Now how could we forget you, Orion? Welcome back! It's always good to have you here in Fanfic.
I haven't forgotten this fic, either. You've added quite a bit to the backstory with the release of XD, I can see. It's very clear that you've updated it, although some bits are the same. I suppose I don't have to tell you that, though. You're probably right to take it slow with Ray's backstory for now. There's enough information to absorb in this chapter; adding anything more to our knowledge of Ray could overwhelm readers. Having read a previous version of this before, I think I know where this is going, although I'm looking forward to seeing if you throw any new twists into it. Good use of the setting overall, and nice establishment of a foundation for the story.
It could still be improved a bit, though. Some of the word choices seemed a bit awkward, especially small words (like "who", "which", "guy", etc.). Sometimes things that seem too small to worry about can trip a reader up. But it's understandable since English is your second language. It's just something to work on.
On consistent thing that I saw, though, was the continuation of sentences beyond quotes. When you do that, you can't end the quote with a period, and the next word needs to be lowercase (unless it would be capitalized anyway, like in the case of a proper noun). Let me show you what I mean.
“We’ll manage to get out a big heck of information from this coot.” Said another grunt.
There are a few things to notice here. First, the overall sentence doesn't end with the quote. It extends beyond the quote, with the phrase "Said another grunt." This is an example of what I was talking about. When you continue a sentence beyond a quote like this, first of all, you can't end the quote with a period. (Ellipsis, or "...", are questionable. I've been putting off looking into whether it's really grammatically legit to end a sentence with that.) Any other end punctuation is okay, such as "?" or "!". But you can't end the quote with a period when the sentence continues further. If the quote would normally end with a period, you should use a comma instead.
Also, notice that here, the word "Said" is capitalized. The thing is, this word would only be capitalized if it began a sentence - and when used like this, it doesn't. It only continues the sentence. So, it should be lowercase. An exception to this rule would occur if the phrase after the quote began with a proper noun. For instance, if the phrase was instead "Ray said," the word "Ray" would remain capitalized, since that's a person's name.
But despite minor things like that, I still like this story idea. There aren't many fanfics around that use the Colosseum/XD plots (although I did glance at one recently that seemed to be an extension of those games), so it's nice to see a bit of originality. As far as I can remember, the original version of this was the first fic here that used those games as a foundation, so you've definitely got that working for you. Ray seems to be as good of a character as ever, and the upcoming chapters should prove to be a real treat. I'm looking forward to seeing whatever changes you've made. It'll be good to have this fanfic back on the forum. Well, I'll keep reading this. Until the next chapter!
P.S. Sorry if that was a bit complex. I've been staying up late studying for a test, and I'm pretty tired at this point. So if what I'm saying is completely incomprehensible, I'll try to make it simpler once my sanity returns. Like that'll ever happen.![]()