Spaceballs Episode 1: THe Phantom Doofus

[Mystic_clown]

[COLOR=blue]Spaceballs

[COLOR=blue]Once Upon a Time Warp...

In a galaxy very, very, very, very far away, there lived a ruthless race of beings known as...Spaceballs.

[COLOR=blue]

Episode 1: The Phantom Doofus

The planet Nabooboo has been placed under siege by the evil Swap Group, who wish to give Nabooboo some of their shabby (and obviously counterfeit) clothing in exchange for all the tea on the planet. The monarchs of the planet refuse to give in, as most of the inhabitants of the planet would choose tea over air itself.

In an attempt to reason with the Swap Group (or kill them, I don't know which), a pair of Schwarts masters have been sent to 'negotiate' with the leader of the Swap Group. Unbeknownst to them however (but very well known by us), the negotiations aren't going to be as simple as they hope (if it was, this would be a very short RPG).




That's it...you don't need to read anymore. Now RP GOOD DAMMIT!


Ok, for those who haven’t seen Spaceballs, allow me to explain. Spaceballs is a parody of Star Wars, and as you my guess, this is a parody of Episode 1: The Phantom Menace. There’s just a couple of things to explain first.

1. The force in this is known as the Schwarts. Just thought I’d let you know.

2. Instead of lightsabers, those who’ve mastered the Schwarts have what are known as Schwarts rings. The Schwarts is normally channeled through and they can be used as blasters, as well as swords.

3. um…there really isn’t a three.

Ok, now here’s the sign up.

Name:
Age:
Gender: I will allow unknowns/both (but only if you have a very good reason)
Race: you can make this one up, or use one form Spaceballs.
Appearance: duh
Personality: duh
Weapon: whatever. I don’t want too many people being able to use the schwarts, so I’ll restrict the number of schwarts rings here.
History: duh
Relations:
Other:

Here are mine

Name: Zasz
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Race: Spaceball
Appearance: Standing at about 5’4’’ with a lean build and a slightly pale complexion. He has smooth, rather shiny white hair, which just reaches his shoulders and deep blue eyes. He’s one those guys who girls go “Aww, so cute!”

As for his outfit, he wears a lot of black leather, most likely in an attempt to make himself look bad ass (though failing most of the time). A black, sleeveless top, a black leather trench coat, black pants, black knee high boots and black gloves (like I said, lots of black).
Personality: He’s hell bent on taking over the galaxy, by any means necessary. Normally confidant and ready for a fight, Zasz is often quick to anger. There are a number of things he hates; when his plans fail, when people treat him like a kid (this happens often) and when people don’t acknowledge him as the villain of this RPG (even though he’s not). He really, really, REALLY likes ice cream (it’s like catnip to him).
Weapon: A pair of blasters, which are always by his sides (although, this doesn’t make him any more bad ass then he is now).
History: After seeing “Spaceballs the Movie” (thanks to instant cassettes) and beholding the fate of his planet, he and his brothers got the hell off the planet. His goal now is to conquer the galaxy, by any means necessary (using whatever crackpot scheme he comes up with). Unfortunately for him, his plans always backfire (if they actually succeeded, there’d be no Spaceballs). However, he refuses to give up.
Relations: Anyone want to be Zasz’s brothers?
Other: “I’m the main villain of Spaceballs Episode 1! Me dammit!”

Name: Nicholas/Elizabeth Maddigan
Age: 29
Gender: he’s a guy (he just dresses like a girl).
Race: human
Appearance: He stands at about 5’77’’ with a normal build and complexion. He’s got hazel brown eyes and short, black hair.

As for clothing, well, he’s got two outfits. When he’s Nicholas, he dresses in a formal red and white suit, with plenty of frills and gold trimming, with black pants, black shoes and white gloves included.

