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Thread: Yu-Gi-Oh! the millenium adventure

  1. #41
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    Default Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! the millenium adventure

    Meh, this chapter's average. It's not bad, but it needs a bit of work.

    So, it seems to idiots finally find him. What will happen next? (probably nothing).
    I'm in your dimensions, screwing with your reality!


  2. #42
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    Default Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! the millenium adventure

    Family Feud (1)
    The four main caharacters were at the beach eating salami sandwiches when BOOM! a plane crash landed about half a kilometer away.

    "Whoa." Daisy mouthed.

    "Lets check it out." Dan suggested.

    "Yah, this is the first plane crash I have ever seen." Death agreed.

    Alex did not share the same ideas for three reasons 1.It could be dangerous, 2.Watching stuff burn was not one of his intersests, 3.The plane was Williams.

    He zoned out. His former friend could of just died and his friends said it was cool.

    Then a blonde woman wearing already skimpy clothes that were burned appeared out of the forest.

    "First a cool plane crash, now a hot babe who's barely wearing any thing." Dan said.

    Daisy glared at him.

    "Mom?" Alex asked.

    "Alex?" the lady asked.

    "Etna?" a voice from the forest asked. A man who looked almost exactly like Alex ran out of the forest, he was allmost just as burned.

    "Alex Sr.?" Etna asked.

    "Dad?" Alex asked.

    "Alex Jr.?" Alex Sr. asked.

    "Whats going on?" Daisy asked.

    "These are my parents, Etna and Alex Sr." Alex introduced the two adults. "How did you get here?" he asked his parents.

    An angry boy in a tuxedo ran out of the forest. "I am never letting you be the pilot ever again!" he shouted.

    "And this is William, my former my best friend and the he is also the snake who told my parents where I am." Alex said bitterly.

    "No hard feelings." William said in a simular way.

    Then a clown ran out of the forest. He was using the water squiter in his carnation to cool himself off.

    "Oh," William said. "This is Bozo, my clown."

    "Bozo is still alive!" Bozo shouted.

    "Aww....she's married." Dan mumbled.

    "Alex, running away was bad." Alex Sr. said in his best 'life lesson' voice. "I learned the hard way."

    "But dad," Alex said. "I love dueling, I knew you would not let me."

    "Actually I do not want to take you home for sneaking out," Alex Sr. said. "I think you should not duel, me and your mother dueled and we both fell flat on our faces. I don't want the same to happen to you."

    Alex then noticed Williams Duel Disk. "Fine, but let me prove my power. We will have a duel off."

    "Huh?" Alex Sr. asked.

    "We all duel, if you can win two duels of the four then I go home." Alex explained.

    "HEY!" Dan shouted. "Do you want to go home? We need to win three and they only need two."

    "Yes, but our side chooses the first duel." Alex explained. Death hopped forward.

    "YOU!" she shouted. She was pointing at Bozo.

    "Bozo feels honored." Bozo said. William gave him his duel disk. Bozo shoved his deck into it.

    "Thats one weird kid." Dan mumbled.

    "Lets Duel!" Bozo and Death shouted. They drew five cards and their life points rose to 8000.

    "Bozo will go first." Bozo said. He drew a card. "Bozo plays Dream Clown and sets two spells or traps, Bozo end turn."

    A clown in a yellow and pink suit with a green nose and purple hair appeared (1200/900). It laughed.

    Death drew a card. "I summon Decayed Commander!"

    The name Decayed Commander perfectly fit the card Death just summoned (1000/1500).

    "Now I'll equip him with Invigoration to give him 400 attack but take away 200 defense." Death continued. The commanders attack rose to 1400 and his defense fell to 1300. "Attack with Head Toss!"

    The commander picked up and threw his head at Dream Clown.

    "Bozo flips Zero Gravity!" Bozo shouted.

    Dream Clown covered himself and the Decayed Commander was blasted away.

    "You see, when Bozo's Dream Clown shifts into defense your monster go bye bye." Bozo explained. "And Zero Gravity shifts the mode of all cards."

    "Go." Death mumbled.

    Bozo drew a card. "Bozo will shift Dream Clown into attack again." he announced. "Now Bozo summons Crass Clown!"

    Dream Clown got back into attack mode. A fat clown appeared (1350/1400).

    "This clown returns a card to your hand when he is shifted into attack." Bozo explained. "Now Dream Clown, attack with bannana pie blast!"

    Dream Clown tossed a pie at Death. The thing was, he threw it super fast. Death's life points fell to 6800.

    "Crass Clown, use fat flop!" Bozo commanded. Crass Clown body slammed Death reducing her life points to 5450.

    "Ugh, some thing tells me you loaded your deck with cards like Zero Gravity." Death mumbled.

    "Your move." Bozo announced. Death drew.

    "I'll use my Back And Loaded spell card, it revives either a warrior or a card with Commander in its name along with all of its equips."

    Decayed Commander rose out of the ground (1400/1300).

    Dan mumbled something. He also had that card.

    "Attack the Dream Clown!" Death commanded.

    "Flip," Bozo shouted. "Pixie Box!"

    An antiuqe wack a mole game appeared. "You see when you attack now you have a 50/50 chance of your attack being stopped. It all depends on if Bozo flips a coin and get heads." Bozo explained, he flipped but got tails. Decayed Commander shattered Dream Clown. Bozo's life points fell to 7800.

    "I also know you now lose 500 life points each turn." Death said. "So I end turn."

    Bozo drew. His life points fell to 7450. "You were just lucky." he mumbled. "But I will win! I shift Crass Clown into defense. You know what happens now."

    Decayed Commander retreated into Death's hand along with Invogrition. "You see, Back And Loaded lets me return the equip card to my hand when my monster exits the field." Death explained.

    "But you are once again wide open!" Bozo shouted.

    "Did you forget that your card is in defense?" Death asked.

    "Not for long, Bozo plays Ryu-Kishin Clown!" Bozo announced. A gargoyle in a clown suit appeared (800/500). "This card lets Bozo shift the mode of a monster."

    Crass Clown hopped up. "As you can see Bozo used its effect to put Crass Clown into attack mode." Bozo said.

    "Clown decks are better than I thought." Alex said. "I'm worried, if she loses I might have to go home."

    "Ryu-Kishin Clown use Knock Down The Bottle Boom!"Bozo commanded. Ryu-Kishin Clown tossed a tennis ball at Death. Her life points fell to 4650. "Now, Crass Clown use Fat Flop!"

    After Crass Clown used Death as a trampoline her life points were down to 3300. The two clowns laughed like the maniacs they were.

    "Go." Bozo laughed.

    Death drew. "I re-re-summon my Decayed Commander!" she shouted. Decayed Commabder appeared (1000/1500). "Now when I play him I can summon a Zombie Tiger."

    A rotting tiger appeared (1400/1600). Decayed Commander hopped on. "I can use my tiger as an equip to give my commander 500 points."

