/0) as is Ebon Magician Curran.
(3) It's interesting to see a nasty bully duelist, but please, don't drag Yugi into it. First off, even without his other self, Yugi's not easily defeated by a card like Des Croaking - he would have some counter measure against it. If you want to make this guy unstoppable, you should set this story somewhere other than Domino City and bring it to Domino, don't have the guy beat Yugi like a jerk.
(4) Also, Curran and Pikeru's effects only work for monsters, not every card. Even Dark Sage made an error of the effect of these girls. Even I did. Please do your research on some of the cards.
(5) Finally, I don't think that Black Luster Soldier - Envoy of the Beginning's double-attack ability stacks with Double Attack. I don't know for sure though. If you are going to do something like have the Envoy attack four times, claim artistic license so you don't get the game purists enraged.
Otherwise, the whole underdog story is neat. It's nice to see someone try a Yu-Gi-Oh story.