When he’s Elizabeth on the other hand, he wears a silky red dress (which is stuffed in the chest area), plenty of jewelry, stockings, red high heels and a long black wig.
Personality: Bossy, a major control freak and totally in love with himself/herself. S/he hates it in his/her authority is questioned and when things don’t go his/her way. S/he sees everyone else as insects and is also complimenting his/her other half (i.e. when s/he’s Nicholas, he’ll be complimenting Elizabeth and vice versa.) S/he’s a total coward.
Weapon: A schwarts ring. What better way to inflict punishment on the disobedient masses?
History: Not much is known about him/her. All that everyone knows is that ‘they’ inherited the Swap Group from ‘their’ wealthy father. Not many are aware of Nicholas’ cross dressing habit and really think that Nicholas and Elizabeth are two separate people (this includes the rulers of planet Nabooboo). Why s/he’s after all the tea on Nabooboo is anyone’s guess.
Relations: none
Other:

[VirtualPlay]

Heh, it's Spaceballs, gotta love it.

Name: Open-one Kannuvit
Age: 21
Gender: Male
Race: Human (or the closest there is to one)
Appearance: Around 5'10" with mostly short hair, except for about ten tiny braids (about 6 inches long each) strung randomly around the base of his tan hair. His skin is of average tone and his eyes are green. He wears a pair of light brown cloth pants and a darker brown tunic, held up with a thick black belt; he also has a pair of black boots.
Personality: Seemingly laid back all the time, in actuality he is always on the alert, his calm appearance deceiving many who would try to trick or attack him. He likes to have fun, though never at anyone's expense...unless he hates that person a LOT.
Weapon: A Schwartz Ring that emits a pale purple color.
History: A young Schwartz master, having just passed his final trials, he is on his way to negotiate with the Swamp Group with his Schwartz trainer.
Relations: His trainer (whom he trusts with his life) and the rest of the Schwartz Panel (which is based on the planet of Croissant).
Other: "It's Mega Maid! She's gone from suck to blow!"

[Mystic_clown]

accepted.

[-/Deathborn/-]

Name: The Misfit Daleks
Age: Unknown (presumed ageless)
Gender: Daleks are considered "its" but for everyone sanity, they are "he's" for this.
Race: Daleks (Yep. The Pepperpots of Death. Que Doctor Who theme)
Appearance: There are four Daleks:
1. "Boss"-Gold Armor
2. "Purple"-As odd as it is...Purple Armored Dalek. Yep.
3. "Black"-Black Armor
4. "Red"-Red Armor
Personality: They have no emotions but hate and humor. They won't be happy until every living thing is dead except for Daleks. They argue alot. They like watching death of anything. They don't care about who's fighting who, they just kill everyone but other Daleks. They also like suffering. They scream at bad puns/jokes and go crazy at the sound of cheezy dialogue. Their worst enemy are...stairs. They usually forget to say "EL-E-VATE" when they reach stairs.
Weapon: The standard-issue Dalek death beam, but it doesn't always kill, it may cause random things to happen. There's also the plunger, which can be used as a technology interface device, a plunger, and a weapon (somehow).
History: Poor Darvos, he accidently messed up the DNA on four Daleks, and they turned out superforously wrong. As soon as the RPG starts, all four will be in quite a predicament...
Relations: None. Daleks don't have friends, except in this case...
Other: They have forcefields that melt any objects that impact the shell. Lasers basically hit it and the Daleks get very annoyed. If you touch it, you'll spontaneously
combust into ash. Its hard to bring them down, but you can easily escape if you get them annoyed or arguing so much they don't care about you anymore. It's easy to outrun them. And hope to God that the beam doesn't kill you, mutate you, turn you into a flowerpot...etc.

[Mystic_clown]

I like, I like! You're in!

Come on people! I really need some sign ups here.

[Myster Myuu]

Meh.. this sounds like it could be loads of fun.


Name: Zaphim Whatever
Age: 21
Gender: Male
Race: Technically Human, but considers himself the sole member of the Zaphim race.