    Decayed Commanders stats rose to 1500/2000. "Now I give my Commander Invogrition again."

    Its stats again rose to 1900/1800.

    "Attack with Double Head Boomerang!" Death commanded. Pixie Box flashed. Bozo flipped and got heads.

    "Did you forget about Pixie Box?" Bozo asked.

    "I set a card. Go." Death mumbled.

    "Bozo will draw." Bozo said. His life points fell to 6800. He laughed like a loon. "Bozo plays Curse of Fiend! This shifts all of our cards modes."

    Ryu-Kishin Clown,Crass Clown, and Decayed Commander went into defense mode.

    "Oh yeah!" Death shouted. "I flip Backup, this lets me discard a union monster to negate any card, like Crass Clown for example."

    The Zombie Tiger blew up. Decayed Commanders stats fell to 1400/1300. Bozo grunted.

    "Bozo will summon Mystic Clown and shift Crass Clown to attack." Bozo said.

    A funky purple thing that did not look at all like a clown appeared (1500/1000). Crass Clown got back to attack mode. Death stared at the army of clowns she was facing:There was Ryu-Kishin Clown who was sleeping, Mystic Clown who was dancing, and Crass Clown who was eating. Not very powerful looking. She could not beleive that these clowns would beat her.

    "Now Mystic Clown, use Dancing Fever to wipe out the commander!" Bozo shouted. Wystic Clown danced while tearing Decayed Commander apart. "Now, Crass Clown use Fat Flop!"

    Crass Clown belly flopped Death again. Her life points fell to 1950.

    "Go." Bozo announced.

    Death drew. "I play Dragon Zombie and I'll give him Violet Crystal." she announced.

    A dragon/zombie appeared (1600/0). A crystal appeared and its stats rose to 1900/300.

    "Now I'll set a card face down." she said. "Attack!"

    Dragon Zombie stared at her as if saying 'which one?'.

    "Ennie Meannie Mynie-HIM!" she shouted. She was pointing at the Mystic Clown.

    Dragon Zombie got ready. "Activate Pixie Box!" Bozo shouted. He flipped again. It was heads. "End." Death mumbled. She was really worried.

    Bozo drew. He had 6300 life points left. "Bozo will shift Crass Clown into defense."

    Dragon Zombie went back to Death's hand. She gulped. Alex looked at his parents. He looked back at his friends.

    "Now Bozo will play another Ryu-Kishin Clown." Bozo said. Another demonic clown appeared (800/500). "Now my Crass Clown returns to attack."

    Crass Clown got back in attack.

    "Finish her!!!!!" Bozo shouted. The clowns surrounded her. No one could see what was going on. Once the clowns backed off Bozo said. "Bozo wins."

    "Wrong." Death said. It was then that Bozo noticed Decayed commander was back. "I used my Return of the Zombie trap card, it lets me summon a zombie monster from my graveyard in defense mode."

    The four friends cheered.

    "Even though your cards have powerful effects they are weenies when they attack." Death said.

    "End." Bozo mumbled.

    "Draw." Death drew. "I use Re-armorize. This lets me take all the cards that have ever been equiped to a monster on my field and attatches them to him."

    Zombie Tiger and Invogrition returned. Decayed Commander now had 1900 attack and 1800 defense.

    "Get 'em." she said wickedly. Decayed Commander stared at her with a look of confusion. "The Ryu-Kishin Clown!!" she shouted.

    Bozo flipped. Tails. Decayed Commander killed the Ryu-Kishin Clown. Bozo was down to 5200. "Your move clown."

    Bozo drew. He lost 500 life points.

    "Go! Clown Zombie." Bozo shouted. An undead version of Crass Clowm appeared (1350/1400). "Now I will win, Crass Clown go into defense!"

    Zombie Tiger blew up.

    "WHAT?" Bozo shouted.

    "Backup is continous." Death explained. "Also, on the second time its used I can destroy a monster on your feild."

    "I choose Mystic Clown." Death said. Mystic Clown blew up. Four left. Two Ryu-Kishin Clowns, a Crass Clown, and a Clown Zombie.

    "Bozo says you can go." Bozo mumbled.

    Death drew. "I sacrivice my commander to play Vampire Lord!" she announced. A vampire dressed in fine clothing appeared (2000/1500). "Attack the defensive Ryu-Kishin Clown with blood bite!"

    Bozo flipped. It was a tails.Vampire Lord sucked the gargoyles blood.

    "STUPID BOX!" Bozo shouted.

    "End." Death said.

    Bozo drew. His life points fell to 4200.

    "Bozo will play Card of Sanctity." Bozo announced. Both players drew. "Now Bozo will play Saggi the Dark Clown in defense."

    A weird clown appeared (600/1800).

    "go."

    Death drew. "I play Mystical Space Typhoon!!!" she shouted. Pixie Box was wiped out.

    "Is there some thing you forgot?" Death asked. Ryu-Kishin Clown was still in attack mode. "ATTACK!"

    After Vampire Lord killed the clown Bozo was down to 3100.

    "Are you done?" Bozo asked.

    "Yes." Death answered.

    Bozo drew. "Can I surrender?" he asked. He felt so bad that he did not bother to talk in third person.

    "No." Death answered.

    "Go." Bozo mumbled.

    Death drew. "Get Saggi!"

    Vampire Lord killed Saggi. Bozo had 1700. Death was winning. "Go."

    Bozo drew. One clown left. Crass Clown. He looked at the card he drew. He laughed.

    "Bozo will use Polymerization to fuse Crass Clown and Dream Clown into......" Bozo laughed. "Bickouribox!"

    A bird shaped creature sprung out of a box (2300/2000).

    "Now Bozo will equip him with Silly Sythe!" Bozo shouted. The demented jack-in-the-box's attack rose to 3700. "This gives my Bickouribox 200 attack for each of the seven clowns in my graveyard."

    "Attack with Comical Catastrophe!" Bozo shouted. Bickouribox puked out a sythe that it used to kill the vampire. Death's life points fell to 250.

    "GO!" Bozo laughed. Bickouribox joined him. Death drew.

    "I'll use Book of Life to revive Decayed Commander." Death announced. Decayed Commander appeared. "Now I will equip another Zombie Tiger to it."

    Decayed Commander gained 500 attack and defense.

    "Now I'll activate Dian Keto the Cure Master!" she announced.

    "A fat lot of good that will do you." Bozo laughed.

    "Now I'll destroy it using Backup!" Death announced.

    "Huh?" Bozo asked. "Your destroying your own card?"

    "When I use Backup three times I...." Death started.

    "What?" Bozo asked.

    "Win." Death finished.

    "NO!" Bozo shouted. His life points fell to 0.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Next up is Daisy vs. Alex Sr. Dragons vs. Dark World Don't miss Family Feud (2)
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Back And Loaded
    Select one warrior or card with 'commander' in its name. Revive it along with all cards that were equiped to it. When that card is removed from the field all cards equiped to it return to your hand.

    Pixie Box
    Pay 500 life points per turn. When your opponet attacks flip a coin, if heads negate the attack.

    Backup
    Destroy one union monster to negate a card. The second time you use this card you may destroy one monster. On the third time you win the duel.

    Re-Armorize
    Select a monster on your side of the field. All cards that were ever equiped to it are returned.

    Silly Sythe
    Equip this card to a Bickouribox. Increase its attack by 200 for each card with clown in its name in your graveyard.
    Hi, I'm goldenzigzagoon. If you look at my name it says I am goldenzigzagoo. That is not correct. It got cut off. I live in the middle of nowhere. Not London. Not N.Y.C. Not any big city. I live in the middle of nowhere. I live in the lost town of Berkley. You never heard of it? Duh. No one knows about it. It's tiny. I like coffee.

  3. #43
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    Default Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! the millenium adventure

    AHHHH! I forgot to put in one of the fake cards

    Return of the Zombie
    Revive one zombie type card in defense mode. If the card has over 2000 attack you must pay half your life points. If the card is above level four and has less than 2000 attack you can summon another monster except in attack mode. If the card
    has no effect and has more than 2000 attack it gains the following effect:
    You may destroy this card at any time during the duel to summon a zombie type monster from your hand that has more than 2000 attack.
    Hi, I'm goldenzigzagoon. If you look at my name it says I am goldenzigzagoo. That is not correct. It got cut off. I live in the middle of nowhere. Not London. Not N.Y.C. Not any big city. I live in the middle of nowhere. I live in the lost town of Berkley. You never heard of it? Duh. No one knows about it. It's tiny. I like coffee.

  4. #44
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    Default Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! the millenium adventure

    Backup seems like a broken card. Anyways, this is a pretty good duel. I'm sure that Master of Paradox will love it because it has a clown deck in it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Zorak
    Ever wonder what it'd be like if a person who could barely speak English were to rom-hack one of the Pokemon games, replace the characters, plot, and Pokemon with ones of his own creation, while at the same time making a terrible mockery of the English language as a whole?

    Of course not. Because that'd suck really, really hard. Unfortunately, even though you didn't think about it, this guy did.

  5. #45
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    Default Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! the millenium adventure

    Too bad he will never read this. I NEED MORE REVIEWERS! I only have two. Could you guys get more people to read this. I know they will probably say 'Are you kidding?' but please try. I have already had one person say this was so terrible that they would not let me use one of their made up cards but that was when I only made one chapter.
    Hi, I'm goldenzigzagoon. If you look at my name it says I am goldenzigzagoo. That is not correct. It got cut off. I live in the middle of nowhere. Not London. Not N.Y.C. Not any big city. I live in the middle of nowhere. I live in the lost town of Berkley. You never heard of it? Duh. No one knows about it. It's tiny. I like coffee.

  6. #46
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    Default Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! the millenium adventure

    Okay. Backup seems seriously broken. Atleast for me.

    Otherwise, it was pretty good. I like clown decks. They are pretty unique. And zombies arent half bad too.

    Keep up the good work. Cant say anything very constructive at the moment. Kinda feverish. And stuff.
    Dont mess with cookies...really...

  7. #47
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    Default Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! the millenium adventure

    YAY! A new reviewer.
    Hi, I'm goldenzigzagoon. If you look at my name it says I am goldenzigzagoo. That is not correct. It got cut off. I live in the middle of nowhere. Not London. Not N.Y.C. Not any big city. I live in the middle of nowhere. I live in the lost town of Berkley. You never heard of it? Duh. No one knows about it. It's tiny. I like coffee.

  8. #48
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    Default Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! the millenium adventure

    Sorry I did not update today. I just felt like making a preview for the next chapter, tell me if you like previews or not. I really don't like them but I need something to keep you guys bust untill I have free time.

    PREVIEW:

    "I use Polymerization to fuse Time Wizard and Baby Dragon to make..... Thousand Dragon!" Daisy announced.

    Time Wizard used its time magic on Baby Dragon. Baby Dragon grew ten times larger and sat down (2400/2200). Time Wizard then dissapeared.

    "Hey....Joey used that card." Etna mumbled.

    Dan stared at Etna. "She knows my cousin," he thought. "Could she be....never mind she dosent even have the same first name."

    "He must be onto me." Etna thought.

    The next chapter will be called Dirty Little Secrets and as the name suggests Alex and Dan have dirty little secrets.
    Hi, I'm goldenzigzagoon. If you look at my name it says I am goldenzigzagoo. That is not correct. It got cut off. I live in the middle of nowhere. Not London. Not N.Y.C. Not any big city. I live in the middle of nowhere. I live in the lost town of Berkley. You never heard of it? Duh. No one knows about it. It's tiny. I like coffee.

  9. #49
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    Default Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! the millenium adventure

    Sorry if this chapter is to short, I am super-busy.
    Family Feud Part Two, Dirty Little Secrets

    Death had just beat Bozo the clown in a duel. Team Alex was leading the Duel Off one to nothing.

    Bozo slipped William's Duel Disk off his arm. He gave it to Alex Sr.

    "Okay, now my dad decides who he will duel." Alex said.

    "Etna." Alex Sr said. He pointed to his wife.

    "Dad, you have to choose one of us." Alex explained.

    "Her." Alex Sr said. He pointed to Dan.

    "I'm a guy!" Dan shouted.

    "Uh......" Alex Sr drooled.

    "I'll duel him!" Daisy announced.

    "I'm warning you, I am an amazing duellist." Alex Sr said.

    "Oh pu-leez." Daisy said.

    "Lets Duel!" the two duelists shouted. They drew five cards and their life point meters rose to 8000.

    "Heads or Tails?" Daisy asked as she took out a coin.

    "Tails never fails." Alex Sr announced. Daisy flipped and got a Tails.

    "Go." Daisy mumbled.

    Alex Sr drew. "I activate the continuous spell card Toss Out!" Alex Sr announced. "Now when I discard a card from my hand because the amount of cards in my hand exceeds the card limit it is counted as the effect of this card."

    "How useless." Daisy mumbled.

    "If only I could warn her, my dads deck practically revolves around that card." Alex thought.

    "Now I'll end turn by playing a card in defense mode." Alex Sr announced.

    A horizontal face down card appeared.

    Daisy drew. "Meet my Twin Headed Behemoth!" Daisy shouted.

    A twin headed dragon appeared (1500/1200). It roared.

    "Use your Burning Acid Blast on that defending card!" Daisy commanded. The dragon blasted acid at the horizontal card.

    A red monster who was on all fours rotted away (500/500).

    "Ha ha ha!" Alex Sr shouted. "When you kill my Scarr, Scout of Dark World I can take a Dark World card with a level of four or lower from my deck and add it to my hand."