Appearance: Zaphim stands at about 5 foot 8 inches tall and is of average build. For all intents and purposes, he looks like a bad Billy Idol look-a-like. He has spiked bleach blond hair, greenish blue eyes, pale skin, and has a perpetual rebellious-ish sneer on his face (most of the time. His clothing normally consists of a pair of acid-wash jeans held up with a studded leather belt , a pair worn out high top sneakers, and a white sleeveless undershirt. He also wears a leather jacket with spikes along the shoulders and 'Lunatic Scream' (the name of his favorite band) written in large red letters on the back. This jacket has definately seen better days. He usually keeps the jacket unzipped half-ways to display his 'manly' chest-hairs (few though he may have) in an attempt to look like some bad-ass chick magnet.

Personality: Zaphim is a rude, snide, immature, and spiteful individual who cares about little else but himself. He is rebellious and has an intense dislike for any sort of authority figure no matter how big, small, or obscure it is. There is only one thing that makes him willing to take commands and that is money. Even then, he takes them with a grain of salt and is always liable to break contracts, laws, rules, or alliances in the blink of an eye if he sees more desirable situation elsewhere. Obviously, he is extremely apathetic towards everything in general which is apitomized by his trademark catch-phrase "Whatever". Also, Zaphim is a gigantic womanizer. He sees women as merely a vessel to carry his seed. One of his favorite pastimes is trying to get in bed with any member of the female species he comes across. Of course, his combination of bad pick up lines, obscene comments, and bad attitude tend to cause his forays into the realm of love to end in a disaster of varying degrees. Zaphim is also a kleptomaniac in denial. He tends to find things "abandonded" all the time. Lastly, for some reason known only to him, Zaphim his an intense hatred for people with brown eyes.

Weapon: His 'main' weapon is the silver-handled butterfly knife that he carries in his back pocket (He says it he found it abandoned on a resaurant table.) He has mastered the art of opening it in a series of fancy and impressive flips, turns, and twists... but it not so adept at using is effectively. His 'secondary' weapon is the Meglo-Death Phazer 5000 that he wears on his belt. It has four settings:
1. Get Jiggy Wit' It (Causes victim to start convulsing uncontrolably)
2. GET DOWN! (Same as above only they fall over while foaming at the mouth and gibbering incoherently to themselves)
3. Bursting With Love (Causes several veins and arteries in the victim's body to rupture, resulting in severe internal bleeding, death if not treated immediately, and a serious case of the munchies)
4. Extra Crispy (The victim closely resembles a burnt chicken left on the fire for 5 hours too long if hit while the Meglo-Death Phazer 5000 is in this setting.)
Zaphim claims to have found this lying abandoned in the middle of a military mess hall.

History: Not much is known about Zaphim before he was pulled over one fine day by a Space Police Officer and asked to identify himself. His odd last name was given at this time for, when the officer asked him for his last name, he simply said "Whatever". All that is known about him prior to this is that he 'found abandoned' the Meglo-Death Phazer 5000 and his ship, a strangely familiar-looking ship that resembles a discus, that is named the Shutthefeckup (After finding it abondoned, he decided its color sucked and took it to a body shop for repainting. When the worker asked him 'Ill need a name for the ship' Zapmim said 'Shut the feck up'. Thats how it got its name.) After being registered in the Intergalactic Population Database, Zaphim was forced to get a job or be tazed to death by the powers that be (As we all know, you have to pay an Unemployment Tax now-a-days). His profession of choice? Smuggling of course. If the money's right, Zaphim will transport whatever your heart desires. He has, however, been known to 'forget' to make deliveries from time to time and still demand payment for his services. Most recently, he has been trafficing in counterfeit clothing for the Swap Group. This suits him just fine (pun INTENDED) as he allows him to make a lot of great additions to his wardrobe (as it seems acid wash jeans, worn high top sneakers, and cheap leather jackets are plentiful in the Swap Group inventory.)

Relations: As stated above, Zaphim works as a smuggler for the Swap Group as well as various other groups and persons (though he normally had business relations with people for extremely short periods of time.) Aside from that, he is affiliated with only himself (who he considers to be the greatest person in the entire universe and would be glad to prove this to you.)