    Alex Sr took out a card from his deck and put it in his hand.

    "Dark World card?" Daisy thought. "I end now."

    Alex Sr drew. "Meet the card I got from Scarr! Brron Mad King of Dark World!"

    A freaky monster crawled out of the ground. The audience freaked out. The monster was wearing a blue coat. Its hands were bony, its body was skinless, and its hair was.....crawling (1800/400). It shouted a battle cry. It eye ball fell out.

    "EW!" Death shouted.

    "Attack her dragon with Mega Monster Mash!" Alex Sr commanded. Brron mashed one of the dragons heads into a mash potato like mess. "Oh yes, when Brron kills a card I may discard a card from my hand."

    "Huh?" Daisy asked. She was really confused. She thought she just heard Alex's dad wrong so she discarded a card from her hand but her graveyard did not except it.

    "You heard me right." Alex Sr said. He discarded a card from his hand.

    Another monster appeared. It had no skin and his body was surrounded by his skeleton. It took out a funky weapon (1600/1300).

    "This is Beiige, Vanguard of Dark World." Alex Sr introduced his monster. "When he is discarded from my hand because of a card effect he is special summoned."

    "I bet you have a ton of cards like him in your deck." Daisy bet.

    "You would win that bet, now Beiige use Super Sword Swoop!" Alex Sr announced.

    Beiige did a twirl then slashed at Daisy. Daisy's life points fell to 6100.

    "End."

    "My turn!" Daisy shouted as she drew. Twin headed Behemoth revived itself (1000/1200). "My Behemoth can revive itself at the end of the turn it was killed but with a slight drop in attack points."

    "Now I'll offer my twin headed terror to play Curse of Dragon!" Daisy announced. A yellow dragon with red spots replaced Twin Headed Behemoth (2000/1500).

    "Attack with Bronchitis Blast!" Daisy shouted. Curse of Dragon coughed, blasting fireballs out of its mouth with each sneeze. The fireballs gave Brron a terrible cold that made him explode. Alex Sr's life points fell 7800. "I'll end my turn by setting a card."

    "Draw." Alex Sr said as he drew a card. "I'll use Dark World Lightning to destroy the card you set! You see, Dark World Lightning makes me discard a card from my hand but it destroys a face down card."

    "I wanted you to do that!" Daisy shouted. Lightning flashed and struck Daisy's set card. It was a button. When the lightning hit the button it exploded. Debris smashed into Alex Sr, reducing his life points to 6800.

    "What the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks was that?" Alex Sr asked.

    "Kozaky's Self Destruct Button, when my foe is dumb enough to destroy it they lose 1000 life points." Daisy explained.

    "Oh yeah! I'm no dummy, the card I discarded was another Beiige, Vanguard of Dark World." Alex Sr smiled.

    Another monster appeared (1600/1300).

    "I see he specializes in swarming." Daisy thought. "Neither of your cards can slay my dragon."

    "We'll see about that, activate Chthonian Alliance!" Alex Sr shouted. "The card that this is equiped to has its attack increased for each card on the Field with the same name."

    One of the Vanguard's attack rose to 3200.

    "Now my pretties, get her!" Alex Sr shouted. The beefed up Beiige slayed the dragon then the other one attacked Daisy herself. Daisy's life point meter fell to 3300. "Go."

    Daisy drew. "This will help him more than me but this hand really stinks." Daisy thought. "I'll use Card of Sanctity!"

    Both players drew until they had six cards in their hand.

    "Now I'll play Baby Dragon and I'll set a card, end turn." Daisy announced.

    A tiny orange dragon appeared (1200/700).

    Alex Sr drew a card his seventh card. "I'll set two cards now I'll attack your wimpy wyvren with my pumped up Beiige!"

    "Flip, Mirror Force!" Daisy shouted. The two monsters blew up.

    "End turn." Alex Sr mumbled.

    Daisy drew.

    "Flip Forces of Darkness!" Alex Sr shouted. "This lets me take two Dark World cards from my graveyard and put them in my hand."

    Then Daisy remembered Toss Out. "Oh no, he has seven cards in his hand." she thought. "But that won't stop me!"

    "I summon Time Wizard!" Daisy announced.

    A clock/magician appeared (500/400).

    "I use Polymerization to fuse Time Wizard and Baby Dragon to make..... Thousand Dragon!" Daisy announced.

    Time Wizard and Baby Dragon fused into a huge wiser-looking dragon (2400/2200).

    "Hey....Joey used that card." Etna mumbled.

    Dan stared at Etna. "She knows my cousin," he thought. "Could she be..never mind she doesent even have the same first name."

    "Attack with Nast Nostrils!" Daisy shouted. Thousand Dragon blasted Alex Sr, reducing his life points to 4400. "Go."

    Alex Sr discarded a card from his hand. Another Beiige appeared (1600/1300). Alex Sr drew.

    "Remember my Toss Out card, this let me use the effect of Beiige to revive him self." Alex Sr said. "I'll shift him into defense mode."

    Beiige kneeled down.

    "End turn." Alex Sr announced.

    Daisy drew. "I'll use Graceful Charity," she drew three cards then discarded two. "Now I'll use Level Modulation to revive my Armed Dragon LV 5 that I discarded!"

    Armed Dragon appeared (2400/1700).

    "But theres two disadvantages to Level Modulation, one, you draw two cards, two, the card I revive can not attack or use its ability this turn." Daisy explained. Alex Sr drew until he had nine cards in his hand.

    "Now I summon Luster Dragon!" Daisy shouted. A shiny dragon made of Sapphire appeared (1900/1600). It roared. "Now Luster Dragon kill his Vanguard and Thousand Dragon attack directly."

    Luster Dragon killed the monster then Thousand Dragon blasted Alex Sr, reducing his life points to 2000.

    "I end my turn." Daisy announced.

    Alex Sr discarded three cards and drew one.

    "One of the cards I discarded was Sillva, Warlord of Dark World who is summoned when he is discarded." Alex Sr explained.

    A monster in glowing silver armor appeared (2300/1400).

    "The second was Broww, Huntsman of Dark World that lets me draw a card." Alex Sr explained as he drew a card.

    "Last up is Goldd, Wu-Lord of Dark World that is also summoned when it is discarded." Alex Sr finished.

    A huge war god in gold armor appeared (2300/1400). A black mist surrounded him.

    "None of your Dark World dorks can beat my monsters." Daisy bragged.

    "How about now?" Alex Sr asked. "I will use Trap Booster, this lets me discard a card from my hand to activate a trap card from my hand and I choose Curse of Aging that costs another card in my hand but it decreases the attack of your cards by 500."

    Luster Dragon's attack fell to 1400, Thousand Dragon to 1900, and Armed Dragon to 1900.

    "Now I summon Zure, Knight of Dark World." Alex Sr continued. A monstrous knight in freaky glowing armor appeared (1800/1500).

    "Now my monsters, ATTACK!" Alex Sr shouted. Zure beheaded Luster Dragon, reducing Daisy's life points to 2900. Then Sillva beat thousand Dragon, reducing Daisy's life points to 2500. Then Goldd killed Armed Dragon, reducing Daisy's life points to 2100. "End turn."

    Daisy drew.

    "Face it, I have out played you. I have out swarmed you. I have out dueled you. Your stupidity will reunite me and my son!" Alex Sr shouted. But Daisy was smiling.

    "First I play Roll of Fate, when I use this I can roll a die and I can draw cards equal to what I roll." Daisy explained. She rolled.......she got a three! She drew three cards. "Now I summon Spirit Ryu."

    A spiritual dragon appeared (1000/1000).

    "It's effect lets me discard dragon type cards from my hand to give him a 1000 point boost for each one." Daisy explained. "So I'll trash my whole hand."

    Spirit Ryu's attack sky rocketed.

    "ATTACK!" Daisy commanded. Spirit Ryu blasted Alex Sr's life points down to zero.

    "YA!" Daisy shouted.

    No body was cheering for her. Apparently Etna said some thing that surprised then all.

    If Daisy could rewind time she would hear Etna say this to Dan:"I know your cousin, his name is Joey Wheeler."

    "HOW DO YOU KNOW!?" Dan shouted. "I didn't even tell my best friends that!"

    "Mom, maybe I should say this," Alex said. "My mothers original name was Mai Valentine."
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Next up Mai and Dan duel. Also, one of SM's fake cards will appear.
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Toss Out
    Continuous Spell
    Image off a crowded ship filled with monsters. A Hitotsume Giant and a Celtic Guardian are being thrown over board.
    Whenever you discard a card from your hand due to a card limit it is treated as the effect of this card.

    Roll of Fate
    Spell
    Image of a princess and a warrior.
    Roll a die. Draw cards equal to the number you roll.

    This card was used by Joey a few times in the Grand Championship arc.

    Trap Booster
    Spell
    Image of a machine.
    Discard a card from your hand. Activate a trap from your hand.
    This card was used by Zane in his duel against Ed Pheonix.
    Hi, I'm goldenzigzagoon. If you look at my name it says I am goldenzigzagoo. That is not correct. It got cut off. I live in the middle of nowhere. Not London. Not N.Y.C. Not any big city. I live in the middle of nowhere. I live in the lost town of Berkley. You never heard of it? Duh. No one knows about it. It's tiny. I like coffee.

  10. #50
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    Default Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! the millenium adventure

    Hi, sorry about that last chapter. If there are any problems on it it is all my evil sisters fault.
    Hi, I'm goldenzigzagoon. If you look at my name it says I am goldenzigzagoo. That is not correct. It got cut off. I live in the middle of nowhere. Not London. Not N.Y.C. Not any big city. I live in the middle of nowhere. I live in the lost town of Berkley. You never heard of it? Duh. No one knows about it. It's tiny. I like coffee.

  11. #51
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    Default Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! the millenium adventure

    So Alex's dad used a Dark World deck, huh? Interesting. Oh, and the fact that Alex's mother is Mai is also a shock.
    Quote Originally Posted by Zorak
    Ever wonder what it'd be like if a person who could barely speak English were to rom-hack one of the Pokemon games, replace the characters, plot, and Pokemon with ones of his own creation, while at the same time making a terrible mockery of the English language as a whole?

    Of course not. Because that'd suck really, really hard. Unfortunately, even though you didn't think about it, this guy did.

  12. #52
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    Default Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! the millenium adventure

    It seems like promising to finish your fic is in so...
    I goldenzigzagoon, swear to Archlord Zerato that I will finish this fic. If I give up this fic may I be blasted by Barrel Lilly, beheaded by Dark Exicutioner, burnt by Firegrass, zapped by Electric Lizard, eaten by Hungry Burger and drowned by Flying Fish.

    Simply, if Yu-Gi-Oh! monsters were real and I quit I would die.
    Hi, I'm goldenzigzagoon. If you look at my name it says I am goldenzigzagoo. That is not correct. It got cut off. I live in the middle of nowhere. Not London. Not N.Y.C. Not any big city. I live in the middle of nowhere. I live in the lost town of Berkley. You never heard of it? Duh. No one knows about it. It's tiny. I like coffee.

  13. #53
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    Default Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! the millenium adventure

    Quote Originally Posted by Goldenzigzagoon
    I goldenzigzagoon, swear to Archlord Zerato that I will finish this fic. If I give up this fic may I be blasted by Barrel Lilly, beheaded by Dark Exicutioner, burnt by Firegrass, zapped by Electric Lizard, eaten by Hungry Burger and drowned by Flying Fish.
    Or they'll just give you a slap on the wrist.

    Didn't you say that this fic was set five years after the series? As everyone knows, Mai never had a child. The fact that Mai's Alex's mother just doesn't make sense!

    Anyway, not a bad duel zigzagoon.
    I'm in your dimensions, screwing with your reality!


  14. #54
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    Default Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! the millenium adventure

    I guess you are right but what if Mai never told Joey about Alex? I know it is a stupid excuse but I have to keep it that way for a future chapter.
    Hi, I'm goldenzigzagoon. If you look at my name it says I am goldenzigzagoo. That is not correct. It got cut off. I live in the middle of nowhere. Not London. Not N.Y.C. Not any big city. I live in the middle of nowhere. I live in the lost town of Berkley. You never heard of it? Duh. No one knows about it. It's tiny. I like coffee.

  15. #55
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    Default Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! the millenium adventure

    Family Feud Part Three
    In the Rare Hunters' secret base the leader of the Rare Hunters was extremely angry.

    "I should have never trusted the Chosen One!" he thought out loud. "What a fool I am!"

    "I have great news." a Rare Hunter told him.

    "What is it?" the Leader growled.

    "Alex's parents are on the island." the Rare Hunter said.

    An evil smile formed on the Leader's face. "Kill them."
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    On the beach Dan was mad.

    "So, the three people who got my cousin locked up in an asylum of loons are standing right in front of me!" he growled.

    Alex, Mai, and Alex Sr. gulped. Dan was a pretty muscular guy.

    "Well, most people don't turn loony when they are turned down!" Mai shouted.

    "Well, Joey is not most people!" Dan shouted.

    "OK, let me get this straight." Daisy said. "Mai turned Joey down because she had a kid and a boy friend so Joey turned crazy."

    "Right." Alex, Alex Sr., Dan, and Mai said.

    "Did you know Joey existed?" Daisy asked Alex Sr..

    "No." Alex Sr. answered.

    "It's not Alex's fault he was born so it's all Mai's fault." Daisy said.

    "You are not helping!" Mai screamed.

    "I choose to duel you!" Dan shouted. He pointed at Mai.

    "What will that solve?" Mai asked.

    "That will calm down my fury so I don't tear off your head!" Dan growled.