Other: Whatever.

[Mystic_clown]

Great! You're accepted! Could we please get more people over here?

[Shizo]

This Spaceballs RPG...It intrigues me...

I would have joined earlier, but I couldn't think of a good species. Then I thought, "Why make one up? I'll just 'borrow' someone else's!"
So in the hopes that this isn't too complicated and it won't count as copyright infringement...

Let's try something new(hoping it doesn't suck)!

Name: Barathrum
Age: 203-ish (Young Adult in human terms)
Gender: Currently female
Race: Du'Sith. It's a really weird race whose people don't really have a corporal form. They can't interact with the material world at all unless they possess another sentient being. All physical characteristics used here describe the host it is using at the moment, thus the 'currently's. Also, all pronouns concerning Barathrum throught this will be 'she' or varients thereof (unless I say otherwise).
Appearance: Currently possessing a Hekshanian female
http://www.hekshano.com/hekshaniandetails.png <---Copy and paste. Can't make a direct link.
(Remember, not mine. Awesome, but not mine. AND NOT HUMAN. I WILL NOT CONFORM.) The fur is a light orange-red with black splotches. The hair on her head is also black.
Personality: If I were to sum up her usual personality in one word...asshole. She enjoys messing with people or the universe in general. She likes her privacy, but also enjoys big showy entrances and the like. Her patience is something that she has been forced to strengthen, but don't expect her to wait for something for long. She likes killing people and sherbert. Not killing sherbert, eating it. Also, it must be said that since Barathrum has no physical body, she is not prejudice about race, gender, color, or sexual orientation (And don't ask hers. The answer takes a while) Don't worry, she still has many other reasons to hate you/think you're stupid and ridiculous.
Weapon: Whatever she can get her hands on, really. She prefers using the combination of a one-handed sword and a phaser/blaster/ray gun/whatever-they're-called-in-this-universe-I-forget, using the sword first to invite melee combat, then using the blaster-thing when the opposite party accepts her offer. Nothing special about said weapons, except the rays the phasermajig fires are pink. Like, Barbie-pink.
History: Born on the distant home planet of [CENSORED], a planet that few trade with and none go to if they can avoid it, Barathrum grew up and became a soldier in one of the Du'Sith militaries, The Southern Plains Alliance. The Du'Sith are warring each other using the native race, Ariks, to fight each other over territory and supplies. Barathrum (now known as 'he') fell in love with a superior officer who worked in Strategy, Vorago('she'). After writing Voragp a very awkward love poem and finally getting the courage to talk to her, they married. The Southern Plains Alliance, several decades after the nuptials, decided to break one of the all-inclusive rules that only Ariks are used in the home-wars, not other species ('twould be unfair), by sending out a ship to search for a race that would be suitable for battle. Vorago was on that ship, and SPA lost contact with it. Barathrum decides he has to search for her, which involves deserting the army, stealing a ship, and hightailing it to another planet where he could sell the ship, find a new host (Ariks aren't common off their homeworld), and commence searching for a Du'Sith ship, which is turning out to be far more difficult than it would seem. Switching to new hosts as they aged/died/got killed, he's now in the body of a Hekshanian woman named Kusha, just wandering aimlessly since his last lead turned out to be worthless.
Relations: Can't think of any...There's Kusha, I guess. She still exists; she's just not in control of her body. When bored, Barathrum with talk to her (mentally, not out loud).
Other: She doesn't kill unless she feels you're a threat, or if you anger her, or if you piss her off, or if she would find it funny...
Shortening the list, she definitely doesn't murder people at random (she at least gets to know them first), nor does she kill people who are useful to her, amuse her (alive), or both.
Luckily, she's easy to amuse.

Tell me if this is too complicated a character. Kusha will be seeing very little screentime (if any) if that helps with the complicated...ness.

[Mystic_clown]

Very interesting, you're in.

We really need more people in this, mainly more obvious heroes and villians. We only seem to have one of each at the moment.