    "Oooooooookay." Mai said.

    "Let's Duel!" the duelists shouted as their life point meters rose to 8,000. They drew five cards.

    Mai drew a card. "I summon Cyber Harpie!"

    A hot lady appeared (1,800/1,300). Her arms were feathery, she was holding an electric whip, she wore purple plants and super revealing armor.

    "Oooooh." Dan drooled.

    "Stupid boy!" Daisy shouted. She smacked Dan on the cheeck.

    "OW!" Dan shouted.

    "End turn." Mai declared.

    "Uh..." Dan mumbled as he drew with the hand that he was not clutching his cheeck with. "I play a card in defense mode, end turn."

    A horizontal card appeared.

    Mai drew. "I summon another Cyber Harpie."

    Another Cyber Harpie appeared (1,800/1,300).

    "Now I activate Harpies' Pheonix Formation, I can only use it when I have more than one Harpie Lady on my field. I can destroy a card on your field!"

    "Wait a second!" Dan shouted. "You don't have any Harpie Ladys on your-HUH!?"

    The card was working. A giant fiery pheonix appeared.

    "Cyber Harpie has an effect that lets it be treated as Harpie Lady," Mai explained. "so I can still use my Pheonix Formation."

    "Not exactly." Dan smiled.

    The fiery fowl attacked Dan's card. The card was a muscular man with a shield strapped to his arm (100/1,800). The burning bird bounced off the shield.

    "The card your pheonix attacked was Mid Shield Gardna, he can negate spells that target set cards by flipping face up." Dan explained.

    "End." Mai mumbled.

    Dan drew. "I set a card and I'll play another card in defense mode."

    Once Mai attacks my Big Shield Gardna I will flip Zero Gravity Dan thought. "End."

    Mai drew. "I activate Harpie's Hunting Ground!"

    The field morphed into a desert. The Cyber Harpie's stats rose to (2,000/1,500).

    "This card gives Winged Beast's 200 more points and when a Harpie Lady or Harpie Lady Sisters is summoned I can destroy a spell or trap." Mai explained. "I now summon another Cyber Harpie!"

    Another Cyber Harpie appeared (1,800/1,300)-(2,000/1,500). It tore up Zero Gravity. Dan grumbled.

    "Now, Cyber Harpie #1, attack the Mid Shield Gardna!" Mai shouted. The Cyber Hapie slashed Mid Shield Gardna into bits.

    "Now, Cyber Harpie #2, attack the defensive card!" Mai souted. The card was a super muscular guy with a huge shield (100/2,600).

    Mai's life points fell to 7,400.

    "My Big Shield Gardna has a much higher defense than your Harie's attack, unfortunatly it has to shift info attack mode when it is attacked." Dan said.

    "Now, Cyber Harpie #3, attack!" Mai shouted. The third Cyber Harpie killed the muscular man. Dan's life points stood at 6,100. Dan's field was empty. "End turn."

    Dan drew. "YES!" he shouted. "I summon Marauding Captain.

    An armored commander appeared (1,200/400). Another one appeared (1,200/400).

    "As you can see I used my captain's effect to play another one," Dan said. "so now you cannot attack me. Go."

    Mai drew. "I play Elegant Egotist to summon Harpie Lady Sisters!"

    Three Harpie Ladys appeared (1,950/2,100)-(2,150/2,300).

    "Now, I summon Harpie Lady #1, it has an effect that gives all wind type cards 300 extra ATK points." Mai said.

    A card that resembled one of the three sisters appeared (1,300/1,400)-(1,800/1,600). The three Cyber Harpie's stats rose to (2,300/1,500). Harpie Lady Sister's stats rose to (2,450/2,300).

    "Ah!" Dan shouted. "How can you have four Harpie Ladys?"

    "I made this fic!" a voice from the sky shouted. "I can do whatever I want!"

    All the characters except Dan bowed and said "Yes, Mr. Author." they chanted.

    "This is so not fair!" Dan shouted. A bolt of lightning shot out of the sky and zapped Dan.

    "The author has spoken!" the voice roared.

    "End turn." Mai said.

    "Stupid author." Dan mumbled as he drew. Another bolt of lightning zapped him. "Ooof!"

    "I heard that!" the voice roared.

    "I'll sacrivice one of my Marauding Captains to play Judge Man!" Dan announced.

    A giant man with a beared appeared (2200/1500). He swung his maces.

    "Attack her Harpie Lady #1!" Dan commanded.

    Judge Man killed the lady. Mai's life points fell to 7,000. Mai's monsters lost 300 attack points.

    "End turn." Dan said.

    Mai drew. "I'll give Cyber Harpie #1 my Arrow Nails equip card." Mai declared. One of the Cyber Harpie's stats rose to (2,300/1,500). "This gives her 300 extra attack points."

    Dan gasped. Mai had four monsters on her field, he was doomed.

    "Now I will offer Harpie Lady Sisters and Cyber Harpie #3 to summon...Harpie's Pet Dragon!" Mai announced.

    A giant pink dragon with a leesh appeared (2,000/2,500).

    "Ha!" Dan laughed. "What a waste of tributes!"

    The dragon's points went up to (2,600/3,100).

    "By the way, it gains 300 points for each Harpie Lady on my field." Mai said.

    "CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!" Dan shouted.

    "Now my dragon, attack his captain!" Mai ordered.

    Marauding Captain was blasted away.

    "Now Cyber Harpie #1, attack the judge!" Mai ordered.

    Judge Man was chopped up.

    "Now, Cyber Harpie #2, attack Dan!" Mai ordered. Dan was cut up.

    Dan's life points stood at 2,600.

    "Go." Mai said.

    Dan drew. "I summon Goblin Attack Force!" he declared.

    A group of goblins appeared (2,300/0,000).

    "I now equip him with Black Pendant!" Dan declared. His goblin's attack rose to 2,800.

    The pet dragon roared in fear. It knew what was coming.

    "Attack!" Dan commanded. The goblins bashed the dragon until it toppled over. The goblins switched into defense mode. "Your pet is road kill."

    Mai's life points fell to 6,800.

    "End turn."

    The two remaining Harpies were still happy.

    "ATTACK!" Mai commanded. Cyber Harpie #2 killed the goblins. Cyber Harpie #1 attacked Dan. Dan's life points fell to 300. Mai's life point meter fell to 6300.

    "Go." Mai said.

    Dan drew.

    I know this will help Mai more but this hand is crap. Dan thought. "I activate Card of Sanctity!"

    "Yes!" Dan shouted. "This is where my luck starts, I summon Obnoxious Celtic Guardian!"

    A taller Celtic Guardian appeared (1,400/1,200).

    "I'll equip him with Fusion Sword Murasame Blade!" Dan declared.

    Obnoxious Celtic Guardian's arm turned into a sword. His stats rose to (2,200/1200).

    "End turn."

    Mai drew. "How do you think you are lucky? I'm gonna win this turn."

    "My Obnoxious Celtic Guardian cannot be destroyed by cards with 1,900 or more ATK points." Dan said.

    "Yes, but I'm about to destroy that blade, I summon Harpie Lady #2." Mai announced.

    Another Harpie Lady appeared (1,300/1,400)-(1,500/1,600).

    "Activate! Harpie's Hunting Ground!" Mai shouted. Nothing happened. "I said Activate Harpie's Hunting Ground!" Still nothing.

    Dan smiled. "My blade cannot be destroyed unless the monster it is equipped to is."

    "I'll still win!" Mai shouted. "Cyber Harpie #1, attack the Irish idiot!"

    Dan's life points fell to 200. Mai's three monsters laughed.

    "End turn." Mai annouced.

    Dan drew. "Here's where my combo kicks in!" he shouted. "I summon Celtic Swordgirl."

    A little elf girl with green hair appeared (1000/800). Obnoxious Celtic Guardian's attack points rose to 2,600.

    "When she is on the field all cards with Celtic Guardian in their name gain 400 ATK points." Dan explained. "Now Obnoxious Celtic Guardian, attack Cyber Harpie #1!"

    Mai's life points fell to 6,000.

    "End turn." Dan announced.

    Mai drew. "Activate! Arrow Nails, when the Harpie Lady it is equipped to dies it is equipped to another Harpie Lady on my side of the field, so I'll give it to Cyber Harpie!"

    Cyber Harpie's attack rose to 2,300.

    "Now I'll give it Cyber Shield to give it 500 more ATK points." Mai announced.

    The Cyber Harpie's attack rose to 2,800.

    "ATTACK THE OBNOXIOUS CELTIC GUARDIAN!" Mai commanded.

    "I'll discard my Kuribo to negate the damage." Dan shouted.

    "Oh well, Harpie Lady 2#, attack the Celtic Swordgirl!" Mai commanded.

    Harpie Lady 2 charged. Obnoxious Celtic Guardian took out his shield and stopped the attack.

    "Obnoxious Celtic Guardian would never let any thing happen to his little sister." Dan explained. "So, as long as he is here Celtic Swordgirl cannot be attacked."

    "End turn." Mai mumbled.

    Dan drew. "I'll equip Obnoxious Celtic Guardian with Warp Sword." Dan announced.

    Obnoxious Celtic Guardian's attack went up to 2,900.

    "ATTACK THE CYBER HARPIE!" Dan commanded.

    Mai's life points fell to 5,900. The Arrow Nails attatched onto Harpie Lady 2.

    "End turn." Dan smiled.

    Mai drew. "I summon Birdface!"

    A golden bird appeared (1,600/1,400)-(1,800/1,600).

    "End turn." Mai declared.

    Dan drew. "It's over! I summon Gilford the Legend!"

    The muscular warrior appeared (2,600/2,000). Fusion Sword Murasame Blade and Black Pendant were equipped to him. His stats rose to (3,900/2,000).

    "Attack Harpie Lady 2!" Dan commanded.

    Mai's life points fell to 3,800.

    "End turn." Dan said.

    Mai drew. "This is the last turn! I summon Harpie Lady 3 and I'll activate Elegant Egotist!"

    Another Harpie Lady (1,300/1,400)-(1,500/1,600) and another Harpie Lady Sisters (1,950/2100)-(2,050/2,300) appeared.

    "HA! You can't win!" Dan laughed. Black Pendant exploded and Mai's life points fell to 3,300. Gilford the Legend's attack fell to 3,400.

    "Now I activate Triangle Ectasy Spark! It not only makes my sister's attack 2,700 this turn but it negates your Fusion Sword Murasame Blade."

    Gilford's ATK fell to 2,600.

    "ATTACK!" Mai shouted. The sisters killed Gilford and Birdface blasted Dan. Dan's life points stood at 0, he lost.

    "WHAT!?!?" Dan shouted. "Stupid Author!"

    A bolt of lightning zapped him.

    William stepped up to the battle field. "Alex, it seems like it is down to us."
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    The last duel is starting! Get your popcorn and sit down. Just don't miss Part Four, The Terror of the Joker
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Celtic Swordgirl was created by Shuppet Master. All creative credit goes to him.

    Arrow Nails and Harpie's Pheonix Formation were used by Mai against Joey.
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Hi, I'm goldenzigzagoon. If you look at my name it says I am goldenzigzagoo. That is not correct. It got cut off. I live in the middle of nowhere. Not London. Not N.Y.C. Not any big city. I live in the middle of nowhere. I live in the lost town of Berkley. You never heard of it? Duh. No one knows about it. It's tiny. I like coffee.

  16. #56
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    Default Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! the millenium adventure

    That chapter was good. Dan lost, but then he was dueling Mai and she deserved a win. Liked how you used my card.

    One mistake, though. That card Mai used to attack Mid Shield Gardna is not Harpie's Sparrow Formation, it's Harpie's Phoenix Formation. Harpie's Sparrow Formation is a trap that acts sort of like Waboku when there are a couple of harpies on the field.
    Quote Originally Posted by Zorak
    Ever wonder what it'd be like if a person who could barely speak English were to rom-hack one of the Pokemon games, replace the characters, plot, and Pokemon with ones of his own creation, while at the same time making a terrible mockery of the English language as a whole?

    Of course not. Because that'd suck really, really hard. Unfortunately, even though you didn't think about it, this guy did.

  17. #57
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    Default Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! the millenium adventure

    Not a bad chapter, the duel would probably be enough for Mai fans to forgive you for making her seem like an idiot in the first few chapters. Although, I really don't see Joey as the type of guy to go nuts over loosing a girl.

    As much as the whole Mai thing annoys me, I'll go with it. I did like the author joke at the end though.
    I'm in your dimensions, screwing with your reality!


  18. #58
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    Default Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! the millenium adventure

    SM: I know Mai deserved a win. Even though she is one of my favorite characters the thing is.......her record on the show absolutely sucked so she needed this. I also fixed the mistake you pointed out.
    MC: I'm glad you liked the duel. Sorry for making Mai look like an idiot.
    The next chapter won't be up for a while. I'm trying to make it exiting even though I think my mind is gonna explode from trying so hard. All right, the next chapter must drag out at least one silent reader or else I'll blow up. I'm aiming to get out all the silent readers I know. That means Blademaster and um......if any of you know any people who are reading silently tell me. No more excuses! Even if my next chapter sucks tell me it sucks! For all you silent readers who either won't be caught dead posting in this story or don't want to offend me, TELL ME THAT I SUCK! At least PM your feelings about this fic.
    Hi, I'm goldenzigzagoon. If you look at my name it says I am goldenzigzagoo. That is not correct. It got cut off. I live in the middle of nowhere. Not London. Not N.Y.C. Not any big city. I live in the middle of nowhere. I live in the lost town of Berkley. You never heard of it? Duh. No one knows about it. It's tiny. I like coffee.

  19. #59
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    Default Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! the millenium adventure

    .sigh...

    Alright, Ziggy; you asked for it.

    This fic is to TPMF what the God Cards are to the game: a major waste and a disappointment. The plot is razor-thin, the characters show little to know creativity, the deck straetgies have been declining steadily (Why do I suspect you copied Alex's dad's deck from Grodus' deck?), the made-up cards would either be instantly banned or not be bothered with, and to top it all off, your formatting is worse than JKBakura's if he was a blind monkey smashing a keyboard.

    ...Yes, I know that was uncalled-for, but you wanted me to be honest. However, I'm still reading this fic, so let me give you some pointers, according to what I've seen:

    1. The plot: This plot is one I can't even follow. It seems like another 'Stop the Shadow Games and save the world' fic, just like the anime. Been there, done that. My fic isn't like that, SM is using a different plot, and DS has incorporated broad new elements into it in TTYD. There doesn't seem to be much of a balance; work on that.

    2. The characters: Geez... Well, first of all, your characters offer no thought. I don't remember reading any detailed descriptions of any of them, and several of them aren't even believable: Bozo is a clown that can't even talk straight-how could he be any type of duelist? Then there're the main characters, specifically the girl. Death And Destruction... I don't remember if that's a nickname or not, but if it is, it's a horrible one that shows no creativity (or morals) at all, and if it's her real name, then her parents should be incarcerated in Riker's Island and be forced to watch O.J. Simpson play golf on a black-and-white TV 24-7. If she were to have a despressing name, you could at least try your own ideas...

    3. The deck strategies: These started off pretty well, as I've said (That Reptile Deck was a great idea!), but then they began declining. A Clown Deck... boring... a Dark World Deck... suspectible, considering when it was posted... a Harpie Deck... a classic, but too predictable... You need some clever ideas, like a VWXYZ Deck, a Level Deck, or maybe a Ritual Deck, like Tom's. Give it some thought; I'm sure something'll come to you.

    4. Your cards: Some of your cards, like Warp Sword, aren't very great cards, sorry; for example, Axe of Despair or Fusion Sword Murasame Blade are much better, and they're already real. At the other end of the spectrum, the Zombie Revival Trap you made is just broken. Think of some better ideas, or maybe ask someone else for help.

    5. Your formatting: Oh, dear Re-Horahkty, guide me... Your story is structured well, but it is just a pile of bones. Any random sentence can be chosen and made better; while that may be true for any fic, for you it is a downright necessity. Here's a few examples from your last chapter:


    Yours : "I have great news." a Rare Hunter told him.

    I doubt the leader of a criminal syndicate would be bashing himself in the presence of his minions, so maybe instead you should write something like:

    Just then, he heard the sound of footsteps approaching. The leader of the Rare Hunters turned to see one of his most loyal minions, who knelt down, respectfully.

    "Pardon my intrusion, Master." he said meekly. "But I have news you may wish to know."

    Yours: A hot lady appeared (1,800/1,300). Her arms were feathery, she was holding an electric whip, she wore purple plants and super revealing armor.

    ...Well, we know where you're at now. :p It could be detailed in a neater way:

    She placed the card down, and an elegant, winged woman clad in purple body armor flashed into view. Purple feathers that matched her leggings sprouted from her arms, and birdlike talons replaced her hands and feet; in one of her clawed hands she held a thorn-laiden whip. (1800/1300)

    Yours: Marauding Captain was blasted away.

    Well, that's obvious, but it doesn't really offer enough to give you a good mental image:

    Harpie's Pet Dragon roared fiercely and raised its head, taking aim at the Warrior in front of it. White-hot flames spiraled into its mouth, then spilled forth from its jowls and engulfed the Marauding Captain, who screamed and was burnt to ashes.

    Do you get what I'm saying?

    Now, I don't want to have any animosity between us, Ziggy, and I'm NOT making fun of you. You're not a bad writer-you're just inexperienced. Try getting all your best ideas down on paper in some sort of order, and then post your fic. Right now, you're not writing a fic; you're building a skeleton of a fic; I built a skeleton on paper, and now am adding skin and muscle to it here, which is why my fic looks neither bad nor good. It likely takes a few tries, but I'm sure you'll get it. Don't just post chapter after chapter. Instead, try writing one, saving it, then coming back and re-reading it and improving it; keep doing that until you think it really looks good, and then post it. I guarantee you'll get more (and better) reviews that way.

    For now, take it slow and easy, and don't be afraid to ask for help, like deck and character ideas. From now on, I'll try to help when I can, too.

    Until then, see ya later, and good luck.

    -Blademaster, the Dark Scorpion Duelist




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  20. #60
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    Default Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! the millenium adventure

    Thank you, Blademaster. I am accepting user characters at all times, you reviewers can PM as many as you want. Also, I would like original deck ideas since my last ideas have sucked. Here's the format:
    Name:

    Deck:

    Appearance:

    Gender:

    Age:

    Other Information:
    Hi, I'm goldenzigzagoon. If you look at my name it says I am goldenzigzagoo. That is not correct. It got cut off. I live in the middle of nowhere. Not London. Not N.Y.C. Not any big city. I live in the middle of nowhere. I live in the lost town of Berkley. You never heard of it? Duh. No one knows about it. It's tiny. I like coffee.

  21. #61
    Beginning Trainer
    Beginning Trainer

    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    122

    Default Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! the millenium adventure

    Sorry about the double post. I have not given up on this fic. The next chapter won't be up for a while. I just had a major computer problem.
    Hi, I'm goldenzigzagoon. If you look at my name it says I am goldenzigzagoo. That is not correct. It got cut off. I live in the middle of nowhere. Not London. Not N.Y.C. Not any big city. I live in the middle of nowhere. I live in the lost town of Berkley. You never heard of it? Duh. No one knows about it. It's tiny. I like coffee.

  22. #62
    You crook! Ya CRIMINAL!! Veteran Trainer
    Veteran Trainer
    Blademaster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    The Universe - 46 degrees north, 8 trillion degrees west
    Posts
    12,589

    Default Re: Yu-Gi-Oh! the millenium adventure

    ...

    Hello?

    (echo: Hello, Hello, hello, hello, hello...)

    Echo!

    (echo: Echo, echo, echo, echo, echo...)

    Howard Stern is overrated!

    (echo: Is not.)

    -_-'

    Hmmm... I wonder where everyone went?

    Am I the last member left?

    ...

    So then, it's true...

    I have become...

    THE YU-GI-OMEGA MAN!

    Heh heh... well, enough of my pointless banter. I just wish that Ziggy was still around... :sad:

    -Blademaster, the Dark Scorpion Duelist

    (Nintendo) 4 Lyfe





    HEY! I do art commissions! Follow me and my pals on their website here!

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